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vivisviolets · 21 days

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˗ˏˋ ꒰ 💬 "what happened to hello- how are you?- my name is- what happened to that?-"💬 ꒱ ˎˊ˗ ⋅☆⋅Who's in your energy?⋅☆⋅

★ and whyyyyyy???

⋅☆⋅ pick the sketch-a-roonie you feel most *drawn* to~ whichever your eyes landed on first, the colors you like most, which aligns with your personality- etc etc!!! ask God/Spirit/higher self if you need more clarification or you are unsure, and feel free to pick more then one- or all of the piles as you may have needed messages scattered throughout!!! last thingy before we start~: remember you are deserving of good things and all that you desire and dream of- no matter where you are in life or how capable/deserving of what you want for your life, you are always deserving- and there is nothing wrong with growing along with having your desires!!!!!! that's beautifullll- srry felt like someone needed to hear that (maybe just me lol) okieee enjoyyy ♡♡♡♡ ⋅☆⋅

˗ˏˋ ꒰ 💬 ꒱ ˎˊ˗ pile 1

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⋅☆⋅ The Hermit, The Fool (reversed), The Sun (reversed), Eight of Swords (bottom of deck) ⋅☆⋅

⋅☆⋅ -(slight 18+ cw)- "independent freak- 7 days a week-" (WHAT 😭), girl boss/boss energy, intellectual attraction, fire placements, air placements, Sagittarius/Pisces/Aquarius placements, Mars ruled, Jupiter ruled, 1212, -Youtuber- Anita Sirene ⋅☆⋅

⋅☆⋅ lolll cards slip sliding everywhere~ we love, we love that~ Hi pile 1s!! Ok OOFH- these cards hon... Looking at them I feel like contributing them to whoever's been around you... But I can't be sure quite yet because I want to focus on you first as much as I can- so we'll discover/uncover if these cards are about you or the energy of others. So I'm hearing you may be new to tarot actually, whether that's reading the cards yourself or looking at tarot-related content (hiiii👋), or for one or two of you- you are not new to tarot, but there is now something different you're doing. A new approach, or you coming at that aspect of your divination differently- but for both of my new and old card seekers/readers you are using tarot in regards to this situation you are currently in... some unsteady/shaken up feelings about your love life...- I'm seeing Anita Sirene so you may be recent viewers/fans of her content and are really aligned with her energy- I'm trying to remember her star sign/placements I think she's a Sagittarius or has other fire placements- you might also be ruled by Mars or Jupiter. You have a very grounded, masculine energy to you- you also possess such an intellectual drive (sharp/curious I'm hearing).

...Along with the energetic alignment of your drive- I'm hearing your sex drive might be significant in your life, a little 18+ cw for the next few sentences- you are very knowledgeable in self-pleasure,- but you particularly like sharing that drive of yours with another person. Someone who you have looked into, and you align with intellectually <--- that is very important to you in a partner, including who you hook up with- I'm also feeling really independent energy from you, I'm hearing you're very "in charge" and "on-top" of pretty much every aspect of your life- and people describe you with those exact phrases, both negatively and positively... I'm hearing a lot of different men/masculine/divine masculine figures talking about you, these are a lot of past people, past bosses, and partners- someone's a doctor or a surgeon... Some of these masc figures were really triggered by how divine your energy is because you made them realize how underdeveloped their masculinity was, and soooo- they mad at you... Still. 😭 omg- they are so bitter, whiny, pathetic-... small. You have 5'10 energy and they are teensy tiny in comparison BAHAHA (that's for my afabs- for my amab its like 6'6 energy,, 💀 damnnn)- but yea these "men" that you rightfully left in the past (kicked out of your temple and on the curb I'm hearing) are still talking shit about you, calling you "cold"-"too busy"-"self-absorbed", calling you a b!t@h- just laugh my dear darling. Just laughhh because they are just proving your reason for cutting them out of YOUR life correct and justified to anyone with eyes lol...

They are so ick- major ick, because they talk so much bullshit but it's so clear they're just butt hurt that you don't take them to bed anymore 18+ cw they can crudely call you a "freak" all they want with their drinking buddies, it's sooooooo obvious (it's almost pitiful)- how much they miss sex with you... They miss what you would do and how you would do it-... I've been hearing Pisces placements for a bit (Pisces degrees, Pisces rising, Pisces 8h?) so they also regret not being able/given the golden opportunity to unlock true intimacy with you-... Damn, I need to end this interview full of bullshit that I've been having with your ex-partners. Lolll moving onnn- wrapping it up, they're mad that you leveled up and they couldn't upgrade with you boohoo ah well that's 👏life👏 it's not high school anymore. -Anyways, these past bosses- there is one bad egg and I congratulate you on leaving that environment and I will say no more regarding that~ your other past bosses or bosses you have known however? Glowing reviews. They literally miss you... I don't think there was any affair going on- but I mean take it if it resonates ofc BAHAHOO- but for most of you, they miss how much of a breath of fresh air you were for them in the work/business environment- because they finally found someone who fully aligned with them professionally and responsibility wise- doesn't matter what position you held at the time, as soon as you spoke and showed your capabilities and your mind to them they respected you- you surprised them and they literally recount what you were like to work with- with a twinkle in their eye. Because you knew how to be exactly what you needed to be professionally and be yourself- you are a perfect balance of interacting with connections in a business environment, and adding your fiery flare to it that leaves everyone seeing you as a centerpiece in the workplace/branch- you may dress really nicely too, and add something funky to your business style (big glasses, a pop of color, basics with a patterned piece, etc) so that makes you even more memorable-

You are completely your own person/woman/man, like... Have I told you how much I admire you yet-? Like not to place you on a pedestal but holy shit have you built your own life- not to get into your background rn or anything but fr you have been a builder of yourself and your reality from the start. No matter what you have gone through, you have really transformed and grown strong enough to wield that potential for yourself... So yea!! Really proud of you- I just felt channeled to say that and you fully deserve to hear it and be compensated for all that growth you did for yourself ❤️.~ One last thing before I leave your leopard print patterned energy (that resonates for someone here I know it 😭)- you are looking for a potential life partner, a commitment. Commitment is a keyword for you, you know exactly what your needs are in a life partnership. And I'm so happy to see you are open to finding that. Because I am hearing you struggle with an avoidant-attachment style... And a few self-destructive traits in regards to choosing partners who are of a lower vibration to you- but you're really starting to heal and look at those parts of you, choosing yourself- you guys are into astrology so I see you like to go after Capricorns, and a recent connection might have been a Capricorn/had Capricorn placements- but was underdeveloped and really screwed with you... You wanted them to be the one but they couldn't live up to that and that really triggered their immaturity- that's not your fault, they just weren't the one... And so I want to move on to where you will meet the one~ ...You have not met this person yet (except for a few of you who are literally set to be engaged/are married already to this person omg)- and at this time they seem like some faraway dream... And they are in a way, energetically/physically- they are far away at this time. But they will be coming in and coming close to you in a fast period of time- like one day they're on the other side of the country, and the next they'll be on your side in your city. They will arrive in your workplace environment, or even at church (your place of religious/spiritual worship)- I see you being introduced with maybe one to two other people around you that you already know in this environment. Things will be very cordial, there'll be eye contact and a handshake, maybe even a casual joke on your end and it'll make their eyes twinkle- they are either the same age as you or older, and you'll notice something about their hair (hairline?), and their expression on their face as they hold eye contact. Simply meeting you will cause something in them to align themselves to your vibration- which is what will later down the line be so different, this mutual alignment to each other and this person desiring to be on your level. It may not feel or be described as "love at first sight" but instead a mutual shift that will flow you both to a true life commitment ❤️~. Ok my dear darlings ⭐️, as you can see- you will meet someone to share a commitment with and build with- as I channeled all of that so easily. I'll end it here and if you're curious about more details on your FS then just search for another pac because I have faith that the first one you will be drawn to will give you the most important details for you to know at this time~ paint your toes and have a night in wearing your fluffiest robe with some mood lighting ❤️❤️❤️~.

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˗ˏˋ ꒰ 💬 ꒱ ˎˊ˗ pile 2

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⋅☆⋅ Knight of Pentacles, Page of Wands (reversed), The Tower, The Devil (reversed) (bottom of deck) ⋅☆⋅

⋅☆⋅ Blossom (Powerpuff Girls), "lover girl" ("lover boy"/"lover"), any element placements, Taurus/Cancer/Virgo/Aries/Libra/Gemini/Aquarius, 1212, 12:34(pm/am), 111, hoodies/loungewear, dms, the library, book lover, aesthetic reads, romance, "my first (x)", pink/purple/green/white/cream, -Youtuber- deb smikle ⋅☆⋅

⋅☆⋅ You like Lana Del Rey, and you're in/and or back in your Ultraviolence era- and you heavily identify with the "lover girl"/"lover boy"/"lover" archetype. "That's it." I'm hearing spirit saying 😭, ok respect 👏!! Hi Pile 2s!! You are heavily in your feels (or someone might be in their feels about you and this is a shared energy), you have this grounded energy to you naturally but you have a tendency to dream away- and you are very dreamy and in a haze rn... You guys are into literature yea? Definitely book lovers and I'm seeing someone's back to me at a library bookshelf- you definitely have those aesthetic photos on your Pinterest boards. Vision boards, better habits, how you're viewed/perceived, etc 💕. I'm feeling actually a very wide range of astrology placements for this pile- the first sign I heard is Taurus (Sun or other placements), you have Aquarius vibes with how complex and well-written your dreamy side can be in viewing the world (Aquarius Moon, Mercury, etc)- but again, wide range of signs and their placements in this pile, but what you are all sharing is this situation that has your minds and hearts in a haze of dreams and musings... Okkkk come back down to earth is what you are being divinely told- but I see this going out one ear and out the other for more of your musings and haze... Ouch!! Spirit is really warning you to get out of your own head and actually look at your surroundings with your own perspective removed just for a moment-... But I'll get to that later, I want to try and move through this sparkly, pinkish/purple fog around you and see what the cause of it is (outside of you continuing to regulate it)- Oh yea- it's a boy I knew it.<-- Change it for your situation(ship oh no-),- and I just know as I drew your cards... I knew it, your energy by nature is The Knight of Pentacles. You are responsible and outwardly mature. I'm also hearing academic- you are definitely a reader/book lover and you definitely bullet journal. But you get distracted easily... Because due to maybe being thrown into studying and academic fulfillment at a young age- you have this dreamy/romantic/emotional side to you that is underdeveloped... You also struggle then with organization- especially balancing your emotions/right brain, like when was the last time you bullet journaled for yourself??- and also wow, now I am disorganized... Don't worry my pile 2s💗!! We'll discuss more about that later, let me continue to shift through this fog towards this specific person... So you fell for a fire sign/placements person, heavily a masculine to your feminine (not gender identity specific, and take what resonates)- and they made you feel like you were discovering something new, and exciting,- and something you've always "dreamed about". "It's just like the books/the movies"- the poetry, the novels, the romcoms... They have curly hair or darker features/coloring- tall or around your height, a friend but a lover-... They ain't it, and there is something you are not seeing. <-- I could only just bring myself to finish channeling all these physical features about them before that message was pushing its way out- it's not even so much a message, it's a straight-up warning- God/Spirit/the divine is not "mad" at you per se but your guides are feeling like they have to shout at you at this point due to how lost you are choosing to become through this fog... This person (I'm getting Aries or maybe Capricorn/Sagittarius), you are viewing their traits with rose-colored glasses, and that sucks because it may feel you two are very close friends- and that tinted perspective is justified because it's "true love" (I'm hearing Frozen)...

I feel like I'm breaking your heart here and causing you a lot of doubts- but I mean,,, you are still reading- and if what I am channeling for the collective is triggering you, then that is a big golden sign- to look clearly through this romanized fog. (If you don't feel triggered then this is definitely not your pile at this time💗 pick a different one)- this person, is not the bias/vision that you have placed on them, and not in the "they're secretly a monster" way- I mean they are the embodiment of all of your own underdeveloped emotions and secrets I'm hearing- so if you try and hide an underdeveloped immaturity let's say (the developed side of immaturity would be purity/innocence)- then they embody that same immaturity... In fact, the reason why you were drawn to them, is because they remind you of your own underdeveloped traits. The unprocessed traits that you keep hidden, they express theirs openly/externally- and that really attracts you and turns you on about this person, whether you consciously realize that or not... Really it's all of those parts that you continue to be wishy-washy about that are trying to make themselves heard- by pushing your perspective into self-destruction. Ok ummm... Yea. Spirit is telling you to "play it out" for yourself- because it will teach you and cement some very deep/core understandings about yourself and really develop you... But they are still going to be shouting at you- not to trigger your anxiety but in an attempt to deliver clarity to you... Through this glitter bomb fog of sweet smells- and long glances- and poetic excerpts... You will definitely be vent/vague posting relating to them if you haven't already... 💀 I'll be so honest since I feel I've just made a whole call-out post to you- this person is just here for the ride. For the fun, the emotional energy they gain from your focus on them- they are not deep like you are. Not even close. Probably never will be tapped into their own potential depth, isn't that sad? Pathetic?- And don't you dare- I see you- don't you dare think you can "fix" them. Have "delusions" about yourself, not other people's potential actions/free will- that is delusional. That is destructive delusion. -You probably will need to completely deconstruct yourself, and you have the choice after this channeled reading to either go with Spirit allowing you this experience and then the aftermath of playing it out, or you can heed all of their warnings and go fully within yourself. Spirit is being very allowing with you- because you are so loved, divinely loved and I'm not just saying that- you are divinely loved because spirit knows all the potential you have deep inside, and they want you to dig and reach into yourself to unlock it from your depths. They don't want you to sleepwalk through your emotions or live your feelings vicariously through characters anymore- they want so viciously,- and dearly for you to have, and embody your own story... It's beginning to rain, and there are couples- and solo butterflies flying around me- go outside into nature, remove Instagram from your phone for a day, feel the warm air on your skin, and remove the layers made from characters you've read about from your being- there was nothing wrong with them, but you must become your own story at this time.

I think I'll end this right here- your pile was very different then the other 2 I read tbh because of how strong a point was made regarding inner self-work- I feel the urge to say that you are welcome to reach out/ask me regarding your situation/what you can do to begin this inner discovery,- I'll answer you briefly tapping into your alignment/energy, and I apologize for a wait time from me- but yea!!! Ok good luck my pile 2s💕 go bake some cookies or something with pink icing 💗

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˗ˏˋ ꒰ 💬 ꒱ ˎˊ˗ pile 3

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⋅☆⋅ The Lovers (reversed), Five of Cups (reversed), Nine of Cups (reversed), Ten of Cups (reversed) (bottom of deck), + bonus card Judgment (reversed) ⋅☆⋅

⋅☆⋅ Sunny, warm skin-warm heart, watery/emotional heart, water placements, Pisces/Cancer/Scorpio, air placement influence, medium/dark coloring, Kate Hudson energy, yellow, 333, 3030, Wattpad, crocheting, -Youtuber- BOZE ⋅☆⋅

⋅☆⋅ Oooooh Pile 3s- going into your energy I was given such imagery of sunlight and sunshine- and now I'm hearing You Are My Sunshine~ You babies are such sweethearts- like you're giving the energy of being like a childhood friend who gives the warmest and most energetic hugs no matter how old they get- it's giving 🔆💛☀️- heavily channeling certain physical features, so you may be on the shorter side, with a really cute athletic build- very evenly proportioned and so strong and full looking- take what resonances!! Somebody however does/did view you like this however, whoever you've given hugs to especially (which does not narrow it down bc you love giving hugs 😌)- in particular, someone who you have to stand on your tiptoes to embrace, with your arms around their neck... UGHHH someone is in love with you!!!!!! OR SOMETHING😭😭!!!!- I don't think that you even know, you have suspicions about it- I see some of you are neutral about the possibility of a romantic relationship with whoever this friend is- and some of you are very preoccupied with the idea of it- but both of you do love whoever this is💛. A whole- WHOLE LOT 💛💛💛 that's why the label of romantic love you may have mixed or strong feelings about because you already love this person... Some of you may have known this person since childhood- this could be a co-worker (someone here works at a grocery store🍏 or fresh food is significant)- or there's just this feeling to your connection that is connected more deeply, it's giving like- a friend that you almost have a sibling bond to, because of how familiar they feel energetically.

-omg I completely lost track of what this reading is about lollllll and also describing you as you are- bc you have someone who's heavily in your energy, and they see you so positively (got randomly spellchecked- the name Antoine might be significant to you, family/friend/familiar word.. 😭)- they have this more grounded energy to them... -take it for your situation because I am seeing for many people that this is a guy/masculine/friend, and for a few of you this is a gal/feminine friend- either way their energy balances with yours so so well, like you are the sunshine to their earth☀️ (I'm hearing the song I was hearing earlier and now the song- You Light Up My Life)... Aaaaauuuugg this person... I would not use the word obsessed to describe how they feel about you- because this energy towards you is way too pure. You have your complications as all connections like this have, and those should be addressed- but at the end of the day if you two landed on a desert island together- you'd live in absolute peace fr lol... Where was I?? Oh sht let me actually get into some different aspects of you 😭- I need to address all the reversals I got, I felt a little untrusting in the cards and wondered if I shuffled my deck wrongly- so I asked for one more reversal as confirmation, and got Judgment in freaking reverse girllllyyyyy 😭 (gn term)- so let's unpack that. Because I definitely am seeing situations in your life relating to these cards-

Something is going on within you that was triggered by those around you... -you were in a friend group/dynamic that made you feel certain negative emotions, fear, panic, or pressure? This may have been regarding someone or people with air placements- I'm hearing Gemini largely- who... I'll just say were rather cruel... But also in general it was an issue of you and them just not being a good match in the same room- you might have tried to become closer to them out of wanting to share your light with them, -and it just ended up with you becoming attached and anxious to their very up/down moods and affectionate to cold attitude... But honey I'll just say, I'm not going to completely put down this person- yes. They are a b-word (gn term 🌞✨)- but you put yourself in the pathway of their behavior. I am sure as heck not blaming you nor shaming you for trying to share your beautiful light with this person/people, but you need to recognize- your own intentions were pure in wanting to bring joy to certain people- but what about you? What is giving joy to other people, whether they deserve it or not based on their actions,- actually doing for you? It is always rewarding enough to do the right thing, to be selfless in treating everyone equally- but those acts are done right only when you do them from a place of personal protection/boundaries and self-respect. Otherwise, you're just the one pulling the weight of the ship (or the group chat I'm hearing lol)- and honey,,, that's not righteous or healthy- it's the opposite because you are not doing yourself the justice of giving your part and allowing the other person to do their part- and honey- that is what healthy group socialization is. Being yourself instead of catering and giving of yourself to everyone. Not everyone is on your level, and not everyone has to like you- that is ok. It isn't your job to fix or be everything to everyone. That is not your purpose. Your purpose is you being something that involves you giving to yourself- how giving you can be to others is a powerful and good aspect of you, but it is not you.

Wow I went off- but you need to start recognizing your own unhealthy behaviors, so you can become better and healthier for yourself in your friendships. It's reminding me a lot of some of Beach Bunny's lyrics, (no shade to her, I have overplayed all of their stuff lol) I myself didn't see it at the time, but after a lot of my own healing I started to really recognize how- people pleasing, anxious attachment style, etc, the lyrics were... And how (just speaking for the character in the lyrics, not the actual writer I don't know her) a lot of the heartbreak and drama could have been avoided if she looked at and addressed her own anxiety issues, instead of focusing on the other party in the situation... It's me, hi, I'm the problem it's me 😭 man I am channeling so much music so you might be listening to so much music for all your different emotions rn. But cereal-sly🥛- start looking at your own triggers instead of who caused them. They're responsible for their own actions, and you are responsible for your reactions to them...

I really went on and I hope I wasn't too harsh to you during this vulnerable time💛- but it is better to stop and be vulnerable, than continue on this hamster wheel. Please cut away from people at this time, more so I mean start recognizing if you feel uncomfortable when you are not constantly sharing yourself- I'm REALLY hearing you should just go ghost with some of the people in your energy- don't even worry or feel guilty about it, because true connections that are actually for your good would respect your mental health break high key- speaking of do open up and let those you trust most about what you are feeling because they care about you so much. Use your intuition instead of your anxious attachment to figure out who these true friends are, and seriously cut out the rest. No matter how triggering it may be to your anxiety, address it, comfort yourself, and heal- because once you learn this newfound respect for your emotions, you're going to shine even fuller than before, and you are going to enjoy this change as much as those who love you so so much do as well. 💛💛💛 RECOVERING PEOPLE PLEASER GANG 🙌 YOU'RE GOING TO BE HAPPIER THEN EVER 🙌 trust and believe~🔆

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⋅☆⋅ oh man i thought i was going to sleep 2 hours ago... one day I'll actually reward myself with a full night of sleep 💀.. blessings~!!!

⋅☆⋅ love, vi~♡

#୨୧┈♡ vi post #୨୧┈♡ vi pac #୨୧┈♡ vi's art #pac #pac tarot #pick an image #pick a card #pick a card reading #pick a picture #pick a pile

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lukabitch · 1 year

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Hello there my friendo! Apparently since you liked one of my requests (wesker calling his so masc pet names lol) I am HERE ONCE AGAIN!! Again no pressure to write this, I just understand writers block so if you need something, use this one!! How would any killers of your choice react to their so entering a trial in a shirtless skin (like davids?) bonus for trans kings if they notice the top surgery scars and kiss them awh <3

- handsome anon

I’ve been dealing with some writers block recently. So thank you so much Handsome Anon!

Tw: suggestive

Killers: Wesker, Ghostface, Legion(Frank & Joey), Trickster.

Wesker:

Oh my? He definitely likes.

Your skin looked so soft. He just wants to get his hands on you.

But he’ll wait until the perfect moment.

When he does have you he won’t let you go. Not that you wanted to be let go.

He’ll take his time running his gloved hands over your body.

He would take notice of the top surgery scars. Would run his fingers over them ever so gently.

“I appreciate the show love. Next time leave it for my eyes only.” His still possessive remember?

Of course you being you teased him about it. Making a bit of fun of his possessiveness.

He really did find the confidence that you had to be extremely attractive.

Just saying if you can match his confidence he’ll love you more.

Ghostface:

He wants to go honka honka on your moobs.

The things this man would do if he had his hands on you.

But first it’s photo shoot time.

He’ll ask you to pose for him. You said yes mainly because he looked too happy to disappoint.

He even shows you what poses he wants you to do.

After he was satisfied with the photos he’ll just press his face into your chest.

He was giggling like an idiot which would bring a smile to your face.

“You like being down there Danny?”

A very muffled ‘yeah’ left his mouth, fallowed by a kiss pressed into your scars.

He stayed like that for the rest of the trial. The entity was very upset at him.

Frank:

If you thought this man was bratty before you haven’t seen anything yet.

He was fuming that you showed yourself to other people then himself.

He would zero in on you having you under him in seconds.

He would try and reach to touch your scars. He was going to be gentle but you had other plans.

You somehow managed to turn the table and had him pinned.

“You have to ask nicely.” This man was squirming and whining under you.

Eventually he would cave and start begging.

You’d let him touch your chest ever so gently.

“Good boy.” He didn’t liked being called that too much.

Joey:

Oh.

He didn’t know exactly how to react to this.

He just knew you were really pretty.

Eventually the two of you would end up in a chase.

The chase would end in a locker, the two of you just staring at each other.

He watched you shiver and got very concerned. Taking off his je let handing it to you.

“Oh no honey I’m fine don’t worry.” You say very clearly cold. He wasn’t having it.

“Please wear a shirt next time.” He watched you pout at him.

He immediately starts to crumble and you had to quickly tell him you were goofing.

Trickster:

He was definitely the most excited. He gets to see your drop dead gorgeous bod.

Though that doesn’t really stop the sadistic side of him. He’ll through a knife at your back not hard.

You let out a yelp and glared at him. He just winked and walked up to you.

“Aw handsome look at you! My pretty boy!” He just leans against your chest.

If he does kiss your chest he’ll get lipstick on you.

You’ll complain about the lipstick but he doesn’t care.

He just lets you hold him while he just cuddles you.

You tired reminding him about the trial but he didn’t care.

He just wants to stay here with you.

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our-transgender-experiences · 3 days

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I don't know if this is imposter syndrome or a real reason to be concerned...

I identified as genderfluid for around 3.5 years but recently came to the conclusion that I'm actually a trans man. While being genderfluid, I always had a fascination with egirl aesthetics. I've never been very interesting fashion-wise. Before realizing I was trans, I had already been a boring tomboy since I was a small child. Post-realizing, I haven't gotten much better. I've been scared to wear fem clothes because I don't want to be seen as a woman, and I don't have the money to buy alt masc clothes.

Nevertheless, I've been obsessed with looking like that eventually. Specifically, I thought it was how I wanted to look when I was a woman, except when I "was a woman" I always wanted to be butch, probably because I wasn't actually a woman and was just confused (women can be butch obvi, it's just in my case i was wrong).

Now that I've realized I'm a trans man, I've started thinking that I might want to crossdress in the future (which is kind of funny because before I admitted to myself that I wasn't cis, I spent a few weeks thinking that the reason I wanted to look like a man sometimes was that I just wanted to crossdress lol).

It was fine at first, but now I'm getting into my head about it. What if I'm not actually a trans man? I've never had the egirl look, so how do I know I won't like that better? What if the reason I hate my appearance so much isn't because I don't look like a man, but it's that I don't look like a beautiful alt girl? What if I'm wrong and I'm about to change my life and my body and burn a bunch a bridges over a little confusion?

After typing this all out, I'm pretty sure it's just imposter syndrome and I am just a man with an interest in crossdressing. But I already typed it, so whatever

sometimes thinking about problems helps, you can still dress like a girl and be a guy.

#transgender

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drdemonprince · 1 month

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Interesting to read yer response to that last ask about yer history exploring gender + transitioning. I guess it’s p relatable to me even tho I think we feel somewhat differently about our own gender. I’ve always felt a very strong internal sense of gender, it’s quite clear to me and it’s definitely not neutral, it’s quite intense. I’ve identified as nonbinary for a long time. But I’ve found the closer I’ve gotten to being in touch with it, the more confused and unwelcoming the rest of the world has become. So I spend all this time thinking about how im perceived and how to navigate that and balancing what I internally want vs trying to manage reactions to me. This is where I see our similarities. It’s gotten especially bad recently as I’ve felt a new connection to manhood and I’ve wanted to explore that but I’ve felt the backlash way stronger cause I feel like people feel much more confident to tell me that I’m failing being a man than being nonbinary. So it’s getting to the point of like, what even is being a man. (Feels like failure is a pretty core aspect of it lol) Like you talk about making these choices to join queer men’s space, which is where I’d feel the most connected to manhood, but I feel like I’d have to make pretty big changes to how I move through the world gender wise to be even allowed or welcomed there. I don’t feel an apathy like you describe, but I can totally see how this constant weighing of expressing yerself vs being seen how you want would end up in apathy

I don't know your situation, but I'd give those queer men's spaces a shot. A lot of them are far less transphobic than you've been conditioned to think. There are trans men in the queer men's spaces around you, there are people who are read as cis gay men who are themselves very much not so, everybody's fucking pansexual and nonbinary these days it's fucking crazy dog. besides, what transphobic bias does exist against trans mascs in men's spaces is so fuckin mild compared to what trans women typically confront in wlw spaces. the worst i've ever had happen to me was someone befriend me on the dancefloor and then helpfully recommend that we all head to a lesbian bar. and he wasn't even being insincere, he just didnt know what kind of person he was talking to. beyond that it's been like a total nonissue even long before i passed. so you should give it a shot, you will learn more about yourself and other people from it. and it has generally for me been pretty positive!

the problem is. finding acceptance into the little gendered club meant there was still a whole lot of Gender there. and i'm so sick of it. this is also an asexuality thing for me too. im so fed up of people being into my body or my appearance. im so sick of the obsession with bodies and appearances and the gendered projections made onto those things. it grosses me out so much. i just feel like putty that everybody's hands have been all over. im so sick of people trying to leave their mark on me.

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dyemelikeasunset · 5 months

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Hypothetically would kye and rilu be a foil to dom and mor? And did kye’s arms get bigger cause…😳

Yes Kye got bigger 🤣 I've kinda been going through a personal rediscovery and euphoria of being butch, so I've been allowing my characters to exhibit as much masculinity as I please. Kye kinda became my trans masc power fantasy lol

But to answer your question, a little bit!! I didn't intentionally set out to make intense Rilu/Kye the foils to gentle Dom/Mor but I think their influences and inspirations kinda led them there. Solaris is based on my favorite shounen and action tropes, while Dom & Mor and You & I are based on my favorite shoujo and romance tropes.

I also realized they're both black/asian couples so I wanted to make sure they felt pretty different!! A friend of mine recently joked that Kye is the "shounen rival" while Dom is the "shoujo love interest" and it had me laughing for a good while lol

Some rambling about couple dynamics under the readmore:

dommor / Babygirls:

Prince/princess, protector/nurturer dynamic, opposites attract

Fem/andro gender expression. Mor is very girlish, gentle, and sweet, based heavily on shoujo romance lead girl archetypes, while Domi is an elegant "prettyboy" type androgynous love interest

Gentle relationship, main emotional takeaway is comfort and romantic fantasy fulfillment

Sexual dynamic is either "gentle, romantic, fairy tale like", or "down to earth, comforting, and patient"

Emotionally in-tune couple, good communication. Both are very considerate of each other

As a visual thing, their skin tones are very opposite sides of the spectrum, with Mor being one of my darkest ocs while Dom is one of my palest

House cat (Mor) / snake (Dom)

rilukye / Big Cats:

Bad girl/bad boy and rivals/enemies to lovers dynamic. Connect over similarities

Fem/masc. Rilu is a cool-headed sexy tomboy while Kye is a wild, dark and dangerous bad boi

Sexually charged relationship. Main emotional takeaway is excitement, adrenaline and forbidden desire

Sexual dynamic is either "explosive, instinctual, fun snarling" or "we don't know how to communicate love so we fuck"

Emotionally constipated couple. Neither likes talking about their feelings, both hold back a lot of thoughts and feelings

Skin tones are closer, Rilu is mid-range while Kye is a little tan (I want more tan east asians depicted in media)

White tiger (Rilu) / Black Jaguar (Kye)

#text heavy /#long post /#dom and mor #solaris

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yonpote · 4 months

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I'm relatively new to the phandom and have recently starting reading fanfics and it's so incredibly fascinating. Like, in my opinion more than anything else it's a reflection of the phandom itself at any given moment of time.

What were the popular tropes? How did people write them as individuals and their dynamic? What did people know? What didn't they know? What did the writers rightly or wrongly assume? How "ooc" do dnp feel from today's perspective? Which people are picked as "villains" or friends? (funfact about that: the first time I came across a "charlie" mention was very recently after that gamingmas collab with pj and charlie so i assumed they were referring to charlieissocoollike and was so offended on her behalf. took me a while until it clicked)

I've noticed that to be able really understand the fics and not get utterly confused, it's almost always vital to check the date the fics were uploaded and kind of put it into historical context, literary analysis style.

yeah i think fanfic in general will always end up reflecting more on the mindset of the person writing than of the people/characters it's based on. i think whats interesting is that in recent years, now that we have a bit more context with what's going on and perhaps fics being written by grown adults with new life experiences lol, the way people have written dnp has very much changed! i know im the bottomphil rant guy but actually in fic you see a lot more variety wrt positions as well as D/s roles in smut. (shout out to dombottom flatmates!phil) or for a less horny example, you'll see people write dnp in both modern au's and "canon compliant" fics as like, struggling students or living in shit apartments with shit jobs, with mental health problems that ARENT fixed with the power of true love lmao as well as just generally exploring neurodivergence and their dynamic beyond friendship and beyond romance.

honestly whenever i talk abt the tropey stereotypes of days past its not like its something that JUST happened with phan, the Aggressive Masc and the Soft UWU Femme goes as far back as people have been writing about romance. so i think all the relatively recent changes is like, fic writers growing up and having new experiences as well as generally improving at writing, general fandom culture changing as well as Phandom culture specifically changing, dnp changing quite a bit and opening up to their audience, prob other stuff im forgetting but YEAH its all really interesting stuff!

#i guess what i AM missing in my repetoire wrt this discussion is. idk how to use wattpad #i think i used wattpad literally once for youre the straw to my berry? i think its called?#idr what happened in it but apparently people got actually forreal mad at pj for what happened in that fic #so i was curious lol but i dont think i got very far tbh...#but i'd love to dive deep into wattpad strange aeons style #myrambles #phan

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transenbyconfessions · 1 year

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I am afab, but recently I have been questioning my gender. I at least want to feel masc, I think I want to cut my hair, and get a bit bigger, and dress more masculine, etc. I'm not sure how comfortable I am with the idea of top or bottom surgery (definitely not bottom surgery lol) but i think i might like to try binding. I used to imagine what my name would be if I was a boy (I could only think of one and I didn't like it lol) I have always been attracted to more masculine characters in media and I kinda want to be them.

The idea that I might be ftm has gotten into my head and now I can't shake it loose, but I haven't experienced a whole lot of dysphoria? (Or if I have, I wouldn't know for certain, but I recently had to try on a few dresses for my family and I was severely uncomfortable to the point where I cried several times lol) (I was also told that I was very girly by some friends as a kid and haven't worn a dress and have avoided the color pink since then lol)

Funnily enough I have been feeling more comfortable with my femininity since I started to explore my potential masculinity, but idk if that's just because I'm getting older

I haven't experienced intense body dysphoria, and am not unhappy in my body? I don't really know if this qualifies as gender dysphoria but I just cannot stop thinking about it and I was hoping to get some opinions lol

Thank you if you've read this far, and thank you so much if you take the time to try and help me out with this, lol

Submitted May 21, 2023

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genderqueerdykes · 11 months

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hi!

what do you think about old words like FtM and MtF? (and I guess FtX, MtX, ItX, ItF, ItM)

it would be cool if young trans people share their thoughts too!

are they still comfortable for someone?

idk I just realized it's less dysphoric than AGAB form.

AGAB sounds like it's forever with you, meanwhile XtX sounds like escaping/transitioning from "not you" to "you"

of course it also sounds like if person "was" female (FtM) or male (MtF), which it not true

I personally just found out recently I'm okay with ?tX lol

hello, thanks for asking!

FTM and MTF aren't very old terms, they are still widely used and in fact the primary subreddit for trans men, transmascs and other masc aligned trans folk is r/FTM. i noticed you said it sounds like the person "was" female if FTM or "was" male as MTF, which is not what the terms mean, and also, some trans people do identify as having been female before transitioning to male or male before transitioning to male. if you read the interviews contained within To Survive on This Shore you will read the stories of a lot of trans people who did in fact love their lives as the other gender before they transitioned. while a lot of people do not like that rhetoric, some do, and it's not fair to try to erase their experiences for the sake of 'inclusive language'. people can define these terms or not use them as they please

FTM and MTF are not offensive, bad, or outdated terms in any way shape or form.

keep in mind that this line of thinking is a fundamental misunderstanding of what FTM and MTF actually mean. the the "F" in FTM refers to that person's biological sex marker- as in, you are changing your biological sex in some way to go from what was assigned/viewed as F to M. the opposite is true for MTF.

FTM is not a term that's just for trans men and MTF is not just for trans women. these terms refer to the changing of your biological sex, so an FTM person could be anything from a trans man to an FTM identifying transsexual butch lesbian. MTF people can be trans women or drag queens who take hormones and get surgeries. it can be a wide range of things, and while i can see it being uncomfortable for some, in others, they are loved and appreciated terms with a lot of history and are inclusive. i am not AFAB in the sense that i have a 100% "biologically female body" and I still identify with the term FTM because I find the X/I terms clunky. i have been using FTM for a decade now, i'm not going to trash it just because of a misinterpretation of what it means

also AGAB just literally refers to the gender you were assigned at birth. it's not really "permanent" it's a snap decision that was made when you were underdeveloped as a newborn baby. biological sex can be altered freely at will. to be brutally honest with you anon, i actually really detest the logic that the XtY labels are "escaping" something "to become your true self" for every trans person- i really would not apply this logic to anyone but yourself. this sounds very much like a you thing and not something that suits the entire trans community and this could be very offensive to some trans folk. many FTM butches are still women. many FTM drag queens are still men. p

i am very glad to hear you are okay with that term! I personally find the ?/X terms clunky so i don't use them for myself. i am FtMtF or FtMF. i'm glad it you found what works for you. I'm not a fan of implying FTM and MTF are bad or outdated, and i think it's exhausting to try to cycle them out of the common vernacular or do a big reach and assume it means something that it doesn't. it's a term that people can use if they want to, but trans men are under no obligation to use FTM and trans women are under no obligation to use MTF. they're terms you can use if they find they suit you, and folks who are made happy by them deserve to get to keep terms that weren't offensive to begin with

hope this makes sense, take care

#asks #answers #ftm #mtf

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olderthannetfic · 7 months

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Instead of death of the author, how about death of the fan(on)? This is tongue in cheek btw. Take it with a grain of humour. I read a lot of LGBT stories in recent times, especially canon same-gender couples. We already covered the topic, but stuff like top/bottom vs switch, or masc/femme/gnc-categories and people being against what they claim is heteronormative, or just don't like in terms of queer rep.

In the fandom corners I've been some people are really weird about eg M/M dynamics that are top/bottom for example. It's the easiest one to talk about without needing to be into fandom, and there's already been a cover of this topic here so I think people already come decently prepared.

So parts of the louder fandom is very set on trying to make them switches, even though canon is pretty clear about the fact that they are just top/bottom. No problem, we have our preferences. Where a problem happens, is when these people take canon and only pick like random quips, references or other small sections to build the entire argument of "THEY ARE SWITCHES", and then treat it as canon, at the same time disavow actual canon. Basically they're cherry picking canon to create their fanon, then call it canon above the actual canon. So at the same time they ignore the very same canon that does very clearly and openly show them as top/bottom, and much more in your face and even claim people are variations of homophobic/heteronormative for preferring the (canon) dynamic of top/bottom.

Add on weak logic for fanon and ignoring canon, since it's often a difference between "them being switches is canon because the MC asked to switch their dinner plates" vs straight up "MC said he only likes being bummed up the bum."

Now death of the fan(on) could be when you see a fanon being treated as the canon, but the actual source story supports basically none of it. When you basically just ignore the cherry picked fanon, because neither the story, nor the intent within the story supports any of it. You're saying this fanon is actually canon or asking if I've even read the book?* Sorry death of the fanon, but I did not catch any hint of that when actually reading the book. If I gotta know fanon to catch it, then your intent to claim it as canon just really didn't translate into it. Your fan-intent when creating that fanon is just too weak for me to find any strong proof of it when reading, especially when the canon is constantly rubbing in my face over your claimed fanon. Oh your intent with the fanon was to fight heteronormativity? Sorry but your fanon actually reads as you being conditioned towards cishet-normativity because you try to ascribe a heteronormativity to canon queer characters in a very much gay relationship. Sorry but your intent with this fanon is just so weak I gotta call death of the fanon on that one. *actual question I got after talking about a canon part of the book because it went against fanon.

lol anyway, this is just a bit of tongue in cheek, and just to vent a bit of my frustration with certain fanons trying to erase canon, but still use that very same canon to prop up their fanon above the canon.

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graytheory · 11 months

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Funnily enough I have been feeling more comfortable with my femininity since I started to explore my potential masculinity, but idk if that's just because I'm getting older

Thank you if you've read this far, and thank you so much if you take the time to try and help me out with this, lol

You don't need gender dysphoria to be trans.

You can just. Be trans.

And you don't have to be trans to change your clothes or your hair or to pack or even to take T or get surgeries. You can just do it.

I don't have dysphoria either, and that fact held me back for many years from seeking gender affirming care. But dressing masc, and cutting my hair, and packing, and binding, and taking T and masculinizing my body, ALL of that gives me euphoria, and I think that's a far more important measure of whether or not it's right for me to do these things.

Do what makes you happy.

#trans #transgender #gnc #gender nonconforming

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penissirius · 2 years

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Hi so recently saw this post

And I kinda feel some kinda way. Ngl it kinda rubbed me the wrong way. I put Female DNI on all the reads unless they are gender neutral or in the rare case that it is a x female reader which hasn’t happened in years. But that is simply because I do not want People of just she/her, cis or not, on my account for it is meant for dudes. I am Masc presenting Non-binary who is trying to figure out if I’m just trans or weirdly in between. my pronouns are He/They, mainly He. I make content for x male readers because that’s what I want to read and there’s less of it than for female readers. While people have started making more which I’m soooo happy for! It still lacks. There is soooooo much you could read instead of x male readers. Like really there’s a shit ton of it. If there’s male readers for something, or a fandom, I can almost guarantee there’s even more female readers probably even some that exact same topic/prompt. And I really really really don’t need any fetishizers on my page because it makes me really uncomfortable. If I write anything that has to do with me projecting like not liking myself gender wise and I wanna be a boy and a character is making me feel better, I don’t wanna know that some girl is reading my struggle for enjoyment and entertainment rather than people who have the same feelings as me and also need the comfort! One thing I will personally never write is smut because I’m uncomfortable writing it and yeah I definitely don’t want women on my account for that. I’m not into writing for the views or followers or anything, I just want to make content for the people who feel like me. Honestly this is the first year I’ve posted my content and kept it up for people other than myself to read and I’m very happy people like it!! I do take requests and I’m in the middle of making my requests thing now. But I will only write for Male reader and Gender Neutral reader. So people who go by he/they or she/they or just they/them can read those ones as well. I don’t mind Females being on my account, especially considering that I have many works in progress for my partner who is she/they, just don’t read my x male reader fics please. That’s the only thing I will ever ask from the people who follow me or like my content is to respect my boundaries of what I do and don’t want for my fics. ‼️ALSO IM GOING IN AND DECIDING WETHER I WANNA CHANGE M/N TO Y/N BUT HONESTLY I DONT THINK I WILL BECAUSE Y/N LOOKS HELLA CRINGE TO ME NOW AND I WANT PEOPLE TO BE ABLE TO TELL ITS MALE IF THEY SKIP MY BEGINNING WARNING THINGY ‼️

If you have a problem with how I view this, welp don’t read my fucking fanfic then lol 😂 I’ve really been trying to be this nice author and like be sweet and shit but sometimes I really just want to cuss and say how I really feel so I tried to convey how I was feeling without cussing. Whoops sorry guess I’ll put 2 points in the swear jar, I’ll put in my bio and make a post about it lol. This has been the lovely author, penissirius, aka Ash <3 and I will be signing off now! Gooodbye my lovessss💕💕

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possibilistfanfiction · 1 year

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hi i just wanted to say thank you for writing about queerness the way that you do - it’s incredible and has been immensely helpful to me lately. like i’ve agonized over wanting a haircut and a binder and to change my pronouns and have never had the courage to do anything about it, but reading your stuff is making me want to go through with it all. i had to pause a few times as i read your most recent piece (ava’s pov of butch bea) because i was overwhelmed with relief seeing ava and bea want that stuff too. i didn’t realize wanting it could feel so freeing. like i’ve never seen queer people written like that before, and never knew i needed to see it until now. it’s helped me feel okay about wanting the aforementioned things, and also okay about not knowing what i want or how i want to be. all around your fics are so healing and enlightening as far as gender and sexuality go, and gender and sexuality aside they are also flat out masterpieces. i cannot even begin to describe how much they, as well as your other posts on the subject, mean to me. thank you so much

:) thank u!

& i will say that i have spent the better part of the last 15 or so years just vibrating around trying to figure out what makes me feel good, especially in my body & how others perceive it. which is really hard! but trying stuff rocks — i figured out i wanted top surgery but not to transition in other medical ways bc i got a binder! the peace i felt with one felt right, & then i got to explore from there. i have had … so many haircuts lol & most of them have been good! (imo everyone deserves to buzz their hair at least once & just. deal with it lmao. a rite of passage.) now i don’t give a fuck about “what side of the store” clothes are on bc i know exactly what i want clothes to fit & feel like, & i have a tailor, so i just pay more attention to fit & fabric than i do any “men’s” or “women’s” demarcations, especially when most of the places i shop are mostly just vaguely androgynous earth tones anyway lol.

(of course this is with the caveat that there’s enough safety/financial stability but) try everything! especially stuff that’s not at all permanent!

there’s no way i would know what makes me happy & peaceful now if i didn’t try stuff in the past! do i want to wear button downs & chinos & have ppl call me sir?? no i would rather pErish. but did i always know that! of course not, & i got to have the space to try how that would feel. i definitely also know that i never want people to think i’m straight (lol but ppl are stubborn); i had a weird summer bc my hair was rly long, which i loved, but then started to feel just dissonant about… occasionally a little panicked by? (in addition to some transphobic nonsense thru work, which ofc doesn’t help). but once i sat down & was like what the fuck is going on — & felt safe enough to just sit for DAYS in dysphoria to try to figure out the root of it — i was like oh ok cool, easy, i can fix this. i knew i didn’t want to cut my hair rly short again (probably never again or at least for a Long Time, i don’t like ppl thinking i’m a man), but i didn’t wanna keep it long, so i was like ok great, stupid masc bob here we come, & my hairstylist is queer & has a soft butch wife, so i was set lol. but without getting to have space for the past decade to just try things, & to learn how to sit in dysphoria thru therapy rather than just Run Away from the feeling every time, that would’ve been a lot harder to navigate. i used to be VERY adamant abt they/them pronouns but i don’t feel that way anymore, & nothing earth shattering happened or has happened, i just… don’t care. i care more abt my privacy & agency than abt disclosing identity & experience than i do a pronoun, & so i get to make that choice whenever i want, which has been rly wonderful. & getting to try things will help you learn where ur most comfortable, especially as u continue to grow & change.

& like… it’s fun! queerness is so fun! i think beas queerness is fairly ~fraught~ canonically for obvious reasons but in any universe it’s nice to just let her take a fucking breath. kiss a girl, put on a hoodie, cut your hair, take a nap by the beach. it’s not so serious, not all the time. & ava is just FUN, her queerness is so so bright. to me it’s always just seemed like she was never Not queer bc ava has so much life to live & so so much to discover abt herself & the world. she’s falling in love with everything all the time, & with Wonder! & of course that includes queerness! it’s at the center of it bc it’s who you are & who you love, but it’s also just… people, & connection. i used to write rly angsty shit abt being queer & in moments of indulgence i do still enjoy a romp ofc to flex those wow sin & hell & an orgasm being so holy muscles lol, but queerness is my everyday life, & it shows up in the soft happy places more than anywhere else.

anyway, try everything!! especially a binder (bind safely!!!!!) & pronouns, even just online or w a few of ur ppl. if there’s a word you like for your identity, try writing it somewhere or just telling a friend (i texted my best friend that i liked the word ‘dyke’ a lot after having made ‘dyke on main’ jokes abt myself for ten years … we both just laughed). & of course haircuts & clothes are so fun, & they should get to be fun!

but even beyond that (& part of why i think ppl like reading stuff i write, maybe?) is that like so much healing for me in pleasure & peace in my queerness is so tied up in those same feelings abt … everything. food! sex! moving my body! my home! small acts of service! luxury! softness! skincare! the ocean! like whew, waking up & being like this brings me quiet joy, mary oliver was RIGHT, just lets the whole world kinda shimmer. not loudly, not in any remarkable way, but eating good food & having a good beer with someone who sees you for who you are; fresh flowers in the vase; LINEN PANTS; the dog asleep at your feet — all of those things to me are both queer & holy, inextricably together in my life. my wife’s queerness is very compatible w her religion & spirituality, & that’s rly rly beautiful to get to be around. queerness is abt deep care, too, in small ways: checking up on a friend after top surgery, still masking indoors, keeping my dog on lead unless i know her recall will be perfect. it shapes every part of my life. to me the mundane is the most glorious thing, & i have figured things that i love bc, for as scary as trying stuff can be (what if people see me? what if i hate it?) — you know, the most important question: what if you love it?

#i’m a double taurus so imo butchness as its height is abt soft understated luxury #how do u give love & care to others but also to yourself!#eat good food drink good wine smoke good weed just. be In The World & have an ethic that aligns

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bougiebutchbitch · 1 year

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hello! i really like your art and your writing (kakagai is one of my otps) and i think your art style is really pretty, but i do have one question. please don't take this offensively, i'm just curious since i see a lot of mlm artists doing the same, specifically in the kakagai/kakaobi fandom.

why do you always depict kakashi as sort of smaller, weaker, skinnier... almost more feminine than gai or obito in your art? we've seen them standing side-by-side multiple times and there's practically no difference in size between them.

maybe it's simply your art style, but i'm only asking as i see a lot of artists feminize kakashi and i wonder about the reasoning behind that. i'm not accusing you of feminizing him, but sometimes that's what it seems like from an outsider's perspective, especially when it's commonly seen among mlm artists.

again, i don't intend to offend you or your art in any way, so please take this lightly. :)

.....my dude this is such obvious bait, even if you say you don't intend to offend. However, this is a serious issue so I will be answering seriously.

I suspect you have been looking at my old art.

I absolutely used to do this - to cut a very long story short, I got back into this fandom way before I watched the show again. Meaning I got back in through fanart. Meaning I was looking at a lot of other people's fanart that did this, and just kinda assumed that was how it was in the show. Then watched the show, went '......huh that's not right actually', and in my more recent stuff, they're a lot closer in size and skin tone.

It absolutely is an Issue, less with feminization (feminize Kakashi all you want!!! go for it!!!!!!) but more with racism and colourism, especially when Gai is drawn super dark and super masc and super buff and Kakashi is drawn super skinny and super pale.

I'm not really in this fandom anymore, so please don't bother trying to drag me into old discourse. Buuuuut basically, look at my new art. You'll see that Kakashi and Gai are much closer in size, and they either have the same or very similar skin tones, like they do in the show. This is a conscious change, because I was unthinkingly feeding into some Very Problematic StereotypesTM before.

However, I feel like I should say... none of that has anything to do with feminization? Feminize whatever characters you like! Be free and wild!

And like... I mostly interpret & draw Kakashi and Gai as gaay trans men, so uh. I'm really not feminizing them lol.

#lmaoooo this is so blatant lol #I ain't engaging in disk horse #especially not for a fandom I'm not part of anymore #take that shit elsewhere plz and thank u #ALSO LIKE #YOU CAN FIND SCREENSHOTS WHERE THEY LOOK THE SAME SIZE #YOU CAN FIND SCREENSHOTS WHERE THEY LOOK VASTLY DIFFERENT SIZES #BECAUSE NARUTO IS A SHITSHOW AND THE ANIMATION IS EVERYWHERE #You can literally make whatever point you want to make about character sizes by using #different animation shots lololololololol so there's no point using that to push an agenda?

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sllvertongue · 10 months

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hi ! i (they/them) am posting live from work......but im excited to present jeong haeran, socialite by day, nightrunner gwisin by night, and god's favoritest bastard 24/7. she's trying desperately to find a mask that's big enough to hide everything she's ashamed about, a problem that she thinks can also be ~magicked away~ if she could just get to astra.

🤍 i haven't gotten around to her proper bg yet, but here is her profile, plots, & inspo board! i'm also available on dc if anyone prefers, so just lmk.

so . her forbidden backstory (tw for mentions of murder):

born and raised in ansan and has never been anywhere else, to her dismay

just turned 27 last month, has been a part time pianist at revel for around 8 months now, starting a little after her fiance's disappearance.

on that note, she was engaged last year. no one rly saw her coming ? like, literally, she was a nobody before. it was rly the engagement that catapulted her into ansan's upper class scene, where she worked her way up and became known as jeong haeran! self taught pianist! aspiring museum curator! future loving wife (shudders)!

what they don't know, and what she intends for them to never find out, is that she's the daughter of jeong minah, a convicted murderer.

on paper, there's nothing wrong with this. if she were a more optimistic person, she would hope that people would be able to look beyond her past n just see her as she presents herself. but she's not lol.

all of it went down during the dawn of her early adulthood and so, as u would expect, fucked severely w her sense of identity. then life decided to throw it into another blender during the first and only time she goes to visit her mother, where her mother tells her, i did it for us.

most details are unknown. when it all happened, she was shielded from the details, and she has Not had any oustanding urges to revisit the whole situation, thank u. the first thing she did w her fiance's money is pay the enforcers to lock away anything that could trace her back to that past.

but the Daughter Syndrome is very very very very very hard to shake off. no matter where she goes, what name she uses, how she dresses, she is still Her Mother's Daughter. and every time her mother writes her from prison, haeran tramples over every boundary she has tried to set in a rush to read it and (despite how much she wants to despise her) hear how her mother is doing.

so anyway her identity is currently ? ? ? ? ! ! ! not doing so hot. and brother , the gender of it all

presents masc and goes by gwisin / sin (he / him) around the nightrunner circle. has a voicebox mod that lets her sound more masc and dresses as formlessly as possible. as far as everyone is concerned, it's she/they when it's "haeran" and he/him when it's "sin." its a fluid thing to her, more concerned abt the expression than identity (since paradoxically her identity is heavily defined by how she thinks ppl perceive her). it's all about trying to be so far away from how she typically appears to others, that no one would recognize her anymore

ooc / she/they is perfectly fine for her in writing, but he/him for threads where she is presenting as gwisin! it is also ok (nd highly encouraged by me!!!) for your muse to perceive/refer to gwisin using masc terms!!

more recently:

her first involvement with the nightrunners was watching races when she was a teen. after her mother was convicted and she officially became "independent," inheriting what little money their family had, the first thing she did was buy a bike and start racing her #problems away

i'd say her most active years were about 4 years ago? around 25 yrs old, she realized she was never going to get out of here if she didn't get herself out -- and where tf could she go where her name couldn't follow her?

astra seemed like the only logical solution. so she put down the nightrunner mask, sold her bike, prettied up, and went into the business of scamming ppl into believing her new bougie identity

she was good about it for a few months. she found a boyfriend, tho completely unattracted to him. grew bored, started sneaking out to watch races again. moved in w the boyfriend. grew more bored and went back to the place she sold her bike. it was long gone by then of course, but the owner took pity on her and pointed her to a mechanic who helped her build one from scratch.

then the happy couple got engaged, which loops us back to the start

her fiance went missing almost a year ago. no one knows what happened; the popular story is that he flew off to astra, but no one's heard from him since. did haeran have smth to do with it ... ? idk ...

tldr: she spends her days conning her place into upper society and then relieving the frustrations of that whole affair w her bike. she IS going to make it to astra someday though, mark her words.

my goals for her: for her to actually, finally move on from her past OR embrace it and reconcile w her mother. for her to find bouts where she feels like "herself." to less nefarious abt it all (possibly unrealistic)

potential plots:

plot page plug

someone w/ connections to astra?? someone she noted as her possible ticket up there and is now trying to get closer to?

fellow nightrunners... she's competitive but loves a good dirty trick even if it means she loses

a person she can shit talk with. rly, it goes a long way. she's been wearing such a clean, pristine mask for years now, and she misses when she used to just not care

other music enjoyers ? she technically conned her way into the "pianist" title too, she knows her way around keys and can read music but....doesn't rly know anything beyond the pieces she has to play for work.

accidental sugar babies lmao. i feel like her fiance was well off and all that money's left with her now, and she has a tendency of seeing someone and being like Damn u are one pathetic meowmeow, so to speak, and then giving them a little something to buy food/clothes with

past flings (fem/nb identifying muses)

other emos w parent issues. lets talk about it

#rmnt:intro #slow for a few hours bc of stinky work but then im cracking my knuckles

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