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mintwithchoco · 3 years

Text

loonathesmut: Tease

LOOΠΔ Kim Lip x Male Reader

Word Count: 7100 words

Categories: smut, oral, facefucking, facial, subtsundere! kim lip

note; finally after weeks of writing, i'm back with another story! this is a continuation to my first smut, so i suggest you read it first to understand the story a bit better.

this story is also dedicated to one of my favorite writer, @nsfwtwicecatcher ! since he likes giving kimberly lippington a facial, this is gift for him :3 happy belated birthday! (hopefully i'm not too late oof)

special thanks to @arrivalatdawn for helping me out with the story.

again, happy new year and enjoy! ;)

aff link

"That's all for today. Remember to read chapter 7 and 8 for our next class!" The lecturer said before everyone stood up to leave the lecture room.

You pack your notes and laptop into your bag hastily, rushing for your next event for the day.

"Hello, baby brother? Can I ask you for a little bit of help? I'm gonna be busy this Wednesday and we haven't finished packing up stuff for our move to the new dorm. Since half of us will be staying at the dorm to finish packing, I figured that they would need some...extra hand. Hopefully you can help out!"

You walked through the crowd of students while keeping a safe distance from them. You looked at the watch on your wrist. 12:14 p.m. You gasped silently and started to run, eventually reaching your car at the parking lot after almost hitting on a bunch of people on your way. Getting inside your car and taking a couple of deep breaths, you calmed the adrenaline rush in your body. After a few minutes, you start the engine, turn on the radio and drive off to loonathedorm.

20 minutes later, you finally arrive at the building where your stepsister's dorm was. You parked your car at a nearby parking lot, grabbing your stuff and a few bags of snacks that you purchased from a nearby convenience store. You make your way into the building and take the elevator up to the level where the dorm was at. As the elevator reaches the designated level, the door opened, revealing two people that you are all too familiar with.

"Oh, hi oppa!" "Hello oppa!" Both Heejin and Hyunjin greeted you.

"Hey! Where are you guys going?" You asked them as you got out of the elevator.

"We're gonna get some more boxes! We have too much stuff…" Heejin said while pouting. Hyunjin just stares at the plastic bags that you were holding.

"Oh, alright then. I bought some snacks, so be quick before the others finish it. And don't worry Hyunjin, I bought bread as well." You said, making Hyunjin smile.

"Thanks oppa!" Hyunjin responded.

"We'll be right back!" Heejin said and grabbed Hyunjin's hand as they went inside the elevator. You wave at them goodbye and head towards the dorm.

You arrive at the door within seconds. A nervous feeling suddenly came over you as this is the second time you are visiting the dorm. The first time was around a month ago, when Jinsoul invited you to Yeojin's birthday party. You haven't gotten closer to Jinsoul's other bandmates besides Heejin, Yerim and Jiwoo. You got close to them during their debut concert when you visited Jinsoul backstage. You pressed the doorbell followed with a nervous sigh. A few seconds was all it needed for the door to be opened by Chuu.

"Oppa! Come on in, we just started packing!" Jiwoo said in a happy tone.

"Perfect, right on time!" You said and went inside the dorm. Jiwoo goes back to her room to continue her work while you take off your jacket and shoes in the doorway. You hang up your jacket and put your shoes on an empty spot at the shoe rack. As you walk to the living room with the bags of snacks in hand, you look around the surrounding of the dorm.

The dorm was pretty clean but full of boxes scattered around containing the girls' stuff. It was a pretty small dorm for 12 people to live in, so you were happy that they are finally moving out after 3 years. You put the bags of snacks on the living room's table. Yerim suddenly appears in front of you , carrying a box that looked far too heavy for her. You quickly went to her and grabbed the box as her hands were getting shaky.

"Phew! Thanks oppa! You can put it there," Yerim said as she points to a stack of boxes beside the couch.

"No problem. This is really heavy, are there rocks inside?" You joked.

"It's just some clothes!" Yerim chuckled at your joke.

"Well, surely you have a lot of them. There you go." You put down the box carefully on top of a bigger box.

"Thanks oppa!" Yerim beams a cute smile at you.

"You're welcome. Have you guys eaten yet?" You asked her.

"No, we were too busy packing…"

"Well, I bought some snacks so-" You sit down on the couch and take out the snacks inside the plastic bags that you brought.

"Let's take a break!"

"Yeay! Thanks oppa!" Yerim sits on the couch and immediately opens up a bag of Cheetos.

"I'll get the others real quick." You stand up and head towards Jiwoo's room while Yerim munches down on the Cheetos. As you arrive there, Jiwoo is taping up a box while Jungeun is cleaning the windows.

"Hey guys! Are you done with your work yet?" You asked.

"Uhh, just a bit more oppa. I just have to tape up that box and I'm done!" Jiwoo replied.

"Alright then. Jungeun?"

"Can’t you see that I'm still cleaning?" Jungeun replied in a cold tone.

Kim Jungeun, a.k.a Kim Lip. Presumably, the sexiest member in LOONA. While her face emits the vibe of a charismatic woman, her personality is completely different. She has a great sense of humor as most of the memes in the LOONA fanbase are about her. She's also a caring and liable person. Jinsol once told you that she is one of the members that usually cooks for the others and she always loves cleaning around the house.

But, for some reason, she always seemed angry at you, keeping her words to a minimum and striking you with harsh facts sometimes. You asked Jinsol why she was acting that way and she simply replied with, "I don't know, maybe she's interested in you." You simply disagreed with her as there was no way you would fall in love with Jungeun since you have Jinsol embedded deep in your heart.

"Jungeun! That's not how you talk to oppa!" Jiwoo scolded Jungeun.

"It's fine. I just wanna say that the snacks are waiting for you guys and it won't take long before Yerim finishes it all,” You said and left the room to join Yerim back at the couch in the living room.

"Oh my god, you annihilated a bag of Cheetos already?!" You hold up the empty bag of Cheetos on the table.

"Hehe, sorry oppa! Can't help it," Yerim said while drinking her Coke.

"Is there any bread left?" Hyunjin bashed through the front door followed by Heejin who was holding a bunch of folded boxes. Both you and Yerim jumped in shock because of the sudden interruption. Hyunjin quickly sits beside Yerim and searches for her precious bread. Heejin puts the folded boxes at the hallway leading to the living room and joins the rest on the couch.

"Mmm~! Ish bwead ish sho fwuffy!” Hyunjin said as her mouth was already stuffed with bread.

“Yah, don’t talk when your mouth is full! Especially when oppa’s around,” Heejin said as she grabbed a pack of candies from one of the plastic bags.

“It’s fine, it was cute anyways,” Hyunjin choked and spat out her drink as she heard your compliment. Heejin and Yerim just laughed at her as she was coughing pretty badly.

Eventually, Jiwoo and Jungeun joined in after a few minutes. The room was quickly filled with conversations, the girls talked about their successful comeback while you talked about how you almost burned your house down when learning how to make macarons.

Whenever you talk, you realize that Jungeun will always focus on you, even though she was keeping a straight face. She spoke the least out of the six of you and will constantly nod or shake her head to a question. At one point, you made eye contact with her and in a split second, she turned her face away from you, hiding her shyness.

‘What's up with her?’ you thought.

But the conversation that was happening was too interesting for you to think about it furthermore.

2:15 p.m. All of you start packing the girls’ room items. Your job was mainly to pick up the boxes or lift some furniture since you are the only male there. Sounded easy, right? That was your thought before Kim Jungeun caught your attention with her outfit. She was wearing a black tank top that didn't do well on covering up her black bra underneath and black tight shorts that were showing off her beautiful legs.

You wondered why she picked that outfit for the day as it was clearly uncomfortable for her. Her top was always slipping down everytime she moved, allowing you to see her cleavage. You tried to avoid looking at her but she keeps coming into your sight as if it was intentional. Your lower region was starting to get warm and it was definitely not the right time to get a hard-on. You kept thinking about gross things that can help your boner to calm down but the moment when Jungeun bent down to pick up some stuff right in front of you, it was game over. You immediately go to the toilet to cover up your raging boner before any of the girls notices it.

About two hours later, Heejin taped up the final box, officially ending all of the work. All of you sit down on the couch and let out a sigh of relief. You were grateful that no one notices your bulge throughout all of that, otherwise you would be dying because of embarrassment.

“Hey guys! Sooyoung unnie just texted me that they are at the arcade nearby, should we join them?” Jiwoo asked while looking at her phone.

“Heck yeah!” Heejin excitedly replies.

“Oppa, are you going too?” Yerim asked you.

“Nah, you guys go ahead, I’ll just wait for noona here.”

“Lip unnie?” Hyunjin asked Jungeun.

“I’m too lazy…” Jungeun said and slowly laid down on the couch.

“Okay then, let’s get ready!” Jiwoo said and went to her room, followed by Heejin, Hyunjin and Yerim.

“Don’t bother me unless it’s something important.” Jungeun said to you before going back into her own room. You just shrugged off what she said and played around with your phone. After seeing the girls leave, you turn on the TV and watched a drama to kill time. You thought that Jungeun had already fallen asleep since she is tired and you didn’t hear any sounds from her room.

An hour passes by and your stomach starts to grumble. The snacks earlier didn’t really fill up your stomach, so you decided to cook some ramen. Before going into the kitchen, you remember about Jungeun and decide to ask her if she wants some. You walk up to her room’s door and knock gently.

“Hey, I’m gonna cook some ramen, do you want some?” You asked through the door.

“Ugh..hah,” You hear Jungeun’s voice through the door. It sounds like she is struggling, you thought. You knock on the door again.

“Are you okay in there?” No answer.

“Do you need help?” Still no answer.

Worried about her, you swiftly open the door. Your eyes search for Jungeun who was fixing the window curtains while tip-toeing on a chair to help her reach it. She didn’t notice your presence at all and was struggling with the curtains as it was stuck on the curtain rod. Before you can ask her anything, your attention suddenly diverts to her back that is facing you. You slowly eye her from head to toe a few times before locking your eyes onto her ass. Heck, you know it was wrong, but who can resist closing their eyes to this perfect and handful butt? You were hypnotized, dirty thoughts were already generated in your brain as you stared at them longer.

Suddenly, Jungeun loses her balance as her right foot slips on the chair and makes her fall. Luckily, you were there and reacted quickly enough to catch her from falling. Jungeun was shocked to see you catch her. Not to mention, she perfectly landed onto your arms and you both were in an awkward position of a bridal carry. Time stops for you as your eyes land onto hers, seeing another side of Kim Jungeun who was always giving you cold glares. You feel her body getting warmer on your arms and her cheeks turn red.

“Are you okay?” You asked her.

“Y-Yeah..you can put me down now..” Jungeun spoke in a soft tone for the first time with you, making you also blush at how cute she sounds. You gently put her feet first on the floor and removed your arms from her legs and her back. The air around the both of you was getting awkward and after a few seconds of silence, Jungeun finally speaks.

“Why did you come into my room, pervert?” Jungeun was back to her cold self but her shyness still remains visible on her cheeks.

“Chill out, I was just asking you if you wanted some ramen or not. And, if I didn’t barge into your room, you could end up with a back pain.” You answered back, making Jungeun sigh.

“You got a point. I am feeling hungry right now so why not. I’ll cook though, I don’t trust you in the kitchen.” Jungeun said before heading to the kitchen followed by you.

“The bags of ramen are on the right cabinet. If you wanna add in some more stuff, look in the fridge.” Jungeun said while washing her hands. You simply nod and open the cabinet that Jungeun pointed out. You grabbed three bags of spicy chicken flavored ramen and placed them on the kitchen counter. As you are about to check out the fridge for some ingredients, you saw that Jungeun is struggling once again, this time with getting a pot on the top of the cabinet.

“You know that it’s easy to ask for help, right?” You said and went behind her to reach the pot. Jungeun’s eyes widened as both of your bodies are closer to each other once again. She looks at your face that is focusing on the pot. Seeing how much you like to help her out makes her feel something funny. As she thinks about it longer, she starts to blush madly and her heart pounds fast until she realizes that you had grabbed the pot and saw her blushing.

“Here.” You said while giving her the pot, ignoring the fact that she is blushing.

“Thanks..” Jungeun replied, feeling relieved that you didn’t ask further.

After the little sweet moment, both of you start on making the ramen. You mostly prepared the ingredients while Jungeun does the mixing and cooking. 25 minutes later, Jungeun places the pot of hot ramen that is ready to be served on the dining table, which you have already cleaned and prepared with bowls and chopsticks. The savory aroma of the ramen fills the air, making you drool even more. Both of you sat down at the dining table, facing each other and started to dig in. You scooped a spoonful of the ramen with the ladle and put it in your bowl. You lifted up some of the ramen noodles with your chopsticks, gently blowing onto it to cool it down before putting it in your mouth.

"Mmm! So Jinsol noona was telling the truth about your cooking," You complimented her as the ramen you tasted was very delicious.

"Of course she would tell the truth. But I feel like I've added too much spice.." Jungeun said before taking a sip on her drink to reduce the heat on her tongue.

"I can handle the spice though, you're not that big of a spicy fan eh?" You said, continuing to slurp on the noodles.

“Shut up.”

A few minutes passed by and the pot was already empty. You both are still eating the last bits of the noodles in your bowls. Jungeun is fanning her clothes, feeling hot because of the spiciness of the ramen. This allows you to have a great view of her cleavage under her tank top once more, which almost made you spat out the noodles in your mouth. Even though the air conditioner was turned on, sweat formed on her forehead and her neck and your eyes focused on the beads of her sweat that was dripping down her cleavage. You gulped. Jinsol would probably kill you right now as your cock started to grow hard again.

“I feel so hot…” Jungeun said as she kept fanning her clothes that were drenched.

“You really are hot, Kim Jungeun.” You say softly, not wanting to be called out as a pervert by Jungeun again. You both finished up the food eventually and you offered to wash the dishes since she helped to cook the food. It was also a way for you to cover your bulge that is sticking out. You cleaned up the dining table and brought the dishes to the kitchen sink to wash them while Jungeun went back to her room.

You dry off your hand with a cloth near the sink after washing all of the dishes. You walked back to the living room and saw Jungeun doing yoga in front of the TV. She was still wearing the tank top from earlier, but has changed her shorts into leggings which hugged her thighs and her cute butt perfectly. She is doing a position where her feet and her hands are on the ground while her hips and her torso are kept high, like a certain sex position. You were stunned at your place, completely seduced by her sensual aura that is making you hard for the third time. You watch every part of her body like a hawk, gradually increasing your arousal level as you already think about how to take her down. You quickly put that thought away once Jungeun realizes that you are looking at her.

“W-Why are you doing yoga at this time?” You ask her before she could say anything in hope that she won’t call you out.

“I wanna work off the ramen that we just ate.” Jungeun said before moving into another position. This time, she lays down her body flat onto the yoga mat and lifts only her torso up with her hands, allowing her butt to clench and showing you how perfect it looks. You bit your lips at the sight, thinking how easily you could rip her leggings off and fuck her ass right at that moment. But you surely don’t want to be killed by Jungeun for suddenly invading her privacy so you have to keep your cool.

You slowly walk towards the couch and sat there while Jungeun is focusing on the TV that is playing a yoga guide show. You pull out your phone from your pocket and play around with it to distract yourself from staring at her body. As she wasn't looking at you, you fixed up your pants to hide your boner. You scroll through your phone, opening up apps that you never really open while burning the image of you fucking Jungeun in your head. After a while with a few more position changes, the yoga guide show is almost at the end as there is one more position to do. Jungeun lays down on her back and raises up her legs while bending her knees. She places her knees around her shoulder area and her arms on her feet to exert some pressure on it.

The position is called Happy Baby as said on the TV, but to you, it just looks like she was ready to receive a cock in her pussy. Because she is on the floor, her crotch area is exposed to you and your imagination of stripping her naked in that position is starting to flow. Your dick was painfully hard at this point, and your patience is starting to run out. Eventually, you stand up, planning to let out your desires in the toilet until Jungeun stops you.

"Giving up already?" Jungeun said in a teasing manner.

"I'm sorry?" You pretended to be confused.

"Hm, still want to defend yourself eh? I know you're having a boner right now." Jungeun releases herself from the position earlier, stands up and gets closer to you. Your eyes widen as you are getting exposed by her.

"I've noticed that you've been eyeing my body, especially my ass." Jungeun gives you a little smirk while crossing her arms.

"I-I'm sorry, I-"

"Shh...There's no need for that. I'll forgive you, but with one condition..." Jungeun gently pushes you back to the couch and straddles your lap. She brought her lips to your right ear and blew hot breath onto it, making you squirm under her body.

"Please me, just like how you did to Jinsol unnie."

The gentleman switch inside your body was turned off once you hear those alluring words. You wrapped her legs around your hips and lifted her up to carry her to somewhere comfortable. You made your way to her bedroom and pinned her down to the bed, not caring to close the door since there is no one else that can witness this sinful act.

"You are going to regret saying that, Miss Kim Jungeun." You leaned your head closer to her and pressed your lips against hers. The taste of her cherry lips makes its way into your taste buds while she reciprocates by moaning into your mouth. You feel her body is getting warmer with each passing second and her kisses are getting a bit more rough. Her tongue asks for entrance in your mouth, so you part your lips and both of your tongues dance while exchanging saliva into each other's mouth. Your hands makes their way down to her thick thighs, the culprit that has made your dick feel pain throughout the three times you got hard for her. You moved your hand up and down, caressing it to show your affection. As you continue to explore each other’s mouth, both of your breaths are decreasing overtime so Jungeun pushes you away from her lips and pants heavily.

“Jinsol unnie was right, you are a great kisser.” Jungeun says and wraps her arms around your neck. You looked deep into her brown eyes and admired her facial features. You gotta admit, she is one of the most beautiful women that you have ever seen, alongside Jinsoul of course. Her gaze that was filled with lust enamored your heart, making it beat faster than normal.

“Do you want me to suck your cock?” Jungeun asks you and you unhesitantly nodded to her question.

“Eat my pussy out until I cum, then I’ll let you fuck my face.” Jungeun moves her body back to the headboard of the bed, inviting you to strip her naked. Like a cat, you crawl towards her and tower over her body. You grab the bottom hem of her tank top and pull it upwards. Jungeun raises her arms to allow you to remove it from her slim body and throw it away somewhere in the room. Even though Jungeun is not as thick as Hyejoo or as curvy as Jinsol, her body is still a killer, packed with a sexy ribcage, a small waist and of course, beautiful legs.

Your lips instantly latched on her neck, giving her a few kisses here and there to increase the tension between you both. The sweet scent of her perfume was still there despite her being sweaty because of the spiciness of the ramen and the yoga that she did earlier. Jungeun moaned softly at your kisses but tries to silence herself to keep her cold act. Feeling a bit bolder now, your hands slowly reach behind her and unhook her black bra. You heard the hooks come off one by one, eventually letting her bra fall down by itself. A sigh of relief was also heard by you as Jungeun felt the tension on her chest was released. Her perky breasts were finally revealed to you - Jinsol is bigger than her, but you can say that they are pretty handful.

“Fuck, you’re so hot Jungeun.” You say before planting a quick peck on her lips.

Unable to contain your lust for her anymore, you forcefully grab onto her leggings and rip them open, earning a screech from Jungeun that you always hear in the LOONA memes compilation videos on YouTube. “Hey! Calm your hormones down! Thank god that this is already ripped, otherwise I will be chopping your dick off.” Jungeun was slightly mad at you for destroying her leggings but thankfully, she was okay with it.

You continue to strip her naked by peeling off the ripped leggings off her legs. As you throw away her bra and her leggings off the bed, you are slightly shocked to see Jungeun wasn’t wearing any panties underneath her leggings and is now fully naked right in front of you. Fully mesmerized by the sight, your cock was begging to be released from its confines. But, you already had a deal with her - make her cum and you’ll get a facefuck. Easy.

“Are you gonna eat me out or-ahh..” Jungeun let out a soft moan as you drive your hands towards her clit that is already wet with her juices. You traced her clit with your fingers as you watch Jungeun’s face gradually easing into the pleasure. Jungeun closes her eyes and leans back while you smirk, thinking that she is now under your control. As you continue to move your fingers on her clit, Jungeun spreads her legs and throws her head back, giving you the approval to taste her.

Your hands have moved itself to her thighs to keep her in place while you eat her pussy out. Steadily moving your head down to her glistening clit, you stick out your tongue and lick the juices on her clit, making Jungeun squirm slightly. She tastes sweet and you are addicted to it right away. Not wasting anymore time, you capture her clit with your lips and swirl your tongue, making small circles around it. Jungeun’s hands made it to your hair, gripping onto it tightly as you keep giving her clit the attention that it wants. You feel the burning sensation on your scalp but nothing matters at this point. The only focus that you have at this point is to give Jungeun what she desires.

No progress will be made if you keep using your mouth, so you start moving your hands to her clit and use your fingers to stimulate it. Jungeun's pussy continues to flow out more nectar and her eyes roll back in satisfaction. You pull your lips away from her clit and teased her splayed lips using two fingers before pushing them into her warm and tight cavern. Jungeun reacted with an erotic moan once your fingers enter her body. Moving the joints of your two fingers inside her pussy causes her to flinch around and breathe heavily. She equips herself with a pillow nearby to muffle her moans in reason to keep her tsundere character alive.

You pull your fingers away from her clit slowly and thrust it back inside her deeper than before. You repeat this action several times and eventually find a perfect rhythm. Jungeun was not expecting you to be this good as her moans were getting louder each time you thrust into her. After a few more thrusts, you felt a certain type of flesh inside her pussy has made contact with the tip of your fingers. Jungeun immediately reacts by pulling your hair harder and bucking her hips onto your face even more.

“F-Fuck yeah, that’s the spot...keep doing that,”

Upping the pace of your thrusts into her, you continue to hit her g-spot. Your lips latch onto her clit once again, this time with your tongue assisting your fingers to thrust into her pussy better. Jungeun has lost control over her body, shaking violently and constantly screaming out curse words into the pillow she is holding.

Suddenly, Jungeun lets out the loudest scream into the pillow. Her thighs spontaneously wrap itself around your head, locking you in as she climaxes. You feel her juices flowing into your mouth like a waterfall and drenching your palm at the same time. Her orgasm was really big as you failed to keep all of her juices in your mouth. When you feel that her thighs have weakened its grip on your head, marking the end of her orgasm, you pull out your fingers from her pussy and lapped up the excess juice on her folds. You gulp down on her sweet cum and with a big sigh, you move your face away from her thighs.

There is no other sight that can beat the sight that you have now right in front of you. Jungeun’s face was flushed with satisfaction, her legs were still spread open and her chest was heaving up and down as she was still in a daze after her strong climax just now. You smiled, admiring how much of a mess that she has made.

“Hah..v-very well then, you have impressed me. Now, for your reward.” Jungeun said before moving herself away and pushed you to the headboard, replacing her spot earlier.

She straddles your lap once again and smashes her lips onto yours, tasting herself in your mouth that was filled with her cum just now. In the meantime, her hands find the hem of your pants, reaches inside and drags it off your legs. Pulling her lips away from you after several minutes, Jungeun’s face makes its way down to your crotch that shows off your prominent bulge under your boxers. You squirmed as Jungeun cups your bulge and blows a hot breath onto it. She licks the tip of your penis through the thin fabric of your boxers before pulling it down to uncover your penis. You felt the cold air around the room on your shaft, making it throb and twitch harder.

“Hmm, not as big as I thought, but surely this is enough.” You felt a bullet was shot through your heart.

Jungeun places her hand on the base of your cock, causing it to leak out precum from your slit. She licks her lips before painting a strip of saliva along the underside of your shaft and stopping on the tip. You moaned as Jungeun spits all over your cock and starts sucking on your tip. Her tongue collects all of your precum while her hand spreads her saliva all over your cock, not leaving any parts of it dry. Your cock continued to throb in her small hand alongside your moans that are beginning to increase in volume.

You can’t believe that the cold Kim Jungeun is now on your cock, giving you the fantasy that you desired. Spitting more saliva onto your cock, her hand glides up and down you with no resistance. Her lips detached itself from your tip, giving her fingers access to it to trace your slit and releasing more of your liquid. Jungeun giggles at the expressions that you were making.

“You really are a pervert…” Jungeun said before indulging your cock into her mouth.

Your body weakens once you feel the insides of her mouth with your cock. Jungeun began to bob her head up and down while still grabbing a hold on the base of your shaft. You brought your hand to her head, running your fingers through the soft blonde strands of hair. As she looked up at you, you realized that she looks gorgeous with a cock in her mouth, a sight that will surely make any man happy. Her mouth continued to fill itself with your length until you felt your tip reach the back of her mouth, causing her to gag loudly. Your hands automatically hold her head as the warmness of her mouth and the lustful gag that she lets out is driving you into maximum pleasure.

Jungeun taps on your thigh after a while as she was losing some oxygen. You quickly removed your hand from the back of her head and Jungeun releases her mouth from your cock with a pop, leaving strings of saliva along the way. She takes this time to breath properly to prepare herself for the next act.

“Get off the bed and fuck my mouth.”

You got off the bed quickly while Jungeun gets on her knees. After you remove the last piece of your clothing, she parts her lips, ready to receive your cock again. You hold onto both sides of her head and push a few inches of your cock into her mouth. You start your thrusting with a slow rhythm to make her feel comfortable. As she looks up to you with a gaze filled with lust, you push your shaft even more, causing saliva to escape from the sides of her mouth. When your shaft hits the back of her mouth, she gags on your cock, followed by teardrops on her eyes as she is on cloud nine on how well you are using your reward.

Developing a faster rhythm as time goes by, Jungeun’s face is starting to get messy with her tears and her saliva. You didn’t care about it since you were chasing on your own desires. Sweat formed on your forehead as you fuck her mouth harder. An idea suddenly popped into your mind and after one final deep thrust, you withdrew your cock out of her mouth. Jungeun hyperventilates once you release your grip on her head and wipes off the excessive saliva on her face with her hand.

“Impressive...considering that you haven’t cum yet, you are allowed to fu-” Jungeun was cut off by you grabbing her arms and pinning her to the bed.

“I’m done with you being in charge, now let me take over.” You said sternly, emphasizing on the words, ‘take over’.

Your lust for her was unstoppable at this point. Turning her body around, her face was now buried into the bed. You forcefully grabbed her hips and bent her knees, allowing her hips to stay up. Raising her head slightly to look at you, Jungeun was stunned at your changed behavior. She found it rather attractive, how your eyes were burning with lust and how rough your actions were getting.

As your hands were still on her hips, you moved them to her butt and gently squeezed her cheeks, causing Jungeun to squirm under your touch. Seems like your idea is starting to work out. Using your right hand to stroke your hard cock a few times, you line it up with the pink lips of her pussy that was radiating with heat. Jungeun feels your tip nudging at her entrance and bites her lip once you push it in further. With a satisfied grunt, a few inches of your cock is finally in her cunt. Her walls were suffocating your cock with its tightness but you ignored the pain that you were feeling. Your hips begin to move, thrusting your shaft into her in a slow manner. Her juices were smearing your length, allowing it to slide in and out of her pussy with ease. Jungeun buries her face into the bed to silence her moans, not wanting to show herself falling into your dominance.

You realize what she was doing and you definitely didn’t like it. So, you grab a handful of her long blonde hair and pull it towards you, raising her head so that you can hear her lewd moans. Jungeun stayed strong however, holding her breath a few times and biting her lips harder to resist herself from moaning. Increasing the rhythm of your thrust into her tight cavern, your goal is to make her moan and give up on her tsundere character. Her body shakes in your arms as your thrusts get more aggressive, considering how you are gritting your teeth while pounding her. You lean your body onto her back and rest your head on her shoulder, giving kisses on her neck right after.

“I know that you’re enjoying this, so drop the tough act already,” You gave her butt a harsh slap before bringing your lips closer to her ears.

“And moan for me.”

Like a spark ignited in her body, Jungeun finally lets out her beautiful moans. You smirked, delighted at the fact that Jungeun is now under your spell, which is the pleasure that you are giving her. You continue to thrust into her warm walls even further, increasing the volume of her moans before putting an end to your rhythm and pulling out your cock out of her body, earning a whine from Jungeun.

“Tell me how much you love my cock.” You grab her by the neck and gently squeeze it to force out an answer from her.

“I love your cock so much oppa! Please keep fucking this slut until she cums!” Jungeun screamed.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” You said and gave her ass two hard slaps.

“Ahh! I-I’m sorry oppa…”

“Lay down on the bed. Now.” Your cold tone sent shivers down Jungeun’s spine and quickly enough, she laid back down on the bed and waited for your actions.

You climb back on the bed and move towards her, putting her under your body. You gave her a quick peck on her lips before spreading her legs apart and lining up your cock with her damp pussy once again.

“You can’t cum until I say so. If you cum, I won’t hesitate to punish you.” You said and immediately inserted your cock back into her pussy, making Jungeun scream with ecstasy.

The intensity between you both was at its limit as Jungeun leaked out more and more of her juices from her pussy and your cock throbs harder inside the tight grip of her pussy. Your head leans closer to hers, intently gazing into her heavenly brown eyes that filled with passion and desire. At that moment, Jinsol was completely lost in your mind as you have fallen in love with the woman right in front of you named Kim Jungeun. The rhythm of your pounding never slowed down, instead it keeps going faster and harder. Although your back is starting to emit sweat, your lust for her powers your body to keep going.

No other sounds were heard in the room except for the squelching of her wet and warm walls receiving your shaft, the squeaking of the bed because of your hard thrusts and the symphony of moans from the both of you. Challenging Jungeun’s endurance, your hands land on her perky breasts and begin to knead it gently, aiming to stimulate her into her orgasm. Her pink nipples erect once you use your fingers on them, pinching and pulling it until you replace it with your lips. Gently sucking on her right nipple, a persistent flow of high-pitched moans escapes Jungeun’s lips as the pleasure was too much for her.

“Oppa…please...” Jungeun begged you.

“Giving up already?” You said with a smirk, referencing her words earlier.

Without giving a care to her words, you keep penetrating her hot flesh while teasing her tits. The tip of your cock came into contact with her g-spot and Jungeun screams out your name. You were in euphoria, the pleasure that you were getting was a lot for a man to have. The knot in your stomach is starting to build itself, signaling your upcoming orgasm.

"Do you want to cum baby?"

"Yes please! I want to cum all over your cock pleease!"

"Then, cum. Cover my cock with your cum." You demanded.

Jungeun came instantly. You feel as the walls of her vagina gripped onto your shaft. Her juices gushed out everywhere, mainly coating your cock and your balls. Some leaked out and landed on her bed. Her orgasm was bigger than the first one, acknowledging how you have successfully raised her senses.

"B-Baby..I'm close..." You alerted her.

"O-Outside…" Jungeun weakly replied.

Hearing her words made your brain come up with one decision. You fuck her in a relentless pace as the knot in your stomach grew tighter. Feeling your cock is twitching inside her, you immediately pull out from her tight pussy and straddle her torso, aiming your cock right in front of her face. Jungeun was still weak from her orgasm just now and didn't realize what you were doing. You stroke your cock with a fast motion, easily sliding in and out of your hand because of her juices lubricating it. Eventually, with a big groan, streaks of white and thick semen burst out of your tip, painting Jungeun's enticingly beautiful face. She closes her eyes as she comes back to her senses with more ropes of cum landing on her cheeks and her forehead.

After the last streak of your cum lands on her nose, her gorgeous face is fully covered. You sighed and admired the mess that you had made, the cum that was dripping down and the satisfied expression pictured on Jungeun’s face. Jungeun slowly opened her eyes to be greeted with your sweet smile and your cock that was still throbbing. She was lost in your eyes for a brief moment but suddenly, she pushes you away from her.

“Goddamnit, now I have to clean your filth off, ugh...” Jungeun said and went to the bathroom to wash her face.

“Jungeun I-” You sighed as she closed the bathroom door.

Jungeun looked at herself in the mirror from head to toe. Her thighs were stained with her own cum, her nipples were still erect due to your teasing and of course, her face was coated with your semen. She smiled. Licking a bit of your creamy semen on her lips, she squealed at how she finally tasted a part of you. Worried that you might leave soon as she has another plan set up with you, she quickly washed her face at the sink and got out of the bathroom. You didn’t realize that Jungeun was already out of the bathroom and were about to wear your clothes before a hand stopped you from doing so.

“Shower with me?”

#loona smut #kim lip smut #loona #kim lip #kpop smut #kpop fanfiction #reader insert #male reader

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yungbud · 3 years

Note

Hi my love! When you have time could you write an fluffy & smutty imagine where the reader gets insecure & worries or compares themselves to Ashley? (Halsey) & Dom finds out & shows the reader how much they mean to him & how much he loves them daddy kink in there with the smut please & a lot of praise & saying "I'll take care of you pretty girl" 🥺

Word count:4.1k

TW?: mostly angst and fluff, but mentions of daddy kink and adult themes obviously its smut.

A/n: anything for you my lil nugget 🥺 Smut is at the bottom you horny cunts. I hope it was everything you wanted and more <33

*rewrite

You knew better. Unfortunately, you were self destructive and couldn't help yourself. It was 3AM and Dom was fast asleep beside you, and had been for hours. You, however, had chosen to watch a video before bed. It was titled “Yungblud being cute for 6 minutes straight.”, but of course one video turned to five or six more, until eventually you came along another video. This one was called “Halsey and yungblud cute moments.” and the cover photo was of them in onesies, one of Dom's arms wrapped around her and the other holding the camera. You could feel the pit begin to grow in your stomach. Glancing over at Dom to check he was still asleep, you pressed play on the video, flipping over so you were facing him, so that if he did wake up he wouldn’t see what was on the screen.

It was ridiculous, honestly. How could you be jealous of her when you were the one laying right next to him. It broke your heart the way he looked at her, you couldn’t help but wonder... is that how he looks at you? Why would he? She’s so beautiful, look at jawline, look at those eyes and her voice. Oh god... her voice, she's a musician. You loved music, but you had never been musically inclined and at best you could go hard on the triangle. But her, she understood it all, down to the tour life. When he was overwhelmed with work or couldn’t find a melody, she could help, when he didn’t know how to deal with all the attention, she could help. She was like the perfect mentor/ girlfriend combo. She connected with him in ways you would never be able to. She got it.

Your finger hovered over part 2 of the video, a moment of hesitation before pressing it. You tapped twice more to skip past the person's intro, wasting no time in getting to the painful stuff.

One of the first clips was Halsey talking about the night they met. You knew it was unhealthy, but you couldn’t look away. She described it so beautifully, taking a moment to mention that of course she would because she's a writer and that's how she saw the world, her world was so beautiful. Dom deserved to live in her world.

She went on to say that they had met up in a bar to chat, to which you remembered why. It wasn’t a coincidence, Dom liked her music. He looked up to her. Just another way you could never be who he needed.

You couldn’t help it. He’d made the trade down of the century and everyone knew it. You paused the video momentarily, subduing the verbal attack on your ears and laying your phone down on your chest. Heavy breaths slid past your lips as you tried to calm yourself from a full blown breakdown.

You glanced once more over at Dom, ensuring he was asleep before letting a single tear slip down your face. You used the blanket to wipe it away, basking in the shitty feeling you had created for yourself. You decided that was enough of that, shutting off your phone and plugging it up for the night. After laying there silently for a moment you scooted a bit away from Dom.

You didn’t really feel like being held by him tonight.

----

The first thought in your head the next morning was of the events of last night, the same shitty feeling digging itself into the pit of your stomach.

“Fuck.” You sighed

“Sorry, I was borrowing one of Dom’s shirts. I didn’t mean to wake you.” You turned your head to acknowledge the presence in the room. It was Tom, bent over and digging through a pile of Dom’s clothes.

“All good.” You murmured, flipping onto your stomach and burying your face in the pillow. It smelled like Dom.

Soon after you heard the door shut behind Tom as he left, your head lifting from the pillow. You didn’t know what to do, you didn’t really feel like being around Dom today. You couldn’t get past the feeling that he was ultimately worse off with you, that he had settled for less.

You hated the way you felt, your face drooping back into the pillow in an attempt to hide and ended up dozing off, the late night pity marathon catching up with you.

About an hour later you were awoken to Dom’s lips on your forehead. Your eyes met momentarily as you blinked the sleep out of them, reaching upwards in a stretch.

“ ‘ello sleepy head.” Dom says, planting another kiss, this time to your nose. You roll over, replanting your face in the pillow once again, “Are you going back to sleep?” He asks

“Tired.” You mumble back, voice muffled by the pillow.

“It’s 1pm.” no response “How late did you stay up last night?” He asks, laying his head on the pillow next to yours. You shrugged.

“Are you feeling alright, love?” You shifted your head so that you were looking at him, cheek still pressed softly against your pillow “Are you feeling a bit sick? Is it cramps? I can make you a cup of tea and get you some pain killers.” He continued, offering to help you in any way he could. He just wanted to know what was wrong with you, so he could help you. He hated the idea of you up in bed all alone feeling ill. He considered skipping the studio today, he was already cutting it close on time.

“No, I feel fine. Just need a nap. I must’ve stayed up later than I realized, s’all.” You knew you needed to tell him. Every silent moment was filled with you trying to convince yourself to just say something to him. Just talk about it. Just let him in.

“Okay, if you’re sure. I’ll be out of the house at the studio, but Tom and Adam are here if you need them. I’ll tell them to be quiet so you can get some rest.” You smiled in response, your eyes closing as he rubbed his thumb lovingly against your cheek “Hey, I love you.” he says, your eyes opening as you mumbled back an I love you of your own, your lips meeting in a chaste kiss before he stood back up and slipped out the door.

As much as you would’ve loved to, you didn’t sleep at all after he left. Tom and Adam had made good on their promise to stay quiet, but it didn’t make much of a difference when that little voice in your head wouldn’t shut up. You opted for distracting yourself with your phone, scrolling through instagram and hoping the memes would brighten your mood. For the most part they did, acting as a simple distraction.

Once you felt a bit better, you decided part of the reason you felt so bad today and last night was partially due to the fact that you hadn’t had anything to eat. You went to the kitchen to prepare yourself lunch, hearing Tom and Adam talking quietly in the other room.

While you were preparing your food you accidentally bumped into a stack of dirty dishes that had built up in the kitchen. You didn’t see what happened and when you turned to check nothing looked broken, but it was loud.

“Y/n?” Tom asks, tilting his head to get a better look into the kitchen.

“Hm?” You respond after a few moments of quiet deliberation. You weren’t exactly ready to be observed as awake, but you didn’t have any other choice, besides blaming it on an intruder who broke in with the intent of stealing the beloved orange tree outside, but when they arrived in the kitchen and were met with such a disgraceful mess decided they had no choice but to clean up after us. Of course, that might have stirred up a bit of a panic. They loved that orange tree, after all.

“Oh you’re finally up. Are you feeling alright? Dom said he thought you maybe came down with something.” Adam says

“I’m alright, thanks for asking. I’m just making myself lunch.”

“Come sit with us while you eat. We’re playing uno.” Tom invites. When you’re done making yourself food, you decide maybe it would be best to join them. It’s not good for your mental health to be stuffed up in your room pitying yourself all day.

You sat with your food in front of you, watching silently as they played.

“You wanna be dealt in the next round? It’s more fun with three players.” Tom offers, you give him a nod in response as your mouth is full of food. As you nod, Adam plays a red six, which ultimately leads to his demise as Tom then plays three red draw 2’s, stopping Adams hand as he goes to pick up and continuing to lay a red skip, then a yellow one, changes the color back to red and ends on his own red 3. You all laughed as Adam was absolutely massacred, almost choking on your lunch.

“There ain’t no coming back from that. Just tap out man.” You say through your laughter, reaching over to place a comforting hand on Adam. You all had small conversation as you finished your lunch, but soon you were done and the cards were passed out.

After a game or two, the round was paused as Adam stood up to get himself a glass of water, Tom and you shouting out your own drink orders from your place in the living room. By the time Adam was back at the table the running conversation had died down a bit. You began to think about why you’d been in bed all day, and the fact that Dom still attributed it to a small sickness. You felt the insecurity growing inside you once again, and you finally decided to talk about it.

“Did you guys like Ashley?” You ask, as inconspicuously as you could manage. You watch as they glance at each other, taking a sip of your drink to occupy your mouth.

“Yeah, she was cool,” Tom says, Adam nodding in confirmation “Why?”

“Just curious, I guess. Did you guys ever hang out?” You tried to play it off as casual conversation, but you got the feeling they were picking up on the fact that there was something more under the surface.

“Not really. Not without Dom, even then it was rare. Who’s turn was it?” Tom continued, feeding into your curiosity while trying to maintain the card game.

“Yours, I think.” You paused for a moment, thinking of your next question “Do you think she was better for him than I am?” Your eyes met with Tom’s as the words left your mouth. He stayed silent for a moment and you couldn’t tell what the emotion on his face was. It felt weird, confiding in your boyfriend’s friends. Usually you could tell what your friends were thinking, or have an idea about what they might say, but you didn’t know these two like that.

“Like how?” He asked, nodding towards you to silently mention it was your turn.

“I dunno, they have the same career.” they let out a small laugh at that.

“She knows how to play a guitar so she loves him more?” Adam says

“Well, no, but…” you tried to remember what you were anxious about “she gets it. She knows what it's like to be on the road all the time and not see your family, she knows about the mental toll being in the public eye has and how to deal with it, she knows how to help if he’s nervous about performing.”

“What makes you assume that?” Tom asks

“She’s been doing it so long.”

“Well, yeah, but knowing how to do that isn’t a part of the job description. It’s less about knowing how to be famous and more about knowing the person you’re with. If it was about that, most people in Dom’s life don't get it. But we get Dom, and that’s what he cares about. You get him, so you have nothing to worry about.” Tom says softly. He made a surprisingly good therapist.

You nodded, picking up 4 cards and sorting through them in your hand.

“But that doesn't mean you get to hide in your room cause you’re insecure. Just cause we’re talking about it doesn’t mean you don’t still need to tell him.” Tom continues, his chin resting in his hand as he looks at you.

“Yeah, of course.” You agree

~~~

You could hear Dom the second he walked in the house, engaging in a small conversation with the boys before making his way up the stairs. You heard his footsteps trail down the hallway and eventually meet your bedroom door, your eyes closing as you listened to it creak open.

“Love? Are you up?” Dom whispered, shutting the door softly behind him. You remained silent, trying to regulate your breathing like that of someone who’s asleep. He sighed, which made your heart crumple a bit. You wondered if you should respond, he might’ve had a hard day, but the nerves took over and you remained silent.

“You’re still sleeping?” He asked, partially to himself, before exiting the room once more. You could hear him talking with Tom from outside the door.

“Has Y/N been asleep all day?”

“Uh, no. She came out and ate lunch and played uno with us around 2. Is she asleep now?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

You planned on talking it out with him, and up until he walked into the house you were, but you were suddenly overcome with intense nerves and all you wanted to do was hide. You figured you would get a good night's rest and talk it out with him in the morning, that way if it went badly he would be out for most of the day at the studio and you wouldn’t have to sit in awkward silence as you tried to sleep.

He entered the room once again, stripping himself of his clothes as he preferred to sleep half naked, before joining you in bed. You felt his arms wrap around you, pulling you into him and wrapping you both in the blankets. Flipping over to face him, you nuzzled closer into his arms.

“Y/N?” He asks again, shifting to see if you’re awake. You hum in response this time, curious as to what he might have to say.

“Are you feeling better?” He asks, his hand returning to your cheek as it was this morning. You nod, letting out a small, genuine yawn as you nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck.

“How was your day?” You ask, shifting the conversation.

“It was good. We finally got that song done, I think i’m gonna play with it a bit more tomorrow though. It’s good but I think it could be better.”

“You always think it can be better.”

“It always can.” He states simply, making you smile. You loved that about him, his pure determination and dedication to his craft. It can always be better.

“How was your day? Tom said you guys played a bit of uno, who won?”

“It was alright. Yeah, him and Adam were playing when I came down so I decided to join them. I think overall it was probably Tom though, I think he was cheating.” Dom laughed a little at the claim, brushing his fingers through your mess of a hair.

“So...” You began, needing to get a word out so you wouldn’t bail on talking about this. God, you hated confrontation. Especially when it was about something you were feeling.

Dom hummed in response, the gentle reminder to continue breaking you out of your thoughts.

“I wasn’t sick today.”

“No?” He encouraged

“No. I was a bit tired though. But, that wasn’t the problem. I was watching youtube last night and I came across a video someone made. It was, like, a compilation of cute moments or whatever so I watched it cause it was cute. Then I watched another, and a few more, and eventually I came across a video that was called ‘Halsey and YUNGBLUD being soulmates for 3 minutes’... and I watched it.” He lets out a small, quiet snort, not entirely catching onto the vibe of the conversation.

“Jeez, how do they come up with this shit.” He remarked lovingly

“Heh, yeah. It’s just… I watched it and I saw the way you talked about and looked at her… It just got me thinking, yenno?”

“I don’t. What’d it get you thinkin’ about, beautiful?”

“I just felt like maybe you regretted being with me. Maybe you’re still bummed that you guys broke up and you ended up with me. Like maybe you still miss her.” You admit. It’s silent for a moment as he takes it all in, you almost expect him to confirm your suspicions.

“I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I made you feel like that.” He took a moment to think carefully about his next words “I know it must be hard to hear me talk about someone else like that, you can’t really escape my past relationships because of who I am. I honestly never thought of that. I love you, okay? Not anybody else. Obviously she and I had something, but it’s completely in the past and I don’t regret a thing because it led me to you, and I love you so much. You’re my fookin soulmate, I mean it. I’m not gonna let that slip out of your head ever again.” He said, punctuating it with a passionate kiss.

You expected the kiss to end rather quickly, but it didn’t. It kept going, building in intensity as you scooted closer to one another.

“I love you.” You whisper, breaking the kiss momentarily

“I love you so much, pretty girl” He responds, his hand coming up to hold your jaw.

“Hmm, show me.” You whisper, pulling him closer. His hand slides down your side and onto your thigh as your lips meet again, taking your bottom lip between his teeth and pulling away lightly before indulging in the kiss once again.

Dom’s hands didn’t stay in one place for long, moving about your body as you made out, pausing his actions for a moment to take your shirt off, placing a kiss to each of your breasts before moving his lips up to your neck, leaving little marks for you to find in the morning. A chill ran down your back as he bit down on your ear, his hands massaging your breasts before reaching behind you and unbuckling your bra, throwing it off to the side and shifting his attention to your nipple. Taking it into his mouth, he presses his tongue flat against it as you lie down to give him a better angle.

His tongue flicking against your nipple while his hand plays with your other nipple. He swapped between which he used his mouth on and which he used his hand, making sure to give them both equal attention, your hands tangling themself into his hair while he did so. When he was satisfied he pulled away, causing you to let out a small whimper as you felt his lips leave you, making their way down your stomach in a series of wet, open mouthed kisses.

When he made it to your underwear he licked a single stripe, taking his his sweet, sweet time. First, kissing his way up one thigh, then back down and ghosting his lips over the area you needed him both, taking a moment to inhale your scent before kissing his way back up the other leg, and right back down.

“Please.” You whine

“Shh, I’m gonna take care of you, pretty girl.” He hushed, pulling your panties down your legs and glancing up at you as he did so, mimicking your pout before placing a chaste kiss on your clit. You leant your head back, closing your eyes as you waited patiently for him to begin.

He started off slowly, licking up your slit as he took his time with you. Dom loved to use his tongue anytime he could, you loved it too. When he ate you out, it wasn’t just tongue, he made sure to pay attention to your clit and use his fingers when needed but on nights like tonight, where he really wanted to drive you crazy, he made sure to use a lot of tongue.

“You taste so good, pretty girl.” He whispers, his breath fanning against you, his hands wrapped around your thighs as he lost himself in you, holding you like if he didn’t you would take his meal away. You tried your best to suppress the moans he was pulling out of you, knowing Adam and Tom were just rooms away. The way he was working you left you wishing you had come to him with this sooner. Your hips came up to meet his actions, your hand placed firmly on the back of his head, pushing him as far into you as he could go, eager to meet your release.

“That’s it, pretty girl, ride daddy’s face. Let daddy show you how much you mean to him.” He hums, taking a moment to catch his breath. You do as you’re told, the request putting you in anything but a bratty mood. You let out a small moan as he continues his actions, your hips setting the pace.

Once again, it started off slow, until you began to work yourself up. Your hand reached down, tangling itself in his hair once again, tugging as you tried to push yourself further down, your hips speeding up while you bite your tongue to keep down the moans that clawed their way up your throat.

You could feel the pressure building up in your stomach, squeaking out to Dom that you were gonna cum before releasing on his tongue. He let you remain there for a minute, riding out your high while he massaged and kissed your thighs. When you had fully come down you move yourself off his face, making your way down to his bulge where you began to unbutton his pants. His hand quickly came down to stop you.

“Tonight’s supposed to be about you.”

“I wanna make you feel good too.” You say, giving him a small pout. He stops to think for a moment before taking off his pants pulling you over him, giving himself a few painfully slow strokes before slipping himself inside of you. Your hips rocked carefully against him, still sensitive from your last orgasm. His hands continued to massage your hips as you found your pace, finding it harder and harder to remain silent.

“You’re so beautiful, pretty girl. Daddy loves to watch you bounce on his cock.” Dom growls, his hips coming up to meet yours, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room, you give up on holding back your moans at this point as it’s already very obvious to anyone in the house what's happening upstairs.

The bed was creaking, your skin slapping together as he thrust into you, unable to cease the loud moans falling past your lips. Your legs began to shake as you approached your second release. Dom pulls you close, holding you, the gentle gesture in sharp contrast with the way he’s pounding away at you.

“Please can I cum.” You whimper

“One moment,” he interrupted himself with a groan “I wanna cum with ya, love.”

You held on as best you could, melting into his grasp as he worked towards finishing himself off. Soon after he growled a barely audible “Cum.” signifying his release. You moaned against each other, Dom pulling you closer as close wasn’t close enough. He maintained his actions, riding through your orgasm with one hand in your hair and the other lovingly stroking your thigh.

“Daddy’s got you babygirl.” He whispers into your ear, hushing you as you come down from your high.

When you finally felt well enough to sit up, your muscles hurt from the strain so you and Dom decided to have a bath.

He got up to run the bath water just the way you liked it and insisted on carrying you there, because ‘You’re hurtin’ so you can’t walk.’

You didn’t mind, though, laying your head on his shoulder as he carried you princess style into the bathroom. Luckily, the boys were in their rooms with the doors closed, presumably to suppress some of the noise.

The warm watered soothed your aching as you sat with Dom behind you, his wet hands stroking your arms with his head buried in your neck while he whispered sweet nothings in your ear.

After that night, you didn’t think you’d ever question your relationship with Dom again.

#yungblud #yungblud smut #yungblud fic #yungblud fanfic #yungblud fanfiction #yungblud x reader #dominic harrison #dominic harrison smut #dominic harrison fic #dominic harrison fanfic #dominic harrison fanfiction #dominic harrison x reader #dominic harrison fluff #yungblud fluff #yungblud angst #dominic harrison angst #yungblud aftercare #dominic harrison aftercare

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joshstambourine · 3 years

Text

What Friends Do pt. 2

Warning: Cursing

Word Count: 2954

Synopsis: Josh and Jake are surprised when an old friend stumbles back into their lives, taking their world by storm with old feelings, new feelings, and problems they never would have expected.

Josh Kiszka x Fem!Reader x Jake Kiszka

Jake laid in his bed, blankets wrapped around him tightly as his eyes just lingered on the ceiling above him. He didn’t want to be awake. He didn’t want to be continuously stuck staring. Something though just wouldn’t let him sleep tonight. In a smooth movement Jake turned to lay on his side with his eyes closed, it only lasted for a moment as they soon opened again to look at the clock beside him reading 2:42 AM. Not all that late no but certainly late if you cuddled into bed at 10:30 pm, this fact made Jake let out a low groan in annoyance.

‘What is going on with me tonight?’ Jake wondered to himself, as he moved to sit up straight. He began rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. Jake never had this much trouble sleeping usually, of course he wasn’t quite like Josh who was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but he’d normally be out within twenty minutes.

Looking around the dark room, Jake eventually reached out to turn on his side lamp. The light blinding for a brief moment, but Jake's eyes adjusted as he made his way to his feet. In nothing but boxers he made his way from his bedroom to the kitchen, if he was going to be awake he was going to enjoy it at least. Jake opened a couple of cupboards and began to pour himself a glass of whiskey.

Back against the counter he began to take a small sip, but was interrupted by the sound of his phone chiming from the living room where he normally left it to charge. His brows furrowed a little, ‘Why is someone texting me so late…?’ He wondered to himself, moving towards the living room. Jake planted himself on the couch and his legs kicked up on one end with his head at the other.

Unknown Number

(Received 1:43 am) Hey Jake! It's (Y/N) sorry to text so late, but I just wanted to make sure I sent you a text before I forgot. It was really nice to see you guys today! Hopefully we can get together sometime soon!

Clearly an email was what the notification sound was actually for but Jake chose to ignore it. Jake moved to take another sip of his whiskey as he contemplated whether or not he should bother responding. It felt like forever since they had seen each other let alone spoken; he knew well that he had changed as a person and that more than likely she had as well. This (Y/N) wasn't the same girl he had fallen head over heels for in high school.

It was easier to tell himself that than to really believe it unfortunately; his mind quickly pulled him back to how her eyes had met his earlier. Jake felt like (Y/N)’s eyes were full of so much love as she looked at him… but was he only imagining it? Jake felt like he had been staring at the text for hours by the point he decided to toss his phone back to the side.

Taking a bigger swig of the drink, Jake began to push his hand through his hair, thinking about the few memories her scent had trudged up into his mind. To Jake’s surprise he could still envision the old her when he closed his eyes, he supposed that old habits were harder to get rid of then he would care to admit.

A small memory slipped into view of (Y/N) as she walked ahead of him down a beaten down path in the woods. Summer sun making her skin sparkle, she lightly turned to look back at him with a small laugh. A ratty black Janis Joplin t-shirt hung over her shoulders, it was something that Jake could always remember her wearing. A lit cigarette smoldering between her fingers as she cheerfully took a drag. The sight made him wonder now if (Y/N) still smoked, Josh and her had started around the same time after a friend of theirs stole a pack from his dad. Josh had since quit knowing how much it was ruining his voice. With how crisp (Y/N)’s voice was he had to imagine that she must have given the terrible habit up.

(Y/N)’s smile brought him to another moment, he could see clearly in his mind’s eye as Josh spun her in the middle of the kitchen while they were trying to make dinner. Jake was there, but at the time he kept to himself… leaving Josh alone with her to enjoy their time. (Y/N)’s eyes were always so full of joy when she was with Josh.

The laugh that left (Y/N) soft lips was slowly drowned out by the sound of heavy rain, his view becoming one of her standing in the middle of the rain, completely drenched but laughing as she danced alone to the music she seemed to always have playing in her head. A sudden picture of (Y/N) standing before him in a drenched floral gown, her voice filling his ears, “Jake?” He could picture her uttering, with a saddened look in her eyes.

"Jake?" Called her sweet voice again, this immediately caught Jake's attention, he quickly turned to his side. Music played loudly overhead, his gaze fixing on (Y/N) who was suddenly dressed in a black lace dress that fell just below her knees. “Are you listening?” (Y/N) asked him.

"Huh? What did you say (Y/N)?" Jake quickly responded with a shake of his head.

(Y/N) let out a little laugh, "I asked you if you wanted to dance?" She repeated to him, wearing a soft smile. (Y/N) was so beautiful at this dance. Jake could remember that he had a hard time keeping his eyes off of her, the way her dress fit, the way she had done her makeup, even the way she chose to wear her hair, it was all so perfect.

Ah… Jake was at the spring dance again.

His eyes moved to take in the sight of her outstretched hand. Jake could recall being a little frazzled, though he couldn’t quite remember what he had been looking at beforehand that made this gesture so surprising. It took a second but soon a wide smile came across Jake’s lips, "I'd love to!" He said eagerly. Taking her hand as he felt his cheeks go a soft pink, "oh… wait, what about your date?" He slowly asked. Both (Y/N) and Jake came with different people to that dance,

"Ah, he went to find a spot to smoke a little while ago." (Y/N) softly mused, tucking her hair behind her ear. “He’ll probably be back soon but I just wanted to take this opportunity.” They would find out later that both of their dates had ditched the party together to hook up. Right now however, (Y/N) held tight to Jake's hand as she led him out to the middle of the gym that doubled as a dancefloor when the school saw fit.

Looking back, it was beyond cliché that it was the song that played, some might say meme worthy but of course it was Wonderwall by Oasis playing over head as Jake had his first slow dance with (Y/N). Jake could remember how nervous he was as he placed his hand on her side, unsure if he was holding her too tight. (Y/N) seemed to have no issue placing her hand on his shoulder with a friendly smile across her lips. It was a lot of awkward shuffling at first, Jake unsure where to look, and (Y/N) only smiling when their eyes did meet.

Jake realized now that she could tell how nervous he was, the way she had begun to sing along with a serious look in her eye was all to make him chuckle a little. Even back then (Y/N)’s voice was something magical to listen to. The sound of it made Jake relax a little; he was completely caught up in the way her lips moved. His own lips would curl into a smile when she would close her eyes and become entirely enthralled in the music. Jake always frowned when he remembered just how sweaty his palms had gotten, and even more wistful when he thought about just how much tighter he wanted to hold her hand in this moment.

This wasn’t the last slow dance Jake had shared with (Y/N). In fact he always made a point of dancing with her at these kinds of things, because frankly, the times Jake shared with (Y/N) were some of the best moments he'd end up having at the school dances.

Of course also getting to watch Josh and (Y/N) pick the most outrageous songs to dance poorly to was also an astounding highlight of everyone's night.

As that dance came to a close, neither of them pulled away very quickly. Jake just stared down at (Y/N) with gentle eyes, and she stared back up at him with a warm smile. Jake knew that he didn’t want to let go of her hand yet, that he loved the feeling of her fingers being laced with his. “Hey (Y/N)?” Jake lightly started,

(Y/N) was already looking at him, and responded with a light, “Yes Jake?”

“I…” he started, trying to muster up the courage to tell her how he felt, but Jake just couldn't do it. At the time he was so filled with self doubt that he couldn’t imagine her ever feeling the same towards him, “I’m… sure Josh would probably love a dance too.” He tells her weakly, immediately beating himself up on the inside. 'What was that…?' He remembered thinking to himself; when Jake was laying in bed later that night he would think about all the suave things he could have said instead.

(Y/N) gave a nod in agreement, "Yeah you're probably right…! His date seems to be off with every other guy tonight." She utters, looking across the room at a blonde girl dancing with someone who clearly wasn't Josh. "Thanks for the dance, Jake!" (Y/N) said in a sing-song way, her hand lightly running down his arm, "I'll see ya in a little bit?"

Jake gave a weak smile, and an enthusiastic head nod "y-yeah, of course! See ya later…." He uttered. Finally releasing (Y/N)’s hand just to watch her walk off through the crowd. Even then Jake felt like he could never compare to Josh; that (Y/N) would choose Josh over him every single time.

Those memories were always difficult to even just graze over, especially after everything else that would happen later. Jake could feel his heart get heavy as the scene began to change. The music was still playing loudly in the gym, he could hear it despite standing in the middle of the parking lot. Jake had come outside to look for his date, she had never come back from the washroom and being as naïve as he was, he hoped that maybe she went outside for a smoke. Instead he found a tearful (Y/N) sitting on the hood of his car.

(Y/N) sat slumped over her one knee while the other leg dangled down, she was smoking a half finished cigarette and looking at the ground. All Jake could remember thinking as he approached her was. ‘Where on earth are her shoes?’

(Y/N) was almost always barefoot and this was no exception.

“Hey (Y/N)!” Jake called out lightly, gaining her attention rather quickly.

“Oh… hey Jake…” she responded in a half hearted way, returning to take another drag of her cigarette.

Jake frowned as he heard her say his name in such a sad way, “What’s up? You sound upset…” He lightly asked, coming to sit beside her on the hood of his car.

(Y/N) shook her head a little, “Ah… Alex is gone.” She stated, referring to her date whose car was indeed missing from the parking lot now. Jake furrowed his brows a little, he couldn’t believe that Alex would just take off without a word --- of course he figured out why later, but at this moment it burned him up a little.

“Oh… I’m sorry.” Jake told her honestly, beginning to scratch the back of his head, “If it makes you feel any better I think Lindsay is gone too…” He muttered, referring to the girl he had asked last minute to the dance.

(Y/N) was quick to look at him with her brows furrowed, “No that doesn’t make me feel any better!” She exclaimed, “I have to beat up a bitch now.” She was quick to say. (Y/N) despite being the same age as Jake always seemed to be so protective of him; Jake really couldn’t say that he hated that fact even now.

Jake laughed a little as she said this, “It’s okay (Y/N)...” he sighed, “I knew she wasn’t really that into me from the beginning.” He shrugged, trying not to seem all that bothered. Jake always tried to seem put together when it came to being around (Y/N) but things like this always were a blow to his self-esteem.

(Y/N) shook her head clearly unhappy with this news, “Jake, you definitely deserve better than her anyways.” She tells him, taking another deep inhale from her cigarette. “You’re way too good of a guy to be treated in such a shitty way.” She tells him with smoke pouring from her lips, still slightly shaking her head.

Jake watched (Y/N) with a small smile, he was happy that she thought that of him anyways. “You really think so…?” He lightly asked.

(Y/N) gave an enthusiastic nod, “Of course I do! You’re handsome, funny, and charming.” She tells him seriously, turning her focus to him. “You deserve someone who loves all that about you--- someone that loves everything about you.” She told him with a smile.

He gained a little bit of courage, his gaze becoming focused on the moon. “Do you love everything about me…?” Jake asked, it was a forward question of course, but he wanted to know.

(Y/N) seemed to raise a brow, surprised by his asking. Her arm quickly came out to pull him into a headlock, “Of course I do! That’s what friends are supposed to do!” She laughed, “And then make fun of you mercilessly for being such an amazing person.”

Jake had to stop himself from frowning in that moment, giving a weak laugh; he should have known that would be her answer. “Yeah I guess it is huh…” he uttered, moving to place his hand over hers, his thumb brushing over her soft knuckles.

(Y/N) looked over at him, she must have been able to tell that her answer didn’t quite suffice as she began to give a lopsided expression. She just couldn’t resist taking another puff before saying anything though. Jake couldn’t help but shake his head a little, “Why are you doing that?” He lightly asks her, causing her to look at him quizzically.

“Doing what?”

“Smoking.” Jake said sternly, he always hated seeing her or his brother smoking. “You know it's terrible for you.” He continued.

“Well fuck Jake, I didn’t realize you cared so much.” (Y/N) laughed, as her arm on him lessened its grip. “They're just addicting, I don’t know what to tell you.” She admitted, tossing the remainder to the ground.

Jake would shake his head at that moment, “You’re an idiot.” He told her.

“Hey! I just told you I loved everything about you, you don’t need to be so mean about it.” (Y/N) responded loudly, she clearly knew he was right… but oh how she hated being wrong.

“If you’re ever going to get into music you’ll need your voice you can’t just fuck it up by smoking that garbage.” Jake continued to scold, recalling the look she gave him. It was a look that really expressed how she felt about getting into music… a strong disdain.

“Y’know Jake… not everyone wants to get into music like you.” (Y/N) told him pointedly, “Some of us have other dreams.” She continued, with a hate filled look. Thinking about it made Jake upset still, he knew how heavily (Y/N) was being strong armed into music by her family at the time… she didn’t need him to add to it. (Y/N) recoiled her arm, bringing it to sit on her lap.

“I’m sorry (Y/N), I just don't---” Jake could recall starting, hand moving to take hers.

All of a sudden Jake’s eyes had snapped open staring at the ceiling of his apartment, sun pouring through the curtains in an inhumane way --- he had fallen asleep. Sluggishly he sat up, running his fingers through his slightly knotted hair while he searched for his phone with the other, ‘what time is it…?’ he wondered, knowing he had to meet with Josh for eleven… or twelve Jake’s time.

Jake cradled his phone in his palm, seeing the time was 10 am. That was a relief at least. He also noticed a new text.

Josh

(Delivered 9:30 am) Okay so hopefully it’s cool but I invited (Y/N) to tag along at 11! If it isn't… well sucks to suck I guess.

The sight of it made Jake let out a light drone, falling to lay back on the couch again. “...Well fuck.” He uttered.

#Greta Van Fleet #greta van fic #greta van fleet roleplay #josh kiszka #josh gvf #jake kiszka #jake gvf #jake kiszka x reader #josh kiszka x reader #josh kiszka fic #gvf fanfiction #sam gvf #danny gvf #greta van fleet fan fiction #gvf fic #gvf imagine #gvf roleplay #gvf rp #what friends do

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boop-le-snoot · 4 years

Text

PARTY FAVOURS | CHAPTER 5

Rating: Explicit.

‼️TW: Reader is EIGHTEEN! Recreational drug use, smoking and alcohol consumption, deeply internalised self-loathing, very questionable moral standards. Daddy kink taken half-seriously. BDSM themes in later chapters - explicit content will come with it's own TWs. FIRST PERSON POV.

Summary: You're Peter's classmate, a child of rich and famous but uncaring parents. Getting paired up for a lengthy project with the boy was an interesting turn of events and you don't know whether to feel blessed or cursed when you develop, seemingly, a perfectly normal, harmless crush on Tony Stark. Fueled by feelings of inadequacy and boredom, your life spirals out of control - and you're lucky your newfound friends are there to pick up the pieces even if you cannot find it in yourself to believe these amazing human (and not so human) beings voluntarily give you more than a fleeting glance and an offhanded thought. And they brought cake!

A/N: Revenge is sweet but a well-timed dick joke is sweeter. xoxo gossip girl. Please supervise one Bucky Barnes on the internet. Questionable music taste. Detention is the price we pay for justice. Bruce Banner is too precious for this world, too pure.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub @mostly-marvel-musings @vozit @littlegasps @pilloclock @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife @individualistfem

Beta read by the lovely and patient @miscmarvelwritings ! 🎶🎵I love you biiitch ain't ever gonna stop loving you biiitch 🎵🎶

"Initiate phase one," I added a growly undertone to my whisper, holding my phone inconspicuously, as if I was making a simple phone call. There was no answer but I didn't expect one: I was testing the voice recorder app that I had downloaded for the sole purpose of documenting and relaying the inevitable fall of one Flash Thompson.

Making my way through the crowd of students during the busiest time of the day, I made the most intrigued and outraged facial expression I possibly could. Spying my targets, I leaned against a nearby wall, putting a hand over my mouth in fake outrage, keeping my eyes wide and trained on the opposite wall. Just as I had predicted, the two sophomore girls started giving me side-eye by minute two of my staring and finally approached me as I contemplated the wall for whole five minutes.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?" The brunette asked, her blonde friend hanging a step back.

"Yeah, totally," I mumbled. "I'm, like, shook beyond imagination, but nothing, like, bad."

The girls traded a curious look, seemingly coming to some sort of conclusion. The greedy gleam in their eyes had me internally cheering. "What happened?" The blonde one asked, coming closer.

"I'm not sure if I should tell that to anyone," I stammered, watching them bodily move forward. "Well, okay, I can't keep quiet. But you must never, ever speak of it or I'll get expelled or something," I said nervously. They both nodded so rapidly it reminded me of Funko Pop figurines. "You know the senior guy, Flash? Brown hair, kinda hot?" Again, they both nodded, conspicuously grinning. "I think I just saw him in the closed girls bathroom on the third floor with, like, some brunette from Ms. Johnson's History class," They both gasped. Predictable. "But that's not the worst! They were like, y'know," I made an obscene gesture with my hand and they instantly covered their own mouths with their palms in shock. "And the chick was like 'is it in yet?' and he was like 'yah' and I just closed the door and ran, oh my god I hope they didn't hear me," I squealed at the end, playing the part of a mortified teenager.

All three of us giggled uncomfortably for a moment. The blonde girl stared at me suspiciously. "And what were you doing there?"

I faked a nervous stammer, looking around briefly and showing them my lighter for a moment. They both gasped and nodded in recognition. "Don't tell anybody or my mom is going to have kittens," I pleaded. Both of them nodded solemnly, noticing their own group of friends approach. I used the brief moment to get lost in the river of pupils and by the time they turned around to introduce me, I was already at the opposite part of the hallway.

For the time being, everything seemed peaceful. There were a few giggles and side-eyes directed towards Flash Thompson but nothing out of the ordinary. He was disliked by most of the student population even if nobody dared to admit it outright. I took care to walk around without my earbuds for the day and pulled out my phone to record the most interesting conversations around me whenever I caught the tell tale signs of a gossip mill beginning to run its course around the school.

"Oh my god, I heard about this girl that was caught fucking Flash in the girls bathroom and she literally said 'is it in yet', can you imagine the shock, jeez!"

"Some chick literally just rejected Flash because his dick was too small."

"Rebecca from AP chemistry told me someone saw Flash's micropenis. Poor guy!"

"I wonder if his girlfriend dumped him because he can't do shit, I mean, he doesn't look like the type to eat the kitty."

Those were just the highlights of the Friday afternoon. Come the weekend and the news of Flash's unfortunate condition will make the rounds through every single group chat that the school has and by the time Monday rolls around, nobody will have a clue who started the rumour in the first place. I had to carefully select the girls who were to distribute the rumour and I was happy with the outcome: Marissa and Layla with their squad of chatty, bored rich girls were the perfect choice. I thought they would jump at any opportunity to cause drama and I was right.

It was sufficient to say I was bristling with pride as I cut and compiled the audio track from today's school day before sending it to the group chat.

Clint, Peter and Natasha appeared online as soon as the message delivered and I was delighted at their response. Romanoff's kind words, specifically, made me all warm and mushy inside. I didn't resist the feeling, basked in it even as I did a happy dance around my room. Peter's nonsensical string of emojis was another point of laughter for me.

It wasn't exactly the smartest way to go about killing Thompson's reputation... Alas, simplicity is the way to success when it comes to large crowds of teenagers. That tiny little vindictive part of me was very much looking forward to the weekend and the results of the inevitable distortion of the rumour I had started. Who knew, maybe by Monday Flash Thompson would not only have a micropenis but horns and hooves as well.

Near bedtime, I had all the avengers send me their regards and thumbs up. I answered the flurry of texts as quickly as I could but there was no point in keeping up with ten or so people constantly streaming their questions, opinions and comments.

I settled on a single easiest response: pulling my dad's old uni sweatshirt over my tiny lacy pajamas to preserve some modesty, I settled in front of my mirror, turning on my Bluetooth speaker to play "Boss Ass Bitch". In true gen-z fashion, I put on my best resting witch face and solemnly lip-synced to the song's eponymous chorus. My eyeliner was sharp enough to cut paper and my prismatic highlighter glittered enigmatically in the cold light of my blue lava lamp.

The response was, once again, delightful and I genuinely belly-laughed at the adults' attempts to meme after Peter. His blushy face emoji started a whole nother conversation that I didn't participate in but watched from the sidelines with glee, snorting every time his friends and mentors gently teased him about the very obvious crush he harboured on me.

Seeing Peter starting to go absolutely nuts, I interjected with an offer (more like a dare) of a lip sync battle. He jumped on the bandwagon, immediately going offline to undoubtedly film an epic video of what I thought would be dorky-dancing to some hipster song. I was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be a pre-recorded tik tok video of him and Ned fighting with lightsabers while mouthing the words to Fergalicious that played over the Imperial March.

Weirdos. I still followed him on the app, though, it was pretty funny.

Bucky interjected with a very well executed rendition of "Bring Me to Life": he was wearing his full Winter Soldier get-up, complete with an AK-47, dramatically serenading Steve who looked seventeen shades of done with his partner's antics. Wanda's following twenty second voice message consisted of nothing but pure hysterical laughter, summing up everyone's reaction to the video. Bucky was going to go viral one of these days...

Obviously, I had good competition and nobody else seemed to want to participate so I rearranged my surroundings a little bit and stood up at my full height and swapped the old sweatshirt for a cute crop-top hoodie. My thigh-highs were on display and with my make-up, I looked like a proper internet e-girl. I leaned against the mirror as I mouthed along to the song with my best interpretation of the famous Lucifer smirk, seasoned with a tiny bit of angelic innocence: "Doctor, doctor, give me the news, I got a bad case of loving you..."

Needless to say, I won the competition. Eventually Wanda joined in, looking menacing and ominous with her dark clothes and Natasha's red hair flashing somewhere in the background; even Tony did a round (AC/DC as his soundtrack of course) with one of his Iron Man suits but nothing beat my stunt and the reaction that it caused.

I had accidentally called out Bruce with the choice of my song and his teammates gave both of us a lot of cheeky comments about it. We relented and flirted with each other a bit as the conversation flowed into more mundane discussion; I said my good nights somewhere between Tony's bitching about the hobbies of my generation and my nightly skincare routine. The little green heart that I'd become accustomed to over the past few weeks greeted me just as I was about to lock my phone.

Bruce was really too precious for this world. My crush on him was different than the one on Tony, it mellowed out in comparison. I wanted him to hold me, to stroke my hair, to call me his darling and wrap me up in one of those dorky button-ups that he insisted on wearing in spite of Tony's unwanted, however very valid, fashion advice.

For all that's worth, the scientist probably knew or at least suspected and had the good grace to play along just enough to satisfy my deep need for attention... Without crossing any actual lines. It was frustrating, it was disappointing but I had virtually nothing to complain about. Besides, I didn't want to lose the quirky friendship that we had. Banner was, probably, the least judgemental person I knew and I wasn't about to trade that for an awkwardly stolen kiss.

Monday and Tuesday passed in a flurry of giggling and snorting every time Flash walked by. His girlfriend broke up with him, very publicly, accusing him of cheating and he didn't even deny it - just insulted her and stormed off, leaving even his friends looking lost and clueless. I started dragging Peter and his two pet nerds along with me just about everywhere I went in case Thompson decided to do something stupid again. If judging only by the looks he was throwing our little company, he was on his way to figuring out who began nibbling at his reputation.

The week was coming to an end and the rumour began dying off, slowly. That just didn't sit with me, I wanted the fucker gone. Due to the obvious time constraints, I approached MJ regarding Peter - after a brief argument, we came to an agreement regarding Peter's safety should I need to leave him alone in the hallways or at lunch.

I needed to do this alone so if I got caught, I won't drag them down with me. Granted, I would probably get something like a suspension and the school will attempt to call my mother (she never picks up) but that's about it. That's where her reputation comes in handy-people consciously avoid dealing with her, she can be that unbearable.

But first, I needed to get a teacher that's on my side. After carefully considering the candidates, I settled on my Social Studies professor - he taught the college-level classes and was overall a very chill, nice dude. And he disliked bullies with a flaming passion. So it didn't take me long to work him into a righteous fury - just a quick chat over a cup of tea in his homeroom and a few pictures of Peter's bruised face, complete with my own pleading puppy eyes. We agreed Mr Davies would "accidentally" leave the teacher's lounge unlocked during third period and I would sneak in. The plan wasn't foolproof but if it worked, not only Flash, but also his whole misogynistic, bigoted family would go down.

As I was leaving, Mr Davies looked up at me with a bright smile: "Give them Hell, alright?" And I suddenly noticed he was, in fact, very attractive. The smile brought out the fine wrinkles around his mouth, the crow's feet around his eyes - he smiled a lot. Silver strands mixed in with the wooden brown of his hair.

I let my eyes slide over him briefly before baring my teeth in return. "I owe you one," I don't know what possessed me to say that. My mouth really had a mind of its own sometimes. The room suddenly became hot.

"Sure," He replied, totally oblivious.

On Friday, I made myself a small nest in the empty classroom opposite the teacher's lounge and sat waiting for the signal from Mr Davies - he'd tap on the door once and I'd quietly go inside the teacher's lounge, retrieve Thompson's file and make my way back to the empty classroom to grab my backpack and carry the file to my locker for further examination.

The first part went successfully and I managed to snag Thompson's file. It was heavy and hefty, all the evidence of his rowdiness compiled into one flimsy plastic folder. There were A LOT of pink slips and I rejoiced internally: at least there was a paper trail of his exploits. The principal didn't do anything about it which was... If not against the rules then at least frowned upon; the plan was to take copies and anonymously submit them to the school board prompting at least an investigation into the blatant disregard for Flash's immoral and illegal behaviour.

On my way back I stumbled upon the principal herself which got me not only a stern talking to, but a whole detention for skipping class. Whatever, I was too elated from potentially ruining the life of a dumb fuck who ruined my friend's face.

Surprise came in the face of Mr Davies, who, having heard the commotion in the hallway, stepped out of his class and saw me being lectured by the principal.

"I'll take her for the detention," I heard the familiar voice behind me. The principal nodded solemnly and I had no choice but to sigh in resignation. "Three thirty, be here," He nodded to me, walking back, looking way too smug for his own good. So I wasn't the only one excited about the successful completion of stage two of my nefarious plan. Cue evil laughter.

#tony stark x reader #tony stark x y/n #bruce banner x y/n #bruce banner x reader #stephen strange x reader #Stephen Strange x y/n #bun writes #party favours #author doesn't advocate for small dick jokes but tbh the abusive fucker deserves it

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reluctant-fan-girl · 3 years

Text

My thoughts on 139 as an Ereri shipper

Buckle up for a long read and some unpopular opinions haha. Feel free to add on/ correct me but this is only how I feel so take it with a pinch of salt, I'm not asking anyone to change how they feel because we're all feeling some feels right now and your grief is valid. I just really wanna talk about the chapter before I go back to my Yaoi ship. (Forgive my grammar errors and all I wrote this at 5am and I'll probably come back and fix the spelling and stuff later today)

Thoughts on ch 139:

Well... here we are guys. The last chapter, it's been one hell of a ride and even though I have only been a part of the community for three years I'm still sad it ended. (Not to mention it finished 4 days before my birthday but that's just an extra oof) I keep seeing a lot of Mikasa hate and even though I used to despise her this chapter really got me thinking and damn, she's definitely one of the strongest characters (second to Levi at least in terms of resolve but hey I'm biased lol) she killed the person she loved, who pushed her away time and time again, and until the very end wanted to save him yet she was the one who ended it all. I doubt I could do that if my girlfriend was doing something similar... but I guess most people are like that. I admit, when I read the chapter at work I began crying in the break room, not because the ending caught me off guard, it was about what I was expecting, but I'm still sad Eren died. All this stuff was foreshadowed through especially the last few chapters and I kind of hopped into the manga around when Zeke blew Levi up, and even then... I feel like I knew this would be how it turned out some time last year? It was mostly predictable since this story, from it's inception, has done nothing but break the shonen stereotype time and time again and this was just the kind of ending that would shatter the mould and make it worthy of that moniker. Now am I happy that Eremika is canon? Not really, in fact not at all I'm mad. Although tbh it's not that I really expected a same sex, age gap relationship to be canon in mainstream manga, but this is what fan fiction is made for right? Besides as much as this manga has challenged or straight up ignored it's very obvious what the intended ship was going to be from the start. Even still the confession at the end by Eren is honestly OOC from most of everything else he's said/done and feels forced but, 🤷🏻‍♀️ like... the ending would have been better if Eren's feelings stayed vague so we could come to our own conclusion. If I had my way I'd have Eren confessing to Levi and they'd run off to live in secret but again... that isn't how it ended and I'm accepting that even if I don't like it. (Plus I can read/write a fanfic of a 'better' ending to make myself feel better) but I'm glad I stuck around for such a bitter sweet end.

Eren's character:

Now I love Eren as much as anyone else, but I see lots of people crying "character assassination" and I feel this personally isnt true at least not completely. We're all grieving right now and I know he was so cute and lovable at the start (hell in a way he still is) but this has always been his character. He is the one who most desperately yearns for freedom because feels trapped by his fate more than anyone else. The line "I felt like I had to and I let myself get caught up in the flow" is proof he *knows* he isn't free despite his father's reassurance, and his own repetition of the phrase. There's a common phenomenon with mantras or the practice of repeating something over and over in your head, the more you say it, *the less you believe it* and IMHO Eren never really felt free from the start. He knew his fate was sealed and he probably could have, no... *should* have acted differently yet he himself couldn't change what fate had in store. He just kept moving forward for no other reason than he wanted to save Mikasa, Armin, and his people. He (may have?) sacrificed Carla, not to serve as motivation, but so that he could save Armin later on by eating the Colossal titan instead of burning to death. It must have been a heart wrenching choice to make but he cares for his friends more than anyone else. He gave them a fighting chance and his death gave the alliance a good name so the world (or the 20% left of it) would see they aren't the same as him. Of course I'm thinking, "What if he had Dina free Carla or just let her eat Bert I mean Grisha probably would have passed on the Attack titan to Eren even if Carla had lived," but Armin very well could've died in another way or things could've turned out so much worse for everyone else. But even if Eren hates his choice I think something to note here is he doesn't seem to regret it, taking some of Levi's advice with him to the grave (quite literally) Plus you guys have to remember he died at 19 years old, that is *young* and I may only be a few years older but 18-21 is a huge period of change and you wont make the best choices, he's dealing with all that on top of the memories of the other titan holders, and the founding titan which I think really messed with him more than anything. He even says he only wants to live 10 more years ;-; the poor thing deserved a full life too even if his perception of time is warped and he never got a chance to become an adult.

The aftermath:

Well, everyone seems happy for the most part which is great! The one thing that I didn't expect was for the ending to be bitter sweet rather than total annihilation. Historia really does seem... fuck it I don't know and this is the part that bugs me most is she never really got the ending she deserved and felt kinda... forgotten? It's hard to tell but I think she ended up loving her child in the end... maybe... she's smiling while holding her... right? Levi is out beyond the walls and he may be wheelchair bound and half blind but he's still alive! Now this is honestly my saving grace here I mean god imagine him surviving a literal bomb only to die such a lame and pointless death in the last chapter. My boy made it through everything though and he's still got them dad vibes with Gabi and Falco which is kinds sweet... but I still hate Gabi. I still really hate Gabi, but it's nice to see that they're all somewhat okay. (Plus okay... Eren Canonically being reborn as a bird is kinda hilarious yet fitting since he got his freedom... Parasitic Jaeger haha good one Isayama.) Who knows if the war will ever end, heck Isayama himself said this is only the begining and while the fight goes on they have a chance thanks to Eren sacrificing himself the way he did. He could've made so many other choices and I don't know what could've/would've been better. Maybe Isayama knows but time travel and altering the past opens a whole ass can of worms that is just... like the killing your grandpa paradox kinda thing and if I were writing this story I wouldn't wanna try and deal with that either, especially after writing one story for eleven years.

(LEVI LIVED MY BEST BOI LIVED WHOOOO YESS 😭😭😭 ALL I COULD ASK FOR AHHH) *cough* sorry I had some crying fan girl in me that demanded to be seen too

Anyways this was just my thoughts for now, I may eventually write more and hell I'll probably go back to sweet sweet denial myself, posting contradictions because dammit I love my ereri too much and some people have good points or some posts are just funny in general. Have a good day, stay safe, and we are all in this together <3 Thanks for reading all the way if you did! (And here's a good meme to lighten the mood too)

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br4inr0tx · 3 years

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Hello, may I request a bnha and danganronpa matchup please?

I’m a straight male ,5’9, INFP-T, hufflepuff, my zodiac is a cusp of taurus and gemini. I kind of look like a chubby Aizawa in a hoodie. My love language is physical touch and my sub languages are quality time and acts of service.

If I were to have an ultimate ability I would be the Ultimate Empath, I have a higher emotional sensitivity than most people so I can read and feel their emotions and tell whether they're being fake or not,but this also makes me more emotional and sensitive. I see the good in everyone even if no one else can see it and if someone gave me their trust and let me be their friend I will never betray them (unless they're an a**hole in which case I will call them out on it).

I daydream almost constantly, as soon as I’m bored I daydream I could go from creating a whole story in my head to thinking about death and getting depressed and vice versa. I ask weird questions to whoever will listen.

I have anxiety and get stressed easily and over the simplest things, I take medication and go to therapy. I try to hide my stress to the point I suppress my emotions,eventually I fall apart and have a breakdown when I'm alone.I'm not good with conversation whenever someone wants to talk to me I never know what to say and whenever I talk I'm interrupted or ignored, although if I get angry enough I will speak up and get sarcastic, I'm also not afraid to call out on someone's bulls**t. I'm not good at making decisions unless I'm completely sure of my choice and I'll probably feel guilty no matter what I decide. I'm also a bit of a picky eater.

I spend most of my time inside playing video games, watching cartoons,anime sitcoms, superhero shows or movies, or whatever's on Youtube, I also really like mystery shows. Although I will go outside if my friends want me to go somewhere or if I have to run errands, I can be more social with people I trust. I love music whenever I listen to music I get a burst of energy and can’t help but sing, My favorite genre is classic rock like bruce springsteen and queen. I love to cuddle and I can be clingy, if I could I would cuddle all day( I'm a little touch starved) . I'm afraid of the dark and death. I sleep with a lot of stuffed animals and plushies. I'm loyal and empathetic and I try to see the good in everyone and I’m always willing to help however I can.

If you decide to do this request I thank you for taking time out of your schedule to do this 😊.

Uh- hey my actually twin look at you being perfect- I can’t tell you how much I screamed to find a fellow Taurus-Gemini, someone who sleeps with plushies, fellow touch starved person, picky eater, and a fellow person struggling with anxiety! Anywho, matchup! Thank for requesting and as always I can re-type if you want someone else! I’ll admit, I had a hard time with this one- 😅

I’m so sorry this was delayed too! As soon as I got out of school things popped up but now I’m pulling an all nighter typing this for you <3

Your Boku No Hero Academia match is..Kyoka Jirou!!

In my opinion, Jirou is at first distant. But as time goes on she’s just a little nervous to talk to.

Deep down, are girl really wants cuddles. Reassurance. If you want to cuddle, it’ll make her the happiest girl in the universe! I really means so much.

Your empathy is something she finds really satisfying. Not always do you find someone willing to call out another on their bullshit, so you are automatically deemed as cool if you stand up for someone or yourself.

Of course, this is Jirou. Be prepared to be teased at least a little. One of the times you day dream she might flick your head to bring you back to Earth. Along with a little snicker.

Your weird question will make her look like the meme with all the equations around that guy’s head. If it’s really dumb however like “why is water wet” she’ll give you that look that screams ‘really’? She finds it..cute you joke with stupidity. She gives you a pity laugh along with it.

Stressed and anxious? Try being the the hero course. She understands anxiety to the moon and back, and maybe even more rounds around the moon.

She’s a great listener, so never EVER be afraid to talk to her. She gives advice and depending on the problem will either come out really aggressive or just a take a deep breath situation.

She can get a little over protective sometimes..

A date night would definitely be you too sitting at home playing video games and watching one or two movies at the end while cuddling and having a few snacks.

She’ll be your plushie. I mean..if you want 😳

By the way, TRY to play guitar with her. I dare you. You WILL lose.

Jirou is fine with going out with you, but she’s not really into being in the biggest crowds of people all the time. Especially with judging eyes in her punk style.

Expect she sits at a claw machine for forty five minutes just trying to get you ONE plushie. If she feels extra she’ll sit there for another forty five to get you another plushie. You in plushies is just so cute to her-

Rock music is her life. Please if you listen to any music with her turn it up. She doesn’t care who the producers are or what not. She just wants to rock out with you!!

Runners up!: Himiko Toga, Momo Yaoyorozu

Your Danganronpa match is..Sonia Nevermind!!

Sonia is used to being showed affection, but when she finally finds someone she really wants to pursue she’ll become really romantic and clingy.

As Ultimate Empath, she’d wonder how you could read others emotions so quickly. She’ll ask questions as much as you do as if it was a pop quiz you most likely knew most of the answers to.

Cuddles? Say less. 😩

As I said, once she finds someone she attaches to she’ll become really friendly. If you ask her to cuddle she’ll definitely be there at your to snuggle you close like a plushie!

Of course, she’d buy you plushies. But being stuck on an island doesn’t always do that for you. If the store has a plushie she will literally get you all of them. Or, maybe she can be your plushie..?

Sonia is interested deeply in the unordinary. Seeing someone not being a bystander and calling others out for stuff and being themselves will make her so interested to know you as a person.

Stress and anxiety is a weird emotion with her. Of course, she feels it, but she’s nervous wether she should leave you alone or talk. She’ll ask a simple “are you okay, hun?” First before sitting down and listening. She’s not the best at giving advice, but she’s willing to stand up for you if you need it.

She loves horror movies, but also likes to sit through mystery and action a lot! As for video games, she hasn’t played much. If you explain the controls however she’ll catch on as fast as she can to play with you.

When Sonia figures out you like rock music she’ll squeal.

“That’s lovely! Can I listen to some music with you?”

She’ll try to memorize every lyric and loves when the two of you are rocking out to some music together on the couch.

Runners up!: Tsumugi Shirogane, Sayaka Maizono

— coii

#openmatchups #sonia nevermind #kyoka jiro #danganronpa matchups #bnha matchups #mha matchups

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kindafooey · 3 years

Text

Uhh so since I've been vaguing so much about how deathly exhausted I am with my current life situation, I feel like I owe you guys an explanation on what said situation entails, and now that I've been forcibly removed from work for three weeks and finally have the extra time and energy needed for venting...

Basically I'm doing two jobs at the moment (sort of). Back in November my gramps had a really bad falling accident and was hospitalized for a couple of months. By mid-January he'd recovered enough to return home. The thing is, I live in the building right next to his, and even though he's got a nurse coming over twice a day, I'm more or less assigned as his secondary caretaker now. It doesn't really take me more than an hour or two a day - I run his errands, do his groceries, visit him every day after work and check if he's eaten and taken his medication, vacuum his house every now and then, stuff like that.

Like, it doesn't sound much, but... it's actually a lot. There's stuff like him being addicted to the opioids he was given for pain at the hospital, and all the lying and aggression and emotional manipulation that happen when he's not as doped up as he wants to be. There's the personality change and memory issues that happen when he is. (There's been a couple of times when he hasn't recognized me, thinking I was one of the nurses, and that's a whole nother punch in my emotional stability.) There's the constant fear of another accident occurring. There's being dragged into the endless power games between him and my mom. There's my mom being cold and straight up vicious towards everyone around her, because that's just her way of preparing for the inevitable. There's my sister feeling guilty for this responsibility having been pushed onto me just because I live the nearest, and there's me actually being crusty about her getting to live her life as she pleases while I'm stuck with this situation for the undetermined time being. And then there's the fact that I'm going to move into Gramps' (huge and modern and pricey) apartment once his condition worsens to the point where he has to be taken to a nursing home, and honestly, the idea of eventually having almost four times the living space I have now, a dishwasher, a sauna, enough room for more pets, and so on is the one thing that keeps me going. And I feel horrible about it. The thought of Gramps' condition getting worse terrifies me, but at the same time I can't help longing for the improved living conditions it will bring to myself. And it's going to happen sooner or later regardless of how I feel about it, and... urgh. It's like the "inside of you there are two wolves" meme. Sometimes I just wish this would end already, but at the same time I know it's going to get worse before it gets better. And it's only been two months - who knows how long this constant uncertainty is going to continue.

I've actually sort of noticed some warning signs of the same levels of emotional fatigue I felt before my burnout (and by that I mean complete debilitation) in 2016. I was going to ask for fewer shifts for this month, but then the lockdown was announced, and, well, I gotta say the timing was pretty stellar because I really needed some time off work. Maybe I'll manage to get my shit together in three weeks? I dunno, but I'm grateful. The British covid variant is really doing me a solid here.

So uhh... yeah. That's pretty much what I'm dealing with right now, and I'm sort of just hanging in there, but... who knows, maybe it'll balance out in time? It's a bit of a no-escape situation, so I'll just have to grin and bear it, but... at least I'll be rewarded in the end? 😅 God, I feel awful saying that, but I gotta have something going on for me, right? For now I just have to be thankful for the fact that Gramps recovered enough to be able to return home in the first place. That should make all that hard work worth it. Reeeaaallly would like to get rid of the fatigue, though. Well, now you know! If you read this post all the way down here, I salute you. This has been a vent.

#long post #sorry bout that #actually I might hop over to my laptop and add a read more #gimme a sec #edit: oh it won't let me edit the post outside mobile what the fuck #:/ again sorry for the long post but I guess this is just how it's gonna be #not gf

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jamiebluewind · 4 years

Text

Fantasy High Characters 2.12

I'll go back to ep 2.11 eventually, but I wanted to get this one out while it's still the newest. As always, let me know if I need to edit or add anything and tag/ask/PM me about art and stories so I can check them out!

Warnings: canon typical violence, gore, blood, gross mention, vomit, fantasy racism mention, disturbing imagery, panic attack mention, threats, murder, alcohol, injury

***

Ally (on the fig/ayda kiss): Two young Sheldon's makeing out XD

Lou (on the second fig/ayda kiss): Yes-ah! Yes-ah! Yes-ah! Yes-ah! I bless this union! Yes-ah!

Brennan (on forgetting to change the music for the arcane crime scene): -this is the wrong music for this moment

***

New Characters

Craf-me Rootdrinker

Gnome and druid

Gave his life 200 years ago to reclaim Arborly from the curse

Was very kind

Avoided "cleric nonsense"

Nuathura (New-ah-thoo-ra) the Fox

Older red fox who was awakened as a pup by Craf-me (was his familiar/companion)

Spry and slinky despite his age

Fluent in silvian, elvish, and gnomish

Runs the town (basically the mayor) and offers the adventurers every resource in their village at their disposal

Appreciates it when he is shown respect and is more open to outsiders and outsider tech than Mira, saying that the Nightmare King was once defeated by a strange band of Solesians and that they were delighted to have them

Likes shrimp and was given one by Fabian and four (one on each paw) by Kristen

Was told the crown of the Nightmare King was kept deep under a pit under a pyramid where it could never be found (and was understandably upset to discover that it was instead kept on a shelf in a dean's office and now in the hands of Adaine's mom who is trying to get into the forest)

Mira Silverbough/Silverbow

Wood elf and leader of the rangers who guard the town (of which there are 40 standing on bolders with arrows nocked when the teens wake up)

Intense angular face with steal gray eyes and long black hair on the top of her head (that might hang down in her face) with shaved sides that appear to be turning gray/salt and pepper

Dressed in dark forest green with leather archer's bracers and gloves with

"Ah. Not TRULY children. These are almost adults grown. Come here!" *gestures for the teens to come over*

Racist against those with infernal lineage, goblins, and orcs, but seems to be racist against all other races in general

Was put off by technology she doesn't understand

Referred to Fig as a troubadour (poet who writes verses to music or specificly a French medieval lyric poet) and the van as very small house of wheels

Furrowed her brow at Adaine being the Oracle

Second to Nuathura and very protective of him

Krumpkin Springbill

Head of the Tinkerer's Hall

Round as a pumpkin with a shiny bald head and a mustashe like a push broom

Dressed in soot covered goggles (which he pushed up) and a leather apron filled with tools

He and the other gnomes come up to Gorgug's mid thigh

Two unnamed gnomes

Person with a huge handlebar mustache and a top hat with gear in the side of it

Woman with folded canvas ornithopter wings

Unnamed Bartender

Works at The Owl And The Harp

Was told by Adaine that she was looking for her mom and was shocked by her crystal (used to show him a picture)

Said Elianwyn was staying on the top floor, but thought the kids couldn't afford the substantial outstanding debt she left behind (after leaving without checking out) of 10 gold

Was paid 12 gold by Adaine, then 5 gold by Riz, then another 5 gold by Riz (which was wet), and shown a very round frog by Adaine

Told them that they were acting very suspicious despite being warned about them by the rangers

Most likely has no idea the damage Elianwyn did to the suite she was renting

Vraz the Mean

Executive Potenti of the Dominion of Avernus (first/topmost layer of hell) and Arch Secretary to Blozo the Undimenished who is the regnant of Sloth

Came through a burning oval doorway opened by Fig's magic (which opens to red firy sky and blasted red plane)

Dressed in black steal plate armor and horned helmet, covering all but her face

Beautiful woman's face with porcelain skin, ruby red lips, and a seem at the edge of her helmet where the rest of her skin had been flayed off her body

Burnt scarred skeletal remains of wings

Carrying a burning scroll to serve to Fig

Killean

Wood elf, resident of Arborly, drunkard, and a cruel man

Worked for Elianwyn and was rude to the tinkerers while picking up wax, ink components, and fiddle faddle for her

Had short cropped brown hair, hazel eyes, and a small amount of facial hair

Seen in scry as a puppet with a slit throat. Not wearing a shirt or boots as he left bloody footprints. Blood dripped from his burning dull red glowing eyes into his beard. His sternum was broke open and a fire was roiling within the open exposed wound where a gem was glowing.

Shone a dull red glow 20 feet ahead of the group which causesd a path to open in the dark, twisted, and grarled forest like a subterranean tunnel

Established Characters

Elianwyn (Adaine's mom)

Stayed at The Owl And The Harp for several months

Kept to herself, save sending Killean to get things for her at the Tinkerer's Hall (they had spell components that could be used by both them and wizards)

Vanished with Killean and Aelwyn the night Aelwyn arrived

Murdered Killean and did a spell that left him a puppet with Gorthalax's gem in his chest

Went into the forest, using puppet Killean to cause the briars to retract

Was wearing a deep elven traveling cloak and covered in nasty scars related to a curse (but might be due to a Fallinel curse and not the original crown curse)

Aelwyn

Arrived at Arborly a night before the bad kids (and 2 nights before the bad kids talked to the locals) and was still uncontrollably and explosively gassy (which reaked), worse for wear, and started crying

Changed into wood elven travel garb and traveled with Elianwyn into the forest

Dispelled Adaine's scry without seeing it

Calina

Told Kristen that if they make it through the wall, she would kill them all (starting with Tracker) and that the only reason they were alive was because they were a nuisance (not a full problem) and never got between her and what she wanted

"I want you to stay out of that fucking forest."

Riz didn't see Calina despite being right there and the grass wasn't bent or disturbed where she was supposed to have been standing

Pok's sleeve wasn't disturbed where she was supposed to be standing either and she couldn't drink (or possibly hold anything at all)

She gave Riz sleep paralysis, but never hurt him

Most likely doesn't exist anywhere physically

Is in their heads, but still had to ask questions, so she can project herself into their minds but not read their minds

Note: The unmade goddess turned her familiar (a black cat) into a plague

Kristen

Told Tracker she shouldn't be guilty about passing on any kind of sickness because she believed it had to do with both of them due to her secrets combined with Tracker being a carrier

Suggested doing spells through a dental dam as she had a bunch from Jawbone (who kept insisting that she use them)

Found a bag of loose crab meat and used it to make crab nachos (which she always makes when she has the choice as her parents always made it for parties and never let her have any)

Got drunk and tried to make Riz kiss a shrimp when he got upset, offered Fig a "shrimp secret", tried to throw Fig 2 beers (which Gorgug smashes and she thought was awesome), called Gorgug a scientist when he said he was a little crab, and called Riz "king crab king!" when he was down on himself.

Saw Calina when nobody else could and responded by screaming "Fuck you!" at her

Drank a cortada and stayed cool while Calina was there (talking shit about her as Calina threatened her and the group) but freaked out after she left, asking everyone to hold her and dogpile on her before she vomited coffee and shrimp

Was okay once she was pressed into the grass by all her friends

Tried to get Tracker to stay in town and not go into the forest, offering handcuffs and asking as officer Kristen (and even colonel Kristen using an order)

Tracker

Still rocked after the Galicia sister thing saying that the elven church and the priestesses she knows are nothing alike, but they both worship the same goddess and what the elves did was causing her to have a lot of questions for the first time

Took precautions during things like the life transference spell to avoid passing on lycanthropy, but had never thought to protect herself from something coming back the other way

Had a good talk with Sandra Lynn and gave her a solid shovel talk

Translated the gist of what the others were saying in elvish (to Nuathura and wood elves) for Gorgug and Ragh

Got drunk, balanced crab nachos on her head, and told the others to "Let [Fig] use the shrimp tub!" which resulted in a "shrimp tub" chant

Comforted a freaked out Kristen by rubbing circles in her back

Shivered when she entered the Shrine of Thorns, her eyes flashing yellow as she suddenly felt nauseous and generally not good as the shrine basically repelled her until she exited it

Adaine

Had a message chat that's mostly jokes and memes (that Fig wasn't in on due to losing her phone)

Wanted a fluffy robe

Her crystal has meditation and non-fiction (like a hystory on mage hand) instead of music

Found bellinis and caviar to eat (instead of crab nachos) and shared with Fabian

Drank half a beer, got a little drunk, wondered where Fig was (but was silenced by Kristen), wanted to go in the hot tub with Fig, and pretended to be a crab

On rather they should be honest with the wood elves "Maybe? It makes me nervous. Everything majes me nervous. Sure. Why not?"

Slipped behind Fig during the wood elf standoff and held up a fist while saying "yeah!" to support her, but jumped in with her status as the Oracle, saying it was a prophesy and going into the forest was "A thing we have to do." (which made the wood elves lower their bows and whisper to each other)

Admitted that her sister and mother were trying to get into the forest too, but that they were working against them

Started searching for Calina nearby after her sister booted her from scrying

Told the bartender at The Owl And The Harp that she was looking for her mom (with picture) and paid off her outstanding debt of 10 gold for the suite (with a 2 gold tip) before going upstairs to discover the crime scene her mother left behind

Ragh

Found a bunch of kippers for Fabian

Munched on an entire bone in ham

Got drunk, got shirtless and started screaming "More lobster! You're not lobster enough!" at Tracker

Pointed out the obvious (one guy in town has 4 refridgerators) when Fabian was worried about introducing tech too soon

Gorgug

Got drunk, did a "crab stand", made his arms look like a crab, chanted "crab king" at Ragh, became crab king, said the shrimp tub was not for peasants (when Fabian told Fig about it), smashed the two beers Kristen threw to Fig out of the air (followed by a celebratory yell and him pumping both arms in the air while the bloodrush boys chanted "hoot growl!"), said "I'm a little crab." to Kristen, and finally gave Riz the crab king crown and said Riz? *points at him* You're the crab king now.

Walked up to Nuathura to say hello in gnomish when he heard Nuathura mention tinkerers

Told the tinkerers that he repaired the Hangman, but failed to make a working mechanical butt for him

"Showed" the tinkerers his crystal and headphone as well (and by that I mean the were crawling all over him like excited 5 year olds)

Riz

Started setting up a tiny conspiracy board in Hollyhill minutes after getting there

When asked how he got a certain picture of Kristen, he said "You know... you take pictures; you hang um. That's what you do."

Said "I'm gonna snoop around. In a suspicious way, NOT in a party way." and finds Spyre tech and receipts showing that the guy is expensing stuff to his corporate card that have nothing to do with his work, resulting in him telling the others that it was a tax haven and illegal, so he felt less bad about having a party and more like Robin hood stealing his beer.

Got drunk, somehow stated acting/dancing like a shrimp, pointed out that Gorgug was a crab, started crying and got emotional because "Shrimp are so little and sometimes they get caught in the nets and stuff!" and told Kristen "I'm not gonna kiss the shrimp! It's dead Kristen. And we killed it.", cried again before Fabian comforted him, and became the crab king saying "Honestly, I just wanted to be the crab king. This whole time I've just been the shrimp and I feel like I've been the shrimp my whole life and I just wanna be the crab king. It means a lot that you guys made me the crab king."

Is super hung over the next day as well as super sweaty and nervous about being around a bunch of people, but still tells the elves that there is a demonic plot

Saw that something was off with Fig and thought for a moment that she might have kissed someone, but ends up going with "Did you have... good crab?"

Discovered what his fate would have been if the group hadn't rescued him when Adaine scrys Killean

Vomited over seeing Kristen vomit

Didn't see Calina despite looking exactly where Kristen was and checked the grass with his magnifying glass to find that the grass wasn't bent or disturbed where Calina was supposed to have been standing

Gets super sweaty and unhelpful when trying to talk to the bartender

Had no idea when to stop trying to bribe the bartender and said that the money was so wet because he ate a lot of shrimp

Fabian

Got in a small argument with Adaine on rather or not it was okay to touch your dad's butt (he said it's fine)

Still has the sheet with him as well as the sword Faun-drang-goorh

Got drunk, excitedly said Riz was a shrimp and that Gorgug was a crab, said "I'm a little shrimp!" over and over while dancing, tried to explain everything that had happened to Fig (including that the hot tub upstairs was filled with shrimp), tried to comfort a crying Riz by telling him "The Ball, it's going to be alright. The shrimp will be fine.", and wrapped Riz in his sheet, looked him dead in the eyes (with one hand on either side of Riz while gripping the sheet), and told him "I believe in you. *licks lip* Spring break.", before giving Riz his first ever bardic inspiration

The next day, gave Nuathura a shrimp from his pocket

Rebbed engine of Hangman as Kristen tried to give an inspiring speech

Fig

When opening Hollyhill, said "What did I say? Has your girl ever not delivered?" followed by a resounding "Yes!" from the group

Found a ghost white mushroom with a black skull imprint on the top of it while looking for psychedelics and wanted to eat it

Hears whispering coming from the briar wall

"Sometimes one of the fun things about friendship is just being a chorus on nonsense together and you don't have to hear each other; it just feels really good to talk really loud."

Sees nonsense as a good way to escape when things get too heavy or dark

Talked down about her abilities, especially when compared to Ayda

The thorns don't try to attack her, so she used burning hands on the thorns and the vines sucked up the magic, moving it to the Shrine of Thorns and leaving behind a charred handprint

Didn't want Ayda to know she was a virgin

Cast greater invisibility on her and Ayda

Rolled bad on insight checks on Ayda (trackerbees take two! XD)

Is terrified of saying nice things to others and vomits a little in a bush before telling Ayda "I actually think you're perfect the way you are" before skateboarding away and down an 80 foot near vertical tree, coming out of invisibility so Ayda could see her trick.

Couldn't go anywhere on her skateboard in the ferns and dirt

Wrote up a "contract" after Ayda's confession that said if Ayda made fun of her for what she was about to say, she could give her a wet willy. Before Ayda could sign, she took Ayda by the chin, said "Just so you know, I've never done this as myself before', kissed her (as the fire on Ayda's head swelled out and she became uninvisible), and tried to skateboard away behind a tree, peaking out to see what Ayda thought of it.

Slinked out from behind the tree, apologizing and admitting all of it terrified her before Ayda asked for another kiss.

Admited she started the whole party so Ayda would stick around.

Made out with Ayda until a bit before dawn and tried very hard to get Ayda to stay

Gave Ayda the ear cuff from her left ear which has blood on it (Ayda replied that she will treasure it and can use it)

Went back to Hollyhill to find her drunk friends before locking herself in the room with the hot tub and was still kinda pruney the next day

Name drops Grover to the wood elves, explaining that he offered to let them stay there (to try and deescalate things with the rangers)

Shook hands with Nuathura the Fox

Was honest to the wood elves (that the group were going into the Nightmare Forest), resulting in the rangers pulling back their bowstrings (and her backtracking)

Random note: Try to contact your warlock patron Fig!!!

Burned 1 or 2 luck points to keep a perceptive Riz from finding out that she made out with Ayda

Found a charred handprint in the shrine of thorns and recognized it as the same one her magic left at the top of briars and that the vines took somewhere

Lied to Tracker and Kristen, saying she was up by the briars working on song

Used burning hands again, causing the fire to spread into a stretching oval shaped burning doorway

Was served a burning scroll by Vraz the Mean on behalf of the regnant of Sloth

Ayda

Was invited to the party (which the group decided to have immediately, starting at 1 or 2 in the morning)

Stood in a corner looking around awkwardly before/during the party before following Fig out

Thought nonsense was bad, but Fig showed her that it could also be good and made her willing to try it

To Fig about disguising herself "Uh... yeah. That's interesting. I... can't understand that because if I was you, I wouldn't want to be anyone else because you're... very exceptional."

On Fig saying that she was different than Ayda thought she was "Being mistaken about the nature of something and discovering its true nature is my favorite thing in the world to do."

Turned herself and Fig invisible (look like a translucent version of themselves, like a pale outline to each other) and flew to the briar wall to give Fig a closer look.

Lit with Fig in the low looped saddle of two treetrunks that were fused together right next to the briar wall

Ayda's flaming hair and wings still cast a dull glow on her surroundings, even while invisible

Complemented Fig on her magic

Analyzed the wall and saw it was a very powerful and old abjuration (keeping them out but also keeping other things in) keyed to powerful devils (arcons, princes, and monarchs) where even dimension door would cause all roads and pathways to lead them back out.

Thorns tried to attack her

Thinks that everything Fig has done has been cool

"We all have a nasty legacy, in one way or another."

Laughed with a squawk

Spent a lot of lifetimes building Compass Points Library

Is part phoenix, so when she dies, she comes back but with no memory from her previous incarcerations. She left extensive notes and instructions for herself. This incarnation is 17 years old, but an Ayda has been on Leviathan for a little over 150 years

On why she never just reinvents herself when she reincarnates "Every time I come back, I don't know anything and I guess I trust the versions of me that knew more? I don't have a lot of self confidence and I don't... want... to make mistakes."

Said she could die when she goes back to Leviathan attempting to shut down the library as it's a dangerous city.

"The future's never guaranteed. We don't have anything but today and even that might get cut short."

Said she had information for Fig, but would only share it if Fig signed a contract (on ancient wizard scroll held in a binder that turns into bright fire and whips up into her palm when signed) that stated that Fig wont make any inference based on the information or think anything judgemental or critical of her. The information is "At any waking moment outside of combat that you and I have been together, if you had tried to kiss me on the mouth, it would have been received favorably."

Said Fig's contract was less of a contract and more of a threat

After Fig ran to hide behind a tree, she asked if it's normal for people to run away after that (kissing)

Shed firy tears over Fig starting a party so she would stay, admitting parties frighten and terrify her, but she stuck around because Fig was there

"In this version of my life, this is the greatest moment of it."

Enthusiasticly initiated their 3rd kiss

Said the library meant a lot to many past hers (her current incarnation and 3 others)

Offered to research plane shift for Fig at no charge and said that people ask things of her, but even if she cared about them, they never cared about her (save Fig who does care which makes it different and that's exciting)

Pulled out a firy feather with a squawk and handed it to Fig (if Fig holds if aloft and says her name, she will know)

Said if anything happened to Fig in the nightmare forest, she would "... start over" because she would never be able to forgive herself

Said she would go back to Leviathan to research Plane Shift and would return after that, intending to shrink the library later

"Goodbye for now. By the nine winds and the seven stars and all the secret names of the earth and beyond, I shall see you again. This is my vow." (resulting in Fig replying "Fuck yeah [is/that's] my vow." and Ayda saying "God you're great and cool. Goodbye!")

Sandra Lynn

Was more affectionate with Gilear than she had been the rest of the trip

Left Hangman in charge while she slept in the van

Spoke to the wood elves and Nuathura on behalf of the teens (while they slept til 1pm)

Gilear

Was trying to move the van to get ready for the teleport to Leviathan early that morning. Had the van in neutral with the door open when he tried to let his feet skim over the morning dew on the grass. He had put his apple in his mouth to shift when his trousers caught in the axle of the wheel, tearing them and sucking him under the left wheel well (WHY DIDN'T VAN SAY ANYTHING to anyone!???)

Really had to pee even before he got stuck and only made it 10 minutes before he gave up

The apple was jammed into his mouth (and later covered in ants). He couldn't bite through it because it was pressed against the carriage of the van and he couldn't scream to loud because ants would get in his mouth

Overheard the dance and spent most of his day sweating and crying

Was found later that night, still caught in the front left wheel well, covered in rubber residue and oil, with a browing ant covered apple in his mouth

Didn't need medical attention, but admitted that he did piss himself while under there

Got a hug from Kristen, Gorgug took his apple and tossed it, and Fabian tried to be nice to him about Hallariel not noticing him missing until Gilear asked for an honest response, which he answered with "Of course not Gilear, don't be dumb!" to which Riz said "Guys, he's not dumb; he's just pathetic." (Also found out Hallariel ate all his yogurt)

Adaine mended one of the tears in his pants, but then said "I'm not gonna mend your piss pants, here's another pair." and gave him new ones from her jacket followed by a boot cut pair of pants, Chelsea boots, denim vest, chambray embroidered shirt, and a beret. The kids (including Fabian) approved of his new look. His favorite part of the outfit was the beret.

Said he preferred pants with very narrow ankles and a wide front and back carriage to the seat

Fig told him that she loved him and apologized for not realizing where he was

The teens gave him one hot tub to himself

Was given a massage by Sandra Lynn while laying on one of the day beds in one of the public rooms (when she told him that he needed to make it a part of his routine, he responded that he was extremely broke)

Slept in the van that night

Spoke to the wood elves and Nuathura on behalf of the teens (while they slept til 1pm)

Decided to make sandwiches for everyone for their trip and looked a little different than normal, stood up straighter, and was wearing his new outfit

Baxter

Sat on a branch on top of Hollyhill and slept outside

Grabbed Kristen and Tracker in his claws while Fig and Sandra Lynn road on his back to Shrine of Thorns

Van

Left inside fenced in area at Hollyhill (can't cast fly on him)

Hallow extends out 60 feet from him, so the kids camped outside on matresses from the house

Hangman

Was left in charge during the party, but told the kids "No rules."

In the middle of a dramatic speech defending Gorgug, the tinkerers jumped on him (to examine him with their artificers glasses), resulting in him very much wanting to run them over

***

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dragonroyaly · 5 years

Note

Alright, I'll bite. Tell me about your new MID AU.

WHY THANK YOU FOR ASKING ANON!

Quick heads up though: Death warning. I don’t usually make only fluffy AUs and this is not one of them. Proceed with caution.

Okay so like there’s a bunch of shit going on in this AU and I’m not exactly sure where the best point to start is so let’s start with Pierce.

I like the idea that the Daemos have little elements, so I decided to take a swing at that too. And I swung and Pierce ended up being like a grim reaper sort of dude, becuase who better for that role than the gentle giant.

He can see ghosts like they were actual people, and he can kinda sense when who he’s seeing is dead or not, but with the magic crisis and all the ‘Sense Death’ ability is dulling as the magic drains.

He tries to help ghosts move on to the afterlife the best he can while still doing his job, he really does care about this as the Grim type of Daemos are super rare and usually ghosts can’t really move on without help, but also being Asch’s guard or whatever he does interferes with that a great deal

So, cannon shit happens, y’all know the drill, and in comes Rileigh.

Rileigh is an OC, Ava’s twin brother, and very dead.

And in comes Ava’s part of the story. I keep giving characters tragic backstories becuase I’m That Bitch, I guess, and Ava’s Tragic Backstory is the kinda cliche ‘Dad was just Gone, mom never talked about him, mom was also highly abusive’ shit, y’all know the drill.

Cut to a couple years later, their mom either dies from like alcohol poisoning or she gets caught or something, I actually haven’t thought that part through, she just can’t take care of them anymore one way or another.

So, Andrew and Devon adopt them, both are really Really nervous because as previously mentioned their mom Was Not Nice and they hoped there was such thing as good parenting but also they were like eleven at the time and hadn’t been shown kindness by like Anyone before.

And Andrew and Devon were really great dads! They loved Ava and Rileigh so much! They knew their mom hadn’t been the best and they’d be wary of them one way or another but like the underestimated how bad that’d be.

A thing about their mom, she was usually all-around bad but sometimes thing got real good for a couple days, maybe a couple weeks, she would spoil Ava and Rileigh and be really nice but then things got really really REALLY bad and Ava and Rileigh decided next time that happens they’re just gonna end it.

So, using their not-too-smart and very traumatized eleven-year-old brains, they decided that Andrew and Devon would eventually turn out like their mom did and tried to kill themselves by overdosing on some pills they found.

And Rileigh did. But Ava didn’t. So Rileigh just decides he wants to see Ava safe and followed her around as a ghost, he’d move on when Ava died and he’d be with her in the afterlife.

Fast forward to cannon events, Rileigh’s still following Ava around, Pierce can still see ghosts, and eventually figured out Rileigh was a ghost.

So, Pierce does what he does, tries to see what Rileigh wants so he can peacefully move on. Rileigh isn’t having any of that, and Pierce can’t even meet his requests becuase he’s just like “I’ll move on when Ava moves on.” “But Ava’s still alive. I’m not going to kill her.” “Exactly.”.

Rileigh is happy that someone can see him, and Pierce doesn’t really have anything better to do, so sometimes they’ll just stay up and chat. Usually in the livingroom in the middle of the night when everyone else is asleep.

Anywho back to Ava for a bit.

I have trouble seeing a world with magic where people aren’t able to sense if others have magic or not, even if it’s more dulled than others are, so the Daemos would be able to tell Ava’s completely bullshitting it after a while.

So, I do the logical thing and I give Ava magic. Extremely powerful magic. And the Daemos know. Ava does not. She used to think she might have superpowers because in moments where she wasn’t completely there, like her being sick, or just waking up, or extremely zoned out, she swore she could levitate things or fly or freeze things, set them on fire, grow plants faster, stuff like that, but eventually chalked it up to her having an overactive imagination.

So, another thing, Ava has a lot of magic, easily enough to fuel Daemos for another century at least, but it’s all kinda just trapped inside her body and whatever the Daemos are sensing is a very dulled version of her true power. If Ava gets a scratch or something, more magic would come out.

So, one day they’re all just kinda la-dee-da-ing around the apartment, the boys are hanging out in the livingroom, Ava’s in the kitchen making soup or something, chopping carrots, and she accidentally nicks her finger becuase she has the hand-eye cordiation of a blind goose.

Cue all of the boys kinda just freezing in shock because it doesn’t matter if you have hyper magic sensing (Rhys) or dull magic sensing (Noi), that’s more magic than they’ve felt in their lives.

All from a tiny scratch. And Ava’s just like ‘Ow yikes gotta go get a mcfricken band-aid’ and all the boys are just. Staring. Becuase they knew she was powerful but not to this degree.

Rileigh, still very ghostly, is kinda there, witnessing their shock like ‘??? What’s going on? Yo Pierce you wanna explain this shit? Is it the smell of blood, are y’all like vampires or something??’

Needless to say the Daemos are very careful around Ava from then on becuase she could probably blink at them and kill them instantly. Though she didn’t know that.

Rileigh learns what happens, laughs, continues to have a mini existential crisis becuase holy shit would he have had that much magic??

Fast forwards a couple months. The Boys have now been gone on Daemos for like two years and no one can get to them becuase there’s no longer enough magic left to open a portal to Earth. I am estimating on the time here go easy on me.

Pierce has gotten himself into a bit of a sticky situation. He has. The biggest fucking crush on Rileigh. Cue a couple internal crisises or whatever the plural of that word is, asking Ava what love felt like because all of the boys are stupid with emotions and Pierce is no different, Ava very loudly responding “BABY DON’T HURT ME” as a knee-jerk reaction to Pierce asking ‘What is love’ and a very quick run-down on memes.

This is also where my now commonly used line “I mean you do you but I have questions” comes from. “So how would y’all react if I said I had a crush on Ava’s dead brother” Pierce says. “I mean you do you but I have questions.” Asch says.

Ava is also aware she has magic now, and very strong magic at that. Still can’t use it for shit. Has made books go flying straight out the window when she tried to lift them with her telekinesis or whatever.

Fast forwards another little bit, Rileigh also has a crush on Pierce, tells him becuase he’s not a fucking coward and also knows emotions and shit.

Quick note, I know Daemos don’t do human shit but like kissing is a thing on Daemos becuase I fucking said so. They also tap horns together but like irrelevant.

So, Pierce, due to the nature of his magic and me being a cliche bitch, if he kisses someone they’ll straight-up die. He knows this from experience and swore off love after that.

So back to the scene, Rileigh and Pierce kiss, which would’ve looked hella weird if you couldn’t see ghosts but Pierce made sure that literally no one else was in the same room as them when he and Rileigh talked.

Pierce describes this as quite possibly the best thing that’s ever happened to him and kissing Rileigh feels like heaven.

And guess what happens next?

It takes a hot minute but eventually Pierce is like ‘Wait a sec Rileigh isn’t giving me dead people vibes anymore what’s up with that’ and both kinda freak out when they realize apparently that legit brought Rileigh back to life.

Cue Rileigh yelling becuase no one could hear him for the past like twelve odd years so he got a little used to just Shouting when he wanted to, and he woke Ava up.

Ava who was VERY surprised to see her previously dead brother (Who now looked her age because if one twin dies and the other doesn’t and the dead twin doesn’t move on they’ll continue to age like nothing happened), Pierce being caught in the middle of this kinda just stuck with the surprised Pikachu face, Rileigh who’s feeling Hella Hyper and Happy becuase he’s alive and also Pierce fucking kissed him.

There were tears. Ava cried and clung onto Rileigh. Rileigh also cried. Pierce was just sitting on the couch for all of it wondering what the hell he should do. At some point the other boys come out and are collectively like ‘WHO FUCK THE IS THIS BITCH??’ And Pierce has to explain the whole thing in detail becuase Ava and Rileigh are too caught up in their little ‘Holy shit you’re alive’ ‘HOLY SHIT I’M ALIVE’ thing.

Cut to like a week later, everything’s perfect, Rileigh’s alive, Pierce has gotten himself an entire boyfriend (That he can kiss and stuff without killing!), Ava finally got a mcfricken job. Andrew and Devon don’t know about any of this becuase that’d mean explaining even more stuff to them that Ava’s not sure she can do without getting a headache.

Asch suddenly realizes “WAIT SHIT WE’RE SUPPOSED TO GET MAGIC BACK TO DAEMOS SHIT” So after Ava gets home they have to do that.

And they fuckin do that, just open a portal in the middle of the livingroom and go through. They didn’t exactly have a plan, just take a bit of Ava’s magic, she has enough of it to fuel that entire dimension for ages, as previously mentioned, and with Rileigh in the mix, who does in fact have magic like Ava does, there should be a peaceful way to solve this, right?

They did not get to explain the plan fully before The Daemos are like “So like if we kill The Magic Princess we’ll never have to worry about magic and right? Right. Okay bye we’re gonna go publicly murder her now.” And dragged a very confused and panicked Ava away before any of them can react.

I should say during this whole thing Rileigh was not immediately present. He was out getting groceries or something, I don’t know.

The Boys forget they can like rebel against the kingdom or go after them and explain that you don’t need to kill her you idiots just take like a teaspoon of blood and we’ll be fine for decades but you know how Daemos are. Only using their Violence Brain and all.

It takes Rileigh getting home with Lorelai in tow, he ran into her at some point and she was like “Hey you look like Ava!!” and Rileigh being like “Oh yeah I’m her twin!!” an Lorelai being herself and he ends up bringing her home with him to hang out or something.

Rileigh finds the portal and all there and is frozen like “What the fuck??!?! THEY’RE GONNA KILL HER??? NO???” And the boys still don’t remember they can just save Ava and go fuck off to her apartment for like until they die.

Lorelai, understandably, completely snaps and goes rushing into the castle or whatever because portal landed like right outside of Asch’s room, grabs two swords off the wall, like, you know those displays?

So it’s just Elizabeth’s fight scene from Black Butler but Lorelai and Daemos guards and Lorelai just guessing off of where Ava’s screaming is coming from.

The Boys finally fucking remember this does not have to end with Ava dying, which was pointed out to them by Lorelai, who is completely human with absolutely no magic whatsoever, and not built for fighting whatsoever, her just rushing in without a second thought, and also Rileigh, who screamed at them and kicked Asch in the head.

So they follow the trail of dead bodies Lorelai’s leaving behind and Ava’s screaming and end up looking at where there’s already a crowd, Ava’s about to be killed, Lorelai’s not close enough to save her, Asch fireballs whoever was about to kill her the fuck away.

At this point, Ava had just about complete shut down, just zoned out due to panic, so she was just kinda sitting there in front of the shocked audience who by this point had been like ‘Wait we were running out of magic? Wait killing her will give us like unlimited magic? WAIT THE PRINCE JUST KILLED A FUCKING GUARD WHO IS THIS LADY??’

So after like five minutes the boys and Lorelai and Rileigh are all surrounding Ava and trying to protect her and then.

And then the goddamn king shows up.

The king, very feared, Asch’s father, Rhal’s too but like Rhal had been backed into a corner due to Lorelai being Angerey so he wasn’t present for any of this.

And everything just seems to freeze. The crowd, the guards, Asch and Co’, Ava was still zoned out, Rileigh was clinging onto Ava, and everyone was staring at the king.

He takes about the same stance as everyone else like ‘So spilling this lady’s blood will give us unlimited magic? Sounds good to me if y’all aren’t going to kill her I’ll do it myself.’ but like logically more threatening sounding than that but like before he can do anything Ava kinda half zones back and looks up at him.

Now, here’s why Ava and Rileigh have magic and Daemos doesn’t.

Daemos had gods, very powerful gods, but eventually they all got tired and fled to different dimensions. The gods were fueling everyone’s magic, the followers of certain gods got certain powers, y’all get it.

So, eventually, there was just this one god left, right, the main dude who was the only one fueling anyone’s magic anymore.

He got tired, and he got lonely, so he gave the rest of his followers magic power and fled to earth. The King, who was his most loyal follower, got the highest amount of magic. Please note that The King was a total nobody before this. Didn’t even have magic. Why is Asch like that then? His mother, obviously.

The God went on to fall in love with Ava and Rileigh’s mother, and, surprise surprise, is Ava and Rileigh’s father. And even before all the other gods just left and dumped their duties onto him, he was still the most powerful. So that’s why Ava and Rileigh are so damn jam-packed with magic, they’re demi-gods.

Ava, who is still mostly zoned out but some deep dark part of her definitely recognizes this dude’s magic is the same as hers.

So she’s like “You have my magic, that you don’t deserve. Give it back.” In like the Irene voice or whatever and she stands up and looks at The King and please be aware she is zoned-out during this entire thing.

The King, who can also sense the same magic he has in Ava but definitely stronger, but is an idiot, goes ‘No, you will give me, me and the rest of Daemos your magic.’

And Ava’s like ‘Then if you will not give me my magic back willingly, I will take it back by force’ and straight-up absorbs this dude’s magic leaving him completely powerless and then both The King and Ava pass the fuck out. Rileigh absorbs half the magic Ava absorbed from The King becuase she couldn’t take all of it on her own and still be stable since like he tainted it or whatever. Daemos were not meant to handle magic, humans were.

So like no one knows what’s going on becuase both The King and Ava are unconscious and everyone’s still trying to handle the shock of the whole event and Lorelai never really snapped back out of Fight Brain.

After a moment, Leif just scratches Ava’s arm enough to bleed a little bit which, as I’ve said, is enough to fuel the dimension for like a solid year or so human time, and then they all run back to Earth and close the portal before anyone can get mad at them.

Ava wakes up after a bit, has one hell of a fever since The King had tainted the magic she had just absorbed and that was Not Fun, but they explain everything to her after the whole sick event after now like once a year Ava has to give up a tiny bit of blood to keep Daemos running happily and The Boys live on Earth becuase they like it there and Pierce has Rileigh and they’re all happy.

There’s a whole other disaster when Andrew and Devon find out about all of this because Ava’s just decided it’s not worth lying about. She wasn’t even sure how she’d explain Rileigh.

“RILEIGH’S ALIVE??”

“Shit dude yeah he sure is. Hey he’s got a boyfriend too, did you know that?”

“RILEIGH’S ALIVE AND HE HAS A- WHAT?!”

“Yeah, Pierce brought him back to life through the power of love or some shit. Hey did y’all know me and Rileigh are demigods?”

And at that point they’re just kinda staring in complete shock.

Lorelai always goes back to Daemos for their yearly teaspoon of blood sacrifice as Ava’s personal guard. Ava did not ask for this. No one asked for this. Lorelai is feared throughout Daemos due to the whole Elizabeth Fight Scene stunt she pulled. She low-key enjoys seeing people this scared of her. She is aware this is a problem.

Anywho this AU was like a lot more detailed than I previously thought, but it’s fun being able to talk about this. If anyone has anymore questions like specifically or as like a suggestion for this AU let me know!

#I Was Asked Shit #How did I come up with any of this? Flow Free and music and my overactive imagination!#I also have another AU I might mush into this one where one of Ava's dads was in the mafia but like #Might not do that #Aphmau #My Inner Demons #I don't actually remember how Rileigh specifically came to be but hell I love him

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randomelephantnoises-blog · 7 years

Text

when will this be a meme

SHREK Written by William Steig & Ted Elliott SHREK Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME MAN1 Think it's in there? MAN2 All right. Let's get it! MAN1 Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN3 Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. SHREK Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. MEN No! SHREK They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. MAN1 Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.) Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark. SHREK This is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.) THE NEXT DAY There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs. GUARD All right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up! HEAD GUARD Next! GUARD (taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half) HEAD GUARD That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! GUARD Get up! Come on! HEAD GUARD Twenty pieces. LITTLE BEAR (crying) This cage is too small. DONKEY Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! OLD WOMAN Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope) DONKEY Oh! HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? GIPETTO This little wooden puppet. PINOCCHIO I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows) HEAD GUARD Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. PINOCCHIO Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me! Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table. HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? OLD WOMAN Well, I've got a talking donkey. HEAD GUARD Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. OLD WOMAN Oh, go ahead, little fella. Donkey just looks up at her. HEAD GUARD Well? OLD WOMAN Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt... HEAD GUARD That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! OLD WOMAN No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. HEAD GUARD Get her out of my sight. OLD WOMAN No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly. DONKEY Hey! I can fly! PETER PAN He can fly! 3 LITTLE PIGS He can fly! HEAD GUARD He can talk! DONKEY Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.) He hits the ground with a thud. HEAD GUARD Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him! GUARDS He's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn! Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek. HEAD GUARD You there. Ogre! SHREK Aye? HEAD GUARD By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility. SHREK Oh, really? You and what army? He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage. DONKEY Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! SHREK Are you talkin' to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa! DONKEY Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. SHREK Oh, that's great. Really. DONKEY Man, it's good to be free. SHREK Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? DONKEY But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly. DONKEY Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time...(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey continues to talk, so Shrek removes his hand.) ...then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day. SHREK Why are you following me? DONKEY I'll tell you why. (singing) 'Cause I'm all alone, There's no one here beside me, My problems have all gone, There's no one to deride me, But you gotta have faith... SHREK Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. DONKEY Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. SHREK Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? DONKEY (looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh ...really tall? SHREK No! I'm an ogre! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? DONKEY Nope. SHREK Really? DONKEY Really, really. SHREK Oh. DONKEY Man, I like you. What's you name? SHREK Uh, Shrek. DONKEY Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. (They come over a hill and you can see Shrek's cottage.) Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that? SHREK That would be my home. DONKEY Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you? SHREK I like my privacy. DONKEY You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. (awkward silence) Can I stay with you? SHREK Uh, what? DONKEY Can I stay with you, please? SHREK (sarcastically) Of course! DONKEY Really? SHREK No. DONKEY Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. (pause while he looks at Shrek) Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! SHREK Okay! Okay! But one night only. DONKEY Ah! Thank you! (he runs inside the cottage) SHREK What are you...? (Donkey hops up onto a chair.) No! No! DONKEY This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. SHREK Oh! DONKEY Where do, uh, I sleep? SHREK (irritated) Outside! DONKEY Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. Here I go. Good night. (Shrek slams the door.) (sigh) I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone...there's no one here beside me... SHREK'S COTTAGE - NIGHT Shrek is getting ready for dinner. He sits himself down and lights a candle made out of earwax. He begins to eat when he hears a noise. He stands up with a huff. SHREK (to Donkey) I thought I told you to stay outside. DONKEY (from the window) I am outside. There is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that made the noise. He sees several shadows moving. He finally turns and spots 3 blind mice on his table. BLIND MOUSE1 Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? BLIND MOUSE2 It's not home, but it'll do just fine. GORDO (bouncing on a slug) What a lovely bed. SHREK Got ya. (Grabs a mouse, but it escapes and lands on his shoulder.) GORDO I found some cheese. (bites Shrek's ear) SHREK Ow! GORDO Blah! Awful stuff. BLIND MOUSE1 Is that you, Gordo? GORDO How did you know? SHREK Enough! (he grabs the 3 mice) What are you doing in my house? (He gets bumped from behind and he drops the mice.) Hey! (he turns and sees the Seven Dwarves with Snow White on the table.) Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. DWARF Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. SHREK Huh? Shrek marches over to the bedroom and throws back the curtain. The Big Bad Wolf is sitting in the bed. The wolf just looks at him. BIG BAD WOLF What? TIME LAPSE Shrek now has the Big Bad Wolf by the collar and is dragging him to the front door. SHREK I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do get a little privacy? (He opens the front door to throw the Wolf out and he sees that all the collected Fairy Tale Creatures are on his land.) Oh, no. No! No! The 3 bears sit around the fire, the pied piper is playing his pipe and the rats are all running to him, some elves are directing flight traffic so that the fairies and witches can land...etc. SHREK What are you doing in my swamp? (this echoes and everyone falls silent.) Gasps are heard all around. The 3 good fairies hide inside a tent. SHREK All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! (more dwarves run inside the house) No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. (they shut the door on him) Oh! (turns to look at Donkey) DONKEY Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. PINOCCHIO Oh, gosh, no one invited us. SHREK What? PINOCCHIO We were forced to come here. SHREK (flabbergasted) By who? LITTLE PIG Lord Farquaad. He huffed and he puffed and he...signed an eviction notice. SHREK (heavy sigh) All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers. DONKEY Oh, I do. I know where he is. SHREK Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? DONKEY Me! Me! SHREK Anyone? DONKEY Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! SHREK (sigh) Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! (Pause. Then the crowd goes wild.) Oh! (to Donkey) You! You're comin' with me. DONKEY All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! DONKEY (singing) On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. I can't wait to get on the road again. SHREK What did I say about singing? DONKEY Can I whistle? SHREK No. DONKEY Can I hum it? SHREK All right, hum it. Donkey begins to hum 'On the Road Again'. DULOC - KITCHEN A masked man is torturing the Gingerbread Man. He's continually dunking him in a glass of milk. Lord Farquaad walks in. FARQUAAD That's enough. He's ready to talk. The Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk and slammed down onto a cookie sheet. Farquaad laughs as he walks over to the table. However when he reaches the table we see that it goes up to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered. FARQUAAD (he picks up the Gingerbread Man's legs and plays with them) Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. GINGERBREAD MAN You are a monster. FARQUAAD I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others? GINGERBREAD MAN Eat me! (He spits milk into Farquaad's eye.) FARQUAAD I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll...(he makes as if to pull off the Gingerbread Man's buttons) GINGERBREAD MAN No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. FARQUAAD All right then. Who's hiding them? GINGERBREAD MAN Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? FARQUAAD The muffin man? GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man. FARQUAAD Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? GINGERBREAD MAN Well, she's married to the muffin man. FARQUAAD The muffin man? GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man! FARQUAAD She's married to the muffin man. The door opens and the Head Guard walks in. HEAD GUARD My lord! We found it. FARQUAAD Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. More guards enter carrying something that is covered by a sheet. They hang up whatever it is and remove the sheet. It is the Magic Mirror. GINGERBREAD MAN (in awe) Ohhhh... FARQUAAD Magic mirror... GINGERBREAD MAN Don't tell him anything! (Farquaad picks him up and dumps him into a trash can with a lid.) No! FARQUAAD Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? MIRROR Well, technically you're not a king. FARQUAAD Uh, Thelonius. (Thelonius holds up a hand mirror and smashes it with his fist.) You were saying? MIRROR What I mean is you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. FARQUAAD Go on. MIRROR (chuckles nervously) So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. (shows picture of Cinderella) Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! (shows picture of Snow White) And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! (Shows picture of Princess Fiona) So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? GUARDS Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three! FARQUAAD Three? One? Three? THELONIUS Three! (holds up 2 fingers) Pick number three, my lord! FARQUAAD Okay, okay, uh, number three! MIRROR Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. FARQUAAD Princess Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go... MIRROR But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. FARQUAAD I'll do it. MIRROR Yes, but after sunset... FARQUAAD Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. (smiles evilly) DuLoc Parking Lot - Lancelot Section Shrek and Donkey come out of the field that is right by the parking lot. The castle itself is about 40 stories high. DONKEY But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. SHREK So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. DONKEY Uh-huh. That's the place. SHREK Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? (He laughs, but then groans as Donkey doesn't get the joke. He continues walking through the parking lot.) DONKEY Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. MAN Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. SHREK Hey, you! (The attendant, who is wearing a giant head that looks like Lord Farquaad, screams and begins running through the rows of rope to get to the front gate to get away from Shrek.) Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - (He sighs and then begins walking straight through the rows. The attendant runs into a wall and falls down. Shrek and Donkey look at him then continue on into DuLoc.) DULOC They look around but all is quiet. SHREK It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? DONKEY Hey, look at this! Donkey runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box marked 'Information'. The music winds up and then the box doors open up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin to sing. WOODEN PEOPLE Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect place. Suddenly a camera takes Donkey and Shrek's picture. DONKEY Wow! Let's do that again! (makes ready to run over and pull the lever again) SHREK (grabs Donkey's tail and holds him still) No. No. No, no, no! No. They hear a trumpet fanfare and head over to the arena. FARQUAAD Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land. Today one of you shall prove himself... As Shrek and Donkey walk down the tunnel to get into the arena Donkey is humming the DuLoc theme song. SHREK All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. DONKEY Sorry about that. FARQUAAD That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. (cheers) Let the tournament begin! (He notices Shrek) Oh! What is that? It's hideous! SHREK (turns to look at Donkey and then back at Farquaad) Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. FARQUAAD Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have it him! MEN Get him! SHREK Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. (bumps into a table where there are mugs of beer) CROWD Go ahead! Get him! SHREK (holds up a mug of beer) Can't we just settle this over a pint? CROWD Kill the beast! SHREK No? All right then. (drinks the beer) Come on! He takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large barrel of beer behind him. The beer comes rushing out drenching the other men and wetting the ground. It's like mud now. Shrek slides past the men and picks up a spear that one of the men dropped. As Shrek begins to fight Donkey hops up onto one of the larger beer barrels. It breaks free of it's ropes and begins to roll. Donkey manages to squish two men into the mud. There is so much fighting going on here I'm not going to go into detail. Suffice to say that Shrek kicks butt. DONKEY Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! Shrek comes over and bangs a man's head up against Donkeys. Shrek gets up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd. SHREK Yeah! A man tries to sneak up behind Shrek, but Shrek turns in time and sees him. WOMAN The chair! Give him the chair! Shrek smashes a chair over the guys back. Finally all the men are down. Donkey kicks one of them in the helmet, and the ding sounds the end of the match. The audience goes wild. SHREK Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! (laughs) The laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on Shrek. HEAD GUARD Shall I give the order, sir? FARQUAAD No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! SHREK What? FARQUAAD Congratulations, ogre. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. SHREK Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. FARQUAAD Your swamp? SHREK Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures! FARQUAAD Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. SHREK Exactly the way it was? FARQUAAD Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. SHREK And the squatters? FARQUAAD As good as gone. SHREK What kind of quest? Time Lapse - Donkey and Shrek are now walking through the field heading away from DuLoc. Shrek is munching on an onion. DONKEY Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right? SHREK You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. DONKEY I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. SHREK Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? DONKEY Uh, no, not really, no. SHREK For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. DONKEY Example? SHREK Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions. (he holds out his onion) DONKEY (sniffs the onion) They stink? SHREK Yes - - No! DONKEY They make you cry? SHREK No! DONKEY You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. SHREK No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. (he heaves a sigh and then walks off) DONKEY (trailing after Shrek) Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. SHREK I don't care... what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. DONKEY You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. SHREK No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. DONKEY Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. SHREK You know, I think I preferred your humming. DONKEY Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. They head off. There is a montage of their journey. Walking through a field at sunset. Sleeping beneath a bright moon. Shrek trying to put the campfire out the next day and having a bit of a problem, so Donkey pees on the fire to put it out. DRAGON'S KEEP Shrek and Donkey are walking up to the keep that's supposed to house Princess Fiona. It appears to look like a giant volcano. DONKEY (sniffs) Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything. SHREK Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. (sniffs) It's brimstone. We must be getting close. DONKEY Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. They climb up the side of the volcano/keep and look down. There is a small piece of rock right in the center and that is where the castle is. It is surrounded by boiling lava. It looks very foreboding. SHREK Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. (laughs...then the laugh turns into a groan) DONKEY Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said ogres have layers? SHREK Oh, aye. DONKEY Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. SHREK Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. DONKEY You know what I mean. SHREK You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. DONKEY No, I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! SHREK Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. DONKEY Really? SHREK Really, really. DONKEY Okay, that makes me feel so much better. SHREK Just keep moving. And don't look down. DONKEY Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. (he steps through a rotting board and ends up looking straight down into the lava) Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! SHREK But you're already halfway. DONKEY But I know that half is safe! SHREK Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. DONKEY Shrek, no! Wait! SHREK Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? (bounces and sways the bridge) DONKEY Don't do that! SHREK Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this? (bounces the bridge again) DONKEY �� Yes, that! SHREK Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. (continues to bounce and sway as he backs Donkey across the bridge) DONKEY No, Shrek! No! Stop it! SHREK You said do it! I'm doin' it. DONKEY I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. (steps onto solid ground) Oh! SHREK That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. (walks towards the castle) DONKEY Cool. So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? SHREK Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. (chuckles) DONKEY I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. INSIDE THE CASTLE DONKEY You afraid? SHREK No. DONKEY But... SHREK Shh. DONKEY Oh, good. Me neither. (sees a skeleton and gasps) 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. SHREK Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. DONKEY Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. SHREK (putting on a helmet) The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. DONKEY What makes you think she'll be there? SHREK I read it in a book once. (walks off) DONKEY Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. (walks off) EMPTY ROOM Donkey is still talking to himself as he looks around the room. DONKEY I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it. ELSEWHERE Shrek spots a light in the tallest tower window. SHREK Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the... DONKEY (os) Dragon! Donkey gasps and takes off running as the dragon roars again. Shrek manages to grab Donkey out of the way just as the dragon breathes fire. SHREK Donkey, look out! (he manages to get a hold of the dragons tail and holds on) Got ya! The dragon gets irritated at this and flicks it's tail and Shrek goes flying through the air and crashes through the roof of the tallest tower. Fiona wakes up with a jerk and looks at him lying on the floor. DONKEY Oh! Aah! Aah! Donkey get cornered as the Dragon knocks away all but a small part of the bridge he's on. DONKEY No. Oh, no, No! (the dragon roars) Oh, what large teeth you have. (the dragon growls) I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. (the dragon begins fluttering her eyes at him) What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh...(the dragon blows a smoke ring in the shape of a heart right at him, and he coughs) I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek! (the dragon picks him up with her teeth and carries him off) No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! FIONA'S ROOM Shrek groans as he gets up off the floor. His back is to Fiona so she straightens her dress and lays back down on the bed. She then quickly reaches over and gets the bouquet of flowers off the side table. She then lays back down and appears to be asleep. Shrek turns and goes over to her. He looks down at Fiona for a moment and she puckers her lips. Shrek takes her by the shoulders and shakes her away. FIONA Oh! Oh! SHREK Wake up! FIONA What? SHREK Are you Princess Fiona? FIONA I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. SHREK Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! FIONA But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? SHREK Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. FIONA Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. SHREK You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? FIONA (smiles) Mm-hmm. Shrek breaks the lock on her door and pulls her out and down the hallway. FIONA But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! SHREK I don't think so. FIONA Can I at least know the name of my champion? SHREK Uh, Shrek. FIONA Sir Shrek. (clears throat and holds out a handkerchief) I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. SHREK Thanks! Suddenly they hear the dragon roar. FIONA (surprised)You didn't slay the dragon? SHREK It's on my to-do list. Now come on! (takes off running and drags Fiona behind him.) FIONA But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did. SHREK Yeah, right before they burst into flame. FIONA That's not the point. (Shrek suddenly stops and she runs into him.) Oh! (Shrek ignores her and heads for a wooden door off to the side.) Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there. SHREK Well, I have to save my ass. FIONA What kind of knight are you? SHREK One of a kind. (opens the door into the throne room) DONKEY (os) Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned. (laughs worriedly) (we see him up close and from a distance as Shrek sneaks into the room) I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! Shrek grabs a chain that's connected to the chandelier and swings toward the dragon. He misses and he swings back again. He looks up and spots that the chandelier is right above the dragons head. He pulls on the chain and it releases and he falls down and bumps Donkey out of the way right as the dragon is about to kiss him. Instead the dragon kisses Shreks' butt. She opens her eyes and roars. Shrek lets go of the chain and the chandelier falls onto �� her head, but it's too big and it goes over her head and forms a sort of collar for her. She roars again and Shrek and Donkey take off running. Very 'Matrix' style. Shrek grabs Donkey and then grabs Princess Fiona as he runs past her. DONKEY Hi, Princess! FIONA It talks! SHREK Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. They all start screaming as the dragon gains on them. Shrek spots a descending slide and jumps on. But unfortunately there is a crack in the stone and it hits Shrek right in the groin. His eyes cross and as he reaches the bottom of the slide he stumbles off and walks lightly. SHREK Oh! Shrek gets them close to the exit and sets down Donkey and Fiona. SHREK Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. Shrek grabs a sword and heads back toward the interior of the castle. He throws the sword down in between several overlapping chain links. The chain links are attached to the chandelier that is still around the dragons neck. SHREK (echoing) Run! They all take off running for the exit with the dragon in hot pursuit. They make it to the bridge and head across. The dragons breathes fire and the bridge begins to burn. They all hang on for dear life as the ropes holding the bridge up collapse. They are swung to the other side. As they hang upside down they look in horror as the dragon makes to fly over the boiling lava to get them. But suddenly the chandelier with the chain jerk the dragon back and she's unable to get to them. Our gang climbs quickly to safety as the dragon looks angry and then gives a sad whimper as she watches Donkey walk away. FIONA (sliding down the 'volcano' hill) You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing. (behind her Donkey falls down the hill) You're - - You're wonderful. You're... (turns and sees Shrek fall down the hill and bump into Donkey) a little unorthodox I'll admit. But thy deed is great, and thy heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. (Donkey clears his throat.) And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? DONKEY I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. FIONA The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. SHREK Uh, no. FIONA Why not? SHREK I have helmet hair. FIONA Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. SHREK No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st. FIONA But how will you kiss me? SHREK What? (to Donkey) That wasn't in the job description. DONKEY Maybe it's a perk. FIONA No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. DONKEY Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? FIONA Well, yes. Both Donkey and Shrek burst out laughing. DONKEY You think Shrek is your true love! FIONA What is so funny? SHREK Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?Fiona: Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your helmet. SHREK Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. FIONA Just take off the helmet. SHREK I'm not going to. FIONA Take it off. SHREK No! FIONA Now! SHREK Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. (takes off his helmet) FIONA You- - You're a- - an ogre. SHREK Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. FIONA Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an ogre. SHREK Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you. FIONA Then why didn't he come rescue me? SHREK Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. FIONA But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre and his- - his pet. DONKEY Well, so much for noble steed. SHREK You're not making my job any easier. FIONA I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. SHREK Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? (ominous) I'm a delivery boy. (he swiftly picks her up and swings her over his shoulder like she was a sack of potatoes) FIONA You wouldn't dare. Put me down! SHREK Ya comin', Donkey? DONKEY I'm right behind ya. FIONA Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! WOODS A little time has passed and Fiona has calmed down. She just hangs there limply while Shrek carries her. DONKEY Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? FIONA You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your...(Shrek drops her on the ground) Hey! The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. DONKEY You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! FIONA And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? SHREK Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. (he and Donkey laugh) Shrek then proceeds to splash water onto his face to wash off the dust and grime. DONKEY I don't know. There are those who think little of him. (they laugh again) Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. SHREK Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. FIONA (looks at the setting sun) Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? SHREK No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. FIONA But there's robbers in the woods. DONKEY Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camp is starting to sound good. SHREK Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. FIONA I need to find somewhere to camp now! Both Donkey and Shrek's ears lower as they shrink away from her. MOUNTAIN CLIFF Shrek has found a cave that appears to be in good order. He shoves a stone boulder out of the way to reveal the cave. SHREK Hey! Over here. DONKEY Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess. FIONA No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. SHREK Homey touches? Like what? (he hears a tearing noise and looks over at Fiona who has torn the bark off of a tree.) FIONA A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. (goes into the cave and puts the bark door up behind her) DONKEY You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. FIONA (os) I said good night! Shrek looks at Donkey for a second and then goes to move the boulder back in front of the entrance to the cave with Fiona still inside. DONKEY Shrek, What are you doing? SHREK (laughs) I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding. LATER THAT NIGHT Shrek and Donkey are sitting around a campfire. They are staring up into the sky as Shrek points out certain star constellations to Donkey. SHREK And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. DONKEY Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? SHREK The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. DONKEY I know you're making this up. SHREK No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. DONKEY That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. SHREK You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. DONKEY (heaves a big sigh) Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? SHREK Our swamp? DONKEY You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. SHREK We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land. DONKEY You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. SHREK No, do ya think? DONKEY Are you hidin' something? SHREK Never mind, Donkey. DONKEY Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? SHREK No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. DONKEY Why don't you want to talk about it? SHREK Why do you want to talk about it? DONKEY Why are you blocking? SHREK I'm not blocking. DONKEY Oh, yes, you are. SHREK Donkey, I'm warning you. DONKEY Who you trying to keep out? SHREK Everyone! Okay? DONKEY (pause) Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. (grins) At this point Fiona pulls the 'door' away from the entrance to the cave and peaks out. Neither of the guys see her. SHREK Oh! For the love of Pete! (gets up and walks over to the edge of the cliff and sits down) DONKEY What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? SHREK Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. DONKEY You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. SHREK Yeah, I know. DONKEY So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? SHREK Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. DONKEY Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? Fiona puts the door back. SHREK That's the moon. DONKEY Oh, okay. DuLoc - Farquaad's Bedroom The camera pans over a lot of wedding stuff. Soft music plays in the background. Farquaad is in bed, watching as the Magic Mirror shows him Princess Fiona. FARQUAAD Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. MIRROR Hmph. The Mirror rewinds and begins to play again from the beginning. FARQUAAD Ah. Perfect. Farquaad looks down at his bare chest and pulls the sheet up to cover himself as though Fiona could see him as he gazes sheepishly at her image in the mirror. MORNING Fiona walks out of the cave. She glances at Shrek and Donkey who are still sleeping. She wanders off into the woods and comes across a blue bird. She begins to sing. The bird sings along with her. She hits higher and higher notes and the bird struggles to keep up with her. Suddenly the pressure of the note is too big and the bird explodes. Fiona looks a little sheepish, but she eyes the eggs that the bird left behind. Time lapse, Fiona is now cooking the eggs for breakfast. Shrek and Donkey are still sleeping. Shrek wakes up and looks at Fiona. Donkey's talking in his sleep. DONKEY (quietly) Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. Come on, baby. I said I like it. SHREK Donkey, wake up. (shakes him) DONKEY Huh? What? SHREK Wake up. DONKEY What? (stretches and yawns) FIONA Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? DONKEY Oh, good morning, Princess! Fiona gets up and sets the eggs down in front of them. SHREK What's all this about? FIONA You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. SHREK Uh, thanks. Donkey sniffs the eggs and licks his lips. FIONA Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. (walks off) LATER They are once again on their way. They are walking through the forest. Shrek belches. DONKEY Shrek! SHREK What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. (laughs) DONKEY Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. Fiona belches FIONA Thanks. DONKEY She's as nasty as you are. SHREK (chuckles) You know, you're not exactly what I expected. FIONA Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. She smiles and then continues walking, singing softly. Suddenly from out of nowhere, a man swings down and swoops Fiona up into a tree. ROBIN HOOD La liberte! Hey! SHREK Princess! FIONA (to Robin Hood) What are you doing? ROBIN HOOD Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from this green...(kisses up her arm while Fiona pulls back in disgust)...beast. SHREK Hey! That's my princess! Go find you own! ROBIN HOOD Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? FIONA (getting fed up) Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! ROBIN HOOD Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men. (laughs) Suddenly an accordion begins to play and the Merry men pop out from the bushes. They begin to sing Robin's theme song. MERRY MEN Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. ROBIN HOOD I steal from the rich and give to the needy. MERRY MEN He takes a wee percentage, ROBIN HOOD But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels, man, I'm good. MERRY MEN What a guy, Monsieur Hood. ROBIN HOOD Break it down. I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid... MERRY MEN What he's basically saying is he likes to get... ROBIN HOOD Paid. So...When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush. That's bad. MERRY MEN That's bad. ROBIN HOOD When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad. MERRY MEN He's mad, he's really, really mad. ROBIN HOOD I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart, keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start... There is a grunt as Fiona swings down from the tree limb and knocks Robin Hood unconscious. FIONA Man, that was annoying! Shrek looks at her in admiration. MERRY MAN Oh, you little- - (shoots an arrow at Fiona but she ducks out of the way) The arrow flies toward Donkey who jumps into Shrek's arms to get out of the way. The arrow proceeds to just bounce off a tree. Another fight sequence begins and Fiona gives a karate yell and then proceeds to beat the crap out of the Merry Men. There is a very interesting 'Matrix' moment here when Fiona pauses in mid-air to fix her hair. Finally all of the Merry Men are down, and Fiona begins walking away. FIONA Uh, shall we? SHREK Hold the phone. (drops Donkey and begins walking after Fiona) Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? FIONA What? SHREK That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? FIONA Well...(laughs) when one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a...(gasps and points) there's an arrow in your butt! SHREK What? (turns and looks) Oh, would you look at that? (he goes to pull it out but flinches because it's tender) FIONA Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. DONKEY (walking up) Why? What's wrong? FIONA Shrek's hurt. DONKEY Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. SHREK Donkey, I'm okay. DONKEY You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? FIONA Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. DONKEY Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! SHREK & FIONA Donkey! DONKEY Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. (runs off) SHREK What are the flowers for? FIONA (like it's obvious) For getting rid of Donkey. SHREK Ah. FIONA Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. (gives the arrow a little pull) SHREK (jumps away) Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. As they continue to talk Fiona keeps going after the arrow and Shrek keeps dodging her hands. FIONA I'm sorry, but it has to come out. SHREK No, it's tender. FIONA Now, hold on. SHREK What you're doing is the opposite of help. FIONA Don't move. SHREK Look, time out. FIONA Would you...(grunts as Shrek puts his hand over her face to stop her from getting at the arrow) Okay. What do you propose we do? ELSEWHERE Donkey is still looking for the special flower. DONKEY Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. SHREK (os) Ow! DONKEY Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! (rips a flower off a nearby bush that just happens to be a blue flower with red thorns) THE FOREST PATH SHREK Ow! Not good. FIONA Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. (Shrek grunts as she pulls) It's just about... SHREK Ow! Ohh! (he jerks and manages to fall over with Fiona on top of him) DONKEY Ahem. SHREK (throwing Fiona off of him) Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - DONKEY Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay? SHREK Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just- - (Fiona pulls the arrow out) Ugh! (he turns to look at Fiona who holds up the arrow with a smile) Ow! DONKEY Hey, what's that? (nervous chuckle) That's...is that blood? Donkey faints. Shrek walks over and picks him up as they continue on their way. There is a montage of scenes as the group heads back to DuLoc. Shrek crawling up to the top of a tree to make it fall over a small brook so that Fiona won't get wet. Shrek then gets up as Donkey is just about to cross the tree and the tree swings back into it's upright position and Donkey flies off. Shrek swatting and a bunch of flies and mosquitoes. Fiona grabs a nearby spiderweb that's on a tree branch and runs through the field swinging it around to catch the bugs. She then hands it to Shrek who begins eating like it's a treat. As he walks off she licks her fingers. Shrek catching a toad and blowing it up like a balloon and presenting it to Fiona. Fiona catching a snake, blowing it up, fashioning it into a balloon animal and presenting it to Shrek. The group arriving at a windmill that is near DuLoc. WINDMILL SHREK There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. FIONA That's DuLoc? DONKEY Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really...(Shrek steps on his hoof) Ow! SHREK Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on. FIONA Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey. SHREK What? FIONA I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. DONKEY What are you talking about? I'm fine. FIONA (kneels to look him in the eyes) That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. (pause) Dead. SHREK You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? FIONA Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. DONKEY I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, (turns his neck in a very sharp way until his head is completely sideways) Ow! See? SHREK Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. FIONA I'll get the firewood. DONKEY Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! (looks down and yelps) I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. SUNSET Shrek has built a fire and is cooking the rest of dinner while Fiona eats. FIONA Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? SHREK Uh, weed rat. Rotisserie style. FIONA No kidding. Well, this is delicious. SHREK Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weed rat stew. (chuckles) Fiona looks at DuLoc and sighs. FIONA I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. SHREK Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it. FIONA (smiles) I'd like that. They smiles at each other. SHREK Um, Princess? FIONA Yes, Shrek? SHREK I, um, I was wondering...are you...(sighs) Are you gonna eat that? DONKEY (chuckles) Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. FIONA (jumps up) Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. SHREK What? DONKEY Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? FIONA Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. DONKEY Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. Shrek sighs FIONA Good night. SHREK Good night. Fiona goes inside the windmill and closes the door. Donkey looks at Shrek with a new eye. DONKEY Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here. SHREK Oh, what are you talkin' about? DONKEY I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. SHREK You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. DONKEY Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. SHREK I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm - - DONKEY An ogre? SHREK Yeah. An ogre. DONKEY Hey, where you goin'? SHREK To get... move firewood. (sighs) Donkey looks over at the large pile of firewood there already is. TIME LAPSE Donkey opens the door to the Windmill and walks in. Fiona is nowhere to be seen. DONKEY Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? Princess? Fiona looks at Donkey from the shadows, but we can't see her. DONKEY It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. Suddenly Fiona falls from the railing. She gets up only she doesn't look like herself. She looks like an ogre and Donkey starts freaking out. DONKEY Aah! FIONA Oh, no! DONKEY No, help! FIONA Shh! DONKEY Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! FIONA No, it's okay. It's okay. DONKEY What did you do with the princess? FIONA Donkey, I'm the princess. DONKEY Aah! FIONA It's me, in this body. DONKEY Oh, my God! You ate the princess. (to her stomach) Can you hear me? FIONA Donkey! DONKEY (still aimed at her stomach) Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! FIONA No! DONKEY Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! FIONA Shh. DONKEY Shrek! FIONA This is me. Donkey looks into her eyes as she pets his muzzle, and he quiets down. DONKEY Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different. FIONA I'm ugly, okay? DONKEY Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - FIONA No. I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember. DONKEY What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. FIONA It only happens when sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." DONKEY Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. FIONA It's a spell. (sigh) When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. (begins to cry) DONKEY All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. FIONA But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look. DONKEY Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? FIONA I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. DONKEY But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you got a lot in common. FIONA Shrek? OUTSIDE Shrek is walking towards the windmill with a sunflower in his hand. SHREK (to himself) Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh...(sighs) I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. He walks up to the door and pauses outside when he hears Donkey and Fiona talking. FIONA (os) I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. Shrek steps back in shock. FIONA (os) My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. Shrek heaves a deep sigh. He throws the flower down and walks away. INSIDE FIONA Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. DONKEY You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. FIONA No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. DONKEY What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? FIONA Promise you won't tell. Promise! DONKEY All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. (goes outside) I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'. Fiona comes out the door and watches him walk away. She looks down and spots the sunflower. She picks it up before going back inside the windmill. MORNING Donkey is asleep. Shrek is nowhere to be seen. Fiona is still awake. She is plucking petals from the sunflower. FIONA I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. (she quickly runs to the door and goes outside) Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want...(she looks and sees the rising sun, and as the sun crests the sky she turns back into a human.) Just as she looks back at the sun she sees Shrek stomping towards her. FIONA Shrek. Are you all right? SHREK Perfect! Never been better. FIONA I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you. SHREK You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. FIONA You heard what I said? SHREK Every word. FIONA I thought you'd understand. SHREK Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" FIONA But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. SHREK Yeah? Well, it does. (Fiona looks at him in shock. He looks past her and spots a group approaching.) Ah, right on time. Princess, I've brought you a little something. Farquaad has arrived with a group of his men. He looks very regal sitting up on his horse. You would never guess that he's only like 3 feet tall. Donkey wakes up with a yawn as the soldiers march by. DONKEY What'd I miss? What'd I miss? (spots the soldiers) (muffled) Who said that? Couldn't have been the donkey. FARQUAAD Princess Fiona. SHREK As promised. Now hand it over. FARQUAAD Very well, ogre. (holds out a piece of paper) The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind. (Shrek takes the paper) Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad. FIONA Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. (Farquaad snaps his fingers) Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... (Watches as Farquaad is lifted off his horse and set down in front of her. He comes to her waist.) farewell. FARQUAAD Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings. FIONA No, you're right. It doesn't. Donkey watches this exchange with a curious look on his face. FARQUAAD Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? FIONA Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - - FARQUAAD (interrupting) Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! FIONA No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. FARQUAAD Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! (a guard puts Fiona on the back of his horse) FIONA Fare-thee-well, ogre. Farquaad's whole party begins to head back to DuLoc. Donkey watches them go. DONKEY Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. SHREK Yeah? So what? DONKEY Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night, She's - - SHREK I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? DONKEY Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. SHREK I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! DONKEY But I thought - - SHREK Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong! (stomps off) DONKEY Shrek. Montage of different scenes. Shrek arriving back home. Fiona being fitted for the wedding dress. Donkey at a stream running into the dragon. Shrek cleaning up his house. Fiona eating dinner alone. Shrek eating dinner alone. SHREK'S HOME Shrek is eating dinner when he hears a sound outside. He goes outside to investigate. SHREK Donkey? (Donkey ignores him and continues with what he's doing.) What are you doing? DONKEY I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. SHREK Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. DONKEY It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half. SHREK Oh! Your half. Hmm. DONKEY Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. SHREK Back off! DONKEY No, you back off. SHREK This is my swamp! DONKEY Our swamp. SHREK (grabs the tree branch Donkey is working with) Let go, Donkey! DONKEY You let go. SHREK Stubborn jackass! DONKEY Smelly ogre. SHREK Fine! (drops the tree branch and walks away) DONKEY Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. SHREK Well, I'm through with you. DONKEY Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. SHREK Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? DONKEY Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! SHREK Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! (goes into the outhouse and slams the door) DONKEY Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. SHREK (os) Go away! DONKEY There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. SHREK (os) Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking. DONKEY She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else. SHREK (opens the door and comes out) She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? DONKEY Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right? SHREK Donkey! DONKEY No! SHREK Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? (sigh) I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me? DONKEY Hey, that's what friends are for, right? SHREK Right. Friends? DONKEY Friends. SHREK So, um, what did Fiona say about me? DONKEY What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? SHREK The wedding! We'll never make it in time. DONKEY Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way. (whistles) Suddenly the dragon arrives overhead and flies low enough so they can climb on. SHREK Donkey? DONKEY I guess it's just my animal magnetism. They both laugh. SHREK Aw, come here, you. (gives Donkey a noogie) DONKEY All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. They climb aboard the dragon and she takes off for DuLoc. DULOC - CHURCH Fiona and Farquaad are getting married. The whole town is there. The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Revered Silence'. PRIEST People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witness to the union.... FIONA (eyeing the setting sun) Um- PRIEST ...of our new king... FIONA Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? FARQUAAD (chuckles and then motions to the priest to indulge Fiona) Go on. COURTYARD Some guards are milling around. Suddenly the dragon lands with a boom. The guards all take off running. DONKEY (to Dragon) Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? (she nods and goes after the guards) Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you? SHREK (at the Church door) What are you talking about? DONKEY There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" SHREK I don't have time for this! DONKEY Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? SHREK Yes. DONKEY You wanna hold her? SHREK Yes. DONKEY Please her? SHREK Yes! DONKEY (singing James Brown style) Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. (normal) The chicks love that romantic crap! SHREK All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? DONKEY We gotta check it out. INSIDE CHURCH As the priest talks we see Donkey's shadow through one of the windows Shrek tosses him up so he can see. PRIEST And so, by the power vested in me... Outside SHREK What do you see? DONKEY The whole town's in there. Inside PRIEST I now pronounce you husband and wife... Outside DONKEY They're at the altar. Inside PRIEST ...king and queen. Outside DONKEY Mother Fletcher! He already said it. SHREK Oh, for the love of Pete! He runs inside without catching Donkey, who hits the ground hard. INSIDE CHURCH SHREK (running toward the alter) I object! FIONA Shrek? The whole congregation gasps as they see Shrek. FARQUAAD Oh, now what does he want? SHREK (to congregation as he reaches the front of the Church) Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first of all. Very clean. FIONA What are you doing here? SHREK Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding... SHREK Fiona! I need to talk to you. FIONA Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me - - SHREK But you can't marry him. FIONA And why not? SHREK Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king. FARQUAAD Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. SHREK He's not your true love. FIONA And what do you know about true love? SHREK Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - FARQUAAD Oh, this is precious. The ogee has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. (laughs) The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Laugh'. The whole congregation laughs. FARQUAAD An ogre and a princess! FIONA Shrek, is this true? FARQUAAD Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! (puckers his lips and leans toward her, but she pulls back.) FIONA (looking at the setting sun) "By night one way, by day another." (to Shrek) I wanted to show you before. She backs up and as the sun sets she changes into her ogre self. She gives Shrek a sheepish smile. SHREK Well, uh, that explains a lot. (Fiona smiles) FARQUAAD Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! The guards run in and separate Fiona and Shrek. Shrek fights them. SHREK No, no! FIONA Shrek! FARQUAAD This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? FIONA No, let go of me! Shrek! SHREK No! FARQUAAD Don't just stand there, you morons. SHREK Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! FARQUAAD I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll beg for death to save you! FIONA No, Shrek! FARQUAAD (hold a dagger to Fiona's throat) And as for you, my wife... SHREK Fiona! FARQUAAD I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I'm king! Shrek manages to get a hand free and he whistles. FARQUAAD I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - (Donkey and the dragon show up and the dragon leans down and eats Farquaad) Aaaah! Aah! DONKEY All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. (The dragon roars.) I'm a donkey on the edge! The dragon belches and Farquaad's crown flies out of her mouth and falls to the ground. DONKEY Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? The congregation cheers. DONKEY Go ahead, Shrek. SHREK Uh, Fiona? FIONA Yes, Shrek? SHREK I - - I love you. FIONA Really? SHREK Really, really. FIONA (smiles) I love you too. Shrek and Fiona kiss. Thelonius takes one of the cards and writes 'Awwww' on the back and then shows it to the congregation. CONGREGATION Aawww! Suddenly the magic of the spell pulls Fiona away. She's lifted up into the air and she hovers there while the magic works around her. WHISPERS "Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form. Take love's true form. Take love's true form." Suddenly Fiona's eyes open wide. She's consumed by the spell and then is slowly lowered to the ground. SHREK (going over to her) Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right? FIONA (standing up, she's still an ogre) Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. SHREK But you ARE beautiful. They smile at each other. DONKEY (chuckles) I was hoping this would be a happy ending. Shrek and Fiona kiss...and the kiss fades into... THE SWAMP ...their wedding kiss. Shrek and Fiona are now married. 'I'm a Believer' by Smashmouth is played in the background. Shrek and Fiona break apart and run through the crowd to their awaiting carriage. Which is made of a giant onion. Fiona tosses her bouquet which both Cinderella and Snow White try to catch. But they end up getting into a cat fight and so the dragon catches the bouquet instead. The Gingerbread man has been mended somewhat and now has one leg and walks with a candy cane cane. Shrek and Fiona walk off as the rest of the guests party and Donkey takes over singing the song. GINGERBREAD MAN God bless us, every one. DONKEY (as he's done singing and we fade to black) Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. THE END

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