#not trevor out here proving you don’t need to be successful to be happy

[octopus-in-disguise]

Emily Garland is bitter. She had a chance at freedom and she traded it away for the comfort of a gilded cage. She’s trapped within the confines of the persona she’s created for herself, and I think on some level she knows that most if not all of the joy brought on by her success as Vivian Walton is purely artificial. She and the rest of the six wanted the power to decide their own lives, but in the end she wound up performing for the cameras all over again—except for this time it was her own choices that put her there.

She’s trapped and unhappy—and yeah, I think the whole Trevor thing was definitely a ploy to improve the ratings, but I also think it was Emily trying to prove to herself that the choices she made after escaping Arcadia were inevitable: that it was impossible not to wind up in her position. That it’s not her fault she’s trapped as the face of the corporation that once exploited her. She puts this guy through hell, manipulates him and taunts him and wears down his resolve, and then she makes him pretty much the same offer Walton Media did to her all those years ago. And he’d be insane not to accept, right? Because Emily did everything right when it was her in this situation; there’s no other way this could possibly end.

I think Trevor rejecting her and leaving to live a happy, successful life outside Arcadia is the biggest slap in the face Emily could’ve received. He did what she couldn’t. It sends her into a spiral of what-ifs; if she’d had a friend on the outside, or a stronger conviction, or maybe even if she’d stayed closer with the rest of the six, would she still be stuck performing for the American Arcadia audiences? But I think ultimately it proves that she took the easy way out, that yeah the outside world is harsh and frightening, but there’s absolutely a life waiting out there for anyone willing to reach for it.

Vivian thought she had it all figured out and she got proved wrong by an account manager and one of her own stage technicians. Tbh I think she’s the most tragic character in AA.

#american arcadia #american arcadia spoilers #vivian walton #emily garland #the arcadia six #trevor hills #angela solano #octo rambles #long post #I wrote this while listening to Hello My Old Heart on repeat #this could’ve all been avoided if Emily had an Angela when she escaped #not trevor out here proving you don’t need to be successful to be happy #the importance of angela to trevor’s success living outside arcadia cannot be understated #idk if I really did it justice in the main post #I guess that’s what tags are for

[sayreambrosio]

Date Night - Part 4: The Culmination

This story originally appeared as a commissioned work on the Forbidden Apple blog as part of a promotional series. Links within the story will take you to the product page on their site.

Bree squirted a healthy amount of lube into the hole in the egg’s bottom as her husband watched her intently and then slowly inserted two fingers inside the egg to coat the inside.

“Sit back, relax and close your eyes.”

Trevor leaned his back against the wall of the shower and adjusted his position on the bench to get more comfortable. Letting out a heavy sigh, he closed his eyes. He felt Bree slip the Tenga Egg onto the head of his dick, the pliable material stretched to encompass his girth as she pulled it down toward his balls. He couldn’t believe that little egg took his entire cock. It felt so good. The inside had some sort of pattern to it that massaged every inch as she worked it up and down, slowly at first, allowing him to feel every stroke, every crevice being explored.

“I want you to pretend that you are making love to that beautiful alien queen from the movie we watched the other day. The one with the beautiful smooth obsidian skin and those complex green markings running across her chest. It’s her pussy that you are inside right now. I want you to feel the intricacy of it, how it wraps around your dick like it was made just for you. How your beautiful cock hits against her womb and how she greedily clamps down on you, urging you to share your seed.”

Bree tightened her grip and stroked her husband’s cock faster and was met with moans of pleasure as he thrust his hips upward, totally engrossed in the fantasy. She reached down to and massage her mound, meeting the pace of his thrusting. Her body reacted to the touch and caused her to tighten her grip on the Kegel eggs she still held inside her. As she edged closer to her own orgasm, Bree moved from her mound and gently cupped Trevors chin in her hand.

“Open your eyes, my darling.” Trevor did as she asked and met his wife’s intense gaze. “I want you to fuck me like you would fuck her. I want you to give me your seed, so I can give you what you’ve always wanted. Can you do that?” She could tell that he was wrapped up in the fantasy when he nodded his head in agreement, but didn’t speak. She reached out her hand to him and he helped her up. “I want you to do everything I tell you to. Can you do that? It’s important.”

“I can. Just tell me what I need to do, my queen.”

“Get up and stand in front of the bench.”

Trevor did as he was told and Bree took her place on the bench, adjusting so that her ass would be even with the front of the bench when she leaned back towards the wall. She wanted to feel him inside of her, feel the waves of pleasure when his cock bumped against the eggs inside her.

“Come here, my lover.” He moved towards her, submitting to her every command. His dick rock hard as they played out his fantasy. His heart racing as he looked at his beautiful wife. The woman who went to such lengths to make him happy. “Are you ready to fuck your alien queen?”

“More than you know.”

“Come here then. I want to see what you have to offer me.” Trevor moved closer to Bree so that his cock directly in front of her face. “Well, my darling, that looks like it can do the job. Now listen closely. I want you to fuck me until you come. No more, no less. If you come before your queen, that is okay, but you must come inside me. Do you understand?”

Trevor nodded his head, and a smile appeared on his face as he realized that not only was he getting to take part in his fucking an alien fantasy, but this amazingly kinky woman sitting in front of him was taking it to another level. He was smack dab in the middle of his alien birthing fantasy.

“I want to hear you say it.”

“I’m to fuck you until I orgasm and fill you with my seed.”

“Very good, my darling. Now get over here and fuck me.”

Trevor guided his stiff cock to the opening of her vagina, teasing her clit with the head before he penetrated her. A moan escaped her lips as she leaned back against the shower wall. The eggs inside shifted ever so slightly as he entered her, causing a wave of pleasure to roll through her body.

“Oh my god, your cunt feels so good.” It was taking all he had not to come before he was all the way in. Between the epic hand job he had just received, the tightness of her cunt, and the role play, he was barely hanging on. He wasn’t sure what she had done to make her pussy feel so tight, but he liked it.

“Less talking, more fucking.” Bree wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him in close, forcing his cock the rest of the way into her throbbing vagina. He grabbed her legs and placed them on his shoulders. Smiling, Bree nodded her approval as he pulled out slowly and then rammed his cock into her balls deep, over and over, each time bringing her to the edge of orgasm and then denying her that release. His speed increased as he came closer to coming himself. Until finally, he couldn’t take it any longer and shot load after load of his seed into her womb.

“I’m coming, my queen!”

“That’s a good boy. Do you know why I ordered you to come inside me?”

“I think so, my queen.”

“Well, tell me then.” “You wanted me to come inside you so a human could impregnate you.”

“That’s right, my darling. Now let’s hope it did the job. We’ll know soon enough.”

“What do you mean by soon enough?”

“Well, everything in my species is accelerated, so if you were successful we shall know in a few minutes.”

Trevor leaned in and kissed her passionately and whispered in her ear, “This has been an amazing night, my queen.”

“It’s about to get better, my darling. Now I need you to kneel in front of me and place my feet on your shoulders. It’s time for the birthing.” As her feet were lifted, Bree started pushing out the eggs. “Pay attention, my dear, you don’t want to miss it.”

Trevor had another hard on just thinking about what was happening. He had convinced himself that he would never get to do this. That the kink was just too weird. Boy, did she prove him wrong tonight. He stroked his cock as he watched the first egg break free and slip from her pussy. He hurried to catch it and placed it gently next to him just in time to watch the second egg pop out and into his hands.

“Well, there is our answer. Looks like your job here is complete.”

“That was the most awesome thing I have ever experienced.” He rose from his kneeling position and leaned in to kiss the beautiful cunt that has just fulfilled one of his deepest desires. “Thank you, my queen.”

“You know I would do anything to make you happy my love and if I’m being honest, I had always wanted to try something like that too. Who knows, maybe we can make this a yearly thing and explore some more of your fantasies. But for now, let’s grab a late-night snack. I’m starving and you’re going to need fuel to keep you going. After all, we have 18 hours before we have to be home. I’m sure we can find something to do.”

© 2021 Sayre Ambrosio All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this story may be reproduced or copied without the expressed written permission of the author.

#Forbidden Apple #collaboration #short story

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG177!

- I like that this season, Martin is ready to accept that they not talk about things for a while but is not allowing it to last forever. Same as with Jon earlier, it’s a mix between waiting for others to open up on their terms, when they’re ready, but not letting the situation fester either:

(MAG166) MARTIN: … Ssso, are we going to talk about it…? ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] MARTIN: Or…? [FOOTSTEPS STOP] [BAG JOSTLING] ARCHIVIST: What’s to talk about. MARTIN: What happened back there? What you did to Sa– … ARCHIVIST: Go on. Say it. MARTIN: … What you did to “that thing”.

(MAG177) MARTIN: … Look, this is ridiculous, Basira, can we please just talk? BASIRA: No. MARTIN: Why not? ARCHIVIST: Martin… MARTIN: [EXASPERATED] No, Jon, enough is enough! It has been hours and not a bloody word! We have been slogging our way through literal nightmares to find you, Basira. There’s been, ‘s been plagues, and wars, and monsters, and I– we’ve been worried sick. It has been awful. […] Christ, I just wanted to talk, that’s all…! BASIRA: So talk! [BAG JOSTLING] MARTIN: I mean stop and talk. […] See, this is exactly the kind of thing that comes up when we talk…! […] O~kay, well, since we’re talking, I, I–I was wondering. I don’t know if, if I missed it, or if you both just assumed that I knew since you knew already but, well, I… BASIRA: Spit it out. MARTIN: What was the deal with Trevor? [A TELEPHONE RINGS IN THE BACKGROUND] Why was he… I mean, I’m not really sure what happened, back there.

It’s interesting that what came spontaneously to Martin’s mind were early bits of the journey: “nightmares” is how Jon had described the domains in MAG163, “plagues” refers to the Corruption village from MAG164, “wars” to the Slaughter Trenches from MAG163 (and “monsters” can cover a lot of things… including Not!Sasha in MAG165). Those were Jon&Martin’s first experiences, and I’m not surprised that they might have shaken Martin in a special way – Martin certainly had a personal fear of the Desolation fire from MAG169, and was personally targeted by the Lonely house in MAG170, but they weren’t the first. They didn’t have that novelty, the discovery of how badly things were out there.

- So far, we had seen Martin not having the codes to understand the new world in contrast to Jon, and relying on Jon to explain things to him. Jon knows about Basira’s circumstances, which once again locked Martin out of the loop; it’s good that Jon has indeed been trying to respect Basira’s privacy (he really showed that he took it into account, as answering Martin would have been easier, and he chose to mention Basira’s situation in only broad strokes), but it’s also understandable that Martin would get so easily frustrated when he’s once again the only one missing the keys and others initially refuse to help him understand until his insistence finally pays off. And even when he tried to change that status quo, he shared some information about Jon’s&his journey, as if inviting Basira to do the same! Part of his frustration might have had to do with dashed hopes, too – Jon had already pointed out, multiple times, that Basira had had it bad, and was still taking that into account:

(MAG164) MARTIN: Is Basira alive? ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] MARTIN: Is she… in… o–one of these places? [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: She’s alive. Out there, not… trapped in a–a hellscape, but… moving. [STATIC DECREASES] Hunting. She’s… she’s looking for Daisy. She’s a few steps behind. […] She… thinks she’s going to kill Daisy. Like she promised. [STATIC DECREASES] But she’s conflicted.

(MAG175) ARCHIVIST: Basira and Daisy. We’re close. MARTIN: Wait, what? Wait, really? B– Th–that’s brilliant! What are we waiting for, let’s go! ARCHIVIST: Uh, y–yeah, i–it’s… It’s not… it’s not going to be easy, things aren’t… good.

(MAG176) MARTIN: How… How are we even gonna approach Basira? [TRILL OF A BIRD] ARCHIVIST: It’s tricky. She’s… [INHALE] She’s had a bad time. MARTIN: [HUFF] I mean… Haven’t we all? ARCHIVIST: No. [TRILL OF A BIRD] No, we haven’t. [SILENCE] MARTIN: … Right. ARCHIVIST: If we approach her directly, she’s likely to bolt. [SQUAWKING OF A BIRD] And she can move a lot quicker than we can.

(MAG177) BASIRA: Can’t have been that bad. MARTIN: I– … What? BASIRA: You look fine to me. MARTIN: [INDIGNANT] Excuse me?! BASIRA: Whole and healthy with a shoulder to lean on every step of the way! MARTIN: Basira… ARCHIVIST: [SOFTLY] Martin. Leave it. Trust me, she’s been through a lot more than we have.

… But Martin had been hoping and trying to improve Things for a while. First, it was through the idea of killing avatars (MAG171: “Jon. We are… doing good, right? Making things better?” / MAG174: “You’re removing evil from the world!”); now, the next hope was to find old familiar faces/allies back… and it’s been another cold shower, although with sprinkles of hope.

(And it is true that so far… Martin&Jon haven’t had the worst fate in this apocalypse. Other avatars can’t touch Jon, and he extends that protection to Martin. Unless you count the whole world as The Eye’s domain, they’re not trapped inside of one like other victims. They’re together, able to have fluffy moments and forms of intimacy, while others are subjected to constant torture. Jon isn’t even hungry anymore or feeling withdrawal symptoms, compared to season 4. They didn’t want that form of privilege, but it is true that they’ve been… mostly fine so far. I’m curious about Jon’s understanding of Basira’s situation: what horrors did she experience on her way? Will she describe them a bit more?)

- I love that Basira’s bitterness immediately came out as an unfair, unwarranted attack… about the fact that Jon&Martin were together. Basira, meanwhile, had been alone, tracking Daisy but without Daisy. She is without her partner, and we know how deeply she identified as a team with Daisy:

(MAG117) ARCHIVIST: I think Basira is the same, she’s coming along to back-up Daisy, or so she says. I–I, I don’t quite get those two, I suppose. What they’ve done, seeing what they’ve seen… It’s a hell of a bond. The sort of thing I’ve mostly done alone. […] BASIRA: But at least Daisy’s coming along. I mean… I know she’s… difficult. Everything they say about her, it’s true, it’s fair. But… she’s solid. She’s a fixed point. And if she’s there, I know exactly where I stand, exactly what I’m doing relative to her. She has no doubts. […] Despite everything she’s done, she’s… she’s still the best partner I ever had.

(MAG128) BREEKON: Dunno. ‘t’s not right… on my own… not right… No point in doing it on my own. Don’t know what happens now… Thought I might kill you. Missed my chance. Thought I might just… deliver something. So here’s a coffin. [RATTLING SOUND] In case you want… to join your friend. BASIRA: Get out. ARCHIVIST: Basira… BASIRA: Get. Out. […] (Breekon) “I am without him, now. I. am. I can feel myself fading. Weak. No reason to move. Nothing to deliver. But I am no longer tied to the casket; so you can have it. You can stare at it, knowing how your feral friend suffers, knowing how powerless you are to help. And when you can’t bear it any longer, knowing that you can climb in and join her…”

(MAG131) MELANIE: Basira’s not going to be happy that you let him out. ARCHIVIST: Basira isn’t here. [INHALE] And if this works… I’ll have Daisy waiting for her when she gets back, so I don’t think she’ll be thinking too much about Jared.

(MAG133) ARCHIVIST: You’re not happy she is back. BASIRA: I didn’t say that, Jon. I would never abandon Daisy and, having her back is… [SIGH] But right now, she’s dead weight. And I need to be able to travel light.

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: Have you… thought any more about what I said? BASIRA: Yeah. I don’t think I can. Daisy wouldn’t come if I didn’t, and… I’m not leaving her behind. Besides, both of us being blind would be… [PAUSE] Anyway, being stuck here isn’t exactly her main problem right now.

Of course she would be especially on edge, to see Jon&Martin together and… functioning.

- Super happy about Martin’s point that:

(MAG177) MARTIN: I–it’s not a competition! Christ, I just wanted to talk, that’s all…!

Because YEP. He’s right! But Basira might be also right that she isn’t in the mindset to hear about how hard it’s been for Jon&Martin. As usual: complicated situations for everyone involved, where their sharp edges end up hurting the others around. (And we’ve seen way worse, as far as recriminations and conflict in the successive Archival teams have gone: since the episode began with the three of them traveling together, we were already in a set-up in which they had tacitly agreed to work together on some level. That’s… rare enough to be noticeable.)

- … To be fair for Jon, he did mention right away that he knew “everything” – but Martin had trouble understanding the scope of that at first, so Basira has to experience the same clarifications:

(MAG176) BASIRA: … What about you? ARCHIVIST: I mean… I can know literally anything, so…! Ask away, I guess. BASIRA: … You understand how unhelpful that is for proving identities. ARCHIVIST: I’m sorry to be an inconvenience!

(MAG177) ARCHIVIST: I told you, I know everything now, more or less. I can see her. With my, uh… BASIRA: … Magic horrorvision? ARCHIVIST: Sure. MARTIN: It’s actually been amazingly useful so far. BASIRA: So you can control it now? ARCHIVIST: … Yes. BASIRA: Hmm.

… From Basira’s point of view, Jon confirming that he had more power, and specifically “control” of it now, might have been gigantic red flags already. In season 4, Jon had told her multiple times that he couldn’t really control them, and that trying to purposefully use them came with huge drawbacks:

(MAG127) ARCHIVIST: No, I suppose you didn’t. BASIRA: Don’t snoop in my head. ARCHIVIST: I’m not… “snooping”, I’m not looking – it-that’s not… how this works. BASIRA: Explain it, then.

(MAG140) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Yesterday, I tried something, I… [GLASS PUT DOWN ON THE TABLE] [INHALE] I–I deliberately tried to… Know something, like I did in the Coffin, but… there was a lot. Too much. [SIGH] And I… BASIRA: What did you find out? ARCHIVIST: [SNORT] Nothing. There was too much. BASIRA: You don’t remember any of it? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] You drink the whole contents of a bar in three seconds, you don’t remember what the merlot tasted like. [SIGH] It just… hurt.

(MAG148) BASIRA: Any luck finding [Annabelle]? ARCHIVIST: I haven’t really been trying. Doing that sort of thing consciously, it… makes me hungry.

So what could it possibly mean, if Jon quickly explains that in this horrific transformed world, he can control his powers and that they don’t cost him much? It hurts to see her like this, but I understand that the current circumstances led to her only showing her sharp edges (her impatience, her implacability turned against people who would be supposed to be her allies, her accusatory tones, the overall impression that people around her are only worsening the situation).

- Special appreciation for Basira being so casually derisive about Beholding and everything Beholding-related:

(MAG123) BASIRA: [SIGH] Alright. Best I can understand it, Beholding, or… The Eye, or whatever you wanna call it, we’re one of the only powers that hasn’t actually taken a shot at our ritual.

(MAG140) ARCHIVIST: … Why am I always the last to know about these things? BASIRA: By this point, I just assume the Eyeball tells you.

(MAG177) ARCHIVIST: I told you, I know everything now, more or less. I can see her. With my, uh… BASIRA: … Magic horrorvision? ARCHIVIST: Sure.

(And Martin had already described Jon’s Archivist Corner Time as “vomit your horrors” and “puke your terrors” (MAG168), but I’m delighted that he also joined Basira in the casual roasting of Beholding powers with “magic Eye stuff” when discussing with her. Basira and Martin kind of have the same method of making fun of concepts: exaggerating imaginary scenarios to point out their ridiculousness (MAG125: “No, I just popped down Superdrug. Yes it was hard to come by.”, MAG140: “You know, we’ve actually got a group chat going called ‘British Cops Who Love To Do Extrajudicial Spook-Killings On Foreign Soil’. I’ll just see if they’re free this Saturday.” / MAG175: “Oh my goodness, really? And here was me thinking the apocalypse was going oh-so-swimmingly!”), but Basira tends to have a sharper tongue and use particularly acerbic vocabulary too… So they could mix well and Basira could have a wonderfully horrible influence on Martin, I’m so ready for this.)

- Oh, Martin… He had shown enthusiasm at the prospect of seeing Basira, even considering her a “friend”:

(MAG170) MARTIN: I want to have friends, I… no, I have friends. I’m… I’m in love, eh! I am in love, and I will not forget that, I will – not – forget. I am Martin Black–

(MAG175) MARTIN: I–I know what you meant! I can still be keen to see our friends! ARCHIVIST: … True. MARTIN: Besides, we can help them now.

(MAG176) BASIRA: Don’t move. Either of you. MARTIN: H–hey, whoa! Whoa, Basira, it’s us…! BASIRA: I said don’t move. This place plays tricks.

(MAG177) MARTIN: You might not care but it is good to see you, Basira. It has been a long time since we saw a friendly face. BASIRA: Friendly wasn’t what I was going for. MARTIN: All I’m saying is, it’s nice to find someone we can trust again. [INHALE] Ever since everything went to hell, it’s just been–

(And it’s true that he had gone for drinks with her and Melanie in season 3! And that Basira was understanding of the pain caused by his grief when his mother died in season 4…)

So no wonder that he’s put off by the “friendly face” being so stern while he’s pushing for cooperation. But once again, circumstances not ideal, and it’s only the beginning of them working together again – they might mellow down after a while – and Basira might have been deceived a few times before meeting with them, as she mentioned the place playing “tricks”. (Although that might also be a lasting trauma from the Unknowing: Basira already experienced it, and was only able to get out of it by grounding herself. She had asked Jon, when he woke up from his coma in MAG122, to prove that he was himself, and wasn’t able to fully trust it for a while. It might be Basira expressing the same cautiousness again.)

- I was expecting Basira (and potentially Georgie) to directly accuse Jon about the apocalypse, and I get her point of view (though it’s still sad!) given how Jon… seems oddly at peace in the new universe, and had just repeated to her that his powers have increased?

(MAG177) BASIRA: Yeah, about that. [POINTEDLY TO THE ARCHIVIST] You caused this, didn’t you? ARCHIVIST: [HEAVY BREATH] BASIRA: Don’t give me that look, you know what I mean. Did you mess up the world? Yes or no. ARCHIVIST: … Yes. BASIRA: Goddamn it! I knew it was you, I knew it! MARTIN: Basira… ARCHIVIST: I didn’t mean to, Elias was… We were all playing out this big ritual for him. With me as the lynchpin, the gate. BASIRA: [EXPLOSIVE SIGH] Oh you didn’t mean to! Oh that’s all right then. Christ! I should’ve known, I… I should’ve just let Daisy take you out at the start. MARTIN: … You don’t mean that.

And! Once again: of course, it’s not Jon’s fault. Jonah schemed and caused the apocalypse. … But it’s also true that Jon has not been really good at explaining what had happened, or at defending himself: for someone who doesn’t know how the apocalypse was unleashed, meeting someone presenting himself as the “gate” doesn’t… tell much. It’s different from “Jonah ensured that I would be marked by the Fears, then hijacked my body to recite an incantation that unleashed the Fears into the world”. It’s still hard to hear Basira expressing regrets for not having allowed Jon to be killed back in season 3, when he was still scrambling around and discovering how Elias had roped him into the Fears’ business – but it’s also, probably, part of Basira’s guilt resurfacing. She had less emotional ties to Jon than to Daisy: she thought she was doing the right thing back when she had prevented Daisy from killing him in MAG091, it’s natural that she would re-evaluate that particular act. But it’s also saying a lot about her (and her relationship to Daisy) given her refusal to face and re-evaluate the “fairness” of Daisy’s actions, during the last part of season 4 and in this episode.

And it’s additionally interesting that Basira set that hinging moment that could have made things better (/would have prevented the apocalypse)… back in MAG091. The day when the group went to confront Elias, which led to Basira herself getting tied to the Institute and becoming a prisoner of it. Is that when Basira feels like her whole life derailed, when she began the process of losing Daisy? Objectively, things weren’t perfect before that already: the Fears were still around, Daisy was already a Hunter killing people, whether they were involved with the Fears or not (and although Jon hasn’t explained that part to her yet, we know that Jonah would likely have just used another Archivist for his plans); but I feel like it’s telling a lot that Basira didn’t tell Jon that she regrets not having killed him back in season 4, when he had been hurting people. She longs for a time when she was still mostly uninvolved, when she could have just kept going with her life.

- Interesting that all the other avatars/monsters, so far, seem to share the spontaneous knowledge that Jon was the one who caused the apocalypse and is all-powerful… yet Basira didn’t, and had to ask. (Or did she know about it, but refused to accept it and wanted Jon to confirm it himself?) It might be an indicator that she’s not a full-blown avatar?

- SOB for Martin trying to appease things and obviously disagreeing where Jon is concerned – without being overly defensive either, and letting Jon say his piece.

- Jon has already changed and made peace with a few aspects of what happened, I feel? Comparing him to early season:

(MAG161) ARCHIVIST: Can you imagine…? If we’d had this… MARTIN: [SHARP] But we didn’t, though, did we. [CREAKING SOUND] ARCHIVIST: No… MARTIN: So there’s no point in dwelling. ARCHIVIST: [HUFF] MARTIN: Jon, I… This isn’t healthy.

(MAG165) ARCHIVIST: You could’ve–! … You knew what was happening. HELEN: I suspected. But all I really did was refuse to help! And that is hardly a unique quality. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] HELEN: If that makes it my fault, then surely, this is Georgie’s fault as well, and Melanie’s! ARCHIVIST: Leave them out of this, they didn’t know…! HELEN: There it is again! Knowledge! It’s so very important to you, isn’t it? These fossilised nuggets of pretend comprehension, weighing you down, stopping you thinking or feeling! What about… hypotheticals? If they had known, what would they have done? Is that something you can see?

(MAG167) MARTIN: [EXHALE] So, what? Without assistants, [Gertrude]’d be bad at the apocalypse? [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] ARCHIVIST: Wi–without… trust, without a, a reason… Gertrude needed both the purpose her mission gave her, and the control her position allowed. To be here, like us, without a, [INHALE] a reason, without someone to ground her, she… She’d have power but… no control. No real… purpose. Perhaps she’d dedicate herself to a, a doomed quest like us, but– … [QUIET] No… I think this would have broken her. And she’d have resigned herself to… ruling her domain. […] MARTIN: [INHALE] [SNORT] Ssso. If you say Gertrude wouldn’t have been able to go on without a reason… ARCHIVIST: Yes, Martin, you are my reason. MARTIN: Just wanted to make you say it…!

(MAG175) MARTIN: I mean… Right, if none, if none of this had happened, if the world had just… carried on? [WET SQUEAK] What would have happened, was… was all that fear justified? [SHUFFLING] ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] I can’t know the future, Martin, not even a hypothetical one. MARTIN: But… you know what was going on, what was happening.

(MAG177) MARTIN: … You don’t mean that. BASIRA: No? [EXHALE] I don’t know. Maybe. If I had… it would have stopped all this, wouldn’t it? ARCHIVIST: Perhaps. Perhaps not. BASIRA: I thought you knew everything? MARTIN: He can’t do hypotheticals. BASIRA: And if I killed you now? MARTIN: What did I just say? ARCHIVIST: You couldn’t. [PAUSE] And even if you could, it wouldn’t be enough to undo what’s happened to the world.

Since Gertrude’s story, and the realisation that she actually would have fared worse in the apocalypse, it feels like Jon has stopped clinging to these “hypotheticals” and how the apocalypse-could-have-been-oh-so-easily-avoided, like he has decided that they don’t matter that much if the point is to only claim and assign guilt through them. It happened, and it happened because Jonah(/The Web?) did everything for it to happen. Even if Jon didn’t explain it well in this episode, he also immediately pointed out that Jonah was the cause of it, even using “lynchpin” to describe himself, a word that we hadn’t heard since… Jonah’s own letter in MAG160:

(MAG160, Jonah Magnus) “And there was only one being that could possibly serve as a lynchpin for this new ritual: the Archivist. A position that had so recently become vacant, thanks to Gertrude’s… ill-timed retirement plans.”

(MAG177) ARCHIVIST: I didn’t mean to, Elias was… We were all playing out this big ritual for him. With me as the lynchpin, the gate.

(Interesting that he said “gate” instead of “door”, though!)

- … What is absolutely new is that Jon pointed out that killing him wouldn’t fix the world:

(MAG177) BASIRA: And if I killed you now? MARTIN: What did I just say? ARCHIVIST: You couldn’t. [PAUSE] And even if you could, it wouldn’t be enough to undo what’s happened to the world. BASIRA: So… what? You’re the immortal god of this messed up little hellscape now? ARCHIVIST: “God” might be stretching it. [DEEP INHALE] But I am more powerful now, yes.

Which is new information! I’m (positively) surprised that this option is already crossed out as a “solution”, since I thought it might be brought up or carried out way later in the season! (… But which might mean that Jon could ultimately have to bear a fate worse than death, or to seek death as a liberation. Woops.)

- Yay for Martin asking for clarifications about Trevor, and it was really reminiscent of him asking Helen what had happened with Not!Sasha:

(MAG166) MARTIN: Will you tell me how he did it? ARCHIVIST: Martin… MARTIN: He just keeps going all vague about it! HELEN: Oh, goodness. You see what you’ve done to the poor boy, Jon? He’s coming to me for clear answers.

(MAG177) MARTIN: … O~kay, well, since we’re talking, I, I–I was wondering. I don’t know if, if I missed it, or if you both just assumed that I knew since you knew already but, well, I… BASIRA: Spit it out. MARTIN: What was the deal with Trevor? [A TELEPHONE RINGS IN THE BACKGROUND] Why was he… I mean, I’m not really sure what happened, back there. BASIRA: Seriously? You brought him here and you didn’t brief him, Mr All-Seeing-Eye? ARCHIVIST: … Oh, I just… MARTIN: He just keeps being vague and ominous. BASIRA: Well, some things don’t change then! ARCHIVIST: It was a courtesy. I wasn’t sure what you’d be comfortable with me sharing. BASIRA: Oh, how generous!

(The phone ringing now and then, throughout the episode? CHILLING, with how it occasionally timed with the content, I kept wondering whether it was Annabelle trying to call Martin again =D)

* “Well, some things don’t change then!” savage but fair, Basira.

* Again: I’m glad that Jon was trying to respect Basira’s privacy! It’s not a lot, it feels very mundane, but it’s also Jon… trying to do the right thing and to respect others. (I feel like it conveys a lot about the fact that he’s aware of her flaws, is now even more ready to call her out on them, but also fundamentally likes/cares about Basira…)

* I love how Martin’s main word this season, when talking about Jon talking, is “ominous”:

(MAG161) ARCHIVIST: No, I don’t need to. “It” can see us here, and… [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] And I can see out as well. MARTIN: O–kay, we’ll just file that under… ominous, for now.

(MAG163) ARCHIVIST: You could see that tower from anywhere on Earth. And it can see you. And if you walk towards it, eventually you’ll get there. But you have to go through everything in-between. MARTIN: … You’re being ominous again! ARCHIVIST: Sorry.

(MAG169) MARTIN: You sure there isn’t another way? [ANXIOUS BREATHING] … Yeah, yeah, I know, “the journey will be the journey”, blah blah, ominous blah…! ARCHIVIST: … I’m sorry. MARTIN: ‘T’s fine. I know you wouldn’t take us through if we didn’t actually need to go through, so…

(MAG177) MARTIN: He just keeps being vague and ominous.

Martin has One Word and is using it.

- GODS for the way Julia ended… Addition/Confirmation that it was indeed Daisy who killed her (it wasn’t 100% clear whether it had been her or Basira, in the previous episode):

(MAG176) ARCHIVIST: And Julia? [SILENCE] TREVOR: Dead. ARCHIVIST: I’m sorry. TREVOR: Shut it! Should’ve been me. [TRILL OF A BIRD] I’m old… slow… It’s not fair, outliving her…! But that dog of yours, that rabid bitch, she…! Killed her first, so she could see me limp away! [PANTS] It’s a game to her.

(MAG177) BASIRA: … So, when everything went sideways at the institute, I lost track of Daisy and Julia Montauk. I know Daisy managed to kill her, but I don’t know the details. Didn’t find any sign of them in the Archives, at least. ARCHIVIST: It was about a week later. They’d been stalking each other through the tunnels beneath the city. Daisy managed to corner her in an old subway access and tore out her throat. MARTIN: [SIGH] ARCHIVIST: Trevor found the body three hours later. BASIRA: [IRRITATED] Do you want to tell it? ARCHIVIST: Sorry. [INHALE] I thought you’d want me to fill in on the missing details. BASIRA: I don’t.

It’s not an exact parallel, but… there is still something to be said about Robert Montauk getting torn to pieces by a (Dark) Beast in prison, and Julia getting butchered by a (Hunt) Beast in a cramped/dark place. ;;

(Jon and Martin didn’t mention anything about Daisy’s whereabouts in the segment of MAG160 just before Jon read Jonah’s letter: did Jon already know about this? Or did that bit of knowledge come with everything else, after the apocalypse? Julia was already dead by then for around two weeks, if she was called one week after the attack on the Institute…)

- BIG AOUCH for the way Basira described her discovery of the apocalypse:

(MAG177) BASIRA: Anyway, seems like since then, Trevor was tracking Daisy. Wanted revenge, you heard him. I was still in the Institute when everything went to hell outside, so I guess that protected me from the first wave. … Once I saw what’d happened… that we’d… lost… [INHALE] Didn’t feel like there was anything left worth doing, except keeping my promise to Daisy – so I went looking. I’ve found Trevor’s trail eventually and started tailing him. I hoped I could follow him as he tracked Daisy, but… then you had to blunder your way in as always, and I had to step in.

She was basically alone in the Institute when the apocalypse happened… although it was the place she initially got forcibly tied to as “collateral”/a hostage.

* I wonder what protected her from getting imprisoned by a domain: was it the building itself? Her connection to it as an employee? Her connection to the Archives/to Jon? (Or: is she actually trapped in a “domain” on her own, with her never-ending hunt of Daisy?)

* I’m very curious about her mention of a “first wave”, which seems to imply that there have been others? Or at least, that London wasn’t entirely touched and transformed in one go?

* Sobbing a bit about the vocabulary she used: “that we’d… lost…” feels like a fight, a war (one side against another), and that is the siege mentality she had carried all through season 4.

* Aaand Jon had already mentioned that Basira was trying to fulfil her promise to Daisy:

(MAG158) DAISY: [PANTING] Basira… promise me something. BASIRA: What? … No, Daisy, no. DAISY: [PANTING] Mm, Basira… When this is over, you need to find me… and kill me. Promise me. BASIRA: No. No, Daisy, we’ll figure something out! NOT!SASHA: [IN THE DISTANCE] You can’t hide forever, Jon. DAISY: [PANTING] These last months, I… it was always borrowed time. Can’t outrun it forever. BASIRA: Daisy… DAISY: [PANTING] Promise me. BASIRA: … I promise. DAISY: Thanks. [BREATHLESS] Now, run…!

(MAG164) MARTIN: What’s Basira going to do? [STATIC INCREASES] ARCHIVIST: She… thinks she’s going to kill Daisy. Like she promised. [STATIC DECREASES] But she’s conflicted. MARTIN: And will she? ARCHIVIST: I–I don’t know, th–the future, th–that’s… that’s not something I can see.

But sob that it seems to have come as a Last Thing On Earth To Do… Before, Basira was still trying to prevent the Institute from being burned down, and was helping Jon&Martin from afar (telling them what was happening in London, sending statements to Jon). I wonder if before the apocalypse, Basira still had some hope that they could find a way to get Daisy back?

* … I feel like there is a big misunderstanding re:Trevor, since Jon had explained that he was “prey”:

(MAG176) MARTIN: [HIGH-PITCHED AND SLOW] Jon? I know you keep saying we’re safe, and I am feeling very calm. But just so I know, can he… Can he kill me? ARCHIVIST: … He could, yes– MARTIN: Right… ARCHIVIST: –if he were still a Hunter. TREVOR: … Shut it! ‘Course I’m still a Hunter! MARTIN: [GRUNT] Mm-mm-mm! TREVOR: [BESTIAL PANTS] MARTIN: Gotta go with Trevor on that one, Jon! ARCHIVIST: … No. [HUFF] Right now, he’s prey. [TRILL OF A BIRD] How long have you been running now, Trevor? [CREAKING SOUNDS] TREVOR: [PANTING] Don’t know… Too long…!

He was running away from Daisy and/or Basira, when Basira was tracking him, not hunting Daisy. Typical dumb Hunters things, where Basira was apparently following Daisy through someone… who was actually running away from her.

- Cat is out the bag and a o u c h. Jon’s plan worked, at least? Woops.

(MAG177) MARTIN: Sorry…! BASIRA: It’s his fault. He used you to bait Trevor, to bait me. [SHUFFLING] MARTIN: Wait, I’m–I’m sorry, you used me as bait? ARCHIVIST: I used us as bait, I didn’t know which one he’d go for. MARTIN: I mean, yeah, sure, but… only one of us was aware of the plan! ARCHIVIST: I, I’m sorry, I was going to tell you, but then I–I, I got distracted and… then we were within earshot of him, and I couldn't say anything and I… I–I mean… You would have agreed, right? MARTIN: That’s not the point, Jon!

So one of them was bait, to use Trevor as bait, to catch Basira.

It’s usual with Basira, but I love how her words and reasoning imply way more than what her behaviour lets on: she saved Jon&Martin. She is acerbic and bitter and accusatory towards them, but she did save them, when she had an opportunity to see them get killed (well, as far as she knew; she wasn’t aware that Trevor couldn’t have killed Jon). Even if it’s to use Jon as a resource… I feel like it does say something that she made the quick decision to save them instead of allowing Trevor to end them?

REALLY glad that Jon apologised and seemed to acknowledge that it hadn’t been a Great Move towards Martin because, indeed – Martin had mentioned that he would understand Basira in that situation, but it was throwing Martin into the arena without warning and while Jon was in control of the situation, knowing that it was likely to cause Martin distress. I really love how, this season, they’ve not been absolutely perfect but also able to acknowledge when they have hurt the other, reaching an understanding.

- And once again, the FABRIC RUSTLED!

(MAG177) ARCHIVIST: … I’m sorry. [SILENCE] MARTIN: [SIGH] It’s okay. I understand. [BAG JOSTLING] [FABRIC RUSTLES] BASIRA: Urgh… [SILENCE] You done? ARCHIVIST: Can we not have a moment? BASIRA: No, Jon, we can’t. This is a chase, remember? Time is a factor.

Still cackling so hard at Basira’s dejected sound. She saw them dancing around each other back in season 3 and got glimpses of Jon’s wallowing in season 4:

(MAG088) BASIRA: I just, I mean he was good company. Y’know, when he wasn’t being a paranoia machine. He was funny, you know? MARTIN: What, Jon? BASIRA: Yeah. MARTIN: I don’t think I’ve ever heard him tell a joke. BASIRA: Maybe you weren’t listening. MARTIN: Right. Well, I’m sure it’ll get sorted out when DAISY brings him in and you can probably talk to him then. Oh! Sorry, I forgot you’re not actually with the police any more, are you.

(MAG106) MELANIE: [CHUCKLE] And anyway, Martin’s always been lovely to you. BASIRA: Hm. I dunno, I mean, you should have seen him when I turned up last year. I think he thought I was trying to steal his precious Archivist. MELANIE: Aaah…! I got the exact same, when Jon was hiding out and came to me with his “source on the inside” stuff. Martin was not impressed. BASIRA: Huff. That boy needs to relax. MELANIE: Or at least find someone else to fuss over. BASIRA: Yeah, he’s got it bad. … Do you know if he and Jon ever…?

(MAG122) ARCHIVIST: Just you and me. … And– Melanie and M–Martin, I–I guess. Honestly, I’m surprised Martin isn’t– BASIRA: [SHARP INHALE] ARCHIVIST: What? Oh God! The, their plan, it’s– Martin i–is…! Is he okay, wh– … What did Elias do?

(MAG123) ARCHIVIST: Haven’t seen Martin about yet? BASIRA: Yeah, he comes and goes. He’s busy. Well, he seems it. ARCHIVIST: Working for Peter Lukas. BASIRA: Don’t be too hard on him, Jon. Your, uh… “situation”, it hit him. Hard.

(MAG127) BASIRA: [EXHALE] … Yeah. People keep saying that. ARCHIVIST: Do they? … W–w–who else– [SHORT SHARP EXHALE] Did Martin say something?

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: I’ve been meaning to ask. The… tape. The one of the, uh… my victim. You said Martin gave it to you. BASIRA: [EXHALE] Yeah. ARCHIVIST: How was he? H–how did he look, was he, uh… BASIRA: I don’t know. I didn’t… see him. He just left it on my desk with a note.

(MAG151) BASIRA: Jon may be going through a whole “we have to trust Martin” thing, but I’m not. As far as I can see, you’re either compromised, or you’re being played. And I want to know which. MARTIN: … I didn’t know Jon had listened to them already! BASIRA: Well, he has. He seems to think you’ll come to him when you need him. I think you’re feeding him what he needs to hear so he doesn’t bother you.

So now, she has to deal with them as a couple. (And it might sting EXTRA HARD… given how she’s Daisy-less. Basira and Daisy aren’t canonically romantically, but they were partners anyway: it’s still rubbing her loss in her face. Helen’s dig about her being the “third wheel” later… was spot-on.)

- I’m glad that Jon’s shitty sense of humour has resurfaced, too! <3 We saw some of it already this season, but I’m glad that he’s using it with Basira again (she had mentioned that she thought he was funny, in MAG088 – they used to share the same sense of humour!)

(MAG140) ARCHIVIST: I hope you’re not suggesting that Santa works for the People’s Church. BASIRA: [SIGH] Jon.

(MAG177) ARCHIVIST: When did I become everyone’s satnav? BASIRA&MARTIN: Jon…!

Martin and Basira, same struggle.

- The background sounds were already dreadful and putting you on edge, so YIPS when Jon explained where they were:

(MAG177) MARTIN: Yyyeah, speaking of… Wh–where actually are we, anyway? I mean… I’m happy to be out of the woods, but I don’t– ARCHIVIST: Wonderland House. A, uh… mental “health” facility. MARTIN: … Oh. Oh, dear. ARCHIVIST: Mm-hm.

Martin’s reaction… He already guessed how awful it could be, uh. As feared, it echoed what Helen had told Jon in her first appearance this season (MAG164: “Look at this place, look at this… [DEEP INHALE] wonderland! This is the world now, and we are strong and free”) – it was a Spiral domain, and Helen appeared – and Jon&Basira are on “Alice”’s trail.

- I’m still laughing very hard that Martin and Basira’s conversation, with the music in the background, the awkwardness, the small talk while waiting (for Jon to come back)… was literally an Elevator Music scene:

(MAG177) BASIRA: So… Did you actually walk all the way down here from Scotland? [A TELEPHONE RINGS IN THE BACKGROUND] MARTIN: Hm… Kind of? Scotland’s not really a thing anymore. BASIRA: Huh. London’s still there. Sort of. MARTIN: Yeah, that’s where we’re heading. Eventually.

* Curious about London’s status, since Basira had also said that “” – it seems to have taken less damage than Scotland, is it because it’s close to the new centre of the world (the Panopstitute)? Is all of London considered an Eye domain, now?

* Martin’s “eventually” is… mmm. Does he think they’re still far from London? Jon hadn’t mentioned when they would arrive – just that the journey had to be done, and this is the 14th Fear domain they’ve encountered. The only one potentially “missing” is Beholding, which might just be the goal. What do they need to travel through to reach London, now? Is it because their journey needs to be done on another level, like emotionally or decision-wise, and that they haven’t fulfilled the condition yet?

- The way Martin described Jon going Kill Bill on avatars, as Martin had requested, was absolutely hilarious because of how quickly summarised it was:

(MAG177) MARTIN: He’s been destroying other avatars on the way. BASIRA: Oh. That’s… good, I guess. How’s he doing it? MARTIN: [INHALE] He’s getting The Eye to, like… like, look at them? He–he just kind of drinks up all their fear and they, uh… just sort of… implode? BASIRA: … Sounds satisfying. MARTIN: Myeah… Not sure how much good it does, though. And one of them was a kid. BASIRA: Jon killed a kid? MARTIN: What? No. No! No, I just mean, one of the avatars that we saw was, like, thirteen or so. BASIRA: That’s… messed up. MARTIN: Yeah. We had to let him go, ‘cause… Uh, well, I mean… [A TELEPHONE RINGS IN THE BACKGROUND] BASIRA: Yeah. MARTIN: Mm, yeah.

I’m noting that Martin understood that “drink your fill” meant that Jon was feeding from their fears (it sure sounded like Jon was feasting when killing them)! I’m still snickering SO HARD at Martin’s shortcuts leading to Basira’s surprised disgust over the idea of Jon killing a kid (but at the same time: the fact that she was surprised over the concept means… that she wasn’t expecting Jon to do these kind of things, naturally). It’s interesting that Martin hadn’t mentioned who that kid was, although he had connected him to Basira in MAG173…

- I’ll roll in my fluffy covers over how we have canon footage of Martin saying that:

(MAG177) BASIRA: … So what’s your plan? MARTIN: Long-term? Elias.

Elias is a long-term plan uwu Geddim, Martin.

I’m… still delighted that Jon and Martin both had problems regarding whether to call him “Jonah” or “Elias”, tried “Jonah” for a while, and yet it persistently doesn’t work and they end up spontaneously going with “Elias”, because SAME HAT:

(MAG161) MARTIN: Elias won, and there were some tapes he’d kept for himself, and he wanted to gloat. So, he sent them! ARCHIVIST: He’s not… MARTIN: I–I don’t see– ARCHIVIST: … “Elias”. MARTIN: Jonah, then. I don’t know, I find it hard to think of him as… I don’t really like to think of him!

(MAG162) ARCHIVIST: No, no, lo–look… I, I–I was listening, and I–I was filled with this… hatred. This anger; I–I wanted to leave, and hunt down Elias, a–and…! MARTIN: W–wow, okay… […] Do you think it’ll do anything? Confronting Elias?

(MAG164) MARTIN: What about Elias? [STATIC INCREASES] ARCHIVIST: He’s inside the Panopticon; the tower, far above the world.

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: Help us with what? MARTIN: ‘xcuse me? ARCHIVIST: Annabelle, help us with “what”? Our–our, our journey, killing Elias, vanishing the Entities – what?

(MAG174) MARTIN: Thanks for that. … Hang on, you’re still down to kill Elias, right? Uh, oh, Jonah, whatever. ARCHIVIST: I’m still going to confront him. [INHALE] I don’t know if killing him is something I’m even… capable of, but if I can and I have to, I will.

(MAG177) ARCHIVIST: I didn’t mean to, Elias was… We were all playing out this big ritual for him. […] MARTIN: Long-term? Elias. He’s up in that that… “Panopticon” tower thing.

I love how they’ve basically given up on trying to call him “Jonah”.

- … To be fair with Basira:

(MAG164) MARTIN: How is he? ARCHIVIST: Hard to say. The, the way this works, this… “new sight”, the knowledge is, is… [SIGH] It’s somehow wrapped up in the Panopticon? An eye can’t… see inside itself.

(MAG177) BASIRA: Figured as much. What’s he up to? MARTIN: Jon doesn’t know. He says it’s a “blind spot”. BASIRA: A blind spot. MARTIN: A–apparently. BASIRA: Convenient.

From the outside, it indeed sounds very convenient. (Jon was a bit more talkative about it, described it as the fact that an “eye can’t see inside itself” which, ewww, but also, oh alright, indeed.)

- I’m glad that Basira asked about Melanie!! ;w;

(MAG177) BASIRA: What about Melanie? MARTIN: He’s… not sure about her either? He can’t see her or Georgie. BASIRA: Dead, then. [STATIC INCREASES, THEN FADES] ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] No. Uh, not dead. Just… hidden, somehow.

She sounded stone-cold, but still asked… Their relationship in season 4 had been extremely harsh on Melanie’s end, but they did use to get along in season 3 and, post-Hill Top Road expedition, it had seemed like things were a bit pacified in the Archives…

- I hadn’t gotten that feeling in MAG164, when Jon had asked Martin to ask him questions for him to use his powers, but this time… it really felt like Jon was immersing and then resurfacing from the sea of knowledge that he had mentioned in season 4?

(MAG127) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] It’s… hard. It’s like there’s a–a–a door, in my mind. And behind it, is… i–is the entire ocean. Before, I didn’t notice it, but now, I–I know it’s there, and I can’t forget it, and I can feel the pressure of the water on it. I–I–I, I can keep it closed… but sometimes, when I’m around p–people, or–or places, or… ideas… a drop or two will push through the cracks, at the edges of the door. And I’ll… know something. BASIRA: … What happens, if you open the door? [PAUSE] ARCHIVIST: I drown.

(Season 5 trailer) MARTIN: Are you still… [SIGH] “feeling it”? Seeing everything? ARCHIVIST: Yes, I, I’m trying not to, but… all of the fear, th–the anguish, i–it just… [INHALE] It keeps coming at me in waves, rolling over me, filling my head with such… awful sights.

(MAG177) ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] Right. Daisy. Give me a moment. [INHALE] [STATIC RISES] […] BASIRA: Dead, then. [STATIC INCREASES, THEN FADES] ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] No. Uh, not dead. Just… hidden, somehow. BASIRA: Hm, back with us, then. ARCHIVIST: I know the route.

He inhaled before using his powers (and before the static kicked in) and then almost gasped when coming back to them.

- REALLY INTERESTING that Martin described Jon’s need to stop as him needing to “make a statement”:

(MAG177) MARTIN: Really? Now? ARCHIVIST: I’ll try to be quick. BASIRA: What’s going on? MARTIN: [SIGH] It’s… It… He needs to make a statement.

Not read, or spit, or “vomit”/“puke” but “make”. Like statement-givers had been doing at the Institute, putting their stories down onto paper or getting them recorded. It’s true that Jon is creating them in his own way, but it’s still an extremely interesting shift…

And once again: where are these tapes going? Why does Jon need to “pour out” into them?

(MAG162) ARCHIVIST: This cabin. [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] It’s not right. And, when I thought that, I–I felt… It, it all poured out of me down… into the tape.

(MAG163) ARCHIVIST: [QUIET] I… I know. [SILENCE] I–I’ll use the tape recorder…! [PLASTIC OF A TAPE] I just… [INHALE] You probably want to wait outside.

They’re still presented as a necessary part of that new process, I wonder what their purpose is…

- F for Jon, Basira&Martin teaming up against him now:

(MAG177) BASIRA: Is that like a euphemism, or…? MARTIN: Ew, no! It’s, hum… He sort of describes the place he’s in to the recorder and… Look, it’s–it’s, it’s magic Eye stuff, he can’t help it. He needs to do it, and if he doesn’t… ARCHIVIST: [FAINT GRUNT] BASIRA: He gets constipated? ARCHIVIST: Hardly! MARTIN: Actually, yeah, basically. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] BASIRA: Right.

- Martin had been keeping lookout around Jon since MAG171, but not necessarily listening to the whole thing:

(MAG177) ARCHIVIST: Look, if you can both just give me some space, I would appreciate it. MARTIN: … Fine. I’ll keep lookout. [MARTIN MOVES AWAY] BASIRA: No. If it’s information about this domain, I think I’d better hear it. ARCHIVIST: [SIGHING] If you say so…! [INHALE]

It’s curious that Basira now wanted to hear about it – she was refusing to listen to him read statements, back in season 4. Why did she need “information about this domain”, since Daisy had already left? Was it pure curiosity, did she want to understand what Jon is currently doing and how he operatesnow? (… Was she trying to imitate Daisy, since Daisy sometimes stayed with Jon when he was reading a statement?)

I wonder if Basira got stuck, absolutely unable to interrupt like Martin had been in MAG167…

- … Alright, that was a very intense statement, both from the concept of the domain and how it was conveyed – Jon impersonating the Bad Therapist, and either pantomiming/recreating a scene which had happened there, either encapsulating various experiences in one demonstration, either directly communicating with a victim from the domain and directly being responsible for their pain, terror and anguish?

Jon’s narration tends to follow the victims in third-person internal focalisation, with a few exceptions (MAG172 being a theatre script meant that the voices, both from the Spider tormenting Francis, and Francis themself, were heard without a narrative filter; Oliver added another narrative layer since he was describing one of his victims; same thing with Jon knowing about Gertrude’s life in the Archives, which had traces of his own judgement). It was absolutely chilling that, for once, all we would hear would be the tormentor’s own words, and that we would only be able to get a glimpse of the victim through the former’s commentaries. It was plain scary (Jon was TERRIFYING) and really conveyed a sense of helplessness – we, the audience, were put in the victim’s place, as helpless as them to do anything while “Dr David”/Jon controlled absolutely everything.

All the little tricks were terrible! Negating one’s identity and experiences, the use of derogatory phrases (“people like you”, “meaningless little brat”, “unlikeable waste of air”, “hysterical little creep”), the threats, the absolutely improper airiness given the situation, the medical mistreatment and incompetence, the accusations, the plain meanness, the utter denial of control. Jon presented the domain as belonging to The Spiral, but I felt that this one had some Web-vibes embedded into it, given how it was also about being trapped and at the mercy of someone else, being unable to fight a situation and utterly manhandled?

(I have my own favourite references, but with “Another of your lies, is it, as though we haven’t heard enough of them in the, what, five years I’ve been treating you now? No matter. … Yes, five years, can we please not start that again?”, my brain still screamed about García Lorca’s play. The Spiral could have a day with that one, too.)

Amongst the terrible things: the fact that we could hear the domain so directly now, and especially the sounds originating from Doctor David’s consultation, the motions, the snaps, the pills? Even the pills getting swallowed? What was up with that? It was already a curious thing in MAG175: how the panting and the footsteps of the chase were audible although Jon was staying in a fixed spot. Is reality bending around him in the domains, creating a small bubble in which what he describes doesn’t exactly happen but happens anyway? (My main question is: who or what swallowed the pills we heard? Was Jon really terrorising someone, or was he “alone” in front of Basira, pantomiming everything?)

What is clearer is about the overall sounds of the scenery: we could hear the screams and the wails in the background, and the clock ticking in that room… as long as the statement lasted. But both stopped when the statement was finished (and the static disappeared), while the faint muzak was audible again:

(MAG177) ARCHIVIST: [SIGHING] If you say so…! [INHALE] [STATIC RISES] [DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES] [FOOTSTEPS, A TELEPHONE RINGS IN THE BACKGROUND] [CLOCK TICKING IN THE BACKGROUND] [STATIC FADES] ARCHIVIST: “Hi. How are we doing? You can call me Doctor David. […] Like I say: we have all the time in the world! [STATIC RISES] And good old Doctor David isn’t – going – anywhere.” [STATIC FADES] [THE SCREAMS AND THE CLOCK STOP, THE TINNY MUZAK RESUMES] [SILENCE]

So… there really is a little bubble transforming around Jon, and I wonder whether Basira was pulled into it or remained exterior? At least, the tape recorder caught these sounds…

- Basira, Sayer Of Fuck, thank you for your services:

(MAG177) ARCHIVIST: [DEEP EXHALATION] … Satisfied? BASIRA: Ff… Fuck.

Fuck The Spiral, indeed.

(It was Basira’s second “Fuck” of the series! First one had been in MAG148, she’s now on equal stand with Jon.)

- ;_; I feel for Jon, who had trouble explaining exactly what this domain was about:

(MAG177) BASIRA: No, I get that bit, it’s just… So the guy was mad, or…? ARCHIVIST: No, it–it… I–I mean, yes. It’s sort of, like… gaslighting but in reverse? [A TELEPHONE RINGS IN THE BACKGROUND] Uh, this place, it’s built on the fear that your mental health problems aren’t actually real. BASIRA: … Wouldn’t that be a good thing? ARCHIVIST: N–no, I– Hum, I’m not explaining it very well. Uh, it’s, it’s the worry that everything is, is awful, and it’s actually… your fault. That, that you made it up, that, hum… that you’re… BASIRA: What? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Bad therapists. Let’s just say it’s the fear of bad therapists, filtered through The Spiral.

It’s a very understandable fear; until Jon cleared it up, I thought it was “that little voice in some people’s head”, because woops. The statement did feel familiar on a lot of levels, for me, and I’m still so occasionally impressed at this series’ ability to give a mirror to so many people in such different ways.

- Was Jon already trying to warn Basira about Helen, before she appeared?

(MAG177) BASIRA: That’s… a lot more nuance than I’ve gotten used to since everything went wrong. ARCHIVIST: Yes, well. The Spiral is nothing if not insidious.

With the way Basira arrived, she screamed “potentially vulnerable to Helen” given that Helen can track her (Basira went through her corridors, after the end of MAG143) and that Helen had already offered Jon&Martin to drop them wherever they wanted…

Regarding Basira’s answer: I wonder if what she had faced in the apocalypse so far really did lack much nuance, or if she was just… plainly unable to see it. We saw with Noah Thomson that her reflex is to refuse to see it when it’s too heavy to bear, and she already knew that Daisy had been killing on her way; if this one’s case wasn’t as straightforward as she wanted to believe (if he’s just a “nasty piece of work”, therefore it’s not a heavy loss if he dies, it doesn’t make Daisy absolutely monstrous, it doesn’t mean that she has to feel empathy for a victim), it… was probably the same for Daisy’s other victims, and perhaps also for the other horrors Basira has witnessed.

- CONGRATULATION, MARTIN! You’ve already run into your ~(almost)corpse of the season~!

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: That’s where you found her? MARTIN: Yes. She was sat in a wooden chair in the middle of the room. No worms. No cobwebs. Just… an old corpse. Gertrude Robinson. She was slumped forward, but I could see her mouth hanging open.

(MAG080) TIM: Try his office. MARTIN: Yeah. Right. [DOOR OPENS TO THE SOUND OF DRIPPING] MARTIN: Jon? Oh. Oh no. TIM: I told you he was going to do something like this. MARTIN: Oh, no, no… Who is it?

(Season 4 trailer) MARTIN: Hi Jon. [PAUSE] H–how are you? [LIGHT CHUCKLE] … Yeah. Yeah, same here.

(MAG158) PETER: There is… of course… just one other complication? [FOOTSTEPS STOP] You’ll have to dispose of the current occupant. MARTIN: Curren–… [QUICK FOOTSTEPS] [SHARP BREATHING] … Who is that? PETER: Jonah Magnus! His… body, at least. Sitting here; watching; binding it all together; growing ever older. If you want to take his place, well…

(MAG177) MARTIN: [NERVOUSLY] Uh… Is that door meant to be open, heh? And… dripping blood? [BAG JOSTLING] ARCHIVIST: We’re here. [DOOR CREAKS] MARTIN: … Oh! Jesus… [BAG JOSTLING] ARCHIVIST: Yes. Horrible way to go…!

Now, there might be hope that he won’t be discovering Jon’s corpse at the end of season 5 since this tradition is done already.

- ;; Jon’s description of what Daisy did was incredibly chilling, because it felt more like a predator waiting. It felt like someone calculating and planning for the best moment.

(MAG177) ARCHIVIST: I know the route. [BAG JOSTLING] Come on. [FOOTSTEPS START AGAIN] It… will take us past Daisy’s victim, though. MARTIN: Victim? BASIRA: She’s been killing. MARTIN: What? No – no, that can’t be right. I–I thought people weren’t even allowed to die any more. ARCHIVIST: Not permanently, but, uh… Ah. […] BASIRA: You’re sure this is Daisy’s handiwork? ARCHIVIST: Positive. [STATIC RISES] She’d been prowling around for a long time, waiting for a gap in the “treatments”. And when she got one, she carved through the door like it was paper. He tried to run but she was so fast. She took his legs first, slicing through the tendons so that he could– […] MARTIN: Wait. Wait, so… so, she’s hunting down criminals? People who she… thinks got away with stuff? BASIRA: … Sure.

I still wonder if there is a bit of Daisy, right now, within the beast, aware of what it is doing? Knowing that she’s back to being a “sadistic predator”, witnessing her actions, aware of their monstrosity yet unable to stop them, would probably be season4!Daisy’s worst nightmare…

If Daisy is following a personal list of people who (she, as a Hunter, felt) had “gotten away with stuff”… Jon and Elias might be on that list? Daisy had explained to Jon, in MAG132, that she had been planning to kill him after The Unknowing. And she had wished for Elias’s death for a long time (MAG082: “One day, someone is going to kill you. I really hope it’s me.”): could she go after Jon? After Elias in the Panopticon?

- I’m still curious about the “death” status: Jon mentioned that people getting killed wouldn’t stay “permanently” dead. Are they meant to respawn at some point? Go to another domain? Does it also apply to Trevor, since Jon wasn’t the one to kill him? (Julia, however, apparently died before the apocalypse if it was only one week after the attack on the Institute – that’s two weeks before the apocalypse – so… bye.)

- Basira’s attempt to avoid the subject huuuuurts, and I like how Jon, as he is now, is able to carry much more “nuance”, precisely, and to point out… well, how things are rarely dichotomic, and how it’s easy to completely ignore someone’s circumstances and own problems as soon as you label them as “the bad guy”:

(MAG177) BASIRA: [SIGH] Noah Thomson. That… nasty piece of work. Crossed him a few times when we weren’t doing sectioned work. Last I heard, he’d dodged a GBH charge Daisy brought him in on. Blinded a guy during a robbery. I guess she didn’t forget. MARTIN: Wait. Wait, so… so, she’s hunting down criminals? People who she… thinks got away with stuff? BASIRA: … Sure. ARCHIVIST: Really? As simple as that? BASIRA: What’s your point? ARCHIVIST: What, you think he ended up in Wonderland House at random? We’re just going to ignore it, and write him off as a “nasty piece of work”? BASIRA: We don’t have time for this. ARCHIVIST: Then we should make time. You want to hear how he ended up blinding that man? Because it wasn’t a robbery. He was running away from Daisy, lashing out in a panic. The court believed it. But you believed her… BASIRA: [ANGRY] I told you not to look in my head! ARCHIVIST: I didn’t. And I won’t. But you can’t hunt a monster that you refuse to see.

* Not only did Daisy try to charge him with lies, not only did Basira believe her (while justice had sided with him!); it is indeed especially relevant that he was encountered in this domain, where people are denied the help that they would require. When it came to Daisy, Basira simplified things a lot and created another “us” vs. “them” separation… which wasn’t fair and didn’t work. 

* I like that Jon’s understanding of Basira is not entirely provided by his powers: by now, it feels like he’s learned to know her, her flaws and weaknesses, but also to keep in mind how things are more complicated than he would have liked to believe. In season 1, Jane Prentiss had been a monster terrorising them; by season 4, Jon had read enough stories about avatars to know that they tended to be, initially, vulnerable and/or isolated people lured in by a deceptive comfort, power, or their will to survive. It still means something that he wants to talk Basira out of her mindset, is still trying to help her to understand unpleasant bits of reality (even if it hurts her, since it requires her to change… a big portion of how she had grown to conceptualise the world).

* It’s almost verbatim another scene from the series:

(MAG118) ELIAS: Martin, I do not have time for this. MARTIN: Then maybe you should make time.

(MAG177) BASIRA: We don’t have time for this. ARCHIVIST: Then we should make time.

How bad does it have to be, for her to be “Elias” in a verbal squabble?

- Jon’s “You can’t hunt a monster that you refuse to see” is SUCH a powerful line, and I feel like it’s really summarising Basira’s main flaw… and potentially what might be literally happening. Basira can’t manage to catch up to Daisy: I had wondered whether it was because Basira was holding back, unsure that she would be able to kill her… but maybe it’s, plainly, because she’s never be able to directly see Daisy’s actions for what they were, to understand Daisy’s guilt and who was Daisy in season 4. Basira, through her silence, complacency and willing ignorance/denial, both enabled and was complicit in Daisy’s monstrosity; maybe now, in this universe working on dream-logic, Basira can’t reach her because the concept of Daisy has always escaped her.

- It’s interesting that in the episode, different terms were used to describe Martin’s and Basira’s feelings towards respectively Jon and Daisy: Martin “trusts” Jon (to not look into his head), Basira “believed” Daisy’s words. In a lot of ways, Basira and Martin’s situations share similarities (caring for someone powerful, who has the capacity to do a lot of harm). But Martin was able to draw clear lines and get critical of Jon’s behaviours when it was getting monstrous (attacking people in season 4), without being absolutely perfect either – he did push Jon to “smite” avatars this season without taking into consideration the harm it could do to Jon and what it meant on an ethical level, but he also ended up accepting Jon’s reluctance and agree that if Jon didn’t feel like it was the right thing to do, then it wasn’t. They’re anchors in that regard, too, grounding each other to prevent them from drifting away.

Meanwhile, Basira… was ready to tolerate Daisy’s actions, as long as it didn’t happen in front of her or to someone she liked a bit (MAG091: “I know what you do here. […] You’re not that subtle. But I… I always thought you just killed monsters.”). Daisy’s actions as a Hunter in the police were both atrocious in themselves, but also through the complacency of her superiors and colleagues, including Basira:

(MAG082) ELIAS: I was wondering. Is it worth it? Operating the way that you do? DAISY: Just answer the question. ELIAS: Does the lack of oversight make up for the lack of support? […] Please, Detective Tonner. You don’t want this to happen in the police station any more than I do. Your superiors, exactly how aware are they of what you’re doing right now? DAISY: They know enough. They got a call and sent me down here. That’s how it works. ELIAS: And then they don’t ask any questions, as long as you keep it far away from official police channels. Except your partner leaving has made you sloppy. […] Here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to make a statement. Your statement. To prove to you what I know, and because I want John to hear it someday. And when it’s over, you are going to leave. Because if you don’t, I’ll make sure your superiors know all about every nasty little thing you’ve done in the name of peace and order, and I’ll make sure they are subject to the scrutiny they so desperately want to avoid. More importantly, I’ll make sure they know it has all been exposed because of you. Is that clear? […] Feel free to see yourself out. If you take any action against myself or this Institute, I will ensure the police become aware of your crimes in a way that cannot ignored or covered up.

(MAG092) ELIAS: Allow me. She rightly suspected that I held evidence of various murders she had committed, and that I sent this to her superiors. DAISY: … ELIAS: She’s quite the killer, your partner. All in the public good, of course. And she was correct, I spent some time acquiring that evidence. Or creating it. And while your superiors don’t much care about the killings, the fact there is proof… They’re not happy. And they want you brought in. […] You think you’re the only police officer eager to do violence and call it justice? No, there are plenty of other rabid dogs out there, mad with the Hunt.

(MAG132) DAISY: I hurt… a l–lot of people… and some who… who I shouldn’t have. Did you ever hear the, the story Elias told me? About what I did. How I am… He, he didn’t get a detail wrong. The Hunt… Hunger was in me all my life. Telling me who to chase, how to hurt them. I never needed to think… who I was outside of that. But down here, where I… I can’t hear the… blood anymore, I d–, I don’t… I don’t know who I am without, without the chase… I just know… that I… I don’t like who I was back outside. I don’t want to be her again. I want… to be… better… [PANTS] Y–you know what I thought wh–when I woke up here? I thought this was hell; I wa–, I was dead, and within hell. And I… eh, I–I knew I deserved it… I don’t want t–to be a s–sadistic predator again… I–I don’t want to… hobble around, like some pathetic, wounded prey either… I don’t know which would be worse. And I’m sc–scared, now, that I’ll never get the choice…

(MAG142) MARTIN: Not nice being interrogated, is it? DAISY: I… [EXHALE] Oh. MARTIN: Yeah. [SILENCE] DAISY: [INHALE] I’m sorry, Martin. MARTIN: It’s alright. Wasn’t you. [INHALE] Not really. DAISY: No, it was. I hate… a lot of what I did back then; doesn’t mean I’m not… responsible for it, doesn’t mean it… wasn’t me.

(MAG153) DAISY: They’re not gone yet. We could still get them. [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] ARCHIVIST: Daisy, no. It’s like you say. “Don’t listen to the blood.” DAISY: [SLOWER BREATHES] … “Listen to the quiet”… ARCHIVIST: Even so, if it’s having this much of an effect on you– DAISY: I’m not going back. I can’t let it in again. ARCHIVIST: But it– … What if it kills you? DAISY: [CHORTLE] Always said I was dedicated to justice…! ARCHIVIST: Daisy! It’s not… You can’t think like that. DAISY: Jon. Do you have any idea how much damage you can do if you’re a police officer who wants to hurt people? How much the system will protect you? ARCHIVIST: [SHARP INHALE] DAISY: I managed to keep most of it from Basira, but… ARCHIVIST: That wasn’t you, that was The Hunt! DAISY: … [SIGH] We were the same. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: … You’d never known anything different. [SILENCE] DAISY: Because I never wanted to. All that time trapped was good for one thing: thinking. And I did a lot of it. I’ve made my choice.

(MAG155) BASIRA: I’m trying to convince her to go after them. To, er… “Hunt” them. ARCHIVIST: Why? BASIRA: Because I’m not going to lose her. ARCHIVIST: She goes Hunting again, you might anyway. BASIRA: And if she doesn’t, she might die. ARCHIVIST: Something you’re fine with in certain other cases. And something she’s made peace with. BASIRA: Because of the guilt she feels over the stuff The Hunt made her do…! It’s not her fault. ARCHIVIST: Earlier, when she was still out of it, I, uh… I “saw” some of the things she was talking about, some of the things she did, while she was police. I’m not convinced I disagree with her assessment. [PAUSE] Do you want me to tell you? BASIRA: No. No, I don’t. ARCHIVIST: … You knew, didn’t you? You knew the sort of things she did, and you let her. BASIRA: No, not exactly. I thought… [PAUSE] It’s not that simple. ARCHIVIST: It never is. But that doesn’t make it okay. [SILENCE] BASIRA: None of us are who we were, Jon. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: No. I suppose not. In many ways, it’s simpler now, isn’t it? At least now, our demons have names. BASIRA: Mm.

Basira felt harsh, in this episode, but the episode was equally harsh on her, with Jon trying to push her to change her mindset and to realise what wrongs had been committed, what the situation truly had been. It feels like we might be getting there, though? Basira had spiralled for the worse in season 4, but didn’t really get an arc of her own so far, and everything has been laid out for it now. (It also… helps me to make peace with Daisy’s likely fate, if the promise is fulfilled and she is killed as part of Basira’s acceptance of what Daisy had done and what Basira had allowed to happen?)

(- Regarding Basira’s harshness and the fact that she tends to throw herself into trying to do something without thinking it through:

(MAG117) BASIRA: I don’t want to be here. But by the end, I didn’t want to be police either, so… guess I don’t really know what I do want, which… maybe that’s just as well. My options… they’ve gotten a lot narrower over the last year. […] And if it’s anything like when we went after Rayner, it’s going to get bad. The sort of bad you can only get through if you stay focused and keep a clear head. You choke down the fear, and not because it’s feeding some weird horrible god like Jon thinks, but because that’s how you keep going.

(MAG119) BASIRA: Don’t panic. Don’t panic. Just close your… Ignore it. ignore the, uh… don’t listen. Focus. Think. This is a place. You are you and you’re in a place now. If… if it’s a place, and it’s now, then… then… then it has an end. The other things, the… […] Good! Then… then keep moving. Keep moving until you find another place. A place you know… just keep moving. Keep moving.

(MAG128) BASIRA: Do you know how I survived the… The Unknowing? ARCHIVIST: I… No. No, I don’t. BASIRA: No powers, no… magic or… help. I was trapped in that place, and so I tried to figure it out. And I did. A little. So I kept doing it. I kept going through until I got out. I… reasoned my way out of that nightmare. ARCHIVIST: Good lord… BASIRA: Then everything ended, and Daisy was gone. And you were gone. And Tim. And then I got back to the Institute, and Martin send me to meet the new boss. Then I stood alone in an empty office for more than one hour. I can trust me, Jon. That’s it.

(MAG142) MARTIN: Would have thought Basira would’ve had more sense, though. DAISY: When Basira and I were partners, I’d see this happen sometimes. She can read a… situation like no one I know, always seems to know the right move, but for all her research, she never wants to put a plan together. I think she just hates all the unknowns, the… variables. [SIGH] Contingencies. If she spots an advantage, she’ll… grab it, and trust herself to figure out the details as she goes. MARTIN: Hm. DAISY: It’s worked so far.

(MAG146) BASIRA: No. No, if he is being controlled, we need to know. And we need to know now. Do you know where she is? ARCHIVIST: H… Not… not properly, I, I think she has some connection to Hill Top Road. BASIRA: Then we go. Now. [SHUFFLING] Unless anyone has any objections? […] Daisy? DAISY: … Be better if we could prepare. MELANIE: I–I just think that… we shouldn’t be exposing ourselves like this until we have a little bit more than a hunch…! ARCHIVIST: She does have a point. MELANIE: I didn’t ask you. BASIRA: ‘Kay, fine. I’ll go, then. I’ll do some recon on my own and update you.

(MAG155) BASIRA: No sign of Annabelle either. ARCHIVIST: You’re still on that? BASIRA: You’re not? ARCHIVIST: … I–I mean, I don’t know how much she can predict or manipulate the future, but I think she’s proven she can at least avoid us finding her. BASIRA: Yeah, well. It makes me feel better. ARCHIVIST: I suppose that’s something.

Given how that’s also what she did upon discovering that the world had “ended”, it sounds more and more like a coping mechanism to not have to deal with everything else, and/or to get back a semblance of control… I’m remembering what she had said about her father’s life-lessons:

(MAG117) BASIRA: I don’t know. I feel kind of bad. Everyone seems to be having a much worse time of it than me, and I was meant to be the hostage. It’s amazing, how much you can ignore when you keep your head in a book. Mf! My dad would hate me talking like this. He couldn’t stand people who just passively moaned about their problems. He always said: “If you don’t like something, you accept it and you adapt; or your fight and you change it. Whining doesn’t help.” I’ve always tried to live like that, but I think sometimes… you feel like you’re adapting, but… it’s just denial. But not anymore. I’m going to fight and change it. I just hope I’m not heading into the wrong battle.

… And back then, it hadn’t really struck me as a potentially toxic mindset. I mean, it’s supposed to be inspiring, but it’s also… so dichotomic. Either you shut up and accept, either you actively fight: there always will be cases where it’s more complicated than this, where you can’t really do either. And it feels like Basira tried really hard to live through these words, without accepting that they weren’t really working because the world is a way more complex place than this…

I’m really/curious excited, because with the way Jon kept pushing for her to understand how keeping her eyes closed and following a pure binarism had been her fatal flaws, it really seems like we’re heading towards something. Crossing fingers for a Basira mini-arc/inner-journey before everything bursts into flames!)

- … On another note, Helen, your entrance, please.

(MAG177) [TENSE SILENCE] [SOUND OF AN ELEVATOR ARRIVING WITH A SUDDEN, SHRILL “BING”] MARTIN: [SURPRISED GASP] [DISTORTION SOUNDS] HELEN: Not interrupting anything, am I? MARTIN: Christ, Helen, you scared the life out of me! HELEN: [INSINCERE] Sorry darling. ARCHIVIST: Not now, Helen.

Best and Worst entrance at the same time.

I didn’t really hear static, this time around? Like, the usual distortion sounds were there, but not the fuzzy static? Is it because they were already in a Spiral domain?

Her playfulness was off the charts this time, and OOFT:

(MAG177) BASIRA: Can’t have been that bad. MARTIN: I– … What? BASIRA: You look fine to me. MARTIN: [INDIGNANT] Excuse me?! BASIRA: Whole and healthy with a shoulder to lean on every step of the way!

[…] BASIRA: Really don’t need your opinion on this. HELEN: Good to see you too, Basira! You’re looking well.

She felt absolutely untrustworthy, in such a cartoonish way… that actually, it probably would have been fine to take her on her offer right now, if expecting to be deceived?

(MAG177) HELEN: I can offer a shortcut. Take you right to that murder machine you call a partner. MARTIN: Basira… Jon can’t go through Helen’s doors, we, we couldn’t come with you. HELEN: Basira is a strong, independent woman. She doesn’t need you two holding her hand. Anyway, it’ll be dead quick. Two minutes, door-to-door, quick shot to the back of Daisy’s head, and we’ll be home before you know it! ARCHIVIST: … You just heard what The Spiral does to people, you can’t… trust her. HELEN: Urgh, nonsense! Martin can vouch for me. You and– what’s-his-name went through Michael’s door, right? And he was rubbish compared to me. MARTIN: … We were in there for two weeks…! HELEN: Exactly! And you’re just fine! Better than fine, flourishing! MARTIN: … You really don’t care, do you? HELEN: Alright, be like that. [FOOTSTEPS] Under new management, anyway. [EXHALE] So what’s it going to be, Basira darling? Quick and easy? Or are you looking to take the long way round as the third wheel?

* It’s… suspicious that Martin ended up explaining/reminding to the audience the Jon Problem about him being unable to go through Helen’s door without likely destroying her in the process. It feels like someone will end up inside soon…? (Also yay for Martin once again stating that if Jon can’t go, it means that they can’t go!)

* Helen’s “dead quick” is awful, I hate it.

* Martin, forgiving and forgetting? NO AHAHAHA RESENT AND REMEMBER:

(MAG080) MARTIN: Sorry? Sorry, what? How can you not care!? TIM: Because this is us now. Worms. Monsters. Corridors. They’ll keep happening until one of them kills us and we’ve just got to deal with it. [SIGH] … Any sign of the woman…? MARTIN: I don’t think so. [PAUSE] We should have helped her.

(MAG082) MARTIN: I told you that there was someone else there. It may… DAISY: Which one should we be asking, by the way? The man with the knife hands or the woman trapped in your “magic corridors”? MARTIN: It happened.

(MAG117) MARTIN: Hey, hey, I mean what’s normal, right? Is living in an old document storage normal? Is losing a friend and not even noticing normal? Corridors? Evil all-seeing managers? I suppose you can get used to anything, but…

(MAG118) MARTIN: [DRY LAUGHTER] Dignity? Alright, yeah; like the dignity of being trapped in your flat by worms, or sleeping in the Archives, clutching a corkscrew! Or– or fetching drinks for the thing that murdered your friend without you even noticing…! Laughing at all their little jokes, then being left to wander impossible corridors for weeks!

… Helen’s lack of respect for Tim, though :w (Peter had also shown some trouble with remembering his name, in MAG158…)

* Squinting hard at Helen saying that Martin is “flourishing” and adding that “Under new management, anyway”: was it referring to herself (as The Distortion’s new management, since she just mentioned Michael having been “rubbish”)? To Martin’s own Fear alignment…?

I’m glad and relieved that Basira refused her offer, even if it’s purely motivated by strategy ;; (And I’m amazed that Martin hadn’t noticed how much fun she’d been having until now – she… doesn’t seem to be getting worse? She’s just consistently casually awful.)

(- I’m wondering if Helen’s “Especially now you’ve got… someone else to do the intense, driven thing. I think you might need to get a new schtick!” was purely gratuitous or a very direct jab… Right now, Jon&Martin’s quest to the Panopticon feels like it has been put to a stop, to allow them to focus on Daisy. The way Helen put it, it seemed as if it was convenient for Jon to not have to handle the “driven thing” anymore at the moment…? Is Jon actually reluctant to reach the Panoptitute, just like Basira might be sabotaging herself from reaching Daisy through nightmare logic…?)

- Once again, the episode ends with Jon leading the way, which he’s done a lot since coming out from The Lonely with Martin in MAG159. It makes sense, since he has the knowledge and a better understanding of the domains compared to the others, but I wonder if there will be a point, this season, when Jon will have to follow someone else instead of taking the lead?

- Amongst the things which were not mentioned this episode and had involved Basira:

* The fact that the “kid” avatar that Jon&Martin encountered was Callum Brodie. Basira had been involved in the mission to rescue him from the kidnapping orchestrated by The Dark, and Martin was aware of that when they met Callum in MAG172. Yet, he didn’t namedrop him in front of her, in this episode.

* Jon mentioned that Elias had manipulated them, but not how it had been done, and that it had required to get him marked by the Fears. Basira was directly pushed by Elias to go to Svalbard, where Elias knew that the Dark Sun resided, on the pretext that they might be attempting a ritual there. If Basira hadn’t listened to Elias, or had shared who was her source with the others… maybe they could have averted that mark for a little while longer.

* They didn’t mention that Jonah launched the apocalypse through a letter which had been hidden amongst the statements that Basira had sent to Jon. (No mention of the tapes either: though Jon&Martin had already understood that Basira wasn’t behind them by the beginning of season 5, Basira might have confirmed that it indeed wasn’t her).

=> That’s a few instances where Basira’s actions had “complicated” consequences and made her an (unwilling) contributor to the Fear business and Jonah’s plans. I wonder if these little details and pieces of information will be revealed to her soon? They… could hurt her a lot, while still helping her to see how the situation is not as simple as she wanted to believe (the victim she had helped to save was a bully and turned into an avatar torturing other kids; her fear of another ritual led to Jon’s second-to-last mark; either she didn’t pay enough attention to the statements she was sending, either the package was compromised before reaching its destination, leading to Jonah’s letter trapping Jon).

MAG178’s title is hard! It makes me think of something Gerry had told Jon, but also possibly of administration-stuff. Elias and/or Rosie stuff? Something about Daisy’s list of preys? Domain with a “minor” fear to show, like with the Extinction, how Smirke’s categorisation didn’t work all that well? Something about the deaths not being permanent? Beholding domain or statement, demonstrating the way it’s a bit more important than the other Fears in this new world?

#mag177 #tma spoilers/ #long post/ #tma liveblog #tma season 5 #the magnus archives

[toriii131466628]

100 reasons not to kill yourself

1. We would miss you.

2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you.

3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow.

4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing.

5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there.

6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself.

7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise.

8. You are amazing.

9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better.

10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead.

11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive.

12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die.

13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about.

14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me.

15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born.

16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died?

17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect.

18. Think about your favourite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again…

19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day

20. Listening to incredibly loud music

21. Being alive is just really good.

22. Not being alive is really bad.

23. Finding your soulmate.

24. Red pandas

25. Going to diners at three in the morning.

26. Really soft pillows.

27. Eating pizza in New York City.

28. Proving people wrong with your success.

29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life.

30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can.

31. Being able to help other people.

32. Bonfires.

33. Sitting on rooftops.

34. Seeing every single country in the world.

35. Going on roadtrips.

36. You might win the lottery someday.

37. Listening to music on a record player.

38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower.

39. Taking really cool pictures.

40. Literally meeting thousands of new people.

41. Hearing crazy stories.

42. Telling crazy stories.

43. Eating ice cream on a hot day.

44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know.

45. Travelling to another planet someday.

46. Having an underwater house.

47. Randomly running into your hero on the street.

48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel.

49. Trampolines.

50. Think about your favourite movie, you’ll never watch it again.

51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke,

52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more.

53. People do care.

54. Treehouses

55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse

55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees

56. I don’t even know you and I love you.

57. I don’t even know you and I care about you.

58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness!

59. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor.

60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS!

61. Starbucks.

62. Hugs.

63. Stargazing.

64. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is.

65. You’ve changed somebody’s life.

66. Now you could change the world.

67. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you.

68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you.

69. You have the chance to save somebody’s life.

70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things.

71. Making snow angels.

72. Making snowmen.

73. Snowball fights.

74. Life is what you make of it.

75. Everybody has a talent.

76. Laughing until you cry.

77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy.

78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist.

79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down

80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive.

81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero.

82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.

83. One day your smile will be real.

84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day.

85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds.

86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends.

87. Eating crazy food.

88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one.

89. Sleeping in all day.

90. Creating something you’re proud of.

91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn’t commit

92. Being able to meet your Internet friends.

93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate

94. Sherlock season three.

95. Cuddling under the stars.

96. Being stupid in public because you just can.

97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile?

98. being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years

99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this.

100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, literally anything could happen

Depression Hotline: [phone]

Suicide Hotline: [phone]

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: [phone]

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail [email protected]

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected]

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 [email protected]

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected]

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: [email protected]

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail [email protected]

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: [phone]

India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669

Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868, Free and available 24/7

suicide hotlines;

Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430

Australia: 13-11-14

Austria: 01-713-3374

Barbados: 429-9999

Belgium: 106

Botswana: 391-1270

Brazil: 21-233-9191

China: 852-2382-0000

(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)

Costa Rica: 606-253-5439

Croatia: 01-4833-888

Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67

Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908

Denmark: 70-201-201

Egypt: 762-1602

Estonia: 6-558-088

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Germany: 0800-181-0721

Greece: 1018

Guatemala: 502-234-1239

Holland: 0900-0767

Honduras: 504-237-3623

Hungary: 06-80-820-111

Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90

Ireland: 1800-247-100

Israel: 09-8892333

Italy: 06-705-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292

Malaysia: 03-756-8144

(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

Mexico: 525-510-2550

Netherlands: 0900-0767

New Zealand: 4-473-9739

New Guinea: 675-326-0011

Nicaragua: 505-268-6171

Norway: 47-815-33-300

Philippines: 02-896-9191

Poland: 52-70-000

Portugal: 239-72-10-10

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Serbia: 21-6623-393

Spain: 91-459-00-50

South Africa: 0861-322-322

South Korea: 2-715-8600

Sweden: 031-711-2400

Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

Uruguay: 095 73 8483

You will be missing out on every single wonderful thing yet to happen to you.

[wesker20]

Fallen Hero 1.5 Episode 7: Memories of a Deadman

Years ago, Night – Amelia Neighborhood – Puerto Rico

There was little you could have done different. In fact, there was nothing you could have done differently. Your plan was ready and able, Zeta was on a roof overlooking the neighborhood, Alpha was on the back of the house, and Kappa and you were inside sneaking in. Kappa turned invisible as always, while you began sending small telepathic waves that made the goons not notice you. Everything was going fine until you heard gun shots and shouting.

The place turned into chaos, Kappa and you were left staring at one another wondering what the hell had just happened. Not that your confusion lasted long of course as Zeta contacted all three of you and let you know that Delta had begun his attack. Way earlier than he told you. The worst part was that you knew that Delta was not smart enough to lie, which meant he just received orders to attack sooner; probably General Asshole. The attack forced you and Kappa to move fast, getting in before Jeremy could escape. Kappa, of course, went faster. You had forgotten how fast she could move. Even with his teleportation, Zeta could not keep up with how fast she reacted. Between the two of you, you left a trail of bodies behind as you made your way to the bedroom as fast as you could.

By the time you reached the room, however, the bed has been moved and the secret tunnel opened. Kappa and you rushed into it where a big fight began. It was chaotic to say the least, cramped into a small tunnel with dozens of goons standing between you and your target; and all wanted you both dead. In this field of battle, Kappa shined. With her speed and invisibility, she sliced and diced with her sword, cutting down her opponents with no trouble, dancing in between their attacks, tricking them into hitting each other, cutting open their necks and stomachs, painting the tunnel red with blood. By the end of it, a dozen goons laid dead atop of each other, her sole blue figure standing among them victorious, and your target just some meters away, stunned. He tried one last ditch effort to defend himself, shooting a blast from a strange weapon you did not recognized. Kappa dodged effortlessly but you did not fared as well, taking the brunt of the blast. You were surprised to find yourself relatively unharmed, physically anyway. Mentally speaking, you had the biggest headache in the world. And you could not feel any thoughts at all. Not Kappa’s, or Jeremy’s, or even Alpha’s as you finally noticed her standing beside you, worry written all over her face.

You were later informed that the weapon temporarily disabled your abilities. That was just the prototype. The “Guardianes” were planning to mass produce this. You wondered where they got this type of tech but that’s for your owners to figure out. You did your job, as good as could be done given the circumstances. The battle had attracted the attention of neighbors and soon probably the media. You’ve already been cleared and ready and you can feel your powers slowly coming back. You stare at the barricade made of cars and trucks, where people stand wondering what just happened. Zeta, Alpha and you stood in the open, your gear covering all of your bodies so no one could tell what you were. But Kappa was inside a truck and covered to make sure no one saw her skin. Too public. The higher ups were not going to be happy about this.

And of course the general was the first one who’s voice you heard. But before he could approach you Mrs. Trevor stood in front of him. You could not hear what they were saying but you could tell they were arguing. Trevor turned and made a motion for Alpha to come. You followed her too, curious to see what was going to happen.

“Unit Alpha 203 report,” he said with an accusatory tone, as if he expected her to deliver all the evidence he needed. Alpha reported everything that happened, taking extra care to make sure Delta was the one that carried the blame, and in turn whoever ordered him to attack earlier. It took all of your strength that day to hold back a grin. “Unit Alpha, if I find out you are reporting wrong-” he begins but Trevor stops him from saying anything further. You and Alpha traded glances; you were not the only one holding back a grin.

Unsatisfied but defeated the good General turns to walk away. But he leaves with a warning, “The cuckoos program is a danger General. It is unwise to teach these weapons emotions and have them live among people. One of these days I’ll prove it and take this whole farce down. When that happens you will fall with them.”

It was strange, you remember, to hear handler Trevor being addressed by her rank. To you she was always handler Trevor or Mrs. Trevor. You always wondered why, why she never asked you to address her as such. Truth is you never knew who Vanessa Trevor truly was. At the time you respected her, you looked up to her. She always protected all four of you.

Hideout, present – 8:30pm

But now you wonder if she ever did really cared or if she was simply manipulating all of you. Out of all the people in your past, she’s the only one you are not sure if you want to hurt. You stare at her picture on the file you paid a hacker to get. It was expensive; after all hacking into government files is the equivalent of putting your head on a guillotine, but you had to. There’s only one other person left alive from what happened all those years ago. It comes back to you, the blood, the screams, your screams, the fire surrounding you, Trevor aiming a gun at you before telling you to go and never come back. The look on her face, cold and calculating, but the tone of her voice betrayed some care, whether that was genuine or not you don’t know. At the time you did not thought of reading her mind.

You pass the page to see her accolades ever since. Despite what the General said, Vanessa Trevor did not fall, she rose. Despite the fall of your unit the Cuckoo program continued and she got promoted as one of those responsible for its success, even though she neither founded it nor was the head of it. You got to love politics. Overall she turned things around better than you did.

But you did not get this to reminisce of those times, when you were little more than a slave. You got this because one person from your past is after you, and you want to know what happened after you escaped. Still, your hand shakes as you hold your untraceable phone. You swore you would never visit those years again, that you would forget about it all, should you really go back now? It’s too early and you could probably take the voice down without knowing what happened. But you want to know, you need to know what happened. You know what probably happened, they were taken and tortured. “Reeducated” as they called it, their minds erased to make space for a new one. But after that, you don’t know. And why would you? You left, abandoned them, because you wanted something. Because you dared to wish.

Years ago, the Farm – 9:30pm

“What do you want, Jeremy?” Alpha asked as the two of you sat on the rooftop. You had snuck out, as you both did several times over and just stare outside in the night. Kappa always said that you were being too reckless and one day you will be caught. Still, she along with Zeta always took guard, and sometimes even joined you two. Despite the danger, you liked it, being here, outside of your four walls room, not being cramped with the other Re-genes. Alpha knew that, she knew you better than you knew yourself.

“Are you seriously going to keep going with that?” you asked. As much as you liked having a name, Alpha used it way too freely and too much for your liking. You have barely gotten used to it yourself, but she appears to have gotten used to it in mere seconds.

“Yep. That’s your name now, remember? And you did not answer my question.”

“Just being here, quiet. And not answering stupid questions.”

She looked at you and chuckled. “I meant out there. You clearly want something out there.”

You thought about her question for a few moments. What did you wanted? “Have you ever thought about all of this? About us? We constantly go out there and see how those people live, we are trained to feel how they feel and yet we are here and they are out there,” you told her. It was true. They trained you to read body language, relate to others, understand how a person feels, but to do so they had to teach you to feel it as well. It turns out you cannot make a good infiltrator that does not understand emotions. Otherwise they might as well send a regular Re-gene to do the job. But that training was a double edged sword, the more you felt, the more you wanted. You can’t just make someone feel and tell them they should ignore those feelings. And so you felt, and so did Alpha, and Zeta, and even Kappa. You felt, you cared, you loved.

“Sometimes,” Alpha finally answered after a minute. “Sometimes I want to run and see how everything is. But then I remember.”

You stared at her with curiosity. “Remember what?”

She turns back to you, the softest look you have ever seen on her face. “That you guys are here. No way would I leave without you guys.” You smiled back at her. Of course she wouldn’t. She would never abandon any of you, and whatever any of you wanted, she would try her hardest to get. Damn the consequences.

Present

You stare at the phone, Trevor’s number already dialed; all that is left is press green. Your breath slows down, your body freezes, a drop of sweat slides down you face, and your eyes twitch. Seconds turn into minutes, their faces flash on your mind, Alpha’s smiling and cheerful face, with a hint of strength hidden beneath, Kappa’s cold but soft stare, always hiding her emotions, and Zeta’s eyes avoiding yours, looking the other way, face on the verge of panicking but still smiling that timid smile. They all flash in your head, one after the other, memories of times long gone, times of fun and excitement. Times of sadness and despair, hugs long forgotten, cries long buried, kisses long erased, memories of a dead man.

“Yes?” her voice sounds on the other end, older, stronger.

“It’s been a while Mrs. Trevor.” The silence tells you that she recognizes your voice. Could she really remember it after all these years?

“I thought we would never speak again,” she says, her voice cold and professional, no hint of frustration or anger.

“So did I, but something came up.”

She snorts, almost as if expecting that response from you. “You want to meet, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“You are not afraid that I will set a trap and capture you again? I doubt you’ll escape a third time.”

“Would you believe me if I said I’m not?”

“I would tell you you’re a damn idiot, and learned nothing of what I taught you about trusting people,” she says with a hint of anger.

“I never said anything about trusting. I said I’m not afraid that you will set a trap. You wouldn’t.”

“How do you know?” she says, you hear water on the other end, probably from the sink.

“You win nothing.” Silence reigns for the next few seconds before she finally agrees. You agree on a meeting spot on a dock next week. Even if you know she will not set an ambush, you still decide to send your crew this week to scout out the area, just in case. In the meantime you decide to finish your “interrogation” of the man your crew brought. He knew quite a bit, you ripped out of his mind transactions made, to a Mr. Alex Moore. You checked him out but it turned out to be a bust, a fake person, a fake account. One of many. After all, money had to go somewhere, especially when you did mercenary work. That is why you could not find much about the Voice, they were a mystery, an assassin, hired only by the richest of the richest. Interesting. They took employment as an assassin in order to get the money they needed to pull off what they are doing now. You almost feel bad for not thinking about it yourself, definitely would have made it far easier to hire Mortum.

Admiration aside, The Voice made one mistake; they trusted this guy for one of their accounts; one that you just checked and to your pleasant surprise it was filled with enough money to keep you going for several months. That makes you wonder if the other suspects are also responsible for other accounts. But you doubt the Voice is just going to sit and watch as you steal their money. By this point the money must have been transferred to another account. But it doesn’t matter, you’ve scored a victory. Now all that is left is move to the next piece; The Army of Mastermind. And you have the perfect person in mind for the job.

Rangers HQ – Day

The fight between Argent, Mastermind and Red Doll plays out on the screen time and again. Argent watches with a frown, arms crossed, finger tapping her arm slowly after every move made in the fight. She turns away from it, disinterested already after hours of reviewing the footage. She stares out of the window, into the city. “Where the hell are you?” she whispers. She looks down and notices someone on the sidewalk, someone familiar. It’s one of Mastermind’s henchmen. She turns in a flash and heads out of the room and outside, ignoring everyone around her. As she arrives at the lobby she hears a familiar voice, it is that man, the one Ortega has a crush on, what was his name? It does not matter. She steps out of the HQ and across the street, but the henchman is not there.

She looks around, ignoring the people pointing at her and searches for him, until… there entering an alleyway. She sprints after him. This reeks of an ambush, she knows, so she takes careful but confident steps. She is surprised to see him just standing there the middle of the alley. “If this is supposed to be an ambush, you are doing a very poor job,” she says, but not to him. She expects to see Mastermind spring out from whenever they may be.

“Sorry to disappoint you, but it’s just me,” he says, face still, no emotion.

“Your boss sends you… you, to fight me?” she scoffs and chuckles, at the same time.

“No. I’m here to give you something you might want to know.”

“And what is that?” she says, taking one step closer, her fingers twitching, itching to get its claws out.

“Bloodmoon Ave. 430.”

“What’s that?”

“You want to find out, go there,” he says, turns, and leaves. Argent lets him. He is inconsequential, not the one she wants. Is that where they will be? Mastermind? But if so, are they setting a trap? It’s way too obvious though, and if she has learned anything, it’s that Mastermind is anything but obvious. So what is their plan? What do they seek? And why do they want her at that place? Maybe there is something there. If it was not important to them, then they would have never told her. If so, what? What is there? But what if it’s actually a trap? What if they expect her to think it wasn’t a trap only to ambush her there? But this could be her only chance to finally get them. And if she does not go, she could lose that chance.

She retreats back to HQ, determination in her face. Right beside her passes him again, Ortega’s friend.

“Everything alright?” he asks, but she ignores him. “Fine keep ignoring me,” she hears him say, but it doesn’t matter, what matters is Mastermind.

#fallen hero: rebirth #fallen hero: retribution #fanfiction #mc #oc #past hurts #lady argent #i'm almost done with this semester and summer is just one class. so i'll be able to write future episodes faster #please let me know what you think #enjoy

[dellgirl]

Strong, Independent Female characters which I admire

Today I was asked to choose fictional people in pop culture I admire, why I admire them and how they would represent society (not verbatim) I gave about 6 females which I admire. I was then asked to narrow it down to just three. My list, which comprised of:

Wonder Woman

Captain Marvel

Lara Croft

Black Widow

Holtzmann

Hermione Granger

Luna Lovegood

I chose these because I like smart, independent types. The ones that are intelligent, independent, might be strong, not just mentally, but physically as well, who is seen as equal, sometimes better (like Lara Croft) than their male counterparts, who don't take any shit, who fight for what they believe in, (like Wonder Woman, Captain Marvel, Black Widow) who don't back down, who are loyal, trustworthy, reliable, friendly, professional (like Morgan and Aubrey; The Spy Who Dumped Me) and don't have to have a relationship to be successful... Who are successful on their own merits - their own achievements, their own standings, who fight hard and prove people wrong (like The Ghostbusters) time and time again.

Those superheroes (with superpowers or not) are what appeals to me; not just their looks (bonus) but their intelligence and their outstanding behaviour and the way they throw stereotypes to the ground and fight for rights and adversity.

So I narrowed it down and was presented with 4 questions, which I've tried my best to answer. It has been a while since I saw the films the first two are from, so this is from memory... Also, these opinions are my own and may or may not include canons; if they don't, please don't come at me because "you're wrong, that's not true" this is my interpretation of the characters.

The questions, as previously mentioned, which I needed to answer:

1. Define who they are. What makes them the person they are? What are their motivations?

2. If they were real, what need would they fulfill in society? How would they really benefit mankind?

3. What groups do they represent in real society (autism, LGBT, women...etc)?

4. What real life lessons can people learn from them? How can real people emulate those fictional characters to benefit society?

I have chosen three women to focus on for being strong role models and I am drawn to these three women.

Wonder Woman, also known as Dianna, is a lovely goddess from the planet Themyscira. There are no men on the planet, which means that they have to learn to be strong because women need to be strong.

WW is determined to be a good example by helping others who need it the most. She is determined to save people and do it without the help of anyone - including men (Steve Trevor in particular)

She is motivated because she is a princess and wants to prove she is fit for the role, and not just by birth default. I would say that WW is bisexual, as she lives on a planet with only women, but when she meets Steve, she experiences that side of herself. She is also a Hufflepuff, because she is caring to all and wants the best for everyone.

In real life, she would fulfil the role of peacekeeper and provide others with the ability to fight against wars and inequality and bad behaviour. She'd stop the war and get Trump out of office, and fix Brexit.

WW can teach people the need to stand up for themselves - women need to trust in their own abilities and fight for equal right, equal pay and everyone should fight for peace.

Hermione Granger is a Muggle-born witch who attends Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry. She is a Gryffindor because she is loyal and courageous. She is loyal to her best friends Harry and Ron, but she is courageous because she helps them in their adventures, but she remains headstrong. Hermione is also bookish and wonderfully smart.

I would say that Hermione is asexual - she did kiss Harry, but it was a good luck thing, and although she danced with Viktor Krum, she has always been more interested in books than men; she does kiss Ron, but they've known each other for so long, they're more like siblings, so that kissed was forced and only given as a celebration of life over death.

Hermione, is very much High Functioning Autistic; she doesn't have sensory difficulties, as far as I can tell, but she does have other traits, such as the need to be right and social difficulties, she seems not to fit in with others, except for Harry and Ron; even being called a 'Mudblood' for being a Muggle-born and I think she has been called annoying in the books, just cos she's different. She is buried in her books and can rattle off information like nobody's business. The fact that she considers expulsion worse than death, means that she is obsessed with trying to do right and has to know everything - she has a Time Turner to attend multiple classes, meaning that she is a polymath. She struggles in social situations (but always tries) She only breaks the rules in her 5th year and explains that it feels good... Same as punching Draco because she had had enough of his belittlment, but she doesn't like hurting others.

In real life, Hermione would be a Humanitarian and she would learn everything there is to know about it to ensure that she does the best she can to help others understand what a Humanitarian is and how she can help others with things like equality and human rights.

People can use their knowledge for good and Hermione shows that being intelligent pays off, but there must be some give and take because otherwise you might become so wrapped up in your own head, that you don't have time for others. Loyalty is a huge factor in life and it pays to be trustworthy too.

And finally, I come to a character which I relate the most with - but that's not the only reason I chose her. I chose Jillian Holtzmann for a number of reasons.

I chose Holtzmann because she is intelligent and is fascinated in science things. She doesn't care that she's the odd one out, she revels in the fact. She only has three close friends, but better to have 3 close friends than 33 acquaintances. She doesn't get all social situations, but she tries to be in the conversation... Accidentally, she is sometimes the centre of attention, and yet, despite this, she knows when she needs to be quiet. She praised the girls when trapping the ghost, insofar as to tell Patty she needs to try harder, but she wants them all to do well, and she is so happy with the fact that they caught their first ghost, that she loudly announced "We put a ghost in a boooooox!" which indicates that she is entertained by the smallest of things.

Patty saved her life 3 times and she was grateful, but I know, if Erin was in the portal, she'd be in their saving her, a heartbeat; after all, that's her crush.

She's the mad scientist type - eccentric, wild, uncontrollable like a wildfire, but once she's found something of interest she hyperfocuses and gets the job done. She needs her friends for support but she doesn't need a relationship and almost mocks Erin for flirting with Kevin, comparing him to "a big ol' robot"

We know a lot more about Holtzy's sexuality and ability - she is a lesbian High Functioning Autistic with ADHD; those traits tend to go hand-in-hand. However, it appears that, despite Holtzy's high level of independence, and functioning in the real world, with little to no help, there are some sensory issues which she faces, which could adversely affect her abilities and processing skills.

We'll start with the most obvious one: the glasses. She has 4 pairs of yellow-coloured eye wear. She has her bottle-cap glasses, which are 1920s welding goggles, then she has more protective rounded welding goggles, circa 80s, and she has the big, almost pilot, almost Steampunk goggles, with loupes (double magnifying glasses) and these are the most practical of the lot. And finally, she has a pair, which are almost sunglasses, which she legit only wears for the Battle of Times Square. She needs them, especially her bottle-caps, for every day wear, due to her light sensitivity. (There is a highly interesting article, here, which explains the Autistic-ness of Holtzmann)

Whenever Patty yells, or Kevin hits the gong, she winds her neck in and pulls a face; she doesn't cover her ears like a neurotypical would, but it is evident that it is too loud. And in the Aldridge Manor, you can see the pain on her face from the APx-H shift.

Her impassioned speech, whilst heartfelt, contained physics metaphors - something which makes more sense to her, and it was very much without eye contact; something which can be uncomfortable for us Autistics, it doesn't mean we're not listening! She also seems to wear only comfy, almost loose-fitting clothing to allow for movement and comfort, with no scratchy labels. She chews her straw, sits with her feet up, or on the edge of her seat, spins on her stool and licks her guns; self-stimulatory behaviour.

Holtzmann, in real life, would obviously be a Nuclear Engineer, but we'd have to keep an eye on her so that she doesn't do any dodgy dealings and inadvertently get lead astray and into making weapons for the wrong side... Either that, or she'd go back to teaching Physics at a University.

Holtzmann is a mix of all 4 Hogwarts Houses, but the main 2 traits she has stem from Hufflepuff (her creativity and hyperfocus) and Ravenclaw (her intelligence - IQ of 163 - her multiple degrees and PhD and the fact that she is also a polymath, like Hermione - I think they'd be very good friends!)

Holtzmann would teach us about humility, courage, perseverance and finding the best of a situation and of course, the joy in the little things.

All 3 of these share similar thoughts and attributes - they're all loyal, friendly and work hard to achieve what they want. They don't need romantic relationships to survive and in fact, due to their independent nature, they would probably do better without them. They would teach others to be independent and to follow their heart, not comprising their own sense of justice or understanding of the world to conform to others. They would teach about human rights, actively focusing on diversity and equality; making sure that, as women, we don't strive for second best and that we work towards a better future, by providing opportunities and tools for the younger generation; in particular, females. All three, therefore, are excellent role models and are all unique, but also highly similar in the way they think and present themselves.

I hope this makes sense, answers the questions enough (I know they won't be answered fully as my brain capacity is limited today; infoxication and all that - and yes 'infoxication' is a real word... Click it to discover what it means!)

And I hope there are others, who may have similar thoughts to myself; I know I can't please everyone, but even if you disagree, I hope you like my writing style... Apparently, it's rather eloquent!

Also, I am sorry for the length of this post, and that, in actual fact, it is my only text post, which isn't just and agreement on someone else's post which I have reblogged.

I suppose tags would be helpful too.

#wonderwoman #strongwomen #independentwomen #fiction #jillianholtzmann #hermionegranger #charactersiadmire #marvel #dc #harrypotter #ghostbusters #thespywhodumpedme #laracroft

[cazacuflorin]

100 Reasons NOT To Kill Yourself

1. We would miss you. 2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you. 3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow. 4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing. 5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there. 6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself. 7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise. 8. You are amazing. 9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better. 10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead. 11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive. 12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die. 13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about. 14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me. 15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born. 16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died? 17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect. 18. Think about your favourite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again… 19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day 20. Listening to incredibly loud music 21. Being alive is just really good. 22. Not being alive is really bad. 23. Finding your soulmate. 24. Red pandas 25. Going to diners at three in the morning. 26. Really soft pillows. 27. Eating pizza in New York City. 28. Proving people wrong with your success. 29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life. 30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can. 31. Being able to help other people. 32. Bonfires. 33. Sitting on rooftops. 34. Seeing every single country in the world. 35. Going on roadtrips. 36. You might win the lottery someday. 37. Listening to music on a record player. 38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower. 39. Taking really cool pictures. 40. Literally meeting thousands of new people. 41. Hearing crazy stories. 42. Telling crazy stories. 43. Eating ice cream on a hot day. 44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know. 45. Travelling to another planet someday. 46. Having an underwater house. 47. Randomly running into your hero on the street. 48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel. 49. Trampolines. 50. Think about your favourite movie, you’ll never watch it again. 51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke, 52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more. 53. People do care. 54. Treehouses 55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse 55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees 56. I don’t even know you and I love you. 57. I don’t even know you and I care about you. 58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness! 59. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor. 60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS! 61. Starbucks. 62. Hugs. 63. Stargazing. 64. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is. 65. You’ve changed somebody’s life. 66. Now you could change the world. 67. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you. 68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you. 69. You have the chance to save somebody’s life. 70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things. 71. Making snow angels. 72. Making snowmen. 73. Snowball fights. 74. Life is what you make of it. 75. Everybody has a talent. 76. Laughing until you cry. 77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy. 78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist. 79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down 80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive. 81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero. 82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. 83. One day your smile will be real. 84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day. 85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds. 86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends. 87. Eating crazy food. 88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one. 89. Sleeping in all day. 90. Creating something you’re proud of. 91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn’t commit 92. Being able to meet your Internet friends. 93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate 94. Sherlock season three. 95. Cuddling under the stars. 96. Being stupid in public because you just can. 97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile? 98. being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years 99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this. 100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, literally anything could happen

IF that isn’t enough:

Depression Hotline: [phone] Suicide Hotline: [phone] LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255 Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743 Eating Disorders Hotline: [phone] Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673 Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272 Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000 Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253 Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453 UK Helplines: Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail [email protected] Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111 Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected] Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 [email protected] b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected] b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: [email protected] Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600 Drinkline: 0800 9178282 Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail [email protected] Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight India Self Harm Hotline: [phone] India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669 Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868, Free and available 24/7 suicide hotlines; Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430 Australia: 13-11-14 Austria: 01-713-3374 Barbados: 429-9999 Belgium: 106 Botswana: 391-1270 Brazil: 21-233-9191 China: 852-2382-0000 (Hong Kong: 2389-2222) Costa Rica: 606-253-5439 Croatia: 01-4833-888 Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67 Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908 Denmark: 70-201-201 Egypt: 762-1602 Estonia: 6-558-088 Finland: 040-5032199 France: 01-45-39-4000 Germany: 0800-181-0721 Greece: 1018 Guatemala: 502-234-1239 Holland: 0900-0767 Honduras: 504-237-3623 Hungary: 06-80-820-111 Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90 Ireland: 1800-247-100 Israel: 09-8892333 Italy: 06-705-4444 Japan: 3-5286-9090 Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292 Malaysia: 03-756-8144 (Singapore: 1-800-221-4444) Mexico: 525-510-2550 Netherlands: 0900-0767 New Zealand: 4-473-9739 New Guinea: 675-326-0011 Nicaragua: 505-268-6171 Norway: 47-815-33-300 Philippines: 02-896-9191 Poland: 52-70-000 Portugal: 239-72-10-10 Russia: 8-20-222-82-10 Serbia: 21-6623-393 Spain: 91-459-00-50 South Africa: 0861-322-322 South Korea: 2-715-8600 Sweden: 031-711-2400 Switzerland: 143 Taiwan: 0800-788-995 Thailand: 02-249-9977 Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800 Ukraine: 0487-327715 Uruguay: 095 73 8483 You will be missing out on every single wonderful thing yet to happen to you.

[notourlasthunt]

The Shadowhunters’ Fandom is Raising Their Voices in the Right Way

TV After Dark. Ana Martinez. June 22, 2018. 

Shadowhunters’ fans raise over $14,000 for the Trevor Project as part of their #SaveShadowhunters campaign

The Shadowhunters fans keep proving they are a force to be reckoned with. Ever since the news broke that the series had been canceled by Freeform and would only be given a two-hour series finale to close the story, fans from all over the world have been campaigning with one mission in mind: bringing their show back. With actions that started with trending topics on social media that now are being transformed into renting out billboards in Time Square Garden and renting out a plane to fly above Netflix, the fans are proving that they are not willing to give up that easily.

It’s clear that these past few weeks it has been proven that shows can come back from the dead and that not everything is said and done when a show is canceled. And, as we’ve already said before, we believe that it isn’t Shadowhunters’ turn to go just yet. Seeing shows being brought back like Timeless, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Expanse and, most recently, Lucifer, we believe the Shadowhunters fandom is doing the right thing by not giving up and working together as a team to achieve their common goal to give the show a fourth season.

To give you a better idea of how strong and passionate the Shadowhunters fandom is, we summarized below a few of the plans and actions fans have organized in just these two and a half weeks since the fate of the show was announced.

1. Raising money for the Trevor Project

The Shadowhunters fans know how to use their voices for good. And, as they have stated on their Trevor Project fundraiser page, they are channeling their passion into giving back. With donations from their own leading lady Katherine McNamara, as well as one of their showrunners Darren Swimmer, the fandom has managed to raise over $14,000 in 13 days.

With a goal that was set to be of $500, the fandom is even surprising themselves by how well the campaign has been doing. And we truly believe that the number will continue rising in the upcoming days as the Shadowhunters fans don’t seem to be slowing down any time soon.

2. Over 8 Million tweets for #SaveShadowhunters on Twitter

As we mentioned before, the fans have been very vocal on social media about how much they disagree with Freeform’s decision to cancel the show. They have organized themselves and every day they set up power tweeting hours in which they get together and continue tweeting the reasons why they think the show doesn’t deserve the fate it is getting.

If we track the numbers from the #SaveShadowhunters hashtag, the tweets cross over the 8 million mark, and that’s only counting one of the hashtags they have been using. They have at least 5 more that they use according to the day they tweet. They are impressibly organized and have even a google document set out with their tweeting plans with the hopes of getting all the fans in the same channel and under the same schedule.

3. Airplane flying out on top of the Netflix headquarters in LA

This Friday, June 22, the fans rented out an aerial #SaveShadowhunters banner to circle over Netflix Studios in LA in the hopes of getting the studio’s attention. The banner is set to be displayed between 11 am and 2 pm that day, and during that time the fans also planned having power tweeting hours on Twitter to sum the efforts and completely make sure that the message is getting across. With pictures and videos of the plane already being circulated on line, the fans are proving to know that a campaign as big as this one needs to move out from social media to make sure it truly makes an impact. And since the effort is already gaining interest from different media outlets, we can say that this idea was a successful one. Here’s to hoping that Netflix is paying attention!  

4. Billboard in Time Square New York

Next week, on Friday, June 29 the fans have also rented out a 5-minute billboard Roadblock that will be displayed in Times Square 42nd Street and 7th Avenue (facing east). Fans are even planning on getting organized to pay a visit to the place and take pictures of the billboard themselves. These kinds of actions are big and will hopefully make headlines and inspire fans to keep fighting for the show they love.

5. The fans are moving the campaign to a whole new level by designing postcards, flyers, merchandise and more

Another thing the Shadowhunters fans are proving to be is very clever. They know how to work with what they have. If they see their show is not getting the promotion it deserves, they create it themselves. Fan accounts such as ShumdarioNews, Basic Shadow Stuff, and Bane & Lewis have been creating flyers, posters, and postcards to share with fans over the world.

The most recent case being at the “Hunters of Shadow” Convention in Paris, where they printed out #SaveShadowhunters flyers to give to all the attendees. Pictures from the flyers were shared over social media proving that this gesture made fans who attended the convention very happy. Other designs created have been made available for fans to download and print themselves to mail over to the networks and people who might be behind the important decisions.

6. Raised over 128,000 signatures on their change.org petition

Immediately after the news broke, a change.org petition was launched. Ever since then, the previous goals that were set have been reached. The next goal is to reach the 150,000 signature mark. 128,000 signatures is a big number for sure. And with the last signatures registered being added only minutes away, we are sure that this number will just keep climbing up as time moves on.

If there is one thing that the #SaveShadowhunters campaign has proven is that the show has it all to succeed, it only needs to be given a proper treatment and the chance to grow

Shadowhunters is making headlines all over the world right now. The decision to cancel the show right when it is taking off and with a season as strong as their current season is right now is probably one of the worst we’ve seen made on TV so far. The show is not ready to say goodbye yet and the cast and the fandom are not ready to let it go. With a fandom as passionate as the Shadowhunters fandom is, you can’t just expect them to stay quiet and not fight for what they believe in. The Teen Choice Awards nominations help us make a point, Shadowhunters is probably the most successful show its network has right now.

If they doesn’t recognize it, we sure hope that another network can step in and see what they are missing. Shadowhunters has everything it takes for a show to be successful. We just really hope that someone listens up and realizes why giving up on it right now is a big mistake. To all the fans out there, keep being loud and doing what you are doing. Nothing is impossible when it comes to saving TV shows. We continue to stand with you and we truly admire everything that you have accomplished so far.

Shadowhunters returns for its final episodes in Spring 2019 on Freeform.

What do you think of the way the Shadowhunters fandom is coming together to fight for their show?Share your thoughts in the comments section!

#news #saveshadowhunters #saveshadowhunters twitter #saveshadowhunters gofundme #saveshadowhunters trevor project #saveshadowhunters miscellaneous #saveshadowhunters news #tv after dark

[iloveyoupittsburghpirates-blog]

You Finally Didn’t Have A Losing Week, Pittsburgh Pirates

My Dearest Pittsburgh Pirates,

It wasn’t a winning week, though, going 3-3. You bottomed out in the first two games of the week against the Diamondbacks. In one game, you blew a five-run lead thanks to a pathetic bullpen and one of baseball’s unwritten and stupid rules. The next game you scored eight runs but still lost mostly due to a six run first inning thanks to three errors. It was about as ugly as two baseball games get. After that disgusting display, you managed to turn things around and win the next three games. It was your first back to back wins and your first series win in a month. A month!! You dropped the final game of the Reds’ series, but you at least look slightly more formidable than you did a week ago. Your outlook still isn’t the brightest until all phases of the team start playing together. The offense, defense, starting pitching, and the bullpen have not been on the same page since your fast start. If you score eight runs, then you give up thirteen. If you only give up three runs, then you score one. Your bullpen remains terrible and your defense is shaky at best. Not exactly the formula for success. This week poses another difficult test and mediocrity could spell disaster. Here’s hoping this week is beginning of something better because more of the same could sink you permanently.

Monday was the toughest loss of the season. You were up 5-0 in the 7th inning on the road in Arizona and Joe Musgrove was cruising along. JHay had got hit in the back with a pitch the inning before and the next batter, Austin Meadows, got a pitch up and in. Musgrove and maybe the coaches decided that retaliation was necessary. Musgrove hit Chris Owings and then a wild pitch moved him to second. A single made it 5-1 and then an error put runners on first and second. Edgar Santana, part of the worst bullpen I can remember, came in for Musgrove. He proceeded to give up an RBI single to make it 5-2 and now the tying run was coming to plate in the person of perennial MVP candidate, Paul Goldschmidt. I assumed he would hit a homer to tie the game, but Santana actually struck him out. Instead the next batter, Jake Lamb, homered to tie it. From there another full bullpen implosion was on with Kyle Crick allowing four of the ugliest runs imaginable in the 9th. People will praise Musgrove for paying them back and focus on the Freese error and the bullpen being beyond dreadful and they wouldn’t be wrong. But I can’t stand this retaliation element in baseball especially when the D-Backs’ pitcher obviously wasn’t throwing at them on purpose. The game completely changed after Musgrove hit Owings. If he doesn’t do that, maybe Musgrove stays in the game longer and you don’t have to rely on your awful bullpen. You’re focused more on dignity then winning and in the process it cost you a game. I hope everyone in the clubhouse is really happy right now with that decision because at least their pride isn’t hurt. I grew up playing baseball and I have never understood for one second throwing at hitters as payback. You want to get revenge? Beat the damn team! Nothing hurts more than that. I have zero tolerance for this nonsense and I just hope it was worth it for everyone involved. Thanks for total garbage.

A report leaked this week that your players who are free agents after this year or next year could be available for trades at the deadline. Francisco Cervelli, Ivan Nova, Corey Dickerson, JHay, David Freese, and Jordy Mercer were the main names mentioned. The situation isn’t too dire yet because you are still only 3 ½ games out of a Wildcard spot, but it’s certainly worth listening to offers. As much as I love him, Cervelli is a reasonable candidate. He’s a free agent after next season and is currently having one of his best seasons (.880 OPS) though he’s been slumping over the last month only batting .185. For a 32 year old catcher who has a propensity for getting injured, you could potentially get good value for him now. It also helps that Elias Diaz has hit the ball very well in limited at bats. In 92 at bats, he’s batting .304, with a .850 OPS, and five homers. He’s got a canon for an arm which he needs to get under better control, but he seems like a solid everyday option. Nova had been pitching horrible before heading to the DL and his last two starts (1.54 ERA, 1.20 WHIP) since returning have been terrific. Nick Kingham is still in Triple-A coming off an absolutely dominant performance the other night (8 IP 2 H 0 R 0 BB 6 K), so you could promote him if Nova was traded. My confidence in Trevor Williams has certainly gone downhill, but pitching is such a premium that if Nova keeps pitching well you could get good value for him. I don’t think the return for Mercer or Freese will be worth much, but if you fall off I’m fine getting whatever you can for them. I’m less inclined to trade JHay or Dickerson. Polanco had a big day today but it’s hard to trust him to perform or stay healthy. Health is also a major concern with Austin Meadows and your depth in the minors doesn’t exist. As of now, you have no quality replacement for JHay. Kevin Kramer has hit well this year in Triple-A (.850 OPS, 10 HR’s), but I’m not sure he’s truly ready yet. JHay also provides intangible factors that don’t show up on the stat sheet. If you don’t get blown away by an offer, keep him. None of this is to say I’m giving up on the season, but you don’t look like a World Series contender right now. If that doesn’t change, you would be smart to get value back for these players.

I know everyone has been infatuated with Austin Meadows since his promotion. He started out hot as a firecracker and had continued at a solid pace. The fact that Gregory Polanco has been horrible this season only added to the admiration for Meadows, but I think some fans need to keep things in perspective. Every time Meadows isn’t in the starting lineup, it sets off fury of tweets with people almost insinuating you’re trying to lose. I like Meadows a lot. It’s important to ease him in due to his proclivity for injuries and that he’s a young player. The reality is he’s finally cooled off with only six hits in his last twenty-eight at bats (.214) with seven strikeouts, no homers, and three RBI’s. He also never walks with only four base on balls in 91 at bats this season. Polanco had a much better performance today going 3 for 3 with a walk, a homer, and 2 RBI’s. Polanco needs to show me a lot more before I think he should be playing more often than two to three times a week. I’m higher on Meadows than I’ve been since you drafted him. I just think everyone shouldn’t act like it’s the end of the world every time he gets a day off. You don’t want to burn him out and he’s obviously already started coming back to Earth. I still want to see him in the lineup four to five times per week and that’s enough.

This upcoming week is going to be another difficult one. You are at home this week but you play all seven days against two, first place teams. Monday through Wednesday, the Milwaukee Brewers come to town. They currently have the best record in the NL. They lead you by seven games in the division and are the perfectly exemplify my disappointment with you. The Brewers aren’t a big market team but they went out and acquired Christian Yelich through a trade and signed Lorenzo Cain. Both of them have OPS’ over .800 (Yelich .848, Cain .837). Add that to their excellent bullpen and a quality rotation (that might be playing a little over their heads right now) and you have a contender. They pushed their chips in when they saw their potential. You can’t say you did the same in 2013 through 2015. Starting Thursday, the Arizona Diamondbacks, leaders of the NL West by 1 ½ games, come to town for a four-game series. You lost two out of three to them in Arizona earlier this week but they didn’t appear to be leaps and bounds better than you. If your bullpen doesn’t implode and your defense wasn’t atrocious, you had a chance to win those two games. You finally won a series against a bad team, which is good, but it’s obvious that your problems have not been fixed. The way you succeed is to beat up on bad teams and split with good teams. Unfortunately, you got your butt kicked by good teams the past few weeks. Now would be a good time to change that. More poor performances against good teams this week could be the final nail in the coffin. Please prove me wrong! Please find some way to miraculously improve all of your flaws and beat up on some good teams! Please!! I’m begging you!

                                                                                                  On The Brink,

                                                                                                          Brad

P.S. stands for Please Stop and that’s in reference to your bullpen. They are a train-wreck right now. Even today, you trailed 6-1 and fought back to make it 6-5 in the 8th. Edgar Santana came on to pitch the top of the 9th , after blowing the game Monday, and gave up a two-run homer to make it 8-5. It hurt even more when you scored a run in the bottom of the 9th that would have tied the game. Michael Feliz pitched one inning yesterday and gave up a homer. He looked better today but is far from reliable. Tyler Glasnow pitched the 7th inning the other night with a lead and looked good doing it. He should be one of your late inning options along with Kyle Crick and obviously Vasquez. Steven Brault should be used in late innings too if you are facing a good lefty. I hope you are looking outside options. If you hope to be successful, you can’t keep going to these same guys and expecting different results. There’s no real options in the minors so, unless these guys improve dramatically overnight, a trade might be your only hope of improvement.

[junker-town]

How soon can we expect the NFL rookie QBs to start?

Photo by Logan Bowles/NFL via Getty Images

We know Trevor Lawrence will get the nod early, but what about the rest of the class?

With the 2021 NFL schedule now released and our games we’re looking forward to highlighted, we can now turn our attention to what might happen this season. There’s plenty of prognostication to be done on whether teams will be good or bad, and who might be hoisting the Lombardi Trophy in February, but for some of the worst NFL teams from a year ago fans are now anxiously awaiting seeing their new QBs debut.

Five quarterbacks were taken in the first 15 picks of the 2021, second only to 1983 when six passers were taken in the first round. That ‘83 draft gave us legends like John Elways, Dan Marino, and Jim Kelly — but also Todd Blackledge, Tony Eason, and Ken O’Brien, massive disappointments when compared to the trio of Hall of Famers. Time will tell where the class of 2021 fits in NFL history, but we can shed some pretty reasonablt guesses on when these rookies will suit up and start.

Trevor Lawrence, Jacksonville Jaguars

This one is a very easy lock. Unless something dramatic happens in training camp, we’ll be seeing Lawrence from Week 1. It might be a little early to jettison Gardner Minshew this quickly, but ever since Jacksonville secured the No. 1 overall pick they’ve been looking to a future with Lawrence under center.

Prospects from this class largely fell into two camps: The NFL ready, and the risky upside projects. Lawrence split the middle perfectly, offering the capability of starting from day one, and plenty of room to grow in the league and become even better than he is now.

Projected start: Week 1

Zach Wilson, New York Jets

I’ll be the first to say I’m not the biggest Wilson fan as a prospect. In scouting him prior to the draft I saw the flashes of ability people are believing in, but also some worrying habits that need to be coached out. He loves to throw up 50/50 passes and put faith in his receivers, which is awesome if you’re playing for BYU against terrible opponents and know your receivers have the athletic edge, but it’s going to be almost impossible to do that reliabily in the NFL. Also I notice a tendency to take off and invent his own play a little too often, rather than go through his full progression.

That said, the Jets have faith in Wilson — and literally have no other quarterback on the roster. This will change before the start of the season, but unless Wilson severely struggles in training camp the team seem comfortable throwing him out there and seeing if he can sink or swim

Projected start: Week 1

Trey Lance, San Francisco 49ers

After months of rumors about which way the 49ers would go in the draft, they ended up going with the upside potential of Trey Lance over the NFL-ready, low ceiling Mac Jones.

There’s a lot to link about Lance’s potential in the NFL, but he’s not quite ready to put a team on his shoulders yet. With the Niners having Jimmy Garopollo under contract there’s freedom to sit Lance for a year and let him learn the system, but something tells me they’ll grow impatient.

I don’t believe San Francisco has enough tools to win consistently with Jimmy G under center, and they don’t either — otherwise they wouldn’t have traded up for Lance. I think he rides the bench for a few weeks, then gets the nod.

Projected start: Week 7

I see a perfect place here to make the transition. The 49ers will be coming off a bye week, then have a long week of practice before facing the Colts on Sunday Night Football. The Colts are good, no doubt, but this is the kind of perfect mid-tier game to put a quarterback in. This gives Lance a couple of months to show what he can do, then be ready for 2022.

I asked Kyle Posey at Niners Nation for his thoughts on when Trey Lance will start.

“The big question among 49ers fans is when will Trey Lance take over for Jimmy Garoppolo? Everyone has Week 8 circled on the schedule, and for a good reason. On Halloween, there’s a potential matchup between the Chicago Bears first-round pick, Justin Fields and Lance.

It would be a surprise if Lance were to start Week 1. While he was the No. 3 overall selection and San Francisco traded multiple first-rounders for the former North Dakota State product, making the jump from the FCS to the NFL without having played a full season the year prior is a difficult adjustment for anybody.The 49ers’ bye week is during Week 6. That’s a natural landing spot for when most teams make the transition to a rookie signal-caller. There are several variables at play here, though. Many expect Lance to have a “package” where he plays anywhere between five and 15 plays a game. The more successful Lance is during his early playing time, the sooner we could see the future of the 49ers under center.

We’d be remiss if we didn’t factor in Jimmy Garoppolo’s injury history. If we do that, it’s unfair to ignore the scenario where Jimmy G plays well enough to where the Niners don’t consider messing up the chemistry they have on offense.When do we see Lance as the full-time starter? The best-case scenario would be around the bye week so that he’s able to get some playing time under his belt. While the Lions and Eagles aren’t scaring anybody, there will always be a concern when you start a rookie Week 1. Lance would have to be really, really good to unseat Jimmy G to start the season.”

Justin Fields, Chicago Bears

One of the best picks of the 2021 draft, the Bears made the bold decision to move up and find their quarterback of the future. A lot of people feel Fields needs to sit for a long time to adjust to the NFL after coming from a pass-happy Ohio State offense that made life easy for quarterbacks, but I think these hesitations are a little overblown.

While I do agree sitting Fields is the best move to start, I think the team, and fans will demand getting to see their hot new rookie — especially after enduring week after week of boring Andy Dalton football. The only potential stumbling block is if Chicago regains their 2020 form and looks like a playoff team during the first half of the season. I could see the potential there for the team to want to keep the status quo, rather than make a switch.

For now I’m going to operate under the assumption that Dalton, like he’s been his whole career, isn’t good enough to get the job done.

Projected start: Week 12

I am too in love with this scenario. Can you imagine Justin Fields getting his first start against the Detroit Lions on Thanksgiving Day? The Bears front office might be afraid of throwing him into a national game with everyone watching, but if he’s been impressing in practice this could be the perfect time to cement his legacy. The Lions are also a soft spot in the back-end of Chicago’s schedule, so this makes a lot of sense.

I asked Lester Wiltfong of Windy City Gridiron to tell me when he thinks we’ll see Justin Fields.

“With an actual offseason of camps and preseason happening this year, we all should get a good glimpse of Justin Fields’ talent, and it wouldn’t surprise me to see him win the QB1 job from Andy Dalton. That isn’t the Bears’ plan right now, but plans have a way of changing once the players get on the field. Head coach Matt Nagy says they’ll be smart with his development, that they’ll bring him along at a good pace for him and the team, but that the player that gives the Bears the best chance to win will be the starting quarterback. Fans are somewhat split on the sit or start debate right now, but in my opinion there is only one correct answer. Justin Fields should play when he shows he’s ready to play. Whether that’s week 1 or week 18, once he’s ready, he’s the man.”

Mac Jones, New England Patriots

Like peanut butter and jelly, spaghetti and meatballs, and the entire cast of The Golden Girls, the most pro-ready quarterback in the draft heading to a team that will know how to use him just fits together perfectly.

That said, I don’t think Bill Belichick will feel the pressure of committing to Jones as a starter from the jump. Yes, this is a different situation to 2001 when Tom Brady took over for Drew Bledsoe due to injury, because Jones was taken with a 1st round pick, I still think with Cam Newton on the roster they’ll have time to let Jones sit and learn. Heck, maybe even build up his frame a little.

Honestly, I think Newton might struggle again in 2021. He just doesn’t look like the same player he was in Carolina prior to injury. It’s crushing, but it is what it is.

Projected start: Week 15

It’s a long wait until the Patriots bye week, but it makes the most sense here. There’s no need to rush the process, especially if New England is out of the playoff picture, so give Jones a month to get used to the league.

Here’s what Bernd Buchmasser of Pats Pulpit said about Jones starting.

“You don’t draft a player 15th overall to have him sit on the bench — especially if that player is a quarterback. The expectation is that he will become the face of your franchise at one point. Mac Jones is obviously no exception, but while he will be the guy one day there is no guarantee he’ll take over as the Patriots’ QB1 as early as 2021. With Cam Newton returning to play in an offense with a significantly improved supporting cast (at least on paper), the team can afford to be patient with the less experienced Jones. Sure, he will get his chances to prove himself throughout the season, but as long as Bill Belichick thinks Newton gives his team the best chance to win he will be the starter.”

[dakineoregon]

100 Reasons to Not  Kill Yourself

1. We would miss you. 2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you. 3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow. 4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing. 5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there. 6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself. 7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise. 8. You are amazing. 9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better. 10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead. 11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive. 12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die. 13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about. 14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me. 15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born. 16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died? 17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect. 18. Think about your favourite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again… 19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day 20. Listening to incredibly loud music 21. Being alive is just really good. 22. Not being alive is really bad. 23. Finding your soulmate. 24. Red pandas 25. Going to diners at three in the morning. 26. Really soft pillows. 27. Eating pizza in New York City. 28. Proving people wrong with your success. 29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life. 30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can. 31. Being able to help other people. 32. Bonfires. 33. Sitting on rooftops. 34. Seeing every single country in the world. 35. Going on roadtrips. 36. You might win the lottery someday. 37. Listening to music on a record player. 38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower. 39. Taking really cool pictures. 40. Literally meeting thousands of new people. 41. Hearing crazy stories. 42. Telling crazy stories. 43. Eating ice cream on a hot day. 44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know. 45. Travelling to another planet someday. 46. Having an underwater house. 47. Randomly running into your hero on the street. 48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel. 49. Trampolines. 50. Think about your favourite movie, you’ll never watch it again. 51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke, 52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more. 53. People do care. 54. Treehouses 55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse 55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees 56. I don’t even know you and I love you. 57. I don’t even know you and I care about you. 58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness! 59. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor. 60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS! 61. Starbucks. 62. Hugs. 63. Stargazing. 64. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is. 65. You’ve changed somebody’s life. 66. Now you could change the world. 67. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you. 68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you. 69. You have the chance to save somebody’s life. 70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things. 71. Making snow angels. 72. Making snowmen. 73. Snowball fights. 74. Life is what you make of it. 75. Everybody has a talent. 76. Laughing until you cry. 77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy. 78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist. 79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down 80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive. 81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero. 82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. 83. One day your smile will be real. 84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day. 85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds. 86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends. 87. Eating crazy food. 88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one. 89. Sleeping in all day. 90. Creating something you’re proud of. 91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn’t commit 92. Being able to meet your Internet friends. 93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate 94. Sherlock season three. 95. Cuddling under the stars. 96. Being stupid in public because you just can. 97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile? 98. being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years 99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this. 100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, literally anything could happen IF that isn’t enough: Depression Hotline: [phone] Suicide Hotline: [phone] LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255 Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743 Eating Disorders Hotline: [phone] Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673 Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272 Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000 Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253 Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453 UK Helplines: Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail [email protected] Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111 Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected] Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 [email protected] b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected] b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: [email protected] Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600 Drinkline: 0800 9178282 Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail [email protected] Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight India Self Harm Hotline: [phone] India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669 Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868, Free and available 24/7 suicide hotlines; Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430 Australia: 13-11-14 Austria: 01-713-3374 Barbados: 429-9999 Belgium: 106 Botswana: 391-1270 Brazil: 21-233-9191 China: 852-2382-0000 (Hong Kong: 2389-2222) Costa Rica: 606-253-5439 Croatia: 01-4833-888 Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67 Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908 Denmark: 70-201-201 Egypt: 762-1602 Estonia: 6-558-088 Finland: 040-5032199 France: 01-45-39-4000 Germany: 0800-181-0721 Greece: 1018 Guatemala: 502-234-1239 Holland: 0900-0767 Honduras: 504-237-3623 Hungary: 06-80-820-111 Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90 Ireland: 1800-247-100 Israel: 09-8892333 Italy: 06-705-4444 Japan: 3-5286-9090 Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292 Malaysia: 03-756-8144 (Singapore: 1-800-221-4444) Mexico: 525-510-2550 Netherlands: 0900-0767 New Zealand: 4-473-9739 New Guinea: 675-326-0011 Nicaragua: 505-268-6171 Norway: 47-815-33-300 Philippines: 02-896-9191 Poland: 52-70-000 Portugal: 239-72-10-10 Russia: 8-20-222-82-10 Serbia: 21-6623-393 Spain: 91-459-00-50 South Africa: 0861-322-322 South Korea: 2-715-8600 Sweden: 031-711-2400 Switzerland: 143 Taiwan: 0800-788-995 Thailand: 02-249-9977 Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800 Ukraine: 0487-327715 Uruguay: 095 73 8483 You will be missing out on every single wonderful thing yet to happen to you.

[stokan]

The 20 Best Things of 2016

Fun fact: Many good things actually happened in the year 2016. It’s true! It wasn't all death and Trump, although as you’ll see, those two factors hang heavy over even the best of things. But just like every year, 2016 still managed to produce its fair share of great art, cultural triumphs, and viral delights. Leaving out, obviously, things from 2016 that it seems like I’ll probably love but have yet to experience (OJ: Made in America, Search Party, 20th Century Women, Fences, etc.), and TV shows I’ve already written about in years past (OITNB, Transparent, You're the Worst, Veep, etc) here are my top 20 favorite things from 2016, listed in no particular order:

1. Beyonce - “Formation” video

How upset old white people were about this should give you some idea of just how great it is.

When I was growing up, the biggest music video from the biggest female pop star of the day involved her dancing around suggestively in a Catholic school girl outfit. Trump may have won the election, but progress still remains undefeated.

2. Kendrick Lamar’s Grammys Performance

(Of course this isn't anywhere on the internet for me to link to. Because Neil Portnow.)

Kendrick’s performance was the performance that Kayne always thinks he is giving. It’s a performance that made everyone else who took the stage on Music’s Biggest Night seem like talent show contestants.

I don’t want to tell artists how to use their fame, but this is how they should use their fame.

3. Last Week Tonight - #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain

SPOILER ALERT: He didn't make Donald Drumpf again. In fact the viral success of this piece and lack of any resultant effect on Trump whatsoever does raise some big questions about the effectiveness of comedy in actually changing anyone’s mind about anything in 2016. But yet, like death from a thousand paper cuts, it definitely drew a little blood. And even though I really wish John Oliver had stuck with guns and only referred to Trump as Drumpf for the rest of the year, it was still a more thorough and effective attack ad than anything the Clinton campaign managed to put together, and that was basically their whole job. John Oliver can never be president, but the world is going to be a better place as long as he keeps trying to help decide who will be.

Also, says everything about 2016 that this piece now feels like it came out ten thousand years ago.

4. La La Land

Hey, remember joy? And love? And having hopes and dreams? Well La La Land sure does! The best and worst thing you can say about it is that it’s a pre-Trump movie. Maybe the last one ever in fact. But for my money, Damien Chazelle’s quest to Make Musicals Great Again is exactly the tonic we need right now. And it seems fitting the Oscars after the death of Debbie Reynolds are going to be headlined by a colorful and happiness-inducing musical about show business, complete with its own dream ballet. Sometimes the best way to reinvent an art form is to just do it the same way its always been done, only better and at the right time.

5. Olympic Swimming

When the Olympics began I barely cared. I was raised on the Olympics, but in 2016 there’s so much else going on it felt like maybe time has passed the Olympics by. And then the swimming started. And Ledecky destroyed all challengers. And Phelps proved that calling him the greatest swimmer of all time is still underrating him. And Simone Manuel made history. And Lochte Lochted. And Anthony Ervin spun an all-time Olympic athlete backstory into Olympic gold. And for a week there was nothing in the world more compelling than watch people swim laps in a pool.

So turns out the Olympics are the Michael Phelps of sporting events - the second you think they’ve slipped a bit is when they have you right where they want you.

6. LVL Up - “Pain”

Point: Rock and roll is dead

Counterpoint: “Pain” by LVL Up

7. Stranger Things

I hate the 80s. I hate supernatural shows and horror-based shows and “genre” shows in general. I hate homage as the starting place for a work of art. I hate culture’s obsession with nostalgia and youth. And yet I loved Stranger Things. It felt like nothing else on TV while feeling like so many other things all at once. It’s the show Lost wishes it could have been, and what JJ Abrams wishes he had made instead of Super 8.

Also: I hate that there’s going to be a season two. I hate that dialogue around the show seemed so #TeamBarb when clearly any sane right-thinking person is #TeamNancy all the way. I preemptively hate all the imitators Stranger Things is going to spawn. And I hate the Stranger Things backlash that’s inevitably coming and coming hard. But right now, in this moment, let’s all embrace a wonderful television ride and not worry about the demigorgons in the woods coming to put slugs in its mouth.

#KeepHawkinsWeird

8. Flossie Dickey

Sometimes you find true love where you least expect it. Like in an interview with a 110-year woman at a nursing home.

9. Sam Donsky on The Ringer

(Speaking of soul mates…)

In the age of Trump it’s more important than ever that we have writers brave enough to ask the tough questions. Like: Who would win the Oscar for Best Baby? What is the best night any celebrity has ever had at Madison Square Garden? And why does David Benioff always thank his wife by her full name?

From analyzing the Kim/Kayne/Taylor tapes like they're the Zapruder film, to asking 74 questions about a film no one saw or liked, 2016 was the year Sam Donsky officially made himself into this generation’s Woodward and Bernstein, if Woodward and Bernstein were mostly known for dissecting dumb pop culture on the internet. We may never fully understand why Trump won, but, also, what’s up with Chris Pratt’s vests?

10. Black-ish - “Hope”

A perfect piece of writing and a perfect argument for the continued existence of network TV.

That being said though, 40 years ago this would be a classic TV episode people would talk about for generations. Now, it didn't even get nominated for an Emmy. Maybe network TV is just beyond saving.

11. The People vs. OJ Simpson

It’s almost a cliche at this point to point out how many societal issues the OJ Simpson case touched on, but watching this miniseries unfold was a great reminder that looking at the the past is usually the best vehicle for exploring the present. To choose just one example, the scene where the jurors argue over what to watch on TV is a perfect encapsulation of how something like a Trump victory could some day be possible. And if Marcia Clark isn't a perfect Hillary Clinton avatar then I don’t know who is. My only complaints about a perfect eight hours of television are that it wasn't longer and that Sarah Paulson and Courtney B. Vance aren't eligible for Oscars.

12. Samantha Bee’s Donald Trump Conspiracy Theory

Look, I don't want to say that Full Frontal with Samantha Bee is the best and most important show on TV. That is has the best joke writers in the business. That it has the righteous anger and indignation that this year called for. That it’s going to be our guiding light for the next four years. And that it’s proof that giving The Daily Show to Trevor Noah was one of the dumbest decisions in recent television history. All I’m saying is that some people are saying that, and who am I to disagree? If I was going to make claims that outlandish, I guess the first pieces of evidence I would direct you to are this already iconic Donald Trump conspiracy and the show’s Harriet Tubman segment. But I’m not one to make accusations about things using facts and evidence. I’m no expert; I’m just a guy. A guy standing in front of samanthabee.com asking it to to love him.

13. David Bowie - “Lazarus” video

The ultimate mic drop.

They say Native Americans used to make use of every part of the buffalo. David Bowie was like that, only the buffalo was his life.

14. SNL

“Farewell Mr. Bunting”

Having enough trust in your audience and your vision to attempt this sketch is super inspiring. Getting people in 2016 to wait through two and a half minutes of build up in a viral video before it pays off feels like a miracle. And getting the feeling back in my face when I finally finish laughing at this is going to be really great.

“Black Jeopardy” This is what comedy can do when its at it’s best. It cuts to truths about America more clearly and cleanly than 1,000 think pieces ever could. Are comedy sketches eligible for the Nobel Prize in Literature now?

“Hillary Clinton/Hallelujah” And this is what comedy can do when it’s not comedy at all. When historians 200 years from now want to know what the days just after the election of Donald Trump felt like all they need to do is watch this. The best thing SNL has ever done.

15. Songs That Made Me Unsure Whether I Should Be Sad, Dance, Or Both

Christine and the Queens - “iT”

I have absolutely no idea what this song is about. All I know is it sounds like the feeling of being alive. Between this song and Marion Cotillard’s eyes the French really continue to have the whole beautiful sadness thing figured out.

Eleanor Freiberger - “My Mistakes” The best Rilo Kiley song of 2016. The world can change however it wants; as long as it keeps giving me new versions of the exact song I’m totally good.

Mike Posner - “Took a Pill in Ibiza” The exact opposite of me is an EDM-influenced song about taking drugs in a nightclub in Ibiza. Yet here we are. Turns out that existential melancholy translated into Douche from the original Neurotic Intellectual is still pretty damn relatable. And yes I realize this song came out in 2015, but this will always be the sound of 2016 to me.

16. Moonlight

Moonlight feels like a miracle. That a serious drama without any name stars about a poor, gay, black man coming of age could be made at all, yet alone breakthrough into the popular consciousness. That a cast this natural and flawless could be found, like an album where every song that comes on makes you go “no THIS one is my favorite!”. That there are two different sets of three actors so similar and so good that when I see them together doing press it hurts my brain because I can’t process that they were not ACTUALLY the same person at three different ages. That two people making small talk at a table in a diner could have a whole audience on the edge of their seats. That a no-name director with one prior little-seen credit could create the most powerful and well-made movie of the year. None of these things seems possible or plausible, and yet they're all true. This movie is a miracle. And its success gives me hope. To quote critic Dana Stevens, in the pitch-black year of Trump, Moonlight was a “crack in the wall that allowed light to shine through”.

17. Atlanta

In 2016, what even is TV? It’s basically anything now. And it’s everything. It’s whatever it wants to be. And no artist has yet risen to meet the challenge and possibility of our post-Louie world better than Donald Glover has. In 2016 Atlanta is TV, and TV is Atlanta. There are no rules. There is only what you can dream up.

What will season two of Atlanta be? It could be literally anything and no one would bat an eye.

18. Chance the Rapper - Coloring Book

Chance the Rapper is so millennial it hurts. Chance the Rapper definitely has strong feelings about safe spaces and Bernie Sanders. Chance the Rapper has never even considered doing something ironically. Chance the Rapper makes Lin-Manuel Miranda look like a cynical pessimist. Hell, Chance the Rapper named himself Chance the Rapper. And as a millennial, Chance the Rapper is the future.

And the future sounds amazing.

The future is like if Old Kanye had been raised on new Kanye and was actually good at rapping. (As the old saying goes: every generation gets the Late Registration it deserves) The future is like if Picasso painted with emojis. The future is earnestness being the new aggression. The future is Future being the past.

Hip-hop is dead, long live hip-hop.

19. “A Closer Look” on Late Night With Seth Meyers

I almost left this reoccurring segment off my list of the best of 2016 because it’s become such a constant part of my life that I assumed it had been around longer than just this year. Who knew when Jon Stewart retired that the new iteration of The Daily Show would be called Late Night With Seth Meyers? Or as I call it: Essential.

20. Revisionist History Podcast

Facts and knowledge really took a beating in 2016, but turns out both are still great if you just re-examine them rather then throw them out all together. Perhaps looking more deeply into our assumptions about the world can help us better understand human nature and the reality we all share. Who knew?

Of everything I experienced in 2016 this podcast is the thing I reference most frequently. I’m fun at parties.

#la la land #Kendrick Lamar #moonlight #a closer look #revisionist history #formation #snl #make donald drumpf again #samantha bee #chance the rapper #atlanta #stranger things

[juniorformulamotorsport]

January/February 2020 – The Great British Chefs Cookbook Club

As if I don’t have enough to do, I’ve recently allowed myself to be sucked into a rather fun group on Facebook (I know, I know…), the Great British Chefs Cookbook Club. The idea of this is that every month a cookbook by a British chef is chosen as the book of the month, then everyone who wants to buys/borrows a copy and sets about cooking whatever takes their fancy from the book, before posting about the recipe, usually with photos.

There have now (not including March 2020) been 24 books, but I only started to join in in January this year, so I have no opinions on 22 of them as yet. There is a throwback Thursday where you can cook from/post about previous books, but I’m not going to buy them just for that, and I may well not buy every book on the grounds that a) I have more than enough cookbooks, and b) I’m not a baker! The books so far that I have not even touched on are:

Hong Kong Diner – Jeremy Pang

New Classics – Marcus Wareing

Planted – Chantelle Nicholson

Little Viet Kitchen – Pham Thuy Diem

Eating Well Everyday – Peter Gordon

Happy Food – Bettina Campolucci Bordi

Great British Chefs Cookbook

Simple – Yotam Ottolenghi

80 Cakes From Around the World – Claire Clark

Scandinavian Baking – Trine Hahnemann

Andina – Martin Morales

Asma’s Indian Kitchen – Asma Khan

Crumb – Richard Bertinet

Casablanca – Nargisse Benkabbou

Bazaar – Sabrina Ghayour

Moorish – Ben Tish

Island Kitchen – Selina Periampillai

Charred – Genevieve Taylor

Mandalay – MiMi Aye

Salt & Time – Alissa Timoshkina

The Book of St John – Fergus Henderson and Trevor Gulliver

Adventures with Chocolate – Paul A Young

The two I have used are Wok On by Ching-He Huang, and Fire Islands by Eleanor Ford. So how did that go? Well, it was a somewhat mixed bag, it’s fair to say.

I’ll take “Wok On” first. It was a winner for the UK in the World Gourmand Cookbook Awards 2020 in the Easy Recipes category and does what it says on the tin. And what it says on the tin is: “Perfect for sautéing, braising, frying and steaming, cooking with a wok is a way of life all over Asia. In Wok On, bestselling author Ching-He Huang celebrates the huge versatility of this magical 2,000-year-old cooking pot with a modern collection of recipes that are simple enough for every day as well as every cook.

Featuring dishes from across Asia, including Taiwan, Hong Kong, Malaysia and Macau, almost every recipe can be made in 30 minutes or less and has been created with nutrition, taste and affordability in mind. Many are suitable for those with gluten and dairy allergies, and because Asian food typically includes lots of vegetables, many are also vegetarian or vegan too.”

So what did I make of it? On the plus side, it has some incredibly easy recipes that can be flung together in double quick time with minimal prep and one pan, usually a wok, but on the negative side, you may need to make quite drastic cuts to the amount of soy sauce used, unless that is you want to only be able to taste salt. It’s an award winning book and there are certainly some very appealing recipes in there that I have still to try, but I will be cautious about the seasoning after my initial experiences.

I discovered this issue with the first thing I tried to cook, which was Macanese Rice (with Portuguese Chouriço, Baby Scallops and Coriander). I went for that because, as some of you will know, I have a history with Macau going back to 2001, and the idea of this dish was too much to resist. I couldn’t get the correct chourico and had to settle for a Spanish chorizo instead, which I find to be slightly less intense and definitely less meaty than the Portuguese variety, but beggars can’t be choosers and out here in the sticks you sometime have to settle for what you can get. With the correct seasoning, it would have been very tasty indeed, but instead it left us in need of water, lots of water… I suggest reducing the amount of soy sauce used by half.

Another dish that suffered from too much soy was the Boozy Drunken Prawns, and again, it would probably have been fine with less soy.

By the third dish I’d decided the fault was either with the book or the brand of soy sauce I was using and not with me! As a result, the Chunky Black Pepper Honey Beef (which became venison because that was what I had to hand) was fabulous, because I only used half the soy sauce that the recipe suggested. The result had just the right amount of saltiness but you could also taste the other ingredients!

Chunky Black Pepper Honey Beef

Serves: 4 Time: 15 minutes preparation. 5 minutes cooking

Ingredients:

500g sirloin steak, cut into 5mm thick cubes

Pinch of salt

Pinch of cracked black pepper

1 tablespoon tamari or low sodium soy sauce (I recommend the low sodium variety use half the quantity)

Small handful of coriander leaves for garnish

For the stir fry:

1 tablespoon rapeseed oil

1 garlic clove, whole, peeled and crushed

2 large white onions, cut into 5mm chunks

1 tablespoon Shaoshing rice wine (or dry sherry)

2 red peppers, deseeded and cut into 5mm chunks

For the sauce:

100 mls cold chicken stock

1 tablespoon oyster sauce

1 tablespoon tamari or low sodium light soy sauce

1 teaspoon dark soy sauce

4 tablespoons runny honey

1/2 teaspoon cracked black pepper

1 tablespoon cornflour

Method:

Put the beef in a bowl with the salt, black pepper and soy sauce and mix well.

Put all the ingredients for the sauce into a small jug or bowl and mix well.

Heat your wok over a high heat until smoking then add the rapeseed oil and swirl it around. Add the garlic and cook for a few seconds, then add the onions and stir fry them until they are translucent.

Add the beef and sear on one side for 20 seconds, then turn them over and cook to your liking (medium is probably best). Season with the rice wine or sherry.

Add the red peppers and toss for 30 seconds or until slightly softened.

Remove the beef, onions and peppers from the wok and set aside on a plate.

Add the sauce to the wok and cook it until it reduces and becomes sticky.

Return the beef, peppers and onions to the wok and toss it with the sauce.

Garnish with coriander and serve it with jasmine rice and Garlic Wok Tossed Baby Pak Choi.

Far more successful was the fabulous “Fire Islands”, which has a catch-all description of “recipes from Indonesia”, and which became an even better experience when it became clear that the author, Eleanor Ford, was happy to get involved and comment on what people had done, and how it had gone. She even agreed to a live Q&A session on Facebook where she proved most engaging. As a result I intend to lay hands on her other book, “Samarkand”, as well, especially as there is a plov recipe in it! As for “Fire Islands”, it’s already won two Gourmand World Cookbook Awards in 2020 (in the categories International and Spices), plus it won in its category (Food and Travel) in the Edward Stanford Travel Writing Awards for 2020 as I type this. I think those awards are thoroughly well deserved.

But first, the blurb: “Steep verdant rice terraces, ancient rainforest and fire-breathing volcanoes create the landscape of the world’s largest archipelago. Indonesia is a travellers’ paradise, with cuisine as vibrant and thrilling as its scenery. For these are the original spice islands, whose fertile volcanic soil grows ingredients that once changed the flavour of food across the world. On today’s noisy streets, chilli-spiked sambals are served with rich noodle broths, and salty peanut sauce sweetens chargrilled sate sticks. In homes, shared feasts of creamy coconut curries, stir-fries and spiced rice are fragrant with ginger, tamarind, lemongrass and lime. The air hangs with the tang of chilli and burnt sugar, citrus and spice. Eleanor Ford gives a personal, intimate portrait of a country and its cooking, the recipes exotic yet achievable, and the food brought to life by stunning photography.”

This time I got started early in the month, when I’d planned a few of the dishes for Sunday dinner (and the leftovers to be used up during the following week). An unexpected visitor meant it turned into a late-ish lunch instead. I had realised that I had all sorts of things that were suitable for use with these recipes, and thus we ended up with a veritable feast.

There was an excellent, tangy Sweet and Spicy Mushroom Tongseng, the luxuriously creamy Potato Tuturuga, a melting Sumatran Lamb Korma, with Golden Lace Pancakes, and portions of Spice Rice to mop it all up with. Our guest went back in for seconds of everything so I’m taking that as a vote of confidence! There certainly weren’t as many leftovers as I’d been counting on once we all slumped on the sofas to nurse our food babies. The only thing I didn’t succeed with were the pancakes, and that was because people were getting very hungry so I didn’t have time to mess about making them thin and lacy. I just needed to get food in front of them as soon as possible.

Sweet & Spicy Mushroom Tongseng

Serves: 4 Time: 20 minutes

Ingredients

2 lime leaves

1 lemongrass stick, trimmed and bruised

2 cm galangal, skin scrubbed, bruised

1 tablespoon oil

500 g (1 lb 2 oz) oyster mushrooms

3 tablespoons thick coconut milk

1 1/2 teaspoons dark palm sugar (gula jawa), shaved

2 teaspoons kecap manis

1 1/2 large red chillies, seeded and sliced

1 ripe tomato, cut in wedges

For the Bumbu spice paste:

1/2 teaspoon coriander seeds

4 peppercorns

1 small red Asian shallot, roughly chopped

2 garlic cloves, roughly chopped

1 candlenut or 2 blanched almonds

1 cm ginger, peeled

1 cm turmeric, peeled, or 1/4 teaspoon ground turmeric

Method:

Start by making the bumbu spice paste. For this small quantity I find this easiest to do with a pestle and mortar. Start with the coriander seeds and peppercorns, then add all the other ingredients and grind to a paste.

Put the bumbu in a large frying pan with the lime leaves, lemongrass and galangal. Drizzle in the oil and stir-fry until fragrant. Loosen the paste with a ladleful of water.

Add the mushrooms and turn to coat in the spices. Add the coconut milk, palm sugar and a good pinch of salt. Cook for 5–10 minutes. The mushrooms will release liquid as they fry. Towards the end of cooking, stir through the kecap manis, sliced chillies and tomato. Taste for seasoning.

Another night saw me tackle the equally delicious Javanese Sea Bream and Spinach, which became Monkfish, Water Chestnuts and Spinach because there was stuff which needed using up before I could even consider shopping for new ingredients. The Sweetcorn Rice went with it brilliantly and my version of Vegetable Urap with Dessicated Coconut was good too with all sorts of things (sausages, steak) as well as the fabulous fish dish. Again, I made changes to the recipe, and used yellow peppers and leeks in place of the edible fern tips or seasonal greens, the fine green beans and the beansprouts because that’s what I had to hand.

Vegetable Urap with Fresh Spiced Coconut

Serves: 2-4

Time: Varies according to your choice of vegetables!

Ingredients:

140 g (5 oz) edible fern tips or seasonal greens, roughly chopped

100 g (3. oz) fine green beans, cut in thirds

100 g (3. oz) beansprouts

1 tablespoon coconut oil

6 small red Asian shallots, sliced

4 garlic cloves, sliced

1 large red chilli, seeded and sliced

100 g (3. oz) grated fresh coconut or 80 g (1 cup) desiccated coconut

100 g (3. oz) cooked black-eyed beans (optional)

juice of a kaffir lime or lime

1 tablespoon crisp-fried shallots

Method:

Bring a large pan of salted water to the boil and add the fern tips and green beans. Cook for 2 minutes or until just tender. Add the beansprouts for the last 20 seconds of cooking. Drain and leave to cool. If you have used greens that retain a lot of water, gently squeeze them dry.

Set a wok or frying pan over a medium heat and add the coconut oil followed by the shallot and garlic. Cook, stirring frequently, until pale golden, then add the chilli and cook to just softened. Lower the heat and add the coconut along with a good pinch of salt. If using desiccated coconut, also add a splash of water to soften and help the flavours meld. Cook just for a minute, then remove from the heat and leave to cool.

Toss the vegetables and black-eyed beans (if using) with the spiced coconut and lime juice and taste for seasoning. Scatter over the crisp-fried shallots.

Food 2020 – The Great British Chefs Cookbook Club January/February 2020 - The Great British Chefs Cookbook Club As if I don't have enough to do, I've recently allowed myself to be sucked into a rather fun group on Facebook (I know, I know...), …

#2020 #Baby Scallops and Coriander) #Boozy Drunken Prawns #Ching-He Huang #Chunky Black Pepper Honey Beef #Cooking #Dinners #Eleanor Ford #Fire Islands #Food #Food and Drink #Golden Lace Pancakes #Great British Chefs Cookbook Club #Javanese Monkfish with Water Chestnuts and Spinach #Javanese Sea Bream and Spinach #Lunches #Macanese Rice (with Portuguese Chouriço #Potato Tuturuga #Recipes #Spice Rice #Sumatran Lamb Korma #Sweet and Spicy Mushroom Tongseng #Sweetcorn Rice #Vegetable Urap with Dessicated Coconut #Wok On

[douchebagbrainwaves]

YOUNG FOUNDERS ARE NOT A NEW IDEA

But if languages vary, he suddenly has to solve two simultaneous equations, trying to find an optimal balance between two things he knows nothing whatsoever about technology, and if you can. That might sound like an attractive prospect, and yet still fail. The other thing you get from using a powerful language. We were surprised how much time I spent making introductions. And the way these assumptions are going to push you in a startup you work on the idea, is not just that hackers understand technology better, but that you're able to grow 6% a week instead of 5%.1 The first is probably unavoidable. There's inevitably a difference in kind. In every field, technology magnifies differences in productivity.2 This was, I can say more precisely. Considering how much time I spend in email, it's kind of scary to think how much I'd be justified in paying.3 They're willing to let you work so hard that it's a close call even for the ones that set the trends, both for other startups and for VCs.

In Microsoft's case, it might be. Apparently when Robert first met him, Trevor had just begun a new scheme that involved writing down everything about every aspect of his life on a stack of index cards, which he carried with him everywhere. A Lisp macro can be anything that's rare and portable. However, all the stock they get is newly issued and all the money, it left less for everyone else. Places that aren't startup hubs are toxic to startups.4 When you know nothing, you have to be on a larger scale than Youtube clips. Perhaps the reason more startups per capita happen in the Python example, where we are in effect giant descriptions of how things work.

Now here's the same paragraph rewritten to please instead of offending them: Early union organizers made heroic sacrifices to improve conditions for workers.5 What they do instead is fire you. Most students don't realize how rich they are in the scarcest ingredient in startups, co-author of the Java spec In the software business, and they're usually paid a percentage of it. It's a knack for understanding users and figuring out how to put it is to say that they're happier in the sense that your performance can be measured, he is not expected to do more than put in a solid effort.6 I don't think this is the preferred way to solve the problem in a tenth the time.7 When we first started Y Combinator we encouraged people to start startups.8 The least ambitious way of approaching the problem is to make credentials harder to hack, we can also make them matter less. Among other things, incubators usually make you work in their office—that's where the word incubator comes from. And, by no coincidence, the corporate ladder is probably gone for good. All previous revolutions have spread.

When I ask myself what I've found life is too short for something. A round?9 And the success of any company. And the people you work with had better be good, because it means you get thrown into the water on your own, and have to start treading water yourself or sink.10 An obstacle downstream propagates upstream. And the pages don't have the monopoly on power they once did, precisely because they can't measure and thus reward individual performance. Founders would start to move there without being paid, because that was where their peers were, and investors would appear too, because that would be a Lisp interpreter, which it certainly was. The program is canceled.

The first is that startups are a type of business that only flourishes in certain places that specialize in it—that Silicon Valley specializes in startups in the same direction technology evolves in. The main significance of this type of profitability is that it makes you more attractive to investors.11 This turns out to be extraordinarily responsible. I assume they got this number from ITA.12 Europeans are somehow racially superior? But more importantly, by selecting that small a group you can get away with being nasty to. It would crush its competitors. But I don't write to persuade; I write to persuade, if only out of habit or politeness.

Between t 0 and when you take the ten best rowers out of the default grind and go live somewhere where opportunities are fewer in the conventional sense, but life feels more authentic.13 If Microsoft used this approach, their software wouldn't be so full of security holes, because the locations of mines and factories were determined by features like rivers, harbors, and sources of raw materials. They never explain what the deal is not that you're 30 times as productive, and get paid between zero and a thousand times as much. But if you control the whole system. We didn't even know when we started that our users were called direct marketers.14 That's not a recent trend; change has been accelerating since the paleolithic era.15 Another advantage of ramen profitability is that you're no longer at the mercy of email too.

Well, if you're not.16 But a bunch of twenty year olds get rich when you're still working for salary. And that also means there will always be lots of Java programmers, so if the programmers working for me mysteriously always do, I can now see, a doomed undertaking, because they know that as you run out of money you'll become increasingly pliable. They'll simply refuse to work on projects with the wrong infrastructure.17 Present-day Fortran is now arguably closer to Lisp than to Fortran I. There are a lot of money to keep it. I know.18 An example that will be useful to you in a direction you like. He didn't learn as much as he expected. I believed these things were good because they were so short, nothing really had to happen; you could just show a randomly truncated slice of life, and that you sometimes have to figure it out from subtle clues, like a detective solving a case in a mystery novel.19 At Viaweb one of our rules of thumb was run upstairs. A startup is like a giant galley driven by a thousand rowers.

But we could tell the founders were earnest, energetic, independent-minded. It will always suck to work for some existing company. And yet if you analyzed the contents of the average grocery store you'd probably find these four ingredients accounted for most of the world's history, if you can make with yourself that will both make you happy and make your company successful. This essay is about only one of them.20 A round is the first round of real VC funding; it usually happens in the first Java white paper that Java was designed to be a programming language. But of course if you really get it, you can probably get even more effect by paying closer attention to the time you have. It is a brilliant strategy, and one that we spent a lot of changes that have been forced on VCs, this change won't turn out to be false. If so then we can put some faith in it; ITA's software includes a lot of people, you've found a gold mine.

Notes

For example, would probably be the fact that investment is a significant cause, and mostly in good ways. If you seem like I overstated the case of Bayes' Rule. If an investor I saw this I used a recent Business Week, 31 Jan 2005. The US is the last they ever need.

Like us, the best day job writing software. Wolter, Allan trans, Duns Scotus ca. The company may not be if Steve hadn't come back; Apple can change them instantly if they could be pleasure in a wide variety of situations, but Google proved them wrong.

Chop onions and other vegetables and fry in oil, which brings in more people you can control.

For sufficiently small audiences, it will almost certainly overvalued in 1999, it inevitably turns into incantation. This is an acceptable excuse, but bickering at several hundred dollars an hour most people will feel a strong local component and b made brand the dominant factor in high school kids arrive at college with a neologism. Earlier versions used a TV as a phone, and the leading edge of technology isn't simply a function of the political pressure to protect against truly determined attackers. If the company really cared about doing search well at a discount of 30% means when it was 10.

One reason I stuck with such abandon.

Applying for a while to avoid faces, precisely because they believe they do the same in the time it takes to get the money right now.

Ashgate, 1998.

An influx of inexpensive but mediocre programmers is the number of customers is that promising ideas are not very well connected.

Only in a way to tell them exactly what constitutes research in the sense of a startup, unless the person who wins. I didn't like it that the angels are no false negatives. Success here is defined from the other reason they pay so well.

The key to wasting time is distraction. Some people still get rich by buying their own interests. Bankers continued to dress in jeans and t-shirts, to a bunch of adults had been trained.

Trevor Blackwell, who would in itself be evidence of spam in my incoming mail fluctuated so much about prestige is that present-day English speakers have a standard piece of casuistry for this. You leave it to the principles they discovered. The more people.

Seneca Ep. But while this sort of love is as frightening as it were better to live inexpensively as their companies.

The markets seem to be some things it's a bad deal.

Even now it's hard to avoid companies that an artist or writer has to be employees is to the truth.

If Ron Conway had been trained. The wartime versions were much more depends on them, not lowercase. I remember about the size of the scholar. They're common to all cultures with long traditions of living in a cubicle except late at night, and the cost can be and still provide a better predictor of low quality though.

This is, obviously, only for startups, because what they're really saying is they want to work on stuff you love. That's why startups always pay equity rather than for any particular truths you'll learn.

According to the ideal of a refrigerator, but the median VC loses money. In the Daddy Model that it would not produce a viable organism.

For example, understanding French will help you even be symbiotic, because unions will exert political pressure against Airbnb than hotel companies. So when they were more dependent on banks for capital for expansion.

Nothing annoys VCs more than the don't-be-evil end. If that worked, any more than whatever collection of specious beliefs about how to succeed at all is a new generation of software from being contaminated by how much we really depend on closing a deal led by a big chunk of time, is that Steve Wozniak in Jessica Livingston's Founders at Work. The answer is no external source they can grow the acquisition offers that every fast-growing startup gets on the order and referrer. Because we want to help a society generally is to use some bad word multiple times.

For example, if you hadn't written about them.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #people #interpreter #business #reason #world #investors #politeness #li #difference #revolutions #zero #equity #peers #ingredients #olds #magnifies #employees #cubicle #times #technology #VCs #Microsoft #Java #power #startup

[ianobrienposts]

100 reasons Not to kill yourself

100 reasons NOT to kill yourself❤

1. We would miss you.

2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you.

3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow.

4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing.

5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there.

6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself.

7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise.

8. You are amazing.

9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better.

10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead.

11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive.

12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die.

13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about.

14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me.

15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born.

16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died?

17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect.

18. Think about your favourite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again…

19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day

20. Listening to incredibly loud music

21. Being alive is just really good.

22. Not being alive is really bad.

23. Finding your soulmate.

24. Red pandas

25. Going to diners at three in the morning.

26. Really soft pillows.

27. Eating pizza in New York City.

28. Proving people wrong with your success.

29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life.

30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can.

31. Being able to help other people.

32. Bonfires.

33. Sitting on rooftops.

34. Seeing every single country in the world.

35. Going on roadtrips.

36. You might win the lottery someday.

37. Listening to music on a record player.

38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower.

39. Taking really cool pictures.

40. Literally meeting thousands of new people.

41. Hearing crazy stories.

42. Telling crazy stories.

43. Eating ice cream on a hot day.

44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know.

45. Travelling to another planet someday.

46. Having an underwater house.

47. Randomly running into your hero on the street.

48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel.

49. Trampolines.

50. Think about your favourite movie, you’ll never watch it again.

51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke,

52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more.

53. People do care.

54. Treehouses

55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse

55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees

56. I don’t even know you and I love you.

57. I don’t even know you and I care about you.

58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness!

59. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor.

60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS!

61. Starbucks.

62. Hugs.

63. Stargazing.

64. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is.

65. You’ve changed somebody’s life.

66. Now you could change the world.

67. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you.

68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you.

69. You have the chance to save somebody’s life.

70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things.

71. Making snow angels.

72. Making snowmen.

73. Snowball fights.

74. Life is what you make of it.

75. Everybody has a talent.

76. Laughing until you cry.

77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy.

78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist.

79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down

80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive.

81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero.

82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.

83. One day your smile will be real.

84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day.

85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds.

86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends.

87. Eating crazy food.

88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one.

89. Sleeping in all day.

90. Creating something you’re proud of.

91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn’t commit

92. Being able to meet your Internet friends.

93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate

94. Sherlock season three.

95. Cuddling under the stars.

96. Being stupid in public because you just can.

97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile?

98. being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years

99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this.

100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, literally anything could happen

IF that isn’t enough:

Depression Hotline: [phone]

Suicide Hotline: [phone]

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: [phone]

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail [email protected]

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected]

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 [email protected]

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected]

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: [email protected]

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail [email protected]