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#nights drag on forever
mtjester · 1 year
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Sleep deprivation is something else…baby is so small but is gaining weight so quickly, it feels like half the time I’m stuck in cluster feedings, and I haven’t hardly gotten more than 1.5 hours of sleep at any one time…I want to do stuff like read or write with the extra free time I have, but my brain is mush and I end up lazy on the couch with baby and watching stupid amounts of anime
I’ll be happy when I can get through a full sleep cycke again someday 😩
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sexynetra · 8 months
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ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING ME WITH THIS SASHA COLBY
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gu6chan · 2 months
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So What Was Yaha's Deal? Drakengard Things You Might Not Know
GOD okay so im finally rambling about him okay so
I've been thinking about Yaha lately and it's really dawning on me how a lot of people just do NOT know about Yaha's past and it makes sense!! Literally NONE of this is available in English and it's so :( but also it makes me sad both because it's SO good and also because when people shrug him off as just "Reason Drakengard 2 sucks: it has a gay stereotype" like oh you do NOT even know omg
anyways, just so we're on the same page: this is NOT a theory discussing what happened to Yaha, just the best collage of what's ACTUALLY considered "canon" that I've picked up from different side materials and interviews (Most notably, Memory of Blood and World Inside). If I ever find anything else I'll be sure to update it :3
I WILL dive into a bit of personal interpretation/rambling over his battle lines (i have them save lmao) a bit later, maybe even in a separate post, but BOY
So TW: Mentions of noncon, dubcon and CSA up ahead
So i think the first thing that's to be established about Yaha's character is that the Empire DID wipe out most the elf population in DOD1, and while he did survive this, he was more or less still a victim in the respect that his parents WERE killed in likely less-than-painless ways as the Empire sought to use the elves both to use their blood for magic-repellent armour (While it looks like it was only introduced the the third game, it's actually been plot point for a while!) and the children to open the seal.
Given he's 25 by the events of Drakengard 2, he'd have to be around 7 at oldest before he arrived at the orphanage where met Urick. (He's not even 10 and he's already been through it...... baby...........)
Fortunately or unfortunately enough, Yaha DID manage to find a way to "survive" in this world from a very young age, and that was due to the fact that even as a child, he wasn't just commonly mistaken for a girl, but an absolutely "captivating" one. As it reads in his glossary section in Memory of Blood:
"He grew up an orphan, and even though he was a male, he boasted such beauty that he was frequently mistaken for a woman from an early age [...] For this, he uses his beauty as a systemic tool for survival. He captivates everyone, both male and female, and gains both status and protection in exchange for his body, which he used to escape life in the orphanage." (Glossary section from Memory of Blood)
It should be noted before I go on that the director, Akira Yasui, DID hint in his world inside interview that he thinks there was "something" between Yaha and Urick during their days in the orphanage, but whether that means feelings or an actual relationship isn't really clear (Though judging by his tone, it seems to lean more towards the short-lived, childlike-fling interpretation than anything imo i could just be biased though lmao):
"...As for his relationship with Urick, Yaha had liked him since they were in the orphanage together. I think there was definitely “Something” between them before Yaha left the orphanage. The powers of his pact didn’t reach Urick because he already knew how to deal with it; Urick was also once mesmerised by Yaha’s charm." (Yasui interview from World Inside)
(That last line is included for those tragedy points from when we get to the ~Split~ and BOY)
As for the orphanage, Yaha was...... "Adopted" by a well-to-do man when he was 14 years old. As for why and how he got adopted, it's unfortunately stated right at the end of his glossary entry which isn't even the worst part when you take into consideration that he's already been doing this for a while.
At any rate, Yaha DOES decide "You know what? Fuck it, we splurge" and uses all adoptee's fuckass money to buy useless shit until he turned 16 and joined the Knights in search of a better standard of living (How can he get that if he's already pretty much rich? given what he's going through at that point, you do the math)
and you know what? he deserves nice things <3
(And to note, Urick was also taken in by Oror from the orphanage as an apprentice when he was 16 as well.)
Anyways, Yaha was back to survival mode after joining the Knights, and just as he did when he was in the orphanage, used his body to climb the ranks of the KotS in search of a better standing in life. It's just repeating what his glossary says, but Yaha WAS slandered for this and got a lot of shit and rumours spoken about him behind his back for it. And the list...... wondering why gismor isn't on that list.... is there something he's not telling us???
"He joined the Knights of the Seal in search of a better standard of life; his successful climbing of its ranks being more due to his "body" than his skill in battle. The only people of notable standing who had not had a relationship with him are Oror and the Hierarch Seere (It is rumoured that he may have also had a relationship with Verdelet). Behind his back, Yaha was labelled a nymphomaniac." (Glossary section from Memory of Blood)
While working on an excavation site during the creation of the different countries of Midgard into districts (It's own can of worms), Yaha comes across a beautiful jewel unlike anything he had seen before. SO beautiful as a matter of fact, that Yaha, who by merit made beauty his everything on the basis that it was all he had (aside from Urick), took personal offense to this and pointed his sword at it. However, from the jewel came a gnome who would go on to offer Yaha a pact, offering him irresistible charm so that he could get whoever he wanted. Yaha, seeing the opportunity to move up even further in the ranks of the Knights of the Seal (both due to his charm and his status as a Pact-Partner, as Gismor was looking for Pact-Partners specifically SO they could guard the Seal Keys and manage the districts) and also claim Urick's heart by doing it, accepted the pact in an instant. But as you all know, that came at a VERY high price. Of course, Yaha lost his ability to feel pleasure, resulting in whatever "barrier" from his mental scars he had whenever he tried to do the deed being removed. The act of sex, for Yaha, was filled with not just mental pain made lighter by the aspect of pleasure, but now was just sheer psychical pain as well. What a lot of people may not know, however, is how literally Urick meant it when he said "Don't look into his eyes, he'll trick you with his lies" and followed up with "It's the power given to him by his pact-beast. Or maybe it's the price he had to pay." Urick was not joking.
For those familiar with Junji Ito's Tomie, it was essentially just that: Yaha wasn't just in possession of extreme charm, but enough to bring people to lose all rational thought and reason when they were around him. And the way the glossary talks about this...
"[...]As a result, his beauty became even more ebullient, to the point it lead to people easily losing all sense of reason. However, his body was no longer able to feel the sensation of pleasure. This was the price of his pact. Although Yaha had come to immensely regret it, it was already too late. He now lives every day being swarmed by those who have lost all reason and is forced to engage in sexual acts filled with nothing but fear and pain."
Yaha............ :( SO this is what leads to the real final kicker: Yaha has gotten his position, has more beauty than anyone could ever imagine, but what he really wants is Urick, right? Of all the pain of sex both psychically and mentally, if he could at least be with Urick, the one person he saw differently, the one person that at least wouldn't be mentally scarring to sleep with, maybe it could all make sense. So Yaha confesses to Urick. But Urick turns him down - not because of any sound argument, but because all he sees is a self-absorbed narcissist in his friend's place, manipulating others and sleeping around carelessly just to up his own ranks in society. For two seconds, it would make sense - That's technically what it is. A honest flaw in Yaha's character is that he's genuinely greedy and materialistic. He uses goddamned slave labour, for Christ's sake. On the other hand, is he really looking for a higher place in society? Or is he looking for stability? A place to get away from his past and be the one in control for once? Of course, being perfectly aligned with Urick's own version of "self-absorption" (All the Lieutenants have it!), he completely failed to realise where all that stemmed from. He saw Yaha as just being greedy and narcissistic from the lens of him being inherently bad, didn't for a second take into account Yaha's origins which led to that behaviour. His own best friend. So, long story short: Urick thinks Yaha is a bastardisation of his best friend and, following in his cowardly character, takes that as personally as you can (as you see in all his scenes and lines relating to Yaha together, im going to slap that little cunt) - despite the fact Yaha SHOULD have had the upper hand via his Tomie-like powers, as I mentioned towards the start of the post, Urick was already charmed by Yaha - he had just grown used to it because of how close they already were.
Brief Personal Analysis:
Personally reading into it, Yaha doesn't really care so much about his position as, beyond just being about as high as you can get, and it wasn't what he really wanted. The underlying source that got him that position to START with was his beauty, which Yaha cherishes like a narcissist would. He's used to people changing their tune whenever they lay eyes upon them, which Urick specifically instructs not to do towards the beginning of the battle, and is the source of such lines as "If I die, my beautiful body and the holy crystal shall perish. You would let that happen?" At the same time, a player death results in a VERY different tune from Yaha, where he dejectedly says the line "My beauty... It is my sin." Possibly hinting towards his own conflicted feelings and sorrow towards it as again, he goes from "My body is perfect, is it not?" to "My beauty is my sin" as soon as Nowe or his crew is too dead to question it. The difference is VERY jarring between the two, and I also bring into question the tone he uses to speak about his gnomes on whether he intentionally sounds exhausted of them (It would make sense, given the hinted resentment he has towards his pact-beasts for doing him dirty like that) or if he... Just sounds like that. Granted, a LOT of Yaha's lines sound similar in their sultry, somewhat sorrowful and tired tone all around. Of course, there are also his lines directed towards Urick, which should be self-explanatory given the context, but a few other notes and trivia and whatnot before i wrap up:
Just to note and say the obvious a final time since I know how this fanbase can be: Yaha IS genuinely a narcissist, that being his leading character flaw, though of course it should go without saying that while his actions as a result of that (re: slave labour) are definitely not to be swept under the rug, it's just as important to note the context that led to that and the tragedy of his character because of it. As Urick says, "He was very different then."
Yaha is confirmed bisexual! It surprised me too, but...
"Similarly, when I designed Yaha, I designed him to be a typical narcissist — a character who would probably go and describe their own self as "Beautiful". But even though his character is supposed to be one who is attracted to both men and women in the story, people who are attracted to both genders in real life are usually not of this type. Like Gismor, he also largely captures the image of "Bewitching"." (Character Artist Fujisaka commenting on Yaha's design in Memory of Blood)
Just a fun little detail: During Yaha's battle against the Rock Gnome, when it lifts the jewel above it's head in order to throw it at you, you can throw out a magic attack at just the right time and it will drop the jewel on its head for massive damage! And of course, similarly you mainly attack the Rock Gnome by using jump attacks to bring your weapon down on its head. And if you look at Yaha's portrait during his death scene...
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Similarly, Urick is strong against monsters, which encourages you to use him to bring the final death blow to Yaha. And given their lore together I'd be damned if this cruel little snippet wasn't done intentionally.
The drawing of Yaha's death with the gnomes is titled "End of Agony", and hopefully after reading this post, you now know why.
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A bit more interpretation than theory, but I have an ongoing hunch that each of the layouts and/or "gimmicks" of the Lieutenant's fortresses are based off the personality and story of the Lieutenant itself. Hanch is based around walls, closed doors and of course, water, Urick's is a twisting maze based off of sacrifice with the themes of life and death, Gismor's is based in fighting your way up a tall tower to reflect his ego and overlying reach as an antagonist, and Yaha's, primarily, is based off of illusions. The more you get past them and through the fortress, the less "ebullient" and fancy it looks until you reach its end - a single, shabby room filled with sand and dirt with nothing but a few musty crates and a bunch of jail cells meant for holding sacrificed prisoners to the Seal Keys. If that doesn't reflect Yaha's whole character, I don't know what does.
Either way, that's about all I think I have for him! Hopefully you learned something new, and if you have any questions, do let me know~
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s-ccaam-era-crepe · 1 month
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clothing shopping is the mind killer </3
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afniel · 2 months
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God damn I'm tired and extra dizzy today, which I've figured out some of why that happens. Evidently that's my reaction to overstimulation fatigue. Good to know, explains a lot. No idea what to do about it and I did expect to have some sucky days after going to San Francisco anyway so it's whatever, but it's nice to have figured out a specific trigger.
Except that's cool and all but I almost couldn't fold laundry today because it involved a lot of looking up and down and that was unnecessarily rough. This was after sleeping like 11 hours because my shit-ass tired-ass brain demanded a hard reboot more or less, and I'm still kind of gross today even so. Kind of glad they rescheduled the root canal I was gonna have Tuesday for like two weeks out, because I am probably not gonna be quite recovered for another week at least and dental work fucks me up also so that would have been an Everything Hurty Syndrome 2x Combo.
Bleh. At least when I'm writing chronic illness/disability it's some own voices legit type ass shit, but does it have to be, because I could do without this. My whole me hurts and nothing seems to help and also turning my head too fast will knock me the hell over. Good times. ✌��😔
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ivettel · 25 days
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at 2:00 in the morning on the day my first year of law school ended i finally. Finally. had my constitutional law big picture lightbulb moment
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fictionadventurer · 2 years
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Roman Holiday is almost too lovely to really exist. They just happened to cast two of the most beautiful people to ever exist as the leads of one of the classiest romances ever filmed. It's staggering. How they both have the same classical yet just slightly odd beauty. Both have such classy, restrained bearings. Perfection in film. You could argue that Joe Bradley should have been a Cary Grant role--Peck seems a bit too wholesome to be a scheming, self-serving journalist, while Grant would have had the right trickster vibe--but even that slightly odd fit works in the movie's favor. You can believe in the strength of the very short romance because you feel Anne can trust Joe. His scheming is just a veneer over a thoroughly decent guy. And Grant would never in a million years have been able to pull off that press conference scene the way Peck does. Peck is the embodiment of grace and dignity and restraint, and Hepburn is too, and the result is incandescent. Almost too good to exist in this flawed world.
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vodka-and-ocs · 4 months
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nightmare, part 2
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rassvetiye · 1 year
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it’s my birthday :)
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dirt-str1der · 1 year
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yk every time i see a post about somebody wishing bad things on another person i think ‘dirt-strider to kiryu’ you’ve broken me brain
You see a post thats like i want to stick him in time prison so that he gets so bored he starts breaking his own bones to get even a hint of stimulation and its tagged me at kiryu and you scroll down and its a post thats like i want to feed him chips from my cupped hands like a wild stallion and its also tagged me at kiryu also hiiiiiiiii
#Thanks for the ask !#i wont lie to you i want to do yo kiryu what they did to the family in reddot story the pancake family#his life is a bit too easy i want to give him more obstacles thats why im kidnapping him and breaking my little prince’s ankles and#releasing him in a forest in another country altogether and he has to survive with his injuries until they heal and they will heal wrong and#it will forever hurt to walk now and also when he sees another human being now he will always flinch and he has nightmares every night about#being feverish and starving to death and years into his recovery i meet him again and invite him to watch a movie with me but when i put the#tape in its actually just a highlight reel of his time in the wilderness and he gets scared but he cant move and its because i gave him some#tea earlier and oh this ? its laced with drugs. and he sits blearily beside me and im holding his head up so he watches the screen and he#recalls every terrible thing thats happened to him i put the tv on full volume so he can relive the leaves and twigs cracking under his#hands and knees as hes dragging himself across the forest floor and and his clipped shouts of pain whenever his broken bones catch on a root#and his enraged screaming as he grapples foxes and coyotes that are trying to scavenge the food he painstakingly gathered and he can listen#to the way his voice devolves into something unrecognisable and hes wondering how i got this footage but then he realises this scene is#familiar hes on his last legs and he hears footsteps approach not those of an animal but of a person. he looks at the screen and he sees his#own face staring into the camera wild eyed and filthy and that on the other side of the camera is the hitchhiker who ‘found’ him and he#realises it was me who did this. i could have rescued him at any time the gratefulness he feels to that kind samaritan curdles in his chest#it comes with the withering realisation it was all a game and the one who put him through it all was right beside him and i laugh and put my#hand around his shoulder and ask if he liked the movie and he fights his paralysis and he grips me by the neck and throws me to the ground#and he says you .. you ... and i frown apologetically and say That bad huh ? well we can put on another. and he cant even say words anymore#hes so angry that he grips my neck and he strangles me and the whole time my face gets purple im laughing and laughing and laughing at him#anyway thats one of my greatest fantasies its a fantasy because i couldnt do that to the poor guy im not that mean but i do want him to kill#me and for me to deserve it. very important that i started this fight and that he ends it thats what i want to have ... and also to like#cuddle and stuff ... because i like him ...
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whysamwhy123 · 8 months
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Any unpopular opinions?
(Sleepover Sunday, I guess, because I'm only getting to this now, whoops!) ALL I HAVE ARE UNPOPULAR OPINIONS, LOL. Seriously, I'm lucky I only have, like, seven followers because otherwise I'd be chased off this website with torches and pitchforks. I'll try to give a mildly spicy one and not to be too much of a bitch...we'll see...
Toni Storm's current character/gimmick is A THOUSAND times more creative and original than anything any man on that roster has done in YEARS. And the fact that she's not on this PPV card is a fucking travesty. But I'm not surprised because TK hates women, and wrestling fans simply do not show up for women's wrestling the same way they do for boring white guys doing the most generic, tired, old Heel 101 bullshit 🙂🙂🙂
Ah, fuck it, one more because I bitch about this every week anyways - that Nigel wanker on Collision is one of the worst commentators I've ever heard. He's so annoying! He spends more time putting himself over than the talent in the ring (literally the opposite of a commentator's job) and he clearly has no respect for the women because as soon as a women's match starts, he immediately starts talking about unrelated male wrestlers. Or just himself! And that's when he's not making pervy comments about them - dude makes JR sound like a feminist icon by comparison. I am uncooly judging everyone on here who thirsts over him. Come on, people, standards! Y'all gonna start thirsting over the Qanon moron next?
#Thanks for sending this in - sorry for going off and being a huge bitch!#*swirls my brandy glass from up here on my high horse* Why I could NEVER thirst over any random shitty white man in his forties! Poohoohoo!#*grumbles under my breath*#No I merely thirst over 20-something fuckboys who look like they have to call their moms on the phone every night without fail#So I really shouldn't judge but I am anyway *shrugs*#*looks both ways* OK is everyone gone? No one still paying attention?#Then a BONUS SUPER SPICY SUPER UNPOPULAR OPINION APPEARS! Read at your own risk...#Better Than You Bay Bay is some of the lamest shit I've ever seen#I already found both of those characters relentlessly uninteresting and/or stale but now they're so watered down it's UNBEARABLE#It drives me crazy how much TV time is dominated by this one thing#AND IT SIMPLY WILL NOT END!!#Max should have turned on Adam months ago then we could have moved onto something new but nooooooooooooooooooo#This thing has to DRAG ON FOREVER while the women can't get more than 30 seconds to cut a promo#Also it sucks how they took Maria out of the Kingdom just for this storyline#Because TK didn't want a GIIIIIIIRL getting her gross COOTIES all over his precious bro-tastic manfeels story#And everyone's eating this shit up with a spoon#Because nothing drives fandom crazier than two mediocre white dudes queerbaiting 🙂🙂🙂#....but like I respect other people's opinions if they enjoy it power to them! Good for y'all- at least someone's eating well#But I will never understand and I'll ALWAYS wish that a women's storyline could get half as much love and attention#....please don't hate me for this!#Is this my personal Gripebomb? LOL#*CM Punk voice* Contrary to popular belief I'm a very nice guy...
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drageverywhere · 2 years
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⛓🔥⛓🔥
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nerdie-faerie · 1 year
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The hubris that comes from making an order and having it be delivered or ready for collection the next day is insane
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carbonateddelusion · 1 year
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I'm sure none of you need a lecture to explain that life is hard and bad but I'm harder and badder
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horce-divorce · 2 years
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wow that was absolutely the worst night of sleep I've had in recent memory, gonna have to spend my whole birthday napping to make up for it 👻
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just-spacetrash · 14 days
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😴
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