#reviews from a shitty movie goer

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Suspiria remake review from a shitty movie-goer

(this review is posted too late so excuse me for some timing inaccuracies I couldn’t be arsed to edit)

(IF YOU HATE TL;DRS JUST SKIP AHEAD TO THE “THE REVIEW” PART. YOU’RE WELCOME)

I actually hate to admit why was I interested to watch this movie in the end, but for once SOMETHING motivated me to go to a movie after countless tries from my family to get me to watch something in theatres at a “reasonable time” (daytime is what they mean, this movie was at 8pm our time, and this is when the cross-city bus transport (it goes from one big city to another) stops doing their service lmao).

I myself have a lowkey interest in moviemaking (I’m already getting there by editing my phone-recorded videos because whatever). I come up with my concepts in my head and I am mostly willing to put them down somewhere in my computer so I don’t forget it years later if I want to make that concept a thing in the end (because none of my concepts are finalized... well except for one short horror-ish story I posted on DeviantArt (see mom, I do like some horror stuff!). Reddit as of lately inspired me to edit some of my movie’s plot-lines based on irl events (not related with anything too SJW), and I’m not sure how an usual movie-goer would see this concept but I am going to try to execute it... whenever I have enough equipment to shoot my own little films or skits or whatever.

What’s that? There are people who scrolled past this and already yell at me that “YOU ONLY WENT TO SEE THIS MOVIE BECAUSE OF THE MAN WHO COMPOSED THE SOUNDTRACK~~~”? Ugh yes you exposed me, tea all over. I even had “Street Spirit (Fade Out)” on a bit of a repeat as of lately (how fucking come I wasn’t too couragerous to listen to this song before?? And “Pyramid Song”??? Man am I discovering their pearl(ie)s(*) too late). And I’m occasionally on the band’s subreddit as well. And the man himself is touring ‘round the USA, signing material of fans and have genuinely warm chats with them. Admireable.

But that’s only half truth.

I never thought I’d see Suspiria on cinema theatres in here. Until one time when I saw an ad on a completely random Lithuanian website that said this movie is coming to our theatres 14 December... I couldn’t quite believe my eyes. I made my goal to see Suspiria since then. I even dared to ask a couple of my new college ‘friends’ to see it with me, but one of them fell off the deal when I revealed that I’ll be going to see it on Saturday, and on the weekends he’s usually at home, far away from the city the college is in (he lives in college dormitory on mostly the work-weekdays). So my only movie companion ended up to be this 28-year-old coursemate (actually we both study different things but sometimes we attend some of the same lectures) who was intrigued by the Suspiria trailer herself so at least I’m gonna have her by my side of the movie, so I thought. Sweet.

I already envisioned seeing this in a mall cinema theatre but my companion offered me a cheaper alternative - her suggested cinema theatre was actually in renovation so the business is temporarily happening inside an actual drama theatre’s long theatre hall. I had to wait long until the ticket box opened and because of that I was lowkey frustrated as I finished my English test writing a little earlier, so I spent my time walking around the city until the time came and I wandered off to the old building of the cinema so then I remembered it was moved and I found the moved place. Yeah I bought the tickets before my companion could but I’ll skip ahead to the time that I almost lost the tickets because they were put down on a windowsill outside some children activity centre (Suspiria and children?? lol). I came back home late at night and was ready for the movie to happen the next day. Oh and before buying the tickets I coincidentally saw dance classes going on nearby that building... weird, as Suspiria has dance elements in there

The day came (December 15) and my family went together with me because they saw this as an opportunity to see the Christmas tree of our city (but not the movie). Needless to say, they were still visibly pissed at me orchestrating this idea, as I planned everything BUT the transport to go by. Well at least my mom and my sis. Dad was cool with it as he returned home to watch Home Alone. Aside all that, the cinema hall was cozy, Christmassy, not too small, there were a few trailers before the movie, no snack-seller places (as this is not a mall lol) - my companion was glad she wasn't at the mall as she found this place where we were at way lovelier.

Now with all that unnecessary long intro off my chest, let’s begin:

THE REVIEW

(definitely not spoiler-free, if you are sensitive to spoilers please watch the movie for yourselves before reading my review. But if you like being spoiled, I’m your friend then I guess lmao)

The intro to the movie felt like I ended up booking a wrong movie - I didn't expect that to be set somewhere in Germany, especially an American/Italian-shot one. Was that a thing in the original Suspiria? I don't know... (apparently it is, but the cities are different, never the country though)

Patricia (I didn’t know it was Chloë Grace’s role until reading the Wiki) looked like to be a really big deal here, with the dance pupils discussing her disappearance the other day and Susie overheard them, then Sara mentioned the Patricia thing to Susie after Susie revealed she was kind of chosen as the lead dancer for the Volk play... is it because Patricia was THE saviour that unfortunately knew a little too much?? Idk, it’s perhaps the reason we get to see the Klemperer guy subplot happen (I didn’t know it was Tilda Swinton behind him all the time either, must be because the way the male German accent was put on her lol). Turned out she was captured and kept under some dungeon where Sara had gone later in the movie, but looking like an almost melted and grotesquely old human being (or if Mary’s mother from “Chocolate with Nuts” was a person). Speaking of which, there is one more later in the movie, but I won’t tell just yet - we will need to get into such scenes discussion first.

Interesting deaths here, despite of them being grotesque and horrifically detailed. It almost felt like Susie, whilst doing her first dance as the probable lead dancer, temporarily turned into Olga’s voodoo doll or a violent bloodbender (that old lady from Avatar that could bloodbend was incredibly uncanny, damn) and left Olga completely fucked up, and the foam mouth later on... is this the effect myxomatosis has on a human being if it was ever humanly? She was twitching and salivating afterall. :P But no, she’s not dead until she gets to plead her death later in the movie! :O Several others occur throughout, but none is more prominent than this key scene I described, well at least according to TV Tropes.

The search for the evil person in this movie without Wiki helping me much was definitely a nice game for me to play. I kept thinking that Blanc might be that one, then I thought she’s not the one until she looked at Carolina (I think that was the tall tomboy’s name??) suspiciously and then she later passed out on the floor violently, with rabies foam and everything.

Anyway, don’t tell me Tilda Swinton wouldn’t make out a pretty good Thom Yorke post-Pablo Honey. She’s 8 years older than him, ffs! Also played a man before (e.g.: this movie I’m talking about) so the make up won’t be an unjumpable-over hurdle.

The sighs were for sure unsettling, especially because they oddly sounded like orgasm here and there. IDK why. I know fucking is referenced twice in this movie (well only fucking once and sex another time). Speaking of random things, the nightmare shots were completely random themselves, following up with some imagery we never see in the movie again, and some of that we see only a little (like the worms and bloody organs).

3 long scenes that were note-worthy for me. One is the Olga mutilation/Susie's first dancing scene that I already noted, and it was driven by music (the others will be too. Soundtrack of this movie still rules). Then there's the Volk play itself - girls go from one place to another, take poses of each other, dance individually, let their minimalistic red rope dresses flick in the air, interspersed with Sara in the underneath area and her broken leg (so broken, the bone went out of her skin!), and then the matriarchy getting her back on stage, but healing her leg with her witch powers before that. I haven't really listened to the rest of the soundtrack but I gotta check the song out so that I won't end up labeling it as a Kid A reject. No but seriously - intense dancing needed some intense drumming and painful instrument sounds just to project out the massiveness of the whole play.

Then I keep remembering the scene where Madame Blanc commands Susie to jump higher and higher in the mirror hall, up until she jumps as highest as possible. Also my companion’s favourite scene was the stare exchange between these two ladies during the part where people were singing some drinking song in a bar to celebrate ‘Volk’’s success - you hear them singing and then some chilling background noise slowly mixing and creeping its way into the atmosphere, then I think it leads into a scene where some sparkling aura entity wakes Susie up (and she’s nude) in the middle of the night and gets her to go down to this... dungeon orgy full of random stuff going on, complete with an Asian man doing something beyond explanation (I could say lewd but not quite), even more strange ritual dancing and the very much frightening Madame Helga... who looked like Jabba the Hutt for some reason. And then of course everyone slitting, slashing and twisting each other, and by the end Susie throwing us all a plot twist which makes her THE evil one who can finally let her ‘friends’ go of all that suffering they have been through thanks to the damn witches (and yeah apparently her dance friends haven’t completely died? THAT’S how they do - they tell Susie to end their suffering and she does). Also she cracks her chest open to reveal a... very graphic part of a female body that will by no doubt get this whole text review reported without consent so I refrain from any illustrations. Oh and this scene mostly has the possibly favourite this movie’s soundtrack song of mine, if not one of them, play - titled Unmade. It was a mind-boggling decision to do so but the movie editors do them I suppose, but still. I felt sad for the song having to be the background of such absurd but fair enough events? (Oh and I didn’t mention that everyone who voted for the other woman than Madame Blanc to be the leader of the witches (iirc) were rid of in this movie. Damn.)

Oh and the ending is rather an interesting detail, not talking about post-credits because as always I have to be this one movie goer who wants to do it but can’t because they’re urged to go back out of the movie theater. We turn into modern day Germany with a love heart carved on a brick wall with the letters A and L (perhaps?? at the time of finishing this review my memory towards it kind of erased some parts of the movie for me), a nice little remembrance of Lutz’s (the old man’s) love for his dear Anke, with which they have reunited during the movie, but Lutz was dragged out by some people related to the dance academy for probably wandering elsewhere than needed and somehow Lutz ended up as one of the sex dungeon victims, stripped of clothing and lying down quite powerless. That and before the modern day shot we are subjected with Lutz in hospital with Susie coming to visit, they discuss something related to the plot, Susie touches the guy speaks some more, leaves and according to the Wiki, Lutz “suffers from a violent seizure” that was nothing more than just a hard seizure. And it even erases his memories!

Anyway, as a whole, I felt more underwhelmed of this movie’s experience despite really wanting to see it. Like, “uhm yeah gore blood people getting slashed everyone’s a witch and everyone’s watched over by the witch and if you expose the witches you die” kind of underwhelmed. I didn’t want this movie to blatantly go through my head, but it did, that’s why I wanted to make notes everytime something notable happens. There was one startling moment, and it just was an innocent scene transition. And something within Olga’s mutilation scene made me chuckle (and made some other people leave the cinema hall ASAP). It’s more of a disgusting watch than scary. Also feels too dragged out in parts.

I’d only recommend it if you are gore-tolerant (there are people that can’t stand looking at blood so this might as well not be for you, especially if you’re younger than 16), like intense choreos that can impact other people literally, and... the soundtrack. Yes of course. If you dare to get through the movie with feeling its soundtrack, sometimes you might as well feel it right, but some of the soundtrack song usages might as well make you go “hmm” as much as me.

I'll remind myself to never watch a movie in theaters for soundtrack again (unless they're not THAT late). And the other 'trilogy of the three witches' movie remakes, especially if they come out at the time I haven't moved houses by now, because for sure as hell will my parents not like me going to cinema late once more. The movie is lowkey 7 out of 10 for me, can sometimes it's on the verge of falling down to 6 becaude of no completely proper comprehension of some directing choices... so 6.7/10 is good - as it still has 6 in it, but totally leans on to the 7.

Will probably watch it again. I need to remember some more of this movie sometime later. And looking for online uploads of this movie is unrecommendable - I'll wait until Lionsgate distributes it to America for wider audiences so that anything could surface 2 months (or even a few days) later from now. Though if I didn't need all that, I'd definitely not watch it again for a long time... unfortunately I want to.

Post movie feelings: my companion liked the movie, initially said to never watch it again but now wants to watch it again because it was so "wtf" she felt like re-experiencing it at some point. She liked the music (another bonus point for Yorke). She wished she could film the reactions of other people who watched this, as they mostly were confused, all being like "wtf did I just watch???". I'm already feeling bad for the 3rd companion who didn't join us but would also like to watch this - he’ll likely be one of those confused movie-goers.

#suspiria #reviews from a shitty movie goer #lol :') #spoiler alert #tl;dr alert #this review's looooong overdue but f*ck it! #suspiria (2018) #there's a lot i might have missed? #movie review #review

[henrylevesconte]

Hey, first thing I love how you write <3. Second think i was thinking if i could request a one-shot about Donny Donowitz×Omar Ulmer 🥺. I would absolutely love it if you write about them, like literally anything about the couple. Thx

Oh my god thank you 🥺🥺 I really appreciate it so much

I’m more than happy to write those two. I actually love the pair. They’ve got such a fun dynamic I just wish Tarantino utilized Omar Doom more. Anyways uh hope you enjoy something short I wrote.

Omar Ulmer reaches out to grab onto flying tuxedo shirt tails as Donny Donowitz tosses the jacket aside, scrambling at this point to get ready for the next part of the plan. They had already seamlessly blended into the Germans at the film premier despite being entirely out of their element, something Omar was pleased about personally knowing exactly no Italian, and now waited on the perfect opportunity to storm the box containing the most dangerous man alive. He understood why the Sargent was so nervous but it seemed almost alien to him.

Donny was Donny. Donny was the coolest guy he had ever met. He was handsome and foul mouthed. The Bear Jew! A legend that if whispered to some shit headed jackboot fascist they would piss themselves in pure terror. Over the years Omar had taken a special kind of delight seeing Donny absolutely obliterate Nazis like they were nothing to him. He watched the man peacock around the backwoods of France, tormenting the Nazis with his exaggerated performances, and he ate it up, bolstering the man’s ego in front of the other Basterds and even in the private of their shared quarters.

Omar loves Donny more than anything but seeing him scared, well it threw him off more than having live explosives strapped to his leg. Donny had been unable to keep still since Aldo and the German Actress disappeared (Hammer-mock? Hammock?? Whatever...) It took several gentle reminders from the Private to keep him from attracting unwanted attention while watching the not so great film (maybe it would have been better if he understood any German or if it had really any plot but he wasn’t a Lieutenant Hicox when it came to film reviews.)

The Bear Jew took to rooting around in the trash for any discarded materials they could work with, an easy way to disguise his outright worry from his partner. This shit was serious. The big leagues, the fucking World Series of Nazi killing.

Hitler

Goebbels

Bormann

Goering

All waiting for them with minimal security, enjoying their bad movie on German film night. They would never get another opportunity like this.

Okay so maybe they shouldn’t have been able to get this far on a half baked plan with the back ups to the back ups but Omar felt good. No fuck that he felt great, cool as can be! Even the Jew Hunter himself complimented him on his shitty Italian. And he wouldn’t let that hold them back from the next part of the plan.

“Hey Sarg.” Omar finally spoke, watching the bigger man look up at him with his deep chocolate eyes, arm still in the trash pulling out used champagne glasses. Donny looked ready to explode (no pun intended) from nerves “C’mere.”

Donowitz didn’t fight him on it, he got what he needed and wipes his white gloves on his suit pants before towering over his partner in crime. Omar brought the Bear Jew down to his level, taking the opportunity to give him a much needed peck on the lips.

He couldn’t remember how it had started but the Private took every opportunity he could once he found out the Sargent was a confirmed bachelor (or at least half and interested in no less) to kiss him. Donny once called it his good luck charm, even going as far as to demand it before they took down camp each morning so they always made it back alive. Or maybe that was an excuse, Omar wasn’t going to complain. This could very well be the last time they would.

Wicki and Stiglitz were dead because of Hicox and the Gestapo officer. Aldo was missing in action, who knows about Utivich. They had four targets and a war to win. And wouldn’t it be just a bit ironic that the mass murdering dictator of a hateful regime was axed by two gay Jews?

“You got this. I’m here for you. We are going to do this.” The Private mouthed affirmations as he let the big man slip into his arms. Donny softly groaned, clinging to Omar while burying his face in his shoulder. Was Donny actually trembling?

Omar wasn’t afraid to die, well not really anyways. After years of fighting in backwoods France and spending every moment like it was their last, he accepted it a long time ago. But Donny, he still sometimes talked about what he would do after the war. When he would get back to Boston, show everyone his famous bat and the dog tags he collected as trophies. He talked and talked about seeing his little brother, the one he hadn’t heard from who was fighting the Pacific. He even talked about taking Omar on a proper date, a real one to his favorite little shop in Boston if Ulmer promised to drive from his parents place out of New York to visit. He would, he wished he could more than anything.

The tenderness lasted all of maybe thirty seconds but it felt like thirty minutes to the pair. It right Donowitz back on track, bring him back to the confident man the Private knew he was. Before Omar could blink, Donny was back to fixing himself up as a faux waiter, planting the odd firing mechanism on his wrist to take out the lonely guards. Whoever was in charge of security really was doing a shit job.

Omar followed him, loading his own device and hiding their remaining weapons. They needed to time everything just right with the gun shots in the movie masking their intentions. He decided to focus again, adjusting the weapon as the Bear Jew prepared to approach the private box.

“You’ve only got seconds to get that guy, can you get the guy?” Donny finally spoke, looking up at Omar for confirmation.

“I have to!” Was all that was needed for him to go forward. Loaded with water and a fake tray, Donny winked to him before existing the men’s room.

Omar thought of that date in Boston as he watched from the sidelines, waiting for his chance to make history.

#ask #anon #inglourious basterds #inglorious basterds #donny donowitz #omar ulmer #donny donowitz/omar ulmer #quentin tarantino #tarantinoverse #i write sins and tragedies #i just think omar is probably really funny #these men have like five braincells between them

[jasntodds]

1/3 I get where you’re coming from partly and you don’t sound rude at all. But things like suicide, rape, eating disorder, etc ARE NOT things that are common in horror movies. Viewers deserve to get the notice. (Agreeing with the anon you answered). blood/gore/violence are expected and assumed but not is depression and sexual assault. People deserve to be notified. ESPECIALLY if it could trigger them. “research” doesn’t do justice. I personally like to do research before I watch most things+

2/3 because that’s just me. But at the same time, not everyone is like that. For something I’m not triggered by like rape, doesn’t mean it’s not triggering/hurtful for someone else. And if you’re not triggered by suicide or depression, that’s good for you but it’s a VERY SENSITIVE and important topic for many. birdbox is based off of a book. But not everyone is assumed to have done research/read whatever that film/show came from. And they shouldn’t have to. The obvious such as violence and gore+ 3/3 gore in horror movies is expected and assumed. But people shouldn’t have to assume that something that hurts them, is in something they’re interested in seeing. Viewers deserve a notice. Like that anon said, it’s like a writer warning of death, smut and more, because the reader can avoid what could potentially trigger them, while still enjoying the rest of the story. Television watchers and movie goers deserve to know so too. Not everyone does their research and honestly movie directors+ 4/3 (I didn’t think it would be this long oop I estimated) producers and actors, have their own responsibility to get people to see whatever their project is. - BUT it doesn’t hurt to put in a potential trigger warning. If creators/performers want people to view their job, they should put out a notice/warning. Watchers deserve that. The obvious in horror movies again aren’t the same. Rape, molestation, suicide, self harm, aren’t things expected in horror movies. That’s not a part of the “genre”+ 5/3 a genre is simply stated as, “comedy”, “horror”, “drama”, “sci-fi”, “dramedy”, “action”, etc. comedy: pretty self explanatory. horror: the usual/assumed is gore and violence. But again w/ things like sexual assault, sexual harassment, depression, suicidal thoughts or actions, & eating disorders AREN’T a part of the “genre”, they don’t fall under any movie genre. There should be a notice. (This is the last part, again sorry for it being longer than I thought & again sorry if it sounds rude!)

No, no you’re fine!! I don’t think you’re being rude! We’re just having a discussion of different POVs!

Okay, I’m gonna explain why I don’t mention rape because that’s not a given. Rape scenes, in any genre, in any context, are POINTLESs. There is NO reason for them. Like, The Last House On The Left, for example, is it a good movie? HELL YEAH. But, as a rape victim, that rape scene did not sit well. It was too real and too graphic. If they wanted it, which it was fairly important to her parents finding out and such, they could have her underwear being partially torn off and then faded to black and then came back with her crying. Like that’s it. That’s how you show a rape happened. So, when I say that things in the horror/suspense/thriller genres don’t need trigger warnings, rape isn’t a part of that because there is absolutely no reason for a rape scene. None.

But when you get into suicide and eating disorders, 9/10 those things ARE mentioned in a review or even the description (Bird Box). Regardless, though, those themes are normal in horror/thriller/suspense films. I mean, the Nun has a suicide but it’s crucial to the plot. The Haunting Of Hill House, crucial to the plot but if you go out and you say “suicide” that’s a big spoiler.

That’s the entire point of these genres though. You SHOULD expect that these films WILL show something that makes you uncomfortable. It’s what they are supposed to do. To expect otherwise is discrediting the genres as a whole. Those genres are not made to warn you. They are not made to make sure you’re going to walk out a cinema perfectly fine, they wanna scar you. Eli Roth, that’s his literal goal. He wants to show you the most fucked up things he can because he can. That’s the genre. And he’s brilliant. But, if he told you “this film contains x,y,z” he won’t get that reaction. The whole of horror/thriller/suspense is SHOCK value. Making everyone as scared and uncomfortable as humanly possible while telling a story. They can’t do that by giving trigger warnings to every possible trigger because that just gives away the movie. Mental illness for example, if Oculus had told you that, the entire film would have been spoiled. Don’t Breathe, had the scene at the end where he tries to impregnate her through a turkey baster. That scene HAD to be there, it wasn’t graphic, just enough to give you the idea and she gets saved anyway. BUT, if there had been a trigger warning, that’s it. It’s spoiled.

I’m not saying everyone has to go read a book if the movie/show is based off the book, however, there is a book. There is a book which means there are reviews. There are people who have read it. It’s out there. People can do their research and if they’re people who get triggered by the horror/thriller/suspense genres, they should have to do their research before they see a film and then try to convince other people how shitty it is.

Why should people who like these genres have to deal with spoilers because people are lazy? That’s all it is. People are too lazy to look into a film before seeing it and because of that, people who genuinely LOVE the genres, should have to suffer? I don’t think that’s fair.

And trailers do exist and trailers are pretty indicators about where a film is going to go. Take Edge Of Winter for example. If you watch the trailer, it’s very obvious that there will be SOME form of child abuse. The dad is out of his fucking mind and traps his kids in the woods with him. But, people ARE STILL complaining that there wasn’t a warning. But, had they watched the trailer or done a simple search about the film, they would have known.

That’s not it though. Horror as the genre stands isn’t ABOUT the gore or the violence, it’s scaring you and making you uncomfortable. That’s why it’s called “horror” so everything goes. Everything SHOULD be expected. Child abuse, molestation, gore, violence, animal death, suicide, everything because everything can people uncomfortable. IF horror movies had to start labeling their triggers, they’d never get a person in the door to see the film because people would still be reading the ridiculously long list of unneeded trigger warnings.

Criminal Minds has never once had a trigger warning and they’ve dealt with everything I’ve just listed. Same goes for SVU. Why is that horror/thriller/suspense films/Netflix shows get backlash for “not having trigger warnings” but shows played on regular TV don’t? You know what you’re getting into with all of these. The information is all right there. You can easily access anything. If shows on regular cable don’t need trigger warnings, tv shows/films in the horror/thriller/suspense genres DEFINITELY don’t.

#holy shit that was long ksduhfusdj #tomshufflepuff #kaylee answers

[cookinguptales]

update: lmao I am so fucking doped up right now. sorry to the world that I got behind on shimamatsu translations, but have you ever tried to translate while on muscle relaxants? it’s a bad scene. god, I’m in a lot of pain rn.

gonna talk about some of the movies from the film festival below the cut. doped up af but I’ve seen like 14 movies so far, hella. tomorrow I probably have to skip bc I just took two cyclos and that is gonna fuck me the hell up.

movies I’d recommend:

thelma a norwegian film which is basically a coming-of-age story for a fundie christian girl who goes to college and realizes she’s a lesbian. oh, and that she has insane supernatural powers. (it’s kind of carrie-ish but with canon f/f, but imo a lot better than carrie.) the love story is really interesting, if incredibly dark. like if you’re in the mood for dark, kind of mindfuck-y f/f, this is your film. despite the very long upcoming list of potential triggers, it’s not as scary or brutal as it sounds. lmao. highly recommended, probably the film I’ve enjoyed most so far. (tw: violence, nudity, drug use, death, [spoilers] child abuse, possible mind control, child death)

custody a french film based on a short film that I saw a few years ago, and it’s fantastic and gut-wrenching. the short film was about a woman running away from her abusive husband with her children; this feature-length film is about what happens when a stupid judge ignores what both the wife and children have to say and gives him joint custody. (spoilers: it doesn’t end well.) interestingly, it has all the same cast as the original short film, though the kids are markedly older. idk if it’s meant to be a straight sequel or if one just inspired the other. really well done, tho, I was fuckin white-knuckling it in the theater. people were like. yelling. the climax of that film is INTENSE. probably the best quality film we’ve seen so far, though I think the plot could’ve been tightened up a little. (tw: very explicit depictions of physical and emotional abuse, very terrifying moments. [spoilers] but no child death.)

I, Tonya tonya harding biopic. I’m not really a big one for biopics, but this was a good one. it tried to explain how harding’s life led her to where she got, but didn’t necessarily paint her as some innocent victim. it was sympathetic where it needed to be, empathetic where it needed to be, but rarely let her get away with bullshit. lot of good performances here, but Margot Robbie (even though she looked way too old for the part) did a great job. (tw: explicit child/spousal abuse)

the villainess Korean lady-gets-revenge-on-shitty-men bloody action flick. not really my genre, admittedly, but I feel like anyone who likes this kind of movie would really enjoy this one. very Kill Bill-esque. it’s the story of this girl who basically gets passed around between illicit assassination organizations, in-fighting, revenge on all those who wronged her, etc. it is Very Bloody and many people die. the action scenes are HQ if you are into that kind of thing. I was mostly invested in the huge amounts of f/f potential. like at one point she joins an assassin organization where all the operatives are female and that whole part of the movie!! was very gay!! the actual canon relationships are het, but there is a strong potential for dark f/f murderwives here. (tw: haha oh boy if it’s a problem it’s probably here. implied CSA, child abuse, creepy relationships, violence, gore, nudity, child death, everyone else death, non-con facial surgery...like it’s bloody af okay...)

love means zero this is a documentary about nick bollettieri, who’s this super famous tennis coach. (apparently.) I knew next to nothing about the world of professional tennis going into this documentary, but I still enjoyed it bc wtf this guy is a piece of work. it’s basically all about how he fucked over a ton of people (especially kids) when he was trying to make tennis champions. and how he succeeded! by fucking over a ton of people! the interviews with him are honestly kind of wild bc he’s just such a crazy narcissist. this was especially weird for me to watch bc I grew up in the sarasota/bradenton area and never even knew all this shit was going on there. it was weird seeing my hometown on the screen like that, but also interesting. (tw: child abuse, just generally being a fuckboi)

MOVIES THAT WERE OKAY but like I had Issues

brimstone and glory I feel like I really recommend going out to see this one if you can see it on the big screen. it’s a documentary about a fireworks festival in Mexico and honestly the cinematography is stunning. it’s just so, so, so cool. but the actual documentary part is kind of boring sometimes, and you gotta have a strong stomach bc it also shows some of the injuries people get at this insane festival. like I don’t think showing that is a bad thing; I think it’s the only responsible way to make a documentary about this festival. like it’s amazing, it’s so cool, but also these people are like. going blind, losing hands, dying. and taking their kids!! like if you cannot handle watching kids in dangerous situations, don’t go!! dad was freaking out, lmao. (tw: graphic depiction of real-life injuries)

radiance a Japanese film about a woman who writes audio description for blind movie-goers. the same director made An (Sweet Bean Paste) a couple years ago, which was notable for its depiction of what Japan does to its citizens who have Hansen’s Disease. (leprosy.) it was weird to me when that movie came out that none of the reviewers really talked about that aspect of the movie; they were all like “UGH IT WAS SO POINTLESS AND CLOYING” and I’m like “did you miss the point of the movie?? which was critiquing the social ostracization of these people in Japanese society??? did that completely go over your heads????” anyway, I appreciated the depiction of PWD in Japan bc having lived there while disabled, I know that shit isn’t easy. that’s why I went to go see radiance. it was...okay? I think the most interesting part was when they let the blind characters talk. the movie was otherwise pretty pretentious and self-indulgent. lmao. like... it’s a rent, don’t buy situation.

marlina the murderer in four acts this movie was not bad! it’s an indonesian film about a woman whose home is invaded and she kills all the invaders. it’s definitely a film that critiques misogyny in indonesian culture, but I feel like it undercut its own message by showing such incredibly graphic rapes. like honestly, I don’t really ever recommend movies that have very graphic rape scenes, but I guess she does end up killing her rapists during the rape scenes. I just. I feel like it could have been done in a way that won’t get people all sexually excited while watching a violent rape. : / y’know? other than that, though, I really liked the female characters in the movie and sympathized with marlina’s journey trying to get society to help her and realizing she had to just go it alone with her female friends. bc like. she’s attacked by men, but she’s also revictimized by shitty ordinary men all the time she’s trying to get to town, report the attack, etc. and so are the other female cahracters. so they just. have to be vigilantes. (tw: GRAPHIC rape, violence, mild gore, spousal abuse)

newton Indian film about a guy going out to the jungle to get votes in the main election. but like. none of the people out there even know who the candidates are, there’s a lot of anti-government violene, the villagers are caught between anarchists and the police, it’s just a mess. and I do think the movie was good at showing the futility of it all and showing how the people who really end up getting fucked over are the poor people in rural areas, but at the same time like. pacing was uneven, tone was ???, and I found the protagonist irritating. and there was what appeared to be some pasted on het which made no sense. (like honestly I cannot figure out why she ever wanted to talk to his dumb ass again.)

blade of the immortal it’s takashi miike making blade of the immortal. I mean. I feel like if you are familiar with those names, you already know if you want to see it or not. if you aren’t, idk how much you’d like it anyway. after already having watched miike’s ace attorney adaptation, I sense a pattern. the guy just looks at a HUGE corpus (like a VG with 5 cases, or a manga with 40 volumes) and is like “welll....then I guess we better make things fast.” so you have Big Bads being introduced in the same breath that they get killed, 30-second backstories, just a frenetic pace and a huge amount of information, and it’s confusing and overwhelming if you don’t already know it. and honestly, I haven’t read BotI so I can’t say how faithful this was. but if you already love the characters and just want miike’s trademark bloody action flick style, then I mean. fair enough. this here’s a bloodbath. I had a hard time getting emotionally invested as a fresh viewer, tho. highlight of the evening: an old man walking out grumbling about how he only likes classy martial arts movies, and apparently this did not qualify. having seen a lot of classics of the martial arts genre, still unsure what a “classy” martial arts film looks like. (tw: offscreen rape, death, blood, gore, just an unreasonable amount of killing honestly like it was funny by the end, attempted CSA)

gemini this is a “neo-noir” thriller. so essentially a murder mystery. unfortunately, the title of the movie basically gives away the entire story lmao. so while the build-up wasn’t bad, the entire last 15-20 minutes of the movie are a total letdown. it was nice to see canon f/f, I guess, but I feel like the movie never went in hard enough on that. like were they trying to make a point about how hard it is for celebrities to have same-sex relationships? I’m not sure!! I can think of a lot of things that would make this plot more interesting, but they just didn’t do them. acting was fine, I guess. John Cho was in it, even if his character was pointless. Zoe Kravitz is always fun. (tw: I mean it’s a murder mystery. so...murder.)

DID NOT ENJOY

scaffolding (israeli film, boring af)

the workshop (french film, kind of boring, makes questionable points about neo-nazis)

#haha I'm dying squirtle #if anyone wants a full review on any of these I'd be happy to #these are just some hot takes #i tonya #thelma #custody #the villainess #love means zero #brimstone and glory #radiance #marlina the murderer in four acts #newton #blade of the immortal #gemini #scaffolding #the workshop