#one of her fears is a fear of failure

[euphorictrait]

womp womp.

#rylies first open mike didnt go so good #one of her fears is a fear of failure #so she’s wondering why she even moved to san myshuno anyway #she wants to become a world famous comedian but she has a lot of work to do

[comradekatara]

sokka, katara, and the paradox of “the gifted child”

something i’ve noticed is a tendency to (mis)characterize sokka as someone who is dismissed due to being a nonbender, when that’s only partially true. sokka is certainly dismissed by some for not being a bender (namely, by benders), but i think there’s a key difference between being dismissed and not being valued in one specific way. katara was valued by her tribe for being a waterbender for the very crucial reason that she was the last one left. had she been a dime a dozen in her tribe, which would have been the case were it not for the systemic extermination of her people, she would not be valued as highly for possessing this skill. that said, while sokka clearly does hold some resentment over his lack of bending ability, calling himself “the guy in the group who’s regular,” i think it’s folly to assume that this means that sokka was dismissed and discarded as “average” while katara was put on a pedestal for being special. because while katara obviously was considered special, sokka is also clearly considered special by his family, merely in different ways. and if anything, sokka embodies the archetypal struggle of the so-called "gifted child” far more than katara does.

while sokka clearly believes himself to be disposable and intrinsically worthless, i don’t think that he was actively neglected by his family. even if katara was clearly marked by her bending as embodying the last hope of their tribe, that doesn’t mean that she was seen as more gifted than he was or was designated as her family’s obvious favorite. for example, the way hakoda talks about sokka (saying he trusted him with leading and protecting the tribe when he was thirteen, calling him a genius, and other such insanely high praises to heap on a child) shows that he clearly views his son as particularly exceptional and has never been shy about showing that. sokka is distinctly insecure around his father for assumptions he makes regarding hakoda's faith in his abilities and his insecurities when it comes to his perceived failure in not measuring up as a man, but from the second we meet hakoda, it's evident that these insecurities are entirely internal and completely unfounded, at least in terms of his father's perception of him. hakoda is nothing but incredibly proud of sokka, constantly emphasizing just how capable and brilliant he believes him to be. whether or not sokka is capable of internalizing it is another story, but it's clear that hakoda is not stingy in his praise and affection, not even a little bit.

moreover, while katara is clearly kanna’s favorite on an emotional level, she nonetheless affords sokka far more respect. she admonishes katara and tells her to do her chores, and notably, she also impresses the importance of “listening to her brother,” and backs up sokka’s decision to banish aang from the village. you can claim that sexism plays a factor in how sokka views his own supposed position of authority, but kanna is a woman who traveled the entire globe as a teenager because she wanted to escape patriarchal impositions dictating her life. she’s simply far too smart to treat sokka as any sort of authority within their village if she did not fully entrust him with that responsibility. she treats sokka almost like a peer, as if she is legitimately co-running the village with a fifteen year old boy.

katara is only a couple years younger than sokka at most, but her dynamic with kanna is very different. on one hand, kanna clearly sees more of herself in katara, can identify with her sense of adventure and rebellious spirit, but on the other hand, it means that she views katara as a child to be taken care of, who needs to be reminded to do her chores and bailed out when she gets herself into trouble. sokka doesn't want to be viewed as a child, and so he does everything in his power to position himself as kanna's equal rather than her grandson. he takes his duties and responsibilities very seriously, and is obedient to a fault whenever he is submitting to any authority he actually respects, especially his father and grandmother. to be honest, a lot of what katara considers coddling is probably just sokka never being bossed around by their grandmother because she never actually has to tell him to do his chores. because despite katara's claim that he simply faffs about "playing soldier," sokka's problem is actually that he takes himself too seriously for her liking. and with the exception of kanna saying "be nice to your sister," which is the kind of teasing a parent says to their child, she clearly respects sokka's position in the village. when katara tries to run away with aang, kanna takes sokka's side and forbids her from acting impulsively, but when sokka is the one who packs supplies and plans to save aang, kanna gives them both her blessing.

katara is the only person who takes umbrage with the notion of sokka running the village and telling her what to do all day. and those frustrations have likely accumulated up from a lifetime of being told to “do as her brother says” and “why can’t she be smarter and more responsible and levelheaded blah blah blah.” she clearly thinks that she’s punching up when she yells at or mocks him, which may seem crazy to anyone who understands that sokka’s entire identity and existence revolves around being katara’s protector, but katara doesn’t actually know this. in her mind sokka is merely the perfect child who has always represented this impossible standard of “genius.” and what's more, he's absolutely insufferable about it.

and to be clear, this isn’t to say that katara herself isn’t highly intelligent, capable, competent, and skilled. she’s not only an incredibly talented waterbender, but also clever, quick, witty, creative, resourceful, practical, mature, and thoughtful in other ways. at one point, toph calls her a genius (“a stinky, sweaty genius”). and she is, indeed, an extremely powerful and innovative waterbender, both due to her hard work, but also because she is genuinely brilliant. that said, she’s smart in the realistic way that a kid is smart; she works hard to be good at what she cares about (and she has an existentially devastating reason to care about being a good waterbender, mind you), and she’s also good at thinking on the fly when she needs to. however, unlike sokka, or even toph, her intellect may be impressive, but it isn’t astonishing. sokka’s mind functions completely anomalously. i wouldn't say he's unrealistically intelligent, because i do know some people in real life who are similarly adept at processing all kinds of different information with the ability to deftly apply it near-immediately, but it is certainly abnormal, both for real world standards and within his universe.

i normally bristle at this term and its applications (for multiple reasons), but since it is explicitly stated multiple times across the show, it is important to acknowledge that sokka is referred to as a genius multiple times, including by his father. katara is referred to as being a genius by toph for using her own sweat to waterbend (which, as hama points out an episode later, isn't even that clever because you can literally bend water from the air around you); conversely, sokka is referred to as a genius for helping to invent hot air balloons and for figuring out multiple escape routes from the world's most secure prison in less than a day. we don't know the exact timeframe under which katara trained with pakku and earned the title of master, but she clearly worked incredibly hard to earn that title, not only as a master, but as the greatest waterbender in the entire world. i assume it was any time between a few weeks and a little over a month in which zhao would organize a fleet to arrive at the north pole, which is, of course, extremely impressive in itself and a testament to her passion and determination. however, on the other hand, piandao claims that sokka has basically mastered the sword and is ready to make his own within less than a day. it's important to remember that katara is also brilliant in her own way, and possesses great skills that sokka lacks: not only bending, but also midwifery, and an ability to locate her own emotions and allow herself to be vulnerable with others, two skills which should never be looked down upon for their association with womanhood and femininity, and are also particularly impressive considering just how young katara is. she is brilliant in her own right, and in any other family, katara would easily have been "the smart one." and yet, sokka is simply in a league of his own.

so, yeah, he can stand to get thrown around and yelled at; everyone her entire childhood just kept on impressing how special and perfect and brilliant he is, he can handle it. she has no idea that he is depressed, depersonalizes, loathes himself, and thinks he’ll never be good enough, because he never actually communicates any of that to her. the closest he ever comes is admitting that he’s jealous due to not having bending abilities, and even that shocks katara, even though it’s such a small and obvious admission in the scheme of things. she has no idea what’s going on with him psychologically, how he views himself in relation to others, and specifically in relation to her, so she kind of just assumes he’s entitled because surely he must know how special he is and thus feels owed accolades by the world at every turn. he deserves to be humbled, and she is in fact righteous for humbling him.

when she makes fun of him for being stupid or miserable or paranoid or cynical, she thinks she’s owning him the way a righteous underdog fights against an oppressor. it's similar to how zuko wants to "put azula in her place." in katara and zuko's minds, they are both the valiant underdog siblings who had to fight and struggle against the siblings for whom everything came so easily. and in katara’s mind especially, she is always punching up, and she always has a moral justification in lashing out at anyone she pleases. so she couldn’t fathom that the reason sokka puts up with her antagonism without complaint isn’t because he’s so above her that he can simply ignore her taunts and gibes without a care (if that were the case, he wouldn't bother to taunt and gibe in return), but rather that he feels so detached from his own personhood that he would never think to actually explain his feelings to the person whom he has defined himself through since childhood. and if he did ever, somehow, communicate that to her, she’d have to reevaluate their whole entire lives and dynamic. but he never will communicate that to her, so she’ll never actually have to do that.

moreover, even though katara often does tease sokka and cast doubt upon his competence and abilities in low-stakes situations constantly, whenever they are actually facing a real problem that requires an immediate solution, katara seems to forget that sokka is supposedly an unhelpful, lazy, immature idiot because she immediately turns to him to fix all their issues. and then once that issue is resolved, katara goes back to finding his existence bothersome. sokka, on the other hand, falls into this role of problem solver instinctually, with the one exception that when they actually name him as the idea guy, he jokingly complains that it’s a lot of pressure to be one who is always expected to come up with solutions. and while he is joking during that conversation in “the drill,” he’s being honest to an extent, because his perfectionism and fear of failure is truly dire.

when katara is faced with failure, whether as the consequences for her own actions or otherwise, she simply gets back up and tries again. she can’t be knocked down, she can’t be deterred from achieving her goals. she has a very healthy approach to making mistakes, and while she doesn’t always learn from them in the longterm, she does always try her best to fix them and amend the situation as immediately as possible. katara is someone who is incredibly resilient and is constantly demonstrating the sheer magnitude of her inner strength, especially in particularly difficult moments. she has the ability to fail as many times as it takes without letting that failure affect her own self-esteem or desire to keep striving for what she believes in.

sokka, on the other hand, is very physically resilient (he gets beat up a lot), but his emotional resilience is actually quite pathetic. he has no tools for coping with failure. from even the slightest mistake, like not actually being able to open the doors at the fire temple with his makeshift explosives, to a catastrophic one, like his failed invasion, sokka immediately retreats inward. in “the boiling rock,” sokka demonstrates how his first ever real failure that rests squarely on his own shoulders is so devastating to him that he becomes totally irrational and suicidal in an attempt to “rectify” the situation. he does not know how to cope with failure, because he expects himself to be perfect at all times. and it’s not because sokka is overly proud, but rather that his guilt complex is so profound that he blames himself for every single thing that goes awry at all times, even when it isn’t actually his fault whatsoever. so that guilt and shame is magnified a thousand fold when sokka is actually culpable for those losses.

one of many ways in which it is evident that sokka is the older sibling is that he clearly lives with the mentality that if katara messes up or gets herself in danger due to her own impulsive inclinations, it’s always actually sokka’s fault for not being a better, more attentive brother. when she sets off the booby trap in the banned ship, sokka banishes aang from the village so as to protect katara from herself. when katara experiences the consequences of heedlessly blowing up a factory, sokka gets mad at her for her recklessness, but also immediately finds a way to help her fix this situation, because that’s his job, and in fact, his primary purpose on this earth. this is a dynamic sokka has probably internalized even before he was assigned the role of her sworn protector, because that’s just how being the eldest is.

sokka’s tendency to take responsibility for everyone else’s mistakes and his desire to shoulder everyone else’s pain at all times, coupled with his implicit belief that he, uniquely, cannot afford to mess up ever (if other people make mistakes it’s fine and he can help them fix it, but if he makes mistakes he no longer has a purpose on this planet, goodbye cruel world), definitely indicates that he was held to an incredibly high standard all his life. he expects himself to be able to handle a lot of responsibility with perfect ease because he always has. he isn’t used to making mistakes of any kind. if he puts his mind into learning a new skill, he always masters it within a couple of days, whatever that skill happens to be. unlike katara, sokka is used to things coming easily to him, and what he isn’t used to is failure.

katara and sokka are both exceptional, of course, but in very different ways, and for very different reasons. katara grew up with a lot of external pressure to excel as a waterbender, because she needs to embody her cultural legacy and prove that her mother’s sacrifice was not in vain. it’s an unfathomable burden to place on a child, and the rate at which she improves her waterbending once she is actually given the resources to hone her skills is a testament to her perseverance and untiring dedication. katara becomes the greatest waterbender in the world not because she is a natural prodigy (which is something she bristles at when aang does display prodigious skill), but because she is incredibly determined and no one can outmatch the strength of her heart and unshakable commitment when she is pursuing a goal. as pakku even says, raw talent isn’t everything, and katara’s abilities prove that despite not being “naturally gifted,” hard work and determination is far more important when it comes to excelling in any given domain.

however, if katara’s motivation to be excellent is externally imposed by the tragic circumstances of her life, sokka’s motivations are, at the very least, internally maintained. as aforementioned, i have no doubt that he received a lot of external validation and praise from the adults in his life as a child with a dazzling, brilliant mind. as has been established, sokka is constantly displaying an ability to synthesize new information at a staggering rate, which likely means that before katara had even discovered her ability to waterbend, sokka was probably being fawned over for the impressive rate at which he was picking up new skills as a baby. since pretty much everything (cerebral, at least) comes easily to sokka, i can only imagine that hakoda, who never hesitates to express to his children how proud he is of them, would constantly affirm sokka’s intellect. and by boasting that sokka takes after himself (hakoda also refers to himself as a genius, completely sincerely), he unwittingly plants the first seeds in fostering sokka’s belief that he must be exactly like his father in every way, and that any deviation from hakoda’s image would prove him unworthy. but he will never be the spitting image of hakoda the way that katara is "the spitting image of kanna" because sokka is already the spitting image of kya, if not – perish the thought – his own person entirely.

unlike katara, who spent her whole childhood trying to waterbend by herself with little success (beyond, of course, isolated instances demonstrating her sheer raw power when her bending was being influenced by her incredibly strong and passionate emotions), sokka always felt like he could handle the amount of responsibility he was given, because everything came easily to him. until the day that his life changed forever, and suddenly the stakes were no longer abstract, but tangible and personally devastating. sokka had never learned that it was okay to fail as a child because he never had a reason to, and then suddenly, he could not afford to fail under any circumstances. failure of any kind went from being a (purely hypothetical) blow to the ego, to being something that could directly endanger the lives of his loved ones. and so sokka decides that the only way to not be culpable for his potential failures is to be a martyr.

of course, there are instances in which sokka is proven to be inept, such as on kyoshi island or with piandao, wherein his humility and open-mindedness are put on display and sokka puts aside his own standards of perfection to learn from a master, but i don't think these instances qualify as failures. for one thing, sokka happens to master the forms he is being taught in less than a day, at an unprecedented rate, and thus these initially humiliating blindspots in his knowledge become victories as sokka absorbs new knowledge. sokka is always eager to learn, and willing to acknowledge his lack of expertise in area, humbling himself to learn from others any chance he gets. no, what i mean by "failure" as it relates to sokka's self-perception and ego is not a lack of knowledge, but an inability to protect another. to sokka, his existence is defined by his ability to provide and protect, and thus, a failure is, specifically, when someone gets hurt under his watch. that is what it means to not be able to afford to fail. he is not overly proud (if anything he is overly insecure), but he also understands that the stakes of failure – real failure – are tangible.

so when it comes to failure that carries grave consequences, he would rather be dead than fallible (or, responsible for not adequately protecting his loved ones), one million times over. and so every time someone makes a sacrifice for him, he feels as if he has failed on a fundamental level, because simply being exceptional is not enough, he must also bear the entire world’s suffering alone – as (in his mind) hakoda instructed him to when he left him behind to protect and provide for the village. otherwise he has failed in his promise to be needed, which is his raison d’être. sokka’s complex is very obviously not informed solely by his upbringing as a “gifted kid,” and in fact largely informed by the dehumanizing logic of war as it necessitates sacrifice, but his inability to accept his own fallibility as a product of his self-dehumanization is, at the very least, compounded by his debilitating perfectionism.

thus, katara and sokka's dynamic within their family isn’t “gifted kid and neglected kid,” but rather “two gifted kids who are gifted in different ways, one of those ways being valued more on a cultural level due to its scarcity as a byproduct of genocide.” while katara was put on a pedestal her entire life due to her ability to waterbend, it doesn’t mean that sokka wasn’t put on a pedestal in other ways. if anything, the reason hakoda entrusted a child with the burdens he did was specifically because he put his son on a pedestal. sokka assumes that hakoda didn't think he was capable enough to join his army, but that couldn't be further from the truth. hakoda trusted his thirteen year old son so much that he genuinely thought it best to leave him alone with this duty to defend his village and protect katara at all costs. he didn't leave a single man behind, not even the other teenage boys, because that's how much faith he had in a child to take his responsibilities seriously and perform them competently. and if that decision gave sokka one million different complexes and fucked him up for life, it wasn’t because he wasn’t valued for his abilities, it’s because he was overvalued and given too much responsibility at too young an age.

both he and katara struggled to live up to the expectations placed on them, forced to fulfill the roles of their parents instead of being allowed to exist as children. but crucially, katara sees the injustice in that, and clings to her childhood even as she strives for greatness, and sokka simply doesn't. he's long accepted that injustice, and in fact feels guilty that he cannot better live up to the impossible portrait of an idolized father, an idealized masculinity, an illusory model of the infallible, unshakeable warrior. despite all his achievements and natural giftedness, he nonetheless feels totally inadequate, deeply flawed, and ontologically worthless. perhaps, in a world beyond the pressures of war and its dehumanizing logic, sokka would have internalized the praise he was constantly receiving his whole life for his gifts. but since he was only ever a prodigy in ways that didn’t matter (within that colonized paradigm), he doesn’t actually care about how clever and brilliant and creative and talented and unique and special he is, because that would first require him to see himself as fully human, and he can’t even do that.

#analysis #sokka #katara #katara&sokka #hakoda #kanna #kya #hakoda&sokka #kanna&sokka #kya&sokka #kanna&katara #whew...! 20+ paragraphs about sokka and katara’s childhood. it’s more likely than u think (highly likely at all times) #see but this is why sokka is so clearly a mirror to azula to me #like not just in terms of crippling perfectionism and devastating fear of failure and being a child prodigy who is put on a pedestal #but simultaneously dehumanized etc etc #but also the fact that like. zuko treats her the same way katara treats sokka #he clearly thinks his immediate hostility and aggression towards her is like. him nobly fighting the battle against his tormentor #when that is literally his little sister and she is struggling so much and desperate for support from LITERALLY ANYONE #katara and zuko are like ‘let’s put azula in her place’ and high five #and that’s just so fucking apt because they truly do believe that it’s their duty to put their perfect prodigy siblings ‘in their place’ #but those are truly two of the most miserable people on the planet #so to any outside observers it’s just like………. why are you being mean to them they’re literally suicidal and shaking like a leaf #but also everyone already knows that azula is the prodigious gifted sibling bc zuko says it like one million times #so there’s rly no need to argue that #whereas katara loves calling sokka an idiot so i do believe that some clarification is in order #but like. yeah there’s no way sokka was dismissed or neglected as a child #he’s dismissed and neglected by the world at large #but within his tribe he’s like a mini celebrity . he’s their young sheldon (sorry) #anyway im running out of room to write tags but um. perfectionism is a disease get well soon xoxo bye

[nerdie-faerie]

Seeing what presents my baby sister gets and realising I really drew the short straw by being the firstborn

#Demon Spawn #+Extras #tell me why this three year old got a pet budgie for her birthday? she cant even spell yet #none of my siblings have ever had personal pets i wasnt allowed a hamster when i was 12 and neither was anyone else but the 3 year old?? #she got her own heat pool for her birthday as well and a barbie dream house taller than her for Christmas #and what did i get childhood trauma perfectionism a fear of failure and anxiety #my mum always goes over the top with the youngest girl it happened with my middle sister in that 5 year gap before my mum got pregnant again #i didnt even make it 2 before my mum was pregnant so i never really got to reap the rewards of being the youngest #the lil ones get spoiled to hell and they get a mum with a fully developed frontal lobe and chiller parents #being the oldest sucks there are no benefits to it only responsibilities #btw im not mad at my sister or whatever its nice for her that she gets to have these things #but what do you mean i got the shtty childhood parents and i still have to argue to be allowed to bare minimal at 23 when the 3 year old #gets special treatment that the rest of us wouldnt even bother asking for cus we dont have all the things that came before that point #my issue is that the preferential treatment she gets is useless to her. she didnt ask for a barbie dreamhouse and she cant even play with it #because shes too short whe doesnt need her own pool because she cant even swim yet she doesnt need her own tablet she cant read yet #she shouldnt have her own pet when she cant understand what it means to own a living creature #especially when we dont currently have any other pets in the house #my issue is that the spoiling doesnt even make sense for her age she cant enjoy it cus it doesnt make sense yet doesnt mean anything to her #my mum wants to spoil her cus shes her littlest girl but shes had 7 kids before this she knows whats age appropriate and this isnt

[itspileofgoodthings]

all the lyrics across Taylor’s past 5 albums about how she hopes she doesn’t lose him (hopes he doesn’t leave, hopes it never ends) only to arrive at her saying “you’re losing me.”

#the moment where it shifts in any relationship #where it goes from this fear of losing something to realizing that the loss is inevitable beCAUSE a person doesn’t want you #like. in a way her fears didn’t come true. because she didn’t do the losing. #it’s not like she had perfect happiness and it was just suddenly ripped away. it can’t be that no matter what people say #which was the fear #the absolute strangled fear in Cornelia street #because the coldness was there first and the distance and the apathy. and then it’s not about being left and feeling rejected #it’s about seeing the truth and saying oh. you’re losing ME. Because you don’t WANT this #idk if this makes sense but it is such a real life distinction to me #the difference between fears and reality #and of course that doesn’t mean it isn’t also a loss and a blow (a huge one) for her too #but it’s still not I wake up screaming from dreaming one day I’ll watch as you’re leaving #cause you got tired of my scheming #where the burden rests on her for the loss. as in the failure was innately in her #because you’re losing me still has ‘don’t read the last page cause I stay’ written on all over it #but then it’s seeing clearly too—you don’t want this enough to stay #this Probably makes no sense #it’s just exactly how heartbreak happens in real times which is. Yeah exactly what’s happening #the whole thing makes me so sad

[lenfaer]

i do wanna make a little edit of all the little parallels lanfear forces into her dynamic with rand because it all feels really telling about what she actually *wants* out of this relationship

#there aren't a *lot* of examples but there's a few scenes that mirror each other in what ( to ME ) feels a very purposeful way on her part #i.e. that one dream in which she begins to set up this narrative that she is overcoming some kind of internal conflict over his channeling #which is then mirrored in the cabin #this time casting herself in that role of the one accepted despite all misgivings ( yk before moiraine ) #which she still interestingly brings to ishamael despite an almost complete failure to follow through on this very crucial step #idk i think a lot about the way she hitches on the word “softer” when speaking with ishamael about the little ways he's different from lews #and i really think she clung to this and it bloomed out into a whole new level of delulu #ALSO the very intentional moon-coding to his sun-coding is !!! #she really is the epitome of the eternal struggle of wanting more than anything to be seen and loved vs. the fear of being known

[missallanea-archive]

𝗧𝗔𝗚 𝗚𝗔𝗠𝗘: 𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 // 𝗯𝗼𝗹𝗱 any fears which apply to your muse. 𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘻𝘦 what makes them uncomfortable.

the dark. fire. open water. deep water. being alone. crowded spaces. confined spaces. change. failure. war. loss of control. powerlessness. prison. blood. drowning. suffocation. public speaking. natural animals. the supernatural. heights. death. dying. intimacy. rejection. abandonment. loss. the unknown. the future. not being good enough. scary stories. speaking to new people. poverty. loud noises. being touched. sex. chains. inner demons. hallucinations. staring. going berserk. betrayal.

tagged by: @amoriscustos thank you !! tagging: @storiedhistories, @gloryseized, @labdweller, @mvndrvke && anyone who wants to steal

#❮ missallanea / dash games ❯ ━━ ❝ tag ! you're it ! #/ ''failure'' is such a simple way of saying #/ ''she's terrified that her failure will get her girls killed ~again~ and that she'll have let them all down'' #/ ''failing the one task she was given'' #/ but yeah fear of failure owo #❮ luna / about ❯ ━━ ❝ guardian of the guardians .

[obeetlebeetle]

trying to crack ep3 is SO hard. wuvvy. hob. what is going on in ur little heads

#like the best i can get at for wuvvy is #1) she doesnt smell smoke and thinks of hob as a person who gave rue cause to write their letter / led them on #2) she DOES smell smoke and realizes hob could pull rue away from their role (destabilizing/dismantling her role) so she tries to deter him #3) same as 2 but she is genuinely trying to kill him? #4) she is wounded by rue but sublimates her anger through hob as the cause of their actions towards her #5) she is wounded by rue bc she is suddenly aware that they are capable of seeking something else and she acts on impulse to hold them back #5.5) i have to think shes acting on impulse. wuvvy is calculating but not like this #6) she is wounded bc she is rue's protector and she does not know how to protect them #and 7) hob really pissed her off in that conversation #knick is both harder and easier to understand #my guess is: he wanted to apologize to rue earlier but chose not to out of fear of being scorned by his superiors #and now wuvvy appears to demonstrate the failure of that choice and the apparent worsening of rue's injury #he is guilty but then cannot get wuvvy to provide a path for remediation and hob NEEDS someone else to tell him what to do #how to resolve the guilt #bc if someone gives him the structure by which to act no one can blame him for doing it wrong #instead wuvvy insists on the guilt. perhaps she sees him as a rake perhaps a political enemy perhaps a threat of a more personal nature-- #--she thinks he mocks her. she mocks him. it hurts. he chooses the only structure he knows which is satisfaction through violence #but i dont know what provoked them. why either of them react so so strongly and why the scene escalates so quickly #so uh if u have some answer for me.... hmu

[godkilller]

MUSE AESTHETIC FEELINGS.

tagged by: i was encouraged to steal it from @maskierd​ tagging: steal it, continue the cycle bold for always applicable, italics for sometimes.

𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒.    being unable to stop smiling. laughter. bear hugs. happy tears. waving arms around. dancing. contently sighing. eyes twinkling. laughter lines. childlike playfulness. skipping. talking more. affection. cracking more jokes than usual. gesturing more when talking. higher pitched voice. squealing. jumping around. clapping

𝐒𝐀𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒.    tearing up. self-hugging. one-arm cross. an aching chest. scratchy throat. a runny nose. turning away. deep breaths. quivery smiles. crying. infantile sobbing. hands gripping each other or an object. covering mouth. puffy eyes. eyes appear red. voice breaking. a distant or empty stare.   monotone voice. asking for comfort. faking a smile. crumbling. shaking. whimpering. depression. abusing an unhealthy habit. withdrawing from others. big teary eyes. doing something even if it could hurt them.

𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑.   furrowed brows. baring teeth. passive-aggressive comments. avoiding eye contact. sarcasm. headache. sore muscles. hiding clenched fists. irritability. jumping to conclusions. raising voice. going silent. demanding immediate action. keeping it all in until exploding. body tensing. making risky decisions. middle finger.

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐑.     wanting to flee or hide. what-ifs. images of what-could-be flashing in mind. uncontrollable trembling. rapid breathing. screaming. a skewed sense of time. irritability. keeping silent. denying fear. turning away from the cause. pretending to be brave. nail-biting. lip-biting. scratching skin. a joking tone but a voice that cracks. fainting. insomnia. panic attacks. exhaustion. substance abuse. tics. rushing adrenaline. face draining of colour. hair lifting on the back of the neck. feeling rooted to the spot. making body as small as possible. staring but not seeing. crying. a shrill voice. whispering. gripping something or someone. stuttering. flinching at noises. pleading.

𝐄𝐗𝐇𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍.    constantly yawning. blurring words together. dark circles or lines under eyes. mood swings. hallucinations. calling people by the wrong name. dizziness. denying they’re tired. slow blinking. trouble concentrating. stumbling. leaning on a doorframe for support. sluggish movements. falling asleep someplace that isn’t a bed. becoming irritated by the smallest things. “i’m awake, i’m fine.”. shaking so bad they spill their drink. fall asleep in their clothes. lay their head on the table because they’re so tired. passing out.

#[ headcanon ] fresh snowfall; fading footprints mark his path #thank you for this delicious meal (meme) i think i'll take it (knife emoji) #lots of these are things that i haven't specifically written in a thread yet -- #however the anger one? that one's been thoroughly explored in caged with keikakudori. #and some of the fear aspects have in that thread too. #gin's also broken down with sadness / guilt etc. with dokuhai's thread where he confesses about #not deserving to be comforted / his remorse over how things happened and the hurt he caused her and izuru. #exhaustion is spread out in scenarios within my failure verse and early-on in redemption verse tho he takes better care #of himself in redverse than in fverse. #he just kinda lets himself keep going until he drops in fverse. someone pls bodyslam him. #happiness is the later-on redemption verse threads/ the moments which bleed into the new generation verse which involves #gin having a family with rangiku/keiko as his daughter. #sO YEAH less explored with the happiness route but that's how i like my characters i guess -- #broken and barely happy 99 percent of the time amirite-- #nAH BUT I GOTTA GET MORE HAPPY GIN MOMENTS UNDER MY BELT. #>:c

[bomb-proof]

A solid month off and this mare just continues to impress me! This is my second time riding her since i've been home & not a single moment of prep needed. She is all business! Now if I could just get my confidence back & have enough time time to be home to get us fit that would be great lol!

#here comes honey #ottb #best girl #now if i could just stop being a weenie hut jr #ugh holding myself back in so many ways #but one day we'll get back out & do a thing #or maybe not lol #maybe we'll just become very successful at home lol #i want to show & do things but i have so much fear of failure & not being the rider i used to be #and im hardly home enough to keep her fit so i want to be fair #but yeah yeehaw :-)

[the-bluestreak-cat]

Idk man. Never once has making an object a person ever made my life worse

#tbh my first memory wasn’t even my fault! #my family had door racks for shoes and one time a pair fell off and I kicked them out of my way #so my ma told me I’d have hurt the shoes feelings to apologize and then to put them back lol #anyway #this is because my ma (same ma) was really excited about her egg cooker and so bought me one bc I hard boil my eggs if I forget to use them #lo and behold I have four eggs today and I realize oh! that can be my lunch tomorrow #(I’ve been fasting recently which is at odds with my habit of eating what I cook before putting it in the fridge lol. #I’m real bad at just cooking a thing and then sticking in the fridge. I digress) #anyway one of my eggs blew up immediately and in fear I didn’t let the others steam properly so they were reallll soft boiled. like custard #not a fan. I’m also scared of salmonella. but those are my only four eggs and now I’m upset about the failure And no lunch #and I’m really about to swear off this cooker and stick it into the recesses of my cabinetry #but oh #the cooker didn’t do anything wrong. you’re mad at it but it was just doing its best #you didn’t know how to use it! why is it being punished. you would deny its purpose out of wrath #and I had a real come to Jesus that if I didn’t use it successfully sooner than later I would never use it again lol #anyway I’m steaming dumplings for lunch now. if it goes badly again I’ll feel justified having given it a second chance #but if it works I have a new buddy! it’s awful cute too #shaped like an egg but with a yellow bottom #god I hope it works out #I’m rooting for you egg cooker!

[punisheddonjuan]

The New York Times, however, does have rules and norms. Schwartz had no prior reporting experience. Her reporting partner Gettleman explained the basics to her, Schwartz said in a podcast interview on January 3, produced by Israel’s Channel 12 and conducted in Hebrew.

Gettleman, she said, was concerned they “get at least two sources for every detail we put into the article, cross-check information. Do we have forensic evidence? Do we have visual evidence? Apart from telling our reader ‘this happened,’ what can we say? Can we tell what happened to whom?”

Schwartz said she was initially reluctant to take the assignment because she did not want to look at visual images of potential assaults and because she lacked the expertise to conduct such an investigation.

This is stunning.

The fear among Times staffers who have been critical of the paper’s Gaza coverage is that Schwartz will become a scapegoat for what is a much deeper failure. She may harbor animosity toward Palestinians, lack the experience with investigative journalism, and feel conflicting pressures between being a supporter of Israel’s war effort and a Times reporter, but Schwartz did not commission herself and her nephew to report one of the most consequential stories of the war. Senior leadership at the New York Times did.

Schwartz said as much in an interview with Israeli Army Radio on December 31. “The New York Times said, ‘Let’s do an investigation into sexual violence’ — it was more a case of them having to convince me,” she said. Her host cut her off: “It was a proposal of The New York Times, the entire thing?”

“Unequivocally. Unequivocally. Obviously. Of course,” she said. “The paper stood behind us 200 percent and gave us the time, the investment, the resources to go in-depth with this investigation as much as needed.”

The whole piece is quite long, please go read it yourself, it's quite definitive.

#Link #article #Palestine

[ibyul]

.

#ew not me finding disgustingly cheesy stuff I wrote #in the DRAFTS of this blog #right infront of my salad #like. a zombie(?) with no heart and a doctor who the zombie goes to once a day to have his heart checked lol #god i gotta delete these i swear #the thought of anyone receiving my laptop if god forbid something happens to me and then reading these is so mortifying to me #i rlly gotta delete these #do you want to hear the menu of these nonsense posts: #1. we got mr. no heart zombie w/ high body temp and his anemic heart doctor #2. miss palace botanist/healer and her annoying student who ends up being the second prince lol #3. cheerful oblivious guy and some one who views him from far as a thorn that causes hemorrhage #i think i just combined all my fears and horrors into dumb tragedies. fears: unwise relationships. the medical field. unrequited love #sorry to 2016-2019-me... i am deleting ur stuff. i mean. im glad u found some place to project your fear and sadness into. #What better coping method than to turn the story of you and your love for science into an unrequited love tragedy and personifying medicine #listing them here as I delete them because. I want to hold on to them for a few more seconds #4. a stupid long poem that makes it sound like I had a secret relationship but in actuality this is abt how in college- #-my physics lab professor used to abandon us in the lab without giving us instructions so we had to spend hours figuring everything out #honestly im gonna let go of these #they're all from a rough time in my life of studying and feeling like a failure and like I couldn't do anything right #there's no use in revisiting them and feeling bad abt it #delete later

[snooterkisser]

I have a love hate relationship with embroidery. One one hand I love how calming and grounding it is but on the other hand I want to zip through pieces so that I can start the next one so I can start the next one so I can start the next one. I have so many ideas but not enough time to execute it all.

#Maybe I should pick up drawing🤢 #yet again I must face my fear of failure. Wounds of art school.and impatience.every time I think I heal the wound I find that it is not #Quite done healing #or one wound must be healed to heal another #guess that’s life #anyway I’m like 20 hours into a project and no where near done because I like to do small intricate stitches #Ugh my perfectionism rears her ugly little head

[cirillafionaelenriannon]

the agonies are getting to me tonight because i'm finally taking the steps to doing something i'm good at & have wanted to do since i was really young and my family couldn't care less about it, and it's just another harsh reminder of how Things are and how they'll always be.

it is so difficult to exist around other people who don't relate to this too. i mean like Growing up with serious serious emotional neglect. i've been dismissed, walked over, yelled at, emotionally tormented, abused, gaslit and humiliated my entire life by my family and even through all the convincing i've done for myself that their approval and their attention is the last thing i could ever want or need, i still NEED it so bad like i need fucking air or something! i think about my childhood self showing my mother a drawing, a sims house i built or a story i wrote or anything i did and only getting her criticism, and it's so small and silly, but the things i was always so proud of and wanted her to know about she could only tear apart, and then tell me i was overreacting and too sensitive anytime i confronted her on how she hurt my feelings.

it turns into the most ridiculous, soul-sucking cycle. because years and years of being shunned and shut down and the endless horrors lol of the years and years and yearrrrs passing me by Of having to shut myself down completely just to survive and where do i end up. right here. and right here is where theres no relationship with me and my family, because how could there be after all of that? i didn't see my dad for years and he never tried to protect me from what was going on or tried to reach out, or know me, my whole life i barely remember a conversation we could've had, or whether he cared about anything i liked growing up, or cared about me enough to talk to me about it. and my mothers emotional neglect and abuse left our relationship like this. and they don't know anything about me because of all this lol. at the end of the day my whole family says it's my fault that none of them can get close to me but how could they literally EVER ever ever get close to me after spending my whole entire LIFE avoiding knowing me. but it's my fault because i 'pushed them away' I will literally never heal from the years that were taken from me from the childhood that was taken from me From the person i couldve been had it not been for what my family did to me and i will never ever ever experience the love and attention other people get to experience I will never have proud parents

#text #valkyrie.txt #like once a #month i sit in my room and i think about my life from like 10-13 and i want to literally burn my house down #i have never confronted my mother on it #and im scared one day ill forget all about it #and only be able to remember it from the feeling it gives me when i think about being that age #its one of those things that u think abt and ur like i dont know how i survived it and its like U just did. #and if u went back u couldnt survive it again #theres this ocd video i re-watched a few weeks ago #and it makes me cry so hard everytime because it reminds me of when i was in therapy #and i would tell my therapist about how i felt like i was such a horrible person all the time #like i was constantly guilty of so many things and i wasnt good at all #and its the most painful thing knowing the person who made me feel that way was my mother #and the time i told her that i was always so scared to do something wrong or make mistakes #and she told me not to blame her for my issues #LIKE WHOS FAULT IS IT THEN LMFAO #was i just born with a debilitating fear of failure to her #anyway the video was like people w ocd have such self image and insecurity and shame issues they literally convince #themselves that theyre the worst people alive like SOOO TRUE SO CRAZAAAAY true #i have the insecurity disorder

[djarincore]

vampire!Simon is searching for his wife, but the village offers him a new bride instead—you.

A/N: revamped (heh get it) version of this drabble. I just love characters who go through 200 years of yearning.

series masterlist

What if vampire!Simon was just a regular soldier in the beginning. He had a nice home in a quaint village and a beautiful wife he adored.

But, one day he left for battle and returned different. No longer a simple human, Simon returned to slaughter his lord and land with an insatiable appetite for blood.

He had enough self restraint to spare his wife and turned her instead. But, too disgusted by what he had done to innocents and what she had become, she ran from him.

He searched for her to no avail, eventually deciding to stay in the ruined village they once called home, hoping one day she would return.

Surrounding villages feared him—the vampire lord residing on cursed land, inhabited by corpses—until they could strike a deal with him.

Bring me my wife, he bargained, and I will leave you in peace forever.

The search was long and ultimately unsuccessful.

Eventually the village's search became 'bring the vampire lord a wife'. They offered many women each year to be his new sacrifice bride. Fools.

Angered by their failures, time and time again, Simon accepted each offering, toyed with them, killed them, hated them for not being who he wanted.

Over the years he grew restless, maybe even desperate, wishing that one day they'd bring him his true wife—they never did.

Then, you appeared at his doorstep, trembling in a flimsy scrap of cloth the village dressed you in. And you... You looked just like her. It almost brought him to his knees.

But, you weren't her—you'd never be her. You didn't talk like her, move like her. You were terrified of him, shaking like a leaf if he even stepped in your vicinity.

His wife was never scared of him. The only time he ever saw her fearful was when he...

Simon hated you—he hated the way you reminded him of her. He should have snapped your neck like all the others the second he laid eyes on you and yet, he couldn't imagine putting his hands on you.

So he left you alone, free to roam the lands but never too far.

He would keep you but never love you.

#simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #cod x reader #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #cod fanfic #mw2 fanfic #ghost headcanons

[etherealkissed88]

how i manifest when i feel anxious •°. *࿐

i decide i have what i want…

when i feel anxiety -> i let it pass while knowing its only a human reaction

◦ since i am beyond just a human (i am limitless imagination/self), i know any anxiety is below me and it has nothing to do with my limitless self. i have exactly what i decided i have, regardless of any anxiety.

know anxiety usually comes from a fear of failure

◦ so, i cannot limit myself based on what i see or what i negatively assume my future will look like bc i am always beyond the 3d, no matter what feelings/anxiety my human self experiences.

◦ i become indifferent/i dont care about what i see or what i assume i will see because i know everything comes together in the 3d once i change self/know its done. fact: everything always comes together and works out in the end. being indifferent to the 3d = being indifferent to emotions, anxiety and everything that doesnt serve you.

dont fight it, dont avoid it, tackle it head on

◦ acknowledge you are experiencing anxiety bc you are. yes it can feel like shit but it doesnt have to affect who you are being (whatever version of self you are embodying). again, i can choose to be indifferent to this anxiety. you dont have to be scared of the anxiety. it is a natural human response. cry if you need to, let it all out. dont try to suppress it bc that will only come to bite you back in the ass, believe me.

◦ take care of your mental health in whatever ways necessary. when i used to experience anxiety, i used to take walks in the park, clear my head, meditate, express myself and my emotions through art and journaling, etc. remember nothing you do (or feel) in the 3d has to affect who you are being/your state.

"how can i still have anxiety yet still be a desired version of me?"

anxiety has no affect on anything unless you allow it to change your identity. you are the one with power, the anxiety is only an experience, similar to breathing in oxygen and using our sense of touch; its all neutral. when you start surrendering to the anxiety, you are creating and accepting negative stories that you create based on the feeling of anxiety. allowing that anxious feeling to change your state/identity is surrendering to something you view as more "powerful" than you. stop transforming that anxiety into a state that you embody based on the false, negative stories u imagine.

remember a 3d experience or anxious feelings doesnt have to influence who you are being. an example: a model who knows (fulfilled) that she is graceful and beautiful can have anxiety about doing her catwalk. the anxiety is normal, she can experience the symptoms of anxiety (shortness of breath, dry mouth, shaking) but her core identity/state is still a graceful model. the anxiety is only a temporary feeling. usually when we experience these feelings, they occupy all of our attention in that moment which is why it seems so scary but in reality, its not that big a deal. know that anxiety is just a feeling. you are safe. you can still experience shitty feelings while knowing you are a bad bitch!

you dont always identify with everything you experience. for example, a lot of people experience good things and still identify as people who are unworthy of good things. so its really up to you to choose what to identify with.

i know my only job is knowing its done

◦ if i just decided its done, as the operant power, as i say goes, therefore its done. so my job is done. anxiety is part of the 3d, not my limitless self, imagination. so i can be indifferent and experience it without identifying with it, the same way people manifest what they desire while experiencing their shitty circumstances daily (because they do not identify with those shitty experiences).

◦ ive heard/experienced situations where we know its done yet we cried and felt like shit, and what we wanted still manifested into the 3d. bc anxiety is only a feeling. do not allow your feelings to take hold of your state, but if it does, its never the end of the world... just get back in the state. 3d shit/anxiety doesnt have to intervene with who you are being/what you identify with.

kisses, jani ☆

#etherealkissed🎀 #etherealkissed #law of assumption #loa blog #manifesting #loassumption #neville goddard #edward art #imagination creates reality #loastates #loass states #loa assumptions #law of manifestation #master manifestor