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reversecreek · 3 years

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clicks onto the dash wearing kitten heels n coyly holding my bang....... hi. me again. it took me so long to select a gif to use on cricket’s intro n i settled on this one bc he looks so unsure abt his smile n it’s rly his essence <3 u can find his pinterest board here n his (work in progress) spotify playlist here. hmu to plot!!!

* alex wolff, cis male + he/him | you know cricket donahue, right? they’re twenty-two, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, all of their life, on and off? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to should have known better by sufjan stevens like, a million times this year, which slipping on wet leaves to photograph a tree struck alight by lightning, delivering a tedtalk to your own reflection to hype yourself up to buy groceries, hiding your hands inside of your sleeves in case you grew an impromptu megan fox thumb overnight thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 1st, so they’re a libra, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt, she/her )

HISTORY:

cricket ws born to a couple tht lived in lilac ridge. their trailer was tucked closest to the woods n always fell under the shade. it was like the leaves wanted to pretend they were a perpetual hanging cloud on the family n that was kind of fitting. their only reason fr having him in the first place was a kind of shrugged like........... we’re under the income bracket we’d get child benefits so why not! may as well try it to rake in some extra cash! needless to say they didn’t rly think it thru or anticipate all of the responsibilities tht came w children n wound up seeing him as an extremely large burden n boy didn’t he know it!

(child neglect & abuse tw) i’ll try to keep this part vague n brief but things were Not Good for cricket growing up. people in lilac ridge didn’t like his parents n it was for a gd reason. he remembers foggy things. being little n wandering around combing the grass with a stick to search for wrappers to suck on bc he was hungry. feeling uneasy when the front door opened. finding out his name was cricket bc the insects used to crawl into their trailer thru the vents n his parents liked to squish them into the carpet -- his mum told him as much once. i think this says a lot. to excessively trim the fat of the story he wound up entering the system at around 8 after his latest and most serious hospital visit. his parents hd to deal w the authorities n last he heard they bounced to evade charges.

(anxiety & violence & trauma tw) cricket sustained a few lifelong injuries from his time in lilac ridge. his knee didn’t heal right which meant he had (n still has to this day) a limp n he’s partially deaf in one ear. he’s always been an incredibly insecure n anxious person so this mde him rly self conscious going into a strange n new environment tht wld b difficult fr any kid to adjust to, nvm w these added worries. he jst felt like something weird to ogle at honestly. he probably wld have felt like that no matter where he was or what he looked like. he cld be in a huge hall of 200 people all wearing the same uniform n he’d still feel like the odd one out. needless to say this didn’t rly help him make friends

cricket’s coping mechanisms were romanticising the things tht other people found ugly or embarrassing or painfully ordinary. he liked it when the rain hit clunky drops against school windows n forbid everyone from playing outside bc he could feel the vibrations through the rubber soles of his shoes n it was a little bit like hearing all of the world at once fr just a moment. he liked medieval fantasy lore about stout gnomes w crumbs in their beards n cheeks red from ale. he liked fallen nests with the remnants of hatched eggs still dirty from the branches n soil they’d hit on the way down. he liked the way the sunlight leaked thru the leaves of the trees in the woods and how, when he sat very still, he could tune into the ringing that was always in his ear n pretend it was coming from the same place, that light thru the leaves, that the angels were trying to talk to him.

he spent a lot of time in the red room at his high skl (i’m begging u this is not a 50 shades reference) (after googling i jst realised it’s called a darkroom bt i’m leaving this fr the sake of sexy bimbo authenticity) n felt quite at home in there. he borrowed a camera whenever he cld (maybe he did yearbook) n photography became his way of immortalising the world as the romanticised version he wanted it to be. his memories were bad bt his photos were beautiful. maybe if he took enough they’d paste over n bleed into each other. maybe bad cld be replaced w beautiful if he tried his very best.

he got placed into fostering w a family once bt apparently didn’t meet the vibe check of their tastes so he wound up returning to the group home he’d initially been placed in. overall this is where he grew up n he aged out the system rather than getting adopted. there was a sense of floundering/isolation/not feeling gd enough in tht bt cricket made do the best he knew how.

that said there were some gd points! (shocking i kno bc his life hs been so fking bleak so far bt please it’s ok........) (is it?) (🤔). basically he interned as an assistant at this local photography studio during high skl working under this kind of whimsical yet endearing old man. suspected wizard possibly in cricket’s eyes, as an avid fantasy genre reader. for one of his bdays said old man / his boss bought him his very own film camera n cricket cried bc he’d never been bought a bday gift. this ws rly embarrassing bc this old man didn’t know how to emote n neither did cricket so he ws jst sort of sat wiping his eyes n sniffling saying he wasn’t crying as the old man pretended to suddenly clean his lenses. when cricket graduated he offered him a full time position there. they do like. wedding photographs n family portraits n all kinds of things...... pay isn’t huge bt it’s something n he Loves taking photos so it’s sexy <3

PERSONALITY:

SUCH an anxious person it’s actually unreal. overthinks absolutely everything he’s ever said. one morning he might hv put green socks on n for the rest of the day he’s nervously looking around like omggggggg they’re all looking at my socks probably thinking im a little green sock boy thinking i’m a fool n a jester this is all everyone’s probably thinking about i hv to hide my green socks..... even tho literally no-one cares

once saw a girl eating a chicken wing n in his head was like ok she likes chicken good future gift idea..... n turned up at her house with an entire rotisserie chicken

probably thinks WAY too hard abt what to write in bday cards n googles like generic ideas that he can use.... u open a card from cricket n it always says smthn weird like “Warmest wishes and love on your birthday and always!” or “You deserve everything happy. Wishing you that all year long!” tht he got off google

nervously fiddles w things a lot. literally anything. his hair. the cuffs of his sleeves. a thread on his bag. u name it

struggles w eye contact sometimes............ it’s like. he wants to talk to ppl n make friends bt he’s honestly so bad at it. he’s fumbling thru life like a nervous headless chicken

ALWAYS has his camera on him. like always. will tke a photo of u bc he thinks u look nice then be like im so sorry im so sorry...... bowing his head shakily holding his camera bc he doesn’t even kno what possessed him he jst thought it’d be a nice photograph bt boundaries exist. probably breathes very heavily over this later in his room panicking thinking he nw seems like hannibal lecter

probably more confident online bc he has time to think abt what he says more.......... i can see him hving a group of online friends tht he’s more confident w. honestly he’s pretty witty at heart he jst has a hard time verbalising things so ppl overlook him sometimes bt once u get to know him more / he’s more comfy he can b a funny little man.....

loves photographs where he cuts something out of them. loves missing spaces n voids. thinks it’s a rly interesting concept when something that isn’t there becomes the focus of a photograph where everything else is. probably loses his mind fr a collage like a front row 1d stan. likes experimenting w light n perception. pretty artistic honestly hs probably made a stop motion film in the past bc that’s just an extended form of photography in his mind bt i doubt he showed anyone

ummm...... very sweet bt like. he reminds me a lot of this quote. “he had the awkward tenderness of someone who has never been loved and is forced to improvise.” feel like tht sums him up quite nicely

WANTED CONNECTIONS

someone he met at a wedding: cricket probably ws forced to photograph a wedding fr his boss one time n it cld b interesting as a place to meet from that....... like. i can imagine either it being rly awkward maybe he accidentally spilled a drink on ur muse n was stuttering rly apologetic n it ws just a train wreck. or mayb they took pity on him or even (in a shocking turn of events) a shine to him n invited him to drink n dance. omgggg the thought of cricket trying to dance makes me wna die n probably mkes cricket wna hyperventilate bt idk maybe he went wild n let loose. mayb they wound up damaging the camera somehow. mayb they had to scramble to get another one n ur muse covered the cost n it was a strange late night excursion tht cricket thought about a lot since. cricket probably vowed to pay them bk somehow no matter what. idk. we can work things out. lots of diff options here. doesn’t have to b a wedding either can b any event tht required a photographer

ppl he went to school w: pretty self explanatory i suppose...... maybe they were frm completely different worlds..... mayb ur muse was popular n cricket was definitely not but they got paired fr an assignment n had to work on a project together....... mayb cricket asked ur muse on a date one time n it was completely embarrassing bc he didn’t realise they had a bf n it haunts cricket at night still bc he’s rly dramatic.... mayb ur muse felt sry fr him n ate lunch w him n inducted him into their group like a lost puppy finding a home.... world’s our oyster

neighbours from his brief time at lilac ridge: not to reference taylor swift but i’m gna reference taylor swift n say we cld do a seven inspired plot here. sighs a little..... then sighs a lot. he was here ages 0-8 so idk. we cld work out childhood plots perhaps....

sickening simp: i mean.............. cricket probably gets crushes on ppl so easily like just. anyone who’s the slightest bit nice to him.................. he’s a disgrace. ok i take it back. bt also please get it together freak............... i didn’t say that. he’d probably b extra nice to this person n try n pay close attention to things they liked so he cld get them little gifts. just a bit embarrassing n lovestruck bless his heart. wldn’t expect anything back tho honestly that just isn’t something he tends to do.

let’s go gays: cricket’s bi but he probably was rly in his head abt liking boys n tried to sort of squash it internally during his younger yrs...... i think he’s more comfy w it now MAYBE idk bt back then i picture him having a friend tht ws kind of like. similarly loserish as him perhaps (no offence to ur muse potentially filling this plot or cricket bt let’s face the facts) n they’d hang out n play games a lot n one time it jst kind of happened n he was like............. *struts in looking around sharply* What going on here? except not. bc it’s cricket. more like *shambles in looking around anxiously* What’s, uh... What’s... the happenings? S--... I’m sorry. (immediate apology for saying what’s the happenings bc nobody talks like that n it was an impulsive panic bc he didn’t know what else to say)

those who grew up in the system w him: maybe at the group home or i’d also like the family that fostered him n said sayonara. honestly i imagine the parents just thought he ws a bit too much of a handful / had too much baggage which is rly quite merciless n terrible but. if u think that aligns w ur muses home situation hmu......

um. can’t think of more bt just anything honestly. jst go wild.......

#irvingintro #abuse tw #neglect tw #trauma tw #anxiety tw #violence tw #DOES A LITTLE JIG #admittedly i didnt include a formative moments section like my other intros bc idk what kind of superpowers i was inhaling the fumes of #for those intros but #i'm a mere mortal now.

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moonguilt · 5 years

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please give me more kl headcanons.😔

OKAY people this got WAY out of hand and i wrote 7 pages of an entire au plotline so uh. sorry everybody but it’s gonna be split into at least a couple different postswe’ll call this CHAPTER 1: (chapter 2 can be found HERE)I roleplay on MMORPGs so you’re gonna have to deal with my self indulgent online roleplaying AU. There will be klance but I have to SET THE STAGE first so bear with me. basically this is just multiplayer online video game roleplaying garbage. on that note, enjoy.

hunk and pidge were the first ones to discover the video game “Voltron.” they dicked around on it just to test out the game controls and perhaps get coding ideas for a game they are trying to create, but they ended up kinda enjoying it. the gameplay has its issues but is overall pretty fluid.

hunk plays a rogue. he has to turn the game volume down sometimes because of the gross gorey noises the game makes when he stabs people. he probably would have rerolled as a different class just to escape the gruesome sound effects, but he really likes being able to enter stealth. he says it makes him feel “safe”

pidge plays a mage. hunk is under the impression that it’s because she wants to play a class with high intelligence points, and pidge doesn’t correct him. but really she just likes the idea of turning her enemies into frogs

shiro is hanging out with matt one day and ends up watching pidge play. he wants to be Hip and Cool so he decides to create a trial account and see if he likes it. turns out, he’s TERRIBLE at the actual gameplay (his computer reflexes are Bad and he keeps dying to basic mechanics on literally every boss fight. matt downloads the game and creates a priest out of pity just to help keep shiro alive while he levels)

“this is demeaning for everyone involved”

“you’re the one who has died seven times now to haxus. literally all you have to do is not stand in the fire. you’re a FULLY ARMORED PALADIN TANK how are you dying so quic—wait a minute. shiro. shiro why are you still wearing your level 1 starting gear.”

however, he finds out that the server they’re playing on has a roleplaying community! he figures he doesnt need swift reflexes to roleplay, so he starts dipping his toe into RP and discovers he really likes it. he enjoys writing stories about his heroic character, and enjoys combining those stories with the stories of other people he meets in the game. it’s like collaborative fantasy fiction writing, and it quickly becomes a passion of his

pidge and matt tease him endlessly for it. hunk is an angel and is very supportive of shiro’s new hobby. he is the only one who will listen to shiro gush about his character. unfortunately when shiro designed the character, he did not have a good grasp on roleplay, so the character is goofy looking and has an overly dramatic backstory involving dragons and a lost royal bloodline. hunk kindly chooses not to comment on it, and instead helps him develop new ideas and plots for his character’s adventures

eventually shiro manages to convince hunk to give RP a try. hunk is very careful and does a lot of research on the Voltron universe lore. he reads all the fanmade wiki pages, roleplaying guides on the game forums, etc., until he feels confident he can create a good character. he does (and eventually goes on to be a popular community figure who hosts huge server events and is friends with literally everyone, but that is several months down the line), and he and shiro begin their roleplaying adventures together

hunk gets Really Into It. fast. like faster than shiro. and he takes it SERIOUSLY; he is a total lore nerd & WILL tell you (in a very gentle, caring tone) if your character’s story/actions do not comply with the game’s established lore

“your character’s outfit is so cool! btw tho, I noticed you mentioned your character was born in the castle of lions—just wanted to let you know, it was actually only rediscovered and unlocked about 10 years ago in the game’s timeline, so it wouldn’t really make work for your character to be born there, since they’re 27 D: but if you want I can help you come up with a different birthplace :)”

keith, lance, and allura had thus far managed to resist the voltron bug. they just aren’t into mmorpg stuff, they insist. single-player games, sure, but open-world multi-player? sounds weird

lance falls first. Hunk hits him with the puppy dog eyes and its all over for him

he creates the most ridiculously beautiful character he can

“i dont care about whether my guy is a freaking dps or not, hunk, i need him to have an ass like a kardashian. WHERE IS THE BUTT SLIDER HUNK. i have a NICE ASS and i want it IMMORTALIZED IN PIXEL FORM”

he does, in fact, end up picking dps. hunk shows him the archer class and he lights up like a christmas tree

“i know you always wanted to bone legolas, so”

“i wanted to BE legolas, not BONE him, HUNK”

“sure lance”

allura falls next. her and lance’s weekly “self-care spa sessions” turn into lance rambling about all the wacky stuff he and hunk and shiro got up to that week, and she eventually cracks under the pressure because she Hates when there’s a new fad and she doesn’t understand it

“and then this guy came up to us and started roleplaying with us in ALL LOWER CASE and shiro and i wanted to d i e but hunk was all ‘nooo he’s just a newbie in need of some pointers’ and then spent the next TWENTY FREAKING MINUTES giving this guy tips and tricks about grammar and punctuation–”

within 2 days she has gotten almost halfway through leveling her new druid healer because she is Determined damn it

coran, allura’s uncle, also begins playing shortly thereafter. allura never says why exactly, but it does seem to be a direct result of her influence somehow. he plays a gunslinger class because he’s “always wanted to be a ‘rooting & tooting cowboy,’ as you call it!”

for whatever reason, he is Very Good at the game, like freakishly skilled. everyone is kind of afraid to question it so they just accept it and move on

he and pidge are really the only ones who are focusing on the actual game content anymore, so they start doing high-level raids together and then begin to gain something of a reputation as a terrifying duo in player-versus-player combat.

keith is resilient. he is a notoriously stubborn boy and no amount of puppy dog eyes from hunk or persuasive lectures from shiro will convince him to step outside his comfort zone

but lance, well. lance knows exactly how to get keith to do what he wants

“i bet you just know my character’s way cooler than yours would be”

“?? no. i literally dont care about your character or anybody else's”

“huh. guess i will just always be better at video games than you”

“are you seriously still trying to hold your killbot phantasm score over my head. you got lucky”

“i am the peerless king of video games–”

“are you listening to yourself. do you actually hear the words coming from your mouth.”

“–undefeated because you are too much of a coward–”

“fuck OFF send me the fucking download link you loudmouth”

keith takes. forever. to design his character.

lance is leaning over the back of keith’s chair, giving outrageous suggestions (and blatant lies) that keith pointedly ignores

“keith. keith if you give him neon orange hair it boosts your speed, did you know that?”

“choosing big ears gives you greater perception stats keith”

“keith listen to me, you gain the ability to breathe underwater if you choose a broken nose—OW, what the hell–”

keith takes SO LONG that eventually lance has to leave for dance lessons and when he gets back keith is only JUST finishing up

turns out he took so long because he wanted to use every resource available in the game to make the character look like a carbon copy of himself. the end result would have been impressive if it wasn’t so eerily accurate

“you’re seriously naming him keith kogane.”

“it’s my name!”

“keith it’s a ROLEPLAYING game. you’re supposed to play a ROLE”

“and my role is keith kogane.”

“that doesnt even fit the naming conventions for the humans in this game! hunk would be having a FIT right now if he was here”

“good thing he’s not”

keith selects the warrior class because, as lance repeatedly and petulantly insists, he is a “boring basic bitch fuckboy”

“im the fuckboy?? thats rich coming from a guy who plays an archer because he has a big fat crush on orlando bloom in a blond wig”

“HUNK is spreading LIES okay I do NOT have a cru–”

“i dont know what you see in him. he’s literally just a white lotor”

“you TAKE THAT BACK”

to be continued :)

#gfkjhdgfDGF im a mess i spent my ENTIRE day and night on this why am i like this kill me #i havent written anything for vld in a long time and it HIT me and i just got carried away :( perhaps i miss them #klance #video game au #headcanon #vld #moonguilt content

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tfw-no-tennis · 4 years

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One Piece Readthru

heyo ive decided its time for me to catch up on the one piece manga finally!! i last read it uhhh sometime late 2018?? MAYBE early 2019....anyways ill be liveblogging it, basically for myself but if anyone is interested then enjoy lol

so w.out further ado hers 927-931 hya

uh ok i left off kinda in the middle of the wano arc, so im scanning thru some stuff to see what i remember.....i dont really remember what the deal is with that ginger (?) pompadour guy lmao. theres a lot of new characters and intricate politics in this arc from what i remember.

i havent really gotten spoiled for anything....i know that something bad happens to kid & killer, somethins up w/sabo (but we dont know what), luffy fights kaido (more than once i think?) uhhhhh we get roger flashbacks and hear the yonkous bounties....thats abt all i really know. so im hype to find out what else has gone on....

im gonna start around 927, i defs read this but i want a refresher

wow its amazing how sanji can oscillate so fast from being unbearable and annoying to like one of my favs

i loveeee the panels where those dudes start trashing sanjis soba stand and usopps like lol lets back up yall we KNOW sanjis boutta kick some righteous ass....YESSS

franky supplexing a guy....ily franky

toko!!! i forgot abt her!!! cute kid, whats her deal? iirc she works at the uhhh wherever komurasaki works and she almost gets murderized later

sanji and little kids is so cute ;_; more of that and less stuff of him being gross w/women

ok exposition....i do remember a lot of this

928, i feel like i remember this stuff so ill kinda blow thru it

oh yeah i remember luffy n the prison shennanigans....good times

and kidds here too, talkin abt how he lost his arm trying to fight shanks...lol dude

dude is really like oh i couldnt take down shanks, so ill aim for a different yonkou, im sure this will go much better a second time (and down an arm)

omfg i forgot abt this dude who apparently sold his FAMILY to get money for komurasaki....

i think we’re supposed to feel bad for this dude and think komurasaki is cruel or w/e but man honestly i just respect the hustle. girl knows whats up

HVBJSDKFBDS I FORGOT THE HILARIOUS LINE WHERE SHES LIKE ‘I HATE POOR PEOPLE <3′ IM....its literally like a weird twitter shitpost lmaooo

they cut immediately from komurasaki to tama asking momo if he has a sister....LMAO SUBTLE......

i dont even remember if that twist was spoiled for me, but either way it was my like immediate thought upon komurasakis intro lmao

ok 929!

omg kanjuro selling some-drawn fish lol

OUGHHH CARROT AND THE OTHER MINKS....i miss carrot sm i hope she shows up more :( i really wish she would join the crew....

lmao that guy calling zoro a pretty boy and saying girls are probably all over him....zoros like uh ew no im gay

OOOH PLOT SHITTTTT....caesar and doflamingo name drops...

VEGAPUNK HM [eyes emojiey]

orochis defs gonna get fucked up at some point. his design reminds me of wapol and other like corrupt king archetypes

oguhfdbsjkgjdfbh laws head basket i forgot abt that. also i love when people call him traffy thats weirdly cute

oh right the other supernovas who became kaidous bitches are here to fight...i recall that fight somewhat

920 time!

oh yeah the weird place where all the poor starving people laugh constantly...inch resting

OHH YEAH BIG MOM!!! man i definitely read a lot further than this lmao. w/e i was SO fucking hype when she showed up, imo the whole amnesia thing is pretty lame. we’ll see where it goes tho

the art here is just so good oh man. the panel of big moms ship charging up the waterfall while she laughs? fantastic

EPIC arrival. i hope big mom gets to do cool stuff even despite the impending amnesia

i ALSO hope her kids get to do cool shit too. im still holding out for a zoro vs amande battle (if shes even there? i dont see her, but thatd be such a waste)...and smoothie vs robin....

and she wants zeus back....NAMI FIGHT??? PLEASE???

oh its bdsm dinosaur guy....hmm never thought id type that

LMAOOOO law is like Dont You Dare Fucking Snitch On Us and usopp is like uh luffy pls come pick me up this guy is too hardcore

FINAL BATTLE thats so dramatic law please

sanji saying he’ll protect usopp omfg

oooh theyre destorying all the soba shops....here comes sanji to bring the PAIN

OMFG THE RAID SUIT i forgot he busts that out....hilariously quickly all things considered

931! ok but first my obligatory thots on how sad i am abt how the women of op look nowadays lmao revisiting old one piece just makes it all the more obvious how ridiculous its gotten....like nami and robin dont even look human, its insane, and the sameface has gotten so bad...idk i miss when op women used to look normal and could just exist without being Sexy Women bc that was a thing at the beginning and i really loved that...now its just like wow all titty no waist legs are 100x longer than normal....not to mention the writing for women in op has gone way downhill...ugh. ANYWAYS onward

ofc as soon as i say that theres a rlly cute and p normal looking cover w/nami...i love her sm shes my fav character thats part of the reason this bothers me so much lol

i miss her short hair tho...the long hair is pretty and i like her different hairstyles but i defs prefer the short spunky look. i wish she wouldve gotten a cool bellmere-esque haircut after the timeskip at least

ok im p sure i didnt read this...? i dont remember hgbvhjaksdfk

GERMA THEME SONG HBVJSDUIFJBSF are you telling me that the raid suit activation process involves a THEME SONG....please i need to hear this. thats so fuckign funny

‘GERMAAAAAAAAAAA’ [sanji doing an unironic magical girl transformation] IT CANT BE OVERSTATED HOW HILARIOUS AND AMAZING THIS IS LMAOOOOOO

i think we saw this w/his siblings during whole cake but i forget lmao

of course franky and usopp are like OOOH FUCK YEAH

HHBDSJKFJSB the implications of law knowing Exactly who that is....like i really need to see an omake of a campy power rangers/sentai/whatever-esque show/comic with all these germa personas omfgggggggg

and law having read the comics is SO funny

also. sanjis hair is SO unfortunate lmaooo

O SOBA MASK HBVHSJDKUFJBDSK

germa was the bad guy group in the comics....good lmao

law was defs a fan he knows ALL the lore LMAOOO

A BABY SANJI....and then sanji being weird. skip!

ironic hows theyre like oh shit gotta challenge this dude so he doesnt destroy the town and their fight is gonna level the place anyways lmao

oh i did read this i think cause i remember all those ninja busting robin for sneaking around

which ok theyre ninja but robin could grow eyes for surveillance so it doesnt make much sense that shed be caught so easily...alas

THAT GUYS HEAD HBVHJFKD LMAO

oh yeah then big mom washes up w/amnesia lmao. i hope that plotline doesnt suck, i dont have too much hope...normally i really like amnesia plotlines and honestly i think itd be cool to explore w/like one of the strawhats but in this case it just seems kinda like a lazy way to take big mom out of the game :/ my prediction is she’ll get her memory back at a certain time thats convenient to the plot, just in time for like an all out war w/kaidou and the straw hats and the yakuza maybe? we shall see (possibly)

ok its past 6 am so its bedtime. more later!

#LJ reads one piece #thats my tag now!#one piece #my posts #liveblog

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pinksweatergettingbetter · 6 years

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warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

alright. part two, here we go

“she’s safe”

“I’m afraid you’ve lost me”

the words ‘maya’ and ‘safe’ do not go together in phoenix’s dictionary

...Phoenix’s phone has caller ID??

ooh a phone vocal-blip. cute

ok fuck you how is the Benefactor keeping tabs on them?? Did Atishon use his One Phone Call to report to headquarters or something???

“I admit, I didn’t see that coming”

well spoilers guys I know who the benefactor is, and they have to be pretty fucking stupid not to know that a spirit medium is needed for this.

“its your friendly neighbourhood dragon”

no dhurke, youre not cool enough to be spiderman.

“you cant lay a hand on maya fey, and i mean literally”

>foreboding

[sighs deeply]

guys. just. fucking call edgeworth. he’s chief prosecutor of america and his sister is part of INTERPOL. call edgeworth and just. fix the fucking problem. right now.

“No time to explain”

ggghhghghhghghgh

...oh. there’s edgeworth

...............now watch him be completely fucking useless

.......ARE YOU KIDDING ME

PHOENIX /DID/ CALL EDGEWORTH THE MOMENT MAYA WAS KIDNAPPED AND HE STILL WENT THROUGH HIS FUCKING “DUHHH BETTER DEFEND THIS OBVIOUS CRIMINAL” SHIT??

oh edgeworth. you and your chartered planes.

whenever he does that i like to imagine he hired MJN air.

Edgeworth...

A) Why are you letting Dhurke be involved? Just cut him out, send Franziska and Lang in with a team of guys and kick the shit out of the enemy

B) You don’t need to conceal someone on a charter jet. You chartered it. You can do whatever the fuck you want with it. Besides, Dhurke got into the country p easily, he can get out the same way.

C) Dhurke is a criminal. Depending on what he’s done as a rebel, he could be as guilty in your country as his home country. Why are you acting like he’s innocent? Aren't you kind of by-the-book?

oh yeah and despite the fact that they’ve updated Phoenix’s sprite, Miles still looks like a frozen plank of wood. Thanks :\

Apollo: Sorry Trucy, guess you have to hold all the unnecessary evidence and hold down the fort and be LEFT BEHIND FOR A CHANGE AAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

oh. this is a really nice garden.

the drama theme is kinda harshing the mellow tho

o hai rayfa

um. what the fuck. that mask must make it pretty difficult to do shit pal

Garan, whilst ordering her henchmen online: drama queen or king preferred

UR DIARRHOEA, GAH-RAHN

cool theme, love the use of the royal “we”.

“what about those guards over there”

“ohh, just prepared to fuck shit u–– iii mean help you haha.”

yeahhh... I'm not buying her super calm “my husband is a kidnapper” attitude.

UIGSFILGFLIS DHURKE YOU FUCKING MORON

god he’s such a useless piece of shit. unless he’s trying to get taken so that he can be taken to... idk, wherever Maya is held in some sort of Gambit, he’s a real moron for just up and outing himself like that.

BAAAAARBED HEAD. YOU HAVE SOME SPLAAAAAAAAININ TO DOOOO

man why do they even give us other options if we can’t use them???

“Dhurke... I sure hope he’s alright”

hey apollo wanna hear a secret

i dont

Phoenix externally: Patience, Apollo, patience.

Phoenix internally: we are so screwed at any moment the queen could be all “OFF WITH YOUR HEAD” and i’ll never see trucy or maya again jesus holy mother buddha help me

i love that Garananana is kinda just chilling with them. You got more important shit to do, queenie. like being evil

also open your goddamn mouth once in a while, sheesh

Apollo: I hope no one gets hurt

The entire series of ace attorney as a whole: oh honey

wait ... INGA HAD A RATTAIL?!

ohhh yesss listen to those punches

why couldn’t they have animated it too ;w;

phew. im glad Maya’s ok.

yeesh... poor Rayfa.

i love that even apollo’s like “fuck dad, you didn't kill him, did you?????”

its a beautiful contrast to how adamant he was about Trucy not killing Manov.

um, soundtrack, now is not the time for Grand Revival. I know Edgeworth is on screen but the shit he’s saying is far, far from uplifting.

“it seems prosecutor sahdmadhi has grown quite fond of her”

nooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

“they’ve almost become a team of sorts”

ok so mark Ema down on the list of AJ characters who will never be seen again after this game.

fuck man i’d even take Klema over this

can you imagine if they'd split up Apollo/Phoenix Edgeworth/Athena instead

i really wonder how Athena and Edgeworth would interact. Athena’s spunky enough to be a bit like Kay I suppose, so maybe similar to that.

again, Kooraheen’s detention centre theme is really quite pretty

too bad i have to look at Dhurke’s face while listening to it

...a tasty... hash house

oh apollo’s up for that

well tbh if i was him i could use some hash after all this shit

yEAH YOU TELL’IM APOLLO

SMARTEN THAT BASTARD UP

god apollo he’s not worth it. i’d say leave the fucker to his fate but i guess it is important to find the real killer... sigh

apparently queen Amara liked insensitive fuckbags with masculinity issues

oh well. to each their own.

>:( don’t compare Dhurke’s story to Phoenix’s, Apollo

“you ran?! but why?!!”

oh i dunno, athena, maybe the fucking death penalty?????

hang the fuck on

are you telling me that Dhurke started making trips to his shitty abandoned law office via sewer... while Apollo was still with him?!

Like what fucking reason would he have to drag him down there?! The place is an archive/resistance base, but Apollo and Sadmad lived in the mountains as children; why the fuck would he take his /kids/ into town at the risk of having them all arrested at once?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, DHURKE

that orb better be a fucking laser or some shit cause I'm really tired of hearing about it

oh......... hi sadmad..................... what a pleasure to see you........... again................

just as fucking pleasant as ever

i love that Dhurke is like “what happened to fighting the man, son??”

like even if he is a double agent he can’t very well just be like “psst I'm still on your side!!!!” in front of the fucking guard

i hate that dhurke’s face is so placid during this too.

“Son, why did you betray me? Also how was the sports game?”

“The Nahyuta you knew exists no more”

yeah sure sadblackworth, whatever you say

oh well that was abrupt

meh, onwards to the tomb

“No, that’s the holy mother. She’s the one who brought spirit channeling to Khura’in”

oh so you mean Ami Fey.

oh ema... i’ll miss you while youre off being Sadmad’s lapdog

“You mean His Ephemeral Holiness?”

Yes, Ema, fight it!!! Fight it!!!!!!

“But when he manages a smile and compliments my work, it’s hard to say no.”

...nuts.

wait what do you mean the defendant is someone you know

you met Dhurke like once a day ago

aw apollo took the locked-room-mystery words right out of my mouth. i love him so. why are they going to take him away?

alrihgt back to this shit after like a 3 month hiatus or something

i love how chill everyone is talking about Maya’s kidnapping

“oh yeah he brought her here to the tomb so nobody would see. sensible thing to do. oh also maya almost died but i guess that’s nbd”

casually opens a tomb

casually opens the sarcophagus hangings

casually tries to open the sarcophagus when told there’s a mummy inside

apollo, you're contracting douche-itis from everyone else. this old family of yours is a bad influence.

...we’re gonna yeet this sarcophagus arent we

i love that Amara’s just kinda. depicted standing there as she’s burned to death. i mean i guess theyre trying to preserve her beauty and dignity in death but it also makes her look like an idiot who didnt try to escape the flames.

ooh i like that last one though

pff thats a pretty well-equipped corpse line

“Where’d the other three bullets go?”

“Maybe Dhurke ate them?”

if he did they'd better have a VERY good explanation

“the poor guy”

EMA

HE WAS HOLDING MAYA HOSTAGE

“the cuffs of justice”

love it

“just one of those traditions people do and they dont know the reason why”

“like rolling up your sleeves?”

“or your psychology, if we’re going there” HE FUCKING WENT THERE

OOOOOOOOOOO I LOVE YOU APOLLO

“he said grape juice has something in it that helps you relax”

are we going into grape juice lore here

"Really? ...Um, are you sure he was talking about regular, plain old grape juice?”

Yes, actually, Athena. It’s canonical that it is /actual off-the-vine welsh’s good ol’ sippy cup grape juice/. It’s not a metaphor or a censoring for kids, it’s just juice.

Of course, this is written by the DDSOJ staff. And considering the intense, dark n’ gritty action makeover the series got, I wouldn’t put it past them to retcon the juice into the... “fermented variety”. thanks Athena.

Yayyy not only do they write shitty dads, but they have to retroactively en-shitten Phoenix as an alcoholic father. Gosh, I sure do love these guys.

(obviously this isn’t a dig at anyone who head canons gj as wine, there’s a difference between head canons and malicious retconning.)

hmm interesting mechanic for this chair. i guess since you can’t stuff it in your inventory you cant do the ‘look all over’ thing. but on the other hand, they REALLY wanted to impress you with that hidden blood.

Ema: [performs a blood test in 2 seconds] I didn’t get a match!

Well probably not in that time, babe

i have to commend them on the little cutscene though that was nice.

again, i guess Amara really liked emotionally stunted fuckwads

the devil horns are a bit much, though.

oh damn.

thats a nice ass pendant

...oh thats blood

well, it sets off the pink and gold quite nicely. and its a butterfly... seems like something Dahlia would wear

“speak of the devil...”

speak of the devil indeed. hiiiiiii sadmad... its been a while.

oh ok he didnt say anything

also i find it funny that apollos like “Wait!! wait!! damnit, after him!”

and then you just. go back into the talk menu with Ema. bit of a moment killer, there.

“why does everything have to be so difficult with you?”

cause hes a prosecutor, apollo. thats just how it is on this bitch of an earth

“the law is the law. placing personal feelings above it is beyond reprieve”

ah but placing religion above it is totally fine. gotcha yuts

“And the winner is... prosecutor Sahdmadi!”

helpful, athena

“it’s like he’s trying to cover something up with his pretty words!”

oh did you mean the inevitable reveal that he's actually a good guy and we have to forgive him for being a shitwad?

oh wow. that joke post about sadmad developing generalized anxiety was actually based on a legit thing that happened

is it ok if i hate him even more for it? i mean how did he figure it out? he didn’t let apollo use it in court so where would he have gained the knowledge? unless he knows about Thalassa’s abilities...

...also, how /is/ he doing this? the way Perceive works isn’t just “i can sense that you’re uncomfortable”, it’s that people who can use it have extremely good eye-sight and see tiny little movements in other people. If they’re smart about it, they can tell that the movements mean the enemy is lying. Apollo just happens to get tense when he notices this, most likely because he’s kind of straining his eyes.

But then again that brings up the fact that his power would act up CONSTANTLY, either because EVERYBODY FIDGETS, or Apollo himself could just be stressed and making the bracelet squeeze on its own.

So thanks, SOJ. Not content with ruining Apollo’s canon, you’ve also got to ruin his cool lawyer power. Gosh, you’re just the gift that keeps on giving, aren’t you?

“Powerless in the face of the Holy Mother’s blessings”

SOJ team is now nicknamed the Holy Mother. Or possibly the Unholy Mother.

“Looks like your power won’t work against Sadmadhi. Guess we’ll have to try something else.”

“Yeah, let’s ask Dhurke...”

Yeah. Because you obviously don’t have someone with you RIGHT NOW who ALSo has a special power. You dont even have TWO POEPLE with you with a special power. Guess we’d better talk to the man who birthed this shiteater.

“I won against Mr. Wright”

yeah in a completely rigged trial where losing would be the worst option. thats not really something to brag about, you know.

“...doomed to be reborn as something lower than a bug or a vegetable”

you heard it here first folks Sadmad hates sustaining agriculture and the bees.

>Lang’s scrolls and dickfuckery

>Edgeworth’s by-the-bookishness

>Franziska’s catchphrase

>Blackquill’s backstory twist

These were the ingredients chosen to make the perfect prosecutor. But the SOJ writers accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction: BAD WRITING

THUS UNINSPIRED ASSHOLE WAS BORN!

apollo you don’t matter to anyone anymore youre getting the boot. do as your foster pop said when you were a drowning 5 y/o and suck those pussy baby tears back into your skull.

welp thats it for part one of investigation day 2. now (i think) we’re headed over to the delicious pandering of Phoenix and Edgeworth, back together. Will it bring me solace despite being an obvious ratings grab?

good god, i hope so.

till next time.

#sulking over SOJ #im gonna do this; I'm gonna finish it. i swear.]

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star-bage · 7 years

Text

Starco fic (this is cancer u've been warned)

Once upon a time, Jackie and Marco were dating. They loved to talk to eAch other, hold hands, smooch, whatever couples usually do idunno

One day, Jackie took it upon herself to break of the relationship. Why? Cuz PLOT DEVICE HELLO GUYSS Anyway so she took Marco to the bench where they had their first kiss and told him that she didn’t feel thT things were workin out.

Marco gasped in dismay and felt he would faint, his gut dropped to his toes, idk dramatic much and he cried out “WHYYY?!”

So Jackie said “dude ur just really sweaty whenever we hold hands im just not about that life yknow. I nedd a guy with clean, nonsweaty hands who understands me for who i am”

Marco shook his head, hoping thT his hearing was betrayin him “jackie look i promise i can change!!! i’LL BE LESS SWEATY!!! GIVE ME A CHANCE!!”

Jackie smiled forlornly before patting his shoulder platonically, officially securing the end of their short term rel8tshionsjeep. “I gotta go my own way Marco” (Yowch marco u goof’d up$)(that was a hsm2 ref btw if yall didnt catch that)

The hoodie wearing latino hung his head in defeat, fighting back the tears in his eyeballz “ok im.. Im sorry i couldn’t be better. I hope u find someone whos good for you.”

Jackie nodded. “It won’t be that hard.” She said, her voice as sweet as sugarcane.

‘Tf is that supposed to mean’ Marco thought as they parted ways.

——–———–

Star was using the computer, browsing through Marco’s web history. She honestly hadn’t used technology other than a cell phone since she arrived on earth, so working with an entirely different device at her fingertips was…strange, to say the least.

She didn’t share that many interests with Marco, which was evident when she found herself flipping through page after page of fanfiction she didn’t understand. She had tried to give at least one a chance, settling for skimming the few first lines of a story titled “I Kissed a Ninja” but it hadn’t piqued her attention in the slightest.

It sounded like something a boy in his early teens had written on a whim. Which was lame.

Anywho, way, what, how, Star clicked on.

Marco slammed the door open at that precise moment, tears streaming down his cheeks at 50mph as he threw himself onto the bed of his room. Oh the pain! Sheer agony flooded through his veins as he clawed at his own sheets, taking them as a mere substitute of the girl he yearned for, the girl he wanted in his arms (ugh i hate fanfiction anyway-)

“Marco chill out what is ur problem cant u see im looking thru ur browser history@” star yekled, before smashing her fingers onto the keyboard. Why? Why did he keep doing this to her? Didn’t he understand how much pain she was going through too? For a whole year, she’d seen her closest friends make out, hold hands, hug, and have the blood moon shine on them! She had to endure all of the suffering, lock it away deep within her heart, and smile when on the inside she wuz screaming.

“Wait–WHAT?!” Marco shot up from his bed, eyes wide as snowglobes.

“What?”

“WHAT U BISH U DIDNT” Marco threw the covers off of his body and leaped over to the computer.

“U—” his breathing grew as sharp as razORS (edgy), spiraling out of control at the sight of his privacy being tainted before him.

“HOW CUldd THIS HAPPEn TO ME?!!! I MADE MY miSTAKES– (marco shut up) DUDE SERIOUSLY THO WHY R U LOOKING AT MY BROSEER HISTORY?!!”

Star lifted her shoulders before eyeing him skeptically, confused at his reactjon ohbforget it im not even gonna try to make this sound coherent anymore im literally just trying to make this fic as ridicukous as possble ok so donT HUDGE U PREPS!!!)

“Marco what is even the prob u know i always disrespect u like that one time i wanted u to biy me that banagic wand garbage like that episode was really dumb remember that”

Marco tore at his own hair and considered ripping his spleen off “omfg star FORGET BANAGIC, WHAT DID U SEE?!!”

“I saw fanficion of that ninjago show u always rave on about like really marco u have such bad taste” star rolled her eyes and displayed the fanfic page to him before giving him the stinkeye (lmao stinkeye)

Marco could feel his lungs collect air again and he breathed out a huge whoooosh of relief blc he was saved. Star had not seen the wORST of his browser history! (Yes we were born to look at web HISTORY! Biiing boong boong we’ll make it happen we’ll turn it around ye we were born to look at marcos web historY)

Ok i forgot where i was going with this welp also charlie wanted to see it so its not my fault aight

EDIT::: Star leaned against her chair, arms folded across her chest. “So, what’s up with you?” She grumbled, as Marco took control of the mouse.

He logged out of his account before turning to face Star again. “What do you mean?”

Star closed her eyes. “Well, you’re crying right? What’s wrong?”

Marco wiped the liquid (this is how u DONT write folks) off of his skin and sniffed. “Nothin.” And his eyes looked distant and far off even though he was just looking at the cactus through his window.

Star sighed. “Cmon. Tell me whats really goin on, bub.”

Marco groaned. “Do i have to”

“You’re obligated to as my best friend in this universe so i can comfort you and fulfill the fate we were given by some dumb fucking moon in space that really shouldn’t be of any relevance to us but because of svtfoe’s lore and foreshadowing or some shit we’re destined to be together in the end so like i think ur gonna be the king of mewni. And u gotta tell me wuts on ur moind”

Marco exhaled. “Fine.”

so he told her and they made out while marco cried (kinda like cho chang did to harry potter in the order of the phoenix except marco and star actually become a real item because idfk svtfoe likes soul bondage or whatever the fuckin end hmm)

#mod crim(e)

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