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cinnamochis · 6 months

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Girl's Night!

Baroness Von BonBon plans a girl's night with her best friends: Cala Maria, Sally Stageplay, and Hilda Berg. What could go wrong? Oneshot.

It was a wonderful summer evening in Sugarland, and Baroness Von BonBon was just finishing up the icing of the ruffles on her dress, humming to herself ever so sweetly.

She just couldn’t wait for her very good girlfriends to arrive, and to give them all a tour of her wonderful home!

Just as expected, in a few moments she heard the doorbell in the great hall of her candy castle, and she giggled and skipped out to host the sweetest, most delectable girl’s night ever! Oh, there would be a tour, and a big dinner, and then movies, and staying up late, and talking all night-!

“MUFFSKY! GUMBO! WHY AREN’T YOU OUT HERE GREETING MY GUESTS?!” Bonbon screeched.

Bonbon’s attendants Muffsky Chernikov the muffin and Sargent Gumbo Gumball the gumball machine scattered across the hall in a panic. “Sorry, Miss Bonbon! Sorry!”

Muffsky finally heaved the heavy door open for the Baroness, and in walked Hilda Berg and Sally Stageplay. Behind them, Cala Maria was sitting in an enormous rolling bathtub, which was her go-to travel transportation.

“Sally!” Bonbon squealed, waving her arms and pressing two quick kisses on either side of the older woman’s face.

“You’re looking splendid, darling,” the actress said, smiling, “It was so nice of you to invite us all here! I notice my dear frienid Rumor didn't get an invitation.”

"Rumor Honeybottoms and I are no longer on speaking terms," Bonbon said with a dramatic sniff. "She's insulted me and written nasty, hurtful things about the delicious processing that goes into my candy too many times!"

Bonbon then went to embrace Hilda, but the zeppelin woman took a step back and gave her a discouraging look. “No thanks.”

“I heard you have quite a feast for us,” Cala said with a glint in her eye, smiling. “I’m famished!”

“Yes, yes, of course, sweetie!” Bonbon giggled, squeezing Cala’s hand affectionately. She knew how her large friend had a rather large appetite, and enjoyed some of the same exotic cuisine she loved herself! “But first, a grand tour!”

She turned back to her attendants. “MUFFSKY! GUMBO! ROLL MS.MARIA AROUND THE GROUNDS!”

Bonbon then smiled and led her three friends around, first showing them a lovely view of the ice cream mountains just beyond the castle walls, and leading them forward and into the magical land of sugar she ruled over. Meanwhile, her servants shoved and puffed trying to push Cala’s enormous bathtub to keep up with the group.

“Why, it’s such a perfect place to live!” remarked Sally, gazing in awe at the forest of chocolate bars and rivers of soda.

Hilda Berg looked somewhat amused as she tasted a low floating cloud of swirling cotton candy. “Logically it makes no sense,” she tutted.

“When has anything ever had to make sense?” Bonbon laughed, grabbing a can of whipped cream and pouring it into her mouth. “And the best part is, the dirty little children love this place!”

Cala’s eyes brightened. “Yes, do tell us about the dirty little children.”

Bonbon’s grin widened. “Oh, I’ll tell you. They come in here, sneaking little things! Hungry for my sweet treats, greedy, eating more and more! And once they’re all nice and plump…”

She stopped mid sentence, spit dripping down her chin and breathing hard.

Hilda and Sally were looking at her with confusion.

Bonbon cleared her throat. “Well, you’ll see for yourselves,” she said cheerfully. “It’s just about time for dinner!”

Once back inside, Bonbon had her guests seated at a giant ornate table in the dining hall. Cala’s bathtub was wheeled to one end while Bonbon sat at the head of the table, Hilda and Sally being seated on opposite sides.

“Dinner should be ready in just a few,” Bonbon said excitedly, “so girls, dish! What’s going on with you all lately? What’s going on in the world? On account I can’t really leave Sugarland and all that, y’know?” She burst into maniacal giggles. "And it's been a few months since we all last hung out, ladies!"

“Same old, same old,” Cala Maria said, looking bored with the conversation and running her fingers through her tentacle hair. “Everyday, sailors come, everyday, sailors die. They stand no chance against the seabeast, Cala Maria.”

“Haven’t you ever thought about settling down and finding someone?” questioned Sally, to which Cala shuddered with disgust. Sally frowned. “Well, the hubby and me are happy. Working and acting together has been so good for our marriage!”

Hilda scoffed, and Sally turned to her. “Well, what about you?”

Hilda crossed her arms. “I’m content just stargazing and reading my fortunes.”

Bonbon began to giggle uncontrollably. “Not true! I know for a fact that you have a huge crush on Mr. Goopy Le Grande! The last time we were together you practically told me so yourself!”

Hilda’s entire face went as red as her dress.

“So have you kissed him yet?” Bonbon teased.

“This is why I don’t hang out with you,” Hilda said, covering her face with embarrassment.

“Dinner is served, Madame Bonbon,” spoke up Sir Wafflington from behind, and some of the other attendants came out from the kitchen wheeling a large trolley with steaming, covered dishes.

“I hope you all enjoy what I prepared!” Bonbon said sweetly. “It’s my specialty!”

“Finally!” Cala shouted, tearing off the lid of the dish, “I’ve been looking forward to some delicious, plump-”

She stopped right there.

Hilda and Sally uncovered their plates too and looked down to see life-sized sweet treats of what looked like children to be on their plates. Two gigantic child-shaped cookies, one with blue and pink icing, the other with nuts, with frozen looks of horror on their faces.

“You like them?” Bonbon asked. “They’re nice and fresh.”

Cala was furious. “You told me there would be juicy, plump, dirty, disgusting children to eat! Fresh meat! Alive! Not…this!” she fumed, throwing an enormous pink jellyfilled child donut to the floor. “What is this?! This isn’t food! This is…absolutely horrible! You’re a monster!”

Bonbon gasped in shock.

“Let me get this straight, these are people?” Sally asked with a quivering voice.

“They were,” Hilda answered, excusing herself from the table.

Sally fainted dramatically.

“I thought as my bestie, best friends, you’d all like how much effort I put into all this!” cried Bonbon, her big eyes filling with water. “Well fine! Girl’s night is officially off!”

“Help me,” whimpered one of the candified children weakly.

Bonbon clapped her hands and made a high, piercing whistle. “Whippet! Whippet!!”

There was a thunderous shaking, and suddenly the castle itself began to shake and groan. The candy castle was alive, and suddenly gigantic peppermint swirl arms crashed through the sugar crystal ceiling and descended down upon the group.

“That’s a good Whippy-poo,” praised Bonbon, stroking the arm of the horrible castle monster. She then pointed at her friends. “Will you show mumsy’s guests out, please?”

“Your cupcake poodle is no match for the Cala Maria!” Cala growled, her eyes turning to slits and her tentacles forming into vicious snakes. One of the giant arms launched at her and grabbed her from her bathtub, wrestling with her for a moment, before flinging her through the shattered ceiling and out of sight with a yell.

The castle made a victorious roaring sound.

“Who’s next?” squeaked Bonbon happily.

“I’m good,” said Hilda flatly, snapping her fingers. A soft white cloud appeared at her feet, and she promptly used it to float herself up and out of there, and as far from Sugarland as she could get.

“H-uhhh?” Quietly, Sally stirred, coming back to consciousness. The first thing she saw were the giant arms reaching out for her.

Sally fainted again.

“Well, I’ll say it went better than last time,” Bonbon sighed, tucking into her own plate and enjoying the delicious dinner she’d made for herself.

It would be a few weeks before she invited them over again, but one of these days they’d get girl’s night just right!

#cuphead #baroness von bon bon #cala maria #hilda berg #sally stageplay #goopy le grande #hilda x goopy #hilda berg x goopy le grande #fanfic #oneshot

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echoarts03 · 1 year

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Sugarland Shimmy: Echo Reviews

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The Loadout (Weapons)

Shot-A: Roundabout: I chose the Roundabout because it bounces all throughout the screen even if I'm facing away from the target, so I can just hold my fire button and it does pretty good. It works wonders on her subjects too! I highly suggest it for Sugarland!

Shot-B: Chaser: I chose the Chaser because in the final phase, the Baroness is relativley hard for me to hit. It may deal less damage, but it's faster then if I used any other weapon.

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Rating The Baroness' Minions by My Personal Experience

(Easiest to Hardest)

5: Lord Gob Packer

This guy is stupidly simple; just jump over him and dash, and duck under him and dash. Really easy, and he barely gets hits on me unless I'm making a lot of stupid mistakes. It's amazing how easy he is, especially since he is the only Candyland miniboss that is programmed to follow the player directly.

4: Sargent Gumbo Gumbull

Once again, relatively simple, but a bit harder than Gob Packer; I usually just hug the left of the screen since he doesn't go all the way over, and dodge the gumballs he drops from the sky overhead with few to no casualties.

3: Kernel Von Pop

Right smack in the middle, Kernel is a bit tough, but not too tough. A lot like Gob Packer, all you really need to do is use dash for the most part and you'll be pretty set. It may take a few tries to understand his paths, but once you get the hang of it, it really isn't that tough.

2: Sir Waffington III

I REALLY don't like this guy. He divides into 9ths and shoots his squares across the screen, giving you little to no room to dodge. What I do is I just avoid this fucker as much as possible while I shoot him, praying that his squares aren't too close to me.

1: Muffsky Chernikov

I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH. He shouldn't even be that hard, but for some reason he is THE WORST! This guy can easily end my run if I'm not careful. Every time he splats, I have to PRAY TO GOD that I'm far enough away from him that I won't get caught in the splat zone.

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Phase 4: The Castle Chase

When it comes to the Baroness' final phase...I hate it. I hate HER. I hate this entire fight. For some reason, I COULDN'T GET THE HANG OF IT. For SOME reason, I couldn't figure it out and pick up a proper pattern. NOT ONLY are you dodging the Baroness' heads she throws at you, but you're ALSO avoiding a GIANT FUCKING PEPPERMINT. AND ON TOP OF THAT, YOU CAN'T HIT HER BECAUSE SHE IS ON TOP OF HER CASTLE!

I don't know, I'm only like, halfway through the game and I'm sure it's gonna get worse, but the Baroness holds a spot in my hard for levels I never wanna BREATHE near again.

I spent so long on this, that I had pretty much MASTERED her subjects and their fights in the first three phases. Never. AGAIN.