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the-20th-century-girl · 2 years

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all the numbers for Larry Rickard, Ho-Tan and Humphrey 😁

Oh boy, this one will be hard and also interesting. Leaving this under a cut as it got a little long...

This may appear first on the list of answers but it sure as heck wasn't the first I answered. Saved this to last as it's the most difficult.

1. stab, shoot or drown

Drown Humphrey. He's easy as he's already dead so nothing actually happens. Plus I'm sure his head will just float on the water.

Sorry to stab the massager but Larry pulled the short straw here.

Which I guess leaves Ho-Tan to be shot. Sorry girl.

I'd get drunk with Larry, it'll probably be the best night ever lol.

2. fist fight, get drunk with, share a flat with

I wouldn't say I have much in common in terms of interior design with any of them. But out of the 3, Ho-Tan is most likely to surprise me with liking something I do.

Which leave poor Humphrey... But it's just the body I'm fist fighting, as it needs to be a fair fight. Which says more about me than him...

3. fight aliens with, fight zombies with, fight capitalism with

We all know Ho-Tan isn't one for fighting actual people/creature, So Capitalism better watch out for this Trans Scribe Elder!

Saying Humphrey for aliens as I got this funny image of them trying to adduct him, classic UFO beans over him (body and head attached) and he floats up. Only it's just his head that gets beaned up to the ship and his body just stays put on the ground :')

Which leaves Larry for zombie fighting. I'd feel we'd both be equally as capable and useless as each other in this...

4. write a book with, read a book to, hit with a book

With Larry's help and input the book we'd write could be somewhat enjoyable, at the very least... readable.

I'm dyslectic as heck! So any attempt of reading out loud would be awkward and terribly monotone in delivery. So Ho-Tan is my girl for this. She's less likely to judge and may try to help. Or just take over which would be better for everyone's sake.

And again Humphrey is getting abused... Could say my middle name is Thomas. Anyway again the imagery of me throwing the book and it hitting him on the head and it falls off is just too funny to me.

5. go on a six hour road trip with (no car radio, you choose who drives), sit next to on a six hour plane flight, sit across from on a six hour train journey

Let's be real. Ho-Tan doesn't know how to drive, or Humphrey for that matter. So me and Larry will be having to entertain ourselves with eye spy and carpool karaoke (without music).

I'd sit next to Humphrey on the plane. No reason whatsoever. Definitely not so we can snuggle up and maybe nap......

And I'd sit opposite Ho-Tan on the train. Comparing the beautiful views from our window to her.

6. go clothes shopping with, go to ikea with, go grocery shopping with

I'd go to Ikea with Humphrey. Mostly as he'd be so lost after when he tries to put what we got together. And it would be funny to watch him. I will help eventually when it stops being funny.

Obviously going clothes shopping with my girl Ho-Tan. We have very different styles but it'll be a great girls day out.

And go get groceries with Larry. I'm sure he'll be able to put up with my bad jokes as we walk past the vegetables section and I say to him "Lettuce romaine calm about this".

7. go to a wedding with, go to a party with, go to a museum with

I'd go to a wedding with Ho-Tan. So she can wear a beautiful wedding dress with flowers in her hair as everyone watches her walk down the aisle . Plot twist it's our wedding, we're getting married.

I'd go to a party with Humphrey. I'd gosh darn include the boy in something!

And would absolutely love to go to a museum with Larry, especially a history one! He most definitely has stories to tell from his Horrible Histories days.

8. share a car with, share a bank account with, share a cake with

Like you said about Vex I wouldn't trust Ho-Tan with a car or shared bank account. So she's getting cake.

Share the car with Larry, as I don't drive and as I said it before, I’m sure Humphrey doesn't either. Otherwise the car would just sit there.

And I guess that leaves me to share a bank account with Humphrey. I mean it could be worse, a lot worse... could've been Julian!

9. watch a soap opera with, go to a play with, watch your favourite movie with

I'd happily watch my favourite movie with Humphrey (assuming he's a ghost and can't leave). It's The Last Unicorn and he seemed easily enough pleased so could enjoy it.

I have to watch a soap opera with Ho-Tan. She'd love the extremely bad cheesy ones the most for sure!

And lastly. I would adore to watch a play with Larry.

10. netflix and chill with, go ice-skating with, play dodgeball against

I'd go ice-skating with Larry. Don't know if he's ever done it but I haven't so he'll either help me or we'll both wobble and fall together.

Gotta Netflix and chill with my girl Ho-Tan. I doubt they have Netflix in Yonderland so we'll have a lot to discover on there.

And lastly play dodgeball against Humphrey. But the dodgeball is his head.

put three names & a number in my ask

#Ask #Thank you for this. I love a challenge

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lady-celeste25 · 4 years

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Christmas with the Dork- John Egbert x reader

(I’m really in a Christmas mood so take this.

Tw: Nothing)

You rub your eyes as you scroll through your phone. Old messages, TikTok, anything that could entertain you at this point. You’re home from college for Christmas Break and you are having, not gonna lie, a pretty amazing time. Your mom and dad made a bunch of food. Plus, it was only the 23rd so that means things are barely over yet. They both wanted to know every single thing about what happened during the semester. Both of them especially wanted to know about your boyfriend, John Egbert. It got so bad that eventually, you just invited him over. Of course, they loved him.

You had been dating for about three months and had known each other since practically the first day. Rose Lalonde, one of your good friends, was in one of your classes and introduced him to you. Mostly because she said your personalities meshed perfectly. She was right, of course.

As you keep on scrolling, your phone buzzes. You sit up from your bed to read it. It was a Pesterchum from none other than John Egbert. A grin spreads across your face. He had been messaging you every single day since break, telling you all his hopes for this Christmas. His biggest goal is to get a new nerf gun, a good one with an extra holster for extra bullets. He wants it so he can get a chance to try and ambush Strider. Just for the hell of it. You shake your head and read the messages from him.

--ectoBiologist started pestering (chumHandle) at 3:27 PM--

EB: (Y/N)!!

EB: hey!!

CH: John!

EB: i can’t believe i get the chance to talk to you again

CH: You literally talked to me yesterday, buddy.

EB: i know

EB: but still

EB: it’s been soooooooo long :(

CH: Haha.

CH: So what’s up, nerd guy?

EB: listen i know this is kinda short notice but

EB: would you like to come over to a christmas party at my house

EB: my family would really like to meet you

EB: and I kinda promised them you would come

EB: it’s at 5 so you would have time to get ready

EB: pleassssssssssse

You think about it for a moment. You wonder if it’s worth it. You’re a bit of a mess. You’ve barely moved from the house for the entire break. Your eyes were crusty, your breath was probably deadly, and the feeling of uncleanliness just stayed on your skin. The more you thought about it, however, the more you realized you couldn’t turn this down. It was your boyfriend! Plus, it’s Christmas. It wouldn’t be very sweet of you to do that. Also, you could finally meet John’s family! He met your family and now you can meet his. It’s only fair.

CH: Sure!

CH: Yes!

CH: I would love to come over, John. :)

EB: yessssssss

EB: see you in a bit

--ectoBiologist ceased pestering chumHandle at 3:33 PM--

You lay there for a moment, a smile on your face. This was so extremely exciting. As you stayed in that moment of happiness, another moment followed. Shit, you have to get ready. Scrambling out of bed, your thoughts go everywhere. What should you wear? Is this like a formal event or something more chilled out? It’s just a Christmas party but you want to impress. John doesn’t care what you look like as long as you’re being yourself, so you have an idea. You go to quickly hop in the shower and freshen up a bit. After that, you quickly throw on a movie t-shirt, some jeans, and a jacket.

In your closet, you grab a small box wrapped up in blue wrapping paper. The box may or may not be a gift for John. You put it carefully under your arm Finally, you leave your bedroom after a straight five hours just chilling in there. Your parents wave goodbye to you before you leave to go get in your car. You shoot a quick message John’s way to say you’re on your way. He responds with a smiley face. Butterflies flew through your stomach. This was extremely exciting. This was a good time to meet them and it was so exciting. It’s Christmas and Christmas parties normally always ended up really well for you! At least you’ve heard about most of his family members and had a general idea of how many people would be there. You put his address into your phone, turn up the music on the radio, turn up the heater, and get to driving.

The drive was a relatively nice one but when you finally stopped at his house, you were, of course, nervous. Looking up at it was even more threatening, like a looming giant. It seemed like a very nice little house. It was nice, medium-sized, and colored an off-white. On one side of the house, a nice little deck sat, and on it was a brass telescope. The chimney was puffing out smoke, indicating that a fire had been started already. The driveway was piled with cars. In the front yard, snow angels and snowmen were sprayed across the fresh snow proudly. All the snowmen were decorated differently.

As you get out of your car, the nerves just get worse, twisting around your stomach painfully. You carry John’s present safely as you step carefully around the icy sidewalk. You reached the door with ease, took a deep breath, and knocked. From inside, a girl’s voice screeched ‘I got it!’ The door was opened by what you would assume was the same voice. A girl, maybe around a year or so younger than you and John with glasses and a pixie cut stood there. This has got to be John’s little sister, Jane. You’ve seen a lot of pictures of John with her from when they were kids. You even followed her on a few social medias but this was your first time meeting her.

“Oh my gosh!” She squeals in excitement. “(Y/N)! It’s so good to finally see you in person!”

“Hey there Jane!” You smile widely. “It’s so good to see you too!”

Jane holds her arms out for a hug and you move to hug her. Her grip is tight. It actually helps to calm your nerves a bit. We both laugh as she drags me into the living room. There’s a bunch of people inside. The living room was clean and everything was practically pristine. The smell, however… ugh. The smell was completely unbearable. Like cake mix and frosting mashed together. Too much of it.

First of all, you see your good friend and John’s cousin, Jade Harley sitting on the couch with her lovely dog, Bec, laying in her lap. They’re watching what seems to be Home Alone on the TV. Next to her is whom you’re assuming is John’s aunt. He never told you her first name but you know her last name is Claire. She has a glass of wine in her hand and is also watching the movie. A little boy who seems to maybe John’s little cousin, Jude, is holding a small gun while an older man, Jade’s grandpa, holds a real gun. They seem to be practicing some kind of shooting. Not actually pulling he trigger, just learning how to hold it correctly. Yikes.

“GUYS, LOOK!” Jane yells out. “(Y/N’S) HERE!” Everyone stops what they’re doing and looks at you.

Jade’s the first one to spring up, Bec jumping from the couch as well, “(Y/N)! Hey, there! I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks!” She runs to you and gives you a big huge just like Jane did.

“You haven’t,” You laugh out, patting her back. “We’ve been on winter break.”

“Oh, yeah!” Jade breaks the hug, looking straight at you. “I’m so glad John invited you over! It’s not every day I get to see my bestie!” Before she can keep going on and on, the woman steps up. She gives Jade a little push as a way to say ‘it’s my turn’ and Jade gets the hint.

“Hello,” she offers her hand and you take it, “I’m A. Claire. It’s so nice to meet you. We’ve heard a lot about you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, ma’am,” you give her hand a proper shake. The little boy then came running up. He pushes in front of Miss Claire and grins at you with crooked teeth. He puts his hands on his hips.

“Hi!” The boy said. “I’m Jude.”

“Hey there, Jude,” you smile back down at him. “I like your shirt.” He was wearing a shirt with a UFO that was levitating Santa’s sleigh. The compliment made him grin even more.

“A fan of aliens I see,” Jude taps his chin, “that’s a big plus on your side. Now, just a few more questions to see if you’re acceptable enough to date my favorite cousin.” He brings out a notebook and pen that seemed to be covered in questions. Luckily, before he can start Jade’s Grandpa takes his shoulder and drags him back a bit so he can talk to you.

“Hello there again, (Y/N)!” Grandpa Harley says in his jolly, booming voice. You two have met before since you hang out with Jade all the time too.

“Hi Grandpa Harley,” you give him a nod. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“It’s a pleasure,” he looks down at Jude. “Why don’t we go outside and do some target practice on those snowmen.”

Jude’s face lights up even more than before, “YEAH!” Jane gasps in horror from behind you.

“Don’t you dare shoot my snowmen!” Jane yells, shaking her fist at them. “You two wouldn’t dare. I MADE THOSE WITH PRIDE AND LOVE!”

“Try us, Jane!” Jude laughs out, grabbing the gun out of his pocket and running outside with Grandpa Harley, Jane in tow.

“Such dorks, am I right?” Jade laughs, looking at you.

“Yep, they’re definitely a part of the extended Egbert family,” you say, laughing along with her. Your laughter stops, however, when you feel something bump into your legs. Looking down, you see John’s salamander-daughter thing. You take her into your arms, wanting to get her off the floor where she could be trampled by Bec or something.

“Casey!” Jade scolded. “John told you not to be down here without him!” Casey did nothing but gurgle in response.

“You can never win against a salamander, Jade,” you turn to her with a smile. “It’s just not mathematically possible.” Jade crosses her arms and sticks her tongue out at Casey with a small giggle.

“(Y/N), hey!” Someone says. Standing in the doorway that leads into the kitchen stood… Jake! Jade’s younger brother. A girl follows him out looking similar to Jude.

“Hey, Jake,” You wave at him. He walks over to where the two of you stood and the little girl followed. “I’m guessing you’re Joey, huh?” The little girl nods. Joey was another one of John’s cousins.

“Are you dating John?” Joey asked curiously.

“Yeah, I am!” You nod. Joey’s face falls and she beckons you down to her height. You lean down.

“Are you sure you can’t do better than him?” She whispered into your ear. “I mean, I know he seems cute now… but he’s such a doofus. It really seems like you can do better!” I laugh at her concern.

“I hope you’re not saying anything bad about me,” a voice says from the stairs. “Cause if you are, I’m screwed.”

Looking up, there stood John, like he was Cinderella or something. His glasses didn’t sit right on his face and he was wearing the ugliest Christmas sweater anyone has ever seen. Your face runs red as you smile up at him. You stand up from Joey and set Casey down on the floor before flinging yourself up the stairs and into his open arms.

“John!” You grin, setting your forehead on his shoulder.

“Awww!” Jade squeals from downstairs. “You two are so cute!” Looking down at everyone, you got mixed responses. Joey gives a so-so sign with her hand but Miss Claire smiled pleasantly. Jake gave John a thumbs up.

“Jeez, Jade,” John blushed. “Shut up.” Jade keeps on giggling while John looks back at you. “Have you met my dad and nanna yet?”

“No,” you shake your head, “but I have met Miss Claire, Grandpa Harley, Jude, Joey, Jane, and of course, Jake and Jade who I already know.”

“Man,” John shakes his head laughing, “you’ve met everyone except my dad and nanna. They’re very antsy to meet you, so we better hurry.” He takes your hand with his own warm one. Together you two practically flew down the stairs.

Together we walk past everyone and straight into the kitchen opening that Jake and Joey ducked out from. The smell of cake batter hits you and it’s twelve times worse than before. It hits John as well because both of you cover your noses making sour faces. Standing there is an older woman mixing cake batter and a professional-looking man holding a fully decorated cake. John clears his throat and they finally both turn to face us.

“Johnathan,” the older man spoke first, “is this (Y/N)?”

“Dad,” John groans out, “you know it’s just John. Yes, this is them. So please, don’t scare them off. I’m begging you.”

The older woman sits down the cake immediately and glides up to you, “hello, (Y/N), dear!” She throws her arms around you and pulls her down to her height. “It’s so good to meet you! We’re so glad John found you! We’ve all heard so much about you from him. He never stops talking about you!” John’s face flames red.

“It’s nice to meet you too, ma’am,” you stutter out from her tight grip.

“Oh, just call me Nanna, dear!” She chirps, finally letting go of you so you can gulp down some air. Next up was John’s dad with his hand out for a shake. I take his blistered hand into my own and give it a proper shake.

“That’s quite a good handshake you’ve got there,” he comments. “You can call me Mr. Egbert.”

“Thanks,” you smile back. “My dad always taught me that a strong handshake can make a lasting impression.”

“Smart man,” he mutters out before going back to decorating the cake.

“Alright, alright,” John’s face had luckily come down from the blush. “I’ve gotta go show (Y/N) something so we’ll be right ba-”

“(Y/N)!” Jade pushes herself into the kitchen, shoving John onto a chair next to him. She grabs onto your arm. “(Favorite Christmas Movie) is on! Let’s go!”

“I love that movie!” You gasp.

“I know!” Jade jumps up and down. “C’mon let’s go watch it!”

“Jade, uh-” you try to get out but she just wouldn’t listen. You were quickly dragged away from John who could barely stutter out for Jade to stop.

You were shoved down on the couch and Jade plops down right next to you. Miss Claire sat on a chair next to Jade. It was true that your favorite movie was on but truly, you would’ve liked to see what John had to how you. John stood behind you and you turned to say something to him, but Bec quickly jumps into your lap and steals the words away from you. When you turn around to talk to him again, John’s gone. You shrug it off, try to relax, and watch the movie.

-------

Everyone had ended up sitting in front of the TV, watching the movie. Grandpa Harley, Jude, and Jane all sat with red cheeks and noses. Jude decided to sit right next to you, questioning you on just about everything. Jake was joking with Jade, Jane sat next to your feet silently watching the TV, and Joey kept telling Jude to shut it and let you enjoy the movie. Grandpa Harley continued chatting on with Miss Claire and Nanna and Mr. Egbert was sitting there silently, watching the movie. Bec had fallen asleep in Jade’s lap and even Casey had tuckered out between Jude and you. The only one missing was John… you couldn’t help but wonder where he went. You hadn’t seen him since.

“Another question,” Jude says, leaning into view, “do you believe that there are really aliens in Area 51?”

“Oh, well…” you hum. “I mean, the truth is out there.”

There’s banging footsteps down the stairs and John finally appears and grabs you by your shoulders, “sorry, Jude! I have to borrow (Y/N) for a second. Okay? Okay.” He pulls you from the couch before anyone could complain and starts to drag you upstairs.

“John,” you laugh a bit with an amused smile on your face, “what are we doing?”

“Getting you away from my nuts family,” John jokes, as we walk into what you assumed was his room. It looked the same from when Rose, Dave, Jade, John, and you used to facetime while either of you went home for the weekends. Stupid movie posters, a magician’s chest, computer. It just screamed him. The two of you sat down on his bed.

“I have a gift for you,” you smile, staring into his eyes.

“Oh, really?” John smiles back. “I may or may not have one for you too.”

“The present better not be a stupid prank,” you chuckle, remembering how many times he’s pranked your friends and you. It was a joy.

“Of course not,” he promises.

“Okay, okay, mine first,” you say, grabbing into your jacket and bringing out the small gift. You pushed it into his hands and he beams.

John took a while trying to unwrap it. He got extremely confused by the ribbon for a moment but then got it and finally got the box open. In it, there were two gifts. The first gift he pulled out was a keychain. Engraved on it was a small lobster and the words ‘you are my lobster.’ John burst out laughing.

“I love it,” he chuckles out. He grabs his keys off the computer table and attaches it on.

“I’m glad,” you laugh along. He takes out the other present and unrolls the poster. A Con Air poster signed by Nicolas Cage, John Cusak, and John Malkovich. John lets out a squeak of excitement.

“Oh my God!” He jumps up, staring at it. “Seriously? Are you serious?”

“Yes, John,” you nod. “My uncle works somewhere in the movie field and I asked him if he could get this for you.”

“I LOVE IT I LOVE IT!” John puts the poster down and throws himself into your arms. “I love you! Oh my God!”

“I’m so glad you like it!” You laugh gripping onto his shoulders.

“Wait, okay, okay!” He pulls you up from the bed. “Come on, let’s go see your present.” John pulls you out onto what seems like deck from before. The telescope stood proudly there. “Look into the telescope.”

You move your head down so you can see through the telescope. A beautiful star stood proudly in the frame, “this is beautiful.” Your breath comes out in cold puffs.

“Hey, can you turn around real quick,” he asks. When you turn around a small folder was held in his hand. John bowed, offering you the folder. When you open it up, a few laminated papers sat in it. Looking at the front page, a star sits there. The same star you were looking at before. “Listen, I don’t want this to be too weird but-” Under the star was a name. Your name. He named a star after you.

You put a hand over your mouth before throwing your arms around him and kissing him, “I love it, John!”

“I’m so glad,” he laughs out, “cause I really thought that like, it would be weird and-”

“Well, it’s not,” you say. “This is adorable and I love it. Thank you so much.”

“Of course, anything for you,” he pats your back. “Now come on, let’s get back downstairs to my family. We don’t want them thinking I like, pushed you off the balcony or something.”

#john egbert #john egbert x reader #x reader #homestuck fanfiction #jude harley #joey claire #jade harley #jake english #a claire #grandpa harley #jane crocker #fanfiction

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czec-hoslo-vak-ians · 3 years

Text

I'm so sorry that it's been a lifetime since I reacted and posted a episode blog but I'm back now so lets going on with the episode

Michael and Maria 💜

Scene goes👽

It's nice to see everyone having a good time for a hot second. Max looks hot running without a shirt on I just need to Pause and look at him shirtless for a minute🤤. Love the way that Michael looks at Maria it's just something about it give me all the feels. Tess can heal like that come I mean if no level to Max is healing but still she could heal I wonder why Isabelle and Michael can't. Bizarre that Max just left nocito in his room when his parents could walk in at any moment however I don't think he was thinking logically to hide the body somewhere he was more thinking he has to warn his friends. It totally makes sense now Max was running instead of driving because Isabel had the car. Another is the question why wasn't Max at the party? I love how Michael jumped up and said I'll take care of it course Tess has to shoot him down for no reason at all, but he takes control anyway. Split Second I do feel sorry for Tess she just lost her father figure. A lot of pressure to put on max at this moment.

It looks like Kyle is coming back from football camp. I completely forgot he wasn't in the first episode. I think his dad completely forgot about him. I love how Kyle debauched nacidos name. Don't blame Kyle for being irritated right now. I completely understand where Michael is coming from they are sitting ducks in school right now but however what other plan do they really have if they don't go to school that's suspicious to. Of course a suspicious figure is following Max who else would this be figure be following. But Max has Spidey senses you can tell that something is following him. Now this is dumb Max to go and see what it is, and of course uses his powers. I think he talked his way out of that one.

Max is in a class without one of them other mean people because it seems like they all have class together each one of them is with someone else. New UFO old guy that runs the center seems fishy to me. I do not like him whatsoever or trust him just the way that he kicks Max out.

Vomit right now Max just happens to walk by Tess. Me yelling at him KEEP ON WALKING DONT STOP. I get the feeling that Tess doesn't like being on Earth. Maria trying to be such a good friend saying one thing and then looking out the window and seeing something else the opposite of what you're saying that's like getting crap thrown in your face. Why is it that when Michael says we are not human Max doesn't want to hear it however Tess says the same you can see the wheels turning in his head that he has a point. You can see that Tess is really pushing for Max to remember this other life. Why wasn't Tess door locked Max just walked right in. Question is why did they break into Tess's house and not one of the others? The real question is what are the skins looking for?

Valenti books weird sitting at the table doing bills like that then again this is back in the late 90s. Max and Tess should have knocked because it seems like they are trying to break in, however Valenti shouldnt of pointed the gun like that while opening up the door. He should have called out first. Why is Kyle acting like he's still at camp, he's acting really strange lately what did Camp do to him? I approve Kyle looks good without a shirt on too, how long with his Calvin Klein😁. I do not like that Liz told congresswoman about agent Pierce wanting to break up with her that's lie doesn't sound believable. Whitaker is dumb to believe it.

There has to be a tie fitting between John FK what they're talking about and with Max. I don't think Max ever heard of the expression curiosity killed the cat. Not to be out all that Brody is just right behind him. Brody firing Max is a little suspicious I think then again Max was snooping around when he should have been.

I really like the way that Maria is grown-up look right now last season she was the nerdy boyish look this season she is confident and girly look. This is a way better look for her. I like that Maria is trying to be there for Liz. When you knock and someone doesn't respond, in or it open doesn't mean you open the door and walk in. Whitaker is totally playing with his right now it just have a feeling she 1 not really drunk she just needed Liz to spill out a name.

Tess shouldn't be in Kyle's room like that uninvited and in his clothes. Kyle and Tess could be a interesting combination. I completely understand where Kyle is coming from. Tess really lays it on thick, making him feel bad. But I understand where Tess is coming from too.

Where has Michael been I have not see him all episode. I'm so glad that we get to see him for a hot second. I am so proud of Michael that he standing up for himself I'm telling Max that he has to start listening to to him. It seems like Isabel can't make a decision. She never knows whose side to choose. That girl needs to get a backbone. Michael the dummy that he is never has a plan he just goes off of instincts. Of course it's going to knock Michael out whatever that beeping noises it's cuz he doesn't have a plan or come up with backup.

I'm so glad that Isabelle well finally told Maxx to shut she's starting to get a backbone. I agree with Isabelle Brody has to go. Surprisingly shocked that she said they kill him. What Isabel saying makes total logic cents something needs to be done Max needs to choose a side

I understand the JFK reference to Max present day. JFK was the leader he had two choices to make Max the leader he has choices to make. They are paralleling the two. I think that it's funny that the only person Max has to talk to you right now is Maria and Maria feels really uncomfortable. Maria was somewhat of a help.

I love the slow motion of them walking. I love Max is new power or he can just block people with a green glow. It's Upsetting that Max didn't tell his friends about his new ability. Max almost blew everything , Brody he's an oddball oh, I quite don't believe this whole abduction by alien but then again with this show you just never know. It's only Brody known that he is actually talking to one a them. The wonder that creepy Shadow thing comes and goes.

That was nice of Kyle to give his room to Tess even though she doesn't deserve it. I do not believe anything that Brody told Max. The new waitress hitting on Michael this cannot happen we have to make this stop. I like that Max is taking Maria's advice and doing something to show Liz that he's there for her. OMG the new waitresses the skin 😲. This is not good.

Well you guys the end of the episode I had fun I hope you had fun I'll see you on the other side.

Quote of the episode " Calvin Klein I approve"

Coming up next : surprise

Pic NOT mine

#roswell #michael #maria #ask not #season 2 #max

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theliterateape · 5 years

Text

Hope Idiotic | Part 14

By David Himmel

Hope Idiotic is a serialized novel. Catch each new part every week on Monday and Thursday.

CHUCK CLAIMED HE WAS ATTENDING AA MEETINGS ON A REGULAR BASIS. So each morning, Melvin stuck his nose right into Chuck’s open mouth and told him to breathe. These closed-door sessions were disguised as short, daily program meetings so as not to drum up any suspicion that something covert was going on. Not that anyone could have guessed that Chuck was allowing his superior to huff his morning breath.

“If he wasn’t such a weirdo, he’d buy a Breathalyzer,” Chuck told Lou over the phone one morning on his drive to work. “We can’t have beers at lunch anymore, and I try to have my last drink by ten so any trace of it is gone by the morning. I also sleep with three Life Saver in my mouth.”

“Aren’t you concerned you’ll choke?”

“Nah. Gina is spending the night pretty regularly. If I choke, she’s there to save me.”

“You could just brush your teeth, floss, use mouthwash. Not drink.”

“Nah.”

“Won’t you eventually have to show Melvin proof that you’re going to the meetings? Don’t they give you a chip or something?”

“I’m going to tell him that I don’t feel AA is right for me, but thanks to his faith and support I’ve been able to kick the bottle. All the guy wants is to be appreciated; feel like he saved someone. I’ll throw some of that bullshit his way.”

“You’re walking a thin line, man. How are things with Gina? Have you heard from Lexi at all?”

Lexi had asked him to lunch on a Saturday. He told her he was working on the magazine. She suggested Sunday. Same excuse. The truth was that he had plans to drive to Joshua Tree National Park with Gina. How about dinner at Bella’s next Monday might? she asked. He couldn’t avoid her forever, and he didn’t want to. There was a part of him that missed the dull sex and the Bible reading at bedtime.

Lexi was wearing new makeup and had a new hairstyle. He told her she looked pretty. She always looked pretty to him, but the makeup and hair, on top of not seeing her for a few months, made her seem like a new woman. It made her exciting to him again.

“I’ve been thinking,” she said.

“I’ve missed you.”

“If you want… we could… maybe we could see each other again. But take it slow, not rush into anything.”

It was what Chuck hoped she would say. But was it a good idea? What would he do about Gina? She was more or less living with him at the house, and he did not want to slow things down with her. Lexi still had her key and the garage code, and he had just made a key for Gina, who also knew the garage code. As nice as it was having both women around, there was a damn good chance that all of it could blow up in his face.

Maintaining a life of lies wasn’t easy. He had to watch the same romantic comedies twice. He had to regularly think of believable excuses about why either one couldn’t stay at the house. Gina began leaving her preferred groceries at the house, and Chuck would eat everything so that Lexi wouldn’t question why he had a box of Kashi cereal in the cabinet. Gina, then, was confused as to where her food went. She must have eaten it, he told her. Because he would never touch her food. That would be rude. Gina, worried she had developed a sleep-eating disorder, stopped buying groceries for his house. Chuck was, without malice, leading her toward a path of anorexia. But, hey, whatever kept the pantry clean.

Lexi traded the Bible for a libido, but what was even better was that she was still willing to help Chuck out with his finances. Even though his mother’s health was currently stable and wasn’t causing too many additional expenses at the moment, the interest rates on his credit cards and the outstanding medical bills were barely manageable. On top of that, the IRS began garnishing his wages. Because Liberty’s publisher didn’t deduct taxes from Chuck’s paychecks, Chuck chose to just not pay on what he earned. It was a proud stance of libertarianism. He ignored Lou’s and everyone else’s advice against it. “Screw the IRS,” he’d say. It didn’t matter to him that the publisher claimed the payroll and that the IRS would, at some point, come looking for what was due.

With the wage garnishment, Chuck’s take home from Tigris was little more than two-hundred bucks every two weeks. He obviously couldn’t pay any of his bills or rent with money like that. Lexi was giving him between five hundred and one thousand dollars every month. Most of that money went for his mom’s medical bills and to keep the utilities on in the house, put gas in his car and also to buy beer and pay for dates with Gina. He canceled the insurance on his car, stopped making the car-loan payment and quit paying Lou altogether.

Melvin was thrilled with the sobriety illusion Chuck created. Lexi was happy just to be with him and was confident he’d pay her back once his wages were returned to him in a few months. After Gina saw a text message from Lexi show up on Chuck’s phone, she knew the exes were talking again. But he assured her that the conversations were rare and that he wasn’t interested in dating Lexi. He even placated her with the idea of marriage when she brought it up one night over dinner.

He had built a sturdy fortress of bullshit, but cracks were starting to show.

To: [email protected] From: [email protected]<Louis Bergman> Subject: Rent

CK– Like I’ve said before… Don’t worry about the rent. I told my grandparents that things are tight for you right now but that we’ll figure something out. They know about your mom and all that, so just pay the utilities and credit card companies. Those fuckers won’t give you a break. Michelle said I ought to evict you. Dad said I shouldn’t do that to a friend. And I never would. So don’t worry about it. Oh, Michelle… Sometimes I think she would have ratted out Anne Frank given the opportunity. What you need to be worried about is this two-timing thing you’ve got going. Even If you’re not worried about it, I sure as hell am, and it’s not making things any easier for me out here. Don’t make me worry about you. I can only barely manage one life going to shit at a time, and I called dibs. –LB

To: [email protected] From: [email protected]<Chuck Keller> Subject: Re: Rent

Thanks, buddy. I feel terrible about not paying. I should write a letter to your dad and grandpaw. I don’t know what to tell you about Michelle. You love her, so figure it out. Maybe when we get our shit back in order, she’ll be more understanding. Though, I’m not sure that’s fair. Taking the good with the bad and all that. I gotta get out of here. I’m about to fucking crack. This place is too hot for me right now. Nothing can go on the back burner because I’ve gone and set the goddamn kitchen on fire. Not your kitchen. You know what I mean. I need to figure this out. And I need to do it before I burn the whole fucking house down. And probably the block. I’m sorry. That probably made you worry. I’m a terrible friend. Everything will be fine. Everything. Just need some time and space to cool out.

✶

HE LEFT WORK EARLY ON THURSDAY AND TOOK FRIDAY AS A VACATION DAY. He told Lexi and Gina that he would be working all weekend and couldn’t see them.

He swung by the house, changed clothes, packed a small bag with clean underwear, a toothbrush and half a dozen bottles of beer from the fridge, threw it in his car and took off up U.S. 95 northbound.

The only predetermined direction was straight. When he finished the six beers, he pulled into a gas station a few miles outside of the city limits and purchased a case of cans. He cracked the first one before pulling out of the parking lot. By the time he hit Tonopah, he was out of gas and nearly out of beer. While the BMW drank in the unleaded, Chuck purchased another case, a pack of cigarettes and a bag of beef jerky

“Are you sure you’re alright to be on the road tonight?” the clerk at the gas station asked.

“On the road is the only way to be alright.” Then he laughed. He took his change and handed it to the old woman with translucent blue hair sitting at the video slot machine near the door. “Take the change and flee!” He stormed out with the case under his arm and stuffed the pack of smokes and lighter into his mouth. He lit up before the gas finished pumping.

Chuck aimed the BMW to Highway 6 toward Warm Springs and onto the Extraterrestrial Highway. This stretch of road had long been his place of solace. Before heading north up to Hiko, he yanked the car onto the shoulder, threw it in park, grabbed the case of beer and climbed onto the roof. He lay on his back drinking while he looked for UFOs. The stars began to blur and spin in unusual patterns against the Earth’s rotation. Chuck’s beer-filled brain was in retrograde and to him, everything looked like a spaceship racing across the sky.

“E.T.!” he shouted into the blackness. “I see you. Can you see me? Come on down. I have a beer for you. You’ll like it. It’s from a place called Milwaukee.”

✶

HE WOKE UP ON A SMALL COT SHOVED INTO A CORNER INSIDE OF A SMALL, CIGARETTE-SMOKE-STAINED ROOM. His glasses were on a rickety nightstand. Someone entered the room; a woman. She handed his glasses to him.

She was a petite, but big-breasted, blond Asian. “Am I dead?” Chuck asked.

“Hardly,” she said. “But I thought we might have to have your stomach pumped.”

“Where am I?”

“Starlight Ranch, sweetie. Do you remember me?”

“Fuck.” The Starlight Ranch was a whorehouse in Lund, a small town just outside of the Humboldt-Toiyabe National Forrest. “I’m sure my wallet will.”

“Unfortunately not. You didn’t want to party last night. I thought maybe you’d be up for it this morning.”

“So we didn’t?”

“Not yet.” She took a seat next to him on the bed and stroked his thigh over his jeans. “You kept mumbling something about too many pussies.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“And you kept buying drinks for an imaginary alien you said you found on the highway. One of our regulars tried to drink one of the beers you bought, but you threatened to kill him and anyone else who touched the beers. There are about thirteen or so glasses of warm beer waiting for you out there on the bar.”

“That sounds about right, too. I’m impressed we didn’t screw last night. You’re the woman of my dreams. I love Asian women. And blondes. And tits.”

“You called me your Zipper-Eyed Angel last night.”

Chuck laughed. “Sorry about that.”

“I’ve been called worse. Other than that, you were a total gentleman. Even ran a good couple games of pool and had the whole place dancing to the jukebox.”

“Were there a lot of people here?”

“Maybe a dozen. Mostly us girls.”

She and Chuck moved out to the bar. He grabbed one of the alien’s beers and chugged it down. She sat on a stool.

“What did you say your name was?” Chuck said.

“Starla.”

“Your real name.”

“Dakota.”

“Your real name.”

“Dakota. I’m a first generation. My parents were living in Sioux Falls at the time.”

“Jesus, that’s awful. Chinese?”

“Yes.”

“What were two Chinese immigrants doing in Sioux Falls?”

“Laundry business. Only Asian dry cleaners in the whole state. The newspaper even did a story about it.”

“Asians in Sioux Falls. Can’t say I would run that story.”

“Are you a newspaper man?”

“I’m the editor of a magazine. Back in Vegas.”

“What brought you out here?”

“Escape.”

“What from?”

“I don’t think my alien friend is going to claim these beers,” he told the bartender, a grizzled older woman. “You can toss them. I would love a fresh one, though.” He turned back to the Asian in response to her question. “What from? Everything. The job. The girls. The boss. The family.”

“The big city life, huh?”

“All I’ve ever wanted was to be able to take care of the people I care about. And I can’t do that. I’m actually hurting them.”

“My mom is sick. Heart problems. I put myself in the poorhouse taking care of her medical bills, which I can’t afford anymore. Can’t afford rent to my best buddy whose house I’m living in, the IRS is taking my wages for back taxes, and I’m letting my ex-girlfriend pay for all of it right now. At the same time, I’m also dating this other girl. My boss demanded I go into AA, which I’m obviously not doing, and generally, I’ve just sort of fucked myself. Because on top of the magazine, which is probably going to shut down if I don’t actually get back to working on it and get it out on time each month, I have a full-time day gig at the Tigris. That’s the boss who wants me in AA. And that job: all the corporate nonsense, the micro-managing, the fluorescent lighting, the mandatory meetings that accomplish nothing… I’m just not doing anything right. And I don’t know why. But it all started out with the best of intentions.”

Dakota ordered a club soda.

“All I’ve ever wanted was to be able to take care of the people I care about. And I can’t do that. I’m actually hurting them. And that makes it worse. And I worry about my mom — both of my parents, really. And my brother… They’re so helpless and stupid. Just dull and shiftless. Wasting days in Indiana. My best pal, the one whose house I’m living in, is in Chicago living with a girl who he loves but is just so hard on him. And he’s unemployed and frustrated and not doing so hot either. And I know I’m making things worse for him by not paying him rent and… Ah, fuck it. It’s all a mess. Christ, I’m talking a lot. I must not be drunk enough to shut up.”

“So you ran away from it all.”

“I needed an escape. Don’t we all need to escape sometimes?”

“I suppose so. But blowing a thousand bucks on booze at a cathouse hundreds of miles from home isn’t helping.”

“It clears my mind.”

“Bullshit.”

“It is. But it’s something. It’s something else. A good long drive always does me good. Maybe I’ll figure it out on the drive back.” He signaled the bartender for another round. “Are you drinking?” he asked Dakota.

“No, thank you. You seem like a sweet guy. But intentions, well, they’re just that. I lived in Vegas for a few years after leaving Sioux Falls. I needed to get away from that life. It was too slow. There wasn’t enough action; I needed to make something of myself. But I always had every intention of going back home at some point. Then I met a guy, and things went bad, and I had to leave. And I ended up here. I haven’t seen or spoken to my family in years. I don’t even have any real friends. I made the real escape.”

“And are you okay with your life now?”

“I’m fine with it. I think that before I was always hurting. And I haven’t hurt since I’ve been here. No one knows me, and I don’t know anyone. These other girls, my boss, they’re just co-workers. I get paid to create human interaction. It’s all business; there are no real feelings attached to any of it. I make people happy, if only for an hour and for whatever reason they want to feel happy for. Maybe they’re tired of being by themselves in the cabs of their trucks. Maybe they’re not getting any physical affection at home. Maybe they’re too socially fucked up to meet women in their real life. Maybe they like the fantasy of a Chinese girl with big tits. But I escaped because I was hurting all of the time. And I was hurting my parents with my behavior. I’ve seen all the hurt I ever want to see. Personally, anyway. Now I just provide relief. Or that one thing every one of us wants.”

“And what’s that? Happiness?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“Well, I never hurt my parents.”

“This isn’t a pissing contest. I’m just telling you that everybody hurts, and that this escape of yours, it’s not going to stop that.”

“‘Everybody hurts.’ Are you quoting R.E.M. now?”

“What’s R.E.M.?”

“The band. They had that song, ‘Everybody Hurts.’”

“Never heard of them. Don’t know it. Listen, why don’t you come back to my room with me.”

“I can’t. I have to draw the line somewhere.”

Dakota leaned in and whispered in his ear, “A blowjob on the house won’t hurt anything. As long as my boss doesn’t find out.”

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX Part X Part 11 Part 12

#Hope Idiotic #David Himmel Author #David Himmel Novel #David Himmel Fiction #Fiction #Las Vegas Fiction #Dark Humor #Bildungsroman

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