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autisticteru · 7 years

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A Kick in the Teeth is Good for Some - Chapter 10

A Kick in the Teeth is Good for Some - CHAPTER 9

Summary: All Ritsu wants is to move on and be happy with his life. But something keeps growing inside him. From his stomach to his chest to his throat and out his eyes and mouth, until it fully surrounds him making it impossible to ignore. He can cut it down, but it will just grow back. He needs to destroy it, to pull it up from the roots. And he thinks he finally knows how. But there’s only one person who can help with that. Unfortunately, that person is Teruki Hanazawa.

Read on AO3 HERE

Read from the beginning HERE

Individual chapters:

Chapter 10: A Kiss With a Fist is Better Than None~

“You can’t fix me.”

Those four words spoken so softly had a violent effect on Ritsu. Something was different. Something was changing again. And Ritsu was getting so tired of resisting it. He had practically given in. But even after giving into the all encompassing feeling of shame, the pain did not go away.

However, the atmosphere of the room changed. Shou’s look had turned from stern to concerned. Great. Just fucking perfect.

“Ritsu, you aren’t-”

“Just…” Ritsu knew what Shou was going to say, but he couldn’t bear to hear it. “Just leave me alone.”

Shou furrowed his brow, lifted his hand, and before Ritsu knew it, he felt a sudden stinging pain across his left cheek followed by a sharp, “slap!” And for a second, Ritsu was completely stunned again.

“There,” said Shou, “We’re even now.”

“W-What?” Ritsu stammered while lifting his hand upt to the red mark on his cheek.

“It’s fine. I got you back, so we’re even.” As Shou spoke he made no eye contact, and walked past Ritsu toward the front door. He stopped just short of the shoe rack before lifting his hands up and covering the back of his neck, stretching his elbows wide.

“Man,” he continued, “That felt nice.” Shou turned around to face Ritsu once more. He posed casually, but something felt off. Something felt… forced.

Ritsu didn’t like where this was going.

“Ritsu,” said Shou calmly, “We can talk about this later. Whenever you’re ready I’ll be here, okay? But don’t lie to me, and don’t lie to your brother. We’re involved in this whether you like it or not.”

And with that, he left. But not before pausing for a second while holding the doorknob, sighing just loud enough for Ritsu to hear the pain in his breath. He had never hated himself as much as he did in that moment.

“Ritsu-” Mob started after the door closed, but Ritsu was already on his way upstairs to his room. He couldn’t stay here. He couldn’t be here much longer. He had to get out. Get out. Get out get out get out get out GET OUT!

Ritsu shut the door behind him, and immediately grabbed everything useful in his sight. A flashlight. Some blankets. Leftover sweets. His wallet. A change of clothes. And…

His phone…

With everything that happened today, it wasn’t like Ritsu was ignorant of how Shou felt. Still, perhaps out of pure masochism, Ritsu found himself on his bed next to a backpack full of things scrolling down to the first message from Shou.

“Yo, Ritsu! You said we’d talk again, but it’s been almost a week. Are you doing okay? We don’t have to talk about what happened if you don’t want to. We can just forget about it, if that’s what you want! Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to see a movie? My mom said she’d pay for tickets, and we can try and sneak in some snacks while we’re there! Let’s plan to do something this weekend, okay?”

---

“Hey, Ritsu. Did you get my last message? Maybe you saw it and forgot to check it… I don’t want to assume. You’re probably really popular at school, huh? Got lots of friends… I get it. That’s just how it is sometimes! But… I just want to make sure. Call me back soon!”

---

“Ritsu, I’ve called you a few other times. You really aren’t picking up, huh… Ritsu, please… did I do something wrong? If I did, you have to tell me!”

---

“Suzuki…”

“Ritsu, if you’re mad at me, then just tell me! You don’t have to keep being friends with me, but at least tell me why! I don’t understand! Why are you doing this? I’m sorry about whatever I did, but this is taking it too far! I just… I don’t understand… I don’t understand…”

---

“Please…”

Ritsu couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks as he clenched his phone tightly in his hands. With shaking fingers, he turned his phone off and sunk his face into his hands, letting out a couple of sobs.

“Please… please just hate me…”

That was all he could say. That was all he could think. It would just be so much easier if they all just hated him. And as Ritsu thought that, he came to a realization. There was only one other option left. There was only one place left to go.

He knew what he had to do.

Teru should have been happy. He should have been happy. Nothing was wrong. It had been a perfect school year. No, a perfect life. A blessed life. Yes. He was blessed. Born into wealth with a mother and father who loved him very much. Who held him when he cried and comforted him when he was bullied. Who supported him when he awakened his powers and let him stay at an appartment when his father had to move away for work just so he didn’t have to switch schools. Teru was popular in school. Even after the incident with “White T Poison” Teru was still well respected and a frequent target of anonymous love letters from girls. Teru even had friends outside of school. Several. Of course there was Kageyama and his kind forgiving soul, but there were also the entire Awakening Lab, Reigen, and even some of the Scars from the 7th branch who kept in contact with Teru even after the Claw incident.

After defeating Claw and dealing with that Divine Tree nonsense, Teru was, in a sense, free. There was no longer anything to fight against. There was only school, and school was easy. Maybe that’s why things had gone south. Perhaps he had always been more comfortable in chaos and fear.

When did it start exactly? Three, maybe four months ago. Teru wasn’t really keeping track of time. After all when it started, it didn’t appear to be anything significant. Perhaps it was just a bad day. A bad week. A bad month…

No. It started with a lie.

It always started with a lie. The lies he’d tell to his family, his loved ones, and the ones who loved him. And the lies he’d tell to himself. Teru was convinced that he was fine until that day.

Grocery shopping. It was a normal chore on a normal day, after spending another Christmas with his parents, in which he lied to them, and played the part so convincingly that he believed it himself. So the whiplash of switching from one life to another was starting to get to Teru. Oh well. It was normal.

And so are bad memories. Bad memories are normal. Nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has things they’d like to forget. It was only a flash. A familiar image of a girl and the phrase, “I love you.” Teru froze in his tracks and his breath cut short, his neck turning bright red with bags of groceries in both hands

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT!!!

Teru forced himself to exhale and he marched forward, swearing at the thought until he could ignore it. And that should have been it. Just a bad memory. One single bad memory. So teru went home and tried to unpack his groceries. An image flashed again in his mind. Faceless, nameless people. Gang members who he hadn’t bothered to remember the names of.

“I am the protagonist of this world.”

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!

The swearing seemed to scare it away once again, but Teru was left feeling as though everything below his brow was on fire. He moved away from the spot he was standing in. Just standing still in a single area seemed to heat up the surrounding air. To think he was sweating in an unheated room while winter was still on it’s last legs. Teru finished unloading his groceries and decided to wash away the dirty feeling in the bathtub.

Teru opened the door to his bathroom, and walked through it. As he passed by the sink to turn on the water in the tub, he caught a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror. He was starting to get used to it. The new hairstyle. It actually looked really nice now that it was his real hair. He took off his shirt and glimpsed again at what was reflected through the glass. It was a different body than the one he had months ago. It was stronger. Still scarred from battles. Yeah, this person in the mirror was completely different from the person he was several months ago. But Teru could tell that it was still him. His eyes were still the same blue he’d always known.

He inched closer to the mirror, looking closer into his own eye. In it, he could see another, more shadowy and distorted reflection of himself. It was barely there, and if it weren’t for the bathrom light he probably would not have been able to see it. But it was certainly him.

Teru filled the tub and slowly let himself in. He always liked the bathtub. It seemed that water had the ability to wash away anything. Not to mention having psychic powers added an extra layer of visual stimulation to the mix. Teru lifted his finger and watched the water spiral upward as though he were creating a tube made entirely of water. He brought it all around the bathroom in swirls and loops as though he were tangling the string of water around like a knot. There really was a theraputic quality to water.

Teru spun the string of water around until he formed it into a ball floating straight above his head. It was during these times he’d let the water pour down on his head as though it were a shower, but Teru looked longer into the ball, staring at his distorted reflection. Teru liked the bath because it brought him a sense of nostalgia. But…

Teru’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a ring. That ringtone…

A woman. There was a woman, her face clear as day. Older. Middle aged. Black hair. She was smiling.

“I’m proud of you, Teruki.”

The ball popped with a loud splash, and suddenly the whole bathroom was wet. It was a special ringtone. One he had set specifically for his mother. Teru was frozen in place as it rang. And it rang. It rang and rang and rang and it just wouldn’t seem to stop. And just like that, his mind raced through thought after thought. Memory after memory.

“You’re just like me.” “What’s the matter, pansy? Can’t stand up?” “Do you think we’ll get married one day?” “We’ll always love you no matter what.” “I miss you.” “You’re like a superhero!” “You’ve changed…” “You’re terrible.”

Teru got up. The phone. The phone. The phone. The fucking phone! Water rushed off of Teru’s body and he didn’t care. He had to stop it. He had to end it. He had to… he had to…

But Teru’s jumbled thoughts were interrupted by a loud shatter. He barely had time to react. He raised his arms up to protect his face as glass shards came flying toward his body. His arms and chest were not spared. He could feel the sharp pains. Teru slowly lowered his arms and looked at the mirror. Not much remained of it. But there were some glass shards on the bottom left that didn’t go flying off. It was still cracked and Teru was reflected in pieces as if sliced apart and put back together, but the pieces no longer fit.

Teru looked down at his arms. There were two glass shards sticking out of his left arm and one sticking out of his right. His chest had several open cuts bleeding a deep red. Teru was not writhing in pain. He was not about to quickly take care of the wounds. It was almost funny how calm he was. And he was just freaking out a moment ago. But the second he saw the sight of his own blood, his heart rate slowed down. His eyes relaxed.

Yes. Teru was relaxed. He’d seen the sight of blood many times before, but only now he had begun to realize just what a pretty color it was. Teru had never been the biggest fan of the color red, but the color was the most stunning shade of it he had ever seen. Deep and subtle, yet bright and vibrant at the same time. It was hypnotic.

No, wait a second. Hold on. Maybe that’s kind of fucked up. Teru lifted the glass out of his arms with telekinesis as he held them out over the sink. Damn, they really did hurt. As Teru gently lifted the pieces of glass out, he could feel warm blood dripping down from his arms into the sink. It wasn’t much. If the glass had hit the underside of his arms he might be in real danger. But it was just the backs, so it was probably fine. He lifted up the other shards of the mirror that were scattered around him. He had been inspired by Mob’s ability fix an entire school building to make it look as though nothing had happened, so Teru had learned how to fix something as small as a broken mirror. He just needed to separate the blood from the shards that cut into him and put all the pieces into their proper places like a puzzle. But he hesitated before fusing all the pieces together. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to get a full look at himself without the hiding behind the cracks. As it was, he probably looked miserable.

Teru didn’t look at the mirror when he fixed it. He could tell he had done his job. But he didn’t really want to see the finished project. Instead he looked down into the safety of his damaged arms and focused on the pain. And as the sting of the wounds settled in Teru let out a small laugh. So small, it could have been mistaken for a sharp exhale. But Teru looked down at his bloodied arms with a melancholy smile of a boy who had accepted and succumbed to defeat.

It’s better like this.

Teru didn’t bother patching up the bite mark on his thumb. If it got infected, whatever. Who cares. Teru didn’t. What he did care about was that it was now 5:00am and he had been searching this whole night for Ritsu of all people. Well, whatever. This was easier to do. At least he had Ritsu to blame for all of this. Still, he couldn’t believe that Ritsu had been lying to everyone about their training sessions.

…

Scratch that. He could definitely believe it. Still, it was irritating. What was even more irritating was how much he was worrying his brother again.

Guess some people don’t learn from their mistakes.

Granted, Teru had somewhat been dragging out the search. Mostly because the place where he most expected to find Ritsu was the place he least wanted Ritsu to be. But Teru knew where he would be from the start. And like an idiot, Teru decided to help Ritsu keep his little secret. So he covered for him, pretended that he didn’t know anything, and suggested they split up to search all over town. And now, Teru was flying over trees, looking for some asshole who never learns.

Teru stopped when he saw the familiar crumbling building. A lot of the trees surrounding it were toppled over onto their sides, and the flat ground seemed to be overturned and a lot less grassy. Teru lowered himself onto the squishy surface of the dirt. Just what was Ritsu doing here?

“So you came.”

The voice seemed to be coming from above. Teru looked over to see Ritsu standing atop the ruins, painted orange by the barely rising sun. Teru could see dirt and scratches covering his whole body. He looked as though he had been living out in the forrest for days.

From Ritsu’s perspective, Teru was hardly visible. The sun was blinding him over the trees and yet teru was a figure in the dark, obscured by the shadows that the light left in it’s place. But Ritsu could sense it was Teru. He was alone. He was tired.

Perfect.

“Ritsu…” said Teru, looking up at the glowing boy. “What are you doing here? Why did-”

“I knew you would come, Teru-sa- No. Teru.”

Teru began to feel a bit anxious by how cryptic he was being. But really, Ritsu wasn’t a threat. He had nothing to worry about.

Or so he thought.

Ritsu looked down, and his eyes were obscured by the shadow of his hair that was beginning to rise like the hair of a cat when it’s scared. But Ritsu did not show fear, but rather a wide grin on his face.

And then Teru felt the ground giving out underneath him. It took him a few seconds to realize what was going on, and by the time those few seconds had passed he found himself hitting the ground as dirt began to fall from above. Teru reacted quick, throwing up a barrier and throwing himself in the direction he believed to be “up”. Teru knew he had broken out of the ground when he saw light and no longer felt dirt all around him, but he did not react quick enough to avoid getting temporarily blinded by dirt. He landed on what was hopefully stable ground and coughed out the dirt that had entered his lungs. But he could barely catch a second to breathe before he heard something rumbling behind him. He turned around and shot his hands out, but the large object rumbling toward him was already on his hands. And from the dry splintering feeling Teru could tell it was a tree.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Teru forced all his psychic energy into his hands at once and broke the tree in half, but the two pieces now surrounded teru on either side and both of them were heading over to him. Teru decided to avoid the threats instead of face them and using his psychic powers, he jumped as high as he could backwards until he found himself hitting a wall, and sliding down onto ground that was highly unstable. And that was when Teru felt the full force of a shoe slamming into his mouth.

Ritsu!

Teru could feel his energy. Now he had him. Teru was still mostly blinded by the dirt in his eyes, but he could sense the psychic power that Ritsu was using behind his blows. His arm was coming next. Teru grabbed his incoming fist, twisted it, and used his other arm to send Ritsu flying backwards into what was hopefully the forrest. He made sure to hit right in the stomach to knock the wind out of him as well.

Teru wiped dirt from his eyes and stood up. His vision was still blurry, but at least he could make out the scenery. But Teru felt something hard rolling around in his mouth. Was it a rock? No, it was too smooth. Teru spat it out, and felt around in his mouth with his tongue. There was a gap where a tooth should have been…

RITSU!

Ritsu could just barely hear Teru over his own struggle to stay conscious after the blow Teru had delivered. And as he got close, he began to feel vines tightly wrap around his body and lift him off the ground and into the air.

Chlorokinesis?

Ritsu didn’t know that was a skill Teru had learned, but it didn’t quite matter. He was in no shape to fight against it. And to think, after all that he had done to Teru he was still able to do this. Teru truly was a monster. As Ritsu caught his breath he found himself dangling in the air, tightly bound by the plants around him. Teru was below, with hands on his knees wiping dirt from his eyes and coughing. When he looked up, Ritsu could see his eyes were red and watery

“Ritsu…” Teru’s voice was raspy and angry. Ritsu smiled. “Are you fucking… trying to kill me?!”

“Even if I was trying to kill you, I wouldn’t be able to. Isn’t that right, Teru?”

“I’ve been searching for you for literal hours and this is the thanks I get?!”

“I think it’s a pretty good thanks. Didn’t you say you wanted me to surprise you? Well, consider yourself surprised!”

Teru opened his mouth as if to retort, but he closed it, realizing he couldn’t argue with that. But then Teru spoke again.

“That’s not really the whole story, is it?”

“Of course not.”

“Then what is?”

Ritsu couldn’t hold back laughter anymore. Everything was going perfectly.

“What are you…” Teru began to sweat. He truly had no idea what was going on.

“Teru, how long are you going to keep up this façade? It really doesn’t suit you.”

“Huh?”

“This whole act. I’ve grown tired of it. I want to see the real you, Teru.”

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“That’s because you aren’t being honest with yourself. You see, I’m showing you the real me, so it would only be polite if you could return the favor.”

“What do you want me to do, beat you up?”

“I want you to show me what you’re holding back.”

“What exactly am I holding back?”

“Teru, you try so hard to hide it, but the thing is, we’re the same. You can’t hide it from me. I can read you like a book. Let me guess. You were popular in school. You cheated at life because you had powers. You might have been a bit of a bully, too. You were probably full of yourself until you met my brother, and you made the mistake of triggering his powers. So now you’re a ‘changed person’ am I wrong?”

Teru didn’t respond, but judging by the look on his face, Ritsu had nailed it.

“Well, we aren’t much different,” Ritsu continued, “I mean, I originally once thought I could change my worldview too. I thought I could live happily. I thought I was capable of something like that. But I was a fool. I know what you’re going through, Teru. You want to be different. But you need to know the truth. You are exactly the same.”

“Ritsu…”

Ritsu could feel the vines coiled around his body get tighter, but he continued to speak.

“I see it, Teru. I see it in your eyes. You can’t stand me. You’re trying to take everything out on me. You’re just reenacting those scenarios you’d play out back when you were at the top of your school. Back before you ‘changed.’ But you haven’t changed at all, have you?”

“Shut up…”

“You’re an asshole at heart. You’re personality still reeks of a self-entitled brat. And that’s what you are at your core. This is who you really are, Teru.”

“Ritsu… if you know what’s good for you, you’ll shut up now.”

“I never knew what was good for me! And neither do you! But I’ve realized that people can’t change. You’re either born good, or you’re not. And you, Teru, are a bad person at heart.”

But don’t get me wrong, thought Ritsu, I don’t hate you. In fact, Teru, I think you just might be the only person who understands me. That’s why I want you to experience this with me. The freedom of defeat… I am truly invincible right now.

“Oh? And are you much different?” snapped Teru. “You and your fucking brother complex… You know he doesn’t need you to protect him right? All you ever do is fucking worry him! Are you scared of him? Pathetic! You don’t even deserve to call yourself a Kageyama! You’re only a burden to him!”

“I know,” said Ritsu, calmly. “That’s why I’m here. You can’t hurt me with those words, Teru. Because I’ve accepted the truth. Have you?”

“Yes! I’ve changed! That's the truth!”

“No. It isn't.”

“Shut up!”

Ritsu found himself darting quickly towards the ground and hitting it with a hard smack. In the process, a few of the vines binding Ritsu had loosened up, so Ritsu broke free using all the strength he had. But as he stood up he found an air whip coiled around his neck. Teru flung Ritsu as far as he could into the sky and then shortly followed him up there and grabbed Ritsu by the neck with his hand.

“I’m going to make you take it all back,” said Teru, gripping tighter and tighter onto Ritsu’s neck. “I’m going to make you beg for me to stop. So you better not go crying to your brother after I’m through with you.”

Teru loosened his grip as if to alow Ritsu a chance to retort. So Ritsu did it with a smile.

“I’d love to see that.”

“Tch.”

Teru wrapped another air whip around Ritsu’s leg and quickly flew back to the ground, dragging Ritsu down with him. But Ritsu was prepared, and was able to break his fall without breaking any bones. Teru didn’t let up. He brought the trees that Ritsu had prepared for him into the sky and lit them both on fire using pyrokinesis. The look in his eyes was a mixture of both rage and ecstasy. From an outsider’s perspective, it may have looked like Teru was genuinely trying to kill Ritsu. But Ritsu knew that was the furthest thing from his mind. At this point, Teru had stopped seeing Ritsu as a person. He had become an idea. A concept. A thing that Teru had to crush in order to protect himself. But the more he tried to crush it, the more that concept would take over him until Teru officially became the thing he hated most.

Teru hated himself. He was ashamed of himself. Ritsu was absolutely certain of that.

And as Ritsu dodged flaming trees he felt that none of Teru’s malice was truly directed towards him. In a sense, there was a comfort to it all. Perhaps it’s true that misery loves company.

As fires surrounded Ritsu, obscuring Teru from his vision, he knew exactly what he wanted from the start.

He wanted to get hurt.

And maybe this was fine. Maybe this was peaceful. Maybe this was right.

But it all ended in an instant.

Ritsu put his barrier up wide to keep out the fire. Teru knew he would do this. So he tried something he had been working on for a while. He hadn’t yet perfected the technique, but his sense of logic ended when rage took over.

What happened next happened in under a second, but to the two espers, it might as well have happened in slow motion. Teru suddenly appeared inside Ritsu’s barrier, with an energy bomb charging in his hand. But Teru’s smile quickly turned from ecstacy to panic. And Ritsu could tell exactly what that meant. But it was too late for Teru to stop it, and it was too late for Ritsu to lower his barrier.

Everything went white.

#shark writes #A Kick in the Teeth is Good for Some #mp100 fic #riteru #i am stil pretty proud of this chapter

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