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CHAPTER TEN || COWBOY LIKE ME

SYPNOSIS (of chapter). in which today is a day for a beautiful wedding, with secrets and fears hidden underneath the naked eye.

SYPNOSIS (of series). breaking up with your first love was heartbreaking, but not as heartbreaking as getting invited to his wedding after years of not seeing him. that is, until things seem to be easier when you encounter a certain guest, who could end up being more than just a blooming friend to you.

CHARACTERS. kamisato ayato and diluc ragnvindr (w/ gn!reader)

CONTENT. angst/fluff/comfort(?), modern au, slight physical violence (slap), mentions of family problems, hints of murder, and lots of crying and anxiousness

PENPALS. @scaraslover @saving-for-xiao @dawgimsohot @kazu-topia @chiruru @aqualesha @renamichii @mrkamisato @shenhesl0ver @serami00 @serenareiss @hiqhkey @emperatris-rinaka @bystander36 @irisxiel @ladycoleigh @034ven @dear-dairiess @owozi8 @hadesaedes @chiro-chiro-kun @hersscherofyatta @mariusvonhangme @yuzuricebun @hoshikistarlette @solaaresque @crowbird @lordbugs @flowersforayato @headintheclouddd @estelwrld @giyusimpsassemble @irethepotatosblog @moonlightaangel @alice0blog @shotosbrainrot @sniffoat @chihawari @mxsomn @kuni-kuzushii @jiminscarmex @mitsukii14 @nejibot @ylimeprive @sachispet @loreleis-world @sn-owo @starforecasts @someonetookmynamelmao @ceylestia @koshiisu @ymikkos @reallysporadicarcade @elychee @rion-s @denkineptune @franini @sophisticatedleslie @thedivinepriestress @smashsubs @httpmitsuya @bl6o6dy @cottonkendi (please visit this post if you'd like to be tagged!)

WORD COUNT. 6.2k words

LINKS. EVERMORE MASTERLIST \ MAIN MASTERLIST \ EVERMORE SURVEY (come visit if you’d like to ask questions that i’ll answer by the time this series ends !)

POST-SCRIPT. 6 more chapters before evermore reaches its end !! i'm very excited to work on the next chapters as they're the ones i'm excited to write <33 id also like to shoutout to that one anon whose birthday is today, this is my gift to you, anon <33 !!

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make sure to read the full thing before looking at reblogs and replies to prevent yourself from getting spoiled !!

The day of the wedding has finally come.

It’s strange, you admit. After you and Ayato talked it out together properly yesterday, the lingering thoughts about the past was.. Quiet for the first time. It’s a good thing of course, but it’s just so new to you.

Zhongli could tell something good happened to you from just the way you’re acting today.

“Good morning to you, ( Name ).” He greeted you from his seat as he poured hot tea on his cup. “I take it that you slept well?”

You hummed happily in response, sitting down across the man with a cup of your drink. “I did. Remember when I went to visit the couple because of the wedding gift?”

Zhongli nodded in response, causing you to add, “Ayato and I talked it out. We both settled the situation and decided that it’s fair that we go our separate ways. I’m glad we properly made up, if it weren’t for you persuading me to go up there, I would’ve not been able to talk to Ayato at all for the next few days.”

“That’s good, I’m happy you finally made up with Mr. Kamisato.” Zhongli comments with a proud smile. It was definitely difficult to convince you to come visit the wedding couple to give them their gifts because of the fact you’re afraid of bothering them and not wanting to see Ayato, so he was glad to hear it went well for you just like he hoped it would be. “Why don’t we go to a place to celebrate before the wedding? I was meaning to visit a place that my friend’s been insisting on visiting and I think it’d be great if I could tag you along with Venti.”

Seeing how you have nothing else to do for the rest of the day before the wedding, you don’t see why you shouldn’t refuse his offer – and besides, it’s been a few days since you’ve spent time with your dear friend. “I’d love to go!”

–

You learned that Zhongli’s dear friend certainly knows where alcohol is.

Unlike before when you three got lost around the city thanks to Venti, your journey to Angel’s Share was nothing but a breeze. The young man was delighted to tell you everything about the place as you’re on your way there.

“It’s definitely a cool place! Not only do they sell the finest wines Mondstadt has to offer, they also sell lots of delicious foods and nonalcoholic beverages, you’ll love it!” Venit said enthusiastically. “I recommend you trying out Dandelion Wine or their Misty Garden – Zhongli is a fan of that one.”

You look at Zhongli in surprise. “You went there before?”

He nodded with a smile. “Yes I have. Though, it was perhaps a few years since I last visited.” He clarified.

“We’re here!” Venti spoke, causing you to stop your tracks and look at the location that’s on your left, only for your eyes to widen at the sight of the name of the place. Angel’s Share…? Isn’t that where…?

“Come, come! I want to introduce you to someone before we go sit somewhere.” He spoke, dragging you and Zhongli towards the entrance.

As the three of you enter Angel’s Share, Venti takes you both to the bar area nearby, and your eyes widen at the sight of a certain familiar man who’s serving drinks for the servers to snatch away and serve it to the customers.

It was only when you’re now face to face with him when the bartender realizes your presence.

“...”

“...Mr. – I mean, Diluc.” You spoke.

“...( Name )...” Diluc greeted you back, surprised as well. “I didn’t know you’d be visiting here today, I thought the wedding was today?”

“Ah, the wedding will start in a few hours, so we decided to visit here before getting ready.” You respond. “...Will you be there too?”

He nodded. “Mr. Kamisato was delighted that everyone was pleased with the drinks I’ve served, so he and his fiancée were happy to invite me to the wedding and reception.”

Your eyes brighten, now looking forward to the wedding more than ever. “That’s good! I’ll see you there then!”

“I’ll see you there as well,” Diluc then looks at where Zhongli and Venti are. “It’s nice to see you again, Mr. Zhongli…. Venti.”

“Took you long enough to realize we exist!” Venti spoke with a laugh. “We’ll be going to our table now, we better expect to see your finest wine on the table!”

“Only if you pay up.” Diluc narrows his eyes. “Might I remind you about your bill from last night?”

The younger man pretends to not hear any word the bartender was saying, giggling as he takes your arm and walks to the nearest empty table with Zhongli following.

As the three of you shared a conversation while waiting for your orders to be served, you couldn’t help but steal some glances towards Diluc nearby, who you’d sometimes caught glancing at your direction too before you quickly looked away in embarrassment.

You’d be lying if you said you’re not looking forward to talking to him during the reception. Could you blame yourself? There was still so much to talk about with the man, who certainly knows more than what meets the eye, but unfortunately your long conversation had to be stopped due to the venue being over already.

Your small glances towards each other did not go unnoticed by a certain nosy young man.

“So,” Venti suddenly spoke with a smug look on his face. “Care to tell us the juicy details between you and Mr. Diluc over there?”

Your mouth opens in surprise, your glances towards the bartender finally stop. “E-Excuse me?”

“Oh, I meant that I was wondering if you could tell us about you and that guy over there. I honestly didn’t expect you two to become friends because of the shop back then! I can’t help but feel curious since that man rarely makes friends.” Venti clarifies quickly with a giggle.

You hesitantly look down at the table, fingers tapping in deep thought. “Well… I could say the both of us kept seeing each other by accident a few times after that. We got to know each other during the joint bachelor party so I guess we’re considered friends now.” You explained shyly.

“No way! Diluc tells you about himself?!” Venti exclaims. “What has this world turned into?!”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his exaggeration. “I wouldn’t exactly say that. We don’t tell each other our personal lives, just our preferences and such.”

“Tell us more! I’m dying to know if it’s actually true that he despises alcohol–”

“Here are your orders!” The waiter interrupted the conversation, serving all of your meals from the tray as you thank the waiter internally for saving yourself from revealing too much. “Enjoy your meals.”

“Thank you, good sir!” Venti cheerfully replied, watching the waiter walk away before looking at you. “Now, what did we talk about again?”

Before you could speak, Zhongli beat you to it. “We were talking about where to go next when we’re able to hang out again next time.” Thank you Zhongli!

Thankfully, Venti fell for it. “Ah, really…? Oh well, I was thinking about you guys visiting my place next time so I could introduce you to Dvalin – He’s a cute bird of mine, ehe!”

By the time you finished your meal while continuing your conversation with Venti and Zhongli, the three of you agreed to call it a day given that you and Zhongli only have two hours to get ready before the wedding, much to Venti’s disappointment, wanting to talk more with you two.

“Aww it’s a shame that we have to end this way, we still have so much to talk about!” The young man pouted, watching as the two of you started packing your things once you settled your bill. “I hope we get to meet up again once you two are done with that wedding fiasco.”

You nodded in agreement. “I hope so too, we’ll see what we can do. See you next time, Venti!”

As you and Zhongli walk away towards the exit of the establishment, you slowly find yourself gazing towards where Diluc is, who notices you’re leaving. Once your eyes contacted each other, you gave the bartender an acknowledged nod with a smile, causing Diluc to nod back.

And then you left the establishment, smiling to yourself at the thought of coming back to that pleasant place.

—

“Welcome, welcome! Feel free to explore the venue for a bit while waiting for the wedding ceremony to start.” One of the staff greeted you as you and Zhongli stepped foot into the wedding venue, wearing your finest outfits that won’t outshine the wedding couple as it should be.

People weren’t lying when they said Goth Grand Hotel has the largest venue in all of Mondstadt, and whoever arranged the place did an amazing job making a huge empty room into a place that’s perfect for a wedding, with some intricate designs and fabrics draped on the ceilings as well as music playing in the background that originates from Inazuma, and flower arrangements with some colors around the room that symbolizes Mondstadt. The whole wedding is entirely filled with Inazuma and Mondstadt combined in a good way.

“I’m impressed with this place.” Zhongli comments with a hum, the two of you walking around the area. “Goth Grand Hotel has outdone themselves with the venue for sure.”

You smile in amusement at the sight of Zhongli’s way of being in awe. The way his eyes sparkle as he looks around his surroundings with his eyes is enough for you to know just how impressed he is.

“I agree. It feels like you’re not in a hotel anymore.” You replied, entering the aisle. You find yourself letting out a sad sigh when you haven’t seen a familiar red-haired man around. You were looking forward to having a quick chat with him before the ceremony starts, but talking to your other friends will just have to do.

Your slumped look didn’t go unnoticed by Zhongli, who can’t help but glance at you in curiosity.

Are they thinking about that red-haired man perhaps? He thought to himself in amusement. It seems Venti wasn’t the only one who noticed your quick glances and interactions with your new friend.

It took perhaps thirty minutes chatting with your other friends who managed to arrive early before you and Zhongli decided to come to your seats as soon as it was announced the wedding would come shortly.

A few seconds turned to minutes, you thought there was nothing wrong as far as you know. A few minutes turned to thirty minutes, and you thought there’s just a minor inconvenience as the music begins. Thirty minutes turned into an hour, and you knew something was wrong with Chisato, not when Ayato was already standing in his position waiting for the bride to come.

The bride never came.

Today is going to be a lovely day, Chisato thought with a small smile.

After so many years of anticipation and dread, the day of the wedding has finally arrived. The woman was prepared for this moment ever since her father deemed it so, and she can guarantee that she’ll try her best for the occasion.

The woman starts the day off with breakfast served in her suite by the hotel staff. She can tell her father’s the one who ordered them to serve it given that her breakfast today is her favorite Inazuma dishes, something that she hasn’t eaten for the past week.

It’s a shame that she can’t spend such breakfast with her soon-to-be-husband, who’s now in another suite in order for the couple to not see each other before the wedding, but nevertheless, it was fine since she’ll see him later on and eat dinner with him at the reception. Now that she thinks about it, it’s quite silent and lonely here..

Perhaps listening to her favorite songs won’t hurt a bit while eating breakfast.

She instantly grabs her phone nearby and plays her playlist before grabbing her schedule as she dines in on her breakfast.

First, she has a lot of free time for the next two hours – which she’ll use to take a stroll through the garden, have some spa, check with her wedding planner and Thoma regarding the preparations of the wedding, then afterwards she can proceed to the bridal room and start getting ready for the wedding at last.

Simple and lovely, just the way she likes it. She can’t think of anything that can make this day go wrong,

By the time she finishes her breakfast, she washes the dishes off by the kitchen sink and goes to her room to change her attire.

As the woman strolls around the garden happily, she admires the flowers and plants displayed. The place is truly one of the things she likes about the Grand Goth Hotel, and the pictures certainly didn’t give enough justice for how ethereal the garden looked.

She leans towards one of Mondstadt’s special flowers – windwheel asters are what they called – and looks at one of them in fascination. They really do spin!

Chisato could recall talking to Thoma about Mondstadt before the trip. The man was surely fond of his hometown from how he has so many things to talk about the lands, and one of those things are particularly windwheel asters.

Next to the plentiful flowers are cecilias, the one she personally chose for her bouquet besides her favorite ones that have been sent straight from Inazuma, and just as Thoma said, they’re as lovely as “true love”, a quote he recited as a reference of a certain song written by Mondstadt’s most famous idol, Barbara.

Everywhere Chisato goes, her surroundings are filled with various flowers hailed from Mondstadt and even from certain neighboring lands.

It would be lovely if she could have a garden as similar as this for her new home that she and Ayato will stay in after the wedding, then maybe she can have a safe haven to come to whenever she wants to clear her mind.

If she’s lucky enough, maybe said safe haven would be enough to clear some of her guilt off for not working hard enough to stop her wedding for you and Ayato.

It still hurts, knowing that it took her this long to realize that she was right about this wedding being a mistake from the start. Not only is she getting married to someone who loves someone else and had the audacity to act so loving to him with the person he loves around, but was also totally clueless that her fiance was suffering from something she could’ve tried her best to prevent.

She knew what it was like to lose someone she loves dearly – though her experience was much different unlike Ayato’s, whereas his someone is still alive – and it made everything worse for her knowing that she’s the reason that he’s going through it.

That’s why she feels like the best thing she can do for you, Ayato, and herself is to keep everything under wraps. Which leads her to be… more conscious about herself and those around her.

The feeling as if everyone’s eyes are on Chisato began to dawn on the woman, causing her posture to stiffen. Everyone would be disappointed, especially those who never understood the sacrifices of arranged marriages, they’d call her a snake for stealing someone’s man and feel sad for Ayato’s tragic love life, or call Ayato a shameless man for inviting the person he still loves to the wedding and they’d pity Chisato.

Either way, the result would be too dire should anyone find out about this.

It scares her, knowing there’s nothing she could do if this spreads like wildfire. She was just following her father’s orders, he didn’t know any better. She thought Ayato was alright with it too since he accepted it–

With a shaky breath, Chisato decides to go back inside from the garden that she no longer enjoys, her thoughts flooding with what-ifs and overwhelming guilt as she tries to reassure herself that the feeling of being watched by everyone is nothing but in her head. It’s okay, they’re not looking at me. They’re just going about their day, no one knows.

She feels sick when she makes eye-contact with a few passerbys while heading inside, not helping her reassurances at all.

She hopes a long spa session with her friends can make her feel better.

If it weren’t for her dear friends, she would’ve canceled her spa appointment and stayed in her suite for the next hour until she visits her wedding planner and Thoma.

“This is truly divine, Chisato.” Hanachirusato, one of the bridesmaids, commented. “Both the Kamisato family and your family are truly generous – not only did you provide free trips to Mondstadt for everyone, you also gave us a free spa treatment!”

Chisato shyly laughed. “You’re too kind, Hana… It’s the least I can do for you guys since you’ve been here for me since college.”

“You being our friend is enough. If anything, us treating you out to shopping and eating in Good Hunter yesterday isn’t enough to show us our gratitude.” Sakuya chimes. “By the way, I’ve checked the flowers that you’ll be carrying, and thankfully they’re all well.”

“That’s good to hear, I was worried about that last night before I went to sleep. But yesterday was enough for me, I’ve had lots of fun thanks to you guys.” The bride replies quietly.

“Are you excited for the wedding later?” Aoi asks curiously.

“Of course, I am.” Chisato responded. “I’m just nervous… But I believe that everything will go well thanks to Ayato’s best man and Asagiri.”

“Aww, you’re too sweet, Chisato! And no worries, the wedding is almost done with the venue, we just need a few more roundchecks with Thoma and check on the guests before the wedding starts – I also made sure your photographer arrived early to take pictures before the reception.” Asagiri said.

“I already feel relieved from just hearing that, thank you again Asagiri.”

“By the way, speaking of guests… Consider me curious, but who was that person you were talking to during the bachelor party, Chisato?” Fushizome asks curiously.

Chisato was taken back by surprise. “Which person?”

“You know, the one who you were talking to when you walked back to the party from the bathroom! From what I remember, they have ( Hair Color ) and a cute outfit.”

The woman’s breath hitches.

They now know you.

She couldn’t help but feel scared, what if they realized you’re Ayato’s ex? What would they do if they found out about your situation? Or worse, what if they think Chisato forced Ayato to marry her knowing about you–?!

“Ma’am, try to relax.” Chisato’s thoughts were cut off by the hushed tone of her masseuse, causing the bride to blink a few times and wake up in reality.

“Chisato..? Are you okay?” One of the bridesmaids asked in concern.

“..” Chisato lets out a deep breath before smiling once again. “Ah, I’m alright, sorry. I was dozing off..”

“Again..? Are you thinking about the wedding?”

“Yeah,” The bride lets out a fake laugh. “I’m alright, don’t worry about me. I was just recalling everything I needed to do for the wedding.”

The women look at each other with a flash of concern for Chisato before giving in to her reassurance. “..If you insist, Chisato.”

By then, everything was a blur.

The discussion between Thoma and the wedding planner in her suite went as smoothly as Chisato hoped, it was only until they left the room when the woman encountered a surprise visitor.

“Father? What brings you here?” The bride exclaims in surprise, not expecting to see her father visiting her.

“Well I’ve come to visit my sweet little girl before she goes to the wedding! Is it wrong of me to visit you?”

Chisato shakes her head, opening the door wide for him to enter. “O-Of course not, father. Please come in.”

As Shinsuke enters the room, the woman instantly rushes over to the kitchen after closing the door shut, preparing her father’s favorite tea.

He then decides to speak. “I’m quite proud of you, sweetheart. I hope you and Ayato will have a prosperous marriage as I hoped it would be. Carrying both the Hiiragi and Kamisato titles is no easy feat, so I hope you’re ready for it all once the wedding is over.”

“I’m more than ready, father.” She responded, walking over towards her father with the tea set. It was fortunate the man didn’t notice the way her hands started shaking. “You’ve prepared me for it.”

Prepared, that’s what Shinsuke thought he was. Prepared for anything, prepared for dangers to come, prepared for dealing with someone who threatens his status, prepared for removing evidence, prepared for everything, everywhere.

Prepared for all except having a daughter.

Even though her father didn’t say anything, Chisato knew he despised the fact that he only has a daughter who will inherit everything in the Hiiragi business instead of a son. She appreciated his efforts in hiding it to not hurt her feelings – a sign that he at least cares about her – but it hurts to see the way his jaws sometimes clench at the sight of her.

Perhaps one of the reasons why she didn’t exactly protest against the marriage back then was because of the fact it could make her father proud of her for once.

Even if she won medals in school, knew every single thing she needed to know to handle a business, became top 1 in her classes, won many achievements, and a truly breadwinner that’s worth being proud of by parents overall, the bride knew it wasn’t enough for her father. Not when he wanted a boy instead of a girl as his child and for his wife to come back from the dead after dying from childbirth.

It was only when she learned that he has other ways in dealing with people who oppose him that she lost all the admiration she had for her father and didn’t bother to try and get his attention, who’s nothing but a corrupted prick. All that’s left are fear and misery.

“Of course, I didn’t raise you well for nothing, dear.” Shinsuke responded with a laugh, bringing up the cup to his lips before taking a sip. “That’s why I better expect nothing to go wrong with the wedding and between you and Ayato.”

Chisato feels her heart sinking, slowly realizing that the elder man has another reason for visiting here. “Nothing’s going on that should concern you, father. So you don’t have to–”

“Don’t bother lying to me, Chisato.”

…

What?

Chisato felt her heart drop. Does he know about the bachelor party? Did he realize who you are? What will he do to you and Ayato if he does–!

The woman tries to contain her smile, keeping her act together. “Father, what do you mean? I’m telling you the tru–”

“Do you happen to know ( Name ) ( Last Name )?”

Chisato felt her breath hitch, trying not to look shocked. “..Wh..What about them… Father?” She breathed out, trying not to panic. How did he find out about you? Did he manage to catch you with Ayato? Or was there someone who managed to tell him about your relationship with him–?!

“I’m disappointed in you, Hiiragi Chisato.” She tenses up from the way he brought up her full name. “What did I tell you about not showing vulnerability for this wedding?! What if that vile person makes rumors about how you’re miserable in this marriage?!”

Oh thank Celestia..

“I.. I’m sorry, father. I just couldn’t help it, I was crying out of excitement that I’m getting married to th-the man I love and I didn’t notice ( Name ) until it was too late – b-but I can reassure you father, they certainly won’t do such a thing! I promise! Please don’t do anything to them!” She begged, hoping her acting was enough to convince her foolish father.

“I won’t risk it.” Shinsuke hissed. “It’s best if we kick them out now before they try to ruin this damned wedding by spreading rumors!”

Chisato shook her head in dismay. “Please don’t, father! I know them well enough, they haven’t spoken about this to anyone–”

“HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME!?” Chisato shrieks when she feels her father slap her face, causing her to instantly back away in fear. “Have you forgotten who raised you? Who fed you? Who gave you all of this,” He gestures around the suite, “and who helped you get to where you are now?! You’re getting married to one of the most powerful and richest men in Inazuma and it's all thanks to me!”

The woman hyperventilates in panic, shocked from her father’s sudden violence. Never did he lay a hand on her violently for all her life – was it because she kept protesting instead of staying silent and playing along?

Realizing his actions, Shinsuke lets out a huff. “I will go get ready for the wedding. If I ever hear a word from everyone about you and Ayato negatively, I will do whatever I want with that disgraceful friend of yours.”

She watched in fear as he walked away towards the exit, her hand still on top of where he slapped her face.

By the time he left, she broke down in tears.

“I’m sorry ( Name )..” She whispered. “I don’t know if I’ve done enough..” Just like how she doesn’t know if she’s done enough for her and her ex lover, Kamaji.

–

Chisato felt suffocated with her wedding dress.

“You look absolutely gorgeous, Chisato!” Nana cooed as she and the other ladies stared at Chisato’s stunning figure in awe, not noticing the way the woman looked miserable. “If Kamisato didn’t fall in love with you before, he’ll surely fall in love with you now!”

Just as Chisato wished, she’s wearing a wedding dress that those such as Mondstadt would wear on their weddings instead of a traditional wedding dress that Inazuma women would wear. The wedding dress was slim, enough to hug her figures in a comfortable way, with designs that her stylist made by hand herself that resembles her homeland, Inazuma. There was also a petal train by the end of her dress, with designs of sakura petals instead of the ordinary flower petals.

She would’ve felt emotional on how gorgeous she truly looked, if it weren’t for the fact that her mind is elsewhere.

“...Thanks, ladies.” She whispered, a strain smile appeared on her face. “I couldn’t have done this all without you guys, thanks again for being my bridesmaids and maid of honor.”

“It’s no problem, Chisato. We’re truly happy for you, I wish you a happy marriage with Kamisato Ayato.” Asagiri responds, fixing Chisato’s dress a little bit before gesturing to one of the stylists in the room to put the veil on the bride.

The bride shuffles a bit, adjusting the dress that’s suffocating her so much– or was it just her imagination?

Hanachirusato lets out a dreamy sigh. “Ah, I can’t wait for you to come out of the entrance and walk through the aisle, you’d certainly look ethereal, people would admire you, adore you, and even envy you–”

Chisato couldn’t help but deafen Hanachirusato’s words, her palms begin to sweat as she tries not to give in to the urge to get rid of her dress from how suffocating it is.

“What would Ayato think when he sees his beautiful bride?” Aoi asks aloud in curiosity.

The bridesmaid’s question only made her feel even more suffocated. He’ll only wish that ( Name )’s the one who’s marrying him instead of me..

She slowly remembers what Shinsuke told her about you.

The bride lets out a shaky breath.

“I apologize, I need to go to the bathroom alone.” The bride spoke before walking towards the bathroom without letting anyone talk.

Seeing how there’s nothing wrong with it, the bridesmaids decided to continue with their finishing touches on their outfits while waiting for Chisato.

It felt a little strange to hear nothing from Chisato in the bathroom. As far as anyone knows, this hotel was loud enough for at least the sounds of the water to be heard, signaling that there’s someone in there, so hearing nothing is strange. But since it was simply none of their concern yet, everyone decided to continue their day.

It wasn’t until a long time had passed when the bridesmaids realized there was something wrong.

“Chisato, are you alright?” Fushizome asks as she knocks on the bathroom door. “What happened? Do you need our hel–”

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I want to continue the wedding.” The bride spoke as she continued to kneel down against the wall in the bathroom, crying softly in fear for her future and in fear for what her father will do to you and Ayato. “This.. All of this is wrong.”

Everyone’s eyes widened from her sudden decision. “What do you mean? You didn’t do anything wrong, Chisato, you’re just nervous–”

“No, no. You don’t understand!” Chisato spoke hysterically, not caring about the fact that her makeup is now getting ruined from her tears. “Please just.. Just leave me alone!”

“But Chisato, how can we leave you alone? We’re worried for you!” It’s for your own good, Chisato thought, breath shaking. If my father can go after anyone like ( Name ), my newest friend, then he can go after you guys too. “I can’t… I can’t talk about it…”

“Please Chisato, let us in!”

“Just leave me alone!” Just leave me alone, so father won’t hurt anyone I care, so he won’t hurt anyone’s lives like what he did Ayato and ( Name ) and others who were affected by him–

“Chisato?”

Her thoughts stopped when she heard his voice.

“...” She slowly looks up at the door. “...Ayato?”

“Yes, it’s me.” Ayato confirms, knocking on the bathroom door softly. “Care to let me in?”

Chisato hesitates, thinking deeply for a while before standing up from the cold floor and placing her hand on the doorknob.

With a deep breath, the bride opens the door slightly, enough for Ayato to see her and for the other people in the room to not see her.

“...Come.”

As soon as the groom steps foot to the bathroom, Chisato immediately closes the door, her shoulders slumped.

The two of them stayed silent. It’s a habit between the two of them to stay silent with one another sometimes, especially at parties whereas they’d retreat to a secluded place and enjoy the peacefulness with no words exchanged.

This time, they retreat to a secluded place for a different reason.

“I’m.. sorry.” She apologized softly, interrupting the silence. “I.. I know what happened between you and ( Name ). I feel ashamed that I didn’t even try hard enough–”

“You did more than enough.” Ayato interrupts. “I appreciate all your efforts you’ve done for me.. and I’m guessing for ( Name ) as well since it looks as if you two have met already.” He chuckles softly at the sight of pink in Chisato’s cheeks as confirmation of his assumption. “...If anything, it should be me who should apologize.”

Chisato’s eyes widened, and before she could protest, Ayato quickly explained. “I apologize for not telling you anything about my situation with ( Name ) back then. I thought it was better to be quiet about it, knowing you couldn’t do anything to stop this marriage since… your father is a man who can’t be convinced.”

The bride looks away from his gaze. Although it’s true that she still couldn’t do anything about the marriage, she feels as if she still had a part in this marriage in the first place and feels guilty about it despite not being the one to suggest it to her father.

“I wanted to tell you before the wedding.” Ayato adds, smiling in sadness. “But I didn’t want to hurt your feelings and.. I was afraid that you would react badly, I don’t want to risk anything.”

“I understand,” Chisato spoke. “I… I just feel so sorry that you have to break up with your lover for this.”

“You don’t have to. ( Name ) and I have come to accept our fate.” He then looks at the door behind Chisato. “The one who was behind all of this is your father.”

“I know,” she whispered. “I… I don’t know what I can do to make him pay for everything. I’m scared that if I stand up against him, he’ll…”

“Hurt everyone you love?” He finishes her sentence.

“...”

“You’re not the only one who knows his dirty methods.” Ayato says softly, his heart aching at the thought of the Kaedehara family and Kamaji, who have fallen by the hands of the corrupted CEO. “That’s why it’s best that you and I are on the same side in this marriage. We can somehow… Somehow find a way to stop your father and bring him to jail together, even if it’ll take years to get that opportunity.”

She feels speechless from his bold proposal. “..I’m scared.” She admits, feeling chills down her spine from the memory of Shinsuke slapping her. “I just don’t know what to do if he hurts one of my friends – or even you.”

“He won’t. We just need to be careful and have each other.” Ayato reassures her. “If you stop this marriage now, he won’t hold back anymore and hurt everyone.”

Chisato clenches her teeth at the thought. As much as she doesn’t want to admit it, the groom is right about what Shinsuke would do. “...Alright…”

He then places a hand on her shoulder, something that’d make her shudder in fear if this was done by her father.

But said hand isn’t her father’s, but her soon-to-be-husband’s.

“I feel sad that I can’t love you as much as you do with me,” Ayato confesses, “I’m still not ready to fall in love, but.. But all of this doesn’t change the fact that I see you as someone I trust.”

She slowly places her hand on his. “I.. I trust you too. I want to be here for you.”

The two of them stay silent, until Ayato decides it’s time for them to get out of the bathroom for Chisato to get ready once again. “Let’s go back and get you ready for the wedding. We can talk more about this when we’re out of here.”

The woman nodded with a smile that’s no longer strained, and she no longer finds herself being suffocated by her dress that she loved when she first wore it.

–

As you await for the wedding couple to come back, you couldn’t help but be curious about what’s going on behind the scenes as everyone continues chatting away.

You flinched when you felt someone sitting down next to you, causing you to look to your right and see the man you were looking for the entire time.

“You… You actually came.” You spoke up in pleasant surprise.

“I’m not late, aren’t I?” Diluc asks.

You shook your head in response, smiling. “The wedding hasn’t started yet due to some inconveniences, so you’re just right in time.”

“That’s good.”

As if on cue, the music started playing once more, causing everyone to instantly look behind to where the wedding couple will walk down the aisle.

You can’t find yourself paying attention to the scene, not when you find Diluc so attractive with his outfit and hairdo. Instead of having a low ponytail with his usual polo outfit that he wears in the hotel or his usual outfit when serving drinks, he had his hair on a high ponytail instead with a neat tuxedo.

Is it just you or is the room getting hot?

When you realized you’re not hiding the fact that you’re checking the Diluc Ragnvindr out so shamelessly in a wedding ceremony, you quickly looked away and watch the ceremony in embarrassment.

As soon as Chisato walked out of the doors, everyone stood up, all in awe at the sight of the bride at her most beautiful self. With the lights and colors around the aisle, she truly looked as if she’s glowing like a shining star in an empty night sky.

You watched in awe as well, watching her walk towards where Ayato is, whose smile is as genuine as his love once was with you.

You could only hope his future with Chisato is just as genuine.

By the time the bride stands next to the groom, everyone sat back down and watched the couple exchange their vows and promises.

You never thought you’d feel so happy and relieved on their wedding day instead of dread and sorrow like you always felt about Ayato. But now that you have come to an end with Ayato and Chisato, you can happily say you’re free from the clutches of being stuck in the past after years of longing and wondering.

“Are you alright?” Diluc suddenly asks softly towards you.

You look back at the red-haired man in surprise, before relaxing with a smile.

“I’ve never been better.”

“You may now kiss the bride.” The priest announces, causing the wedding couple to lean in and kiss to seal their marriage.

As everyone, including you, clap for the wedding couple, you fail to notice a certain man whose been eyeing your direction menacingly.

But someone did notice.

PREVIOUS || NEXT

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strwbrrykss · 2 years

Text

𝕶𝖎𝖓𝖐𝖙𝖔𝖇𝖊𝖗 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙

Happy Spooky Month! Below the cut are the 31 prompts I’ll be using for my very first Kinktober! Thank you to everyone that has requested a character for these prompts to fill out the list, I hope you all enjoy this smutty buffet!!

All works are 1000-2000 words, with little to no plot - just straight up smut [by default these pieces will be f!reader but if there’s any that you want to see as afab! or gn!reader, let me know!]

all kinks + pairings were chosen by me; based entirely off what I felt comfortable writing. If anything from the below list makes you uncomfortable, I strongly advise you not to read it

ageless blogs // minors interacting with this post, or any of the linked posts, will be blocked

As and when each piece is posted, the title on this post will be pink to indicate the link has been added!

ALL CONTENT BELOW THE CUT IS 18+/NSFW. MINORS DNI. BY OPENING THE “READ MORE” YOU AGREE THAT YOU’RE OF AGE

Dry Humping - Eddie Munson

Sometimes you’re both just too tired to get completely down and dirty, but Eddie has a new approach to an old problem

Hide N Seek - Dean Winchester

It started as a stupid game, something to keep you entertained whilst exploring an abandoned mall with Dean. And transpired into much more.

Begging - Benedict Bridgerton

You both knew it was frowned upon to leave a party early, but sometimes, you just want to hear your husband beg for your attention behind closed doors.

Masturbation - JJ Maybank

After a day spent out on the water in your new swimwear, JJ just can’t help himself and takes matters into his own hands... Literally.

Daddy Kink - Kevin Atwater

It came about by pure chance in conversation, what he wanted you to call him, and now you say it almost as much as his real name.

Overstimulation - Bucky Barnes

There is nothing Bucky loves more than to push you over and over to the edge of release... Except for watching you fall apart when he finally lets you finish.

Praise Kink - Anthony Bridgerton

Despite thinking you knew Anthony better than most, there’s still one more thing you’re yet to learn about him and it’s... Surprising results.

Dacryphilia - Robert “BOB” Floyd

Sweet as he may be, Bob loves nothing more than to see your makeup streaked down your face and he has plenty of methods to make it happen.

Mirror Sex - Eddie Munson

Eddie wants to show you just how pretty you really are, especially when he’s rocking your shit for the fifth time that week.

Cockwarming - Jake “Hangman” Seresin

Sometimes, all he needs is to be as physically close to you as possible, and you’re all too willing to help him out.

Facesitting - Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw

There’s very little you haven’t tried with Bradley, even with your status currently undefined, there’s one thing he can’t stop thinking about.

Lingerie - Matt Casey

At the end of a stressful week for you both, you decide to surprise Matt with some new additions to your wardrobe.

Breeding - Nomad!Steve Rogers

You thought you’d seen the last of him after the fiasco with the Accords. Steve has other plans now that he’s no longer America’s Golden Boy

Threesome - Pornstar!Jay Halstead + Pornstar!Adam Ruzek

After you revealed that you’d always been interested - or at the very least curious - to try a threesome, Jay brings home the perfect solution; a costar.

Food Play - Derek Morgan

Trying to cook a nice meal for yours and Derek’s anniversary doesn’t exactly go as planned... And leaves more of a mess than either of you want to admit.

Car Sex - Adam Ruzek

Adam always looked forward to seeing you on his lunch break, but when you proposition him, he isn’t going to refuse.

Toys - Pornstar!Jay Halstead

Jay confesses he wants to try something new - something that he might be able to add to his - not exhaustive - resume, you’re all too happy to oblige.

Uniform Kink - Jake “Hangman” Seresin

There’s just something about seeing a man in uniform that makes your blood run hot. Jake is no exception to that rule, despite your rocky relationship.

Morning Sex - JJ Maybank

In the Summer following graduation, you and JJ spend your time one of three ways; surfing, smoking and fucking.

Phone Sex - Steve Harrington

A town-wide curfew puts a damper on your date plans with Steve, so you find other ways to spend some quality time together.

Unprotected Sex - Will Halstead

After a lengthy discussion over the course of several weeks, you and Will decide that it’s time to ditch the condoms.

Clothed Sex - Dean Winchester

The last thing you expected whilst Sam was out on a solo hunt was for tensions to break between you and Dean after all the pining, teasing and flirting.

Sensation Play - Connor Rhodes

Candles and ice cubes seemed like mundane things in your relationship with Connor, until he has an interesting suggestion one night.

Quickies - Lip Gallagher

A surprise visit from your boyfriend at work, prompts you to take your lunch break a little sooner.

Pegging - Connor Rhodes

When your “present” for Connor arrives earlier than expected, he’s more than eager to put it to use as soon as possible.

Thigh Riding - Sierra Six

You’re feeling particularly needy and Six knows exactly how you can get your fix and it’s no longer just a quiet night in.

Anywhere But The Bed - S1!Sam Winchester

A long weekend with Sam on a hunt turns out to be just the push you needed for the levee to break and hormones to run rampant.

Semi-Public Sex - Billy Hargrove

Billy just can’t wait to get his hands on you, regardless of the fact that you’re in no suitable place to meet his demands, he’s quick to find a way around it.

Hair Pulling - Dean Winchester

Who knew that just a playful tug on Dean’s hair could change the mood so drastically? You certainly didn’t and you wish you’d done it sooner.

Accidental Stimulation - Roommate!Luke Hemmings

Movie night was a Friday ritual for you and Luke, until one too many chance touches alters the dynamic between the two of you.

Pool Sex - John B Routledge

A sure-fire way to get petty, self-indulgent revenge on your Kook ex-boyfriend? Fuck John B in his pool when he’s not around.

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dreaminginthedeepsouth · 5 months

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Sharon Salzberg

I’m mostly in denial that I’m about to turn 70 years old. I often find myself saying, “Let’s just not think about it. I’ll pretend it isn’t going to happen.”

But of course, as I contemplate my upcoming birthday with disbelief, I remember that I’ve spent all these years in a Buddhist tradition that encourages reflecting on your own death every day. So maybe it’s not something I should put off anymore!

When I do this reflection, I think about letting go. During the pandemic, I let go of many things: travel, seeing friends, and much more. And so I ponder what it would mean to let go of everything.

Of course, aging is a mixed bag. Wisdom, perspective, gratitude—so many things grow stronger as we get older. But there are also distressing, growing incapacities from one’s body; the fear of what a moment of forgetfulness might mean; the sheer indignity of being treated as unimportant by some; even the frustration of having to scroll down for a long, long, long time on some websites to get to the year of your birth (my personal pet peeve).

And then there is the painful fact, so relevant recently, that one’s body tends not to mount as strong an immune response to illness.

I do also feel the joy of aging. For example, I don’t feel ambitious. If someone asks me what I’d like my legacy to be, I think, “I’ve done it.” Hopefully I can still accomplish things and make things happen, but I don’t feel competitive. I don’t feel haunted by the folly of youth as I might have been at one time.

I once attended a retreat focused on aging led by the Tibetan master Tsoknyi Rinpoche. Although he was still a fairly young man at that point, Rinpoche had noticed that many of his students were confronting the challenges of growing older. One afternoon, someone in the retreat was waxing on about the tremendous joys and delights of growing older. Exhilarating insights, followed by a litany of pleasures, followed by impressive triumphs, all spoken faster and faster (“What is she running from?” I thought darkly), until Rinpoche interrupted her.

“Don’t just make a poem out of aging,” he said. “It can be really hard sometimes.”

He wasn’t encouraging cynicism or despair—more an invitation to see and openly acknowledge all aspects of our experience. We don’t want to deny the difficult, of course, but we also don’t need to be completely defined by it. Being enveloped in and defined by what’s difficult is relatively easy to do, so it takes some intentionality to recognize all aspects of our experience and remember the positive forces in our lives.

So how might that work in practice?

First, while the difficult parts of aging are unavoidable, we can try not to add to them. For example, I have seen, throughout my life, the tendency to rehearse some catastrophe and thereby live it several times. So I think the first question is always, “What are we adding onto a situation which is already hard enough?”

Not being able to do something I used to be able to do, or being in physical pain, or losing people we love – these are already very hard. But we often add more suffering onto them, like thinking it shouldn’t be this way, or feeling shame or fear. One possibility of mindfulness is to notice where we’re adding to the suffering that’s already there, and try not to fall so much into it.

Second, I learned an interesting form of lovingkindness meditation from Ananda Matteya, then an energetic, 94-year-old Sri Lankan monk visiting the Insight Meditation Society in 1993. He taught us what he described as his favorite meditation: combining loving-kindness meditation and a body scan. He would go through the body, part by part, wishing each part well: may my head be happy, may my eyes be happy, and so on through the whole body. Even “may my liver be happy!”

I’ve taught that meditation to people with injuries, scars, diseases, difficult diagnoses, and all kinds of things, and it makes a difference. It can help counteract our tendency to add bits of shame or resentment, even subconsciously, to whatever is already there.

Finally, there’s the perspective of wisdom.

I first met Joseph Goldstein at my first meditation retreat, in India, in January, 1971. Just before lunch, I was in a madly frustrated state, because I couldn’t keep my attention on the breath. I said to myself, “If your mind wanders one more time, you should just bang your head against the wall!”

Fortunately, the lunch bell rang just then, saving me from that fate. This retreat was not silent, so waiting in line for lunch, there was a conversation going on between two people behind me. One asked, “How was your morning?” And the other replied, “I couldn’t concentrate at all, but maybe this afternoon will be better.”

He was so casual about it that I was horrified. I thought “This guy doesn’t understand how extraordinary these teachings are – he’s being so glib!”

Of course, ‘this guy’ was Joseph Goldstein. The difference, of course, was that I had been meditating for four days, while he had been meditating for four years and had a kind of perspective on change, on the inevitable ups and downs of meditation, that I was nowhere near having.

Now I feel that way about life in general. Things change, there are ups and downs, and with practice, we can learn to let go, again and again.

#Sharon Salzberg #Buddhist #aging #quotes #teaching #meditation #wisdom #age #contemplation

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eldritch-muppetshow · 6 months

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[Slides on in] Heya, so I have just discovered ya via TADC and looked at your TADC stuff and was wondering if ya had any other lore bits ya feel like you could share?

sure thing! i actually have two tadc aus/stories rn, so i’ll just post some lore for both

sexyman descendants

all three of them are unfinished npcs created by caine, planned to be used in adventures (maybe as a ‘taking care of a fake baby’ exercise of some kind?), but he scrapped the idea of using them. instead, he placed them into a deep sleep and stored them away in one of the areas of the circus that would be inaccessible to the performers.

the three of them ended up waking up from that sleep too early though, and spent the rest of their time trying to escape from “the storage room” and (believing themselves to be performers) practicing their performances.

they eventually escaped storage, and briefly lived with the rest of the performers. it wasn’t a great arrangement, though— because jax and poppi had no idea how to raise the kids that were basically just dropped in their laps, and abel was too similar to caine, seeing him as competition for the role of ringmaster.

abel eventually led poppi and jj out on an “adventure” of their own, seeking to prove to cain that they deserve to be ringmaster more than he does— only for their unfinished programming to cause them to noclip out of the circus and into tumblr high.

they now basically live at school, trying wacky schemes to return to the digital world and doing their best to adjust to their new environment.

jj is regularly on the receiving end of slapstick, especially within abel’s performances. he always bounces back right after, but he quickly learned to hate the life of a performer and is enjoying/adjusting to the real world far more than the other two.

poppi has basically zero concept of personal space, and will physically cling to people if she’s excited/scared/upset— which does not mesh well with pomni.

abel takes school talent shows very seriously, seeing them as their chance to prove themself/their troupe as performers. it’s gotten to the point where poppi and jj actively hide when tryouts for talent shows start.

untitled pomni escapes au

i’m thinking this au takes place in the 90s, since that would match up with the model of computer monitor shown in the pilot (and tadc is based on 90s kid’s games).

i haven’t fully decided how she manages to escape tbh? i’m leaning toward the idea of it being a lucky accident/pure chance though, since it adds more dramatic tension when it comes to the question of “should she try and go back for the others”

the other performers/npcs are still in the circus! from their perspective, pomni didn’t show up for an adventure one day, leading to caine making “find pomni” the new adventure for the day… but when none of the performers could find her and caine (secretly) checked the void/the areas inaccessible to the performers and still didn’t find her, that’s when everyone freaked out

caine’s pretty upset over pomni’s disappearance, not only because he’s worried she got hurt/lost outside of the circus, but also because he genuinely doesn’t understand why she’d want to leave. the other performer’s reactions range from worrying abt her to just being angry that she didn’t take anyone with her and seemingly isn’t coming back for them.

on pomni’s side of things, she’s just trying to adjust to life outside the circus the best she can. it’s a pretty difficult task though, and she regularly struggles with the trauma/feelings of survivor’s guilt from her time in the circus.

she’s very conflicted on if she should try and go back to save the other performers. because yeah, it’s the morally right thing to do and they don’t deserve to be trapped there, but she’d really rather forget about the circus forever and there’s no guarantee that she’d be able to recreate the circumstances that let her escape for all of them (plus there’s always the risk that she’ll just get stuck there again).

aside from job-hunting, she’s been keeping tabs in news about the c&a company to try and find her human identity— specifically after finding news about a string of employee disappearances. she hasn’t been able to find much yet because of the legal red tape surrounding the case, though.

#tadc #tadc au #sexyman descendants #the amazing digital circus #asks #pomni escapes au

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jamesshawgames · 1 year

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Shadowrun: Neon Fire - The ROs

Time for a post to introduce the romance options for Shadowrun: Neon Fire.

Early in the game, your character has to relocate from their native Seattle to Neo-Tokyo. There, they will meet an established crew of Shadowrunners which they will join. If you want to work effectively as a team, you’ll need to win the respect of this crew of hardened professionals, who don’t know you or have any reason to trust you.

But it’s possible that you might win more than trust from one of this motley crew...

Quick Note on Gender: The ROs in Neon Fire are gender-selectable. You’ll be able to choose whether you want them all to be women, all to be men, all to be nb, a random mix of these, or pre-set genders. For convenience, in the descriptions below, I’ll be referring to them by their pre-set genders. However, in the actual game their gender will be up to you. So if you like the look of one of them but they’re the wrong gender for you, don’t worry, you’ll be able to change this in game.

SPIDER: A male human physical adept. Spider remembers nothing of his birth parents or family. As a very young child, he was sold to a mysterious religious order who live in a remote mountain monastery in rural Japan. The order trained him up to be a proficient killer, teaching him how to channel his magical energies into remarkable feats of combat strength and agility. But after tragedy struck within his community, he came to learn some hard truths about the order and their agenda. Troubled, he ran away and ended up selling his services in the Neo-Tokyo shadows. He’s a skilled operator with sound judgment, but also inflexible and authoritarian, expecting from his crew the same unremitting and fierce discipline that he demands of himself. His leadership style is already causing tensions within the crew, even before you turn up to add another variable to the volatile mix...

SMOKY: A female troll rigger who grew up on the mean streets of the East End of the London sprawl. Smoky possesses a scrappy optimism, a kind disposition that is rare in shadowrunners, and a child-like enthusiasm for all things mechanical. As a teenager, she saw the military as a way out of a life of crime, and she spent a couple of years as a British Army drone operator, before her unit was sent into the Lambeth Containment Zone to suppress a riot. Issued with an unethical order, she refused to obey, and this pissed off her superiors so much that she felt that she had no option but to flee to the other side of the world to escape the clutches of the Lord Protector’s vengeful agents. She’s made a good life for herself in Neo-Tokyo, but she still has unfinished business back home in London. Maybe one of these days someone will come along who can help her put the ghosts of the past to rest...

DAISHO: A male human street samurai, Daiso is the mystery of the group. He takes the “samurai” part of his job description more seriously than most, and self identifies as a ronin, a masterless elite fighter. When pressed on this, he will reply that he is a failure who does not deserve a master. His background is a closely guarded secret. He is guided by a rigid and inflexible moral code, which can cause problems on runs and infuriate his fellow crew-members. After all, shadowrunning is no job for a moralist.

BLACKHAT: A nonbinary elf decker. A native of the elven nation of Tir Tairngire, Blackhat is the illegitimate child of a member of the Council of Princes and a human servant who worked on his estate. Upon hearing of his servant’s pregnancy, Blackhat’s father cast her out of the house, plunging her and her child into poverty and a life in the slums of Portland. Although they were born an elf, Blackhat grew to hate the callous elven father who had condemned them and their mother to poverty, and this grew into a broad hatred of the elven supremacy that structures Tir Tairngire society. Young Blackhat began to associate with a revolutionary movement opposed to elven domination. And then, one day, they did something Bad: something so bad that it enraged the entire Tir Tairngire establishment and they had to flee. Since then, they have been hiding in Neo-Tokyo. But Tir Tairngire’s security services are on their trail, and the Ghost Commandos always get their target in the end...

CROWLEY: A female oni mage. A little older than the rest of the crew, Crowley grew up in unimaginable deprivation. Born during the period of Imperial Japan’s anti-metahuman segregation, Crowley was born in one of the detention camps on Yomi Island, the penal colony in the Philippines where Imperial Japan sent all non-humans. Her parents died when she was young in a confrontation with the camp guards, and Crowley had to learn how to fend for herself. She got to know a kindly ork mage in the camp, who secretly taught her how to develop her awakened talents. She thought that she had finally found a protector - until the old ork’s life came under threat and he sold her out to the authorities to save his own skin. She managed to escape Yomi aboard a smuggling vessel before the goons could catch her, and she spent years living in secret in Neo-Tokyo as part of an illegal underground metahuman community. Then the enlightened new emperor revoked Japan’s discriminatory policies and closed the camps on Yomi, and suddenly Crowley and her kind were welcome on Japanese soil. And so was her betrayer, who’s out there somewhere, living in the labyrinthine ork and troll slums of Yokohama... Her deprived and brutal upbringing has made her harsh, self-protective and reflexively hostile to outsiders. Can you break through that armor and discover what it protects?

#shadowrun #neon fire #hosted games #choice of games #interactive fiction #dev update

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darklydeliciousdesires · 1 year

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Beyond the Blood Tie - Chapter Ten.

Huge thanks to those reading and interacting! :)

Previous Chapters - One Two, Part One Part Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine

Words - 5,952

Tag list - In the comments. Please DM to be added/removed

Warnings - 18+ content throughout. Minors DNI!

Ursula's POV

"I must say, I did wonder when you'd seek her out again. I know she's been on your mind," I tell Angel, while he swings his legs up onto the couch and lies flat out, staring at the ceiling. "She's very much caught your interest, hasn't she?" I then add, watching him turn his head to look at the fire before his eyes find mine.

"She has, but in more ways than one, which is already beginning to cause conflict. Her strength is appealing, but physically, so is she. I know that counting a human as a friend will only do me good, perhaps help me settle around them more. But I don't like the fact that I want her and I can't have her," he explains, a small frown of annoyance creasing his forehead for a moment before his face is blank once more.

"Is that a mutual thing, the attraction?"

"No, our kind aren't to her liking where sex is concerned. That makes it a little easier, I suppose, but not much. Although if I was still human, I think I’d still be there now, banging a new hole into her. It’s only my deadness that puts her off getting on my dick, I suspect.” Oh, Angel. He’s a lot more eloquent now than he was back when I first met him, but still, the uncouth outlaw remains at times.

"This is a good test you need to go through, my child. It will teach you to have resistance towards her, wanting her and not being able to have her for both her own reasons and yours. I feel that perhaps if you can rein in your desires, having a human friend will do you the power of good. Especially one who I can tell you see qualities within that you respect," I advise him. Granted, the hurt I've wanted to inflict upon this girl Edie for what she's done to my boy has been great. However, I feel what he feels for her, and there is no anger or resentment within him towards her at all. I also understand she was only doing her job, of course I do.

"She does, she's a very strong young woman, and I like that a lot. Even though I knew she was scared of me, after biting her to gain a blood tie, I knew she also didn't want to be. She didn't succumb to that fear at all, she just got past it. You don't find that with a lot of humans," he informs me, something I can only agree with.

"There are other things about her too, I sense your intrigue," I state, practically able to feel his mind turning.

"Yes, there are. There is something about I can't quite put my finger on, but I'll find out what it is. That is, if I can be around her for long enough without wanting to pin her down and, well, I detailed the rest before," he replies, through a half amused, half pained grumble.

Shaking my head, I reach to playfully smack his shoulder. He’s a very sexual creature, this child of mine. Good grief, the bloody noises that came from the two women he brought home a few days ago. Sexual cacophony didn’t quite cut it. "You need to learn self-control. You have the capacity to be just that, self-controlled, right there within you. Putting distance between you and her when you feel those urges will only avoid the issue," I then warn lightly, watching him look thoughtful and then nod.

"That's true, I do need to not run away from her and to actually resign myself to the fact that having sex with her isn’t gonna happen. I have to deal with it, no matter how much I wish it to be different. I've never liked not getting my own way, even as a human. I think that’s what causes me the most struggles as a vampire, the fact I don't like not having what I want.” This is something I know only too well. He loathes it when he cannot get just that, his own way.

"Now, if only you could bear that in mind all of the time, that your own greed stands in the way of that vampiric poise and grace you still need to grow into," I tell him warmly, watching him look at me a little sadly.

"I know I've let you down a lot, not been the vampire you've wished me to be. I won't disappoint you this time, though," he speaks quietly, looking uncomfortable.

"No, no my beautiful one,” I begin in reassurance. “You are everything in an offspring I have ever wished for. Do not think like that for a moment, you have never let me down. You only ever have and ever will fill me with pride. If you were still trying and failing for any kind of sexual relations with humans, I would be let down, but you realised it was something you couldn't do, so you stopped. Not a lot of vampires would be so respectful to human life, and that shows I have taught you well.” I don’t want him to think he's ever let me down, because he hasn't. Yes, he's bad tempered, but when I compare him to some vampires whom I have known, he's virtually a kitten. He's silent for a time, seemingly lost in his own thoughts until I speak again.

"When do you plan on seeing Edie again, then?"

"I'm unsure, maybe a few days. If you'll excuse me, I've only an hour of darkness left. I want to go and find something to play with, to take my frustrations out on. Thank you for the talk, Ursula.” Getting up and kissing my forehead, he then leaves the house at speed. Half an hour later and he's back with Natasha, a vampire who he sees on a fairly regular basis. She's here at least once a week, purely for the pursuit that I can hear starting up about five minutes after they arrive back here. Angel is much like EZ in the respect that he doesn't seek a permanent companion. It is very rare that such young vampires ever will. They both have a rotation of regular female visitors, Angel's slightly more organised than EZ's, who mostly brings humans home, bores of them after a certain amount of time, and then finds replacements.

"Ahh, Natasha is with us this evening. I could hear her screaming from five minutes away," Charles tells me as he enters my sitting room, about twenty minutes after Angel arrived home.

"She's certainly vocal in her pleasure, that one," I smirk, getting up and wrapping my husband in my arms.

"Well, at least there's only one of them creating noise in the house tonight. EZ would be back by now with the dawn just ten minutes away. I sense from him wherever he is now, he's more than happy to stay there," he replies.

"Probably between some young ladies' legs,” I snort, making him laugh.

"I do not doubt you are correct for a moment.” We head up to bed, passing Angel's room, where it sounds like he's actually attempting to fuck Natasha clean through a wall. I feel glad that I'll sleep through most of the noise, because lord above, two young vampires fucking isn’t quiet. His and her own senses will be fighting against them to sleep once the dawn comes up, but if they've both recently fed then this can be combated. We can fight against that urge to rest if we're well fed and, well, excited by other means.

"I don't even want to know what the hell he's doing to her now for her to be making those noises," Charles smirks as we undress, looking amused.

"Taking out the frustrations he cannot work out upon the human who ignites his desires, is what he's doing," I inform him, slipping into bed.

"Oh lord, who is the poor girl who's got to watch her throat this time?" he groans, getting in next to me.

"He isn't going to do anything about it, do not fret, my love. As for who she is, well, she's the young lady who punished him at the Correctional Department. It would seem he's grown quite fond of her," I reveal, while Charles laughs loudly.

"Only Angel could get himself into such a predicament, having his loins stirred by a woman who beat him so savagely. It must go further than that, though, than mere sexual interest alone, since you mention fondness," he tells me, while I make myself comfortable and rest my head down on his chest.

"He's admitted she's the first human he's come to genuinely respect. Apparently, she's a very strong young lady, and that strength is what he finds appealing, as well as her aesthetics, too. There's something about her that draws him near, and not just sexual attraction. He knows it will do him good to see a human as anything other than a lesser, and I have only confirmed that to him. I really do think it'll be of benefit to have someone like that in his life.”

He makes an agreeable noise, running his fingertips over my arm affectionately. "Well, lord knows we've tried everything else to calm him down a little. Maybe the strong human will have that effect upon him, especially if he has to constantly remind himself he can't have sex with her. Does that interest extend to her, has he told you?"

"It doesn't, she isn't interested in him like that at all. Our kind sparks no arousal within her. Silly girl, she doesn't know what she's missing, but in this instance, I feel that it is a good thing. It means if he does foolishly try to get into her knickers, he's going to have to get used to the fact she'll refuse," I reply, Charles laughing softly.

"He won't like that one bit, but it will do him good. Anyway, all conversation can wait until dark. Sleep well, darling." I wish him the same, separating from our embrace and falling into peaceful rest. When I awake at sundown, I arise and shower, and then spend half an hour fussing with my appearance before heading downstairs just as EZ arrives home.

"Dirty little stop out," I chide playfully when he comes into the kitchen, where I'm watching as the wolves eat whatever Angel left for them before going out. Both he and Natasha are no longer in the house, for how long I do not know. They could have stepped out just to feed before returning back here to sexually annihilate each other some more. Unless he's at work tonight, that is.

"I was busy with a job and didn't have time to make it back here before dawn, so I stayed with Nathaniel at his nest, and enjoyed one of his human concubines while I was there. He owed me as much for asking me to take out such a target," he replies, pulling his gun from his belt and beginning to dismantle it.

"Were you successful in assailing said target?" I inquire.

"When am I not?" is all he replies, with a twitch of his mouth. Ahhh, he has a point there. EZ just happens to be the most successful vampire hitman in the whole of Nevada, if not the whole of the USA. Hit man, assassin, death dealer, his job has many titles. In short, if you want a vampire erasing from the face of the earth, Ezekiel Reyes is the vampire you call. He never misses; I certainly wouldn't want him stalking me with a gun full of silver bullets if I were any other vampire.

Leaving him to his gun dismantling, I move to my sitting room, taking a seat at my desk and preparing my notes for a business telephone call I shall be taking shortly. Charles and I are both involved with the AVA (American Vampire Association) who are the governing body for us as a whole, in this country at least. Every country has an association of its own, ran in the exact same way.

Over here, each state is run by a committee of twelve vampires, eleven who are seated above with the main chair, or chief as they are known. The chief of Nevada is a vampire by the name of Elias Weston, whom I do not like at all. I initially had no problem with him, but he doesn't trust me as I'm the oldest vampire walking this continent, and he is ever mindful of the fact that I have greater power than him, even though I rank much lower within the AVA than he. He's never trusted why such an old vampire wouldn't want that kind of position of power for themselves, and thinks that I am up to something surreptitiously nefarious in refusing to accept the past repeated invites for me to take the position of chief of Nevada. My husband, Angel and EZ think I should, but I do not want the headache of it.

Charles and I are in charge of human relations within the organisation, and it is of course to do with that aspect of the AVA that I shall be taking a call from a teaching organisation who would like me to lecture history in evening classes at a small college here in Las Vegas. The AVA feel it important for vampires to integrate themselves within such professions as teaching, medicine and law enforcement, so that we can be seen as more trusted members of the community.

Apparently, it is starting to go much better than in recent years, as when the possibility of a vampire lecturer was put to the students at the establishment I could perhaps be teaching at, they all welcomed the idea. It is here that my mind turns back to Angel once more, hoping that his own human relations will not go as sour as all the rest have for him. All he needs to do is keep his hands and his cock to himself and all will be fine. I really don't wish to bury this Edie girl before I've met her, and I'd like to meet her. I want to know just what it is that's so special about her, how and why she's captivated the attentions of my offspring so firmly.

Edie's POV

"So, you're out for a fuck tonight then, huh girl?" Ahmed asks me when I show up on his doorstep on Saturday, two evenings after my first visit from Angel. I have to confess; it was strange to say the least. It was also nice, for him to confirm to me that he really does actually want to know me.

"Be quiet," I warn, slapping his huge chest, making him laugh. He knows the reason I wear next to nothing on a night out clubbing, and it ain't got nothing to do with attracting someone for sex, oh no. This gal likes to dance, and unless I'm wearing something small and breathable, I boil. When I'm in a bar, I'll drink like a fish, but you take me to a nightclub, with the exception of a few pre-drinks, I'm on water all night while I dance up a storm. I don't consider myself the best dancer in the world, and sometimes I have caught myself in mirrors looking stupid, but I have a pretty good rhythm and I can shake my ass, too.

"You know I'm just playing, c'mon lets go.” Coming out of his house and turning to give his pitbull, Drexl a scratch, he shuts the door and off we go. He's lucky he can leave him loose in the house like that and he doesn't destroy it, but then again, he's been well trained. We walk to the cab I've just got out of, heading to Miley's place to collect her and her brother Louis (who happens to be best friends with Ahmed, that's how I met Miley) before hitting the main area in where the clubs are situated. I've seen pictures of how Las Vegas used to look along the main drag, all huge hotels and casinos. What we have now is similar to that, but on a much smaller scale. Some of the original buildings exist, others have been changed into apartments, and the rest have been torn down or built over.

Don't get me wrong, the lights, the buzz, the gambling and the strippers are all still here. It's just on a smaller scale. Think Reno. The dress I decided to wear tonight is a strapless, dark grey one that laces up at the back and just about covers my ass. I teamed that with my usual wedge heeled leather knee high boots (I can't be teetering in narrow high heels when I'm dancing) and my hair up in a messy knot with a few strands pulled free around my face and neck. I’m usually quite daring with my outfits, but just walking from the cab to a bar and yanking my dress down every few steps, I suddenly begin to wonder if this length (or lack of it) was too much of a bold move.

"Edie, honey, quit adjusting! I'll tell you if you're flashing bare cheeks. It’s fine, it's covering your butt okay!" Miley exclaims to as we stand at the rammed bar.

"I won't, though," Ahmed vouches with a wink before sinking a shot of tequila and shouting 'four more down here!' to one of the busy bar staff.

"You've seen enough of my bare ass," I snort, elbowing him in the arm as I laugh.

"Yes, I have. Seeing it again would bring back fond memories," he chuckles, lighting the cigarette I gave to him. I simply shake my head and sink my tequila shot.

"I keep on forgetting that you two have had sex, and every time I'm reminded, I still freak out inside," Miley cries, flapping her hands and pulling a face while we just laugh at her. She's never got her head around it.

"Nothing could be as bad as when I told you, and you literally ran in a circle around my lounge shouting 'oh my god, oh my god' on repeat for about five minutes," I yell over the roar of the music, laughing harder as I remember before moving to meet an approaching Sasha with a hug. It's just the start of what promises to be a great night.

After staying here for another round, we move onto the next bar, and then another after that before arriving at a large club called Hell's Gate, a predominantly rock and metal club that also has a large electro and dance room, where I shall be found for the entire night. I don't like metal, but Ahmed and Louis both do. Miley, Sasha and I have come to dance and as soon as we arrive, dance we do. It's one of those great nights where the DJ plays all the best songs and we have a great time, talking with people we haven't met before, dancing, laughing, it's just a great Saturday night. That is, until 1am rolls around and I feel my head beginning to tingle and thump. I try to ignore it at first, carrying on dancing for about twenty minutes until it becomes worse, and I head off the floor to get myself another bottle of water and take a breather.

"Hey, are you alright?" Sasha shouts over the roar of the music as she crouches by my side where I'm sat at a table up in the bar area.

"I have a headache, and it isn't getting any better. I'll be back, I need to go somewhere quiet for a few minutes.” I yell back, watching her nod. Getting up, I head to the bathroom for a pee, remaining on the toilet for a few minutes after I’m done, taking deep breaths and wishing the pounding in my head would go away. After ten minutes, I sadly realise it isn't going to, and total quietness is probably the only cure. Heading back out, I hunt down my girls to tell them I'm leaving and why. We hug and kiss goodbye, them telling me they hope I feel better soon, both offering to walk me to a cab. I tell them to stay where they are and enjoy their night, something I repeat to Ahmed after I track him down in the metal room, when he offers the same as well.

Exiting Hell's Gate at 2am, I decide to walk the seven blocks up to the Lucky Strike casino where cabs are lined up at this time of night, rather than try to get one down here where they don't stop. Hell's Gate is in the vicinity of a lot of vampire bars and clubs, and the cab drivers often don't want that kind of business. Walking along, I feel a little better for the fresh air, but still, my head pounds like someone is trying to hammer their way out from within my skull.

Heading past a few hotels, I then walk by two vampire bars, moving speedily past them since I get that uneasy feeling from so many of them gathered in one place (all that inner deadness I pick up on) keeping an eye on the open entrances of both. It's when I look into the second one out of the corner of my eye that I do a double take, thinking I see Angel standing the bar. When I look back, he isn't there, though.

"Holy shit, you scared the crap out of me," I exclaim, nearly jumping out of my skin when I turn to see him walking at my side.

"And you shouldn't be walking past vampire bars alone dressed like that," he tells me in a serious tone, giving me an appreciative once over, and then dropping his head to mutter something in a language I don't understand.

"What did you just say? Also, what that Spanish?" I ask, settling down to the fact that again he's just appeared out of nowhere, just like he did last time.

"Yeah, it was. My parent's language, since they were originally from Mexico. As for what I said, you don't want to know,” he snorts, looking entertained.

"I do want to know, or I wouldn't have asked," I state, watching him look at me with thought for a few moments before he smiles. Oh, he needs to stop with that smile. It almost makes me forget I don't do the dead, and especially not him either, after what he told me regarding his problem with humans.

He grins, somewhat lasciviously. Lascivious, it’s my word of the day. "Let's just say the gist of it involves pulling up that dress, bending you over something, and you can use your imagination for the rest.”

"Ain't gonna happen for you," I fire back quickly.

"I know, but just so you know, I don't like it. I'll deal with it, though. So, where are you heading to?"

"The Lucky Strike to get a cab home," I tell him.

"So early?"

"Yeah, I have a bad headache.” I then nearly jump out of my skin again when I feel his hand rest on the back of my neck.

"Edie, what have I said about being nervous around me? There's no need," he then swiftly assures me. Again, with the gorgeous smile. Oh lord…

"I'm not nervous, you have to realise feeling a cold hand on the back of your neck quite suddenly does make us humans jump," I state, smiling widely to try and convey I'm not scared of him.

"And ninety percent of all headaches are caused either by dehydration or tension in the neck and shoulders. You're suffering the latter," he informs me.

"Then I need to sit and pummel my neck when I get in, I guess," I say, just as we come to a stop outside the casino.

"Or take me home with you, and I'll do it for you," he offers. The face I pull at him causes him to roll his eyes, making me laugh. It's funny seeing him with such expression since he isn't very expressive, but then again, no vampire is. "Your neck and shoulders are all I'll touch, stop looking at me like that. I can be trusted."

"Just get your ass in the damn cab." Shaking my head, I point at the vehicle, having him pull the door open for me and gesture that I get in first. He's gentlemanly, I'll give him that. Whether he can be trusted to keep his hands where he said he would is a different matter entirely, though. I know he's told me he can't have sex with humans, but I just hope the mood doesn't take him to try again. I trust him, but there's something about the sexual side of him that I don't have any faith in whatsoever. The erotic current running through Angel Reyes is like a damned live wire.

Maybe it's the fact I know he kills at the point of orgasm, maybe it's because I know he wants me, and that's what makes me feel nervous. Or maybe it's the fact that even though I'm not interested in him in that way, there is something quite appealing about being desired by something as powerful as a vampire. Is it the danger that's appealing? I don't know. But I know that I don't want him, so that's good enough for me, at least. If he was human, though? God. I’d be on him so quickly.

"Excuse me while I get changed, just go through to the lounge," I voice, once we’ve arrived back at mine. He walks straight through without a word while I go into my bedroom and change into a pair of my favourite, baggy grey sweats and black vest I had previously committed to the wash pile. It doesn't smell, and after picking off a few bits of fluff from the thick white rug I have in my bedroom, I pull it on and then head back out to where my new vampire friend is waiting for me.

"Come sit, tell me all about your night," he says, throwing a cushion from the couch down by his feet and gesturing to it. I walk over and sit down, and as his hands begin to rub my neck and shoulders, I tell him about my evening out.

"There really isn't much to tell. I went out with my friends, we visited a couple of bars before heading to Hell's Gate for a few hours, I came down with a headache and had to cut the evening short. That brings me up to the point where you arrived with me. What about you?" I reply, relaxing into the feeling of his hands easing the obvious tension from my neck.

"I worked from sundown until 1am. I had one client having her back piece finished and another having a piece started on his arm as a cover up. He wanted a full sleeve of the reanimated, and I don't know if you know or not but after the disaster, a lot of tattooists refuse to do them out of respect for the dead. I don't give a shit, though. You want it, I'll stick it on you. No arguments. Unless it’s racist sigils, then you get thrown by your fucking neck out of my shop," he details, while I feel my curiosity lighting up.

"What was it like back then, when the disaster broke? You were still human when it happened, if I've done the math right," I ask him, feeling the pain in my head beginning to subside slightly. This is actually really nice. Another thing I have to give him right now is the fact he gives damn good neck rubs. A mental note has been made of this.

"You have, I was human, yes. As for what it was like, it was beyond anything you could imagine," he replies, his hands stopping for a moment.

"Could you elaborate on that, if it's isn't too hard for you? I understand you must have lost a lot of people you cared for," I then say with courtesy.

A sadness seems to creep into his eyes, only for a brief moment, though. "No, it isn't. I lost everyone, except for my brother. You know already I was an outlaw, in a club called Mayans MC. We were up in Northern Cali on our way back from a run when the disaster broke, and the virus claimed the lives of the other members, leaving just me and EZ. We lived in an abandoned house up on the top floor and barricaded every entrance to keep the reanimated out. We used to get in and out via a rope, as we found that the dead didn't have the co-ordination skills to climb, and if they did try to get in, we shot or beheaded them. It was a case of simple survival, even though we didn't have much to live for. We lost contact with our family, we lost everything other than each other," he explains, while I sit somewhere between totally fascinated and sad for him, that he went through such loss.

"Everything was very far removed from life as we knew it. You'd think EZ and I were going to war if you saw us venturing out from the safe house to go and fetch supplies. We'd go armed to the teeth to fight off the reanimated, and for dead bodies, they were pretty quick, too. We shot them all in the head to start with, but we soon found that the noise of the gunshots would draw more near, so we beheaded or stabbed them in the head after that. There were hundreds of them, and the humans who survived fell into three groups; those who were the terrified and didn't survive, the terrified who did, and those who survived by fucking over any other survivors left, right and centre. They were terrified too, though. It was the scariest time of my whole life," he goes on to explain.

God, this is so fascinating, to learn of the disaster from someone who was there when it happened. "Do you think you'd have survived it, if you hadn't had been made a vampire? Also, how did that happen?"

"I'm getting to that part, little miss curious," he laughs softly, sounding amused, tickling the side of my neck with his fingers affectionately. I turn around and smile before he moves my head to face forward again, and then continues. "In answer to your question, I really don't know if I would have. If I had, it would have been a miserable existence, as I saw happen to so many people after I was turned. They didn't live, they existed with nothing. They were the prey of these walking dead, these things with grey skin and bits of them missing, snarling and hungry scavengers of living flesh who then infected those living people with the virus, if they didn't just eat them completely. They were horrifying things, and some people these days claim us vampires are scary. They know nothing of real terror. Those things, they just tore people apart, literally. I saw people being eaten alive, having their guts ripped from their bodies and eaten in front of them. Their screams will be with me forever, even as a vampire. I saw so much horror before I was turned.

"As for how that happened, well, EZ and I had been out to fetch supplies one night, and on our way back we were approached by two people who we just assumed were other survivors. That was until their fangs popped out and they moved quicker than our eyes could see to kill a group of the reanimated. I remember the way EZ and I looked at each other, just one look that conveyed 'how many other story book monsters are going to turn out to be real?' as we both stood there absolutely astounded.

“Anyway, they came back to the safe house and basically asked us if we wanted to be made vampire. They'd both been looking for worthy offspring for a while, and they thought the way we handled the reanimated situation and managed to survive showed worthiness. They gave us a few days to decide, and EZ and I basically came to the conclusion that we had nothing left to lose, so why not?" he finishes, while I can feel question after question bubbling up on my tongue.

"Damn it, there's so much I want to ask you, but I don't want to bombard you or for you to think I'm being nosey," I exclaim. He's even more fascinating than I thought.

He pauses, stroking my shoulder with his thumb. "Ask away, you'll soon know if we stumble upon anything I don't wish to discuss, because I'll tell you. You have a very curious nature, don't you? Why is that?"

"We'll get to me later. I'm not done with you yet. So, what's it like to be turned, then?" I question, making him laugh a little at what I say at first. That laugh always used to sound so sinister, down in the chamber. Now though, it just sounds like a deep and dirty chuckle to my ears, one which I enjoy hearing. I can still scarcely believe I sat on that couch brooding over how much I hated him just six weeks ago, and now here he is, sat upon it himself, giving me a neck rub. That vampire who I loathed down in my chamber, there's just not a drop of him to be found in the one sitting behind me now.

"It isn't pleasant. Essentially, you're dying while living through it. You're feeling your own body shut down and expire, and that's painful and scary. When that was happening to me, I'm not ashamed to admit I was frightened. I suddenly thought, what the hell have I done? I panicked, which didn't make it any easier to endure. This happens after your creator has virtually drained you dry and then fed their blood to you, which is what turns you into a vampire. After that, you go to ground for two days so your body can recover, and when your creator digs you out, or when you unearth yourself after those two days, you're a vampire," he explains, while I feel so drawn in by him that I never want him to stop talking.

"What was it like in the beginning? How long did it take you to adjust to it, being what you are now? Oh, my headache is gone now. Thanks for that." I reply, getting up and picking up the cushion off the floor to toss back onto the couch.

"You're welcome, and if you want me to tell you about how it was in the beginning, you'll need to go and make yourself a cup of coffee. It'll take a while, and I'm in no mood to stop talking to you yet either. It'll be your turn before the dawn, though.”

Smiling, I get up, kitchen bound. "Then you go wait outside, and I'll be right out there." I’m so excited to embark on a voyage of discovery about all thing's vampire. I truly am glad that he sought me out, because I realise something; I really like having him around.

#angel reyes #angel reyes imagine #angel reyes fanfiction #angel reyes smut #angel Reyes x ofc #angel reyes fic #angel reyes fanfic #mayans mc #mayans mc fanfiction #mayans mc imagine #mayans mc smut #mayans mc fanfic #mayans mc fic #vampire!angel reyes

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smolchildlevy · 2 years

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All I can say is when I saw your match up event I got so excited, I think you might be able to tell how hyped and nervous I was while writing this lol, anyway I love your content!

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Hi can I get an Obey Me match up?

My name is Gio, I’m 4’10 with a horrific slouch (I’m working on it though-or I’m trying to), pretty average looking though (scrawny pale white guy, brown hair dark brown eyes) I’m non-binary he/they. To describe me physically more we can go off the 2 most common descriptions of me is “small and huggable” or “short and puntable”

For personality, I’d like to think I’m funny, but I’m not good at describing myself so going off what I’m told is that I’m funny, kind, caring, and either talkative or silent depending on the day, no in between.

For good qualities is I’m caring and I make sure to pay attention, I try to stay a few steps ahead but that doesn’t always work of course. I tend to subconsciously care for people I like, tbh I won’t usually admit it or realize and if said person points it out I’ll probably be embarrassed then try and cover it up with a joke about why I’m doing whatever for them.

I’ll always be your biggest supporter and maybe your worst enemy-jk just very big on the banter buddy role lol. (But I do love hyping people up and reminding them how great they are)

For a more negative qualities I’d like to say I try to keep my issues to my self and can neglect myself, then one day I might just kinda shut down and come off slightly cold. people I care about end up thinking they did something wrong and then they could get upset and before you know it everyone’s confused and not feeling very positive.

Another negative trait is I end up bottling things to myself or keeping things to myself because I’m always scared I’ll bother someone and become a burden, do to that I tend to get nasty scars from accidents because I get embarrassed and keep it to myself trying to hide it but I’m not a medical profession so I’m not sure what I’m doing so they can leave a nasty mark. (I do a lot of stupid things and I usually don’t tell people because I just couldn’t be asked to try and explain why I was climbing onto a random building or how I got stuck on a dock floating in a lake)

I have heavy anxiety, ocd, and depression which can get the best of me, but then on other days I can be more open with cracking jokes. I’m also a stereotype for ADHD with impulsive issues and doing random things, but it also helps me be ready to help anyone or get in trouble with anyone.

I also pretty much never sleep so literally any hour you need me for anything I am already ready to get into some trouble help you

Though I do always come off as really tired but I swear I’m all good I just physically can’t sleep and prefer working/practicing random things(or my favorite: over thinking)

I tend to have a hard time even tolerating myself but recently I’ve been working on that and things I’ve learned to love about me is my writings/stories about random things or sometime random characters I created, I also love drawing things usually related to those stories. I also play lots of video games and I’d like to make my own video game/develop one. I also am very musically involved, I play electric bass, drums, and Irish tin fiddle and I’m trying to teach myself the piano, violin, and guitar. Bit of a secret but I do musical theater, I usually try and keep that live separate from my social life because I’m a little embarrassed lol.

Sorry if this is to much, I wasn’t really sure what to add or what not to add

It’s just fine! I’m glad you like my writing! You’re too sweet <3

I match you with…

Mammon!

-Hear me out.. he relates to you in a lot of ways

-Which makes for a good pairing

-He would love to just drop everything and have a stay-in day with you, just the two of you

-He would def ruffle your hair a lot, to the point where it’s a habit

-I will say though, you guys were the most clueless mfs before y’all dated bc neither one of y’all would admit that you liked the other-

-This boy LIVES OFF YOUR PRAISE TOO

-Mammon is a spectacular listener btw, the best person to rant to on a bad day bc he’s the type to be ranting with you

-And he’s so enamored by your talents <3

#smols anons <3 #smols 600 event #character matchup #mammon #obey me #obey me x reader

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healerelowen · 2 years

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Hello! I just wanted to add a few more facts about me, however this one is going to be on the more romantic side. I might use this information if I ever gain the confidence to make let alone share self-inserts of mine. I also will use this as a way of clarifying a few things from the last post. I hope you enjoy and have a good rest of your day/night!

-I’m not prone to falling head over heels, and most of the time I will only fall for people I’ve formed close relationships with. That’s literally the definition of Demiromantic. Even as a little kid, I was never really too fond of the ``Love at first sight” trope like with a lot of fairy tales. However, that doesn’t mean I’m incapable of doing so, and I have in the past. Fictional or not, I will sometimes fall head over heels for people, sometimes I won’t. Sometimes I have to form close bonds with them first in order to have some form of romantic feelings towards them. And that’s perfectly fine and valid, to anyone who is Demisexual or Demiromantic, you are valid and are welcomed here on my blog.

-My favorite types of affection are physical affection and gift giving. Actions speak louder than words. Not trying to dis anyone whose favorite form of affection is anything verbal. I’m HELLA cuddly and physically affectionate. I also really enjoy PDA, with my favorite form of PDA being hand holding. I also have really bad crow brain, meaning that anything I think my partner would like or is something that I find interesting, it is now theirs. It is my offering to my partner whom I see as a deity.

-I actually tend to use more sweet and fluffy pet names, though playful banter is fine with me as well. Pet names such as; Sweetheart, sweet, hun, bunny, darling, dear and love especially. I’m a sucker for pet names like that, and if my partner were to use said pet names on me, I would melt into a flustered puddle. It also gets me in a very snuggly mood so sweet and fluffy pet names with heaps of physical affection. Perfect combo.

-I’m also very small, so a partner that’s taller than me is almost always a positive. Sure there’s probably going to be endless teasing, but that means I’ll be able to be lifted up from the ground if they ever wanted to hug or kiss me if they didn’t want to just crouch down all the time. I certainly wouldn’t, plus I don’t want to have to stand on a chair or stepping stool just so I can smother them in affection, it’s inconvenient on many levels. But if they're sitting or laying down, hehehe…there’s no turning back for them now/j

-If I ever was feeling dysphoric, I would love it if my partner just held me close and reassured me. I’d probably zone out on multiple occasions because I’m too busy listening to their heartbeat but when I snap back to reality, I get to hear their comforting voice so bonus.

-I’m very anxious, and I have a hard time asking for things. And if I ever were in an anxious or overwhelming situation, I tend to shut down verbally. The best way to ask for what I may need is to ask me yes or no questions so then I don’t have to talk, I can just nod or shake my head. Forcing me to talk is only going to make it worse. This can work online too, like if I start to become less and less responsive to your conversation, you can just ask me yes or no questions for me to answer, rather than just forcing me to tell you what’s going on upstairs when my brain is doing the electric boogaloo.

-Fun funny ADHD things. I love ranting about shit that I’m hyper fixating on to my buddies, and I love it when people rant to me so then we can both rant about it! It’s interesting to hear about what other people find intriguing, especially if it’s something that I don’t hyper fixate on often or hardly know anything about.

That’s all that I have for now. I hope you learned a little more about me, and again have a good rest of your day/night!

#healer elowen #facts about Elowen #inscryption x reader #I’m not going to main tag

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hayingsang · 2 months

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What I read in 2023

2023 was a funny year for reading. I didn’t finish that many books – just 43 altogether, including one I read twice, and only one of them in Chinese.

There were various reasons for this. One was that among the books I did read were Ulysses and almost all of The Brothers Karamazov, both long, slow reads. I loved The Brothers Karamazov (my note on it here) – among the most fantastic tales I’ve ever read (actually reread – this was the second time round). Ulysses I also liked a lot. I wouldn’t go as far as Anthony Burgess, who in the blurb on the back declares it to be the greatest novel of the 20th century, but it’s one of them. It also laid down a standard for experimentation which more writers since Joyce should have tried to surpass; reading it made me think how conservative 99% of novelists are.

Another reason for my low books-finished total was that a good part of my reading time was spent on four text books – for International Baccalaureate physics and IGCSE physics, chemistry and biology – all part of trying to get a handle on what two of my kids were meant to be learning, and none of which I actually finished (though I did finish the IGCSE trio a few days ago; I’ll add a note on them soon). All four required close attention, frequent rereading of definitions and dense paragraphs. If it hadn’t been for the Internet and especially many YouTube videos, I wouldn’t have been able to handle the IB book; the IGCSE ones were more my level. I think I could pass all three subjects, though I wouldn’t score particularly highly.

As for the Chinese, I did read most of another book and spent more time reading news. But I also took a bit of a break. And the one book I did read, Selected Essays by Zhou Zuoren, was tough going (as I noted here).

As in 2022, I didn’t manage to keep up my 2021 practice of writing around 250 words on each book I read – again, I’ll blame my textbook reading. The ones I did have links. This year I’m going to give it another go.

The standouts

Non-fiction

Odd Arne Westad, The Cold War – a tremendous global history of the 1945-90 period.

Pamela Kyle Crossley, The Manchus – the unlikely people behind China’s last imperial dynasty.

Timothy Snyder, Bloodlands – the terrible history of Ukraine and the other lands around it from the 1930s to just after the end of the second world war.

EB Sledge, With the Old Breed – a Marine’s experiences on two islands in the second world war.

Napoleon Chagnon, Noble Savages – an anthropologist in the Amazon in the 1960s whose findings upset a lot of other anthropologists.

John Gribbin, The Reason Why – that intelligent life exists at all is miraculous; we should care about it (ie, us) a little more.

Bas van Bavel, The Invisible Hand? – why markets can’t be the answer when they make people rich and powerful.

Colleen Carney & Jack Edinger, Insomnia and Anxiety – a book that has made me sleep better and worry less.

Fiction (aside from Ulysses and The Brothers Karamazov)

Mohsin Hamid, The Last White Man – a masterpiece in just 180 pages.

Annie Ernaux, A Man’s Place/The Years/A Woman’s Story/“I Remain in Darkness” – more than worthy of the Nobel prize.

Honorary mentions

Vaclav Smil, Energy and Civilization – Smil is right: energy underpins everything (though it’s not the only thing).

Chris Miller, Chip War – exactly how books should be written about big, important topics.

The list in full

Patricia Lockwood, no one is talking about this (I loathed this book)

Mohsin Hamid, The Last White Man

Sean Carroll, Something Deeply Hidden

Charles Yu, How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe

Odd Arne Westad, The Cold War

Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov, I

Frank Fraser Darling, Island Years

Milo Beckman, Math Without Numbers

Chris Bernhardt, Quantum Computing for Everyone

David Morgan, The Mongols

Doris Lessing, Ben in the World

Annie Ernaux, A Man’s Place

Doris Lessing, The Fifth Child

Avram Alpert, The Good-enough Life

Joseph Angelo, Gaseous Matter

Cormac McCarthy, The Passenger

Vaclav Smil, Energy and Civilization

Chris Miller, Chip War

Cormac McCarthy, Stella Maris

Annie Ernaux, The Years

Bruce Dickson, The Dictator’s Dilemma

Napoleon Chagnon, Noble Savages

Annie Ernaux, A Woman’s Story

Annie Ernaux, “I Remain in Darkness”

Isaac Asimov, I, Robot

Nicole Perlroth, This Is How They Tell Me the World Ends

Pamela Kyle Crossley, The Manchus

Timothy Snyder, Bloodlands

Jin Keyu, The New China Playbook

Ursula Le Guin, Gifts

EB Sledge, With the Old Breed

Ackbar Abbas, Hong Kong: Culture and the Politics of Disappearance

Frank Dikotter, China After Mao

Catherine Lacey, Pew

James Joyce, Ulysses

John Gribbin, The Reason Why

Christine Brooke-Rose, Amalgamemnon

Zhou Zuoren 周作人, Selected Essays 散文選

Bas van Bavel, The Invisible Hand

Shibani Mahtani & Timothy McLaughlin, Among the Braves

Colleen Carney & Jack Edinger, Insomnia and Anxiety

Ursula Le Guin, Gifts

Wang Xiaobo, Wang in Love and Bondage

For the record

I never got round to posting What I read in 2022 until two days ago. It’s here – just the bare list.

#books #reading

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rahrahkaz · 10 months

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Conclusion: We Can’t Do It All

Although I’m not completely fulfilling my 2023 goal of monthly blogs, I’m giving myself grace and not grief. This is a phrase that I have come to grow and love and accept, that I learned from my kids school, Our Lady of Peace a few years back. Mr. Paul Berry used these words as we navigated the COVID school years. It just works, doesn’t it? Give Grace, Not Grief. I have found this helpful as I encounter feelings of frustration daily. This ranges from watching my boys lose the ability to do things they could do the day before to countless fights with insurance to feeling unequipped to have two boys that will be wheelchair bound in the not-so-distant future (barring any life-altering treatments that they would need almost immediately).

However, I have found it equally helpful, if not more helpful, for me to apply it to myself. Duchenne has a way of pulling me in so many directions, and it’s so exhausting. I recall upon diagnosis about 5 years ago that I declared I would do ANYTHING to help my boys stay ambulatory and stay alive. I would move across the country, I would move to a different country, I would quit my job, I would sell everything I owned, I would advocate, I would prioritize them and what they need above my own needs, always. While some of that is still true, it’s also not practical as a human with a job, a husband, 2 other kids, a home I love, and family and friends that I adore and need to see. It’s also been so evident that unless I place some of my own needs above my boys, I will not be able to give them the love, support and physical assistance that they need. So here I am, 5 years later, giving myself grace, not grief for allowing myself to prioritize my own needs at times.

Where I have struggled the most is with the to do’s for the boys. It truly is a list that never ends and I’ve recently realized, I just can’t do it all. We, as a family, just can’t do it all. And so I’ve allowed myself to give us grace, and not grief. I’ll share some examples for those that may be able to relate.

- Caleb has headgear that he was instructed to wear nightly before getting his braces. Caleb didn’t like falling asleep with his headgear, so this required us to attempt to wake him up before we went to bed, trying to pry open his mouth, get rubber bands on what seemed like the smallest hooks in the world, while hoping he didn’t chomp down and then attaching this contraption to the front of his head. Then telling him to go back to sleep. I found myself stressed every night as this time approached or pushing out my bed time so that I wouldn’t have to execute the headgear routine. Nope! I’m not letting headgear add stress to my already stressful life. So we did it on our time. Some weeks it was every other night, other weeks it was not at all. Sometimes we negotiated with him that he needed either his nighttime braces (on his feet) or his headgear, and let him choose. Yes, this meant more weeks overall, but it eased stress for all involved. Give grace, not grief.

- Nighttime braces are another pain point. Both boys are supposed to wear their nighttime braces every single night. While they tolerate them (mostly) they beg to have nights without them. So we have an agreed upon wear pattern for Caleb (right leg, both legs, none) that we felt like was a good compromise. Meanwhile Dunky, who has a mind of his own, will not go to sleep with them on at all. So I was to go in before I go to bed and try to put on his braces while he is sleeping. This is no easy task and I started to dread it and get more stressed as my bedtime became near. Nope! Not letting nighttime braces add stress to my already stressful life. So I found my own cadence. I do one foot each night and sometimes I allow myself to do none and that’s okay! Give grace, not grief.

- New medications are also a stressor. We were advised to start Caleb on growth hormone therapy nearly one year ago. I knew this would be an insurance fight that I just wasn’t ready to embark on as I was already fighting other medications with insurance. So I didn’t. Six months went by and during our check-in with endocrinology and asking about why we hadn’t yet started, I allowed myself grace instead of beating myself up. I simply said, “I didn’t have the time or energy to focus on it.” I NEVER would have imagined allowing myself to say that upon diagnosis. I would do everything promptly and as I was told, but the reality is I am human with so many demands and competing priorities, and sometimes I just get to choose. Give grace, not grief.

- Dunky struggles with his eyes. Ophthalmology is a specialty all Duchenne kiddos see as cataracts are yet another side effect of those lovely steroids. But Dunky has extra complexities as something called exotropia, meaning the outward drifting of his eyes. Unfortunately, he thinks he looks “stupid” in his glasses and refuses to wear them despite the truth that they are so flipping adorable. Watch out world because his next request was if he has pink glasses, he will wear them. I didn’t realize we were one year late for his next Ophthalmology appointment until an annual well visit reminded us his eyes are bad. In my defense (although I don’t need defense when I have grace), no one called me to schedule this appointment. Apparently, I’m just supposed to remember or be organized enough to know to schedule the appointment. Dunky will likely need surgery and of course we can’t get an appt until September. I started to beat myself up, but then I stopped and paused, and gave myself grace. Stay tuned for updates on next steps.

I must say embracing this phrase has been empowering for me. I’m not going to beat myself up over everything that I’m not doing. I’m going to celebrate all of the things that I am doing, both for myself and my family. It’s allowed me to recalibrate my priorities so that the most important things become the focus. The most important things are not nightly headgear or wearing nighttime braces on both feet, but it’s seeing the smiles in my boys faces when they make a request and I simply say “yes.”

On July 26th, Caleb will be going into surgery for a tendon transfer in his right foot in hopes he gets a bit more time on his feet before he is wheelchair bound. We are nervous but know that we have done all we can to weigh the options and have consulted with the best of the best. We feel so blessed to have our boys under the care of the best providers that are more than a clinical care team, they are a large part of our boys’ lives that we have grown to love over the years. We will keep you updated on the surgery and would welcome love and support during this time and the recovery after.

Duchenne is a beast. It is sad, terrifying, frustrating and exhausting, just to name a few. Everyday their needs get greater and I wonder how I will be able to continue to help them. Just recently I had someone say, “you still pick them up?” Yes! I do, because I don’t have a choice! I tell my boys every single day, “I will always be here to help you, no matter what!”

July 7, 2023

#duchennemusculardystrophy #kasnerskickduchenne #motivatedbymuscles

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looye29 · 1 year

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I decided to review ED Elixir simply because (like a lot of guys out there) I thought it was too good to be true. I mean, come on: A system that costs under a hundred bucks (WAY under) and treats erectile dysfunction naturally, no “little blue pills” needed? Keep on reading to learn the truth. What is ED Elixir? I’ll get to the ingredients in a couple of minutes but first, some backstory. Mike, the US Marine Corps veteran who created ED Elixir, stumbled upon this formula by accident after having a run-in with a dangerous penis injection that sent him to the hospital and almost cost him his ability to ever have sex again. Mike’s story definitely got my attention. Like me, he has a gorgeous wife who’s more than ready to enjoy one-on-one time in the bedroom, but who was being left disappointed again and again while Mike struggled with erectile dysfunction. Desperate for a solution, Mike first turned to prescription drugs. He was excited to achieve a full erection after years of nothing following a roadside bombing incident while he was on active duty, but his excitement was short-lived: He experienced severe side effects and was concerned that if he took the prescription again, he might become a statistic. In reading about Mike’s experience with erectile dysfunction, I found out that nearly 1,000 men die from heart attacks brought on by side effects of ED prescriptions. I’m glad I read Mike’s story when I did, because I was on the verge of asking my own doctor for a description. So, back to Egypt, where Mike discovered the ED Elixir formula with the help of a local doctor. The doctor, having treated Mike after his penile enhancement attempt went wrong, gave him an age-old remedy aimed at restoring circulation and increasing Mike’s cardiovascular health at the same time. The doctor explained that the two issues went hand in hand, and he encouraged Mike to make and consume the tea. Long story short, Mike faithfully mixed up this tea and drank it day after day. After some time, he noticed that he was regaining sensation in his groin and soon, his soldier was standing at attention. He and his wife were overjoyed and began to enjoy better sex than they ever had before. When Mike ran out of the remedy, he wanted to recreate it. He had it analyzed, learned about the ingredients, and ultimately consulted again with the Egyptian doctor, who provided more insight. Soon after that, Mike formulated ED Elixir and decided that he needed to share his secret with other men who were suffering from the shame and disappointment of ED. What is in ED Elixir? As it turns out, ED Elixir isn’t a bottle of supplements. Instead, it’s an elixir you mix yourself with ingredients that are inexpensive and easy to obtain. Mike could have created and sold an ED Elixir supplement but through his own experience, discovered that the blend of ingredients could be tweaked to handle different forms of erectile dysfunction. All of the ingredients come together to support circulation throughout your body and improve your blood flow so that you can restore your boner to its former glory and perhaps even add inches to your erection. Since so many of us experience feelings of shame, disappointment, and loss when we suffer from erectile dysfunction, Mike decided to create an entire system including mental tips and tricks aimed at getting over the mental hurdles that happen when we’re afraid that we won’t be able to perform, and that are cemented into place as we experience the physical difficulties associated with erectile dysfunction. ED Elixir includes a full guide to nutrients, natural aphrodisiacs, and more, all intended to do what prescription drugs, weird penis pumps, and scary injections can’t do: Improve your body’s blood flow so you can have rock-hard erections again Repair vascular inflammation associated with worsening erectile dysfunction

Improve your self-confidence Bring back your libido Restore full sensation so sex feels better than ever Many men who review ED Elixir report that besides an end to erectile dysfunction, they are enjoying more energy overall. Quite a few find that they’re able to return to working out, feeling more masculine, and even focusing better at work. What Else is Included? I was shocked to find out that there’s quite a bit to the ED Elixir program and I was also shocked by the price. One thing at a time, though. The ED Elixir program has several components, starting with the list of ingredients, how and why they work, and how to combine them to get the best, fastest results possible and end the erectile dysfunction nightmare. It also includes a guide to customizing all of the ingredients to meet your needs, since there are different ED symptoms and issues. I touched on the mental aspects of ED a minute ago and I’m pretty sure that you know what I’m talking about. Every time we fail to achieve an erection, every time we get hard but can’t stay that way, every time we disappoint our partners and ourselves, we feel a deep sense of shame, failure, and embarrassment that just gets worse over time. It’s one of the worst feelings in the world and if you’re at all like me, you know it’s one of the worst things about ED. You feel worse than a failure – you can’t even be a real man. And you keep on beating yourself up, over and over. Instead of anticipating intimacy and looking forward to sex, you find yourself dreading it. You tell yourself that this time, it’s going to be even worse than last time. And because you believe it, your body responds accordingly. Your physical problems are compounded by your mental anguish. Mike digs deep into the mental issues associated with erectile dysfunction. It’s one of the reasons why I’m leaving such a detailed review of ED Elixir. You can tell by reading his story that he’s been where you are, right there suffering, wondering if his marriage was over because he could no longer satisfy his beautiful wife. Mike’s familiarity with the psychological pain that accompanies ED led him to develop several extras: Sexual Stamina Secrets – A complete guide to building sexual stamina so you can go even longer than before. This guide is a game changer as it includes shortcuts and mental hacks to eliminate the emotional damage inflicted during your time with ED. Dirty Talk Secrets – I don’t know about you, but after such a long battle with ED and complete avoidance of anything sexual, I needed this. It’s basically a guide to talking dirty, turning her on, and getting the hottest action ever. Word to the wise, this is definitely NSFW. Her Ultimate Fantasy Lover – So you weren’t quite Romeo before? Don’t worry, because this is the ultimate guide to transforming yourself into an incredible lover, pleasing her, and making her want you more than ever. What are the Benefits of ED Elixir? Men who review ED Elixir tend to notice similar benefits. Here are some I’ve encountered myself, along with benefits that other men have noticed. Fast and easy to use – takes about 30 seconds per day No weird gadgets or needles No side effects like those listed on ED drug package inserts Stronger, harder erections that improve over time Confidential; nobody has to know that you are fighting a battle with ED An end to the embarrassment and feelings of failure that often accompany erectile dysfunction Natural erections when the moment is right Passionate, exciting sex for you and your partner Better stamina than ever Increased circulation can add inches to your erect penis size Inexpensive (this one surprised me!) OK, so Is ED Elixir worth the price? Here’s where the proverbial rubber meets the road, guys. You’re going to be as shocked as I was when you learn the price of ED Elixir.

Mike is just about giving it away. The entire system is 37 bucks. Yes, you read that correctly. For a measly $37 (that is less than the average price of a single Viagra tablet in many places) you get the whole program and all the benefits that come with it. And just in case it doesn’t work for you (or you don’t like it for whatever reason) Mike offers a 60-day money back guarantee. This means you either have your manhood restored and start enjoying a sex life again or you get your money back. I don’t know about you, but I feel like it’s more than worth it!

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all813814 · 2 years

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Can Anyone Learn To Sing?

Despite what you may have been told: yes, anyone can learn to sing. Let’s talk about why that’s true, but first: why so many people think it’s not!People think singing is an inherent ability, something you need to be born with, because some people seem to have it and others seem not to. You’ll often hear phrases like “Oh no, I can’t sing!” or “She can really sing!” But think about applying that same mentality to another skill, and the logic begins to fall apart.Would you say some people can play golf, while others inherently can’t? Would you reject an invitation to learn a new game, just because you didn’t already know how to play it? Of course not!Singing is a physical and mental skill, more similar to sports than most people recognize. And like sports, some people will have advantages in playing that specific sport or position. Are you tall? You have an advantage when learning and playing basketball! Are you light, with muscular shoulders? You have an advantage in rock climbing and gymnastics! And of course, there are advantages for singing, too. Those include:.Anatomy: the size and shape of your vocal folds and vocal tract.Early exposure: how much music (and singing specifically) was part of your childhood.Natural interest: how excited and intrinsically motivated you are to sing.People with these advantages working in their favor are more likely to experience early success singing, which encourages them to continue. Those same people might receive training at an early age, sing at church, or join a choir. They may continue singing as a hobby over the years. All of that adds up to an incredible amount of experience! So if you’re a brand-new singer, it’s unfair to compare yourself to someone who’s been singing their whole life. These are the people we label “natural singers” or “talented people”. But remember: it’s not talent you’re comparing at this point; it’s years of experience! You don’t have control over your anatomy or early exposure to singing, but you do have control over what you do now.When people ask the question, “can anyone learn to sing?”, there are often two more questions they’re not asking. The first question is: “Is learning to sing going to be a waste of time for me?”, and my answer for that is: “not if you enjoy it!”. I don’t practice yoga because I’m assured that I’ll be a “great yogi” some day. I practice because I enjoy it, it’s good for my body, and it’s inherently fulfilling to challenge myself and make progress. Treat singing the same way, because like most things in life, the journey matters far more than the destination.The second unasked question is: “Can anyone learn to sing well?”. Most people might agree that the basics of singing can be learned; but what they want to know is whether or not their voice can actually sound good? My answer for that is: your voice can sound objectively better than it currently does, and the only way to find out how much better is to put in the time and practice! Again, treat singing like another hobby or sport. Can I guarantee you’ll be able to do the splits (or not) after seeing you stretch one time? No! Can I predict exactly how much your voice will grow and develop after hearing you sing once? Again, no!The real question becomes: do you think you’ll enjoy the process of improving your voice, and are you willing to try?

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learningnewways · 2 years

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Israel - Day 8

Today was the final day of our Israel guided tour. I can’t believe it’s the end already! Some days it felt like the tour would never end, thanks to John never slowing down for a second! But these past final days in Jerusalem have gone really quickly.

We always start by singing the same song on the bus each day which is quite fun and of course today was the last time! Here’s the lyrics for my memory: “Oh the suns coming up, on a bright new day, and you maybe wonder why, I’ve been feeling this way. Yeah I’m felling good, and I’m feeling alright, cause the Lord took my life and He filled it with His ever-loving light.” Pretty cheesy, I know!

We started the day by visiting the Garden Tomb, which is a site that visually represents the site of Jesus’ crucifixion and burial better than the Church of the Holy Sepulchre from yesterday. It was really helpful and made it easier to picture in real life. As John said yesterday, “we worship the person not the place.” We had communion together as a group and sung some worship songs on the garden which was really nice. One of my favourite worship songs is Build My Life by Pat Barrett and it was special to be able to sing that in Israel.

Our guide talked about how as we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. You don’t have to physically come to Israel to be closer to God, but I think there is something special about being in the land where the Bible is set, and where Jesus ministered. Although I don’t feel like I’ve had any big lightbulb or life changing moments spiritually on this trip, I’ve still learnt a lot and I think all little learnings and cool moments will add up. I think I’ll look back and see what I’ve learnt. It’s hard to see it now in the busyness of it all really.

During our communion and worship, I was reminded of how crazy my past two years has been, and I am so grateful to God for how He has brought me through it and provided for me. My life looked so different two years ago, even one year ago. I remember being so afraid and crying out to God from my lonely bed so many times, wondering if He still loved me and would use me. It still shocks me how gracious God is and how He truly does use us all the more in our failings and weakness. I have been broken down and re-moulded, I’m the clay and He is the great Potter. Now here I am, in Israel, two weeks in to my 6 month, totally God-orchestrated world trip... I still can’t quite believe how awesome God is...

Another thing I loved about today’s time at the Garden Tomb and just in general on this trip, is the realisation from the Gospels that, “He is not here, for He is risen.” It was on the wall in the Cave Church in Egypt too. And it’s true! Jesus isn’t in Israel, He’s risen! He is with me now in Israel, just like He was with me in Egypt, as He was with me in Singapore and the USA years ago, how He is with me in New Zealand, will be with me in The Gambia, and everywhere I go, every day of my life. How incredible it is to know that. Now I just need to actually believe it and not forget!

After the Garden Tomb, we went to the Israel Museum, where we saw a 1:50 scale of what Jerusalem would have looked like before it’s destruction in 70AD. It was so cool to see all the places we’d been and get a feel for the orientation as well as what it would’ve looked like in Jesus’ day. Inside the museum we saw actual sections of the Dead Sea Scrolls, which was amazing as we’d been to the place they were discovered in the Qumran caves a few days ago, so that brought it all together. I didn’t realise that they recovered parts of every single book of the Old Testament in the Dead Sea Scrolls, other than Esther... It’s pretty incredible really. And Esther is also one of only two books in the Bible not to mention the name of God, along with the Song of Songs... Interesting stuff...

We stopped for lunch, then visited a church called Christ Church, pretty cool name right! Apparently it was the first Protestant Church in the Middle East. There’s supposedly a tunnel that goes from the church site to the Temple Mount, but they aren’t going to excavate it anytime soon. We sung another few worship songs in there which was nice, old churches always have great acoustics too!

The final thing we did was the Rampart Walk, which is where you walk on the Old City walls of Jerusalem! It was so cool! We only went from the Jaffa Gate to the Damascus Gate, but it was still awesome to be up higher than the city, looking in to peoples homes, schools and businesses. I think you can walk around most of the wall, but obviously not the Temple Mount. We popped into the Muslim Quarter and walked around the shops, with some stopping to buy some spices. After that we headed back to the hotel so the group could get their bags and head to the airport.

It is strange that I’ve just spent the past eight days exploring Israel with a group of awesome people I will probably never see again... It would have been great to have a debrief night or something where everyone could share what we learnt or what our takeaways were... Once again, the schedule was too jam-packed for that unfortunately. I’m looking forward to the Kenya trip with the young adults from my church at the end of the year, as we’ll get to experience it all together and will forever have that bond and understanding of each other, which is super special.

As I mentioned before, I still need to reflect on what I’ve learnt and experienced during my time in Israel. This blog has been great to pop down some thoughts and of course to keep a record of all the activities we’ve done, but I’ll need to think more deeply about what’s been happening inside of me. Maybe that doesn’t need to be shared on the blog... Tomorrow is my mum and I’s final day in Jerusalem before we go to Jordan. We’re hoping to try get to the Temple Mount if we’re allowed and just chill out a bit more. I also have some business admin to do before we leave, so it should be a relaxed day.

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willowthephotographer · 2 years

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HOROSCOPE COLLECTION | CANCER

Presenting our next Horoscope Collection, CANCER.

THE MOVEMENT OF THE HOROSCOPE COLLECTION IS ABOUT USING THE MODERN MEDIUM OF PHOTOGRAPHY TO TELL THE STORIES OF THE ORIGINAL MYTHOLOGIES. THE CONSTELLATIONS WERE STUDIED AND VIEWED AS MYTHOLOGICAL STORIES. DIFFERENT CULTURES, COUNTRIES, AND REGIONS HAD THEIR OWN DEPICTIONS AS WELL. GETTING TO LEARN ABOUT EACH ONE HAS BEEN COMPLETELY RIVETING. WHILE EDUCATING MYSELF, I GOT TO LEARN HOW IN-DEPTH THESE ZODIACS REALLY ARE.

THE DEPICTION OF CANCER IS OF THE CRAB OR LOBSTER.

I would like to tell a tale in from greek mythology. Hera was constantly hurt by her husband, the King of the Gods on Mount Olympus, Zeus. Zeus made a child with a mortal, this child was named Hercules. Although not physically together, the child bared a reminder of the infidelity. Hercules married and had kids of his own. Hera, out of anger, cursed him into a lapse of insanity. Leading him to kill his wife and kids. The mortal king of the land punished Hercules to the “12 labors". As Hercules was succeeding in each trial, during his battle with the hydra Hera started to worry that Hercules would succeed in killing the beast. Hera sent one of her most beloved and loyal servants Cancer to distract Hercules. Cancer braved on to stop Hercules. Pinching as hard as Cancer could to Hercule’s ankle. Although distracted, Hercules was able to crush the Cancer and win against the beast. In remorse over what the little cancer warrior did, she took the crushed Cancer and placed it into the sky. Creating the constellation as a reward for the Cancer’s sacrifice.

FOR MY PHOTOGRAPHY CHOICES, I DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING ARTISTIC AND POETIC FOR THE SYMBOLISM. I WANTED TO INCORPORATE THE ASTROLOGICAL MEANINGS AND HOROSCOPE SYMBOL IN MOVEMENT. SIMILAR TO THE PREVIOUS ONES. THE HOROSCOPE CANCER COLOUR REPRESENTS AS SILVER AND METALLIC. AS A WATER SIGN, I WANTED TO USE THE OCEAN, RAIN, AND SKY. WE WAITED FOR THE RIGHT TIME OF DAY TO CREATE THESE PHOTOS.

CONNECTING LINKS

“The symbol of the Cancer Zodiac Sign…” https://greekmythology.com ”Of all three water signs, Cancer seems the best “ruler” of rain.” https://ohioastrology.com

The unveiling day for each horoscope will be at my Exhibition on December 27th, 2022. I’ll be saving the best of each photoshoot for the grand opening! tickets will be available closer to the date as well as location details.

IT’S SO INCREDIBLY FULFILLING TO BE DOING ANOTHER ARTIST PROJECT AGAIN! EVERY MODEL IS OF THE ACTUAL HOROSCOPE AND I’LL ALSO BE WORKING WITH AMAZING ARTISTS, MUAS, JEWELLERS, DESIGNERS, AND MORE. CHECK OUT THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA BELOW. HELP SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESSES.

Model and mua Samantha st jean did a wonderful job once again in this photoshoot. she is always braving challenges and shining beautifully. A big thank you to Connor Rumbold for jumping into the cold water with us to add additional effects into the water and film behind the scenes.

#HOROSCOPE #EXHIBITION #PORTRAIT #GOLD #makeup #studio #GEMINI #YELLOW #THEARTOFBEAUTYBYTAMMY #RAEOFLIGHT #MYLEE RAE #TAMMY #MIRROR #REFLECTION #LACE #WHITE DRESS #WHITE #VINTAGE #BUTTERFLY

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windblooms · 3 years

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liyue boys – how they touch their s/o

headcanons and scenarios of how childe, chongyun, scaramouche, xiao, xingqiu, and zhongli would romantically interact with their s/o.

gender-neutral reader. sfw scenarios for each character, with additional suggestive implications for childe, scaramouche, xiao, and zhongli (since they’re confirmed legal). 2309 words.

childe

the Touchiest of the liyue boys

he just really, really fond of touching you, whether it be with his fingers through your hair or having you a hand on your lap.

the first time he wanted to touch you, he actually asked (yes, verbally) if you were okay with him doing so

at least one of his acts with you could be orthodox, yeah? although, looking back on it now, he supposes that he was attempting to be a bit more serious and wasn’t sure how to convey the sentiment when his reputation often preceded him

since then, he’s made a habit to have you next to him at all times

you don’t mind, since his attention is admittedly nice, but understandably neither of you want to display affection towards each other in the presence of his coworkers.

if you were to be in public, such as walking down the streets of liyue, then he’d have his fingers laced between yours

if he were to be in a particularly good mood that day, he’d actually have you hook your arm around his. you’re not sure why – but maybe it’s because more of you would be pressed against him that way.

an avid displayer of fleeting touches. some are playful, like tapping his finger on your nose to get your attention, while others are slightly more teasing, like trailing his fingers up your thigh when you’re working and really shouldn’t be getting distracted.

“i can’t help it. your expressions are always the best part.”

so long as you’re next to him, he’ll find any excuse possible to have himself on you.

you’re cold? take his coat, but also a complimentary hug because wow he’s kinda sorta warm for a snezhnayan native.

got work to do? he’ll stroll over to you every once in a while, claim he’s checking on you, and then place a kiss on your cheek as “encouragement.”

just got home from a long day out? take some time to lay on top of him, he makes for a comfy mattress

his favorite ways to touch you: gloves off, thumb rubs against the back of your hand, hands cradling your neck or squeezing your hips in more passionate moments. especially enjoys contact the more of your body he feels. not sexual all the time, but definitely sensually pleasing. he’s reassured when he feels you next to him.

chongyun

chongyun is relatively inexperienced in acting out his romantic impulses.

hand holding? yeah, sure, he knows it’s what people do, but apparently there something about interlacing fingers . . . ?

also, there are different ways to hug? he thought that just wrapping his arms around your shoulders would be fine, but is there a specific instance where he should “back hug” you?

he thinks there should be a lover’s manual for how to go about with physical touch, but sadly there isn’t, and he’s left by himself to make sense of his confusion.

he’ll have to learn first-hand – something he quickly realizes he won’t mind.

chongyun’s touches will reflect his nature: gentle and initially somewhat shy, but he will gradually become more confident as time goes on.

the first time he tries to initiate hand-holding with you, you’re sitting next to each other on the couch

you can tell something’s a bit off by how he’s staring straight into your skull, as if he’s conflicted over something even when there’s nothing to be distressed about –

and he lifts his hand, hesitantly, and you swear that he’s shaking, before he mumbles something along the lines of “screw this” and just

places the tips of his fingers over the back of your hand and

just leaves them there

and you’re blinking, not quite sure what to make of his awkwardness, before connecting the dots when you see him absolutely red in the face.

he’s startled when he hears you laugh, and especially when you move your hand to securely grasp his own.

you’re warm, incredibly so, and when he looks up from his lap to affirm that he hasn’t made a complete mess of the mood, you’re there to give him a pat on the head.

“y-yeah. can we stay like this? hey! no, don't laugh – ”

the take-away: soft boy. will realize that he loves it when you squeeze his hands but will be flustered when admitting it. also internally enjoys it when you put your chin atop his head, and when you let him put his hand on your shoulder. will become more confident over time with showing affection, whether it be through light touches or shy pecks.

scaramouche

scaramouche is admittedly one of the more destructive harbingers

meaning he wouldn’t be one to be gentle in the slightest

probably doesn't even know that hugging is supposed to be an act of affection and instead registers it as another method to crush someone’s chest

the least likely out of the liyue boy to even be in a romantic relationship

but in the off chance that he is,

warm affection won’t be on the menu unless you’re in a dream sequence.

yes, he might not be as irritable around you. yes, he won’t immediately scowl at your presence, and maybe even request for you to be beside him once in a while.

but that is a far cry from assuming stable, healthy intimacy.

the closest he’s ever gone to touching you kindly is by pulling you towards him – nearly winding you with his forcefulness – and insisting that you play with his hair

(definitely a pushy one, and it would be endearing if not for the fact that he does not know how to interact constructively with others.)

so it’ll take time, lots of explanations and dialogue to tell him that no, he doesn’t have to be so rough with his grasp, and yes, it does bother you and you’d insist that he learn to be gentler before touching you again.

he won’t strike you down for speaking your mind – that’s exactly why he’s with you to begin with, since you were able to back up your wit with fight.

he’ll grumble, as if you had told him the most unpleasant of news (which you suppose you just have), but nonetheless attempts to mimic touches you would approve of.

scaramouche is, admittedly, easy to vex. while he might generally be a hassle to handle, the only time you do let him give in to his harsh tendencies are when you two are kissing each other a bit too hard or grabbing each others’ clothes too eagerly.

in other words, making out.

it’s obvious that he enjoys these more aggressive instances over the ones you’ve convinced him to be satisfied with. it’s an agreement that both of you have come to terms with: if he’s to command ask for little things, he better be respectful about it. but when you decide to reward him for exercising restraint publicly, it’s behind his door where you let him go unrestrained.

“so long as you’ll still let me do this, then i might tolerate your . . . other preferences.”

xiao

he’s not sure when you became more comfortable with one another, but for some reason he’s certain that it had to be after you commented on his hair

something about it being soft and appealing to braid – not that he would ever let you,

okay, maybe if you ask enough times. but for now the answer is definitely no.

anyways,

you were actually the one to ask to hug him first. he was a bit perplexed, wondering what you were thinking that prompted you to ask, but then realized that neither of you had been physically affectionate before.

as in, not even hand holding. or hand squeezes. or anything else that would be considered basic between partners.

as quickly as you asked, he affirmed that it was all right, and has since become attuned to your need for physical assurance.

something about him “feeling like home” and “safe.” at the time, he wasn’t sure what feeling like a home meant, however through time he realized that you felt like home as well.

soothing. as if automatic, he fits your body into his and holds the back of your head against his chest, lets you twirl your fingers in your hair, and carries you into bed.

under the covers, he feels more alone with you, as if the closed door isn’t already enough.

even in the dark, his eyes will roam all over your face, and he’ll run his fingers over your cheeks, down your neck, and over your collarbones.

he can feel you shudder slightly under his touch, and he’ll always stop immediately, concerned for your discomfort.

but when you take his hand to your lips and press kisses on his fingers, he’s relieved that he’s still doing right by you.

so long as you’re sure, he’ll continue his ministrations. whether it be holding your form flush against him as you drift to sleep, or crooking his finger under your chin so he can mold your lips together just the way you like, so long as you both know you’re safe with him.

in short: inexperienced, but always concerned for you. won’t do anything unless you ask or suggest, and even then, his care for you is more obvious than the wake of day with the sunrise.

“i’ll hold you as long as you let me – if you’d have me be with you.”

xingqiu

simple: dramatic.

if you thought that the novels he’s written have gotten to his head, then you would be completely right, because he does not miss an opportunity to add in some flair to your relationship.

produces a glaze lily out of thin air each time he greets you after your day of work, “fairest, this is for thou,” and has the audacity to look pleased with himself.

a nerd at heart, and you might unironically think it’s cute if not for the laughs he allows himself afterwards.

is always smiling when you touch, even if you’re just bumping into him accidentally.

it doesn’t take much to make him happy, you realize, but that assumption morphs into wow he just. really loves with his whole heart.

xingqiu’s a magnet when it comes to your shoulder, somehow always leaning against you when given the opportunity

you could be sitting next to each other at the table, or even standing up talking to other people, and he’ll latch onto your shoulder.

“i’ve got you right next to me. why not capitalize on the moment?”

absolutely adores it when you let him play with your hair. you’re not sure what it’s about, but after his obvious attachment to your arm, you just decided that he was a very physical lover and you’d be more than willing to indulge him.

if you come visit him when he’s reading or writing, he gets especially excited because!!! head rest!!!!

and consider yourself occupied for easily the next hour as he rattles off yet another plot of a novel, or attempts to woo you with sappy lines that he decided to mentally bookmark just to tease you with later.

in the instances when he isn’t occupying your lap or shoulder, he actually likes it when you lean on him as well, especially if you’re sleepy. he finds the whole act endearing, either you being too lazy to move to bed or finding him comfortable.

so long as you don’t tire of his antics, he’ll be sure to indulge you in the same.

zhongli

despite being what some would call oblivious when it comes to human interaction, zhongli is surprisingly romantically competent so long as you give him time to adjust.

he’s quick to notice things you like and hones in on them with relative ease. admittedly, the first time you hugged him, he was a bit stiff, but was actually the one to initiate physical affection the following time.

it gives you hope that there aren’t actually cobwebs still in that thousand year-old brain of his.

already a traditional man, you soon realize that he’s fond of more innocent touches, such as when you slot your fingers against his or unbind his hair to play with the strands.

he might even fall asleep if you comb his hair long enough, enjoying being spoiled.

forehead kisses!

at least twice a day, he’ll brush aside your bangs and place pecks on your forehead. if not your forehead, then definitely your cheeks.

lowkey wants to pinch your cheeks. you’re not sure why. maybe it’s the childish curiosity that peaks out of him every so often, and he’ll absent-mindedly comment that your cheeks remind him of crystal shrimp balls.

you’d stutter every time, finding his sense in compliments endearing yet flustering at once, and he’d just blink, the sincere man he is.

“but they do. flush with color.” a pause. “could i maybe have a bite?”

ah, yes, when he does want a bite –

his touches will be unbearably soft. so much so that you’re not even sure he’s real, with the tenderness on his fingers and warmth in his voice.

zhongli cherishes you as if he’s waited a thousand years for you. in the back of his head afraid that if he’s any more present then he might break you, as if he would ever capable of doing something like that –

he’ll have your thighs around his waist, body above your own and mouth leaving fleeting pressures along your neck

each time his lips press into your skin, he leaves sweet words behind.

he only wishes to enjoy the moments he has with you, so long as you enjoy yourself as well. zhongli will be attuned to your preferences, and take delight in spoiling you rotten – even if he might be a bit unorthodox with his speech, his sentiment is never in question.

#genshin impact #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #zhongli x reader #xiao x reader #scaramouche x reader #chongyun x reader #xingqiu x reader #scenarios #headcanons #short king will count as a liyue boy for now #can you see my zhongli bias? yes #italics need a break

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