#oh my god i can't get my hopes up

[grinchwrapsupreme]

they are currently testing in-unit fire alarm systems in my building and I have to assume based on what i am experiencing that the way they are doing it is by going to each individual unit on all 22 floors and setting off the building-wide alarm for every single one

#I got home over an hour ago and it's been going off every 30 seconds or so for 1 second #and then it's off for another 30 seconds #i am going insane it's so loud #but i can't leave because i'm waiting for a delivery that might be here as late as 4pm #and i threw out the notice because i didn't think i'd be here so i don't even know when it will stop #just uh #just throw me off the balcony i guess #you can literally hear the pause between alarms when they are #presumably #going up to the next floor #there are 6 apartments on each floor plus more on the first floor #wait it's gone quiet #oh my god i can't get my hopes up #is it over??? #oh my god i think it's over #ok post cancelled i think it's done

[doodleodds]

Happy Valentines, Akira. Happy Valentines, Asshole.

If you can’t read what Akechi’s secondary inner-dialogue says cause I obscured it too much behind his regular dialogue, here’s a transcription in panel order: Hello, you fucking- Ah- Hello, Akira! Fuck off, why should I tell you- Just a soda- there’s a new flavor.

I don’t want your shitty gift. Oh- haha! You’re so sweet.

I hope I choke. They’re lovely, thank you.

Like hell. Likewise. There’s no way it’s just a coincidence. Still though, it’s a funny coincidence.

#p5 #akeshu #akechi goro #kurusu akira #wow- me?? posting a valentines comic... actually on?? valentines????? wack. absolutely wack #it's a short one! I purposefully tried to keep it short. it was a challenge and it still ended up being 3 pages. but i blame my canvas size #also in case u can't see what akira is holding out to akechi: theyre chocolate covered strawberries on sticks! #i saw them irl and was like oh god i want those. i am going to project that feeling on my favorite characters so help me god #and now! here we are! but my shitty-ass coloring & line quality make it hard to discern them so. sorry about that lmaooooo #ANYWAY i don't do enough post-maruki stuff so. i made this one a little bittersweet. :) #why did i put akechi's scarf in a bow? honestly i dont know! i think i saw some art a while ago that did that too and i thought it was cute #well. plus i guess there's the symbolism of 'akechi being alive and reciprocating your feelings (however involuntarily) IS a gift' part #hence that hes wrapped up in a bow. like a present. :) #also god. the first panel is supposed to be akechi's reflection in a vending machine window. I could NOT get it to look right #so for reference!!! just so you guys understand!!!!!! thats what that panel is supposed to be!!! he is NOT in fact a ghost. (sigh) #hope you enjoyed and had a lovely valentines!! for my part i have eaten nothing but sweets today and hoo boy will that have been a mistake #ALSO in terms of the audience-participation comic...hopefully coming soon. if i can ever gain the will to draw it. #but at least tumblr has polls now so i can do the audience-choose-y bit without needing to use a separate website! so thats good i guess #anyway anyway anway thanks for listening to me ramble if you made it this far! have a lovely rest of your day and hopefully see u again soon

[tswwwit]

lmao imagine if familiar au them accidentally spark a weird craze for dating/marrying humans amongst demons?? like, bill pulled it off *too* well. suddenly every demon thinks human flings are the shit. having a human date at your side is the new fashion trend. people find themselves making deals not in exchange for their souls, but being a date to the next big fancy event. then everyone comes to their senses and it just becomes that one phase everyone simultaneously agrees never to speak of again. CRAZY

#answers #Turns out that dating a human/demon is not for the faint of heart #For either of the participants #Bill thinks the fad is hilarious because of course he does #It's very chaotic #Dipper just has to shake his head at how foolish other humans can be #Though I imagine if one of those humans came up to him and was like. Oh god my date is turning inside out and just devoured half his sister #He'd be like yeah they do that sometimes #He's spent so much time around Bill and his ilk that none of this shit surprises him anymore #This is very unhelpful if you're hoping to get advice #There's also a lot of attempting to convince people that no. No you can't 'fix him' holy shit #Like yes Dipper's doing well but he knew better than to try and 'fix' the guy. You wanna date a demon then this is what you get

[tinybro]

jasico server was chatting about the cupid scene and jason getting nico's memories blasted straight into his brain and how jason being shot with one of cupid's arrows while with nico and this was just never brought up in canon again and now i'm thinking like...what if that's just how cupid's arrows work? not by magically manifesting love for someone out of nothing, but by giving someone the perspective that'd make them fall in love naturally? jason gets a front row seat to nico's memories and instantly understands him intimately and can trust him completely without any doubt or suspicion

so what if jason, after slowly realizing he's totally in love with nico, just thought back to the arrow incident and it made him second-guess everything? because maybe he's only feeling this way because cupid hit him with an arrow with only nico was around and it's no different than any other god messing with his love life

#i live for anything that drags out the pining/pre-relationship period as long as possible okay #give me the drama of jason frustrated about constantly being manipulated by gods #in love with nico but convinced it's just cupid fucking with him and not wanting nico to get dragged into it #maybe telling nico eventually because he's having trouble hiding his feelings and he doesn't wanna hurt nico by confusing him #which is of course an emotional rollercoaster for nico #hearing jason say he's in love with him only to then immediately hear that it's just godly fuckery #nico agreeing to help jason find cupid to get it reversed because he knows how much it sucks having feelings for someone unwillingly #and he doesn't want jason stuck mooning over someone like him just because he was unkucky enough to be with nico for the cupid incident #whole quest in which nico develops feelings in return and angsts because he's sure jason only feels that way because of the arrow #maybe a slip-up in the middle somewhere with nico accidentally revealing he likes jason back before backpedaling wildly #so now jason has hope despite himself because he'd never really thought it was possible anyway given nico's feelings for percy #and he doesn't like being manipulated by gods but he doesn't mind the idea of being in love with nico #and what if he just gave up on the hunt for cupid entirely and let it happen #while nico feels guilty since clearly it's just cupid arrow magic fucking with jason and he's enabling it #and then of course when they finally find cupid he explains how his arrows work and that he can't just FORCE someone to be in love #no more than hera could with jason and piper by fucking with their memories to push them together #cupid's methods are just way more effective #my tag babble ended up longer than the actual post oh my god #pjo #jasico #my dumb headcanons

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Comte Election Story, 6th Anniversary Event (JPN 2023)

I managed to get Comte's collection story during the 6th year anniversary event in the JPN version of the game. As usual, my translation skills are rudimentary at best, so this is just a rough/general sense of the contents. Rest of the translation is below the cut:

Sweet and lovely, our everyday life is irreplaceable. After becoming a vampire, I’ve lived with him forever like this. I seek out more and more of the man I love than anyone else--

Comte: Good morning, MC. You’re up very early today.

I went down to the dining room a few hours before dawn--only to find Comte nursing a teacup gracefully at one end of the table.

MC: Good morning. I managed to wake up somehow…how about you?

Comte: Actually, I just got back.

When I asked, he told me that the host of the party started talking to him all night, and they didn’t part ways until after midnight.

Comte: I was going to finish this cup of tea to unwind, and then try to rest til noon.

He runs a hand through his freshly washed hair and brings the cup to his mouth in a series of elegant gestures that makes me fall in love with him all over again. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been up all night, but my heart readily starts beating faster.

Even Comte seems to notice my reaction…

Comte: …looking at me like that, are you seducing me?

Comte's eyes narrowed mischievously and he left his cup behind to approach me. A beautiful beast gazed at me as if to take aim at his prey, and he drew me in with supple hands.

MC: I didn’t intend it that way but…it’s true that I'm captivated. Your damp hair and lovely gestures are so sexy that I’m at a loss…

Comte: Saying such a thing…you’re a naughty woman, MC. Even though I tried to quell my ardor with a cold shower and hot tea...I’m glad to hear it, even though I’m far from calm.

When I raised my head--having looked down in bashful embarrassment--I can see burgeoning in Comte’s eyes an indisputable, feverish desire…

MC: Ah, mm…

His soft lips playfully brushed against the nape of my neck.

Comte: No one else would be awake at this hour…though we could be interrupted any moment. Make sure to keep your voice down.

He chuckled a little before a hot sigh caressed my skin, dropping kisses one after another. He circled around the usual place he’d sink his fangs into me, and every brush of his lips made heat gather low in my body…

MC: So impatient…Abel…

Comte: …I’ve been waiting for you to give it to me

The corners of his lips lifted a little, before he buried his fangs into my neck.

MC: Mn, ah…aaaahh…

Comte: I love you so much...and whenever we aren't together, I’m starved of you. We were miles apart all night yesterday. I’ll show you just how much I missed you.

His voice--half-intoxicated with the ecstasy of my blood--was sweet and husky with his desire.

Comte: Before you, I’m always a love-starved beast.

As I gaze into those eyes burning with emotion, an electric sensation tingles down my spine. 

(Ah, I’m just the same. It’s not only my heart, my body is always seeking you out too.)

MC: Me too…all day and night, I’m always thinking about you…

Comte: --Come here. Take as much of me as you want

At his encouragement and incitement, I sink my fangs into him.

MC: ah, ha…

Pleasure washes over me in an endless cascade, every sensation in my body heightened and sharp. I clenched my hands tighter through his wet hair, and dug my fangs into him greedily to devour that wellspring of ecstasy. 

Comte: I'm happy to be able to share love with you like this, as a vampire.

Like drops of water moistening desiccated earth, every crimson drop fills us to the brim--

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp comte #ikevamp mc #comte propaganda #if you can't already tell from the contents of this one--i straight up died after reading it #THE IMPLICATIONS. FOAMING AT THE MOUTH. #the way they're both dancing around it. MC trying to be strong and endure properly (girl same) and. comte. #THE WAY COMTE BASICALLY STARTS SHAKING HIS ASS LIKE ONE OF THOSE BIRDS OF PARADISE. I AM UNWELL (AND ECSTATIC). #THE WAY HE WANTS HER TO WANT HIM AS INTENSELY/DESPERATELY AS HE DOES HER. THE WAY HE RELISHES HER BITING HIM HARD. #IM NEVER GONNA RECOVER FROM THIS ONE #ive legit just been that ace attorney meme with phoenix holding his head in his hands for DAYS #dare i even mention 'make sure to keep your voice down.' SIR. SIR ARE YOU SRS RN #man the way in purple moon event he was like 'oh nooooo haha no hank pank in public where we might get caught that's too inappropriate~ owo #I SEE YOU ABEL. I SEE YOU MONSIEUR LE COMTE DE SAINT GERMAIN. #I SEE THAT U SIT UPON A THRONE OF L I E S #i hope whoever writes comte as unhinged as possible over at jpn cybird gets a god damn raise #i have never in my life been so directly catered to in one chara i swear #'loved-starved beast' ILL DO YOU ONE BETTER COMTE JUST LET ME IN. LET ME IIIIIIIIN!!!!!! #straight up ive said it before and ill say it again #that's my emotional support softcore yan meow meow golden retriever #every event im like 'hope this doesn't awaken anything inside me.' and then immediately its just 'failed step one.' #although all jokes aside i do find it endlessly fascinating about the purebloods how like #while they don't experience as much bloodlust there is this acute sense of biting as a vital expression of romantic interest and/or claim #i dont think its a throwaway line that comte says at the end--id actually argue a lot of his desire for intimacy when she's human (cont.)-> #is because he feels a level of insecurity in his connection to her caused by the lack of shared/reciprocated biting #you know now that has me wondering if that's part of why other purebloods frown so heavily upon the idea of a pureblood/human couple #basically because they can't fulfill the most basic tenet of what it means to be coupled in that community's perception #yeesh ikevamp really went 'welcome to normative vampire politics' and im like 'I Am So Normal About This. (lie + analyzes)'

[keepthetension]

still thinking about grief and recovery and support on this show because oh boy did the shows airing this weekend put me in my dead parent feelings i said before i was concerned about how porjai is dealing with her own grief, and this episode we saw her easily talking about rung, and even casually yelling to rung that she misses her! maybe this is me projecting, because i can't do that, but this seems like a pretty healthy place to be, especially contrasted with mhok's relative silence, and i'm glad!

and mhok's silence doesn't come from anger or resentment (which are valid ofc, but i did wonder if imprisonment gave him time to work through this to some degree) but out of protectiveness. i fucking loved this, because it felt so realistic and lived-in. i lost a parent to intimate partner violence, and i NEVER open up about it; people sure have Opinions, and it makes me insane

but day finding out about rung offscreen wasn't on my bingo card, tbh. because we've been with mhok through everything he's found out about day

it doesn't bother me, exactly, but it feels slightly unbalanced, and i suppose what i'm thinking is: knowing what happened to someone doesn't actually tell you how they feel about it, or how it affects them, or how you can support them

mhok found out from that lady sharing personal medical info she had no business sharing about day losing his eyesight in the accident, but he put in the work to understand what it actually meant for day. and in most cases, we've seen day telling mhok about what troubles him in his own words (his crush on auggy, why he was avoiding his friends, etc)

bereavement is probably statistically more common, so i suppose it may not need to be spelled out for an audience? but i am wary, because there have been so many shows where characters are visibly — to me! — struggling with grief and everything else matryoshka-ed in it, but audience reaction simply doesn't factor this in

i'm also thinking about how often mhok tells day a story about himself with the intent of making him smile ("i bought two bracelets just because i had money to spend" "i found this rooftop when i needed to sober up" "my sister called this false rice". i'm certain there are more!). because this is what a caretaker does, or because this is what mhok does, or both?

because this always made me wonder what it would take for mhok to talk about something that wouldn't make day smile, or because he wanted to share. in the former case, it'd have to be something pretty bad!

of course, talking isn't the only way to recovery or intimacy. and mhok going from "i'm breaking up with my devoted gf because i don't want to drag her down with me" to "i'm going to ask you to be my bf" is pretty significant!

but as they navigate the journey from being caretaker and client to being boyfies, the balance has to shift around a bit to them supporting each other, consciously choosing to be there for each other

in this episode what we got was: you only want money to buy that car. and i'm not even mad about this, because this kind of comment is very in line with day's character. but wow. day, i know you're feeling big feelings, but throwing one of the few things you know about mhok's life in his face is. not it!

#last twilight the series #i know this is a “trustworthy” director. and i will happily eat my words! but #it's always bothered me when couples fall into this pattern of ONE person doing the bulk of the supporting and caring and accommodating #and i am HOPING WISHING PRAYING this show doesn't do the same you know? #also like the imbalance makes sense if they're only caretaker and client of course! i'm just SO curious how this will be addressed #thinking a lot lately about characters society puts into a certain box because social status or because they're Manly or Tough or some shit #and there isn't a space for them to be soft and goofy and playful and tender. and people assume they don't need to be cared for #ten from cooking crush and babe from pit babe and top from only friends. for example. #and “there's zero tenderness in you” mhok #and i desperately want to see these characters get to be more than they're “allowed” to be #patriarchy is a curse #oh also i suspect mhok's “healing journey” will come to a head once he buys the car or whatever ends up happening there #ALSO GOD how many people would move the fuck out of that house afterward IF THEY HAVE THE MONEY TO DO SO #and maybe it doesn't feel like this for mhok and porjai but living in the same place afterward can be intensely suffocating #but they can't just move and start over like moneyed individuals might be able to! #recovery and healing simply looks different for the rich #anyway next ep will probably foreground mhok caring for day. and there are not many eps left!! i am wary but still fairly optimistic

[apple-os]

ppl who like making friends solely with one-note cardboard boxes who will hang out with them when it's convenient and never open up about who they are as people and what their lives are like dni

#the salt just caught up with me and now im pissed #hi welcome to what i like to call a friendly reminder that hanging out with someone just because its convenient is kind of shitty #and a less friendly reminder that talking about yourself to connect with people is an autistic trait #and an even less friendly reminder that not telling someone if theyve done you wrong and then proceeding to blow up on them is ALSO SHITTY #ESPECIALLY. WHEN. THEY THINK. YOU'RE ON GOOD TERMS. BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE IT AND THEY CAN'T READ YOU. #IM REALLY FUCKING MAD #I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE. #the people who actually somewhat knew me and hung out with me and were on good terms with me think the same #so like BLEH MYEH :PPPPPPPPP #like okay youre entitled to your opinions but sometimes you need to keep those to yourself #did u see me insulting u to ur face #nope i have not done even once #and thats on getting better communication skills instead of lashing out at someone for trying to fit in with your own vibes #like yeah oversharing is my deal. anybody who sees me here knows that #i bond by being open with people about who i am and what i like in the hopes that theyll do the same #if u think im just around for gaming and making silly jokes u would be wrong. #but of course nobody told me people weren't there to bond like that which in my opinion shouldnt be on me #and once again i am outcasted over something honestly kind of fucking stupid #some of the jokes i made were stupid yes but thats solely because i severely misjudged the vibes #and checks notes oh yeah nobody pulled me up for it even once. #okay so let me get this straight you barely know me and have been making assumptions about me since day one #pretty much let me believe you liked me for two whole weeks instead of asking me about things or cutting me off #and im the one who gets treated like im in the wrong? okay #this miscommunication was not my fault in the slightest and i KNOW that #if you hadve just talked to me things would be fine but theyre NOT. #if you hadve just looked at my gosh darn profile and seen im the queerest fucker around making gay and homophobic type jokes maybe you woul #have had half the mind to ask me if i could stop making those jokes!!!!!!!!! #i am not transphobic!!!!!!! I AM TRANS!! I WAS MAKING A MOCKERY OF SOME TRANSPHOBIC CULTURE I HATE!!!! #i mightve vented on main ONE TIME under the guise of a silly joke but oh my god guess what?? that was an attempt to see if anybody related. #you never liked me in the first place dont lie to yourself

[amarriageoftrueminds]

Ficbunny: Bucky as the nice cute guy who's always asking Steve for advice in the gym and then just... walking away?? never hitting on him?? ...but becoming steadily more & more swole because of the advice and Steve is slowly going mad from sexual frustration

#stuckbunny #ficbunny #au idea #dat's me #stucky #steve rogers #bucky barnes #release the cracken #steve's inner monologue: god why are the straight guys always so nice and sweet and oblivious and hot so you get ur stupid gay hopes up #bucky's inner monologue: god I bet that poor adonis gets hit on all the time at the gym well I'm not gunna be that asshole #and then he comes to really rely on steve's work out input and is like 'fuck I can't risk losing this if I ask and he say sno' #eventually steve brings nat in as the ultimate 'is he 💁‍♂️?' test #and she is the one who figures out that bucky is definitely not looking on purpose to be nice because even straight guys check steve out #and maybe plot-twist bucky disappears from the gym for months #only to then reappear like 'hey steve look I took up X hobby instead and it's finally made my body as incredible as yours let's date!!' #how would this be tagged? #self-inflicted torture? unrequited slowburn? #OR IS IT?? #yet each man queues the thing he loves #me seeing the number of people going wild for the concept of NOT being hit on at the gym: oh this is sad

[piedoesnotequalpi]

Man this day keeps getting worse and worse huh

#isabel.vent #my phone seems to have broken again!!! #i really hope leaving it be overnight will fix it but ohhhh my god i want to call out of work but i can't call out of work!!! #because i can't even call my boss now!!! and if i do that then i'll look even worse!!! oh my god!!! it's not like i'm sick!!! #stupid thing to call out for but i just. oh my god. i am so miserable right now for no good reason #and i have to be at work in eight hours #like literally the only things wrong are: looming deadline for a thing that i won't get anyway #not put on long haul (the usual) #acro sucked tonight #phone malfunction #that's all stupid!!! #i was going to sleep before midnight but nooooo now i'm sobbing at 12:30 am for like the fourth time since i woke up yesterday #this is clearly the post of a sane and hinged person #i'm just. so tired. #like tomorrow when i go into work i'm gonna have to say #okay what do i need to do so that you don't f*** up this simple matter of i need to be emailed for a bit #since they have. never not f***ed that up

[dylanconrique]

gabby: "i wanna be detailed to arson" 🥺

boden: "why? why do you wanna leave me?!" 😠

gabby: "i-i'm pregnant!" 😨

boden: "GABRIELA DAWSON GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!! OH MY GOD!!!!" 😃💖

#carly lb cf #chicago fire #4x02 #chief boden #wallace boden #gabriela dawson #THE COMPLETE 180 HE DID AFTER SHE BLURTED THAT OUT WAS SO CUTE OH MY LORD 😭🤧💗 #he was SO OFFENDED LMAOOOOO #like 'my baby wants to leave me? why? what have i done?' #ONLY TO LIGHT UP BRIGHTER THAN A DAMN CHRISTMAS TREE #cause his baby is having a baby bye i have to walk off a cliff now #i hope we get a similar parallel for chenford one day #except i imagine it going a little differently where tim approaches grey in his office solo #vehemently requesting he pull lucy off active duty and reassign her w/ scott wrigley (from 1x02) since she's carrying his baby #(much to lucy's dismay at first even though she knows he's only looking out for her and the baby) #he's wanted children for SO. LONG!!! you can't tell me he's not gonna be the most overprotective papa bear there is #okay i gotta stop making this about them god this is a cf post #but i also can't help but feel giddy and kicking my feet at the thought of even grey doing an excited lil dancy dance behind closed doors #you know he'd be just as over the moon as tim what with how long they've known and worked together #he knows tim has always secretly wanted kids so badly and he's gonna be SO HAPPY for him when he finally has one of his own #especially with lucy oh my god!!!!!!!!! #okay i'm done making this about them now i swear

[1000punks]

i hope women don't think i'm a man when they see me out and about

nuance in the tags

#.txt #obligatory there isn't something inherently wrong with being a trans man/transmasc obviously- i just want women to know i'm Gay For Them #i see a lot of queer women stopping in at work and all of the butch “what if they think i'm a cis dude” and #“i certainly hope the deep voice doesn't make them think i'm flirting (predatorily)” feelings come up #gender shit #raaaaaaaahhfhjf #as i get older i ID more and more with butch and less and less with transmasc but like i was on hrt for seven years of my life #i don't regret it but god forbid someone clocks me in as a Man™️ #oh and obligatory if you think butches can't be bi i can tell you where to stuff it

[bunnyb34r]

I know I should just block (and not OPEN) tags and posts ab '24 but my brain is stupid and likes to be informed even if it makes me worse

#marquilla #im not even joking when i say this next election makes me wanna kms so bad. im fucking terrified and i feel like we already know what's #gonna happen. not bc people arent voting or organizing i mean bc of how far the right has gotten and how angry they are that a #dem won so theyre gonna show up in droves and it's like god i wish we could idk have some safegaurds in place??? like oh idk you #incite an insurrection you Can't run for president?? but also that wouldnt fully stop shit bc florida has its own neo nazi running and #theres more behind him in the wings. but like idk man i just get so fucking suicidal thinking ab the future #and my drs. are like well then dont look at the news??? 'i sure dont' mkay thats great (not) but um i CAN'T not watch bc i need to #be informed i need to know. and they're like well then stop worrying ab it til election day?? LIKE THAT HELPS #so i just dont bring it up. and i just spiral and have breakdowns in the shower and think ab making a will and shit yknow normal stuff #bc this is fine! just dont engage! stop worrying it's like a year away! it MIGHT get better! idk Join in your community then?? #like yes yes thats a start but with what fucking energy when im bedbound most of the time im not working and that doesnt stop these fascist #s like me helping the community garden would be good for the community and probably my mental health in general BUT that doesnt deal with #the actual fear that makes me wanna Kermit #like it really fucking feels like all i can do is pray and hope god somehow intervenes (rapture anyone?) and that things do go well and #that the outright outspoken nzis don't win but like I really just wanna die man #i know the outcome more than likely will not directly affect my life bc im white. cis passing. and can go back in the closet regretfully #but like that doesnt reassure me any bc i have friends and loved ones and generally just give a shit ab other people and how this WILL #affect them directly and that terrifies me. it really feels like we cant ever have a moment to just exist yknow?? #idk man i just wanna die bc im so scared haha how fun (: how normal (: this is fine. everything is fine.

[rainbow-burst]

I being so fucking normal about this fit on him rn I'm beingsofuckingnormal I'm beingsofuckin nor-

#you have no idea how fucking long I've been drooling crying begging and just screaming for them to do a Lost boy kill count #like I just watched the podcast maybe like a week ago and I'm just like rocking back and forth on my bed like they're going to post a video #<--real soon #and oh my God I watched the video of the kill count in there's so many things I wish they talked about on there but I'm grateful to get it #they did talk about the sequels and.....ekkkk... I mean it's only based off of high demand so let's hope to God no one talks about it #or send any emails for them I mean if they talk about the remake that's fine I haven't really seen that one I know Sebastian stan is in it #oh my God I feel like I'm about to be so fucking annoying about the movie again I think I'm going to just start posting random shit about it #also lately I've been more happy to be posting and drawing again than usual #so I might be back on doodling and drawing random shit or actually I've been having more confidence in myself to start posting doodles #why do I bring that up because oh I don't know...wink wonk 🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤗🤗 😉😉😉😉😜😜😜 #my laptop kind of sucks now so I'm going to buy a new one probably this month or next month so I'll be drawing and posting doodles #I'm also thinking about posting some of my recent sketches I have in my notebook but don't expect any Picasso or Vince Van Gogh for me #I know I'm good but like I'm not that good lol im jking kinda sorta maybe not relaly okay yeaj am BUT!!! #I feel like I'm back on my drawing shit again and if I don't finish your drawing I'll just still post it because why the fuck not I'm young #let's fuck around and have some fun why not huh #man I can't believe I'm actually really rambling here but yeah I'm happy to say that I'm going to be back on my stupid shit ❤️ #kill count

[helennorvilles]

have filled six and a half pages of an a5 notebook for job interview potential questions and ideas for answers so far and my hand hurtsssss and the nerves are reallllllll

#it's like i am shitting myself but in a way that it's like. i'm not shitting enough? #i think this is the stress level that normal people get but it's like. that's weird for me. a stressed person. #maybe i've hit my limit. i have so much to do i can't care enough about getting this job lol #idk. it's like i have prepared SO little up until now that i really am just putting faith in my own ability #and that's it's own type of scary but also freeing?? like i haven't had a chance to put the right effort in so i can only be me? #and if i flunk it then i will be better next time considering this can literally just be practice #god. i mean w/ less than 24 hours notice when i still have to teach that's rough right? i hope they're chill about it #and bc i am LITERALLY right now at that school doing the job they'd be hiring me for that they like. forgive nerves and shittiness #and give me the job anyway?? fingers fucking crossed eh #god i hope they're easy questions. as i understand it i'll get the questions a bit before to prepare? which is like. both good and bad. #that's more pressure. oh man. okay so this tag ramble has gone too long and i am cutting myself off to sleep. #or at least to somehow find interview appropriate clothing in my wardrobe bc idk how to look presentable anymore 🫠 #my post tag

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

goodnight

#off to bed and we. shall see. if i keep my streak. i desperately hope i do. #but oh God help me it's hard #i ust want to harm so bad #well really i want to do more than harm but i Won't #i am so tired from work lately #ransom has her first vet appointment tomorrow #i have work tomorrow #it just #all stacking up i don't even know #had mildly difficult/thought provokin convo today #aaaaa i want to jump off my balcony #of course i won't i definitely won't but i Want To #gah i can't even explain why im feeling like this ugh hate it #puddleglum hours #i really need a decent cry but it's all bottled up inside me and the only way i know of releasing that in the way it feelin now is to harm #tw sh #ive been nearly ten and a half days i want to get to at least a fortnight #hmmm gonna bring puter to bed so i can listne to music real quiet tho bc i lost my headphones idk where htey are #watch me Not get much sleep huh #a dnthen be unfit for work tomorrow? its more likely tha you think #i also wish i had a lighter i need to acquire one next time im getting petrol #(no im not a smoker. just a pyromaniac.) #(mostly i have a healthy enough fear of fire after dressing a nasty burn wound on placement last y that i probably wouldn't harm using fire #probably.) #i dont know in my head is all ajumbled mess and i dont see how i am to keep going #and every time i say that i keep going anyhow and that thought makes it feel like im overreacting to all this which. of course i am. #nothin but a fool a very tired helpless useless one #was playing the piano earlier. played a movt from a concerto to which ive set words to a section at least (not the full thing yet) #'and though the night seems endless/until the storm has passed/still i will hope in God my trust/i will follow him' #my favourite lines from that

[pa-pa-plasma]

i'm going to fucking kill someone. i got screamed at & called selfish & stupid for telling my mom to wear a mask. she gave me covid

#& you wanna know the kicker? she's going on a vacation. yeah. she's going on a plane right now while badly sick with covid #how do i communicate with people who are literally missing their brain? #it was my sister who screamed at me btw. she feels the need to play devil's advocate whenever i open my mouth #my mom did what she always does & coughed 17 times without covering her mouth & then sat down in the livingroom to doomscroll for 7 hours #what the actual fuck is it with parents & not covering their mouths when they cough or sneeze? they straight up just spray people with covi #& then laugh about it when you point it out as if spreading the fucking plague is funny #best part is that we're pretty sure her getting covid 5 times a year because she refuses to wear masks killed her husband #not joking about that btw. all she had to say oh ''ooh yeah that would explain it'' #like ?????????????????????? #i didn't get the chance to go grocery shopping either so now i dont have any fresh food #if i have to eat one more frozen or processed meal i'm gonna fucking kill someone. & now i cant do that because i have basic empathy #i don't even feel right ordering food cuz like. i have to interact with someone to do that (can't pay online) #i avoid covid for this long & then get it because ''people look at you weird if you wear masks. you wouldn't get it'' #bitch i'm queer. i wear queer pins. i wear a queer jacket. you're telling ME i wouldn't get receiving weird looks??? #god my sister wants to be oppressed so fucking bad. i'm sorry but bitch isn't a slur & you're a fucking coward for not wearing masks #i hope you cant fucking work for weeks because of this bullshit. bitch