VISCERA. floyd leech
Held in Floyd’s hand is a single fish fork. It incandesces like a lamp, and when you blink, the contour is burnt on your inner eyelids. “Can I taste you?”
OR; Floyd is trying and failing to confess to Mostro Lounge's new line-cook.
tags: cooking, not actually unrequited love, courting rituals, cannibalistic thoughts, developing relationships, food as a metaphor for love, blood kink, first kiss, wingman jade, underage smoking, culinary crucible (twst), they're sooo in love ur honor
word count: 17,669
You do not like the look in Azul’s eyes. To be frank, you do not think you have once seen a favorable expression on the roulette wheel of masks Azul Ashengrotto wears. So, backtracking, you have never liked the look in Azul’s eyes (even more so now).
This one you have seen before: right at the point where the words ‘I heard if someone makes a deal with you, you’ll grant any wish’ fell from your mouth when you wanted to snip anemones off Grim, Deuce, and Ace’s heads.
Originally, you did not have the drive to save all two hundred and twenty-five students. Only those three. Even with the title Prefect, you could have cared less about NRC’s student body until Azul sought to amp up the risk and reward. You accepted his offer for thrill and entertainment, loving the taste of it.
Now, you stand in the VIP room with that similar atmosphere perfuming the air. Old paper and pen ink, the scent of an odious deal about to be struck. You challenge Azul’s self-assured look with an equally authoritative simmer. Your expressions size each other up like claymores on a battlefield. Azul is the first one to break first. He raises a hand and says, “Jade. Floyd. You are dismissed.” He even sends away his reinforcements in this warfare.
Leaving himself vulnerable like that? … No, backtrack again, Azul is far from a vulnerable student.
“Aw, but I wanna hear her answer!”
“Come now, Floyd. We shall be made aware of their decision at a later time.”
“No fun Azul.” Still, the door closes behind the twins. Now, it is just you and Azul alone. Like two shipwrecked survivors in a rowing boat. You are sure he knows you will go for the jugular upon the sight or scent of blood.
He gestures towards the space between you two, two sofas and a table. “Prefect, why don’t –”
“I’ll stand.”
Ah, Azul thinks fondly, that callousness that managed to ensnare one of Octavinelle’s slipperiest and mischievous fish. Still. A knot forms in Azul’s cheek in vexation. Your audacity and Azul’s are matched up so evenly that he almost wonders if you two share the same Zodiac sign.
“So be it.”
You cross your arms as Azul continues. “A talent of yours has been brought to my attention. I was hoping that we could discuss it peacefully,” his blue eyes narrow, taking your stone-like stature, “without any hostility … But, no matter, it is still worth discussing.”
“I thought the Ramshackle dorm is the only asset of mine that has value.” Your posture shifts, straightening. “If it has to Aduece or Grim, you can forget it.”
“Aduece …? Um, no, nothing of the sort. It is strictly something brought to my attention during –”
There is this thing about Octavinelle. More like Octavinelle’s atmosphere. It clings in the air like a heavy candle scent, suctioning itself to the wallpaper, aquarium tank glass panels, and each stitch of the Octavinelle uniform. Something that stalks like a shark. It is a presence you label: viscera.
A stomach and intestines is a viscera and a viscera is a stomach and intestines. You feel if you ever drop your armor around Octavinelle, gastrointestinal acid will come to consume you. The jaws tunneling down to the belly of Jonah’s whale is just a show of weakness away. It is why you act so callous now.
You always try to keep yourself schooled in the trio’s presence. “--During the Culinary Crucible.” And with that, viscera returns to you when those words leave Azul’s mouth. You feel like you just drank spoiled milk. Before he can accuse you of anything, you speak.
“You were one of my judges. I hope you aren’t going to make a baseless acquisition like food-poisoning. Remember, two other people ate what I served you.”
“I also remember, quite clearly, that you were one of the four students able to get a perfect score of thirty.”
Spoiled milk is too weak of a rotten flavor. You feel like you have just dug into a garbage bin and picked the last mold-crusted food item, all the way at the bottom of the barrel, sponging up all other rotten seasonings. To have something of yours peak Azul's interest again … it is not a nice taste. You are quick to shut down what you know has probably already been formulating in Azul’s head.
“Dumb luck. Floyd also got a perfect score.” Him, Trey, Jamil, and yourself.
“You seem to forget I was one of your judges too. I thought you had a more effective memory than that, Prefect.”
Floyd getting a perfect score could be more closely aligned to dumb luck than you. Which is not to say it was dumb luck. Nonetheless, stars and planets happened to align as Floyd was in a good mood while cooking and Jade was a judge out of three others; it just happened. Your food though? Azul runs a restaurant. He can taste experience and talent on the edge of a fork.
Coupled with your experience and talent, you are not an ignorant individual either. Which is why you sit down, imaging that this conversation is going to drag. You ignore Azul’s smile.
Elbows on knees, you drill in, “So, what? You want me to replicate a meal for you? Getting the twins to drag me here is a bit excessive for another bite of lamb and oysters.”
“I would rather monopolize that talent beyond just one simple meal. You’re thinking too small, Prefect.”
“You’re thinking too big.”
You really wish you had magic, just to reverse time. Even if you were a mage, you doubt you would even have the skill to master such a complex spell. But, you would master it. To reverse time and find a way to get a different judge not named Azul Ashengrotto. The line-up for your judges at the Culinary Crucible was three housewardens: Riddle Rosehearts, Kalim Al-Asim, and Azul Ashengrotto. Grim had panicked at the trio, thinking both of you would be losing your elective credit. As always, you took the reins and got you both out of the whale’s stomach before digestion.
“I was thinking: the fruits of your talents are quite wasted. Who do you cook for? That ungrateful cat-beast has no refined palate; he would eat table scraps if presented to him. Ace and Deuce, neither of them are grateful for the meals you must provide. You are surely underappreciated.”
“Wow, you clearly don’t think at all.” You eye a section of the VIP room in exasperation, close enough to the eye-roll you desperately want to do. “You think – what? – I don’t get enough thank you’s and I’m suddenly going to do what exactly?”
Azul almost deflates. It is surprising how easy you can sometimes manage to get him that way. He chooses to straighten a few pencils on his desk as a means to straighten and iron out the imperfections of his approach. Glasses tilted down, Azul answers, “I mean no offense to your friends. But, I think you are not getting proper payment. No, that I know.”
“Unbelievable.” You tsk, falling into the embrace of the seat. “You think the world runs on money.”
“Does it not?”
“...”
“Your silence tells me all I need to know.”
“You want me to work at the Lounge, don’t you?”
“Yes. A much better use of your talents, don’t you think?”
In your head, you imagine the taste of umami takoyaki. A cleaver is raised with the vindication of a French guillotine; when judgment falls, it hits the thick part of Azul’s upper arm. Which would be more ironic: selling Azul’s body parts or eating them?
Below you, your foot taps on the wooden floor. A restless rabbit pittering that gives the housewarden some insight into your otherwise stone expression. Azul must be so certain that you are thinking of throwing in the towel right then and there. Really, you are thinking of Ruggie. Ruggie and the Intra-school Competition. For that time briefly, he had worked in Mostro Lounge, wearing his ceremony robes.
You and Ruggie are very close, lesser than the trio you had dubbed your own, but still more than your other first-years. So one day, he regaled you with the story of working for Azul Ashengrotto just to fill up talking space.
The situation of the broken glass and Floyd’s moodiness. The situation of the kitchen lacking people and Azul having to send servers into the back to help cook. Those are two factors you really have to roll around in your head. You do not like to be rushed and you are wary of Floyd’s penduluming moods.
Though Ruggie has a positive outlook of the rewards he reaps from that time, you do not think you can handle working in Mostro Lounge. You squeeze by with the money you make. However, “You pay well?”
“I assure you will have proper compensation for your labor.”
“Could you stop being scummy and just tell me the hourly rate?”
“For your skills – if they aren’t dumb luck – you’re looking at twenty-eight per hour.”
You know what? The world really does run on money.
While not an expert at mental math, even you know that with just a twenty hour work week, that kind of money would shift the motion of your boat, put more wind under your sails. Monetary motivation is perhaps the most powerful thing in the world.
Expression still schooled, you contemplate it. Accepting this … you imagine yourself tiny, using a tongue as a diving-board into a devilish pit of gnashing teeth and churning tentacles. Right into the belly of the beast. The conjured up image makes you want to shudder. Instead, your soft enamels move and your tongue articulates, “I’m gonna need smoke breaks every two hours.”
Oddly enough, out of all the times you pressed him, this one catches Azul by visible surprise. “Sm-Smoke breaks? … why, I suppose that is acceptable.” That is far from unreasonable, surprising but not unreasonable. “I’m glad that we could come to –”
“And I’m going to need more time to even consider it. That isn’t a yes. I’m outlining terms.”
“Perfectly fine. I was actually going to outline this,” you and Azul lock eyes. “Just in case what I tasted was dumb luck, in a week, I wanted you to return to Mostro Lounge during closing hours. You’ll cook a meal for three judges again, myself included. Then, this conversation will become serious.”
“I will not sign a contract.”
“This is employment; no contract is required. You labor – cook. I pay. Such is the usual transaction of jobs.”
Despite the feeling of a tongue slimming itself across your spine and teeth nibbling on your toes like garra rufa, you think that does not sound too devastating.
A week passes; you decide to keep your discussion with Azul concealed to yourself. There is this epidemic going around NRC called the lost art of keeping a secret. You decide for your mental well-being that you will wait for a week to pass, serve your meal to Azul and two other mysterious persons, and then, spill your guts to Ace, Deuce, and Grim.
You have a close call though, guts almost prematurely ripped from your abdomen. The familiar feeling of teeth on your jugular creeps up onto you in the cafeteria. Fingers agile, you press your plastic fork into another’s jugular and greet him, “Hi Floyd.”
Held hostage by your plastic fork dug into his throat, Floyd smiles and cheers, “Shrimpyyy! Thought I could surprise you this time.”
“Nah, not fast enough. Next time though.” You smile sweetly..
You do not hate Floyd Leech. Though, he is far from your favorite student. The label of friendship does not really fit on him (despite the fact he thinks the opposite). Out of everyone in Octavinelle, the presence of viscera glues itself to him. Carnivorous teeth coupled with his predator adroitness screams belly of the beast to you.
Which is why you fend him off with a plastic fork.
“Hehehe, next time then,” Floyd grins. He leans in, uncaring of how plastic folds on his pallid throat. “Azul-y told me that ya remembered I got a perfect score.”
For a second, you have no idea what he is talking about. You share a grand amount of two classes with Floyd; you do not remember him getting perfect marks in either subjects. Until it dawns on you, that far-off conversation with Azul, the Culinary Crucible. For some reason, your neck feels warm as if you should not have made that observation; like noticing Floyd’s perfect score is a rude thing to do. “Ah. Yeah, I did. Good job again.”
Floyd laughs; you feel the noise through the connection of fork and skin, finally lowering it at the sensation. “Shrimpy did pretty good too. Ya gonna cook me something sometime? Not fair that Azul is the only one who got to taste your cookin’.”
You lower your voice to a suspicious whisper as a thought dawns on you. “... Hey, why does Azul need me working there if you cook so good?”
Unlike Azul, you had not been mystified by food at the Culinary Crucible. During the entire ordeal of being transported to a tropical beach via book, Floyd had cooked at the abandoned cottage. You had been amazed by his skills, gorging yourself on the delicious spread.
His eyes shift up to the left, avoiding your slight interrogation. Almost hiding something. “Eeeh, I don’t know. Azul’s always complainin’ even though he can barely cook. His food is super boring; Shrimpy’s probably tastes better.”
“Talk to Azul about it. I’m sure it can be – Grim, paws off my food.” You brandish your makeshift fork-slash-claymore at your little beast.
“Ah, but I want Shrimpy to cook for me because they wanna.”
“Heh, yeah,” you trail off, unsure of how to respond to that. Mostly failing to come up with a response because you cannot see a possibility of that ever happening. “Like I said, um, Azul.” And that is all you really can articulate because, that’s a cool thought but I can’t see myself cooking for him.
Besides; to you, love is an ingredient stored in the kitchen. And, to you, love is about finding people to be in the kitchen with. Your philosophies do not synchronize with your feelings with Floyd Leech.
“Mmm,” Floyd hums, dissatisfied with your answer. He watches you place your fork down; glances at Baby Seal who has been watching this go down (Ace and Deuce still in the cafeteria line). “Guess I’ll just have to wait to taste Shrimpy’s cookin’ on Sunday, hehe. Caaan’t wait!”
“What’s on Sunday? –”
“I suppose you will. Bye for now, Floyd,” you interrupt Grim.
“See ya, Shrimpy.” He leaves you with a peace-sign.
Slowly, the feeling of being slobbered on like a squeak-toy in a dog’s mouth ebbs. The indent of teeth loosen with each step that Floyd takes, rejoining Jade and Azul outside the cafeteria entrance. When Ace asks what that is all about, you threaten him too with your plastic fork. Sometimes, a girl has business of her own to take care of, your fork emphasizes to the trio. Thus, you manage to keep it secret despite hiccups.
Eventually, Floyd’s statement does come to fruition. Because like you said, a week has passed. On Sunday, he gets to taste your cooking because: “I didn’t know you two were the other judges.”
“Aw, not excited to see us,” Floyd asks with a fake frown. He is leaning over your shoulder, hands in his pockets, and looking far too much like a vulture.
“Did you honestly expect someone else,” Jade asks, following you inside.
Despite the fact they were assigned to guide you in, you take up the front and walk with purpose into the stomach. Mostro Lounge has finally closed and you trudge into it, yawning. Sections of blue lighting twist up the ceiling like a tunneling rib-cage. When blue gleams on Jade’s smile, more importantly on his teeth, you think of viscera.
Rolling your shoulder, you reply, “Guess I didn’t put much thought into it.”
“At least, you came prepared with some strategy. I imagine that must have taken up priority in your mind.”
“Not at all.” The toothpick clenched in your teeth wobbles with your words. Floyd giggles happily; his contagious high-pitched giggle has you fighting back a smile. You manage to knock the mirth away when yours and Azul’s eyes collide. “You two will just have to see if I’m as good as he claims. Isn’t that right, Azul?”
“Seriously, Prefect, did you come here with zero preparation?”
“I was busy with schoolwork. Piss off.”
Azul lets out a tired sigh. You shuffle in front of him, body like the condiments in a sandwich between six-foot-one eel-mer-shaped bread. “So, I’m assuming this is going to be more or less like the Culinary Crucible. I’ll cook, you three will judge. Sounds simple enough.”
“Yes, that is the gist of it. Floyd, if you will.”
“Here ya go, Shrimpy.”
In front of you is Floyd’s hat turned upside down like a beached turtle. Inside lie about twenty or so folded slips of paper. The eel-mer uses the proximity to touch his bicep to yours. So moving that hand off the point of contact, you reach in. “Cioppino with mussels,” you read from the paper. “That’s relatively an easy meal … Give me another slip of paper.”
“But, why?” Azul questions.
“But I’m not going to cook unless I have a challenge,” you say. Over your shoulders, Floyd grins wide at your words almost as if in agreement.
“Now,” Jade pushes your hand back into the hat before you can unfold the second slip of paper. “While I may understand your reasoning, it is quite late. We delegated to write down meals that could be cooked in under an hour. All of them are easy.”
“C’mon, let Shrimpy pick another, Jade.”
“Floyd.”
“Fiiine.”
“Fiiine,” you whine in a matching tone, looking at the Nunito font spelling out the meal you have to make. You frown when realizing you and Floyd accidentally matched up. Before anything can be said, you direct a question at Azul, “Can I listen to music? They didn’t let me at the Culinary Crucible.”
“Of course. However you wish to go about artistic expression, don’t let me stop that.”
“Thanks.”
From the closed door, the sound of guitar that more closely resembles the sound of a chainsaw starts up, horridly grating. Like a surgeon orchestrating with his tools of carnage. Commencing this operatic butchery of a feast. Body and blood.
Loitering, you start to thumb an unheard beat on the bakery box in hand. In your mouth, a toothpick swings up and down and tumbles left to right like a gymnast. Students file past you to enter the classroom you are waiting by and … ugh, why is this taking so long!
Quickly and a bit peeved, you check your phone. You and him agreed upon this time before Defense Magic class could start. The bell should ring in about five minutes and he should have been here five minutes ago.
Glancing into the open doorway where a long fighting platform and multiple seats await, you consider just leaving it on his desk. If you do that then you can still make it to your next class … you are just about to jump in to fluidly join the swimming crowd walking in the class when —
“SHRIMPY!!!”
The toothpick in your mouth breaks into splinters, guillotined by your teeth.
Cradling fallen wooden bits in your hand, you look up at Floyd with an expression that is beyond peeved. It does little to deter him. Hands in his pockets and brother shoulder to shoulder with him, Floyd stalks over to you energetically, grinning wide.
“Hello Prefect.”
“You switchin’ to a second year class, little shrimp? Defense Magic gets a bit rowdy, hehe.”
“Hi Jade. Hi Floyd. No, I’m waiting for someone right now.”
“Aw, Shrimpy, ya miss me that much?”
“If you were so eager to see us before your first day at the Lounge, you only need to say so, Prefect.”
Oh, backtracking, you got the job. Another perfect score of thirty. You start later this afternoon … that is all normal and expected.
There is this odd thing that has been bugging you though. After you had presented the dishes, toweling down your hands and asking for a smoke break, you came back to see: Jade ate the entire meal, scraping the plate clean like a suctioning tube; Azul ate but left a reasonable amount of leftovers that were both alternatively acceptable to trash or save; Floyd took a few careful nibbles then left the rest untouched. Guess I’ll just have to wait to taste Shrimpy’s cookin’ on Sunday, hehe. Caaan’t wait! Such untrue words. Why even say something like that if he would just pick at it like a finicky child?
It seems Floyd never has a long-lasting objective.
Holding the bakery box with one hand, you reach in your pocket to discard your broken toothpick and grab a new one. As you do, Floyd folds cursory arms over your head, leaning over you like a bar-table to talk to his brother.
“Caaan’t believe it; Shrimpy’s big day in the ocean blue starts today.”
“Yes, I’m sure it will be quite interesting.”
“All that delicious food … I should show her how to make takoyaki.”
“Now, Floyd, she must follow along with the orders placed.”
“Aw, boooring.”
“Who's gonna be training me?”
“I believe Azul designated the job to Floyd.”
“Aha ha, hear that Shrimpy? We get to hang out all night tonight~” Floyd leans in a way that you can see his wide, visceral grin.
A human has a set of thirty-two made of enamel and root cementum. Omnivorous with molars in the back for plants along with incisors and canines in the front for meat. Floyd has a set of forty-two teeth. Quite unlike humans, his teeth are made of cartilage – a human body could never adapt to safely chew with cartilage-made teeth. Floyd’s teeth shine in a glass-esque glow.
And: “you got something in your teeth” you say to him, pointing to your own mouth. Because there is a medium-sized piece of something wedged between his glimmering teeth.
“Huh?”
You watch him momentarily jam a fingernail in his mouth, trying to find whatever you are pointing out. And completely missing the mark too. He is so annoying. It is on the bottom row of teeth, not the top, you seethe.
“Ugh, let me.”
Downward, the bakery box finds the floor. Instead of just one, you shake two bamboo toothpicks out of your pack. One flips easily into your mouth and the other pirouettes between middle and index. By the lapel of his incorrectly put on jacket, you pull Floyd down to your height. “It’s not even in your top row of teeth,” you scold. “Open.”
Your command is ignored. It surprisingly seems like Floyd will never open his mouth again. Tight-lipped and staring, his mismatched eyes look at you like you have suddenly grown an extra head. Then, a slow mounting blush grows on his face that peaks at crimson. Hell, the whites of his eyes almost glow when backdropped by the flush on his face.
Did the temperature spike or something? You are at a comfortable temperature. It is certainly odd – your train of thought ends when Jade checks behind you, “My, how scandalous. And right in the middle of the hallway too. I never thought of you as such an audacious person, (Name).”
“Huh?” You raise an unamused eyebrow at Jade. Your own toothpick in mouth tilts down in ire. “You know what, forget it. Look stupid the rest of the day.”
Serves you right for trying to help … stupid twins.
“Wh – Wait! I’ll open my mouth!” Floyd’s tongue lolls out.
Ah, it seems the temperature has spiked. This is why you try not to interact with Octavinelle and all their consuming ways. And because! “Your fucking teeth! Dude, I just need to see your teeth!” Jade’s laughter grows in volume.
Eventually, a bit pissy that this has become a whole ordeal, you manage to get the piece out of Floyd’s teeth. Both of you share a bit of warmth on your faces.
The toothpick is flicked into the trash inside the Defense Magic classroom. You want to forget all about this interaction already.
“Thanks Shrimpy. You’re a lifesaver!” Floyd gives a big, boyish grin, all forty-two of his teeth cleaned. Pink is still a sandstorm dusting on his cheeks.
You look away from Floyd with a twitch in your cheek. Finally – “Ruggie!” The hyena’s ears twitch on the top of his head. You pick up the bakery box of donuts from the ground and meet him halfway. “You’re late,” but you scold Ruggie with a smile rather than a frown.
“Sorry, Leona had me running an impromptu errand. Work never ends.”
“Oh, I know what you mean.”
And you and Ruggie share a bone-deep sigh, despite smiling, that only Leona’s and Crowley’s errand-runner could possibly sympathize with on equal footing.
“Well, payment as arranged,” you say, going to hand Ruggie his payment when – “Jade!”
“Oya, was this the person you were waiting for, Prefect?”
“Yes, now give that back.”
“You said this was payment? What an unusual transaction. I wonder what it could be for.” He opens up the bakery box. Six different types of donuts stare back at him.
You stare right alongside them. You would rather not have him or his brother knowing that you get study guides from Ruggie. In exchange for them, you bake Ruggie donuts and other sweets. Information like that would be valuable to Azul. You remember Deuce, Grim, and Ace taking study guides from Azul in November; you are smart enough to make deals with less odious individuals.
You can even imagine what Jade would say upon learning you require help in your classes, “My brother and I would be happy to tutor you, Prefect.” Why Jade includes his brother when trying to interact with you, you will never know. You doubt Floyd could sit still for one math equation.
“Keep wondering,” then, you retrieve the bakery box from Jade with a huffing puff.
Yet before you can even give Ruggie his payment, an arm hooks around your neck in a chokehold. Gasping startled, you look up to see Floyd’s fluorescent smile hanging above you like the moon on a riverbank. Yet when he speaks, he does not look at you.
“See ya tonight, Shrimpy?”
“Um … yeah.”
“‘Kay Shrimpy! Hehehe!”
As you walk off, you rub your neck wondering what that was all about.
You are prepared like someone might put the finishing touches on a cake. Azul gives you your Octavinelle hat and apron while Jade explains how they go about business. A slip of paper from Jade tells you the connection between abbreviations and meals.
“But if you have any questions on what a certain abbreviation stands for, Floyd will assist you.” You then asked why you would need help; they all personally tasted how capable you were at making meals. Abbreviations are relatively easy to understand too. Jade simply laughed before opening two swinging doors to the kitchen. A tongue lolls out and on the beastly carpet, Floyd stands, dressed up in cooking attire rather than waiter attire.
“Have fun you two,” are the words Jade leaves you with an hour or so ago, standing in the whale’s guts. Fun? You think Floyd is having the most fun out of the two of you because –
Blood hits the floor and soaks into the linoleum. Little stardust sprinkles of red between both of your awestruck bodies. Each droplet holds such a weight that you are almost surprised that the red splatter does not start burning holes through the floor like stomach acid.
Floyd is bent over like he has chronic stomach pain. Teal hair covers his face as he shudders. Backtracking, he was looking at you a minute ago. Pestering you, he had tried to change what you were making. You were not dealing with that. (A knife suddenly falls in the path of Floyd’s hand.
“Please keep your filthy hand to your side of the kitchen.”
“That just makes me wanna touch your side more, Shrimpy.”
“Then, you must also not be fond of your fingers. Unexpected but nothing I cannot work with. A pinch of seasoning and I’m sure even you will be easy to swallow.”
“I have something else you could – FUCK!”)
Now, Floyd is bleeding all over the floor. The metallic stench has you squirming.
Oh, I am getting fired. Or, squeezed. Or, Ace and Deuce are going to find my drowned dead body. The dumpster fire of thought explodes like an atomic bomb when Floyd’s head lifts up. The grin on his face splits from ear to ear. All forty-two teeth catching the light a certain way. Forget all that! I’m going to be eaten alive!! The thought runs a strangely pleasant shiver up your spine.
Is money worth this stress? Because you are dealing with parts of yourself that you do not want to address.
It is the day after and Floyd is staring enraptured at his palm.
Perhaps English language cannot house the absolute devotion that Floyd stares at his palm with; however, Jade believes enraptured is one-fourth close enough given language’s constrictions. His twin brother looks at the innards of his hand with the same expression when he saw fireworks for the first time or experienced the sight of red for the first time. Looking at it like it is the first time he has seen his palm. It is because something new lies on his palm. A new difference between Floyd and himself as identical twins.
Scheming, Jade decides he wants to poke at that wound. So, tearing paper off his notepad, he leaves the pending order with one of the kitchen staff and does not pick up the tray designated for him. Pocketing work, Jade slithers over to the bar.
With his non-dominant right hand, Floyd starts to trace the innard of his palm. That look of enrapturement is so strong now. As if he is only happy when observing that plane of skin. It even changes his eyes, speckles of their natural bioluminescence floating in them. Enraptured so deeply like black-hole is sucking him in.
“Did you happen to forget you have five fingers?” That does not work. Still leaning on the countertop, Floyd glides his hand contently on his palm. “Happen to be missing home?”
That knocks Floyd out of his stupor. “Huh?” On the other side of the countertop, Jade stands at the most empty bar, because customers seem to recognize they aren’t going to get a drink from such a distracted Floyd. Jade smiles politely.
“You are staring at your hand as if you’re trying to will your fins back.”
Jade suspects there is more to it. And he is proven correct when Floyd tights his dominant hand into a fist. The blood-lamp in his eyes dim just a bit, growing timid … no, his brother is acting shy right now? Mumbled into Floyd’s shoulder when he turns away: “I’s nothin’.”
Oh, this is going to be fun. Teeth on display, Jade interrogates, “With that look, I wholeheartedly doubt such a statement. And you are retreating like a pitiful hermit crab right now.”
“Fuck off.”
“(Name) happens to have the day off. I happen to wonder if that has any correlation, with this sudden hand-staring. Did your hands happen to touch, going for the same ingredient?”
“I happen to wonder how many punches it’ll take till ya have a black eye.”
“Fufufufu. To think that all your efforts to get her attention and employed here; and she ends up cutting you on her first day.”
Floyd’s mood lightens. A lovey-dovey sigh escapes him. “I know. Ain’t she perfect~”
You found out only two weeks into your employment that you were getting paid more than ninety percent of the staff.
(One of your fellow line-cooks spit out of his drink when he heard you mumble under your breath during lunch rush, “twenty-eight dollars per hour, twenty-eight dollars per hour, twenty-eight –” like a momentary mantra to convince yourself to not stress too much. Apparently you are getting paid forteen more dollars than the average kitchen staff. You do not get to speculate with him why. Azul comes rushing in, scolding anyone who does not have a hundred and one percent of their attention on their work station.
When you ask Floyd about it, he becomes uncharacteristically less fidgety than normal. How juxtaposing. People that are put-off usually squirm but Floyd goes comatose-like when bothered.) You have decided to drop it since then; why look a gifted horse in the mouth?
The money is such a darling incentive to come into work that you have yet to miss a single shift. At least, it is never boring. Not that you think Floyd would allow you to wilt in the industrial-ness of cooking in a restaurant instead of tender, domestic cooking. You two manage to have this weird mixture of fun and prodding.
And when a customer puts in an order for lobsters, you are not going to waste the opportunity.
“I’ll think I’ll name him Floyd 2,” you say, holding up the crustacean. Twitching antennas wave at you when his rubber-band claws cannot. Floyd glances at you out of the corner of his eye, golden iris like a supernova star. Just as he goes to talk, you drop Floyd 2 into the pot of boiling water. “Whoops.”
“Shrimpyyy.”
“My hand slipped,” you smile.
“Why’s Shrimpy so callous all the time? Ya got a hard shell just like this lobster. Look.” A blackish-orange, uncooked lobster is shoved in your face as you laugh.
“What do you even mean?”
“You’re a real serious type like Azul. But you were all giggles when you and Sea Otter were riding on my back over Winter Break. You danced really funny at the banquet.”
“I dance funny?”
“Yeah, like this,” Floyd starts to shimmy the lobster back and forth. You take it from him with a smile, dropping it into your pot. All four lobsters boiling, you switch your attention to cutting up the appetizer salads by your station. “Ya doing anything after work, Shrimpy?”
“Just going to Ruggie’s Spelldrive practice tonight.”
“You should come to one of my practices, Shrimpy. Way cooler than Spelldrive.”
Your knife falls on the midpoint of five or so slices of washed lettuce. Glancing up, you see as Floyd washes the rest of the vegetables, he is oddly still. His bandaged left hand clenches around the handle. Usually, he taps a rhythm to the side of the sieve.
That is really odd because his voice is so light and carefree. But you can dissect his body language.
“No way, Spelldrive is so cool. You used magic to control the disc but it’s exactly like football.” Your world already had basketball, but Spelldrive is an entirely new thing.
“What’s football?”
“Ah, nevermind,” but Floyd presses for more answers with a smile. “It’s the same as the rules of Spelldrive. Instead of using brooms, you run. And, the control that the players have on their magic plus the second and third years who ride brooms are super impressive. The level of mastery is … on another level!”
Floyd’s face twists at that. “It’s just ridin’ a broom. Ain’t so hard.”
“I thought you, your brother, and Azul were bad at riding brooms. Y’know, sea legs and all that.”
“I’m waaay better than those two.”
“Whatever you say,” you dismiss the conversation just as you slide the cut lettuce into two bowls. You want to drop the conversation and work on the next entree. Floyd does not share that sentiment.
Shaking water out of the sieve, he whines, “Spelldrive’s so boooring. It just a bunch of guys throwin’ around a disk.”
“And basketball is just a bunch of guys passing around a ball.”
“C’mon Shrimpyyy.”
“I guess I could make the time to attend one practice.” Floyd lights up at that. Evangelical light shines in his mouth. Something boils over in you like the stove’s temperature has been turned up.
You are being eaten alive. It is not so bad.
However, backtracking, it starts with kisses.
Whoever is kissing you – crowding above you like a nebulous night sky and draping each warm star finger on the cold surface of your face, mandible to cheekbone – has never kissed anyone before. And it is surprisingly endearing to you. Having to guide the night to properly understand kissing is not biting. Tentatively having to pinch or pull hair when a tongue ventures too far down your throat or a pair of needle teeth bite too hard on your lips. This is how it starts.
Happiness is like the calcium in your bones. You are awfully pleased to be kissing this pair of midnight lips. Speed of kissing escalates and deescalates in intervals; sometimes, the two of you press into each other like you are afraid one of you will leave come morning before falling into slow pecks like time has suddenly become infinite.
In this anonymous kissing, you lie happy on some hard, uncomfortable surface. But with how elevated you feel, it feels like a cloud is cradling your body. Euphoria is a well-versed painkiller.
Peppermint burns your nostrils as the face above you gasps. Ah, despite how you had been chiding off teeth on your lips, you are the one that actually breaks skin. Three pupils of blood fall on your closed lips. Your sheepish tongue pokes out and licks red rain away. Blood falls into the sizzling grill of your mouth and you gasp in response.
Taste is categorized into five groups. This tastes like a sixth. Suddenly, all other tastes pale in comparison. The revelation makes you shudder, each bone vibrating.
You never want to taste anything else. You will never pick up a cigarette if you get to taste this again.
The taste gradually dims when the face finally pulls away, revealing who you are kissing. “Floyd?” Spherical blood sits, a tiny cherry, on the middle of his bottom lip. He blushes like he is sunburnt by your attentive eyes. Before you can ask why he is kissing you, Floyd leans back, sitting on his haunches.
You two are laid on a table. The table stretches so far out into the distance that it enters a void. Behind Floyd, it shrinks down until it blurs away; when you tilt your head back, it fades due to distance. The range of your eyesight cannot comprehend the length of the surface.
Everything else is swallowed and lost to the chewing void. When you tilt your head left and right, tenebrous ebon greets you like a wall. Your eyes are magnetized to the only light source now that Floyd’s lips are too far away to kiss.
Held in Floyd’s hand is a single fish fork. It incandesces like a lamp, and when you blink, the contour is burnt on your inner eyelids.
Puffy, swollen lips move to speak but Floyd beats you to the punch. Out of his mouth falls an even sweeter palate beyond his blood. Your real name – in his voice, nasally, a bit lightfully high-pitched, a bit annoying and a bit liberating – on his tongue, pronounced and said with a hefty weight.
“(Name).”
“Yeah?” You answer, breathless from kisses and that word.
“Can I taste you?”
You think back to how each of you were feasting on each other in your liplock, a sudden amorous meal.
“Yeah.”
Instead of him leaning down, the fish fork in Floyd’s hand starts to move. Your eyes track it with intrigue. Beyond the valley of your chest, you are caught off guard seeing your button-up undone and open like wings. Into an abyss known as the midline sternotomy, Floyd’s fish fork digs in.
A dog-esque whimper falls from your lips. The toes of your right foot curl behind Floyd when you feel a fork scraping past rib bones. Three prongs pierce convulsing muscle tissue. Lithe fingers twist the utensil. Arousal coats like goosebumps on your flesh as a section of you is taken. Eyelids half mast, you watch Floyd bring the red fork to his lips. A section of still-beating, still-drumming muscle disappears into his mouth.
This is more intense than the kissing, that you wake up on fire.
The fire is metaphorical but the engrossing heat that blankets your entire body is not. In Ramshackle’s bed, you kick awake breathlessly. The pillow you were squeezing gives a wheeze of pain when you hug it to yourself tighter. Propping yourself on your elbows, blinking away a dream, you groan. “Oh fuuuck no.” In your chest, your tell-tale heart pounds.
You fall right back on the embrace of your pillow as it mimics the feel of a lover’s chest. Silk and the fire in your face collide in a burn. As chunks of your dream expand or delete away, you consider the heavy weight of … everything.
Floyd.
Floyd was eating your heart. Your face smolders on your pillow – you refuse to dwell on the implications of that.
You dwell on the implications, almost ruminating. In your quad-'apartment stomach, the rumen and reticulum digests the dream, the omasum allows the dream to filter into your bloodstream, and the abomasum finishes up your dream analysis. You metaphorically puke in your own mouth the entire morning, ruminating.
When the taste becomes too much, you hunt down Jade.
Stalking halls with eyes and nose trained for locating only him. And when you do, you do not busy yourself with the subtlety of a prowl. You launch right in on the attack. Stabbing him with a question even though he has a forkful of something in his mouth, “What’s Floyd’s deal?”
Caught off guard, Jade blinks at you. It is rare for such a blank look to cross his face that you are almost unnerved. Then, he pulls the fork from his mouth, chewing and dabbing his mouth with his napkin. “I’m afraid I don’t quite know what you mean. My brother and Azul are not under contract.”
“Not a real deal – ugh, Jade, you know what I mean.”
Sharpened teeth make a beastly smile. A shiver tiptoes up your spine like a spider.
Turning back to his meal, Jade brushes off your response with, “Vagueness is one step away from misunderstanding. You should clarify for your own sake.”
He lifts up his fork and your eyes fall to the cafeteria table. Right now, you are on a fake bathroom break during astrology. Azul and Floyd have lunch together while Jade has a separate lunch. It is the perfect time to strangle information out of him, and, like a good predator, you should not waste time on prowling or stalking but –
“I don’t understand how you can eat like that and remain that skinny.”
As a cook, you are well-versed in the balancing of meals. To be frank, Jade’s lunch probably has the most optimal nutrition in terms of carbohydrates, protein, and vegetables. However, lunches are standardly medium-sized. In front of him lies a caesar salad stuffed with chicken, BLT sandwich, and an egg salad lettuce wrap. He’s three-fourth done with the caesar salad and sure to dig into the rest.
“Metabolism is a fascinating genetic function.”
“If I can convince Crewel to make a body-swapping potion, how about a quick switch for a day?” You can only imagine how cultured Jade’s tongue is.
“You in my body and I in yours. Floyd would have a field day with that.”
“Oh my god, what does that mean!”
Jade chuckles at your boiling worry. One hundred and one spine-chilling scenarios flash in your head. Backtracking, you vow to never give your autonomy to Jade Leech of all people. It will only end in misfortune for you. Scolding, you seethe, “Whatever you’re thinking, stop it. Your smile’s too creepy.”
“I’m not thinking about anything in particular. I’ll let you ruminate on it however. I’m sure you can think of much more than I can.”
“You’re the worst.”
Jade gives a musical hum and forks the last bit of his salad into his mouth. “You know, I could ask the same question: What’s your deal?” His yellow left eye sharpens, taking in the space where you disrupt the atmosphere. Remembering what that evil star could reel out your throat (truth, awful truths you have not made peace with), you scoot back on the table’s seat.
The mental image is odious. Jade’s hand hovering over your salivating mouth with the other holds your chin skyward; his fist clenches around a fishing line, yanking; he scoops up everything you keep concealed as you cough up blood like a weak geyser. A violent image. Yet, violence absent of any amatory intent. (So unlike your dream with Floyd.)
Putting distance between you two like a panicked crab, you mutter, “What do you mean?”
“You are good friends with Riddle Rosehearts, yes? You should know that he never indulges Floyd’s whims; he would never agree to working in the same Lounge as Floyd either. Yet, the two of you have gotten quite cozy.”
“I never voluntarily approach him. I work there for the cash.”
“Hm, perhaps. However, you do not shy away when he approaches you. Why is that? What is your deal?”
“We’re supposed to be talking about Floyd’s deal.”
“Alright. Then, let us talk about it.”
“Lets!”
“How do you find his disposition? Too wholesome, too loathsome? You two seem to be becoming fast friends … ah, but that is just my humble, little opinion. No need to look so upset.”
“Floyd is … Floyd … he’s viscera.”
“I assure you my brother has other anatomy beyond his stomach.” As Jade says, he unwraps his egg salad lettuce wrap. The smell burns your nose. You get the egg-scented message that such a description could match Jade with his bottomless stomach.
“No, it’s not literal. It’s – Being around him feels like being in the belly of the beast.”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand. Why don't you give me an example?”
“You know what? Okay.” You contemplate for a moment, thumbing through the notecards of your memory. Finally getting it, you snap your fingers. “Okay! Okay. Last week, Tuesday, during my shift. He stood behind me the entire four hours of my shift. Like I mean, stood there. Just breathing down my neck, all pissed off. I thought he was going to take a bite out of me, Jade!”
Ah, Jade remembers that day well. It was the day you had a laundry mishap, procrastinating on the chore to the point where you had no clean slacks. Nothing too interesting – so what you forgot to do laundry, that happens in the life of a busy Prefect! The only thing is:
(“Shrimpy’s wearing leggings! Shrimpy’s – fuck!”
Jade looks up from his paperwork, hovering over Azul’s shoulder. Holed up in the VIP room, he and Azul are going over the month’s numbers of hours delegated to the staff. Measuring punchcard times and figuring where to subtract or add hours for each staff member. Numbers on papers become quite boring when Jade sees the state his brother is in.
“Floyd. Do not knock over the table.” Strife laces Azul’s voice.
Sprawled on the ground, Floyd half-sits and half-kneels on the violet carpet. In his excitement, he had bumped into the table set between the two couches. Pushing himself up, the grin on Floyd’s face is mammoth and energized. “Shrimpy’s wearing leggings!”
So it seems you were, Jade would find out later. Skin-tight leggings; black with flared bottoms. You had walked in with your button-up untucked to hide what Floyd cites is the prettiest ass he has ever seen. That particular article of clothing left little to the imagination – snug so tightly on each tantalizing curve of yours.
“Is that so,” Jade asks, having yet to see you during your shift. Looking at the clock, he notices that you have only been clocked in for about three minutes.
“I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.” Floyd breathes starstruck, hand clutched to his wrinkled shirt.
With that, an evil thought comes into Jade’s head.
“I am sure today will be an equally blissful day for the staff of Mostro Lounge.”
“Huh? What ya mean?”
“I mean, she is not invisible. Obviously, if she is such a sight to behold, the staff will be looking as well.”
Jade puts his own hand up to his heart, polite smile on his lips, and closes his eyes. He reopens them when the VIP room door slams shut – the wind carrying Floyd’s worsening mood and threats against the entire staff. The clock shows you are only four minutes into your four hour shift. The politeness of his smile morphs into something sinisterly serene as if a cunning plan of his has come to fruition. And it has, in just a few small minutes.
Ah, what an unfortunate start to your shift it seems. Fufufu.)
But it was far from unfortunate for Jade, who chuckled every time he opened the kitchen door to see Floyd standing protectively behind you, crowding around you to cover you up while refusing to let you reach for anything on a high shelf. He would bare his teeth at whoever glanced in your direction for mere seconds.
“I doubt he would have bitten you,” Jade placates, not wanting you to misread Floyd’s intent.
Emphasizing each word, you seethe, “He was breathing down my neck. He sounded one breath away from tearing apart my jugular!” Even though Jade seems to be reminiscing, he is obviously looking back through with a damaged pair of glasses – one temple broken off and one lens cracked.
You remember it much better: the wind-chill of a predator’s breath kissing your cervical; the uneven, spontaneous growls that would bloom behind your ear and have you pressing tighter to the stove; the intimate fear pierced into your spine through the morbid surgery of Floyd’s presence. You still wonder what you did to upset him so badly that he felt the need to monitor you for your entire shift.
“Listen,” your face pulls into a frown as you stare down Jade. “Your brother has life sorted into two categories: fun and boring. I’m in a category I don’t want to be in. Just tell me what I need to do to make myself unappetizing to him.”
So I don’t have another dream like that ever again.
“Ah,” Jade puts on a mask like he is going to tell you devastating news. “I’m afraid you’re quite a delicacy to him. Floyd has always been known to hold on tight to his food and eat in painful little bites. How unfortunate for you~”
You hang your head like the strife of Floyd is a guillotine snapping the cervical bones in your neck. To be so consumed by him like this mentally … it’s tearing you up inside.
“If I may pry, why are you so insistent on knowing about my brother? I sincerely hope it is not for ill intents, dear Prefect.” You are starting to catch onto the theme that most of Jade’s smiles are just threatening.
Insistent? Out of the two of you, Floyd is the insistent one, binding himself tight around you. But – you still Jade’s words linger in your mind. Why were you so insistent … You imagine a fake reality where you answer his question with, ‘because I burnt food for the first time in my entire life this morning. Because this morning, I ate overdone scrambled eggs that crunched in my mouth like pretzels. Because I think I’ve unknowingly developed a crush on him and it hit me so hard this morning that Ramshackle would have gone up in smoke if Grim and the ghosts took a minute longer to notice the burning stove.’
Instead, you answer, “Just want my peace of mind back.”
It is a partial truth that Jade does not have to use hooks to create red, wet aqueducts in your throat to get the answer. No need to use magic like Shock the Heart on you; you have already had your heart-attack this morning!
“I sincerely think there is more to it than that.”
“I promise that is it. I want to know Floyd’s deal to get him off my back.”
“See, but you’re acting in such a contradictory way, Prefect. Perhaps I should use something to loosen your tongue. Holding so many barnacles of thoughts in your head must be tiring.” His left eye starts to fluctuate with pulsing gleams.
“OH! Would you look at the time! My bathroom break – it’s uh! I’m gonna be late for class! Bye Jade!!” You race off mouse-esque.
You have not seen Floyd today … which is admittedly very nice.
At least I only had to put up with one fake eel and one real eel today. Two real eels is too many, you think as you pluck a tender cigarette from the package. Despite having a closing shift, you have yet to see Floyd since he invaded your dreams. A beady eye of red is born as you pocket your lighter. Breathing in, you contemplate on this slight blessing.
Apparently, Floyd has been neglecting schoolwork for the past week.
Whenever he was on his laptop, Jade mistakenly thought Floyd was doing his assignments. Turns out for seven nights he had been browsing GOAT for shoes and organizing each one on documents – so his typing mimicked the sound of doing assignments. Caring in a far too sinister way, Jade has locked Floyd in their room with a spell too advanced for it to be broken by one mage.
(“I don’t quite understand why he even would look at shoes; you see, he’s low on cash at the moment. Oh, but I am truly sorry to have to separate you two tonight.” Jade apologizes as if you are upset over the matter. Your deadpan look is far from mournful.
“However, I told him I would let him out when he has at least completed three-fourths. I believe he should be successful as long as he can find the correct playlist.” Jade’s yellow eye gleams at you, almost winking. “Plus, he has proper motivation to finish up sooner.”
“The hell –? I just asked if I could go on my smoke break.”
“Yes, but your constipated expression told me that you had more on your mind. Besides, isn’t this part of Floyd’s ‘deal’? His day to day – I thought I’d graciously keep you updated.”
You flip him off as you walk out the backroom.) Now here you sit, a wall embracing your back.
Usually, you would stand but you think you might mistakenly pour cement in your shoes. Soreness is like molten lead in your bloodstream, weighing you down. You have never felt such agony in your hamstrings and thighs. Thus, you sit on an awful, treacherous thought.
Would Floyd accept any study-guides you get from Ruggie?
There are multiple faucets to why this is a cretinous thought. Wouldn’t Azul have study-guides for the twins; would Floyd swallow his pride to accept anything; did Ruggie even have the topics that Floyd was struggling with – because you have no idea which schoolwork Floyd is skimping out on! Like you said, it is a cretinous thought. For some reason though, you would really like to help Floyd – paying back nothing yet paying back everything too.
Your blooming cloud of smoke asks Why am I acting so selfless for a selfish eel before it evaporates slowly into the oceanic air. There is not really any sensible answer hidden in your soul.
Twisted Wonderland is without a doubt as senseless as your soul. Even now, where you sit smoking is so world-shatteringly different from the typical ‘go out back and smoke’ area. The Octavinelle dorm is enveloped in water. The night sky outside of Mostro Lounge is a unique pocket that isn’t really a pocket at all. In a bubble, on the edge of a cliff that dips down into black, you sit staring at the swimming stars of fish.
Even the classes are an oddity. The two classes you share with Floyd are Art and History of Magic. As far as you have observed, he does well in both of those subjects. So, you doubt he needs a study-guide for either.
Which subject could it be: Astrology, Magic Analysis, Ancient Curses –
A pair of arms wrap serpentine around your shoulders. The anaconda has bound around his unexpecting prey. As a passenger to your train of thoughts, your mind goes blissfully blank. It is an odd sensation: to have been ruminating the entire day over a dream and when confronted with the only corporal part of the dream, you feel at peace..
You breathe out a dragon’s breath and a greeting, “Hi Floyd.”
Mmmmmmph. Is the response spoken into your right shoulder. Reaching behind, you take the hand still pinching your cigarette and stiffly pat the top of Floyd’s head, sharing his tired-tinted sentiment.
You have been eating your heart out, and puking in your mouth all morning. It is an exhausting activity, anguishing yourself over a silly dream, over your dream. “Did you get all your work done?” You stop petting teal hair to return your cigarette between your lips.
Mmmmmph! Anaconda-esque embrace squeezing tighter and tighter, you are really unsure of how you should take that sentiment. It sounds more frustrated than anything – can you share in Floyd’s frustration? Heartbeat lines of waves fall over you two from the overhanging light. No, you have transferred all your strife out of like the emotion is but a colony of bees smoked out of a hive.
When tobacco and paper wrapping has burnt away to about halfway, you receive a clearer insight to Floyd’s misery. “I’m never lookin’ at stars again.”
“Ah, astrology.”
“Mmmguuuh.”
Throat-held vibrations tickle against your shoulder. Floyd depresses his face on the ledge of your collarbone, weight so crushing like he wants to melt into you. Pinioned up in his grip, you just accept the heat of his cheek and the rhythm of his groans.
Pretending to hold an intelligent conversation: “Totally agree with you there. Stupid scorpion.” Ash is tapped off the side of your steel-toed work boots. “I’m a –” then you tell Floyd which animal/symbol aligns up with your Zodiac.
The weight on your shoulder ebbs slowly as Floyd lifts himself up. Then, his bony chin digs into your shoulder causing you to squirm. Arms tighten to stop your earthworm motions and Floyd remarks sleepily, “Mmm, I like shrimps better.”
“You know I can never wrap my head around that nickname. I get why Grim’s a seal because he’s shaped similarly. I don’t get mine. Eels eat shrimp or something?”
“ – Or something.”
“That’s vague.”
“What? Ya want me to eat ya, Shrimpy?”
In cartoons, when a character is punched in the face, stars start to prance and bounce around their head. Floyd’s words are equivalent to a face-impacting wallop. Words crash into you with all the grace of a burning space-shuttle ripping through air. BANG! Bunny-esque stars start to dance around your head, reeling as if all those letters had condensed into a fist.
Lightning of pain branches across your face, and you only get to save yourself by doing one thing. You turn your head to where Floyd’s chin perches and blow smoke into his face. As he falls back, coughing up a storm, you quickly work to get control of the weather inside you.
The turbulent sea of a crush is something calamitous. Lunar shadow-waves tilt across Floyd’s body as you breathe in more smoke. Still coughing, Floyd grumbles, “Why do - ack - ya do that? Smells funky.”
“No asking questions if you don’t answer questions.”
Elbow protecting his nose and eyes seething, he grumbles again, “I told ya, or something.”
“Not good enough. I don’t like roundabout answers.”
“Shrimpyyy.”
“Hey, no calling me that if you can’t tell me why.”
Floyd avoids eye-contact. Not blushing but with all his grimacing teeth on display, he whines, “But it’s embarrassing.”
“Now you have to tell me.”
And he really does because Floyd being embarrassed is alien. You go to deal your own physical blow on Floyd. Aiming a hit that is intercepted, you gloat, “Or this little shrimp is going to take down a big eel.”
When Floyd interlocks your fingers together, you fight back. You fight back through depressing pressure on it; you do not fight the borderline amatory gesture. His hand feels nice in yours. The lighting-shaped lesion in his inner palm that you created feels so warm.
Your mark, your heart sings. Killing that melody, you start to wrestle slightly with Floyd. Horseplaying, your joint hands press against one another, moving back and forth with each playful jab you throw at one another.
“No waaaay, you’re too weak.”
“Says the person about to be beat.”
“I’m fending you off with one hand!”
“Oh yeah?”
“Ack - ak! That’s – uuk – cheating!”
“Why am I called Shrimpy!”
“Because I’mma squeeze you like a Shrimpy!”
“Oh my God,” you laugh. “That’s an even bullshit-er answer than ‘or something’!”
“It’s true! Come here!”
“Ahahaha!”
Sportive laughter blooms from you. Pouncing like a dog seeing its owner after a week long vacation, Floyd pushes you down onto the ground. You squeal breathlessly, “Oh my God!” The back of your head collides with his other protective palm rather than ground. You two are still entwined at the hands – his left and your right. You slap and wrench your left hand this way and that. Floyd follows with his right, trying to grab that too. A foot scuffles up to his lower stomach, pushing. No way are you going to accept a Leech squeeze without a proper fight. You two twist and squirm on the floor, laughing together.
All the while, the caress between your right hand and his left hand remains an independent variable. Unchangeable in this discord of rapid-moving limbs. A caress of interlocked fingers.
“Shrimpy’s gonna – AH HAHA �� Shrimpy’s gonna get squeezed!” A mouthful of sharp piscine teeth gleams over your face. You kick at Floyd’s intestines hard enough where his mouth goes circular instead of being crescent.
“Nuh – hahaha – no way!” Floyd makes another grab at your left arm. You twist on your side, crushing his grip on the cement below you, as your heart pounds in your eardrums. You arch in a giggling shriek when Floyd tickles your side, exposing your left arm.
“Aha!” Floyd shouts victorious when he manages a squeeze to your bicep.
Yet, before a shrimp can be squeezed, a door opens. “(Name), your break has been over – oh.”
Jade drinks in the sight of you and his brother like it is a recherché tea blend he has never seen before. A gloved hand covers the uniform pressed over Jade’s chest. Well, this is his first time seeing his twin have a crush so: “Oh, I am so glad to see Floyd getting along with his little shrimp. Warms my brotherly heart.”
Frozen on the ground, you and Floyd show Jade your teeth in matching, disgruntled, and cringing grimaces. All thirty-two square enamels of yours; all forty-two triangle enamels of Floyd’s.
“My, what sour expressions! Fufufu!”
“Why are you making that face!”
“I’m gonna shove this down your throat so you stop saying such stupid shit,” your fork moves with each word you say.
“All I said was –”
“I heard you. Do not repeat it.”
Oh, how you heard Ace, loud and clear. With all the agonizing clarity of a centipede squirming in your ear, his words made an invasion in your body. Not even a full minute ago, Ace had commented, “you and Floyd seem pretty close now.” Those words got you to instantly drop your waving hand, Floyd’s scarred palm still up and waving buh-bye to you, before you rounded on Ace with your fork.
More frequently, between class breaks, Floyd has been visiting you during the time you and your trio have lunch. It is nothing eccentrically different. Floyd has been a persistent leech on you since Jamil Viper’s overblot … but you never reciprocated in conversation until now. Which is probably why Ace brings up the one basketball practice you attended fourteen days ago:
“You know that one time you came to our practice, I think he played the best he has in – FUCK!”
As Ace nurses the four indents on his throat, you fake a moue, “Oh, what was that? You have to speak clearly Ace.”
The sound of your best friend’s hacking and your other best friends’ laughter is a tranquil balm. Enough to where you can stop stressing over the lack of distance now between (Name) (Last Name) and Floyd Leech.
Okay, maybe you never stop thinking about the lack of distance. You are a person who always backtracks into previous thoughts. Reversing time in your mind and puking in your own mouth is perpetual. Therefore, you end up stewing away in your mind, moving a spoon through a bowl of wet rice. Ah … closeness is such a flimsy concept.
You and Floyd seem pretty close now? Perhaps.
‘Cannibalism Cooking’ is a teaching segment on how to erase the distance between self and other? Perhaps.
You think too much? Yes.
Despite your ire, there has been a shift. It is could be in something small like how instead of cooking alive lobsters you name Floyd 1, Floyd 2, Floyd 3, etcetera; you have taken to making stories up for each lobster with Floyd, humanizing them in jest like one does with Barbie dolls, as Floyd’s lobster mourns the death of your lobster who fell into the boiling pot. It could be something large like how you will look at Floyd at times and think of how you want to devour him down to the bones — cooking him on the very stove in Mostro Lounge that you work, your own lai d'ignaure.
Stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking, you repeat to yourself in threes. You try to focus on the preparation of rice.
For almost three months you have worked at Mostro Lounge and it has gone on without a hitch. Which is odd because backtracking … you think back on Ruggie and the Intra-School Competition. You have yet to see Floyd in a bad mood, and that cannot last forever.
Eventually, the thing Ruggie foretold comes to pass. Three days later. It is like a weatherman reporting a category four hurricane, an inevitable part of the atmosphere that cannot be avoided. Floyd has fallen into one of his bad moods. And it is worse than any natural disaster.
Double swinging doors open like a maw of roaring teeth. One door happens to smack the tray out of an employee’s hand, just about to exit to the dining hall. That is what causes your eyes to flicker up. Calamity comes in the sound of crackling porcelain and squishing food. Two dishes have clattered to the floor, food wasted. Your eyes flicker up from the discord of pasta, seafood, and vegetables to see the criminal of the crime. Floyd Leech who has the meanest maw that would put any apex predator to shame.
That monstrous look? You guarantee that the credit for crafting it belongs to the sauce splattered on Floyd’s slacks and shoes. Shadows settle over the eel-mer’s face. His hand comes up to hold his own shoulder in an iron grip.
Besides you, a line-cook bemoans, “Well, it was nice knowing him.”
Every employee is aware of the rules: if one of the employees is not following the rules, squeezing is permitted. One of the unspoken rules: do not piss off Floyd Leech. Ruining his shoes is a swift way to get his mood down.
You and your fellow line-cook share a grimace. The employee – you think he might be a Scarabia or Savanaclaw student, too far away to tell the color of his arm-band – is shaking in Floyd’s presence. Watching Floyd’s mouth and eyebrows twitch and the student’s hands move in apologetic measures, you consider something heavy on your tongue.
I really don’t have to go out of my way to help that nameless student, you think just as your mouth opens. Really, though, you only think that because you do not want to confront the reality of who you are helping. “Hey!” The kitchen staff switches their attention from the scene to you. Ugh.
“Which table was that for?”
The Scarabia/Savanaclaw student almost looks ready to fall to his knees in gratitude. Shaking, he replies, “It wa-was for Table N-Nuh-Nine.”
“Well, clean up Table Nine’s mess. Mop’s in the supply closet,” you hope the student is sharp enough to pick up the message: stay there until Floyd is calm. “Then, get out on the floor and offer Table Nine complimentary drinks because of the delay. Move it.”
“Yes, right away!” You think he might be Savanaclaw because you have never seen a person run that fast before.
It is like those stare-down between two predators on nature documentaries. You and Floyd size each other, him pissed that you let his punching bag escape and you pissed that he caused perfectly fine food to spoil. Eye contact locks in place; confrontation like a rumbling storm cloud separates you two. Whoever yields is going to have the face and accept the bite of the other. It comes as a surprise to the kitchen staff when you look right into the sun, challenging that mean eye. Lips pulling back to grimace, it comes to an even greater shock to everyone when Floyd looks away first. When his sheepish eyes glance back up, you move a finger in a ‘come here’ motion.
It would be ideal if he could move without kicking a wad of spaghetti across the vinyl floor … but you take what you can get.
“Hand me that stool,” you say. Refusing to take your eyes off Floyd, you hold your open fingers out behind your back towards your fellow line-cook who has a stool by his oven. When Floyd passes some cooks, they press their stomachs up to the burning stove-plates, dangerously leaning inward to avoid the immediate danger of a grumpy eel. Still, you two look daggers at each other.
The stool finds your hand and you set it down in front of you – right by your own designated stove .
“Sit,” you instruct and he wordlessly obeys.
Even while listening, he is glaring at you. A sculptor named Animosity has molded his features; he looks at you like he wants your head to fly off, probably thinking you are going to scold him like Azul and Jade do. Instead, you turn on a third burner (bottom right) and look around for a frying pan.
You were warned by Jade and Azul around the first week of your employment, Azul’s words far-off yet intimately close too: We tell all long-lasting staff but I ask that you heed this more than the others, Prefect. It is better to leave Floyd alone when he is in a bad mood.
Floyd is silent as he watches. His lilac vest and white button-up is wrinkled with his slouched posture. Tie still undone. No hat this time around. Sitting and slouching, he still comes up to about your elbow. On the stool’s footrest, he hooks his shoes on them, just glaring and glaring at you.
No matter, you think, retrieving slices of bread. I can deal with a childish glare. You start to lather up the slices with garlic Parmesan butter as the pan heats up gradually. But – you have to go to the refrigerator to retrieve two ingredients you do not have on hand.
Just as you go to ask your fellow line-cook to fetch those ingredients that you needed, a hand grabs your slacks. Mild surprise seasons your face as you look down. Burying itself into your black slacks is Floyd’s left hand.
“Why aren’t ya yellin’ at me?”
“Would you like me to?”
Floyd shows you all forty-two of his teeth in a disgusted grimace. Like the mere notion of you yelling at him leaves a bad taste in his mouth.
“Don’t ask for it then,” you scold lightheartedly before finally asking yet another favor of your co-worker. Floyd remains silent but keeps his hand attached to you.
You are baking something quick because you need Floyd’s spirits lifted before that student comes back with the mop. Heat kisses on the plain of your forearm skin as you put the bread slices on the pan. Dial up to eight, a perfect temperature for this little meal. When you get the other ingredients you need, you quickly assemble Floyd’s sandwich.
While you cook each side for four minutes, Floyd bounces his left leg in dismay. His eyes trace over your countertop surface where all your preparation lies but you make sure to keep his eyes away from the stove. His hand is content on your pant leg.
“Here,” you say, holding a sea-turtle green plate out to Floyd. You set it down on the countertop. He eyes it with disinterest yet stops slouching. Quickly turning off the third burner, you move the frying pan to the top right to cool off.
“Grilled cheese?”
“Oh, please, I would never make something so boring.”
Foyd’s eyes glow a bit when he is intrigued. Right now, his eyes are pricked with little firefly holes of light because of your words. That sentence motivates Floyd to pick it up.
Which you only really consider a success when he looks at you wide-eyed, chewing on his first bite. “Tis so goe.”
“Don’t talk with your mouth full. I can’t understand a word.”
“This is so good.”
Oh.
Why does your chest hurt right now?
“Damn Shrimpy, this is really something!” Floyd praises as he takes another bite, uncaring of the heat.
Oh your bittersweet organ pounds. Maybe – just maybe – because it is Floyd, that praise settles on you a little differently than previous praise. Not that you are unappreciative of those that eat your food. As Grim really thinks anything you make tastes great, as Ace or Deuce did not come from a lineage of highly sophisticated and picky taste-buds, Floyd’s praise is different. Floyd is not as easy to please as he seems. The glaring fact that your food has brought a smile to his face causes your heart to pound in an alternative rhythm that you have never felt before.
Before you can start thinking about that more, you explain what makes the grilled cheese so different: “It’s a combination of grilled cheese, pizza, and garlic bread. The pepperoni and garlic butter add a punch, while it really just looks like a normal grilled cheese. Figured you’d like it.”
He really does like it. It is evident as he takes a gigantic bite, listening to you explain your mixture of three types of bread-based foods combined into one. Stringy cheese connects from his lips to his food. It is a little distracting how fluidly he gathers up the flexible intestines of your grilled pepperoni sandwich. His tongue and teeth are inhuman after all.
Hell, should you turn down one of the burners? Why are you feeling so hot? You watch a slice of pepperoni disappear into Floyd’s chipmunk cheeks before he says:
“Shrimpy’s a real good cook.”
“Of course, it was why I was hired here. But … Thank you. That’s very nice to hear from you.”
“And ya made it especially for little me.”
“Hm?”
“Shrimpy cooked just for me.”
“Uuk –” Caught just like that. You were hoping he would somehow overlook it, either because of his bad mood or his admiration towards the food. Before you can open your mouth to embarrass yourself with pointless retorts, another calamity steals your attention.
You look towards the noise by the double doors, and before you lies the best sight you have ever seen at Night Raven College. Azul. Flat on his ass, having slipped because of where that student mopped. The octo-mer’s glasses are tilted and blue paints his cheeks. “HAHAHAHA!” You quickly slap a hand over your mouth so you do not join Floyd’s laughter. Though, your shoulders shake quite a bit.
It is also the best sight in Night Raven College because it allows you to procrastinate on the philosophy of how love, to you, is finding people to be in the kitchen with.
But, mostly, it is the best because it is Azul having slipped on his ass. “Hehehe.”
Eggs in a carton. That is what they look like. Eyes in a mask of skin. A twin set of eggs, turned sideways and unblemished. Staring up at you, those eggs remain open and bulge from the concave carton made of skin. One yolk is yellow and the other is a plain olive-rust.
There is a third part to your philosophies – the idea of Heaven that I see is a slice of you staring up at me. If love is an ingredient then the body full of love is a banquet hall.
A dish acts as his pillow. His locks are combed back with gravity, teal and black angel hair seasoning the meal. What you have on your plate is Floyd’s upside-down head which unblinkingly stares at you. He looks coherent. You are not sure if that makes it better or worse … because it means he can hear (along with you) the words Azul is saying:
“Unadon is just one of the many delicacies made from eel. The average chef knows about nine ways to prepare eel into different meals – braised or stewed or fried or grilled. Today, the Culinary Crucible asks that you prepare this catch with your heart as the writer of the recipe.”
And what awful words they are.
Timid, you look up at Azul while he walks the length of the room. He is dressed in his Culinary Crucible uniform; hair tucked behind his ear, cotton table cloth on his hip, sleeves of the double-breasted jacket rolled up to his elbows. He is reading off a clipboard. His glasses steal in the limited light, glowing like a kitchen knife, each motion of those lenses keen as a stab. Each step of his is perfumed with the scent of viscera.
It only makes sense because you are in the belly of the beast.
“Cooking eels is particularly challenging. Unlike other finfish, the skin needs to be removed as soon as the eel is dead due to the slippery consistency. On average, a chef invests a number of years into mastering and perfecting the craft of making a mouth-watering meal.”
Reddish-mauve muscle layers drape across the wall like curtains. Hardly noticeable but the walls shudder with digestion. Incurvate muscle layers are connected together by towering bone pillars. In the thinner layers, between this fusion of stomach and rib-cage, reddish-mauve turns a reddish-orange with light.
Food acts as the flooring. A runny egg yolk about the size of pillow nestles into a crimson tomato that is equal to the size of a beanbag chair. Juicy ribs decorate the floor like carpeting. Baguettes underfoot crunchy softly with each step Azul takes. You look down at what is holding yourself and your chair up.
Underneath your feet is a cucumber. Kaleidoscope-esque seeds are arranged in the shape of a sun. Foamy white-green has a moist caress on you, and, when you test it with your toes, white plasma froths up with the pressure.
“Harriet Van Horne was an American newspaper colonist with her career starting in 1940’s. In 1956, she wrote an article titled ‘Not for Jiffy Cooks’ and, in it, she wrote the following words: Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. Chefs. (Name). The Culinary Crucible asks that you enter with this love. Or never cook again. Please begin.”
Begin?
There is such a momentous weight before starting. Not limited to cooking, there is always a kind of second breath curled up in the first breath before one starts a new task. Breathing with more effort to steady yourself in your resolve.
The breath you take suctions in a perfume, aligned with the floral notes of sweetness found in sugar-peppered churros, sourness found in slobbering grapefruit, saltiness found in prickling flakes on fries, bitterness found in melting dark chocolate, and savoriness found in – you don’t know yet.
Cooking is like love, you reflect amorously. You maneuver with a careful approach, gently moving the plate closer to you. Keeping him upside down, you take the hook of his mandible between your thumb and index. Dentist-like, you open his mouth. Paralyzed with an active consciousness, Floyd’s tongue hangs in his mouth like a stillborn, pink mole rat.
It stretches. Stretching like taffy with cheesy elasticity, you tug it between your dull square enamels. Pulling inch by inch, you hold Floyd’s tongue with tongs made of teeth. When it disconnects from his buccal cavity with a wet, ripping sound – spuuuul-ck! – evangelical light burns from your mouth to your retinas.
My – My bedroom. I’m in my bedroom. Gently, your teeth move off the object you were biting down in a violent grip. Salvia soaken into your pillowcase, you let out a quiet groan. You fall back down on the pillow, finding a dry patch to rest your cheek on, having just woken up.
Not good … Not fucking good at all.
That stupid eel; will you ever get a goodnight sleep again because of him … him and stupid sweet laughter, sour eyes, salty lips, bitter touch, and savory kiss. Kiss? Kiss! You blink and reel yourself from the image your brain was starting to paint.
“No way,” you breathe flustered. “I don’t want to kiss Floyd.” You hold that thought on your tongue like a cough drop. The flavor seeps in and – “Fuck, I want to kiss Floyd.”
Grim, who sleeps belly-up, gives a little kick next to the cradle your left thigh has on him. Quieting down, you think of a conversation you and Floyd had about a month ago. You still need to answer that question – “You know I can never wrap my head around that nickname. I get why Grim’s a seal because he’s shaped similarly. I don’t get mine. Eels eat shrimp or something?” / “ – Or something.” / “That’s vague.” / “What? Ya want me to eat ya, Shrimpy?”
With determination, you reach over your pillow to your bedside table. Hand locked on the phone, your first sight of the morning is a tiny Grim blooming alive on the screen. You coo at the picture of Grim sleeping, tail tucked closed to his body and eyes drawn shut. Cutie, you think, sliding up the screen.
Now back to being a soldier on a mission, you click on Safari and type away. Eels and shrimps. You click search. Not wanting a long hunt, you hit the first website. MORAY EEL and CLEANER SHRIMP writes itself out on a blue webpage. Relief fills you to find the article is only two paragraphs worth of reading.
Okay, Floyd. Time to see what is so embarrassing about a tiny nickname. There is no comprehensible way that his embarrassment could possibly tip your own embarrassment off the scales. Two dreams intimately cannibalistic is much harder to admit than the reason for a silly nickname.
The two paragraphs read:
“There are approximately 200 species of Moray Eel, most of which are exclusively marine although a small number inhabit brackish water and fresh water. Its eyes are small and vision limited, so the eel relies on a sophisticated sense of smell to detect prey, which consists primarily of cephalopods and crustacea. They possess one long dorsal fin that extends from the neck to the anal fin, allowing smooth propulsion through the water. Snake-like in appearance, with wide mouths full of misshapen teeth, the Moray Eel looks ferocious but is in fact a shy, mostly solitary creature living most of its life in burrows and caves.”
Shy? You scoff at the very idea of it. Continuing on, you read the second paragraph.
“For some species, the only regular companions are cleaner shrimp, which live in a symbiotic relationship with the eel. The shrimp congregate in teams called a ‘cleaning station’ and move across the whole body of the eel – including inside the mouth – removing parasites and dead skin, which is their food. This cleaning ensures good health for the eel, so both species benefit.”
Your hands clap over your face as if the pressure can push down the geysering flush that is overriding your skin and hide away all these emotions.
“(Name), could you retrieve something from the walk-in freezer for me?”
It has been a torturous week. Being co-workers with someone you have developed a crush on; you imagine creating a big X with your arms, you do not recommend it. It is such a delicate tight-rope walk across a boiling pot of scalding water.
Even while working without him as a constant leech, he remains there.
On your body and inside your body. Inside your body, it is how he infects your thoughts. On your body though is a bracelet made of teeth (beastman, merman, fae, and human). Floyd made it for in Art; even took the red string and tied it himself around your wrist. (“I don’t have any stuff for an earring so I hadda improvise. I think humans wear shark necklaces sometimes; bracelets are like necklaces for the wrists!”) There might just casually be a tooth from each of the seven dorms on your wrist. You are currently stirring scallops around in an oiled skillet, watching a golden crust form on them and admiring your recently made jewelry.
Floyd’s very odd, you think as you look up from your station. To see who needs you to retrieve something from the walk-in freezer. A pair of heterochromic eyes size you up. “What do you need me to get,” you ask. “I can’t really leave these to burn.”
“It will only be a matter of seconds. Turn the temperature down a bit.”
Lawfully, you decide not to argue against it. Jade is just one ring lower from being your boss. The blue flame lowers slowly. You walk away from the oven, keeping your apron on, and follow after Jade.
“Thank you. I cannot quite carry it all myself.”
“No problem. What are we grabbing?”
“A shipment of veal and fresh beef. Two boxes each.”
You nod your agreement to help. When you two come up upon the steel door, Jade takes the handle in his gloved hand and pulls towards himself to remove it from the first locking mechanism. Cold rushes towards you with a bear-hug-esque strength. You give one hard shiver before falling still. Jade almost seems to smile in the face of frosty air, lips quirked up.
“By the way, have you seen Floyd today? He’s always around on the weekends but I haven’t seen him enter the kitchen yet.”
“Still interested in his day to day?”
“You know what, forget I said anything,” you say, stepping in front of Jade. Like a deflating flower, your toothpick lowers to the ground in disappointment. “I’m sure I’ll see him later.”
“Who knows it might be earlier than expected.”
“Huh?”
Then, Jade gives you a shove hard enough to send you sprawled on the floor inside the walk-in freezer. You almost end up puncturing a hole in your cheek with your toothpick. That bastard!
The thing about freezers is a majority of them have plastic sheeting between the steel door and the inside to keep the temperature below zero. Long, seven inches wide stripes of plastic hang like party streamers from the entrance. Coated in ice, it is extremely difficult to see through, whether in or out.
Which is why you do not notice until you are inside the freezer that Floyd is there too. He looks at you down on your hands and knees, confusion a mere flicker until a flame of rage consumes it. Standing up, Floyd rushes past you. At the hanging plastic and entrance, he screams.
“Jade – you fucking bas – !”
“The human body takes four to six hours to succumb to hypothermia in zero degree weather. So, take however long you need.” And though the difference is not too noticeable, the room grows a bit dimmer. The very noticeable part is the sound of the lock clicking in place.
“Jade!” A fist flies through the icy plastic, banging loud against steel. “Jade, I’m gonna strangle you when I’m out! I’m gonna break your fuckin’ terrariums!” You think you just saw the steel door dent with the force of Floyd’s kick.
A pregnant moment of silence settles between you two. Floyd refuses to turn around. After a few more threats and punches to the door, he still remains spine facing you.
By now, you have picked yourself from the ground, hugging yourself. All you are wearing is a thin unbutton, apron, slacks, and a thin tank top. Your shoes and Octavinelle hat might keep some heat circulating. Four to six hours? That is too generous for what you are wearing; Jade probably got that statistic about people wearing winter gear.
When another shiver races down your vertebrates and Floyd still has not moved, you quietly poke, “Um, Floyd. Do you know what’s up with Jade?”
“Ugh, I told him I had this handled.”
“What handled?”
It seems you were not supposed to hear that because Floyd finally turns around. Droopy eyes give you a fleeting, disinterested once over. Besides his usual fidgeting, he appears unbothered by the cold. Spinning around with a sigh, Floyd aims at his vitriol at you with a glare.
When he stalks toward you like a predator, you straighten up. While not entirely experienced in fights, you are not going to be the squeeze-toy thrown to an angry mongrel to be torn apart until stuffing flies like snow. The fist you were preparing loosens when Floyd simply reclaims his spot on the ground, leaning against the opposite wall. Huh?
“I’mma go to sleep. Wake me up when Jade opens the door.”
Huh!
“Wait, but can’t you get us out with magic?”
“Jade used that spell again; needs two mages to unlock it.”
A curse sizzles under your breath. It grows into a mushroom cloud of air in front of your face, crystalizing. Fuck, it is like a miniature Antartica. Not wanting to display any weakness, you only rub your hand up your left arm instead of rubbing both like you desperately want to. “Well, there’s got to be a reason why. Revenge for slacking off?”
Floyd does not answer you. He just sits with his legs pulled up and chin resting on his knees. “Look, I gotta get out of here. I’ll freeze to death.” At that his eyes grow a bit more alive, flickering up to you. A weak half-smile is aimed at you.
“Well, I don’t want a popsicle Shrimpy.”
“So, you can get the door open? Oh, that’s a relief!”
Turns out Floyd cannot get the door open because all he does is start stripping. HUH! Floyd might be a little too late in stopping you from turning into a popsicle; you remain frozen solid, openly leering with questions. You only unthaw when you see it is just his Octavinelle jacket and scarf he is taking off. Those two items he offers you in an outstretched hold.
“I thought you could get us out of here,” you mourn with a whine.
“Unless you gain magic, I can’t. Here, it’s not going bite –”
You barely let Floyd get out another word before you are throwing on his jacket and mummifying yourself with his scarf. Screw humility, you bet half your salary that this freezer dips into the negatives at times. Oversized, his jacket falls at the midpoint of your thighs. You squeeze yourself in an imaginary embrace, trying to bottle up all your warmth and –
“Why are you holding your hand out still?”
“I don’t really mind the cold. You’re gonna start shiverin’. You should sit.”
“I’m fine.” Your toothpick flies up and down in your mouth, moving to the beat of your full body shivers. “I’ll still be able to move when Jade unlocks the door.”
“C’mon Shrimpy.”
“I’m not going to cuddle up with you for warmth.”
“It’s not cuddlin’, it’s squeezin’.”
“Same thing.”
“Nuh uh.”
“Yuh uh.”
“Nuh uh.”
“Yuh uh!”
“Nuh uh!”
You end up letting Floyd squeeze you to keep you warm; it is not cuddling.
Sitting between his long legs, accepting his arms which wrap around your waist, letting him rest his sleepy head on your shoulder as the black strand tickles your cheek. It is not cuddling because he holds you with cement arms instead of in soft amatory. Despite that, it is helping with fending off hypothermia.
Floyd’s hands are flushed pink, almost frostbitten. When you look down at where his embrace locks, you see the crimson flesh of his phalanges and your own hands ache from just looking at them. Your hands are tucked in Floyd’s jacket sleeves. Only equipped with a button-up now, there isn’t much to keep him protected from the frigid ventilation.
“Pu-Put your hands under my jacket.” You break a silence that has been stretching on seemingly infinitely. Snotty slugs run down your nose and you sniff them back into their home. “You’re going to lose a finger.”
“I’m fiiine,” Floyd mumbles into your shoulder. He has been drifting in and out of sleep for, well, you do not know how long truthfully. He seems to be stewing deep in thought.
It takes only a minute (you counted in your head) to get him to put his hands under your tank-top and all the layers above it. They feel unnaturally hot against your skin. Moderate frostbite. You thank him for listening then go back to counting the number of boxes in the room for a third time.
“There’s got to be some kind of loose screw or like weak area in the magic, right?”
Frustrated, you pat the steel door, nudging the plastic out of your way with your shoulders. After whittling down so many toothpicks, you start to grow fidgety. You need to go outside and take a smoke break; hell, you would forgo the cigarette just to get a breath of fresh air.
Claustrophobia settling in, you press your frostbitten fingers over the seam of the metal door and wall. Maybe you can use something to push the lock open. “Maybe I can knock something into this spot and unlock the door.”
“Jadio sealed it up with magic. It ain’t gonna open.”
“If you’re not gonna help, zip it.”
“You talked to me first.”
“That’s it! Quiet game starting now!”
You lie on Floyd’s side, sharing his jacket like a blanket, when you murmur, “Floyd, I’m sorry about earlier.”
“... Ya lose the quiet game, Shrimpy.”
“Hehe, damn, you’re right.” You two watch your laughter float up in clouds of cold air.
It takes until Floyd gets the start of deep frostbite and you get the start of superficial frostbite when he admits softly, “I think I know something that might work.”
You look up with shiny eyes. Growing really frustrated, unshed tears have started to cling to your eyelashes. Not that they would really vanish if you ended up crying. The image of tears freezing on your face is much more appropriate.
Poking your mouth out of Floyd’s scarf like a timid turtle, you ask, “What were you thinking?”
“I was thinkin’ –” Floyd trails off, oddly shy. He is already flushed from the chill but you watch crimson spread like an infection. He will not look at you.
His red expression reminds you of the time you took a toothpick to pick food out his teeth … wait, a minute: The shrimp congregate in teams called a ‘cleaning station’ and move across the whole body of the eel – including inside the mouth – removing parasites and dead skin. Now you two definitely match on levels of blushing.
Why do I think of that now; you startle when Floyd’s eyes narrow down at you.
He drinks in each atom and molecule of you with his eyes. Snotty nose, flushed face, shivering tremors all ingredients used to make the messy image that is you at this very moment. Floyd could not ask for a better sight. A little apprehensive at his intense staring, you hide your chin in his lilac scarf. He looks like he wants to take a bite of you –
“Shrimpy, I love you.”
“...
“Huh?”
“You don’t needa say it back or anything.
“Just,” Floyd then pronounces his next words like someone speaking to customer service, making sure each syllable is clear. “Shrimpy. I. Love. You.” Your face creases at his odd tone until you hear it – the click of the steel door being unlocked. Your eyes widen in shock. “There we go,” Floyd says, reaching one hand through the plastic hangers to push open the entrance.
“Ya can just forget this – mmh!”
Reviewing and backtracking, a stomach and intestines is viscera and viscera is a stomach and intestines. Each organ of your own viscera is working itself into this violent kiss. Churning and ruminating like lustful waves. You have to digest each part of Floyd Leech in this kiss or you will starve.
This has marinated long enough.
It is even better than your dreams.
When you take his tongue in your mouth, each nerve on your tongue flares up in a sweet vibration. Warmth melts through your bones as you grasp at Floyd’s hair and he pulls you up by your waist. He is a bit inexperienced but he is surely reacting positively to it.
This savory flavor is unlike anything you have ever tasted. Tagging and twisting tongues, you two devour each other like you are each other’s three star michelin feast. With harsh bites, you two switch flavor profiles with which area that is explored.
Like an inmate on death row, you take care and time with making sure each lick and bite is savored. Peppermint and meat. A laugh huffs into Floyd’s mouth, you were not expecting such a weird combination.
You two break apart momentarily, panting breaths beating out in tiny clouds against the cold. Sharing a moment where you both just want to stare at each other. His olive-brown and gold eyes are like heavenly light. There are sand-flickers of a dozen different hues in each one, all shades deliquescing together to make them glow slightly. He has such a tender look in them.
Five seconds is far too long to pause kissing; you and Floyd both agree, throwing yourself back at each other.
Each part that Floyd touches on you ignites with a hellish fire. Not even the negative temperatures of the freezer can subdue such a flaming sensation. He cradles your organ and skeletal system with such care, moving kidney to lung to lymph nodes, moving ilium to scapula to xiphoid process. Every part of you worshiped.
You are never going to come up for air. You both have waited far too long for this.
I’m gonna fucking bite his lips off, you think with untamed carnivorous desire. It seems Floyd agrees to the sentiment. Because he eagerly follows when you move him by a handful of his hair on the right side, black and teal threading through fierce fingers.
“Aah,” Floyd gasps when you pull.
“Mmmm,” you moan when Floyd squeezes.
“Ah,” Jade squeaks surprised.
You pull away first, head snapping towards the open door. Iron hot warmth burns your lips. You look at Floyd’s twin with horror when you realize you definitely have salvia coated generously on your lips. Mourning that it is not blood on your tongue, you listen as Jade says, “I felt the spell break, but it looks like I made an ill-thought-out decision to check. My apologies; please continue.”
But you cannot because – “my fucking scallops, Jade! If those are burnt, I’m going to break your terrariums!”
“My, what flaming anger. Perhaps another hour in the freezer.”
Both you and Floyd run at Jade just as he unclips his magic pen.
This should not be that big of a deal.
You have done this a hundred times over and will continue to do it a hundred times over. So there is absolutely no rational reason for your hands to be shaking on this avalanche level intensity. Still – looking down at them, clutched around a tiny red coffin – there your hands are … at the end of your wrists … shaking.
There is still time to dispose of the evidence. On both hands you can count the number of people who would be more than grateful to receive this little tomb. Two of them happened to have beast features on the top of their heads, and one of the two already expressed interest in it.
(“How does this smell?”
“Shishishi, smells delicious. I didn’t know today was payday.”
“Wait! Aaah, don’t touch it please – this isn’t payment.”
“Hm,” confusion knits Ruggie’s face. “Then why bother asking?”
You cannot meet his eyes at that moment. Shuffling shoes suddenly seem more interesting as you murmur sheepishly under your breath. “It’s a little embarrassing.” Unable to elaborate further, you open up the red box. Aroma and warmth swims through the air. Ruggie’s eyes widen as he takes in the sight.
“Oh. I get it now.”
You ruminate at that moment, vomiting out all your insecurities. You barely even stop between each word. All of it pulled from you by an imaginary fish hook: “It’s so embarrassing; I’m going to throw it out!!”
“Don’t you dare.” Ruggie yells as you rush off to find a trash-can.) Eventually, Ruggie did manage to convince you to keep it in a very cop-talks-down-a-suicide-jumper with the cop being him and the suicide jumper, the bento box.
Floyd will – backtrack, Floyd is going to laugh at it. You are just stuck on predicting if his high-pitched laughter will be mocking or amused. Perhaps, his dominant hand will come to rest on his right shoulder, miffed beyond sensibility. The bento contains a mini-hot-dog-faced bear sleeping under a blanket of rice, dyed to look like a watermelon, with dreams of corn, cucumbers, and meat floating above his head. Is that amusing or aggravating?
Waking up so early in the morning to make another lunch on top of the ones prepared for yourself and Grim … what illness have you caught, fever turning your hands into fretful shaking limbs … what happens if he hates the bear and would prefer a bunny or panda … you even stressed over picking an aquatic themed bento, but decided it against it because it was too on-the-nose for your tastes.
If a heart is made of meaty worries and anxieties, you put your heart into this meal. Head down, roaming Night Raven’s halls, you blush hard at the thought.
Things have been escalating fast between you two. Floyd’s shyness melted away when you two stumbled out of the walk-in freezer. His body and blood eagerly reveal his own matching hunger. You still remember last night kneading dough at Ramshackle, him nestling you from behind and pressing more and more kisses to your pulse point. Both of you devour each other in lip to lip kisses.
Love, an ingredient in the kitchen.
By the time you have arrived at your destination, your face has thankfully cooled down. There he stands. He is caught up in a conversation with Jade as Azul patiently waits off to the side. I shouldn’t interrupt them, you think and gladly grab onto that detour. If you turn down the left hallway, you can avoid this and pass Ruggie’s D period class. This vulnerability is worse than the vulnerability of being magicless. I should go. They seem busy –
“Shrimpy!” Your heart knocks hard on the muscles of your throat at that nickname. How does he always know when you are around?
Closing the gap, refusing to make eye-contact. You can feel the casual observation of Azul and Jade on you as you display what is in your hands. Stop shaking, you big baby, you scold yourself. “Floyd. This is – um –.”
“Is that for me? Aw, does Shrimpy like me or something? That’s cute — a little shrimp with a little crush.”
You finally look up. An amused, mismatched pair of eyes squint impishly at you. Miles of intestines give a teapot boiling over sound in rage. Okay, two can play at that:
“Jade. How nice to see you! I happened to make extra for my own lunch; I noticed your habit of eating more than one meal at lunch and thought you would enjoy this.”
“My, what a gracious offer. Thank you, (Name). I will be sure to savor every bite.”
What you are offering to Jade is suddenly swiped: “HEY, THAT’S MINE!”
Your lips quirk up, expecting that. His next move you are much less prepared for. Halfhazardlessly, he flips open the box as if to check that Jade has not eaten anything from the tomb. All of his energy drips out of him, bloodletting-esque. He almost appears paler.
His only response is a slow blink directed at you.
“You don’t have to eat it. Grim or Ruggie will – And! And I get it! It’s pretty embarrassing. I totally get –” Your word vomit is swallowed by a pair of lips.
Floyd does not even give you a chance to reciprocate, pulling away with laughter on his tongue. Not mocking or amused. Lovey-dovey laughter.
Love has such a wonderful flavor. Right there, in the belly of the beast.
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Mercury 🌬. Your Love Language 🖤. How Do You Flirt 🙈🙊?
TO MY KOSMIC BADDIES & SPACE KADETS 🚀 !!!!
Hello to all the Kosmic Baddies & Space Kadets! I have missed y’all SO friggin much…you have ZERO idea! (Just FYI: I have Ketu in the 10H— Rahu in the 4H…if y’know, y’know…lol. Consistency will NEVER be my strong suit.) But I am SO happy to be back. I hope you enjoy this post. As usual, shoutout to my sister— she encouraged me to get back on the horse! And THANK YOU to all the people who have subscribed to my page. It has been really moving to see all of you that have interacted & sent such positive feedback. I appreciate you more than you could ever know! I’m in the process of growing, and I want you all to know here & now, you are some of my DAY ONES, so be excited for ALL of the things I have in store for you! If you don’t already, please consider following me on my other social media.
✨Instagram: @thepradapariah
@thewiiikedwitchofthewest
✨YouTube: Kosmostrology
I would love to have you be a part of an already active & engaging community!
✨INTRODUCTION:
ANYWAYS, I wanted to start off with something fun & light! As we officially move into Spooky Season— I couldn’t think of a better time to sharpen the witchy sexiness within us all. We will be looking at the Mercury placement in your natal chart & how it influences your flirtation style, while also exploring the pros/cons of each. It’s IMPORTANT to note, that Mercury is neutral & so other placements matter with how this can manifest in your life. Are you more aggressive & upfront? Or are you a hopeless romantic, imagining your lover rather than speaking to them…hoping they will notice you through telepathic signals?…WE SHALL SEE!!!
Love Languages are very important for a deeper understanding of how you receive & give love. This is NOT a definitive list, by any means, but I wanted to use the Zodiac to highlight different love languages that you MAY resonate with. This post will hopefully be a tool for you on your journey of self-discovery though dating! And this could be a good place to start OR a fresh perspective on stale dating situations.
✨Definitions:
Mercury:
Mercury, known as Budh in Vedic astrology, is the prince of planets and governs your abilities of speech, reasoning, and communication, as well as your digestive system, nervous system, and skin. It’s a neutral planet whose effects on your life depend on the alignment of the other planets in your horoscope [wikihow]
Flirting:
(to) behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions. [Oxford Language]
Love Language:
Our "love language" describes how we [give]/receive love from others.
They are:
Words of Affirmation - Saying supportive things to your partner
Acts of Service - Doing helpful things for your partner
Receiving Gifts - Giving your partner gifts that tell them you were thinking about them
Quality Time - Spending meaningful time with your partner
Physical Touch - Being close to and caressed by your partner
Each of us differs in the ways that we receive love. By learning to give love in the ways that our partner can best receive it, and by asking our partner to give us love in the ways that we can receive it, we can create stronger relationships.
[psychologytoday.com]
✨HOW TO READ:
You can read for your Zodiac Sign & House Placement!
— In this case, one might resonate more than the other! So I encourage you read for both placements!
If you’re feeling a little frisky, you can also read for your Venus placement because we are talking about “love”/relationships/dating
🌹ON WITH THE SHOW:
🌬Mercury in Aries/First House
Tarot Card: Page of Wands
If you have Mercury in Aries/1H, then you are a “get it how you live it” type b*tch! When it comes to flirting, shy is NOT the first word that comes to mind. You like to be upfront with your partners & can’t stand someone who beats around the bush. You ARE the bush. A burning bush…to be exact. (S/o to you if you get the reference.) You are a playful lover & have an optimistic & sometimes naive approach to dating— this can make you a very childlike flirt. Being ruled by Mars, you are extremely reactionary. You are the definition of picking up what someone else is putting down— As you get older, you will grow into initiating more, but you will ALWAYS be down for a fun, banter with someone you are interested in.
You may be the type of lover to start verbal arguments, just to spice things up a little bit. If you find yourself getting bored with a potential mate…well…they might as well kiss you goodbye & keep it pushing because you won’t stick around long for someone not willing to entertain your more youthful whims. If you have Mercury in the 1H in particular, you may flirt by telling a beaux about your accomplishments and lead with your competitive spirit. You may be attracted to people you meet at the gym— something about seeing someone all sweaty & fit can really turn you on.
The Pros/Cons of this placement is you LOVE the thrill of the chase. When someone has sparked your interest romantically, you will desire to be in constant communication with them. As I stated earlier, you are not shy. You don’t mind sending 2/3 text in a row if they don’t respond back quick enough. This can be enduring to the right partner, demonstrating loyalty & engagement, but to others, you may come off as “too much”. Don’t worry about it!!!! If you are “too much” for them, then by default, they are “not enough” for you. Just be mindful that not everyone has the speed that you possess when it comes to going after what you want. You will do well with a fellow Mercury in Fire Placement or Air placement. I suggest you stay away from Earth & Water sign Mercury until you learn patience within your own self— & that can be a lifelong journey. Your mind is very goal oriented, but also very short-sighted at times. Learn to balance it if you want to be in a long-lasting relationship. Everything can’t always move at your time.
Now, as much as you love the chase, you may not love the stability of “winning” as much. After you win the number one spot, you may want to mooooovvveeee on to the next cute thing that crosses your path. This can lead to attracting & entertaining truly unavailable partners. Because this is just a flirty post, it’s important to highlight that you are a MAJOR MAJOR MAAAJJOORRR flirt, but not necessarily because you are seeking a permeant relationship. This can manifest one of two ways (mostly), you can either fall head over heels with someone very quickly & then lose the passion for them just as quickly OR you never take relationships seriously to began with & you just enjoy catching a spark & getting a rise out of someone— (sometimes) a mixture of both. Either way, you are a flirt to your core & you love a little competition when it comes to your dating life with your partners. You love a good break-up to make-up type relationship, particularly in your youth, but you’re flirty power truly shines for letting people know what you want/expect quickly. You are not about wasting anytime!
🖤Love Language: Words of Affirmation
“Words of affirmation are words that communicate your love, appreciation, and respect for another person. They're positive words and phrases used to uplift someone. What's more, these compliments and words of encouragement don't have to be said directly to the person.” - verywellmind.com
🎶Song- Maneater by Nelly Furtado
“You either wanna be with me or be me (Come on, now)
Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard, make you want all her love…
Make you cut cards, make you fall real hard in love”
🌬Mercury in Taurus/Second House
Tarot Card: King of Pentacles
If you have Mercury in Taurus/2H, your flirtation style is quite subtle. You possess an elegance in your speech, that most would envy. You also constantly have beauty, luxury & pleasure on the mind, so you lead with your senses. You may have a beautiful & sultry speaking voice, you may carry scent very well, & you CERTAINLY know how to set the vibe with great music, food & wine. Why? Because you ARE the vibe. Opposed to your Aries predecessor, you believe that slow & steady wins the race. You are a flirt simply because people are always trying to flirt with you! When someone approaches you, they may lead with “where did you get that shirt?” Or, “What perfume are you wearing”, just to get your attention. And the answer probably will be “you can’t afford it”. (Just kidding. Lol, you may know how to ball on a budget, but you tend to have expensive/exquisite taste.) You set the tone for some of the most sensual lovers.
Because you are so tuned in to your senses when it comes to dating, you take your time getting to know your partners before you spoil them with the full effect. You are a flirt who loves more of a slow burn & passion that builds overtime. You don’t mind taking things slowly, as long as you know the time is worth your investment.
The Pro/Con of this Mercury placement, is you believe in brutal honesty. This is a blessing & a curse. On one hand, your love interest never has to worry about where they stand with you or how you’re feeling. You have no problem opening up (after a while) to speak your mind clearly. And open communication is KEY to successful relationships. So this is a big big big ole plus. But…on the OTHER hand…you can be so caught up in your own truth, you may forget to actually listen to &/or consider your partner’s truth as well. BE CAREFUL. Taurus is a fixed energy, but fixed doesn’t always mean right…even if you’re right a lot. In the beginning dating phases, you may be too cutting with your words & turn parters off. This isn’t inherently a bad thing, but just be mindful that there is an art to honesty & it doesn’t always require brutality. You can soften your tone from time to time— sometimes the truth is overrated. (Now, full disclosure: I aaammm a Mercury in the 8H native, soooooo….I do admit that I’m the opposite & a bit biased, but there is balance to everything! I believe in a “need to know basis” type communication style.)
Once you are in a more grounded dating routine, you are a loyal, stable, giving, kind & a disciplined flirt. You will be far more consistent w your lovers when communicating— keeping an open dialogue when you move past some stubbornness. You appreciate a lover who is well-kept for. You’ll dish out the compliments to a well groomed, articulate & financially savvy partner, but your REAL flirt style lies in the way you touch. You will most likely communicate to your partners through cuddling & quality time. You will cook for people you care about, enticing them with all the goods in the world. You are more comfortable displaying affection through a soft touch or a simple kiss on the forehand. You love your partners to feel present in the moment, enjoying being alive & indulging in the sensual pleasures that life has to bring. YOU are a flirtation connoisseur!
🖤Love Language: Physical Touch
“If your love language is physical touch, then that means you prefer physical expressions of love over all other expressions (such as verbal compliments or gifts). Note that physical touch as a love language is not all about sex, although sex can be an important aspect of a romantic relationship.” -verywellmind.com
🎶Song: Satisfaction by Benny Benassi, The Biz
“Push Me
And then just touch me
Till I can get my
Satisfaction…”
🌬Mercury in the Gemini/Third House
Tarot Card: Queen of Swords
If you have Mercury in Gemini/3H you were BLESSED with the gift of gab. You are quick witted, light hearted & know how to entertain a person of interest with your sharp intellect. Because you are the most curious of the Zodiac, your flirt style involves asking A LOT of questions. You may find that as you’re getting to know people, you learn a heck of a lot about them & they know close to NOTHING about you. You could be SO good at being elusive, lovers may not even catch your name! There is a certain mystique that comes from this energy because you are the ultimate shape-shifter. It’s giving very Taylor Swift, “Find out what you want, be that girl for a month” energy with a fun & enthusiastic twist! When you flirt, people are enthralled by your knowledge. You know a little about a lot & can make yourself seem like an expert. You keep up with current events, gossip— basically anything that peaks your interest, & this makes you a one of a kind type person, not limited by close-mindedness & simplicity. In fact, some people could find you really difficult to keep up with. When it comes to small talk you are the best of the best.
The Pros/Cons of this placement is your mind is constantly racing. People who are interested in you/you are interested in may not realize just how deep into logic you fall at the prospect of a new relationship. Although you appear fluid & unfazed by casual dating & could be really good at it, you either desire something deeper bc of other placements in your chart, OR the idea of commitment really scares you. You let your imagination run wild very quickly & have a difficult time grounding serious energy. Again, this is a blessing & a curse. You’re able to navigate the dating world really well because you don’t take it too seriously, HOWEVER when it comes to making a deeper commitment you could take it FAR TOO seriously or not seriously enough. This can be confusing for your lovers because they never quite understand where they stand with you. Sometimes you’re all in & sometimes you’re all out. It would take a special person that would be interested in getting to know you past the shallow surface level that could truly peak your interest. You of all signs are able to hide behind banter, although you have a deeply curious & possibly oversaturated mind when it comes to getting to know someone. Regardless of how you flutter into people’s lives, they are always awe struck in your presence & feel a void when you leave. It really is a super power.
You are an amazing flirt! You get an A++ on the flirt test! Just be mindful that when you want something more serious & to explore truths in deep relationships, you will have to stop shape-shifting & be your authentic self—whoever that is. You have to truly let people in to your brain because people won’t naturally be able to keep up with how quickly you move. You could meet someone, imagine your life together and then “ooooo squirrel” & never think about that person again. Don’t hide behind your gift of being able to steer conversation— make an effort to have deep and meaningful conversations & you’ll be surprised how much people adore your natural, flighty & curious selves. I would stay away from Water Mercury placements more than anything. It’s not impossible, but because they operate from a more empathetic space, you would REALLY have to work on your communication because you may appear to cold & distant even if that isn’t your intention. It’s a catch 22 to have Mercury in a Mercury ruled sign because Mercury isn’t the most sexual of planets. You intellectualize relationships & could definitely find yourself on the Sapiosexual spectrum: meaning “Sapiosexuality is a type of sexuality that involves being more attracted by the contents of a person's mind than by the appearance of their body. In order to feel sexually attracted to another person, a sapiosexual person must first feel intellectually stimulated” according to verywellmind.com. You may not grasp the depth of others emotions because you feel flirting & dating is more of a mind game at times. Just be aware & have fun! Use your gifts wisely!
🖤Love Language: Words of Affirmation
“Words of affirmation are words that communicate your love, appreciation, and respect for another person. They're positive words and phrases used to uplift someone. What's more, these compliments and words of encouragement don't have to be said directly to the person.” - verywellmind.com
🎶Song: Thinkin Bout You by Frank Ocean
“I'm thinking 'bout you (Ooh no, no, no)
I've been thinking 'bout you (You know, know, know)
I've been thinking 'bout you
Do you think about me still? Do ya, do ya?
Or do you not think so far ahead
Cause I been thinking bout forever, ooh”
🌬Mercury in Cancer/Fourth House
Tarot Card: Page of Cups
If you have Mercury in Cancer/4H, your flirtation style is sweet & wholesome. You may be VERY VERY VERY VEEERRRYYYY shy when it comes to expressing your emotions because you can be caught trying to rationalize your emotions logically which is inherently a trap door. You may not even consider yourself much of a flirt like your Gemini predecessors. Of all placements, Mercury in Cancer is one that may be most likely to be a demisexual; meaning “Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they've developed a close emotional bond with them,” according to clevelandclinic.org. (You may or may not resonate with that label, it’s okay!!! I am not trying to define who you are & how you love. I’m just offering an outside perspective! Take it or leave it! Love you either way :)) Even if you are a flirtatious person, who is comfortable meeting people & having light hearted conversations, depending on other placements in your chart, you are most moved by relationships that make you feel comfortable enough to truly express how you’re feeling— even if you don’t know how to put those feelings into words just yet! There is a natural loving quality that you have within your speech. You love nurturing those you care about & would make sure that their basic needs are taken care of if you are truly interested in them. You’ll want to know if they ate, how their day went & if they need anything from you when they get home. This is the true power of empathy this Mercury placement can posses. It is truly enduring to the right person of interest!
The Pros/Cons of this placement is you are so deeply in tune with your own emotions, you can make the poor assumption that those around you can read your mind about how you’re feeling. TRUTH BOMB!!!! They absolutely can’t. In fact, I would suggest that you partner with a fellow Mercury in Water sign because there can be SOME telepathy (still not mind readers though), particularly Mercury in Scorpio/8H OR Mercury in Earth placement because they MAY have more patience when it comes to your communication style. You may be the type to burst into tears before you even start talking because you are so overwhelmed with emotions. THIS IS NOT INHERENTLY A BAD THING! This is just something to beware of and I suggest you channel this energy into something creative! For instance, instead of crying about how your lover didn’t notice that you cut your hair…write a song about it! This can be a highly creative placement as long as you’re able to express what you’re feeling in a constructive manner. You’re empathetic nature is a wonderful gift to give to the world, but most importantly to your partners! They will appreciate the care & consideration you give to them during the courting phases of a new relationship!
When you are able to balance your own emotions with understanding your partners communication style as well, you can have one of the deeper level connections— hence why flirting may work for or against you. If you are a flirt flirt FLIRT, you could be hiding behind your deeper emotions, not wanting to let anyone take advantage of your kindness…but on the other hand, if you prefer to stay in your shell, you should put yourself out there enough to meet someone who fulfills your needs for companionship— someone who cares about you the same way you care about them. Try not to be emotionally manipulative when it comes to dating either. You could fall into the trap of flirting by playing the damsel in distress role. Again, not always a bad thing (some placements play too tough & that’s not great either, there is always a balance) but when it comes to developing true & authentic connections, the victim/savior dynamic can only take you but so far & ultimately leave you feeling more abandoned than loved in the end. Lead with you caring side & you will find the partner who understands your need to be emotionally understood!
🖤Love Language: Quality Time
“People who speak the love language of quality time want to be the object of their lover's undivided attention. They want to feel cherished and prioritized, and rather than receiving gifts, words, acts, or touch, they prefer to simply spend meaningful time together.” — blinkist.com
🎶Song: Loveeeee Song by Rihanna ft. Future
“Boy, lately you've been stingy with your time
Got me wondering, I'm wondering if I'm on your mind
Boy, I just wanna be in your possession
You say I'm the one you want, so come express it…
I don't wanna give you the wrong impression
I need love and affection
And I hope I'm not sounding too desperate
I need love and affection”
🌬Mercury in Leo/Fifth House
Tarot Card: King of Wands
If you have Mercury in Leo/5H, your flirtation style is bold & in your face. You KNOW your worth & you get off on letting people know you know it! You know how to make an entrance & people are naturally entranced by your regal & authoritative nature. People of interest may find it hard to approach you because you seem so out of their league. It’s only natural that you get put on a pedal stool. You care a lot about your appearance & how you come off to others. You don’t like to be outshines when it comes to flirting, so you may be drawn to individuals who are well liked or already in relationships. Why? Not because you’re a home-wrecker, but because you may prefer some competition. You carry yourself in such a way, you are hard to miss. When you speak, people listen. You may also be HIGHLY creative, so your need for expression can draw in an audience that is amazed by your talent & beauty. Being ruled by the Sun, you really know how to light up a room.
There is an aura about you that screams “don’t talk to me, unless you can buy me a diamond ring”. You may or not be materialistic, of course this depends on other placements in your chart, but you do come off that way regardless. You only want the best of what the world has to offer— the best food, the best friends & the best lovers! You can be quite selective about who you chose to flirt with because you are naturally an extremely loyal person. You want to make sure that you are aligning yourself with the best, the brightest & the most beautiful. You are the definition of having standards when it comes to dating! And that’s an amazing gift.
The Pros/Cons of this placement is that you can come off as very “me” centered. People can take your need to feel important as you assuming they are less important, which isn’t necessarily the case. You are a very open & caring person & would fight for anyone you love— however, in the dating phases, it may seem as if you only care about yourself. How do you combat this? Just remember to take a step back from time to time & spoil your partner by listening to them & giving them your undivided attention. Combat your urge to interject with your personal antidotes. Don’t worry, you’ll have your time to shine again! I highly suggest you seek out like minded Mercury placements, like other Fire signs or even Air Signs. They will be able to understand that you are not so self-absorbed, but rather just speaking from your personal experiences. You will just have to be careful to not create an atmosphere that feels as if you & your person of interest are fighting for dominance in communication. This can be done with patience & understanding.
You are a razzle-dazzle kind of lover & anyone who is amazing enough to peak your interest is a lucky-ducky indeed! You will go to war for those you care about & your unwavering loyalty is something to envy. Those that are attracted to you will be overjoyed with how much fun & creativity you bring into their lives. You have great taste & only enjoy the best for you and your loved one! A great flirt you are indeed…to the rich— I mean “right”— person, of course!
🖤Love Language: Giving/Receiving Gifts
“If one's love language is gift giving, it simply means that one received early in life the clear communication that giving a gift is an important, acceptable, and/or clear way to show others how you feel about them and that you love and appreciate them” — womenshealthmag.com
🎶Song: Get the Party Started by Pink
“Get this party started on a Saturday night
Everybody's waitin' for me to arrive
Sendin' out the message to all of my friends
We'll be lookin' flashy in my Mercedes Benz
I got lotsa style, check my gold diamond rings
I can go for miles if you know what I mean
I'm comin' up so you better get this party started
(I'm comin' up, I'm comin')
I'm comin' up so you better get this party started”
🌬Mercury in Virgo/Sixth House
Tarot Card: Queen of Pentacles
If you have Mercury in Virgo/6H your flirtation style is particularly unique & interesting. Why? Because you tend to be very shy & to yourself. You’re a deep thinker, constantly problem solving & attempting to get the most perfect outcome to any given situation. You tend to be EXTREMELY detail oriented & focus on the little things in life. Because you have this desire for perfection, you are very cautious with your words & expressions. You, like Cancer Mercury placements, tend to stick to yourself— you may not be the most open person when pursuing a new lover. Instead of talking about your feelings…you would THRIVE in the Era of love letters! You are beautifully articulate & well spoken, so when you are able to physically write your emotions out, you can use words & written language as a tool to express your most loving thoughts. If this placement was a movie— it would be The Notebook. Truly a romantic placement, but quite honestly, misunderstood when it comes to flirting. You, like your Leo predecessor, care A LOT about how you come off. You keep manicured nails & toes, clean hair, because you care about cleanliness & this is a subtle way of letting your person of interest know you are, in fact, interested. When you truly desire someone, you want to appear your best at all times. You get voted most likely to cancel a date because you broke a nail. Again, others may perceive this as shallow or you using it as an excuse to distance yourself, but that is so far from the truth. As Mercury is your ruling planet, you are a master communicator— particularly when it comes to poetry & prose— but Mercury is arguably the most a-sexual planet, so it is a bit of a catch 22. Like your brother sign Gemini, may THINK too much about love, instead of actually experiencing it. The difference is Geminis LOVE to flirt, kind of like an intellectual sparring match, where you love the idea of love & would rather write about it in your journal, rather than approach that person in real life. How cute!
The Pros/Cons of this placement is that you can be hard to read for your person of interest. You really have to make it a point to communicate how you’re feeling about them in poetic/artistic ways. Virgo/6H placement naturally carry a hermetic type energy, craving solitude to think things through. This is not inherently a bad thing, it just means you have to do due diligence of incorporating potential lovers into your life/routines & ultimately into your mind. When this placement is in a low vibration or simply underdeveloped, you may “flirt” by being nitpicky & starting petty arguments with your lovers. This placement can have an undying need to be right & miss the big picture because they are too busy focusing on small details. BE MINDFUL! This is something that makes your mind great & quick & honestly, necessary in the world to have such a wonderful problem solver— HOWEVER, this can be a turn off when in the early dating phases because it can come off in a way that you feel as if you a better than someone else OR that the people you date need fixing, & aren’t already good enough. This may not be your intention, but be sure to let people express themselves in the best way they know how. Critique to help, but don’t get stuck just criticizing to criticize. This can be a very thin balance, but vital for the longevity of any relationship.
You are a dedicated & service oriented type lover. You would much rather demonstrate your love through doing, rather than just out right “flirting”. You show up 15-minutes early for a date you are truly excited about & make sure to wear the finest linens. Although you may appear to go above & beyond for lovers in the beginning phases, if you feel as if you are being taken for granted, you are on to the next quick, fast & in a hurry, like you brother sign, Gemini. You don’t hesitate to keep it pushing. This is the beauty of having a Mercury ruled sign in the Mercury placement— your mind is quick, so sometimes you can go through lover’s quickly. Leaving them in the DUST for some of the pettiest reasons! While you’re young…enjoy!!! But as you grow, you may need to understand that the perfect partner doesn’t exist, so you’ll never find what you’re seeking if you don’t allow a little fluidity into your love life. Learn to have fun & be open! You’d probably do best with a fellow Mercury in Virgo person, simply because Virgo energy understands Virgo energy best…if not, Taurus/Capricorn COULD be a great match also!
🖤Love Language: Acts of Service
“In terms of intimate relationships, Acts of Service is a language that can best be described as doing something for your partner that you know they would like, such as filling up their gas, watering their plants, or cooking them a meal.” — verywellmind.com
🎶Song: Cater 2 U by Destiny’s Child
“Let me cater to you
'Cause baby this is your day
Do anything for my man
Baby you blow me away
I got your slippers
Your dinner
Your dessert and so much more
Anything you want
Let me cater to you
Inspire me from the heart
Can't nothing tear us apart
You all I want in a man
I put my life in your hands”
🌬Mercury in Libra/Seventh House
Tarot Card: Page of Swords
If you have Mercury in Libra/7H, You. Are. The. ULTIMATE. Flirt. Only rivaled by Gemini, although you can be FAR more touchy-feely. Of course this depends on other placements in your chart, but you KNOW how to turn on the charm. You are charisma personified. You are most likely an attractive person on the outside, but regardless of your outer appearance, you have an extremely attractive mind. You are balanced & logical & want nothing but fairness when it comes to your relationships. Unlike your opposite sign, Aries, you lead with the other person. You flatter them. You don’t mind dishing out the compliments & don’t see your romantic interest as competition, but rather a compliment to you. You, like Leos, have HIGH standards when it comes to your lovers. You won’t just settle down with anyone. You go through a LONG process of LITERALLY weighing your options, so you can be hard to pin down. You, of all signs, are able to find beauty & equality in all things…hence why you are SUCH a flirt. If you see something/someone you like, you have no problem telling them you like their shirt with a quick wink, HOWEVER, very rarely are you truly trying to make something last out of a simple playful interaction. This can lead you to having a plethora of admirers, but no one that you see anything seriously with. This is a great placement to have for business dealing & if you’re interested in politics. You know how to read a room, read a person & act accordingly. You are so dang likable it can be sickening! The irony in this placement is you take your relationships VERY seriously. You actually prefer to be in a commitment more than any other signs. You enjoy being dutiful & find purpose when you are integrated into someone else’s fabric of life. BUT. When it comes to casual dating, you are gone with the wind fabulous. You are here for a good time & not a long time. You can separate a serious commitment from a fling like no other. This can be INFURIATING to people who are trying to pursue you because you seem so unbothered even though you gave them a wonderful compliment & treated them so well.
The Pros/Cons of this placement is how long is can take for you to pick a partner to settle down with. In the dating realm, this is almost a perfect placement. You are considerate, passionate when you need to be, lovable & fun! But on the other hand, when it comes to taking a dating situation to the next level, you can get cold feet— again, weighing the pros & cons of being in a relationship because you actually understand the sacrifice that it takes to be in a commitment. And sadly, if you don’t think the person if worth sacrificing for entirely OR you’re just not in a space to sacrifice to being with...that lover can FORGET IT! As much as you enjoy beauty & light-hearted dating, Libra is still very much a masculine sign. Regardless of gender (or lack of gender), you tend to want to be the provider in your relationships. You enjoy the delicate balance of give & take, feminine & masculine energy, in any of your longterm commitments. And if anyone disrupts that, you will not stick around. On the outside looking in, you may seem wishy-washy & non-committal, but that actually isn’t the case. You WILL commit, but only after you have thought about it from all angles & sides. You are rational minded & sometimes this can hurt the people around you because what you said in passing may have meant nothing to you, but everything to them! PLUS, when you are in a full blown commitment, you may still come across as flirty, whether you intend to or not. Your partners will have to require a lot of trust & understanding about how you express yourself. You’re just a “nice” person who wants the world to be a more beautiful place— one flirt at a time. I recommend you stick with other Air Signs or Fire Signs Mercury placements, because other people may misinterpret your nature. But if you’re with a Fire sign, they will desire fast communication & that may overwhelm you from time to time so just be mindful.
All in all, this is a wonderful placement when it comes to communication & flirting in casual relationships because you are so fair minded. You don’t like to stop on people’s toes, but sometimes you can feel like you’re leading people on if they don’t understand that you’re just a naturally flirty person. You can hand out words, kisses & compliments out like candy! Be careful that you’re not rotting someone’s sweet tooth!
🖤Love Language: Physical Touch
“If your love language is physical touch, then that means you prefer physical expressions of love over all other expressions (such as verbal compliments or gifts). Note that physical touch as a love language is not all about sex, although sex can be an important aspect of a romantic relationship.” -verywellmind.com
🎶Song: Nevermind by Dennis Lloyd
“All I, I ever ask, ever ask
Are you gonna, are you gonna be my lover?
Tonight, and take it with, take it with me
Take it with me, hmm…
What if I left and it made no sense
And you tell your friends
And they hold your hands
Baby, nevermind, nevermind
Nevermind, nevermind”
🌬Mercury in Scorpio/Eighth House
Tarot Card: King of Cups
If you have Mercury in Scorpio/8H, your flirtation style isn’t so “flirty” in the traditional sense. With this placement, you tend not to trust people too easily, so you’re not the biggest fan of small talk. This inherent contradiction of a “non-communicative” mercury makes you an interesting & complex lover that people are drawn to get to know. You more so operate from “energies” & “vibes”, & people are either drawn to you like a moth to a flame or repelled by you like a moth to flying insect spray…lol. However, you have an unmistakable allure & you shift energy when you walk into a room. Just as elusive as a Gemini & yet somehow as dreamy as a Pisces— this unique combination makes your lovers fixed on you, projecting their deepest darkest desires on you, wanting to uncover whatever it is you’re hiding. Almost as if you are a lost cave of hidden knowledge & gems, just waiting to be discovered. Truth is…you’re most likely just shy! Now, don’t get me wrong, you are certainly one of the deepest thinkers of the Zodiac. You have fascinating interest in the occult & keep your feelings close to your chest, but this is usually a defense mechanism to an extent because you fear if people know what you’re thinking, then they may be able to control your mind. And as Mars as your ruler, you are all about control— and in this case, mind control. This works 2 ways. When you flirt, it may come off as obsession. Much like your brother sign, Aries, when you “want” something/someone, it’s not just want, it’s desire, it’s craving, it’s intoxicating infatuation. You can be a bold lover, striking when the time is right…but if the time is not right…you will wait & wait & wait & wait & wait— like a Jaguar hunting its unassuming prey.
The Pros & Cons of this placement is that you have a mighty powerful gaze & aura surrounding you. If the color black was a person, it would be you. You’re beautifully dark, but yet the depths & hues of the nuances of your personality are hard to tell unless someone is REALLY looking. You test lovers more than any other sign to make sure they are truly giving you their undivided attention— much like what you have given to them. You expect loyalty & honesty from your lovers ALTHOUGH you may not give them the same in return. Your version of honesty can be quite controversial. You believe in the “Policy of Truth”, if you truly care about someone & want to know them on a deeper level, you will leave out things that don’t put you in the best light. This placement can be very manipulative when it comes to how & what you choose to communicate to a person that you desire. Your lovers will have to earn your trust before you give them truth & this can be a SLOW process. Because of this personality trait, you may or may not be all that “flirty”. In Western Astrology, Scorpios are almost always described as the sexual beings of the zodiac & that is true…HOWEVER, you crave a deeeeeppppp level of intimacy & connection that casual dating/flirting usually doesn’t allow, making you one of the most difficult partners to actually end up in the bedroom with. You can come across as very fickle & hard to pin-down to people you are not equally trying to connect with. With this placement, you will not connect with just anyone, thus making you one of the least “flirty” Mercury placements at first glance. Although you may be able to develop a way with words as time passes, you must at least feel you will be able to gain something out of the exchange. You are far too intense for casual love affairs. Now passionate love affairs— is right up your ally!
Having Mercury in such a deep sign, again makes you a deep thinker, unlike other placements who gloss over people, you want to know EVERYTHING & I mean EVERYTHING about a potential mate. The irony here is, your way of flirting can be a form of stalking. You will dig & dig & dig & dig into the personal life of lovers, or you will ask the deepest questions to attempt to get into their psychology— deep psych evaluations & damn near hypnotism is your way of “flirting”. Many of your lovers may not even realize you are in pursuit of them, while on the other hand, you may not comprehend how deeply someone is wanting to connect with you. Due to the mixture of pure shyness & mystique, you are an astounding lover that oozes of pure, unfiltered, sex appeal WHEN IT IS EARNED. The trickiest part of this placement, is people will want to fill in the blanks about you if they don’t know. You can be subject to nasty rumors or people making CRAZY assumptions about you, but it’s simply because they want to explain the inexplicable. You have a certain energy that people dream of exploring, yet may not be up for how deep they would have to dive in order to truly get to know you. Any lover that only gets to know you in a causal sense will always be left with a lingering feeling of wondering what you were truly hiding in that closet of yours.
🖤Love Language: Quality Time
“People who speak the love language of quality time want to be the object of their lover's undivided attention. They want to feel cherished and prioritized, and rather than receiving gifts, words, acts, or touch, they prefer to simply spend meaningful time together.” — blinkist.com
***For you of all signs, I probably say you’d need the most love languages to be demonstrated in order to feel safe & secure in a relationship. Everyone identifies with multiple, but you NEED to see all the proof in the pudding before you take a leap of faith with someone.
🎶Song: Every Breath You Take by The Police
“Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you…
Oh can't you see
You belong to me?
How my poor heart aches with every step you take.”
***hehe, this is one of my all time favorite songs…& it is FAR from a love song, but as a Mercury in the 8H person myself…I think it’s a funny song choice aaannndddd somewhat accurate! You know how we are! Lol
🎶Bonus song!!! (Don’t tell the others lol)
To The End- My Chemical Romance
“If you marry me,
Would you bury me?
Would you carry me to the end?
🌬Mercury in Sagittarius/Ninth House
Tarot Card: Queen of Wands
If you have Mercury in Sagittarius/9H, your flirtation can take quite a few different forms. As a mutable sign, you’re like Gemini & Pisces (Virgo, yes, but not so much in this case), so you are able to adapt to any environment, possessing a shape-shifter type energy. The major difference between you & the others is, you believe the truth will set you free, so after awhile, your true colors will always shine through to your romantic interested. You could be attracted to people who are different than you in some way. Sagittarius/9H energy is all about expanding your horizons, & connecting with people of different cultures & backgrounds is a way to see the world through a different set of lenses! This is a wonderful trait because you almost always carry an exoticness within your essence. You may not feel super special in your home town, but once you travel to different areas, people will know that you are not from around there. In this case, seeing as we are talking about Mercury, it shows up particularly in the way you think/communicate. Perhaps you have a distinct accent. You are just as curious as Gemini about the outside world, but instead of focusing on the day to day mechanics & “gossip”, you’d rather talk about more philosophical questions & debate about religion, meditation & yoga. You honestly flirt by preaching to those you are interested in. You crave someone who is a free thinker & can talk about anything. You are as much of a student of life as you are a teacher and you will not be caught DEAD flirting with a dumb-dumb. Intelligence is what turns you on, but it doesn’t have to be “book smart”. You are so open to different ideas in the world & you value someone who can teach you the laws of the land & navigate the way of the streets. It’s giving very Princess Jasmine & Aaladin vibes in this case. You will flirt & be attracted to the “street rats” of the world because they can offer you a different experience than what you are used to.
The Pros/Cons of this placement is you can come off as self-righteous and kind of a know-it-all to potential suiters. More than likely, you have received some form of higher education or have traveled around more than your next door neighbor. This is not inherently a bad thing, but this is the magic of knowing when to turn on and off the charm. You could easily want to lead with how worldly & experienced you are, which is an amazing thing, but understand, that is a privilege! So please be mindful not to “rub it in” everyone’s faces that you are an interesting and well-traveled person, and also try not to judge others for not being on the same level as you. Just smile & keep it moving, there is no need to argue. On the other hand, because this can be such a spiritual placement, you may find yourself to be quite “close-minded”, when it comes to YOUR religion, YOUR philosophy of life, & YOUR truth. The passion you posses about your views is something that most will admire, BUT if you’re coming off as someone who assumes they are better or have the moral high ground, again, this can be a turn off to any potential love interest.
Your love for learning & teaching is unique & extraordinary. You carry within you a vessel of knowledge & experiences that some would only dream of! It puts you in a little bit of an awkward situation when it comes to your love life though, because student/teacher relationships aren’t *supposed* to be “sexy”. This is a bit of a mixed bag. In today’s society, it can be assumed that a teacher is abusing their power by pursuing a student. (I am not speaking about elementary school through high school!!! I’m speaking about adult relationships!!!! Think Guru/Yogi student, Preacher/Subject in Congregation etc.) But in your case, you most likely wouldn’t have it any other way. You desire to learn from your partners. If they can’t teach you something, then they can kick rocks! You are humbled by a knowledgeable person, who has also spent their life seeking truth, the same way you have. You may find yourself drawn to certain professors or people in powerful positions where people listen to what they have to say. Or, you may be the person who draws a lot of people towards you because you have such a database of wisdom that people find attractive! This has the potential to be a GREAT love affair with the right person, but I wouldn’t say you are much of a “flirt” in the traditional sense. You’d hand your love interest a book that you found insightful before a bouquet of roses!
🖤Love Language: Quality Time
“People who speak the love language of quality time want to be the object of their lover's undivided attention. They want to feel cherished and prioritized, and rather than receiving gifts, words, acts, or touch, they prefer to simply spend meaningful time together.” — blinkist.com
🎶Song: Part of Your World by Halle Bailey
“…And ready to know what the people know
Ask 'em my questions and get some answers
What's a fire and why does it, what's the word?
Burn?
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love, love to explore that shore up above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world”
(yes, the black one!! S/o to representation, but also s/o to Jodi Benson, the OG Little Mermaid, she served on this song!)
🌬Mercury in Capricorn/Tenth House
Tarot Card: Page of Pentacles
If you have Mercury in Capricorn/10H, your flirting style is business, business, business. This is not to say that you are NOT flirty, because you definitely can be— particularly as you get older— but you flirt with a goal in mind. You’ll flirt for a job promotion, you’ll flirt for priority seating at the fanciest restaurants, you’ll flirt for a discount at Trader Joe’s. You flirt to save money & flirt to earn money. That is what really matters to you. Again, this may come off as shallow, or “gold-digger” type vibes, but there is nothing more than this Mercury sign craves more than mental SECURITY, which goes hand in hand with financial security. You depend on stable relationships, so you can take dating toooooo seriously. If you don’t see the benefit of investing in someone longterm, then…you just won’t. It’s open & shut. With this placement, you are VERY selective with your words. You don’t like to waste time on meaningless conversations because you are a firm believer that time is money. HOWEVER, when you find someone that is worth your time, you give everything to that person & more. It is worth noting here, that Capricorn energy is represented by The Devil card in Tarot. Meaning, that Capricorn energy is the embodiment of temptation & desire. You, more than any other sign, actually know how to entrance your person of interest by talking. You can speak of wonderful plans & goals you have, expensive things that you’ve bought, rare wines that you’ve tasted & lure in an unassuming subject like pray. You even may have a very distinct & sultry voice that is low & earthy. You have a resonance with others because you appear so grounded, cool, calm & collected when you speak. This can instantly be a turn on to the target you have in mind.
The Pros/Cons of this placement is you can take quite a long time to learn how to express yourself, leaving your partners in a very confused state. You, like your Cancer opposite, can spend too much time trying to rationalize your needs in a relationship, rather than actually experiencing the relationship. Because you can be so goal oriented, you don’t leave much time for error or fun in your early years. This can come off as cold & distant to people attempting to pursue you in a romantic way— it’s almost as if you are always just out of reach because you are too busy working on your next big project! This isn’t a bad thing, per say, it just means you have to carve out time for your lovers & be intentional with your dating. Dating & getting to know people just for the heck of it, isn’t a waste of time! It can be nice to go out, laugh & take your mind off of the stress of work or your ambitions. So there is magic in remaining open to potential lovers, you may be surprised at how much you enjoy other people’s company that aren’t talking about work work work. You are WAY more of a do-er than a talker & this can be taken for granted in your relationships. Make sure you end up with someone who understands your need for validation when it comes to the work you do & the bacon that you bring home. You will be the BIGGEST flirt on the planet for someone who acknowledges & appreciate the level of focus & discipline you exude when it comes to your work & romantic relations.
You honestly have the potential to be one of the more flirty signs of the Zodiac, because Saturn, your Mercury ruler, is all about delay and NOT denial. You could have had issues reading or writing as a child that have made you shy, but I bet you’re one of the best readers & writers now! Same with flirting! You may feel awkward in your teens & young 20s, not knowing how to navigate such a crazy dating world, but as you learn the tricks of the trade, you will be able to have one of a kind banter with powerful & influential people. You age like wine, only getting better, tastier & more expensive with time!
🖤Love Language: Acts of Service
“In terms of intimate relationships, Acts of Service is a language that can best be described as doing something for your partner that you know they would like, such as filling up their gas, watering their plants, or cooking them a meal.” — verywellmind.com
🎶Song: Chemtrails Over the Country Club by Lana Del Rey
“I’m on the run with you, my sweet love
There's nothing wrong contemplating God
Under the chemtrails over the country club
Wearing our jewels in the swimming pool
Me and my sister just playing it cool
Under the chemtrails over the country club
What to do next? Maybe we'll love it
White picket chemtrails over the country club
My love, my love…
It's never too late, baby, so don't give up”
🌬Mercury in Aquarius/Eleventh House
Tarot Card: King of Swords
If you have Mercury in Aquarius/11H, your flirtation style is hard to easily put into words. You’re really not much of a flirt UNTIL you are SUPER DUPER comfortable with someone. You flirt by making friends. You’re open-minded, like Sagittarius, but you’re retrained like Capricorn. This puts you in a very delicate balance when it comes to casual dating. You tend to be extremely futuristic & innovative in your thinking— in fact, this placement can signify a genius level comprehension skill, great scientist & technical/skilled artist have this placement— so it may be awkward for you when first meeting new love interest. You may have deep interest in Sci-Fi or technology. You like gadgets & can constantly be tinkering with things, or have a very niche interest like…Vedic astrology for example, so it can be more difficult for you to connect to people on a day to day basis just because your ideas can seem so radical and “out-there”. This is a BEAUTIFUL thing to someone who understands you. They will never be bored with the conversation, although at times, they may have trouble keeping up. I suggest you date fellow Air sign Mercurys because they will be interested in the same things you’re interested in, or at least be curious enough to look into it! Because you march to the beat of your own drum, your flirt style will be equally as unique as you are. You could flirt by explaining to someone quantum mechanics or by telling them how Picasso was an absolute genius when it came to the color blue in his blue series or the difference between the tropical astrology system & the sidereal. The conversations are limitless with you and a person of interest!
The Pros/Cons of this placement is you may feel quite isolated when it comes to communicating your ideas to potential lovers. You may feel as if your ideas are “too weird” and you don’t want to scare them off! OR you just have troubles relating to the “common man” because your brain is just far beyond keeping up with Kardashians. You care about world peace, and helping others, so you may not be super interested in the latest gossip. I mean C’mon…THERE ARE KIDS DYING IN AFRICA, KIM! (That’s a joke…lol) You care more about how the algorithms work on instagram, rather than scrolling through the content, so this can make you feel outcast in the dating scene. Feeling excluded is the hallmark of Aquarius energy. THIS ISN’T A BAD THING!!!!! It just means it may take you a longer time to find your soul tribe & chances are, your soulmate will be a friend first before a lover. Because you have a fixed placement, you cherish the people who come into your life that understand you on a mental & spiritual level. You may not care as much about looks, gender or social class as some of the other placements do when it comes to dating— you can be very flexible when it comes to who you fall in love with, just because it’s so hard for you to find people who vibrate on your same wavelength. YOU have the mind that keeps the culture moving forward. You are the inventors & creators of the generations! You’re the trend setters & trailblazers which can be a lonely lonely road when it comes to causal things like dating. Again, it is imperative for you to find likeminded people who get you or get that they don’t get you but still don’t judge you for it! You’re more of a mental flirt than anything else! You enjoy intelligent conversation & would die of boredom listening to someone who is small minded.
You will be one of the most fascinating & intriguing lover to anyone who actually takes the time to get to know you! In some cases, a Scorpio/8H mercury may be compatible because they will view you as a never ending puzzle they need to solve. Either way, you’ll need to be with someone who wants to dig deeper into you, past your seemingly eccentric nature & get to know the loving kind side of you. You are more likely to fall for a friend or someone in your friendship circle because you know you have things in common. You could also be far more comfortable dating on an online setting, in virtual realities of some sort! Things in common/true compatibility in the most important thing to you when it comes to flirting & dating. You don’t care much for frivolous banter although you may be good at it— there will always be a voice inside of you saying “this person is sooooooo dumb”. All I ask, is that you remain humble when meeting people, different people are in different areas of life & we can’t judge them on the level they are on. The moment you do that & start accepting people for who they are, the “Right” people will be drawn into your energy field & you’ll feel truly accepted by those that love you & that you love!
Side Side Side note: You are also the sign that would most likely thrive in a polyamorous relationship (multiple partners at once), because you are capable of loving multiple friends at one time. You very well may not be interested in open-relationships, because you are a fixed sign & value loyalty
& stability…but you may do well in one. You wouldn’t fall victim to jealousy & possessiveness as much as other signs.
🖤Love Language: Words of Affirmation
“Words of affirmation are words that communicate your love, appreciation, and respect for another person. They're positive words and phrases used to uplift someone. What's more, these compliments and words of encouragement don't have to be said directly to the person.” - verywellmind.com
🎶Song: Dirty Feeling by Lolawolf
“I got a dirty feeling that it's going down
I got that dirty feeling
Look at ya, look at ya
Move slow
Slow on the low, slow on the low
Low, low
Low
Boy you should go now
Boy you should go
I can see what's coming, oh no
I know you've been gunning
I got a dirty feeling that it's going down”
🌬Mercury in Pisces/Twelfth House
Tarot Card: Queen of Cups
If you have Mercury in Pisces/12H, your flirtation style works on a cosmic level. You radiate vibes, like sonic waves, that lure in your object of desire. You can be quite shy in real life, but there is an elusive quality about you that causes people to yearn for you & be drawn towards you. You are extremely slippery when it comes to the dating field, because you, like Aquarius, your predecessor, are naturally extraordinarily other worldly! (After all, you are 2 houses after the 10H of the world, so you’ve busted out of the matrix in some way). You seem to be neither here, nor there. You float through life & people may never know or not know where they stand with you because chances are, they may not even know where you are. Your dreamlike nature is a literal dream come true for some, & so flirting with you seems as if they met someone from the movies. You’re real, but are you real? You’re here, but are you here? That type of energy. When you like someone, you will want to dissolve into each other’s world. You’ll want to be with them, meeting on such a spiritual level, that language isn’t the prime way you communicate. You feel your partners rather than listen to them…which can work for and against you, depending on how strong your relationship is with the other person. Because you are one of the most empathetic placements, when it comes to a person of interest, you want to be valuable to them by helping them through their personal spiritual journey. Due to this nature, you may be attracted/drawn to lost souls & lost souls may be attracted/drawn to you as well. You prefer a partner with a past, because you desire to show them a bright & escapist type future. You are called to break chains for your lovers, so your flirty style can be wholesome & very loving.
The Pros/Cons of this placement is exactly what makes it great— you’re otherworldliness. You understand the world through vibrations & energies, not necessarily though words & actions. You see deeply into people & have an extremely psychic ability that only a privileged few are privy to. You probably communicate through music & sound. You would be far more comfortable sharing a song or writing a song about your feelings for someone than being able say it! And to be fair, the songs you write/share may not even have lyrics! You would be more likely to flirt by telling someone “you make me feel like the color orange” or “you remind me of the discord in Beethoven’s Fifth” than being like “hey, I think you’re cute!”. This is wonderfully romantic, but if your partner doesn’t think like you do, well, then you run the risk of feeling rejected & emotionally abandoned by them. This mercury sign, more than other, has to learn how to communicate on a practical level. With your opposite sign being Virgo, master communicators, you get left holding the bag of trying to figure out how to put your experiences into words that people can relate & identify with. Of COURSE, I recommend that you channel your energy into art, you will be understood by some, but you have to put yourself out there & not get lost in the fantasy of it all. Jupiter, your ruling planet, is all about blending the lines & expansion, which is a beautiful thing, but sometimes the real restraints that we have in the world can limit people being able to connect— especially when it comes to fleeting relationships.
Your nature can be so light & inviting, or it can be like a dark black abyss with no end in sight…much like the oceans fish inhabit. People will want to project their deepest desires/fears on to you, because you reflect back to them like clear water. They see a distorted version of themselves in you & this can be very challenging when it comes to dating & flirting. You will need partners who are grounded & level-headed, but also understand your need to be understood in non-traditional communicative ways. You have a gorgeously creative mind that sees the possibilities in the world, rather than the poverties. You are able to find beauty in the most broken of people, places & things, because you perhaps feel broken and forsaken by the world yourself. This is not an easy placement, but it has the most potential for true spiritual enlightenment! Dating may not be your strong suit, but connection to source sure is! You will find people who appreciate & celebrate the gifts that you have to offer, even if it gets lost in translation from time to time! You are an exquisite mermaid from beyond the sea!
🖤Love Language: Giving/Receiving Gifts
“If one's love language is gift giving, it simply means that one received early in life the clear communication that giving a gift is an important, acceptable, and/or clear way to show others how you feel about them and that you love and appreciate them” — womenshealthmag.com
🎶Song: In My Head by Lil Tjay
“I got some funny feelings in my head
And girl, I don't know what to call it (call)
Too iffy and quick, I can't say that it's love
But I know that I want some more of it (more)
These feelings, been stuck in my head
Ain't too big on love, but with you, I'm all for it (no)
See the world, me and you, we can tour it
Fuck all them bitches, they ain't shit, they ignorin'
Daily you be on my mind
My heart hurt beat and bruised, from the owner before it
Got a good feelin' this time”
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