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spop-romanticizes-abuse · 2 days

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btw this is my cue to tell y’all to check out carmen sandiego, if you haven’t already! it’s not super deep but it still has a compelling storyline and good messages. and most importantly, it has ACTUAL poc representation, various male AND female characters with different body types, and some casual queer representation.

(mild spoilers below, because i really want to gush about this show)

it also does a lot of the stuff that spop fails to do. shadowsan gets a pretty good redemption arc and carmen isn’t forced to trust or forgive him immediately. he also has an arc with his brother where he rights the wrong he once did, and actually puts in effort to be a better person (and if i remember correctly, his brother still doesn’t forgive him, which is actually really refreshing to see). when the villains try to drive a wedge between carmen and shadowsan, they actually talk things out and COMMUNICATE instead of jumping to conclusions for added drama.

the show also places a lot of emphasis on platonic relationships. carmen’s quest to learn the truth about her family and find her mother is prioritized over her love life. she has a really wholesome friendship with player, ivy and zack (especially player, i love how much they care about each other) and she develops a nice father-daughter type relationship with shadowsan. she also has a platonic sibling-type relationship with her childhood friend graham, and she insists on keeping it platonic and referring to him as her older brother, even when he starts showing romantic interest in her (they weren’t raised as siblings or anything btw they were just school friends).

in the end, the villains get arrested and actually have to pay the price for what they did. and they weren’t even war criminals, they were just thieves, but the story doesn’t insist on coddling them or redeeming all of them for no reason. and the kids (now adults) who were raised in V.I.L.E get a chance to redeem themselves without imposing themselves on any of the people they hurt.

i also love that this isn’t a story of a chosen hero. carmen chose her own destiny, it was not thrust upon her. she was just a normal person and she continues being a normal person while trying to do good in the world, and inspiring people to follow her lead along the way. not to mention, i really like how refreshing her personality is. she’s sassy and cunning and quick-witted, she sometimes uses dubious methods to do the right thing, she knows her worth and knows when to set boundaries, and she’s a hero despite not fitting into the ideal hero archetype.

#oh also carmen is an adult so it’s not weird when she wears something revealing or flirts with someone #and even then she isn’t nearly as sexualized as catra or any of the characters in spop #i just realized i forgot to mention devineaux #he’s absolutely hilarious and also has a surprisingly good character arc #carmen sandiego #carmen sandeigo 2019 #carmen sandeigo netflix

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tanoraqui · 13 hours

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Dungeon Meshi Liveblog: In Which Chilchuck Begrudgingly Has Feelings for his Coworkers, and Kabru Has...Something. He Sure Has Something Going On Over There.

Before we continue, I feel I should clarify 2 things:

I've been trying, ish, to avoid spoilers for this comic, but I've watched through the Golden Country episode and more importantly I'm so bad at not reading spoiler-y but interesting- and insightful-looking analysis. So, much of this commentary isn't wholly original and any particularly genius theories of future events are likely made with actual foreknowledge.

When I said on the first post that I was starting the comic because "I need to know what happens", what I specifically meant was "I need to know how the Laios-Kabru dynamic ends up, and the general geopolitical situation, so I can accurately daydream what sort of tariffs they'll set in the kingdom of which Laios is definitely not going to be the one managing the political, economic, or social minutia." Tariffs are going to be important, okay. They're a key way a nation-state interacts with other nation-states, especially one with rare materials to trade, powerful neighbors who want them, and the natural barrier of an ocean. Truly, every fantasy series ever should be required to have an epilogue or many an additional book/season/etc of a The West Wing-style depiction of day-to-day governance of whatever resulted from the story's climactic finale.

Okay, back to the liveblog.

Inch resting. The manga characters, having met the Mad Mage, keep using she/her pronouns for them, where in the anime they used he/him. I assume one of these is just, like, wrong - some translation choice was made before truth was revealed later in the course of publication?

But it makes SENSE that the characters wouldn't necessarily know, at this point! The Mage's appearance is pretty gender-neutral, especially as an elf, an notably gender-ambiguous race. So the characters in the manga picked one guess and stuck with it, and the characters is the very slightly alternate timeline of the anime picked another and stuck with that!

Now: having used they/them throughout this musing and previously he/him because a) the show and b) that's what I saw in fandom, I think I'll switch to referring to the Mage with she/her pronouns now. Because A) that's how the thing I'm reading apparently will be doing it, and B) they still call her "Lord of the Dungeon", which is obviously the greatest gender option of all.

...however, the manga does keep saying "lunatic magician" rather than "Mad Mage" (caps mine), which is a TOTAL failing in drama. Always alliterate, preferably archaically.

Orc woman: Ugh, this halffoot sucks. I'll tolerate his company only as a favor to the vegetable guy.

Orc woman after listening to Chilchuck complain about his coworkers for an hour: Nvm, this halffoot is a worthy and loyal friend of the vegetable seller, and I guess those other guys too. He's just emotionally constipated about it.

Laios just has these soft little fond smiles sometimes and I? want to hug him?

MY MAN IS BACK!! Kabru wink count: 1 this chapter, 4 total [updated as I read]

Corpse Retriever: If you don't report us for trying to get you guys killed so we could collect a retrieval fee, we'll let you kill those two of our guys who are already unconscious and collect that fee yourselves. We'll just take 30% of it, for not telling on you.

Kabru, internally: Hm. Well, I'm not king of this dungeon yet, but nonetheless I feel comfortable passing and executing a just judgement upon you for your many known, presumed and planned crimes. Emphasis on 'executing.'

Kabru aloud: I accept!

Kabru: [starts killing them with a classic faint, wide-eyed smile]

What a guy. He's even holding that knife so well. Look, next he's analyzing social trends and acting ruthlessly to adjust them toward the direction of the greater good!

What a guy. Truly this is a "so my type that it's embarrassing" situation.

I can't efficiently crop panels to show all this, but favorite parallels in these chapters full of parallels:

Kabru's breakdown of the Touden party is like Laios eagerly explaining and analyzing the behavior and anatomy of monsters (including, though we don't know it yet, calculations for killing them - though we DO see him saying that humans are easy to kill because he knows all the physical weak points!)

The references throughout these two chapters, by Kabru and his party, to the interconnected socioeconomic dynamics of the island and dungeon - the corrupted system fails to check corpse retrievers, the Island Lord as an annoying but necessary bulwark against the Elves, the dungeon growing hungrier as fewer adventurers go down because there's less money and more risk - are so so so like Senshi and Laiois discussing the dungeon biome's ecosystem and food pyramid.

The whole vibe of the party re: their respective weirdo tallman leaders. We watched Team Laios develop this, recently crowned with Chilchuck's near-tearful argument to turn back for a rest, which means we can recognize it when we're dropped into it with Team Kabru: that "this guy is SUCH a goddamn weirdo, but I already followed him into some level of hell, so I'm obviously not turning back now." Kabru's party does think he's weird - "You remember so much about other people that it's creepy." "Why are you enjoying this?" But they're also pitching in on the speculation like Team Touden all hel cook monsters. Compare:

Also!! Something something predisposed beliefs and presumptions of others... This party is so eager to assume the worst of our party, even though our party objectively saved them from perma-death twice, once from ghosts and once from being eaten by fishmen. Chichuck is greedy and bossy, Senshi smells so...notably...that he's judged to be sketchy af... Kabru is trying his best with what info he has, he knows it's not enough to pass a judgement and he wants more, but it's very...uncomfortable? To see this sort of discussion of people we know are great, when we're so used to watching monsters be killed with exquisite understanding and respect.

...I'll chew on that angle of theme more later. Man, you know how, say, what makes the musical Hamilton so good is at its heart it's just like 5-10 leitmotifs that interweave to create every single song? Dungeon Meshi is like that. Hmm a Dungeon Meshical...

"Yeah, yeah, we've all heard your weekly lecture about how someone responsible and sociopolitically conscious needs to take the dungeon and the throne or everyone in this region is doomed. None of us can wait to see you flip off the Island Lord to his face. Eat your rations, buddy."

JUST THE CUTEST, INNOCENTEST, POLITEST, HELPFULEST (WITH NO ULTERIOR MOTIVATIONS WHATSOEVER) YOUNG MAN!! LOOK AT HIS BIG BLUE EYES AND EAGER LITTLE SMILE!

[3 seconds earlier:

I'm obsessed. In the spirit of this comic: I want to eat him with a spoon. I want to take small divots out of him and lick each one carefully off the spoon, luxuriously exploring and enjoying the complex texture and flavor. Like he's a really good pudding. And then I want to see if, if he and Laios kiss, do they both explode in antimatter.

#dm lb #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #kabru of utaya #tagging a specific person in this one because i get. real normal about him. toward the end.

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biromanticbookbabe · 1 year

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Sam and Cat from Lip Service (2011-12) in 1920's style clothing.

#this is edited because my current sketch pad has such bad quality paper #the show does NOT take place in the 1920s #it takes place in 2011/12 in Scotland #sam x cat #lip service #lesbians #tv shows #fan art #scottish tv #I think they actually ended up being my favorite couple in spite of everything???#no spoilers but there is some DRAMA if you know YOU KNOW!!!#Sam and Tess were my favorite characters but Tess never seemed to get anyone to stay with her :(#and half of season 2 for Sam was very rough... I did not like that #I was thinking of drawing Tess too but like AFTER I finish my paper #this was drawn a few days ago I just had to post it #I'm a sucker for butchxfemme yes ma'am #and they were the traditional butchxfemme couple for this show #I think I did 1920s clothes because my brain is half stuck in the 1920s because of the class I'm in rn #1920's fashion #lesbian characters #my drawings #pen and ink #colored pencil #both my paper for class and this show concern lesbians so close enough I suppose #enjoy maybe?#VBL is my new penname that I'm going to use for my writing project (the Sapphic Victorians one which also has new title)

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flintbian · 11 months

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There's a disabled angel in good omens 🥺

#listen im only in episode two and i know there's some drama going down but im focusing on this lol #i love that not only do they show the angel using a wheelchair and being ambulatory #but they also visibly show them miracling innaccessibility issues so that they Can still use the chair #instead of just getting rid of the disability #part of my is conflicted bc im like... there's disabilities in heaven? and that makes Me sad bc my disability is hell and painful as fuck #But getting rid of disability in fantasy is eugenist crap and showing that god made a disabled angel is a net good thing #while it personally makes me sad to think if there was a heaven i could still be in pain all the time #not all disabilites are bad and need to be cured we're a wide spectrum and we've been fighting for disabled rep esp in fantasy for ages #it's objectively good my personal feelings about my own disability aside #part of me thinks it's cliche to say 'you were made perfect' bc they're an angel But it's not we literally havent had this type of rep lol #anyways it made me happy to see #and im so glad it's a power chair user that's ambulatory it's important for abled ppl to see that #anyways y'all keep your drama and spoilers off my post im not far in and im only talking about this shoo #oh also!! love the fantasy hover chair they use in heaven specifically too i wish we had that it kicks ass #p

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talesfromthebandgeekmafia · 13 days

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Man why did my latest obsession have to be a 40 year old fantasy book series

#I’m ruined it’s so over guys #I mean I’m frankly shocked it took me 9 books to realize how deep I’ve dug myself in #I am begging people to read Discworld particularly the Guards series it’s so fucking good #it’s so hard when all you wanna do is talk about the very fun characters and stories in the book series you’re reading #but the series is over 40 books & is decades old so spoilers are nigh unavoidable & nobody’s jumping at the bit to read this hot new series #guys my friends and family that do read just read booktok stuff #or if you’re my mom sprawling intergenerational family dramas that probably made the Oprah’s book club list at some point #my mom is not gonna get the appeal #I still have tens of books to go and yet I’m still saddened just by the knowledge that only a finite number exists #I need somebody I know to read Guards! Guards!#Sam Vimes is the most wet cat [terrier] a man has ever been and the world needs to know and talk about it #discworld #spilling the Tea

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whatsfourteenupto · 4 days

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Okay okay okay this is 100% my fav episode of the season so far that was so much fun oh my god I’m bouncing off the walls rn what a BOP

#dw spoilers #doctor who spoilers #rogue spoilers #look I know people are gonna go off like it’s not as deep as the others so far #but honestly I like that about it #they’ve been experiencing The Horrors since Boom #let them have a win #and YES I’m calling it a win bc obv the doctor is gonna get Rogue back eventually #(let them have a win let me have a delusion shut up)#but come ON #‘tap twice for battle mode’#shape shifting aliens that for no reason vaguely resemble an earth animal #the dancing #the DRAMA #the ROMANCE #fifteen being the smoothest motherfucker to ever walk the earth #like damn Doctor started from the bottom now you’re here with the romance skillz #David Tennant:)#rogue instantly going from Cool Bounty Hunter to fuckin NERD #my absolute PANIC when Ruby #Ruby calling the Doctor the FUCK out for avoiding his emotions #‘bitch no you need a hug you’re getting a hug’#the setup for a new storyline trying to find Rogue #satisfying ending that doesn’t make me rage at the world #while I’m still raging from the previous several #THE TEASER FOR NEXT WEEK #AHHHHHHHHH #I’m VIBRATING I loved that ep #and OH some of these are gonna be UNPOPULAR opinions #but oh well

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bumblingbabooshka · 11 months

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-Remembers how T’Pring looked as she watched Spock & Chapel vanish into the bathroom together after seeing them kiss on the bridge (which she knew was for a mission and didn’t hold against them but perhaps she could sense something there since they do have feelings for one another), maybe attempting to calm herself and her suspicions as she’s left alone again (and later finds she’s been left out entirely this whole time) and how she doesn’t know that Spock almost told Chapel he loved her then and there, with T’Pring in the other room waiting, and how Amanda and Sevet both think she could have more confidence in herself and how T’Pring thought that she and Spock were in this together (her holding his hand, subtly letting him know to pour slower so the tea flowers would bloom correctly, a whispered ‘well done’, the ritual is over mother) and how mere hours after she expresses to Spock how she feels: Like he doesn’t trust her, like he doesn’t care to include her in his life, how she’s trying her best to show him that she will accept him wholly, how she wants to be his partner instead of an adversary or an obstacle, after all this he’s found Chapel within the hour and is kissing her.-

#I've seen people say 'it's not technically cheating because-' and once you've hit 'technically' in MY opinion it's pretty much cheating #'taking a break' isn't synonymous with being able to kiss/have sex with other people - that's something that needs to be discussed #in my opinion...BUT ALSO. Even STILL. Not even a goddamn DAY went by.#T'PRING!!!!!! SAVE MY GIRL T'PRING!!!#Can you imagine hearing your fiancee who you ostensibly like tell you (very vulnerably - especially for a Vulcan: I didn't mind this bc I #personally assume that Vulcan partners WOULD discuss and talk through feelings though probably with a different goal than humans)#that she feels hurt that you seem to not want to include her in your life and that she feels you should take a break #and then IMMEDIATELY going to find the girl you have a crush on to tell her that you and your fiancee are taking a break and that you feel #bad about it and then IMMEDIATELY after that you're KISSING her??????#didn't feel TOO bad about it then huh!#Anyway I'm not earnestly like incensed I'm tv angry on T'Pring's behalf - love the drama bc I'm experiencing SNW from a very particular POV #I will only be angry if they make T'Pring into the bad guy somehow (like if the NARRATIVE says this is correct)#also off topic but I personally think star trek has had enough 'Vulcan culture is bad and restrictive' episodes/talking points - Enough.#Find some joy and peace through connection to an alien culture PLEASE.#I get it humans are great humans are so much freer and happier than Vulcans humans rule - Enough.#-turns to camera with a smile- anywaaaay I watched the episode once and I couldn't rewatch it for this post so <3 #if any of this is wrong just chalk it up to bad memory <3 #snw spoilers #idk how long an ep has to be out for that to apply #also just so everyone knows - I /do/ think it's stupid that Spock forgets how to act Vulcan when he turns fully human #but I also just expected it since star trek writers LOVE bioessentialism #I have NO doubt that if Spock turned Klingon he'd suddenly start talking about honor and being rowdy despite those things being #learned and cultural v_v #I SAY ALL THIS...and I DID like the episode! I'm complicated <3 #<- just likes episodes with fun hijinks as their thesis and also T'Pring is there

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lunarharp · 4 months

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wip thing...

of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)

they mean the world to me

#bg3 spoilers #?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee #i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen #makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it #augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3 #I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE #AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY #grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear #truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol #if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life #being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online #someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself #I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......

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forcedhesitation · 6 months

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exhalted vampeeric maaastah

#bg3 #thoughts about media #bg3 spoilers #(in tags- not the post)#astarion’s...performance. early act 3 lives in my mind rent free #it’s delightfully dramatic. but it also tells you a LOT about him.#that’s one thing I truly and honestly REALLY love about astarion’s character.#he’s charismatic in his own way- his dramatics are silly and charming.#and to some- they may be distracting. which is somewhat the point.#I say somewhat because I don’t think ALL of his drama is meant to be a distraction/performance.#he’s genuinely Like That.#but in this case it at least partially is.#to cover up his fear. because it’s very clear the driving force behind everything astarion does is fear and self-preservation.#he’s more honest with you here. he tells you outright that what cazador did was wrong because he did it to astarion himself.#not because cazador’s actions are objectively wrong no matter who the victim is. and that all the other spawn suffered too.#not that astarion knows about the 7k living spawn in cazador’s basement though. just his own siblings.#which he views as necessary sacrifice for his own freedom.#which again. says sooo much about him.#I won’t say he only cares about himself at this point anymore though. it’s clear he DOES truthfully love tav.#and he does care about the other companions too. his reactions to their individual predicaments suggest as much.#and he does care for yenna- even if complains that there’s no room in the camp for any more ‘mangy strays’#*cough cough* pot and kettle. anyways. he does approve of you helping her and is upset if she is kidnapped by orin.#but all that. the way he speaks of his siblings. the way he speaks of yenna. the way he still thinks he needs cazador’s power...#he thinks so little of himself. even if he acts like the world revolves around him and his suffering.#deep down- he still believes everything cazador’s literally beat and cut into him.#which makes the moment where he tells cazador that he’s so much more than what cazador did to him- so much more satisfying and rewarding.

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kurtscrackers · 20 days

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@berrceste SEE ON ONE HAND I THINK HE'S DEAD AND I LOVE THE DEATH THEY GAVE HIM, 10/10, POETIC CINEMA

BUT on the other...............the official channels have posted videos with his death scene and called it a goodbye, BUT they haven't done a thank-you post for Ibrahim like they did for Hakan Salinmis, AND Ibrahim hasn't done a goodbye-to-Korkut post like he did for Mehdi...SO 👀 I don't TOTALLY believe Korkut's dead yet 👀 There's a theory going around in the social media comments that Daghan dreamed the whole thing, so WE SHALL SEE 👀👀👀

I just read the summary on dizilah! Up until now I'd only seen the trailers, which have the bombshell implying AYDAN'S PREGNANT?!?!?!??! 👀👀👀 One thing's for sure, pal, I am ALWAYS HOLLERING ABOUT THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!

#wild theory of the day? there's a threat the baby is korkut's 👀#NOT BECAUSE I THINK AYDAN WOULD WILLINGLY CHEAT #but because I think korkut might have used that angle to attack daghan even if he IS dead #like offering aydan a 'sleep with me and I promise to let daghan go 😌' (he said you know like a liar) deal one of the times they met #I feel like there HAS to be some drama attached to that baby #(on the other it might also just be the attempt to get Daghan and Aydan back together before Ep 20 😂)#gaddar #gaddar spoilers #korkut zakkum

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wine4thewin · 2 years

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Rhaenyra: Uncle Dearest, you are being an absolute clown. Stealing dragon eggs? Fake shotgun weddings, complete with ‘maybe babies’? Living unchecked in my castle? I demand you kill me and let this sass come to an end!

Daemon: No. No, I don’t think I will.

Daemon: *hands over egg and flounces away, back into Rhaenyra’s castle to continue his unlawful castle squatting*

#these two are some sort of vibe #if you know you know #medieval drama at its finest #the rogue prince #hotd #hotd season 1 #house of the dragon #daemon targaryen #rhaenyra targaryen #game of thrones #house targaryen #hotd spoilers

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janexromantic · 1 year

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nooo i actually thought that we'd be called out or at least be confronted by the ones you've flirted with aside your main li after being locked with them but nope, didn't happen

choked and snorted at friend tbh my mc was really digging the heart choices with this man every chance she gets multiple chapters before this

but so glad that abel treasures his friendship with linc so much that he'll ditch the mc for him <33

EDIT:

okay, we will be confronted by the ones you've flirted with aside your main li after being locked. it will be different though. if you've flirted with others, the outcome like the one above will show. but if you do kiss or hook up with others, an outcome like the one below will show. i definitely feel bad now.

#okay there was drama #didn't know it would have different outcomes between flirting and kissing/sleeping with them until one of the mods said it in the comments #thank u sm for informing me pls #can i just cry now i broke abel's heart #replayed some parts though and yep i got the drama #choices #playchoices #choices stories you play #it lives within #it lives anthology #it lives project #it lives within spoilers #ilw #lincoln mcquoid #abel flint

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outeremissary · 1 year

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How about 3, 14, and 32 for Balthazar and Tristian?

Hello Cassy! Thanks for the ask, and apologies as always for the tardiness.

[prompts from here]

[and to have a posterity note at the top instead of just the tags for once, significant Kingmaker chapter five spoilers throughout]

3. By contrast, what was the moment that first made their ~heart~ Soft for the other person? Not necessarily a conscious realization of “I love this person,” but a moment that had them like “Oh…I adore them…”

(note: I think I may have played it a little loose with this one... apologies!)

There had long been a sense of protectiveness on Tristian's side of things, but it was a sense born out of obligation and guilt: on the one hand the obligation to do his duty to Nyrissa and the need to return to his goddess, and on the other the guilt of treachery that dragged on and on (even if the victim of that treachery wasn't exactly Tristian's favorite person). There was always a twist of terror when Balthazar was in danger or astonished respect seeing him persevere through what should have been the end, but none of that was that soft feeling. The first time for that feeling was probably some time after Balthazar's wings came in, when Tristian, still anxious from the lingering effects of the Bloom and attempts on Balthazar's life, caught Balthazar attempting to slip out of the capital by himself one afternoon and insisted on accompanying him (doggedly ignoring attempts to lose him). Following the reluctant baron to the privacy of the countryside, he learned that Balthazar had been attempting for some time to adjust to the wings on his own. Before that it was clear that the wings had been unwelcome and that on some level Balthazar was fighting it, and it had stirred some amount of envy and resentment in Tristian to see the ungrateful aasimar rejecting what Tristian yearned to have back. But seeing the open vulnerability as Balthazar tried to come to terms with his changed body felt painfully familiar, and as he attempted to offer advice under the flimsy veil of having known another aasimar at his childhood temple (lies, all lies, and for what?) he began to feel a sense of connection with Balthazar. It wasn't the first time he had seen Balthazar vulnerable- there were more than enough of those throughout the Bloom, and awkward moments littered their history before that. But it was the first time that pang of sympathy blossomed into a deeper sense of understanding. As the initial tension eased the afternoon became comfortable, conversation becoming easy and unguarded. It was awkward but genuine. It may have been the first time Tristian saw a soft, warm smile on Balthazar's face- something that would haunt him a long time after.

For Balthazar, the first spark of excitement (long before he could pin down what it might mean) came when he managed to coax Tristian into a dance at the first festival held in the wake of the fall of Trobold. The dance had been meant as a tease- a bet with Octavia and Regongar that he could get Tristian onto the floor, nothing more- but he was caught off guard when his success didn't come in the form of the cleric passively following along. Watching Tristian linger at the edge of the festivities, not joining in on the celebration he had himself insisted on, Balthazar had guessed that Tristian was held back by insecurity. Tristian came off as so naive and sheltered that it stood to reason that a noisy northern festival would be far outside of their depth- as would partaking of the dance with an admirer on their arm. He expected to overwhelm Tristian, to enjoy teasing him and leading him along. Instead, after relenting to the dance Tristian proved a quick learner (or perhaps already knew the dance from somewhere): he matched Balthazar's pace without ever being thrown for long, and the threat of being challenged for the lead began to occur to Balthazar. When they broke apart at the end it was Balthazar who was breathless, caught in the fascination of his partner. The mystery of that moment lingered on his mind- he'd thought he had Tristian solved, but he was wrong. After that he noticed Tristian in a way he never had before- he watched for answers, but along the way began to drink in the details of Tristian he never had before. Maybe that dance wasn't itself so soft, but it opened the floodgate of everything after: a growing affection for the awkward innocence that had frustrated him, an amusement with the stern edge Tristian's voice took on when lecturing (so often with undeserved boldness for his ignorance), the sudden sorrow that would soak into his expression at the most inexplicable times. Becoming bound up in pursuit of that pattern began to wear away at him to the point of distraction.

14. What makes them feel loved? Would they build up the courage to ask for it?

For Tristian, more than anything, simply physical presence. It's comforting to have Balthazar present, to feel supported and less alone. Tristian never built many close friendships before the betrayal- easier to keep just a bit apart from people you'll let down in the end, and to avoid becoming caught in the messy tangle of mortal lives to leave without regret at the end (or at least, as little regret as can be managed with the circumstances). But despite that, Tristian is a lonely person, and there was something about being drawn again and again into time with Balthazar that became something of a comfort. That loneliness intensifies after the betrayal: their relationships with most people they know in the Stolen Lands have been soured by their actions, and leaving Nyrissa behind meant leaving even the illusion that one day they might return to Sarenrae. Simply having Balthazar present brought a sense of normalcy that kept them grounded. And similarly, there's something about physical touch that's grounding. It makes them feel at home in a body that they're still struggling to accept. It reassures that despite all of the misdeeds and the hurt, they're still worth touching, worth being in contact with. When they can feel Balthazar at their side they know without a doubt that they have a place in the world still, no matter how much has changed. Sometimes they might ask for that presence or that touch: it's easy to ask for and easily granted. But the truth is it's rarely necessary to ask for it- these are things Balthazar always wants to give.

For Balthazar, more than anything it's verbal reassurance. It's not enough to be close, to spend time together- he needs to hear that he's wanted. He wants to know that he's a choice, one made freely, that he's not just what Tristian has resigned himself to. Maybe some part of him is afraid because of his long, long history of transactional relationships- it's hard sometimes to internalize the idea of a relationship where no value needs to be proven and offered. And he's afraid that a better offer is out there: it's abundantly clear that Tristian wishes he could return to the life he had as a deva, and doubt seeps in that anything Balthazar has with Tristian is only because Tristian is trapped. So he wants to hear it: that he's wanted, that he's loved, that he's irreplaceable. Tristian is so terribly sincere, despite all the deception. It's reassuring to hear it voiced. But Balthazar himself is only half aware of this need, and he'd never ask for it if he came to understand what it was he wanted. It would feel like begging. It would be pathetic and too vulnerable several times over. He can get to it only halfway- teasing and baiting out affectionate words or gentle chiding, demanding that his partner be vocal in intimate moments- but there's always a hunger for something else, something he can't quite name.

32. How do their friends react to finding out they’re a couple? Do they have lots of mutual friends? Did their friends know, perhaps before they themselves did?

Obviously there's a significant shared social circle, even if not everyone in it could be described as "friends." ^^;; And it was certainly clear to most people in that circle that something was going on before there was any relationship cemented. There was a period where the two of them were suddenly spending much more time together and there was significantly less animosity between them than there had been previously. The shift may have been most noticeable with Balthazar- after all, this coincided rather cleanly with breaking things off with Regongar (accomplished by avoiding Reg until he got the message. Balthazar is an asshole). Regongar and Octavia were the first to put a name to Balthazar's side of things because of that (in not especially kind terms), although they certainly weren't alone. Tristian, on the other hand, was more of a mystery to most: although certainly not a friend, the person who clocked that one best would have been Nyrissa of all people. The pattern of her skylark's distraction wasn't hard to guess at- a frustrating obstacle with an increasingly useless pawn. This also makes Nyrissa possibly the only person who could tell that these feelings were indeed mutual.

The reaction to the news of the relationship could generously be described as lukewarm. Very, very generously. Everything came together very close on the heels of the betrayal and fallout, and between lingering tension regarding Tristian and some scattered concern about Balthazar's judgment in the wake of everything the general mood could be summed up as "wow! I don't know about this one, guys." Eventually the mood cooled into reluctant acceptance- after all, if two of the most drama prone people you know decide to date, who can stop them, really. Distinct award for least supportive goes jointly to Jaethal and Regongar. For Jaethal, becoming emotionally invested in Tristian was the worst mistake Balthazar had yet made- a mistake which boded ill for the future and she counseled him at every possible opportunity to correct. On Regongar's side of things there was lingering (and justified) resentment over being abandoned seemingly for Tristian. The person who could be most generously described as supportive would be Jhod, with the faint hope that maybe the two of them would keep one another in check. A relationship helps with the maturity, after all.

#you can tell that I had years to cook without knowing shit about the canon romance because there's some other odd mood here #can you tell I'm a rivals to lovers guy? I'm a rivals to lovers guy #funny coincidence that just before receiving this I was discussing that last one with someone #the “you guys really shouldn't do this :/” reaction is funny as hell to me I think romance should be terribly awkward #the only thing worse than two of the most drama prone people you know dating would be them breaking up #unrelated to the previous point but I feel like I usually write these as if the moment being captured is somewhere between end of 5/end of #maybe there's appeal to the air of uncertainty.#the sequel to will they/won't they: can they not fuck this up #no consistency with tristian pronouns in this because I worked on it at a bunch of different times whoops. happy pride?#these tags were added at odd times and I am VERY hungry and will not be editing for coherency sorry #sorry again for the tardiness #ask game #ask me emithing #balthazar lucienne #balthazar and tristian #pfkm spoilers #cassynite

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