#nothing feels authentic

[introvertedlass]

Why do I feel like nothing is real anymore? Like I'm living in some kind of alternate reality or something. Anyone else?

#everything feels contrived #curation #nothing feels authentic #has it always been that way and I didn't notice

[thedreadvampy]

Losing my shit about this article in which a transphobic Tory was so busy panicking about existing in the vicinity of a Trans that she almost certainly misheard "jeans" as "penis" and decided that not only was this a problem with the other woman, but also that the world must be informed of this pressing danger.

"a trans woman! I had to stand directly behind her....I thought, 'this is going well', I'm handling The Situation fine'..."

translated: I saw a tall woman with broad shoulders. How would I get out of this alive? I thought. she has a PENIS. PENIS PENIS PENIS. through some force of PENIS I mean will I managed to PENIS behave normally towards her. My hands were PENIS PENIS PENIS shaking as I tried to dry them. summoning up all my PENIS courage I said 'dryer's crap innit'. she turned to me and said " yeah I'm just goiPENIS PENIS PENIS"

It's been a week and I'm still shaking. This proves trans women are the problem and I'm not weird. I'm fine. It's fine. If you think about it I'm the hero hePENIS!!!!!

very this

#red said #it's just. I'm obsessed. #everyone on Twitter is saying 'never happened' and i think they're wrong #this absolutely did happen and she's been obsessing over how vindicated it made her feel enough to WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT #because she MISHEARD SOMEONE IN A CASUAL CONVERSATION #i lay out my reasoning thusly: if you were INVENTING a scary trans woman in bathroom story out of nothing. why would it be this? #why would you go with 'we had a banal conversation until she said a sentence that makes no sense and that no human has ever uttered #but which does coincidentally sounds almost exactly like a mishearing of a very NORMAL thing to say in the circumstances #then she left and nothing else occurred' #if you were going to INVENT a story you would probably make it MAKE SENSE or SOUND THREATENING #i truly believe this is a very authentically told account of what she thinks happened #because who would. by means other than mishearing. think 'I'm going to wipe my hands on my penis' makes any sense at all. #a) 'I'm going to dry my hands on my genitals' says the presumably fully clothed woman #b) who then proceeds to leave without doing anything threatening #c) WHO SAYS PENIS THREATENINGLY? sorry it's writing out 'penis' repeatedly that made this jump out to me but like. who says that? #you might hear someone talk casually about their dick or cock but i stg it's only doctors and TERFs who casually use the word penis much #it's so. clinically descriptive. it's a weird use of language. but it IS. something you could plausibly mishear from 'pants' or 'trousers'

[jeanmoreauss]

honestly the implication with what we know of Jeremy's home life thus far that not only is his personality not an act but that he actively chooses to be good despite being in a family where he goes out of his way to avoid his brother because the two can't see each other without conflict, where his sister won't attend his games and is mad at him for sticking with exy, and he still chooses to pursue the things he loves and do good things and be the kindest person he can be despite not being perfect and living in a house full people who seem to hate it is just such a wonderful part of his character

#obviously he hasn't been as fucked up as Jean but Jeremy is in a position i feel where because it's “not that bad” it'd be so much easier to #just fall into whatever mindset the rest of his family has and instead he does the opposite #maybe this is just me yapping maybe this is nothing #but i truly don't want anything to take away from the fact that Jeremy is “too good” #i just want that to be him and i want that to be the person he's chosen to be and works to be everyday #there doesn't need to be something secretly wrong with him #we already know he's not perfect but he's trying #and i'm sure we'll get more in depth on this in tsc2 but i already think it's so excellent #i truly think we've seen the most authentic jeremy #because clearly he views his home to actually be the trojans and cat and laila's place and his friends #and i think we'll see more of him and his behavior with his family but i do think we actually know a lot about his character despite not #knowing a lot about his situation and his past #tsc #tsc spoilers #the sunshine court #all for the game #aftg #jeremy knox

[silenthillbunni]

🌧️🫧💭

#i shouldnt have fav mutuals bc i get sooo sad when they soft block me #which *always* happens like im not joking the day will come when they're just like nahhh bye #🥲🥲 nd i cant help but get sad #nd i dont even agree w that anon who said that 'no wonder everyone blocks u' bc im never mean to anyone #i think it's just bc im fundamentally unlikable and unlovable and the time will come when smth abt me #ticks them off nd nothing abt me is ever tolerated i always have to be perfect for everyone so then i just get cut off like dead weight lmao #also it shows that i get attached so easily but in reality ... ppl are not at all as attached to me 💀💀 #like i care abt them but they dont care abt me nd it makes me feel so stupid #why do i so easily care for ppl?????? why do i have to care nd like ppl when it's always gonna end the same way #me being me is bad nd wrong and nobody could ever truly know me nd still like me #i have to live my life constantly hiding parts of myself and making sure im not too authentic or too open bc then i will make ppl dislike me #it rlly is that. im never mean. i never fight. ppl just see smth abt me nd go 'oh ewwwwww' nd then leave #nd if it hasnt already happened it will at some point nd im constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop #whenever i realize i say or did smth wrong im tense waiting for the moment where they'll leave me will arrive #ok this might sound silly bc i was like 'triggered' by smth small but like #all my life thats just how it's been. im not even mean or cruel. i just exist and ppl dont like me or who i am or what i think #i can never be truly myself anywhere. that is sure to result in being all alone 4ever. but i dont like hiding parts of myself #but i have to. but its hard when im trying to hide nd be lowkey but i still manage to make ppl dislike me T-T #idek what im supposed to do bc i just exist nd im not likable. i try to be that but im still not. idk what to do #anyway.. who cares.. j'appartiens seul #but yeah it is bc it's like this for me all the time nd ig that triggered me lmao #i mean just w my sisters.. their issue is just who i am. my personality. i havent been cruel to them. or bullied them. or put them down #they just get irritated from my personality nd who i am. thats what makes them mad. nd they kinda want me to just stop being me nd idk how #to do that and therefore we arent even talking. havent talked for a year #i wanna cry like????? what am i supposed to do??????? im so extremely fucking horrible that just by exisiting nd not being mean or cruel mak #es me unworthy of everything. idk idk like. omg i feel so stupid for being triggered by that #maybe if i had irl friends and a job and a life i wouldnt care but im a fucking loser failure worthless good for nothing idiot. ofc im this

[s0fter-sin]

Thinking you shouldn't have to pay for Watcher content is you being entitled, actually.

did i ever say i shouldn’t have to pay for it? no, i said it’s disappointing that i would now have to after years of it being free. it would be easier to take if they were completely changing and upgrading their shows or established that the stream wouldn’t just have their current shows and maybe discontinued ones, that it would be different from their youtube channel and worth the sudden charge, but it’s hard not to feel like they’re throwing their audience under the bus

#from what weve seen the shows will still have the same number of episodes so we arent even getting more of the same content #just nebulous ‘better’ content which could mean anything and also nothing when the shows have gradually started to feel overproduced #it is my and anyone elses right to be disappointed by this #and its a personal choice #if you think its worth the money or if youre in a place where you can afford another service then thats wonderful and i hope you enjoy it #but that doesnt make it any less tone deaf to say we as a company need more money when people cant afford to eat #plenty of creators have successfully crowdfunded their own shows without putting all of it behind a paywall #critical role immediately comes to mind #they have literal thousands of hours of content for free and when it came time to ask for money people showed up for them #the answer didnt have to be put everything on a streaming service when there were plenty of other options #its also just a bad business decision but i dont have the expertise to talk about that #tldr people are allowed to feel however they want about this #also acting like its somehow more ‘authentic’ to get money from your audience #instead of advertisers and sponsors who can actually afford it is sus as hell im just saying #mailbox #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #watcher #shane madej #ryan bergara #steven lim

[widowshill]

“He is not to them what he is to me,” I thought: “he is not of their kind. I believe he is of mine;—I am sure he is—I feel akin to him—I understand the language of his countenance and movements: though rank and wealth sever us widely, I have something in my brain and heart, in my blood and nerves, that assimilates me mentally to him.” Jane Eyre, XVII.

18 / 139 / 91 / 78 / 2 / 12 / 75 / 80 / 75

#''we are very much alike‚ you and I. I and you. us.'' ''oh‚ except for a sense of honour‚ and decency‚ and a moral centre.'' #➤ roger collins & victoria winters. ┊ pain sometimes precedes pleasure，miss winters. #➤ edits & art. ┊ the evans cottage art gallery. #compilation tag #this is. well idk if it's anything. it's not nothing. #but ... man. i happened upon that line of david's and i simply. yelling. in context... does it mean much? not really. #other than .. partially gesturing to the shared evolution in their relationship with david — from david's hatred and wanting them dead #to open affection and protection. but anyway … their parallelism compels me. their matching outfits! #as though they were … not perfect mirrors to each other‚ but contorted ones. not quite foils‚ less than doubles. #a reflection in water — not silver. #Roger’s likeness to Vicki doesn’t feel as immediately obvious (at least to me) as the parallels drawn between he and Carolyn #(who is a collins formed in his own image — physically as well as emotionally; mentally) #Vicki though: outwardly quite different. where roger is callous‚ selfish‚ tempestuous‚ hedonistic; #Vicki is ingenuous‚ compassionate‚ stoic‚ temperate #but they find in each other more of themselves than they’d like to. roger who sees in her not only the imagined weakness of her alliance #with Burke‚ but the weakness (so perceived) of authentic affection‚ of curiosity‚ loneliness‚ even love for his own family. For his son. #the interest in collinwood's ghosts that he would like so well to ignore. #and Vicki who finds herself always with ''a potentiality for corruption.'' #she’d like to believe she remains here selflessly — out of love for David and wanting to help him — but it is her own self interest that #keeps her here: wanting to know her past‚ wanting to know these people‚ to be involved with them (no matter how fervently she denies it) #she who typically is calm as still water in suffering their wrongs but can lose her temper as well as roger if pressed. #who begins as almost pure truth but begins to lie — first via omission‚ then conscious untruths. #who — not without good reason — falls into paranoid suspicion of him just as he had her. #Vicki who is an auditory and visual echo — repeating dialogue; repeating clothing; repeating his haunts of the cliffs and the beach. #anyways. I just think they’re neat :) I love a gothic almost-couple

[beebfreeb]

I am being put in the microwave rn <- Guy with doll autism <- Oughhh Toy Story <- I hate Disney <- Early CGI autism <- Ouhhhghhh first entirely computer animated feature film <- AAUGH

#I don't even know what I feel cringe about. #I see what the people I follow post. It's all nothing. It's fine. Cringe is fake. #Who cares. Who cares. I need to live authentically maybe that includes drawing pictures of Toy Story characters #<- people are going to kill me in real life #<- TWO SPECIAL INTERESTS LOCATED IN A MOVIES???!!! WOOOO I don't care for 3 and 4. I mean actually I care for 3 because I liked it as a kid #but looking back on it. Um. It's fine. IDK. 1 and 2 have heart that the others lack.

[kyungsein]

can't post about orv anymore

have too much to say and nothing to say at the same time which results in me shutting down

awful absolutely awful, 0 stars

#orv side stories #FUCK THERE ARE REALLY 0 STARS #telling myself to fuck off #you ever want to discuss a part of a book but the only thought you have about it is a 'mood' and an incomprehensive block of letters #totally get your not-trauma lee hakhyun. totally get it #being distraught about not having the colorful experiences like other people and lying about them just to not be laughed at or dismissed or #thought to be a boring person. #lying in itself is telling a story too #so why should one be authentic anyway #you don't feel the writer in their stories but would you even want to. people are nothing like the stories they tell #are you not entertained #you are empty there is nothing in you and at the same time you can be anything - you are an abyss and it stares back #in a world where nothing has happened there is neither joy nor sorrow. #confession time i am a compulsive liar just because my life is so uneventful #and now every time i tell anything at all i tend to '''decorate''' it automaticaly or reimagine it just not to seem boring #i don't have a story to tell but i can invent one #build it from scraps of ordinary things #that's a lie too.

[mwagneto]

okay google how do i move out of eastern europe but stay in the eu but go somewhere i speak the language but somewhere that has healthcare and somewhere where i dont need to become a construction worker and also somewhere that is not germany. thanks

#i wanna go to aotearoa I've always wanted to but it's so FAR AWAY. also i need somewhere cold also i #love authentic gothic buildings too much to leave europe. but omfggggg #like it's truly so. i dont want to move somewhere where english isnt a main language but the #uk is out and ireland is unlikely and canada is just somewhat nicer french usa and nz is 4 days travel away. blows up #whatever i have 4 semesters of uni left to think about it. it just feels like im #hurtling full speed at the inevitability of living the rest of my life in Germany #i dont want to live in germany idek why but im sooo. like omg nooo 😭😭😭 #partly because it's such a cliché but also coz it's such a vacation country for me like we #went there for vacation like. unironically at least 3 times every single year #insert joke abt *getting back at the 10000000000 german tourists that come to hungary every day* that I'm too sleepy to make #it's so . like i used to have a specific goal in mind (uk ☹️) but then SOMEONE had to go and leave the eu #and also the uk sucks fat shit like csöbörből vödörbe omg. but now i have no #real goal so im just drifting w the vague knowledge that any second now I'll have to pack all my #shit up and escape before it's too late. but where 😀😀😀 #i have no qualms abt leaving my f*mily behind but I'll miss budapest #and if i left Europe I'd miss it too especially coz even canada feels really far let alone nz which yknow. 3-4 days of travel #it's the lack of goals that's killing me like OMFGG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK HARD AND #STRIVE FOR SMTG WHEN I HAVE NOTHING SPECIFIC IN MIND... #i mean ''get the fuck out'' is something but it's not Enough. i need to be insane about a #place that's accessible. all the cities/locations im crazy about are inaccessible for one reason or another #bristol and wales are in the uk. nz is on the exact opposite side of the planet. life so sad. #canada is the most likely one honestly but like omgggg. godddddjfdnffnfjfmmf #they should invent a budapest that's not in hungary. they should invent a hungary that isn't comically awful #barking #ok to rb #eastern europe #like im fluent in 3 languages and i can get by in like 10 other ones i Could brush up on any language relatively quickly if it came to that #but it's like. 1. I'd have to pick a location 2. learning a new language also means #getting an entire new personality as well which yknow. idk if i have the capacity for another one rn #i should just become fluent in the ones im somewhat good at but idk which to pick

[daydadahlias]

i remember i used to write on wattpad (for the reason you said, the layout of ao3 is intimidating and confusing at first glance) and the fics i read on there were written without paragraphs. so just 1 sentence. next line. 1 sentence. next line etc. and so there was rarely any description. just dialogue and actions. and so when i moved to ao3 and i had to start writing in paragraphs again to fit in it was really hard for me to even remember how a paragraph worked lol. and i’m still not great at descriptions because i never used to write them

bestie ur killing me here

#im falling to my knees and crying at the sky for inventing wattpad and booktok #like dont get me wrong literary license and all that and some people prefer certain types of stories but #wattpad really. Simplifies writing. #and that's not great for... literacy rates. like im just being honest abt that #but also :) don't write to 'fit in.' just write what u want to write how u want to write it :) #although descriptions really enrich a reader's experience #like a fic that is only dialogue and action is incredibly static. and. boring. #nothing about it feels real or authentic for a reader. like what are they supposed to latch onto? #pigeon #anon #i was def confused by ao3 at first but <3 I luv it <3 #the tagging system !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god it's heaven

[calamitydaze]

long tag ramble below u have been warned

#ok i feel like i should say Something before i start being active again #but i dont want it to be a Statement which is why i’m putting it in the tags #(also bc i procrastinated doing this for weeks so i know this is a very stale topic by now #but i also haven’t been on tumblr literally at all so this is 100% my organic authentic opinion lmao) #so read if you gaf and ignore if you don’t #anyway: george def could’ve done more to ensure she was comfortable #and as someone who has also gotten in over my head with older men and regretted it #her hurt is valid and i’m deeply sorry she feels the way she does about that night #but with that said i see no reason to believe george Should have known how she really felt #or that he deliberately took advantage of either her youth/inexperience or her discomfort #and that’s the most important thing for me— he fucked up and misread a situation but that doesn’t make him an evil person #and i hope they can both move on and grow and heal #as for my future in the fandom: i honestly dunno how active i’ll be going forward #i was already becoming pretty disconnected so this might’ve just sped up the process? i’m tired of being put through the wringer #but i also don’t really have a fandom to replace this so i might just continue casually participating in the way i have been #either way rest assured i will never become a rabid anti. that shits embarrassing #i got HORRIBLE drolo rsd the other day when tommy’s mom needed clout and vagued him so like if nothing else. droloisms are forever #also as a last thing— this feels kinda silly and self centered to say but i will anyway #sorry for not opening up my blog as a forum for discussion again the way i did with the drituation #i know i helped a lot of people sort out their feelings and that was (and is) really really important to me #but it also tanked my mental health (mostly as a result of the fallout and not the act itself but still) #plus my life irl was pretty stressful at the time when everything was first going down #so i just didn’t feel up to putting myself through that again #but i’m sorry if anyone wanted to discuss w me but wasn’t able to #anyway. i think that’s all i have to say! #i don’t want to turn this into a capital D discussion but as always my askbox and dms are open #love you all tons! i hope you’re having a good day 🫂🫶 #bella talks

[mityenka]

i love empire records so much because all of the characters with the exception of maybe corey are what would be the one dimensional side character in a regular movie. the edgy one, the comic relief one, the stoner, the slut, etc etc. except empire records crams all those characters together into a small record store in delaware and makes them dance and hold conversations with each other and in the process lets them transcend the role they’ve been assigned at the start of the movie in a way that’s so human and gives the audience the feeling that they’re watching actual people instead of just actors on a screen

#characters breaking stereotypes is nothing new of course and it did neither start nor end with empire records #but i feel like the way empire records lets not just one or two main characters but almost every person in the movie overcome #one-dimensionality in a cast this large is way less common and i think the reason how it achieves this so well is because the movie actually #lets the characters talk to each other in every constellation and meaningful conversations are not just reserved for a few selected main #characters. eddie's and aj's harvard conversation is a really good example for this i think because eddie is one of the smaller roles in the #movie with barely any distinguishable personality traits but just from that one scene we learn so much about who he is as a person #of course the script doesn't lack in quippy one-liners but unlike many recent teen/comedy movies it isn't afraid to play emotional #moments straight as well. and those are the ones where the characters really feel authentic and like real teenagers

[worstloki]

if you can gush constantly about enjoying a piece of media but diss the idea of people disliking the same thing unless/even though they provide detailed reasoning or proof with citations... idk I feel like you need to reassess something

#''how can you hate on--'' it is a movie! and even worse - a marvel movie! and yet more even it's biggest crime yet - it is a terrible one ! #it makes no pretense of consistency with the rest of the 'cinematic' universe it alleges to come from ! #the character acts like nothing of itself in the previous movie appeared in ! #there is no character arc nor development of any character save for in the villain's final breaths ! the flimsy morality of such regret ! #the humour is subpar in that it is reliant on gags - a cheap and desperate tactic to make weak comedy appear stronger ! #for all that it speaks of love and grief the writing is poor and smart decent lines do not fit the context they are spoken in ! #nor the characters speaking them thematically ! #there is either too much unexplained occurring or nothing taking up too much time. this pacing and convenient exposition is bland ! #final denouement carries little to no weight ! #fight scenes are badly choreographed despite the genre + there is dubious camerawork in play on top of it which further breaks immersion ! #it seems unable to decide on the rules of the world it has itself established ! #ending cliffhangers can be good but in this instance feels as though done constantly solely to encourage watching the next product ! #character interactions leave much to be desired and motivation to move the story forward tend to be convoluted at best ! #what was once original characterization built on relevant events to flesh the character feels generic by both writing and presentation ! #outfits make no attempt to look like they're authentic materials (plastic? :/ ?) and the CGI is problematically attained AND poor quality ! #the 'inspiration' drawn from comic religious and myth source material is either offensive meaningless easter eggs or both ! #maybe the move was generic and formulaic and difficult to follow along without other pieces of media and boring to top it off ! #someone out there seems to believe sexualizing the men is a solution ! #characters I have interest in were sidelined or mistreated by the narrative ! #racist casting/roles have been given and the product did not reflect how it was advertised ! #maybe............. someone simply did not have fun watching it .......................... has that been.........considered................? #L + based + ratio + Ctrl+Z + must I say more? #no one owes anyone an explanation to their enjoyment or lack thereof of a piece of media and shouldn't be insulted for it smh #now if someone gives reasons and THOSE are dodge... but no this isn't about that. another time then

[mooniekive]

Lol wtf

So I listened to Golden and it’s so… mediocre. I am so upset. Seven and the title song Standing Next to You are the only ones that spoke to me, and slightly. These are not songs I will often listen to anyways, the title more than any tbh. I want to like his solo stuff, I want to support him because I love this boy, but he’s so disconnected from this music and it’s clear he mostly cares about performing (and that’s fine!) I just wish I would have loved it. I don’t even want to buy a physical copy because why would I buy an album I won’t listen to? Which sucks because I wanted to have physical copies of all the solos (I don’t have them all yet but I do plan to slowly buy them).

#this sucks man #his voice is so beautiful too and he has the potential #he could’ve been included in the music making somehow even if he wasn’t directly writing lyrics #just so we can feel like it’s more him but it’s clear this is a performers album kinda like a certain gg I stopped stanning #nothing wrong with releasing music that is just given to you but it’s jarring when you come from bts and you admit to have zero connection #to the music #even face and layover felt more authentic to their styles and this is just him trying to do it all but not in an authentic way #idk I just didn’t vibe with it #I’m glad he’s happy and having fun though I just wish I could have fun with him now I just don’t care about this album or schedules for it #moon talks

[xamaxenta]

Stresses me out alot that i cant physically bind anymore idk what happened in the last few years but any kind of compression hurts and it sucks it was the only thing i could do now i cant even do that

#so i think abt my faves with huge honkers to make myself feel better #it doesnt work really but i guess the fictional solidarity as a concept helps #dysphoria #another day of absolutely hating my body and the government and yknow just being poor in general #idk what i can do #nothing ??? nothing hurts so much tho #i yearn for absolutely fucking nothing i just want to be blank straight edges no discernible gender features #looking at my body makes #me want to throw up die bury the parts i dont like #structurally its all wrong but im already biologically an adult the fuck can i do about it now #being trans is an absolute nightmare for me i hate every second of it honestly because i have nothing #i can do to help it or fix it or progress it #im angry and upset to say its dangerous for me to do anything about it. #and that im not brave enough to go fuck it. im envious of the people who love themselves enough to say fuck it we ball we do this our way #because i love myself and im doing it to be my authentic self #i envy those people a lot #wish that could be me. #but. also wish i could be algae or smth lol #same shit same woes #same as always and no money to afford professional help

[hella1975]

anyway in regards to my last post this is all to say that if i moved to a foreign country and shared a nice apartment with my mutuals where we did boring errands together and listened to nice music and danced barefeet then everything would be okay i think

#only recently discovering how much shame i internalised in regards to my writing #like genuinely think i have more internalised shame around my writing than i do being gay LMAO #there's a reason for it too shit went down when i was twelve and i connected it to my writing even though it kinda didnt have anything to #do with that it was just me using it as a coping mechanism again but ofc at that age i didnt know that's what it was #so for a good few years it was just 'WRITING BAD' like i fully didnt even have a laptop for those years i did not write a single word #idk why i thought i could just pick it up again without any residual issues towards writing #like even when boom and hannah were here or when im talking to my one irl that songwrites about writing #i just feel so genuinely uncomfortable like someone's about to do a 'gotcha!' moment on me #it's just something that feels like it needs to be a big dirty secret and that combined with my hometown vibes is just sooo stinky #but yh i realised how nice it was just having people i could just authentically get excited about writing with #like telling people about plot points or twists and having them be like !!!! omg !!!! like i want to surround myself with those people!! #i want to be brave enough and comfortable enough that i try and publish my shit regardless of what my hometown is saying!!! #and i will be one day i have faith in my own stubbornness and spite if nothing else #that my hatred of this town will overrule my fear of it #but for now it's just a very shit time lol #one day grown up hella will be buying apples with hannah and boom and we'll be talking about our wips in the shop #where anyone can hear us and on that day i'll stop and give a moment to baby hella who was so scared and ashamed #and i'll smile a little. and then i'll ram the trolley into hannah's ankles just for a laugh and i'll forget all about it