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chr0n1c-ag0ny · 8 months

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Kunidazai reunion sparking them finally, actually, truly getting together (cause they're idiots who have essentially been and old married couple for years and were the last to notice)? I think yes.

kunikida offering his apartment to Dazai, as his partners was in no shape to be lived in, after all the time that had passed with no upkeep and the time it spent in police custody, being milled through for any potential evidence. there was no way he could let him go back to it, not now, not tonight. Kunikida needs him close tonight.

Dazai takes him up on his offer. he doesn't want to be alone. he won't admit it, but he can't be alone, he doesn't know what it would do to him, what he would do to himself if he was left unattended. so he gratefully, while making jabs and cracking jokes at his partner, follows him home.

their night proceeds as normal, as it had for years of Dazai crashing with him. Kunikida cooks while Dazai sits up on his counter, rambling on and on about anything he can think of. Kunikida never realized how much he missed Dazai's voice until the relief of not cooking in silence hit him.

when they eat Dazai drags his partner to sit on the couch, even though Kunikida hates eating on the couch, knowing he would make an exception for him, just for tonight. they sit too close to just be friends, coworkers, partners even. their arms touch, their knees lean into one another.

when Dazai's finished with his dinner he lays a head in Kunikida's lap, turning on the TV, flipping through all of his partners recorded media until he finds the show they had been watch together, every episode that aired since he was arrested is recorded and unwatched. with blurry eyes he hits play. Kunikida's hand is in his hair and it doesn't leave.

they don't talk, they don't have to, they've talked enough. for now they just want to sit and feel each other's touch and hear each other's breathing. it's all they need.

its nearly 3 in the morning when Dazai finally starts to doze, he'd curled up into a ball, halfway in Kunikida's lap at that point, holding onto one of his partner's hands. Kunikida knows he should get them both to bed, he should offer Dazai the room and take the couch, that he should have the man some space after all he'd been through. but he aches at the thought of leaving his side, at being separated again.

but he doesn't even have to say anything, should have known he never had to, Dazai's always been sharp as a tack, his intuition, almost terrifyingly, even sharper.

His partner turned lazily in his arms, looking up at him with tired but knowing eyes. let's go to bed, they say. you don't have to go, you can stay, they assure. please don't go, they beg.

Kunikida breathes a long, heavy, sigh of relief.

"ok," he answers, before finally getting up after hours laid up on the couch, watching as Dazai continues to doze.

his heart aches with feverish heat. he'd missed him so much he had begun to go mad, had gone mad really, and now his partner was back, he was back and alive and mostly well, and now he was so relieved it ached in its own right.

he went about making up his bed for two, for Dazai, knowing he needed enough pillows and blankets for half a dozen people, but kept stopping to look over the back of the couch to make sure he was still there, still with him, that he hadn't been taken away again. by the time he's done he's probably crossed his apartment two to three dozen times, from his room to the couch again and again, before he's finally decided the room was good enough, there were enough blankets for Dazai to cover himself with and pillows to hide in.

when he goes to Dazai this time around, he kneels in front of him, carding a hand through his hair, tracing a thumb over his brow, to his nose, and then his cheek. his partner's eyes flutter open, a smile graces his lips.

"come on," he whispers, worried too loud a voice would shatter the delicate air of safety and comfort around them, "time for bed."

Dazai hums, getting up with a stretch and a yawn, much like a cat, before gingerly hopping off the couch and into Kunikida's arms, a false smile and air of cheekiness to him, hiding the ache Kunikida knew all too well resided in his partner's heart as much as it did his own, if not more. he holds him for a moment, savoring the feeling of him in his arms, before taking his hand and leading him to their room.

Dazai knows the drill. he goes to the other man's dresser and picks out a pair of his own sweatpants, ones he kept here for nights like these, and as per usual, one of Kunikida's shirts, gliding across the room, out into the hall, and into the bathroom.

Kunikida crawls into bed, feeling like he's been hit by a bus by the days events, and ends up half asleep by the time he feels Dazai crawling into bed next to him.

he expects to see bandages peeking from the borrowed nightshirt, to watch Dazai shield himself from the world, from his partner's touch, with a swarm of blankets, for Dazai to lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for him to fall asleep first.

but tonight's different, so different.

Dazai's skin is bare where the shirt doesn't cover, his scars on display, each and every one of them, the burns, the cuts, the bullet wounds, the ones Kunikida has never one been able to decipher the story of. they're all bared to him, with no visible hesitation on Dazai's end.

when his partner climbs into bed he neglects the pile of blankets laid out for him, the pillows too. instead he lifts the comforter that's draped over the entirety of the bed, Kunikida included, sliding beneath it like it's natural to him, like he'd done it every night for months, years even.

he looks at Kunikida for a moment, silently asking for permission, which Kunikida cannot give fast enough, and then Dazai's in his arms, his own wrapped around his neck, nothing between them but the clothes on their backs.

Dazai pulls away, just a bit, Kunikida almost cries out, almost pulls him back in, but knows better. he lets dazai go, but he never leaves. he's moved just far back enough so they could both look each other in the face.

"I missed you," he spoke softly, his hands shifting to hold the blonde's face.

"I missed you too,"

there's a moment of silence.

"I love you." the words are hesitant, skittish even, like he's unsure of how Kunikida would take it.

"I love you too," he replies without a second thought. he loves his partner, he loves him, more than he knows what to do with, so much it drives him mad and makes him ache.

Dazai nods. he's thinking, Kunikida can see it on his face, his mind is going a million miles a second. worry flashes on Dazai's face, and Kunikida panics, goes to pull away, goes to give Dazai space, even if his own skin burns at the thought of parting with Dazai's.

but Dazai doesn't let him, he clings to him, "Don't go, please don't go, please," he begs.

his voice is desperate, so Kunikida doesn't. he watches his partners face twist and turn, watches as fear spreads across his brow and tears gather in his eyes, and he doesn't know what to do because this has never happened.

but than Dazai leans in, slowly, tugging Kunikida closer so they can meet in the middle. Kunikida feels his partners lips on his. he kisses him back. he can't decide if that was a foolish decision or not. It's soft, softer than either of them knew they were capable of, it's gentle and earnest and good.

Dazai stops after a moment, lingers in Kunikida's space before looking him in the eye once more, he doesn't speak, they don't need to. Dazai looks at him, tears running down his face, but he's smiling, he's ok. his thumbs wipe away tears Kunikida hadn't realized he'd shed. they're ok.

"I love you," Dazai mutter's again, speaking again before the other man can answer "Kunikida?"

"yes, Dazai?"

"don't go."

"I won't."

"promise?"

"I promise." its a foolish thing to say, but Dazai needs to hear it, hell, he needs to hear it, "I'm not going anywhere, so long as you promise me the same."

he hesitates, his eyes avoid Kunikida's for a moment, before returning from their shared gaze, "I'll try, I promise, I'll really try this time"

Kunikida nods, slowly moving to kiss Dazai's forehead, the brunette leans into it.

"I know you will," he whispers into Dazai's skin, "and I'll always be here when it's too hard to manage on your own."

there's silence again, but it doesn't feel wrong or heavy, its soft and warm and it feels right.

"I love you," Kunikida finally returns.

there's more silence, Dazai just looks at him, just watches, fingers playing with Kunikida's hair and drifting over his face until something clicks into place in the other man's mind, something nobody but Dazai could ever understand.

he leans in once more to kiss his cheek before he settles against Kunikida's chest, letting out a pleased huff as he curls himself into a ball, "goodnight," he muttered, almost instantly going still with sleep.

"goodnight," Kunikida replied, knowing Dazai wasn't going to hear him, pressing his own goodnight kiss to the top of Dazai's head before burying his face in the other man's hair (Dazai doesn't smell like his shampoo anymore. it makes something in him cringe. he tries and fails to ignore it).

it takes Kunikida a while to fall asleep, he's too busy running the night over and over and over again in his mind. he holds Dazai close and lets his fingers trace over scars, feeling over his too-thin frame, feeling each bone beneath his skin. there's so many thoughts rushing through his mind, to many fears, worries, anxieties, what ifs. what if I hurt him? what if I break him? what if I ruin this?

his thoughts are only stopped when Dazai gently nudges his head into his jaw, hands pulling Kunikida's off of him, holding them gently in his own (he should have known sleep wouldn't come that easy to Dazai).

he takes a deep breath, steadying himself and his mind, his partner's hands squeeze his gently, good, they seem to say, and sleep finally starts to pull at him once more.

he lets it happen, let's his eyes close and his mind go blank, knowing Dazai is safe, he's safe in his arms, he won't be taken away again. he sleeps knowing Dazai loves him, that he kissed him, that tomorrow they'll wake up like this, and maybe, just fucking maybe they can finally have this one happy ending.

#I love when two emotionally constipated men find ways to be indirectly vulnerable and soft with one another. it matters so much to me.#they don't know how to talk about it or what they mean to one another or what they need from the other but they make it work #but after so long of dancing around each other only to be ripped apart for so long something just gives way and for once its in their favor #I hc that Dazai can be quite graceful in a ghostly and/or feline sort of way when he wants to be. he hops to his toes instead of standing-#glides instead of walking. stares into your soul with these big old eyes instead of just look. so thats just sprinkled in here.#on another note. these men are idiots. I said getting together but for christ sake they've been together for years they just never noticed.#I cringed at their stupidity multiple times while writing this.#dazai is scared of loving kunikida. he's scared his love will damn the man he loves. he's scared he'll leave too #but he can only run from his feelings so long #kunikida is scared to love dazai. he's scared he will find a way to break him. that he won't be careful enough. that he'll screw it all up.#they're so fucking messy and I love them your honor #I have so much to say about them #kunikida bsd #kunikida doppo #bsd kunikida #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #dazai bsd #kunikidazai #kunidazai #if you see typo's no you don't

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camellcat · 10 months

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thinking about angel!Liam just absolutely fucking decking demon!Theo

Liam is, at first, completely horrified, right? like, oh, dear heavens, he just punched someone! that's not very holy of him! ...but also, Theo is a demon... surely he's just... acting within his angelic duties... to thwart demon wiles... yeah...?

and Theo cannot decide whether to laugh his ass off because he just got an angel to punch someone or start panicking that maybe he's pushed Liam too far and he'll be discoperated or smth. which ofc he won't be bc Liam (as much as he loath to admit it) does not hate Theo, but they are not at the stage in which Theo is certain of that!!

but once Theo gets him back it (dreadfully, in Liam's opinion, and cruelly giddily in Theo's) becomes a Thing.

#oh yeah that's right Liam threw the first punch #Theo talked big game but never actually put his hands on the angel for fear of being smited(? smut? smitten.)#Liam? Liam tried very very hard to talk no game and then came out swinging (literally)#and Theo was absolutely overjoyed to take advantage of that #they both have caused their fair share of bloody noses #only one has to hide it and the other gets to revel in tempting an angel to such a petty violence #at first it starts off as Theo egging Liam into fights so he can sock the stupid angel #but when Liam starts getting attention from Upstairs after a few centuries of this back and forth they've got going on #Theo quickly tries to spin it into something positive for the both of them (thinking of 6x16. you are too. we all are)#forces him to realize he in fact does not want to lose his only... whatever Liam is to him #I think Liam would warm up to Theo first even if he will not say it #Liam fell first Theo fell harder blah blah blah such and such and the likes #being creative is exhausting sheeesh can someone make my au for me LOL #anyways this was another exercise in “I wanted to draw this but the drawing was refusing to happen so here it is in words instead”#thiam #theo raeken #liam dunbar #teen wolf #good omens #so sorry go people but I need to find this later and it IS a go crossover au so... I mean it counts... I think

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fucknugg3t · 2 months

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sometimes you fuck up and people stay

#This has actually never happened to me before I don’t know what to do #I think they’re getting sick of me saying sorry #I feel like everything I do is wrong now like if I say sorry it’s wrong if I don’t say anything it’s wrong and like I’m just permanently a #Asshole now #I’ve literally never been open enough to admit this stuff before and not completely shut down #The last million times this happened everyone leaves but this one little motherfucker stuck around and I don’t hndertaan #He’s my only friend and I’m a repressed idiot #It’s my fault for not talking about my feelings #Why is everything so painful and difficult #What if my parents just taught me how to deal with feeling correctly when I was little instead? Why can’t I have that #Why did they have to be shitty they’re stupid little bullshit alwasy comes and bites me in the ass the second I need to do something they #Should’ve taught me #I’m faucking loosing it

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atopvisenyashill · 8 days

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my hot take of the day is that clearly the people who swallow the in universe targ & valyrian exceptionalism are being completely taken in by the exact system that george is trying to critique but also i think the people who over correct into this idea that not a single targaryen is worthy of like, our empathy or sorrow or are rightfully chafing against the structures put in place by valyrians, first men, and andals alike are also being incredibly 2d in their analysis. i feel like this happens most often when people try to make the case that andals are somehow oppressed in westerosi society on a cultural level simply bc valyrian supremacy trumps andal culture. i think this is incredibly silly to say or posit as the truth in universe because there is in fact some oppression of culture in westeros but it’s not the andals lol!!! it’s the first men, the dornish, the rhoynar/greenblood orphans, and the ironborn. there Is some level of,,,, idk bigotry/xenophobia towards valyrians but only valyrians who don’t worship the faith - people like larra rogare, who still follow valyrian gods, do face this bigotry because they’re Too Foreign, the same way someone like thoros, melisandre, taena, etc who are essosi but not from a still heavy valyrian-based society like volantis and lys, and that’s definitely important to the conversation, because it shows the Dominant Culture is in fact the Andal culture when it comes to westeros and that’s like,,, fine, and even more interesting to me to see how andals, who have been the dominant force on westeros for thousands of years, interact with valyrians, who clearly want to keep ideas of valyrian supremacy alive somehow and essentially try to get the other dominant force in westeros to buy in (which they do!). like, are these two at odds sometimes? yes! but i don’t think it’s correct to say that the andals face ~prejudice for being andals or followers of the faith either!

#like certainly people in fandom get insane about the andals bc they’re projecting their hate of catholicism onto them.#but george himself is not writing about how all catholics are inherently evil he’s writing about the STRUCTURE being evil. i think the #series in fact finds something useful in one person’s individual faith & the way they may internalize it. that’s why we get the quiet isle!#getting on my soap box #yes i did see a post about the [redacted] being oppressed by the mean evil valyrians and rolled my eyes.#anyways like this idea that the valyrians are being forcibly assimilated? false! they are doing it very willingly as a matter of fact! aegon #and jaehaerys and viserys all in fact are clearly trying to mesh themselves with andals not bc they are forcing the family to assimilate #but bc they believe the only way to keep valyrian supremacy going is to team up with the culture in westeros that Does frequently impose #itself on its neighbors! i’m not saying the andals are like the ultimate big bad evil here either that’s just as stupid as the knee jerk #‘every targ is evil and anyone who fights them is morally corrupt’ thing that happens in this dumb ass fandom but i AM saying the andals cut #down every weirwood in the south & attempted to do like glorified missionary work in the iron islands instead of actually engaging w what it #is that makes the ironborn so fucking deranged.#anyways the only leaders who are unproblematic are mors and nymeria for managing to mesh two cultures in a way that wasn’t insane aksjdj #dorne has its problems re: deeply entrenched class structures & the use of marriage as punishment but at least people aren’t whipping #ellaria naked through the streets like the andals love to do to essosi women 😭😭#‘oh didn’t dorne oppress the rhoynar’ i said they were better not perfect thank you!!!!! aksjd

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outlying-hyppocrate · 2 months

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i'm not even sure how to say this.

last night, after finishing another shitty kids' show and considering whether to watch blue period, i looked at my reflection in the glass of the window and came to a realization. i had found myself again. i had finally figured out that i don't need to starve myself and pay attention to every calorie there is to be happy with myself. the same sort of cycle has repeated itself since 2022. around april-may-june, i become this happy person who seems to have rediscovered himself, all unearned self-confidence and no common sense. near september-october-november, i am not. i am pathetic and sad and deeply insecure. i am subhuman. i consider harming myself. i consider starving myself. every single time i set the same numbered goal in weight and try to get closer to it. but the switch has finally flipped. i don't need that anymore. all i am is purely a person. i need to keep these months close to me while i have them. i am going to laugh and create and spend time with all of you and enjoy every second. it's going to be okay. it will be okay.

(following writing this, i watched the first four episodes of blue period and then went upstairs at a quarter past midnight, shirtlessly whispering "i am an artist" twelve times in the mirror. i then fell asleep to mad fantasies of lying on a canvas twice my size and emptying the contents of my stomach onto it as an alternative to paint. this should be a thing that scares me and yet it is not.)

#random thoughts #will regret posting this.#i prewrote this last night when i was feeling particularly optimistic. but. it isn't so simple #of course i still feel. the same sort of way. i only really started properly counting this year #so the numbers are taped to the inside of my brain forever. wherever i go #and the thing is. i feel like i don't really want to stop. not really. i used to do it just for the numbers at first #but also.#well. now is different. so.#i will not be explaining myself to you further.#actually this is the first time i am. saying something like this. properly. instead of thinly veiled in my stupid poetry #i have talked to so many myselves about this. and a hedge.#and i've been considering telling you but i don't know how.#no. more. procrastination. this is it.#may or may not disappear following posting this because i am scared. goodbye.

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