#shevit's writing

[justmelookingbackatme]

Remember

When I was six years old, I met a girl. I remember very little about her. Not even her name. It started with a C, I think. Cynthia? I don't remember.

I do remember: We went to summer camp together, the summer before first grade.

I do remember: There was a pool we went to, and age restrictions on how deep you were allowed to go. When no one was looking, she and I snuck into the deep end. One of us, or maybe both, lost our footing. In retrospect, we would have been perfectly fine, but at the time I thought I was about to drown. I grabbed onto her. I was scared and disoriented, and I found my way back to her.

I do remember: That summer, I had a lot of dental work done. As one can imagine, that wasn't pleasant. But I would come back to camp from the dentist, gums sore, and she would make me smile. We would eat sugar cookies and make each other laugh, and for a moment I could forget about my pain.

I do remember: I left the camp for a week to go on vacation, and told my relatives all about her.

I do remember: She liked to draw. And she was good at it, or as good as a six year old could be anyway. Better than me. She tried to teach me how she drew in her cartoon style, and that was how I drew for years. Even after we fell out of touch.

I do remember: When the school year started, we took swimming lessons together once a week. We weren't as close, but I still liked her.

I do remember: On Valentine's Day, I gave her a card. I was in first grade, and I had to give everyone in my class a card. But hers? Hers was a choice. Hers was special. I wrote a poem. Nothing good, of course. It was something like "roses are red, violets are blue, cookies are sweet, and so are you."

I do remember: She was my first crush, even if I didn't know it at the time. I didn't know the name for it at the time, I wasn't sure I needed one. I didn't have a word, but I had her, and wasn't that good enough?

Things were so much easier, then, compared to my second crush. There was no late-night googling "am i gay quiz." There was no choking on the words as I tried to tell my parents. No worrying about all my friends hating me.

Just us.

I don't remember much about her, but I remember her fondly. I remember how it felt, to have a crush on a girl, but without all the hate and fear and guilt. Just happiness.

#shevit's writing #sar types things #sapphic #lesbian #ugh i wish i remembered her name lol #but yeah that was my first crush #wonder how she's doing

[archived-and-moving]

"I don't want to fight right now. It's my wedding, Livvy, can't you at least pretend to be happy for me?"

I'm having a little too much fun with this

I’m so incredibly excited for 5k+ words of delivvy but things like this. Scare me. /lh /hj

#Dr. Lesbian #dr. lesbian writes about little miss perfect and dr. lesbian #Shevit I’ve already cried once this week it can’t happen again

[endeavorsreward]

This entire blog could be something entirely different

There are many upsides from having a tumblr that is hyper-focused on a single thing; I stay out of a long of nonsense, just kinda tending my garden here, and sometimes people come by and say nice things about the flowers.

The one downside is that it sorta gives the impression I only have one interest, or even just that because this is what I’ve decided to make with my free time, it’s indicative of what I think the “best” game is, or any of that business.

First off, the actual literal “best” game is Kentucky Route Zero. There’s no competition on that front. Ivalice is just important to me for a lot of personal reasons, and the writing of the Matsuno parts of the franchise appeal heavily to my interests and how I write stuff.

But I could’ve done this “novelization” project with another game, pretty easily - I even have a ton of files and notes for another game, how I’d fix and improve and even novelize it, I just decided the sheer labor involved in that didn’t offer the same reward for me.

But I’ve had a long day and I thought some people might be curious what I’d do with a different game, so here’s a test run I made some years ago, a small excerpt from an unfinished fic that sorta sat alongside my notes:

2. Fei Fong Wong

“Here.” Yui's gentle fingers slid along Fei's throat, a strangely intimate touch, and he tensed for a moment. But she pressed firmly, just to the side of his adam's apple, and smiled in reassurance. “This should do it. How does it feel?”

Fei brought his own fingers to his neck, and felt the light ribbing of the patch that she'd applied. “It's really stuck on there, yeah. You really don't think anyone will notice?”

She shook her head. She looked sly, confident – it was amazing that Fei had never really noticed this side of Citan's wife before, She had always been there, ubiquitous, the calming counterpart to the Doc's flights of whimsy, his mad projects. A brilliant chef, whom her husband was always teasing. Ever-patient, always ready with a bright laugh for her quiet daughter.

A warrior of Shevat.

“No, they won't see it. The color matches your skin pretty well.” He was sitting on a kitchen table in the quarters that Citan's family shared, a tastefully-appointed suite in the royal palace. Yui was a Sage's granddaughter, and she was an important figure, here—important enough that Shevat had traveled half the globe's length to retrieve her when she'd called, had collected up the survivors of Lahan without hesitation. “That said, I think we could do with applying a little make-up, to help conceal the seams.”

“Make-up?” Fei goggled. “Uh, Yui, I don't think...”

She tut-tutted him, playfully slapped his shoulder. “Don't be such a man, Fei, relax. I promise, Bart and Rico will never notice you're wearing it.”

His legs swung beneath the table, like a small boy's. He always felt like a child when Yui was scolding him. “Well... I mean, I guess... if it's necessary...”

She picked up some foundation from a nearby side table. “Now, remember. The transceiver has a very short range – it has to, or the signals would be detected. So you need to stay close to Elly, or to my husband, for it to work.”

“Right.” He nodded, and then winced as she began puffing his neck. “And I just speak under my breath, and they do the same with theirs, and we'll pick up each other on the earpiece?”

“And they'll be able to translate for you, without anyone noticing.”

“Wow.” He resisted the urge to touch it again, to pick at it. “Shevat's technology is incredible.” He shook his head. “Yui... I never could have imagined... when I was in Lahan...”

“Mm.” She crossed her arms. “Well, it's certainly true, Fei. Things are more advanced. I...” She frowned. “I wish we'd been able to share more with the people still on the ground below.” So many secrets, secrets all of them have kept. “But this isn't Shevite technology, Fei. Citan made this.”

“Oh! Well, that figures.” He chuckled. “Is there anything that the Doc can't do?”

She gave him a long look, and then spoke in a measured voice. “Yes.”

3. Lieutenant Elhaym Van Houten

It was before, during their first visit to Shevat, when she'd first seen it.

“No, I don't know why Queen Zephyr asked me to bring you down here...” Maria all but skipped wherever she walked. “I think she said it was Wiseman's idea.” Elly couldn't help but feel envious. Here, in Shevat, Maria was home. Even after all Maria had endured – the true fates of her parents, the origin of Siebzehn – Maria had a home, a place that welcomed her. Elly thought about what she'd left behind, and how much was unfinished...

“Maria?” Elly had stopped halfway down the stairs, and Maria had turned. “Do you know much about that man? Wiseman?”

She shook her head. “Only that the Queen trusts him. Why?”

It had been the escape from Zeboim. Wiseman's Gear holding back that... that thing, that red blur, that had attacked them. The Demon of Elru. The terror of Commander Ramsus. And they'd had to run, to leave him behind, because Stein had taken the girl, had taken Emeralda away from her... from them... When Stein took off, she'd begged them to go back for Wiseman, but the entrance to the dig site had collapsed.

Why had she feared for Wiseman so?

She had once again followed Maria as they headed further into the depths of the palace. She was unable to give Maria the answer. She'd wanted to save Wiseman for Fei, but also for herself. She'd wanted to ask Wiseman about Grahf.

And why Grahf had saved her life.

They reached prison block, and took a corner. A Shevite guard gave them a glance, and then nodded that they could pass.

Wiseman was safe and sound, as though it had never happened. He'd given Elly the briefest tilt of the head, and now he was gone, again, as if the whole thing was supposed to be funny.

“We're here.” Maria had stepped aside so that Elly could enter.

The room was giant, but many rooms were giant. It was built to house a Gear. But this Gear was...

“Ah!” Elly took a step back. It looked like Vierge, but of course it wasn't. In her heart, she knew exactly what it was. Knew why she felt warmth radiate from it, towards only her. It was almost as if it were singing...

“It's Sophia's.” Maria's voice was soft, gentle – Sophia's name was always spoken in that tone – but she looked confused. Elly just kept staring at the feather-like swoops from the Gear's hips, from its crest. What did those look like, to her? To Miang's gear, maybe? It had those wings. Or... “Elly? You okay?”

It's okay. Come join with me. Let's be again together, as we were... “No. No, I can't.” Elly pushed past Maria. “No, I'm sorry, I can't...”

And that had been it.

Now, on the eve of going back to Solaris, Elly found herself in that room again, sitting against the opposite wall from the giant machine, hugging her legs. She was dressed in her Gebler uniform, for the first time since the Thames. Since those days alone, on the shipwreck, with Fei. And this beautiful and horrible thing that had called to her, she was here again, with the same questions, the same doubts.

And more besides: there was that girl, that green-haired girl, who was upstairs right now scaring people. The feathers looked a bit like her Gear, too, was that it?

“I thought I'd find you down here.” Elly looked up to see the edge of a familiar red cape.

“Oh... Margie.”

“Wow.” Margie sat down beside her, looking up at the Omnigear. “This was... it was really hers?”

“Yes.” Elly, somehow, just knew.

“I can't even frame that in my mind. This is all so strange.” Margie breathed out. “But I had to see it.”

“Is it true?” Elly didn't look at her. “The painting? That Sophia... that she looks like...”

Margie clapped her hands on her knees. “Let's go back upstairs together. We never get to talk.”

“I...” Elly looked at the Gear, who seemed to be judging her. “Okay.” She accepted Margie's hand, and tried to convince herself that like Maria, she had a place where she belonged.

4. Emeralda Kasim

One of the only things that Emeralda had to call her own was a memory of candles. Kim had placed them on that confection one at a time, smiling and looking back at her, in her tube. Candles were a part of Kim, Kim-Kim or Fei's Kim, and so when the Bagboy was setting up candles, too, Emeralda found herself drawn to come see what he was doing.

Bagboy was Bagboy because he wore a big blue bag, with a bow on top. His hair was white, even though Emeralda remembered somehow that white was old. Emeralda remembered lots of things despite not knowing why, like what shoes were, or arms. When Emeralda rode her Gear she didn't have arms, but Emeralda could make herself have arms or no arms, so that was okay. She also remembered how to ride her Gear. But the bad men had helped her remember that part.

Bagboy set up his candles in a line, and Emeralda practiced counting them. Counting was hard when it wasn't data, like when you were fighting. Bagboy turned around, and Emeralda became a tree so that he wouldn't see her. Trees were green on top, like she was. Green – that's why Kim named her Emeralda!

Bagboy smiled, and he smiled a liiiittle bit like Kim, and that was nice. Bagboy wasn't so bad, like some of the others. Green-Man was green, like Emeralda's hair, but he was always mean-looking. Rat-man smelled funny, and One-Eye and other One-Eye didn't pay attention to her. The only ones that she liked besides Kim were the girl in the goggles, who was always nice, and the girl in the poofy hat, who everyone liked, and the other one that she forgot the name of, the one who was always bringing her candy. Oh! His name meant “house,” she remembered that part.

“I hope Emeralda doesn't come in.” Bagboy was still smiling. “Because I'd never be able to figure out if she was hiding.”

Emeralda laughed. Oops! Trees don't laugh!

“Gotcha.” Bagboy waved at her. “How are you doing today, Emeralda?”

“Bagboy tricked me.” Emeralda turned back into herself.

“Oh, Emeralda...” He shook his head slightly. “You should call me Billy. 'Bagboy' is okay, but Billy is my name.”

“Yes, Billy is Billy.” Why did she do that? She didn't know. It was hard to stop. None of these people were Kim. And Kim was Kim. So the rest were just not-Kim. But some of them were nice. So she should try to be nice, too.

“Thank you, Emeralda.” Pleased, Billy coaxed her a little closer. “Do you want to join me?”

“What is Billy doing with the candles?” She reached out, and gently ran her finger along one. Finally touching one. It wasn't Kim's candles, that she never got to touch.

“I'm lighting a candle for each one of us.” Billy fished in his “bag” – his cloak – for a matchbook. “Because we're going to do something dangerous tomorrow, and I want to pray for us to all come home safely together.”

Emeralda let her finger become a candle. But she didn't like that, so she stopped. “What is 'pray,' Billy?”

“Come sit with me.” Billy patted the deck floor next to him. “And we can do it together.”

Emeralda sat down. The floor was cold here in a side wing of the Yggdrasil's engine room, and so she made herself warmer. “Is Billy... Are you scared?”

Billy looked thoughful for a moment. “Yes. But to my surprise, Emeralda, I still have faith.”

“What is 'faith?'”

“That's an excellent question.” Billy began lighting the candles, one after another. “I used to be so sure that I knew the answer, and maybe I don't anymore. But I believe that we'll be okay, Emeralda. I trust our friends, and I have to trust myself.” His voice grew quiet. “And I trust my father.”

“Father.” Emeralda picked at her scarf. “Kim is Father.” People didn't seem to like when she called Kim as Kim, instead of Fei's Kim.

“And he'll keep us safe.” Billy placed his hand on her shoulder. “He promised. And if we don't have anything else to rely on, we have believing in the ones who care about us.”

“Care...” Emeralda ran this one through her mind for a bit. “I care... for Billy.”

Billy put his hands together in prayer. “Watching you grow in these few days, Emeralda... I can still believe there's a God looking out for us. And that's faith.”

5. Ricardo Banderas

Rico slid onto one of the stools at the bar in the Gun Room, and Old Maison put down his dishrag.

“Master Rico! Can I get you anything?” Maison proffered a bottle of strong Kislev whiskey from beneath the bar, but Rico shook his head. Then, after a moment, he glanced around to make sure that they were alone.

“You know.”

“Ah! Of course.” Maison placed a glass in front of Rico and filled it with milk. “Your secret, as always, is safe with me, sir.”

“Yeah.” Rico placed his hands around the glass. “So, I don't get it. You guys took back your country. Shouldn't some of you, y'know... be there?”

Maison smiled. “Ah, well. Miss Margie has spent most of these past two days meeting with representatives from Shevat, arranging aid for the rebuilding process, and strengthening ties between this country and Aveh and Nisan, based on the relationship both have to Sophia. And I know that the Young Master and Sigurd as well have both been making such inroads. Certainly, Solaris is a threat to all nations.”

Rico scratched at his forehead with one giant hand, and then sipped from the glass with a surprising gentleness. “I get those things as far as it goes, but...”

“Master Rico.” Maison gave Rico's hand a pat. “Remember the things that we once discussed?”

It had been the night before the move to liberate Aveh and Nisan. Rico had made a poor showing of himself during the planning meeting. Specifically, he'd thrown a table across the room, and had nearly broken Fei's arm when Fei had tried to restrain him and calm him down. The subject of how Kislev would factor into the upcoming military maneuvers had come up, and Rico had... well, he's not even sure what he'd reacted to.

Fei had suggested meeting with the Kaiser in secret and brokering a truce while Bart led the team that rescued Nisan and Sigurd and Maison the retaking of the capital. Bart had argued strenuously against allying with Kislev until Aveh was back under their control. Questions from both sides of the argument had been thrown at Elly regarding the complement of soldiers at the Gebler base in Bledavik, and Rico had finally just snapped.

Had he wanted to ally with Kislev? Or had he not wanted to?

In the end, Bart had gotten his way (as he always seemed to), and they'd moved to Nisan first. Rico had been unable to sleep, and Maison was at the bar, as he always was. Maison was a former royal knight and a veteran of battle – Rico had pegged him from the start as more than he looked. You didn't stay at the head of the pack in prison for that long without being able to judge someone's eyes. In the end, mad at everyone (and mostly at himself), it had been Maison that he'd gone to talk to.

“So, you raised him,” Rico had asked, and Maison had of course nodded proudly. “What's it like...” And he hadn't known how to ask it. His finger grazed the memento chain around his neck, just beneath the deactivated bomb collar that he still wore. The two sides of his life. “He was a kid, and he knew he was the prince?”

How long had Rico known? Did he know? Maybe he knew nothing at all. But there was a sick and sad feeling, a cold-burning fire, deep within him that probably always understood. And somehow, in that moment, Maison understood, as well. And so they'd talked, and it was as if Maison was a decade or more younger once again, calling the Young Master in from games to impart to him his duty. Possibly damning him, Maison sometimes feared, but in the end Bart had proven to be the same man as his father, the spirit that Maison had pledged to serve.

“The Young Master Bartholomew Fatima is no longer king,” Maison now said, “But he is still the leader of his people. And he established a suitable group of representatives to operate in his stead long enough to form a parliament, and in so doing, begin to reach across to Kislev. It will take time...” And Maison was smart enough here to say nothing of the Kaiser, “...But that time can only be bought if the world is safe from Solaris. There is nothing that he would desire more now than to be with his countrymen, from whom he's been separated for so long. But a leader's life is given up for those of his people.”

What had Kaiser Sigmund ever given up for his people? Rico could imagine very little. He seemed to have given up little even for his own family. And yet, he'd heard the stories of what happened at the Kislev front, when Id had demolished both sides, and Aveh had been ripe for the plucking. Sigmund had held off. It didn't match what little Rico knew about the bastard, and the thought of that ate up Rico's insides something awful. And so he drank milk to settle his stomach, and prepared to crack some heads together tomorrow, and hope it would one day lead to a life where he could understand even his own feelings, much less this strange and broken world he'd grown up in.

6. Midori Uzuki

“There are so many friends chu play with, now!” Chu-Chu danced around Midori and the other girl as they blinked at each other. “It's so nice when we all get chu meet each other!”

Midori looked at the strange girl, with her white hair and her red eyes, and thought of her own father.

“Well, good luck with that, Chu-Chu.” Fei had his hands in his pockets, and he was looking from one girl to the other. “I'm not sure that Primera and Midori will... um... have much to say to each other...”

Midori wasn't sure when she realized that she could understand what others thought, what they felt. It just seemed to happen, had happened for as long as she could remember. People's minds and hearts just opened to her, with so very little bidding. It was often too much for her, the knowledge of so many people, and in a crowded place like Shevat, it was all she could do not to collapse; so many days she spent instead just curled in her bed, trying to block them out. The only ones she could communicate with were of the Chu-Chu tribe – something in them matched what she herself had, and they could speak, instead of the onrush of noise that threatened to drown her.

When they'd gone to the surface, her father had built their home up high on a mountain, away from the village, to keep her safe, a blessed isolation. It was one of the only direct kindnesses he'd ever found time for, and she knew – she knew! - that somewhere within, part of him enjoyed the autonomy and high vantage point that their home provided.

No, her father was the hardest at all – if all secrets were thrust nakedly at her, if all things hidden were forced so violently into her mind and heart, then to have as a father the keeper of all secrets was the hardest of all to bear. His every motion concealed something else, and as much as she loved her father, sometimes he threatened to doom her completely.

And so now she was here, with this girl Primera, whose thoughts were plain without her voice to carry them, and she saw the way her father Jesiah had suffered for her, and how Billy had relied upon her when she could barely live herself, and she understood. She understood.

She took Primera's hand.

“See! It's so easy chu make friends!” Chu-Chu hopped up and down, clapping her hands.

7. Queen Zephyr

She looked at the man standing before the throne for as long as she could bear it, and then closed her eyes. “Recite for me again the details of the plan.”

The man adjusted his glasses. “Tomorrow, at the appointed hour, the Yggdrasil, helmed by Sigurd, will make a brief combative fly-by of the now-revealed Solaris. During this distraction, Siebzehn will use its graviton cannon to disrupt the weakened gate projected by Solaris, and will fly in for the drop-off. We will move in small units. Fei, Elly, and myself will travel together, and Jesiah will lead Bart, Billy, Rico, Emeralda, Chu-Chu, and Hammer in the second group. Our goal is to obtain enough information to initiate a full-scale assault. To that end, the three of us will attempt to gain access to the first class districts while Jesiah's team splits up at their entry point.”

Queen Zephyr nodded slowly. “Do you think that either you or Elhaym will be able to move about unmolested in the higher class districts?”

Citan frowned slightly. She knew that he knew what she was actually getting at. More than “will they be aware,” it was a question of “are you already expected.” She had been doing this very dance with this same man for many years now, and this was likely the end of it, no matter what happened.

The first time he had come, he had nearly killed them. The second, he had taken her champion away from them. The last, an infiltrator had followed on his heels. What bad tidings did “Citan Uzuki” now bring for Shevat?

“We believe that Elly is only listed as 'Missing in Action.' Her father is a powerful man, and Gebler can't bear the embarrassment.” Citan spoke nothing of himself. Nor did she expect him to.

“Go on.”

“When Jesiah's team divides, Hammer will attempt to map as much of Solaris as he can in the allotted time. Bart, Rico, and Chu-Chu will move as one, and Jessie will take his son and Emeralda separately. Bart's team will be responsible for troop sizes and placement, and Jessie will be assessing Solaris armaments and in-built defense systems, which have no doubt changed since we were last within its borders.” Which meant, the Queen knew, that Jesiah trusted his son to do that job without him—because Jesiah would no doubt be keeping an eye on Citan. She might have suggested the maneuver herself, if she did not understand Jessie so well. “If sabotage is possible without discovery, then we will engage, but the primary orders are reconnaissance only.”

“Am I to assume that the recall point has been established, then?” She leveled her gaze at him. “When last we all spoke, the extraction procedure had not been laid out.”

He met her eyes and held them. Would there even be an extraction? Or was Citan leading his friends in to die?

Queen Zephyr had lived for so long. She was so tired. And she had seen so much already. And so there was something particularly fascinating about this man, who was one of few whose actions she could never predict. He had been playing both sides, all sides, of this conflict for so long, that to reach these ending stages at last...

She had judged him long ago, when Yui had brought him into Shevat's fold, and she knew that he was at heart a good man. But it had been a long, long time since being a good man was enough.

She thought of the generations of good men that she had seen die, and she waited for him to answer, wondering who it was that would be lost this time.

#Admin

[justmelookingbackatme]

Society has a lot of criteria to be a girl, and anatomy is only one of those.

Society's idea of a girl is white. Society's idea of a girl is Christian. Society's idea of a girl is heterosexual. Society's idea of a girl is thin. Society's idea of a girl is polite and non-threatening. Society's idea of a girl is able bodied and neurotypical. Society's idea of a girl is sexually appealing to men. Society's idea of a girl likes dresses and makeup, and does not like learning or sports.

Needless to say, there are a lot of people deemed girls at the start who don't fit those criteria. Not feminine enough to be a girl, but not a man, either. We have failed at both.

This puts us at neutral, at neither, and this is meant to degrade us.

There are different options, from here.

One is to say, "Fuck you, this bigoted society does not decide what it means for me to be a girl. I decide what it means for me to be a girl, and I am one."

(Society usually disagrees, but you will find people who believe you.)

The other is to say "You're right, I don't fit the criteria for a girl. But that isn't a bad thing."

(And usually, society will then deny us this. It doesn't want us to take power from being another gender. It wants us beaten down.)

(And sometimes, those who chose the first option will deny us this right, say it is bigoted to consider ourselves not girls because we don't fit the bigoted criteria. But girl is culturally defined, and our culture is bigoted. It is not our choice what society thinks, but it is our choice to love who we are even if that isn't female.)

I think it's hard for many to recognize that both are good. Neither is better. One of them will just be what's right for an individual. It is up to an individual to do what makes them happiest. The important thing is, we have a choice. The choice does not belong society that tried to define us, the choice is ours.

#this is brought to you by unfortunately seeing a lot of terf takes but here's what i think (i think they're wrong) #i think a lot of terfs choose the first option #and decide it's misogynistic to go with the second #but fuck that #gender #gender shit #womanhood #shevit's writing

[gay-otlc]

Snap the Pen in Half

Tiergan/Prentice angst lmao

Summary: Dear Prentice, Hi. This is stupid. This is really stupid. Why am I doing this again? It's not like you can read this.

Content warnings for cursing, and like death/loss

Word count: 3477

@if-only-wishes-were-answered you asked to be tagged?

Read on AO3

Okay, so, maybe it was irrational that Tiergan wanted to snap the fucking pen in half. It's not like the pen was to blame for anything. But xe wanted to break something, and the pen was conveniently in xyr way. With a sigh, he stopped looking at the pen like it personally had taken Prentice away from him, and started scribbling furiously.

Dear Prentice,

Hi. This is stupid. This is really stupid. Why am I doing this again? It's not like you can read this. Not that anyone can ever read my handwriting, but you can't even try to decipher it, because you're...

Nope. Not writing that. Not in pen, where xe can't erase it, because writing it is too permanent. Maybe if he doesn't write it, he can pretend this isn't permanent.

This is stupid.It's supposed to be therapeutic, or whatever. A healthier way to deal with everything than locking myself in my room and blasting the Beatles so loud it hurts my ears and eating ice cream and crying. I don't think this is helping. I just want more ice cream, even though this is something that even Ben & Jerry's can't fix. And before now, I didn't think that was possible.

Dammit, Prentice, why'd you have to get yourself hurt? I don't care if the moonlark fixes the world or whatever, you were my world. (That sounds ridiculously cheesy. But it's not like you're around to laugh at me. I wish you were around to laugh at me.)

Fuck you. I know it's not your fault, I know you were just trying to help and that you never wanted the worst to happen. It's not your fault, but fuck you, fuck you for leaving me. Didn't you know how much you meant to me? You had to have known. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you that enough. Who am I kidding, of course it wasn't enough. It never would have been, because I never wanted to tell you I loved you for the last time. But if there had to be a last time, I wanted it to be later. I wanted to tell you at least one more time. Just one more "I love you," one more kiss, one more day together. Fuck you for leaving me without that.

I'm pissed at you, I guess. It's not just you. I'm pissed at everything. Alden Vacker, obviously, and the council. Quinlin. Forkle. Me, I'm pissed at myself. Hell, I'm pissed at the pen I'm writing this with. I just hate everything.

Writing this did not help. I still hate everything. I still feel like I'm being strangled or stabbed or whatever poetic shit people use to describe grief. This was a stupid idea.

I barely survived a week without you, Prentice, how the fuck am I gonna survive a lifetime of this?

Xe shoved the paper away before falling tears made it even more illegible. Then he threw the pen across the room. The thud it made against the wall was kind of satisfying. Not satisfying enough. Xe stuffed the letter in a drawer where xe wouldn't have to think about it more.

--

Prentice,

Why am I doing this? I guess the last letter did help. Not that I'll ever repeat that.

So maybe this was more healthy than making himself sick on cookies and cream. It still felt stupid. But xe was out of ice cream now and too emotionally drained to go to the store, so this was xyr best option.

In character for my trademark shitty memory (you used to tease me for that, i'd kill for you to tease me again), I keep forgetting you're gone. Which is weird, since losing you feels like there's this giant gaping hole in my life. Like I've lost a limb or something. But according to Livvy, who's a smart doctor person so I'm gonna trust cer on this one, people who lose a limb still sometimes feel like it's still attached, like they could swear it's still there, but it's not. It's called a phantom limb. I guess that's what my brain is doing with you, stupid brain.

I mean, having a phantom you is better than no you at all. But also, it really really sucks to get punched in the face by reality and remember.

Someone will say something funny and I'll go "Prentice would find this hilarious, I have to go tell him" and I'll be happy for about three seconds before I'm left more heartbroken then before. Or I'll wake up in the middle of the night and it's really fucking cold, so I'll think "Prentice is warm, I'm gonna go hug Prentice" and then it feels like I've been stabbed.

I think my favorite part of the day is just when I wake up. Ironic, I know, since you always have had- was it weird to start crying over verb tense?- a horrible time convincing me to get out of bed in the morning and usually you'd have to bribe me with pancakes. But yeah, I guess I like waking up in the morning now. Awake enough that I can think straight (not that anything i ever do is straight. get it? haha. puns. this is not a good way to cope), but asleep enough that my memory is still hazy.

So in the first thirty seconds to a minute, I think you're still here. I still think you're on the other side of the bed, or maybe downstairs making breakfast. There's no distinction between early mornings Before and early mornings After, because I'm too sleepy to remember After.

And then I remember, and that's my least favorite part of the day.

Love, Tiergan.

Yeah, so, that one didn't really make him feel better. It honestly just made everything worse. Grief was easier to cope with when xe just tried to stop feeling things. Ignoring it altogether was impossible, missing Prentice was just... everywhere, it took over everything. But it was easier to try to just feel less of it. Feeling all of it was too much. Unfortunately, he was now feeling all of it. So, the obvious solution was to sleep. Because maybe xe would forget when xe was asleep. And maybe everything would be okay for a few moments when he woke up.

--

Stupid as it felt, xe decided to keep writing to Prentice. It was like writing in a journal, except he was pretending that the words would be received by his as-good-as-dead boyfriend. Well, when Tiergan put it like that, it sounded really depressing. But it was just... talking to Prentice, like when they would pass notes in boring Telepathy classes, or Black Swan meetings where Forkle wouldn't shut up. And xe didn't have to think about how he would never respond to xem. He would anyway, because his brain was annoying as fuck, but... it did help. Again, xe would never admit that.Sometimes he would just write some lighthearted shit. Xe missed lighthearted times with him. Now, thinking about Prentice was usually heavy and painful, but it used to be that they could just pointlessly banter for hours and he would braid xyr hair and xe would laugh until xyr throat hurt. (Damn, he missed that.)

Dear Prentice,

Fuck Alden.

That's it. That's the letter.

XOXO Tiergan.

And sometimes xe would write to pass along good news, as if he could still celebrate with xem.

Dear Prentice,

Wylie started Foxfire today. They really hate the capes in the uniform. Aww, they take after you. They're also ridiculously smart. Definitely didn't take after you in that regard, we can probably thank Cyrah. Wylie's really excited, but also pretty sad that you're not here to see them. I'm sad too, but that's nothing new, I'm always sad. I'm happy too, though. I'm happy for them. You'd be really happy too.I don't know. I know you aren't receiving these or anything, but I guess it's nice to pretend that I'm actually telling you this. It's something you'd want to hear, you'd be really proud of them.

Love, Tiergan.

And sometimes Tiergan would write when everything went to shit, even shittier when it was normally. That's what he did, right? If it was all just a storm of misery, and xe was completely lost, xe'd still find xyr way back to him. Because when they were together, things were- they weren't okay, but they were slightly easier. He'd take what he could get. So xe would find Prentice when xe was lost and scared and upset and all the bad emotions in the dictionary. Except Prentice wasn't here anymore, so his next best option was a piece of paper that wouldn't respond.

Again, xe'd take what xe could get.

Prentice,

Prentice, fuck, you have to come back and get magically healed or whatever. I don't know what to do. I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. You have to come back, because I need you, because Cyrah died is gone and I'm adopting Wylie and I love the kid to death but I can't do this, Prentice. It's not like I'm gonna try to fuck Wylie up but I probably will anyway. I don't know how to be a father, I don't really know how to do any of this- I can barely take care of myself, how am I supposed to take care of a kid? I'm really sorry if I end up making things even worse for your kid. Our kid? Shit. Shit shit shit. And Cyrah's gone and I miss her and Wylie's devastated, obviously, and I want to help them but I also really want to just go back to blasting the Beatles and crying in my room. It was horrible when you were gone but at least I had her, and now I'm just alone and I have to raise a kid who's already been through so much and I'm going to be so bad at this. Fuck I'm just rambling and this isn't doing anything or helping and dammit, it's so stupid, but writing to you is the closest I can get to you and Prentice, I really need you right now, I can't do this without you, I just- fuck.

That was a really fun time in his life, wasn't it?

--

The letters slowly got less... whatever that was. Not exactly cheerful, never cheerful, but a little better.

Dear Prentice,

So, Alden came by to give some half-assed apology, and I maybe accidentally just snapped and punched him in the face. I am a terrible example for Wylie. But they found it pretty funny. It was pretty funny. Should I feel bad about that? Should I feel bad that I don't feel bad? Whatever. He'll be fine.

-Tiergan

Xe was actually almost happy when xe talked about Wylie. The kid was great. (It was really fucking sad that Prentice wasn't around to see that, but that wasn't the point.)

Dear Prentice,

Wylie manifested as a Flasher. They're pretty talented. Got that from Cyrah, probably, since they sure as hell didn't get that from you. They like making rainbows. I think that means the Gay Agenda is working. They also make a lot of nonbinary flags- they're nonbinary, I can't remember if I put that in one of those letters already, cause I don't reread these, but yeah. Wylie's nonbinary. Sad they never got to tell you, but I made sure they knew that you would support the hell out of them.

Love, Tiergan.

When he first met the moonlark- Sophie, her name was Sophie- he felt something weird. Hope? It'd been a while. Xe wrote to him almost immediately, because it was stupid, but honestly it did help. And maybe, with Sophie, he'd eventually be able to talk to Prentice in a way that involved talking and didn't involve that fucking pen.

Prentice,

The moonlark finally came to the Lost Cities. Her name's Sophie. I'm her telepathy mentor, apparently. So I guess I'm going back to teaching. She seems nice enough- really powerful. Was she worth you... getting exiled? Writing that out did not feel good. Especially in pen, where it was permanent. Definitely not. But it's not her fault, so I won't take it out on her. Maybe I'll just punch Alden again. For legal reasons, that's a joke.

Pros of mentoring Sophie: I do still kinda like teaching. She's got perfect mental barriers and can transmit from what looks like any distance, so definitely a pleasure to have in class. I'm in charge of her telepathy training so I can maybe nudge her in the "heal my boyfriend" direction.

Cons: I have to dress up for Foxfire, apparently I can't just show up in a Beatles t-shirt. Blatant homophobia. Love loses. And she insists on calling me Sir Tiergan, which is overly formal and also not a good gender feeling.

Sophie's definitely good at what she was designed for, so it's not like you sacrificed yourself for nothing. And maybe it's gonna work, maybe we'll get you back. I really hope so.

Love, Tiergan.

And then, more hope, when she managed to heal Alden's broken mind.

Prentice,

I think I'm actually going to get you back, this is the first time in... ever that I've been this optimistic, but I think there's a decent chance. Alden Vacker's mind broke, since he felt guilty about everything. Which, at least he regrets it? I still don't forgive him, and it's not like that erases anything, but I guess I hate him a little less. Maybe to the point of, I can have a civil conversation with him but that doesn't mean I'll like it.

But yeah, his mind broke, and it took a little while, but Sophie brought him back.

It works. It's possible. It's actually possible. We're gonna get you back, Prentice, it's going to be okay.

After the Black Swan managed to very definitely legally get Prentice back from Exile, Tiergan was reminded of why xe didn't like optimism. Because it usually ended in disappointment. Because they got Prentice back, almost, they were so close, but he was unconscious and unresponsive and he wasn't really back at all. Still in a coma, just in a different location.

Prentice,

Wake up. I fully recognize the irony of this, of me yelling at you to wake up, but please.

It's really great to have you back. To see you again. You look like shit. No offense, but after you're in prison in the center of the earth for thirteen years (not that I'm counting), and I don't think they have baths down there, you look like shit. It's still really good to see you.

And Prentice, I got to hug you. I know, I know, I don't even like hugs that much most of the time? But dammit, after thirteen years, I really wanted to hug you. So I did. It was very one sided, but I had you in my arms. It was so familiar and at the same time really strange.

I think until now, Sophie and her friends were under the impression that I wanted you to be healed because back in the day we were very close, totally platonic friends. Just bros being bros. I kind of wonder if anyone still believes that. It would be very funny if it weren't very disappointing to remember that heteronormativity is a thing that exists.

You're back, but you're really not. It really sucked to get my hopes up only to have them crushed again. This is why it's best to just always assume the worst.

I still have a little hope that you'll get better eventually. It's pretty small. But it is there, I don't know what I'd do without it.

Love, Tiergan.

--

That was the last time Tiergan added a new letter to the messy pile in one of his desk drawers. Because now, xe didn't have to just glare at xyr pen until it wrote everything xe wished xe could say to Prentice. He could just say it now. And everything xe ever wrote just disappeared from xyr mind. What did you say to the man who was basically your husband for the first time you saw him in over a decade of him being basically dead? There should have been a guidebook for this shit.

"I really fucking missed you," he ended up choking out.

Prentice smiled and opened his arms up slowly, hesitantly. Tiergan didn't hesitate at all to launch xemself into his arms. "It's okay. I'm here now. I'm okay."

"I love you." He'd wished he could say I love you just one more time. Fucking finally.

"I love you too."

And it wasn't great, at first. They were all still pretty broken. With Cyrah, thirteen years, and a decent portion of Prentice's memory gone. It was kind of shitty, but Prentice was mostly back, and this was so much better than a sheet of paper that couldn't respond. Xe could try to help him remember everything, rambling about the two of them Before because apparently xyr memory saved that but not the information for history exams.

They got married. It wasn't exactly what one might call legal, and they didn't get the tax benefits or whatever. But a mildly exasperated Forkle pronounced them husband and husband and they kissed and Wylie yelled "About fucking time!"

(He kind of wondered if Sophie had figured it out yet.)

One day, Tiergan's group of accidentally adopted kids were out shopping together, and xe was lying on xyr bed, trying to procrastinate entering grades for xyr students. Currently, his procrastination method was catching his husband (damn, he loves that phrase) up on human music, and Prentice was having none of it. He was searching through xyr horribly disorganized desk to find the papers xe should be working on and force xem to actually work on them.

He held up a sheet of lined paper, slightly crumpled, that does not look like boring Foxfire paperwork. "Hey, Tiergan, what's this?"

"You think I can read my own handwriting?"

"'Dear Prentice, hi. This is stupid,'" he read.

Oh. That. Tiergan had almost forgotten he'd done that. Xe liked to write the letters and then try to ignore their existence, because the letters were just pain spilled onto a page, and xe really wanted to ignore the pain too. And he hadn't had the reason to think about that in a while. Xe fidgeted with xyr cape as Prentice's eyes scanned the writing. Finally, he set it down on the table.

"Damn."

"Yeah."

"Tiergan, I'm so sorry I-"

"No, I. Um. Don't apologize. I mean, yeah, I was mad at you, but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong, you know? I was mad at the pen."

"Maybe the pen really was behind everything bad that's ever happened to you."

He breathed a shaky laugh. "Probably."

"I really am sorry, though, that you had to go through all that-"

"It's okay," xe interrupted.

"No. It's not."

He didn't have a very good response to that. Eventually, xe said "I have other letters. Same drawer. You don't have to read them, but if you're like, wondering how I was when you were..." he swallowed. "Um, they're there. I don't remember what half of them say. They're probably horribly depressing, though."

"Probably," he muttered.

"Losing you really sucked."

"I'm here now, okay? We're together. I promise I'm not gonna leave you again."

"Oh, you won't. If you do I'll bring you back just to kill you myself." Xe grinned, and Prentice kissed xem on the forehead, and maybe xe was pretty fucked up, but not so fucked up that xe'd never be okay.

--

Dear Prentice,

I've written you a lot of really sad letters over the years, so now I feel obligated to write a happy one.

Do you remember how we met? It's okay if you don't. Maybe you've been pretending that it was super romantic, with candlelight and music in the background or some shit. Yeah, so, in reality, we both had to stay after school for Alchemy tutoring. And I maybe accidentally almost killed you in an explosion. I regret nothing. You were convinced to start up a conversation with the kid who nearly burned your face off, and we started talking, and then we started sitting together at lunch, and then I fell in love with you.I'm really really glad I suck at Alchemy.

Do you remember the first time I said I loved you? Honestly, I don't. It was probably super embarrassing, so it's okay if you forgot that one. But you better not forget that I love you, because I will be reminding you constantly, and it will be very annoying.Love, Tiergan.

He set the pen down and smiled.

#angst hehe #tiergan x prentice #tiergan alenefar #shevit's writing #he/xe tiergan supremacy #also these bitches gay good for them

[justmelookingbackatme]

Rock And Hill

I thought I was made for you

To be for you and no one else

My heart beat just to make you smile

I belonged to you and not myself.

Your love was a rock and a hill

I could never make it to the top

I spent all my time trying to push, and push, and push

Because I could never, never let it drop.

But my rock wasn't good enough for you

You pushed it back onto my head

And you left to find another hill

You left me bleeding, nearly dead.

You weren't just a rock I was trying to push

You were a rock weighing on my shoulders

I thought love was supposed to give me back pain,

I thought everyone's best friend felt like a boulder.

But you left, and we broke, and I learned

That love shouldn't make it hard to live

Love isn't full of pain, and pain, and pain

The rock I got wasn't what you were supposed to give.

You disappeared from my life

The pain dulled and I regrew

And I still don't know what love is

But it sure was hell wasn't you.

I'm better now without your rock in my life.

You only tried to knock me down while I flew.

And I still don't know what love is

But it sure as hell wasn't you.

#toxic ex best friend go brrrr #ex best friend #ugh ex friends inspire so many emotion and yes i am way better off without her but i still care about her and ahhh felings #but yeah being her friend is super fun #*was #not in a depressing 'i cry over verb tense' way i'm just an idiot #shevit's writing #also looking back i probably had a crush on her but we don't talk about that

[gay-otlc]

Send me a Delivvy headcanon, receive an excerpt from the fic and/or my notes.

#yes yes i know nothing will be better than the 'unresolved lesbian ex' quote #however #i think it's still good #shevit's writing

[justmelookingbackatme]

Lonely

When the semester ended in January, lunch periods moved around. I no longer share a lunch with my best friend, who I used to talk to for hours on end every day. We don't have any classes together. I walk to the bus with him at dismissal, and they attend GSA with me once a week. It's not enough.

I talk to her all the time, and she's one of my best friends. Am I one of hers? She has so, so many friends, and my meager collection is falling apart at the seams. There are new people she spends her lunches with. I'll fall to the background.

I'm in love with her. She's my friend, and I'm in love with her. She has other friends, better friends, and she's not in love with me. Most of her friends, she greets with a warm hug, and I'm too afraid of the touch to get close to her. She's right beside me and I miss her and I'm in love with her.

She left me. We were best friends since kindergarten, and then she left me. She hurt me and I hate her and I still love her. I can't stop thinking about her. I never want to see her again, and I want her back. It's not my decision. She made this decision already, and she decided to leave.

There are other acquaintances, friend if I feel generous, who I see around the school. Other groups tolerant enough to let me share their lunch table. I don't know how to join a conversation. I think they all hate me, the outsider who dropped in and is too annoying to leave. I should leave, but I'm running out of options here.

#vent tw #is my life terrible or am i just having a shit day and staying up too late? #a novel by me #shevit's writing #social anxiety #the first friend... FUCK i miss him so much #i see them most days but not for more than a few minutes and he means the world to me but i don't know how to say that and FUCK

[archived-and-moving]

help i'm about to start writing the twister scene

You have fun with that. I'm still not done drawing the twister scene. I did give Forkle pan socks though, so that was fun.

#shevit asks #i could not imagine having to write that

[justmelookingbackatme]

Love

My love is like sandpaper. I'm rough around the edges, hard to touch and harder to love. Feeling things? I don't know how to feel things. And I don't know how to turn feelings into thoughts. Or thoughts into words. They're hard for me to understand, and I hate not understanding things.

And I don't know what to do, when someone else's feelings spill all over me. I know I'm supposed to be there and help them clean it up. I want to. But it feels like I'm blindfolded and spun around before being told to lend a hand. So I offer comfort the only way I can, by offering to hurt whoever hurt them. I don't know how to care. Only how to fight.

Sometimes I lose myself and I pull away from my body, my thoughts, my feelings. It doesn't seem like I'm a person, or an entity, or anything, really. Sometimes, then, I can't quite get in touch with how I care about a person. But I do. Somewhere. Even if it's hard to find.

It is hard for me to be vulnerable, and it's hard for me to trust. I think the hardest thing is learning that someone else cares about me, when I usually can't be bothered to give a shit about myself. I can't imagine why someone would. But they do, and I slowly let my heart warm to the idea. That heart, sometimes it relapses and freezes back over.

Saying "I love you" doesn't come easy to me. I'm bad at saying I love someone. I don't say it enough.

But I do. I love you. It's not easy, and it's not beautiful, but it's there. And it isn't going away.

#is this platonic? familial? romantic #i genuinely don't know #but yeah. love #that shit's hard for me #shevit types things #stav's writing #idk how good this is but you know what it's honest

[gay-otlc]

this is my insanely cool mutual shevit! ae has the best username on the planet, and x writes amazing kotlc fics. saiph has inspired WAY too many of my kotlc obsessions- and also, ze is kind of the reason i’m on tumblr at all? ce is also the first person i met that used neopronouns, and i am so glad about that. anyways, i’m running out of things to say now so. *awkwardly smiles and steps out of frame* :]

My username IS brilliant, thank you.

[archived-and-moving]

RAEDA FIC IS AT 85 KUDOS ERROR ERROR SHEVIT HAS STOPPED FUNCTIONING

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU WRITE FOR A BIGGER FANDOME SAR

#and my head whipped around so fast like #my friend was like #'oh :/. I'm hoping if i post i'll get at least 100 kudos in the first few days.what the fuck???' #well that's the difference for writing mcyt rather than keeper #because uh #NUMBERS

[archived-and-moving]

I will probably argue with everything you say but 🍓

You aren't allowed to. I will not be taking criticism <3

Ok but you're so funny-

Like I have been on the ground, wheezing because of a joke you've made or said. I've been bribing my friend to read Keeper with all of your Keeper summarized, because they always make me smile so hard my mouth hurts.

I absolutely love interacting with you in general. Not just for your humor, but also for insight, screaming about songs, telling you jokes, etc. Like Stav. Many a times you have just made my day by talking and laughing with me when I can't do it myself.

I'm always looking forward to whatever you're writing next. As established, I've been reading your stuff for a really long time, and just being able to watch you grow as a writer has been such an amazing journey.

You've also been there (and encouraged) the transing of my gender, heterophobia here we come. /hj

You're really patient and kind, but you don't take shit from anyone, and I love that about you. You're just. This amazing badass lesbian who's also the biggest fucking nerd I've ever seen. (/pos) Just. Ough. You've somehow rekindled my love of math even after I had two years of shitty math teachers, so kudos to you.

I feel like the role of siblings really fits us, because I would hands down argue with you about the stupidest things, make fun of you (lovingly) but you're just someone who I relate to, and I feel like I can talk to about a lot of shit. Even if it is infodumping.

So Shevit, you're this funny, talented, smart understanding, badass queer icon. What is there not to compliment?

You're amaezing, and I'm glad I met you. /gen

[gay-otlc]

This is Shevit, ze have an original series called Straight A Supervillain. Saiph is an amazing writer and I love aer writing!

Never mind Shevit is an awesome name I am so sorry I doubted you my beloved 🧡

I was kinda right about Saiph though... idk it's got a cool meaning but it doesn't give my head that !!! feeling the other names do

Thank you!

[gay-otlc]

Dear Anon who sent a hate ask to Shai,

I would like to kindly ask you to just not do that in the future.

It's cool if you don't like someone, even online. I know that there are people whose views really don't match up with mine. They have their own beliefs and behaviors that I simply don't like.

And that's fine!

However, what you and I do are completely different. Sar is my friend. One of my favorite genderqueer butch lesbians to hang out with and talk to. But! If you aren't a fan of them, as stated above, that is okay! But what you do when you don't agree with someone is either;

1. Don't interact with them.

or

2. Block them.

Please note that sending hate isn't one of the options listed above. That is because, it hurts all parties involved. It hurts you, anon, who have clearly not done your research, and expose yourself as a complete and utter fool.

Stav, has to deal with the fact that some people apparently can't read, and all of us close to aer, along with x, lose complete faith in humanity.

So, you can see the issue.

I know that all it took was a few seconds for your crooked little fingers to type those couple of words, but I'm afraid that you set off a chain reaction. Because anon hate is not condoned on this website.

When righteously angry (or ignorant) in the future, please refrain from sending hate into innocent people's inboxes, because it has the potential to ruin their day, and while that may be your goal, it doesn't really benefit you, so why do it?

Next time you feel the need to point out a very personal question that has an obvious answer, and negative connotations, please just do the two options above and shut your mouth instead. Or, you can ask peacefully, get your question answered, and move on with your life.

But, if you have nothing to do (which you probably don't) you can also go into more research, and find clear answers and evidence that whatever your first statement is, (in this case being;)

"Damn everyone with gay in their url is literally opposite sex attracted"

Please, navigate your way to Shevit's pinned post. All you have to do is scroll up, when on a computer, you probably have to use your bright neon mouse, since it appears that you can't read.

Speaking of reading, you might have to do it for this, but, if that's too hard for you, it seems that many of people have sent in some memes, which I will put down below only for your understanding.

As you can clearly see, many of these memes talk about Shevit being gay, some even drawn from hir intro post, which I'm sure you ignored while you used your three braincells to find the ask button.

Instead, you typed out your hate and turned it on anon, cackling at your pure genius as you clicked ask, shutting your laptop and rolling over to sleep soundly in your in your Hello Kitty bed sheets, because you are a child. And hating on other people is the only way to get away from your sad life, and the fact that your parents never taught you how to be respectful.

So, next time, stay away from hate, and don't get too caught up in your anonymous internet fury. And, even better, go back to school and learn to read. Maybe there, they'll teach you how to find context clues in text!

For your sake, and ours, learn to read.

-Tobi

Who the FUCK writes a whole ass essay to defend me I love you /p

#anon hate tw #save for later

[gay-otlc]

Hi, this is my friend Shevit, and today while doing homework all I could think about was zaer stupidly funny math joke, which made me actually chuckle in class. I'm so excited that zae decided to write a delivvy fic, and can't wait to see if zae post it. (If zae do decide to I'd love to be tagged)

Idk what the anon from a bit ago was talking about, since zae are one of. The Most gay people I know, and even helped in the transing of my gender. I hope zae had a great wednesday, and I, as always, love talking to zaer. /gen

Okay yeah it's a combination of my two favorite pronouns how could I be expected to not love it! And I do plan on posting the Delivvy fic, but I think it's gonna be pretty long so it might take a little while.