#probably did something to me as well. my entire life has just been witnessing family members decline and die like dominoes over the course | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

softrozene · 1 year

Text

Reacting to Dutch Wanting a Night with Their Girl

Anonymous requested: Okay, so, I’ve had this in my head for a while. Dutch is a gross old guy who likes pretty young ladies, right? Well, Arthur/John/Javier has this real cute and super affectionate little thing on his arm. What? They’re married/engaged/dating? No, it’s fine. He taught that boy how to read! Giving up his girl for a night isn’t that big of a deal, he’s sure asking them in the middle of camp will go well.

rdr2 masterlist

ALJSFDASKL This is so long omg. Let me know if you wanted something specific or anything- Wasn’t too sure if it was a request but I had to give my input. This is how I thought they would react and lmao this was super fun.

Originally published on January 5, 2021

Arthur, Javier, John x Female Reader

Warnings: Dutch is super gross in this - We don’t stan, we do stan the three who stick up for their girl, Dutch is vulgar - I really did Dutch dirty in this but it was bound to happen eventually.

Words: ~900

Okay, one thing they all share in common is if it were you saying that Dutch said something to you, they would all be hesitant. Like “Nah, he didn’t mean it that way” or “Are you sure he said that?” or “I’ll go talk to him”- Then they end up doubting you as Dutch lies his way out of it (Yes, they would sadly be the dudes that apologizes for their friend’s behavior too)

They are hesitant only because Dutch did offer them a chance as part of the family in the gang- He did give them a decent chance at life and as anon said- Taught them to read and write. They see him as someone they owe a great lot to- so if you suddenly talk bad about him, they will want to defend him, or he will point the blame at you

In other words, their loyalty to Dutch will for sure make them not believe you at first

However- If they witness it that is an entirely different story:

Charles wasn’t asked for, but I will say since he is not that close with Dutch other than respecting him for being treated well in the gang, he will straight-up knock out Dutch the second he hears anything vulgar- Or whether you inform him. You matter more than the gang and he will defend you

Arthur Morgan-

You have been skittish lately. That does not sit well with Arthur since you are only skittish with Dutch around- He thinks it is just because you are shy and nothing else until-

Dutch- Sweet, old, crazy Dutch comes up to the both of you, more so looking at Arthur in an expecting way and asks for a night with you- With others as witnesses nonetheless?

All of you would be stunned-

Dutch has a fucking serious tone- Arthur will be frozen then just stare at him for the longest time

“Dutch- You drunk?”

“What? Son, I would never- I was simply asking a hypothetical ‘what if’ question since you have such a divine being hanging on your arm all the time. You can’t deny the chemistry we have when we look- Hey now, don’t give me that look, Son. You know I would only ask if it would benefit you-“

He would keep saying creepy things along those lines and Arthur just snaps

Either by straight-up punching him in the face- Tackling him- Anything, no one can pry him off of Dutch until he good and satisfied that this once honorable man he looked up to will never gaze upon you again in that creepy face

He loses all respect for Dutch and Dutch’s confidence with how he thought he could get Arthur’s girl for a night

Everyone is wary and on edge, but it is for the better

Molly probably opens up her eyes

John Marston-

Dutch does not even have to say anything- John notices the looks he has been giving you and he does not like it one bit

Dutch would not go to him first- Instead, John would confront him in the middle of the camp and be like “You serious right now Dutch? Eyeing my woman when I am right here, and Molly is over there?”

Dutch will respond: “I ain’t touching- I am just looking.” Or “Can you blame me? Look at her.”

“That is low- Even for you Dutch”

If Dutch even tries to defend himself, be fancy with his words, or place the blame on you- You can bet John will not hold back- The boys will have to pry him off Dutch (after letting John get a few hits in because Dutch ain’t as sly as he thinks he is)

This really is one of the worse things John has seen and he won’t stand with it (depending on how much he cares about you tbh) Like if he sees you as his wife you bet, he is ready to ditch the gang again but with you this time

We’re pretending Abigail and Jack are in a healthy place- Not this universe lamflasd

Javier Escuella-

I really hate to say this guys but the way Javier reacts depends on what chapter you are in- In the gang.

Before Chapter 5+6 he would react on your behalf-

“Dutch- Did you really ask if you can borrow mi amor?”

He is pissed- He is beyond livid, he will try to be calm and collected but that will not last long and he will act on your behalf demanding Dutch respects you

If this happens after 5 and during 6- He will really think about it

He already betrayed Arthur and John, the gang is falling apart, all he has is Dutch and you- So he will really consider it (but I doubt he would let Dutch go through with it)

After Chapter 6 though- He will not hesitate to cut a bitch Dutch

He realized that he really lost the family that had his back, and it is all because of Micah and Dutch so if Dutch has the gall to ask him after everything you all went through- It is on- He will fight for your honor and he will apologize constantly afterward for helping to ruin the family you both loved and shared

#softrozene writes #rdr2 x reader #red dead redemption 2 x reader #arthur morgan x reader #john marston x reader #javier escuella x reader #female reader #rdr2 character reactions

539 notes · View notes

soobpricity · 6 months

Text

this love - kang taehyun

letter 6 ; i want your complications too, i want your dreary mondays. wrap your arms around me 🫂

synopsis: what happens when soccer player!kang taehyun, who isn’t focused on school but is smart enough to pass, sees yn walk in the hallways nearly everyday after homecoming. taehyun’s new hallway crush begins to grow into something bigger, but what happens when he has to make a choice between yn or continuing to fail school ? will taehyun be able to focus on sports, classes, and trying to win yn over ?

your took small little licks of the sweet, icy cold yet soft ice cream. a small smile applied onto your face as you practically beamed with happiness as the sugary treat entered your mouth. taehyun took bites of his ice cream cone, the waffle’s satisfying crunch as he bit into the cone. he witnessed your cute appreciation for the treat as you continued to eat the ice cream. his eyes beamed with joy, he put what was remaining of the ice cream cone into his mouth.

taehyun took a look at his phone, receiving notifications from twitter. even seeing a reply from you on the most recent tweet that he posted. he clicked on a notification from beomgyu, seeing his quote retweet.

“yn..” taehyun slowly spoke up, small hesitation in his voice. you turned your head, continuing to eat at the ice cream cone.

“yeah ?”

“how come… beomgyu looks after you so much ?” he straightforwardly asked, it wasn’t like it bothered him, of course not.. he knew that you and beomgyu were just friends, probably more than friends, and not in the romantic way. he truly felt like beomgyu was your older brother at times.

“beomgyu..? i don’t really know.. he’s never told me why exactly. y’know, there was a time in my life where not everyone really liked me, taehyun. not everyone was nearly as accepting as you have been… i think, one day.. he felt pity for me. i never told him that i believed that, he was my only friend, i didn’t want to scare him off..” you explained.

“well.. now you have more people to depend on.. you don’t have to go through things alone… but- why didn’t people like you..?” he felt odd asking, feeling as if maybe he was pushing his boundaries, but his mouth moved faster than his brain did.

“honestly… i have no idea. i think it has something to do with my family, our neighborhood isn’t that big taehyun, i’ve probably known your longer than you think i have.. when you live in a small town, a single mistake can ruin your entire family’s reputation. nearly all of my siblings left this place, so i wan the only one to face the repercussions of their mistakes.. they all came back once they felt like it was ‘safe’. i think that’s why- but I’m not 100% sure why people didn’t like me. it’s not like i used to socialize that much to make people upset a me.

what about you.. what was wrong with you and your friends today..?” you continued.

“they think i’m moving to fast..” he simply replied. trying to avoid the topic of nari and how she dumped him during his soccer game’s half time. he refused to talk to you about that, he was ashamed of the idea of bringing up his ex while the two of you were enjoying each other’s company.

“well.. do you think your moving too quick ?”

“with you.. no..? not at all, i think it seems that way.. but isn’t the whole point of relationships to listen your feelings and do what you believe is right ? as long as you feel comfortable with everything.. i think we’re moving at a really good pace.”

you stayed silent, not in a way to shun taehyun and his rant. but rather a comfortable silence, taehyun felt relaxed with you. he felt like he could spill any of his emotions and thoughts to you, and he was sure that you were bound to understand. you had proven yourself to be so much more understanding than his friends, and he loved that. he loved that he could tell you anything, he could get anything off of his chest, and he was sure that you would still be by his side.

taehyun tilted his head, you watched as he seemed to contemplate a few things. you finished your ice cream, wiping your hands on a brown napkin. he got up from the wooden bench where the two of you had sat to enjoy the ice cream cones, taehyun pulled out his hand. you looked at his hands and then your eyes led towards his face. a tiny smile on his face, as you took his hand, getting up from the bench.

“how long until you have to go home ?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“mmm- keep me out as long as you need, it’s better if i get home as late as possible.” you grinned, although your statement ended up making taehyun feel a bit sad for you. his heart ached at the thought of you purposely wanting to go home as late as you can because of your family.

taehyun kept a safe hold on your hand, he felt unnaturally warm. he felt like his heart was melting, at this rate he wasn’t sure if he’d make it throughout the day. his eyes stayed focused on the sidewalk, ensuring that the two of you were going exactly where he wanted the two of you to go. he was sure to keep you on the inside of the sidewalk.

he turned to take a few looks at you, his mind becoming corrupted in innocent little thoughts, his eyes becoming distracted by your reddish lips. he feels himself becoming a bit too distracted, bringing his focus back to the destination that he had in mind. he knew you would love the place that he was guiding you towards.

“tyun… where are we headed ?” you asked, knowing completely well that he wasn’t going to spill any of his secrets or surprises. but you still attempted to ask. in reality, the destination was only a few minutes away, like a block away.. but taehyun was having a bit too much fun walking with you while holding your hand. plus, it wasn’t like you really cared that taehyun was procrastinating on taking you home, in fact it just benefited the both of you.

“we’re going somewhere, promise that you’ll like it… don’t you trust me ?” and in all honesty, taehyun’s heart was still pounding like crazy after you gave him a nickname. and yeah, he had many people call him ‘tyun’ like soobin and yeonjun, but something was different when it fell off of your tongue.

“… i-.. i do. i trust you.” you hesitated, not fully believing your statement. you trusted him in this situation, but with the general question ‘do you trust me ?’ you couldn’t say that you did. but taehyun hadn’t done anything to prove otherwise, so far. there was also something in your gut that was telling you to trust the boy, something about him made you feel his sincerity, like he truly wanted to love you.

he turned the corner, as you followed behind. your eyes landed on a greenhouse. the amount of times that you had explored the town and you had never noticed the small greenhouse that was filled with a variety of flowers. taehyun led you inside the garden, it was rather spacious. taehyun closed the glass door behind him, watching as you admired the flowers that stayed safe from the cold breeze outside of the greenhouse.

you paused in front of the red roses, crouching in front of the flowers. plucking one from its stem, touching its soft rosy petals. eyes appreciating the form of life, a smile was brought to your face. eyes full of admiration and love for the flower.

“do y’know what a red rose means ?” you ask, turning your head towards taehyun, tilting your head to one side, bringing the rose close to your lips, smelling the scent that came off of the rose. petals slightly grazing your lips. taehyun came to crouch down across from you, the red rose filling the gap between the two of you. the sun creeping into the greenhouse, the sun shining on taehyun’s face, making his skin glow. the sunlight highlighting his lips, pink lips looking nearly kissable.

“of course i do.. love and passion.” he whispered, holding the rose with two fingers as you still kept your hold on it, but taehyun slowly let go. his hands still being held out. as you used your free hand to move his hands around the rose. he held it close to his chest, the two of you looked at each other. hearts pounding, taehyun kept one hand around the rose as he placed a hand on your chin. attempting to move you closer to him, his breath hitched, as so did yours. your eyes stayed on his lips, moving between his eyes and lips. you knew that maybe you should’ve stopped this from happening, but at the same time.. you wanted it so badly.

taehyun brought the rose up to your ear, as it stayed there, safely holding itself in place. your face moved closer to taehyun’s, beginning to feel a bit desperate for whatever he had in stock. your hands balanced yourself, holding onto taehyun’s button up as the two of you were still in your school uniform. you attempted to move him closer towards you. you felt his sweet lips graze against yours.

however,

you eventually felt a wet drop on your arm, followed by multiple drops. startling you, causing you to fall back. taehyun took your hand, preventing your fall from being worse than it could’ve been. he picked up the rose that fell out from its spot above your ear.

“you okay ?” taehyun asked, genuinely worried even though your fall wasn’t as bad as he thought it was. sitting still as the sprinklers continued to spray the water to hydrate the flowers.

“heh- i’m all good.” you giggled, smile displayed all over your face. a rosy blush on the both of your faces. still in disbelief that the two of you nearly kissed, and if it wasn’t for the damn sprinklers, then you would’ve been perfectly happy.

taehyun stood up, pulling out his hand for you. as you accepted his hand, reaching out for his hand. your hair progressively getting wetter as so did your clothing. the two of you ran out of the greenhouse, laughter and chuckles exiting your mouths. as soon as kang taehyun got the two of you out of the greenhouse, he took off his jacket.

he placed his jacket around you, as it hung from your shoulders. the rosy blush that had once left was now returning as you stood shyly in front of taehyun. he ruffled your wet strands a bit, getting out any leaves and dirt from your hair.

“you really do take great care of me, taehyun.”

“how can i not, you’re too pretty for me to just abandon you.. promise i’ll treat you better than they’ve treated you.” taehyun spoke, you knew exactly who ‘they’ is.. your family, past bullies and others who have treated you terribly. you couldn’t help but let out a toothy grin.

“first get me to the bus stop and then you can make me swoon.”

©️soobpricity

this love taglist : @run2seob @soobadooba @soobnuuy @pockychuwu @crazynyctophilia @rencarnationofangel @esther-kpopstan @mrsyawnzzn @matcha-binz @michinri @hanstarrs @ariam-96 @pinkheadflowers @kittyhyuka @run4gyu

an: sorry for not posting, i had midterms and finals… i also got a bit distracted by my demon and sweet home season 2 !!! ahhh song kang is literally filling my mind up 24/7 !! it’s definitely his year for acting !! n e way.. how do we feel about this ??

74 notes · View notes

olderthannetfic · 9 months

Note

I had an incredibly odd moment last night at an event night for my dorm. Basically this girl and I were the last people left painting after everyone else had finished, the conversation was going well, and then she mentioned fanfic and how cringy and bad it was. Confused by my fellow nerdy type disliking a core part of nerdery, I admitted that I wrote fanfic, that I loved canon-divergent AUs and I wasn't sure what was wrong. "It's equally fictional either way," I said, which she did seem to pause and think about before acknowledging that was true.

Then she clarified the problem was Boku No Hero Academia. (For full transparency, I have not watched it. Confused, I said, "Isn't that just some shounen series? What's wrong with that? I like shounen." So then she hits me with, "The fandom is gross. That write things that shouldn't be depicted or portrayed." I stared at her, confused. "Like pedophilia."

I admitted, because I felt comfortable with her, that I had written fanfic about CSA and a survivor finding hope for the future, a therapist, true love and his abuser eventually getting his comeuppance. She looked at the painting and not at me. I couldn't tell if she was mad or not. So I added that, over the course of the year and a half of writing it, nine people had told me that reading it had helped them either decide to seek out therapy or helped them realize what happened to them was abuse and that it mattered. And I think it's worth it to make something that makes someone uncomfortable if it helps other people out, and also, the back button is right there. No one has to read something.

Looking upset but affect flat, she said that BNHA fans write things that "glorify" pedophilia. And I, because I am a dick with no social skills, went, "Well, don't read it." She clarified it shouldn't be allowed to exist because it "does harm to people". I said that abusers are responsible for abuse they commit, and nothing they read makes them do it. Psychologists, I reminded her, since several people in her family are psychologists, study and witness things much more horrible than we can imagine, which abusers often say are necessary, justified and sometimes kinda cool, and they don't do any of it. Stephen King didn't commit any murders as a run-up to writing about murder.

She went back to staring at the paint and said I didn't understand the harm it was doing, because it was normalizing it. So I pointed out that no amount of movies where killing the bad guy is a cool, glorious, badass thing to do has made murder socially acceptable in society. "But that's killing," was the objection. "Which is violence," I said in return, "just not sexual violence. But if a hundred years of killing the person who wronged you in cinema didn't make people fine with murder, I don't think a fanfic is going to make it that way." She scoffed and looked away. In a gentler tone, I finished with, "I don't think all of the socialization someone goes through in life and everything they've been told in their entire life can be undone by some anime characters."

She did not say anything to me for the rest of the painting time. She left without a word. I thought for sure she was angry with me and we weren't going to take anymore.

Today, she smiled and waved at me on campus like everything is fine and nothing uncomfy happened.

I don't understand. I am, however, neurodivergent, and therefore bad at social signals, so I may be missing something, here. She was never visibly angry at me when we talked, nor did she raise her voice, so I don't think that I was awful, here. However, not saying anything to me for a full forty minutes or even looking at me indicates to me I had said something that made her upset.

Neurotypicals, please advise. What is going on, here?

Well... probably she just had her dumb assumptions challenged and wasn't sure how to feel about it in the moment.

92 notes · View notes

rorylovesf1 · 5 months

Text

🏎️💨 THE FORMULA 1 TAG GAME! 🏎️💨

1) Who or what got you into f1 ?

funnily enough, at the beginning i was almost completely against giving f1 a try bc all of my friends were obsessed so i jokingly wanted to take a stand haha. anyways, one day my friend made up this extremely funny, over the top story about lando and i was like okay i gotta know more. long story short, i am now a huge fan.

ps: despite their attempts i am also a huge max fan (they hate him)

2) Who was the very first driver you supported? Do you support them now? Have your opinions on them differed or stayed the same since then?

lando was my man for so long. like i really did love him and still do but eventually max became my number 1 and lando dropped to number 2. then just recently, charles overtook lando in my personal ranking as well. although lando has dropped in my rankings, all of my opinions on him are the same, i still love him and can’t wait to witness his first win !!

3) Who’s your current favorite f1 driver?

who else but THE max verstappen? i respect and love that man with my whole heart. he really is in his era of dominance and i am so glad i became a fan early enough to witness it.

4) Is there a driver pairing or pairings that you support? What made you attracted to that pairing in the first place?

i love lestappen because as a duo they are just so fascinating, from knowing and hating each other in karting to respecting and valuing the other in formula 1.

i also am partial to carlando because the friendship that carlos and lando have truly seems to be something special. it’s quite cute.

5) Do your parents, siblings or relatives have a favorite team and/or favorite driver(s)?

so i’ve been working on making my entire family a fan of f1. my dad has always loved lewis, my mom likes charles and my siblings like lando. they don’t really support any team yet.

6) Do you have any favorite races? Are there any that stand out to you the most?

since i only began watching this season, i haven’t watched as many races as i would like but i’m hoping to go back and do a deep dive of past seasons. from this season, i really liked silverstone (my first race), monza (i watched with my friend and i loved the battles) and las vegas (charles’ overtake!!)

7) Do you have a favorite circuit? Can be from the past or from the current calendar.

i really like monza, silverstone and austria.

8) Have you ever been to an f1 race in real life? Feel free to tell us your experience going to one if you like.

not yet but i hope i will sometime in the future !!

9) Have you ever met an f1 driver in real life?

nope but that wld be fun.

10) Do you have a favorite f1 car? If so, what is it?

umm probably the rb19 because the amount max was able to achieve with it is otherworldly. the engineers and rbr team really did an absolutely excellent job with it.

11) Do you have a favorite one win wonder?

esteban ocon. i really love him, he’s such a cutie.

12) Do you have any favorite quotes from the f1 world? this can be either inspirational or hilarious.

“It’s all too much for little Lando Norris” has a special place in my heart. it’s hilarious.

thank you @supercollide for the tag <3 this was super fun and feel free to tag me in whatever u want :)

@ anyone reading this, give it a go !! i’d love to learn more abt everyone :)

#formula 1 #max verstappen #charles leclerc #lando norris #esteban ocon #lestappen #carlando

23 notes · View notes

midnightstargazer · 12 days

Text

Cursed Child is awful, but I really like Astoria and have enthusiastically adopted that version of her into my headcanons.

First of all, I like that she's a genuinely good person who was (most likely) a Slytherin. I'm totally here for interesting villains and morally gray characters, but there's something very irritating about the way Slytherin is consistently the "evil" house in canon, as if 25% of the student body can be reliably identified as bad people from the age of eleven. Astoria is one of the few exceptions and feels like a breath of fresh air. She can be kind-hearted, loving, and non-prejudiced and still be a Slytherin, and I love that about her.

The blood curse is a pretty blatant example of fridging: Astoria is not meant to be important in her own right and is killed off to create angst for her husband and son, as well as to get her out of the way before the main plot gets started. But ignoring how it's handled in the play, I think the idea of the blood curse has a lot of interesting potential. The Greengrasses must have been in a very odd position, being part of the upper crust of pure-blood society and yet having their family's greatest weakness be a curse passed down from one of their ancestors, whether that is openly known or kept secret.

Astoria was raised with the same ideology as many Slytherins, in a family that was surely not still pure-blood by accident, but rejected that ideology and never looked back. That might have had a little bit to do with the curse and the weird position it likely placed her in, but I think it probably had more to do with the war.

Her experience was described on Pottermore as "similar (though less violent and frightening)" in comparison to Draco's, which I take to mean that she wasn't personally affected by the war. She was pure-blood, her parents weren't Death Eaters, and she was only fifteen or sixteen when it ended. She most likely flew under the radar and was left alone. And yet, she still came out of it believing in equality, unwilling to pass down bigoted ideas to the next generation.

To me, this suggests that she was a compassionate and empathetic person who was moved by seeing how harmful the ideology was to other people. Reading about all the awful stuff that was happening, hearing about the ways in which the war was affecting her classmates, witnessing the Carrows' cruelty even if she herself wasn't their target - although she was a bit too young to be involved in it personally, the war must have played a huge role in shaping how she sees the world.

Astoria is, above all else, a good mother. She and Draco raised Scorpius differently than how they were raised, and it shows. She taught him that Muggles are people deserving of his respect, she sent him off to school with sweets to share hoping it would help him make friends, she encouraged him to be kind and generous rather than trying to mold him into a snob or a bully. And, it's strongly implied, she helped him make sense of his family's past, especially his father's ("Mum always told me that you were a better man than I could see" - CC Act 3 Scene 3).

What really breaks my heart, more than the blood curse, is what a lonely life Astoria seems to have led as an adult. She clearly had a loving relationship with Draco and Scorpius, but between her disapproving in-laws and the stigma of being connected to the Malfoys, her husband and son seem to have been all she had. Not only is she never mentioned having any friends as an adult (which could just be because she's out of focus), Scorpius obviously had a very isolated childhood, and the family is subjected to vicious rumors thanks to Rita Skeeter. Scorpius never even mentions his maternal grandparents or his aunt when he talks about his family. Did Astoria still have a relationship with them as an adult?

And yet, it was entirely her choice. She loved Draco, she saw (or perhaps brought out) the best in him, and so she married him. I love that their relationship isn't some sort of arranged marriage or strategic match based on blood status. That they do genuinely love each other and are willing to be together even though it's not the easy choice. Even though his parents disapprove, even though she will be judged and scrutinized in a way she has done nothing to deserve, even though there is no promise of a happy ending where they grow old together.

It's weird, because Astoria is only mentioned once in the books and gets absolutely zero characterization. She comes almost entirely from the play, most of which I reject; the trolley witch is an ordinary person, and Cedric Diggory would never join the Death Eaters 🤣. And I don't really love how she was dealt with in the play, never appearing onstage, killed off without ever being properly introduced. But from the little fragments of her story that we get and the implications of what we're told, I find her to be a really interesting character.

#Astoria Greengrass #Astoria Malfoy #Drastoria

18 notes · View notes

divinemare · 8 months

Text

-ˏˋ⋆ 𝔄 𝔠 𝔬 𝔲 𝔯 𝔱 𝔬 𝔣 𝔤 𝔬 𝔡 𝔰 𝔞 𝔫 𝔡 𝔪 𝔬 𝔫 𝔰 𝔱 𝔢 𝔯 𝔰 ⋆ˊˎ-

└──» ✎ 。 Azriel x Oc

part eleven

part ten

└──» tw: some violence

┊✧*｡ ✯┊☪︎⋆✧*｡ ┊

The entire Night Court was in mourning. A cloak of grief had enveloped the Court like a dark curse, as it had also done so upon its ruler.

The High Lord Rhett had bursted into a fist of rage so great it had almost looked maniacal, and it had been the first time Mareena had witnessed the cold male showing signs of a heart. A heart that had been so brutally crushed it now bleed like a stabbing wound.

Mareena’s pain was no different; her heart too bleed with grief and rage. And betrayal as well.

She felt a wound so profound in her that it seemed impossible that it could ever heal. Not only because the only mother she had ever known, the female that had taught her how it felt to be unconditionally loved by a mother, and the little girl who had grown in her heart so much and so deep she had become her sister, were now dead; had been brutally murdered. But because the responsible for their absence, the responsible for Rhysand’s and her family’s pain; was, ironically, her own family. Her brother.

Rhys had told her that the only person he had talked with about Alhena’s and Valeria’s trip to the camp was Tamlin.

At first she had been reluctant to accept it, that her little brother, the male who had befriended Rhys even though their parents were enemies, the male that she was learning to love and welcoming in her life as the only good her family had left her; had been the responsible for all this cruelty, had been the one to snitch upon Alhena and Valeria with their awfully cruel father, and then had proceeded to let them all torture both females, cut out their wings, and then tossed their heads into the river for Rhys to eventually find them.

But then she had realized, that just as she was her father’s daughter, Tamlin was his father’s son as well.

And so as Mareena went back to the Court of Nightmares with Rhys, she realized, looking at the male’s tormented, raging violet eyes, that the same thoughts that crossed her mind crossed his, that the same pressure on her chest screamed the same thing to him as it was doing with her, that the same desire danced in his hands, aching to stop the gushing wound in his chest long enough to make them bleed as well, as she too was aching now.

As Mareena looked at Rhys, and he looked at her, both recognized that feeling in each other’s eyes, and understood where that night was taking them to.

☪︎⋆

Mareena had never seen the High Lord like this before, he was a spiral of rage and darkness and grief. His eyes seemed like too reflections of death itself.

Yet somehow, this was the first time Mareena did not fear him.

As soon as Rhys entered his father’s room, Rhett had growled that they were going to the Spring Court at once.

Both Mareena and Rhys had stoped their tracks when they saw the interior of the antechamber: it was completely wrecked, everything broken, everything destroyed. It was probably an accurate representation of how the High Lord was feeling inside, but neither of them made a single comment about it.

Rhys straighten his back and simply nodded once to his father, then the older male looked in her direction, and Mareena thanked the Cauldron that she did not look too much alike her father, or else Rhett might have killed her in the spot.

Still, she gathered her courage and rage and grief, and stepped outside the protection of Rhys’ body to brace the raging gaze of the High Lord.

“My Lord, I wish to accompany you,” she spoke with a determination she had never in her life spoken with before.

“And why would I take you to your father’s domains, girl?” The High Lord got closer to them with predatory slowness, Rhys moved an inch closer to her, but Mareena did not look down nor stepped back.

“Because he has too taken something from me, too many things. And I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been secretly waiting for the day I could look him in the eyes while his life slips away.”

Mareena had thought that the confession would scare her, that saying her darkest, most hidden thoughts aloud would terrify her, but when the words came out of her mouth, none of that happened, nothing moved within her, let alone regretted saying the truth.

The High Lord's face remained hard and unreadable, Mareena waited with her head held high for the male's response, a lump forming in her throat.

What she hadn't said, what she hadn't been able to admit, was that this might well be her last chance to know something about her mother, to get her father or her brothers or someone who knew to tell her something, anything, that might help her find her mother real mother.

After losing Alhena, after her father took her from her, she wanted more than ever to squeeze the truth out of the male who had, regrettably, given her life, even if she had to do it using that horrible power Jalus had made her suffer so much for.

"Good. If you want revenge on your father so badly," was all Rhett said before walking past them.

Mareena and Rhys shared a glance, he didn't need to ask her if she was sure of this, he knew perfectly well the darkness that Mareena had been holding deep inside herself since the day they met, when he saw it with his own eyes as he entered her mind.

For a long time, Mareena had feared this darkness, had hidden it and locked it deep inside herself. But now, feeling that dark power tingling her skin, screaming to let what was left outside her lock explode, she deicide to leave that darkness come out, to mingle with her being, to come out and settle where it had previously been exiled.

That power, which she had previously kept white and pristine, pure, she let it turn a darker colour, let it lose its fear.

And so, taking Rhys's hand, they winnowed to the place that for so many years had held her prisoner, to the male that for so many years had made her suffer. To the family she now wanted dead.

☪︎⋆

Rhysand had her brothers under his power, their minds surrendered to his will.

The rage that emanated from him could only be defined as feral. He was going to kill them, he was about to do it, to make them succumb so much in a pain that even their immortal bodies would not handle and would soon break.

But there was something still trapped inside Mareena’s heart, something that was making her mouth twitch and head to spin.

"Wait!" She screamed when she saw the life almost leaving one of her older brother’s eyes.

The three of them immediately took a deep, choked breath in when Rhysand relaxed his grip on them at the surprise of Mareena’s voice. He looked at her with a dark eyebrow raised as if wondering if she was only just regretting this.

“I need to know if they know,” she whispered to the one male that in a couple of years had been more of a brother to her than the three other males ever were in her entire life.

And Rhysand understood immediately, his frown relaxing deeply and only nodding ones, giving a step back to let her stand in front of them.

“You…traitorous…bitch,” Silas, the middle brother of the three of them, spat between ragged breaths to her.

Mareena didn’t even flinch at the hatred and the harshness of his looks and voice. “Brother, spare me the insults and wasted time in discussing which one of us is the most fucked up, we would need some long time to discuss that, time that you three do not have left,” the three males growled, baring their teeth’s at her, Caius, the younger of them, made an attempt to move towards her, but her hand shot upwards in a second, and it started to dimly glow in an almost reddish color.

Not even Rhys dared to breath as Caius’ face began to drain of color, and started making choking sounds as the air stopped rushing through his body.

“Where. Is. She,” Mareena had never looked like this, sounded like this. Not even when Rhett made her torture his prisoners, no, this was an entirely new Mareena.

One who’s hand didn’t glow white but like dark fire, one who’s eyes did not advert with fear but rather looked straight at her brother’s eyes.

“Tell me right now or you’ll wish I had let Rhys finish you off,” she spat to the two remaining males that could actually talk.

“We don’t know who the fuck you’re talking about,” Tobin, the oldest, spat, stealing afraid glances at his younger brother.

“My mother! Where is she!” And then, without even intending to, a rush of power cursed through her and shot out at her already suffering brother.

Caius’ eyes and nose started to bleed, before she finally drained him of all his power, all his being, and choked on his own blood, falling dead at her feet.

This time hadn’t been like the last time, when she first killed that other man. No. That time she had felt terribly guilty, dirty, terrified of herself. This time, tho, as she stared at the lifeless body of her older brother, feeling that power she had drained from him feeding her own; she felt nothing, absolutely nothing. No remorse, no fear, no pain.

“I would suggest you two start talking while you still can,” Rhysand spoke in a deathly voice behind her, like a reassuring presence that told her that he too felt that darkness consuming him as well. And it felt so. damn. good.

“We know nothing!” Silas screamed at her in anger, trashing against Rhys’ restrain without an ounce of luck.

Something in Mareena’s chest tighten at the point of asphyxiation, she was screaming in her head, a despair so great it was threatening to make her power combust.

And just then, she felt a hand on her shoulder, only that, when she turned around, Rhys was not the one holding her, but something dark and small and almost undetectable. Like a presence, like…like a shadow.

She took a deep breath in, then one out, taking in the touch of that small shadow, and a reassuring, comforting, and inexplainable feeling settled on her heavy heart.

Mareena stared at her brothers’ eyes with deathly calmness, not a single emotion showing in her face.

“Then you shall suffer for everything you’ve done,” and with that, she turned around to leave Rhys to discard all his anger and pain on her brothers, while she went to look for the only male that could really tell her what she so desperately wanted to know.

34 notes · View notes

lcftyambiticns · 3 days

Text

@shadovan

⸻ 𝕿he bastard is DEAD.

Rolan should feel elated and relieved, and a part of him was — truly! — but mopping his master's BLOOD from the marble floor of Ramazith's Tower felt like wiping away the fragments of a broken dream that had been his beacon of hope, his LIFE-LINE for so long.

It hurt. But it also paved the way for something new, something he had never dared to hope for. The Tower was now his. Sure, a lot of bureaucracy needed sorting, and Lorroakan's disorganized books and finances were a mess, but still.

He was now the Master of Ramazith's Tower. He, a Tiefling. An outcast. Someone who had been marginalized his entire life. He wished he could share in his siblings' excitement, but everything felt so... overwhelming.

Just yesterday, he had witnessed an Aasimar snap his master's back like a twig, the gut-wrenching sound still haunting his thoughts. The adrenaline had numbed him then, but that night he cried. He wouldn't miss that bastard, but this was far from the way he had wanted things to end.

"Look!" Thud. Lia's voice snapped him out of his spiraling thoughts as she placed a crate on the floor. "Found these in his bedchambers," she said with a grin, gesturing to the books and letters inside. "Books from his, uh, magic school. I didn't want to throw them away with the other stuff... I thought they might be helpful?"

Rolan arched his brows, managing a smile, and set the mop aside. "Oh?" He appreciated Lia taking on the task of removing Lorroakan's personal items and redecorating. He leaned down, sifting through the books, journals, two unopened letters from Athkatla that had been sent years ago (family, perhaps?), and a sketchbook... Curiosity got the better of him, and he flipped through the pages.

He was surprised to find that his cruel master had an artistic side! The bitter irony struck him that he knew nothing of Lorroakan beyond his spite and cruelty and it stung to think he was only discovering another side of him now that he was DEAD.

Most of these drawings were quite good; and his heart grew heavy as he turned a page to find portraits of his master's... Lich friend, Tareque.

Hells below... What would Tareque say if he found out —— ?

Apparently, Lia noticed the look on her brother's face and leaned in to peek into the sketchbook. "Huh." There was a moment of silence. "Who's that?"

"Tareque. My Master—" He caught himself, "Lorroakan had him deliver draughts for the shop, but from what I gathered, they were... close."

"Well... shit." Lia's shoulders slumped. She had been very vocal about her joy that 'the godsdamned asshole was finally six feet under,' but it hadn't quite occurred to her that even this godsdamned asshole had people who cared about him.

"Listen… this isn't your fault, okay?" She said firmly, taking the sketchbook from her brother, aware of the guilt he shouldn't be carrying. "And this Tar… Tareque? He probably had no idea what a piece of shit Lorroakan was. And if he did… well, he'll probably be grateful to Dame Aylin."

Rolan's tail flicked nervously from side to side, staring at the crate in silence. He felt miserable and scared, no, terrified for what might happen if Tareque showed up at the tower and Rolan had to inform him about his master's fate.

"Rolan." Lia placed her hand firmly on his shoulder, prompting him to meet her gaze. "You will not blame yourself for any this. I won't let you, you hear me? He dug his own grave when he decided to mess with the child of a goddess."

She wouldn't mention the letter she had found stashed away in a drawer in Lorroakan's bedchambers, written only a day ago, and the black (poisonous?) flowers, that were clearly meant to be a gift.

She could only assume they were meant for Tareque.

There are times when words seem so woefully insufficient, and there are many things I haven't said, perhaps out of a misplaced sense of pride or fear — but I shall endeavor to finally convey what my heart has been struggling to articulate. Your presence has brought me a sense of comfort, joy and belonging I never knew I needed, filling a void I didn't even realize was there, and I cannot imagine my life without you in it anymore. Though you now see the world devoid of color, you have managed to bring forth the most vibrant hues into mine. You are aware, of course, that I have little patience for sentimentality. But rest assured, I'm committed to showing you the depth of my feelings in ways that extend beyond mere words. Eternity awaits us, and I can think of no better companion to share it with than you, my Amakiir, the one I love. — Fete

#shadovan #📚 [ apprentice ] ; 𝓡olan.#˗ˏˋ 🖤 ∗ ℱire &. 𝒜sh #/ HERE'S SOME PAIN #/ and Rolan feels #/ those flowers are rare and exotic specimens for Tar's lab 🧐#ded lorri >:c #Lorroakan

4 notes · View notes

mermaidsirennikita · 9 months

Text

ARC Review: 10 Things That Never Happened by Alexis Hall

4/5. Releases 10/17/2023.

Vibes: Hallmark Christmas movies with a twist, boss/employee, grumpy meets snarky, uptight meets defiant

Sam can't stand his controlling, uptight boss, Jonathan. When they get into a conflict (at the workplace!) right before Christmas, enough is enough, and Jonathan fires Sam... Right before accidentally causing an accident that gives Sam a concussion. Befuddlement and confusion at the hospital leads Jonathan to believe Sam has amnesia... And why not go with it...?

Another charming, funny romcom from Alexis Hall, full of chemistry. It's a little tame, but it's also Christmasy and offers me the same feeling a sugar cookie would. If you're a fan of Alexis--or want a seasonal good time--go for this.

Quick Takes:

--One thing I loved off the bat was that Jonathan was SO. VERY. STARCHED. And he hired Sam despite his lack of managerial experience because he "saw something in him" (or maybe he envisioned Sam inside him idk idk). So of course, he's so, so mad and so, so stuffy about his would-be protegee... kinda sucking at his job (more on that later).

Sam, meanwhile, is like--I wouldn't call this grumpy/sunshine. Sam is too snarky, too snappy, and too confrontational with Jonathan to be a sunshine. They're immediately combative, and you get this great tension, and then like... boom. Jonathan is trying to keep himself from getting sued to hell and Sam is pretending to be an amnesiac in order to keep his job. MESS.

As a sidebar... This is not a true amnesia romance, but if you like amnesia romance, I think you'll enjoy it. Jonathan fully thinks his employee! is an amnesiac and spends this whole time babysitting him, and having him meet his family... You know. Boss stuff.

--One thing I expected going into this book was like, this typical scenario where the millionaire asshole Jonathan was wrong, and Sam's soft managerial approach was entirely right. To me, Sam immediately had some noticeable issues as a manager that I've seen in real life, and they're often brushed off because it's nice and kind of passive.

I should've trusted in Alexis Hall more, because he really handles this well and humanizes both Jonathan and Sam. Neither one of them is perfect. Sam has a lot of growing to do. Romance arc aside (which was obviously good), I seriously appreciated where Sam ended up in this story. It was a very evolved take, and refreshingly realistic in a way I think Alexis handles better than almost any other author.

--The Christmas isn't OVERMUCH, but it's just enough to have that charming, snowflakes in the air over kisses vibe. And it has enough wit and chemistry to really overpower the schmaltzy Hallmark movie sensibility. Although it's nothing like this movie in terms of plot, in terms of romanticism this book reminded me more of Dashing in December, than a Hallmark movie.

The Sex:

This is a closed door romance, and I won't lie, that didn't feel completely right to me. I'm biased, and if anyone is going to sell me on closed door, it's Alexis Hall. And this couple did still feel very sexy--like I said, the chemistry is great. I would recommend this book as a closed door novel that will probably work for people like me (who don't really read closed door ever).

But... they do have sex. It's just not on the page. And I couldn't help but wonder why? It's probably just an artistic choice, and I respect that. Like I said, it works. I just think it would have been a little bit better if we'd seen that sex scene. Or really, those sex scenes. I also just love the way Alexis writes sex. Peggy and Orfeo's first time in Something Spectacular is one of my favorite sex scenes ever. Something on the love of Mortal Follies, a book which was pretty tame in terms of sex but still said a lot with a little, handled this a bit better to me.

With that being said, if you want a cute and witty Christmas romcom with a wacky twist, this will absolutely work for you. It's light, it's fun, it's satisfying. Can't complain about that!

Thank you to Sourcebooks Casablanca and Netgalley for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

#romance novel blogging #arc reviews #netgalley #book recs #book reviews #books

11 notes · View notes

littlepuppylee · 2 months

Text

Update On My Life:

Hi everyone!

I know it's been a while since I've been active, a lot has been going on in my life recently, and my recently I mean the past year. Just a warning, I do talk about just like anxiety, depression, and dealing with trauma and thoughts of sewer slide.

First, I would just like to thank you guys for being patient with me and my absence. I know I don't have a large following, but I still have people on here who I would chat with occasionally. I haven't been doing well since July of 2023. To sum everything up, I had jumped from relationship to relationship, got cheated on in one, had a fwb relationship for the first time and got my heart broken, and was uhhhh not well mentally lmao. Sorry I'm avoiding trauma dumping. But hey I finally lost my virginity, so that's something.

So for me, whenever I've been in relationships, I kind of neglect my NSFW Tumblr blogs mainly because I don't want my partners finding them and either 1. finding out some kinks that I'm not ready to share, or 2. presume that I am cheating on them or being unfaithful.

I'm also in therapy and I should be starting some anti-anxiety medication that should also help with depression. Yay, Zoloft. Oh yeah! Officially diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder - not surprised since it runs in my family- and Atypical Depression - I didn't fit the entire criteria for Major Depressive Disorder since my depressive episodes aren't long enough, which also runs in my family - as well as some symptoms relating to PTSD - I don't fit the entire criteria for PTSD I think; I just remember being diagnosed with Acute Stress Disorder. I'll talk to my therapist about that for clarification.

Also, don't be like me and jump from relationship to relationship as a way to distract yourself from the negative feelings from the past one. 1. That just isn't fair to the other person if they are not aware of this, and 2. You need to give yourself time to heal. I never gave that to myself because I thought I was fine. I thought I was better, but my therapist helped me realize that no, I am not better. She had said to me that just because I feel better, that doesn't mean I am actually better, and when she asked me for my thoughts on what she had just said, I realized that I haven't been better for a while. I haven't been better for a long time, which became more obvious when I opened up to her about a traumatic event that happened when I was 12-13 and hadn't talked about in years.

I ended my most recent relationship because I realized that I was in fact not okay and not over my trauma, and the levels of anxiety and feelings of apathy from depressive episodes that I was feeling was affecting my relationship. It was a good relationship, but I probably shouldn't have been in a relationship to begin with at the time considering 1. my grandfather died and that was a bit traumatic to witness, 2. I had just gotten my heart heavily broken, and 3. uhhhh mental health got SUPER bad :] Thoughts of sewer slide, but I'm hanging in!

Alright! Let's get onto the positive stuff! Besides that, the second semester of my second year of college is going super well academically speaking. It's the end of the semester right now, finals are coming up very soon, and I have 2 B's and the rest are A's as of this moment. All I have left now are mostly papers, 2 official finals, and a presentation. I'm also an aunt now! Not too fond of kids myself, but my nephew is the exception lmao, he's pretty cool for a newborn. I've also been reading a book right now called 'Tiny Traumas' to hopefully help me identify some areas in my life that could've contributed to the way I think, act, and feel, and how to move forward. I also finally get to start working, so making some money will be nice. Putting off relationships for a while and focusing on making money and bettering myself

What have I learned? Well, I can't have sex without developing feelings - found that out the hard way, I genuinely DID go through a traumatic experience and I had been downplaying it for years because nothing physical happened, don't trust Gemini men, don't date a 23 year old at 19, DON'T TAKE HIM BACK AFTER HE CHEATS EVEN IF IT WAS ONLY EMOTIONALLY CHEATING, and I cannot do a polyamorous relationship. Scratch that, what I actually learned was that I was a unicorn lmao. At least it makes a good funny story to tell.

So I'm mostly making all of this known to hopefully help feel someone less alone, especially on the NSFW side of Tumblr, as well as to just vent a bit while avoiding trauma dumping. This is also just to help show where I've been and how I'm doing. Besides that, I should be back for good, and I hope you guys are doing well :)

#tickling community.#tickling.#tickling kink #tickle thoughts #tickles.#nsft tickling #mental health #mental illness #tickling kink.#tickle content

3 notes · View notes

captain-sassy-socks · 2 years

Text

GABIT INSP 2022 Part V - Closing Ceremony and Personal Thoughts

At the beginning, Amanda sat aside from the stage, as did the rest of the G4 and head stewards, and was already clutching a tissue in her hand. That was the moment I realized things would probably get very emotional.

A video with moments from the first GABIT conventions was displayed.

Julia got on stage and thanked everyone in lengthy detail. The final amount raised for charity was announced. (side note: as final as it could get since they forgot to auction off one item)

Nora and Becka presented the two cheques. Amanda helped them.

A representative from Hearing Dogs thanked us for our generosity and introduced us to their work, and explained how the pandemic was a huge setback.

Becky then shared how an idea to get Amanda back into town became a reality. She thanked Amanda for being a role model and breaking the cycle of body image issues for her daughter. This was followed by a short story about Becky's mother and her fear of the dentist.

Next, Liesl thanked everyone for being a part of the experience.

Julia got up on stage and said, “I haven’t got speech.” Amanda dramatically jumped up, shouted, “Bullshit!” and pretended to leave the room. After three large steps, she turned back and broke into laughter.

Julia explained that this was indeed the last GABIT convention since the company would go defunct. (side note: reading between the lines, the possibility of a reunion sometime in the future wasn’t ruled out)

Finally, Amanda stepped back on the stage and struggled to retain her composure. She thanked us for being part of this wonderful family and for embracing one another. For every little thing she gives us, inspires us, we give 100 times more back to her. The memories of these events and our stories have carried her through the darkest hours. She considers GABIT a friendship factory and is proud of it.

And after that, the dam broke and she cried her eyes out.

Amanda left the hall to a standing ovation.

And a sense of finality set in.

~~~

And here are my personal thoughts regarding the weekend.

1) I was a newbie. First time convention, first time Amanda Tapping. I didn’t know what to expect. Good for me, because the weekend blew my mind. The entire time I was living in a bubble, running on adrenalin and serotonin and definitely not enough sleep. Even the one or other cocktail couldn’t take full effect in this state. lol

2) I had read many articles and seen many videos, such as the "Bite the Bullet" interview. So I knew Amanda was struggling with her self-esteem and self-worth, but I didn't know the extent of it. I just didn't want to believe that "I like to play smart, savvy, sexy women - because that's not me" was the truth. In my mind, she was one part Samantha Carter and one part Helen Magnus, smart, strong, badass. Seeing her so vulnerable deconstructed that image and replaced it with something I can't yet find the right words for. But it's definitely better.

3) As much as we, the fans, needed this event to reconnect with her, to tell her our stories, to be enveloped by one of the best hugs in the world, I can't shake the feeling that Amanda needed it even more, a safe place to feel loved. I feel honored to have been a part of it.

4) I have gained a new respect for Amanda. After all the shit life has dealt her the last year, it would have been easy to wallow in self-pity, blame the world, and become a bitter, cynical, old woman. But she refused and continues to be the kindest and most caring person I’ve ever meet. Kindness is not just a word for her. She lives and breathes it as witnessed in the grand and little moments throughout the weekend.

5) Suanne Braun was a wonderful guest. She went with the the spirit of the event and complemented Amanda well. I really liked her dry humor and their display of friendship. I’ll definitely keep an eye out for Suanne's future projects.

6) At last, I come to the best part: I MET THE MOST AMAZING PEOPLE!!! You know who you are ;-) We laughed, we cried, we fangirled hard, we had the time of our lives. It was mostly you who made the weekend unforgettable. This amazing feeling and the memories will linger for a long time and carry me through another winter that looks less promising again. And remember the promise: if one of us wins the lottery big time, we’ll go through with our plans for a reunion.

7) Earlier, I mentioned an item they forget to auctioned off. It was this. Imagine having it hanging over your bed...

#Amanda Tapping #Grand Empress of Scifi #gabit

26 notes · View notes

the-blackbird-murmuration · 1 year

Text

Tw sh, suicidal, struggles with family and general mental health

When I was in ~7th grade I somewhat realised that my mood swings that made me lash out at my friends, my periods of emotional numbness, and overall relationship with my family was probably not the best and most likely at the very least kind of problematic. I made friends with this (now very dear) person online around the same time. After the 'honeymoon' period at the beginning of our friendship, I started going back to the same behaviours I had with my irl friends. This time, however, my online fri3nd brought up the fact that I was probably having depressive episodes and that I had quite depressive tendencies (or something along those lines). I was very self destructive and had a horribly low self esteem in every way possible. The same friend made it clear to me several times that I will probably have an inclination towards things like suicidal ideation and sh and such in the future but that they truly hope I will never come to it. Well, fast forward a few years, I can check those things off my list.

I just feel like there's something so surreal about that. The friend knows ab the first major and probably most serious (thus far) suicdal episode, but doesn't k ow about the subsequent episodes and the sh.

I've always been quite a happy person at school, despite my struggles with family and chronic pain that I had for several years even to the point that my teachers didn't believe that I was suffering from chronic pain 24/7 for several years. Again fast forward a few years and I was my happiest at school. The chronic pain subsided and became episodic, but the family situation only got worse. And yet I was a dedicated student and school was my passion (whether it was purely out of the validation i got for doing well or not I'm not entirely sure). I did however open up about some aspects of my family life and how I was struggling with it, but never too explicitly. I also ended up opening up ab my sh to the same teachers but bc I wasn't (visibly) struggling at school (despite my endless breakdowns and panic attacks in the school bathroom), it was never seen as a big deal.

Regarding my sh, it's only been getting worse. I keep thi king about how to cut deeper and deeper, and what tools I can use to maximise the pain and 'quality' of the cuts.

My online friend (who at the time was ~12) should not have been responsible for my wellbeing (when I was also ~12). It should not have been their burden to carry. It should not have been them searching up "how to help friend with depressive tendencies."

Time and time again, the only person that would ever hear me out and would truly listen to me when I would confess that I witnessed my grandfather running around with an axe trying to genuinely kill my grandmother, was this friend. Time and time again, adults would dismiss me as a mere overthinker (which to some extent I was at some points in time). Time and time again, more important and 'serious' cases were taken care of instead of mine. Time and time again I wondered how these truly amazing teachers of mine who in many ways were genuinely thoughtful and observant, could not see just how much pain I have and continue to be in.

My existence in itself has become a call for help which apparently is silent and invisible for one reason or another. I continue to disintegrate, cut by cut, breakdown by breakdown, one destructive coping mechanism after another and perhaps I will never stop until I completely fall to ashes.

#self h@rm #sh #self har #sh urge #toxic parents #tw unalive #tw sh related #tw sh #tw suicidal #tw family #tw mental health #tw killing #rant

2 notes · View notes

bonesandthebees · 2 years

Note

Okay, so the clinic one shot. I had to sit there for a full minute recalling the plot and characters so I could read because it’s been so long since I’ve read it. Anyway, it’s amazing how you convey the hero-villain dynamic. It’s one thing to know that the heroes do a lot of unnecessary damage. It’s another to see Wilbur being chased across rooftops with no way to defend himself or escape. It paints that constant fear they live in.

Because this is Dream, who has already killed a man and walked away without consequences. Dream who knows he can get away with it again. Dream who knows Siren is alone and can’t defend himself without his power and back-up will never get here fast enough. Dream who knows there are no p witnesses and this would be the perfect time to kill him. So he does.

And then there’s Wilbur realising Tommy is a good person and immediately becoming protective. Because being a villain (or associated with them) is dangerous. He would’ve been dead without Tommy. And it’s interesting to see that from the very beginning Wilbur knew how this would play out. He knew the kid would get dragged into being their healer so he tries to hide his existence without even considering that maybe that’s what he wants to do. If he saved Siren, knowing it was Siren, then surely he just wants to help people.

Also, Techno has to put so much effort into getting the tiniest piece of the puzzle. Which makes me think that Wilbur constantly downplays how badly he was hurt because he doesn't want the others to worry. So protecting the kid is just an excuse, but he’s just hiding the trauma of a near-death experience and trying to deal with it on his own. That’s not healthy.

Also, by the time Phil and Techno show up on Tommy’s doorstep, they know he saved Wilbur’s life. So, either he told them when he sent them to Tommy or he caved before that or they wrung it out of him because he clearly wasn’t okay. It’s good that it does get dealt with, even though it should be the go-to to tell them.

Lastly, of course ‘spend a year starving on the streets’ Wilbur instantly notices Tommy is too tiny and probably not eating enough, so as a thanks he takes him out for food. It’s a nice character detail that even though he has enough now he still knows the signs and he’s definitely ongoing to do something about it because he remembers what it was like.

Anyway, I hope you’ve enjoyed the clinic ramble. I did not expect this many thoughts, but here we are.

-🌲

lmaoooo I straight up had the main clinic fic open in another tab the entire time while writing that so I could make sure I was keeping my own story straight. in clinic, the heroes are far more corrupt as a whole compared to world forgetting, so it was interesting to go back to that dynamic! dream knows full well he can get away with killing a villain now, and it's been so many years since he killed hbomb that he's convinced himself it's all for the greater good now. you can see a stark difference in his behavior compared to when he first killed hbomb and how horrified he was, and now he just... didn't seem to care that much about killing siren. he was proud of himself, more than anything.

wilbur at first was very suspicious of tommy, but once he realized this random kid was telling the truth and he genuinely just wanted to help? wilbur can't remember the last time he met someone that wholly good, so of course he doesn't wanna drag him into shit if he doesn't have to. he owes tommy and he recognizes that, and doesn't want to get some random kid involved in this shitfest if he can avoid it

lmao yeah wilbur definitely has downplayed his injuries before so techno is very suspicious the whole time. later on in the story when wilbur eventually tells phil and techno the truth of that night, they all have a long family talk about "hey wilbur why the fuck did you not tell us you almost died that's not healthy are you alright-" (for reference, wilbur didn't tell phil and techno until that night at the warehouse when phil got injured. they needed a healer so in a rush he just kind of told them "oh yeah haha that night i came back with a stab wound uh fun fact it was way worse and I literally was about to die but some kid healed me so since we need a healer-")

yup. wilbur knows what it's like to be hungry, even if tommy isn't on the streets and isn't fully starving, he's still not eating enough and wilbur knows how to recognize those signs

so glad you enjoyed spruce anon!!!

#ask #spruce anon #clinic

12 notes · View notes

cheesysaggychick · 2 years

Text

Beyond the Facade

(A character sketch)

He was always late, even so, always absent in class. He was always scolded by his teachers and even got lower grades than before for not submitting his school-works on time. These are some of his habits that I have noticed for a period of time. Something was definitely up, yet nobody dared to ask, or should I say, nobody cared to ask. I know something is hiding beyond that façade and I am going to look for it.

When I first met Kurt, I stereotyped him as the heteronormative boastful guy who does nothing but bully the people around him. Don’t blame me, I’ve been surrounded by those kinds of boys my entire life, and I DID not have the best experience. When we were getting to know each other, one of the main topics was our birthdays. When he brought up his birthday saying “ka-birthday ni lord”, I immediately thought, oh crap, he’s a Capricorn.

I don’t like Capricorns. I mean, I have Capricorn friends, but like kimchi, they are an acquired taste. Anyway, there was a long debate with our fellow classmates about whether he really is a Capricorn, until he said his birthday was December 21st. It was a day before the “cutoff”. Funnily enough, he is a Sagittarius like Alec and me. Although we do joke sometimes about how he is not welcome because he’s too quiet to be a Sag, which he is, the same as me.

Surprisingly, Kurt was one of the main people who truly understood me. Now that I can talk to him every day, being sat next to him in class, I get to know him better.

I remember venting about my problems in life to him, and he just said “Inggit lang sayo yung mga yon”, like a brother I never had.

Of course, my insecure self did not believe him, and he knows that.

“Gusto mo ng aso?” he asked. Me being an ingrained cat mom, I declined, until he showed me this cookie and a cream-colored puppy which he said was named Oreo. Oreo??? Coincidentally, that is the name of my dog that died a few years ago that made me not want to have a dog anymore ever.

Apparently, he likes dogs more than cats and I do not. He is great at procrastinating, I am in fact not. He draws and has neat handwriting. First of all, I have no artistic sense, as well as I am not proud of my handwriting. As my old teachers would describe it, “parang kinalaykay ng manok”. Although we both share an interest in sports, he likes playing mobile games more, specifically with Alec and Beau during our break times. You would just hear them cussing each other suddenly, but it was just the game.

But like me, he is also not afraid to say what is in his mind. He values his opinion and never cuts himself short. Proud saggy mama here. Lol anyway… He comes from a healthy, or as he described it, a so-so family, with no issues of any kind. Okay, first of all, that’s a biggie for me since I don’t and have never had that. Second of all, he is the middle child of three brothers.

Beyond all that I have seen, heard, and witnessed, I know lies something even deeper than mining. It will require effort, and patience, to even scratch the surface of this sturdiest wall he had built over the years. All was a mask, a mask too real to be noticed.

He is an old man living in a 17-year-old’s body. There are some things he knows that will just make your jaw drop open, we are lowkey open to each other like that. Now before you say anything, he is a friend. He is one of those types who choose to observe instead of speaking up about what he thinks.

During recitations, he will murmur the correct answer with his head bowed down, probably sleepy from all the work he’s done the night before.

“Nasa Batangas lang ako kaninang madaling araw eh. Ta’s mamaya pampanga naman.” he proudly says. “Tara na pampanga tayo”

He is grinding in life. He would always be in different cities delivering his products to other people and helping with the family business, yet he still wants to be a psychologist. Isn’t that nice?

Honestly, I don't really like men, like in their nature. But I think he is one of those who gets a free pass.

He actually has plans for his future. That should not be a shocker to me but it is. I have met too many boys and interacted with too many men in my life who are mostly good for nothing, hence me expecting the lowest of the worst.

“Gusto ko na lang matapos tong senior high na to para makapagtrabaho nako ng walang sagabal. Gusto ko nalang mag business”

I mean, I am not one to judge but not everyone is academically inclined and likes studying, and you cannot blame people who have not.

Money makes the world run and that is reality. Wanting money is human nature, and until you are earning it not at the expense of other people, it’s fine. And that is exactly what he is doing.

One last thing we have in common, which I can say is the most significant of all is our apathy about death.

“I do not think about my death too much. Pero pag dating ng time na I’m on my deathbed, alam kong wala na akong regrets non. And that is because whatever life I experience, I believe that I will live that life happily." He is decisive. He does not overthink or over-analyze things. He does things because he truly wants to do them.

When we were shooting for our fashion article, the camera-shy me kept asking “Paano ba kasi [pu-mose]?”

“ Wag mong tanungin kung paano, gawin mo lang.” he answered in annoyance bearing a cheeky smile.

I learned to stop caring TOO much because apparently, apathy lessens the injury.

Over-caring leads to over-compensation, which eventually leads to disappointment.

He just couldn’t care less and is living life therefore I feel like this essay nicked just the thick tip of the ice, and I am days, months, probably years to even make a dent in that seemingly dangerous yet indifferent facade because behind it is a thousand stories that are worth listening to and learning about yet nobody dared, or cared, to ask him about them.

#repression #unexpected #seatmate #kurt

2 notes · View notes

probablygayattorneys · 4 months

Note

Azran Legacy anon here. First of all, I want to say I'm very sorry if I ever seemed pushy about the game, I didn't mean to come off that way. I do genuinely hope things are going well for you and life is treating you well.

And second of all, since you finished the game, the one question I've been meaning to ask : what did you think about it? I'm well aware the game has its flaws, so if there's stuff you want to complain about, please do so and don't feel like you have to hold back on my account just because I love the game. Regardless I do hope you at least had fun with it. That's what matters the most I think. Also I've seen you complain about spoilers in the past. Some of these posts seemed more light hearted than serious, but still I hope the spoilers didn't ruin your experience of the game.

Anyways sorry for the long ask!! Surely Someday I'll finally come off anon. In the meantime, take care!!

You were a little pushy, but if we're being honest, I needed the push.

I don't want to get into it too much but last summer was probably the lowest point in my entire life, mental health wise. My dad had a cancer scare (well, he actually had cancer but it was just a mole so they had it removed, and it was basically like stage zero cancer, it was a pretty big nothing burger) and it triggered my bipolar into a depressive episode that was really, really, really bad. I didn't want to do anything, including playing Layton, so when you disappeared it just kind of seemed like nobody cared if I played or not, so I just... stopped, and when I finally started again, I had to get Juliana to hold me accountable.

That said, though, it probably was a good thing that I didn't at least finish the game while I was really down because I really do (did? I'm still working through it) love Emmy, and witnessing her betrayal very well may have been the straw that broke the camel's back and pushed me over the edge. I knew that they had to write her out somehow to explain why she's not in the original trilogy, and my fiancé assured me multiple times that she didn't die (until I kept insisting that she did and making up more and more outlandish standards and he was finally just like 'Okay, yeah, you're right, Emmy was sitting down and farted so hard she rocketed up in the air and was decapitated by a ceiling fan') but to be honest, looking back, I almost wish she had died. Because this means that it was a lie - it was all a lie. Every single choice she made was a conscious decision of that deception, and it was a lot like Phoenix's heel turn in AA4, except it wasn't just one moment and one decision, it was every single one, and she hadn't been honest the whole time. It hurt like a bitch. But the Professor seems to forgive her, so I'm trying to, too.

As for the spoilers - while I did try to mostly keep it lighthearted, I did have some pretty big things spoiled (or semi-spoiled), like Descole's identity or someone did reblog something with a whole paragraph that broke down the whole adoption thing but as soon as I realized it was spoiler-y, I stopped reading it, so really all I got out of it was the name Theodore, and based on context I was able to guess that I was going to learn that the Professor's birth name wasn't Hershel, but the whole family thing, with Bronev being his father and Descole being his brother was all a surprise. Still, I wish there hadn't been any spoilers, because I think I would have really enjoyed the game a lot more if I had been able to learn what the game wanted me to know when it wanted me to know it, because I think I would have enjoyed it more. However, I also accept that the main blame is on me. I'm the one who was playing a game ten years after it was released. You can't call spoilers when you had ten years to play it.

I'm also not sure I'm satisfied with the end. Like if you've been following me for long, you probably know that I love to moralize, and from where I'm standing, Descole was almost as bad, if not equal to, as Bronev, and the fact that Bronev got arrested but Descole gets to fly off into the sunset despite the fact that he kidnapped multiple people and held them hostage for months on end and tried to manipulate someone into destroying an entire town and killing everyone in it in the process? Does he get a pass just because he didn't succeed? Where is the justice? I get that he's supposed to be a tragic character, but if we extend mercy to him, in spite of his wrongdoings, where does it end? Do we also forgive Bronev because while his family wasn't killed, he did still lose them? Do we forgive Clive, because his parents died and that made him sad so he gets to try to destroy all of London? You could argue that Sycamore (and Emmy) both have a bit of redemption in that they're willing to sacrifice their lives to stop the golems, but so was Bronev, so again, we're back to square one.

That's really getting into the weeds, though. So I guess ultimately... It wasn't the worst Layton game, but it wasn't the best either. Part of that is going to come down to the fact that I was just in such a weird place mentally when I played it, but... I had fun, at points, and I'm glad I can now say that I've played the entirety of the Layton series, spinoffs included.

#parker's asks #like idk on a scale of one to ten #i would say it was a solid 7 #there were definitely things i would change #both about the game itself and my specific experience #but it is what it is #pl6 spoilers #al spoilers

0 notes

servin-up-surveys · 6 months

Text

survey #192

You see the person you fell hardest for. What do you do? Initially freeze and panic a bit, I'm sure, but ultimately I'd probably try to avoid him.

Have/are you depressed? Yes, I was diagnosed with it during puberty, and it's still very much a problem. I'm not currently on a medication that's working well against it either, so it's been darker times for months now.

Do you call anybody "baby?" My boyfriend rarely, sometimes my nieces or nephew, and my snake too.

Where is the fanciest place you have ever visited? Probably this Italian restaurant I went to once on Sara's birthday when I was visiting. That stuff was WAY too gourmet for my ordering-chicken-tenders-at-fancy-restaurants ass lmfao

Do you like to sing? Not really, I do it super rarely.

Are there some songs that you will never understand the lyrics to? Oh this is the realest shit with having auditory processing issues lol, I very rarely understand a single song's entire lyrics. I have to look them up all the time, even if the singer is pretty clear and concise with the pronunciations.

How many rings do you wear on a day-to-day basis? Just one.

Have you ever attempted to sculpt something from ice? No.

Have you ever had to wear an oxygen mask? Yes, I remember doing something like this as a kid because I was having trouble breathing. I've wondered since childhood if I have asthma (my mom and her mom do/did), but I've never had an actual attack so we don't know.

Have you ever starved yourself? I've tried to.

Do you like Robot Chicken? No, I thought it was the dumbest thing I've ever seen on television.

Has anyone ever had to physically restrain you from doing something? [TW: SUICIDE] She didn't know exactly what she was restraining me from, but yes, when Mom no less than dragged me home from trying to walk to Jason's the night of the breakup. When we got back into the house, I immediately tried to break for the kitchen, fully intending on slitting my throat, but she had good intuition and literally wrestled me to the floor. That's when I really, REALLY fell apart, and since then I've had a very bad fear of knives, just knowing what I'd planned on doing.

Do you like the pretzel M&Ms? Yeah.

Have you ever been embarrassed to have a crush on someone? Oh this was definitely true before like, high school. I never wanted to admit to my puppylove "crushes."

Do you have a locket? What's the picture inside of it? No.

Have you ever seen someone who wore a real eyepatch? No.

Did anyone witness your last kiss? No.

Anyone who's way over protective of you? No one excessively.

Have you ever been to a rave? No, that sounds like hell to me.

Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? Yeah, I've a number of trans friends.

Have you ever dated someone who posted a ton of selfies on social media? Why does this matter? But no.

Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? Idk, actually.

Do your parents have a strong relationship together? No, I think Mom would be happier if Dad was dead, and I'm being serious. Dad doesn't let her bother him anymore.

Are you on good or bad terms with your most recent ex? Bad.

Do you think there are more dimensions than what we’re able to perceive? I'd say it's possible.

What was the last carbonated drink you had? Strawberry-flavored water.

Does anyone in your family have schizophrenia? My half-sister that I don't know does.

Do any of your neighbors have loud children? No, just dogs.

Have you ever sleepwalked? No.

Do you have any credit card debt? I don't even have a credit card. Or debit card.

What was your favorite way to spend a summer day as a kid? Swimming.

Do you have any uncommon interests or hobbies? A few honestly, vulture culture probably being the most textbook "uncommon" one.

What’s something that would make you incredibly happy right now? Losing a hundred pounds, no I'm not exaggerating.

What did you do for your 18th birthday? I actually have no idea.

Have you ever been to the Caribbean? No.

Have you ever fostered an animal? No; I'm very doubtful of my ability to ever let an animal I was fostering go.

What's the most worthwhile thing you've done in the last year? Gotten closer than ever with my mom, I think. I adjusted my dinner habits to where I normally sit out a couple hours with her, watching TV together and talking, and it makes me so happy that she loves it (not an assumption, she's told me), and I feel I've also been a better housemate; as my legs have improved I help out with various things more.

What foods make you want to gag? A lot, lmao. I will not put slimy things (like egg yolk) in my mouth, and I also hate stringy meat, beans, fat on meat, and lots lots more if I felt like putting in the time and thinking more.

Have you ever made out with someone? Yeah, this sounds like some shit young teenaged girls whisper about at sleepovers lmfao

How old were you when you started to walk? Idk exactly, but I know Mom's said at like doctor appointments that I was a normal age.

What cheers you up when you're sad? Talking to Girt and/or Mom is the most reliable option; I hate talking about stuff that makes me sad, but I know very well by now that talking really does, ultimately, help me. I'm regrettably also an emotional eater, and having a soda or some sweet sadly gives me a boost that I tend to abuse. Watching funny stuff can certainly help, and cuddling with Girt will always help at least some.

What do you sleep in? Pajama pants and a tank top.

Have you ever tanned topless? No; I've never been a fan of tanning, like I'm just hot lol, but I have even less interest doing it topless.

What's something you've been told you're good at? I think writing is my main thing that people have applauded and encouraged me to do more with. Followed by drawing.

What's the furthest away you've ever traveled? Illinois.

Are you a cat or dog person? I enjoy both, but as pets I definitely manage cats better. They're more my speed and vibe.

Have you ever done drugs? I have not, I have an addictive personality and I am not fucking with that shit. The only thing I'm interested in trying is a weed edible, but in a safe environment and not alone.

Recommend a really amazing book. I recently (FINALLY) read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood and it was great, I really enjoy her writing.

Recommend a really amazing song. "Stein um Stein" by Rammstein can depress me for a week if I let it lmao

Recommend a really amazing movie. Uh... Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron? I feel like it's a pretty underrated DreamWorks movie.

Who's your favorite actor/actress? Well, Mark is totally an actor now, so... lol

Have you ever run away from home? Yes, for like, 30 minutes lol. I was an angsty pre-teen.

Do you exercise ever? I use an exercise bike, and rarely my old physical therapy exercises. I need to get more dedicated to the bike, though... but at least I'm moving some. That couldn't be said last year.

Are you claustrophobic? This is very situational. I can tell you with certainty that I can't handle crowds, so claustrophobic because of humans? Absolutely. Some tight spaces? I can't stand them, and then other times, I want to be in that corner to feel safer. It's so situational.

Do you enjoy cooking? I don't. By pure coincidence I'm helping Mom bake bread rolls tomorrow (it's my Thanksgiving favorite), and I really hope something awakens in me, lol.

Do you wish you could go back and change anything about your childhood? I mean, yeah. I wish my parents had actually been good for one another and didn't fight, and I wish my dad hadn't been an alcoholic that scared me.

Who’s your favorite rapper? I have no idea who really exists in rap lol, but historically I've sometimes enjoyed Eminem, definitely more than any other name I know of.

What would your mom do if you told her you were pregnant? Oh WOW I'm really not sure. She would know it wasn't good news for me and my life, and she'd know an abortion was coming. Mom's pro-choice, but I know the concept of an abortion happening to me would be heartshattering for her. I don't really know how she would handle this situation, and I hope we never have to find out.

Have you ever considered changing religions? I've done this a couple times, doubt it'll ever happen again though.

Have you ever been caught sneaking out? I've never tried to.

What did you have for dinner tonight? Mac and cheese.

Have you ever cried in front of your parents over a boyfriend or girlfriend? OHOHOHOHOH BOY HAVE I, idk how my mom stayed sane with how many times I cried to her over Jason.

When was the last time you hung out with your best friend? Yesterday actually; he spent the night the night before.

What is a movie you're waiting to see? I want to see the Barbie movie so damn bad, but apparently renting it is extremely expensive so I haven't.

Who was the last person to cook something for you? My mom.

Do you talk to any of your ex-boyfriends/girlfriends? No.

If so, which one? N/A

What is your mom doing right now? I think I hear her doing something in the kitchen, preparing for tomorrow.

Are you currently listening to music? No, I'm catching up on Dark Den videos.

Do you agree that abortion is wrong? I sure don't.

Who was the last person to comment you on Facebook? My mom.

When was the last time you had a period? Almost a month ago, it'll be coming up in like a week.

#survey #surveys #personal questions #personal survey #questionnaire

0 notes