#like for me Personally if im not going to make something that i fall in love with and want to look at occasionally then

[mrinafria]

And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you. (CoS)

[contains spoilers; tw: blood]

When they ask me about the purest love story out there, I'd show them these two.

It's not the sacrifice per se that makes it great for me, it's the way they feel about each other, about the love they give and receive. Even in their last/worst moments, they somehow find the courage because the other one is safe? Im Sol is scared out of her mind handling this traumatic ordeal on her own so she seeks help from the detectives. Her only peace of mind is that at least Seon Jae is safe. Then she learns about his phone call and doesn't spare a second to run. The same girl who was so scared a while back throws all caution out of the window the moment Seon Jae is in danger, because she'd risk her life than Seon Jae's. Can you imagine the trauma seeing him dying for the third time, and her actually witnessing it this time around? If I were Im Sol, I would do anything to not have to go through that too. Even if it meant losing the person so they were never my person to begin with.

And Seon Jae. Boy is dying. Dying. You can see it in his eyes that he's aware of it too and yet, he is so grateful? So at peace with himself and with life? Like he has no regrets about any unfinished business, unlived years, unattained dreams, unspoken words to his loved ones. He already told Im Sol he loved her, and she reciprocated. That was enough. For him, that was good enough.

I go back to this scene like a masochist because THE DETAILS. By the time Im Sol arrives, you know Seon Jae is beyond saving. He knows it too. He's not even trying to escape or save himself. It looks like he's been holding on on his own for a while. His face has turned ashen, breathing uneven, hands slightly shaking. He's barely holding it together. Barely there.

However, he is not trying to push that guy away or take that knife out.

Instead, he's holding that guy's hand.

Let that sink in for a moment.

He is holding on to that hand. JUST SO HE CAN HOLD ON TO THE GUY.

Since the taxi driver is at an advantage here, and Seon Jae knows he cannot fight back anymore, so he is using whatever he can as a last resort to keep the guy occupied with him, and keep him from going after Im Sol. Seon Jae could perhaps guess Im Sol would arrive any time since the cliff was where he'd found her earlier, sitting in shock. But even if she didn't make it, you can bet he'd have spent his last breaths trying to fall off the cliff taking the guy down with him. THIS SCENE. The resolution is so clearly etched on his face.

And then he sees her. And the detectives. She is safe. She is saved. He did it. He saved her. And it's the Im Sol who knows him, who recognizes him, who loves him. She is safe, and that's all that matters. He saved the person he loves more than his life, literally.

His job is done. The choice he made gave him the outcome he wanted and desperately fought for.

And he is exhausted. All that resolve took a lot out of him. So we see his body finally giving up, him finally letting go. He resigns to his fate, but also not in a resentful way. He knew this was his fate all along (because no matter what choice Im Sol made, he'd choose to run toward her any day), it just happened earlier than expected. But he knew it, and he still made that choice. He doesn't regret it because he'd be making the same choice in every timeline (as he has been). He is able to see his Im Sol for one last time before his eyes close, with memories of their time together and Im Sol's voice echoing in his ears, his soul.

Sometimes you know the consequences, but make the same choice anyway. Because you like it.

The faint smile on his face in his final moments before he falls off the cliff? You'd think the boy won a gold medal for swimming or something. It's like he's achieved the biggest purpose there was in his life besides loving Im Sol. True to his words, he is grateful Im Sol exists in the world. That he got the chance to love her because she exists in this world. And he is thankful he gets to leave the world knowing Im Sol still exists in the world, his gift from the heavens.

One is jumping through space and time, living the same nightmare, constantly, over and over again, and yet going out of her way to save her love. Even if it means carrying the trauma and heartbreak and pain and loneliness and longing of three, four, multiple timelines, for the same guy. The other is making the choice to love her through all the storm, all the warnings, all the odds of time and space and fate stacked against him. How could you be so brave when fate is both so very kind and yet so extremely cruel to you no matter what you do? How do you choose to persevere? How do you get to have a love so pure?

Should I be ready to die if I want to be with you? - Ryu Seon Jae

#Lovely Runner #Byeon Woo Seok #Kim Hye Yoon #Sun Jae #Im Sol #Seon Jae #선재 업고 튀어 #kdrama #kdrama recommendations #east asian drama #episode reaction #I'm focusing on seon jae here because this scene will stay with me forever #and tbh I don't write a lot about im sol cuz it's too traumatizing to think through her perspective T_T

[brucewaynehater101]

I'm so glad you like it and I love all your feed back. Tim would 100% have plenty of trauma that he just. Is *refusing* to address due to starting that identity when he was likely still a teen. Tim having the identity if Jane Doe is also 100% going to help him with coming to terms with all the shifty stuff his family did.

As for Jason, I think he would see Jane refusing to be near him as Jane being skittish, likely due to the many guns he is visibly wearing. He knows he has a reputation as a protector, but he also knows that part of that reputation is that people do fear him. He'll just. Need to give Jane time to relax around him, yeah?

Though I do have a version that ends much worse for everyone. The Bats aren't the first to find out who Jane Doe is. No, Tim makes a mistake. To calm down someone he's friends with after they almost got mugged and he saved them as Red Robin, without thinking he made a joke referencing an inside joke which made the two ladies laugh. Only one problem. Only they and Jane Doe understand that joke because no one else was there. It was just those three. Meaning Jane Doe is Red Robin. Which would logically put N as Nightwing, H as (Red) Hood, and R as Robin with B as Batman.

This also means these two now "know" how the Bats treat Red Robin and they spread word *fast*. Within a week all the Sex Workers who were worried about Jane know and help Jane sneak away whenever they know a Bat is going to be coming by. This also means that almost over night all of the Sex Workers, Bar Owners, and most of the homeless (at least the ones in Jane's area who know him) are refusing to work with any Bats but Red Robin.

They are full on *scared* of Robin because they know he carries a sword, they know he uses it on criminals, and if he's willing to use that sword to nearly kill his own older brother multiple times? Whats stopping him from hurting them if he thinks they're up to something? Batman? The guy who they now believe either used to or still does beat up his own kids? No, they saw what happened before Tim became Robin they *remember*. The ones who flirted with Nightwing are suddenly shunning him or full on sneering at him. They believe he stole his own younger brother's first time (Tim only said N stole something precious that he could never give back and that it hurt very badly. He meant Robin but he couldn't tell them it was Robin) after tricking his younger brother into falling in love with him (Tim told them that Dick was the first person to make him feel truly loved and adored, because this is 100% bad parents Jack and Janet who told him "do whatever it takes to succeed")

There is so much miscommunication in this AU. It's funny and devastating at the same time.

Them finding out before the Bats reminds me of the fics that explore the street kids finding out that Red Hood beat up Robin (a child) even though he promised to never harm kids and to protect them. This causes them to instantly distrust him, and Red Hood is never able to earn their trust again.

I imagine that the sex workers would probably react similarly to Red Hood. Instead of being greeted warmly, suddenly everyone is treating im with caution. That's so much fucking angst for Jason (especially if he finds comfort/support from sex workers due to them helping him when he was homeless).

Also, there might be a time when the sex workers are mad at Red Robin (and some probably stay mad). They see taking a persona of a sex worker as insulting and making light of their situation. Some of them would never do that work if they had choices, which RR obviously has.

Then they start to logic how old he was when he started (he was doing this when he was Robin), how he is actually still selling himself because he performs the work, and that he probably does view it as a necessity. I wonder if there's any misconceptions that Batman knew/knows about RR's activities and whether they would compare that to pimps.

But yeah. They would become almost hostile to all Bats and RH.

#dc comics #tim drake #dc universe #thank you for the ask!!!! #dc au #jason todd

[urhoneycombwitch]

U just haaaaad to go and make another eddie for me to be feral over didn’t you? I need to know everything about roommate eddie pls 🤲🏻

IM IN LOVE W HIM TOO. thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak on it bc I have an origin story for roommate!Eddie with nowhere to go… until now 😈 here’s my other blurb of him btw linking in case others wanna see!! 🫶

so in this nebulous roommates!au, I’m imagining you’re besties with Robin. Eddie is besties with Steve. and of course since Robin and Steve are Ultimate Besties (in every world. in every universe.) they plot to get their respective Others together somehow. like, you’re offbeat and fun and so is Eddie!! should work out great right?

wrong. u and Eddie just don’t hit it off. you think he’s too loud and brash and godforbid he gets more than one beer in him ‘cuz he’ll be pulling you to the dance floor or making his own and embarrassing the everloving shit out of you. and he thinks you need to loosen up and get out of your head, which he decides is his new job that he takes VERY seriously.

eventually Steve and Robin stop trying to force it and yours and Eddie’s relationship just turns into casual frenemies. (a la Harry Met Sally) like, ah yes, You Again. the best friend of my best friend’s best friend 😒 you’ll hang out casually at various house parties and bars but always with a buffer, otherwise you’ll be at each other’s necks with (mostly) playful arguments and hot debates.

and it seems CRAZY at first that you’re gonna live in the same space but holy shit rent is so expensive in the Big City where you all moved to and it mind as well be with someone you know. you’re really worried about the set up but Eddie turns out to be real responsible with monthly payments and has a general respect for shared spaces (his own room is a black hole and it baffles you that he manages to have so many successful one night stands in that hell pit but you’re never in there so who cares.) plus it helps to have a man around fr, to spook the landlord into doing his job 👹 and also to fix things! and to give you lifts to work! and share snack duty! you find a rhythm and it’s great.

the night that he falls for you tho? you’re at group karaoke 3-shots deep and pick a cheesy Beatles song just to piss him off. simpering over your shoulder while you croon into the microphone, giving him a one-man-show that you hope triggers an earworm and irritates for days to come 💖 but actually he’s gripping his beer for dear life on the nearby barstool getting hit with the sickening realization of being in love. like oh fuck, this is bad. I cannot be falling for my pal’s pal. whom I also live with. what a fucking mess.

the night you fall for him? a second date goes sideways and you have no one else to call but Eddie. he fully leaves the solo gig he was about to play because you sounded so upset over the phone (doesn’t tell u that, tho!) and he could be a total asshole about it when he picks you up on the street corner but he absolutely isn’t. chews out your date, tho, with a viciousness that both delights and scares you. makes you a proper meal at home and wraps a strong arm around you on the couch and watches your favorite romcom and laughs at all the parts you laugh at. and you’re pressed up all close, wheels spinning in ur brain, unknowingly going through the exact same thought process Eddie had about a month earlier. Oh No. He’s My Bestie. Whom I Live With. This Cannot Possibly End Well.

aaaaand that about brings us up to canon speed, thus far! you and Eddie date around and have sex in your shared apartment but NOT with each other and if sometimes you get off to the sounds he makes when he’s fucking someone else and if sometimes he gets off to the noises of you in the shower well … no one’s business 🙂‍↔️

like why are u even asking about something soooo personal. like Robin you don’t get it it’s not like that I just wanna be near him all the time. that’s normal and what friends do. no, Steve, you’re not listening, we look at each other’s nudes as buddies. sorry you don’t understand how friendships work 🙄

(Robin and Steve have to set up weekly debriefs to compare notes and make sure they’re not going fucking crazy)

#thanks for opening the floodgates Sarah #I can run my mouth about roommate!eddie all damn day #roommate!eddie #roommate!eddie x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader

[herbologyprofessor]

my collected thoughts on the magic system of harry potter and what I would change to make it better.

i think that the harry potter magic system sucks!!

i mean, im sure this isnt a hot take but like...how is it that students at hogwarts school of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY graduate knowing how to use maybe a handfull of spells in combat? and they're the same spells that all the aurors and all the older members of the order and all the death eaters and even voldemort use?

and im especially talking about how weak it makes people who are supposed to be really powerful and dangerous seem. including the titular character Harry Potter himself. Harry uses spells in a unique way, dont get me wrong, but to me its all just so boring.

and im not saying it doesnt have to work like other fantasy stories, but if the main mechanism behind magic in harry potter is that you are either born with it or not, you dont need a wand but its exponentially more challenging without one (unless you have a unique skillset or education), intention matters, and there are spells that can grant magical abilities to objects. there is so much more possibility than just expelliarmus and expecto patronum. There has to be, or else why tf would hogwarts take 7 years of schooling to graduate from?

so here are some of my headcanons:

families have bloodline abilities

so, in the case of wizarding britan, there are families that want to stay pure such as the sacred 28 (or is it 27 i cant remember), and pure as in their blood and bloodline must stay pure (going so far as to marry your cousins, e.g. Orion and Walburga Black). If this is the case, and they wan't to preserve their magical bloodline so bad, they'd have to have something more than just "magic" to preserve.

I feel like its almost there in canon but falls short of being fully realized. I think of it kinda like how it works in naruto. Theres those who have a bloodline ability and then those that dont. You dont have to have one to be powerful, if you have one it dosent mean you will be powerful automatically.

The black family seems to carry the gene for metamorphmagus, but i wouldnt consder this a bloodline ability and think of it more like a random mutation passed on to teddy, which could occur in any magical person, (theres also the possibility that this was a more common ability in the black family but because of the lack of genetic diversity and inbreeding it was lost until Andromeda had Remadora with Ted, who was not pureblood. I think abilities have to do with the energy of magic that is either created or inherited, not so much genetics. Therefore, families dont pass on the same exact ability but something that is novel or slightly different from person to person.

The Lupins, for example, could be Beast Speakers. Maybe, a long time ago in the Lupin familiy, they kept wolves or something (explaining the surname which would have had something to do with occupation) and they learned from them how to speak with animals?Lyall, who canonically worked in the Department for the Control and Regulation of Dark Creatures, can speak to dark creatures, even werewolves who are transformed. Remus can speak to domesticated animals like cats and dogs, fancy mice, toads, etc. Remus is like Hogwarts' unofficial vet tech, and if you like atyd Remus, this fits in nicely as he specialized in Care of Magical Creatures.

The Potters, canonically, are linked to the Peverell family. The invisibility cloak has been passed down through generations and is still being passed down to Harry's children. I think a common headcanon, and one that i truly love, is that they use Death Magic. But, thats assuming the potters are the exact same family as the Peverells, which they are not. I think, in going along with the Peverell brothers creating the deathly hallows (using advanced death magic), the potters have a Sorcerer's Craft ability. What was the Potter family's source of new money? Fleamont's invention, Sleekeazey's. I know its a "potion", but what if its just like...coconut oil imbued with magical enchantments that make your hair perfect. James could have played a major hand in the creation of the Marauder's Map, an Extremely powerful magical object made to do the impossible task of mapping Hogwarts. And he did this in school. at like 14-15. Harry doesn't do anything that has to do with magic item creation, that I can remember (i haven't read the books in years), however he also had no connection to his family and likely wouldn't be able to learn without another Potter teaching him. BUT! Harry Potter is the master of death, meaning he can use all 3 of the deathly hallows without being corrupted, maybe this could be a side effect of how his Sorcerer's Craft manifests itself.

side tangent, but the reason I think this is an ability even though others have been known to make magical objects, is because the potters are able to do it very creatively, and early on in their lives. They are involved in every aspect of item creation, and they can enchant things in a way no other wizard could replicate, meaning their objects could not be mass produced without their explicit involvement. Maybe Sleekeasy's stops working so well once Fleamont dies, hence why Hermione says its too much hassle to use every day.

The Blacks, you might think, would be something to do with offensive, powerful, and deadly magic. While, yes, this is something that some members of the black family are gifted in, it is not their bloodline ability. I think that the Blacks are Seers. It's no coincidence their families long standing tradition of astrological names are prophetical for their lives. Walburga Black, for example, has the power of Augery. She asks the universe questions and receives omens as answers. She saw a black dog when asking the universe to tell her about her newborn son, hence the name Sirius. For Regulus, well, she saw water. Not knowing what to make of it, she refused to let Regulus near it for his entire childhood. Regulus, as an empath, has the ability of psychometry. The ability to gain information from an object by touching it, including humans ( he cant read minds, but can tell what someone has experienced in their life). This comes in great handiness when he goes to destroy the locket. Sirius, I believe, would have a mastery over tarot cards or oracle cards. He can glean deadly accurate readings, and has a keen ability to interpret meanings unknown to even the most practiced tarot readers. He has a special deck, one that his uncle Alphard gave to him when he found out Sirius could read tarot from Walburga (who, at the time, was very pleased with her Heir's ability). This comes with an emotional expense to Sirius, though, and at times, gives him answers he doesnt want to hear. The girls loved it though, and asked him to teach them. He tried but couldn't explain how he did it, since it's innate to his bloodline. Of course, you could obviously imagine this adding to the piles of angst surrounding the war, as Sirius had to have seen signs that his loved ones would die, making him think he could outsmart fate by changing the secret keeper...

I think this is getting too long, but I'm already thinking about part 2 because I have alot of thoughts about this...especially things that anyone could learn not just inheritied abilities.

#marauders #remus lupin #wolfstar #sirius black #james potter #marauders era #the marauders era #my writing #harry potter #harry potter magic system #magic system #worldbuilding #better worldbuilding than jkr (hopefully) #head canons #bamf #hogwarts #james fleamont potter #fleamont potter

[averlym]

fairest of the fair

#hi! im alive and back and etc. #six the musical #six the musical fanart #katherine howard #thinking of that post going 'i think eventually you become the person you needed most' and like maybe that's the thing with my art #this started out as a redraw and <improvement meme> i think i've finally reached the stage where i'm making the things that my younger self #aspired to create. like i can do this now! i've reached That level of technical skill! tiny me would be so proud. it's very gratifying #redraw from august this year actually. i've made a surprising amount of improvement HAHA maybe it was the adamandi stuff getting me #back into digital rendering. i think that obsession has quietly slipped away but yknow. one never truly leaves a fandom. just less intensit #also speaking of old fandoms! we're back with the six stuff haha. as of writing i'm in the midst of blog revamp- figuring out how to chill #multifandom status doesn't mean ditch all the old stuff ! but i do feel much freer and less stressed. i think hiatus has been good for me #notes on this piece particularly: redraw about cutting hair and thinking of the lyric above. also lowkey &j ref + pinterest poem excerpts #of female suffering. and maybe a dash of amanda heng let's walk inspo. this work is really just full of contradictions.. #1. the mirror and cutting hair as an act of self liberation 2. the & is part of the lyric but also a nod to &j (in another iteration it was #pink but the white looked better) and like. &j is really all !!! girl power!!! etc. and i was like hmmmm. also matching pink shiny aes #3. the frame as a cage; the mirror as a self reflection idea (ie. saville's propped insp) but also as a sign of vanity. 4. sparkly costume #and pretty pose- read one too many poems about women feeling like they have to be pretty even in their suffering. something i wanted to #explore. and also in 5. the show itself... all you wanna do is. despite all the dancing and pink and sparkly the content of the song is #darker. and even though it's a story of her suffering it's still presented as a shiny fun pop song and ajshdhfhfh ok... 6. the lyrics fall #outside the frame. sort of a caught inbetween. sort of a trapped in the narrative and yet #within the frame it's all. vaguely handwavy breaking free vibes. like i said contradictions? #7. cutting off the long ponytail vs the pull my hair lyric at the end. yeah #8. the blocked off & looks a bit like scissors. positioned to cut right at the neck #anyways yeah irl remains hectic! but if i get around to more doodles they'll appear here :)

[puppyeared]

i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand

#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona #its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around #one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them #making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth #i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since #memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an #association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont #fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell #on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one #dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong #despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them #interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing #i struggle find a balance between those two things #actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of #her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard #or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it?? #maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard #although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh #yapping #oc talk #oc

[quietwingsinthesky]

youtube stop recommending me that five hour long “fall of doctor who” video challenge. there is not a video i could be less interested in watching.

#the youtube clickbait hyperbole is not doing it any favors. im sure there’s nuance in the video. maybe. #god there must be its five hours long. #but i do not think i am interested in a video that wants to be about ‘the fall’ of doctor who when. far as i can tell. seems more like #occasionally it stumbles. and that’s about it. #AND thirteen being the doctor that’s on the thumbnail is also not helping. im sure im making assumptions there too and its just that she was #the current doctor at the time but. this is youtube. you have a negative video. and you put a woman on there. i am primed to believe you are #about to say something insanely sexist lmao. #anyway. whatever. #its a me thing. i dont like watching negative epic teardowns™️ of stuff im not finished with myself. and doubly so when im unfamiliar with #the creator and don’t know if they’ll just be stomping and yelling at something for hours with no purpose or if they’ve got. anything #to actually offer. idk. it’s the shovelware lover in me i think. im not interested in someone’s negative opinion about a thing unless i know #they’re the kind of person who can respect that people still had to put months or years of work into it. maybe that work did not have a #good outcome but someone had to do it. the effort is worth being documented and looked at and not. i don’t know. yelled at like you’re the #nostalgia critic you know? im rambling on to much here #this is why the only good youtube video is folding idea’s video on the american tail video game. he gets it. its about how bad art is still #worth existing and being examined. and doctor who is far from being bad. so. #………..where was i going with this. its 4 am.

[aggressionbread]

i need to make more small creative projects that are purely for myself. between the pressure to create things i can monetize and all my personal projects right now being ambitious and time consuming, i feel like i'm going to explode

#i need to make a little pretty thing or im going to be like spongebob when he blew up and there were little squares of sponge everywhere idk #in a slump or something. impossible to wake up before 11 impossible to fall asleep before 3 #impossible to find the motivation to do anything but feel like shit for not doing anything #hey person who corrected me and said february is the most depressing month of the year. i get it now.

[fobnsfwdoodles]

atrociously percieved by your recent Patrussy post that’s what my fucking bottom growth looks like atm (early days)

Yay!! That was the goal! I'd like for every follower of this blog to have at least one moment of looking at a feature and feeling seen

#yall bringing me joy #this blog is teaching me to draw genitals always #i realize i wasnt making bottom growth as large as some people are in my past drawings #so im keeping that in mind going forward! #bottom growth comes in all shapes and sizes just like orher genitalia #and i love the idea of cis followers getting to just learn something new and gain some more knowledge safely #ya know without a trans person being intererogated or a cis person not knowing what theh dont know #another reason why i try to keep this art accessible instead kf behind a paywall because we all benefit feom learning about the diveristy o #of bodies #including me #im learning new things everyday! #but yeah shout out to my trans homies #fall out boy is a surlrisingly trans band lol #trans coded in a million ways #not art #trans #tboy #tboy Patrick #pATRUSSY #wait i just noticed that i should start using that #this has been the tour of soft men healing call that bottom growth

[carcarrot]

i did tell you people i met a they might be giant right.

#I DONT THINK I DIDDDDDD like an insane person i left out one of the most bonkers moments of my california vacation #saying it now makes it seem like im making this up and the following story will seem made up but dude just trust me. #im fucking. ok sunday morning the morning of Thee Concert and i (used to waking up at 4-5 am) have been awake on and off since like 6 am #my friend? asleep. #now i enjoy waking up and falling back asleep for a couple of hours however by like 9:30 im starving i need BREAKFAST #like the very nice friend that i am i dont wake my friend up i let him sleep and leave him a message on my open laptop screen #because the fucking hotel room doesnt have a pad of paper?? so i leave my modern post it note of a message #saying that im going out for croissants and coffee #because im an idiot i severely misjudge how hot it's already gotten in los angeles in july #ive chosen to wear jeans (bad idea) and a long sleeve flowy black shirt (worse idea) #i also dont look my Greatest because my friend had been telling me dont wash ur hair before we curl it for the concert!!! #so this is my hair after flying in and everything the day before (It Needs To Be Washed) #im following google maps to the coffee place as i brave the streets of los angeles on a sunday morning #hollywood boulevard around the chinese theatre is insane btw. insane. but being from new york i am unfazed (well. a little fazed) #i am Sweating. its already gotta be 80 degrees. im also reaching critical hunger levels. but i continue on my journey #google maps leads me down a sidestreet and tells me to turn down some alley and im like well thats not right. #so i turn to go back the way i was headed and find another way to get to the coffee place #as i turn and head back up theres a guy going down this same block heading in my direction #i look at him and im like hey that guy kinda looks like oh my god it actually is him. mr john l of tmbg fame #and so i have a split second decision of like do i sayyyyyy something do i just ignore him while geeking out #somehow i decide to be bold and im just like gdjgmm hi excuse me i recognize you uh do you mind if i could get a photo #he was very nice and suggested we move into the shade and i took the photo trying to turn off google maps before i did #and i was like aa im seeing you in concert 2nite love your music thank u! and we went on our way. #i think i kinda like. stopped for a moment before i went on to the cafe and was like. that just happened??????? insane. but it gets better #i do finally get the coffees n croissants btw and get back to the hotel after melting in the heat #and my friend who likes tmbg better was losing his mind once i finally told him #so the following morning after our spars concert insanity we have breakfast at a diner and then head back to our hotel #and he's wearing a tmbg shirt he got and im in a spars shirt and as we're walking back a car horn honks near us #AND ITS BOTH THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS IN A CAR and they say hi and are like we like your shirts! #and my friend and i are like losing it but trying to be cool and like oh thabk you we loved your show hi! so theres my insane story

[toxooz]

Hi Toxooz, how do you get yourself to draw so frequently? 👀👀👀

bc i have literally 84 things going on at once in my brain at all times that my highly visually obsessed brain Has To physically get in front of my eyes so that i can see or else will i think abt it over and over again and Brother I'm always envisioning things characters scenes scenarios outfits designs colors all of it in my cranium like angry itchy itchy ITCHY bees until i draw them out lmfao even if i don't know what to specifically draw at the current moment imma still end up drawing somehow ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I think at this point it's literally hardwired into my brain that I Gotta draw its what I've been doing since I could hold a pencil tbh it's how i cope with being -gestures vaguely- Here and alive, i actually gotta force myself to take a day off and schedule days where I DONT draw bc I know it's wearing on my hands and wrists 😬 I guess physically drawing grounds me in a way and keeps me (mostly) sane like if I don't draw for a few days i start getting Vaguely Antsy it's fukkin weird and i think at this point my love for my characters has surpassed like any form of art block if that makes sense??? like they literally take up 92% of my brain if not more, and the only way to see them is to draw them but yeah it's just what i do it's my jelly n my jam which is why I'm literally so glad i realized that i don't want to make drawing a job/career bc God help me if i start dreading drawing bc of the stress of money I've been drawing like crazy for like 2 decades straight and I only wanna draw more man idk!!!!! It's just one of them 'how the brain formed around what you do an assload of times' thangs

Answer translation: idk I just like to draw a lot lmfao

#its like the kids say ✨💅its how i express myself✨💅 #and dont get it twisted im aware this is not healthy lmfao #dont aspire to b like me just draw or dont draw man its abt the want #like i said drawing is just What I Do at this point i didnt train theres not some ''oh draw for at least 30 minutes a day' shit #i draw fast as shit (probably obviously ) and so much its probably unnatural AHA #the secret is make drawing the only outlet for your brain to not completely self implode at the mere idea of existing #for 24 years!!!!! :) #honestly thats why im getting progressively more Tired when every mf and their grandma tries to convince me to sell my shits #like brother this is a part of me how can i give away something i created and inevitably formed a bond with for like 100 bucks #i caint do it and so if i go in with the expectation to imediately give it away then man i dont even want to be making art in the first pl #like for me Personally if im not going to make something that i fall in love with and want to look at occasionally then #Literally what is the point of me making anything #what is the point of me making my body and mind create a piece if not for my own personal joy??? #but thats just physical art ig #like digital stuff and selling it for money if some1 wants it im aight but physical paintings??? that shit is Me and Mine #like just bc i Can make art doesnt immediately mean i need to make money from it yknow #my brother in christ when it comes to the the only true outlet for me to find joy and inspiration in living i Do Not care about money #i will take any amount of shitty job abuse if it means i conserve my passion #ill get a scarring accident from welding before i will stress cry over a deadline for a project that i dont even want to do #absolutely terrified of that path and feeling it is The Worst for me #like literally thank FUCK i realized this when i was just in a community college and not balls deep in debt at some fancy university #granted late as all hell and all my opportunities of taking free welding classes in my early years have long passed but still glad #just stick me on an abandoned island with canvases n paint n shit and ill b fine #god knew if i managed my time better and wasnt Really Fucking Exhausted all the time i would be unstoppable #like ofc making money while drawing what i want is the dream no doubt but the chances of that are slim and the road to get there is even #slimmer #ANYWAY holy shit not to get hella preachy but i have Thots

[rewritingcanon]

my therapist fr just asked me if in asexual. gagged and gooped, sitting across from her on that dumbass couch like a fool.

#LIKE #CLAIRE IDK 💀🙏 #i dont think im asexual i just think i have trust issues ⚰️ #like i cant ever imagine myself happy in a romantic relationship. what does that say abt me 🧍‍♀️ #nah i need to fall in love with someone bro i cant be a hopeless romantic for nuthing!! 😭 #actually. controversial opinion thats not going to help me beat these ace allegations BUT #in an ideal world romance wouldnt exist. bc like. who needs it? lmfaoo just have friends or sumthing. we all just do our own lil things- #-seperately and live cool eco lifestyles and no one is in poverty or fighting in wars and everyone is funky fresh #like why u gotta be in love for? doing too much 💀🙏 #marry ur bsf or something and let it be platonic. why u gotta invest so heavily in ur feelings for 💀💀 #nah. im not abt to tell claire this bc shes gonna truly suspect im asexual or a very bitter single person LMAO #romance is good for one thing and that’s fictional shipping and making fun of ur friends TERRIBLE taste in men 💪 #(im aware this post might age badly. if i ever lose my mind and start posting abt someone on here yall humble me with this) #(probs bc i view falling in love too seriously. i cant even think of dating someone w/o thinking of marriage and THAT FREAKS ME OUT 😭😭) #not hp #rewriting

[zipmode]

Stuck frozen in place trying to figure out what i should do for food. Thus resulting in me getting hungrier

#zipmode talks #i dont want 2 get too into it but ive been falling into some bad habits lately and just neglecting my personal wellbeing 🤡 #i need to fucking.... eat something NEOW #going to make my mom decide for me and if i dont like what she says im saying fuck it and getting fast food bank account be damned

[arthur-r]

falling asleep worked i did it for three hours. now what i’m still tired i just also wasted the day and looked stupid to my roommate….

#like im glad i slept but also. same problems as before #although my french teacher emailed me back said i should go to office hours. which is a proper response to my email #wikipedia guy texted me back with details like an hour after i texted but also like two or three hours ago #gonna settle the score by bringing a $20 bill tomorrow then i won’t feel so weird and guilty #but no i feel so fucking stupid and gross for like. i was crying so close to my roommate so i had to fall asleep #or else i’d be standing up with tears in my eyes next to my roommate which is worse #but i just. i dont know. like he thinks i’m just lazy. i’m always asleep i never tell him why #i dont know. good morning i hope everyone is doing well #there are two people i usually get dinner with and one is out of town and the other i think his parents are here and also things are weird #translation things aren’t weird i’m just weird and feel guilty for being such a weird person #anyway i just. college?? what am i doing here???? #i talked to my mom this morning she says that she felt the same way during college and that she should have dropped out way earlier #which. not helpful?? what do i do after i drop out?? i am someone who can’t hold a normal part time job and my only HOPE is ending up being #i mean anything really just something that requires a lot of prior experience!! #and the college is paying me really good to go to school but only if i stay full time #so i cant just lower my course load because that will actually make everything worse instead of better #idk. going to french teachers office hours tomorrow and will figure out time for linguistics teacher too and will get my LIS grade back up #(that one is just simple that one is i missed two discussion posts but there are ten more to come and also tests and stuff. i’ll be ok) #idk. and i still want to go to my LIS teachers office hours and ask how he became professor of rare books print culture and information bias #that is a good set of things to be a scholar for. and he’s curating collections at the same time as being my teacher #so idk. professors don’t seem as stupid and uppity as they used to. and i think i want to do that someday #plus with the salary jump from librarian i can feasibly become a major donor to local libraries to keep that influence around shdhdf #(although. if i get paid by the school (!!) to get a phd in print culture who says i don’t become a fancy librarian with that??) #i dont know. this is so stupid because i get so excited about the prospects and then i go back to the present and i’m flunking out of school #my grades haven’t been this bad since the height of COVID i thought something about me had gotten better but apparently not #like literally who went and made me traumatized?? why did you have to do that?? now i can’t be a normal person?? shut up!!!! #idk. just feel like if i weren’t having panic attacks about the fact that people are safe and kind here (and therefore must be hiding their #true intentions and taking advantage of me) then maybe i would have remembered to take my french test #idk. i’m tired and want to go home. sorry for venting all day i hope everyone is doing okay #vent cw

[bitchkay]

"Did you just she/her me?😕" Me asking if someone still perceives me as a woman because I'm offended they misgendered me.

easy to get over

—

"... you think I'm lying when I say your attractive..?😕" Me being offended that someone dosen't still perceive me as a woman because I have a crush on them and they imply that their straight and I have mixed feelings because yes you did gender me correctly and I love you for it but that means you're not attracted to me because I'm not straight or a woman.

i'm in shambles

#i am a negro that actively persues other negros romantically #not that i dont wouldn't or have dated a white person before nor that i dont see myself possibly falling for one again #i just wanna date another black person and theres nothing wrong with that #but within my friend group being one of three black people in the group and the only one of the three that is neither straight nor cis #in a group full of queers mind #developing a crush on one of them i guess isn't necessarily unavoidable but something that smacked me the face and caught me off guard #and this feels so gross too #like the feeling of liking someone and like butterflies and all thst i hate it so much #i wanna throw up #his stupid face makes me literally gag #and im not offended but I'm not delighted either #and my brain keeps making up these grossly sweet scenarios in my head like i dont have the most disgusted look on my face #who said i wanna be thinking of this #i did not consent to having a crush my brain just created it and wont let go for some reason #you see me being delusional just know that aint me that my brain doing some weird shit #kay just saying shit

[wheelercore]

Understanding the scene of Ted putting the tie on Mike (Mike commenting on how it's too tight and it's choking him and Ted saying that's how it's supposed to be) in a very Mike-Ted parallels way. AND IT WAS ON FRONT OF A MIRROR TOO. Shrimp colors everywhere.

#im so sorry for being this way truly i cannot help it. the vicious cycles get me. im seeing the light #bc personally i dont see it as simply about heteronormativity. i mean its a part of it #but its framed as like. ted is choking mike with heterosexuality! and while that is true to an extent they have ted say thats how its #supposed TO BE for a reason! clothing is something ppl put on themselves. putting on your tie too tight- choking yourself its not just #sexuality its about control. controlling your image. controlling yourself #the religious themes of s4 wasnt just a recent feature. the idea of repression (emotional/sexual/physical) goes all the way back to s1 #the concept of keeping such a tight control over yourself (ie 'choking' yourself and enforcing it on your children) falls in line with #religious trauma. constantly being watched not only by authority but god. repressing/choking yourself so you dont step out of line #and again its on front of the mirror. like idk mike-ted parallels arent popular in this fandom but take it up with the duffers #i didnt put them in there they did!!! #like the idea of being so repressed and being in a constant state of controlling oneself to toe the line not only falls in line with a lack #of pov (which they intentionally take away from mike and intentionally never give to ted) #but also mikes possible ED which again is about control! these are all metaphors for controlling oneself to a harmful extent! #one day ppl will appreciate mike ted parallels beyond 'ted hates mike for being gay' but alas today is not that day and it wont stop me #also 'try new things' being about coming out of your comfort zone! mike trying the pinapple pizza and ted going on the ferris wheel #not tightly controlling yourself to the point you make yourself miserable #blasts runs in the family drowning out literally everything else #its all religious trauma? always have been