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sasusakufestival · 7 years

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A Taste of Redemption

February 15

Day 2: Insecurities

Title: A Taste of Redemption

manika-on-a-whim

Summary: Sasuke is finally back from his journey of redemption and he remembers about his promise of seeing Sakura on his return. But what if she has already moved on?…

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You are back…

…to the place that your brother sacrificed his life for…

And suddenly you realise that even after travelling around the world all this time on your journey to atone for your sins, you still don’t understand what your brother saw in this place. You had left this place with only one purpose etched in your mind- Redemption. But now that you have returned after a duration of almost two years, you feel that you have yet to attain that. You feel that you aren’t ready for this. And this place is the practical reminder of that. This place always makes you reproach your past actions, it makes you resent, which is why you have still not made any movements to enter through the huge gates. And as you stare uneasily at the prestigious entrance to the place that is supposed to be your home, you hear someone call out your name.

“Uchiha! It’s you.”

“You are back!”

How you wished for those voices to belong to a pair of a hyperactive, idiotic blonde and a cheerful, annoying pinkette but unfortunately, they didnot. Looking-up at the owners of the authoritative voices, you come face-to-face with the two Chūnins, who are constantly guarding the gates. Without even uttering so much as a greeting, you walk past them and make your way towards the building of the head of this place- The Hokage Tower.

Upon reaching the building, neither do you spare the time to hear the civilian’s whispers about your sudden return, nor do you wait to acknowledge the few welcoming gestures flashed towards you. You simply continue your stride and finally stop on reaching the door that leads to the Hokage’s Room.

After a polite knock, you wait for someone to answer the door. Surprisingly, it is slightly pulled open by a small being that you are sure you have never seen before in your life. For a second, the thought of the kid being the village leader’s child enters your mind and yet you immediately shake it away as you are well-aware that your former sensei was never into families. But time changes everything and everyone and so, maybe your ex-teacher has changed as well. You keep going through all the possibilities but none of them helps you put a finger on the piercing crimson-irises that the child possesses. That she is a girl and is around four years old, is clear to you but still, you can’t help yourself from wondering about the mysterious parents of this child.

“Who’s there?” She speaks innocently in her baby voice.

As you have never been good with children, you have no idea about how you must treat them. This makes you think further about a specific answer to this child’s query. An answer that will make her smile instead of scaring her. But before you can even come up with a proper response, you hear the clacking sound of heels. Maybe the previous and only female hokage, Tsunade Senju has come to pay a visit to the sixth. But as you hear the feminine voice of the heel-sporting lady, you doubt your views. Maybe it’s not Tsunade. Maybe it’s that black-haired medical kunoichi who always used to be around Tsunade to deal with her odd jobs.

“Who’s there Mirai-chan?” The voice asks and the kid, probably named Mirai turns her head back inside.

The door is then completely pulled open by a tall woman with curly, black hair and piercing crimson irises, similar to that of the child. You swear to yourself that you have seen this woman before but you don’t recall her name. To your surprise, she remembers your name. Well..everyone does. Afterall, who will forget the face and name of the shinobi world’s most dangerous S-ranked criminal.

“Sasuke” she says in greeting and allows you to enter. Maybe she is the mother of this little girl.

You close the door behind you and turn around to face the numerous familiar occupants of the room. Shikamaru Nara is the first person whom you recognise. He is standing next to that black-haired medical ninja that used to work under Tsunade. You also spot your ex-teacher’s rival aka Bushy-brows sensei, seated in a wheel chair. Then there’s the crimson-eyed woman from before, her child Mirai, the bald-guy from the Torture Department, the blonde, four-pig-tailed kunoichi from sand with her huge fan secured over her back, two dark-skinned shinobi, one of whom is busy licking his lollipop while the other one is passing a hand through her haphazard red hair and ofcourse, right in the centre of the group, seated behind the long desk, on the Hokage’s chair, is your former sensei- Kakashi Hatake, the Sixth Hokage of the Leaf Village.

You wonder if there was a meeting going on and that you have entered at the wrong time. But the Hokage clears all your worries. Even though you can’t see it, you know that Kakashi is smiling at you from behind his mask because of his crinkled eyes. Yes! He doesn’t cover his left eye anymore since he had lost his Sharingan during the Fourth Shinobi War. But you notice that he isn’t the only one smiling at you, most of them are. Both Shikamaru and the blonde kunoichi from sand are smirking at you whilst the black-haired assistant of Tsunade and the crimson-eyed woman are giving you a small welcoming smile. The only people who aren’t smiling are the two dark-toned shinobi and the man from torture department. They are scowling at you. The little four-year old is staring at you with a young one’s curiosity shimmering in her eyes and much to your dismay, bushy-brows sensei is giving you his weird, teeth-flashing grin.

“Sasuke, welcome back.” Kakashi says and you nod your head.

“Don’t worry, man. The Hokage was just having an idle chat with us.” The lazy-genius assured him.

There was a scoff and everyone turned to look at the bald-guy from the Torture Department. Suddenly, he turned his gaze towards you, “How lucky of us to have the company of the almighty Sasuke Uchiha.”

The two dark shinobis snickered at that.

“Relax Ibiki-san, Sasuke is a good man. He is back now.” The crimson-eyed woman countered.

“Oh really? I don’t trust him and Kurenai, you shouldn’t too.” Ibiki hisses and pushes past you to exit the room.

Kurenai, the woman with crimson irises, smiles apologetically at you. You notice hints of pity in them and try your best not to seethe with anger. Pitying is something that you have never liked. You are ready to take Rage, Sorrow, Joy, even Hatred but not Pity. You don’t want people’s pity or sympathy. You also want to move on from your past self as Hate and Revenge are the only two words that clouded your mind for the most of your teenage years. Now at nineteen, you want to give-up on those two words that twisted your perception way too much to straighten back to normal. You want to be at peace. You want calm. You want Redemption.

“I guess you’ll be staying for a while?” Kakashi asked and you managed a nod.

“Then why don’t you cheer-up and go meet all of your comrades!” yelled Bushy-brows sensei in his youthful tone and you felt your eye twitch at the blinding shine of his teeth.

“Not a bad idea. Naruto has been whining a lot about your absence.” Shikamaru piped-in, “His ramen urges are so strong these days that even Hinata is getting addicted to the taste of his favourite food. I swear to you, both of them eat nothing but Ramen.”

“Damn! All this talk about food reminds me that I have a date with Chouji-kun tonight.” The red-headed woman muttered, the palms of her hands massaging her scalp in anxiety.

“Whoa Karui, who knew someone like you could get a date.” spoke the girl’s partner, throwing away the empty lollipop-stick and pulling out another one from his pocket to continue with his weird fetish. And you couldn’t help yourself from agreeing to the guy’s words. Not that the girl is unattractive or anything. It’s just weird to hear that even that overweighing guy from team 10 has got himself a date but not you.

The girl whacked the boy on his head for insulting her and stomped out of the room in fury, gritting out a goodbye to the Hokage and murmuring an ‘I’ll see you later’ to the girl from sand. The lollipop-lover followed his friend whilst rubbing his head to soothe the pain caused by the newly developing bruise.

You step-away from the door to let the two walk-out of the room, wondering when exactly did the world become so friendly for you hadn’t expected Chouji of all guys from your generation to grab a date before many others. And also you glanced at the sand kunoichi, thinking that if she is friends with that red-headed girl then how many of your comrades have formed such inter-village bonds.

“Well, you better go see Naruto.” Kakashi advised tiredly.

And again..you are left to your thoughts. People’s extremely amiable behaviour is scaring you. Why exactly is everyone behaving as if nothing has gone wrong, as if you had never left to atone for your sins, as if…the crimes that you had committed have all been forgiven? You stare at the people still present inside the room, unsure about everything. Is this a dream? You question yourself. No. It can’t be, for you recall that the last time you had a dream was when you were still eight and your brother hadn’t murdered your clan. After that fateful night, you only had nightmares..nightmares about your parents lying in a pool of their own blood, nightmares about the whole Uchiha Compound colored in crimson, nightmares about each and every single one of their deaths…

“Sasuke”

You were pulled out of your train of thoughts when you heard a strong feminine voice calling you. Looking-up, you saw everyone staring worriedly at you. Maybe you were lost in your thoughts for too long that you missed out their voices calling you out. You eyed the girl who had taken your name, the girl from sand.

“Sasuke,” she spoke again, “meet Mirai. This is Asuma and Kurenai’s daughter.”

You looked towards the little girl that she was gesturing at and saw the child was already staring at you. She looked uncertain at first but when Shikamaru nudged her, she took the signal and managed a shy smile at you. Her twinkling eyes were an indication that she wanted to be friends with you, that she wasn’t scared of you, that she didn’t see you as the monster that you used to be… She brought her tiny hand out to shake it in friendship. And much to everyone’s shock, you didn’t scoff or snarl or scowl, you simply motioned the only arm you had left and shook the child’s hand as gently as you could with your calloused hands. The effect was instantaneous as the child brightened with a big grin on her face. It made you believe that maybe..maybe it’s not too hard to attain redemption.

A moment later, you faced Kakashi and finally decided to open your mouth to utter a few words.

“I’ll see Naruto now.” You told him.

“Don’t forget, Sakura. She’s at the hospital. She’ll be happy to see you back.” the black-haired woman spoke in a low whisper which was loud enough for all the occupants of the room to hear.

Suddenly you began feeling heavy. You were unable to move. It’s as if someone chained your legs, rendering you immobile. You even felt the immediate change in the atmosphere of the room. The warm welcoming aura was gone. It was replaced by a deafening silence that began hammering your head. It’s funny how the mention of a certain pink-haired girl’s name can create such a change. The kunoichi with her fan averted her eyes, trying to focus on the wooden flooring of the room whilst Shikamaru coughed. Both the older women were staring uneasily at you and your ears also caught the sound of Kakashi clearing his throat. The silence was starting to get on your nerves. You were itching for some kind of action and yet no one made any move to violate the quiet.

“Sakura-chan!” The little toddler suddenly cried in joy. For some reason, she was really delighted to hear the pinkette’s name and you were delighted too. You mentally thanked the girl for breaking the unfriendly silence in the room.

“Ah, Yes! Sakura-chan.” The girl’s mother smiled down at her, “We’ll meet her soon.”

“Huh…” Kakashi sighed, giving you a weak smile, “We’ll talk later. I think you must go and see them”

With that said, no, ordered to you by your ex-sensei, you made a quick escape out of the room.

Once outside of the building, you felt your muscles starting to relax. You fear that if you would’ve stayed any longer, you would’ve died of the constantly gripping silence. Shikamaru and his girlfriend from sand had also followed you out and were now walking down the busy streets next to you.

“Sakura runs the whole hospital now.” Shikamaru blurted out, “She has also started a whole new department, separated from the hospital. It is a sort of clinic for the young kids who are suffering from mental traumas. She came up with the idea a few months ago and immediately began working on it with Ino’s help. Temari and I helped out as well.”

The girl from sand, whose name you recalled to be Temari, spoke-up, “You inspired her to create the Children’s Healthcare Clinic.”

At that, you quirked a brow at the blonde female to which she immediately responded, “You know, with all that trauma and stuff. She used to read books related to the condition similar to yours alongside taking care of you at the hospital during that time after the war.”

You simply nodded in understanding and went back to brooding over your past. It’s true that she had always stayed by your bedside during that time of your rehabilitation. She used to feed you with refreshments and apples and even your proper daily meals. She used to run regular health check-ups on you. She even went as far as sleeping on that chair by your bed’s side, just to make sure you didn’t suffer with those nightmares. And all throughout the night she would allow you to touch her, to hold her palm and squeeze as hard as would make you feel safe. Whenever you had screamed in the midst of those restless sleeps, she was the one to calm you down. Whenever you had cried in the aftermath of those gory nightmares, she was the one to lull you back to sleep. Whenever you had a hallucination, she was the one to take the brunt of it all.

You used to yell at her, scold her and even go as far as threatening her. Just so she would keep her innocent self a long mile away from you. But no..none of your acts ever worked. She always stayed up at nights with you when you felt no sleep blessed-upon your eyes. She always made sure that you were lost in a proper slumber before herself dozing-off in her dreams. You had even attempted to kill her numerous times under the effects of your hallucinations and yet she never questioned or hated you for your deeds. She accepted you as you are, unlike many others who loathed your return to this village. She did all of it..all of it to make sure you felt…she made you feel important..she made you feel needed… And what did you do?! You left her! You left the village right after your probation ended. And for everything she had done for you, you only graced her with a word of thanks and a promise of return.

And to think that she would take inspiration from you and start running an organization of her own…She really has changed but who else is to blame than you. Every little step that she took, every single day that she worked, everything of hers has always been done for your acceptance…Just so you would turn around and acknowledge her for everything that she is..Conclusively, you are the one responsible for her change, growth and development. And a small part of you always wishes that she will return to her old, carefree self…

“Naruto must be at the Ichiraku’s right now.” Shikamaru said, disturbing your thoughts.

But for some reason, you couldn’t shake away the ever-so-bright face of your female teammate off your mind.

I’ll see you when I’m back…

Those were words that you uttered to her before your second departure from the village. You have always been a man of few words but you know that she is the only one who understands your cryptic way of communicating. She has always been able to crawl under your skin. So then…what are you doing? Why are you making her suffer? What are you waiting for? If you had promised to see her on your return then why exactly are you still walking down this lane with two of your former comrades in search of a blonde idiot who is much like a brother to you? You always disappoint her. You enjoy doing this to her. Making her wait for you forever. You are a sadist, aren’t you? Her loyalty gives you a sickening pleasure. You relish every minute of her devotion for you. And yet, there’s a small part of you which knows that this isn’t right? This very part is urging you to keep your promise, to stand-up to her expectations, to show everyone around you that even a monster like you possesses a heart…

…and..thank you…

You even thanked her before parting with her. You had done the same when you were thirteen. She had tried stopping you both the times. She had even offered joining you on your quest and offer you her trusted support. But you declined..on both the occasions. Both of the times you left her with your genuine gratitude. The only difference between the two happenings is that during one of them she was conscious enough to see you leave. But a thank you is not enough. She knows this. You know this. Heck! Everyone knows this.

“…he’s probably there with Hinata. They are always out on dates. You know-”

Shikamaru stopped speaking when he saw you making an about turn and heading in the opposite direction to that of your comrades. You didn’t look back or stop to give any reactions to the surprised looks on their faces. You continued moving swiftly in the direction that you know will lead you to the Hospital..towards the object of your thoughts. You had promised her and you will fulfil it because Uchihas never go against their words. Whatever they say is a declaration that must be taken care of. Thus, you kept striding towards the medical unit because she of all people deserves to see you first.

“Hey! Sasuke!” Shikamaru called but you paid no heed.

“Oh! Let him go. Atleast for the first time he’s taking the right steps.” Temari said casually with an undertone of amusement in her voice.

You inwardly thanked her for giving you the final push and began walking with a new determination in your persona.

On reaching the huge building of the Konohagakure Hospital, you marched in towards the reception. Your sudden entrance earned you a lot of gasps and whispers from the civilians and shinobis alike. Sighing, you opened your mouth to speak your query but were unable to because of the loud interruption.

“Sasuke-kun?” came a familiar feminine voice and you turned around to face the young, blonde Yamanaka Heiress.

She was eyeing you with an amused smile on her lips. Then she spoke, “Perhaps you’re looking for Sakura-chan?”

You couldn’t help yourself from nodding your head in agreement.

“Well, too bad. She isn’t here. She’s on a brake for a few days.” She supplied and you found your legs immediately turning you around, heading in the general direction of the street that your ex-teammate lives on.

You were quick to exit the hospital but somehow, the long, golden-pony-tailed girl managed to catch up to you. She began walking side-by-side with you. She cleared her throat to gain your attention and you did a slight nod of your head to show that you were listening.

“Okay, I won’t beat around the bush. I’ll get straight to the point. She cried a lot when you left her. And by leaving I mean both the times. Yes! She cried too much for her own good and no one was there to support her but me and Tsunade-shishou. Naruto had left too. At first, to train with Jiraiya-sama and the other time, he was busy with Hinata. Kakashi-sensei just resigned in his sorrows in the beginning and the second time you left, he was the Hokage. He had duties to carry out. And Sai-kun was..well Sai. So you see, she was left all by herself and-”

You tried to interrupt her because you already know all this but she stopped you with a gesture of her hand and went on, “Let me finish. So, as I was saying, she was left all by herself. And when she realised that moping won’t do any good to her, she decided to train and work hard. She wasn’t blessed by any special bloodline abilities or a tailed-beast’s chakra. Everything that she is, goes to her nerve-wrecking hard work. And you know what Sasuke?! Even after everything you did to her, even after everything you made her go through, she forgave you. She always does…”

“And your point is?” You asked bluntly.

“I am saying that you do not deserve her!” she yelled, making you flinch the slightest.

She now stopped walking and even signalled you to do the same. Then she hissed in a mix of fury and sorrow for her beloved best friend, “Look Sasuke, you weren’t here when she used to cry and blame herself. We all witnessed her anguish and though we may have forgiven you, we still don’t trust you enough. Atleast I don’t trust you enough with her.”

By now tears were streaming down her face but she kept shouting, “You Sasuke Uchiha, do not deserve her forgiveness, her smiles, her acceptance and her love! You don’t deserve any of it! You do not deserve her!”

Those last few words struck a cord in you and your palms began clenching and unclenching repeatedly, accompanied by the gritting of your teeth.

She was heaving with rage and sadness but her gaze did not falter. She kept glaring at you with contempt. And again, who is to blame? You ofcourse! Her words are nothing but unadulterated truth. You do not deserve her! You really don’t. You tried glaring back at the sky-blue eyed female with equal intensity but could not. Slowly your shoulders began sagging and you lowered your head in defeat.

Haven’t I apologised already?

Hasn’t she forgiven me already?

You kept asking yourself. Those two questions that always plague you whenever you are lost in your thoughts.

“Don’t disappoint me Uchiha.” Ino Yamanaka spoke suddenly.

You lifted your head to gaze indifferently at her.

“You have damaged her beyond repair. One more mistake and she’ll snap and shatter for ever. So, consider this a threat or a personal request or whatever you want to..but do not wrong her again.” She dead-panned and walked away, leaving you alone on the middle of the streets.

The walk towards her place didn’t take long as you reached their within 10 minutes. Standing outside the small apartment’s porch, you contemplated on whether you should knock at the door or not. Her best friend’s words were still ringing in your ears. They had somehow managed to shake your strong resolve, making you uncertain about this much awaited reunion with the girl who has always filled your dark existence with her bright presence.

She’ll be happy to see you back.

Will she now? You briefly felt the signs of fear ghosting it’s way into your soul. Will she really be happy to see you? Will she openly greet you with a smile on her face? Will she cheerfully welcome you indoors for some refreshments and small talk? Will she? Or has she finally given-up on you? Finally…moved on? It is hard for you to admit it even to yourself but the prospect of her moving on from you is scaring you. And, however selfish it may sound, you don’t want her to stop loving you…

You inspired her…

Really? Can a conceited, heinous, control-freak like you impress someone to the point that they start taking inspiration from you? Why did she take your example? Why did she choose to support you during those nights of intense nightmares deteriorating your sleep? Time and again she has openly confessed her feelings for you. But why? Why does she love you even after everything that you have made her suffer? All those actions would’ve been more than enough to traumatise any normal person. But not her… Instead of breaking down and losing herself in the agony of it all, she has taken inspiration from your sick behaviour and utilised it to create a tranquil place for thousands like you. This selfish part of you can’t help itself from feeling satisfied because you don’t want anyone else to take your place in her heart…

You do not deserve her!

You have heard this one numerous times. There have been many others who have expressed their disapproval whenever it comes to you and her. People always scowl or grimace in disgust. But Ino Yamanaka verbally spoke-out their dislike. You’ll praise the blonde girl for this, as no one has ever tried to yell at you except for a very unpredictable, knucklehead ninja. None of the acquaintances of this pink-haired kunoichi wants you anywhere near her. It’s not like you feel offended. You too think that you don’t deserve any part of her. But still, you want to be selfish and have her accept all of you despite your flaws…

Sighing deeply, you finally lift your hand up to give a knock at her door. You had promised her that you’ll return. You had promised that she’ll be the first one you’ll see on your return. Therefore, there’s no point in backing out now, as it will not only be very disappointing to her but also very disgraceful to you as an Uchiha. So, with hints of hesitation in your movements, you gave three quick knocks and waited.

You heard the faint padding of her feet from the inside as she made her way towards the door to answer the visitor. Squaring your shoulders and straightening your chin, you braced yourself for whatever fate has in store for you. If she says she doesn’t want to see you anymore, you’ll nod your head and leave. If she isn’t ready to face you, you’ll comply and leave. And if she says..that she has moved on…then too, you will politely accept her decision. Atleast you’ll remember that you tried…

The door finally clicked open and for a moment, the time stopped as she took in your features and grasped onto the fact that you were standing right there in front of her. To say that she was shocked would be an understatement. She was at a loss of words and so, she simply gasped, bringing one of her porcelain, dainty palm to her mouth to cover her shock. Then slowly, lowering her palm down and staring at you straight in the eyes, she motioned her lips, making them tilt at the ends to create a perfect, genuine smile. You instantly recognised that smile. It was that real, affectionate smile. A smile that she only keeps for you. And in that moment, all those snide remarks that people made about you were forgotten. All those thoughts of you not deserving her were gone. All of your insecurities faded away into nothingness when you looked into that beryl shade of green in her irises. And you realised that no matter what, she will never give up on you. She will keep hoping against hope if that is what it will take for you to reciprocate her feelings, to actually forget about all your fears and give yourself a chance.

She stepped down onto the porch and her smile grew wider as she spoke, “Okaeri, Sasuke-kun.”

You saw the evidence of that old, innocent girl that you have always pictured her as, that you have always wanted her to be. A long-lost emotion hit you hard in your chest and you felt that redeeming yourself is not much far from your reach. She has always been around, making you experience bits of it. And now that you have finally had a taste of this redemption, you want more of it. Thus, you returned her cheerful grin with a small smile of your own. She gasped yet again and merry tears began gliding down her cheeks. Determinedly, you inched closer to her whilst pulling her head nearer to your lips and kissed her on her diamond-sealed forehead. It was a chaste, feather-light kiss that you placed on her impeccable skin. A tear glided down her cheek at that very moment and so with a newly found conviction, you whispered, “Tadaima, Sakura…”

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