#my friend made me post this now uwu
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anyway people at school need to stop seeing me struggling carrying my bags and offering to help and then being like “wow this backpack sure is heavy” bc then i have to lie about owning a laptop and that being the reason that its heavy bc im too embarrassed to say that im stupid and live off apple juice and have an entire half carton of it in my backpack plus my switch that im lying to myself with and am not gonna play on bc im way too stressed being outside to relax at all on break
#posts made by mentally healthy sane and normal people#i have 3 portfolio bags now btw#first one broke. second one is one my mom bought me years ago for no reason. third is replacement for first#insanity#our painting teacher is so nice tho i like our perspective teacher a lot hes funny but i think out of them all she is the most considerate#soooo sweet and nice. also she gave me the box of fidget things she has while we had a lecture she is my best friend now#NONE OF MY TEACHERS ARE GONNA REMEMBER ME BC I AM QUIET AND SCARED TO SAY ANYTHING i need to make an impression#dies#oh well. weekend part 1 babey#only guy in the world who comes home and changes out of sweatpants and into jeans#the gamer speaks uwu#food
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Long hair Macaque, my beloved-
No but srsly, one of my favourite designs is just long hair mac and in this au Mammy's figure is just mostly hair.
I was trying to recreate this screenshot:
Obviously there's some difference like I tend to draw a bit chibi (big heads) and I didn't want to make Mac's hair THAT voluminous-
I wanted to achieve sort of a gypsy vibe with these little skrimblos
AND THEN I FOUND THESE:
And I could NOT pass it up.
So yeah...
Oh! And I also gave the sparkly drip to their ears
(Sh!t I just realised, I forgot the shadow creatures... I'll see if I can add them in later)
I COULDN'T for the life of me figure out the hundred yard stare to match with Mac's sharp eyes (how I draw him) and not make it look goofy so I made them spoopy and glowing instead
I sadly don't have much to say about Bai He here since her black hair didn't leave that much room for shading in a darkened environment (I'm so sorry) And this piece was to show off Mac's design more anyway (I promise Bai He will get her spotlight)
(Also Bai He, nor Mk nor Macaque wears shoes. Wukong is the only one in the family who does and I find that funny)
But oh! The hair? Here comes the fun part
(No his hair isn't purple, I just used purple to shade here)
You see I WAS going to use black hair for this photo but i soon realised how much of a pain it was just to shade it (cause i couldn't) and I was just WISHING I could use his white fur instead
And then I realised....
The white fur could be his winter coat.
Some animal's shed their fur in the winter (I think some rabbits do) and grow a new coat, occasionally with a different colour.
Therefore I could make the white fur the winter coat and during the story, his fur could be black to show how much time has passed since Bai He last saw her Baba...
Mwuahahahahahhahahahaha I'm so evil
(I was very proud of myself)
(Also I know macaques don't grow winter coats but just let me have this one ok?)
And why doesn't Bai He have white fur as well then? Well maybe she's just a different kind of monkey or perhaps it's just an age thing.
Funnily enough, when I showed this to my friend, she said he looked heavenly which is funny cause. As much as I love him, Macaque is a smug bastard and he knows it.
Like I know a lot of it was due to trauma BUT STILL
I just personally dislike how the fandom sometimes makes him seem like he could do no wrong and he is "uwu delicate babygirl that needs to be protected at all costs" when this boi is fockin FERAL man.
So despite taking a bit of a back seat in the main plot for this au, Macaque is still a smug bastard behind the scenes as much as he is a good dad
(Gosh sorry for the rant, I just had that pent up for a while now and needed to get it off my chest)
I wanted to post this yesterday on Friday 13th but oh well,
I hope I achieved the mysterious spoopy vibes as the original lol
(Click photo for less sh!tty quality)
(Also pls reblog, as much as I really appreciate feedback in general, I really like this piece and want to show it to more people...)
Gosh we are on a roll with this Shadowalkers au huh?
#art#lmk#my beloved#pog champ#py's_art#lego monkie kid#lmk au#liu er mihou#lmk bai he#lmk macaque#lmk six eared macaque#Shadowalkers au#monkey bai he#bai he will steal your kneecaps#macaque is bai he's dad#dad macaque#wolfwalkers#wolfwalkers au
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Amphibia vs Helluva Boss: Growing vs Woobifying
So recently I've just finished watching Amphibia. Let me just say I do have some complicated feelings about the show that I don't want to talk about here (saving that for another post), although I have my issues with the show It does have some genuinely great aspects to it that do make it worth watching in the end. One of those aspects is Sasha Waybright; Aka one of the best-written characters in the show.
Watching Amphibia and seeing Sasha's character development reminded me of Stolas from Helluva Boss, except done better. In this post I'm going to compare Sasha to Stolas and why Sasha is a better character than Stolas. So, why am I making this comparison? Well simple; they are both heavily toxic people who are abusive to their victims (Anne and Blitzo respectively). They are both heavily flawed people and although they do care for their victims deep down (even if for Stolas it was a retcon but eeeeeh), they still aren't good people.
So, what's the difference? Well, it's simple; Sasha grew, Stolas didn't. Amphibia made Sasha realize how much of a toxic, selfish POS she's been being towards others, especially Anne, and the show never coddles her and tries to paint Anne as the abuser for standing up to Sasha. It doesn't try to paint her as an UwU soft girl at all, instead, the show makes Sasha actually grow as a person, realizing her mistakes and making amends for them, as well as making things up with Anne.
Anne is also never painted as being in the wrong for standing up to Sasha as well. Amphibia made Sasha grow as a person and realize her mistakes, becoming less of a toxic bitch obsessed with control. Now at the end of the series, she's leading a resistance, which is actually a great way to end her arc, because now while she is in control of something, it's no longer because she was obsessed with being in control, she's leading an army to stop an evil king and save both Amphibia AND Earth. She's in control, but now it's in a good way instead of a bad way, if that makes any sense.
Compare that to Stolas, who the narrative repeatedly coddles and ignores his mistakes in favor of painting him as an UwU soft boy. Stolas has not gone through ANY character development so far where he becomes a better person, the show never makes him become a better person. It instead constantly paints Stolas as an UwU soft boy who did nothing wrong despite him being an Unsympathetic character due to him being a shitty person.
The show never calls him out for his mistakes after Season 1, Blitzo is painted as in the wrong for not loving him for some reason and we are supposed to feel bad for him because...he can't sexually abuse his victim anymore.
Amphibia shows a toxic person realizing her mistakes and growing as a person, meanwhile Helluva Boss shows a toxic person who NEVER realizes his mistakes and is repeatedly coddled and woobified by the narrative into being an UwU soft boy despite him being an objectively bad person.
I know sexual abuse and being a toxic friend are two different kinds of bad and they definitely are not on the same level, but my point still stands regardless. And Amphibia is a KIDS SHOW mind you, yet it has better writing than this show for adults.
#helluva boss critical#helluva boss criticism#vivziepop critical#hazbin hotel critical#amphibia#sasha waybright#anti stolas#anti stolitz#spindlehorse critical#stolas critical#stolitz critical
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OMG hi…I really like your art and was wondering if you wanna be mutuals??????????? Also tell me about your MD ships :3c
honey we are dating- .....okay yknow what- HI PRETTY & TALENTED LADY- yess i will absolutely love toooo 🙈💕💕💕💕💕
also lets see uhhh okay this is an excuse for me to just... expload-
keep in mind not every ship is meant for all of you so dont badger me about stuff that ISNT CANON or YOU DONT SHIP. contrary to whatever you believe, when somone posts about THEIR ships, nobody wants to hear about you NOT shipping it on THAT EXACT post.
hang in there, this gon be a long one >:p
First off we are starting strong with Nuzi- Biscuitbites obviously thats a given- these two just have too much to be said about why and how they make eachother the best version of eachother, whether they ever became canon or not- they fit like puzzle pieces- they lessen eachothers negative traits by being their for eachother.
next is Vuzi- Violentviolet, they are my favorite kind of enemies to lovers 😔 but its also tragic smh. kinda pissed off at how V always does something good in Uzis favor only when she is LITERALLY PASSED OUT- either in the camp ep on the bus or in Alices lab. like damn ofFUCKINGcourse Uzi wouldnt know she cares about her 😭😭😭
envuzi- Violentbitingbiscuits, i love these goobers with all my heart- they deserve the best 😔💕💕💕💕
envy - [does this poor ship just NOT have an exclusive FINDABLE tag name??? im calling them GoldenMemories...], i like to think that if they were in the manor still, and nothing bad had ever happened, these two would be comforting eachother in the healthiest way possible. V needs someone like N and N is just adorable like that uwu
Next we have JxTessa/Jessa- [calling them Fancyblades cuz why not-] J deserves some closure for the shit shes gone through smhhh 😔, its a tragic yuri of J loving and wanting something she probably already accepted she couldnt have, and even then she gotta deal with Ns ass being the favorite one regardless of how hard she tries to be perfect... sighhh i wanna imagine them in a future where Tessa was spared as the only human and J could save her 😭😭😭😭 Tessa might have loved doing mechanical stuff or wore black to hide grease/oil stains on her clothes from her parents and wore gloves to hide her oily stained hands- i want her to have a scene of wiring drones back to life and saving them and saying something like "hey there, you made it! dont worry, ill take care of you, youre my friend now :3" or something //dies//, also before anyone says it- even if Tessa was a teen in the flashbacks- romance is not exclusive to ADULTS, teens can love eachother without having sexual stuff involved. no she was not their MOTHER figure, she was their FRIEND who liked to fix robots for herself to not be alone in a house where her own parents literally chain her up as punishment. i dont even know why im arguing about this, people headcanon or make aus about characters NOT being dead all the time and if Tessa was alive for as long as J thought she was, Tessa would have been a perfectly fine adult either way. so counting this, yes shes canonically considered an adult when Cyn tries to imitate an adult humans body 🙄 makes as much sense as everything else i guess-
next ones i got is NorixYeva/Neva- Solverlilies- i just think theyre neat 😭😭😭 and once again, like everything else in this franchise- they are tragic yuris 😔 damn liam im finding a pattern over here 🤨 anyway, i like to think they either got closer in the lab experimentations or were already close when they were working as WDs in the campsite area for the humans. obviously canonically they were probably straight or just not into eachother romantically- [Nori either u have the worst taste men or Khan just fucking lost it after you died-] but also on the other handddd.... they have 2 hands and they are robots, i want them to kiss like two barbie dolls and im gonna make them do just that-
DollxLizzy/Dizzy- Bloodypink, wost fucking ship names ever, i cant find shit on them with these tags and it makes me angry >:/ at this point 2/3s of my ships are just tragic yuris smh, Doll did not deserve any of the things handed to her, even if she went about doing some things the wrong way i wish Lizzy didnt just abandon her- but then again, Doll did kinda abuse Lizzys trust and Lizzy got scared of being close to a serial murderer so.... morality calls this a draw? 😭 im crying... i wish someone was there to help Doll... sigh... i like to think Lizzy would have waited for Doll to just come back at some point... oh well, thats why AUs exist :"3 //sobs in the corner//
DollxUzi/Dollzi- Bloodybats, this ship is so underrated to me... they could have been... so much more. but why weren't they? did Yeva abandon ever getting close to Uzi when she was a kid after Nori died? did Uzi and Doll just never play around together as kids when their mothers were so close? were they ever close and something went wrong as they grew older? at worst they could have been like sisters together, and at best maybe more than friends. i just dont know what happened here, like Yeva could have tried to keep an eye on Uzi, maybe Uzi could have found Dolls powers so cool before having them too- i dont know theres literally tons of possibilities- but if Doll deserved to be saved or cared for by anyone, at least one of them should have been Uzi... sigh.
ThadxV- Killingblonde, yall this is... the cutest shit... ever???? like from here on out we kinda go into the more or less crackship territory but these two are adorable- Dumbass yet wholesome jock boy that just wants to keep his queen happy 😔👌👌👌 He and Uzi would have so much to talk about on "crushing on literal murder bots that stabbed and almost ate us" its literally love at first stab smhhh 😫💕
ThadxSam- Smokyjock ???? for some fucking reason??? i dont know what my brain did here man- i just like the trope of someone getting under Thads skin- like pair up the healthy sports loving gym boy with the lazy but wholesome dumbass that does drugs or is always just sleep deprived and Thad is always trying to just... take care of his ass and make him take care of himself but he just WONT SMHHH-
okay some more or less crack ships down here:
ThadxN: it speaks for itself. its too adorable and youll go blind from the light of wholesomeness-
ThadxNxUzi: Uzi will die here from the overwhelming wholesomeness... oh bonus if its just a 4s polycule of ThadxNxUzixV i mean i know im pushing my luck but.... random crackships go brr- V and Uzi will complain but love their dumbass golden puppy partners-
ThadxUzi: i think they could have been close and Thad caring about her as a childhood friend turned crush sounds just too cute for me 😔
LizzyxUzi: another random ass rivals to lovers or some shit idk what this is, Lizzy would pay Uzi to kiss the fuck out of her i dont make the rules-
ThadxLizzy: in some cases where they are NOT headcanoned as siblings or cousins, i think they have a good energy of wholesome jock bf and girly queen cheerleader lol, Thad is just a good bf eitherway-
DollxUzixLizzy: the gals would not leave a single second of silence for the small gremlin i swear to God- [Uzi is gay as FUCK for her gfs, absolute girloser unit with her gorgeous but crazy gfs]
okay for the end i have some characters that arent ships but i wish they could have become closer as friends or work out their issues...
J and N- too much abuse and toxicity here, i wish they could talk together more and see they have a lot of things in common- maybe a full line of dialogue from J without threatning N in every sense of the manner would be nice for a change =_=
Doll and V- again, a bit morally ambiguous to ship a character with the murderer of your family, esp when said murderer hasnt expressed regret lmao, but i wish they could at least be friends... Dolls disdain for the murder drones pushed her to end up the way she did. maybe if she didnt do it alone she would have been alive by now. so i like to think what would have happened if she and V could have made up- not necessarily Doll forgiving her- but at least having the space to grow and understand why they did they things that happened.
Cyn and literally ANYONE- i want the solver to be SEPARATE from Cyn- i wish Cyn would have still existed somewhere down there and was savable- i wish this poor child AI had a happy ending to her by connecting with the others as ACTUAL siblings... goddamnit 😔
aaaand thats it for this fine ass day 🫡 yall are welcome to ask about any of these- boy the tags are gonna be.... a lot.
#snow rambles#murder drones#uzi doorman#tessa james elliot#nuzi#biscuitbites#vuzi#violetviolence#envuzi#violentbitingbiscuits#jessa#j x tessa#envy murder drones#envy#n x v#solverlilies#bloodypink#dollzi#bloodybats#dizzy murder drones#killingblonde
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I was going to put this in the corps therapy blog, but yk what I think it deserves a whole post.
It kind of bugs me when people feminize Will. He's definitely a more feminine guy, don't get me wrong, but l'm so tired of people seeing a guy who isn't 100% masculine and immediately taking that as an in to feminize/infantilize him.
I love his feminine side. I love how he's so caring and loving, how he pays attention to details and is a great listener. I love that he loves music and animals and cooking and having fresh flowers in his cabin. I love his loyalty to his friends. I love how smart, quick witted and clever he is.
But I also love his masculine side. I love how willing and capable he is to fight, especially for those he loves. I love how much thought and care he puts in to keeping his body fit and muscular. I love how intimidating he can get if he chooses to, and how he allows himself to get angry from time to time.
That’s part of why I love TRR as much as I do, especially when it comes to Will’s character. I read that series and I see a man who is more comfortable and balanced in his masculinity than ever before.
Of course, that’s all in the view of a fairly traditional idea of femininity and masculinity. Really, those are made-up labels for very abstract ideas. I firmly believe all of the “feminine” traits I listed are very masculine in their own right, and vice versa, but I digress.
I’m certainly not going to be over here trying to police how people enjoy the series, nor am I trying to say it’s wrong to view Will in a feminine way. If you enjoy the series that way, who am I stop you. My point in making this post is simply to vent a bit and maybe start a discussion. In my personal life, I am so tired of people dismissing or even denying my masculinity because I am a more feminine man, so I’m a little more inclined to be upset about my favorite character receiving a similar treatment.
I don’t see much of this issue regarding Will in the main series. I’ll see someone basically “uwu soft boi” him on rare occasion, but that’s the extent of it. I mostly see this happening with his character in The Royal Ranger. So many people hate who he’s become or even refuse to acknowledge the series. Again, I’m not trying to police how anyone enjoys the whole RA franchise. It’s a fictional book series at the end of the day, not that big of a deal. And of course there are a million different reasons why someone might not like TRR, and I’m not going to be over here accusing everyone for not liking it because Will is more (in my opinion) masculine.
Anyway I’m gonna close my ramble off now. Don’t take any of it too seriously, it’s just been floating around my head for a minute.
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[02:04] | tbz lee jaehyun | hyunjae
» PAIRING: tbz lee jaehyun (hyunjae) x fem reader
» TROPE/AU: friends 2 lovers (mentioned from backstory!), non-idol au! established relationship au! marriage au!
» GENRE: fluffy fluff, slight angst (?), husband hyunjae, he's super patient and understanding, hurt/comfort, wedding vows (it's so cute, i love it)
» WORD COUNT: 3743
» ESTIMATED READING TIME: ~14 mins
» WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!): mentions of pregnancy, insecurities, mentions of a broken family/childhood (reader's side), proofread once
my second timestamp story! thank you for all the love on the first one! (pst! it's sunwoo! 🦝) hopefully, this one lives up to your expectations! (if there are any uwu). sorry for my weird, unscheduled, random posting times > <
shoutout to my mum who (i bet) went through a lot to make sure i would grow up well. thank you for always reminding me that you don't regret having me and loving me with all your being. love you mumma! 💗
navi/masterlist!!
You remembered when you tucked yourself into bed alone after reminding Jaehyun to come to bed soon. He was so close to finishing his work that you didn’t want to force him out of his zone, understanding that he would feel more peaceful if he finished it sooner even if it meant ruining his internal body clock a little bit for it.
Opening your eyes and taking a deep breath in the calming darkness, you smiled at the arm that rested across your now flat stomach. During your whole pregnancy stages, especially when that wicked pregnancy pillow put a physical barrier between you and your loving husband, he would at least reach out and hold your hand (or particularly your stomach bump), a huge downgrade from how his chest would completely be on your back and he hushes you asleep with his soft snores.
You knew as soon as you turned your head to the right that Jaehyun managed to finish his work, a neutral smile on his face as compared to the slight pout and the subtle crease between his eyebrows as he sometimes grunts in his sleep from the past few days. An affectionate gaze falls upon your eyes when Jaehyun grunts and scoots over to your side of the bed, his unconscious mind telling him to move closer to his wife after he throws the pillow away to the other side of the room in excitement as soon as your new family arrived home three days ago. You chuckle at the way his right hand past the top of your stomach to hook your waist and pull you closer to him. Now half awake, Jaehyun made himself comfortable by burrowing his nose and lips into the crook of your neck and you immediately looked up towards the ceiling to let him do so.
A satisfied hum comes out from the man beside you, “This is nice.” He brushes the warm skin of your neck with his colder nose and his soft lips press multiple kisses from your jawline to your right shoulder.
“Jae.” You chuckle at his playful nature, “Go back to sleep, hm? You have work tomorrow.”
Jaehyun groans at the grim reminder. He’s been at home ever since you came back home, using up some of his leave days to take care of you and your newborn child. He was about to use it all but you stopped him, convincing him that you’re able to take care of yourself and your child, moreover to save those days in case a ‘real’ emergency does occur. Every day and every moment, you look at your husband who you treasure so much and you can’t help but think about how much you love this man with all your heart, mind and soul.
“Don’t remind me of that, bubs.” Finally opening his eyes, he relied on the subtle moonlight that seeped through your curtains and looked at your side view with ‘that’ gaze.
‘That’ gaze that reminds you every day that you’re worth it for you. ‘That’ gaze that he kept even after ten years of meeting each other. ‘That’ gaze that was plastered on his face when he went down on one knee to propose to you. ‘That’ gaze that was present when he read his wedding vows and wiped the tears on your face when you read yours. ‘That’ gaze (mixed with immense happiness and excitement) when you told him you were pregnant.
It holds many meanings and you were sure that the list would continue, building from all the blessed experiences so far.
Only chuckling at the way that he pouts cutely at you, you turn your body to face him, creating a small gap between you both as you press a peck on his lips, “Thank you for using your leave days to take care of us.”
“Of course, I would.” Jaehyun shook his head slightly to validate his point, “You both are my whole world. I can’t afford to lose you or baby.” It was the way that your eyes slightly pooled with tears that he replaced the pout and shushing the soft whimpers that left your now shaky lips, “Hey…what’s wrong?”
Your once small cries amplified drastically and Jaehyun’s eyes widened in shock, quickly pulling you into his embrace. He slips his left hand under your neck, bringing your tear-stricken face into his chest as you sob in his arms. Jaehyun comfortingly whispers sweet nothings into your ear, patting your head and pressing occasional kisses on your forehead. You stayed wordless for a while, enjoying the company and how close your entire body could be now after you gave birth.
“Catch your breath. I’ll be right here.” Jaehyun reminds you between your tired gasps for air, “I’ll always be here next to you, waiting for you, loving you more and more with each passing day.”
You couldn’t do anything but just nod, your heart melting at the sincere words, “I’m scared.”
“Of what, bubs?”
“Like,” You started, audibly voicing out the thoughts that have been swarming and eating you alive inside and out, “what happens if I mess up?”
It isn’t the first time that you had this kind of conversation. The very first time was when the adrenaline from your system was drained after announcing that positive pregnancy test to Jaehyun. You voiced out your worries as an upcoming parent, worried that you would accidentally pass down your problems, anxiety and worries to your child. Out of everything you want the most in the world, all you want is for your children to grow up without your traumas and problems affecting them because that’s not the kind of life that they deserve. Of course, that’s unrealistic. Children are indeed a slight depiction of their parents and how they would act around other people outside the family says a lot about how their parents raised them.
You can just imagine a situation where your anxiety takes over, you crouch down to be eye level with your extremely young child, giving them a lecture about what they should or shouldn’t do, extending that talks to both extreme sides of ‘what if’s and how they should just be more careful, less daring and---
“Jae, promise me that you’ll make sure she doesn’t grow up like me.” It was a desperate plea, almost as if you would walk out of their lives in the next second. The anxiety completely took over your body as you clenched Jaehyun’s shirt in your fist as a physical response, looking up at him desperately and Jaehyun’s eyebrows crashed together, “She doesn’t deserve that, Jae. Those silent cries, hating everyone around me, feeling like no one loved me and wanting to just end---”
“Don’t.” It was stern yet it still held a lot of patience and love. Jaehyun smiles sadly at the words that he has heard multiple times but even so, he would never stop reminding you of all the things he loves about you. He would never stop hugging you, holding your body and pulling you towards him, giving you all his love and company, “Don’t say that about yourself when you’re the reason why I wake up happy every day, bubs.”
“But Jae---”
“You know,” He whispers into the silent yet wavering night. Jaehyun takes a deep inhale of the air, tilting his head to rest his chin on the top of your head, “I was so scared of losing you as time went on.”
You calmed down, shutting your eyes as you focused on his heartbeat to pull you back to the present time. Jaehyun just smiles at the slightly open door of your room and he reminds himself of his newborn child on the other side of their bedroom door. When you hummed confusingly at his words, your husband just nodded, “Why were you scared?”
“Well,” If it wasn’t for the fact that your face was hidden into his collarbone, you would be able to see the blushing mess that Jaehyun was. A deep red blush was on his face, spreading to his ears; but you did feel the warmth on his neck as you kissed his skin delicately and it made Jaehyun more of a mess, “of course if it didn’t work out and you didn’t feel the same way, it would become awkward and even though we were such close friends, I knew that if I was rejected, I wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with you anymore. I really could’ve lost you.”
You never really knew this about Jaehyun. Whenever you asked about the day that he confessed to you to be his girlfriend, he only talked about his plans and how your mutual friends all pushed him to confess to you. You also told him about how the same mutual friends pushed you to confess back to him, yet you were a coward that you became used to telling yourself that if you ever ended up with Jaehyun, it would only hinder him in life; because who would love a broken girl when they could love a perfect one instead?
And so when he confessed, asked for a chance and promised to love you dearly after two years of mutual pining, you didn’t realise that time flew by so quickly that on the sixth year when Jaehyun kneeled and asked for your hand in marriage two years ago, a sudden hit of ‘reality’ (or so you called it) crashed into you.
You really did find love when you thought for the longest, most tiring and hardest times when you didn’t think anyone would love you as you are. Seriously, how could anyone love you when you were still so stuck between believing and convincing yourself that you are enough?
“I knew I had to take a chance,” Jaehyun continues his thoughts, “because when I closed my eyes and realised that if I didn’t at least try to make you mine, you might just completely slip from my life. Selfishly as well, I didn’t want to see you smiling in another person’s arms and kissing that person every time you wake up and go to sleep.”
The thought of you two doing just that ever since you moved in together five years ago suddenly made you blush and you couldn’t help but let out a string of complaints. Jaehyun just laughs (and quietly lets out a sigh of relief) when you finally release his shirt, wrapping your small hands around his bigger build instead, “I’m sorry that I didn’t realise that you went through all that.”
“No, it’s alright.” He reassures you again for the nth time in the last hour, “I have you now. You are all I ever wanted.” Pulling away and reaching to cup your wet cheeks, his thumbs swipe your almost dry cheek, offering you that familiar warmth that only he could give, “It’s all worth it in the end.”
“Really?” Another tear managed to slip out of your eyes and you couldn’t help but stare at him apprehensively as the devil inside your mind managed to manipulate your thinking, “I’m such a high-maintenance person, Jae…I really wouldn’t blame you if you wake up one day and decide to just…” He shakes his head throughout your small speech, knowing the similar words that you would say to him once in a while, “leave…” It came out quieter than you thought, maybe because he already knew anyway, hence saying it again and again, the red-horned creature in your mind rejoices as your childhood traumas reminded you of how worthless you are to the world.
Usually at this time, Jaehyun would rebut your words immediately but the silence had your heart dropping and for a while, you thought that you had taken the words out of his mouth. Jaehyun kept his tired stare and suddenly you were aware of your dry mouth as you waited for any sort of words from your husband. He removes the hand that was on your cheek, reaching behind to grab his device from the bedside table, “Hold on, okay?”
For a second, you really thought this was it for the both of you. During these moments of much-needed comfort, Jaehyun has always given you his undivided attention but now as the blue light reflects on his squinting eyes, you couldn’t help but let the tears flow down your eyes once again. Did he finally give up on me? Were the only thoughts that swarmed your mind as you watched how his thumb scrolled and colours reflected on the smooth surface of his dewy skin, “Jae?” Time made you desperate for a response and you were about to clench on his shirt again when he let out a small ‘aha’ and played the video on his phone.
You recognised the scene on his phone immediately without looking. The familiar scene, cheers, whooping and excitement radiating off the background noises had you sobbing again. Jaehyun sets the volume, puts his phone back on the bedside table and gives you his attention again, “My mum was sorting videos on her phone when she came across this and sent it to me.” He presses a comforting kiss on your lips and calms your shaking body, “I’m sure you remember this right?”
You just nod and Jaehyun pulls your face into his chest once again, letting the sound from the video consume you both into your worlds.
“As soon as you stepped into those classroom doors, all eyes were on you and undoubtedly mine too.” You were already starting to tear up just from the first few sentences, “Ah…I only just started…” You scanned your next words, just sniffling from the longer sentences that you didn't know how to not cry to while the audience let out words of encouragement and small laughs.
Your soon-to-be husband steps towards you, kissing the side of your head, “Should I go first?”
“Do you mind?” You laugh, feeling embarrassed.
“Not at all.” Jaehyun takes out his paper from his suit, taking the microphone from you, “I already knew this would happen guys.” He announced to the audience and you rolled your eyes jokingly, “Ok…I’ll start.”
You knew very well that your eye makeup was most probably ruined and you looked some sort of a mess at the moment so you couldn’t help but stare down at the floor. Jaehyun gives you a quick kiss on the crown of your head, swooning the audience with his romantic gesture making him chuckle before clearing his throat and starting his vows.
“I remember the day I walked into that classroom on my first day of school. No doubt, I didn’t want to be there. Not just at that school or at that classroom: I just didn’t want to be in Seoul. The sudden move because of my dad’s work made me leave all the memories I had in Incheon in a month and as an innocent young child who was already happy with everything, I didn’t want to leave.
Alas, even my mother told me we had to go and that’s when I knew that moving was inevitable. School work was already hard as it was and I had to move to a big city where I knew no one, having to start all over again from the ‘Hi. My name is Lee Jaehyun. I hope we’ll get along well.’ really made me reach the peak of my mood swings during puberty.”
Jaehyun alternates his eye contact between you and the audience who reacts to the groom with happiness, and laughter as some of his closest friends give him encouraging, funny body language. He points them out and the said friends complain whilst the audience just laughs at the group of boys on the side of the stage. However, it was how you finally raised your head and laughed along that made Jaehyun join in as well.
“For the first few weeks, I didn’t make an obvious effort to fit in. As you know, I joined clubs and did after-school activities. Studying was still my priority at this point but even that became so mundane and boring that I crashed and burnt out after a while. But maybe, the burnout was just what I needed because that was how I first met you. Had I not cried in the corner of the library in the ironically ‘health and wellbeing’ section, would you have even spoken to me? Would you have crouched down and tapped on my shoulder to ask if I was okay? Would you have sat down next to me silently as you read your book, waiting for me to answer your question?
The answer is: yes. Or at least I would like to believe so.
Why? Because no one will fully ever understand how much I love you. Maybe if it wasn’t that day in the library, I would’ve met you later. How much later, nobody knows and nobody will ever know because I’m about to marry that girl who made my day so much better in the library. But what I do know is that no matter when, where, why or how we would’ve met, I would have still fallen in love with your smile, your pout, your laugh, and the way you cutely complain about how I mess up your bubble tea order,” Jaehyun gives you a cheeky smile and you just scoff with a smile on your face, “the way you would cry in my arms when you had a bad day, the way you would drop everything when I have a bad day, the way you would try your best to stay awake until I’m done with my other priorities.
But bubs, I hope you’ll always know that you’ll forever be my first, most top priority.
Even as we fight, cry and shout at each other words that we don’t mean, I hope you’ll always be able to go to sleep thinking that I’ll still love you. I’ll still be right by your side when your insecurities come by and pass. I’ll always remind you that you’ll always be enough no matter what you do. Your best will always be enough and I hope I’ll always be that person who can be your safe, happy place.”
No doubt now that you’re sobbing and when you look at your parents sitting down not far from the stage, your heart does clench a bit as you’re reminded of your childhood. Seeing them cry over Jaehyun’s words does seem a little bit strange to you as they never really minded your words whenever you were struggling with life. But then you remind yourself of what Jaehyun said to you a few seconds ago.
“I know for sure that you’ll always be enough for me.” Jaehyun continues, taking your mind off your parents as he looks at you understandingly, “I love you and I know I’ll continue to love you until the day I take my last breath. I’ll take care of you even when you’re not sick or feeling well, cherish all of you and be there for you even after death because I love you so much, sweetheart.”
The recording ended there and Jaehyun relished in the way that your body stopped shaking, your arms around his waist securely and your breathing back to normal. He knows instantly that you feel better just from those small actions. He also didn’t miss the smile that grew on your face even though you were literally cuddled up against his body, “So,” the deep whisper from your husband only made you push your face even further up his body, now burying your face into his collarbone, “I just want to tell you that she will grow up beautifully just like her mother. Also, we’ll get through this together. Parenting isn’t supposed to be a one-person job after all.”
Nodding and burrowing yourself into the crook of his neck, you appreciate the way his words reminded the devil in the back of your head as it stomps off in defeat. The words supported the angel that finally won and it replaced the red creature, kicking the red light away to replace your body with a calming, soothing feeling that soon takes over your whole body, “I love you, Jae.”
“I love you too.” The warmth of the night overpowered the chilly night and the two of you held each other so lovingly that the weight of your eyelids eventually became too heavy for you to hold. Jaehyun waits patiently until sleep fully takes over you, fighting his yawn from escaping his mouth. Quietly, he just continued to stroke your exposed waist delicately, kissing your lips one last time before reminding you once more, “Always.”
It’s all very fortunate that your mind is now at ease and that you both were able to sleep after. But parenting duties call about half an hour later when cries are heard from the other side of the house and both your eyes open instantly. You were the first one to untangle your body from Jaehyun and you looked over to your husband who was still stirring himself awake again for the second time of the night as you both sat up on the bed, “I’m sorry.” You kiss him on the lips, cradling the back of his head and pushing his chest back down on the bed, “I’ll get her. Get back to sleep, Jae.”
“No no, I’ll go.” You disapprovingly groan at your husband who managed to push his sleepiness aside and sit up once again, his head hanging down in exhaustion, “Wha---bubs.” Instantly, you pushed him back down on the bed, pulling the blanket over up until his chin.
You adamantly tell your husband to try and go back to sleep. Jaehyun fakes his nod and closes his eyes, an idea popping up in his head as he plots to joke around with his wife. When you swing your legs over to the side of the bed, ready to stand up once more, Jaehyun quickly hugs you from behind, pressing a kiss on the back of your ear where you’re the most ticklish and sensitive.
You froze at his actions and even though his sleepy voice was still evident, you could also hear all the love that he could offer you in this world with his playful tone, “Race you there, bubs.”
Jaehyun called in sick the next day.
navi/masterlist!!
tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️
#deoboyznet#k-labels#k-films#hyunjae x reader#hyunjae the boyz#lee hyunjae x reader#hyunjae fanfic#tbz hyunjae#the boyz#hyunjae fluff#hyunjae angst#the boyz x reader#hyunjae imagines#the boyz x you#hyunjae tbz#the boyz fanfic#tbz#the boyz imagines#jacob bae#younghoon#hyunjae#lee jaehyun#tbz x reader#tbz imagines#tbz scenarios#tbz angst#tbz fluff#tbz fanfic#the boyz angst#the boyz fluff
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Doll (Wally Darling x Reader) part 4
Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3
Sorry for the lack of posts guys, the last few days have been rough. My dad had a stroke and it’s been hard for me. But he is fine at the moment he’s home resting . But I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!
I still have three more requests so I’ll work on those soon! Then soon I’ll open up requests again. uwu
Trigger Warnings: Needle
As the door opened you gasped to yourself. Holding onto your face. The door flew open and since you were close to it, it smacked you right in the face. You cursed to yourself. It seemed like Home was doing this on purpose. God you didn’t like this house one bit.
Wally came in rushing, and he saw you holding onto your face. “Oh my god…Doll! Are you okay?” He was by your side, holding you close. “I told you Home this was a game between Y/N and I.” He said in a frim and loud voice. “Lemme see your face Doll.” You removed your hands and showed him your face. He sighed in relief.
“Thankfully there’s no damage, maybe just a little red mark.” Wally said, as he rubbed your cheek with his finger. You just look away and let out a small sigh. Hear small creeks and knocks, as if Home was talking to Wally. “Not now, Home..” He said, but his eye slightly twitching. You wonder what Home was telling him.
“Wally, I’m sorry but I’m going to cut this date short. I would love to go back to my house.” You say softly. Wally frowned and just nodded. As he walked you over to the door.
“I’m sorry about Home Doll, they get a little jealous when I’m playing a game without them.” He said softly. As you both were at his front door. “Let me walk you to your house Doll.”
“NO! No...I’m sorry. I just want to be left alone. I’ll see you later Wally..” You say, as Wally just frowned. He just nodded as he didn’t want to upset you even more. As he leaned in for a goodbye kiss but didn’t get a chance too since you moved your head to the side. Wally clenched his hands and his eye twitching was back. Before he could do anything else you walked off without a other word.
Wally just stood there, you really rejected a kiss from him. FROM YOUR OWN BOYFRIEND. He closed the door and walked around his house. “Home! You didn’t have to smack them in the face! It was really uncalled for!”
*Creek Knock Creek Creek...*
“I know you were trying to prevent them from seeing Sally’s body but STILL!” Wally said as his voice started to crack. He was walking around the living room, he was angry. Why did you have to go after that door? Even though he told you not too?! Wally took a deep breath. And the cherry on top was that you didn’t want him walking you to your place and that you moved away from his kiss.
*Creek....”
“No...It’s okay Home. It’s not your fault.” He said, as he sat down on his chair. Thinking about you now. You went against his orders for going for that door and look where it lead you too. Wally just took a deep breath. He’ll give you your space for now.
Back to your place.
You quickly left Home and walked quickly to your place. You were shocked at what happened. Did Home really have swing that door to your face? Once you were in your house you quickly lock it. You quickly ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, seeing no major mark. Maybe a little redness but nothing really. You sigh and walk back to the living room. You really needed your friend, you went to garb your phone and dial her number. As you waited for her to pick up but got nothing.
“Are you kidding me!” You say to yourself as you hang up. She’s not picking up again? Is she ignoring me? Did I do something to upset her? But then again you remembered what Wally said that she was sick. But you had to see her. Something felt wrong.
As you felt tears starting to form. You just hope she’s okay. So you couldn’t help yourself but make her a soup, you knew Wally told you not to since she’s sick but she was your best friend . And once you did make the soup, you poured it in a small container for her and made your way out of your house. You took the back door because you wanted to avoid Home’s eyes on you. As you walked towards her house you ran into a other close friend...Julie.
“Hello Y/N, How are you doing?” She said, as she gave you a big warm hug.
Making you smile, as you hug her back you look at her. “Pretty good! And how are you doing today Julie?” You asked her, as you pulled away from the hug. She smiled even more “I’m doing good! Just going to Howdy’s so I can pick up a few things! But where are you heading too?”
“Oh, I’m heading over to Sally’s.” You say, making her frown at your comment.
“What do you mean? Haven’t you heard, she left the neighborhood. She moved away...” Julie said, as her tone of voice got soft. She knew that you and Sally were best friends. You look at her confused, but Wally told you that she got sick. Something is not adding up.
“Oh..I didn’t think know that. Thank you for letting me know Julie.” You say and smile weakly at her, as you were about to walk off you hand her the soup. “Here this is for you.”
“Oh Thank You Y/N!” She said, taking the soup. She smiled “But if you need a friend to talk too I’m always here.” And with that she skipped away happily. Something is off, you can feel it.
You smile and wave as she left. It was odd that Julie told you one thing about Sally and Wally told you something different. Someone was lying. And you knew it wasn’t Julie as she was very honest. So that left Wally...
You walked over to Home. Their eyes on you. “Would you stop staring at me for once!” You hiss. You then knocked quite rough at the door. “Wally open up!”
The door opened and there stood Wally. He was smiling at you “Oh Doll your back so soon? Are you okay?” He asked you. “Here come in.”
You didn’t think about it but took a step into his house, as you were fully inside the door slammed hard. Making you jump, and causing Wally to chuckle. “Are you lying to me?” Asking him. As you looked at him.
Wally looked at you, as his smile never faded away. He shook his head “Lying? About what Doll?” He asked, as he took a step towards you. “I would never lie to you Doll...”
You took a step back, you felt something in your stomach. Something was wrong “About Sally-”
Wally just stood there as he was quite. “Doll, I already told you she’s sick...she’s resting.” He said, but the last part sounded more like a growl. You look at him, you didn’t know who to believe...
“Julie told me that she moved away...and you’re telling me that she’s sick. So someone is clearly lying to me. And Julie is one of the most honest neighbors. So your lying to me Wally.” You say, he looked at you. His smile was gone and his eyes on you. His pupils were almost black. It made you uneasy.
Wally looked at you. Why did Julie have to say that. She ruined everything now. Now he has to get rid of her, and he might as well get rid of the other neighbors too. They’ll just get in the way for him and you.
“So you are lying to me?” You say “You know what I’m done with you. I’m going to look for my best friend...I don’t know where she is but I’ll find her.” You say as you walk to the front door and open it. But couldn’t since it was locked. “Tell your stupid house to open the door Wally.”
Wally just stood there, he smiled again at you but it was no normal smile it was a creepy and sinister smile. He walked over to you and slammed a hand on the door, making you jump. He looked down at you he leaned in and whispers against your ear. “Mmh I can’t allow that Doll. You’re staying here with me..” And with that you felt a sharp pain against your neck.
Wally jammed a needle into your neck, injecting you with some unknown liquid. You let out a small scream but that scream was muffled as he placed a hand over your mouth. “Shh Doll, this has to happen. You had to go asking for your friend Sally..” He said, as you try to fight back but felt weak against him. Soon after your body went limp. Passing out.
Before your body could fall to the ground Wally catched you. He held you bride style. “Oh Doll...I’m sorry.” He whispered to you. He looked at your body, this will keep you quite for awhile. He took you over to his bedroom and placed you on his bed. He couldn’t help but admire you. You look so beautiful sleeping on his bed.
“Can’t you believe them Home?” He said loudly. He looked at you and smiled as he placed a kiss on your forehead. “Don’t worry Doll, you don’t have to worry about anyone else anymore. It’s just going to be Me, Home and You. Just the three of us..”
Sorry for the short chapter guys! I’m still trying to recover from these past rough days. But I hope you enjoy guys! But comment down on what should happen next chapter uwu.
Taglist: @lovingyeet @tiredly101 @funnehsrobuxxx @simpitsu @justyui1st @elegantkidfansoul @n1body @dd71128 @all-things-fandomstuck @mb1614 @detective-kenji
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The origin of wide Billy
If you're in the twomp fandom, you've probably come across this image multiple times now. It's everywhere
Now you must be wondering where it came from. Buckle up cuz I'm gonna explain it 2 u rn.
Okay so the image first appeared in this post I made
I took the pfp of that ask blog and widened his face to create that image cuz I thought it'd be a funny response. Little did I know this would have great consequences.
My friend @eyedrinktwomp started spamming my dms with that image as a joke. So I made a post saying that theyre harrassing me (as a joke). And that started a whole chain of people spamming it in my inbox and dms. This prompted more people to join into the cult and now....it's everywhere.
@faenemy here's your explanation uwu
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funny that she would say "Tell me something about Dean. You can't, can you? He had no backstory," when Dean gets the most characterization out of all the Gryffindors (minus the trio + Neville). we don't know much about Seamus, besides that he loves Quidditch, that he isn't brilliant at school, that his mom is annoying and that he seems to like confrontation. that's very basic info. we don't know much about Parvati and Lavender besides that they are pretty girly, love divination, are interested in boys (and that Lavender had a bunny). i don't think we know much about both of them individually either (but that's okay because they are kind of like a codependent female duo, every school has those). but DEAN? he loves football, he is a good drawer, he is good at quidditch, but he is also a fierce fighter and has no hesitation standing up to people like Umbridge when she insults Lupin. like, come on, there is a reason why ginny choses to date him and there's a reason why Harry hates him so much -- Dean is the archetype of the nice, popular boy made up in a lab for Harry to be jealous about! he is the Gryffindor version of Cedric, in that sense. "We don't know much about Dean" he literally gets more "screentime" than every other Gryffindor (minus the trio + Neville). Dean was in the Malfoy's manor. Dean was on the run with the goblins and Ted in DH, we literally get a scene where the trio overhears him and it's such a poignant and moving scene!! Dean was at Bill and Fleur's cottage. Dean was Ginny's boyfriend. Dean was on the Quidditch team. Dean was in the AD. Dean was literally the most relevant secondary character in ootp, hbp and dh (as far as the Gryffindors are concerned). Not to mention that he has a fully fleshed out backstory - his dad was killed for refusing to join Voldemort and Dean was raised thinking he was a muggle but he finds out it's not true (we actually do get to hear some echo of this backstory in that DH scene when the trio overhears him talking to the goblins and Ted).
"He had no backstory, I don't think we even met his parents, he was just "Seamus' nicer friend"." this is projection. this is not how Dean is treated in canon, but this is how Dean is treated by the fandom. the fandom constantly overlooks Dean and ruined his characterization to make him look like Seamus' nice friend when he actually has a personality of his own and is more interesting as a character than Seamus. now, as a former Popular Deamus Blogger, i can tell you the reasons why the fandom prefers seamus over dean sooo much is a bit suspicious but i don't want to wave around the racism allegations.... but they do constantly uwu-ify Dean and reduce him to Seamus' friend while Seamus receives significantly more attention from the fandom. canon doesn't justify this, if we were to follow canon, then Dean would be the one getting more attention and fanfictions than Seamus. (Dean also has great potential for fanfictions as you can also ship him with Luna) Anyway, all this to say that this woman probably forgot all about the books and is going on a whim about fanon characterization. I'm mad she turned off reblogs because I was ready to go out of my HP blogging retirement to defend my lord and savior Dean Thomas, the best background character in HP
Girl!! In the name of all Rowlingblr, i would like to appoint you head of the Dean Thomas fanclub. That was some good fangirling.
I didn't know that Dean was currently or in some fandom spaces LESS popular than Seamus. I always thought the opposite was true! Seamus is kind of annoying and confrontational in canon. Dean is way cooler and could have been the hero of his own story. Dean x Luna had its hour of glory circa 2007 (post DH release), it was definitely a guilty pleasure of mine.
I think people who get all up Jo's ass about Lavender and Parvati being kind of vapid and annoying need to take a chill pill. It's not like they're on Pansy's level of mean and hateful, they're just not heroines. God forbid a story imply that focusing on gossip, fashion and horoscopes might not make you a role model.
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Appreciation Post!!
I've seriously been wanting to make a big post appreciating some of the dca content creators that I love (especially after getting to know some of them better) so here's a bunch of compliments and thoughts on them! (Also this is in no order, ily all very much ❤)
@madame-mongoose: Monnster!!! Oh, I love Monnie. Very bullyable (this is a pro). Always so funny and making me laugh. When Monnie comes online, I know there's gonna be some fun times to be had. Easy to talk to and my clone apparently. I wouldn't have made all these new friends if it weren't for Monnie and Sy, so I'm very appreciative of her uwu. Art is very shapely, bendy, very cartoonish in a pleasing way. And very unique to Monnie! I don't think I've seen anyone else with an artstyle like Monnie's. Characters are juicy, very well thought out and full of pain. Your mom.
@suokumi: You came crashing in one day and life has never been the same. Suo is full of love and passion and awful terrible disgusting sleeping habits. But they make up for it by telling everyone else to take care of themselves because they love you sososo much. Really talented, but don't tell them that or else they'll die. Anyway yeah, Suo Art my beloved and also Suo my beloved because we're married. Can bust out 50+ sketches in an hour and is like "dont look" even though I'm frothing at the mouth and shaking them. I love you Suo mwah ❤️
@opudontdonut: La Creatura!!! Bites everyone like watermelon. very fun, very gremlin. Pops in every now and again and throws everyone into a frenzy. A biting frenzy. Good Gaslighter. Take that as you may. Draws chibis really unique in a way I cannot replicate but is so so so so cute. Art is very distinct too!!! The line work especially is very noticable? Thick black lines. Draws the boys v skrunkly too. Nightmare and therapy au my beloveds.
@ariisonfire: TALENTED!!! Very, very talented. Animates, codes, arts, does just about everything and is good at it. Very funny doodles, very dorky. I love Ari!!! Very cute (cutest giggles this side of uh. Idk just really cute giggles) and provides me with Vector content. My spouse, no matter what Lily says.
@skittlewaffle: LOVE the way Kay draws the boys. Her art in general is so sharp and intentional. Precise. Very cartoony as well, good for animation me thinks. Has good AU ideas and brainstorms really well. Literally. The fucking paragraphs kay busts out that obliterate my mind. Also very fun person to hang out with, very silly.
@pillowspace: Beautiful, wonderful person. Somehow manages to draw on her 3ds??? Like a god?? Loves rotini (eat something else I'm begging you) KEEPS FUCKING REBLOGGING MY WATERFALLS PIECE Also has similar brain thoughts as me (ooie to Angel Tango jumpscare) Has a beautiful voice, fr. Sang a song for me which melted my little heart. Makes gut-bustingly funny gifs at the speed of light. Also says??? Things that make no sense but are very funny.
@vilz: Oof, what's not good to say about Val? You know that meme that's like "You're the funniest mother fucker on this webbed site" that's Val. Val's the funniest. Their comics always make me bark laugh like an idiot. Writes very poetically, reading their stuff is like. Like being punched but with a soft caress. Val art is good for the soul, me thinks. Even their doodles on receipt paper give me all the chemicals. Hanging out with Val leaves me smiling for the rest of the day, very fun company.
@cloudyvoid: SUPER talented. Can you believe they drew and rigged their own Vtuber model? I know, impressive right? Draws the DCA skrunkly and lanky just how I like 'em. BRAINS SO HARD WITH ME ABOUT DROWSIE AND GAIA!!? Very nice wonderful person as well, fun company. And ooughhh I just love the oc brainrot with her. Could do it all day, love you mwah.
@crazedauthor: Knows all the fanfics. Well maybe not all, but knows the ones I happen to be thinking about. Pops in mid brainstorm to add something juicy that adds fuel to the fire. Human gasoline. Got obliterated by 1 (one) chip. o7
@daunsun: Another sketch machine. Gives me Eclipse content. FIABC liker, which automatically elevates her status. Tries to shoot people who make fanart, but she deserves it so idk what to tell you. And then turns around and makes fanart for other ppl. smh double standards. Love the way she draws humans. And the boys, but that goes without saying. Honestly the way daun draws the boys is sooo good it's like. I can't even describe. It's like cupcake. Long cupcake.
@cakesfunhouse: Hi __ I'm Cole looking ass. Shoots me dead with fluffy ramblings all the fucking time. Brainstorms really well, dropping good ideas like they had them shoved in their pockets ready to throw. Actually really sweet and fun to talk to. Gremlin, though so beware, they bite. Draws biblically accurate dca fluff, so what's not to love. Will pop in randomly while you're talking to someone else to add something that kills me dead. Like wheezing laughter.
@nmfergus: Nikki my beloved 💜 such a sweetheart, loves to see people happy and excited, always asking questions and seeing how everyone is doing. CHICKENS!!! Farmville. Also Corndrop. Ask Nikki about corndrop. Can you guess what he sells? It's corn. The answer is corn.
@paper-lilypie: LILY!!! omg Lily real. Art is all soft lines and easy to read expressions and kisses and snuggles and basically when I see lily art it's like drinking a cup of hot cocoa. Also the way Lily draws hands? God, what a legend. Give me your hands. Little hater. And enabler. But she's my little hater/enabler so it's okay ❤️ love me a good Lily spotting. Has good au ideas too.
@sycopomp: SYBORG!!! I wouldn't be making this post if it weren't for them and Monnster. Sy writing makes brain go brrrr. Has this way of setting stuff up that pays off later? Like little hints into things that are really fun to pick apart/notice on your own. I can always picture what's happening in Sy writing really well which sucks for me personally when they write ouchie owies. But I love them for it mwah ❤️
@sinnabee: AH Sinna!!! Magician Au makes my brain neurons activate so hard. Very sweet as well, love doing magmas with her. Also funny and caring. Don't get to hang out with much because if timezones but I am always very happy when I do get to vibe with a Sinna. Has wonderful beautiful line work and cool ocs I want to know more about.
@spaciebabie: Chaos. (I'm tempted to have that be the only thing I put here) Also makes me laugh!! drops in and says some shit that has me giggling sillystupid. Art is bubbly. Round. Rotund. Want to get to know better!!! Pizza.
Special Mentions/People I want to get to know better:
@oobbbear: Bearz. Bearz my beloved. Your art makes my heart explode. And you're so funny even without knowing you well. 👁👁 The way you draw so chibi and yet so detailed? Like the way you draw hands? Impeccable. Also H mouth. H mouth so cute. I honestly don't think I would have gotten into drawing Sun and Moon fanart if it wasn't for Bearz' aus infecting me like a disease. So everyone say thank you to Bearz for roping me into this!
@hexheathen: MY NUMBER ONE FAN ❤ My bestie who doesn't know the jesties. I love you with all my heart, and I love spending time with you and the rest of our pals. This is my appreciation post and I say you get appreciated.
@bones-of-a-rabbit: SHY BEAN. Drops some cute ass shit and skitters away. Wish I could know better! They have a lot of good ideas and honestly I see them as one of the best fluff writers for DCA content. It was in Reality Not Fine my beloved. I've said it once and I'll say it again: They really capture the word "Lovestruck" with their expressions. When people say, "They looked at them like they hung the moon and the stars," I imagine the way Rabbit draws sun and moon looking at y/n. It's honestly such a talent.
#spooky speaks#appreciation post#idk what to tag this as#idk I just really love all my friends I guess#theres more to say about everyone but this is so long already 😭#sorry not sorry I love freely and a lot
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The hazbin hatedom is getting out of hand for me it's really cringe. Your thoughts
I have mixed opinions on this. So beforehand, I am going to say that this is a longer post from me, and I appreciate the anonymous message! <3 I will be talking about this specific question, as well as my interpretation, thoughts, and overall feelings on this matter. Please feel free to reblog, like, and comment your opinions and keep it civil. I want to have a friendly discussion, no matter how brash I seem: this is brutal honesty coming from my heart.
For those who have ZERO clue: Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss are dark "comedy" shows for an adult audience, created by Vivienne "Vivziepop" Medrano, originally airing on YouTube. Helluva Boss is currently in its second season, while we have yet to find out anything else on Hazbin Hotel, as it is now a part of A24 and BentoBox. They center on the same setting, Hell, but have two different plot lines.
Hazbin Hotel is redemption focused, led by Princess Charlie Morningstar, the daughter of Lucifer. She wants to help the sinners in Hell become good and go up to heaven to avoid the yearly Exterminartion, aka a Purge. Helluva Boss, however, is about a murdering business called I.M.P., with Blitz, Millie, Moxxie, and Loona, going up to Earth with a grimoire that is provided by Stolas of the Ars Goetia, a prince. So here we go, into the Depths and reasoning of this post: the Hatedom. So lo and behold, my answer below.
On one hand, yes. The Hazbin Hatedom is a bit over the top. Yes, people are assholes. However, the Vivziepop stans who don't want to admit their precious senpai Vivziepop has done some pretty fucked up shit in the past. The hate can be unnecessary, but you know what else can be unnecessary? The toxic stans. I follow #vivziepop for certain analysis portrayals and criticism, or just general news. Sometimes people are tiresome. This is no exception.
I am falling out of the fandom because it can be toxic. I enjoy most of the characters, but other than that? Helluva Boss's current writing is NOT good. At all. The latest episode irked me to no end. I'm unimpressed with Seeing Stars. I am not very happy that they are forcing Stolitz down our throats as an "uwu pwease wove us" type of bullshit ship. I would much rather prefer Blitz and Stolas to be friends. I wished Stolas had his pilot personality and not the "uwu im a gay, tragic prince with a shitty wife, feel bad for me" bird we know in the series.
Moxxie in the latest episode is bitchy. He got on my nerves and was pissed at Millie being happy. This girl deserves more screentime (and I'm glad she got some of it) but seriously...Millie is always there for Moxxie, and Moxxie needs to reciprocate.
They made Stella seem stupid, when in reality, and if written properly, she can be a cunning and calculating villain with her brother. We've yet to see how Octavia and Stella interact, but I'm unsure.
I have definitely tried to keep my mouth shut as much as I could on this matter, because when I finally openly admit how I feel, it's not a pretty thing, especially with something that I'm so passionate about. Animation takes time, writing takes time, scripting, acting, everything takes so much time, and this is wasted potential. We can have so much better than just a fan-ficcy type rom-com, dark humor, sexual humor schtick. It's getting annoying, and I fear the worst when it comes to Hazbin Hotel.
Criticism is welcome here! Let me know what I left out. I'm willing to hear other opinions, so long as they're nice. If anons start flooding my inbox and getting mad, anons are off. Anon is a privilege, not a right.
#y'all this is the first time i really sat down to contemplate this#vivziepop#hazbin hotel#helluva boss#helluva boss critical#hazbin hotel critical#vivziepop critical#critisism#original post
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So as MOST of you could PROBABLY TELL- this account on December 17th in the afternoon randomly got obliterated. Like totally deleted- it didn’t exist, nobody could view it, I couldn’t log in, etcetera etcetera-
So what the hell happened????????? I don’t know!!!!!!!!
EDIT: just before finishing this tumblr came back to me with an automatic email saying, ‘It Looks as though this issue has already been resolved’. That’s it. No reasoning as to why it was deleted, no apology etcetera.
I’ve never violated any Tumblr community guidelines before, nor have I ever gotten any warnings, and I’ve never posted NSFW, Gore, or any kind of content that could get me banned, so it absolutely wasn’t that!!! My account quite literally vanished without warning- not even a single email or warning message from Staff!!!!!
Apparently it’s a PREEEEEETTTY COMMON GLITCH for peoples accounts to just,,,,,, be deleted totally randomly. With no warning. Out of the blue. And then for Tumblr to come back two-three days later like ‘Whoopsies!!! UwU we’re sowwy we dowwnt know wwhy dat happened!! ÓwÒ-“ Hell it even happened to my partner a few months ago, and if you go searching you can find accounts STILL dealing with this issue!!!!!!
The only other explanation I can think of is that my account was mass reported- by who?????? I’d have no clue!!!!!!!! Recently I was pretty vocal about general racism in the Resident Evil Community, so that’s really the only thing I could think of- but even then, I got no warnings, no emails from tumblr, etc etc, so I HIIIIIIIIIIIGHLY DOUBT IT, and besides if this WAS the case I’m not sure why I would be the only person targeted!!!! So again I don’t think that’s the case!!!
So what did I do to get my account back??? No idea!!!!!!!!
Right after my account was suspended, I sent an email to Tumblr Support on both of my emails- they sent an automatic ticket back and…… nothing. And as of writing this I STILL have gotten nothing. No explanation, no apology, no reasoning behind my account being terminated, etc etc etc
In those three days I made a temporary alt account (which I’m currently trying to figure out how to delete permanently HXNEHENEHEN @evilwisecrackingeric , but that account got Shadowbanned by staff after a day- meaning my blog wouldn’t show up on people’s dash’s, I couldn’t tag people, reply to comments, message anybody etc etc!!!! So I made a second sideblog (@ericseviltwin) on that account- BOOM SHADOWBANNED TOO!!!!!!! I made a THIRD SIDEBLOG- BOOM. SHADOWBANNED (@ericisabouttoexplode. Very fitting names I know) I was most likely shadowbanned cuz Tumblr thought I was a bot after messaging too many people at once, but it as still annoying to deal with!!!!!!
And again, as of me writing this, tumblr STILL has not come back to ANY of my emails three days later!!!!!!!!!! So until I get a response (IF I get a response) I’ll have no idea why I was terminated or why they brought me back so suddenly!!!!!!
So what now????????? Well for the time being I’m probably just gonna lay low. I still HIGHLY DOUBT IT but if this WAS some kind of cyberattack I’d rather not risk it- and besides, I don’t want to risk this account getting shadowbanned too or god forbid getting deleted AGAIN, so it’s probably best for now to keep my activity to a minimum
If there’s any lesson to learn from this PLEEEEEEEEAAAAASEEEE BACK UP YOUR BLOGS. I was DEVASTATED when this acc got deleted- I have millions of conversations with friends, my entire art journey, photos of pets that have passed away etc etc on here and to say I was upset would be an understatement. What should YOU do if this happens to you????????? I have no clue. Unfortunately I just had to. Wait. And even then I STILL haven’t gotten an email back from Tumblr. So I don’t know man!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is apparently a pretty common glitch so back up everything important!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EDIT: just before pressing the post button tumblr JUST came back to me with this:
It linked me to their abuse/account violation page. Which…. Is very interesting
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So... Trine 5: A Clockwork Conspiracy. My recent obsession. Let's go! I'll try to do it without significant spoilers.
Carefull, long post under the cut!
First of All. Amadeuses Kids! They grew up! UWU. They're such cute little young fireball casters. Omg, that's almost like watching your nephews grow, they feel so much like a family...
That game series has been with me since I was a child and as I remember Trine (part 1) was my first (real) videogame! And now when I play Trine 5 it cures my soul so much, right when I needed it. It's like... Has a Tolkien vibe for me. I mean in the sense that It's too fairy tail outside, it may look childish, but it has layers! I really like the plot, it hit me right in the heart and made me reflect. And I was struggling with dark thoughts on Future and Trine's perspective on the global world's problems made me smile and hope for the best... Really thank you, trine team, you're awesome :D Where there's people who share your concerns and put it in the work of art like that and make witty satire on it that's precious. I have returned some of my faith in humanity now.
Well, maybe some people may not see what I saw or just won't feel such weight, cause my recent experience made me stump on it, so well I need to say that plot in general... Dramatic. I was impressed How it manages to balance at the edge of magical fairy tail and life drama (OR that's again me and my pains. Anyway...) STRONG twists and things at stake. Heroes encounter both global threat and personal challenges (all three of them, but poor wizard, he got it the most. But he's so silly old man, I'm crying)
(Zoya, my girl, I love you...)
(Pontius... You're just perfect, I'm proud of you, example of a real knight :D)
Character writing is amazing, they REALLY feel alive.
For example: Amadeus marries a woman after he became a hero and throughout the whole game series he mentions that, then he mentions their kids and, like i mentioned now, now we see how they grew up! And in fifth's game due to plot he misses his triplets greatly and in the forest three heroes meet a fox with three little foxes... And Amadeus is like "oh no, I'm a terrible father" 😭
And there's a lot of cute normal or giant animals in the game series, we're helping them and then they come up and help us.
Such lightsome game, I can't/// Those animals... Uwu/// (Just a little detail but I wanted to mention that...)
What I like else about the narrative: humor :D
For demonstration I just let Pontius to show himself:
And now when I've let out my shouts...
*sights* AaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA. Another round, Friends :D
I. Worship. Those. Artists. They are geniuses. Screenshots speak for themself, I guess.
Design, artwork and effects... No, I can't describe it in words, again, I just pray on it. So damn enchanting. I literally dream to be like those artists who work on this series. (And that's a threat) When I think of it, well, maybe THAT magic inspired me to be who I am right now...
Magic observatory where's pictures of butterflies there and there... ARE YOU DESNAN, WIZARDS???
And those just killed me. Episode in a dark place with the sudden rays of hope... I was just. Aaaah... So beautiful both by art and location's story.
Replica of the second screenshot: "It's rare that ghosts are on our side. Usually we and undead are not on good terms."
What did I tell you? :D Tolkien vibe!
So who got through my post till the end... Please, please get to know those game series. I didn't mention it at all above but It's also a genius of gameplay. It's a platformer with (some) fighting and (a lot of) puzzles. Also. It's thrice (:D) fun in coop.
AND. Music. Won't say much about it either but It's a genius magical masterpiece. I guarantee you: Trine soundtrack will find its way to your playlist.
P. S. Will I do fanart on trine? Maybe... Maybe... You know, I just have that strange thing: some stories are "sacred" in my brain so I can't Just sit and draw cause I'm constantly stressed out if it turns out bad or worse: not how I imagined it. Same with Tolkien books, btw. In fandom since childhood, (if you count that, if not - from adolescents and first steps to the internet) and no single drawing. (not single real drawing at least)
But! I have Nine Parchments fanart :D
Oooh. And. I have THEM in frame. Art from my friend who gifted it to me at postcrossing some time after we played Trine 4 (and then the whole game series) together! It was such a pleasant surprise!
The end. ❤️❤️❤️
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this is a dump about the uglydolls movie novel 💋💋💋
Alrighty I'm basically a regular here SO LETS GET TO IT
lodoeheie so I just got the movie novel of uglydolls because i need to fill my hunger for uglydolls content and THERE R SO MANY LITTLE DETAILS AND DIFFERENCES IN THE BOOK???!!???
ok so Lou's monologue in the pipes are completely different and they kind of point out details about Lou like his loafers being expensive and allat
BUT IM NOT TALING ABOTU TAGT
there's this one part in the book where they are about to reveal Ox after the all dolled up scene and instead of Ox, Nolan was behind Lou???? I think it was just supposed to show how awkward Nolan is idk 💀💀
ALSO for some reason I feel like EVERUTIME Nolan made an appearance they always described him as "the handsome doll" and I find that so so silly but I love it
oh YEYEHA it's implied in the book that the dolls wear their own clothes when they aren't doing training which was not the case in the movie (probably due to animation complications)
in the gauntlet scene, in the book, it was Mandy who kinda taunted Lou to participate in the gauntlet rather than him deciding to buy himself. Also it made me think why he even decided to join it in both medias when he knew he'd fail but my friend and I just established that at that point he was probably already batshit crazy and had nothing to lose
the whole Ox flashback part was longer and had more details to it. So both Lou and Ox went for the gauntlet together and completed it but it showed that they failed and everyone thought it was Ox that caused them to fail when it was really Lou (kind of sad that Lou probably knew it was himself and had to put the blame on Ox)
it was also mentioned that both Lou and Nolan have somewhat of a muscular build so time to make some new head cannons
IM SO SORRY THAT THESE POINTS WERE ALL OVER THE PLACE AND THERE'S TYPOS EVERYWHERE
I just found thrse so interesting I'm so sorry
the book is pretty good imo (probably biased) and there's more stuff than what I put here so DEFINITELY go read it for yourself
why hello, we meet again... time for more rambling xD STRAP IN EVERYONE!
yes!! i've known about the novel for a hot minute. i haven't bought or read it (...yet) but i remember seeing silentreadersmatter (i believe?) post about it on wattpad... so shoutout to them lol. anywho time to respond to each thing mentioned in order (just about)...
lou with loafers!!: i always assumed he wore some sort of fancy shoewear... so it's nifty that they added clarification i guess xD
awkward nolan: awkward nolan is the superior nolan (in my opinion. i'm sorry lads)... i see nolan be depicted as a 'uwu soft boy bottom" most of the time... but i always thought he was just a awkward doll. like, an anxious mess that is trying his best but fumbles constantly. he's a ball of anxiety, and i love him. ANYWAYS
buff nolan real??: GOSH, I AM SO GLAD SOMEONE NOTICED THE MUSCULAR NOLAN THING. i always imagined nolan to be taller than the other dolls (he isn't really in the film but i always headcanoned it so because his uniform is smaller as if he was too big for it) but once i saw him be called "handsome" and "tall" and "muscular" in the novel, i flipped. the little baby boy is actually a BIG BUFF BABY. i have a doodle of this from a few months ago heheh... (thank you for giving me an excuse to show it because it's been lingering in my files for a while LMAO)
^^^ lou is just trying to act evil and devious but he got this tall, handsome muscular doll getting in his way xD
ohhh but i can just imagine instead of the robot dog taking lou to the washer, nolan personally picks him up and drags him there. now THAT'S a moment i want to see.
fashion: oh, i didn't know about the clothes thing! DAMNIT i want to see them all in casual clothing, so i know what kind of styles they wear!! i mean, there's a concept art with lou in a white jumper with a golden 'L' on it... but that's all.
i have my headcanons for what they wear, but it would be cool to see... especially since most other dolls normally do have numerous outfits for the kids to dress them up in.
gauntlet: yeah, lou kinda lost the plot around that point. i would take a guess that he was probably unnerved by just basically killing two dolls, one that he knew (possibly for a while) and one that was close to his old friend, so when he saw mandy still alive he was like "well sh*t." and then came the downward spiral of him trying to sabotage the others, before inevitably sabotaging himself. ...but i think the book's version of mandy getting the crowds to peer pressure lou to joining the gauntlet made more sense (lou's reputation would be at stake and his reputation is basically all he has) than him joining anyways in the film. i guess they tried to make it make more sense with the whole "I don't even have to win. I just need to make sure you lose." but ehh... eh....
ox's tragic anime backstory: yes!! they should've done this version in the film honestly. perhaps they could've even shown lou's regret for lying to basically his only friend. ...oh wait, i forgot. lou's meant to be a 100% evil villain who kicks babies. anyways, again i feel that the novel made more sense than the canon we got in film. i guess in the film ox got recycled because he was causing others to fail by accident? but the novel's version is much more interesting.
if i remember correctly (and if i don't, count this as a rewritten version lol) the assistant robots took ox away after he 'failed' in the novel. i can imagine a scene where we are in ox's perspective, being forcefully dragged away to the pipes whilst lou looks at him, dread and sadness written across his face, yet he doesn't try to stop the robots. he just stands there, biting back his guilt. ohh... if only...
STRONG BOYS!!: heheheheh strong nolan and lou... would be funny if nolan didn't appear strong, but is actually stronger than lou. but then again, how can you tell if the doll is strong? they all look like same. lou says his arms are bumped or whatever in ugly truth but WHERE? WHERE'S THE BUMPED ARMS LOU??
anywho, thank you for the novella lore dump! for anyone who is interested, go check out the novel as well. it's pretty interesting if you are deep into doll purgatory. (also it's mentioned that ox used to wear a fedora from what i remember)(THAT IS TERRIBLE. I LOVE IT)
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olderthannetfic/729300911208448001/the-reason-theres-more-positivity-for
This is trolling. No one assumes trans men are masculine. We get called boys even in our 30s, drawn as skinny white AFABs in layers of soft clothing, and reassured that it's okay if we want to kiss other boys. Actually, being assured that you're a cutie patootie fem uwu is really dysphoria inducing for a lot of trans men. I was on tumblr when I had just come out when I was 15 and it was incredibly discouraging to see the posts fawning over adorable wittle twans bois. I'm 25, I don't want to hold hands with a boy, I want to fuck a man. I don't want to change my hobbies and I don't care if people think it's toxic masculinity that makes me like "manly" things (way to assign the binary to activities, real progressive of you) and I don't get anything from "let boys be soft" with clapping emojis and sparkles inbetween every word with glittering font. "No actually it's good to not support part of a marginalized group!" no. Your trolling is shit and so are you.
And the idea that ace people are assumed to be against sex actually made me laugh out loud. I'm working on my doctorate and actually, on college campuses? I've heard from professors - not students, professors, adults old enough to have college-age kids - that ace people have sex at the same rate as straights but they need more foreplay, ace people just need more time to get to know you but after that they're sexually indistinguishable from heterosexuals, that asexuality isn't real, that asexuality is an internet label people use instead of admitting that they can't get laid, and my least favorite, that any man who says he's asexual is actually an incel/that asexuality is another term for incels and femcels. Then you hop online and the internet goes, "Ace people love sex! Ace people love kink! Ace people have just as much sexual attraction as other people! You'r'e valid if you're ace and fuck/do kink/are attracted to everyone!" and if there's positivity for people who are ace who aren't into sex, I've yet to see it. Hell, being not into sex gets you labeled "repulsed", like you're retreating from it the way the Wicked Witch of the West would from water and not just not into it. That happened even in OTNF's own comment section, and these are not uneducated people when it comes to queerness, we've just normalized that sex is a part of everyone's identity so much that even if you're asexual, it's weird and must be a repulsion thing if you're not into it. "Uh actually everyone assumes [__] so there's no need for positivity for [__]" fucking where?! Where are all these people who assume being asexual = not wanting sex?
For the record, I got my undergrad at two different universities due to a change of major, got my master's at another, and am getting my doctorate at a fourth, all in four different US states. One was in the Northeast, one was in the South, one was in the Midwest and now I'm on the West Coast. And I have never encountered people who assume trans men are manly or that asexual people don't have sex.
I have encountered sex negative asexuals, people who get so upset they leave the room if you make a joke involving them and sex, who interrupt the professor mid-lecture to say, "Ace people have sex!", though. That's how deeply this is ingrained in some people's minds, they will say it even when it does not apply to them, even when it's the opposite of themselves, so they can make sure they are Educating The Cishetallos and, more importantly, then share the moment they had to do so with their progressive friends for brownie points/in order to be seen as One Of The Good Queers who educates others.
As for the weird thing in the troll ask pretending anyone who talks about their lived experience believes in a conspiracy... do yourself a favor and get help bringing up your literacy before you take the SAT/ACT, kid. Not only is your trolling shit but you don't understand what the word conspiracy means. Someone saying, "[insert thing here] happened to me" is not a conspiracy and this is why your English teachers gave you C's - to get you out of their classroom and make your lack of comprehension someone else's problem.
In the event this wasn't a troll but was actually what you read, please get two tutors and possibly a screening for any latent anxiety or mental illnesses that would explain how you read people venting about shitty life experiences and thought they believed there was a conspiracy of some kind going on. Because that's the kind of making shit up out of thin air my dad, who has diagnosed Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Paranoid Personality Disorder, would do, and it's not a great sign if you read people going, "the people around me are shitty about this" and jumped to "the people who sent those asks are saying there's a conspiracy theory against them and I am the one sole person who can see the truth here!"
I really don't know how to explain this to people but if someone says something is shitty on their campus, they're saying something is shitty on their campus. It's not a personal attack or conspiracy. Sometimes shit fucking sucks and it's exactly that deep.
--
You wouldn't think "Someone had a stupid-ass opinion on my college campus" would be that hard to believe.
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I guess if I want to write a travelogue/write up post about my 4-stop journey following the first chunk of Everything Everything's 2023 US tour then I have to just... do it!! If this is of interest to anyone other than me then GREAT and if not then it's still special to me to try to write down and remember everything I can uwu
FIRST STOP WASHINGTO-- wait, no, actually, first stop, on my way out of town, the local donut shop in my neighborhood, a place that I absolutely adore and patronize all the time with staff who mostly know me by now/some of whom are my instagram friends/etc. i'd checked with the Pittsburgh venue ahead of time to see if it was okay to send in outside food as a gift to the band even though they have a cafe/bar in their own right, and whoever I corresponded with said it would be totally fine, so I talked to the donut shop manager and set up a delivery of a dozen for the lads for Saturday before their show here. advance paid for that, as well as getting my own breakfast and coffee hehe, and then hit the road. OKAY FOR REAL FIRST STOP WASHINGTON DC!!! This was the second-longest leg of my Car Driving and it was definitely a wee bit exhausting but I had a podcast or two and a ton of E E on shuffle to bolster me through and I made it to my mom's friends' house, where I was staying, with relative ease. The venue was within a not-too-unreasonable walking distance too so after a change of clothes (I had very distinct and deliberate Show Outfits for each night that were fully separate from my travelin' clothes) and a bunch of fussing with the bracelets™ I headed over!! stopped for empanadas and a smoothie on the way and then queued up!!
aaaaahh this was such a nice fun queue. I was maybe about a dozen-ish people back from the front, down about half a block, and once I finished scarfing down my food this was my first real experience with doling out the bracelets. so fun! I'm glad it was basically an instant hit! AND I even got a few trades in this queue--one person gave me a Man Alive / Tin / E E bracelet with teeny tiny beads, super fun, and one person with a SHITTON of kandi stuff gave me one that had the name of a flower genus on it?? i think they said it was?? I love the colors on this one! And one person traded me a Blow Pop. lmao. I should eat that before it sits in my fanny pack for too long. I also really enjoyed chatting with the two guys right in front of me (Nick and Alex?), who were from south-central PA and had a couple other fandom touchstones in common with me (mcelroys/dnd/BDG! I love this Venn diagram!!) as well as a big love for E E. We didn't really see much of each other beyond the point of getting inside but I liked y'all a lot!! Hope you had as great a time as I did!!
Black Cat is where I saw E E the first time I EVER SAW THEM, which was almost exactly six years ago from this gig, which is insaaaane. The space is kind of narrow so there's not a huge amount of stage barrier space right at the front, so Becky and I ended up pretty much at the front but almost aa-all the way stage left/Jeremy-side. coulda been worse hehehe. We kind of loitered and chatted with nearby folks, I think maybe becky checked out merch ahead of the show ? but I kind of just held down the fort, enjoying setup stuff, pete running around etc hehe. getting BLASTED by the AC, which was nice.
the ummmm the opener! our first experience with Pierre! I gotta say his general style is not for me, despite the fact that I do think he's very talented and good at the thing he's doing. this first night especially he was SO sweaty and I felt bad for him lmao, you could like see it dripping off him. i am so curious as to why/how he got paired with the boys for this tour, like, what aligned in such a way that this match was made, because my general vibe on the crowd/his audience/etc was that we the fans of the nerdy white english mathy rocker guys were not exactly his demo LOL. BUT i will say in DC I do think he had one little pocket of strong-contingency fans because I kept hearing big whoops and cheers coming from one specific audience spot and I loved that for him lmao. for some reason i cannot explain I actually almost found his backing/support musician guy (the guy who was basically his version of peter) more compelling. I wanna know THAT dude's story lol.
so when he finished up we had a little interlude aaaannndd the setlist appeared... hehe. I could def have peered up to look at it from where I was, but I was telling myself I wanted to be surprised, and was deliberately looking away........ until suddenly everyone around me was gasping and going HOLY SHIT and I was like, ugghhh okay, I will check JUST enough to figure out what that's all about, and what that was all about was immediately apparent because smack in the middle of the set were a Man Alive track (which we never get in the states bar MY KZ) and something that just said "New Song." AND LIKE, OKAY, THAT'S A JUSTIFIED HOLY SHIT. new song????? so now we had THAT to contend with coming up, and aaaaaaah. ahh. yeah holy shit indeed.
it's also while we're standing there that AG pops into view, (or maybe I first spotted him during Pierre's set? Chronology is irrelevant), back off behind Becky from me in the other direction, and we waved over at him to say hi and he says to us, "All four of them are bleached blond." And my gut instinct was to be like, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, but also the truth in my heart was that there was absolutely no justification for not believing them, because of course they would, and sure enough these bozos roll out onto the stage and they are all four draco malfoy-ass bleach blond. God it looks a mess on Jeremy LOL and while the color/dye job wasn't bad on Alex, it was clear his finer hair wasn't holding up as well against the chemicals because it was just a fluffy riot mess. BUT GOD IT WAS REALLY SO INCREDIBLY STRIKING OF A VISUAL for them to be all be wearing all pure white/beige clothes and then to have this bleach-white hair and all of it catching and glowing under the stage lights... god... clearly the effect they were going for and it WORKED, IT REALLY DID. I think it looks so damn goofy (mostly on jez) out of context but it's ABSOLUTELY nailing the Everything Everything Gig Costumes energy/uniform thing that I felt like they'd drifted away from a little the past couple tour cycles, I'm so incredibly here for it
The set!!!! The gig!!!!!!! it wasn't a wildly different set from what we'd seen in CA last year, obviously RDF-heavy supplemented with a heaping helping of singles from the other albums too, but I remember thinking Leviathan and Pizza Boy were especially excellent aaaah. And Schoolin'! And the NEW SONG! The two pieces of it I IMMEDIATELY absorbed and retained were 'the image of a little yellow face to tell you that I'm sorry' and 'I love you like an atom bomb,' and I was spouting those two pieces back to anyone who wanted to talk to me about it for the rest of the night. I'm so lyrics-pilled/vocalist-biased. Which was.... Unfortunate, for this DC gig, because I do think the audio mix was pretty rough - at least from where we were standing so close to the front, I wonder if it was at least a tiny bit better further back into the crowd in the area the sound system was probably primarily calibrated for - and we were REALLY losing Jon in the mix, especially underneath how enthusiastically the crowd was singing along a lot of the time. We were on Jeremy's side of the stage and we were really just getting a LOT of Jeremy. (Which, the bass did sound absolutely fantastic, so hard to complain about that, at least, but still.) I was very thankful to be going to a few more gigs beyond this one so that this wasn't my only experience with it, especially New Song!!! Plus there were a bunch of other little tech difficulties too? Near the beginning of the new song, Jon's guitar strap came detached and wouldn't reconnect, and after struggling a bit with that he decided to just drift back and pass it off the stage to their tech guy--but he was still kind of singing/holding the mic, so as he moved on stage, the mic cable yanked the microphone stand straight over, too. Then the rest of the night that stand was pretty precarious and nearly fell two other times, only caught at the last minute by a true homie who was standing directly in front of it in the audience lmao. I think Becky yelled HIRE HIM! at one point. Annnnd also for like a whole verse of NOTLK jez's bass boards just kind of Gave Up. He tried switching to his other instrument but that wasn't working either, and then finally it all sort of came back online, so he played a little stretch with the wrong bass and then was able to switch back to the right bass when there was a lull in his part. SHAMBLES. lmfao. god it was a great gig though. SO FUCKING GOOD TO BE BACK I LOVE BAND UWAAAAAHH I WAS SO SWEATY AND HAPPY
afterrrr da gig, we needed very badly to drink water and so we managed to do that I believe, and we kind of loitered in the Merch Line Situation trying to figure out what was going on. I had kind of resolved not to buy merch until at least NY, part because I really didn't want to be lugging anything around with me for too much of my trip (esp on this night where I walked) and part because I'd read a post that Irving Plaza was among the venues who'd committed to not taking a cut of band merch sales and letting them keep it all, and I was like, well obvi that's where I want to spend my money. Plus it was cash only in DC and since I'd kind of told myself NY I didn't even have cash out, so it was nothing. BUT!!! homie Adrian whomst I had met at the DC Foals show last December had been there, a few people ahead of me in the queue and also rocking out yaayyy, and he was trying to get merch but the ATM inside the venue literally did not have any more cash left inside it to dispense because everyone was taking out so much of it to buy merch AAAH. so he reached out to me like 'you're going to more shows than just this one right?' and asked if I'd pick him up the stuff he wanted later and then mail it to him so he didn't have to contend with international shipping and I was like aaaah absolutely! yay gig comradeship!
so I think becky finally committed to getting in the merch line and I was mostly just waiting With Becky and there weren't a ton of people left because the venue was trying to clear out, but the handful of us who were still there, a wild Alex Robertshaw appeared up near the stage/bar. we vibed out whether he was receptive to Fan Bothering at this time but it seemed legit, so a bunch of us went over and socialized with him and took some pics, got some signatures, etc, woooo. We tried to vibe out from him also if the other guys were gonna be coming out, and when and where, but y'all know Alex is the awkwardest member of this band by a country mile and we didn't really have too coherent of a discourse at this point in time lmao. Not sure who talked to him about what at this point as I was just trying to hold down the fort and be Normal. I was able to give Alex the bracelet I'd made for him at this point (he was so cute studying on it and reading it ahaha - "rave-- kevin-- kevins rave KEVIN'S RAVE" and he smiled and I felt cool), and also meanwhile Pete was still running around stage doing roadietech type stuff and I sort of politely flagged him down like "do what you need to do if you need to do it but also: Hi lol" and I got to give him his bracelet as well! yay ♥. He complimented my shirt--I'd been getting a lot of compliments on it honestly, it's their Yellow Bird Project shirt that Jon designed some time ago, only I replaced the plain white sleeves of the original unisex tee with some sort of vermilion "girly fit" sleeves that are more comfy to me and kind of give the shirt a different look haha--and I sort of joked on that, said as much, oh, I swapped the sleeves out, "It's to cover up how sweaty I get." and Pete gave me a deadpan look and went "You don't even want to go there with me" and I was like "YEP I FEEL MUCH THE SAME" and I think we both enjoyed a moment of feeling very Seen about the sweatiness hehehehehe. I love Pete he is my heckin Friend
With no additional merch purchases (merchases) (hm, no) the venue was finally for realsies ejecting us so we drifted back out into the streets and just like... okay... now what........ this was the point at which I think our Band Groupie-ing Crew became me, Becky, Danielle in the fox ears/tail, and a lanky youth named S.P. whom I'd talked to in line earlier while doling out bracelets (he had the good E E baseball cap; he asked for an Arc bracelet and I commended him for being an Arc fan, since I feel like they are a dwindling/rarer breed, and then I offered up my hot take that Violent Sun is just the second coming and second pass at Duet, which he thought was spicy, and then he asked for my most controversial E E take and I told him that I don't really like Tin very much and he told me he doesn't really like Shark Week very much and we agreed to disagree and have a good night LOL) (anyway I digress !). It was a warm enough night and none of us really had places to be so we didn't mind just loitering and trying to suss out some more Guys other than just Alex and Pete, but slowly but surely we became basically the only fans left sticking it out. so we stuck together! We split up to try to find if there was a rear stage door at the back and SP and I went one way (the long way RIP) and Becky and Danielle went the other way and it turns out the way that SP and I went was an alleyway just FULL of rats. Too many rats in DC!! People like to talk about rats in NYC but I saw WAY more in Washington just vibing out on the sidewalks and eating trash. I'm not anti-rat, they live there and deserve to live, but oh man it was just. I did not especially want a rat encounter LOL. The rat alley DID actually lead us to where the bus was though!!, but there was also a venue security guy there who was immediately like "Nope, back up, leave, bye" and we were like. understood have a nice day, and doubled around a different way to meet back up with the other two. wwwwelp.
We loitered a bunch more and eventually saw Alex and his homies like, AT LEAST two more times, but we ultimately never saw anyone else. They p much confirmed for us that because this was the first night of the tour, they had a really intense load-out, and everyone was jetlagged to all fuck, that they probably wouldn't ever make it out, even though at least once Alex had said something ambiguous/optimistic enough to imply that they might yet, but really it just got SO late that we couldn't justify still being there for nothing instead of being like. asleep. lol. SP and Danielle got rideshares, Becky and I walked back as far as her hotel together, and then I hiked the rest of my way back too and went the fuck to SLEEP!!! FIRST GIG IN THE BOOKS!! WHAT A LOVELY NIGHT GOD IT WAS JUST SO BEAUTIFUL TO BE SEEING THEM AGAIN ngl I think the blond is really attractive on Mike with his darker brows/beard and I'm always a sl*t for jonathan so like. beautiful. finally some delicious fucking food
it was super nice of my mom's friend to let me stay with him!!! I was so delighted to see his cats again, I remembered them from the last time I was there like six or so years ago, they're sooooo floofy and beautiful aahh. he also provided me with a white noise fan without me even asking which was SO choice. zzzzz. My plan was to get up in the morning, get coffee someplace nearby at wherever he recommended, and then hit the road forrrr... Philadelphia!!! Night two!!!! I got some breakfast tacos at a hella legit place, messed up my coffee/milk/sugar ratio ever so slightly but not in an undrinkable way, and then frickin. autobot rolled out. This drive was not bad at ALL, I timed it pretty much exactly like I planned it to, which was to: get to my friend's place where I was crashing in philly with, ideally, enough time to take a small nap before I had to do anything else, because, god, despite being pretty exhausted and sleeping okay on the nice guest bed in DC, I had BARELY slept the night before I left just from Travel Antsiness and from both staying up way later and waking up way earlier than I meant to unintentionally, and a second little recharge zzz before I went and did it all over again really hit the spot.
It was soooo nice to see Mads again and to see Mr. Angus and also meet BENNY!! More host cats!! They are suuuch silly good little lads, Mads and I had a ton of Kitty Chat and just vibing out and talking about concerts and fandom and stuff, I was so thankful she let me stay with her and getting to hang out was icing on the cake of this trip! She pointed me toward the trolley I'd need to take to get to the venue, and after my baby snzzz and drinking a ton of water and suiting up in my Arc-inspired look (literally just a sweatshirt dress I bought specifically because it was color-blocked very very much like the jackets/outfits they toured Arc in, I saw it and bought it immediately lmfao) I journeyed into the city, hoping to just find a place to eat in the vicinity of the gig! I was way closer up in the queue this time, the people in front of me were really just like.... the usual suspects, Annika+squad and David+squad (incl. Becky, who'd apparently already been there when I got there but wasn't there when I arrived), and also a super-nice woman immediately in front of me named Robin who I MEGA hit it off with!!! Hanging out with her was such an awesome part of my experience at this gig!!! she's COMPLETELY Offline which is so powerful for her but I hope there's some capacity in which we can continue to be friends because she ruled.
There was a Dominican(? I think) place like one block down from the venue where a couple in front of me had gotten some stuff and so I ran down there to snag food too and holy shit this man gave me so much goddamn food. Just a HUGE pile of rice and beans and some pork ribs, and I got a pineapple fanta, and I just popped a squat on the sidewalk and ate as much of it as I could which was probably not even half of what he gave me but it wasn't even that expensive so god bless. Once I wasn't dealing with my food sitch any more I was freed up to pass out a bunch of bracelets again, and I even got a couple more trades, one that was just a bunch of black beads and a bunch of Xs and one that says 'BUSSY' which I am elated about, thank you so fucking much lmao. Also someone offered to trade me an ibuprofen LOL and I was like no that's fine the bracelet can be free... for now, but I will keep that in mind if I change my mind later LOL aaahhh i was just so excited to give the bracelets out it was such a good vector for socializing and making Friends and Gig Buddies. I did learn p quickly at Philly that I should have made way more Man Alive, GTH, and Raw Data feel bracelets because those were basically the first to go every night and then I got stuck with just sad unloved Re-Animators and AFDs :( I was trying to like! do equal amounts of everything to give everything the love because I love them all! but people got favorites out there damn lmao. I was happy to be able to give Robin the MY KZ one because she said that's the first song she ever heard by them and it's special to her because of that (and then also it's been in the touring set and she got to hear them perform it too yay!!! I don't remember if she said she'd seen them before but it had just been a very very long time, or what, idk, aaaah).
We were R I G H T on the stage at this venue, slightly more to Alex's side this time, and the lip/rise of the stage was not very high at ALL and it felt almost like... intimidating, or like it shouldn't have been ALLOWED, for us to be that close to the stage. :flushed emoji: jeez lmao. I didn't fuck w merch here either but some people around me did I think and I held their spots, and a nice kid from right behind me in the queue brought me a Liquid Death which was so incredibly sweet. Pierre's set passed much as it had in DC, lmao; his other musician guy had a sweet fit on, though, this like two-piece set that was a really really dark/muted camo, a blazer over a black top and then matching like athleisure-fit pants and black boots, it was a fuckin look. They had a song at the very end of Pierre's Philly set that I don't think they'd done in DC (and that I didn't get in PGH either, it turned out), and ironically that was actually probably far and away the song of his I enjoyed the most, so I got kind of into it there at the end! but MAN was I ready to see the boys instead. hnnnn.
LADS SO CLOSE TO ME. JUST RIGHT THERE AND SINGING AND ROCKING. the set was aaaalmost exactly the same as DC, but in Philly they shifted Bad Friday up out of the encore and back into the set proper, and then replaced it in the encore with Violent Sun, which I admit I'd been bummed to not see in DC because I think the Violent Sun/No Reptiles encore double whammy is so incredibly crucial to the vibe. Warmed me to have it back in. Obviously Pittsburgh had so many other contributing factors that put it over the edge, but if it weren't for all of those, I think Philly would've been my favorite/best experience of these four gigs. Jon was spicy (he sang so many of the Original Rejected naughty lyrics, this is where we got 'he's a vegetable now' for the first and only time and also the only gig of the four where he leaned into the 'Arch Jeremy' gag in Arch Enemy, hehehehe, plus also motherfuckin' distant past which is not uncommon), and we got way more of the New Song-- through the whisper network of Becky, AG, David, etc., etc., we'd pieced together enough info to know by now that apparently the title of the song was in the lyrics of the chorus, and so I think it was in Philly that we all pretty much determined/decided that this was Cold Reactor. I love you like an atom bomb and I've become a cold reactor. I wasn't diving as DEEP into SONG DECIPHERING as some other folks were, but I did like kind of working on it at my own pace and absorbing it into my heart and my understanding of the band and what they're about to start doing, and so this was really great, for me, here, beautiful, beautiful. I took almost NO pics and vids at this one because my phone was kind of dying but also mostly just because I was honestly having such an enormously great time and I didn't feel the need to try to do anything other than be present in my body at the gig and experience it live. you KNOW?? LIKE!! MUSIC. man. EDIT TO ADD: I forgot to mention a small tech flub that was actually so charming, where near the very end of Arch Enemy jon seemed to be having trouble with his guitar board in the front, and he spent so long in the outro squinting down at it and trying to resolve the issue that he didn't fully come in on the It's time to show your face! bit at the proper time, and he ended up just saying "It's time to show your face." right into the mic very unaffected and straight-up in his regular speaking voice at the very, very end when the song was basically over. lol. he is cute. everyone is cute.
(I WILL ALSO SAY I got the giggles SO BAD at david and amanda's gudetama they slipped onto the stage, oh my god--I was going to take a joke video just dramatically zooming in on it, as one does, except right when I went to do that it got caught up in jon's mic cable and just TUMBLED AND JOSTLED ALL OVER THE PLACE and that fucking GOT me and I was DYING and it was right at like. the serious, heartstring-tugging, fuck-yeah parts of No Reptiles where I'm supposed to be at CHURCH and instead I'm losing my shit into hysterics over this poor gudetama just rolling everywhere alksdhjglaksd, I had to bury my face in Becky's shoulder for a measure or more and try to recover, oh my godddd. EGGS!) -- (OH ALSO I LMAO I HAVE SEVERAL AUDIENCE MEMBER ~BITS THAT I AM DOING just like, clapping here or there, participating actively in certain parts of things, and one that I kept doing for some asshole clown reason was singing along with/lampshading Alex's quick backing vox on the second verse of Spring Sun Winter Dread-- Philly was probably the place where I was the most prominent/obvious/easy to see doing it, and it made both him and Jeremy REALLY snicker, ahahaha I'm sorryyyyyyy for being obnoxioussssss)
The merch/loitering sitch was sli-iiightly more locked down, in here; there was only so long Marty and I could pretend to be thinking about merch/hanging out with people who were actually in line but not actually being in line before they really truly wanted us to leave, and they were pretty pissed that I even left the venue with an empty/ice-only water cup, never mind any dreams of re-entry. The militant energy of the security at this venue compared to how relatively chill and normal DC had been (for two venues I would say of comparable size/seriousness) was def my least favorite part of the Philly experience. I was outside, finishing my water and chitchatting with some artsy youths who were also unimpressed with security, and Becky's messaging me like "they're in here!" and I'm like "well I'm not and I can't come back so you gotta tell them to come out here!" lmao. But they did!!! All the guys came out before too long and I very delightfully got to talk to everyone. I gave Mike and Jeremy the bracelets I'd made for them - THEY both apologized to ME outright for not coming out to chat the night before?? like hello you’re the band we’re the fans you don’t owe us anything - they kind of came toward my side of the door first, and talked and chatted some, vs Jon sort of peeling the other way to the other half of the loiterers - I honestly have lost track of the sequence of events here and what happened when, but it was largely unimportant hehe. (Gosh, but then I keep randomly remembering other unrelated details. Like, for example, Black Cat gave me their big ol' signature black cat hand stamp, and I'd been thinking, oh this will be fun to watch my four hand stamps stack from these four gigs, the way I got two together from The Altogether/Matt Duncan double feature back in July, and then Underground Arts put theirs on the INSIDE OF MY WRIST and not the back of my hand, and both Irving and T-Bird just did wristbands. BUMMER.) But mostly just Seeing Band, Talking To Band. This was when I overheard Alex definitely confirm to someone that the new song is called Cold Reactor, and he sort of half-seriously half-not said they just didn't call it that on the setlist in case there was another "New Song" they might want to decide to start playing there instead at the last minute, even though the longer this goes on the more confident we are that they're not going to do that and that Cold Reactor is gonna be a new single that probably drops once this tour is over <___< eyes emoji. Also, between Wednesday and Thursday we also knew that the bleach-blond hair is for Lore Reasons, which we assume are to do with Cold Reactor and the album it will be on, because of course it is. stupid. jonathan higgs I want to crawl inside your deranged pisces mind and meld with it vulcan style.
anyway, as far as my short term memory can be relied upon/will tell me is the truth, I think Jon was actually the last person I ended up in contact with on this night; I was drifting over toward him but someone else was still engaged in an active conversation with him, so I was like, well obviously I will wait my turn and let other people have jonathan time even though I'm the biggest jonathan girlie, I can just hang and go in when he frees up, and so I was turned slightly away from him listening in on other convos and talking to Becky and maybe Annika or a couple other people, and then suddenly there's a delicate hand on the back of my shoulder and Jon's right in my fucking ear ominously going "hello." askdjhgka. He was soooo cute and nice, I gave him the bracelet I made him as well (which was "I wanna be there" from Violent Sun and shades of re-animator orange) and he was immediately like Oh, of course you, are the bracelet distributor, and I was like hehehe yes, and he asked if I also had to do with the gudetama and I was like absolutely not I have no idea what is going on there lmfao. and I think amanda and david did take credit for it at that time of course so yes hehe. Ended up in a fun casual chitchat with Jon and Becky for most of the rest of the time here, with her trying to squeeze him for info about the new song and album and lore hehehe and him being his typical cryptic trolly cagey Jon, and it was all in incredibly good fun; he noticed her bracelet too, and she pointed it out like Yes I got the one that says This Is The Prophecy from big climb because it hearkens back to that bit they were doing on twitter from way before that song even came out so I gave her that one on purpose duh lol, and Jon says "Oooh yep I forgot about that. .. Album..." and mimed swiping his hair back like whoopsie lmao and it was such a silly little half-self-neg on Re-Animator lol, and so I said "WELP too bad! because the one I made from you is one of those too haha!" and he took another look at it as if to remind himself about it and then went "Well yeah that one's good" with a wryer wickeder laugh and I was like lmao tell us how you really feel. But like he's right violent sun is perfect and I actually labored so long over what I was going to have jon's say because he was the only person I didn't have a really solid concrete idea of what to make for and ALSO he was the only one I REALLY wanted to get PERFECT because it's important to me and yeah. so it was. reassuring for him to like the violent sun one. idk anyway.
The woman we'd seen running around doing a lot for them, including merch, who recognized us from DC the night before and was fun and glib about it, and who turns out to be: Tour Manager Sam, finally had enough of our fucking about and started very efficiently organizing us all into "everyone who wants a pic with themself + all four guys come get in Now and I'm gonna play photographer and then we all gotta go the fuck home" and I respected it SO much lmao, so we had sort of a rotating queue of group picture taking and then the guys all went back inside the venue (I kind of fingerguns'd Jon like "New York :D?" and he looked at me just SO Put Out and just deadpanned "Of course you're going to be there." of course!! lmfao) and we started talking amongst ourselves just out of reluctance to let the night end/social energy we still wanted to wallow in and that was cute and nice. I said goodbye to some folks who weren't going any further on the tour. I had such a wonderful night. Then, lo and behold, we turn around and Jeremy's up on the stoop of the venue, and he's like, I think I've locked myself out. I am locked out and I also don't have my phone on me. lmfao jez. he goes "I am going to blame jonathan" and we allowed him that. I was like, do you want me to TWEET AT SOMEONE LOL and he was like good god no they'll come back for me eventually, and then yes they did, and THEN we all left hahahaha. becky insisted on sticking with me part of the way to the trolley but I was like, it is coming in 14 minutes and it says it's gonna take me 12 minutes to get there I gotta GO!, and I freaking missed it anyway!!! and then I had to wait like OVER HALF AN HOUR MORE for the next one and i didn't even get ON the trolley till like 12:50 and it was soooo late before I was back at mads's place aiyaa. But, all in all, TRULY SUCH A GOOD NIGHT I JUST LOVE BEING IN AN ACTIVE BUZZY FANDOM SPACE AND MEETING FANS AND PARASOCIALING AND DANCING AND SINGING AND DOING ARTS N CRAFTS. you KNOW?? you know. you're on tumblr you get it.
The Philly to Jersey (pre-NYC) leg of my road tripping was set to be Thee shortest drive I had to make the whole time, so I let myself have time in the morning to keep snoozing and fucking about, even though I once again woke up way earlier than I'd hoped to and didn't ever make it back to sleep after that. But the tradeoff was still super nice and relaxing vibing with Madeline--I offered to buy her breakfast in exchange for the couch-crashin' and we got hella bagel sandwiches and cold brew from a place real close by her apartment, and scarfed 'em down while watching the most recent ep of Make Some Noise and just shooting the shit (again, largely about either fandom or kitty cats. We are simple folk). My sandwich contained salmon, a fried egg, and the most incredible sloppy caramelized onions, what a banger. The last truly good food I truly enjoyed before my mega super Travel Tummy set in and wrecked my whole shop metabolically speaking, rip. I took a little rinsy-rinse shower at her place too, and then finally made myself get up and Go to do the runaround silly business of driving to and parking in NJ, taking the ferry in to Manhattan, and then taking the subway to Allegra's place for NIGHT THREE IN NEW YORK CITY WOOOOO. I LOVE going to E E with Allegra!!!!! Once again I used her place primarily as a spot to change out of my car clothes and into my gig clothes (it's RDF night; I wore an oversized pale beige button-up shirt, actually left over from my Foals Antidotes costume from last halloween hahaha, gussied up with E E pins and jewelry) and to fuck about with bracelets. I made Allegra a special In Birdsong bracelet, the only one I did from that song :) because allegra is my special E E friend!! and she needs one of her special song!!! Fandom... is good. Allegra also had a kickass outfit. We stopped in at a tex-mex place she really wanted to try that was nearby the venue, and i got pretty nervous that it was gonna be a little late before doors for us to be hitting a sit-down dinner spot, but we rushed it along pretty well on the food and got our slice of dessert cake to go in a box and everything was A-OK. And I had time to hit a bodega for merch cash from the ATM and a pineapple soda for fortitude! let's GOOO irving plaza.
God, Irving was kind of a shitshow when it came to queuing and security though. There were a fair few people in line ahead of us, maybe just as many or slightly more than what I'd had in DC (definitely further back than Philly, although in line near us were the same also-eating-Dominican-food couple from the Philly gig, and I recognized them and was glad to see them again-- I FULLY DO NOT REMEMBER/DID NOT CATCH Y'ALL'S NAMES, AND I FEEL TERRIBLE BECAUSE WE HUNG OUT AND WORKED TOGETHER SO MUCH, i am so sorryyyyy), but then because it's not a sweet local friendly indie venue but is in fact Livenation As Hell, there's some person affiliated with the venue wandering up front offering some sort of VIP/fast pass line experience where you can just cough up some extra cash and get in your own special line and get to go in first regardless of how long other people have been queuing--you know the deal. Wack as hell. I think David and Amanda opted for this in some capacity, so I was happy for them about it, but a lot of the other people who ended up doing it had kind of rancid vibes of just like "concert-going" and not the very lovely communal sardine megafan energy everyone else had had thusfar. Also it put us where we were at in the queue standing in a place that just had a really terrible smell of sewage, which persisted almost the entire time we were there only to suddenly be replaced by a very powerful smell of bleach, as if whatever it was was suddenly being cleaned/sanitized. ICKY!! Annika was enough further ahead of us in line that I thought it might have only been over where we were but she said no she was definitely getting it too. new york city babey
Bracelet distribution got a little silly here, too, since the queue was wrapping SO far back and was being policed a little more stringently, but I had kind of figured I may need some kind of additional plan, especially since I'd decided not to wear my fanny pack (bum bag--fanny pack, says Jonathan Higgs in a derisive American accent, even as he's telling me he likes mine a lot, skdjshgalkj smh) since my shorts under my shirt had really capacious pockets and that just made for one less thing to worry about--I snagged a sheet of paper at Allegra's place, along with a gallon-size ziploc bag, and I put all the bracelets in there with a note that said to just take one if you wanted one and pass it back through the queue while we waited. It was kind of a crapshoot how effective I thought this was going to be, especially since I had to kind of wait to deploy it once there was a substantial queue BUT by the time there was a big queue it meant that I couldn't see exactly HOW big from where I was near-ish enough to the front, so I didn't know how far the bag was going to make it, if someone was going to end up stuck with my whole big bag at the back of the line (esp since I had a fair number of extra Philly bracelets left over that I lumped in with the NYC ones just because I still Had them).... whew...! BUT by the time Marty was there, he was further enough back from me that I asked him to kind of check up on it when it made it to him and keep passing it; and, by the time we were going inside, I could see zero sign of the bag itself but I DID catch a lot of people milling around me wearing bracelets, and one or two of them did stop me to thank me (since I'd indicated on my note in the bag that I was the person with green hair hahaha), and then I never saw 'em again, so I guess it was a relative success!! Yayyyyy!! WAY less conducive to making New Line Friends than the DC/Philly setup had been, but incredibly effective at making sure that all my bracelets found new homes rather than me having to take a huge handful home with me again and them just sitting in my house forever LOL. success! :)
tl;dr about the bracelets. not important compared to concert and band. WE GO INSIDE!! They have such dumb security/bag check. a gender-split process where the men get patted down by a dude guard and the women get patted down by a lady guard? In TYOOL 2023? you hate to see it. She felt the Sharpie in my back pocket and made me take it out and surrender it???? MY METALLIC BRONZE SHARPIE ? ? no sharpies in the venue I guess. Talked to at least one other person who got sharpie-confiscated too, but also at least two people who fully didn't and still had markers just fine. Absolute shenanigans. Allegra and I didn't quite get barrier due in part to fastpass line nonsense but we did end up right exactly behind Annika &co. with perfect sightlines, once again stage-left/Jeremy-ward-of-center. we don't hate it! my Philly pals to my left with David, Becky et al in front of them. Me fully surrounded by redheads. LOL.
this was the laaaatest show of my whole run, a whole lot of standing around just waiting for Band, and also definitely the energy of "trying to politely vibe to pierre kwenders's set because he can clearly see me and look straight at me even though I would much rather just skip to the bit I actually came for and don't necessarily need to see his set" just slowly increasing every night RIP lol. BUT WE MADE IT! ohhhh new york. EXACT same set as Philly but I couldn't even be mad about it because I was still so grateful to get a Man Alive song that wasn't just MY KZ (not that I don't love my kz obviously, but it HAS been in the set literally all eight times that I have seen E E live as of this Irving Plaza gig, and something else from that album is fun fresh delicious) (OH, SWEET THREEP OF FRIDAY EVENING, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW) and to be getting COLD REACTOR again, especially becaussseee by this point I knew just enough of the lyrics that I felt confident singing/mouthing along conspicuously with the parts that I Did know, aka I See You Sir I'm Doing The Thing Just Watch Me, god I wish I knew how to be not so fucking extra but then again no I don't. we did get saddled with some Rather Annoying audience members in our near vicinity--a couple I'd spotted in the fastpass line earlier wedged themselves hard between me and my tall redhead/mask-wearing homie from Philly, all like "ummm we're short :)" because they. were, but that didn't give them a right to be pushy and rude, and their vibes were kind of shit because the sense I got was they were mostly there because the girl really loved the band and the dude didn't know much about them at all, and also they were already drunk so early on in the set, and they were talking loudly with some other fans they'd just met and getting Lore™ explained to them and it was just a lot of. loud talking and shoving. in my vicinity. when I would have preferred for there to. not be. BUT Also materializing behind me was someone who said "I saw your bracelets on twitter do you still have any!!" and I had to be like UHHHH FUCK, NO, I turned them loose into the queue, did they not make it as far as you..?? and she sadly said no, and I was like, well the only one I have left is this one I just left on for tradesies/advertising purposes, and it says "akon in the butterfly house" so that's kind of a deep cut, if you're familiar-- and she went WAIT REALLY and seemed SUPER jazzed to get a Dave Sardine-ass bracelet and I was like OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT, GOOD, ACTUALLY, because I'd made four of these and I knew they were going to be the deepest cut/hardest sell and I was really really hoping that whoever ended up with them would actually get and appreciate them. so thank you, andrea, for being that person, and for appearing exactly when the bracelet needed it most. so glad to have hung with you this night. sorry that you too found yourself among the ranks of the sharpie-confiscatees.
ANYWAY, OTHER THAN THAT, THIS AUDIENCE WAS FIRE AND THIS GIG SLAPPED. We were finally in a space and an environment that REALLY lent itself to the crowd actually full on bouncing/dancing instead of just kind of wobbling and vibing and everyone in my immediate zone was really going hard. I LOVE this fucking BAND. I love every song by this band. I love when Jon just points the mic at the crowd and the entire crowd sings the whole song word for word and note for note. I love that Jon was still desperately trying to cram the name of the host city into the start of My Kz, despite the fact that "Washington" subs for "Lucifer" perfectly (he has done this both times I've seen them in DC lol) but "Philadelphia" is WAY too stupid long and "New York City," while a syllable shorter, scans metrically in an extremely busted way and you could have just said EN WHY CEE or. y'know. lucifer. but okay man you do you. Jon was just as rowdy as the rest of us lmfao. he was like, climbing up and down off Mike's riser, he was finding people who were taking photos/videos and staring directly into their cameras (me fucking included--I'm sorry, Jon, you can't make eye contact with me while singing the "When I saw you, I fell in love" part of Leviathan, I am pretty sure that is illegal and a crime against my humanity), and basically all the tracks from Get To Heaven (plus like, Cough Cough and NOTLK) blew the fucking roof off the place. I think he donked some My Kz lyrics hehehe he just skipped to the alt lyrics of the chorus too early without completing the standard chorus first at the end, and a little flubbo in NOTLK and a tiny stutter in No Reptiles too, everyone was just TOO ROWDY and he's THROWN LOOPY and man did we not care. I said multiple times to people on this tour that pretty much the closest things I've ever experienced to true Religion are a) being in an E E audience for No Reptiles and b) being in a Hedwig audience for Midnight Radio. they're the same spiritually in my heart and also like do people who love Jesus feel this way and is this why. insane. the cult leader imagery was Not Wrong!!!!!
I wanna MERCH! I got in the line not too long after the show wrapped, but true to reports I'd heard about the pre-show merch line, it was moving verrryy slowly, with just one guy manning it who was not exactly quick and a card reader that seemed pretty chuggy too (but hey, at least NY was taking card). I'd known I wanted the poster--it's got my favorite neon orange on it, it really really slaps, and I wanted something to get signed--but I let myself talk myself into a t-shirt too, mostly because I was REALLY excited to buy E E merch apparel that wasn't black or white. Yellow!! a really freaking good yellow!! I wish the yellow ones had actually had the tour dates on them like the black and white ones did but the yellow branding has been pretty exclusive to this leg of tour (i.e. vs the red branding of the west coast one last year) and it looks soooo good with my hair that I don't especially mind. I also knew that Adrian wanted a copy of Caps Lock On, but that he also wanted a shirt, but I hadn't heard back from him about which shirt or what size so I just got the book and my stuff and then bounced. Communique from outside was that Alex had surfaced but no one else, but that Alex had promised appearances by the rest of them, but that also Alex was already gone and unlikely to return by the time I made it outside. I posted up with all my friends from inside, god this was SUCH a good sardine squad this night, and it took some waiting but eventually the promises came true! All the other boys surfaced and we had some REALLY great fan chats and mingling this tiimmmmee. oh my gosh. A guy came with a Modern Bison CD that Jon and Jeremy were really truly overjoyed to see and to sign and take pictures with; I talked to Jeremy about the bracelets some more because he'd been wearing the one I gave him the WHOLE GIG IN NEW YORK SO LIKE THAT'S GONNA BE IN ANY PHOTOS THAT WERE TAKEN PROFESSIONALLY SPEAKING, oh my gosshhh, he was so nice about it and enjoyed that his Arch Jeremy matched my Arch Emily, the vibes were impeccable; and then I got everyone to sign my poster, but of course Alex was gone already, so Jon offers to forge Alex's signature and goes "look it's like this" and draws some loopy scribble on there and I'm like, lmao, sure.
thing was... I had absolutely heard Jeremy signing something for someone else the night before talking about how he was getting really good at forging Alex's signature for him, since I guess it's normal for him to be the one that disappears the sneakiest (god he really is just the Justin Craig of this band, it's 1:1, huh), and so when I told Jeremy this, he was like "I'll do it" and I was like "no Jon did already do it" and he was going to just leave it then, like, oh, well, okay, but then he saw the mess Jon had made and he was like "--that's quite dreadful actually-- the trick is to not overthink it--" and so now my poster has two forged Alex Robertshaw signatures and zero authentic ones. l m f a o. (To be fair, I do have other things they've all four signed, and Jeremy's fake Alex is at least passable, and Jon's fake Alex is Absolute Dogshit Nothing. I am obsessed.) I even got Peter to sign! He was talking with another fan about a gift she'd given them in the past that had sadly been part of what they lost in their studio fire, it was really heartbreaking to hear. He also thanked me again for his bracelet and told me he planned to give it to his daughter and that she would love it. We took a pic together! Pete the GOAT.
While I was making the rounds with the other boys and other fans, Allegra mostly in tow, swapping sharpies among those of us who still had them, Becky was back with Jon, taking a couple videos for people who weren't there in NY to talk about stuff that they were curious about--I think in the context of Maria, Becky said something like, she thinks the hair is crazy, and Jon said into the camera something like, "If you think it's crazy Now, give it like two or three more weeks, and you're really gonna think it's crazy." SIR WHAT. If the blond is a precursor to something else happening I'm gonna be so the opposite of normal about it, and if the bleach is a stepping stone toward the boys dyeing their hair Other colors I am going to be PROFOUNDLY NOT NORMAL ABOUT IT, AND IF ANY MEMBER OF THE MANCUNIAN ROCK BAND EVERYTHING EVERYTHING HAS THEIR HAIR DYED GREEN ANY TIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE I AM GOING TO BE ABSOLUTELY COMPLETELY INSUFFERABLE. tyler the creator unfollow me right now etc. etc. etc. The more I've thought about it I don't THINK this is what's up--my sense is that any Cold Reactor music video is probably already filmed and ready to drop alongside the single pretty quick after the tour ends, rather than being something they're going to film/put together entirely post-tour, so they probably needed the bleachblond for some energy similar to how I felt about them when they first walked on stage in DC, but Oh man...... OH MAN............ I digress. anyway.
following up from that, Allegra (I think? Or maybe still Becky and allegra was just Present) addressed the notion of the hair being related to the Lore, and like, did that mean lore for the single/the upcoming album ? ? which was what we were assuming, and Jon said some demented and ominous and extremely exciting phrase like, "The lore for this one is.... b o t t o m l e s s" in his always-startling real deep Jon voice, and that was the fucking sound bite of the evening, folks. FOLKS. ALLEGRA AND I WENT ALL THE WAY BACK TO HER APARTMENT JUST CONTINUALLY SAYING "THE LORE IS BOTTOMLESS!" my body is so god damn ready.
We bid farewells to all our friends for whom NYC was their final stop on this tour!! SAD!!!!!! Going to miss all the homies T___T it's not fair that we're not just all going to every single stop on this tour I don't think? it should actually be illegal for us not to be present when the band is performing?? the hugest RIP. Hugs exchanged all around. Me trying to say bye to Jon but he's engaged with someone else so I think I just awkwardly said "See you tomorrow" twice and then we left. becky maaaybe trying to last minute scramble to also come to pgh now despite not really having accounted for it in her plans originally ? ? I was not certain what she intended here but I supported her. yes. me, annika and AG for sure being there at least. we ride. Back to allegra's where I did, unfortunately, sleep ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLY/BASICALLY NOT AT ALL due to being so hot and stuffy in my little nest on the floor that it was making me nauseated, I think I got maybe 2.5 hours tops, but I didn't really have a choice because if I wanted to be back home in time to do ANYTHING other than just rock straight over to the queue for Thunderbird then I knew I was going to have to leave so GOD DAMN early in the morning to haul ass back to where my car was and then drive the seven hours to pgh. But I did exactly that!!!! bitch!!!!! Other than some issues like, managing to make a timely pit stop for gas/potty/coffee, I endured the miserable long roadtrip despite myself, raging my way through the poconos, downing the largest cold brew Wawa would sell me, having a truly tragic car vs quesadilla incident, etc. My BFF Francis even got on the phone with me for the last hour or so and we chatted and I got to give them the whole update on the tour thus far, so fun! They MIGHT try to go to the Chicago stop next week!!! if they feel like they can swing it, and I was like ok no pressure but also it's been an extraordinary experience for me thusfar and I highly recommend. So if you see Francis at E E Chicago please holler at them kindly from me!!! :) But at the very least they said they did want a T-shirt and venmo'd me money to buy them one, since I was already still gonna have to get one for Adrian. woooooo
I got home with, yeah, basically exactly enough time to shower, get my outfit together, and regroup before heading to the venue !!! I JUST BARELY missed the bus that would've gotten me there the most promptly, largely due to not being able to find another fucking Sharpie since irving plaza took my first one lmfao, and it ended up being quicker to walk there than to wait the 36 minutes it would've been for another bus or whatever. I still had MEGA travel tummy so I just snagged an apple and scarfed it down on the walk over. Annika was already there queuing! so we hung out in line together and waited and drank the waters we had definitely brought in from outside the bar and just vibed lol. and she was like, I heard them checking two new songs that haven't been in the setlist yet, and I was like ha ha lol like what, and she said, kevin's car and leave the engine room.
and listen, I was optimistic. that my social media obnoxiousness and well-known, easily observable public desires might yet sway them, because come on it's my hometown and it's the last show i'm gonna see on this tour and I sent them donuts, and those were MEANT as a KINDNESS and an ENTHUSIASM FOR DONUTS and not as a bribe, but if anyone wanted to interpret them as a bribe anyway whomst was I to say no, but like. just because I want the band i like to do a thing absolutely does not mean that they have to fucking do it. I want to be crystal clear that i have never at any point EXPECTED them to do this. i just. hoped. yearned in my heart of hearts. and also had very sound rationale for how possible/likely it was. Here's How Engie Room Can Still Win. yfm. but the soundcheck all but confirmed it in my soul for me. and I was like... glad, that she'd been there and caught it and could tell me about it, because it gave me time to like, come to terms with the reality of it, emotionally. AAH. AAAAAHHH, OKAY. BITCH, PLIABLE HEAD, IT'S ALL HAPPENING.
we lingered and watched the queue form behind us-- I spotted a kid I'd seen at the Philly show, god bless. Everywhere we turn, repeat customers. I was telling my work friend today, I feel like the US fanbase for E E is significantly smaller than the UK audience, but we make up for it in that we go fucking hard. Every US fan is a superfan. there are no half-assed american sardines. and that has been so BEAUTIFUL and means the WORLD to me to be sharing it with the other ones of you. Bracelet sharing rocked at this gig!! I had exactly as many as I'd set aside for Pittsburgh and no more, since all my spares had evaporated up at Irving, A new person ALSO HAD BRACELETS!!! LIKE, for realsies Made For Trading At This Show Specifically bracelets, it was suuuuch a delight, so in addition to my eclectic collection from the previous gigs I now also have one that says RAW DATA FEEL with some truly choice glow in the dark bric-a-brac on there as well, and my heart was so warm aaaaaah. fwiendship :) Also spotted in the pre-doors queue were the Pizza Boy costumed guy and a woman I met at Foals in 2019?? who I guess automatically recognizes me because of the green hair, but just. omg. the community!!!! I'm dying!!!!!!
There was a slight will-call kerfuffle that nevertheless did not stop me from being dead center dead at the front right in front of where jonathan's mic was destined to be, and I was like. god. here we go. the home stretch. This was ABSOLUTELY the WORST place to be to be pretending to be interested in pierre's set, because he kept looking straight at me and dog I gotta admit four shows in I was feeling pretty tired. like, the energy of E E Itself was going to fully reinvigorate me, but nearly everything else on the planet was like totally disinteresting and I wasn't really up for it, especially when it's my semi-sex-repulsed ace-spectrum ass being just really put off by the suggestive gyrations of a performer that is not to my tastes. UM SORRY BYE HAHA. they didn't even play the one song I kind of liked. I managed to miss like two and a half songs of his set being still locked in the merch line at least lmao. literally WHILE I WAS STANDING IN THE MERCH LINE they sold out of the yellow shirt and I couldn't get me and francis matchies so I had to get them the black instead :( but thankfully they still had the one Adrian wanted because idk what I would have done if I had to scramble for a plan B with him on short notice haha. and I had EXACTLY enough cash for the two shirts left from the day before and I was paying Tour Manager Sam with it like oh my gosh I'm so sorry this is like my sweaty pocket cash from last night this is kinda gross and she was just like, No actually that's honestly exactly how I've been rolling as well and it is kind of gross so like agreed hahaha. She's the best. Idk how long she'll be tenured to them but I'd love to see her continue to exist in like their coterie moving forward. impeccable vibes.
also used merch waiting as a way to distribute more bracelets and get a drink of water! WOOHOO NOW I AM READY TO RECEIVE MY COMMUNION THANK YOU. they put the setlists down and there was a very small fraction of me that wanted to avert my eyes but like I. I had to know. and annika said yes there are new songs in the list. and I peered into the list and my song was there.
hey guys. hey guys? look, this was for me. I have to be honest with you. i manifested this. by being annoying on twitter. by being god's specialest costume-making donut-gifting bracelet-slinging weirdo. I'm owning it and it's mine. I was exactly EXACTLY right with "well, if they put Engine Room in they'll probably take Leviathan out, because they'd kind of fill the same role of slow moody song in the set, and then they'll probably swap in a different non-Man Alive song to compensate for Engine Room being there instead," and this is exactly what happened, and so then not only did I get Engine Room but I also got REGRET, WHICH IS ALSO AN EMILY THREEPWILLOW PLIABLE HEAD SONG, BECAUSE HERE THESE NERDLORD KINGSHIT BANDBOYS ARE IN MY GODDAMN BACK YARD, they're in my house and god it took me the whole fucking set up to then to just prepare, like I had to try not to think about it so I could enjoy what was right in front of me. God it was so fucking, fucking good. our position along the stage had Alex's stuff REALLY forward in the mix which was kind of new for me, but jon was just right there and every time I lifted my hands to dance and to yearn it was like, the only thing stopping me from touching you is my own sense of propriety and not any kind of physical barrier or distance, and the person immediately behind me was seeing the band for the first time and felt similarly about NOTLK as I did to Engine Room and those two songs were literally back to back in the set so we kind of screamed and cried and died together, I gave her a huge hug, and LOL SORRY NOT SORRY THAT I GOT MY KZ AND LEVIATHAN TAKEN OUT OF THE SETLIST FOR Y'ALL, PITTSBURGH, I DO FEEL KIND OF BAD BUT THIS WAS UMMM IMPORTANT TO ME, THANK YOU, goodbye. goodbye I left the planet. I thought I was going to cry and I nearly did but I didn't, but I did actually maybe start hyperventilating. like I'm glad I knew it was coming ahead of time because if it had been a full surprise I think whatever was happening to my lungs would have been exponentially worse and I may have even fainted.
(which, btw: jonathan. jon. when he came out on stage, he almost immediately got his mic cable caught on the edge of where his setlist was taped down, and in jerking it around, he whipped the setlist up off the floor and way upstage toward where Pete was; when he finally put it to rights and taped it back down, he just left it where it was at, far enough away from me that I definitely could not read it anymore; and like DID YOU DO THAT ON PURPOSE? TO MOVE IT OUT OF MY LINE OF SIGHT, TO MAYBE KEEP ME FROM READING IT? SURELY YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT I'D ALREADY SEEN IT LIKE 15 MINUTES AGO. NICE TRY BUT IT'S TOO LATE I SAW EVERYTHING. i love him. i'm in physical pain.)
knowing this was my final one, I went so, so, incredibly hard, I let myself dance and mosh and scream and take way more pics and videos than I had before, I leaned on the lip of the stage, I had an absolute fucking blast. When the set was over a few other people who were more strategically positioned (i.e. people who had not had their most easily accessible setlists unceremoniously yoinked several feet away) snatched up the closest ones way quick; there was a general tension in the crowd at being able to see jon's, but it being further away out of reach, and one ballsy-ass kid (the "Kevin" person who'd accompanied the pizza boy person) actually clambored up onto the stage and ninja'd over and took it for himself, which inspired two copycats to do the same for some discarded guitar picks (and all of which definitely provoked a very loud, unimpressed, authoritative barking of "HEY!!!" from some security somewhere, like, they definitely shouldn't have done that!! yikes!!!!). I, instead, very patiently waited for an opportune moment to get the attention of their short king guitar tech as he was running around doing teardown, and someone else flagged him first and got pete's setlist, and in my final moments I got him to get me mike's. Gang, I'm gonna be real with you, I was not leaving my Pittsburgh hometown show in which they played Leave The fucking Engine Room without a setlist. there would've been blood or at the very least tears. so like. thank god lmao. Satisfied, we got some water and then headed out!!!
It was a long, chilly wait for the boys outside--god, the chilliness was REFRESHING, though, it's October for crying out loud, and DC and Philly and NY had all been muggy sweaty hot with no need for even long pants, much less a jacket, but I was glad I'd had the forethought to wear my flannel around my waist to cover up the YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT printed around the ass of my shorts on my walk over to deter questions, lmfao. We easily identified the spot on the side of the venue where we assumed the guys were coming out, it was all just a matter of time. (AG and I getting some confusing-to-parse messages from Becky? Idk my phone was SUPER dying so I was trying to leave it on airplane as much as possible, I didn't even make it to the end of the night, RIP needing to use my map all day in the car and even with it plugged in spending more than I was juicing of the battery. Listen i needed PICS and VIDEOS!!) I saw Jon first, and he almost looked past me before spotting me there because I was pretty close to the corner of the block, and I just stared at him, and said, May I hug you. and he said, of course! and I hugged him so long and so hard just like, thank you, I was extremely emotional then and I'm also getting extremely emotional now just typing about it, and he was like omg haha what for? Coming to your town? and I was like coming to my town and playing my SONG!!! And then he said something with the tone of a snarky teasy joke but that was like flusteringly truthful underneath about them legitimately rearranging the set quite a lot for me, and I have not stopped screaming internally since then, and Jeremy joked that I'd just seen the exact same set three times and they felt they ought to give me at least something new ha ha ha but like it wasn't entirely a joke, and I just don't even know how to process this. i am perishèd in the soil. anyhow.
I wanted both my setlist and my Supernormal EP vinyl signed by all the boys, and I managed this with relatively little doing ("A deep cut!" jeremy remarks of the supernormal, haha), but I didn't want to be crowding them and getting in the way of other people getting lad time, so I kind of took a backseat and just talked when the time was right, but Jon did kind of keep wanting to talk to me. We talked about the new song, and we talked about the donuts I sent over--oh my GOD, because I was like, they're from that place over there, you can see the big neon donut sign from here! haha, and he was like dyou know what, I knew that's where they were from, because I went over there earlier in the day and got one for myself, I got a huckleberry one and I came back with it and everyone was like, what's that, they were very jealous, and then not too long after that this box of loads of them just shows up-- And like I am a donut fairy psychic wizard. Also everyone who is ever in Pittsburgh should go to Oliver's donuts and eat their fabulously good products. I will shill for them literally any day of the week. This is the second band I have given Oliver's to this year. I cannot be stopped. ANYWAY. i honestly almost could have written that prediction on an envelope and sealed it, that they'd end up wandering in there on their own only for me to send them some too. i was so tickled that jon got the huckleberry one because it's their signature flavor and it's SO PINK and allegra and I had just decided the night before that jon higgs is hot pink coded. like, in the universe where they are dyeing their hair multicolors for the lore. anyhow. it's good shit.
i had SO much fun after this show, even though it was so chilly and dark and we were scrungling around on a literal street corner outside a wine and spirits store, I was like holding people's things so they could get pics and signatures, I was showing off my supernormal booty shorts, I was talking to Jon about lore----- ohhh, my god, I had exactly two bracelets left when the night was over, literally the end of my stash, and it was one Final Form FIRST BODY LAST BODY that I said, y'know, I'm going to save this for my bestie francis when I send them the shirt, because that's the lyric I wanna get a tattoo of, and it'll match with my PLIABLE HEAD bracelet, and it'll be another sort of besties matching thing; and my one lone AKON IN THE BUTTERFLY HOUSE bracelet that remained, where I'd kind of said, well, if this one doesn't find the right home tonight, then at the end of the night I'm going to give it to Jon too. So I dug in my bag and passed it off, and he was like "what does this one say.... kon... Akon... Akon in the house--what is--OH AND THERE'S A LITTLE BUTTERFLY ON THERE, God--" and he was GRINNING and he was SO TICKLED BY IT and Jez chimed in with just like "The attention to detail--" and Jon was like "this is my favorite one actually," he LOVED IT AND I WAS SO CHARMED AND EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT, and then he offered me up something like "you kno-ow, this, the song, of this, there's actually a reference to it in something, something you've never heard-- and--that you never will," doing his cryptic Jon troll grin, "the one thing that didn't make it," with the implied end of that sentence being "onto the album," and 'album' in this case being implied to be Raw Data Feel, which they have very publicly said that for once was an album where they just put everything on and didn't cull any songs or reserve any bonus tracks to release later or whatever. So I said, "Oh, from the one that we've been told had no cuts...?" also not explicitly saying RDF, and his answer to that was vague/nondescript enough but was probably an affirmative, but then he did follow that up with "that's lore that's SO far down the line, WAY WAY out there," and god, just, how deep does this man's brain and nonsense even fucking go. how far into the future is there LORE. BOTTOMLESS!!! I am obsessed with him. i cannot stress enough how blorbo he is to me.
The shorts came back up in conversation too ("Sorry, let me just look quite closely at your ass for a moment--" "It's okay, the shorts are designed that way--") and him saying, yeah, we do talk about some of the costumes still, and then segueing into asking if I had plans for this year and what I was doing, and I said, maybe, I'm not sure if I want to tell you, and he said, Is it to do with us, and I said, Neither confirm nor deny, and he said, Well if it's not, then, I want to know, with kind of a 'duh' tone ahahaha because like true there would be no reason to be coy if it was nothing to do with E E at all, and I explained that like I kind of have to have two costumes ("of course you do."), WELL because y'know the E E ones don't really play to or land with the general populace (a very cheeky "No!") so I have, just, one that's for going to parties, and one that's for fucking around on the internet. He seemed to find that acceptable hahaha.
Anyway what I REALLY wanted with wearing the Supernormal shorts was a group pic of all five of us normal frontways, and then a group pic of all five of us facing backward/ass to the camera a la the picture of them outside the White House, where you could see the goof of my shorts but also all of their butts, but this was an ABSOLUTE DISASTER TO DO when it was so dark that phone cameras were taking everything long-exposure, and also they'd all had just enough beer to not really be following on what the bit was. Absolute shit results on the backwards pic because I couldn't, y'know, see to coordinate it, because I had my back turned. (Me yelling, "Not just MY butt, EVERYONE'S butts, come on!!" into the streets of Lawrenceville.) Utter failure. Didn't care. I love these fucking guys. The vibe was finally kind of winding down, closing-time energy, the guys still had to get on the bus to Boston right away even with tomorrow being their day off, it was a Boston day off and not a Pittsburgh day off where I could offer them free ice cream sadly, so they all sort of bowed sweetly out. Jon gave me his like, I Am Part Of The Band clearance ID badge from the venue, kind of out of nowhere, he was like "sorry this is all I have to give you, it's the least I could do," and I was like WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'VE ALREADY GIVEN ME SO M-- YOU COULD DO WAY LESS ??? but I guess now I have that, too. I tried to give him the King Of Oil sign from my fatberg costume, which I'd initially brought because I thought it would be a fun photo taking prop but the photo situation was the aforementioned disaster so that never really came to any fruition at all, so I was just going to gift it to them, and he said "My suitcase is already so full of so much random shit-- that you've given us--" and then right as he was leaving he just said "Thank you for being such a weirdo" with a voice full of all the kindness and affection in the world and I just yelled "ANY TIME!!" and then oh so tragically the night had to be over.
it's been nice, though, because I'm so used to driving the long drive home at the end of an adventure and having that signify the end, of getting to the end of the car ride and having nothing beyond that but the rest of my regular life; and this time, I drove all the way home, but when I got there, the adventure was still happening, right in my neighborhood, right down the street, and all I had to do was walk back home alone in the dark and climb into my own bed at the end of a long and beautiful night. i can already tell that this is going to be one of my most special memories basically forever, and now every time I drive or ride the bus to and from work each day I will be passing by the place where Everything Everything performed Leave The Engine Room for me, and that's so profoundly special that I don't even have words to describe it. I love this band, I love the people in it and I love the people its gravity pulls in to orbit around it, I'm just so goddamn happy. I don't even know what to say or how to end this.
#everything everything#e e#RDF US tour 2023#this has been a post#jonathan fucking higgs.#god.#they all just like. referred to me plainly by my name a lot more than i was expecting in a way that was overwhelming#like to one another/other people and not just to me directly#i exist???? sounds fake#i will be thinking about this week for a hundred thousand years#my pliable head IS a walking hope thank you so much for NOTICING!!!!!!#pics to follow maybe on here but maybe just on twitter#where I am yes you guessed it @pliablehead if people want to lurk and see#ok fucking goodnight
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