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tuxiedjabberwock · 4 years

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The Centurion and the Black Angel - Kid Icarus one-shot

When Pit gives his life on the battlefield to save Dark Pit's, he decides to look into a new Mirror of Truth in order to bring him back. ...He really should have thought things through better.

Category: Games » Kid Icarus Author: Sqydd Language: English, Rating: Rated: T Genre: Angst/Tragedy Published: 11-04-20, Updated: 11-04-20 Chapters: 1, Words: 11,074

Fanfiction.net

AO3

Quotev

"Pittoo?"

A dream. A bad, horrible, dreadful, unthinkable dream, that's what it was. After all, it was too improbable to be the real deal, wasn't it? To see that insufferable mouth sealed shut, a deep crimson staining his lips; those blue eyes which always sparkled with energy and life gazing blankly to the sky.

"Pittoo? What's the situation? Where is Pit?"

I'm wondering that too, he thought, slipping a hand under dampened hair and lifting his head from where it fell into the shallows. Pit's laurel crown was buried in the pond's muck; Dark Pit pulled it free with his other hand and replaced it where it belonged.

"I'm coming down there to check on you. Don't move, especially if you're badly injured; you can bleed out."

Blood… That was a funny thing. Humans bled profusely when struck by divine weaponry. That blood was almost scalding until it began to cool against the lukewarm swamp water, and it congealed at Dark Pit's ankles where they rested at the shoreline. The shadow of his Silver Bow fell over them from where it stood impaled in a soldier's chest with the setting sun's rays falling over them in gentle reds and purples. His hands began shaking and his vision blurred with tears.

"Pit…you…damn…idiot," he whispered, bowing his head against the original's. His whole body was shaking and he couldn't stop it. Maybe it was compensating for his original, who could no longer tremble in fear. "Fucking…idiot…why did you…why did you even…don't you know…?"

A soft musical tone began behind him before something fell into the mud. Palutena gave a surprised cry, then she said tentatively, "Dark Pit? Are you alright?"

That was it. Those words severed the last bits of self-control Dark Pit held. The Goddess of Light asked if he was alright, and he was. I'm alright, he thought as tears poured down his cheeks and dripped onto Pit's face, cutting through the caked-on grime. His shoulders bowed and he gritted his teeth against the wails erupting from his throat.

I'm alright because your stupid angel gave his life for a copy.

There were a lot of tears shed in the heavens for the next week. Palutena did most of the crying, albeit out of sight, but Dark Pit could hear her moans in the middle of the night. Viridi saved hers until the golden tablet was placed over Pit's mouth, and Dark Pit turned to see her staring with wide and wet eyes. Phosphora retreated once his body was buried among the grass and fields, her cheeks already glistening, and Phos and Lux brayed in mourning.

Dark Pit had no tears left, but he made sure the Palutena Bow was clenched in Pit's hands before he went under. In case Hades tried to screw with him in the afterlife…or so his justification went. Mostly it made his heart ache to see the blades even after the human blood was meticulously scrubbed away.

"What happened?" Palutena's voice was soft and motherly as it always was, no trace of accusation there, but Dark Pit felt like sinking into the deepest hole anyway. He averted his eyes and stared at his fingers wrapped around the grip of his Silver Bow.

"It was a human army versus Hades' army running 10:1. The humans had the advantage, but the dark energy produced by the monsters made them wilder, more unpredictable." He spoke in a detached voice that kept him grounded; he stated the facts as telling a story, not reliving the worst day of his short life. "Not only did we have to fight back the monsters, we had to save them from themselves. Pit did, and he tried his damn hardest like always. Didn't let a single human die."

Not a human died. Not one human died under Pit's watch.

"And then?" Viridi, standing off to the side, looked on with an unreadable expression as Dark Pit's fingers tightened. He fought the urge to retreat into himself.

"One of the humans snuck up on me." Stupid him for not sensing the man's presence. Stupid him for being so slow to react. Stupid him for— "Pit covered me. A—…And it was the last thing he did."

She should have shouted at him. He wanted her to rebuke him for the worst mistake of his short life. Instead, she sighed and gave a little chuckle. "Heh. That's our stupid angel, alright."

He wasn't proud of it, but he took the holy weapon forged by the Goddess of Light and speared the human through the heart. He shoved the blades in with so much force that several ribs were also broken on impact, and the momentum carried the grown man deep into the dirt. He wasn't proud of it because he knew Pit would hate his weapon being sullied like that, even if it was in his name. Especially because it was in the name of revenge.

Pit suffered a painless death; before he hit the ground, he was gone, the sword's handle still protruding from his back like some sick joke. Dark Pit removed it with the utmost care and set him down in a more comfortable position, as if such a thing mattered in death, before taking up the Silver Bow. He couldn't recall much of what transpired after—it remained a stubborn blur in his mind to date—but his memories afterwards began with him standing amidst a sea of carnage. The Underworld Army, of course, left no trace, but human corpses decorated the ground around him.

He couldn't bring himself to care.

Subsequently, he spent a lot of time in Skyworld, ignoring Viridi's calls to lounge around in Pit's old hangout spots. He had a private hot spring not far from his quarters, shaded by white marble pillars holding up an arched roof and surrounded by lush green grass and wildflowers. Dark Pit enjoyed sitting at the shore, nude ankles submerged in the warm golden water.

"Viridi was asking about you." The grass crunched behind him before Palutena sat primly beside him, legs folded and dress fanning out around her. Dark Pit kept his gaze on the small waves.

"Viridi has hordes of acolytes to do her dirty work. I'm allowed to take a break. Let them scare off whatever human stepped on a sapling this time."

"That's not what she was asking about." Palutena's delicate hand landed atop his on the grass; he quickly pulled it away and she didn't react. "She and the rest of us are concerned. No one was closer in mind and spirit as you to Pit."

"Well don't be concerned. I'm fine." He spat the word like bitter poison, not at all helping his case, but he hated it. Hated being treated like paper, hated knowing Pit died for a stupid copy, hated knowing the only person who related to him in the world was gone and he was alone, would live alone for an angel's long long life and die alone…

"I didn't say you weren't," she said smoothly, "but that doesn't make me any less concerned for you. I care about you, Pittoo. And by the way, you've been brooding in this spot for five hours—that's not what fine people do."

"So what if I have been brooding? Aren't I allowed to grieve in my own way? You've been moaning up a storm like a ghost." He could hear her affronted gasp. "You may have been Pit's goddess, but I am not Pit. You don't need to give me your concern, nor do I need it. The only thing I need is for you to let me be, Palutena."

"…As you wish, then. But you know where to find me." She stood up, dusted herself off, and with a smile in Dark Pit's direction, she took her leave.

"The same goes for you, Viridi."

Puh-lease, Viridi said, voice echoing out from his fibula. The tough guy act may work on Palutena, but not on me. You're hurting.

"Aren't we all? Leave me alone."

Fine then. Don't do anything stupid. And she left with a poignant huff.

"Don't do anything stupid, huh…" He chuckled mirthlessly. His stupid acts only happened around Pit, though another person would call them selfless. Things like helping him fight the Chaos Kin to revive Palutena, and journeying to Hell to save Pit's life, destroying the gates to the Underworld and helping to weaken Hades. Yeah, when it came to Pit, he didn't think too rationally, and only now when it was too late to say so, he realized it was more than just an obligation to the "original." He cared deeply for Pit…and now he was gone forever.

"Dammit!" he roared, kicking the water at his feet. His reflection distorted before resettling, revealing the tear tracks running from his scarlet eyes. He hissed and threw an arm over his face, falling back onto the grass. "Stupid, stupid, why did he take that hit, why did he have to die…?"

He took longer than he wanted to calm down, and when he finally sat up again he felt drained, physically and emotionally. He knelt and lowered his face to the water, splashing the warmth across his splotchy cheeks to clean them up. He sighed when the soppy feeling left and glared down into his puffy-eyed reflection.

"Just a stupid reflection, is all I am…why did he have to—"

Dark Pit stopped cold and stared harder, digging his fingers into the soft dirt. "I'm a reflection," he breathed, eyes wide. An imperfect one, but a reflection nonetheless. If he could look into the Mirror of Truth again, another opposite would be created—a Pit would be created. It would fix everything!

But the Mirror was shattered when he was "born." He clearly remembered shattering it. But…but…Pandora had been revived in the Rewind Spring as Amazon Pandora. If she was still hanging around, perhaps she created another Mirror. It was a hell of a long shot, but honestly, what else did he have to lose?

The issue was locating her now. He would have to ask around on the surface, preferably not where they were last time. If only he had a contact…suddenly, Dark Pit recalled a story Pit told him of a human associate. Perhaps he did have a contact?

Vigor renewed, Dark Pit yanked on his sandals and raced to the edge of Skyworld, throwing himself into the cold clouds below. "Viridi, grant me the Power of Flight!" he shouted.

Someone's pushy about it, she grumbled, but her earthen energy filled him all the same. Where's the fire, angel boy?

He ignored her and folded his wings back in a dive, cutting through the air like a spear and towards the mountainous ground. Here's hoping he wasn't getting his spirit worked up for nothing.

In an out of the way town that reeked of danger and blood, Dark Pit walked into a bar. The decidedly unfriendly looking patrons turned to sneer at him, but his responding glare turned them right back around. He had eyes only for the broad leather-clad back sitting at the bar counter.

"Magnus?"

Said back turned, revealing a scruffy middle-aged human holding a cup of ale. He looked Dark Pit up and down and remarked, "Unless you've turned emo since I last saw you, which I somehow doubt, you must not be Pit?"

"Dark Pit," he said. "Pit has…Pit died in battle."

Magnus' previously lax expression turned blank, then he raised his ale. "Here's to him, then." He slammed back the alcohol and dropped the cup on the counter. "Terrible thing. That kid had a lot of fire."

"He did. Which is why I want to bring him back. Have you heard anything about Pandora?" Magnus raised an eyebrow.

"The goddess Pandora, I'm assuming? Yeah, I've heard a few things here and there." Dark Pit took a seat next to Magnus and waved down the bartender, holding up two fingers. The bartender set two glasses of ale down for each of them. Magnus looked on curiously as Dark Pit downed it in one gulp. "You two aren't the same, that's for sure," he remarked.

"Well, spill what you know."

"Normally I'd charge for my information, but call it a freebie for an old friend." Magnus took a few swallows before speaking again. "Heard she was seen on the outskirts of that huge forest where the town was, way up north."

Reset Bomb Forest. Viridi didn't keep tabs of the area anymore, so it was reasonable to assume Pandora was hiding out there. Dark Pit slapped down a few coins and slid off the stool.

"Thanks. I'll be heading out."

"One more thing." Magnus finished his ale and levelled a sober look at the dark angel. "Whatever you got in mind, don't let it be the death of ya. I barely knew angel-face and I could tell ya, he wouldn't like that."

"Trust me," Dark Pit muttered, turning away and sidling to the door, "I know."

Outside he took to the sky in one big leap. He had already used his Power of Flight, but this time the winds were in his favor; he glided across the small dilapidated buildings until they turned to naked rock, then lush pink foliage. He flapped his wings to gain some altitude as purple crystals jutted from the earth like spears, but very soon he was forced to land. The thick forestry cut the wind and he could glide no farther.

The forest was so thick only the barest lines of sun made it through; it was all he could do to see his own two feet as he fought not to trip and fall on a bed of random barbs…again.

"The things I do for this angel," he grumbled, picking a thorn out of his cheek. He tried not to think too hard about what he was doing, because then doubts would surface. What if the Mirror didn't work? What if there was no Mirror? What if he looked into it and nothing came, because…what if he didn't have a soul? He waved the thoughts away and moved a little faster, stumbling over a gnarled branch.

"Hey Pittoo, guess what?"

"Buzz off," Pittoo grumbled, not opening his eyes. "And don't call me that."

"It's my birthday!" Pit continued undaunted.

"Great. So what?"

Dark Pit was grabbed around the shoulders and pulled up from his lounging position. He growled and opened his eyes, watching Pit prance excitedly around on the green grass, wings stretched high and flapping madly. "Think about it," he said with a wide grin, coming to a stop a few feet away.

"The only thing I'm thinking about is kicking your ass and continuing my nap."

"Come on, don't you get tired of being a grouch all the time? Well anyway, this'll cheer you up." Pit suddenly thrust a messily wrapped brown package in Dark Pit's face. He took it with no small measure of confusion.

"Um. Thanks? What?"

"It's my birthday," Pit repeated, "and since you're me, it's your birthday to. So…happy birthday!"

Pittoo was absolutely floored and watched Pit gesture excitedly at the present. Haltingly, he pulled apart the thin paper to reveal a small cardboard box. He pulled the lid off and saw a small doll that sort of looked like him if he squinted. "Did you…make this?"

"Yeah. Um, I'm not too good at knitting, but Lady Palutena said it's the thought that counts." He laughed awkwardly and rubbed his neck. "And, uh, it's filled with your and my feathers? I'm thinking about it now and it seems a little creepy…"

"No, it's…uh…" He ducked his head a little to hide the flush creeping up his neck. "Um. Thanks, Pit."

Dark Pit gritted his teeth. That doll was still in his little alcove in Viridi's world. When he revived Pit—because he definitely would—he would come up with something equally as nice to give him.

He heard the faint sound of mumbling and picked up the pace as much as he could, flapping his wings to get the slightest bit above ground. He felt like a damn chicken without the Power of Flight.

He felt a thick branch sloping upwards and scaled up, avoiding the little thorns until it begins to level out. He peered through a break in the violet leaves and saw one of the old human structures, a large two storied building with crumbling walls interwoven by thick branches and curling ivy. Sunlight shone through the canopy above and coalesced on something at the tip of the structure.

"Why is Hades ignoring me now? Stupid bloathead," Pandora was saying as her back floated into view. Dark Pit leaned forward with a grimace. "I thought we had a nice thing going…and the Hearts he paid me were delightful." She rose higher to the ceiling of the building and glanced his way; he ducked his head. "Well, at least I managed to create this beautiful Mirror."

Mirror!

He leapt through the leaves and into the clearing. Pandora spun around and her face twisted in anger. "You stupid angel, you aren't shattering my Mirror a second time!"

He scanned the area until he spotted the Mirror on top of the building. The frame was made of twisted branches and the glass was reflecting the sunlight from the open canopy. He just needed to look into it and—

He dodged to the side as one of Pandora's heart missiles struck the ground where he was standing. He whipped out the Silver Bow and fired a volley of arrows; she twirled and vanished, avoiding the attack before reappearing above his head and dropping a large purple bomb. He fired an arrow and the explosion released a cloud of pink smoke, obscuring his vision.

"The last I heard, the cuter angel kicked the bucket. Is that true?"

Dark Pit growled and spun, not before taking a kick to the shoulder and falling in the dirt. He rolled out of the way of another projectile and to his feet, jumping above the smokescreen and onto a beam jutting from the building. Just one look, just one look and everything will be fine—

"No, don't look in the Mirror!" Pandora launched another heart right at the glass, then her eyes widened in shock. He was still too far, he had to stop it somehow; he couldn't let her shatter the mirror!

"No—!" Dark Pit launched himself in the air and intercepted the projectile, which slammed him in the gut like one of Pit's clubs. The air left his lungs in a pained gasp and his wings seized up, leaving only his momentum carrying him backwards into the Mirror of Truth. He felt the coldness of the glass for a mere moment before it shattered against his back, peppering his skin with tiny shards. He fell through the emptied frame and to the hard-packed dirt below.

"No…no!" He shot into a sitting position, eyes wide as he beheld the frame full of broken shards. Tears welled in the corners of his eyes and his fists balled against his aching stomach. "D—Dammit…!"

Plunk.

"What? No!" Pandora's disbelieving shriek caught his attention. He looked past her floating form to the source of her ire…a small white-clothed form balled on the ground. Could it be…no…no, it had to be.

Pain forgotten, Dark Pit lurched to his feet and leapt forward, past the enraged goddess and to the prone form in the dirt. Pit was exactly as he had been, down to the untamed bedhead, though he was completely unconscious. A relieved, borderline dopey smile crossed Dark Pit's face, and tears did run down his cheeks, happy ones. He lifted Pit's face to press their foreheads together.

You're back…

Pandora's continued screams reminded Dark Pit there was an urgent matter to attend to. Glancing around, he quickly spotted his Silver Bow poking out from the mud nearby. He threw himself into a roll and snatched it up, notching an arrow and taking aim at Pandora. She looked down at him with an expression of pure fury.

"Do you know how hard I worked to revive that Mirror? You're dead!" She sent a flurry of purple hearts towards him and he released his arrow into the center of the storm before taking to the air. Pandora disappeared with a twirl and Dark Pit didn't have time to react before a slim hand latched around his neck. Her momentum carried him backwards into a pile of brambles; the thorns tore into his back and he gritted his teeth against the scream of pain that wanted to rise.

"You're the one who will die, Pandora." He broke the bow into swords and cut her hand at the wrist. She pulled away with a scream, her handless wrist streaming golden ichor, her wristless hand dripping onto Dark Pit's clothes like acid. He tore the hand away and righted himself, landing on his toes on a branch and launching himself up again. Pandora pulled her unharmed arm back for an attack and he tossed the sword like a knife. Another shield appeared, and her expression turned panicked when he broke the shield with his body, jabbing the remaining sword into her gut.

They fell back to earth and her face was frozen in shock even in her death. He leapt backwards before her body melted into ichor, scoffing quietly before turning to Pit. He hadn't moved and Dark Pit couldn't hide his concern. Collecting the Silver Bow, he returned to Pit's body and cradled him to his chest. "Palutena?" he called.

"Dark Pit, what's going on?"

"Take me to Skyworld, please."

She hesitated and he heard her swallow. A…Alright. Light surrounded him and lifted his wings; Pit's fluttered weakly but otherwise he didn't respond. Dark Pit's brow furrowed and his anxiety grew.

"What's wrong with him?"

Palutena and Viridi were waiting for him in the main hall. Palutena's eyes widened and she dropped her staff; Viridi's jaw dropped quite unattractively. Dark Pit stumbled his way to Palutena, whose arms raised automatically to catch Pit when he was all but dropped. "Help him," Dark Pit whispered before he hit the ground.

Dark Pit woke in a room unfamiliar to him. The bed was large and soft, made of down feathers and silk sheets rather than Viridi's rocks covered in leaves. He blinked groggily and looked around; a window looked out to the cover of clouds and there was a steel basin at the side of the bed. He peered over the lip and realized it was full of hot spring water.

Dragging his legs over the side of the bed, he forced them rigid and stood up, falling over and grabbing the nightstand before he faceplanted on the marble. His boy felt numb and heavy altogether and he kind of just wanted to lie down and die, but he had to make sure Pit was okay. He glanced around and saw his Silver Bow leaning against the wall; he took it and braced his boy against it with two hands, keeping his shaky body upright. His burnt robes were gone, leaving him only in his shorts and rings of slightly spotted bandages around his stomach and back. He gritted his teeth and pulled the door open.

He stumbled around blindly for a bit before catching wisps of Palutena and Viridi's voices. He followed the sounds down a branching hall and found them arguing softly in front of a door. Viridi was facing him and spotted him first; her hazel eyes narrowed slightly and she smirked.

"Well, let's let Pittoo clear up the details," she said. Palutena turned and Dark Pit was alarmed to see her eyes so bloodshot. It was like she was grieving a second time. His heart fell. No, don't let him have died a second time because of me…no, no way…

"Dark Pit?" she said softly. Dark Pit made his ambling way over until Palutena's hands laid on his shoulders, keeping him upright. "Please, can you tell us what happened?"

"First, I want to see Pit," he gasped. The goddesses exchanged a look and Viridi's smile soured.

"Why not?" she shrugged, passing Palutena to open the door. He caught a glance of Pit among a blue-sheeted bed and piles of stuffed animals—must be the idiot's bedroom—and he was no more awake than before. The door shut again and Viridi folded her arms across her chest. "Okay, explanation time."

"The Mirror of Truth," he said softly. Palutena gasped while Viridi gritted her teeth.

"Dark Pit," Palutena said urgently, "tell me you didn't create Pit using a Mirror." He hesitated before nodding and all the color left her face. "This is…oh, no, this can't be…"

"Why?"

"Because you're damaged goods," Viridi said bluntly. Had he possessed the energy, he would have lashed out, but so far it was taking everything he had to remain upright. "When you were created, it was with Pit, who has a complete soul; the Mirror was shattered halfway through and your soul wasn't completely formed. It's incomplete. Now you took that and made another half-copy."

"Are you saying there's something wrong with me?" he growled. Palutena huffed and turned his head back to her.

"It's just unnatural," she insisted. "In the first place, the Mirror is not meant for beings with souls; that's why it only worked on the Underworld Army. Pit's energy allowed you to be created. We just…we don't know what this can mean, especially since Pit is still unconscious. If he wakes, he could be what you were meant to: completely evil."

"Of course, if he wakes up," Viridi added casually. "The vegetable-hater could end up being a vegetable himself."

"Viridi!" he snapped, then groaned at the ache it left in his stomach. Palutena hushed him, running a hand through his hair. He hated how pleasing the gesture felt.

"Let's get you back to bed first. You're still too weak to be up and about."

He didn't have the energy to fight as Palutena took one of his arms and led him back to the room he woke up in. She laid him down and took a cloth from the basin, wringing it out before setting it on his forehead.

"You're a bit feverish," she said as way of explanation. Viridi sighed and sat in an ornate chair.

"There are many things that can go wrong, Pittoo. Don't you think we knew that Pandora had the Mirror? Why do you think we didn't try it ourselves?"

"Who's to say it will be 'Pit' in the end?" Palutena said softly. "Maybe he won't have any memories, maybe his personality will change… It was all just one big risk. It still is until he wakes and we can know for sure."

"So what if he doesn't remember? So what if he's a little different? He'll still be Pit," Dark Pit said. Palutena sighed.

"It's not only about that… We've moved on, we have accepted his death. It was a very terrible thing and we wish it didn't happen, but it did. He died protecting you, and we know he would be happy with that fact. You're the only one who isn't."

"Don't make me out to be in the wrong here," he muttered. "If you had a chance to bring Pit back, you would have too."

"Did you hear what she just said?" Viridi said derisively, then groaned. "It doesn't matter. It's already been ten days; Pit has no injuries but he won't wake. It's not looking good for him."

Dark Pit fought down his rising despair and scowled. "Just wait."

"And for how long exactly? We're immortal, but things can still be pointless."

"What Viridi is trying to say in her own tactless way," Palutena said, "Dark Pit…"

"I know what she's trying to say," he interjected. "I don't care. Let me be responsible for him then, however…he may come out of this." If at all. "I'm the one who made this decision, I will be accountable."

Palutena chewed her lower lip, then set her hands between her legs. The fabric couldn't quite hide their trembles. "Let's see how things look in another fortnight, then. It will take about that long for your injuries to fully heal."

"I can take care of myself," he said. Viridi rolled her eyes.

"And then he goes and throws himself through another magic mirror…"

"Viridi!" Palutena chided. Viridi threw her hands up placatingly with a shrug.

"Just saying."

Palutena appeared at least once a day to look over him and make sure he was healing properly. Once he was well enough to get around, he spent his evenings in Pit's hot spring, relishing the soothing heat against his torn back. The delicate bones of his wings had thankfully survived the fall, but some of his primary feathers were ripped out. They were already partly grown back.

When he returned to his unofficial room on the fourteenth day, he found new black robes neatly folded on the sheets that smelled like cow manure. He was already tired of Pit's white clothes, but he couldn't say the fertilizer smell was better. He slipped on the familiar colors and sighed, turning to his Silver Bow.

"Now or never…"

He slung the weapon across his back and relished the security it brought. He would need all his nerve for this.

Dark Pit had memorized the short journey to Pit's room in his convalescent time and made not one errant step on the way. He pushed the door open a crack and peered at the bed; he hadn't moved an inch same as before. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him.

"It's now or never, idiot," he said, walking up to the bed. Floor to ceiling windows lined the adjacent wall, facing the gardens where centurions practiced their moves. The courtyard was empty now, leaving only the sense of what was once there.

Dark Pit sat in the chair at Pit's bedside; still, the angel did not stir. "I knew what I was risking when I went for the Mirror, but I did it anyway. So you can't just not wake up—you can't just not be Pit. I…I haven't moved on and I know it. I feel empty without you around, and it's ridiculous; since when have I needed your inane jokes to fill some void? But the fact is, Pit, I just…I j-ju…please, wake up already."

No movement on the bed. Dark Pit lowered his face to his hands, gripping it so tightly he felt sure his fingers would leave bruises. Good; he wanted his face to be different, wanted to look and see something other than the useless copy that not only killed Pit once, but twice…! Gods would he hate himself for this; he would curse his own name until the day the breath left his body.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "So sorry, so so sorry…"

When he raised his head, Pit was sitting up in bed. Dark Pit nearly fell from the chair in shock.

Pit's eyes were fuzzy with sleep as they roamed the room. Dark Pit held his breath, waiting for something, anything. They finally landed on the black angel and no kind of recognition showed. He wondered if Pit really had lost his memories, or worse, as Viridi predicted.

"Pit?" Dark Pit hedged, leaning forward slightly. Pit blinked slowly, scanning his face for what felt like an hour. His white wings flapped with unease before curling around his skinny torso. "Do you��understand what I'm saying? Not that you really did before, moron," he muttered under his breath, more to soothe himself with some familiarity than actually throwing a jab out there. Then, to his utter shock:

"Not a moron!"

His head snapped back to Pit so quickly he nearly got whiplash. Pit's brows were drawn into a frown and his eyes were alight, polished by indignant anger. Dark Pit lunged onto the bed with one knee, grabbing Pit's cheeks and staring him down.

"Pit, is that you? For real?"

Pit fell silent again, eyes scanning Dark Pit once more, and he wondered if he imagined things. He didn't respond as the seconds ticked on and Dark Pit made to move away, but Pit's hands snapped up and gripped his wrists tightly. A tiny smile crossed his face.

"Hey, Pittoo, are you crying?"

His excitement overweighed his resentment at being caught teary-eyed—which he absolutely wasn't, by the way. His arms went around Pit and Palutena's angel let out a little surprised squeak. "You're okay," Pittoo said into his wing. Pit gasped, then relaxed into the hold.

"I'm okay," he repeated.

Palutena cried a lot. So much that Dark Pit felt awkward being there, but Pit didn't want him to leave. She held him close and sobbed and he nuzzled into the side of her neck without a word.

Viridi wasn't nearly so emotional. She looked Pit up and down with a derisive snort, nodded, and left. Dark Pit did catch an unnatural glisten to her eyes though.

Pit spent a lot of time asleep, but when he was awake he was very cognizant, albeit sluggish when it came to expressing his thoughts. Palutena wanted Dark Pit to monitor him since he hung around so often, but so far Dark Pit thought things worked out. There were no apparent drastic consequences apart from the lethargy—which he assumed to be temporary—and Pit was becoming more expressive by the day.

"Pittoo," he said, drawing him from his thoughts. He was hugging a star-shaped pillow to his chest and staring through the window at the clouds beyond. "D'ya think Lady Palutena would be okay with letting me fly?"

"Dunno, it's only been a few weeks—she's just barely managed to stop bawling her eyes out when you took a dump on your own."

"Yeah, but…I miss the air." Pit opened his mouth as if he had more to say, then shut it again. He didn't need to explain, Dark Pit understood. And, well, who was he to deny the one who rose from the grave anyway?

"Alright then. Let's go." Pit's head snapped back to his double, eyes comically wide and feathers askew.

"Right now?"

"I thought you meant right now. Cold feet?" Dark Pit smirked as he slid an arm around Pit's bony back, gripping him firmly on his ribcage. With his help, Pit slid to his feet and remained standing, although his wings fluttered reflexively to maintain his balance. Together, they ambled their slow way over to the gates of Skyworld, which parted in their presence and left them to face the great beyond.

"Palutena?" Pit said softly.

I don't think this is a good idea, Pit, Palutena responded, her voice ringing through Dark Pit's head as well as Pit's. You're still recovering, and I don't want anything to happen to you.

"Palutena, please. For a week all I've done is lie around and have people worry over me. At first, I was happy to have Pittoo at my beck and call," he sent a small smile in Pittoo's direction despite his scowl, "but I…I want to fly. I can't explain it."

"Remember it's my job to keep an eye on him," Dark Pit said. She was silent and he moved Pit forward. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be," he said. Dark Pit wrapped an arm around Pit's waist and they fell forward into the endless sky.

"Viridi, grant me the Power of Flight!"

Ya know, it'd be nice if you did me some favors once in a while, she said mockingly, but gave him the power all the same. His wings spread overhead, bathing Pit's face in the greens and golds as he looked at the clouds below in wonder.

"It'll get cold," Pittoo warned before they dove into the cloud cover. Pit's hair was plastered to his forehead from the damp and he shivered a bit but the grin never left his face.

"I missed this." The clouds passed and they were soaring over a human town. Pit frowned at the sight as a dark cloud passed over his face. "Dark Pit…you never told me how I came back."

Dark Pit sighed. Pit eventually recalled his death, though he never described it—not that the dark angel wanted to hear it—but no one really told him how he'd revived. Palutena mentioned Dark Pit was the cause but that was about it. "Well, before I begin, remember that you've done far stupider things."

"That's a good sign," he said with a little smile.

"It… I used—"

An arrow suddenly flew inches past Dark Pit's nose. They looked down to see a small portion of the Underworld Army at the outskirts of the town; the humans were fighting valiantly, but Twinbellows was heading the attack and they were losing ground.

"Let's get down there," Pit said immediately. Pittoo's face went cold.

"We…can't. As your goddess said, you're still healing." Pit was already shaking his head before Dark Pit finished speaking.

"Pit," Palutena interjected, anxiety clear in her tone.

"Lady Palutena, please," Pit said when Pittoo made no moves to lower them, "the Power of Flight."

"We can't lose you again. It's far too risky. You shouldn't have come out at all—"

"Palutena!" he shouted, startling even Dark Pit. "The Underworld Army is there!"

"…Dark Pit?"

"I won't…" Pit gave him a scathing look and Pittoo matched it. "I won't allow it."

"Fine then!" In an alarming show of strength, Pit ripped Dark Pit's hand from his side and began to plummet. Dark Pit folded his wings back and dove after, but Pit had already begun to glide. Dark Pit was shocked to see Pit had grabbed the Silver Bow from his back.

"Dark Pit!" Palutena cried.

"I know!"

Their midair chase continued until they were low enough that Dark Pit could see the humans' bloody and bruised faces. Truth be told, after what had happened, he cared much less for what became of them; something Viridi appreciated as her ecological escapades could be callous at best towards them. But if anything was an indication of Pit still being Pit, this was it: throwing himself headlong into the fray with a half-functioning body and non-functioning brain. Gods, he hated that kid sometimes.

Pit's first three shots were wobbly and terribly off-mark; he missed the Monoeye by a longshot, and that thing was the definition of a target. He didn't react initially and alighted directly behind them, stumbling a bit on weak legs. Dark Pit followed right after and seized him by the forearm, causing Pit to cry out in pain.

"I'm going to kill you," he ground out between his teeth, "if these damn demons don't do it first."

Pit yanked his arm free and scowled, hiding the fact he was struggling to get another arrow ready. "I appreciate your concern, Dark Pit, but—"

"—but you're going back to Skyworld yesterday." Pit narrowed his eyes; Pittoo narrowed his eyes as well.

"Make. Me."

"Is that a challenge?"

Pit's scowl deepened, then a wicked smile crossed his face, something that sent a chill down Pittoo's spine. "No," he said, and leveled an arrow at Dark Pit's heart. "It's a threat."

…

…Shit.

Is this guy serious?

Robotically, Dark Pit raised his open palms and took a step back. "Pit. Pit, you're not serious."

"No, I'm not." His face dropped into a grin and he leapt into the air, gliding above the fight with arrows flying like clockwork. He was still off mark but visibly improving by the moment. Dark Pit was rooted to his spot, eyes on the white angel.

"Hey, Palutena…"

"Pittoo?"

He didn't respond, the words stuck in his throat as enemy after enemy dropped steadily. Pit had taken up a rhythm: glide, shoot, land, and over and over again. His face was focused, a look he wore many times before, but Dark Pit couldn't help remembering the expression when he threatened to shoot.

Pit's efforts were small in the grand scheme of things, but the little aid he provided allowed the humans to gain a fighting advantage. Soon enough, it was down to them and Twinbellows. It growled, huge ropes of acidic drool falling to the earth and sizzling on contact. Pit's back was straight as he faced the flaming mutt, but Dark Pit could see the tired slump to his shoulders. Pit looked up to the sky for a moment, then the familiar light of extraction surrounded him. Without missing a beat, he ripped the fibula from his shoulder and tossed it into the dirt, cutting all contact with Skyworld. Dark Pit felt like ripping his hair out.

"Pittoo, please, at least give him this." The blue light shone down on him, bearing with it the Palutena Bow. "And watch his back."

"Tch. I already know." He took the bow and whistled sharply; a flaming head turned in his direction. "Hey, you overgrown mutt, how about you chew on one of these?" Twinbellows opened its mouth for a roar and Dark Pit fired an arrow right inside. Its jaws clamped shut and it stumbled backwards with a loud whine. The humans scattered to avoid being trampled but Pit was much slower; Pittoo lurched forward and grabbed his arm, pulling him out of the way before he was squashed.

"Thanks," Pit said, holding out the Silver Bow. Dark Pit snatched it with a glare.

"We," he said lowly, tossing the Palutena Bow over, "are going to have a talk later. But for now—"

"Duck!" he cried and pushed the dark angel's head down, narrowly avoiding a flaming claw swipe. Dark Pit grabbed Pit's hand from his head and made sure he was making eye contact.

"For now, don't die. Again."

"Will do." Pit gestured to the human warriors backing away from Twinbellows' advances. The dog was leaving flaming trails wherever its paws landed; soon the blaze would reach their city. "We have to get them to safety first. Back to their city."

"Okay, but—" Dark Pit paused and his eyes narrowed at the entry gates. The wall was made of thick stone slabs, but the top seemed hollow… "That's an aqueduct." Pit followed his gaze and grinned.

"Wash out Twinbellows?"

"Get them in the town first."

"I'll distract Twinbellows," Pit said, and before Pittoo could protest he was running back into the fray, firing at its massive paws. This time, Dark Pit did yank a chunk of hair out. He tried to calm down as he faced the townspeople.

"Retreat! Retreat!" he called, then felt a blaze of heat prickling at his feathers. He turned and began spinning his bow at top speed, dissipating the massive fireball that had been sent their way. The townspeople needn't be told twice; they turned tail and ran back to their gates. Pittoo brought up the rear, redirecting any stray bolts of fire.

Pit was holding his own as well as he could. He alighted on rock outcroppings to give himself a bit of a height edge as he fired volleys of arrows, but they didn't shine as brightly as they ought to. Pit's next landed resulted in botched footing, and his wings flapped uselessly as he tumbled onto his stomach. Twinbellows roared and his rightmost head snapped out and gobbled him in one bite.

"Pit!" Dark Pit shouted. Twinbellows whinnied in pain and shook its heads; he realized Pit was using his bow to keep its jaws propped open. Pit was clinging for his life but he was slipping towards its throat. Dark Pit glanced over his shoulder; the last man was just making his way through the gates. He notched another arrow and let it fly. The arrow sliced a massive chunk through the gate, letting the heavy flow of water gush across the dirt. He raced ahead and soared into the air, landing on Twinbellows' nose. In the seconds before it was swept away, he grabbed the Palutena Bow and yanked it—along with the idiot clinging—and flew forward. Twinbellows was knocked off its feet and into the flow, its fire dousing in a massive puff of steam. Dark Pit landed several feet on a low cliff.

"Are you okay?" he asked Pit, who was kneeling on the ground. He dragged himself up with a weak chuckle.

"My clothes aren't," he said, indicating his heavily charred robes. They looked out when Twinbellows moaned and found it trying and failing to rise to its paws. Pit suddenly let out a little noise. "This. This is." Pit's eyes roamed the battlefield constantly like he was caught in some sort of dream. "I'm unsatisfied."

"You're what?" Dark Pit wanted to give Pit a break, he really did, but the kid was grinding his nerves and he was two seconds away from plucking him. "I've already put my feathers on the line taking you out here against your goddess' wishes, and you have the nerve to be unsatisfied? Sorry, did you want me to throw you into Twinbellows' maw instead?"

"No, that's not…it…" Pit trailed off and didn't continue. Dark Pit stepped closer, frustration melting into concern, and Pit suddenly pitched forward; Dark Pit glided the remaining distance to prevent him from face planting on the ground.

"Pit? Pit!" Pit remained unresponsive for several seconds, and just when Dark Pit was really beginning to freak out, Pit's eyes fluttered open.

"…Why are you holding me?"

Dark Pit dropped Pit, who hit the ground with a little oof. "She was right, you aren't well enough to be doing this," he said flatly, touching his fibula. "Palutena, take us back."

The extraction light surrounded them and lifted their wings to the heavens. Pit rolled over in midair and Dark Pit stared at his skinny back, the wings struggling to keep him aloft. "You really think this was a bad idea?" Pit said without looking at him. Dark Pit sighed.

"Yes, I do."

"I saw the fight, I had to come help."

"Pit—" He paused and looked harder at Pit's wings. A few of his underfeathers were black. Before, he would've thought it an insignificant side effect, but after the way Pit had acted… He hated it, but he had to speak with Palutena and Viridi. "Yeah, I understand, birdbrain."

Pit gave Pittoo a cross look and folded his arms. Then he smiled. "I forgot to say it earlier, but thanks for bringing me back."

Yeah, just hope it's not gonna bite me in the ass.

Palutena and Viridi were both waiting for their return. Palutena looked Pit over worriedly before sending him off to the hot springs. Dark Pit waited until he left hearing distance before facing the two goddesses.

"I'm guessing from your face that things didn't go all peachy," Viridi said. "Palutena doesn't want me to say I told you so…but I don't care. So. I told you so."

"Next time you want a bomb dropped on some playground, you do it yourself," Dark Pit said. Viridi huffed and turned her head.

"Dark Pit, please, what happened out there?" Palutena asked. He shook his head.

"I don't know… He was just, just weird most of it. If I had to describe it…I'd say he was more like me than anything." A little more caustic, certainly more forceful, and…Pit would never threaten another person's life. No way. But neither would Dark Pit—at least, he wouldn't do it unprovoked. He certainly wouldn't have threatened Pit in such a way. But if he had to say that Pit was even worse than him…no, he couldn't. He shook it off and pulled his wings tight against his shoulder blades. "He's more blockheaded than before, but he still went and stuck his neck out to fight the Underworld Army. He's fine, just a little different than expected."

I'm damaged goods, they said. What happens when half a soul is split in two?

"I'm going to go find him, make sure he's alright." Dark Pit dismissed himself and turned away, ignoring their whispered conversation behind his back. Things would be okay…they had to be.

Pit was at his hot spring stripped down to his short, drifting lazily on his back in the golden water. His eyes were lidded as they focused on Dark Pit. "Whatcha got there?" he asked, looking at the bundle in his hands.

"I couldn't find any of your robes, so here's one of mine." He set it on the grass and sat down. Pit hummed appreciatively.

"Don't you wanna soak?"

"Nope."

"Well suit yourself." Pit rolled over and ducked his head beneath the surface. Dark Pit stared at his wet wings and the stark black feathers stared back. Maybe it was the lack of adrenaline in his veins, but he could count more now than there were before. His mouth skewed and he looked at his feet. He had spent far too many hours sitting in this same spot mourning Pit; it was foolish to do the same when Pit was there in front of him, alive and whole.

"Actually…count me in." He shrugged off his robes and arm bracers. He kicked off his sandals and stepped into the water, pumping his wings to propel himself closer to Pit. "I didn't tell you how you came back, did I?"

Pit raised an eyebrow. "No, you didn't get to." Dark Pit told him about Pandora and the Mirror of Truth. At the end of it Pit let out a long breath and shrugged. "You're right, that was pretty dumb. But it worked out didn't it? I'm here, Lady Palutena's happy, Viridi is as happy as she'll get…I think it worked out."

"Yeah." They floated in silence for a few minutes, just feeling the healing water, until Dark Pit moved to the shore. "I'm feeling like a game of Smash."

"Sure." Pit stepped onto the grass and went to one of the supporting columns where a store of towels was sheltered inside. He dried his hair and flapped his wings a bit to get them fluffed up; several feathers came free and the black ones were more obvious than ever.

"Pit, did you notice you have some black feathers?" Dark Pit decided to address the elephant in Skyworld. Pit blinked and pulled the tip of his wing around with his fingers, examining the underside.

"…Yeah, I guess you're right." And that was that. He picked up the robes Dark Pit brought and slipped them over his head. "Hey, how do I look?"

Dark Pit frowned and grabbed a towel of his own. "Don't know, don't care."

"Hey, don't be like that." He looked up to see Pit had already moved ahead of him. "Come on, last one gets the beat-up Joy-Con." He turned and raced forward, flapping his wings for a little speed, and Dark Pit's frown deepened. There definitely were more black feathers than before. But what did it mean?

"That Palutena's Guidance stuff was really on the nose," Pit remarked as the GAME screen appeared. "Whoever wrote the script really knows his stuff."

"Says you. I only had three lines." Pit laughed while Pittoo kept his eyes on the results. His Bowser lost to Pit's Little Mac. The odd thing was Pit never played Little Mac before. Now, he'd never played Pit in Smash beforehand, but for all the challenges Pit gave him, he only ever swore by Yoshi and Olimar—Palutena, too, said Pit was atrocious with those two yet he never tried another character. So how was he suddenly an expert in an entirely different class of a character? And it wasn't a fluke either; he'd been losing for the last four hours. The sky had long since turned dark from when they began.

"Also, definitely my best voice acting," he continued. "You sounded a little gruff."

"Shove it." Part of his surliness arose from the fact that in giving Pit his last clean robes, he had nothing to wear but the centurion tunic. He retaliated by plucking one of Pit's black feathers. Pit yelped in surprise.

"Hey, you shove it!" He shoved Pittoo off his bed and he hit the ground in a heap. He grabbed one of Pit's pillows and threw it at his face. He stood up and went to the television.

"Anyway, I'm going to—"

He froze, and the Palutena Bow embedded itself into the screen blade first, shattering it into hundreds of tiny glass bits. A little piece cut his cheek and he touched the wound in surprise, turning to Pit. The angel in question was frozen as well, eyes wide and wings on end, then he sat back and curled them in tight.

"I just," he paused, "Don't do that again."

The pillow or the feather? he thought, but just as with Palutena, he couldn't vocalize. He nodded and left without another word, and as he trekked back to his unofficial room, he was forced to face facts: something was wrong with Pit. Now, how was he going to explain it to the goddesses?

He was lying in bed mulling it over when Palutena's frantic voice suddenly filled his head: "Pittoo, Pit just ran off!"

"He what?" he said, flummoxed at first.

"He took his bow and just left through his window. I didn't give him the Power of Flight and neither did Viridi. He also took off his fibula." He ground his teeth—was Pit trying to run away? "I'm begging you, please go after him."

"On it." Dark Pit got up, laced his sandals, strapped on his bow and was already heading to the exit doors. He could hear Palutena's faint cries in the back of his mind and grimaced. This whole thing was turning into one massive shitshow. He should have thought it through better. For now, he had to rectify the problem he created.

He leapt through the doors and with the Power of Flight he was cutting through the starry night sky. He had always had a faint sense of Pit's location, and though Pit never said as much he assumed it was mutual—this time, he sensed Pit farther to the east than he had ever been. He followed his instincts and shot across the sky.

"Soo," Viridi said, "what's the plan, Inkling?"

"The plan is to get Pit back."

"And theennn?" She sounded far too amused for the situation and he snapped at her. "Well, bringing him back is short-term, isn't it? Whatever's going on with him will still be there when you get back."

"I don't know. Shut up. I'll figure it out."

"I hope you do." And she left with that.

The pull between the angels grew stronger and Dark Pit's Power of Flight was down to less than a minute. Luckily it didn't seem to matter much, for the land ahead was wrought with massive brambles shining a sickly greenish grey in the moonlight. Another Reset Bomb Forest, it seemed, but even older than the last one; there wasn't even the tiniest hint of human interaction.

As he lowered himself to the earth he spotted strange shadows scattered across the dirt. The moon brightened and he realized they were the fresh bodies of Underworld enemies peppered with arrows; they had already begun to dissolve into Hearts, but it meant Pit hadn't gotten there too long ago. He hit the ground as his wings returned to normal size and tripped over something surprisingly corporeal. He rose to his rear with a groan and looked over what he fell—and his heart stopped cold.

T…That's a human.

Granted, a human speared through with a Monoeye like a kabob, but a human nonetheless. He slowly rose to his feet and looked around the battlefield more closely. There were some more humans, less than a dozen who appeared to have been caught in the crossfire. He swallowed and stepped carefully around their bodies to the cluster of forestry. There was a small entry point close to the ground; he lowered himself to his belly and crawled through.

The same as before, barely any light could shine through, just enough for him to see his fingers right in front of his face. His bow caught on a low hanging branch and he suddenly wondered why he brought it. He didn't expect to fight Pit…did he? Sure, if it came down to it, he would bonk some sense into that empty head, but a real fight—no, he couldn't. He couldn't. Everything had just become so terrible so quickly and he couldn't handle it.

He continued crawling until more light was shining through the small tunnel. He could make out a clearing at the end and picked up the pace until he could see into the forest. There was a large mossy rock at the center where Pit was perched, his wings folded in tightly and his head down. The bow was dangling loosely from his fingers as Dark Pit came into view.

"Pit, what happened?" He jumped a little in surprise, eyes wide in the moonlight. Suddenly Dark Pit realized they weren't quite blue; there were some flecks of red in there that made them more lapis colored. "What are you doing? What happened out there?"

"What, the Underworld Army? I destroyed them. That's what I do."

"But there were humans too."

"They were in the way," he shrugged. "I didn't want to, but they were." Pittoo's eyes narrowed.

"Pit wouldn't do that."

"So what, you're saying I'm not me?" He laughed aloud until he realized Pittoo wasn't following along. Pit stood up with the bow clenched tightly in both hands. "I am Pit," he said, glaring down at the other. "Servant to the Goddess of Light."

"Then why did you run away from her?" he challenged. Pit started to avert his eyes, then he raised his chin.

"I had to fight. It was…I just had to."

"Like you had to throw that blade at my hand, or had to threaten my life if I dragged you back to Skyworld. Do you see yourself, what you're doing? It's pretty messed up from my point of view."

"Who are you to tell me wrong from right?" he continued.

"Don't know, really. All I can say for sure is things aren't the way they're supposed to be. Here I am, dressed like a centurion, and there you are…the black angel."

A shadow passed over Pit's face as his wings stretched overhead. They were thickly mottled with black, so much that the white feathers were more like accents. "Leave," he said, raising the Palutena Bow, "or else."

"And there you go again with the threats. Don't worry, I'm not here to threaten you." Dark Pit split his bow into blades. "I'm bringing you back one way or another, and that's a promise."

Pit unleashed a volley of highspeed arrows that would've sent any human soldiers running for their lives. Pittoo deflected them smoothly with his two blades before lunging forward, tackling Pit from his rock and to the grass below. Pit gained the upper hand and Dark Pit struggled with his blades to keep the Palutena Bow from plunging into his ribcage; he brought up a foot and dug it into Pit's gut, sending him flying backwards with a heavy whump. Pit rolled to his feet instantly and launched an arrow with a massive energy trail. Dark Pit launched an arrow of his own and their collision led to a huge burst of wind which flattened all the surrounding trees. Leaves filled the air and rained down on them.

"What's the point of this?" Dark Pit said. "We are copies, even matches to one another."

Pit didn't respond, instead launching a blade of the Palutena Bow like a javelin once again. Dark Pit's left wing was pinned to the rock and he bit down a cry of pain. He yanked the sword free when Pit rushed him and slammed it against his intended swipe, cracking both blades. He twirled the Silver Bow in his free hand and cut a clean line of Pit's fringe before he managed to leap backwards. The lack of hair bared his raging expression to the moonlight.

Dark Pit loosed several tracking arrows that Pit easily avoided, circling the clearing before scaling the rock behind him. Dark Pit stumbled backwards when Pit pounced on him, his blades cutting into the dirt, then he threw himself up and forward in a wild flurry of disorganized slashes. Dark Pit struggled to parry with his own swords; this sloppy style was nothing he was used to, and he was being forced backwards. His heel caught on a rock and he tripped backwards, narrowly avoiding a slice that would've taken his head. Then, as his back hit the grass, he watched Pit's swords coming for his heart. He didn't think, didn't look who he was facing; he turned his blade out and struck.

Pit's blade slid heavy into the space between two ribs, just barely missing his lung but causing a few fractures. He missed Dark Pit's heart from the impact of the Silver Bow plunging into his gut. His eyes bugged.

"Pit—" Blood gushed from the point of impact, staining his hand and face before Pit fell forward onto the grass adjacent. Dark Pit struggled to sit up past the burning agony in his chest and rolled Pit onto his back. His face was screwed in pain and he was pressing both hands into the wound. When his eyes focused on Dark Pit he exploded into a wild series of expletives that would've made Viridi blush. It lasted for all of fifteen seconds before he ran out of breath and passed out cold.

"Pittoo?"

"Pittoo? What's the situation? Where is Pit?"

Déjà vu, Dark Pit thought with a sick laugh. "Palutena, take us back."

"Us?" she repeated, then fell silent as they were extracted.

They landed on the floor of Palutena's Temple with a whump. Centurions immediately rushed in, picking up Pit's still speared body and rushing him outside, presumably to the hot spring. Palutena knelt at Pittoo's side and helped him sit up. Her face was ashen and he gave her a small smile. "He's back. E-Excuse me if he isn't wh-whole." She helped him up and he pushed her away, pressing a hand to his damaged ribs. "I-I'm sorry. Th-This is all my f-fault."

"Pittoo—" She exhaled hard and wrapped her arms around herself. "I have to check on Pit. I just…we'll talk about this more when he's stable."

She turned away and hurried in the directions of the centurions. Dark Pit brought his knees up to his chest and bowed his face into them. His wings shielded him from the world when hot tears poured down his cheeks. "D-Dammit…dammit…"

Palutena was…occupied, so it was up to Viridi to get Dark Pit's side of the story, so she said. Dark Pit was content to just stay under the sheets and avoid the world.

"No one's blaming you for anything, ya know," she said with a sigh. "We just want the full story."

"Yeah, well, I don't want to talk. So beat it."

Viridi gave a much more dramatic sigh and Dark Pit's ankle was suddenly trapped in some thorny vise grip. He was yanked upside-down via a thick piece of ivy that had grown through the window and onto the ceiling. Viridi tapped his nose with her staff, eyes narrowed. "We dropped it before when you claimed Pit was fine. Now your sword's getting deeply acquainted with his insides. Something's missing here and you're the one that needs to clear it up."

His ribs felt like rolling hot coals in his chest and he was having some difficulty catching his breath. He might have cried if he felt like he had any tears left. "He tried to kill me."

"What? I couldn't hear you."

"He tried to kill me!" he shouted, looking Viridi right in the eyes. "He tried to kill me three times—this time, if I hadn't stabbed him, he would've done it. I saw in his eyes, he would've done it."

Viridi's eyes widened and for once the goddess was completely speechless. The vine unraveled and Dark Pit hit the bed in a heap; he groaned at the spike of pain from the impact. She sat heavily in a nice chair and brushed her hair from her eyes. "So," she said at length, "what shall we do?"

"I don't…rrgh…know."

"Actually, I was giving the illusion of choice. I know what I'm doing." She mimed slicing her throat and Pittoo growled.

"No, you're not."

"And if I don't then what, he'll come in for lucky try number four? Well, whatever; I know Palutena will want him to talk when he's well enough, and I'm sure as hell gonna be there to see it. Have fun writing your will." She stood and twirled her staff before disappearing in a flurry of leaves and a gust of wind.

Silence. A world of silence.

Days, weeks, perhaps even months later, Dark Pit woke in the dead of the night to see a winged figure crouched on the windowsill. Luminescent violet eyes turned to meet his.

"Hey," Pit said softly. Dark Pit nodded but couldn't find his words. Those black and white wings fluttered uneasily before wrapping around his bandaged torso. "I'm…sorry for trying to stab you."

"Are you really?" he snapped without thinking and hated himself for doing so. Pit frowned in the moonlight, eyes lowered.

"I don't know, but it seems the right thing to do. Apologizing."

Dark Pit sat up from the tangle of sheets. "Apologies mean nothing unless you understand what you did wrong."

"I do. At least, Lady Palutena told me. Something's…I'm not right, am I? I'm not the Pit you guys knew. I can see it in your eyes…you're disappointed." Dark Pit shrugged a shoulder, fighting to keep his face blank. Pit sighed. "I want to ask something." His eyes returned to Pittoo's, searching, wanting something. "What's wrong with me?"

"Who knows?" It was painful to admit, but there it was. Pit's wings tightened around himself. "But, Pit, running off isn't an answer."

"'Else what? I stay and endure this…these looks you guys give me?" he spat. "I'm not who you want me to be. No one ever went around forcing you to be Pit, right?"

"Well no one went around trying to impale me." His fists, previously knotted in the sheets, balled against his sides, and he threw the blanket aside to stand on his feet, wings taut against his back. "Pit—and that's who you are, you are still Pit—I don't care if you're a walking talking eggplant. What those goddesses were saying before…they said you might not have a soul at all. But they said the same thing about me, and look! I would risk my own life to save yours, because you went and did so for me. Your light is what sustains my shadow."

"So what do you expect me to do? Change to fit your mold?"

"Pit, I want to ask you something. Why did you try to kill me?" He struggled to maintain eye contact and so did Pit, but Pit was the first to look away, turning until he could sit with his back to the window. With his face in the shadows Dark Pit couldn't be sure, but it seemed his eyes were glistening.

"I'm sorry."

"Pit. Answer."

"I ju—I don't know! I was upset…every time, you'd upset me, and I j—I just wanted to cause some damage. Burn off steam."

"Even if the thing you're damaging is me?"

He turned his head away. "Made no difference to me. I guess that makes me depraved."

"It wasn't right," Pittoo agreed.

"Therein lies the problem. I don't know right from wrong, not anymore. Is this what it's like, lacking a soul? Feeling empty and lost all the time? Is this what you felt like, Dark Pit?" He looked at Pittoo again and this time he was certainly crying. Dark Pit smiled bitterly; at least he had some emotional capacity.

"More or less."

"…Can it really be fixed?" His voice was as soft as a breeze. Pittoo sighed and moved to sit next to Pit.

"You won't be the same. None of us will be, I guess. But it can be fixed, and you will be fine. And if not…well, I'll always be here. You'll have to try a lot harder to kill me, birdbrain."

"Promise?" He didn't know if Pit meant promising to fix him or promising not to die; either way, he had no plans on reneging on either. He set a hand on Pit's forearm, squeezing hard.

"Promise."

Pit stared at Dark Pit's hand for a long moment, lost in his thoughts. Then the corner of his lip twitched. "Should we hug now?"

"I'd rather not."

"But," he said sagely, eyes shining, "it would be the Pit thing to do."

He rolled his eyes so hard he thought they would pop out. "If it makes you feel better—"

He couldn't speak when Pit trapped him in a tight bear hug, his multicolored wings wrapped around Pittoo's head. He wanted to complain, but…his scent. Pit always sort of smelled like freedom, if he had to put it into words; a combination of sweet wild grass, tangy hot spring water, lemony laundry soap, and the clearness of the open sky. Though they said this Pit didn't have a soul, the smell was still there, and it was so poignant it made Pittoo's eyes cloud with tears. He sniffed as subtly as he could, but being next to Pit's ear, the boy noticed.

"Hey, Pittoo, are you crying?" he asked.

"I'm—shut up. Hug me."

"I am already," he said smartly, but complied anyway.

Pit was training on the grass, effortlessly sliding through various combat maneuvers with the Palutena Bow. It would have been nothing out of the ordinary if his wings weren't mottled black and his eyes shone violet in the sunlight. Palutena gripped her elbows and hummed with disconcert.

"Are you sure about this, Dark Pit?" she said softly, though he wouldn't be able to hear them from the gates of the palace.

"Not particularly," he said, seated on the windowsill and polishing the Silver Bow. "But I don't plan on offing another Pit."

"That may be so, but…"

"I believe things'll work out. I may not be an all-seeing goddess or whatever, but I'm walking proof." He slid to the tiled floor and strapped the bow across his back, joining Palutena in the doorway. Their shadows fell across the grass, not equal in size nor status. "Pit's the one who made me more human. The least I can do is return the favor."

She still seemed doubtful but held her grievances and tongue. Viridi, however, had so such qualms. Should he become a threat, he'll know the power of nature, she said with no traces of her usual dispassion or sarcasm—it was nothing short of a promise. So make sure I don't have to, Dark Pit.

"Put a seed in it," he replied, stepping onto the grass. "Gods and goddesses, you get hung up on the wrong things. That kid is no less an annoying pest than he was before, 'cept he's almost good enough to beat me in a swordfight. But he'll come to find," he grinned darkly, drawing the bow and holding the blade out, "a centurion is no match for a real black angel."

He ran out onto the green calling, "Yo, Pit, right here and now!" Pit, a bit out of breath from his training, nodded, and with a mutual grin, the two angels descended into a match of blows. Evenly matched, a show with no end in sight, a dance of two halves struggling to reform. But they would reform, that, Pittoo was confident in, for there was no shadow that could be without a source of light.

#kid icarus #kid icarus fanfiction #Kid Icarus Uprising #angst #tragedy #fanfiction

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rutilation · 5 years

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Does mulching a prisoner of war into shiny little woodchips before burying them alive indefinitely count as a violation of the Geneva Conventions? Asking for a friend.

(Hi guys, I’m back, and I brought 4,400 words with me.)

First of all, my apologies for the nearly five month wait. Ever since last spring, I haven’t had much time at all to devote to writing and I’ve only been able to work on this essay in small increments. And yet, despite the fact that I don’t have the time to do so, this essay somehow turned into a bloated treatise on the failings of gem society. Truly, I am a slave to my obsessions.

I’ve refrained from reading chapter 80 because I just know that if I do, it will insinuate itself into my brain like a tumor and I won’t be able to concentrate on finishing this essay. (That said, I did happen to see someone on twitter make a joking reference to third impact in regards to said chapter, so I am certainly Afraid.) Though my takes may be ice cold by this point, I hope that there are some nuggets of insight to be found in this. With that said, here are my thoughts on chapters 78 and 79.

While the past two chapters have certainly been…hard to read, I think that their contents have been a long time coming, primarily regarding the parallels between Phos and Kongou, and the uglier undercurrents of gem society reaching their logical conclusion. (And I gotta say, this display of—for lack of a better term—inhumanity on the part of the gems jives quite well with all the Shirley Jackson I’ve been reading lately. When I get tired of one display of flagrant mob violence, I can quickly flip to another.)

And then there’s the matter of the gems on the moon… I remember that when I first got into hnk, which was right around the time when Phos and the others left for the moon, everyone was afraid that Phos would go off the deep end and the gems stuck on the moon would end up as collateral damage in Phos’s quest for vengeance. But since Ichikawa is too powerful us, she said “what if it was the other way around, and Phos is the one getting thrown under the bus while the moon gems start a death cult?”

So there’s a lot to talk about, but let’s address the earth gems first, because these characters sure do live in a society. (In order to make my prose more tolerable, I encourage my readership to take a shot every time I write the words “gem society.”)

First of all, I’ve seen a number of people interpret Kongou’s line about the gems forgetting Phos very literally, and assume that the earth gems all have Phos-specific amnesia. I highly doubt this is the case, and he probably just means that Phos is now out of sight and out of mind.

As bleak as the situation is, I think it’s been a long time coming. From the beginning, one of the major philosophical elements of the story has been how the gems’ desire to give meaning to their long lives has compelled them to create a society in which only those with a concrete purpose have value. The characters see themselves and each other as instrumentally but not inherently valuable. With so much of the story focused on how this ethos hurts those individuals who aren’t seen as useful, how much it fosters shame and self-hatred, and how much it makes the gems unable and unwilling to help each other through hardship and depression, it makes sense to me that this inhumane mindset would eventually boil over into something truly cruel, and thus the other shoe has finally dropped. In a strange way, I have more respect for Rutile’s attitude towards the situation than I do the rest of the earth gems (sans Euclase, who I’ll get to in a moment.) Rutile is treating Phos like an enemy that must be vanquished, whereas the others are treating Phos as a kid treats their dirty clothes when they don’t want to do laundry—by shoving it in the back of a closet and trying to forget about it. The former strikes me as less dishonest and dehumanizing than the latter.

Even before chapter 79 made it official, I had a gut feeling that the timetable for figuring out what to do with Phos was nonexistent. I’ll be generous and assume Cinnabar was being sincere in the moment when they implied that they’d put Phos back together eventually. But just like how everyone ignored Cinnabar’s suffering because there was no compelling incentive to do anything about it, or how they all turned a blind eye to the Kongou/Lunarian situation for millennia, I figured that Phos would end up as another problem they wouldn’t bother solving. (Regarding Cinnabar, while I hope they’re still on good terms with everyone after the time skip, I would not be the least bit surprised if the earth gems started ostracizing them again once it became apparent that there would be no new attacks from the moon and thus no further reason to tolerate their mercury.)

(Bort, please stick up for them.)

And to be clear, this is a problem that the earth gems are refusing to solve in exchange for a short-term sense of security. If Phos and Kongou had been allowed to hash things out, and this stalemate hadn’t festered for 220 years, then maybe the moon gems wouldn’t be entertaining the idea of starting that aforementioned death cult. (Tbh, this mostly applies to 84, Yellow, and Dia, since Cairn has been their own personal death cult since chapter 33.) Even leaving aside how bad things have gotten already, if this state of affairs had continued to drag on, I think the situation would have gotten very ugly the second Aechmea got tired of waiting. While playing fruit ninja or whatever with Cairngorm, he says something to the effect of losing a battle here or there isn’t important as long as you win the war in the end, which I’m pretty sure is meant to communicate to the audience that Aechmea is playing the long game. And since he hasn’t done anything in the interim other than reluctantly and incrementally humor Cairngorm’s pet project, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that he’s biding his time specifically for Phos, and that he’s counting on them eventually being reawakened. In that case, what would have happened if Kongou had been too meek to interfere, and the gems succeeded in getting rid of Phos for good? If Aechmea eventually gave up on his current scheme, scrapped working with Phos, and came up with a new plan, I’m betting things would quickly devolve into heinous war crimes since he’s only played nice so far in order to keep Phos on his side.

In chapter 78, we get to see two instances of the most common nugget of gem wisdom: only act when you’re guaranteed to succeed, and never take risks. It been a common refrain, with Antarc, and more subtly, Dia being the only gems aside from Phos to push back against that sentiment. And to be clear, I’m not saying any one of these iterations necessarily are bad advice, but it’s become increasingly obvious that it’s the only acceptable mode of dealing with problems in gem society. More on that in a minute.

So, uh, regarding Euclase, here’s an exclusive picture of me, after I’d spent months writing: “Gee, this Euclase character seems pretty shady, but I have faith in Cinnabar, Bort, and Jade to act humanely!’

That said, I think I got at least one aspect of their characterization right in my Euclase-focused essay—that they have a greater comprehension of their mortality than most. Unlike the other gems, they’re not childishly naïve enough to believe that ignoring their problems will save them; they understand that death is always around the corner, and that the (mostly) tranquil life the gems lead requires constant maintenance. Simply sliding down the path of least resistance will come back to bite them all in the ass later down the line, and Euclase knows it. That’s probably why they at least went through the motions of asking Kongou to pray every day for two hundred twenty years.

This is a bit of a tangent, but regarding my earlier point about the gems not commiserating at all, Peridot and Sphene come across as anomalies in that they helped each other through their grief over their lost partners, but that doesn’t seem to happen all that often. As we see in the aftermath of the winter arc, it seemingly did not occur to any of the gems who had lost friends of their own to try and help Phos through their grief. And I think it’s likely that they weren’t given much comfort in their hours of need either. Yellow bottled up their grief, Alex and (presumably) Red Beryl threw themselves into their work to the point of obsession, and Ghost seemed to have largely withdrawn from everyone else. But none of them really healed or helped anyone else heal. Despite their society placing a high value on interdependence, the gems are truly alone when they have to reckon with complicated or inconvenient emotions.

It may be hard to remember, but Phos was once influenced by all these toxic mindsets as well. Recall Phos’s conversation with Benito in chapter two: it implies that Cinnabar did live with the other gems during Phos’s lifetime, recently enough that Phos expects to find them in their room. From this we can infer that our kindhearted Phos never reached out to the clearly lonely Cinnabar while they were actually around, and didn’t even notice when they left the school for good. They may have had the potential for kindness from a very young age, but it was only when they were hit with with the stark truth of Cinnabar’s suffering that they snapped out of the fog of apathy that seems to surround the gems.

In fact, it almost seems like the struggle to drag the gems kicking and screaming out of their comfort zone is a macrocosm for what Phos had to grow out of at the beginning of the series. You’ll recall that once upon a time they were lazy, wanted easy solutions to their problems, and had no faith in their ability to effect change. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that in the eyes of gem society, the problem wasn’t really that Phos was lazy, it’s that their laziness manifested in the wrong ways. They were supposed to be fastidious and reliable about things like crafting, or fighting, or writing reports, but apathetic towards anything that requires more nuance or imagination than that, kindness or cruelty be damned.

All this is cast into even sharper relief if you think back on the arc with Ventricosus. She was in far more dire straits than the earth gems are now, and had a compelling incentive to throw Phos under the bus. But in the end, that wasn’t a line she was willing to cross. Her final line: “If we’re not willing to change our ways, we’ll end up just like the Lunarians,” seems quite portentous in retrospect. I don’t think Ichikawa is positing that being immortal makes you a sociopath, otherwise characters like Kongou, Yellow, and Padpa wouldn’t be such cinnamon buns. But I think she is insinuating that someone who refuses to change is dooming themselves to a state of perpetual immaturity, and that being truly kind requires growing up a bit. It’s a harder for someone who knows they’ll die one day to remain in a state of arrested development than it is for someone who could indefinitely procrastinate on growing up, and just focus all their mental energy into making paper or whatever for all of eternity.

And this seems as good a point as any to stop harping on gem society and start talking about the gems on the moon, starting with my muse, my most problematic of faves.

I brought up in my chapter 77 essay that Aechmea may not be willing to divulge what he was about to tell Cairn, and that was exactly what happened. Since he’s only willing to share this mysterious information if he literally would not be around for the fall out, I’m guessing that whatever this secret is, it’s not benign. And while Cairn has probably put it out of their mind by chapter 79, it’s clear that it’s bugging them before the time skip. I smell a shocking revelation brewing and I dread to imagine what could possibly top mind-control eyeballs. Make no mistake, I’ve devoted an embarrassing amount of brainspace the past nine months or so to contemplating what it will look like when the other shoe finally drops for Cairn’s character arc. (Is there a German word for the ambivalence that arises from wanting to call future plot twists for bragging rights, but not wanting to look like a dipshit if your predictions are wrong?)

Their line from chapter 78 that I alluded to earlier in this essay is rather interesting to me, because although they’re referring to Phos, they might as well be talking about Aechmea. They exhausted themselves to their breaking point trying to look after someone who didn’t take care of themselves, but they’ve nonetheless latched onto someone who is also seeking self-destruction. And as I pointed out earlier in this essay, this line also serves as yet another iteration of the defeatist sentiment that the gems often espouse. But, for a while, it had seemed like Cairn was moving away from that. The decision Cairn made in chapter 67 was certainly…fraught. But, one can’t deny that it wasn’t a brave one on their part, to leave behind everything they knew and cared about for a shot at living authentically; the only problem was that they undercut that step forward by returning to their chronic doormat tendencies. And again in chapter 70, they took a risk by sneaking off to earth knowing that Aechmea would pitch a fit later. But ever since chapter 75, they’ve been backsliding. As said chapter pointed out, their wish has shifted from wanting freedom to wanting what amounts to eternal codependency. I also find it interesting that Cairngorm apparently hasn’t bothered with getting a new name, and is just copying Aechmea’s shtick of going by his title. They’ve gone from sharing a name with Ghost, to having their own name, to not having a name at all. In conclusion, my child is a god damned mess.

I know I said I was done talking about gem society, but I guess I’m not. Going back to what I said in the last paragraph, about Phos not taking care of themselves, that’s been a reoccurring element throughout the series, and in my opinion, it was a significant contributor to the breakdown of Phos’s relationships. The reason Phos never just tried to make friends with Cinnabar—which is what the latter really wanted, and only focused their efforts on following through on their promise, was because Phos’s self-loathing runs so deep that it doesn’t occur to them that anyone would actually want their company for its own sake. Chapter 14 is the most direct allusion to this in my mind. Phos clearly wants to talk to Cinnabar, but instead they hide away and mutter that they’d have nothing to say to them. And as I touched on a moment ago, Phos’s self-destructive tendencies wore down Cairngorm over the course of their partnership.

But, here’s the thing: Phos’s self-loathing isn’t some immutable part of their nature, it was instilled in them by their society from the moment it became apparent that Phos couldn’t slot neatly into a role. This is very apparent in the early chapters, in which no one ever misses an opportunity to remind Phos of their uselessness (except Dia, bless their heart.) Back then, they pretended to not care about it by way of snark and bravado, but in truth, I think it warped their self-perception in an incredibly negative way.

There’s also something that illustrates this which has been on my mind for a while, but I haven’t had the opportunity to talk about it. When Phos was trapped by their arms during Antarc’s fateful capture, the insult they yelled at their arms to get them moving is the same one that Bort lobbed at them a few times in volume one. I usually see different translations of the word between the two scenes, but to my non-Japanese-fluent ears, it sounded like the same word to me when I watched the anime. It was a striking way of implying that this moment of personal growth had been seeded with something more insidious, that their self-loathing is a taint that has followed them across their many incarnations. I’m not the first one to point this out, but there’s always been a certain tension within the text regarding Phos’s changes. On one hand, their courage to change is framed as admirable and heroic, but on the other hand, they’re also hurting themselves because of social pressure to avoid being useless, which is kind of awful. I think the narrative resolves this tension by making Phos’s quest for validation something which would eventually lead them to try and tear down the status quo that they hurt themselves for in the first place.

Okay, back to the moon gems. I’ve reread the part of chapter 79 focused on the moon several times, and it just feels more ominous with each iteration. What exactly was their idea of administering therapy for Yellow? Why is Amethyst on board with Cairn’s death bullshit? Why is Dia okay with it? Why did they stop fixing the dusted gems? And most concerning, where are the other three gems—especially Alex who would probably be extremely opposed to halting the gem restoration? It feels as if there’s something terrible just out of our field of view and chapter 79 is dancing around it. (But hey, my intuition was wrong about Euclase so maybe when I read chapter 80 Ichikawa will tell me that Alex, Goshe, and Benito were at moon-disneyland the whole time, and that Aechmea is a real swell guy, actually.)

(No, I’m not bitter in the least.)

I also find it interesting that in chapter 79, Cairn is espousing a lot of the same sentiments as poor Yellow, but since they can mask the dysfunction better, they’re treated as an expert rather than a victim. In reality, both of them are in serious need of a therapist, which is apparently non-existent in the post-post-apocalypse.

And finally, Barbata continues to be the truest audience surrogate. I find it interesting that he clearly doesn’t approve of all the bullshit going on, while at the same time being too reticent to do anything about it, aside from some side-eyes and passive-aggressive comments. Perhaps there will be some payoff to this down the line?

At this point, let’s talk about Kongou, because both his actions and his role as a sort of parallel to Phos in the narrative are fascinating. I think this is the first time in the story that he’s really done something proactive. I touched on this in a cursory character analysis I did for him, but to reiterate, the impression I got from his at times obtuse and contradictory behavior was that he had completely given up on trying to solve the Lunarian problem long before the series had begun, and that the only thing cutting through his despair and compelling him to get up in the morning and not just “meditate” forever was the prospect of spending a little more time with the people he loves, even knowing that he couldn’t protect them in any way that mattered. But watching Phos’s struggle reignited a tiny bit of hope in him, enough that he wanted them to succeed in their efforts, but not enough for him to believe that he himself could make a difference. To me, that seems like the only explanation that accounts for both his obstinacy when Phos directly confronted him along with his casual acceptance of the path Phos has been walking.

So for him to go behind everyone’s back to fix Phos is quite the departure from his usual passivity, and it tells us that he’d rather subject himself and everyone else to Phos’s brand of chaos than endure stasis that comes with their absence. And it really does seem like the world enters a stasis along with Phos whenever they end up comatose. Nothing moves forward, and the only thing to mark the passage of time are small deteriorations: Morga and Goshe are captured, and Cairn quietly becomes suicidal, and this time around, Yellow gradually loses their mind, the Admirabilis that Phos tried to spare overcrowd the tiny waterways they were released into, and the gems on the moon stop caring about whether they live or die.

For a while now, various characters both gem and Lunarian have called Phos their hope, or their savior, or some variation thereupon, and with each new iteration, the sentiment feels more and more ironic. Time and time again, Phos rises to the occasion only to buckle under pressure, their noble intentions haven’t gotten them good results since, like, chapter 10, and everyone who at one point had faith in them is completely done with them. And at the end of it all, they don’t have it in them to ask Kongou to pray on anyone’s behalf but their own, as if they’ve become so exhausted that they don’t have the energy to be kind anymore. And just to rub salt in the wound, their ambiguous phrasing makes it unclear whether Phos is asking to Kongou get rid of the Lunarians or themselves.

All of this seems to mirror what Kongou is implied to have gone through. He was created to save the souls of humanity, but was ill-equipped for the task, and he’s spent god knows how many millennia dogged by his failure to deliver. Aechmea’s line in chapter 55 about how his human creators didn’t bother to think about what would happen to him after everyone was gone, in my mind, parallels how Phos has been abandoned by the people who once supported them once they became too much of an inconvenience.

So now that these two failed saviors are finally confronting each other with no lies to hide behind, and nothing to get between them, what’s going to happen? I get the feeling that chapter 80 is going to give us some long awaited catharsis, for better or worse. (Please Ichikawa, make things a little better for once.)

On a related note, I’m hoping this possible catharsis might clarify something else for me. For all that the series is steeped in Buddhist symbolism and philosophy, I’ve never been able to tell what Ichikawa actually thinks of Buddhism. On one hand, the assumptions that life boils down to suffering and that the self is ephemeral and illusory are certainly present, but on the other hand, the characters who lean most heavily on the Buddhist aesthetic are villains, the characters most invested in reaching nirvana are portrayed as…let’s say misguided at best, and as I’ve already noted above, our two would-be Buddhas are chronically ineffectual. If I had to take a stab at it, I’d guess that the aspect of the philosophy that she takes issue with is the idea of relying on a savior figure and the idea that there exists a nirvana that could save anyone from samsara. But if the Lunarians’ wish were a complete pipe dream, then Shiro et al wouldn’t have already disappeared? Unless that was a misdirection and their souls were actually reincarnated? Idk, I don’t have enough brain cells to parse The Most Viable Interpretation at this juncture in the story.

Lastly, assuming Phos doesn’t ascend to nirvana via pure rage next chapter, I think their next replacement is going to be imminent. All of Phos’s other changes have been accompanied by death and birth imagery: they lost their legs out at sea, which is where inclusions are said to emerge, they lost their arms and their head at the site of their birth, the time they spent comatose evoked the image of a shrouded corpse in a morgue, their first trip to the moon in which they got their new eye apparently lasted the length of a Buddhist funeral, and now, they’ve literally been buried. (On a side note, it’s interesting that there’s a lot more death imagery for their later transformations, while their earlier changes alluded to birth.) I’m not the first person to point this out, but it seems likely to me that Rutile made good on their threat to throw Phos into the ocean, and discarded whatever pieces they were assigned to bury. And indeed, there seems to be a gaping hole in Phos’s torso. I still think Padparadscha is the most likely candidate for a replacement—the red stone from the lotus sutra has been alternately described as ruby, carnelian, amber, or coral, and Padparadscha is the closest we have to any of those—but who knows. Ichikawa might even decide to stop short of all seven treasures in service of some greater thematic purpose.

And with that, this belated essay is finally done. Except it isn’t. This is a complete tangent, but I recently looked up the one and only region where gem-quality phosphophyllite was briefly mined, a mountain in the Bolivian Andes called Cerro Rico. Hundreds of thousands have died there since the 16th century while mining silver, and that figure may be lowballing it, as some scholars think the death toll is actually in the millions. It is colloquially known as “the Mountain that Eats Men,” and the miners pay tribute to this fellow in hopes of avoiding cave-ins and pockets of toxic gas, but are otherwise doomed to die young from silicosis. According to a forum post I found belonging to a mineral collector, the mineshaft where all the phosphophyllite came from had to be walled off with a concrete bulkhead because the poisonous gases that accumulated in the tunnel had killed a number of miners. The idea of gem mining already conjures up images of exploited workers in abject conditions, but I must say that Maneater Mountain exceeded my expectations.

Okay, now I’m actually done. I’m going to get some sleep on account of the fact that it’s 2 AM, but afterwards I shall read the new chapter and repeat this whole grueling cycle over again, but like, in a timely manner.

#houseki no kuni #land of the lustrous #I know I’ve spent the whole essay trashing ¾ of the cast but I really do hope they eventually get over themselves #i've spent hours rereading this but i just KNOW in my heart that there are a billion typos and those typos will haunt my soul #goodnight

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clownsgobeepbeep · 5 years

Text

The Miss’ Friends

@grotesquegabby

@post-itpenny

Gonna take a small-ish break from the angst/bittersweetness, kind of, so I went and wrote this useless but I guess...nice thing X3 Some of yours are in this

This takes place after the fic where Lennie talked to Ula in the future uwu

After the other day, Ula had been feeling quite awful because of everything that had happened. Or more like, what she did and caused.

Technically, this is an introduction X3 These will be written more hopefully~

Her emotions took over her and had gone to her physical state and had even started to drain out her colors; this was something certain people sensed very clearly.

Basil himself after the other day, oh boy, he felt like a million bucks.

He had felt it whilst in his own timeline, laying in bed before a rush of adrenaline hit him and he quickly sat up in bed(even managing to surprise his sister who had snuck into his room to attempt to steal his knife). With this, Basil didn’t have to look for clues or even wonder what had caused such a feeling, he very well knew what it was.

“Look, I know that we typically agree on things but...this is one of the worst ideas you have ever suggested.”

Basil walked down the path that lead to the house owned by his grandparents, a hand in his pocket as his other hand held onto a bag that was at his side. On his other side was his sister who looked at him rather apprehensively for once in a while.

“Basil, Basil please.” Flora tugged on her brother’s jacket, even sinking her heels into the grass that now grew and wrapped around her legs. “Basil!”

Flora’s brother was far too strong and not even pulling him back was enough to make him slow down, his walking continuing as if nothing. The grass around Basil’s sister now ripped as she was now being dragged by Basil who walked up to the front entrance.

“Audrey!”

At this Basil immediately stopped, slowly and menacingly turning his head to look at his sister who frowned up at him.

“Don’t you think mom’s gonna notice the-”

Basil then turned and continued on his way, ringing the doorbell as his sister pinched the bridge of her nose while standing up. The boy looked straight at the door as footsteps were heard, then the locks being undone before the door opened to reveal an extremely familiar face.

“Hey there bud.” Basil looked into the face that his basically resembled.

“Hello Schrader.” Flora answered for her and her brother. “Is Ula home?”

“Oh yeah. Well, there’s actually a lot of people home.” Schrader chuckled as he invited the siblings in as they now saw that the living room was somewhat filled with relatives.

“What did I tell you?” Flora whispered to her brother who replied with an elbow nudge. “Where’s Ula?”

“In her room, talking to Amaranthus and Mr. Cecilio.”

“Frabjous.” Flora smiled at Schrader who gave her a weird face, smiling nonetheless.

“Well if you two need me, I’ll be over here with the guys.”

The siblings nodded before they watched Schrader walk away and towards one of the couches where the band boys all sat, chatting with each other with smiles and laughter. However, Basil knew better, clearly sensing the anger they all felt, with the exception of Schrader. He then turned to look elsewhere, the ‘Space Moth’ family sat together with the moth father feeling guilty of himself. On another side was the ‘Bunny’ family, the parents somewhat upset as one of their children was missing. Basil knew exactly why.

“Maybe we should leave.” Flora grabbed her brother’s arm to drag him away, then stopping in her steps as somebody else now stood in front of her. She looked up as Basil looked in front of him, both seeing a smiling woman.

“What a surprise that you’re both here! But a welcome one.~”

“Hello Mrs. D’Vitt!” Flora waved before she and Jelly embraced, Basil then following after as they stood before Jelly.

“What brings you two around here?” Jelly smiled before Flora glanced at her brother.

“Well, we wanted to see if we could maybe make Ula cheer up.”

_____________

“Look, I honestly think that I’m...feeling better.”

“I know, I know, but you can never be too sure.”

Ula gave a sigh and playful roll of her eyes as she sat in bed, Ama on it as well while hugging her best friend.

“You don’t need a joke? A prank?” asked their grandpa who sat beside the bed, Ula shaking her head.

“Grandpa, I think I’m fine, really. Sure, I am still upset about the whole situation…”Ula quieted down as she looked at her hands. “But...well…”

“Have you seen him yet?”

“No, he’s still gone. But it doesn’t matter, I understand it was because I-”

“Don’t play the blame game.” Cecilio then took Ula’s hand to give her a comforting squeeze. “You heard your mom and dad. It’s not your fault, it’s not Atlas’ fault. You both just need to have a talk is all, with both sides speaking.”

“You guys should stop playing the therapy game.” Ula gave a bit of a huff. “I’m okay, really. I just don’t know how I’ll be once Atlas is back and I talk to him. That is, if he...even talks to me.”

“Ula…”

“Seriously, I don’t know why so many people came to check on me. I’m fine.”

“You weren’t fine when Schrader left…” Ama quietly stated while hugging Ula tighter. “Or when he came back...or when he and I found you…”

“Well, I’m fine this time.” Ula stated as her relatives could only stare at her with a now silent worry and as they stared at her, Ula’s doorknob jiggled before the door was opened. All three turned to the door where they saw Lennie, and he gave a small smile before speaking.

“Hey Ula, you have some more visitors.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Ula made an irritated face. “As much as I’m grateful for the visits, I really don’t see why I matter right now.”

“I think you’ll like these visitors though.” Lennie gave a small shrug as well as unsure smile. “Maybe you should get out of bed, join everybody else.”

“Not if uncle Vespers is there.” Ula managed to cross her arms. “I...I can’t look at him right now.”

“I know, I understand...but...well...Ula, please, do it for me and your mother.” Lennie sighed. “Especially your mother.”

“Alright, alright.” Ula nodded before Ama released her, both climbing off the bed before Cecilio stood up from his chair before they all walked out of the bedroom. As Ama and Cecilio exchanged yet more concerned looks, they followed Lennie into the living room where everybody else was gathered.

As they entered, Ula turned away after her eyes met with Vespers’ own, then looking over to where her mother stood with two familiar kids.

“Basil? Flora?” Ula tilted her head before said kids turned to her, Basil tilting his head as well before all three approached each other. “What are you guys doing here? I-I thought Basil and your mom-”

“I’m better now.” was what Basil signed after having taken out his hand from his pocket.

“And our mother and baby brother are now healthy! Well, baby brother is unfortunately missing some limbs but...he’s fine, he’s finally okay.”

“Well, I’m so glad to hear that.” Ula smiled at the two before noticing that Basil had a bag in his other hand. “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s with the bag?”

“Oh! Right, we thought this would make you feel a little better for now.” Flora’s expression brightened before her brother turned to her with a glare. “This will be just for a while since we of course have to return them home.”

“Them?” Ula raised an eyebrow before Basil brought the bag up, opening it as only a darkness could be seen.

Ula peered inside before being slightly startled at the sound of a chirp, then backing up once something flew out of the bag. Her eyes widened as another chirp was heard, now realizing that it was almost bubble like, and from above an adorable smile was directed down towards her.

“I am so glad you finally opened that darn bag!” a voice shouted in an irritated tone, everybody and Ula now looking at the bag as a leg appeared and was followed by another. And then, two puffy buns that looked like pom poms attached to a black and white head with four yellow eyes.

“It was stuffy being in there with all those-” the voice continued before the entire figure was now out of the bag and on Basil’s arm. “Oh, hello there.”

“What is that!?” sounded Phoebe’s voice as she now hopped off Vespers’ lap, attempting to take a closer look at the spider who crossed her arms.

“Excuse you, it is, who is that? The name is Posey.” the spider stated with a scoff before turning to the obviously surprised Ula. “And I am here to serve you Miss-”

“Ula, her name is Ula.” Flora gave the spider a look.

“Of course, Miss Ula.” Posey turned to Ula again with a limb now held up. “It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“Um, the, um...the pleasure’s mine.” Ula blinked a few times before the bag shook, Posey nearly falling off before Flora caught her. “There’s more?”

“Of course! That one is Flubby.” Flora pointed to the bubbly one who now hovered over several guests, everybody quite amazed by this new creature. “And this next one,”

Basil tipped the bag over before his possum rolled out, giving a screech before wrapping his tail around Basil’s leg.

“Not that one! The other one!”

Basil rolled his eyes before a head popped out, one with big eyes. Soon the creature crawled out and Ula saw how it was almost like a cat, with a flat face.

“This is an-” Ula then stopped herself once the creature’s head went up as its face was now right in front of hers, for its neck and tail had now elongated. “-interesting one.”

“Whoa! What’s this little guy’s name?” they all heard, turning to see Cecilio who now leaned down to look at the creature who now wiggled its neck.

“Wiggles!”

“Wiggles?” Cecilio grinned before petting Wiggles’ neck, the creature then opening its mouth in a strange way that made Cecilio laugh. “No way! It opens like a trash can.”

“That’s what Wiggles basically is! They love to eat trash!”

“Oh, if only the old hag were still here.”

_____________

“Okay, okay, another picture.”

Cosmos and Vespers chuckled to themselves as they sat on a couch, all three of their kids sitting between them as Cosmos took Phoebe’s camera.

“Say, cheese.”

“Cheese!” they all exclaimed before hearing a bubby sound, the children laughing as Flubby appeared from behind to photobomb their picture, once again.

“Flubby, you stop that.” came a voice that made all the family and Flubby turn to the table beside them where they found Posey with her arms crossed. “Stop bothering this family.”

“Oh, they’re not bothering at all.” Vespers poked the bubble that Flubby was inside of, making them give a giggle like sound before doing a sort of back flip in the air. “What’s your name again?

“Posey! It means small flower bouquet, because my Miss says that I am exactly that.” Posey flaunted her colorful body. “Are you supposed to be a moth?”

“Well, I am a moth.” Vespers chuckled before the twins jumped up.

“Us too.~” they stated in unison before Posey backed away with a disturbed expression.

“Daddy.”

“We’re gonna go see the possum.”

“Yes, the possum.~”

“Okay boys, you go on ahead.” Vespers gave a nervous chuckle before the twins floated up into the air, levitating away before he turned back to Posey.

“They’re creepy.”

“Well, I...um…”Vespers gave a bit of a shrug as he didn’t know how to reply to her. “ So, who’s your ‘Miss’ ?”

“Nobody that concerns you.” Posey crossed her arms again which made Vespers chuckle. “Who’s your Miss?”

“Don’t think I have one.” Vespers shrugged before feeling Cosmos’ hand on his shoulder.

“I’m gonna go make sure the twins don’t make the possum disappear into another dimension.”

“I say you sit down and let them do just that.” Posey giggled before the couple looked at her in surprise. “He’s an annoying little thing who only shrieks.”

“Alrighty then.” Cosmos cleared his throat before walking away, now leaving Vespers with the little spider who stared up at him.

“Did you get into a fight?”

Vespers looked at Posey in confusion.

“No, why?”

“Your sleeve is ripped.” Posey climbed onto his arm before tugging on the ripped area.

“Oh, probably got that when we pulled the twins apart since they actually had a fight.”

“Of course.” Posy shook her head, then grabbing the ripped spot before making a few movements here and there, some tickling Vespers.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing since I’m done.” Posey climbed off his arm and turned away. Vespers looked down at his sleeve and was surprised to see that it looked completely normal, now realizing that the spider had stitched it up and made it look new.

“You’re welcome, bug boy.”

______________

“Go far!”

On the other side of the living room, Ula sat in between Basil and Flora who watched the show before them. They saw as Cecilio stood on one end of the view with Lennie beside him, then Ama on the other with Jeff as each side had a trash can.

“Wiggles over here!”

“They seem to be having fun.” Ula commented as she felt Basil lean his head on her shoulder, so she responded by running a hand through his hair.

“Are you glad we brought these friends over?” Flora turned to Ula with a hopeful expression. “Are you feeling better?”

“Of course, I have been for a while.” Ula smiled down at her before holding her face. “You guys are really great.”

“Ula! Catch!”

Ula turned and reacted quickly as a crumpled up paper landed in her hands, then noticing as Wiggles ran over to her and opened its mouth. She giggled to herself before dropping the trash inside, the creature then happily running off to continue its game with the others.

“Thank you, Ula.” Flora now snuggled next to Ula who embraced her as well as Basil who buried his face into her.

“Nah, thank you guys. You’re always here when I need it.” Ula caressed Flora’s hair.

“Just like Schrader.” Flora whispered to herself as she glanced to the side to see said young man talking with the guys, all in awe at the sight that was Flubby floating between them all.

“I bet your parents are so proud of you both.” Ula hugged both of the siblings, Flora smiling with a nod before mumbling to herself.

“Yeah, I hope they are…”

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nyahuaisang · 5 years

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Phos Analysis/Phos Needs Love Rant

(I posted this in the hnk reddit too)

Let's start with how Phos literally lost their body parts for the benefit of others/because they wanted to help others. They lost their legs because Ventri lead them into a trap to get Aculeatus back. They lost their arms because the ice floes brought up how Cinnabar needed them, causing them to slip and fall in. They lost their head because they wanted to get cairn's arm back. And they lost their hair because they had to cover Morga and Goshe. Every change they've gone through is for someone else.

At the beginning, Phos' main priority was Cinnabar. When they got swallowed by Ventri, their immediate thought before melting away was that Cinnabar needed them so they need to survive. They were ready to give up their life to Ventri if it meant Cinnabar's would be spared. The ice floes only mentioned Cinnabar once and it was enough for Phos to slip and lose their arms. And to Phos, Cinnabar was the gem who was there for them since the beginning, that Cinnabar was the one who understands Phos the most. But Cinnabar not only abandoned them when Phos needed them the most but even goes so far as to dis-validate their feelings

Listen I get that Phos might've jumped this on you kinda abruptly and bluntly and I agree they need to understand delicacy but in no circumstances, NO CIRCUMSTANCES, SHOULD YOU EVER TELL SOMEONE THEY DONT UNDERSTAND LONELINESS SIMPLY BECAUSE OF WHATEVER ASSUMPTION YOU HAVE. ITS A HUGE DICK MOVE.

Cinnabar can be as emo as they want and hug their legs all day but Phos understands loneliness better than anyone in this show and that's a fact.

When the other gems thought Phos got turned into a snail, they were all completely fine with leaving them as is.

The first gem to truly empathize with them, Antarcticite, was forcefully taken from them by the Lunarians. This is something that would give someone PTSD, and Phos does end up getting it but literally no gems ever thought to ask Phos if they were ok. All they cared about was Phos' new gold arms.

Then they lost Ghost, the second partner they've had thus far.

Then when Aechmea told them the truth behind Sensei, they had to face the fact that the man who raised them and taught them all the know had been lying and hiding things to their face.

Unlike Cinnabar, Phos is constantly surrounded by people and keeps on meeting new ones but despite this, they have no one to depend on, and anyone that they *did* depend on, either abandoned them or was taken from them. While Cinnabar feels lonely because they isolate themselves, Phos is lonely because no one they reach out to reaches back, and that kind of loneliness is much more detrimental. And it doesn't even stop there.

The other moon gems don't even care enough to go see Phos in the 'hospital' despite doing so for Padparadscha.

And not to mention when Phos recalls all the shit that happened to them within that one day, it literally made them shatter.

This is what I said before, about how you can still feel lonely even when you're still interacting with other people. Phos may be in contact with a lot of people but none of these people truly accepts them. They have no one to relate to or to depends on and the realization of this, the fact that both Cinnabar and Cairngorm, 2 gems who they thought they'd be able to trust, had tried to harm them, and the fact that they failed at their purpose yet again, causes Phos to literally break down.

And speaking of Cairngorm, they practically just twisted the knife.

I have to ask, is there a reason they needed to straight out reject Phos as a friend? Sure maybe before it was only because of Ghost but why does Cairn feel the need to cut Phos out altogether? It wasn't Phos' fault that Ghost controlled them(if they ever did anyways...).

And this is the worst thing Cairn could've done. They just straight out told Phos that all they've been doing thus far is not helping anyone and that its in fact doing more damage then good. And while it is true to some extent, it doesn't even matter because Cairn doesn't say anything else and isn't doing anything to help Phos become a better person. All this did was send Phos even deeper into depression. On top of having almost every gem Phos trusted abandon them and the friends they thought at least cared about them in fact not giving a shit about them, now Phos is being told that nothing they're doing is helping.

And I haven't even gotten to the latest chapter's hula baloos yet.Like I said in my rant about how the snail scene traumatized me almost as much as it did Phos, Phos was lowkey traumatized by the snail attempting to take of the shell and is now faced with deciding whether or not to kill on top of dealing with their depression and anxiety.

Phos may seem like a manipulative asshole to some of you but they're still just a kid who was forced into the role of responsibility. They're constantly forced to make difficult decisions and in my opinion, all the choices they've made have been the better ones, they just seem bad because we don't get to experience the other options(I could make a post about this but idek, I wanna wait).

Phos may have changed and they were definitely forced to grow up too quick but deep inside, they're still that kind child.

(sorry if this was kinda wordy, I was just trying to get all my thoughts and feelings about Phos out)

#houseki no kuni #land of the lustrous #phosphophyllite #hnk phos #hnk

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houseki-no-suffering · 5 years

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Notes: Cinnaphos, 1960s AU, slowburn. burning slow. picture snails. picture slugs. not the admirabilis kind. also angst.

Chap summary: socializing? what's this, a threat? also, look: more angst ty @lapishead for betaeing this, enjoy!

Cinnabar couldn’t quite put their finger on what prompted them to accept Phos’ invitation. Let alone what force had pushed Cinnabar to suggest a time and place. The only thing they knew was that they could hardly get any sleep the night before, their brain keeping them awake picturing scenarios and possibilities, each one more catastrophic than the next.

Now that they thought about it, the café behind the library had been a terrible choice. It was one of the few places in town that Cinnabar frequented with some regularity, when the coffee machine refused to cooperate or when they were running late for work. The workers, the owners, maybe a couple of customers would recognize Cinnabar, they would know who they were no matter how low a profile they managed to keep, and that applied to Phos as well. The people there would know that Cinnabar had company, they would rumor about it, maybe tell other people as well. Stupid town, where everyone knew everyone else.

It was okay. Cinnabar tried to calm down. It was okay to be recognized, nothing bad would come out of it, people talked about other people all the time, their opinion didn’t count. But Cinnabar’s heartbeat was stubborn and it refused to slow down. It was like a fever that broke Cinnabar in a cold sweat as they hurried to the meeting place.

They had started rushing, their feet taking up the rhythm of their thoughts and their heartbeat. At this rate, they would be early, pacing in front of the café with nothing to do and people staring at them. Cinnabar would be earlier than Phos; it would be like admitting how tense they were about seeing them. Phos might think they had been looking forward to it. Cinnabar’s insides twisted in a knot at the thought and they were glad to be doing this meeting on an empty stomach.

They forced themselves to stop. To breathe. In and out, counting the seconds. They clenched and unclenched their fists, letting one thought go each time they opened their palm. It would be okay. It was just a talk. It was just a common meeting place. Normal things normal people did all the time. It was just Phos.

With a brusque gesture, Cinnabar swept a lock of hair from of their face. Consciously slow this time, they resumed walking.

It would be fine, most people were at work or at home at 10 am, the morning frenzy of 7 and 8 had died out. It meant Cinnabar could not hope to go unnoticed amongst a crowd of customers, but also that they would hardly stumble into an acquaintance. And if Phos was late, it would give Cinnabar the perfect excuse to turn on their steps and go home, never to face whatever this conversation turned out to be.

When the glass walls of the café finally appeared in the distance, it was with a mixture of relief and frustration that Cinnabar welcomed the sight of a familiar figure.

Phos was pacing restlessly in front of the small store, catching the attention of more than a few passersby. For the first time in their life, they were early. Earlier than Cinnabar.

Cinnabar allowed themselves to stop walking for a second and absorb the sight of a nervous Phos rehearsing undecipherable words under their breath. They were so absorbed in their world that it took a minute before they even noticed Cinnabar’s presence.

In that precise moment, Cinnabar turned away and started walking towards the entrance without a word, hoping that Phos would tag along. They dragged their feet to the most isolated corner of the café, away from the counter, the clients and the entrance, and took a seat with their back to the rest of the shop. They were still hoping that Phos would walk away but they had no courage to turn their head and check for themselves, so they remained there, immobile, waiting for some kind of sign.

Phos joined them a couple of minutes later, interrupting Cinnabar’s escape plans. They were holding out a steaming cup for Cinnabar, whose arms had been glued to their sides. Phos ended up placing it in front of them with an awkward smile and Cinnabar felt bad about having them pay for their breakfast.

“I think I got it wrong,” Phos began apologizing, “maybe you wanted tea, but I don’t know, it’s still morning, I thought coffee’d be better, but then I thought you maybe had yours already so yeah, uh, hope a cappuccino is still okay?”

It was. The larger cup offered Cinnabar’s hands something to hold themselves to and a warm place to rest. Not to mention how much of their face Cinnabar could hide just by taking one sip. And how many sips a larger cup allowed them to take.

As a sign of appreciation, Cinnabar offered Phos a curt nod. It must have been the correct response because the smile that lighted up Phos’ face was genuine.

“So, you’re working with the kids! That’s so cute, I thought you hated children.”

Cinnabar frowned, holding the cup to their lips.

“N-not that I’d be spying on you or anything! Lexi told me, I talked with them. They say you’re great, I mean, you’re a great teacher, the kids adore you,” Phos chuckled, “that’s… nice. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d still find you here.”

Cinnabar averted their eyes, embarrassed. This wasn’t how they had imagined their conversation to go, they didn’t want to be the recipient of attention. Their chest started thumping again.

“This is awkward,” they mumbled.

Phos started playing with the hem of their sleeves again, twisting their fingers.

“Yeah,” they agreed, “I know. I’m sorry. But I’m glad, really, you seem okay. Makes me happy.”

“What, now you care?”

“No-no, I mean- I know, you’re right. I just- I’m sorry. This is messed up.”

“Not my fault.”

It was the right moment to exploit the size of the cup Phos had brought them. Cinnabar brought it to their lips without drinking any of it, finding respite in the sensation of warmth against their fingers. Phos always had a talent for addressing the elephant in the room but they looked almost as tense as Cinnabar. It made them feel guilty even if Cinnabar knew it was not their fault: Phos had insisted the two of them talk. Still, Cinnabar forced themselves to offer a temporary peace offering.

“How have you been doing?” they ventured.

Surprisingly, Phos was taken aback. They recovered quickly with a curt shrug.

“Good,” they mumbled.

“Alright,” Cinnabar tried to venture further, curious, “how’s Antarc?”

This time Phos’ eyes lowered to the table, avoiding Cinnabar’s gaze. Their face was surprisingly serene as they answered.

“Antarc died three years ago.”

“What?” Cinnabar breathed out.

“Car crash. It’ll be four years on January 14th. But hey it’s fine, I’m fine. It’s been a while,” they let out a breathless laugh.

“Actually, this is the thing I meant to tell you,” Phos went on, “Thanks, guess I was beating around the bush like an idiot. I’m sorry for not telling you guys sooner, I just… I wasn’t in the right place to, I guess. You all deserved to know. I apologize.”

A cacophony of thoughts and theories were storming through Cinnabar’s mind. Focusing on just one of them or formulating a coherent reply was impossible. Shreds of words and sentences kept twisting and coming undone and Cinnabar felt like they were trying to put together a puzzle that was missing a thousand pieces, unable to find the right one.

They had to say something. Silence would just be cruel at this point, but if it had really been four years how could they offer condolences or sympathy? And why had Phos never told anyone? What did they mean they weren’t “in the right place?”

It must have been excruciating. Phos had adored Antarc. As far as Cinnabar knew, they had been living happily together for five years and now it turned out that it had all been a lie. Antarc had died almost four years ago. Who had been by Phos’ side? Cinnabar could have helped, they should have. Had Phos been alone? Were they alone now? Why didn’t they come back right away but waited all this time?

A small part of Cinnabar was relieved that Phos was finally telling them, letting Cinnabar see their face as they recalled that Antarcticite had passed away. All of a sudden, Cinnabar thought they had already seen that same expression when they stumbled upon Phos the day before.

“You were speaking with Alex,” they realized.

“They were Chryso’s cousin, they were close,” Phos’ lips twitched in resignation, “should have told ‘em sooner, way sooner. They didn’t take it well. It’s all my fault. I told them I was sorry, they… I think they saw Chryso in them. I just made it worse for them.”

“I’m sorry,” Cinnabar managed to mumble, it felt like something they should have said ages ago.

“No, don’t be. I did it all by myself.”

“Still-“

“I wanted to tell you in person,” Phos interrupted them, “’twas the least I could do after everything. I didn’t want you to know from Alex or the others. I… wanted to tell you myself. You deserve it. And maybe you can be with Alex, just- be there for them, they’ll need it.”

Phos was right, but there were a lot of things Cinnabar still needed to know.

“How are you?” they inquired again.

“I’m fine, I told you, it’s been a long time.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“What? I’m fine as ever. Phos-level fine. Cracking jokes like this town’s best moron. Please tell me the title is still vacant, I’d be sorry to beat up any new kid with the sheer awesomeness of my personality.”

“Moron.”

“Yup, that’s me. A moron who’s totally fine and back in the game,” Phos joked, “cause this moron has been a complete and utter asshole and they want to make up for it… if they can.”

Cinnabar scoffed.

Phos reverted to their new, serious persona, looking at their hands to avoid their gaze.

“Thing is, I’m much more concerned about how you’ve been doing. Cause I had a lot of time to think about it and after Antarc- after everything and stuff… I- what I did wasn’t right. How I up and left, how I disappeared… how I treated you. I’m sorry. God. I’ve fucked up so much, must’ve won myself a prize or something, uh?” Phos’ smile was bitter, “not a nice prize. But yeah. I guess this is another thing I wanted to tell you. I don’t know if it’s possible, I don’t know if you’ll want me, but I wanna make things right. I need to try.”

Cinnabar frowned. This entire conversation was way too much to absorb in a single day. Even the simple fact that they were sitting at the same table again had been a lot to process. It was irritating, surreal, exhausting. Cinnabar was so overwhelmed that they wished they could go back to bed again, and it wasn’t even midday.

“Phos?”

They were so trapped in their thoughts that they did not see Diamond approaching until the latter started talking. At that point, Cinnabar was too relieved by the diversion to elaborate on what Dia would make of a breakfast with Phos.

“Hey! D-Dia, hi! Wow, it’s been a while,” Phos stuttered.

Diamond looked hesitant for a second, as if they too couldn’t believe that Phos was right there. Then they shoved their doubts aside and launched themselves at their old friend, hugging them with desperate force. It made Cinnabar wish it was that easy.

“God, I’ve been so worried, I’ve missed you,” they mumbled over and over as they tightened their arms around Phos’ back, “I’ve missed you so much. We were so worried. You’re okay, I’m so happy.” It took Phos off guard too and their arms lay helpless by their sides before they found the strength to wrap them around Dia’s torso in return, patting their shoulders awkwardly.

“Yeah, uhm, sorry about that?”

When Diamond finally pulled back, their cheeks were lined with tears. They brought a finger to their eyes to wipe them away with grace.

“Don’t ever do that again,” they murmured and if it hadn’t been Dia, it would sound like a threat. As they recomposed themselves, Diamond remembered to notice Cinnabar’s presence and their lips twitched in a small, familiar smile.

“Why, what are the two of you doing here together?” they cooed, all too amused.

“What’re you doing here?” Cinnabar replied.

“I stopped by for a coffee and then I saw you from the counter and I thought I could come to tell you about Bort’s party. But then I saw Phos and- Phos!” Dia looked at them, unaware of how Phos was looking increasingly lost, “Bortie is coming back too in a few days and Euc was thinking we could organize a nice party. Wouldn’t it be cute now that we’re all together again?”

“Bort left too?” Phos asked.

“That cutie is studying in a military academy in the north but they have a leave for their birthday. Aren’t they adorable? Always thinking about their family so we can celebrate together, even when they’re so busy with school. I’m so proud of them. You’re coming too, right Phosie?”

“I don’t think Bort’ll be very happy to see me…”

“Of course not! They may come off as rude but the truth is they’re such a softie and they missed you a lot, just like all of us. It’ll make for a great surprise. Oh, it’s going to be so much fun. I can’t believe we’ll be all together again. It’s so great. But speaking of which, I came to ask Shinsha if they could help us with the arrangements, do you want to help too? Pretty please?”

“I’m not coming,” Cinnabar pointed out.

“But we need your artistic eye for the decorations. Please?”

“No.”

“It’s Bortie’s party, how will they feel knowing you didn’t help?”

Cinnabar scoffed, crossing their arms over their chest.

“It could be nice?” Phos murmured, unexpectedly. Cinnabar’s eyes shot them a murderous glance. “I-if you want, of course,” they specified, but Dia was already ecstatic. They clung to Cinnabar’s shoulders with surprising strength.

“Pretty please?” they pleaded.

It was a mystery, truly, because when Cinnabar’s lips parted they had been meaning to say the exact opposite of what came out of them. But they made the mistake of looking at Phos as they spoke and at the way they were looking at Cinnabar.

“Alright,” Cinnabar heard themselves say.

#houseki no kuni #land of the lustrous #hnk #cinnaphos #fic tag #1960s au

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dustward · 5 years

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Episode 12 - Memories (pt.1)

We saw how cold Rutile could be in the previous episode, but it seems even they have a weakness. Then again, this weakness has come to define them and has also given them purpose and strength in ways no other Gem has managed. The fact that they’ve kept track of Padparadscha’s progress down to the day shows how committed they are to this Gem we know so little about. There’s history there, and it’s history Phos wouldn’t know since it dates back to a time before them.

It’s that commitment that could explain why they’ve decided to trust in Kongo, despite their doubts. Until Padparadscha’s cured, they cannot devote energy to anything but the most imminent emergencies.

And it’s probably why Rutile’s so dang exhausted all the time.

I appreciate these glimpses of the old Phos, back from before when the story began. It’s been a few episodes now, so we’ve all gotten used to the new Phos. Best not to forget who they once were, however, as some of those traits live on.

Unrelated, but I have to point out Padparadscha’s hair and how much I love it.

Kongo’s theme plays over these words of wisdom. It goes without saying that stirring the pot might lead to some horrible, unforeseen consequences. Phos likely considered this, but it helps to hear it from someone like Padparadscha. To be mindful.. Phos was always a bit too quick to action, but they had some wits about them when they paused to think. Their recent experiences have likely forced a change in their mindset, meaning they can take this advice to heart, and indeed be mindful of this new path they wish to take.

One last “oh I never noticed this the first time,” is how the clouds likely caused Padparadscha to dip back into their slumber. The Gems need light to sustain themselves, after all, and in this case even mere seconds without light is too much for them to handle. Those same clouds that cast a shadow over the conversation they had with Phos - clouds that brought a darkness to the beautiful, peaceful plains they’d been walking through. That same darkness might be what Phos unleashes, if they’re not careful.

It’s only the tiniest bit weird now to see Kongo taking advice from Phos in changing up Bort’s partner further. Zircon seemed like an odd choice, but you never really know unless you try, right?

Without saying a word, Bort really got to Zircon, which says a lot about their reputation beyond how we and Phos perceived them.

A very introspective conversation takes place between the youngest Gems. We never really focused much on Zircon, but they are the closest to being the child of the group now, whether they like it or not. Phos probably senses this and is more than happy to lend their own advice regarding Bort and in general, with their own, renewed perspective.

Even Phos isn’t afraid to admit their own faults. Part of growing is acknowledging those shortcomings, whether you’ve left them behind or still carry them with you. Another ripple in the waves of change as Zircon sees this new Phos and becomes aware of how they became too comfortable with their own role. Stay motivated, kid.

Bort with the sage advice to compound with Phos’ own. It’s easy to view Bort saying “you don’t have to worry about me like that” as overconfidence, but it.. really is true. Good luck, Zircon. Bort is really incredible like that, being able to spot the tiniest flaw and try and help to remove it. They really want everyone to shine.

I think I can better understand why Rutile loves messing with the others now. They need something to keep them going.

As old as Yellow, huh? The major question I’d have here is how active Padparadscha was in the past. It sounds like their condition worsened over time, but it’s hard to know for sure. What is certain is that the guilt Yellow’s forced to bear makes me wonder why they don’t try and assist in some other way that isn’t fighting, if it has them this distracted.

The new partnership will likely benefit Zircon immensely, but what about Yellow? It seems they’d prefer this arrangement, regardless of their own feelings. I’m not sure how they can overcome this guilt without having some purpose to distract them. The hope of retrieving their lost comrades, it doesn’t seem like it’s enough for them.

Nice freezeframe of someone asking Alexandrite about the Lunarians. Haven’t you learned, Phos?

Another “oh how did I miss THIS” moment after all. I thought the papers got caught up in a tree, but nah this was Phos’ arm. It’s really...handy.

Please don’t ever forget that kindness, Phos..

I like how Yellow is just snoozing in the background here. Teacher!Alex at least allows them to funnel their obsession into a form of sharing with others.

Trying to make sense of these formless beings is a valiant effort, but their varied descriptions lead me to believe that no two Lunarians are alike. The Gems nor the Admirabilis are, so why would they be? It can still help, but you can’t just take a glance at one and know what to expect.

It’s weird to think Phos managed to absorb all this information in a single night. Shows how committed they are now, along with their teacher here.

Alexandrite’s reasons are pretty straight forward, and I probably remembered them partially when I mentioned it with the last episode. It is interesting to think about, however. It’s a case similar to Rutile and to Yellow, is it not? They’re so caught up with their own aims, brought about thanks to the memories of those lost or otherwise in need of help, that they just don’t have the energy to consider what’s going on with Kongo. It starts to make more sense that everybody else swept their doubts under the rug when you consider this.

Maybe talking to them will clear this up was what Phos was thinking. Finally, they’ll have their chance.

#hnk spoilers #dustward rewatches hnk #long post

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jokerepair74-blog · 5 years

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Hitching a Ride on the Digital Nomad Express

Late last year, my friend James Clark wrote me to say that VietJet intended to open a direct flight from Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, to Chiang Mai, Thailand.

He dubbed it “The Digital Nomad Express.”

I LOL’d.

So when it recently came time for a visa run, I decided to buy a ticket.

I was excited for my first return trip to Saigon since 2015. I’ve spent a lot of time in the city over the years, and I wasn’t surprised to find that many things are changing for the better (check out James’ suggestions for the future).

Not surprisingly, the Digital Nomad Express wasn’t so full of digital nomads. The flight was mostly made up of tourists, travelers, business people, students, and monks.

But here’s the thing, even if Digital Nomads were onboard, I’d be having an increasingly difficult time trying to identify them. The remote work lifestyle is starting to go more mainstream.

Nomads are amorphous, transitory, and easy to confuse with entrepreneurs, or expats, or ya know, people doing their thing.

What is it, anyway, that makes a Digital Nomad?

Here’s an idea:

The archetype at the core of the digital nomad identity is that of the backpacker or traveler. So you might say: earn like an entrepreneur or freelancer, and live like a backpacker or traveler and boom: digital nomad.

This helps to explain a lot of things: like why digital nomads generally don’t stay digital nomads for long, or why successful entrepreneurs who simply travel often or live somewhere strange often loath being lumped in with the label. There are many downsides to living life like a traveler.

A lot of digital nomads would make their lives a lot easier if they simply thought of themselves as expats and declared – and invested in – a home. Pick up a book or two about the local history, find a friend or hobby that has something to do with the place you’ve come to, and when somebody asks you how long you’re sticking around just saying “I live here.”

The truth is behind most traveler’s facade there is some kind of home– it’s where they store their stuff and where they go when they’re sick. Maybe it’s their parents place or a friend’s. They’re moving around to fun and cheap cities for a high quality of life, but are still ultimately anchored to somewhere they’re confident the mail will turn up.

Digital Nomads vs. the Location Independent Entrepreneur

The location independent entrepreneur, who lives outside of their home country, takes cues from an expatriate. And those who’ve stayed in their place of birth are simply carving out a way of life that looks much like wealthy people would live a generation before – snowbirding, doing 9 then 3, or simply traveling a great deal for business or leisure.

Anyway, for this one weekend, I wasn’t worried about categories. I was going to digital nomad my face off.

I was in full on travel mode. I traded in what has become a laughable camel caravan of luggage for a sleek carry on only digital nomad setup:

Of course, Saigon and Chiang Mai have long been pillars in the community of readers here at TMBA. The both have a lot of the things entrepreneurs and digital nomads (and now, increasingly, remote workers) love:

Great value for the money.

Easy to get an apartment and basic life amenities setup.

Strong local entrepreneurial culture with cosmopolitan elements to the city.

Nice coffee shops and bars.

And perhaps most importantly, other digital nomads.

Saigon is something of a shrine to capitalism. You can see and feel it everywhere. The energy of the city is hustle. It whispers “make something of yourself.”

You can see it happening in front of your eyes. Look around and you can spot loaves of bread moving through the streets, from baker, to bike taxi, to vendor or restaurant. Look up and you’ll see ambitious construction projects dotting the city.

It’s a funny juxtaposition given all the communist symbols everywhere.

Saigon changes so fast…

Most co-working spaces around the city are populated by locals.

It’s only been three years since I left, but so many things in Saigon have changed.

The first thing I noticed: District 1, the central area, smelled different.

I guess some people might be tempted to say it smells better, but not me.

For me, Vietnam’s cities smell of a unique mix of incense, exhaust, waste, and food being prepared and distributed on the street. In my mind, it’s inextricably tied to career freedom itself.

I know that might sound nuts, but Vietnam was the theatre of a formative travel experience for me in 2001. When I returned to the U.S., it was part of what I dreamed about when peeking over my cubicle wall in 2006, wondering if I’d ever get out.

(I did.)

What started as an adventure in 2008 – returning to Vietnam to source products, hire remote workers, and EAT – has turned into a life. Some of the folks who I went on adventures with have gone on to prove that it’s possible to build wealth and interesting careers while having a great deal of location and time freedom.

The businesses and careers they’ve created would have been very hard to even imagine 10 or 20 years ago, let alone execute. It’s encouraging for me to see so many old friends doing so well, doing things their own way. When you’re building things that are unprecedented – say, insisting that even though you’ve got 100+ employees, you’re going to stay 100% remote, it’s easy to get tempted to replicate the way “experts” did before.

But these folks, some of whom I first met in HCMC, are proving that in this day and age it’s possible to build things on your own terms and, in a small way, contribute to what work and career might look like for others in the future.

***

I spent my first day in Ho Chi Minh city strolling around. I’d missed this. Chiang Mai, for all it’s virtues, isn’t the nicest place for a stroll.

I was excited to see somebody thought it was a good idea to dedicate an entire walking street to book sellers and cafes.

And that the options to caffeinate your journey continue to expand on the already impressive cafe culture:

This was a hot chocolate that had spicy bits and cinnamon.

And of course, I ate. I’d bet the average truck driver in Vietnam is exposed to more delicious food than the average upper middle class American.

My first meal was perhaps, fittingly, my favorite dish of all time. Simply, Pho Bo.

We ensured to stay hydrated.

* **

That evening I caught up with somebody TMBA listeners will be familiar with, David Hehenberger the founder of Fat Cat Apps and Landing Cube.

David was one of the first TMBA Apprentices back in the day, and has since gone on to found 3 successful companies, grow a team, and serve as a mentor for apprentices in his own companies. David’s been based in Saigon for 6 years now, and is one of my favorite people to hang out with. We joked about all sorts of things, and had the nerdy conversations that only internet entrepreneurs can appreciate.

ME: “Have you considered just SWASing your SaaS?”

DAVID: “Funny you mention that, my apprentice suggested such a move last week.”

That evening, instead of going home at a reasonable hour, I took a motorbike taxi to the nightlife walking street of Bui Vien, ground zero for backpackers and travelers in Southern Vietnam. I’m glad I went. It’s changed dramatically, but it’s still the lovable crazy melting pot it’s always been.

The next day, James and I took a walking tour of the Tao Dien area in District 2.

We went in style.

We got to see so many new buildings going up across the city.

When I first moved to Saigon, District 2 was known as the place where expat families who had fancy jobs located to ensure their kids got a access to good schools and lived in large homes in gated communities. What started as a suburb with good housing has gradually morphed into something resembling Seminyak in Bali.

I noticed whiffs of La Jolla, California as I walked past the swish spas, beauty salons, cafes, and eateries with food offerings (Poke, Vegan, BBQ) that Westerners would be well familiar with. James pointed out a Yoga Teacher’s Training School, indicating once and for all that District 2 intends to make Western expats feel right at home.

We (that’s James in the photo) opted to have a fancy brunch with some other entrepreneurs.

I drank a double shot of espresso and three glasses of Champagne. It cost me an arm and a leg! That’s Tao Dien living I suppose.

After a siesta, that walk was hot!, I snuck in a few more bowls of Vietnamese food, which were priced more reasonably. Here’s one of my favorites, a dish from the center of the country called Mi Quang. It’s the “Dac Biet” or special version, meaning in most cases they pull out all the stops. In this case, all the stops were all the fun bits from a chicken plus some delicious Viet style sausages.

James sent me off early on Sunday with a classic breakfast of rice dumplings called Bahn Cuon. We discussed future plans to meetup and spend a week together with other bright folks. I walked with a full stomach and a good deal of insight into the projects I’m working on.

For me, it’s easy to get caught up in a routine and day to day of running a business. Often, I resist the idea of taking a weekend away. My mind often prefers the idea of staying on plan.

In the end though, I rarely regret shaking things up and hopping on a plane.

Sure, I got a little behind on some projects, but what I got was so much more valuable. Adventure, ideas, inspiration, and consolidating friendships.

For me, these are the best part of being a digital nomad. If we agree that the DNA of the nomad comes from generations of travelers, adventurers, and backpackers, then the MO of the digital nomad shouldn’t be finding great places to open a laptop, but finding great places to close them.

Dan

PS, it’s never been easier to live and work remotely. Check out our newest project, Dynamite Jobs.

Source: http://www.tropicalmba.com/hitching-a-ride-on-the-digital-nomad-express/

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

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canbrake8-blog · 5 years

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Vietnam, Part 2

Hitting the road again, or the skies I should say (although we did one bus ride during our trip – more about that later…), we touched down in Da Nang, specifically to visit The Museum of Cham Sculpture, a museum that is not to be missed if you’re in Vietnam.

I forgot all my deities since I stopped doing yoga (such as Ganesha and Shiva, and how one guy got that elephant head, and why Shiva is wearing that snake around their neck – and smiling about it), so it’s good to do a little reading about them before you go to help you understand more about the artifacts in this museum. We took an 8am flight out of Ho Chi Minh airport, landing about an hour later, and taking a taxi right from the airport to the museum, which is only 3km away (I’ve given some tips at the end of the post about using taxis in Vietnam, that are worth noting), so it was easy to get there and spend the morning looking at the remarkable sculptures and friezes, many dating back to the 4th century.

I have the lowest museum attention span in the world, and two hours in this museum was just the right about of time to take it all in. Then I grabbed a Grab to take us to Hoi An, where we spent the next two nights. The old town of Hoi An is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and its traditional architecture is well-preserved, although not overly so. It still has a bit of funk, in spite of quite a few tourists (including us) roaming the streets.

Someone told me Hoi An is the most touristed town in Vietnam and it’d be hard to disagree. At night, the historic old town is jumping with people strolling by, and shops selling stuff, as well as locals offering everything from boat rides and fruit, to silk scarves (the town is known for its silk) and leather sandals. People also come to Hoi An to have suits and clothing made for them, and you’ll find several streets lined with custom tailor shops. Someone told me that if you bring a picture of what you like; a suit, a dress, or a shirt, they’ll make it for you, and have it ready in a day or two. I grew up wearing ties and jackets to school every day, so it takes a pretty compelling reason (or event) to get me into a suit, so I passed, but could have used a few more linen shirts since the ones I brought were splattered with Pho and dragon fruit stains.

Outside of the old town, we found more interesting things than in the old town, like the jumble of housewares being sold on a sidewalk, below, and spa treatments at White Rose Spa. We learned back in Ho Chi Minh City that massages and facials are very inexpensive in Vietnam, and mostly very good, so we’d indulged with our friends there, and now, here. (Note that it’s customary to tip if you had a good treatment.)

In Hoi An, we had a very good meal at Vy’s Market (the lime leaf chicken skewers were particularly good, as was the tofu skin salad), which someone online wrote was “sanitized” street food. It may have been, but we liked it all the same. Very fresh ingredients, nice servers, and tasty. Cao Lau Bale Well (45/3 Train Hung Dao) was recommended by several people (not locals) and while we found the place interesting, the Cao Lau noodles weren’t all that compelling. It was, however, charming, located off a side street in what was probably part of their home. They were also really nice, which made it…fine.

Another meal was at Nu. A sweet little place where the steamed pork buns were good, as was the chili ice cream we had for dessert. You won’t be the only English-speaking people dining there, but we liked it. There’s also a night market with an indoor eating area for street food, which I’d check out if I went back. If you want a taste of Egg Coffee, I had one at Passion Fruit coffee that even my skeptical partner liked. (I tried to compare it to sabayon, but he wasn’t having any of that.)

We stayed at the Vinh Hung Riverside hotel located on the river, not far from the old town, but far enough away so you were a decent distance from the fray. The staff was unfailingly polite and helpful and we had a nice room on the river, although I’d recommend perhaps staying in a room that’s not on the ground floor. I didn’t want to sleep with the door open so we shut everything and turned on the AC. The button on the machine was so bright that it was like a spotlight over us, in the room, which made it a bit difficult to sleep. It wasn’t really hot enough to warrant the AC, but we used it instead of keeping the door open. (Unfortunately, the unit was high on the wall and there wasn’t anything to block the light with, but I just discovered these, and am thinking of traveling with them because so many hotels have appliances and switches with really bright lights. Can people really sleep with all those lights flickering and glowing in the dark?) But we liked the hotel, which had a nice pool, and the breakfast offered a variety of Vietnamese foods and fruits. I gorged on rambutans, mangoes, and passion fruits.

We then took the 2-hour bus to Hue, which ended up taking a little more than 4 1/2 hours. The bus had funny, sort-of lie back seats, which looked appealing when I first saw them, but anyone taller than 5 feet (or who has never done yoga) might feel a bit squished after a while. (Another spoiler: You couldn’t sit upright in the seat, even if you wanted to.) While the bus had pillows, which Romain and some others grabbed for propping themselves up, the driver bellowed at anyone who took one, so they sheepishly put them back. I was okay lying halfway down for an afternoon, although some people were going all the way to Hanoi, and I’m sure they will need a few massage treatments to uncoil them once they arrive.

I hate to post the obligatory “I’m in paradise” shot, especially when so many of you (or us, which now includes me) are back in the cold. But this was a pretty beautiful spot in Hue.

It was our hotel, the Pilgrimage Village. It was located a little out-of-town, but the hotel had a shuttle and cabs were inexpensive (about $3 -4) to take you anywhere you wanted to go. So it wasn’t a problem going back and forth.

I was especially interested in going to the Dong Ba market in Hue. There was a lot to see there, and when our taxi driver dropped us off, he took Romain’s shoulder bag off his shoulder, and wrapped the handles around his neck, letting him know the keep his eyes on his things.

The market is pretty much an all-out assault of foods, spices, people, stuff, cookware, raw meat, kids, hats, seafood, fabric, jewelry, eyeglasses, bins of rice, tropical fruits, and more. Once you’re inside, you’ve pretty much go to go all-in. Even though the electricity seemed to be off in the market, we surged forward with everyone. If you stand still, within seconds, someone will slide past, through the narrow aisles with tables heaped with stuff on either side of you, and while it wasn’t at all dangerous, it’d be pretty easy to lose a billfold if you weren’t mindful of it.

Some people have said that the sellers were very aggressive here, although we didn’t find that to be too much of the case. Like other markets in Vietnam (except for the ones we went to in Ho Chi Minh City, if you stopped to look at anything, or even glance at it, the vendor will do their best to engage you and negotiate a price, even if you don’t really want it. It’s not my preferred way to shop, but that’s the way it’s done. Which was probably better for me anyway, as I didn’t have as so much to lug home. Although those colorful jars of pickled vegetables were certainly tempting!

We did track down the well-known Bun bo Hue (beef soup) stand, which is in the “street food” section of the market. (There’s a story about how to find it here.) We were a little underwhelmed, as the people next to us seemed to be. Maybe it was an off day, but if you look at the Bun bo Hue we had later that evening, two pics down, I’ll let you decide which soup looks better to you.

If you do go to the market in Hue, I would hire a guide, or take a tour of the market with someone who knows it well. It’s pretty overwhelming and there’s a lot of see, and taste, which isn’t so easy to do on your own. It’s definitely one of the great markets I’ve been to in the world, and worth exploring. But there was so much I wanted to know more about, it would have been nice to have someone navigate for us, and explain what things were, like these orange fruits (or vegetables?)

We ate well that night at Tai Phu where the Bun bo Hue (below) was more to my liking.

We also had some good Banh cuon (rice paper rolls) at Tai Phu, and Romain liked his Bun thit (vermicelli noodles with chicken) but the dish of the house seemed to be the pork skewers (nem lui), which came in a plentiful portion with green mango slices, noodles, and herbs, to roll in rice paper.

[A reader who lives in Hue was kind enough to chime in with some local spots for Bun bo Hue – thanks smallhue! – suggesting Bún Cam at 45 Le Loi and Bún Mụ Roi at 14 Nguyen Che Dieu, that she advised getting to before 8am for the best selection of “options,” as she called them. Our hotel had breakfast on a dock under a thatched roof, with unlimited Vietnamese coffees, so I wasn’t leaving there.]

If you eat at Tai Phu, be sure to arrive in the area early and walk around the streets, where an open-air market takes place. It’s pretty laid back, and like all the markets in Vietnam, you want to cry at how beautiful all the fruits and vegetables are, stacked, lined, and piled up. I think it’s called the Ben Ngu market.

The most beautiful meal we had in Vietnam was at a place whose name I forgot (I know…right?) It had a little open-air area within the restaurant, and from the outside, you’d never know such a charming place existed. When I remember the name, I’ll update the post.

However beautiful the meal was, it was a challenge to eat. Absolutely no offense to the restaurant, but the flavors were very, very strong, and hard to describe. I think, like Vegemite, natto, and blue cheese, some things don’t translate outside their culture. I can’t describe it but I felt bad leaving most of it behind. I also wasn’t feeling so great that day, so it was hard to power through a meal of distinctive flavors. But I will say, the others in the restaurant were eating everything and enjoying it, so it was definitely our tastes, and didn’t reflect on the quality (and the beauty) of the food.

We liked eating at HANH, in Hue, the night we arrived, which was recommended by a woman at our hotel. We started with tiny bowls holding steamed rice cakes with fresh shrimp and bits of crunchy pork rinds, which you pry from the bowls with a spoon and eat with fish sauce. I ordered a bottle of what was called “local rice wine” in English on the menu, and out came a 500ml (2 cup) bottle of “Men vodka.”

When I posted a picture on Instagram, one reader noted it was “just awful stuff” and another said, “terrible…unpleasant.” I asked the server if I could exchange it for shochu, which was so strong, I think I lost a few layers of enamel on my teeth trying to, and a couple of layers of my stomach lining, as I didn’t want to be impolite and leave a lot behind. I drank what I could, then chalked it up to a “lesson learned”! Perhaps the kitchen staff enjoyed the rest after their shift.

After returning to Ho Chi Minh City, we didn’t get to go back to Spice, which we really like the first night of our arrival, because it was Tet (New Year’s), which most of the city shuts down, including restaurants.

But we did eat at Quan Bui Garden (in District 2), where you can also buy beautiful contemporary Vietnamese pottery (I brought six plates back), and Restaurant 13, where we liked the beef and onions cooked in vinegar, which you wrap in rice paper rolls at the table, as well as the little crisp rice cakes, with shrimp and scallions, known as Banh Khot (above), which you wrap in leaves and eat.

At Com Nieu Sai Gon there were several families there celebrating Tet, and having a good time. We had jellied pork, crispy fish on rice (above), Caramelized clay Pot pork, and grilled prawns. (The menu had “fake dog meat” on it, which we didn’t order.) We kept hearing plates shatter, while people cheered, and weren’t sure what was happening. But the restaurant bakes rice until a crisp coating forms on the bottoms in small earthenware bowls. The rice is “presented” by smashing the bowl. It’s called Com Dap, and here’s a video of it:

I also met up with pals Marge Perry and David Bonom, who just happened to also be traveling through Vietnam at the same time, for Banh Mi sandwiches from Banh Mie Huynh Hoa, eating them at a local beer garden, whose men’s room was definitely rated R (or maybe X, depending on your sensibilities). I did take photos but worried that they would violate Instagram’s guidelines (and trust me, even after a few decades of living in San Francisco, I thought nothing would shock me), so didn’t publish them anywhere. But David and I are still recovering from it, and even Marge, who I insisted go into the men’s room for a look.

But I don’t want to leave you on that note, as Vietnam was wonderful. Some readers asked me how it was to travel through the country and I thought it was pretty great. On the whole, it was fairly easy to travel there and people were friendly and helpful. The food was very good, it’s not expensive, and the country is small enough so that you can visit several places if you’re there for ten days or so. It’s a country that’s in transition (they’ve gone through a lot), and has some challenges, but it was one of the most exciting places I’ve ever visited and next year, we’re planning to go back.

Here are some tips and suggestions for traveling in Vietnam:

1. Change money when you can. It’s not as easy to change money in Vietnam as it is elsewhere. While there are banks, locals don’t use them, instead preferring to change money elsewhere, if they can. Citibank and HSBC have ATMs which work with western credit cards; some local bank machines don’t work with U.S.-based cards. Citibank and HSBC ATMs are not everywhere, though, so use them when you find them.

Many places take credit cards in Vietnam, but some places don’t. Taxis have credit card machines but over half the time, the driver told me they weren’t functioning. (One held up a broken wire, to show me.) So have cash available. Also be sure to call your bank before you go, to let them know you’ll be traveling in Vietnam.

2. Carry tissues or napkins. Some restaurants supply them, others have very small squares of wispy-thin paper to use, and others give you a pre-moistened towelette. The food can be saucy (and restrooms don’t always have towels or tissues) so I was glad I have little tissue packets on hand. You should also carry toilet tissue as restrooms don’t always have it.

3. Drink a lot of (bottled) water. The tap water should not be consumed and it’s easy to get dehydrated due to the heat. I was felled for a day with a mild fever, which maybe was attributed to not getting enough water. (Or perhaps something I ate.) While there are drugstores in Vietnam, they are more like counters with a pharmacist and pills are sold individually. Although we didn’t need them, some travelers find they need Immodium or a similar product, which traveling, so I recommend bringing a box along rather than trying to find a box when you’re desperate.

Similarly, you can get sunscreen in Vietnam, but it’s not as widely available as it may be at home. I recommend bringing a bottle or two, especially if you’re planning any beach time.

4. When eating out, especially at the markets or street food stalls, go to places that are crowded with locals. They won’t return to places that don’t have good hygiene. Use common sense when eating at stalls; look at how clean the surrounding area is, how the food is kept, how the food is prepared, and even the condition of the tables, chairs, and dining area. As someone who’s worked in a number of restaurant kitchens, a messy, disorganized place is not the sign of a diligent cook or owner.

At Pho places on the street, I buried the herbs in the hot soup if I thought they may have been washed with non-filtered water. If you’re unsure about the chopsticks, leave them in the boiling-hot soup a short while before using them. The Vietnamese enjoy cold drinks with ice and I drank plenty of drinks with ice, and didn’t have any issues. Most ice is purchased and made with filtered water. But if you have any doubts, skip the ice.

5. If taking a cab, always take a cab with a meter. Our friends who live there said that Vinasun and Mailinh (the green cabs) are two that have meters in them, and I always looked for one of those cabs. In our experience, it’s better to let them use the meter than agree on a fixed fare in advance. (The one time I did that, the ride was 30% more than the metered fare.) Taxis are very inexpensive and the fare from Ho Chi Minh City to or from the airport was around 150,000 VND ($7).

At places like airports, you’ll find nicely dressed guys with badges who will “guide” you from the cab line to a taxi, then tell you what the fare is. Those guys work for specific cab companies and I found it better to ignore them (in spite of their repeated, and sometimes relentless, pleadings…) and just get in a cab that has a meter.

6. Grab is an Uber-like service that works the same way, via an app, which you can download before you go, but you’ll have to enter your credit card information while you’re in Vietnam. The service works like Uber. Note that you can order a car, or ride on the back of a scooter. (They provide a helmet for you if you choose the scooter option.) I used them a couple of times, including when we were swarmed by very aggressive cab drivers going into a museum (one even followed me around the museum), so I had a Grab driver meet me on the way out, and took his phone number down for future rides.

7. The currency conversion is a little complicated, at least to my non-mathematical brain. At the time of this writing, $1 = 23,000 Vietnamese Dong. There are no coins in Vietnam (yay!), but it’s easy to get confused. (And note that prices on menus and in shops will often be listed as just “230” when the price is 230,000.) I used AppBox Pro for currency conversions.

8. While it’s nice to learn the local language, Vietnamese is a challenge. I’m going to take some basic lessons next time I go, but Google translate was very helpful when I wanted specific information and couldn’t communicate. Some people do speak English, but most cab drivers (etc) don’t, so take a screenshot of an address or write it down (or have someone write it down for you), which helps, especially directions to the hotel. (Note that hotels that have names in English often have a different name in Vietnamese. Ask your hotel in advance to send you that information and print it out to bring with you, for the driver.) I often shared a screenshot with a cab driver of my destination on Google Maps, which they easily understood, too. Restaurants often have menus with pictures, which helps when ordering.

9. People in Vietnam were quite friendly. I only got scolded once for taking a pic and most people were fine with it. When in doubt, ask first, but most people were surprised that I even asked, a few even posing.

10. SIM cards are super cheap – and my internet was at least four times faster than it is in Paris. (I wanted to bring it back with me!) If you have an unlocked phone, you can pick up a SIM card for a pittance and have internet access while you’re traveling. I got a SIM card at Mobifone and I think I paid the equivalent of $10 for an enormous amount of data. I went to one of their offices and the clerk was super-helpful and she took care of everything, making sure it worked on my phone before I left. Be sure to have a copy of your passport when purchasing a SIM card. (If you go to a currency conversion place, they’ll want to see it, too.)

11. If you travel within the country you’ll likely take VietJet. (The other option are long-distance buses.) Airfares are reasonable but note that they have a very, very restrictive carry-on allowance of only 7kg and if you go over, the supplement is $100. You can buy tickets that have more generous luggage allowance, but our friends who bought our tickets bought the least-expensive, which are how most Vietnamese people seem to fly (carry on only). Every flight we took that left in the afternoon or early evening was delayed for a couple of hours, so don’t schedule things too tight. We also weren’t able to check in online for any of our flights, but the process at the airport isn’t too difficult and the staff at the airports were pretty efficient.

12. As for what to wear, I recommend dark-colored clothes as the food is a bit messy to eat, especially the soups. I ended up wearing the one dark, short sleeve linen shirt I’d brought most of the time, which was perfect, and I was miffed at myself for bringing light-colored items. It’s normal to wear sandals in Vietnam so bring a pair or two that are already broken in. Many people wear simple, non-fancy rubber sandals, which you can purchase inexpensively in Vietnam. I wasn’t anywhere where I needed to wear shoes, and once I took mine off, I didn’t put them back on until we headed to the airport for the plane home.

Depending on where you’re going, and when, you might want to pack a light sweater and a rain jacket. We only needed summer-weight clothes, but other places get chillier, depending on the latitude and season. Check the local forecast and pack accordingly. Unless you’re going to a formal event, you shouldn’t need any dressy clothes. If you plan to visit religious sites, such as temples and pagodas, men are expected to wear long pants and no tank tops; women should have something to cover bare shoulders, and you may not be admitted to certain places if wearing a short skirt or wear something with a low neckline.

13. If you want to ride a scooter, technically you are supposed to have a Vietnamese driver’s license. Some say that you can use an international driver’s license, but my friends who live there (who have Vietnamese ones) said that wasn’t the case. I rode on the back of my friend’s scooter for two weeks and it was a great way to get around. Some hotel rent bikes and scooters and I would use them, as they’re more familiar with the rules.

14. If you’re interested in cooking Vietnamese food, Andrea Nguyen’s cookbooks are great sources of recipes for Vietnamese dishes. This write-up of 25 Must-Eat Dishes in Saigon is helpful for identifying certain dishes, and where to find them in Ho Chi Minh City and these articles on best Hoi An restaurants and street food have some enticing addresses, too.

15. Lastly, to go to Vietnam, if you are traveling with an American passport, you’ll need a visa. If you search online, you’ll find a lot of websites which are fake visa processing centers. We used Vietnam Visa Center, which was recommended by Lonely Planet, and it worked well. (A friend who goes to Vietnam regularly uses this company.) We paid the extra small fee to have “fast track” service, and have someone meet us upon our arrival at the airport, and take us through. (Update: Several readers noted that Vietnam does have its own website for processing visas electronically. You can also obtain one from a Vietnamese embassy, too.)

For more on my trip to Vietnam, check out my Instagram Stories from Vietnam archived Here and Here, with videos and geo-tagged addresses.

Source: https://www.davidlebovitz.com/vietnam-part-2-hue-da-nang-hoi-an-phu-quoc-travel/

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snowfragrance · 7 years

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NYC/ Newark 2017 Summary & Food Rec

So my friend convinced me to go to a BTS concert with her in Newark since it was “my fault” by introducing the band to her. I had also wanted to go to NYC since I've never been in (just through) NY. So here’s a very long summary of what worked/didn’t work so future me or any travelers can plan better.

Free Manhattan attractions include:

Central Park

Time’s Square

9/11 Memorial

St. Patrick’s Cathedral

FIT Museum

National Museum of the American Indian

Fearless Girl and Charging Bull statues

Staten Island Ferry (wanted to see Lady Liberty but no time)

High Line (interested but didn’t go)

Chelsea Galleries (interested but didn’t go)

Best website (beside Google) regarding free attractions/discounted admissions: http://www.nycgo.com/articles/free-nyc-museums

Brooklyn Cat Cafe is a must if you want to try out a cat cafe. Way cheaper than the other 3 places in Manhattan ($5/every 30min). They do not serve any food or drinks so it’s not really a cafe...but who wants expensive drinks when YOU CAN PICK UP THE CATS. The cats are very chill (and soft). They are surprisingly skinny but well taken care of. There’s one rounder cat that gives head butts. No hissing or random swipes. And there are kittens too! They have a bathroom cat that stays in the bathroom to look at you pee. My sister picked him up and brought him out but once he was free he went back to the bathroom. All the cats have claws but they wiggle themselves away if they don’t want to be picked up. Or they can escape to the higher selves to avoid humans. I don’t understand why almost all cat cafes don’t let people pick up the cats...you’ve already signed an agreement that all injuries are your fault. Plus the cats there become use to human contact and little kids which makes adopting them faster. Which is probably why most of the cats there are relatively young.

Stay: Flushing’s YMCA hostel per my sister’s recommendation. She had stayed before and liked it. She is not allowed to plan for anymore trips ahem. So here’s the breakdown.

Pros:

Cheap prices

Use of facilities if you want to exercise

Conveniently near Flushing’s food

Fridge/TV/WIFI

Bath towels provided

Microwave (shared in hallway)

Near the metro station

Cons:

No discounted parking (it is NY but eh)

Basically rooms/layout is a dorm (small rooms, shared bathroom, bunk beds)

Bathrooms are locked with only 2 stalls

Keys to rooms and bathrooms look identical...even staff hands out wrong keys (we shared 1 bathroom key for 3 ladies)

Showers (x3) with curtains and a glass door (that locks) divides showers and toilet stalls

Maintenance worker could come in between 10pm-6am

Difficulty controlling room temperature- they have a central heat that runs 24/7 and an AC unit to plug/turn on if it got too hot (didn’t think this still exist)

Takes at least 1 hour to get from Flushing to Manhattan

Transportation: Metro. Cost $2.75, including all transfers. Takes some time to get use to all the different lines but overall not too bad with the smartphone to help. If traveling to Newark from Manhattan, a PATH metro card need to be purchased (same price) since a regular metro card will not be accepted. We tried to transfer from Penn Station but for some reason that day, we couldn’t so we had to go to the next stop at 64th. It’s one transfer from Manhattan to Newark and a 15 minute walk to the Prudential Center.

By the way, the concert was amazing. Seeing the boys there doing all the complicated dances was great. I also felt really old in the crowd of screaming teenagers and grumpy parents. Very impressed with the leader’s English...it was really good and he was basically the group’s translator.

Food: The best part hehe

Manhattan:

Little Italy Pizza: Convenient and cheap NY pizza. Slices are huge and combo available for selected pizza types. Grab and go kind of place. Nothing over $7.

Harry & Ida’s: Place smells of delicious smoked meat. I got the Sweater Weather which was unfortunately nope. There’s an overwhelmingly taste of sweet apples (even though it didn’t have apples) that took over the sandwich. It was like a dessert. Maybe it’s the sauce with the tomatoes and/or eggplant, I don’t really know how it got that sweet. The pork loin meat that I did pick out was good...very disappointed that I couldn’t taste it in the sandwich. I really should have ordered literally anything else but the ingredients in the sandwich sound delicious. $12-19, for sandwich only. More for extra (like drink or sides) and there is a combo with selected sandwich types.

Otafuku(?): I think this was the place with the takoyaki covered in katsuobushi. NYU people are lucky to have this place nearby. Japanese street food mostly, I don’t think they serve anything heavy.

Flushing:

No idea what the place is called...but if you squeeze yourself into one of the markets along Main St., there are several vendors in a narrow room that sell baozi, shumai, youtiao, onion and yam pancakes, zongzi, and stir fry entrees. Entire ducks are displayed in the windows for purchase. Outside is a fruit stand. Mostly the bosses there know Mandarin but can answer in English. Cheap option for breakfast (4 baozi for $2.75). Cash only.

Also no idea where the place is called...bubble tea and bbq kabob sticks are sold from different vendors in a long room located near the metro station. There’s a giant bubble tea figure over the building. Delicious cheap eats with drinks nothing over $8 and sticks nothing over $3/stick. Kabob is cash only and tea place takes credit cards.

Tai Pan Bakery: Delicious savory and sweet bread! I had an egg pork thingie that was amazing. Lots of varieties and cheap. Cash and maybe credit cards?

Spring Shabu Shabu: Hot pot place with free buffet of vegetables, noodles, and fish cakes. You make your own sauces. Individual pots. Meat and seafood will have to be purchased. So good with lots of options in their free buffet. We shared some meat and seafood and payed in the upper $10s-lower $20s. Will take credit cards.

Dunhuang Lanzhou Beef Noodle: They were still busy at 9pm! Delicious authentic noodles that are under $12. There’s a lot of competition around so noodle places are cheap. Takes credit cards.

Xi'an Famous Foods: Pretty good with to go options for noodles? Which is kinda weird cause the noodles won’t be the same. Nothing over $13 and they take credit cards.

Mapo Galmaegi: Very generous. Gave us lots of free pickled vegetables even when we didn’t order Korean bbq. And they would refill it for free too! Also gave us jasmine tea instead of water for free. Service was ridiculously fast. The pho was delicious. $8-25 for lunch options that aren't Korean bbq. Takes credit cards.

#nyc/newark 2017 #travel summary #so much writing #personal

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vploilam · 5 years

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Day 61, Dec 24 - Headed to Hanoi, things did not go as planned

- the day started well enough with Banh Coun breakfast

- definitely will miss all the fruit carts in HCMC as we start our tour of the North later today

- The kids spent most of the day entertaining themselves, which included using Kingdomino in a made up Jenga game

- Linda and I spent a lot of time looking for different hotels and modifying our trip

- we ended up deciding that at the end of our trip we will bypass Mui Ne and spend more time in Nha Trang

- and super packer Linda took care of the baggage even though she may have a cold

- we had an early dinner of sticky rice in banana leaves, fruits, juices and Banh Mi sandwiches

- our flight originally scheduled to leave at 6:45 now had a departure time of 7:30

- said goodbye to our HCMC place and hopped into a Grab and was really worried about being late due to the normal rush hour traffic

- The check-in was a nightmare

- lots of people trying to cut the line and the lady behind the counter was really slow

- when it was finally our turn, we tried to explain that we had paid for 1 bag to be checked and my credit card was charged for $10 for it.

- she told us the system doesn't show we paid, I showed her my online credit card charge

- she sent me to some random other line that I couldn't find, so I came back and told her I would just pay again

- she tells me it's $18 and she proceeds to write something down

- now I have to go to another line, pay there and come back to her

- I find the counter and pay, the lady there says that the credit card payment on their end never came through so automatically in 10 days I'll get issued a refund

- that's great except it made my check in 25 extra minutes and I ended up paying double if it worked the way it's supposed to

- surprisingly this is not the greatest disappointment this evening

- The boys got a candy cane from Linda as its Christmas eve

- she was able to get some pho to make her feel better

- and our flight is delayed to 8:35

- we are finally on our way to Hanoi, kids these days and their electronics

- Lynkin looked out the window and said, "I saw a red and orange dot, maybe that was santa"

- Linda's cousin, a world traveller, booked 2 hotel rooms for the 7 of us for 2 nights in a place she always stays at when she comes to Hanoi

- she called to make sure that the cost would only be $300,000 per room (that's $18) a night, no way we could find that type of pricing

- she says it has what you need and is clean

- we can't find it on a map, but we have the address

- we decide to have the hotel arrange a ride for us instead of trying to find the hotel ourselves

- it's a 12 seater and it ended up costing double what it would have cost using Grab ($38), but seeing how narrow and confusing it got near the hotel, maybe it was worth it

- so we pull up into what sounds like the clubbing District and a storefront that looks like a travel agency not a hotel

- Layson accidently uses his luggage and spills the wine of some huge guy drinking on the porch but luckily he does not get too upset

- we head upstairs to our rooms...

- basically it's a hostel

- issue 1, each room only has 1 bed, there's 7 of us

- The guy tells us he has 1 more room, it's now past midnight, so we take it and he wants the money now

- so we pay him $250,000 a room per night, times 2 since we are staying 2 nights

- issue 2, the AC has no remote, so my room (with Logan and Lynkin) is freezing and Linda's room does not have a working AC

- issue 3, Linda's room is tiny so you can smell the toilet

- up to this point, we are thinking, it's OK, we can get through 2 nights of this

- issue 4, after we paid, we go back upstairs and the water does not work. Not for the sink or the toilet

- we go down and complain, and the guy is saying the water is out for everyone, we ask when it's coming back, I don't understand his response

- we make it clear we are only staying one night and we want our money back

- he says we can talk in the morning, there was another lady that was there earlier and I think she's the boss and she makes the decisions

- regardless if we get our money back tmwr or not, we are not staying here another night

- we find another place online 6 minutes away and book it online and request an early check in

- tmwr we hope will work out better

- Merry Christmas eve everyone

#2018trip

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rutilation · 6 years

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I have a few words to say about Cairngorm

(That’s a lie; I actually have a lot of words.)

As a disclaimer: this whole thing is, to put it mildly, highly speculative, and it’s probably a bit too early to predict where exactly Cairngorm’s character arc is heading, especially since it seems like the kid-gloves are only really going to come off next chapter (Ichikawa, please have mercy on us.) But I’m going to press forward anyway. If nothing else, it’ll help me grapple with this stressful chapter. So, if you’d like to hear my take on where Ichikawa might being going with all this, then buckle up, this is like ten pages.

I’ve spent quite a while trying to figure out which of Cairngorm’s actions were their own and which were a result of Ghost’s inclusions. It’d be easy to say that whenever Cairngorm did something that seemed out-of-character or drastic, it was because of Ghost, but that almost feels like taking the easy way out, because they’ve also made reckless, potentially self-destructive decisions that had nothing to do with protecting Phos.

And furthermore, the whole situation with the eyes is really ambiguous. Were Ghost’s eyes really controlling them? Were Ghost’s inclusions actually attacking Cairngorm or were they breaking apart from fear and stress, and just thought it was Ghost doing it? Are the creepy moe eyes they have now controlling them? Is Aechmea outright lying or is he just presenting the truth in a misleading manner? This is all rather shaky ground to set about interpreting a character upon, so I’ve kind of opted to ignore it. I can’t help but feel that the whole deal with the eyes is something of a smokescreen for a deeper issue.

Eyes have served a number of symbolic purposes in recent chapters. The fact that Phos has both an eye made by Kongou and one given to them by Aechmea seems to pretty blatantly symbolize that they’re carrying within themselves the perspectives of both the gems and the Lunarians. Furthermore, the fact that Kongou gives each gem their eyes is, symbolically speaking, predisposing them to see things from Kongou’s perspective; it seems to me a metaphor for how your parents seem infallible when you’re young, which in turn relates to the story’s implication that most of the gems are in a state of arrested development. And then there’s Cairngorm, who has completely aligned their perspective with Aechmea now that that both of their eyes were made by him.

What I’m getting at is that all these god-damned haunted eyeballs are serving as extended metaphors. And grasping what lies behind those metaphors is where we might find some insight. After all, an extended fantasy metaphor for emotional manipulation such as this only works if it feels real even without the in-universe justification. So, for now, let’s set aside Schrödinger’s mind-control eyeballs, and examine Cairngorm’s behavior as if their issues were the result of their own psychology and life experiences, rather than the result of science-fantasy technobabble.

While I was trying to wrap my mind around the spoilers we got up leading up to the chapter’s release, these pages jumped out at me.

I had taken note of them before, because it seemed like set-up that was going to have some payoff later. When I connected Cairngorm’s strange behavior in this chapter to this bit of foreshadowing from earlier, my immediate instinct was “Oh thank god! They’re just acting, and Ichikawa put the foreshadowing right in front of our faces!”

But… while this does strike me as plausible, it also seems a little too neat and tidy. Now that Ichikawa’s opened this can of worms regarding Cairngorm’s sense of self, she can’t very well resolve it with a just-kidding. Even if this does turn out to be the way the story goes, Cairngorm’s identity crisis still needs to be addressed. Even if Cairngorm is acting the way they are to try to pull one over on Aechmea, that doesn’t mean their issues with Phos and Ghost and their own sense of self don’t matter.

So, for the sake of avoiding the low-hanging fruit, let’s investigate another possible reason that Ichikawa felt the need to connect Cairngorm with acting twice now. I’m thinking this might be more a comment on their overall personality, rather than a specific future plot event.

But to show you the reader what I mean by that, I’m going to have to walk you through my personal journey to understand Cairngorm (now that I’ve typed those words, it occurs to me I that I should get out more.) So… here’s my attempt at a unified theory of Cairngorm as of chapter 68.

Aside from Phos, most of the characters don’t really change or have an apparent arc. They get a few key traits, maybe a smattering of angst, and that’s about it. Seeing as the whole conceit of the story is forcing characters who are by nature static to reckon with the inevitability of change and death, this approach to the characterization of most of the gems makes sense. However, there are a couple other gems who did seem to have a character arc, namely Dia and Cairngorm. So I paid them closer attention than I did the other characters, and in doing so, I noticed several peculiar things about Cairngorm. (As a quick aside, there are several other characters who seem like they’re primed to go through an arc in the future, but the story hasn’t gotten to them yet.)

Here’s what seemed a bit off:

• Their rather surreal character concept seemed a bit at odds with their more understated characterization.

• Their taciturn attitude didn’t match their often erratic actions.

• The way Ghost described them seemed at odds with character we came to know over the course of 20-some chapters.

• You could never quite tell whether Cairngorm and Phos genuinely cared about each other or if they were just using each other; there was plenty of evidence in both camps.

• The narrative pointed out Cairngorm’s acting ability twice, and like I said before, that seemed like a big ‘ol Chekov’s gun.

• They went through a number of changes in character design over the course of two volumes, and along with Padpa and Phos, were one of the few characters who replaced a part of their body. As I said before, a major theme of the story is static characters dealing with the concept of change, so the fact that Cairngorm kept going through superficial changes struck me as significant.

All this is to say that while I didn’t predict that Cairngorm’s character arc would go in this direction, I was always sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop. And wow what a painful shoe-dropping it was. But now that we’ve been smacked in the head by the narrative equivalent of a steel-toed boot, we know what Cairngorm’s character arc is about. So let’s try looking at Cairngorm’s past actions, their framing in the narrative, and their relationship with Ghost and Phos through the lens of their fumbling attempts at autonomy.

First I’ll explain what I mean by Cairngorm’s attitude not matching their actions. While Cairngorm gives the impression of someone who is responsible and tired of everyone else’s nonsense, many of their actions were, by contrast, rather impulsive and irrational:

· Trying to rip off their own head when Kongou initially refused to attach Lapis’s head to Phos. (This scene always creeped me out and it’s only gotten worse in retrospect.)

· Taking on a vessel by themselves and refusing Phos’s help, even though they knew their arm was about to give out

· Leaping onto the obviously-a-trap black cloud things back when they were inside of Ghost

· Passively enabling a lot of Phos’s dumb ideas (which, by the way, doesn’t fit with the alleged prime directive of protecting Phos.)