#personal ramble

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

A little earlier I hit 1.2k followers?!

Thank you all so much! I appreciate you all and never thought I'd even reach 10 people when I started this page. It means so much and I'm so glad we're all here celebrating our fave boy! I know this amount may not be much to many, but to me, it's a really big deal! 🖤

#personal ramble #you guys 😭😭😭 #this is such a big deal to me!!

[fluffyselfships]

its not fun having a mass majority of x readers for one of your f/os be about them being toxic and manipulative to the reader, like no..no i dont want to read that..bro i just want to be soft what the fuck. its so discouraging cause theres not many like, i dont wanna read my f/o trying to gaslight and manipulate me what

#personal ramble #obv #auhhhhdd #i hate that some of them dont even give a warning #and ill read the toxic bits and just #oh #okay #aughh #i just want soft n sweet fics or headcanons of winter please i beg #mod bun🐰

[samejimachich]

My impression of GLAZE and Nightshade

It may be a bit long post I guess.

I tried to use GLAZE and Nightshade, so I'll show you how the images are changed.

Nightshade

Here is the latest UI.

Render Quality is all slowest, because they didn't look different from Faster to Slowest.

Intensity: Low

Intensity: Default

Intensity: High

GLAZE

Here is the latest UI.

By the way, if you want to use both GLAZE and Nightshade, you must use Nightshade first.

So at first I'll show you the images only use GLAZE.

I only show Intensity: Default ver./Intensity: High ver.

Render Quality are both Slowest.

Because the lowest intensity in Glaze is Default, and I guess Default is the recommendable setting from official.

Render Quality: Faster

Render Quality: Medium

Render Quality: Slower

Render Quality: Slowest

Next, Glazed after Nightshaded ver. Intensity: High Render Quality: Slowest

(Green texts are Nightshade settings.)

So, if you want to use both, it depends which look you like tho, but I recommend both settings are Intensity: Default/Render Quality: Slowest.

But IF you want to use both and furthermore using the effect as watermark, I recommend both sittings are Intensity: High/Render Quality: Slowest.

The following sentences are just my opinion and how I post my art from now on. so you don't have to read more if you don't care about what my art will do.

So, from today onwards, I'll post my art as Intensity: High/Render Quality: Slowest nightshaded/Glazed ver.

Because, once, my fanart ha been unauthorized reproduction on Youtube, and long ago, my arts have also listed in the "Maybe I'll review it one day on my YT channel" box on DA. Of course no contact to me. I didn't feel anger but disgusting, and the alert to the stealers was so tesious. Seriously, I think my art never be stolen from "Al artists" but I no approval that someday Al steal Mike Mignola-ish art and someone praize for them like "Wow, it's really Mike Mignola!!". I believe Al and Al artists never understand the skill of the lighting, at least in a few year. But IF someone try to, I don't know how angry I'll get.

Sorry to let me change the subject slightly, I don't think Al Tim Burton-ish arts are not even Tim Burton-"ish" arts. (It's JUST my opinion tho, I love Burton's sketch.) They just picked up the "Burton-ish features" like spiral, stripe, twig-ish neck, morbid looks, brah-brah-brah. But I was shocked many people saw them and praized.

So, this is the one of the opinion of mine.

Second, I think the artists need more protect our art from network. Once, (I only know Japanese artists tho) social medias were the gratest places for commercial of art, even for non-famous artists. We wanted to show their art high-def and we tried many times how we can post our art without dull. But we had to notice, we were too open. Our posts were like setting up the unattended store on the side of the road in a slum area. Inside the store, there was no security buzzer but just free mercandise. Finished product, not a sample. And a flyer on the side saying "If you like my art, please give me some tips or a job."

Once again, I believe my art will never be stolen at least from Al. This is my worthless action, but some artists need I think.

If you want to see my proper art works, you need to buy my book or join member ship on ko-fi. Thank you for reading this long sentences.

#experiment #glaze #nightshade #personal ramble

[that-homoerotic-blouse]

Gotta admit I'm still shamelessly knee-deep in the tlou found family trench, and also I would personally like to coin the genre 'survival stories where the key to survival is love'

#the way this has a chokehold on me #do you realize how lifechanging our connections to others are #how caring about other people IS the purpose #also doesn't help that the society of the snow has basically the same theme #I'm so weak for it #beautiful movie heartwrenching #personal ramble #hyperfixations #my brain does things #tlou #the last of us

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Just thinking out loud

Autism Security Blanket Tings

but when me and my family lived in a shelter as a teen the ONE THING I always had were these Superhero hoodies

I loved them, a certain brand called Mad Engine made them and I collected a couple: Loki, Captain America, I think I had a winter Soldier one too, a Thor one, A Spider-man one, A LOT.

and I could keep them because they didn't take up much space and I could wear them always

Like the Loki one had horns are you fucking kidding me that's adorable

I use to wear the loki hoodie and my Loki necklace to school everyday for months on end (swapping out the hoodie for other heros every other day)

- mind you I had no idea I was neurodivergent at the time LMAOOO

These things were my LIFELINE

I'm not that into plushies or stuffies cause if they fall off my bed or outta my sight they cease to exist but

I LOVE SILLY HOODIES they make me feel so safe plus I can show who I am :))))))

But somewhere along the way moving and stuff I guess my mom got rid of them or something, not her fault they were TOW UP and raggedy at that point but :( owie

They still mean a lot to me and I got a plush hoodie the other day totally unrelated (it's a nasa one :) )

Now I really wanna start collecting again

Sadly Mad Engine doesn't do those hoodies anymore but they're are some places that do and even though I'm a bit tight on it now I'd call it my bday gift to myself........

BUT HOBIE IS BREATHING DOWN MY NECK

He's like I thought yous was fighting capitalism m8 what happened

BEN REILLY SLEEVELESS HOODIE HAPPENED HOBIE

I SAW THIS AND IT BROUGHT EVERYTHING BACK I MUST HEAL MY INNER CHILD

I probably won't recollect my old ones because it kinda takes me back to a weird time and makes me oddly dysphoric BUT I WANT TO GET A NEW ONE SO BAD I'm gonna treat myself idc

IN SHORT this is a long post of me convincing myself I Deserve Things

#personal ramble #autism #neurodivergency #neurodivergent #actually autistic #actually adhd #actually audhd #audhd things #audhd

[millythegoat]

so i just wrote my resignation letter and for the first time ever, i don't feel anything about it. if else i feel a bit relieved. 4 times i've written it in the past, 4 times i've been crying.

The immense mental pain i've been going through in the past 7 months has been..hell. Boy, do i have a lot of things to unload once it's over...

#personal ramble

[aphelion-art]

when i feel sad i read/re-read the tags people put with my art and i always find myself cackling (sadistic) because their reactions are so silly JSJDJX!!! i appreciate all of you even if you might not even follow me, your tags cheer me up without fail and makes me wanna keep drawing nonetheless!! i'm always happy to be praised too, hehe ～(´∀｀～) you guys are awesome! (personal ramble under divider !!)

i have been very inconsistent with posts and whatnot, but i'm doing my best! i'm not gonna go into super specific details because this is my art blog after all - but my mental health is so-so, and i'm working through a lot of things still (and my mother has started chemo). i'm trying to stay optimistic and get through it! it's very difficult though, and i often question myself if it's worth it. but on a positive note, i'm officially 1 year on testosterone! i'm very happy about that, i never thought i'd get to transition. anyway stay safe and be kind to yourselves and others 🌸💗 hang in there. i will, too!

#personal ramble #cancer imp #sorry for the random personal post i just?? wanted to ramble somewhere since my online presence is barely noticeable anywhere else

[motherofqups]

Something I think about more than I probably should: People don’t think about you as often as you think about them. Or in the valence you think about them. You have no control over how people see you no matter how you show up in their lives, for better or for worse.

I was an orchestra, theatre, and marching band kid all through high school. I saw my band director 3 times a day for multiple hours for 4 years of my life. I still have anxiety nightmares about this guy. I forget my flute, or I can’t put my flute together, or my fingers move like molasses through the runs. No matter how much I practiced as a teenager, it was never good enough for him - he never gave me the solos, the parts, the chairs. He once told me in front of the whole wind ensemble that I was a disappointment. He once insinuated that I was getting fat at the height of my eating disorder.

I saw him at a friend’s wedding a year ago, and he didn’t remember me. At all. Not my name, what year I graduated, what musicals I was in or what instrument I played. He confused me with my brother. It was an extremely disorienting experience.

Meanwhile, I went to my partner’s 10 year homecoming a year or so ago and ran into two of my old professors and a retired administrator for the art department. The first, I had one class with my entire college career. I saw him twice a week for two-ish hours for 3 months nearly a decade ago. He remembered me, and my partner (who showed up for one of my poetry readings the prof attended). He told me he thought about one of my art projects for his class on a regular basis. He remembered one of the papers I wrote *for one of his colleague’s classes* that he happened to read. He asked me if I was still writing, if I had published. He said he was glad he randomly ran into me, encouraged me to keep writing.

The second professor was from my freshman experience class, a much older Science type, quiet, birdwatcher kind of guy. He barely remembered my class but he remembered my performance in the spring musical. I had a vocal solo. He said it was his favorite part of the show. He teared up a little when I remembered the name of his dog, who had long passed at this point. I showed him a picture of gray lady, who has that dog’s same name.

The admin retired midway through my college career, and we ended up on a group hike together through the college nature center. I wasn’t shocked she remembered me (we were a small department) but she remembered so many little details. The outfits I used to wear. How I wore my hair, my favorite doc martens. She remembered the piece I won an award for my sophomore year, but she secretly preferred the other piece I submitted that wasn’t selected. She liked my loud laugh - she could hear it in her office when I was working in the studio.

I think there is value in trying to show up and be your best for the people around you, but it also strikes me that at a time when I wasn’t thinking about how people saw me - I was regularly showing up late to classes, swearing in front of my professors, generally just a fuxjing emotional wreck dealing with depression and ed and a complicated ldr - people remembered me so positively, not just for my achievements, but my personality. And when I was breaking my back to win someone’s approval, I was miserably anxious and they didn’t even remember my name in the end. I don’t know what to do with that information but goddamn does it floor me to know there are people out there who I don’t have to impress, who seem to love me no matter how I show up in life, who intrinsically see what I bring to the table without having to prove anything to them.

#personal ramble

[anonzentimes]

this is cringe as shit but fuck it i think if nagito was real and he read the response to that ask hed be really happy he was able to help someone in such a significant way

EEE GOSHHH I'M SURE HE WOULD LMAOOO i'm sure he'd be all confused on why someone like him could make such an impact due to his self esteem, but I think he'd be touched that he could make an impact at all.

Also yap sesh warning but since I've been given the opportunity to do so, we be cringe but free here!!! I've come to terms with the fact that expressing myself, and i'd assume for others too, is a lot more fun than worrying about being cringe honestly. Like, we're all just on a big planet struggling but living on and I think to be concerned with ideas such as being too "cringe" when it's about simple subjects such as being enthusiastic about media or thinking about character possibilities isn't worth it? Like sure, the word cringe has it's places to be used, but I think the world would be a bit boring if there wasn't any harmless "cringe" :)

This whole blog was made to help me become less embarrassed, and in the process I've learned to articulate how I feel about it all. I enjoy embracing and expressing myself, and since that's a harmless thing to do I'll keep on doing it because being "cringe" is fun and I'll regret it if I don't! Nobody is here forever and I'd rather enjoy my life without too much concern than worry too much about it.

#cringe but free #personal ramble #sentimental #IM GOING ON SO MANY YAP SESHS TODAY #im just happy #nagito komaeda #danganronpa #sdr2 nagito #danganronpa nagito #danganronpa komaeda #sdr2 komaeda #komaeda nagito #sdr2 #danganronpa goodbye despair #nagito #komaeda

[flora-tea]

Update [8/6/2023] I decided to keep this post up despite originally feeling slightly insecure/uncertain about it. I was incredibly pleasantly surprised by all the positive attention it got! I also decided to update & polish it up a bit. Thank you all again sm! 💚

💚:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:💚

Some random rambling about part of my arospec awakening journey, because why not? xD

I was inspired by an aro poll related to aro peoples' feelings on romance. This is, in a way, my long-winded indirect way of answering the poll. I apologize for the length but I hope some can possibly relate to my experience!

One of several things I've fully realized & embraced about myself pretty recently is being on both the ace and aro spectrums. I also realized I tend to flux through feelings of being romance-neutral/indifferent, romance-averse, and romance-repulsed.

I'm averse-leaning in relation to myself and often find myself indifferent-to-repulsed in relation to others/fiction. For fiction in particular things get especially funky. Oftentimes, my feelings on romance and how I feel when seeing it can be pretty complicated and ambivalent!

For instance, I can appreciate and at times even feel warm fuzzies at thinking about or seeing affectionate gestures & intimacy commonly perceived as romantic (like kissing, [mutual] flirting, cuddling, slow-dancing, going on dates, lingering touches, holding hands, etc. {which btw, we as a society really need to normalize these things being seen in relationships outside romantic ones}) However, if a romantic relationship/attraction is the context and my brain is aware of that, that's when the apathy-to-discomfort feelings start creeping up on me. These feelings & their levels can also sometimes depend on the day or context, which is difficult to explain even to myself x'D

💚:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:💚

For a long time, I've often felt either apathetic or weirdly uncomfy upon hearing folks talk about their romantic relationships, whether irl or fictional. This was and still is especially felt if the people or characters are romantically engaged or married, as my mind has an especially uncomfortable relationship with marriage. I found I'd often experience the same feelings when seeing intimacy in a fully romantic context. I’d feel happy for them sure, but experienced an either empty or not-so-nice feeling gnawing at me. I couldn’t define it for the longest time (and just recently was able to realize what was going on, and was able to stop shoving it down or ignoring it).

For so long, I wondered if it was jealousy. Yet, during the very few romantic experiences I’ve had in my life, things felt pretty good and right until romantically dating/a romantic relationship was actually being established or in the conversation; then I'd start to feel progressively detached and anxious. And yet, I would sometimes still cling and push due to wanting to be desired affectionately. I chased what I was convinced was a love and yearning for romance. But deep down, I longed for days of being close and affectionate but in a more platonic or even ambiguous context, and I’d think “Maybe we moved into this too fast…”, even if I’d known & hung out with the person for years and even if things were going well. I also struggled to imagine myself in a lasting romantic relationship. I began sometimes wondering if something was wrong with me or if I "just had commitment issues".

💚:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:💚

A weird thing is (not weird in general as peoples’ feelings can be fluid/change over time!), I thought I loved romance for so long. I felt I loved the idea of romance for myself and in fiction/media. I even had favorite ships growing up and was a big shipper in general. Even so, looking back, the vibe I imagined was always primarily 'affectionate besties' and I often imagined the characters describing themselves as best friends and emphasis being put on their friendship, even while imagining them sharing gestures typically perceived as romantic. But I’d always feel progressively apathetic or averse after/if a romantic ship became canon. And when reading romantic fics (usually slow-burns), I’d love it up to the point characters established a fully romantic relationship; then I’d often start to feel detached. I never understood why. It was always so strange to me how my feelings changed.

*Additionally, when it comes to fiction/media;

Characters touching foreheads, holding hands, hugging, or dancing together always made me feel so much more joyous excitement compared to any [romantic] kissing scene

I always felt notably happy and cozy if characters continued referring to each other as friends/best friends after kissing or cuddling or anything else affectionate that folks tend to put in the "romance" box.

I liked when characters had what people call "romantic tension" or moments but the relationship remained considered platonic or ambiguous.

I liked when people described characters as having a "'romantic' friendship" before I even knew much about types of relationships

The only times I've felt any sort of joy and no discomfort in relation to the concept of marriage were if it was a mutual 'pretend marriage' trope between friends or done for any mutually non-romantic reasons (& if the concept of marriage is treated lightheartedly).

I often thought or felt the least about song lyrics with love songs, or I'd imagine the lyrics to be about best friends instead. (lately, I've found queerplatonic-ing love songs in my head to be surprisingly comforting)

💚:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:💚

Several things clicked and then hit me like a train after I was inspired to read more about the aromantic spectrum and discovered the existence of relationship anarchy and Queerplatonic relationships and tertiary attractions, and after I finally became aware of the Amatonormativity that was drilled into my mind since childhood.

I realized how amatonormative phrases like “just friends” and “more than friends” and “finding ‘the one’ someday” chained relationships to a hierarchy & continuously shoved into my brain this idea that romance was ‘the ultimate relationship’, that it was ‘the strongest/closest relationship a person could have’, that a relationship needed to be a romantic relationship for there to be intimacy/affection, that ‘being in love’ could only happen with romantic attraction, that a romantic relationship was ‘the goal’, that having (a) partner(s) was only possible with a romantic relationship, that romance was 'the ultimate devotion'. The amatonormativity constantly shoved onto us by society skewed my views on intimacy and relationships (and myself) for so long, as I know it does for so many people. To acknowledge that and contemplate on my realizations, to unlearn those mentalities, and to learn about the vast diversity of feelings and relationships and possibilities/options that exist, was freeing.

I also had an epiphany that brought me so much clarity: All this time, it wasn’t really romance I wanted/loved, it was love and affection and closeness in general, especially outside of romance intention/context.

Additionally, over time, I realized that what I want for myself isn’t to have a romantic relationship again, but I do love the thought of being in a Queerplatonic Relationship someday.

I also realized that overall, I feel most comfy with the idea affection/intimacy in tertiary attraction contexts (like platonic, queerplatonic, alterous, and nebulous/ambiguous)

With reality and fiction, the thought of intimately affectionate besties who'd confuse the heck out of much of our society brings me joy. I'd love to see more of that in the world, and perhaps experience it myself someday 💚

#long post #personal ramble #arospec #oriented aroace #aromantic #aspec #tertiary attraction #alterous #demialterous #bialterous #queer #amatonormativity = blegh ew 👎 #romance-ambivalent #romance-repulsed #romance-averse

[ghostinthegallery]

One Year Fanfic Anniversary!

It is officially one year since I posted my first 40k fic on AO3 and really started putting myself out there in the online community (parts of it anyway). And I wanted to do a bit of a retrospective. Some stuff I learned about writing, fanfic, fandom etc.

it is much easier to start writing once you let go of wanting to get everything 100% “correct.” Characters, setting whatever. People don’t care nearly as much as your inner critic thinks. Or if they do…you can just disagree. It’s fanfic, playing around with ideas and interpretations is the point

i started writing with original work so transitioning to fanfic was a shift. But the things i learned about pacing novels are still invaluable. If you really want to level up your writing, definitely study how novels and short stories are structured

that said structuring a long fic is different from structuring the novel. Chapter releases mean each section almost becomes a short story in and of itself. This also means things get way longer than you expect (rip my word count)

referring back to the original texts often is 1) fun 2) helps you notice things you didn’t before and 3) helps prevent the spread of fandom misinformation. Cite your sources! Especially in Warhammer, our fandom infosphere is a mess

I don’t let the comments drive where my story goes in the broad sense, but they do influence certain details. It’s fun being surprised by what/who readers latch onto. And occasionally a comment has reminded me of something that exists I totally forgot about/didn’t even know. So I look super smart if I pretend that was my intention all along :D

Something should change between the beginning of the scene and the end. Internally or externally or both, something should be different

people did not bash me in the head with the judgement hammer when i decided to publish smut. This has been very liberating. Perhaps too liberating XD

smut is a great way to practice writing short stories. Sex has a clear arc (set up, build up, climax, come down), it is a great space for character exploration, it necessarily involves relationships between characters. and you only need a few scenes (often only one scene) so it stays short. This has been great practice as someone who could not write a short story to save my life

idk if this has mattered but i feel not allowing anonymous comments on AO3 has saved me a lot of grief.

carving out a small fandom space is the way to go. Curate your feed. Block liberally. Don’t engage with people who annoy you, it is not worth it

reblogging and interacting in the comments has been an awesome way to meet people. Highly recommend

Encouraging other people (especially newer creators) to create gets you more art so definitely do that (kindly of course)

robots really are sexy

#Fanfic #writing #personal ramble #thanks for an awesome year guys <3 #warhammer40k

[nihilisticvaginas]

I just woke up and I had a dream where I went on a date and while we were waiting for food I lamented how much restaurants just aren't what they used to be since covid and how much I missed 24/7 chains and immediately her face scrunched up and she accused me of being a "Flat Platter" (restaurant equivalent of flat earther???) And said that the restaurants were exactly the same as they always were. Which even in dreamland was emphatically incorrect. Wild. "Back To Normal" gaslit by my own subconscious. I'm still reeling. Also I'm late for work ✌🏼

#personal ramble #weird dreams

[bornofhumanhate]

I’m still feeling shame for kinda shipping an adult character with a child character. And I am terrified of getting cancelled or hate if people found out.

It’s so silly. It’s just fiction. I’m not even being weird about it, I just think the ship is cute. I’m way weirder about incest, with my own f/o, but I’m not too ashamed about that lol.

#proship #profiction #I’m trying not to beat myself up #it’s just adorable #I just wanna see them hold hands and hug #personal ramble #feel free to interact though

[cylikaart]

Ahhh I should really commission people to draw Spirit ;;;;

#Personal ramble #don't mind me hsdfhjvhjfd

[millythegoat]

So I took a miniscule dose of anti-depressant (the doctor gave to me) while I feel very calm and relaxed, and so does my bum. Had no idea it comes with Diarrhea...

#personal ramble

[just-a-sewer-goblin]

Hey quick thing I wanted to say because I got a few more followers over my latest posts:

I'm trying to write my reader as neutral as possible regarding gender and physical descriptions. I want as many people as possible to be able to see themselves in my little imagines, drabbles or one shots.

I am, however, cis and white and a human being who makes a lot of mistakes. If I write something that I tagged as gn!reader and it contains descriptions that are not gender neutral, please don't hesitate to reach out to me and tell me about it. I only ask you to be respectful about it as I am a tender and shy being.

Also if I use physical descriptions that make the story not suited for poc or others, please tell me about it (except if I mentioned that the reader is white because then it obviously was intentional). But once again please be kind.

Thank you all!

~Sewer

*squeezes you in a tight hug and jumps head first into the sewer immediately afterwards*

#the sewer croaks #personal ramble #gn!reader #also when I tell you I teared up seeing some kind reblogs or messages #poc #simon riley x reader #price x reader #soap x reader #cod