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deepspacedukat · 3 months

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The Only One - Part 7: Immoral Comfort

Welp...Part 7, here we are. This is the part I started way before I even wrote Part 1, because I was in a Mood™. I originally thought this was going to be a 3 part story, but it looks like it's gonna be something closer to 12. Tbh, I didn't expect anyone to be interested in this fic because it was such a niche, back-of-the-brain thought. So, thank you to everyone who's made it this far with me and taken the time to leave comments!

I know it's been forever since I updated this, but I hope there are at least a few people who are still interested. I had a very specific way that I wanted things to happen in this chapter and I was being a little too picky about the details, so my apologies for the delay! If you want to be added to or removed from my taglist, please let me know!

*Dominionese language pulled from @dominionese-resource and their Dominionese dictionary. If you want me to clarify where I got certain words or phrases, or how I tried (clumsily) to piece them together myself, please feel free to ask. I probably conjugated a few verbs incorrectly or structured things wrong in places, but I tried. Also, the signature mentioned was based off this post on their blog.

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

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Weyoun (ST:DS9) x Reader

[A/N: This has smut, so 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!!]

Warnings: Interspecies sex, Vorta/Human sex, fingering, jealous Dukat, drunkenness, romantic Weyoun, telepathic/empathic connection, mild existential crisis, crying, sorta hurt/comfort? but mostly just stress/comfort, spoilers for S6E4 "Behind the Lines."

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Nearly a month passed from that long, odd day when I met Keevan and his men. I hated having to conceal part of my motives from Weyoun, but I didn’t have much of a choice. There was no way in hell I’d sit idly by while the Changelings took over my home. Major Kira, Odo, and a few others had begun a small resistance cell aboard the station, and so that they wouldn’t jeopardize my mission or I theirs, Kira had ordered me not to attend meetings. I was to keep my ears open and report to her as usual. She was allowing me to help but only in minor ways. Yes, it was important to cause chaos for the Dominion while they were occupying the station, but a position of influence and confidence like I currently held was insanely important for the intelligence gathering task that Starfleet had given me. Hell, I didn’t even know who all the members were.

That was definitely for the best. With the intimacy of the connection that Weyoun and I shared, my lack of knowledge kept myself and the rest of the resistance members safe. I’d have to be content helping in my own little way. Thus far, Dukat trusted me almost as much as Weyoun did, and Damar was slowly coming around to the belief that I wasn’t his enemy. All I had to do now was keep it up and find a way to contact Starfleet Command. Discreetly.

Seated beside each other one evening, Weyoun and I worked on our respective reports. I wasn’t particularly curious about the file he was reading until he picked up a stylus and wrote something. It was an odd group of symbols and marks that I’d never seen before. Without much thought about how rude it probably was, I tilted my head and watched how fluidly his fingers drew the stylus across the data PADD.

“What is that?” I asked quietly, and Weyoun gave me a perplexed look.

“A report about troop movements...?”

“Oh, not the report, I mean this,” I said pointing to the symbols he’d drawn out beneath the final paragraph. A look of understanding washed over him, and he gave me a small smile.

“That is my signature,” he answered simply, and I felt my eyes widen. “Have you not seen Dominionese written out before?”

“I’ve barely heard Dominionese, much less seen it. Is that really your name?” I asked unable to keep the wonder from my voice. I examined the markings a bit more carefully, wondering what each meant in order to form a name as precious as his.

Weyoun set the data PADD aside, picked up an empty one, and wrote the symbols a little neater this time. I watched the way his stylus glided over the PADD’s surface in practiced, fluid movements. When he was finished, he tilted the screen toward me to show me his handiwork, and I couldn’t stop a smile from splitting my lips. The more I looked at the symbols, the harder it became to shake the feeling that I’d seen something like them before.

The pendant! I pulled it out from beneath the collar of my uniform and sure enough, the symbols were similar. The engravings were in Dominionese.

“Weyoun, the pendant you gave me...what does it say?”

“Would you like me to tell you, or would you like me to teach you to read it yourself?” He asked with a twinkle in his eyes, and I felt myself perk up at the implication.

“Would you? I-I mean, are you willing to teach me? I know you’re busy with the station and the war, so I understand if you don’t have the time–” He cut me off with a quick kiss and set the PADD aside as he took my hands in his.

“My dear, I would be honored to teach you the language of your people,” Weyoun murmured. “I’m sure you’ll take to it quite easily. You’ve always been a fast learner, at least from what I’ve seen.”

‘My people.’ Both of us knew they weren’t anything of the sort after what they’d done, but I still appreciated his sentiment. Besides, the hope that he held about a potential reconciliation between myself and the Changelings, while utterly futile, was also incredibly sweet. After all that he'd been through, the fact that he still had hope was just a testament to the strength that the Founders chose not to see in their Vorta followers.

Giving his hands a gentle squeeze, I looked up at the gorgeous purple-eyed being on my sofa. How in the stars did I get so lucky?

Purple blush spread quickly across his cheeks, and Weyoun let out a shy little laugh. Right, the feelings. It had become more natural over the duration of our relationship for us to share our emotions through the strange telepathic connection we'd been granted, but there were still moments where it caught one or both of us off guard.

"As much as I wish I could keep you all to myself tonight and demonstrate exactly how much I adore you, didn't you say you were meeting a friend tonight?" His question pulled me from my reverie, and I blinked in comprehension.

“Computer, what time is it?”

“The time is eighteen-thirty hours,” it responded, and I got to my feet. Shit, he was right, and I was going to be late at this rate.

“Meeting Damar again?” Weyoun asked as he stood, too, and grasped my waist lightly. When I nodded my head, he gave me a gentle smile. “I’m so glad you’re making more friends. I know you were already acquainted with some of the Bajoran officers, but knowing that Keevan and Damar along with some of their officers have become close to you...I’m overjoyed! To tell you the truth, I thought you might feel isolated here given the personnel changes. I-I thought...you might regret staying.”

Shrugging my shoulders, I wrapped my arms around the Vorta’s neck.

“Well, I still feel a little out of place at times, but there are a few people here who’ve been kind to me," I murmured placing a gentle kiss on the tip of his nose. "For the record, you make staying here worth it. As long as I have you, I won't regret leaving Starfleet."

I knew this was only temporary - that as soon as the Federation regained control of the station I'd be back to being a Starfleet officer - but I was going to make the most of this while I could. Sure, I still had my mission and a very important job to do, but I wasn't about to waste my opportunity to soak in Weyoun's presence while I could.

A beautiful, joyful smile stretched his lips, and he pressed his forehead lightly against mine.

"Good, because running this station and protecting Bajor for the Dominion...it would be mind-numbingly dull without you, my dear." That brought a smile to my own lips, but probably for different reasons than he would've anticipated. The Founders would likely have blown a gasket hearing that one of their Vorta toys was bored with the job they'd been created to perform. If that wasn't proof that the Vorta were capable of being so much more than the Changelings thought, I didn't know what was. "Don't be late, now. I'll be here when you get back."

I nodded my head quietly and gave him a tender, parting kiss before making my way toward Quark's.

The Bajoran station was humming with the partially-exhausted crowds that naturally accompanied the end of a shift. Used to the tired throng of people either going for a meal or heading back to their quarters, I used a few of the back corridors - less-traveled areas, of course - to make up some time.

Rather quickly, I found myself slipping into the doorway to the Ferengi's bar and zeroing in on the seat that was held for me out of habit by Dukat's right hand man. Without preamble, I plopped myself on the padded stool and gave a polite nod to the Cardassian in question.

"I was wondering when you'd get here. Usually you're early," Damar said as he brought his glass of kanar to his lips. He seemed in unusually high spirits tonight. Either something minor and gossip-worthy had happened, or I should be very concerned about the state of the war.

"There was a lot of foot traffic tonight. Apparently everyone decided this was the night to be in my way," I said with a dismissive giggle. Quark caught my eye and nodded in acknowledgement. "You look like the cat that got the cream, Glinn. What's got you in such a good mood?"

The Ferengi bartender set my drink in front of me with a wink - I knew for a fact that he flirted with all the patrons who wouldn't kill him in the hopes that he'd get a bigger tip - but before he could leave, Damar's hand landed on his forearm.

"Anything the Lieutenant drinks tonight is on me. This is a celebration," the Glinn said with a smug smirk. Looking at him in surprise, I lifted my glass of kanar in salute.

"Why, thank you, Glinn. If I may ask, what's the occasion?" He tapped his glass against mine, and after we both took a generous swallow - clearly not his first of such this evening - he turned to face me on his stool.

"My impending promotion!" He said puffing up his armor-covered chest.

Uh oh.

"Wait a minute," Quark cut in as he polished a glass, "you started a fight in my bar and they're making you a Gul? What kind of way is that to run an army?"

Weyoun had mentioned the fight only a couple of days before. Apparently, it had been between Cardassian officers and Jem'Hadar soldiers. Quark's concern was completely valid. How the hell did that track?

"Dukat wasn't happy about what happened," Damar started refilling his glass and topping mine off, even though I'd only taken a single sip. "I had to find a way to make it up to him."

"I hope it was something big," Quark chimed in.

"Must've been a hell of a blowjob," I teased, and the tipsy Cardassian let out a raucous laugh.

"Nothing so personal. Let's just say it will change the course of history," he said before draining his glass once more. Quark's eyes met mine. This reeked of trouble.

"As a businessman," the Ferengi started, refilling the Glinn's glass himself, "I'm very interested in the course of history. This one's on me."

Damar accepted the drink with a nod and a raised glass.

"That's very kind of you, Quark, but I can't talk about it." Down the hatch went that drink, and I sipped slowly at mine as I formed a plan. Quark looked over at me, and sighed as he grabbed a third glass.

"Of course, I understand. Have another," he offered, refilling Damar's drink, topping up mine, and pouring one for himself. I'd never imbibed heavily before, but there was a first time for everything.

Making our way to Kira's quarters while intoxicated was more difficult that I'd anticipated. Not only did I have to keep myself upright, but I had to try and steady Quark as well. The dirty bastard's hand roamed several times, but a threat to remove them at the wrist seemed to sober him up just enough for him to process how bad of an idea it had been.

We were practically dragged into the Major's quarters when we got there, having seemingly stumbled our way into a meeting of her resistance group. So much for me not knowing who was involved. She'd clearly bet on the probability of me forgetting the night's events by the morning, otherwise she wouldn't have let me in at all.

After several rambling attempts at conversation, Quark got a little agitated, and Kira tried to drag him back on course.

"How can I relax when there are thousands of Jem'Hadar ships are sitting on the other side of the wormhole, waiting to come through?" He slurred, and Jake shook his head, trying to placate him.

"Don't worry about it. They're stuck there." He sounded so confident - so naïvely certain.

"Noooo, Jake. They're coming," I said, clutching at his arm as if I could make the young man understand. "If Damar was telling the truth, they'll be able to get through soon."

"What are you talking about?" Kira asked, and together we managed a somewhat intelligible, if slurred, explanation of what happened. Odo and Kira shared a look, and I was ordered to head back to my quarters.

How I got back, though, was a mystery to everyone, myself included. All I recalled the next morning was the vague impression of Weyoun helping me into clean clothes and letting me cuddle him until I fell asleep.

I really hoped that I'd dreamed saying how pretty he was so many times. He deserved to know he was handsome, but I didn't exactly want to sound like such a moron when conveying that to him.

Gentle lips against my cheek brought me back to consciousness in the morning, and I burrowed farther into my lover's embrace. My head ached and everything felt dry and scratchy and too loud.

No wonder I heard so many people warning about how strong kanar was. If this is how it felt the morning after, I was quite happy never to taste that syrupy shit again.

"Come, my love. It's time to get up," Weyoun crooned in a gentle, careful whisper. An involuntary groan escaped me, and he ran his fingers softly through my hair. "I'm sorry. I know it hurts. I have something that'll help, though."

"I don't think even your gorgeous cock can fix this," I rasped as I forced myself to sit up - an utterly monumental task in that state.

"As honored as I am that you view me as a potential cure to many ailments, I was talking about this," he said reaching for a hypospray sitting on the bedside table. "It'll take away the majority of your symptoms."

I tried to nod my head, but it just ended with me wincing and lying back down. A quiet hiss sounded against my upper arm, and a few moments later, the pain melted away as if Weyoun's fingers trailing over my scalp had behaved like a poultice, absorbing the Evil Hangover straight from the source.

Featherlight kisses landed on my closed eyelids, and I let out a quiet sigh of relief at the sensation.

"I take it you and Damar had fun last night?" He teased, and I groaned.

"For your own health, never ever try to match drinks with a Cardassian soldier." I cautioned, but before I could say more, the comm system chimed.

"Dukat to Weyoun. There is an urgent meeting in thirty minutes. Bring the Lieutenant with you. She'll want to be a part of this." He didn't wait for a response, simply stated the message and cut the line.

A long-suffering sigh escaped my lover's lips, and he fixed me with a stare. Those soft, warm purple eyes of his filled with a playful sort of calculating stare. He then picked up a glass of water and gave me a wink.

"Computer, deactivate Universal Translator in this room," he ordered, and my eyebrows shot upward. The acknowledging chirp from the computer stirred my curiosity. Holding the glass of water between us, he pointed at it and murmured a single word. "Na."

I blinked, and he, noticing my blankness, smiled and repeated the word before gesturing a hand at me. I repeated the word, still mildly confused, but it pleased him, and just like that something clicked.

Apparently, this was my first lesson in how to speak Dominionese. My pronunciation had been right on the money, but I didn't know if he meant the cup itself, or what was in the cup.

"Na?" Reaching forward, I tapped the glass as I asked, then I dipped a fingertip into the liquid, "or is this na?"

A look of comprehension flickered across his face, and he touched the liquid as I had, repeating the word confidently. He had me say it once or twice more, and offered me the glass with a cheerful little kiss on the forehead.

As we dressed for our meeting with Dukat, Weyoun tapped items of clothing and various objects around the room, giving me their names in his language and having me repeat them until my pronunciation was satisfactory. By the time that the translator came back online, I couldn't help but feel proud that I'd absorbed so much while recovering from a hangover.

The Changeling standing in the wardroom sent a bolt of anxiety rocketing through me. Why was a Founder here? Wasn't it enough for the Vorta to keep their people informed? Odo stood at her side, looking confused, a little suspicious, and...was he happy? I supposed that he must be. After all, he wasn't the one who'd been exiled from ever returning to their homeworld. The slightly guarded yet curious glances he threw her way said more than words ever could.

How long had she been on the station? How deeply into him had she sunk her claws?

I had my answer when I glanced at the table and noted that Major Kira was conspicuously absent. For the safety of the resistance and the Federation's future, I had to assume that Odo had been compromised.

"Founder, it is an honor," Weyoun said sinking into a low bow at my side. His hand still rested squarely in mine, but I didn't copy his actions. Lifting my chin in defiance, I merely looked at her as her hawk-like eyes watched us - or rather, me. She didn't seem to even notice Weyoun, choosing instead to stare at me.

"We meet again, child of Meris," she said, but I just lifted an eyebrow. What sort of response could I possibly give after she banished me? I'd chosen Weyoun over my people - a decision I could never regret - but I had no intention of discussing my logic with one so cruel that she could not comprehend that what she'd almost done was wrong in the extreme. "Have you nothing to say to your kin?"

Glancing around the room in faux contemplation, I shook my head blankly.

"I see no kin here. Besides, the last time we spoke, you made your opinion on my existence quite clear." I was proud of how calm and logical I sounded despite the anger boiling within me.

"Perhaps our opinions of you have changed," she said taking a few steps toward me. Looking away from her, I spotted Dukat and was, for once, grateful for his presence.

"What did you call us here for, Gul?" The smirk that met my inquiry sent a shiver down my spine. "I trust it wasn't just for this...reunion?"

"Come, Lieutenant. Have a seat by me. We have a breakthrough to discuss," he called, and I did as he suggested. Pulling Weyoun gently along, I ensured that the Founder wasn't given the chance to sit on either side of me. All the meeting gave me were specifics on the plan to remove the minefield. Nearly everything Dukat and Damar said were things I'd heard from the latter the night before, and I forced myself to act surprised.

I caught Damar looking at me a few times, doubtless trying determine how much he'd said the night before and how much I remembered. When I gave him an innocent smile and acted engrossed in Dukat's speech as if it was all new, he seemed to relax.

Very well. Let the drunkard believe that he'd averted a crisis. The more his people underestimated their opposition, the easier it would be to catch them off their guard.

"You will keep me informed," the Founder said rising to her feet as if she was a queen. Without waiting for an answer from Gul Dukat, she turned to Odo. "Come. I wish to speak with you alone."

I expected him to toss out an abrasive comment, but instead, he followed her like an obedient puppy.

What the hell was going on?

Before I could say a word to Weyoun, though, the Founder tossed a glance over her shoulder.

"Come, Weyoun. We require your service," she called not waiting for an answer as she swept out of the room. He gave me an apologetic kiss on the cheek before rushing after the pair of Changelings, and then I was left alone with the two Cardassians.

"Well, well, that wasn't exactly what I was expecting," Dukat murmured, and I let out a heavy sigh. I still had the edge of a headache from this morning's hangover. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back against the headrest of my seat. "Oh dear. You do seem stressed."

It was all I could do to keep my eyelids from snapping open when one of his large hands rested on my thigh, squeezing the muscles there in what I guessed was supposed to be a soothing gesture. I hummed low in my throat - the sound's meaning was one that I let him interpret on his own.

"Did I wear you out last night?" Damar asked with a huff of laughter, and Dukat let out a scandalized gasp. I could imagine just how wide his eyes had grown as he looked between his officer and me.

"Don't tell me you were with another Cardassian!" He sounded sufficiently playful, but still just jealous enough to bring a smile to my lips. Good. I had him hook, line, and sinker.

"Only for a drink," I replied, and Damar took that as his cue to leave. The door hissed closed, leaving me truly alone with Dukat. Why shouldn't I use this as an opportunity to deepen his trust in me?

"No wonder you look so tired," Dukat murmured sounding much closer than before. His other hand touched my forehead and his lips met my cheek. "Poor girl. I can massage that headache away if you like...?"

Letting out a harsh, skeptical laugh, I finally opened my eyes and tilted my head to face him.

"And trust your hands not to wander? Forgive me, Gul, but I've heard stories of your dalliances during the Occupation–"

"Are you truly telling me that after all we've been through over the years, you wouldn't enjoy a little...dalliance of our own? Especially considering that your pretty little Vorta toy will likely be busy serving the Founder's wishes while she's aboard. We wouldn't want you to grow lonely, would we? I could keep you entertained," he challenged as he skimmed his fingertips down the side of my face. After seeing the Founder in the flesh and how unquestioningly obedient Weyoun was to her, suddenly Dukat didn't seem so bad.

Relativity, indeed. Tilting my head, I skimmed my lips ever-so-lightly over the palm of his hand and looked up at him - a nice touch, if I do say so myself.

"You wish," I breathed, and a devilish smirk stretched his lips. Oh, I was playing with fire.

"Would such a wish really be so surprising?" The Gul's voice was low and intimate - soft, as though he thought that was what I needed.

I did. I needed gentleness quite badly. Just not from him.

"Coming from you? Not in the slightest." I put as much condescension in my tone as I dared, hoping he'd take it as a clumsy attempt at Cardassian-style flirting. A raspy chuckle vibrated deep in his throat, prompting me to get to my feet.

"You're not leaving so soon, are you?"

"I should. After all, Weyoun–"

"–will be busy with the female Founder and Odo for quite some time. You are free to do as you wish," he argued, but I shook my head quietly.

"I have duties."

"You don't. I took the liberty of having Major Kira clear your schedule for the day." I froze, and obviously didn't hide my surprise well, because he continued in a more amused tone. "Initially, I believed that you'd want the time for a family reunion, but given your reaction to your long-lost relation, you could use the time for something more...enjoyable. Improving interstellar relations between Bajor and Cardassia, perhaps...?"

He stood and moved in front of me, tilting my chin up so that eyes met his.

"There's no need to be coy," he whispered. "Obviously, we both want this..."

"You want me?" I asked, attempting to sound as innocent as I could while my hand slid up to his neck ridge. He practically moaned out a 'yes,' and I grabbed the section of his ridge that Kira had taught me was a weak point for Cardassians. Dukat let out a pained hiss, but the delighted smirk on his face spoke more of arousal than discomfort. "Then work for it. I'm not one of your comfort women from the previous occupation. If you want me, then you need to earn the privilege. Understood?"

"Oh yes, Lieutenant." Though strained, he still managed to sound flirtatious. I released him and spun on my heel. Sparing him a single glance over my shoulder as I walked out, I noted the tent in his uniform trousers.

This was a mess. Everything was a mess. If the Federation didn't retake the station soon, the resistance might be in shambles. Damar was clearing the wormhole, Odo was wrapped around the Female Founder's little finger, and Dukat's actions today might have finally convinced Major Kira that I wasn't worth trusting...that I'd truly betrayed the Federation and Bajor. Besides that, I might have to close my eyes and do something I'd very much regret with Dukat.

Guilt wound through me every time that I acknowledged how much I'd encouraged his attraction. I knew I needed information for the Federation and the Resistance, and I needed the Gul to trust me, but was flirting with him even the right move considering everything at stake?

I had no idea how long I was stuck in my thoughts, but at some point that evening, I became vaguely aware that Weyoun had returned to our quarters. His voice washed gently over my ears, but I didn’t hear a word. My eyes remained lost in the stars just outside the window, and my arms had been crossed protectively around my middle for goodness only knew how long.

What could I do to stop the minefield being removed when I hadn't even found a way to communicate with Starfleet Command? I mean, what had I been doing all this time besides playing house with a Vorta?

A wave of concern flowed from Weyoun to myself through our odd link as he sensed my emotions, but I didn’t move a muscle. Even when his hands took up careful residence on my shoulders, I couldn’t bring myself to do more than blink.

“Something is wrong, isn’t it?” Weyoun’s smooth, concerned voice asked from behind me as I stared out into the oblivion of space. He could read people better than they could read themselves, and I was certainly no exception, not that I was making it particularly difficult for him at the moment. Even if we hadn't been empathically linked, it wouldn't have been hard to see how wilted I felt. “You’ve been quieter than usual since you returned from that late night with Damar, and now with Founder here... You’ve been preoccupied. I realize that you don’t want me to think of you as the offspring of a deity, but...I live to serve you in whatever ways you may require, my love. What can I do to help you?”

I felt too vulnerable and too closed off all at once, like a frayed wire being strangled by what little remained of its casing. Who else could I say anything to? Who else cared about what I said, even if this all turned out to be a ruse - a long game that he'd been playing so patiently - in the end?

Weyoun was the only one. I couldn’t trust anyone on this station, not anymore, not where it was important. Hell, I shouldn’t even fully trust him, but what other choice did I have?

For this...could I risk it just this once? He thought of Changelings as gods. He regarded the being who was my biological father as a god, and I myself as a demigod of sorts. Would this be taking advantage of the programming the Founders had included in his genetic makeup? Would he feel obligated to listen to me drivel on without regard for his own feelings despite my protests that I wanted only his honesty?

When I turned and my eyes met his, I felt something in me break. Weyoun looked so worried. Precious man. His almost neon purple eyes were moist as though he were on the verge of tears like I was - he truly was distressed over my current state. I knew my own eyelids were most likely puffy from the tears I’d shed - the emotions threatening to spill over again at any moment - and I knew that he’d have noticed that by now. He was much too clever for his own good.

A low whisper of my name brought me out of my thoughts enough to notice that the Vorta’s brow had furrowed just a little bit more than before.

“Please...it pains me to see you like this. I beg you, please let me help,” he said barely above a whisper, and whatever cracks had formed in my defenses extended far enough that I could no longer keep up my flimsy facade. My eyes burned, my vision blurred, and tears began rolling down my cheeks. A flicker of fear passed over Weyoun’s features and through our bond, and although I wanted to comfort him, all that escaped me was a quiet sob. There wasn’t much space left between us to begin with, but he still stepped forward as much as he could and lifted his hands, allowing them to hover on either side my face as if he was afraid to touch me. “H-How do I help you?”

In answer, I reached out and wrapped my arms around him. Pressing my face quietly against his shoulder, I felt his own limbs envelope me without hesitation - one around my middle and one around my upper back - holding me close to him. Weyoun was nearly trembling from how fiercely and protectively he was embracing me.

“I’m here,” he murmured against my temple in that soft, comforting voice. This time instead of it being filled with steady lies as it so often was in meetings, I could hear it wavering with emotion just as it had so long ago on that Dominion ship and when he found that I'd remained on the station despite its occupation. “You are not alone. You have me; you always will. I promise. No matter what happens with the Dominion, the Alpha Quadrant, the Gamma Quadrant...you will always have me. I know what it is to be alone, and I swear you never will be again.”

Safe in his arms, I found myself no longer caring whether this was just a ploy or not, because I so desperately wanted to believe that I wouldn’t be alone anymore. He'd been here, but I hadn't allowed him to see just how stressed I was trying to toe the line between the Dominion and Bajor. I wanted to believe he was telling the whole truth. Just this once.

Just this once.

So I nodded my head against his shoulder and simply let myself be comforted by his embrace, by his promise, and by this one act of kindness, dangerous though it might eventually prove to be.

“I’m sorry,” I managed to get out around my stuttered breaths. I was. He didn’t deserve to have someone sobbing all over him for no reason. He was the one who needed kindness, especially after the way I’d seen that Founder treating him. He wasn't some pet for them to order around. He deserved so much more kindness than he was being shown.

Yet he was the one showing it to me. Whether incited by genuine concern or by his programmed devotion to the Founders - and myself by extension - Weyoun had never been anything less than sweet and gentle and courteous to me.

But how could I allow a shred of doubt into my head? Just thinking back to the first time I'd felt the extent of his love for me, I remembered how different his emotions had been compared with those he'd felt for the beings who had cloned him.

Shame wove hot and heavy through the ravages of my sorrow.

“You of all people have no reason to apologize to me,” he said before pressing his lips against my forehead in a tender kiss. “What could you possibly have to be sorry about? You have never been unkind to me, you’ve never hurt me. You’ve only ever shown me love and compassion. You are the most remarkable person I’ve ever encountered.”

“You have better things to do than put up with someone crying all over you,” I muttered daring to tilt my head back enough to look up into Weyoun’s eyes. He looked almost startled at my statement.

“My dear, you act as though you are a burden to be borne. I assure you, nothing is further from the truth,” he murmured in a pained voice. One of his hands lifted and cupped my cheek. His thumb skimmed gently across my skin wiping away the last of my tears. Leaning into his touch, I let my eyelids flutter shut. I knew I shouldn’t be this open with him - he was the Female Founder’s puppet while she was aboard the station, after all - but I couldn’t help it. Who else could I possibly be vulnerable with? Considering the cruelty and violence of this war surrounding me on a daily basis, was it really so wrong to enjoy a simple moment of self-indulgent intimacy? I raised my hand to cover Weyoun’s and turned my head just far enough to kiss his wrist.

It wasn’t even close to an adequate thank you for all he’d done for me, but it was all I could manage. I knew he’d understand - he always understood me with a startling degree of accuracy, even when I couldn’t express myself correctly or fully.

“Why do you think so little of yourself?” He asked in barely more than a whisper as his eyes slid from our hands to meet my gaze. “You are lovely and kind to everyone, even those like me who don’t deserve it–”

“But you do deserve it. You always have, Weyoun, no matter how the Founders may have treated you,” I said quietly looking up into his eyes. He blinked owlishly at me, and I leaned in, kissing his cheek. “Can you still not see that after all this time, darling?”

“I suppose I...still have a bit of trouble separating myself from the way the Founders created us,” he admitted as a lavender blush colored his cheeks. “Forgive me–”

“Hush. There’s nothing to forgive,” I promise coaxing him into resting his forehead against mine. Lowering my voice to a whisper, I knew his excellent Vorta hearing would still register what I had to say. “We are, always have been, and always will be equals.”

“I believe you,” he murmured as his hands took up a timid grip on my waist. He took a slow, deep breath and as he exhaled, I rested my hands gently on his shoulders. Nothing had technically changed - the war was still raging, my father was still a missing murderer, and Dukat was still playing a tyrannical, slutty version of king of the castle with the station.

And yet...there in Weyoun’s arms, such a fundamental shift had occurred that it felt as though I suddenly could take on the universe. Perhaps it was a part of the Vorta coding which bound them to the Founders that made me feel reassured as I stood there, his own confidence in me bleeding over and restoring my own.

Or perhaps there was another explanation. The relationship that had been developing between us had shown no cracks until Dukat tried to worm his way between us. Even now, I was acutely aware that the Gul had plenty of reasons to try and manipulate me on that front. Why had I ever allowed myself to listen to a single word he said? Was I so afraid of losing Weyoun that I assumed it was just my luck that I would?

I had doubted myself and my judgment regarding him for so long that I suppose I didn’t feel like I deserved to be loved with the kind over unwavering affection Weyoun had shown me. Even as that thought crossed my mind, doubts filtered through from my subconscious that I shouldn’t have allowed myself to take this much liberty with his affection as it was - that I was weak for doing so.

But I needed him, and I loved him. Weyoun had assuaged my fears on that front so many times before, but was that justification enough for continuing?

“Such chaos thrust upon one person... Let me be your shielding."

The soft earnestness surrounding Weyoun's words had me crumbling in his arms. Almost without conscious thought, I tilted my head and caught his lips in a kiss that I hoped said all the words I couldn't muster. My lover didn't hesitate to return the gesture, kissing me with such tenderness that it took my breath away.

Slowly, naturally, our movements gained momentum, becoming hungrier and more desperate by the second. Just as he'd done after my encounter with Keevan, Weyoun easily took control. Something urgent and lurid passed between us, and in a blur of discarded clothing, we fell into our bed.

We'd experimented with each other over the time we'd been together, but we hadn't quite taken that final step. With his fingers pumping between my legs and mine caressing the base of his length and the folds of his slit, he whispered in my ear.

"I want to make love to you. Please, I'm ready. I'm aching for you, my love. I've dreamt of you so many times..."

I couldn't possibly deny him. Why would I even want to after all this time? I loved him, and I would never pressure him into doing more than he was comfortable with. I would, however, be lying if I said that I'd never imagined what our first time together would be like.

My imagination paled in comparison to the sweet sounds he made as he entered me for the first time. His name was a prayer on my lips, just as mine was on his. Our pleasure was reflected, doubled, then increased exponentially by the bond that formed between our minds. We merged so completely that I couldn't tell where Weyoun began and I ended.

The wet slap of skin-on-skin sounded less obscene and more...restorative. We both needed this. Our reasons might have been different, but our desires, our love, stemmed from the same source.

When he finally spilled within my trembling body, tears dampened both our faces. Weyoun's teeth had left bite marks down my neck, and I'd left a few scratches down his back.

Aside from murmured declarations of love between kisses, we didn't speak. What could we say? What could possibly need to be said so desperately that either of us would risk disturbing the peaceful, content atmosphere that had settled over us like a blanket?

Gentle touches, cuddles, and affectionate looks carried us delicately into dreamland that night.

The next morning as I blinked hazily into awareness, I thought the Vorta was still asleep. Trailing my fingers ever-so-softly through his mussed, silky, black hair, I couldn't help but smile. He was supposed to be unsettling to the Dominion's enemies and charming in equal measure, but all I could see was how gentle he was. I knew he had it within him to be manipulative, charming, and underhanded all in a matter of moments - that was how the Changelings had cloned him to be - and I'd witnessed it. But there was something satisfying about seeing the head of station's occupying force curled up like a kitten in my arms.

"That feels good." The words breezed from his lips, carried on his breath as easily and lightly as a feather. I couldn't stop the smile that tugged at my lips.

"I won't stop, then," I whispered, and he let out an appreciative hum.

"I meant it, you know. Every Weyoun since our very first iteration over a hundred years ago has seen your face in our dreams. Seeing you on the Defiant...I recognized you immediately."

My hand slowed atop his scalp. My lover's voice was low and nervous, as if he was afraid I'd mock him or accuse him of lying. Instead, I watched as he lifted his head from my chest and looked up at me with wide, gentle eyes.

"But...that was so long ago..." I was confused, definitely, but I wanted to hear him out. Across our bond, I could feel tension, as if Weyoun was taking a chance saying any of this.

"My very first memories are images of you from prior iterations' dreams. They all saw your face so frequently that they knew you were someone vitally important...that the Founders were allowing us visions of a blessing they planned to give us. The fourth Weyoun...he'd almost lost hope the day you met him," he murmured. "Only the important memories - the ones that stand out - are encoded for future iterations to retain. You...your face has survived every activation."

A lump rose in my throat. How was that possible? I'd heard of people having visions they thought were from their deities - hell, even Captain Sisko had visions from the Bajoran Prophets - but I knew for a fact that the Founders weren't gods. Even they couldn't predict the future like that. Otherwise, I had no doubt that they would've stopped my father from mating with a Human.

"In the dreams, you called out to me...said my name...promised you'd find me no matter what. I've never told anyone this before, but in my darkest hours...the moments where my faith in the Founders was at risk of falling apart, I clung to the image of your face hovering over me...and it strengthened me," Weyoun admitted in a whisper as he cupped my cheek, gliding his thumb over my skin. "I-I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable."

Unable to make my tongue work, I shook my head and kissed his lips. What the hell was I supposed to say to that? What could I say about that revelation?

I hadn't even begun to sort through the messy tangle of emotions in my chest when the comm chimed.

“Damar to Weyoun.” Of course, there was never a calm, quiet moment on this station, even with it under the Dominion's thumb. The Vorta sighed quietly, the warmth of his breath caressing my skin as softly as his lips had in the wake of our intimacy.

“What is it?” He asked quietly, sounding more reluctant than I’d ever heard him. He didn’t move away from me any more than I did from him. If anyone had been watching, they’d doubtlessly assume that our nude bodies were stuck together beneath the blanket by some immutable, unseen force.

“You’re needed in Security. Now.” The Cardassian sounded smug, a fact which never seemed to bode well in his company. "We've just arrested a saboteur. The Ferengi bartender's brother, Rom."

~*~*~

Dominionese:

Na = water

~*~

Taglist:

@akamitrani @android-boyfriends @attention-bajoranworkers @bigblissandlove1 @darkmattervibes @emilie786 @groovyqueer @horta-in-charge @live-logs-and-proper @slutty-slutty-vulcans @starrynightgardens @toebeans-mcgee @weyounthevorta

#deepspacedukat fic #half-changeling!reader #Weyoun 5 #Weyoun 5 x Reader #lieutenant!reader #established relationship

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moonlightspencie · 1 year

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never thought i’d meet you here

Part 3 of ‘the sweetest con’

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.2k

A/N: flashback chapter!!

<- PART TWO

Thinking back, I should have known she would be nothing but trouble for me. Her first day was enough to prove she would bring something very unique to the table. I certainly didn’t expect it to fully captivate me.

I heard a knock at the door, looking up to see a new face.

“Agent Hotchner?”

Her voice was quiet, but without the presence of nerves I’d usually hear in a stranger. Especially somebody who knew they were coming into the unit against my better wishes.

“Yes,” I stood, “You’re Agent Y/N, I presume?”

She smiled, walking further into the room and reaching out a hand.

“I am. It’s good to finally meet you,” she said, shaking my hand. “I know you’re probably a bit on edge considering I’m coming in without your say-so. I will say, however, that regardless of what Strauss says, if you feel that I’m not right for the team then I will gracefully bow out. She can’t really tell you no if I make the decision, right?”

She laughed, though I couldn’t quite tell if she was really joking or trying to catch me in some type of trap.

“I’m sorry?”

She finally dropped the hand that I didn’t realize was still holding onto her.

“I’ve known Strauss for a while, she’s kind of been a mentor of sorts. But that also means I know she’s always up your ass and that she’s kind of throwing me at you right now. I want you to know that you can still have the final say about me being here.”

“I appreciate that.”

She smiled again. “Great. So, have you had the chance to look over my file? Otherwise, I can give you the rundown.”

“I have looked it over, yes,” I said, a little rattled by just how forward she was. I moved to sit behind my desk, inviting her to sit down as well. “I’m impressed, I won’t lie. You’ve accomplished quite a lot for someone who joined the bureau two years ago.”

“Erin may be a hard-ass but she’s told me what I need to do to be a good agent, and frankly, it’s worked,” she said, then sighed softly. “I also grew up in a family that valued hard work. I try to operate on the mindset that I can learn to accomplish anything if I put in the work.”

“I’m glad to hear it. The BAU operates a little differently than most of the units here.”

“I’m aware. Trust me, I’ve done my homework on what this unit works to accomplish, and how it gets done. Even when it goes outside of the lines of what the higher-ups want,” she said, a small smile betraying her.

I found myself smiling back. “I’m sure you’ve gotten an earful about me.”

“Not enough to make me dislike you. If anything, hearing that you’re able to piss her off that often only makes me like you more.”

I let out a chuckle, appreciating the honesty, though still not used to it spilling out so easily from somebody I don’t know.

“Well, if you’re ready, I’d like to introduce you to the team,” I said, standing.

What I didn’t say was that I knew they’d love her. I couldn’t have been more right. She settled into the flow of the team as easily as if she’d been there the whole time. It probably helped that she was coming in around the same time as Elle, so they could support one another as new agents. She made fast friends with Reid, helping him to feel seen as a young agent. Obviously Morgan was fast to flirt, but even Gideon took her in quickly.

The thing that shocked me about her presence on the team is that of all the people she could focus on being friends with, she set her sights on me.

“Hotch,” she called out from the elevator, stopping me from opening the doors do the bullpen. “News on baby Hotchner?”

I laughed. Since he was born, she asked for daily updates as if much would change from day to day.

“Same as yesterday. Crying, sleeping, pooping, and eating.”

“Don’t forget the smiling. I’ve seen that kid a few times now, and he’s always smiling,” she noted.

“See? You don’t even have to ask, you already know,” I said, opening the door for her.

She walked ahead. “What if something changes? Then I’ll be behind the times”

“Right,” I nodded. “Haley says thank you for the new blanket, by the way.”

“Of course. The second I found out she was pregnant I started on the knitting. Every baby I know gets a little handmade present.”

“It’s still very kind,” I affirmed, then turned towards my office. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye,” she waved, immediately running over to talk to the group that sat around Reid’s desk.

It was well over a year later when I realized I might have a problem on my hands. Between her knowing me well enough to spot when I was down, and the fact that I didn’t want to talk about it outright, her usual kindness was laid on thick. It wouldn’t usually phase me for her to bring me a coffee or give me a hug.

For some reason, though, on one cold day the coffee she brought tasted extra sweet and the hug she gave me was warmer than ever.

My heart started beating harder.

I panicked, quickly putting distance between us when she let go. Physically, I stood back behind my desk. Mentally, I tried to ignore it all the best I could for months.

Then, in the middle of a suspension and a possible job transfer, Haley got a call. I’d already been suspicious that something was happening behind my back. It certainly didn’t help when I answered the phone, and the caller hung up only for a call to immediately go to her personal cell. It didn’t take much to figure out what was happening from that point on. I pushed it off for the time being, booking it to Milwaukee with Prentiss in tow.

“What are you doing here?” Y/N asked me immediately, concern on her face. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but—“

“It’s a long story.”

“Last I heard, Haley wanted you to transfer.”

“She does.”

“Then, again, what are you doing here?”

I sighed. “I can’t leave this team.”

“We’re talking about this later, you know?”

I smirked. “I know.”

She grilled me for everything when we finally talked that night, but ultimately supported my decision. It felt like a weight off my shoulders to have someone affirm my choice, even if she thought it was kind of stupid on the marriage front.

Now that I see it for what it is, that might have been the moment I realized I couldn’t run from what I felt for her. I knew I had to get over it, but denial was doing nothing. She’d somehow worked her way into being an essential part of my life. Worse, she started making a home in my heart that I really should have torn down as soon as possible.

NEXT PART ->

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x female reader #aaron hotchner series #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner angst #aaron hotchner x you #cowboy like me #the sweetest con #songfic

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oldshrewsburyian · 8 months

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Tagged by @counterwiddershins in the interests of tagging someone you want to get to know better! Or just check in with. Fall's a busy time of year. Thank you! Also I'm so delighted that you're reading Barbara Pym.

Favorite color: the skies are starting to take on the clear, deep blue of autumn here, so: that.

Last song: Schubert, "Lied der Mignon" or "Du bist die Ruh" (both part of my should-be-daily-but-isn't piano tinkering)

Last movie: Schindler's List because, scandalously, I had never seen it. I am now very glad to have seen it and also... oof. Everyone earned those award nominations. I love how it's shot. I'm fascinated by the choices about language, specifically about when German and Polish are left untranslated.

Currently watching: also "Only Murders in the Building"! It's delightful. Also "Winning Time," to my own surprise.

Other stuff I watched this year: There's been so much of this year! I'm expected to remember this? But a few standouts: the end of Endeavour (sob, but I do love a good ending) and Detachment, which will be living in my head rent-free for the foreseeable. Oh, and The Barbie Movie! which was fun, and the final Indiana Jones, which was also fun. Also also it made me cry because neither Harrison Ford nor John Williams was phoning it in and I have many feelings about history and how we love the people around us. I'm also always caught up on Vera, which I will watch until Brenda Blethyn hangs up her disreputable mac (affectionate.)

Shows I dropped this year: Above Suspicion, over a decade old but just arrived on BritBox. Unfortunately, not even Kelly Reilly as a Plucky Detective Sergeant™ and Ciarán Hinds (!!) in a suit (!!!) as her irascible and highly efficient boss are enough to keep me hooked through that much graphic violence against women. Alas.

Currently reading: The Middle Kingdoms (non-fiction.) I just finished Ugresic's Fox, which means I have to break back into Hernan Diaz' Trust or find something that feels more like a bedtime read.

Tagging in the usual non-obligatory sort of way: @bluestockingcouture, @kivrin, @doctornerdington, @aloveforjaneausten, @englishgradinrepair, @aeide-thea, @jomiddlemarch (and if you'd like to join in and consider this your impetus, feel free!)

#about me #tag games #currently reading #and watching

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xmy-love-to-youx · 10 months

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Chapter 3: Months later...

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x reader

Summary: A story about Y/N who joins the Task Force 141. The Y/N is friendly and the team loves her but what about the Ghost. The legend. The man who's heart is so cold he doesn't get attached to anyone...

Warning: None

Price is the cool dad of the team. The kind of dad who gives the boys thier orders then sits back and smokes his cigar and watches them. He obviously steps on to help and assist. John can't stay out of the battlefield, only way he would leave the battlefield for good, is in a body bag which have proven to be impossible. It's like he has incredible armor that doesn't allow him to die or get badly injured.

Months have passed by in a blink of an eye. Individually, I've gotten to know them better. To make it short and sweet.

Soap, the sweet Scotsman, he is guaranteed to put a smile on your face. He can get serious but it's a rare thing to see or hear, even in his seriousness, he would say something that'll leave me giggling. His honesty a very sweet guy and he definitely loves it when I try to mimic his accent, he'll always end up crying with laughter.

Gaz, Kyle Garrick, his like the older brother to me. Always watching me and making sure I'm healthy but his a cheeky basturd and he loves teasing me. Soap and Gaz teaming up on me, is hell but I always have fun.

Then there's Ghost... His colder than ice and dense. He barely looks at me or say more than 5 words to me but somehow I feel like I'm always being watched from the shadows. For a large man, his very silent.

But...

He doesn't bother me...

I have Soap, Gaz and Price who talks to me...

In the bar, the moment I thought we shared, doesn't bother me...

LIAR

Simon is more free and bubbly with the guys but with me, I'm quite the opposite. Like he hates me. Like I don't belong on the team...

Maybe I don't...

I wish I knew what's in his head, what his thinking...

"Y/N? Did you hear us?" Soap's voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

His blue eyes filled with worry, his eyebrows pushed towards each other with a slight frown on his lips.

"Yeah. Sorry. Zoned out for a bit" I brushed off my thoughts and smiled at him.

"I mean she helped Price all night" Gaz wiggles his eyebrows at me, a playful smirk plays on his lips.

This had Soap interested. It's comical how fast his eyebrows shoot up his forehead in shock. His lips form a circle and his eyes scans my face.

I wave my hands and let out a nervous chuckle.

"What?! No, none of that! Take you head out of the gutters! He looked tired and I help him out even after he said no and threatened to stab me if I don't leave!" I told them.

Soap and Gaz looked at each other for a few seconds before looking at me. The way look they had on thier faces... Oh no... Here they go again...

"Oh yeah? What was he gonna stab you with? His second cigar?" Gaz teases.

"I heard it's big. Very big" Soap smirks.

My cheeks burn up and I immediately cover my face, a whine leaves my lips and not long after that, I heard the 2 men burst out into laughter. I look at them and thier eyes are closed and letting out the loudest and happiest laughter I've ever heard. I can't help but let out a chuckle.

Men will be men.

The day moves by quickly, as usual Simon is nowhere to be seen. The shy displayed a beautiful ember color, the sun started setting.

I watched the sun slowly set, my mind slowly relaxes in the scenery.

"You okay?"

I turned around and watched as my Captain walk towards me, a cigar loosely hanging from his lips, his signature hate missing, the gentle breeze tugs on his short brown hair, a gentle and soft smile playing on his lips.

"Yeah I'm okay. Just got a few things on my mind" I respond.

"Wanna talk about it?" he asks.

"It's not a big issue. Just. It's something small that's bother me" I looked at him.

John's eyes had an emotion I've seen before. He invests his time and effort into the team and the people he trusts. He supports them. Like I said, his the dad of the team.

"Ghost. Simon. He doesn't interact with me unless he has to but with you, Soap or Gaz, he talks without holding back" I look at my hands "Is that because I'm the only woman on the team?"

"No. That's not Simon. Gender doesn't matter to him but you got a point... Just hang in there kid" he pats my shoulder.

A smile form's on my lips, maybe I have to be patient with him. I mean he does have a rough past and I don't blame him for not trusting easy. Maybe I'm just rushing things. I'll take my time with him.

#Simon Riley x reader #Ghost x reader #COD x reader

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mugmaniscrazy · 2 years

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if it’s alright, can i ask for a clarification on these hpd symptoms? they feel somewhat familiar to me but there aren’t really any examples that further explain specifically mean.

- vague emotions

- shifting and shallow emotions

- being suggestible / naive

- thinks relationships are more closer than they are

- dramatic exaggerated emotions

i haven’t really seen that many blogs that are open about having hpd and id like to do some research on it + ask others abt their experiences since i suspect to have possible histrionic traits / symptoms interlinked w/ some other comorbid bpd and npd traits.

unfortunately there aren’t a lot of… info that specifically pertains to hpd because it’s not very talked about :(!! if u feel uncomfortable w/ receiving this ask though, feel free to delete it.

Thank you so much for asking me of course I can explain these hpd symptoms to you more in depth.

Vague Emotions: This means like masking or acting faking emotional reactions like for example I had to fake getting excited every Christmas morning growing up or I have to fake empathy as in I apologised sometimes without understanding why I'm in the wrong ? If that makes sense .

Shifting and Swallow emotions : Mood swings like in bpd for example I shift my emotions within minutes like one minute I'm crying then I'm laughing, emotions seems Swallow because of how dramatic our expressions are but I feel emotions as strong as people with bpd sometimes.

Being Suggestible / naive : I tend to make alot of inappropriate jokes such as sexaul jokes . I dress provocatively or wear loads of makeup when around boys in order to attract make attention. Histrionics are hypersexaul. The nativity stems from being too trusting by other people beinh easily influenced by them doing anything for their attention for their approval.

Thinks relationships are more close than they are : This means that I rush into relationships or friendships . When I was young I had s*× with a boy I only knew for a few weeks . I call people my best friend after hanging out with them a few times when in reality these so called " friends " don't put any effort into the friendships like I haven't heard from my guy friends in months they even hung out without me ??

Dramatic exaggerated emotions: Similar to bpd splitting and episodes , my emotional responses to a situation are usually dramatic I'm very animated I over exagger everything even my emotions, I could cry over the smallest of inconveniences . I get meltdowns and have trantrums even though I'm a adult, I actually lose control of myself.

I hope that helped 😁

Thank you

#ask me anything #actually hpd #histrionic personality disorder #actually histrionic #cluster b #hpd #bpd #npd #hpd positivity #honestly histrionic #please reblog #actually autistic #hpd things #histrionic pd #actually cluster b

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lemonade-juley · 1 year

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It's like 3:30am but I feel like making the Rejuv oc mutuals sad. Do ya like angst? Do you like the fictional lil characters experiencing horrible trauma? Well rn I'm gonna drop some info about Anya's past life trauma and how that trauma tortures her in the present despite not even remembering

Trigger warnings for general bullying and other abuse related to bullying. Nothing like, super incredibly detailed or anything but I feel the need to put a warning here. Also if you think I should add anymore trigger tags feel free to tell me

Anyways-

Anya had very severe bullying growing up from a young age up until she ended up dying. She may have had a very loving family but the bullying was intense and she hardly had any friends. A lot of that bullying ended up effecting her big time, and carried over even when she was revived to be made into the Interceptor. That bullying tended to include several things.

-Anya was always considered "weird" and a "nerd". She liked reading and playing games and enjoyed learning and always had good grades in classes. She really liked cat Pokemon a lot, and always wore cat ears because of that and it was an interest she had her whole life even in the present. She did a lot of stimming and the like, and she's always had sensory issues, especially with touch (she always wears gloves because sensory issues in her palms were awful), and Anya was for most of her life, only semi-verbal. Kids are brutal and frequently picked on her for these things. Anya was generally seen as annoying and weird and "too quiet". Teachers and other adults didn't really do anything, and Anya unfortunately convinced herself that she'd just get into more trouble and more bullying if she told her parents. Since she was never physically assaulted (or at least assaulted enough to leave any injuries. She did get pushed down a few times), and her already present difficulties speaking and general shyness were present from the start, her parents also unfortunately never noticed her deteriorating self esteem and growing depression.

-Also, Anya was easy to make cry and frankly still is, plenty of times bullies just bullied just to get her to cry.

-Anya didn't really make many friends, and those who did also got targeted by the bullies, and would end up distancing themselves to avoid it even if they actually liked Anya. She was generally very lonely and tried to avoid doing anything that would put more attention on her, which means she avoided extra curriculars or other after school activities over those fears of getting even more bullying. As Anya got older into middle and high school, her bullies started to get into habit of doing pranks and the like to get her embarrassed. Anya was victim to several "getting fake asked out" pranks, usually pranked by people she actually had a crush on (usually found out one way or another and got spread by rumors). And Anya frequently got "friends" who only really befriended her to convince/force her to do stupid things because Anya was easily duped. Unfortunately all this led to Anya having very bad trust issues and constantly being afraid that her friends can and will just drop her like an unfavored toy or something. It's gotten marginally better with actually having good friends in the Rejuv crew, but the fear of her friends just abandoning her is always in the back of her mind. Getting a crush on Erin felt awful to her because she was afraid she'd end up being the same as her previous crushes. Thankfully and obviously this wasn't the case, but it was a constant fear.

-Anya feels the need to try and hide her stimming, or try and force herself to go without. Frequently made fun of by peers or scolded by adults for doing things like flapping her hands and the like really put her into a mindset of trying to hide anything like that. The most she does usually is maybe play with some object in her pocket or something. Again her close friendships with the main cast help her come out of that she'll, but it's rather slow.

- as for Anya's eventual death in her past life, it actually happened because of the bullying even though it technically was an accident. She fell victim to yet another getting fake asked out by a crush she had, some girl she was actually starting to trust and be close to was only doing so to get the best reaction she could out of Anya from the prank... This caused Anya to break down and just start running away while she was being laughed at. Unfortunately Anya, in a state of crying and barely looking where she was going, ended up running straight into the middle of a practice field where a Pokemon battle was going on. She got hit straight on by an Electivire's thunder punch and was flung full force into a wall. Anya died from her wounds extremely quickly, but the only thing on her mind as she faded was the betrayal of trust and a horrible feeling of relief.

#anyways those are sad Anya facts with jubey!#lemon rambles #oc: anya💙#tw bullying #pokemon rejuvenation

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humlors · 2 years

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day 3 of greystorm week!

heyoo! this one became wayy longer than i’d thought to begin with! this is one of many fjorester moments that made me scream out loud, but greystorm flavored!

prompt: Old Meets New - Recreate a scene from another campaign with @greystormweek!

summary: In a deep underwater cave with limited ways of keeping your air in your lungs, few things and many things may happen.

5k, read on ao3

On paper, the job hadn't seemed like a hard one.

The toughest ones never were, that was something Dorian had learned after many months on the road, scrapping by saving kittens from trees, only to be attacked by the owlbear mother and cubs living in said tree. With more people by his, Orym and Fearne's side though, things felt safer, easier. Yes, he'd get mildly mauled by a creature which nature should have thought twice before producing into the world, beak and claws in his face accompanied by a sure to be very manly scream. But, now the monstrosities would quickly and violently be dealt with, be it with an orb made of pure energy, a very scary dead woman, or a giant glass-maul smashing them to pieces of what they once were.

Though while all of that was a metaphor – more or less – it didn't change the facts. Dorian felt that life was easier in a larger party, no matter how strange many of them might be. More financial freedom, more people to rely on, a safety net in both directions. He was grateful he could trust the Bell's Hell's, as when having a brother on the run from some very crafty and bloodthirsty bounty hunters, he knew he at least could have a shoulder to cry, or at least mildly complain on.

So when their mission led them underwater, he felt like he could finally step up, pay back some respects and all that. The only thing standing in the way, though, was something that he shied away from even on his best day.

“I swear it's gonna work,” Imogen grunted through clenched teeth, a bead of sweat trailing down her cheek. From this angle, Dorian couldn't quite see what she as hunched over, but he'd been in the vicinity when the sorcerer had driven a hard bargain for the enchanted mask that according to the shop keep would allow a person to breathe underwater. Sadly, he'd been having a chat with Laudna only a metre or two away from Imogen when she'd seen the tear in the fabric, effectively breaking the spell. His ears still rang a bit from that. Some day he'd have to ask what all those words meant. Turns out that just because they were words in common didn't mean he had a clue they could be combined in those ways.

"And no one will blame you if it doesn't!" Laudna said sweetly over her companion's shoulder, right before looking up at the rest of the group with the same smile, but all reason gone from her eyes. "Right?"

"'Course not!" Fresh Cut Grass chimed in. (If they were following along in Laudna's cheery morale-upkeep from fear of the undead woman, or simply complete obliviousness, was never quite clear.) Rolling over with a slightly squeaky wheel – next to him, Ashton grimaced in pain at the sharp noise – the robot laid a few cold steel fingers on her shoulder, obviously giving her a quick inspiration. "You'll do anythin' you set your mind to, I'm sure of it!"

Orym looked up from his perch on Fearne's lap, just barely, to give a single thumbs up before once more settling on the faun's soft legs. Fearne smiled gently in the way only she could. Imogen ignored all of them entirely, her eyes and hands alight with concentrated magic. A simple mending spell didn't usually fix enchanted objects, everyone knew that. No one wanted to challenge Imogen when it came to magic. The conundrum was plain and simple.

"How long 'til she cracks, you think?" Came Ashton's low voice from the right of Dorian, with more than a hint of amusement leaking through.

Dorian's breath caught a bit, feeling the other genasi's warm breath gently touch his ear. "Not long," He whispered without meeting the other's eye, congratulating himself for not sounding as affected as he was from Ashton's proximity. "But I'm honestly just waiting for Laudna to pull a handful of hair out any second now."

The deep chuckle Ashton tried to hide behind his hand made Dorian's heart swell in his chest. He chanced a glance in Ashton's direction, letting his gaze trail over the sandy beach they were currently standing in the dunes of. They were probably counting themselves lucky in their usual sleeveless look. The sun above them was relentless, and Dorian couldn't risk taking off his armour before the mission was over. The most likely cooler water looked more and more inviting by the minute.

Ashton had a crooked smile on their face, gold lines glinting beautifully in the daylight, arms crossed. "So…" He began, gaze firm on Imogen's still form and Laudna's pacing (Dorian wasn't looking at their arms, no matter how fantastic they looked, just slightly flexed and up close. No, really.) before trailing up to meet the bard's eyes. "When are you gonna tell 'er you don't need air underwater?"

Dorian's eyebrows shot upwards, a surprised smile making its way to his face. "Huh. Not many people know that."

Ashton shrugged one shoulder (now he definitely wasn't looking.), something mischievous in their mismatched eyes. "I know more than you'd think, blue."

And if Dorian stopped breathing for a second or two, who was even counting?

A yelp of pure, frantic joy broke their short but intense staring match. Both heads snapping forward, Imogen was making a noise halfway between laughing and screaming. "It worked! I said I'd fix it, and I stitched that fucker back! Hah!" she stood up – a bit shakily, her knees surely not liking having been in one position for so long – kicking sand around her, the hand not holding onto the flimsy mask pumping the air in triumph.

Laudna was clapping her hands next to her, relief washing over the previous stress in her face. "Oh, I knew you could do it! Now…" she looked around, everyone suddenly snapped out of the last half hour's respite quickly (Out of the corner of his eye, Dorian spotted Orym leaping into action, newly awoken, fumbling for his sword before realizing that no danger was about, just a very loud and excited sorceress.) "… Who's volunteering for taking a dive?"

Ashton took a step away from the boulder they'd been leaning on, hand shooting up. "I'll do it. Didn't win over Anni in breath holding three Winters' Crest's in a row with nothing to show for it. In case that fix you did isn't permanent." His tone held a just barely held back cockiness that Dorian couldn't help but smile about.

Fearne, after putting Orym back on his feet while still looking a bit disoriented, cocked her head in curiosity. "Winter's Crest? I've never heard of that part of the tradition?"

"Well, we've got this whole – We make it more of a game night, and we've got that whole 'eat apple's from a tank'-thing used a bit more creatively- I guess – Anyway." Ashton explained in a rush, most likely leaving everyone with more questions than answers. He gestured with his thumb over his shoulder in the other genasi's direction. "Dorian's comin' with me."

"Pardon?" Imogen said after a beat. She'd stopped dancing by now, and it was obvious all that energy could easily be redirected into some other emotion. "There's only one mask. You can't-" She paused, eyes trailing over to Dorian, suddenly something like white-hot anger in them. "Dorian. If you knew the spell all this time, so help me-"

"I don't! I-I swear!" Dorian yelped, hands flying up in surrender. "I just… uh…"

He looked at Ashton, a bit helplessly. Of course, they had nothing but a shiteating grin on their face, eyebrows raising with a nod that said, 'No, no, go on. I wanna see this.'

He sighed. Then quickly blurted out, "I- my- my kind can kind of… hold our breath indefinitely. Gets pretty useful when diving a-and, other things. I guess." He could barely look at Imogen at the moment, shuffling his feet in the sand. "I was going to say something but, well, you seemed so set on the mask, so…?"

Braving a glance up, he was not entirely unsure Imogen wouldn't pounce and strangle him where he stood (not that that would have done anything, his mind unhelpfully added.), but instead she was quiet for a moment, took a deep, audible breath through her nose, then said. "Yep, Dorian. You really should'a said something."

"Cool!" Ashton said, clapping their hands together as a way of defusing whatever murderous intent Imogen was about to direct at Dorian. Obviously enjoying this far more than he should, Ashton cast a glance to Dorian with a grin. "Let's get wet then."

Dorian only barely registered Fearne giggling to his left, ducking and shaking his head slightly. And if his cheeks were warm while the party made their way towards the water, who would have seen, anyway?

"And if something goes wrong and panic sets in, you remember you have to-"

"—Get to the surface, yes Orym, I do know basic swimming safety." Dorian couldn't help but laugh while quickly putting his hair up in a rudimentary ponytail. Armour cast off (defence be damned, he knew he'd more easily sink than swim with it on.) he was only in his pants and undershirt by now, and he felt like he could finally appreciate the warm winds flowing into the warm cave they'd moved into. The pool in the middle of the cavern was fragrant of salt and stagnant water, and he'd multiple times seen Fearne drop progressively larger pebbles into it, 'just to see what would happen'.

A few days ago, the chief of the small fishing village they'd been staying in the last week had burst into their rooms, screaming about a robbery, how the thieves taken the village taxes for this month, and how his head would be on the line if the local enforcers stopped being paid and started letting the various monsters living in the area into the community. After a sit down where Laudna and FCG had carefully but firmly explained that he should care more about people, the party had rushed off in the direction the sobbing chief had pointed in. What he'd failed to mention was that the thieves were not in fact a gang of dangerous criminals, but a small crowd of teenaged kenkus with a penchant for shiny thing. The Bells had followed the tracks of feathers and angular footprints to a hill overlooking the nearby ocean. The sound of chatter could be heard from quite far away, the avian creatures whooping and hollering about their latest prey. This meant the party had no issue sneaking up on them. Of course, with the steep hill, they hadn't seen the deep hole in the ground (the birds had been throwing coins into it just to hear them sploosh as they hit the water, just so they could then perfectly replicate the sound just heard. Really, who could blame them?)

So when Grass had rolled forward with a pleasant "Howdy!" as a way to make amends and end this confrontation peacefully, of course the pack of teens had scattered, trying helplessly to fly, all in different directions, all failing miserably. But, of course, not before one of them had knocked over the chest containing the treasury, sending all of it plummeting into the water below.

So after a quick rescue mission to the teens that had accidentally landed in the water, brushing their feathers off, giving them a stern talking to about what's yours to take and what isn't, and another long rant from the chief about how he couldn't have found more miserable mercenaries if he'd tried, they were back. Only, they'd thankfully happened to find a cave that lead directly to the surface of the pool they were to look for treasure in - Laudna's words, not his – which only made the situation marginally better. So much for luck.

Orym still looked slightly concerned, wringing his hands together, a knit between his brows. But instead of saying something more or less useful that would only make Dorian sigh deeper, he turned to Ashton instead. "And you, Ash, we still don't know exactly how long that mask lasts, so the second you've got the chest-"

"—Get to the surface! Yes, I'm aware!" Ashton said with a crooked smile and a grimace, stretching his arms above his head, delighting in hearing a crack or two. "Seems to be the end-all solution to being in the water. Getting out of it."

"It's not exactly the safest place to spend your time, that's all I'm saying." Orym huffed, arms crossing. Dorian did understand him in a way. Growing up on a mountainside like the village of Zephrah would make anyone suspicious about the unexplored parts below earth. "Just - make sure you get up before you're forced to do so."

"Aye aye, cap." Ashton responded non-committally with a small salute, going to remove the various heavy rings and studs on their fingers.

As Dorian made himself ready, decidedly looking away from Ashton – somehow, without all the embellishments, they looked a bit more naked than usual - Fearne's voice came out from nowhere, as it usually did, over his shoulder. "So, you will definitely snag any other things you might find down there?"

Turning, she was smiling that smile that for most of the population meant a face of kindness and trust, but one that Dorian saw through for eagerness for another trinket to add to her collection. Dorian raised an eyebrow with a small, knowing smile. "You know we're doing this as a nice thing, not to gain from?"

Fearne just shrugged innocently, eyes twinkling in the low light Laudna had procured around them. "All I'm saying is that you never know what you might find." she looked down at him, cocking her head slightly. "Maybe a sugilite, lavender quartz…" Her gaze trailed around the cavern, obviously going down a list of some kind. "… I'm sure there might be an amethyst down there you'd like."

Dorian's eyebrows furrowed for a moment, then shot up when realizing the implication. He swallowed hard, neck heating up. "Maybe." He responded, tone high in his throat. "S-still, not why we're here."

He then decidedly moved away from Fearne, who's gaze burned in the back of his neck. Not why we're here, indeed.

Seeing that Ashton was getting an earful from Imogen who was fruitlessly trying to explain how the mask worked, he slid up next to them. "Ready?"

Imogen batted away Ashton's hands, fiddling with the tie in the back of his neck. "Sure! So long as you don't mess with it – I'm serious, Ash, stop it – this should give you at least an hour without harm."

Dorian, seeing Orym's eyes widen in terror, mouthing a frantic 'an hour??' cut him off. "And we should definitely be done by then." Turning to Ashton, he said, "So?"

Ashton adjusted the mask covering the lower part of his face carefully, mismatched eyes glinting with excitement. "So? Who're you waiting for?"

Dorian blinked. "Well, uhm-"

Before he could say another word, Ashton gave him a firm smack in his back before standing up and running, then jumping into the pool and sinking – well, if it wasn't too on the nose – like a rock below the waters.

The splash was loud, water getting everywhere in the cavern. Beside him, Dorian could make out the disgruntled sounds of Imogen grumbling about getting water in places she'd rather not speak of. FCG, who had been standing right by the pool, made no move to wipe themselves off, simply looking curiously down where his friend had taken the plunge.

"Just – get in there." Imogen grunted as Laudna came running with a handkerchief, which she accepted gracefully.

Dorian swallowed the laugh building up, instead wading into the small, shallow plateaus of the pool. Closing his eyes, he took a deep, deep breath before stopping, getting used to the feeling of air flow staying where it was, before closing his hands, palms downwards, and diving beneath the surface.

He thought he'd heard a "Good luck!" right before his ears closed up, sounds becoming muffled and incoherent beneath the water. After sinking a second or two, he opened his eyes, vision blurred for a second, before seeing a dancing light having followed him down, floating in a way that it never really did in the air. Mentally saying a silent thanks to Laudna, he kicked his legs behind him, waved his hands downwards, and took the dive.

The bubbles Ashton had left behind were a helpful guide in locating him, already quite a few feet below. Still, the pool was deep, deeper than expected. While swimming downwards, his ears popped slightly, though he could barely pay attention to it, marvelling at the various plant life living under the waves. It was beautiful, And with the light he could stop anemones, corals and kelp, all shining in marvellous colours he couldn't imagine would look the same above surface.

While getting distracted by a plant – probably a coral that seemed more like a fancy, red mop, swaying back and forth in a way that was positively mesmerizing – Dorian felt a tug on his ankle that very nearly made him startle. Looking down, Ashton was still holding onto him, making eye contact before nodding downwards. Right, just an hour with no telling how deep they might have to go.

Dorian nodded as a silent confirmation, moving downwards as quick as he could muster, hoping he didn't look too embarrassed. In silent unison, the two continued swimming downwards.

The cavern moved in strange crooks at times, Ashton taking time to fill their pockets with stray coins that had fallen out of the chest on its way downwards. Dorian did his best to help, even if Fearne's "helpful" comment about gemstones before made it harder to focus.

Finally, after probably ten or so minutes of swimming, Dorian spotted the chest, lying open and bruised at the very bottom of the pool. Reaching over to tug at Ashton's arm – having gone cool after this amount of time underwater, yet still as calloused and scarred as he remembered from the few touches Ashton had allowed him – he pointed in the direction. Ashton's eyebrows shot upwards as a silent "fucking finally". Dorian couldn't agree more as they quickly moved, gathering the coins, digging in the sand as they slowly but surely gathered up and shut the chest.

When they both felt satisfied, the chest closed and secure enough to be lifted upwards, they both took one of the handles on either side. Ashton made sure to catch Dorian's eye before holding up a hand, showing three fingers. Second by second, he counted one down after the other, before the last one came down, and they both heaved, setting their feet and pushing up, up.

While the chest in itself wasn't huge, and it's contents not even particularly heavy, it took a lot for Dorian not to try to chip for breath, the surrounding water adding resistance enough for it to feel like they were carrying a struggling horse through a sea of syrup. While Ashton's strength outmatched his own, he was proud to say he didn't lag behind all too much, grabbing and pushing off of the cavern wall when it became necessary. They worked in tandem and efficiently.

Once in a while, Dorian couldn't help but to glance over at Ashton, taking brief moments to admire just how flawlessly they seemed to move underwater, how the low light accented the curves of his muscles in a delicate, gentle way. Above the surface, it was hard to watch him in battle, what with having to care about dodging attacks and charging back to ensure his own survival. But here, now, he could finally truly appreciate the way Ashton moved. Harshly, a bit recklessly, but always with a purpose. Dorian savoured it the most he could, letting his gaze trail over the other genasi's neck, fingers, chest…

Focus, he reminded himself, setting his eyes upwards again. Not what we came here for.

Slowly, they worked their way through the same path they came. The same plant life still bloomed as capturing as it had done before. At one point, Dorian's hand slipped from the rock he'd held onto. Panic surging through him for half a second, he grabbed onto part of the red strings of algae he'd admired before, pulling harshly before getting a safe hold once more. He would've breathed a sigh of relief, had he been able to.

Ashton shot him a look of concern, brows furrowed, to which Dorian only shook his head. Danger over, they continued.

The surface was gaining quickly, and at the sight of it, Dorian summoned the last of the strength in his aching arms to pull himself the last stretch quicker than before. The last few metres seemed tougher somehow, Dorian accounting it to seeing the end in sight making it both easier and harder at the same time. Several more lights floating above, as well as their friend's blurred faces gazing into the depths, Dorian heaved, hand firm on his handle of the chest.

Finally, his head breached the surface, and he spluttered, breathing deeply and as well as he could. Head spinning, he felt two sets of hands pulling on his free arm above shore.

"Oh, thank heavens-"

"How far deep down was that thing-?"

"Are you okay-?"

His friend's concerned voices came bombarding to his senses, the slowed down noises below the water he'd quickly gotten used to, making it seem like everything was being said at a much higher frequency than he as used to. He coughed out whatever water had gotten in his airways, taking one last lunge to haul the chest upwards, finally on land again. "I-I'm fine. It went well."

Wiping his face off, he looked up, the rest of the gang all having looks of concern and relief written across their faces. Orym, a bit further off in the cave, had his hands on his knees, head downward, letting out a groan of reprieve. Fearne was half in between casting a comforting smile to Dorian, and halfway gathering the coins that had fallen out of the chest. If she was pocketing for herself at this point, Dorian didn't have the energy to care about.

Feeling a tap of cold metal on the top of his head, he turned to see Fresh Cut Grass silently uttering a few words, a feeling of calmness overflowing him. "I'm sure you're fine but - It never hurts." They smiled (probably. It was always hard to tell.).

Dorian sighed deeply, the satisfaction of a job well done sinking deep in him. Exhaustion tugged at his entire being, and he longed to be some place dryer than where he was right now.

Just about to start complaining about how caverns really shouldn't be as deep and as hard to navigate as this one was, Laudna cut him off.

"Where's Ashton?"

Dorian froze. Whipping his head around, eyes darting around the pool, there was no sign of the other genasi. His eyes focused, and a handful of bubbles floated to the surface, just in the place Ashton had previously held.

Without a second thought, Dorian took another deep breath, and sunk below once more. His mind in high drive, he pushed off a wall, eyes searching for a hint of green, purple, black-

There. About ten feet below, Ashton's fuzzy shape was moving. But not quickly. Hazily, concurrently with the water around them. Not moving by themselves, not truly.

Dorian didn't think, couldn't, as he launched himself in Ashton's direction. Swimming closer, he saw more clearly what was happening, and almost swallowed a mouthful of water in panic.

The red algae, the one's he'd in a moment of need used as a handle before, was wrapped around Ashton's throat, his chest, his arms. Holding him close as a jealous lover would, terrified they would move another centimetre away. Ashton was fighting it, fingers curled around the harsh barbs of the plant. The points of them were sharp, pointed enough to cut through any fabric, enough to-

The mask was floating a bit helplessly, uselessly, about a metre away. Ripped nearly in half. Ashton wouldn't be able to reach for it, not that that was in the forefront of their mind at the moment.

Dorian didn't let panic take over, per se, but he didn't have another thought in his mind when swimming downwards, summoning whatever magic came naturally to him, hands alight and grasping, tearing the algae from their roots and up, except, Get off him. Get off him, now.

Not until the red strands were floating around them, twitching in their last moments of life, did Dorian see the violence he'd caused. It didn't matter. Frantically, he looked at Ashton's face, searching for anything to give him hope.

Their eyes were hazy and unfocused, eyelids slowly closing. From their lips came a few stray bubbles, the last of the preserves he'd had at the moment of attack. His hands floating weakly in the water, seemingly having reached for Dorian in those last moments, before giving up.

No. Dorian's mind raced. No, no, no, no. Grasping the genasi's face, he searched for any spirit left, just enough to get to safety.

None. One eye a clear purple, the other milky white, all stamina was draining quickly.

Dorian acted before thinking, leaning forward and pressing his lips to the other's. Reaching deep, he channelled whatever ancestor and whatever elemental power they'd left behind he could muster, pushing out the never ending air in his lungs and into Ashton's. The moment in itself felt too long, too drawn out, the gentle push of skin against skin, noses bumping against each other, fighting and hoping severely that it would be enough, if only for a moment. Under his fingertips, he registered the molten lines of gold, hard crystals, and the last warmth still in Ashton's body.

He pushed one breath, two, heart beating a thousand times a minute at the third, before he felt a gentle touch at his waist.

Dorian pushed backwards. Ashton's gaze was still unfocused, but he blinked once, twice, eyes darting over the other's face.

Fighting the urge to scream in joy and alleviation, Dorian quickly brought an arm under Ashton's, found a foothold, and kicked them both upwards.

They were heavy, but it didn't matter. An uncountable amount of seconds afterwards, Dorian kicking his feet against the gravity for dear life, he broke surface once more. Next to him, he both felt and heard a large and shaky intake of breath, and it may have been the most beautiful sound he'd heard in his life.

Around him, the Bells had gone into full panic mode, dragging both of them up to land again with intermingled shouts that he couldn't register. Every limb felt heavy and useless, yet he still could feel and missed the density of Ashton's form near him as they were separated. Every breath of air felt like a blessing, resonating in every crevice of his body.

Opening his eyes to see his friends rushing about the two of them, he laid his head down on the cold stone floor, his last ounces of energy having been thoroughly spent. Oxygen getting in his system once more, he registered Ashton about a metre away, coughing up saltwater in quantities that couldn't be healthy, Orym leaning over him, trying feebly to pound at his back.

Above him, Fearne was talking to him, asking something that he didn't hear the separate words of. He didn't care, not now. Instead, feeling droplets of water run over his face, he cast one last glance over at Ashton – alive, breathing, incredible Ashton – and with a single tired smile, let darkness take him.

Birds sung in tune when he woke up again.

The linens he was resting on were harsh on his skin, but warm. Sun rays were hitting his face, and he grimaced at the sensation. With a groan, he turned over on his side, quickly regretting it, as every muscle in his body screamed in protest.

"Dorian, hey."

With a quick intake of breath, he recognized the voice, opening his eyes only a sliver. Light obscuring his vision or not, he noted the room he was in as one of the one's the party had been residing at in the fishing village the days prior. At the end of the bed were a handful of ribbons, as well as the pouch of treats Fearne had assigned for Mister resting. Orym's shield leaned against the wall just below the window he was facing. His own bag of toiletries were laid carefully in a corner. And in the chair where they were supposed to be was...

"Got me worried, there." Ashton said lowly, voice a bit rougher than Dorian remembered. Leaning his elbows on his knees, a small smile slowly worked its way to his face. "Good to see you're still among the living."

Still drowsy with sleep and overexertion, Dorian squinted. "How long was I…?"

"Not long." Ashton shook their head. "Probably just, y'know, a side effect of being underwater without air for a while. Kinda knocks the with outta you."

Despite himself, Dorian laughed quietly. The muscles in his stomach ached in response. He persevered.

Finally looking at Ashton – really looking – he saw dark circles under his eyes, exhaustion weighing hard on him. Around his throat and arms, prickles of newly healed wounds dragging like lines across his skin. "Are you…?" He started, something catching in his throat, letting out a cough before continuing. "You got stuck. How…?"

Ashton shrugged lifelessly, leaning back with a heavy sigh. "I dunno, man. One moment, things were doing good, the next, that shit just – caught me. No idea how it could even do stuff like that." They huffed a humourless laugh before crossing their arms, gaze trailing to the floor between their feet. "Unless you'd come back, I… I dunno."

The memories hit. The panic, the mindless decision to take his face in Dorian's hands, to bring their lips together-

"I'm sorry," was, of course, the first thing out of his mouth, heat rising on his chest and up his face, suddenly feeling more awake than the last second ago. "I-I didn't know what else to do, I just – I know you hate touch like that, but I had to do something -"

"Hey, hey," Ashton showed their palms, speaking in a tone uncharacteristically gentle for his character. "I get it. I don't blame you. You, uh -" They searched for words for a second, knee bouncing, one hand fiddling with a fraying part of their pants. "You did what you had to." They swallowed hard.

Somehow, that statement didn't give the relief Dorian had hoped it would. It had been a necessity, a moment of paralysing shock, nothing else. There were a million things he wanted to say and ask in response, among them being 'hope this won't make things weird', and, 'I'd do it again', and, 'please, don't read into it too much. Please.', but instead, he opted for a relieved, if pushed smile, and a "Yeah. Exactly."

Too many emotions swirled in his guts to be so newly awoken, and the pause that followed hung heavy in the small room.

Eventually, Ashton rose from their chair in a quick move, looking anywhere but the bed. " Anyway, everyone's been hovering for hours now, I'll just – go down, say you're good." They spoke quickly. "Oh yeah, and – uh, the chief guy was fucking overjoyed to see his money back. So that's – settled."

"Good!" Dorian squeezed out, wanting to shrink into the sheets more than he could possibly hope to do.

"Yep," Ashton said, mostly as a way to fill the silence. He stood for a moment, then took a few long and firm strides to the door, the floorboards thudding beneath them.

Content to wallow in his own conflicting emotions for the short amount of time before his friends undoubtably came rushing in, Dorian waited for the door to make its groan of unoiled hinges and then close again. It didn't come.

"Look-" Ashton's gruff voice came again, frustration apparent. Dorian peeked out from under his barricade of sheets, seeing the other genasi hesitating by the door, gaze anywhere but at Dorian. "I didn't – I'm not mad about it. Yeah, I fucking hate when people touch me out of the blue like that, but-"

Dorian sat up slightly, something tugging at him in Ashton's voice. It took a long second, one hand on the handle of the door, but after a deep intake of breath, Ashton met his eye.

"I didn't hate it." They said, let it sink in for half a moment, then opened the door, walked out, and shut it once more.

The bard in the bed didn't move, blinked, blinked again.

The words sunk in. The meaning behind it did. Ashton wasn't an eloquent person, no one would accuse him of that. But in the time Dorian had gotten to know him, know his way of speaking, of his quirks, of his manner of saying things and not at all saying them, he learned to work with them. Work with the feeling, the tough words that hid a tougher front, that peeled oh, so carefully back just a hint, revealed…

Well, Ashton had been waiting in that chair, hadn't he?

Dorian couldn't, wouldn't hold back the smile that came unhindered, that soft, warm feeling settling in the centre of his chest like a home to stay in.

He let it stay. In the moment, it felt like it crystallized, most likely in a shade of purple quartz.

#greystorm #greystorm week #dorian storm #ashton greymoore #critical role #critrole #campaign 3 #it's 3 am and it's finally done. god #this became a monster i had to finish very quickly #but i did it #had this idea the second i saw the prompt #bc who else remembers that air genasis can hold their breath indefinitely? no? only my dorky ass? ok #anyway this is almost completely unedited save spellcheck #dont bust my ass about it #oppost #majsfic

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unknownghosthaunting · 1 year

Text

x info

(thank you sister for allowing me this image)

BASIC INFO

name : x

height : possibly 4'11

age : possibly 8 but mostly unknown

species : "human"?

birthday : April 1th

LOCATION

home country/state : presumably Germany

languages : German,Russian,English, Spanish, French, Italian, Japanese, Chinese

last known location: unknown

PERSONALITY

she's usually described as a heartless hollow child but underneath that she's misunderstood since she suffered alot of trust issues since her death but she's genuinely a sweet and protective child

she's understanding and a emotional support buddy but of course she wouldn't be a killer if that was the case all the time. she can be extremely hostile when wanted/needed she has broken a man's spine once

APPEARANCE

hair : brunette either that or a red shade

eyes : amber gold

skin : tannish

blood : there's some leaking from her stitches on her mouth she has some leaking from her neck and forehead and arms

stitches : she them on her mouth stitching up to her ears

scars/cuts : she has them on her legs majority and one hole like one on her knee

clothing : she has a black shirt with a white text and white like guitar decorations. it says "I may look like I'm listening but I'm listening to music"

pants : pink shorts with a lighter pink stripe

shoes : blue and purple

BACKSTORY

she grew up as a calm little girl who had extreme social anxiety and trust issues so she was always a outcast so then when she finally trusted someone she was immediately wronged after some months after a enough manipulation she was pushed off a cliff ending her life young it's theorized now she wanders around her cries and screams echo in your head when she's chosen you to be her vitcim

FRIENDS

it's very slim and unbelievable but it's thought her and the wanderer may be friends

she could be friends with hazel who enjoys children's presence

or even strawberry who is known for being motherly

[if anyone wants their creepypasta/marble hornets oc or character to be her friend ask :) )

RELATIVES

mother : deceased

dad : deceased

sister : deceased

older brother : deceased

aunt: 4 (2 deceased)

uncles 5 : 1 deceased

cousins : 7 (3 deceased)

pet : Alive

WEAKNESSES

she doesn't really sleep since she's scared of being "killed" and being vunerable so in battle she's very clumsy at times often struggling to keep awake so it's sometimes easy to attack her this way by using her disadvantage of sleep deprivation since the most sleep she gets is 12 mintues.she's a child meaning her abilities are limited like reaching for stuff higher than she can get, along with her weaknesses of being traumatized tho this will leave her screaming and crying afraid, the organization that killed her either it be real or mentioned it's sure to make her have flashbacks and leave for now.generally aim for her bruises,cuts,scars,bloody areas,stitches the most.she is insecure of her stitches and more so just mention those and she will be stunned

POWERS/STRENGTHS

• floating but the limit is only hovering off the ground a few feet (like zaida from down to earth I don't remember the limit-)

• speed, she used to play soccer and more sports.

• stealth she can be very very quiet and sneaky since her ablity to float

• voice impersonation since her death she's been able to repeat her screams and her vitcims screams and voices

• somewhat strength but of course she still struggles

DREAMS/HOPES/WISHES

she wishes for a older brother figure or a real brother despite it not being blood. she wants someone to try and help her feel more protected and understood

LIKES

• feeling safe

• sleep but that's just a wish

• helping people who are in her situation

• helping children in her situation

• soccer

• basketball

• kickball

• dodgeball

• trying to save inocent people

• writing• reading

• swimming (ever seen a pool turn blood red?)

• animals

DISLIKES

• bullies

• the organization that killed her

• high places like cliffs

• bad people

• herself

INSECURITIES

• her scars

• her naive nature

• her naivety

• her stitches

EXTRA

she use to run a lemonade stand and likes cooking and writing since she has a alot of hobbies

(before I say anything! My sister usually does the digital artwork and stories/writing but we share equal work so if you see my content on a account named "camcreepypasta" leave them alone it's my sister. Reminder I'll make a post explaining this

#creepypasta #X creepypasta #Creepypasta oc #X the child

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quasinimity · 9 months

Text

So now I know what power being used directly against me feels like.

It’s rare for me to experience the need to fight for my professional opinion; usually it’s against people I don’t care much about anyway and thus I can brush it off with lack of knowledge or experience. But not against my boss. Not against the person who’s supposed to have my back.

I really choked up today. It felt like I had to really fight to be heard, like simple words we both know what mean didn’t make sense, like I myself and not only my work was on the line. I hate that. And I hate that they went right over my head, against my advice.

In that typical kind of passive way I am when I feel like people are not hearing me, I told them it was their decision in the end: you are the boss, my role is to advise you and you are going against that advice. And maybe it wouldn’t matter, but I feel taken advantage of too and then it really gets me because it gets personal. Because my work is being used by someone else who couldn’t be arsed to do their own and I don’t actually fucking care if they’re not as good as me to do it the right way, because I’ve been helping them for years and they are at best non-existing when I need them. So yeah, it might be for the greater good but I am tired of being so fucking great all the time.

So I feel used, again. Disregarded. My feelings don’t matter because it’s a professional setting and for the first time in my life, that actually doesn’t make sense to me. I want my feelings to matter, I want to be heard and I sure as hell want to be seen not only for the work I do, but for how it is to be the one doing it. I don’t care to be “the good example”. I want to not be walked over when I say something and I certainly don’t want to feel like I’m choking because all I want to do is scream: “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?! WHY DO YOU CARE MORE ABOUT THEM THAN ABOUT ME? WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ONE TO PAY FOR EVERYBODY ELSE AND BE MADE TO FEEL LIKE THE WRONG ONE FOR REFUSING?”

Because I am not selfish right up until the line is crossed. And I will explain myself but I cannot do it in a calm and detached manner when both my ego and integrity are on the line. Because I tried to do it nicely and you didn’t fucking listen.

It puts chinks in the relationship between me and my boss. And there’s quite a few of them by now. I don’t feel like I can really trust them to see my point of view, not to challenge it for what seems like sport instead of earnest resolution. And by god I like them like a person but not as a manager. Too often it feels too much like having to define things that are given and too often it feels like a lot of my narcy childhood. I can’t and I don’t want to deal with it. I do not want to explain why the sky is blue. I do not want to keep saying the same thing over and over and having to listen to ramblings that don’t come even near the point. It’s exhausting and makes me feel very small and very angry. And I want to cry because it’s so fucking pointless and triggering. I know I probably need to work on that for my own sake (I don’t care about them, I care about doing my work well), but it’s just so frustrating because I go in expecting being understood and am met with questioning. And every time I wish for something else to happen, but it just doesn’t. I don’t know if it’s a defect in me, I don’t think so - to have eternal hope is what’s kept me alive, but it also hinders setting appropriate expectations. And I cannot deal with my hope being crushed. Disappointment is the one feeling I’ve never got a handle on, despite being the feeling I’ve probably felt most.

I just hate this. And I dread having to experience this again and again.

#writing

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shingia · 3 years

Note

can i req suna,, akaashi and iwa (and anyone else u want!!) getting jelly abt the s/o hanging out with another guy and being touchy (like the playful smacking or smth) without knowing the guy was their brother? angst to fluff bc i want the ✨ pain ✨ if u dont wanna its fine too,,

thanks bby,, love ur works so much! stay safe and healthy 😫💗

✗ HQ BOYS GETTING JEALOUS OF A GUY WITHOUT KNOWING HE’S YOUR BROTHER ✗

me receiving a request : 🥰 the request including suna :🤩 tysmm bby stay safe and healthy tooo <3

-> suna, iwaizumi, akaashi

-> angst to fluff

-> reblogs help a lot <33

— SUNA

• he hadn’t asked many questions when you told him you couldn’t come over to his house in the afternoon. but now, as he was replaying your snapchat story for the sixth time, he really wished he did

• maybe if he had insisted on coming with you, you wouldn’t have let this guy - that he had never seen, for the record - act so touchy with you

• was it his fault for not making you feel special enough ? to the point that you preferred the company of other men rather than your own boyfriend’s ?

• just the thought of this was enough to make a few of his usually well-hidden insecurities bubble up - most of them due to what his friends always joked about « suna doesn’t care enough to be in a relationship, they’ll all run away after a week ! »

• so yes, suna was hurt, but you didn’t have to see that. your opinion on him was the only one he cared about, he didn’t want to tarnish it. well... your opinion and his little sister’s, who burst into his room as he was about to watch your story for the seventh time to tell him that « someone’s at the door ! »

• not feeling like getting out of bed, it took him a few minutes to drag his feet to the door before finally opening it. and of all the people he could have expected to see, you were the last of them

• « surprise ? » you smiled as you let yourself in, not noticing the surprised look on his face as you greeted him with a tight hug. « i felt bad for cancelling our afternoon together, so i asked my brother to drop me off »

• you weren’t even done talking that suna had already recognized the man in the car that was leaving his driveway. his embrace immediately softened, and a smile crept on his face as he felt all his doubts vanish in a second

• « nuh-uh, don’t take your jacket off beautiful, i’m taking you out », he told you, determined to spoil you in the way he regretted not doing sooner

• at his words, his sister almost magically appeared next to you, coat in hand and ready to go. « you weren’t planning on leaving without me, right ? » she flashed you a toothless grin, grabbing both your hand and his to drag you two outside

• suna shared a deadpanned look with you, « of course not... » you both said in unison as she was already leading the way to her favorite ice cream shop

— IWAIZUMI

• iwa’s trust in you was infinite. but something about the way this guy had his arm playfully wrapped around your shoulders didn’t sit right with him

• his practice had ran late and he was exhausted. but he had promised you he would pop over to the birthday party of your childhood best friend, knowing how much it mattered to you

• but your behavior looked an awful lot like an attempt at making him jealous... and it was working

• was it your way of letting him know that you two weren’t working anymore ? were you just too much of a coward to be clear about it ? he hated to think about you that way. and most of all, he cared about you too much to not step in

• « ok now you got my attention » he told you after pulling you to the side. « if you want to tell me something, go ahead, i’m listening »

• still trapped in the euphoria of the moment, you didn’t really understand how upset he was. but maybe it was for the best, because it allowed you to defuse the tension lightheartedly : « i can’t believe i forgot to introduce you ! » you let out as you dragged him back to where your brother was still standing

• his jaw still clenched, iwa couldn’t even bring himself to shake this stranger’s hand, as friendly as he looked. at least not until you spoke your next words : « he was actually telling me how excited he was to finally met his future brother-in-law ! »

• iwa’s lips slightly parted in confusion, you could almost hear the cogs turning in his head over the music. brother? well that explained a lot of things

• « h-hi, sorry i was... miles away » he apologized before finally shaking the hand your brother was holding out to him

• but once the surprise had passed, another word stuck with him : brother-in-law ? as in « my sibling speaks so highly of you that i’m willing to let you put a ring on their finger even though i have never met you yet » ?

• well, it was good to know that your brother agreed with the plans he’d had for you since day 1...

— AKAASHI

• it was not unusual for akaashi to think that maybe he was not good enough for you. but being actually jealous was a first for him

• he had promised himself to never be too overprotective of you. but the facts were here : it was 3am and the only thing keeping him up was this unknown feeling of pure jealousy

• if he had not been in such a hurry when he witnessed your lighthearted banter and playful fighting with this man in the afternoon, he would’ve come up to you. introduced himself. maybe asked a few questions. if

• suspecting that this unpleasant feeling would not go away unless he talked to you about it, akaashi found himself dialling your number in the middle of the night

• used to his thoughts polluting his mind at unpredictable hours of the day and the night, your ringer was always on. which is why you picked up after only two rings

• « hi angel, i’m sorry to wake you up, i just... » he started, the clarity of his tone letting you know that he had not slept a wink. feeling his hesitation, you were quick to reassure him « it’s ok keiji. what’s going on ? »

• « who were you with ? i mean- this afternoon ? i don’t think i’ve ever met that guy and i was just wondering if... maybe i should ? »

• sitting up straight on your bed, you felt a weight being lifted off your shoulders. if this was the only thing keeping him awake, he should be able to fall asleep in the following minutes. « i was with my brother. but i understand why you were confused, it’s a normal reaction so please don’t blame yourself for that, alright baby ? »

• the gasp you heard on the other end of the line made you chuckle. akaashi’s voice was much less tensed now : « well in that case, yeah i should probably meet him... if you’re ok with that »

• « i’m more than ok with that » you smiled, placing your phone down on your pillow « wanna stay on the phone for a bit ? »

• « that’d be nice », his voice sounded sleepy already, especially above the familiar sound of his covers being pulled up to his chin

— ATSUMU

• how could he put that in words ? he didn’t even know if he was allowed to be jealous because he knew how often you had to see him deal with his many fangirls

• and that was actually what bugged him the most : that he might have already made you feel as shitty as he was feeling now

• but atsumu wasn’t the type to sit down and seriously open up about his feelings. besides, it was much easier to look like a needy boyfriend rather than a vulnerable one

• so he resorted to what he was best at : physical touch as a way to get your attention

• sneaking up behind you, he didn’t give you any warning before wrapping both his arms around your waist and pressing his chest on your back so much that you almost had to bend over

• he really hoped you would be perceptive enough to understand that he wasn’t just being clingy, but in need of a lot of reassurance. and luckily, it was quick to come :

• « tsumu, let me introduce you my brother » you chuckled, understanding how and why he had been mistaken

• one hand still on your waist, he used the other to greet your brother. atsumu did not really seem fazed by the news. of course he was relieved to know that he had nothing to worry about, but this little experience had still been very eye-opening to him

• after your brother had left to give you two some privacy, tsumu’s grip on your waist tightened, but in a softer way

• « ‘m sorry if i ever made ya cry » he let out, completely out of the blue. you didn’t really understand the meaning of this, but it didn’t matter. your hand found its way to his cheek that you brushed lightly with one finger, admiring the how it was slowly turning red. « being jealous sucks... » he added.

• « it does », you approved, giving him a quick peck on the nose. « but there’s nothing and no one that you should worry about, i promise »

• a fond smile lit up his face. you looked sincere, and he really needed to hear that right now. quick as ever, his hands left your waist to come and rest on your cheeks. both holding each other’s faces, you stared at the other for a few seconds, wondering which one of you would give in to a kiss first

TAGLIST : @toworuu @catwithangerissues @miyumiya @livy384 @k0u-minamo2 @fullsundear @hsjvwq @kelsuuki @hiraeth-z @velvetvirgos @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner @47meow @japanesevenom @geektastic84 @noir-blanches-blog @idontlikeyourjob @seiri-ami @atiny-grl-with-luv @admiringlove @nachotrash @kellesvt @aintyourholy @Moonlaeli @catchmewiddershins @duhsies @devilgirlcrybabiey @crystal-lilac @ijustwantfreenetflix @mimaki @maitenight

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst to fluff #haikyuu imagines #suna rintarou x reader #akaashi x reader #iwaizumi x reader #atsumu x reader #suna fluff #akaashi fluff #iwaizumi fluff #atsumu fluff #suna angst #iwaizumi angst #atsumu angst #akaashi angst

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jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue · 3 years

Text

Our little love part 2 - mafia/yandere au Drabble {angst + fluff}

As always please let me know what you think, I am actually going to go to bed now my brain is angry with me for not sleeping.

It seemed the cycle was never ending, you fucking up and pissing them off, them punishing you by drowning you in their love, only letting you come up to breathe so you could swim in your own guilt and submit to them.

You wince as the victim to your latest fuck up gets another blow to his chest. Taehyung and Hobi held onto his arms as Jungkook and Jimin kick and punch the poor individual. You know not to speak, it’ll only make things worse. Temperament was a fickle thing in their lives, trust was everything, and you still had to build yours up again.

“Y/n help please,” Kai whimpers as you stood with your arms crossed looking away.

“Don’t fucking say her name,” Jungkook growled before punching your ex colleague in the face. You’re frowning, the need to beg them to stop was fighting for exit on the top of your tongue, but you bite it down and pray Kai doesn’t say another word. You know if you do as he asks they’d kill him. Your punishment was to watch silently.

Yoongi strolls up behind you, hands in his pockets before he rests his head on your shoulder, watching the display in front of you both.

“Nothing to say little love?” He whispers as your friend groans out in pain.

Please don’t kill him, you want to say, but you just shake your head in defeat. You want to believe they’re better than this, but the evidence of the contrary was never hidden from you. They showed you every side of them whether proud of it or not with bold eyes daring you to stop loving them, pushing your boundaries and morals waiting for you to snap. But the breaking point never came, you loved them, you shouldn’t and you knew it, but you did. You were completely and utterly theirs, yet still they treated you like you hadn’t seen the worst of them. Like you would run away the second you realised they were monsters, not that they would let you run far, only far enough to let you take a single breath before making you drown in them once again.

Yoongi wraps his arms around your waist, keeping an eye on your reactions. The asshole deserved it, not that they cared either way, he tried to take you away from them, that was enough.

Kai was your old partner before you took a very early retirement, what you didn’t know was that he continued the case you were working on before you left; the case of the seven men you now loved and the reason you quit said job. He had called you to meet up for old times sake and you, very naively in Yoongi’s mind, decided it was harmless. But if it was harmless why didn’t you say anything to the boys? You thought Kai didn’t know the reason you handed in your resignation, but he had been keeping an eye on you all before he realised you were the key to their downfall. He knew you harboured some feeling for him in the past and thought you’d reciprocate when he tried to flirt his way into getting his hands on the evidence you collected, he didnt know you burned it all. You lied to him and said you lost it, same difference anyway. This prompted plan b from him.

“Y/n they’re criminals,” he had said to you. “You’re a cop at heart you can’t love them.”

You floundered at his words when you realised he knew, and yet he still asked you to betray them.

“Kai I think I need to go...”

It was a mistake, you knew it then, but he followed you out onto the street and you hoped tonight the men you loved weren’t keeping an eye on you. Maybe naive was an understatement.

“Are they coercing you Y/n! Do they have something on you or are they threatening you?” He calls after you. “Because the Y/n I know would never love killers, what have they done to you?”

It was when he reached his hand out to grab your arm that your boyfriends decided to show themselves from the shadows. Which lead to the situation now, Kai beat up and bruised beyond recognition, and you forced to watch. He falls unconscious and they let him drop to the floor, you hate this side of them, it was cruel and cold but you’d never leave. They turn to face you now, their anger still present despite the last hour of releasing it onto your old partner. They don’t miss the way you’re shaking, the shallow breaths as you try and keep your tears to yourself. As much as you hate their violence, you hate their disappointment in you more.

——————————————————————————

You’re sitting in Joonie’s lap for what you call the debriefing of your punishment, this happened way too often in your opinion. You look down but he wasn’t having it today, tilting your head to look at him by your chin.

“Why did you get punished today little love?” He starts the same way as usual.

“I went out without telling you guys where I was going or who with,” you say while fiddling with your fingers out of nervous habit.

“And?” Hobi sits across from you in a chair, legs straddling the back and an elbow rested on top with his fist holding up his face. Hobi was hardest to pacify, he was ruthless and unforgiving and while that didn’t extend to you, you still had a hard time with his stubborn anger.

“I met up with Kai, and I let him touch me,” you’ve done this too many times before to not know how it worked. Kai’s ‘touch’ obviously meant nothing to you but for them it was the worst crime anyone could commit against their little love.

You remember the time you nearly tripped in the park and a guy steadied you politely, but you still had to hold Jungkook back from throwing hands.

“Kookie would you rather I fell and hurt myself?” No he hadn’t wanted that so he grumbled in agreement still seething but you cooled it down. “Instead of hitting him maybe you should thank him,” it was a joke but it made the youngest scoff.

“Baby girl why can’t you just be good?” Namjoon’s sigh brings you back to the present. “Why do you always have to test us like this?”

You didn’t mean to, you want to say it but the words are stuck below the sob in your throat. You actually whimper as his tone, bottom lip wobbling pathetically. He hadn’t even told you off properly, but you already felt like a mess as he bathed you in his disappointment. That was the common consequence of your actions and you hated it, you couldn’t do anything right.

——————————————————————————

“Jin do you need help with the food?” You ask your eldest boyfriend politely, he was frowning and you thought it was because today’s meal was too much for him to handle alone, his tone of voice made you realise it was because of you.

“No, I’m alright,” he doesn’t look at you as he speaks and you’re left gaping at him like a fish. Jin loved it when you cooked with him, it was your bonding time without the others, although Yoongi would join you from time to time. The others also tried but Jin wouldn’t let them anywhere near the kitchen, they hogged you enough anyway.

You feel your soul deflate, still standing there as he ignored you.

“Are you mad at me too?”

The way you said it made his heart twinge with guilt, but the others were right you wouldn’t learn and your first betrayal was still fresh on their minds. He sighs and you turn away, refusing to crying in front of them for the tenth time that day. What was wrong with you? Ever since that day where they found out who you really were you felt like you werent enough anymore, you tried so hard to make up for it all but you kept messing up. You weren’t like this before, but after seeing the hurt you put them through you were constantly on edge and second guessing yourself. You wish you could go back and stop them from ever finding out.

Jin hears the sniffle as you walk away and he can’t go through with it.

“Wait little love,” he calls for you. “I forgot to cut the onions, would you mind?”

You shake your head, you didn’t mind, but you didn’t trust your voice to answer for you. Youre grateful to Jin for giving you this task, it hides the fact you’re crying, but you know he doesn’t miss it.

——————————————————————————

Jimin and Taehyung were giving you narrowed stern gazes through dinner, it put you off your food which resulted in getting told off by Jin just after he branched out to you in the kitchen.

You felt alone, like the seven men you loved were against you and there was no one to blame but yourself.

“I’m sorry,” you say quietly before getting up and removing yourself from the dinner table and dining room, ignoring all of their stares. You decide maybe an early night is best, you could start again fresh tomorrow. You don’t get too far up the stairs before a hand pulls you back, you turn to see Jimin with Tae a few steps behind him.

You’re so used to seeing them laugh and play around that it feels like you’re looking at different people. Even during missions or gun fights, the youngest three were always joking their way through the bloodshed, keeping scores of who got the most headshots and other grotesque games. You remember the time Jimin and Tae called you during he middle of a shoot out, arguing with you and each other over who you loved more out of the two while you begged them to not get shot or killed.

“Why did you go see him Y/n?” Jimin asked, he wore the demeanour he used for enemies and it takes you back to that night.

“I... h-he said he wanted to see me to catch up,” you explain but you know it’ll fall on deaf ears.

“And you thought that was a good idea, to see your old cop buddy?” His tone makes you feel stupid, you weren’t stupid.

“He was my friend Jimin,” you say in disbelief, you know in the end it was a mistake but at the time it didn’t seem like the worst idea in the world.

“You’re ours,” Taehyung moved forward, towering over you even though he’s a step below you. His face is close to your own, eyes burning into yours as he looks disgusted at the words that left your mouth as if they’re still attached to you. “How do you think we felt when you went to see another detective? Do you have any idea what was going through our heads?”

“Tae I love you,” you lean away from him, searching his face for a hint of softness and love in his gaze, but there was only fire. “You know I wouldn’t, you all know I wouldn’t, I left that life for you why would I turn back to it?”

He stalks away from you without a word, Jimin close behind, giving you a final cold glance before leaving you alone. You thought your love could make them better but if anything you made their darkness worse.

——————————————————————————

Jungkook needed to vent, the only way he knew how was physically. Obviously it wasn’t the cleverest thing he’s done, taking rounds with the punching bag only to open up the cuts on his hand from beating the bastard earlier. He mutters a few curse words under his breath, why did you make matters worse? Maybe they were being harsh on you before today, finding any excuse to punish you a little, test your boundaries and see if you would run, but today they honestly feared that was what happened. They thought you chose to leave them and go back to the life you had before them, but they’d never let you go, they couldn’t let you go. Despite everything you loved them and they worshipped the ground you walked on. You were everything for them now, there’s be no point to any of them without you. Why didn’t you understand that?

He throws another punch to the bag, spreading his blood across them, it hurt like hell, but the thought of you running back to your old partner still played on all of their minds. He wanted to cry, he wanted to find you and beg you to never leave them, they’d be nothing without you.

There’s a knock on the door and he finds you on the other side, waiting for permission to come in. You never waited for permission, it makes him frown, maybe they were too harsh on you today. He could see you shuffling your weight, insecurity screaming through your eyes, you feared his rejection more than his anger.

He notices the first aid kit in your hand, you must’ve heard him. He doesn’t let the fluttering in his chest reach his face as he sits on the bench, waiting for you to come to him.

His gaze is expectant, daring you to cross the threshold and face him, you were no coward, you didn’t fear them the way others did, why were you behaving so meekly now? You force yourself to move and sit beside him, setting the kit down and pushing your hair back behind your ears. He doesn’t move his gaze away from you, even with the sweat and hair hanging in front of his face.

You carefully take a his hand into yours, sucking air between your teeth at how injured it was.

“I’m sorry you hurt yourself because of me,” you say, eyes on his bloodied knuckle as you press the ointment against the open wounds. “Are you sure you want me to stay, I keep hurting you...”

You try to sound like you’re joking, that you’re okay and the hurt isn’t weighing you down with your doubts. He frowns, they really did take it too far. He sets down the cotton wool from your grasp, taking both of hands into his before kissing each finger delicately without letting you look away.

“You’re perfect little love,” Jungkook says, reassuring you with no question in his voice. “We’re the ones who don’t deserve you, we’re mean and cruel but we’re never letting you go.”

You remember how loving they were before that night, maybe while they accepted the truth at face value they could never really forgive you in their hearts. Maybe that’s why they were being like this, they didn’t love you the same way anymore.

“Do you love me?” You had to know, the doubt was eating you alive.

He looks at you as if you’re insane, maybe you are, you don’t know anymore.

“Little love, don’t you see how much we love you?” He asks sincerely. “We would do anything for that love even if it made you hate us, you belong with us, and no one is going to take you away.”

You could see the crazed look in his face grow as he spoke, you believed him, the honestly worn like a heart on a sleeve. But his answer bought a wave clarity to your hazed vision, you made them like this, you made them worse, you had to leave.

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unfoundhoney · 3 years

Text

a sister’s sacrifice ; part two ↠

↠ platonic!c!sleepy bois inc x fem!reader , platonic!c!tubbo x fem!reader ; angst with a minuscule amount of fluff

↠ masterlist

↠ part one ; part two ; part three ;

↠ @leafyturtle @basheverythingyesterday @terribletoothbat

after all is said and done

after l’manberg is left half-ruined but still breathing

after techno runs off

after tommy and tubbo take seats in the cabinet

after wilbur has been killed by phil

after it all, you leave

you leave l’manberg & the rest of the server & refuse to pick a side

you move to a dark oak forest & build a little cottage for yourself hidden among the trees

you’re tired

you’re so so tired of everything & you just want to be at peace

of course, you could never fully leave everything

you’re still visited by your brothers (those that are left) & your friends

you help niki with her flower shop & various other building projects

you remain out of any political affairs tommy & tubbo are involved in

but you still spend most of your time alone in the woods

you’re content living like this

are you happy with the way your life has turned out?

god no

but you can live with being content

& then ghostbur shows up

(ghostbur) hello! are you the y/n phil keeps talking about?

you wanna talk about trauma?

let’s talk about being approached out of nowhere in the middle of the woods while mushroom hunting by your DEAD BROTHER and a blue sheep on a leash

what the f u c

(you, bewildered) ...will?

(ghostbur) i’m not wilbur. not the one you knew. i’m ghostbur! are you y/n? you look like phil described & i haven’t managed to find any other houses hidden in the dark oak forest.

this is... great

ghostbur becomes quite attached to you

will had distanced himself while living in pogtopia as his mental state deteriorated

it seems ghostbur is fulfilling the closeness alivebur wishes to have had maintained with you

.......

cool

this is fine

it’s totally fine

ghostbur visits you often

even though you know it’s not really your wilbur, it’s nice in some odd way to have a version of wilbur still around

it’s through ghostbur that you learn of tommy’s exile, long after it had happened

it seems no one wanted a protective mama bear y/n sent after them, so during your brief visits to the main residential areas, talk of tommy’s exile was conventiently never a conversation piece

you just figured he was busy or distracted or avoiding you like a moody teen

then ghostbur hands you a small letter one day

(you) what’s this?

(ghostbur) it’s an invitation to tommy’s beach party. he’s been quite lonely in exile

(you) quite lonely in what now

ghostbur fills you in as best as his little ghost brain can on what’s happened with tommy & burning down geroge’s house & tubbo exiling him

what do you mEAN TUBBO EXILED TOMMY????

WTFFFFF??????!!!

CAN YOU GET A BREAK????!!!?!?!?

WHAT ARE THESE IDIOT CHILDREN DOING

you’re the only person to get an invite

you watch from afar, wary of approaching your youngest brother with dream so close

you wait for dream to leave before going to him

(you) tommy?

(tommy) ...y/n!

you catch him in a hug without hesitation

(tommy) i knew you’d come

(you) tommy, i’m so sorry. i had no idea you’d even been exiled or i would have visited you immediately-... are you okay?

tommy is so....

he’s so.......

worn down

his clothes are torn & dirty, he has bags under his eyes

he’s thinner than he used to be, which is very concerning as he’s always been a bit of a walking stick

he just looks so tired

the usual fire that burns behind his eyes whether in anger or mischief or just happiness is nonexistent

(tommy) what?

(you) are you okay? i’d been worried because i hadn’t seen you around and- god, i’m so sorry. i should’ve looked for you or asked about you but i just assumed and now this and-... tom?

tommy just starts crying

because he thought you’d stopped caring about him too

he thought everyone stopped caring about him

but you’re here & you’re concerned & you’re as caring as usual

he buries his face in your shoulder & just cries his little heart out

you hold him and pet his hair and just let him cry

(you) tommy

(tommy) yeah?

(you) come home with me

(tommy) what?

(you) come home with me. you can live with me for the time being & we’ll get this sorted out, okay?

you’d seen how manipulative dream was being even in the short time you’d watched him & your brother, so it takes some convincing but soon tommy has packed his things & is heading out with you back to your home in the dark oak forest

you spend a while nursing him back to health, both physically & mentally

it’s truly heartbreaking having to recondition him out of the dependent mindset on dream

it also pisses you the fuck off but you focus your energy on tommy, not on revenge

tommy tries many times to convince you to come back

to go back to l’manberg & “plant the seed of rebellion”

which wasn’t even call for an actual rebellion, just that you could go back & raise hell about your littlest brother being exiled & demand he be allowed back

but time & time again you refuse

you are content staying away from everything & remaining out of conflict

tommy is very much not

so you lead him to techno’s new home

(you) don’t cause too much trouble for him

(tommy) he blew up l’manberg!

(you) wilbur blew up l’manberg. techno just tried to kill the government

you leave him there & head back home

do you get a moderately angry visit a few days later from techno, who eventually agrees to helping tommy upon your asking?

possibly

you’re not present when tommy & techno sneak onto the smp

you’re not there when tommy & tubbo fight

or during the doomsday war when techno, phil, & dream lay waste to l’manberg once and for all

you’re aware, yes

you’re around, you’re in the know

you just remain out of conflict & out of sight

you’re also not there to say goodbye to tommy & tubbo as they head off for their final battle with dream

that little tidbit you weren’t caught up on, too busy wallowing in your own self misery & crying over your broken family

but ghostbur comes to visit that day

(ghostbur) hello, y/n!

(you) hello, ghostbur. it’s nice to see you

(ghostbur) you, as well! would you like some blue

(you) no. thank you.

(ghostbur) i sure do hope tommy & tubbo come back alright

(you) come back from what?

you were expecting “a trip to the nether,” “a journey to a new woodland mansion,” “a search for sunken ships”

instead, you get:

(ghostbur) their final battle with dream. they set off not too long ago

(you) ........if you’ll excuse me

you head off immediately, tracking tommy & tubbo despite all odds

you do not care, those are your brothers & they are not dying on your watch to dream of all people

they may have been told it’s a battle

they may think they have a chance

but this is dream we’re talking about

you know a trap when you see one

you climb up the mountainside as stealthily as possible

you arrive just in time to hear tubbo’s screams as he is cornered and killed by dream, losing his second canon life

tommy seems to be beat into submission as dream threatens to kill tubbo a final time, who respawns defenseless without any of his items

dreams leads them down into the mountain, villain monologuing the whole way

dramatic bitch

you jump down after them, tired of hearing him threaten your brothers

(you) i think you’ve said enough, dream

(dream) there you are. i was beginning to wonder when mama bear would show up

you put yourself between dream and your brothers

(you) you won’t hurt them anymore. i’m taking them & we’re leaving

(dream) i don’t think that’s up to you, y/n

(you) we’ll see

you take the first swing at dream, landing a clean hack at his shoulder with your axe

but again

this is dream we’re talking about

you’ve never been the most talented fighter & dream is second only to technoblade

i.e. you never stood a chance

but all reason went out the window when it comes to saving your brothers

soon you’re backed against a wall, dream’s axe at your throat

(dream) well this was a waste of time

(you) you’re a monster

(dream) thanks

(you) you think distancing yourself from everyone & everything will work? trust me, it doesn’t. it doesn’t matter how far away you move or how much you push those you love away, those feelings will always be there

dream considers you for a moment

you hope he at least has no satisfaction as you stare back in defiance

you’re unafraid; coming down here was a death sentence & yet you still jumped in headfirst

(dream) maybe for someone like you. but i’m not like you. i don’t care about anything or anyone on this server. i’m not burdened by attachment & i will never be again.

(you) i pity you, dream

(dream) pity me in hell

dreams draws his arm back & swings his axe down

you will lose your final canon life to dream, for your brothers

it’s always for your brothers

as much as you think you should hate them, hate everyone for everything that has happened to you

you can’t

they’re your family

you’ll love them infinitely

tubbo gasps in shock & tommy gives a yell of protest

you know they love you, too

you close your eyes

dream’s axe meets your neck

and you’re gone

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favoniuscodex · 3 years

Text

detention. [tartaglia x reader]

prompt: high school delinquent tartaglia w/ student council president reader pairing: childe/tartaglia x f!reader word count: 2.1k warnings: mentions of sexual harassment, (very little) blood, childe enjoying fighting other people like always, but overall very lighthearted! a/n: bye i got carried away with this one, this is certainly not a short scenario lol. part of my 900 follower event!

“you’re in here?” an all-too-familiar voice says incredulously, causing you to cringe. you look up from the homework in front of you and make eye contact with the incredibly smug ginger-haired boy who leans in the entrance of the classroom, ocean-blue eyes twinkling with amusement.

“it’s no surprise that you would be here,” you retort, before going back to your schoolwork. you furrow your eyebrows as you hear his footsteps approach you and bite back a sigh as he chooses the seat directly next to you. he drags the chair out from underneath his chosen desk noisily across the linoleum floor and you take a deep breath as you hear its metal legs groan against the dilapidated flooring.

“so,” the boy persists, sitting down in his chair backwards and leaning forward on the backrest, looking over at you. “how’d the princess end up in detention?”

“shouldn’t you be using this time to do homework?” you deflect and he genuinely laughs, as if the thought was preposterous for you to suggest.

“sorry, sweetheart, i don’t exactly have…” he pauses, before turning the worksheet underneath your palms towards him and sliding it to the edge of your desk. “what the hell even is this? this is definitely some alien language.”

“it’s multivariable calculus,” you explain and look over at him with a stoic expression, only to see his eyes widen and a smirk form on his face.

“you know how to do that shit?” he breathes in awe, folding his arms on the backrest of the chair. he lets out a huff of amusement as you grumpily move the paper back to its original position. “that’s kind of hot.”

you rip your gaze from him and stare at the paper in front of you, doing your best to ignore his comments. your eyes instinctively widen a bit in shock and you feel heat rise to your face and childe lets out a soft laugh in response.

“ajax,” you begin in an attempt to collect yourself. “some of us actually desire to pass our classes.” your voice is level as you brush off his flirtations, but you feel your heart beating wildly. the boy, childe, knew how to flirt with you just as well as he knew how to annoy you.

“ah, princess,” the boy chuckles, his voice dropping low with condescension. “it’s tartaglia. you’re asking for trouble when you call me that~.” he’s amused at your words, leaning in closer to you.

“i’m not calling you by your dumb soundcloud rapper name,” you insist as you attempt to focus on finding the surface area of some hyperboloid given by the equation on the worksheet before you. the noise of your mechanical pencil scratching at the paper in front of you fills the air between the two of you as childe stares at you in shock, before letting out a sharp laugh.

“you’re adorable,” he confesses, but you simply huff in displeasure and lean in closer to your worksheet, trying to block him out. “for real though, how’d such an insouciant girl like you end up in here?”

you choose to ignore him, before you process his words and look at him in confusion. “w... what do you think insouciant means?” you almost sound aghast at his words and childe shrugs in response.

“hm,” he responds, as if he’s actually pondering, before a smile returns to his face. “don’t know, don’t care~. guess i used it wrong, huh?”

“yes.” you respond, but before you can continue your work, ajax reaches over and snatches the mechanical pencil out of your hand.

“answer the question and i’ll leave you alone,” he says, holding the pencil out of your reach as you fruitlessly try to grab it back.

“fine,” you respond bitterly. “i punched someone in the face.”

you glance at him and watch his eyes widen, a grin spreading over his face.

“holy shit, that’s so hot. i never thought you’d do something like that. jeez.” his face flushes with excitement as he leans forward, unceremoniously dropping the pencil in front of him. his words are excited and you suddenly wish you had lied and told him you were late to class. “so, like, did they ask you one too many times for homework answers? were you stopping them from trying to take your president seat? did they beat your score on the last chem test? there’s so many possibilities…”

he sighs almost dreamily. you grab your freshly retrieved pencil far too tightly in irritation and return to the paper before you. “no,” you respond, your voice uncharacteristically sharper than the usual tone of distaste you held towards childe. his smile suddenly drops, noticing that the air between the two of you had turned from slight irritation to full, seething anger. his eyebrows furrow in concern.

“princess,” he says lowly, words cautious. “why’d you punch someone?” his words are authoritative, but you knew that if you said you didn’t want to talk about it, he’d find a way to drop the topic. plus, he’d probably find out eventually. the event had happened in a busy hallway after all and you were the refined student council president who had never broken a rule before in her life.

you let out a sigh of defeat, closing your eyes briefly, before turning in your chair to face ajax. his cerulean irises pierce into yours with a seriousness you had never seen before and you decide that maybe, despite all of the ways he annoys you and makes your heart beat faster, you can trust him. after all, he’s always kept all of his promises to you, throughout all the times he’s stopped to pester you whenever he saw you, whether it be in the hallway, in class, or outside of school.

“okay,” you begin, letting out a nervous huff of air, running your palms across your thighs in a comforting motion. “i... punched a guy who… wouldn’t take no for an answer. he crossed a few boundaries and… got a fist to the face because of it.”

your friends had always complained about how childe was bad news, constantly running into trouble with others and winding up in detention half the time because of it. if you had counted correctly, he had been suspended twice for reasons you hadn’t bothered to ask about, because in your eyes, the boy was no more than a harmless pest, always smiling, cheerful, and persistent in trying to flirt with you and in trying to become your friend. despite your half hearted attempts to shoo him away, ajax would always bounce back and increase his flirtations, never failing to make your heart beat faster.

but now, as you watched his fists clench on his thighs, his knuckles turning white and his fingernails digging sharply into his skin, you realize that the ajax you had experienced was a far cry from what most people experienced. his expression looks murderous and you realize that maybe he had actually earned the fearsome nickname of tartaglia. you suddenly appreciate the fact that you weren’t on the delinquent’s bad side, because the rage that swirls in his baby blues makes your blood run cold. it also makes your heart beat faster, but not in fear.

you silently question why you were finding tartaglia’s attractive. such a reaction was a massive red flag, but you figured you could probably use it to decorate your walls, splay it across the length of your bed, and stare at it in admiration. you begin to ponder what other decorations you could use in your bedroom, including a six foot tall redhead with the clearest blue eyes you had ever seen, but childe’s words snap you out of your reverie.

“who did it?” his words are steely and foreboding, uttered in a lower tone than you’ve ever heard him speak with. normal people were of the mind that snitches get stitches, but luckily, you were a goody-two-shoes who loved to rat on everyone. you smile giddily, cheeks warm from admiring the rage that churned within the man before you, and part your lips to respond. however, the trill of the end of day bell interrupts the two of you, signaling the beginning of detention.

childe lets out a huff of contempt and interrupts you before you can once again try to say the words. “yeah, okay, whatever, don’t worry about it. just... work on your homework or something.” he says dismissively and you’re briefly confused until you see him whip out a textbook.

holy shit, he actually goes to class? you wonder, before seeing him flip open the pages, put the book in his lap, then nestle his cell phone with in the pages in a haphazard attempt to seem like he is studying. you watch briefly as his fingers fly across the touchscreen and his thumbs type out an angry message to some person you couldn’t see the contact name of.

the teacher at the front of the room commands your attention and you pay attention to their words before returning to your homework, only bothering to glance over at him every few minutes. his position remains unchanged for the rest of the detention session, furiously typing nearly the entire time.

when detention ends, he leaves wordlessly. rather than pestering you to accompany him somewhere, he simply slams his textbook shut, tosses it hastily in his backpack, and storms out of the room without making eye contact with you.

---

school begins the next day and you are standing at your locker and grabbing your textbooks when a familiar, chipper voice interrupts you.

“heya, princess!” he greets, peering around the metal door of your locker.

“hey,” you respond unamused, before turning to look at him and ask him what he wants, but the sight of the boy causes you to freeze in your tracks. his eye is mottled with purple, yellow, and blue bruises and his bottom lip is busted open. his hair is disheveled and there’s a proud look in his eye as he smiles at you, before wincing at the action as his lip begins to bleed once more.

“what happened to you?” you ask incredulously before turning to rifle through your backpack for a tissue to give to ajax.

“ah,” childe responds in a mischievous tone. “let’s just say you won’t have to worry about a certain problem anymore.”

“you’re still here,” you instinctively respond as your fingers finally grasp the packet of tissues in your backpack. upon actually digesting his words, you nearly drop the tissues before hastily pulling one out of the packet and holding it out to him. “wait, what? did you fight him?” you stare at him with eyes blown wide open and he smugly smiles at you in response before cheekily taking the tissue from your hands and wiping the blood off his chin.

“yep!” his voice is far too cheerful for the situation at hand, but you can’t help but crack a smile at his words. “a knight always has to protect his princess.”

your face flushes with heat and you instinctively look away from him, unsure of what to make of such a bold flirtation. you let out a nervous giggle, taken aback by him being so forward about literally beating the shit out of a guy on your behalf. “you’re insane,” you say, but your happiness can’t help but leak into your words and grins at you, eyes shining with admiration.

“go to dinner with me.” he blurts out confidently, but a faint nervousness hides in his expression. despite his best attempts to seem nonchalant, you see right through it, but such vulnerability in his appearance causes you to respond without hesitation.

“okay.” you respond softly and a shy smile begins to creep over your face as ajax blinks at you in surprise.

“oh... cool,” his words are dazed, as if he hadn’t expected such a response, but his smile only grows wider. “awesome, yeah, cool.” his attempts to play it cool fail, especially as he stumbles a bit when he tries to lean on the door of your locker, only to have it swing out from under his weight.

“a princess always has to thank her knight, after all,” you respond with a soft giggle and childe’s expression softens, a smitten expression crossing his face. the warning bell for first period rings and childe holds out a freshly bandage hand to you.

you place your hand in his and he holds your hand with such a featherlight touch that, if not for the bandages that brush against your skin, you would have doubted that he ever could have hurt anyone. besides, you knew he only would hurt people who were asking for it.

#got war flashbacks to a certain fic i SHOULD be working on while writing the word 'knight'#hm i like this dynamic im just not sure how i feel abt this piece as a whole #childe x reader #genshin impact x reader #tartaglia x reader #childe scenarios #*writing #*my writing #*childe #*tartaglia #*fic #*900 follower event

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absolutelyfizzing · 3 years

Text

he promised

poe dameron x reader

description - Poe always promised he would come back from missions. One time he doesn't. (Ends in fluff i promise i promise)

warnings - depression?, anxiety?, fem pronouns, talk of injury and death, grief, fluff at the end, use of petnames, reader gets carried for a while and sits on a lap, mentions of eating and eating avoidance (not ed)

word count - 3800

A/N - so this was an oops. I wrote this hella fast but i was in the zone and i am pretty happy with the emotionally devastating product. I promise it has a happy ending i just dont want to give too much away. I feel like for maximum emotional damage you need to be a little in the dark. anyway, forgive me

MASTERLIST

You were stood in the command center with your hands wringing together. No matter how many missions Poe went on, the waiting was always hell. How were you supposed to remain sane when the love of your life was out fighting a battle that he might not come back from. That you might never see him again. He always reassured you that he would always come back to you. That you never had anything to worry about. You tried to believe him, and for the most part you did, but that didn't prevent you from being worried when he was gone.

You listened through the coms, trying to keep track of what was happening during the battle. Leia let you stay in there because she had a soft spot for you, as well as the pilot you were worried about. You were thankful she let you listen in on every mission, it meant that you weren't alone worrying in the room you shared with Poe. The conversation over coms was rushed and loud, they were scared and that made your heart beat faster.

'I have to go through, they're gonna come after us if I don't.' You heard your fiance yell. Worry stuck in the pit of your stomach, he was going to take a risk, you could feel it.

'Poe, it's not worth it. We should get out of here while we still can'. You agreed, wanting him to get out of there as soon as possible. You prayed he would listen and just get out.

'I have to try, I can't go back knowing that they could be following us to base.'

'Poe wait-' You heard someone rush out before comotion ensued again. You could feel your heart in your throat. You could have cried. After a minute of listening to pure chaos, nobody in the control room dared to speak a word. Everyone was waiting for an indication of what to do from the squadron. You found yourself zoning out in your worry. You were only broken out of your trance when you heard your fiance's name.

'Poe is down.' You stopped breathing.

"Down? What do you mean down?" You heard Leia call over comms.

'I'm sorry commander, he got hit. His X-Wing engine got shot and he was heading to crash on the planet right below us, his coms died. There's no way to know if he made it through but I don't know many who could take that crash and live. We have to head out and hope he comes back to base but I wouldn't get my hopes up.'

"Get out of there while you still can. We will have to worry about Poe when we gather our strength." Leia responded and the squadron called their understanding before the process of bringing them home began. You hadn't moved. You weren't sure if you had breathed. Your body was fully numb. You could feel eyes on you as everyone waited for you to respond. To show some emotion of your boyfriend having just gone MIA. You couldn't feel yourself though, your fingertips were numb, and you refused to believe he was dead. He promised. He told you he would come home.

Your brain was split between trying to grieve for the loss of the love of your life and trusting that he would be back. That he had to come back because he promised he would and he never breaks a promise. You felt hands on you and you realized you had fallen to sit in your spot. Leia was above you and was ushering you to your feet. You mindlessly let her push you somewhere and you barely even looked to see where you were going.

Eventually you showed up at your apartment door. You couldn't tell whether it felt like it had been instantaneous or an eternity to get there. Leia unlocked your door and pushed you inside and to the small couch that was stood in the living room-like space. The apartments were all very small, Poe had one a little bigger because he was housing with another person and because of his rank. Still, the extra amenities included a small couch, a smaller kitchen, and a window along the bedroom wall. When Leia sat you on the couch she kneeled in front of you. Her hand went to your cheek and you looked at her for the first time since you'd heard Poe go down. She seemed to almost be in tears but your eyes were dry. You didn't feel anything.

"Y/N, what can I do?" She asked gently. "Do you need anything?" You felt yourself shake your head and open your mouth like you were going to talk but closed it again as you thought.

"He said... He said he was coming back." You stated as if it changed the situation. "He promised." You mumbled.

"I know, Y/N. I am so sorry." She tried to console and your head shook. "We don't know what happened after he went down. You heard the team. He might contact us in the next few days, he is a smart man and he knows how to get a message out. But I don't want it to hurt you more if he never does." She tries to reason and you shook your head.

"No, you don't understand. He promised, " your head was spinning, "he's coming back." You felt tears fall down your face. When had you started crying? "He promised me that he was coming back home." Your voice broke which surprised you. Before you knew it you were crying into Leia's arms and you couldn't stop yourself. That was how you stayed with her for a while after, you weren't sure how long. She shed some tears of her own but eventually you both ran dry. You lost feeling again and you couldn't tell if it was better or worse. You made a decision. You wouldn't grieve over him until you were sure he was not coming back. You wouldn't mourn until you were sure.

The alternative was not, however, to recover. Instead you just stopped doing anything at all. You stopped eating, taking care of yourself, caring. Soon, your friends came in to talk to you. Instead of it being conversation though, they just talked at you. You couldn't bring yourself to respond or really even listen. Or maybe you did but you just couldn't remember. They would periodically come through to help you into a shower in which you just let the water run over you while someone else, you thought maybe Rey but you couldn't even recall, washed your hair. You drank water when they asked and would take a bite of food if they begged but other than that you might as well have been dead to the world. You almost hadn't realized how much of a vital part to your existence Poe was. How little you could bring yourself to do without him. You had thought you were prepared to be separated, you were in the middle of a war after all. Instead it was impossible to do anything without him and you wondered how long you could keep doing it.

This went on for a week. That was how long it took for them to declare him 'killed in action'. They felt that, if he was alive, he would have found a way to contact the base with the help of BB8 and local lifeforms. That was when you allowed yourself to grieve. The numbness turned into pain and it was a million times worse. You would have given anything to go back to numb.

You finally listened to your friends when they talked to you but their consolations did nothing to put you at ease. You still struggled to do anything but you complied with their pleads. You had been convinced, 2 weeks after the KIA announcement, to go to the canteen. To see people and interact. Finn pulled you along with an attempt at a smile on his face. Your face was blank but you tried to soften your eyes. You knew he was trying to help and he was grieving the loss of his best friend as well. When you were pulled into the large cafeteria, all noise ceased. You knew that they were looking at you and you guessed that they pitied you. You had seen yourself in the mirror that morning and you would have pitied you too. You got pulled to a table and Finn went to go get you and himself food.

People periodically came by and said hello or asked how you were as you tried to eat something. You responded with one word answers usually and you hadn't met anyone's eyes. You could feel yourself getting overwhelmed and decided you would head back to your room. You quietly thanked Finn for trying and left to the hallway.

Suddenly, alarms sounded. You were startled into awareness and people began running past you.

'ALL EMERGENCY CREW TO FLIGHT DECK'

You were curious about the alarm but you weren't emergency crew and you knew they didn't need any more bodies there than would already be there. That was until you heard someone as they rushed by as they talked to the medic next to them.

"Yeah I heard it was him but he went missing weeks ago." They sounded confused and continued jogging toward the flight deck. You feet started moving before you could even process it and it was the fastest you'd moved since he had gone missing. Since he had died.

When you got to the flight deck there was already a crowd. You could see over the see a people a beat up X-Wing. You thought you might have heard a droid. You elbowed your way to the front of the crowd, not apologizing when people grumbled their frustrations at you. When you made it to the front you were stood no more than 50 feet from him. He was soot covered and beat up but he was standing as he tried to wiggle out of the grasp of the medics. BB8 beeped and turned, spotting you. He made a loud excited noise and rushed to roll over to you and Poe turned at the sound. When he met your gaze he smiled.

You felt your knees give out and tears start to fall from your eyes. Your arms crossed over your stomach and you started to curl into a ball over your knees. A sob left you and suddenly large warm hands were on your shoulders.

"Y/N? My love, are you okay?" He rushed out, checking over you for injury as the medics still grumbled about needing to see him. His hand came under your chin to move your face so he was making eye contact with you. You let out another sob before grabbing his vest and pulling him into you, he kneeled to the ground as you clung to him and cried into his chest. He moved himself so he was sitting on the ground and he pulled you into his lap. You felt his hands on your back trying to soothe you but you couldn't stop crying. "I'm back. I'm so sorry I was gone but I'm back." He mumbled out as he kissed your head a few times.

"I'm so angry at you." You whispered and he almost laughed, just happy to hear your voice. You finally pulled your head out of his chest and kissed him like your life depended on it, like it was the last time you would ever see him. You pulled away so you were looking into his eyes. "Please don't leave me," you begged almost silently. You weren't even sure if he could hear you. "Please don't leave again."

"I'm not leaving, baby, I promise." He tried to calm you. "I'm right here. I'm okay."

You nodded, trying to convince yourself that he was real and he was here. You kissed him again just to check. You pulled away again, still trying to convince yourself.

"You died." You struggled out and Poe felt tears in his eyes as well. "You were dead, you crashed and you didn't make it and then they said you were gone." You said like that was what happened.

"I didn't die, my love. I'm right here. I'm alive, I'm okay." Poe pleaded and he grabbed your hand, bringing it up to his face so you could feel him. Your hand moved along is jaw which was now covered in stubble and grime. Your head shook like you were disagreeing with him but you were simply in disbelief.

"I love you" You mumbled as your eyes traced the lines of his face and tears fell from your eyes. He let a few tears fall as well before pressing meaningful kisses to every part of your face that he could reach.

You spent the next 2 hours like that. You wouldn't leave his hold and he didn't try to move you. The medics worked around you and everyone greeted him without disturbing you. You stayed, on his lap, curled into his chest. Your breathing had slowed to a normal pace and you were holding onto his vest tightly. Eventually, he had to be debriefed. He petted your hair and cooed at you to catch your attention.

"Y/N, my love," he whispered, "we have to get up now." He felt you nod but you made no move to get up from him. He took a breath before moving you off of his lap as you whined, standing up, and then picking you up so you could wrap yourself around him. You hummed contentedly into his chest and he had a smile on his face as he walked through the base.

"I love you." You whispered again into his chest. You had been doing it periodically every so often in the last 2 hours and every time Poe would repeat it back to you, kiss your head, or say something else. This time he chose to kiss your head.

"Baby, I have to go to the debriefing now and you know you can't come with me." He tried to say gently but he knew this separation might be hard for both of you. "I'm gonna put you down." He warned before encouraging your legs to go to the floor. You listened but didn't release his neck which you were also clung to. His hands fell to your waist and you both stood for a moment with your heads in each others necks and breathing deeply. "I'm gonna hand you off to Rey, okay?" He asked as he flagged down Rey from the hallway.

"Okay." You whispered, still not releasing him.

"Hey, Rey, sorry to bother you but could you keep Y/N company for a few minutes while I talk to Leia and the squadron?"

"Oh of course!" Rey chirped and you took a deep breath before releasing Poe. You let him kiss your cheeks and your nose before he walked the other direction toward the command center. You stared at him until Rey put her hand in yours and clasped it. You turned to look at her and for the first time in weeks, she saw you smile. "I'm so happy for you, Y/N." She assured and you believed her.

"Thank you." You whispered and another tear fell from you, this time of joy and happiness. Not grief.

"What do you say to heading to your room and get cleaned up a bit, yeah?" She tried and you nodded, following where her hand lead with one last glance toward the direction that Poe went.

"-the converter didnt even work until a day ago because the main power source broke down." Poe finished explaining his time on the planet he had crashed on and the rest of the squadron nodded and asked a few more questions. Once he was done, Finn met him outside the command center.

"So-" he paused, "I'm not sure how to say this nicely but most of your stuff went into the redistribution center because you were presumed dead." He rushed out. Poe took a moment to process and nodded.

"Well that's sort of a bummer. Could I borrow some of your stuff?" Poe asked, knowing it would take at least a day for him to get reassigned sets of uniforms.

"Yeah of course, that's why I'm standing here waiting for you. You could get cleaned up in my room too if you want. I know Y/N kept a few of your jackets and shirts but most of it got taken." The boys began to walk toward Finn's living quarters and there was a moment of silence before Poe asked something he wasn't sure he wanted the answer to.

"What happened when I was gone?" His throat felt dry suddenly and his words came out hoarse. "To Y/N I mean. Was she okay?" Poe wasn't sure what answer he wanted. He knew from your recent reaction that you were devastated, as he would have been, but he also knew he had a dangerous job. He might not come back from some other mission in the future and he hoped you would survive without him.

"Do you really want to know?" Finn questioned.

Poe nodded.

"I mean, she was broken." He paused to think. "She didn't talk to anyone for a week. Wouldn't move. Wouldn't cry. Rey had to help her shower and we had to beg her to eat. We almost sent her to the med wing because we thought she was gonna pass out from dehydration, she would barely take a sip of water." Poe's heart was in his throat but he was sure there was more. "Then you were pronounced KIA."

"Oh god."

"Yeah it wasn't pretty. They pulled your stuff out of your guys' room, took your name off the ledger. Leia let her keep some stuff but it was hard to watch. She finally cried, she just wouldn't stop. She was more responsive but she wasn't even moving towards okay. You could tell she was only doing what we were asking because we were begging. That she was doing it out of guilt. Today was actually the first day that I talked her into coming out of her room. She had been to the canteen for about an hour when she felt she needed to leave and then alarms sounded that you were back." Finn finished with a glance to his friend and Poe looked like he might throw up.

"I want her to be okay if I don't make it back one day." Poe tried to explain to his friend.

"She probably would have been functioning in a few months. She wouldn't have recovered but she would function. She's a strong woman, but she also loves you a lot. I mean, how would you react if she was killed on mission?" Poe could tell it was a rhetorical question but he thought about it very carefully. You were an engineer so you weren't called out on mission often, not nearly as often as him. When you were, he was worried sick the whole time. He hadn't really thought about how him being gone affected you before. Now looking back on it he kicked himself for it.

Poe thought about what he would have done if you had died and he thought that your reaction was probably mild. That he would have been unresponsive for weeks or even become violent with anger and grief. He knew that you were the one for him, the most important thing in his life, and without you he didn't know if he would find purpose in his life anymore. He fought in the war as hard as he did for you. To make the galaxy safer for you.

When he went MIA it was because he tried to take out a couple more imperial ships than he could handle. He only did it because he knew they would have followed them back to base if they left. Back to you. So he took the risk and it backfired but he knew he would do it again to try and keep the First Order away from you.

He was knocked out of his train of thought by the arrival at Finn's quarters. Poe tried to get cleaned up and dressed quickly, getting the grime off of himself and shaving his face. He hurried back to your shared quarters and when he entered his room he was greeted with your smiling face as you laughed.

You were sat on the bed, Rey on the other end, as you were talking about something which caught you in a fit of giggles. At the sound of him stepping into the room you looked at him and got up quickly to rush up and hug him tightly.

"Missed you." You mumbled into his chest. As he held you Rey silently nodded at Poe and left the room.

"Was only gone for a minute, honey bun." He reassured and you pulled your face back.

"You know I hate that one."

"Boo bear?" he teased and you shook your head no. "Munchkin?" nope. "honey bear?" no thank you. "Baby love?" You tilted your head a bit.

"I don't loathe that one."

"Sweetheart?"

"I like that one."

"Princess?"

"That's my favorite" You giggled and kissed him quickly for a moment. He could have cried at the sight of you giggling. He had missed that, you, the sounds you made, so goddamn much. More than he would ever put into words.

"I know it is, pretty girl." He smiled before picking you up and you squealed. He walked you over to the bed before dropping you on it and laying next to you. You climbed close to him, practically laying on his chest. His arm was snug around your waist and he left no room for you to move, not that you would have anyway. "How would you feel about going to bed, princess?" He almost whispered, not wanting to disrupt the fragile quiet in the room.

"Yes please. I love you Poe." You whispered back and closed your eyes a bit, focussing on his breathing.

"I love you, Y/N" he responded.

You both got the first decent sleep you'd had in weeks that night.

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