#one that must not have ever actually *been* a part of the Elden Ring if Radagon left it behind; but presumably one either created by him

[death-rebirth-senshi]

Actually. Hold on. Radagon gives Rennala an amber egg. Which uses larval tears to perform rebirth, which come from silver tears, which were attempts by Nokron to forge a lord that would bring about their age of the stars, and among these silver tears are mimic tears which take the form of the player, and the black knife assassins on top of being said to have a connection to Marika are also said to be connected to the eternal city by Rogier, and Radagon is some sort of offshoot of Marika (presumably they didn't always inhabit the same body; Marika speaks to Radagon at some point saying he's actually failed to become Marika, failed to become a god, much like the silver tears are mostly all failures at being anything but piles of goo but that one did turn into a troll) and there's comments about Radagon trying to make himself whole, and the larval tears are referred to as both substance and living organism, and…idk that's it.

#hard to say if the amber egg was *for* rebirthing or if that's just what Rennala uses it for #wiki says silver tears are reborn again and again into imitation but I'm not sure where that quote is from #perhaps a guide book? #me vs elden ring #the amber egg clearly *isn't* the great rune though; the great rune was just in it #a great rune that allows perfecting rebirth... #one that must not have ever actually *been* a part of the Elden Ring if Radagon left it behind; but presumably one either created by him #or. Idk. It was for a child that never was #I mean Fia will apparently gestate a child that *is* a rune (?) #and it does seem as if the great runes were actually born alongside their corresponding demigod #idk the function of the great runes really drops off later in the game. They don't reveal as much as I thought they would #but the wording on Malenia's - that her rune *should* have been the holiest - implies the rune was made for/alongside her #or something #PEPE SYLVIA

[spacedoutsheepy]

For how god damn horny Fromsoft fans are, and eager they are to sexualize literally any female character in their fanart, they sure do love to shit on the only female character who actually explicitly expresses her sexuality, huh?

Like, for real, most previous fromsoft characters have not been all that sexual. I mean, yeah, there have been sexualized designs or framings, but sexuality rarely factors into their stories, lore, or characterization directly. And that's part of the reason why the games have been a breath of fresh air to me, and why it's so fucking frustrating how horny fromsoft fans are for every female character. There is something to be said about how the literal text of Bloodborne is that the Doll is a twisted image of an actual strong and complicated woman made by an old pervert into his fetishized plaything, forcing her into a box in his head where he can control and own her: a perverse and docile servant that can only come to life in his disturbed dreams. That's not subtext, that's just text. As a girl who is made uncomfortable by the male gamers' attitude and sentiments towards women in the franchise, I wonder if the fanbase has ever reflected on this.

"Whoever thinks this is precious must be troubled by severe naivete." -Doll teardrop item description But then we got Fia. Fia is a deathbed companion. In her lore, that means she laid with the dying or the dead so that they could be reborn. And this is reflected in her characterization, which revolves around her intimacy. The first way most players interact with her is intimate, when she invites them to be held. Every element of her character design is dripping with intimacy and sensuality— in how she holds you, in how she whispers, and especially in her item descriptions.

"The fabric itself is soft as silk and thin enough that those embraced can feel every pulse; every bit of her warmth." -Fia's Robe

It's dressed up in fancy contrived Miyazaki writing, but sexuality and sensuality are deeply rooted in her character and her story/questline.

And the fanbase loves to shit on her for it.

I can't count the number of videos or comments I've seen calling anyone who gets her ending a Fia Simp. People call her an e-girl, or refer to the bossfight as Fia's Simps, or joke that it's a questline about getting cucked, and reduce her character to a thought-terminating trope that kills any serious analysis of her character or her themes.

We see constant analysis by the Elden Ring fandom of characters like Radahn, Marika, Ranni, Morgott, and the other major characters, and this is not to belittle that. They are all amazing characters with themes worth exploring. But none for Fia. She's just the e-girl, don't think about it. I've never seen a 40 minute youtube lore video really getting into her characterization or motifs.

It's as though Gamers only want to engage with sexuality when it's something they can force on a woman, rather than explore consensually with one.

#elden ring #fia #fia the deathbed companion #fromsoft #gaming #No Vaati's cute thing about the Duskborn ending doesn't really count #that was about the lore implications of the ending #not her as a character.

[prismatic-starstuff]

If it’s fine, can you do pls a Varre with an s/o that is who is a kind person (something like tanjiro from demon slayer) but is timid and gets easily flustered especially when it comes to romance.. Let’s say Varre really cherishes them and can get possessive when it comes to them😏 I hope it’s fine tho anyways God bless always😁

'Ello dearie! I must admit, I'm not familiar with Dragon Slayer, but I google searched to get a feel for what flavour of personality you're looking for and I hope I got it right. Bless you too 💕

Also, fair warning: this got dark and unhealthy, because... well, it's Varré, it was kind of unavoidable. No harm comes to the S/O though!

Also also: this should go without saying, but although the character anon mentioned is a minor in the show, the S/O here is an adult and is not meant to be the character from the show! (The anon wasn't asking for either of these things, but I just wanna make it clear anyway!)

Varré With A Kind But Timid S/O

Oh, from the first moment Varré sees this one - this sweet thing gazing up at him with wide and nervous eyes, this idealistic thing telling him through a stammer that they don't want the Elden Ring, they just want things to get better for everyone - he's rather... taken.

Not in the sense that he loves them, not right away; but in the sense that he finds them... cute. Like something he wants to keep. He's sure the world is going to break them, and honestly, he doesn't want to see that happen... no, their naïve outlook on life is too adorable for that.

On their travels, they find themself suddenly in less danger than they were before; they're being attacked less. They also find themself running into the stranger in the mask more often, who always has a somewhat condescending but genuine praise for them getting as far as they have in their journey.

At some point, they put two and two together and realise that the masked man is actually actively dealing with things that would try to hurt them. They smile - and it's the warmest smile Varré's ever seen, and he feels something in his heart lurch - and offer their genuine thanks and a polite bow.

And oh, they don't know what they've done, they've just been their sweet self... but in that moment, they've just stolen the heart of someone with a very, very particular brand of love.

Varré isn't shy about showing his interest; about telling them they're gentle and soft as a little sheep, about slowly trailing a hand against their warm cheek as though he's trying to commit the feel of their skin to memory...

When he asks if he can hold them, their eyes are wide and their cheeks are hot and their heart is pounding in their chest, but... they aren't scared; they're flustered. But... he's been nothing but good to them, and although he's a little strange, that doesn't mean he's a bad person; surely there's an explanation for the blood he's covered in, right?

That day marks the official beginning of their relationship, and it's a happy one, truly; Varré and his little sheep are so mutually enamoured. They love how he wants to make the world better with his lord's love, he loves their delightfully earnest outlook on how everyone deserves kindness; they want to help him make a wonderful world, he wants to make their life as wonderful as they deserve...

Never mind how anyone who tries to get close to them finds themself beset by strange circumstances; threatening notes written in unidentified blood, footsteps following them in the darkness, a flash of a deadly sharp dagger in their peripheral vision... It's borne out of a genuine desire to protect his little sheep, to keep them close so they'll never be endangered; it's not healthy, no, but Varré truly believes this a display of love.

And for their part, they're none the wiser... They remain sweet and idealistic, certain that they and their new friends in the dynasty can make a world where things can be better for everyone, forever safe in the arms of the one who will keep them safe at any cost.

#elden ring #...oh boy i forgot how awkward it is to tag varré; okay here we go— #varré #varre #white mask varré #white mask varre #white faced varré #white faced varre #my writing

[madam-whim]

7 for helca :vibecheck:

“I promise”, the little boy said as he pulled his friend closer.

Ayrenn had run off once again, leaving her brother behind. “You are not even two years younger than she is. That is not much, and out of the two of you, you are the responsible one”,  was what one of their teachers had said. It’s your fault, you should have stopped her, was what Naemon had heard, and what the teacher had meant, disapproval clear on his face. As if it was Naemon’s responsibility to keep his sister in check. As if he hadn’t begged her not to go, or at least to take him along with her, just this once. But Ayrenn would vanish for days at a time, making their parents sick with worry, and not once had she told him where she’d been. She was still taller than him, could outrun him easily, and whenever she tried to follow her, he’d lose her eventually, her laughter still ringing in his ears. And yet, he could never bring himself to alert their parents when he caught her sneaking away. It always ended the same, anyway. With Naemon taking the blame for Ayrenn’s disappearance, and once she came back, everyone was too relieved over the safe return of the crown princess to be cross with her.

It wasn’t fair, Naemon thought. But he knew that Ayrenn was more important than he was – she was the heir, and people would always see it that way. He understood why. It was fine. Just like it was fine for his sister to leave him behind whenever she pleased, even though he never understood why she did it. Maybe he’d slow her down too much, or maybe she thought he was just a coward, too scared to really follow her on one of her adventures. It hurt to think about it too much. Sometimes, it was bad enough that he couldn’t stop the tears.

The first time Helcarion had caught him crying over being left behind once more, he’d been horrified. He’d been told to keep his emotions to himself, especially the bad ones. But Helcarion had never been angry with him for it. He had simply told him that crying was alright, and that they were only children, and that not talking about what made them sad was utterly stupid. And then he’d hugged him. Just like he was doing now, with Naemon clinging to him. “I promise”, Helcarion whispered, even though they were alone and nobody could hear them. “I won’t ever leave you behind. You’re my best friend. I’ll always be there for you when it matters.”

“I promise”, Helcarion, now sixteen, repeated.

The princess hadn’t come back this time, and suddenly, everything had become too much. Naemon was heir to the throne now, without the luxury of several years to settle into the role. He’d always been the spare, the backup plan, and now, he was left with no clue how to handle all of it. But then again, he still had Helcarion. They were still as inseparable as they had been as small children, even if Naemon had forced himself to grow somewhat more distant. Not that it ever did anything to scare his friend away – Helcarion probably knew him better than he knew himself. He was not alone in this, he knew. His friend didn’t hug him anymore, didn’t touch him at all, really, but his presence was as comforting as ever, as were his words. “I promise I’ll still be there, no matter what”, he’d said, and Naemon allowed himself to believe him. He had no reason not to.

Helcarion was just… always there. There to help him through his grief when he’d realized Ayrenn was gone for good this time. To help him adjust to the new situation life had thrown him in, even if he didn’t like all of the things it entailed. Like his upcoming engagement to a young lady named Estre. He’d never met her before and would have much preferred someone he already knew, but his parents thought it to be an ideal match, and so he had not protested. There had been a strange look in Helcarion’s eyes for just a moment when he’d shared the news, one that Naemon couldn’t decipher. It had been gone before he could even think to ask what was wrong, replaced by his friend’s usual kind smile, and somehow, Naemon convinced himself he’d just imagined it. He needed things to be fine right now.

“He promised”, Naemon muttered, not knowing what he’d done wrong.

Helcarion had left on some expedition with the Mages Guild. He’d told him he might be gone for a year, perhaps more. Naemon had known, of course, that the other man wasn’t made for politics, and that he took his magical studies very seriously to make up for it. Why he had chosen the guild instead of the Sapiarchs was beyond him, though. He would have been closer at least, had he chosen that path. But now, Helcarion had left him behind, and he hadn’t told him why. Was it something Naemon had done? Had he finally tired of him? “Ah, not to worry”, Estre said when he eventually confided in her. “You don’t need him anyway. One of my mother’s associates visited the guild hall recently, and it seems Helcarion has made friends with a khajiit, of all people. His parents must be so disappointed. As you should be, by the way. He really isn’t the kind of company you should keep as the future king.”

Naemon wanted to argue, wanted to tell her that Helcarion was the best friend he’d ever had, but then again… Helcarion had gone away, without even telling him how he could reach him. Perhaps he simply didn’t care anymore. It hurt, of course, but there was a chance they’d simply grown distant, and that was that. It happened. Maybe it was better that way as well, since Helcarion seemed to avoid Estre whenever he could, and it made things rather difficult. His wife had long suspected the other mer to hate her, and she had told Naemon so, though she claimed she had no idea why. But she smiled reassuringly at him now, and told him things were going to be just fine, and that he could do fine without Helcarion by his side. “You need someone more trustworthy anyway. Someone who is up to the task of being the king’s right hand. Actually, I have someone in mind already! Pelidil has been so eager to meet you, and I’m sure the two of you would get along splendidly. Would you like me to formally introduce him to you?”, she offered. And Naemon nodded.

“I promised...”, Helcarion sobbed, kneeling on the floor in Elden Root’s throne room.

He didn’t care that half the Dominion elite was watching, didn’t care what King Camoran thought of him. He didn’t want to listen to whatever it was Ayrenn tried to say to him. It was her fault as much as it was his own, anyway. If she’d only appreciated her brother more, included him in her decisions, maybe he would not have felt the need to prove he could be something more. But still, Helcarion couldn’t blame her. She had not made any promises to Naemon. He had. He’d promised to stay with him. To be there when he needed him, even if Helcarion knew Naemon would not, could not love him back.

He should never have left, should not have allowed Estre to drive him away from Naemon’s side with the mocking glances she sent his way while clinging to the prince’s arm, touching him freely in a way Helcarion could only ever dream of, or the cruel words she said to him when Naemon wasn’t close enough to overhear. But Helcarion wasn’t blind, he’d seen how much Naemon adored his wife, and above all else, he’d wanted him to be happy, and so he’d accepted that there was no place for him here any longer. Estre  had won, and she would become queen, he had thought. And now she was gone, and the news had taken so long to reach Helcarion that even though he’d dropped everything to try and return to comfort his friend, he’d been too late. Always too late.

“You promised!”, the lich screeched, trying to reach for Helcarion with its clawed hand.

He could not even move. Indaenir had to grab him and haul him backwards, out of range, while Kidhesi threw spell after spell in the direction of what had once been the man Helcarion loved. Everything in him screamed at him to make her stop it, make him try to reason with Naemon. If he could only get through to him – but he’d been told it was impossible. He knew the lich was all the bad parts of Naemon. His rage, his hatred, his arrogance and disdain, with nothing of his beautiful, caring, loyal side left to balance them out. But still – he’d loved all of Naemon, with all of his flaws and fears. He still did, even now.

The lich attempted to claw at his face again, only missing by a mere inch. Kidhesi cursed. “This one knew we should have left him outside!” Helcarion couldn’t make out Indaenir’s answer, but he knew the khajiit was right, he should never have come, he was only in the way, a liability. He would never be able to hurt Naemon, even in this form, and he had been too late to save him. The only thing he’d been able to do was to avenge him, to look Pelidil in the eye as he stabbed him, and tell him that this was for Naemon, even if he could no longer make up for a promise broken too long ago. He’d been to weak then, just as he was now. Now, he could only watch as Kidhesi slowly encased the lich in ice and stepped closer, frozen spikes glittering all around her. “I’m sorry”, he muttered. He could do nothing to save his friend now.

But he could at least be there.

#eso #my writing #oc: helcarion #oc: kidhesi #naemon #ayrenn estre pelidil and indaenir are there too #long post #intya answers #i hate myself rn #em why did you do this to me

[aion-rsa]

Cyberpunk 2077 Patch 1.2 Fixes Problems You Didn’t Know Existed

https://ift.tt/39mYjY8

The Cyberpunk 2077 team has revealed the full patch notes for the game’s recently released 1.2 update and all we can say is “wow.”

There’s no use trying to breakdown the entirety of this patch since it contains over 500 updates, fixes, changes, and improvements. I highly recommend that you check out the (mostly) full rundown of the update if you’ve been waiting for that massive Cyberpunk 2077 patch that will finally make the game significantly more playable. This won’t be Cyberpunk 2077‘s last update, but it feels like the first of the game’s updates that are trying to do more than just put out the biggest fires.

If you’re looking for the highlights, though, then I’ve got you covered. Here are the best, biggest, and weirdest patch notes that I’ve found in the Cyberpunk 2077 1.2 update so far.

Cyberpunk 2077 Patch 1.2 Notes: The “WTF?” Fixes

“Player can no longer cancel fall damage by performing a slide action when about to fall from greater heights.”

If you’re like me, this is one of those things that you didn’t even realize was possible in Cyberpunk 2077 but now desperately want to try. Based on some videos that I’ve seen of this technique, it’s actually possible to survive some insane falls via this method but your survival is based on the specifics of the fall itself and your mastery of the technique. Honestly, they should just turn this technique into an official in-game modification ability.

“It is no longer possible to perform Gorilla Arms finishers against civilians.”

Cyberpunk 2077‘s latest patch notes make it clear that civilians in Night City have it kind of rough. I’m not entirely sure what the basis of this particular change is, but I kind of hope that they put it in there just to give the poor people of Night City a break by not letting you beat them to death quite so easily with your mechanical fists.

“Extending the sliding ladder won’t result in player’s death if they are below it.”

I’ve never actually seen this happen in Cyberpunk 2077, but the fact that it could happen is downright hilarious. Super-powered characters being killed by tiny bumps in video games is a guilty pleasure of mine, and I love the idea of being killed simply because your character is too stubborn to move out of the way of a ladder.

“It is no longer possible to use guns near the arcades during the Raymond Chandler Evening fistfight. // You can no longer pull an Indiana Jones in El Coyote Cojo.”

Ok, I’m actually a little upset by this one. As pointed out in the patch notes, it’s actually kind of hilarious that this was possible as it plays into the player choice element of the game. You could argue that too many of these glitches add up to be more than an amusing annoyance, but I think this one might have been funny enough to leave in the game in some form.

“Fixed multiple issues during sex scenes”

CD Projekt Red doesn’t give any additional details about this patch note, but I really wish they would. Just how many issues were there in these sex scenes? I’ve heard some people say the animations used in these scenes were awkward (which is true), but I’ve also heard reports that players were falling through floors and clipping through objects during those sensual moments. I’m sure fans will waste no time telling us everything that’s different about them when this update hits.

“Kerry’s bathrobe is no longer incorrectly attached to his lower part of the body.”

I had to look this one up, and I’m glad I did. It seems that Kerry’s bathrobe suffered from this strange glitch that made the bottom of it operate independently from the rest. I have no idea what causes it, but it kind of looks like it’s accounting for the proportions of a gentleman with much wider hips. Check it out for yourself:

“Fixed incorrect censorship when playing a copy of the game from a region other than Japan while the console region is set to Japan or language to Japanese.”

This isn’t the strangest patch note, but it’s one I didn’t know about. Apparently, the Japanese version of Cyberpunk 2077 censors some of the sex scenes and a few of the more violent moments. I’m genuinely curious how many people were accidentally playing the censored version of the game due to this issue and didn’t even realize it.

“Fixed an issue where pedestrians could get teleported after being hit by a vehicle.”

I still just want to know where those civilians went from both a design and lore perspective. I’m imagining that there’s a pile of civilian bodies lying around somewhere like at the end of The Prestige.

“In The Pickup, it’s no longer possible to trigger both scenarios at the same time: a peaceful deal with Maelstrom and fighting them.”

Cyberpunk 2077 Patch 1.2 Notes: The Oddly Specific Fixes

“Fixed an issue where dumping a body in the trunk started the vehicle’s engine.”

Ok, I ran into this one several times during my Cyberpunk 2077 journey and just convinced myself that it was a feature. At the very least, I feel like Elon Musk may make a car that automatically starts when it detects a body in the trunk for the convenience of the evil billionaire with goons on the go.

“The TV in Tom’s Diner can no longer be destroyed. If a player destroyed it before this update it will now be fixed and the news will be displayed correctly to progress Playing for Time.”

I also didn’t know this was possible, but it’s hilarious to imagine a player going around and destroying every TV in town only to find that they can no longer progress through the game as a result of their actions. Honestly, who discovered this one?

“Fixed an issue that caused NPCs to trip over other NPCs too often.”

It’s the “too often” part of this one that gets me. Who determined that the amount of NPC tripping going on was well beyond the acceptable parameters for such a thing?

“Fixed a rare scenario where the painting wouldn’t appear in the drop pod in Space Oddity/Space Oddity no longer spawns multiple paintings blocking the quest’s progress.”

I love the idea of largely useless paintings causing so many problems during one of Cyberpunk 2077‘s biggest missions. You just get the feeling that this is the little problem that made the team realize what a mess Cyberpunk 2077 was at launch.

“Fixed an issue where A Like Supreme could get blocked if player rushed to the toilet to take a pill before finishing a conversation with Nancy.”

This one just brings to mind a million instances in open-world games where you realize that QA testers should consist of trolls and video game speedrunners who are able to find absolutely every little thing you can do to ruin a game.

“Car lights will no longer stay on after the car battery dies in Ghost Town.”

How far down the list was this particular problem? Either this is a sign that the team is ready to move on to more minor fixes or this problem was a particular sticking point with someone on the team.

Cyberpunk 2077 Patch 1.2 Notes: The Cat-Related Fixes

“Cat food needed to adopt Nibbles can now be bought at several food shops around Night City”

While I actually like the idea of specific items only being available in specific shops in Night City, the fact of the matter is that Nibbles doesn’t have time for such role-playing concepts. Nibbles needs food, Nibbles needs love, and Nibbles needs it on their time, not yours.

“Fixed an issue in Nocturne Op55N1 where petting the cat would play without dialogue. // V will now properly address the cat, even without Misty’s answer.”

You WILL properly address Nibbles, V. Thank you to the Cyberpunk team for fixing such a glaring omission. Clearly, this is the reason why the game was delisted from the PlayStation Store.

Read more

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By Matthew Byrd

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Can Cyberpunk 2077 Bring Fans Back with an Apology, a Patch Roadmap, and a Multiplayer Mode?

By John Saavedra

Cyberpunk 2077 Patch 1.2 Notes: The Welcome Fixes to Strange Problems

“Fixed an issue where V could get stuck in empty buildings when exiting a vehicle parked close to a wall.”

This one happened way more often than it ever should have. This scenario is also common enough to really make you wonder how this problem escaped the testing process.

“Jackie no longer shouts ‘Nice shot!’ when V kills enemies while in stealth mode.”

Truth be told, I actually kind of love that Jackie couldn’t hide his enthusiasm during these instances, but it’s hard to deny that his piercing shouts did kind of ruin the immersion of these moments.

“Collisions will no longer fail to stream in randomly during driving, which could lead to V driving into buildings and falling out of the world.”

I get that Cyberpunk 2077 isn’t supposed to be GTA, but it sure will be nice to be able to collide with something without having to worry about disappearing into the void where those civilian bodies go.

“NPCs will no longer stay blocked on traffic lanes while in fear.”

Cyberpunk‘s poor NPCs will finally be able to move out of the middle of traffic which is good for you, good for them, and good for the city’s cleanup crew who have seen too many horrors.

“NPC hit by a car will now immediately run in panic/Added different animation variations for pedestrians running away from a vehicle.”

Some saw this problem as a sign that Night City’s NPCs just don’t care, but I think these patch notes make it clear that they wanted to run away and just didn’t have the ability to. It’s a real “have no mouth and must scream” scenario.

“V’s hands are now correctly displayed on a steering wheel while driving”

V gets a few animation fixes in this upcoming patch, but this is one of my favorites. I don’t know why it was so difficult to properly animate V using a steering wheel, but I’m glad we’re moving past the days when you’ve got to wonder what the character’s hands are supposed to be doing.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

The post Cyberpunk 2077 Patch 1.2 Fixes Problems You Didn’t Know Existed appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

[daihell]

Home Chapter 8

It’s been a long time since Elden had been to Ostwick. It may have been his home, but he has very few fond memories of the place. He never really wanted to go back there, but it looks like he’ll have to one last time. At least Dorian will be at his side. He'll need the support when he is forced to face his family. Read more AO3

Content Warning: mentions of childhood physical and verbal abuse in the third section.

They were sitting at a table outside a small cafe, reaching across to each other so they could hold hands while they spoke. They’d already finished their breakfast, but they were so caught up they’d lost track of the time. Dorian was leaning on his elbow, distracted by the way the bright morning sunlight played across Elden’s hair, the slight curls ruffled by a gentle breeze.

“What is it?” Elden asked, squeezing his hand gently. There was a knowing glint in Elden’s eye however and suddenly Dorian wished there wasn’t a table between them so he could pull him closer. “Is there a reason you’re smiling at me like that?”

“What can I say, I’m feeling sentimental,” Dorian replied. He hadn’t even realized he’d been smiling to be honest, but then Elden was as smiling back and it was quite the sight. “I love you.”

Elden’s slight blush at that was glorious, especially with the way his face lit up, his smile growing even wider as if he couldn’t have been happier than he was in this moment.

“And I love you,” Elden replied with what must have been all the affection in the world.

Dorian couldn’t help but be caught up in the moment, unable to look away from those gorgeous eyes. There had been a time not long ago when all of this would have been so overwhelming, perhaps even terrifying, when Dorian couldn’t even call what they had ‘love’ for fear that giving it a name would spell its end. It could still be overwhelming at times, the past was a hard thing to shake, but more than anything he loved Elden and would do anything to make him feel the way Elden made him feel. When someone came by to clear away their dishes they were pulled out of their moment, smiling sheepishly at each other.

“Let’s get out of here,” Elden said and Dorian was all too eager to follow.

They were walking aimlessly, hand in hand, just enjoying their morning. Elden seemed mostly back to his old self today, more composed and relaxed, no longer threatening to fall apart at any moment. Dorian couldn’t help but be proud of him. He’d faced his past and hopefully now he’d be able to find some peace. Elden brought their hands up, placing a kiss to Dorian’s knuckles as they walked and Dorian couldn’t help but smile fondly at him.

“I have an idea,” Elden said, glancing over at him.

“Oh?”

“Growing up, Dez got fed up with our mother and we ended up running away from home,” Elden began.

“Well, you certainly have my attention, starting off a story like that. I had no idea you were such a rebel.”

“It was all Dez, I assure you,” Elden said, chuckling. “I was just along for the ride.”

“And where did you end up going? I can’t imagine you mother was particularly pleased about this whole situation.”

“Since the Tourney is such a big thing here,” Elden explained. “There are training camps all over the Free Marches that kids can go to in order to learn under warriors who had competed in the past. Usually they were retired, but it was still fairly prestigious. To be honest, mother is such a big fan of the Tourney that she probably would have jumped at the idea to send us there, but we didn’t want to take the chance that she might say no so we simply left. She was furious, of course, but there was no way she could drag us home without causing a scene so she let us stay.”

“That seems like quite the gamble.”

“I suppose, but we were both being smothered at home,” Elden said, looking down as he remembered that unpleasant time.  “We needed to get away.”

“That’s definitely something I can understand,” Dorian said, bumping Elden’s shoulder with his own and squeezing his fingers. Elden smiled at him and it was nice to have that back. “So, what, we’re going to go pay one of these camps a visit?” “Even better,” Elden said with a grin. “The kids all gather to compete in sort of a junior league nearby. There should be one happening this afternoon. I know it isn’t the real thing, but do you want to go watch?” “I would love to,” Dorian said. “Just as long as you point out all the events you participated in. I want all the details.”

Dorian sat behind Elden on the horse, arms wrapped around his waist as they meandered down the path. It was a pleasant afternoon and Dorian tightened his grip on Elden. This was what he had hoped this trip would be like; just the two of them, exploring the good parts of Elden’s childhood, seeing the way his face lit up as he reminisced. And having a pleasant ride along the countryside, seeing the landscape and wondering if this had been a place Elden might have played, climbing trees or playing games with his sister. And as they rode, Elden shared more of his past.

“Being at the camp was-- it was amazing, honestly,” he said, sounding adorably excited. “I was free from my parents’ control for the first time. It was so liberating. Well, honestly it was a bit overwhelming. I made friends, though, and I enjoyed the lessons. It’s why I ended up becoming a Champion for the Inquisition after all. I loved it here so much.”

It was so nice to see Elden remembering happy memories for once. And Dorian was so glad that he had had this place, that he was able to find joy and safety here after seeing everything he had to endure.

When they arrived, they dismounted and left the horse with a stable hand and headed off to see the festivities. Hand in hand, Dorian watching the excitement on Elden’s face more than the actual surroundings. Elden was overjoyed, explaining the different attractions. Spending a day wandering around, watching events and talking, hearing Elden laugh, something he hadn’t heard nearly enough in recent days, made Dorian reflect that this must have been the perfect day.

“I love you, amatus,” he said, overcome with emotion, placing a kiss on Elden’s hand.

Elden smiled radiantly at him, placing a quick kiss to his cheek. They couldn't help but seek out some solitude, to steal some time alone. There were plenty of structures, smaller buildings that housed the children staying there or held supplies, and bigger ones that served as classrooms among other things. They ended up wandering behind the tiered seating behind a currently unused ring. They walked slowly, no real path in mind, just enjoying each other’s presence, talking and laughing quietly. Dorian was about ready to pull Elden close when he heard someone call out to them.

“Well, well, well! Look who it is.”

It was disturbing what just hearing that voice did to Elden. His entire body language changed, stiffening up as his expression twisted into a mask of fear, looking as if he was near ready to bolt, sending Dorian a panicked look. Dorian stepped close, hand on Elden’s back, and he seemed to compose himself. Dorian could still feel him trembling ever so slightly and he tried to ask Elden what was wrong, but he shook his head.

“If it isn’t my little brother,” a man said as he came around into view. Ah. Brother. Dorian still didn’t exactly know what the deal was between them, but if it could make Elden appear like this-- “I heard you were in town but fancy meeting you all the way out here!” “What are you doing here?” Elden demanded, voice sounding surprisingly hard.

“Oh, you know, I work for the city guard now. Thought I’d come out here to see if there’s anyone we could recruit.”

Well wasn’t that repellant. “I had no idea Ostwick was so desperate that the city guards had to hire children.”

“Ah, you must be the Magister, right? I thought you people would be all for that sort of thing.”

“His name is Dorian,” Elden said and he sounded so furious. He took a small step forward, almost as if he was putting himself between Dorian and his brother, but Dorian stepped up with him, refusing to let him stand alone.

“All right then, Dorian, I’m Matheus,” he said, stance casual as if he hadn’t noticed the hostility. Truth be told, Dorian could definitely see the family resemblance. He looked a lot like Elden’s mother; blond hair, freckles, the works, although his build was much leaner. Elden was at least a head taller than him as well.

“Pleasure, I’m sure,” Dorian replied distractedly, trying to catch Elden’s eye. His first instinct was to start hurling fireballs, but he figured it would be best to wait until Elden gave him a signal. If only he would look at him.

“And I gotta hand it to ya little brother. I didn’t think you had it in you.” Matheus raised his eyebrows suggestively and Dorian just arched an eyebrow.

“What?” Elden said, sounding almost horrified.

“No offense,” Matheus said, raising a placating hand. “I only meant that you ended up doing pretty well for yourself. After mom and dad couldn’t marry you off--”

“That’s not why I’m with Dorian,” Elden said. He looked so tense, trembling in either rage or fear. Perhaps both.

“Whatever you say,” Matheus said with a smug grin and Dorian just wanted to get Elden out of here as soon as possible.

“I am quite the catch and as much as I’d love to stand around and talk about me, we should really get going,” Dorian said, stepping forward. “We were just about to leave, actually. We’re in a bit of a rush, you see.”

“Oh sure, hopefully we’ll get to catch up later.”

“Quite,” Dorian said, trying to keep the disdain out of his voice.

“Oh come on, lighten up, you two. No need to look so grim, we’re practically at a festival, remember? Although Elden never has been able to take a joke, isn’t that right? Always so serious.”

He reached out to Elden and Dorian didn’t even care what he was planning to do. He grabbed his wrist before he got anywhere close, holding it firmly, but Elden still recoiled.

“Quite the reflexes, you’ve got there,” Matheus said, looking up at him warily. “And the grip.”

“Yes, well, fighting a war tends to do that.”

“Right, well, if you’ll let me go I guess I’ll head out?”

“With pleasure,” Dorian said, standing fully between him and Elden as he released him. Matheus gave them both a confused look, but nonetheless turned to leave.

Dorian didn’t turn back to Elden until Matheus vanished around a corner. When he did, however, Elden was already walking away in the other direction. He entered a nearby storage shed and Dorian trotted after him. Inside it was mostly empty, the majority of the supplies currently in use, but what was there cast odd shadows across the floor from the flickering torchlight. He found Elden, arm raised and resting against the wall, hand balled into a fist. His head was bowed, obscured behind his arm, but Dorian didn’t need to see his expression to read him, to see the tension and barely contained panic in every part of him, to practically feel the self loathing in the slight trembling of his shoulders.

“Could-- could you leave me alone for a moment?” Elden asked, flinching at the way his voice wavered slightly.

That gave Dorian pause. Elden had never asked him to leave before. Sure, he would deflect and try to convince him everything was fine even when it clearly wasn’t, but Elden had never asked him to go.

“Not a chance,” Dorian said. He wanted to approach, to grab Elden and pull him close, hold him as tightly as he could until the trembling stopped. He didn’t exactly understand what was happening, but Elden was upset and honestly that was all he needed to know in this moment. Dorian closed the door behind him, emphasizing his determination to remain.

“Dorian please,” Elden said, sounding desperate as he finally turned to face him, his arm falling to his side like he had no energy left. His hand was still held in a tight fist and his eyes were on the floor, unable to meet his, and Dorian didn’t like that at all. “I can't do this. Not now.”

“That’s fine, but I’m still not leaving.”

“I never wanted you to see me like this. I'm not strong enough. I never will be. I'm nothing.”

“You know that's not true.”

“Do I?” Elden demanded, sounding almost frantic. “I thought I'd changed, I thought I'd gotten better, but being back here, seeing my brother again, I feel like I did when I was a child. I'm still the same person, aren't I? All this time has gone by and I haven’t changed at all. I hate this hold he still has over me. I’m so pathetic. I've fought dragons and gods but he’s still able to reduce me to this--”

Elden wavered and dropped to the ground, curling tightly in on himself as he covered his face, trying to smother the sob that escaped him, shaking uncontrollably. Dorian’s chest felt painfully tight at the sight and he decided to damn all caution and dropped down beside him, somehow managing to haul Elden into his lap so he could hold him close, barely aware that he was speaking, trying to sooth Elden any way he knew how as he sobbed, the dam finally opening.

It was heartbreaking and infuriating and Dorian once again contemplated burning the entire city down. He squeezed Elden tightly, wishing there was something, anything he could do. Elden had done so much, become so strong, and the fact that this place was making him feel weak when he was the strongest man Dorian knew--  

It was a long time until Elden quieted. They rearranged, Dorian leaning back against the wall with Elden curled against his chest. Elden felt limp in his arms and Dorian kissed his temple and just hugged him close. Elden brought his hand up to rub against Dorian’s and they just sat like that for a time.

“Is this what it was like for you?” Elden asked suddenly, voice rough from strain. He took a fist-full of Dorian’s robes and was just clinging to him as if he was afraid he might fall without him here. His left arm was pressed tightly against his chest as if he was in pain.

“What?”

“When you went back to Tevinter. Did it hurt?”

“I suppose it did hurt, in a way,” Dorian said. He ran his fingers through Elden’s hair and just pulled him closer.

“And I made you go through it alone. Maker, Dorian, I’m so sorry,” Elden said, finally raising his tear-streaked face and it broke Dorian’s heart to see him like this.

“Nonsense,” Dorian said. He wiped Elden’s cheek before pulling him close again until his head rested on Dorian’s shoulder. “I was the one who forbade you from accompanying me.”

“I should have gone anyway, I should have--”

“We are both remarkably stubborn, amatus. You can’t blame yourself for my pigheadedness. Besides, you were with me, in a way. You gave me the strength to get through all of it.”

“I’m sorry,” Elden said, voice muffled against Dorian.

“None of that, now,” Dorian replied, continuing to stroke his fingers through his hair. “It’s not your fault. And I wish you could see how incredibly brave you are just for returning here.”

“I’m not, not at all. I’m afraid of my own brother, I can’t even stand against him on my own.”

“Elden, you just did.”

Elden laughed bitterly. “That wasn't-- I would have let him walk all over me, it was only the fear of him turning on you that made me say anything at all. And even then you had to protect me.”

“Tell me about him.”

“My brother-- he has a temper.”

“I see,” Dorian said, feeling his own anger rising. “And what exactly does he do with this temper?”

“My mother thought I was too soft. She didn’t care when my brother started pushing me around. She thought it would be good for me. Even when he-- when he slipped up and bruised or broke something not covered by clothing, mother would simply call for a healer and warn him to be more careful next time.”

“Maker, Elden,” Dorian whispered, holding him all the tighter.

His own eyes stung with tears even as he glanced at the door, desperately wanting to go hunt that man down. Instead, he kissed Elden’s forehead. He looked so vulnerable, and the thought that Elden had suffered at the hands of another, his own brother even, made Dorian’s blood boil. It was heartbreaking and none of them deserved this man in their lives.

“I hate how easily I’m reduced to this. I’m more trouble than I’m worth, Dorian, why do you even--”

“Stop it,” Dorian said as gently as he could. “You are worth so much. Just to me alone, you are worth more than you’ll ever truly be able to grasp.”

Elden looked so small, curled in on himself as he was, and he kept his gaze down as if he were ashamed. Dorian’s chest twisted painfully seeing him this way and he would have given anything to reassure him, to prove to him how good, how important and wonderful Elden truly was. These old wounds, the things he endured in his youth, none of it diminished him in any way. How could it? If anything it simply proved just how strong he was. Of course Elden would brush all reassurances away though. All Dorian could do was hold him tightly until his trembling stopped, wishing desperately that he could ease even a small amount of the pain Elden felt.

#dorian pavus #pavelyan #dorian x inquisitor #elden trevelyan #inquisitor #trevelyan #dragon age inquisition #fanfic #cal writes stuff #home #home chapter 8 #it's done! #it's finally done!