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#sausage and eggy
micer2012 · 4 months
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i have not watched paul (2011) all the way through and i don't intend to. my girlfriend made a cut thats just all of their scenes together and i live in blissful ignorance that paul (2011) is an amazing movie 👇
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kiwiplaetzchen · 1 month
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Who is Joshua and why did you hurt him? Why did he touch the carrots and leave? A selfish bastard?
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Joshua got what Joshua deserved. And it got served cold and without love. Just how Joshua likes it.
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gassywill · 7 months
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Camping Fart Slave Training - Part 1
I didn't want to go camping with Joeseph due to not wanting to be in an enclosed space with him for an extended period of time.
We had been friends since school, always around at each other's houses but recently Joeseph started to enjoy teasing me by being gross, farting around or sometimes on me, burping constantly and sometimes making me wake up with his shoe tied to my face.
However, nothing could prepare me for this.
I arrived at the campsite Joeseph stood there, his blonde scruffy hair blowing in the wind and his silky tracksuit bottoms and the tent that didn't look too big.
As I approached I could see the campfire on with a disposable BBQ cooking some burgers and sausages. I went into the tent and set up my side, there wasn't much room in the tent however as I moved something fell out of Joeseph's bag, what looked like a gas mask from the war...
"Mate what the f**k is this?" holding the gas mask in the air, "Oh that's for later don't stress man food ready" Joeseph replied with a beaming smile on his face.
Confused I finished getting sorted and headed out.
It was cold outside so we just sat and quickly ate, the food was lush. Unfortunately, the quiet location wed chosen was ruined by a large rumble in Joesephs belly then a huge fart erupting out of his ass.
He laughed as I companies about the smell, even outside it was putrid. "Don't do that in the tent man we will both die" smiling Joeseph responded, "Oh don't worry I have a solution for that".
I just laughed it off, we chatted some more but then it was too cold to stay out so I headed to the toilet while Joeseph got sorted.
I entered the tent to Joeseph topless, with his tracksuit bottoms still on and no socks, he was laying on top of his sleeping bag and was stroking his dick.
I laid down in my sleeping bag and zipped it up, shortly after a smell started to fill the whole tent, a rancid eggy smell from Joeseph ass.
"F**k man that's rank, you said you weren't gonna do this," I said while choking on the putrid smell that had filled our small tent.
At that very moment Joeseph sat on my chest, looking down at me he smiled and said "Ah yes the solution" he grabbed the gas mask I had seen before holding it up and inspecting it "You see, I want a fart slave full time as my gas has been getting so bad. So I thought you'd make a good candidate"
I started to struggle in the sleeping bag "Mate what?!? Please don't I can't take this anymore" As I finished that sentence Joeseph gagged me with one of his dirty socks. Ensuring I could no longer speak.
He placed the gas mask over my face, making sure it was airtight. He placed his hand over the filter of the gas making me squirm as I couldn't breathe and released it once I reacted "Ah good, no escape".
He then attached a specially fitted hose to the gas mask testing that the same way to ensure it was airtight. He then got off me, on his knees he turned round to show me a zip on the back of his tracksuit bottoms. He unzipped it and attached the other end of the hose to a specially fitted attachment.
The foul smell of his ass shot down the hose and into the mask, filling it within seconds of his musty ass smell.
He then got out some tape and taped it around my sleeping bag meaning I couldn't get out of it, secured into it and secured to his ass. I couldn't even move my hands out of the bag because of his tape.
"Ok, fart sniffer here is what's gonna happen, when we leave this campsite your gonna be under my control forever. You'll want to do nothing but inhale my gas". He said as he stroked my dick.
I thought to myself that it won't happen, how could I love and beg for his farts when they were so disgusting and made me feel ill.
"What I am going to do is make sure that every time I fart I stroke your dick, I want you to think of the pleasure you get down there every time I fart. I am going to make you cum from my gas"
I squirmed again and once tried to reason in my head what was happening. Then it his me, the foul stench, he had farted
I began to squirm from the stench that had begun to fill the mask until the hose started to vibrate and then the sound came to PPFFFRRRTTTTRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
"Oh fuck that felt good," Joespeh said as he laughed loudly "How was that fart sniffer," he said while stoking my dick which was soft.
I was squirming around, the tent shaking. Joseph laughed as he released silent farts continuously into the mask. This was hell.
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capybaraonabicycle · 16 days
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Omg I will of course leave the final fic choice up to you, but doesn't "True hate’s kiss (only kissing your enemy can break a curse)" sound like the perfect setup to a Twissy fic 👀
Thank you, love!
~1.5 k words, so much for "let me just write 5 sentences for you real quick". But it's, of course, because you are right, this prompt was made for twissy 🥰
I have not actually read this again, so beware. But here you go :)
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[ID: gif of Missy's face in close up, smiling down like she is pitying someone mockingly. end ID]
“Can't you move a bit faster?”
If silly little companion pulled on her sleeve any more roughly, he was going to lose that new hand of his. Or maybe his nose, she wasn't really picky. The nose might taste better, Missy mused. She was quite sure it was the original one and not some cyborg-technology the Doctor had partly scavenged, partly cooked up himself. But that reasoning implied she had paid attention to the egg-head's babblings and she had a general policy never to do that.
It was lucky, comic relief had paid closer attention to her, however, because she didn't even need to voice her threat. Breathing out her nose audibly and baring her teeth sufficed easily and he squeaked, jumped, dropped her hand and hurried on a few inches further away from her.
“I am a time lady, snickerdoodle” she drawled, making a point of walking a tad more measuredly instead of hurrying up. “I always walk at the exact right speed.”
The Doctor's snack had the audacity to huff but he wisely chose not to talk back.
“It- it is just” he stuttered instead, “the Doctor, he is -”
“-dying?” she finished, already bored. “That's his usual Thursday, pup.”
“He asked for you!” the idiot-in-training blurted out and despite herself, Missy stopped and blinked.
“He did?” Now that were exciting news for a change. A bright smile grew on her face, simultaneously with the rising panic in plucky assistant's eyes.
“He said you could save him” he whispered, somehow managing to have his voice creak when he wasn't even properly using it.
“He did?” Missy repeated and by now her smile was positively giddy. Eggy started whimpering softly.
Missy didn't give him time to gather his bearings, instead grabbing his arm forcefully in turn, making him jump again. She brought her face close to his for good measure, revelling at the terror in his expression.
“Why. Didn't. You. Say. So. Immediately?” she asked, her voice stuck on the same note throughout the words, too high, too cheerful to be anything but disconcerting. “Hurry up, pet: I've got a day to save!”
He shuddered away from her and picked up the pace again, not looking back. But this time she was right there with him, excitement surging through her veins. The Doctor was in actual danger, helpless, pathetic and he had asked for her. Because he loved her. Because he needed her. And – most importantly – she would get to gloat. Once she had saved him. Which she obviously would. No matter what idiotic thing he had done, her silly sausage, she would get him up and running in no-time. She was his best friend, after all. His very best friend.
They reached the Doctor's office only a few minutes later, and Missy immediately noticed how serious the situation was. The psychic waves coming from him were all over the place – and not in the fun, chaotic way they usually were – they usually were a lot subtler as well, some things he had learnt in his thousand years of spacetravel – they were hurtful almost, full of pain and distress. She knew he was lying on the ground before she saw him, knew he was still conscious, too, even though his other little munch was convinced of the opposite. Missy paid her little mind how she was sitting on the floor with him, crying and mumbling affirmations. She only got in the way, really, with the way she was cradling the Doctor's head in her lap, she couldn't help him after all.
“I am here, oh, apple of my eye” Missy exclaimed dramatically, dropping to the floor at his side with great flourish.
“I don't, I don't think, he can hear you” girl-companion hiccuped through her tears, but Missy waved her interjection away.
“Of course he can, silly-billy” she huffed, reaching for the Doctor's hand that had come to lie on his stomach. She pressed it to her chest, holding on tightly.
“I am here” she whispered. “Tell me, Doctor, what do you need?”
Oh, she liked playing the hero. Being the one who held the Doctor's life in their hands. Being the one everyone looked at with those worshippy, wide eyes. She thought, right now, she could fathom why he had gotten addicted to it.
“We think he got cursed” supplementary fuss said behind her back. “We were on Tigella, and there was this sceptre. The Doctor touched -”
The last of the words died in his throat when Missy whirled around to him.
“Do you know what you're talking about?” she asked sweetly, but didn't give him a chance to answer. “No, you don't. So shut up before I change my mind and make a nice soup out of the three of you instead of helping. - okay?”
She fluttered her eyelids to emphasize the point and his mouth snapped shot, his jaw tightening.
“Thank you, much appreciated.” Missy turned towards the Doctor again, nearing her ear to his mouth. “Doctor, what do you need?”
“I need -” he rasped and french-fries-friendywend gasped when she heard him speak, almost making Missy miss his next words. Did these bumbling humans ever learn? “- a kiss. From – my worst enemy.”
“Awww” Missy bit her lip, drawing back. He needed his arch-enemy! And he had thought of her. “How very touching! I am so honoured, I am not even gonna bargain.”
He didn't answer or open his eyes, but there was a pleased twitch around his mouth that made her press his hand.
“I have to say though, Doctor,” she purred, leaning in again, “if you wanted for me to kiss you, there would have been easier ways to ask than going through the trouble of getting cursed.”
Now he snorted and measured by the state he was in, this tiny bit of banter was the greatest love confessions out of all the ones he had bestowed upon her today already.
“Come on, now - “ he coughed, “Missy. You would – have never – been content with – any – thing less – elaborate.”
“True” she smirked. She was hovering right above him now. “And I appreciate the effort, darling.”
His lips moved, searching hers, and she waited just another second, savouring the moment. Then human-thingy coughed pointedly and she drew it out yet another second, simply to antagonise her. But his breath was getting visibly shallower and there was a slight tremble in his hand. Plus, his lips looked chapped like burnt Earth and just as inviting. So, finally, she led their mouths together, her hand slipping across the extra's leg to support his head.
The moment their lips touched, it was like the life flooded back into him, his mouth's movement becoming more purposeful and his tongue meeting hers cordially when she slipped it past his teeth. His free hand even twitched, like he was trying to grasp her frock.
Of their own accord, Missy's eyes closed and for a moment she lost herself in the feeling of their lips meeting, the familiar taste of his tongue, the desperate way his breath fanned her chin and cheek, reminiscent of many breathless nights spent together, oh so long ago.
But then, his movement slowed, a distressed sound escaping his throat. Before Missy could decide whether to draw back – finally killing the Doctor by kissing him to death would have been an end she could have deemed worthy of their friendship – a rough hand was on her shoulder, pulling her away from him. She hissed and whirled around, biting hard into the offending limp. So, the sniveller had decided he didn't need this body part, after all, it seemed.
He cried out, pulling his hand away from her mouth with a pathetic whine. Missy spat out some blood and fake skin with a huff. It tasted as horribly as she had expected.
“What did you do that for?” he sobbed.
“Don't touch me, crybaby” she huffed, turning back around to the Doctor.
He was still lying motionless, if possible even paler now.
“Why didn't this work?” his pillow croaked, close to tears again. Missy drew her eyebrows together in agreement. Indeed. Why hadn't it? It should have worked, she had been supposed to save the day!
For some reason, the Doctor was smiling. Mind, it was barely visible, frail as he was, but Missy could read his face like a book in every incarnation and that so was his satisfied smile.
“Seems like,” he mumbled, “we aren't – strictly – enemies anymore, love.”
“Of course, we are, don't be stupid” she pressed out. Only now she noticed how desperately she was clutching his hand, it was almost like she was trying to imitate spare-parts over at the door who was licking his own injured paw.
“Don't smile” she told the Doctor off, and she was sounding more serious than she had any right to be. “You are dying and I am your enemy. You don't get to smile at that.”
She was sure, if he had had any strength left, his smile would have grown now.
“I am – sorry, Missy” he breathed instead, “but I must – ask you – to fetch – Da – Davros.”
Missy felt her mouth drop open in shock and humiliation. Davros? Fucking Davros got to save her Doctor??
This was rock bottom.
Thank you for reading, I hope it is about what you envisioned <3
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snapscube · 1 year
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Eggy muffin!! What's your favorite breakfast sandwich combo? My personal favorite is bacon egg and cheese on a pretzel bagel, from Tim Hortons!
i go crazy for a mcdonald’s egg mcmuffin paired with either a hashbrown or just one of the lil sausage burritos if i’m very hungy. been my go-to lately.
joy and i also love einstein bros and i usually get a bacon egg & cheese sandwich on an asiago bagel with the middle cut out to make it thin. so yummy ough……
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najia-cooks · 9 months
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[ID: A yellow sauce in a glass jar; the same sauce spread over a breakfast sandwich and topped with chives. End ID]
Vegan sauce hollandaise (Hollandaise sauce)
Sauce hollandaise ("Hollandic sauce" or "Dutch sauce") is a rich, creamy, tangy sauce often served on roasted vegetables or eggs. It is one of the French grandes sauces (literally "big sauces")—a set of basic sauces from which many variations (petites sauces, "little sauces") can be made. François Pierre de la Varenne's 1651 recipe, often taken to be the first, calls for asparagus to be served in a "white sauce" made with butter, an egg white, salt, nutmeg, and a drizzle of vinegar. Sauce hollandaise may also be made with a reduction of vinegar infused with cracked peppercorns, or lemon juice, providing the acid; it also often made with white pepper or cayenne pepper instead of nutmeg.
My recipe replaces the eggs-and-butter base with margarine, chickpea flour, and non-dairy milk; nutritional yeast, kala namak, onion powder, and mustard provide additional savor and eggy flavor. Try this sauce on my TVP sausage breakfast sandwich!
Recipe under the cut.
Patreon | Tip jar
Yields about 1/4 cup.
Ingredients:
1 1/2 Tbsp vegan margarine
1/2 Tbsp chickpea flour (besan), or substitute all-purpose flour
1/3 cup oat or other non-dairy milk
1/2 tsp white peppercorns, toasted and ground, or a pinch ground cayenne pepper
1 tsp nutritional yeast
Scant 1/4 tsp kala namak (black salt), or to taste
1/4 tsp yellow mustard seeds, ground
1/4 tsp fenugreek seeds, toasted and ground (optional)
1/4 tsp onion powder
1/4 tsp turmeric powder
1/2 tsp Dijon mustard
Squeeze of lemon juice or white vinegar, to taste
1 Tbsp vegan mayonnaise (optional)
For a quicker version, use vegan mayonnaise as a base; increase the amount of mayonnaise to 1/4 cup and mix all ingredients together, omitting the margarine, flour, and non-dairy milk.
Instructions:
1. Melt margarine in a small saucepan and medium heat. Sift in flour and whisk to combine. Cook for a couple minutes to toast flour.
2. Add milk slowly and whisk to combine.
3. Add nutritional yeast and spices and cook on medium low, mixing with a rubber spatula, until thickened, about 5 minutes. Stir in lemon juice, mustard, and mayonnaise. Taste and adjust salt and lemon.
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iceagere · 6 months
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Sausage + Eggy 💫💙👽
Haven't been feeling the best lately so oddly specific content regarding a comfort movie/spin? Yeah.
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gatzilksis-2 · 2 years
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Suddenly Small Pt. 1
Set-Up
18+
The twins appeared in the doorway, Duncan's small body shirtless and toned while his heavier brother was in pajamas. Both of them gaped in disbelief at Calvin's current size. Dustin swallowed, sausage fingers pulling down his shirt to ensure coverage of his belly. "The cake was meant for Seth."
Calvin got out of bed, standing next to it. His head was right beside the mattress. "What do you mean? You knew--"
Seth screamed from his bedroom, a manly yell rather than Calvin's high-pitched effort.
Duncan turned to leave Calvin's room, but instead, Seth stomped in to join them. He had been shrunken as well, though only enough to match the twins' shared height. Seth was in only boxers, torso almost hairless when compared to the thickness on Duncan's chest and abs. He held up the boxers so they wouldn't fall and expose his tinied junk. "What the hell happened to--?"
He saw two-foot Calvin and grinned. "Oh! I guess you got the worst of it, bud."
"I just wanted to get Seth back for all the face farts." Dustin shoved Seth into the doorway, playfully but hard. "You weren't supposed to eat the brownies, Cal!"
"But he did." Seth pushed Dustin back and stepped towards Calvin. He turned around, and Cal's face was right behind Seth's formerly huge ass. BRBLRRRRRRR!
Cal was blasted right in the nose. He tried to push Seth away, accidentally taking a full breath of his roommate's fart. The newly small Calvin choked on the noxious smell. He wasn't strong enough to budge Seth, even at his new five-foot height.
Calvin backed up from the ass, but Seth grabbed his head. His face was slammed into the ass again. FWRP! FLRRRP! VWRRRRRrrrrrRRRT!
Calvin fought against Seth. Finally, Dustin punched their other shrunken friend in the arm. Seth let Calvin go and chuckled back to the doorway.
The two-foot fart victim tried to catch his breath, but it was all putrid gas around him. Cal coughed and covered his mouth. "Dustin, is there an antidote?"
Duncan glared at his fatter brother. "Not... really. It wears off after a few days. Dustin, I can't believe you would--"
BWAAAAMP! Dustin pushed Seth into the doorway with only his bubble butt. The eggy smell immediately met Calvin, horribly mixing with Seth's prior farts.
"Hey!" Seth stood straight and grabbed Dustin's shoulders.
Dustin didn't budge, either. He was amused, and his more slender twin laughed with him. "Aww! Seth is too little to be the big bully now!"
"Guys! Focus on Cal!" Seth pointed to the even smaller roommate. "He's the easiest target here, even more than before."
"No!" Calvin ran, squeezing perfectly between the legs of Dustin and Duncan.
"See what you did?" Duncan smacked Dustin on the back of his head. The smaller, shirtless twin turned to find Calvin frozen at the top of the steps.
Cal was breathing heavily, staring down the steps with a gulp. Stairs were scary at two feet tall. He was afraid of falling down them and hurting himself.
Dustin picked him up without a problem, Cal's face brushing his black chest hair. Seth passed them, aiming his butt at Calvin. FLRRRP! Seth continued down the stairs with a laugh, leaving behind a trail of spoiled fart stink.
Calvin was already the target of so many farts at regular size. It wasn't fair that he'd been shrunken over Seth. This had to be a nightmare. He couldn't actually have been turned into a crazy small man.
Duncan carried him downstairs. "Dust, go to Mom's and see if she has any grow potion."
"Grow potion? How?"
Duncan set Cal's feet on the foyer floor. Dustin came down right behind them. "We're not supposed to tell, and we're not supposed to give people both potions so close together."
GRBLBRRRR! Duncan squatted to fart right beside Cal's face. The twin gasped and tried to fan it away. "Sorry, Cal. We can't just...not fart."
Cal held his breath. At least Duncan's farts were the least smelly of the three. "There must be something else we can do!"
Duncan and Dustin exchanged a concerned, knowing glance. Cal looked between them. His neck hurt from craning it. "What? What is it?"
"It's not a fun solution, but it's the reason I tried to use that specific shrink potion for Seth." Dustin's Adam's apple bobbed behind his dark stubble. Not a good sign. "If you inhale enough gas, you'll return to normal size."
@gatzilksis-2 to buy my stories or order one of your own!
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iinsawdious · 2 months
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sausage and eggy supremecy
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thetastytable · 8 months
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I made this tonight and it was very good! I do have notes, though, for future me and anyone else who'd like to try it:
The recipe says it takes an hour, it took me about 1.5 hours. Which is pretty good, honestly, I was hustling. Plus I ~embellished~ the sauce and was working with tiny slices of eggplant.
(I used eggplant from the farmer's market, which was small and globe shaped, so I used all 8 or so of those. [I also bought mozzarella that came in 4 medium-sized balls. All of this slicing slowed me down considerably!])
Normally I make my family's spaghetti sauce recipe if I'm making something like this or lasagna, but it adds a lot of time. Here, I just sautéed some diced onions and bell pepper and mixed it in with my fave sauce (Classico fire roasted tomato and garlic 😜). It was fine!
I think the whole dish could be moister. Next time I'd add a 1/4-1/2 c. of water to the sauce so it doesn't dry out in the oven.
I had quite a bit of breading left over after breading the eggplants, so I just used it to top the whole dish before baking it. This also saved me from needing the other 1/4 c. of parm.
I used 2% milk (what we had on hand) instead of almond milk for the wet eggy stuff and it was just fine. I don't know why they call for almond milk.
I did not have fresh basil for topping, which was a shame! I had already maxed out my totally arbitrary quota of fresh herbs I allow myself to buy at the store. But fresh herbs are the star of the dish!
(The fresh thyme was certainly worthwhile.)
I baked the eggplant for 20 mins and really should have cooked it longer (n.b., I think my oven runs cool).
I served it with veggie Italian sausage but it's hardy enough that the sausage was totally unnecessary. A light salad and garlic bread would be 😘👌 That's all!
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trauma-loop · 5 months
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i mean im pretty busy n stuff on most days because adulting sucks but if u can understand that i mean i'm curious to learn!!! but also i just saw on your blog that you're venezuelan! i have family from there!! (i saw a post about arepas and i loveeeed eating arepitas con queso when i was young esp. or with lil sausages you know!!)
wuahuwhauwha id be glad to tell you all about him 💌 though you'd regret it very soon because I'm so annoying about him ☆૮꒰ˊᗜˋ* ꒱ა
WAHH OMG someone who knows abt venezuela im so. woag!! i love arepas con queso!!!!!!! so yummy esp with fried eggy... ah,,,!!!1! i started to get hungry just thinking abt it ૮꒰๑´ ᵕˋ๑꒱ა
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littlekibbykat · 1 year
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Little breakfast for dinner! Scrambled eggies with French toast and veggie sausages. 😋
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lonelyvomit · 1 year
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tagged by @kraeuterhexchen to post random photos from my camera roll 👀✨ ty love 🖤🥰
I clean my camera roll rather regularly so there isn't much but
1. the photo I sent my brother when he asked what to use to get fake blood stains on his Halloween costume. count on the creepy sibling to have fake blood at hand ✨🩸
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2. photos I took to show Eggy my moomin books. I cant remember if I ever posted them publicly? the 8 similar ones are a collection that came in that cute box
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3. terrain sausage summer butt & the perfect place to nap
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oneshotcafe · 1 year
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Apparently I forgot to post these last week, so now they will be:
This week’s lunch specials:
Tower Stacked Burger
A massive burger stacked tall with 4 1/2 pound patties, lettuce, tomato, onions, and pickles. Ear it all in one sitting with no help, and you get it free!
Eggy breakfast
Egg and cheese on a blueberry bagel, served with either seasoned hash browns, or sausage
My Cooking
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE TO BURN WATER?
You know, i have no idea why Ling let me into the kitchen in the first place, but pasta is apparently above my pay grade.
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suckmyskinnyballsmia · 6 months
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Guys! Hehe (breakfast under cut)
I am having breakfast for the first time in forever (yes ik its 11:20) and I’m drinking orange juice 😝💖
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And my mom made me sausage and eggy’s
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megatraven · 7 months
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the pros and cons of my burger king experience today:
pros: got french toast sticks which i havent had in ages!! :)
cons: somehow they heard me say "no egg" instead of "no cheese" so now i have just a sausage patty on bread :( sadge. wish i had eggy to put on it
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