#shit i actually didn't mean to post this but like now that i have i guess here it is?

[respectthepetty]

Pride Petty Watch - LiTA (Rain/Payu) 1

Because I'm petty, I had the crowd pick which blacklisted shows I would watch for the month of Pride. I had planned to space them out more, but due to wacky weather over here (tornadoes, thunderstorms, softball-sized hail, and flash flooding), I had plenty of time to binge watch the first show, Love in the Air, which perfectly aligns with my real life theme of stormy weather, so I'm posting my random thoughts in five parts, two for each couple and the special episode.

I'm seated, I'm watching, and I'm being petty.

It starts at "2:00 AM" - Oh no. Nothing could happens at 2 in the morning, and the time just keeps going. This event isn't even going to begin until 3 AM?! Take me home, NOW! I don't care how fine these men are. I'm stopping for mini churros at Jack in the Box on the way home and going to bed. I'M OUT!

I've seen plenty of pictures of Boss in the past two years, but I still lost my breath a bit when he took off his mask because he was looking delicious in the rain.

RAIN WANTS A GIRL?!

Out of everything I saw about this show, NOBODY mentioned that Rain was trying to get a girl. I'm shook. That's a huge part of the plot I never saw mentioned. There were rumors of the actor (Noeul) being with Milk (of MilkLove), and I saw more of THAT in connection to this show than about him liking a girl within it. Where are y'alls priorities?! *looks at Tonnam and breathes deeply*

Payu's room is IN the garage? But what about the fumes? What about the noise? What about a good work/life balance?!

😬😬😬

I don't care if this boy is snuggling in his sleep, Payu is on my shit list! Instead of being like "oh, I misunderstood the signals," he pushed harder then got upset. Even if Rain secretly does want him, I need a verbalization. This is the end of the first episode, and I'm mad as hell at a bisexual on the first day of Pride. Damn.

Start of episode two and I know Rain's voiceovers are there to make me not be upset at Payu, but . . . I'm pissed at this man! He did all of that work, said it was free, but now there is "another" charge, then he shows up at this boy's school when he could've just talked to him at the shop, and feels him up in the bathroom stall. I am BIG mad!

I will admit, this is hot. Still very mad at my fellow bisexual for him saying he wasn't trying to force himself on Rain (even though he was about to mark a map on that boy's neck), but they got chemistry.

My fellow Slut for Christ, only God can judge you, but know that I am too.

All racetracks look the same so Pit Babe and Cutie Pie could have been filmed here for all I know, but I have this at 1.5 speed, unmuted, so I hear this is a legit hype rap song. WEARETHEGOOD's "Threat" with these colors?! Energy? Matched.

HE IS SPANKING HIM?!

I don't kink shame but both people should be willing participants in this endeavor. Then just to drop him on the floor like that?! That does not inspire trust! This is not Blue Boy behavior, sir! But this lecture after is. That is what I need from you. Remind him that this isn't some petty school shit but actual gangstas he is messing with. Remind him that he can't be reckless. THAT'S HOW BLUE BOYS GET KISSED!

Now it's a competition? Payu wants to fuck Rain so badly he looks stupid, yet Rain is over here saying he is going to make Payu want to fuck him, what? harder? What is this all about?!

What do you mean you didn't want to show Rain your bad side? Has all this been your good side up until this point?! Cause, dead ass, this side ain't looking that great either with you being upset you weren't sleeping with him on the first night and stalking him. So you're going to get worse?

Y'all can't sucker me in with red and blue colors. I Told Sunset About You tried that, and I'm still being petty about it. But whose house are we at now?! This is a different room than before. Payu got multiple places?! In this economy?

Prapai strolling in all happy because he had a good night . . . Sir, I'll get to your ass soon because I know how you got that happiness, and you are on the same shit list as your fellow bisexual bestie.

I am Sky and our judgement cannot be measured.

TWINS?!

All this blue between these two yet they are straight up lyin' every two seconds. The fuckery.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!

I would've let him turn it in, but I appreciate that he looks so good while looking so sad with that warm glow.

Payu gets one positive point for leaving his arms open for Rain to come to him, but now that warm glow feels sus like maybe I should be paying more attention to Rain's yellow/orange backpack.

And now for a negative point because even though I keep seeing black x white, Payu stays morally grey by playing with this boy's emotions and hiding from him in his own shop! These after scenes are not doing Payu any favors.

Payu, do I like you? Do I hate you? Do I wanna fuck you? Do I wanna kick you in the balls? All of the above?

Guess I'll find out in the next three episodes.

#love in the air #Pride Petty Watch #I only love Sky but I already knew that #I could like Payu but he is doing the most at all times #on a scale of 1 to 10 how attracted am I to Payu? #a solid 8 #on a scale of 1 to 10 how much do I want to choke him? #eh . . . 8.65 #I could do both simultaneously but I think he'd be into that #and that would piss me off #these are not color coded boys in love #they are like color menaces

[ghost-bard]

I've had this theory for a while now, and me n my friend (@nightshadetq ) have talked about it a bit as The Magnus Protocol continues, but I really don't think Alice's indifference to the paranormal/statements/cases ect ect is proof that she like. Has no idea what's going on, or will be in for a rude awakening.

[Note: this post is not free from spoilers up to episode 18]

I think she knows a decent amount of what's actually going on, and is trying to protect Sam (or her uninformed coworkers in general) from getting in too deep.

Other than Lena, who I assume has been the boss since Alice arrived, Alice has worked at the OIAR the longest, "nearly a decade" and has consistently told Sam not to look into anything, to not be curious, and to just do his job, and those moments are when she is the most serious, an odd departure from her typical attitude, very likely a coping or defense mechanism (or survival tactic) on her part.

We also have how she and Colin interact, and her conversation with Teddy in the most recent episode (18 as of writing). While yes, her and Colin's unlikely duo could be in part simply a fun dynamic, grumpy/sunshine, whatever, but we also don't really know what has happened within the last near decade of Alice working at the OIAR. The only person Colin likes is Alice, perhaps because she's the only one he trusts, or maybe they went through something together, that's mostly speculation on my part I'll admit.

What's more interesting is Alice and Teddy's conversation, the weight of Alice calling Teddy a liar, her saying to herself for Teddy to "watch himself" because she's worried. I would point out we have no idea how long Teddy worked at the OIAR, though in episode one there's a mention of "another four years" which implies he's worked there about that amount of time, and so Alice had still worked there the longest.

Honestly it would be weird if Alice hadn't seen weird shit pre-canon given how long she's been there, and that despite the jobs turnover rate hasn't quit despite everything, almost like she's obligated, to the job perhaps not, but maybe to the other people working, given we know that people can and have quit. Of course it could also just be the getting a new job is difficult and she has a younger brother to help out occasionally, but truthfully I find it a bit difficult to believe that being the only reason she wouldn't have quit by now.

Also interesting that the only thing Alice said in response to Gwen talking about Mr. Bonzo, where Sam laughs and thinks she's joking, is after she leaves saying "Curiosity will get you killed, best try and ignore it" wherein Alice clowning on Gwen is what I, at the least, would expect in response. Yes, she questions Gwen interacting with monsters, but she doesn't push her to talk about it, and in fact, gave her an out on what the Externals are.

Considering both Gwen and Sam didn't know about them until 1. Gwen asking Lena to let her "in" and getting work about/for the Externals, and 2. Sam just now being informed. Meanwhile Alice has a fake explanation on what they are, providing Sam with said explanation, therefore shielding him from the truth of the matter, and letting Gwen not have to talk about it, only for Gwen to then say what they actually are. So either Alice already knew what an External was, and lives by the "if you don't know about the real goings on nothing will happen to you" deal and tries to act the part herself, or someone who no longer works at the OIAR AND worked with Externals told her that that was what they were, which I'll admit is also a possibility.

There is also her seeing the drowning victim and her reaction to them. Her primary issue as I remember it was the dead body, given how she implies she hadn't seen a dead body since her parents passed. However, her having a negative reaction to a dead body doesn't mean she hasn't seen other freak shit. There is also the option that she lied about not having seen a dead body since her parents, and she (rightfully) still has an averse reaction to them, though I don't necessarily believe this myself, I am presenting it as an option.

Maybe I'm talking out my ass, but I really don't think Alice has completely avoided everything up until now, especially given how weirdly cagey she is about anyone (mainly Sam, but they have a history so maybe she feels responsible for him in some way) getting curious about what they do, or wanting to look into the cases they receive. If she didn't know anything at all, I don't know why she'd care about someone getting curious about their cases, or at least care as much as she seems to.

#the magnus protocol #tmp #the magnus protocol spoilers #tmp spoilers #tmp theory #the magnus protocol theory #alice dyer #sam khalid #gwen bouchard #lena kelley #colin becher #teddy vaughn #ghost listens to horror podcasts #dude i really think alice knows SOMETHING #i gen cant believe shes just been in the dark the whole time #and i dont wanna bring up tma and how things worked in it #but i think it is a bit important to note that while yes most of then worked at the archives for a while #i dont think any of them worked there for nearly a decade pre canon #to me at least they all read as mid 20s #whereas alice herself is in her mid 30s #ik bc i did the math #so i dont think comparing jon to alice in this instance as mcs really works #i dont think comparing any of them really works bc theyre their own characters but thats whatever #also wayyyy too much of how alice acts is more defense mechanism and i want me and my friends to live #rather than jons i refuse to believe in the supernatural until its thrust in my face #alice is much more 'best leave well enough alone' as a survival tactic #likely because shes seen what happens when you dont leave well enough alone #anywayyyy thats enough of me rambling teehee #im so sorry this post is so long #its comedic

[eonars]

um. tfw your life is about to change massively very very soon and it still doesn't even feel real yet and still feels like somethings gonna pop up and it won't actually happen and also you're scared as fuck that you're too stupid to actually do it and it'll all be for nothing

#like what do you mean full time salaried w benefits and paid vacation just to do. school. #what made you so enthusiastically think i was the perfect one to do this #when the last approx 20something other guys were like ummmm no you cannot do it #tbf like all that other shit up there aside #this did actually come at the perfect time #i look back on who i was during my masters and i legit do not recognize that person #i barely even remember it i have to look at pictures to think back on who i was #in a strange roundabout way being forced home to stay for a while #kind of re centered me and gave me time to come back to myself in a big way. i was really lost before #and chaining something like this directly after my masters would have been disasters #even like this time last year i did not have this level of mental clarity #and i think thats why i didn't get any of the other positions i was just in a fog and i think people could tell #so as much as like im super scared and nervous about this big change and big exit from my comfort zone #and a little sad and mournful that im leaving my family and wont hear my native language all day every day anymore #im the most ready ive ever been #2019 me was NOT ready im scared of her tbh!! idk what wave i was on but it was weirdo shit! #im also proud that i essentially rawdogged and brute forced a lot of introspection and improvement #entirely on my own #like i really can only just describe it as clarity i feel like i matured 10 years in 4 and cleared all the fog #i feel so good about the way i handle things and react to things now vs then #im like 500x more unbothered and actually know how to put myself first now #anyway uh this prob could have been its own post in and of itself #but woteva innit im proud of how much internal repairs i did on myself over the last few years #became a stable genius as it were #whos a lot more clearly defined and present #but fuck man! i am still scared of being 2stupid

[weaselshaped]

Hmm I need to make another embarrassing gender post but not right now I think

#Embarrassing in that like. I mean it's all embarrassing. It's embarrassing to have spent this long missing the point #And to talk about that in public. I am 27 years old and I have id'd as nonbinary for almost a decade and yet I could not refer to myself #as transmasc or incorporate that meaningfully into my self-concept until like. This year. Due to... REASONS??? #I literally don't even know! There IS no reason! I just didn't want to deal with it because it seemed harder than resigning myself to being #mistaken for a woman for the rest of my life??? I guess???? Stupid and cowardly tbh #Meanwhile tying myself in knots over like. Disproportionately identifying with queer men in fiction and deciding this was some sort of Crim #'Here is a thing that transmascs often do. Not me though I'm doing it for some other reason' I wasted SO MUCH TIME on this #It's not even really important i just invested a lot of energy into repression for WHAT. and like also on the internet the way I have #described myself over time is like. I am probably revealing some embarrassing things about the way I have engaged with my relationship to #gender that were not apparent until I started getting over myself/moving on from that bullshit. So that's great #I don't know man I would like to feel unequivocally good about sorting my shit out and finally doing what needs to be done #but mostly I just feel like I took too long and now I'm making myself look like an idiot. Idk man. I suck actually! #Oh look I basically did make the post anyway but as tags. Extremely me behavior

[dimonds456]

Nah, nevermind, I don't feel like I can properly comb through everything on my own. I'm just gonna get shit wrong, miss things, or otherwise get yelled at.

I'm just gonna rb stuff.

Read the tags as I go off there but. yeah.

Thanks to the people who helped point things out to me. As a bit of an explanation on my own end, I had just woken up lol. I was groggy and that was the first thing I did before even getting out of bed. I really should have waited, but curiosity got the best of me, so.

Whatever.

#this is about james s-merton btw. censored to keep this out of the main tags #yeah feeling like shit rn #not like i didnt have it coming #i am a gullible person and I know i am #i tried to be critical about james' apology and i only managed to notice two (2) things while actively watching #and as a filmmaker I DO still relate to the telos thing #but i think that relatablity is making it hard for me to pick out lies during that section and i HAVE noticed he lies throughout the video #I'm just not the person to properly call him out on it #i will say though that his whole 'memory issues' thing is ACTUALLY making me mad #mfer *I* have memory issues you don't get to use that as an excuse #especially since he talks about stuff on stream so much #if it really was a thing A) why is there no evidence for it? and B) why has he never talked about it before? #I didn't believe him for a second even though- when i first saw it- i REALLY wanted to #but now that i've had time to think about it it's just pissing me off #you don't get to pretend to be disabled to try and win brownie points. #even if he DOES have memory issues that DOESNT MEAN copy+pasting is suddenly okay!? #the other thing i noticed up-front was just the monetization thing- which i had admittedly forgotten about by the time I made the post #(again I had just woken up) #and that was super fucking shitty #while i was at work thinking about this i rewatched Todd in the Shadow's video and a vid debunking the apology (drama mama i think?) #and i kinda wanna rewatch now that i've had a refresher but i also dont wanna give him more money #so i won't #like i said im just gonna reblog stuff #fuck you james. genuinely. it's OVER get OFF the internet. #if you DO wanna stick around then DONT MONETIZE IT. #dimond speaks

[lofe-arts]

To keep it humble, now lets look at one of my least favorites I drew for Funguary. I don't even think it's *bad* it's just that I don't like it. I was still trying new brushes, new styles, and It was just one of those days it isn't all coming together like you hope it will. It can be really discouraging when you find yourself in that position, but that's just how art is.

And, real talk? It makes looking back at my favorites even better. Because yeah I don't like this one and yeah I just wasnt able to execute the idea that was in my head to the standard I wanted, but it's not because i'm not capable and just a few images away in my Funguary folder is proof of that. Maybe sometimes I'm drawing like this, but it makes the times when I bust out the glowshroom even better.

This one cannot be bought on redbubble currently. If this somehow breaks containment and it turns out someone really wants this I'll be happy to put it up for you, but it didn't bring me joy, so it hasn't gone on the shelf yet.

#lofe draws #my art #lofe talks #mushroom #funguary #blue milk cap #failure pile #it's mean to call her a failure but thats the tag I want to use for posting the art I DON'T like #because I think it's important to show the ones you hate just as much as the ones you love #its all part of the game #Also my grandfather told me a long long long time ago to never throw away your art even if you don't think its good #because it IS growth and years later you're going to go back through it with new eyes and realize there were some redeeming qualities #and hey actually maybe you want to draw X like that again #and my grandfather was very right and I have never regretted keeping the art I hated because it is growth then and growth now #and there is no greater endorphin rush than seeing art I drew at 13 and thought was good then look like SHIT compared to what I draw now #13 year old me would have been so jealous and so proud I stuck around to get better #and 31 year old me is so in love with that kid who drew and drew and drew until one day I didn't hate everything I put out #queue 2 cue #original

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

the best part about super mario rpg on the switch is that i can play it in bed or on long car trips

geno and i will never be apart again

#DCB Comments #what did you think that last post abt it was the last i would say abt it. haha you're a silly goose :) #i can play fe7 in the meantime while i wait but it's gonna be the longest wait in my life lbr #I KNOW I KNOW I'M A FIRE EMBLEM BLOG BUT. LIKE. IT'S SUPER MARIO RPG I HAVE RIGHTS #I am also curious how long they took to make this bc for example the ToS port was trash lol #but this game looks like they actually took their time with it and cared abt it #ig they only rly do genuinely amazing work on the games they expect to sell well and shrug their shoulders at other stuff #kinda sad for the ports of other games but this remaster looks like actually gave a shit abt the final product #AND YEAH I'M STILL AN FE BLOG BUT UH... EXPECT A LOT OF SMRPG POSTING AT THE END OF THE YEAR #i don't think you understand my buddies that was my fave game as a wee little t'ing #and in recent years i have listened to the soundtrack regularly. i do not mean once in a while #i mean REGULARLY. i have spent years BEGGING for them to at least put on the online services #not to say i can't just play it WHENEVER THE FUCK I WANT BC I LITERALLY OWN IT AND AN SNES LOL #but it's VERY SPECIAL to have it on the switch as well. also now the modern gaming world is going to be #relentlessly subjected to geno content and crazed fans like me and i think that's just wonderful :))) #anyway SO YEAH EXPECT A LOT OF SMRPG POSTS WHEN THE PROMISED HOUR ARRIVES #I don't currently plan to go full multi fandom but I've considered sprinkling my other interests #with FE still being the main focus of this blog bc at this point it's still my main thing with an active fandom #ALSO DID YOU KNOW in fact no you didn't bc i didn't ever talk abt on this blog but #i was considering cosplaying geno to the very last con i went to in 2019 (haven't attended one since) #if it turns out i end up going to my usual con next year maybe i'll try again! i have mikey planned but i can add another outfit!!! #did u also know that growing up i had zero idea that geno was so popular like i didn't know until the internet was cool and all #and then i found out that everyone else loved him too and i was very surprised to see how popular he was #but also was like yes rightfully so

[emmabirb8]

So I just discovered that Taylor Swift is not actually southern?? Girl was raised in fucking Pennsylvania. Like, I knew her image was largely a facade that specifically caters to the audience she's built up for herself, but she truly is just a MASSIVE wannabe.

Now that is what I call cringe. Yikes, lmao.

#i didn't actually know that much about her beginnings i guess like holy shit #she really fooled me #my dumb ass really believed she started out with country music bc she was from like tennessee or smth #like #i'll admit i've been ignorant of her personal life for the most part but she really is just a fucking fraud LMAOOOO #i mean there's nothing inherently wrong with emulating a certain style and whatnot #but she really tried to pass herself off as something she's not which like i said is cringe af #i'm dumb i admit that but WOW #taylor swift #my posts #(and just fyi i'm not putting this in her tag to start drama or whatever) #(this is NOT a hate post or a cancel/callout post or anything like that) #(for the record i have no particularly strong feelings abt her) #(in fact i actually enjoy quite a few of her songs every now n then) #(i just thought this was weird as hell)

[abyssalpriest]

Working with Leviathan be like

Leviathan: *completely both rewrites a severe trauma trigger back into something neutral and freeing, and further reconnects me to the Sky and myself off plane and pre-incarnation in the space of 24 hours* yeah nice, anyway we should play video games now I'm tired

#ramblings // #Emphasis on he works over the span of months but he really is a uh... A pool of water that doesn't drip into your mind until you open the #door. And you think you will be drowned when you do but he is so soothing. And he walks with you #And sometimes what he walks you through is really painful and it's like what the actual fuck am I doing but he stays there like #duh it's what I said would happen it's fine trust me #And you do and then it's like. Holy shit. Look what I walked through. Hope you're proud of me #leviathan // #ramblings // #Anyway. Friendship ended with Despise A Certain Game now Ending Of The Game Where She's Soothed And The Rain Fades is my friend #And. I didn't realise how much I'd become afraid to talk about me. I talk about Leviathan all the time as the sky but I don't.... Like #talking about myself as a part of the day sky and what that means. I have. Thanks to him. Had gateways opened to astral memories #that I was too scared to touch and.... I'm.... I think I'm ready to start recorroborating my info between brains in astral and physical #bodies..... I think..... I'm ready I'm... I am So fucking End Of Game Where Rain Fades right now and that makes me want to fucking bawl my #eyes out because a) I wasn't allowed in the cult I was in to go near that part of the game bc they told me the character there was alive and #she hated my guts and thought I was disgusting. And b) god the storyline involving her is just so so so so so relevant to my life post-cult #:( you know. Just :( #Diary // #The child returns to her mother the cycle is done the rain clears the ocean is infinite the workings of the cult I mean church are undone #And that doesn't scare me anymore? The cult was so.... Had me thinking that any time that game was brought up they were in control of it #and they would see me and it was their game and they made it alone and I could never just enjoy it as a video game.... It #Still hurts a little but leviathan walked me through allowing it to be neutral and admitting that I see myself in it. Because I tried my #hardest to not admit that thinking that if I did they'd be in my head but mo #No* it's... Its a communal thing. It's allowed to be relatable to a wide audience for neutral reasons. I don't have to break down when I see #it. And I'm allowed to talk about the Sky and I'm allowed to talk about where and when I met Leviathan and I'm allowed to not hide what I do #with him because others may take it as gross exaggerations for bragging rights - I'm allowed to be neutral. Just because at one point in my #life I thought astral projection was only for a select few does not mean now that I do it I have to hide it in case someone like me #takes their insecurity so far that they see my neutral declarations as an attack on them............. Anyway #The Day Sky. My beloved. You mean so much to me. I won't forget my purpose in this incarnation I will not hide it #Thanks Lev #I love that arguably calling him Lev is more controversial than calling him Tengri but it's Not just a nickname lmfao

[heloflor]

Been back from vacation for around four days now and learned about Charles Martinet retiring, which did bum me out.

Like don't get me wrong, I knew this day would happen eventually. Nintendo clearly wants their franchise to go on for as long as they can, and Martinet is already rather old. It was only a matter of time before he would have to pass on the torch. But i guess I just didn't expect it to happen this soon ?

On that note, I'm actually not that worried for Mario's voice. In the trailer of Mario Wonder, the new actor sounds a lot like Martinet, to the point where many thought it was him (myself included). And considering Nintendo being Nintendo, they'll probably not tolerate a bad imitator. I'm also not worried for Wario since Wario Ware Gold happened so him having another voice won't be too weird (for context I played this game in french). As for Waluigi, he's a character I don't care that much for so I won't mind if he sounds a bit different.

Now Luigi is actually the one I'm worried about, because Martinet gives him such a soft-spoken dorky shy vibe and I couldn't imagine him any other way. I'm going to miss him sounding like a dorky sweetheart trying his best to be as brave as his bro...

Oh and also, a few things I've read and agree on : 1. It'd be better if each of those characters get their own voice actor that can imitate them well, rather than trying to get one person who can do some voices well but others not, 2. It sucks that Martinet didn't get to voice his characters one last time in the movie, tho given there's going to be sequels, it makes the casting decision makes a bit more sense (makes more sense as in "not casting Martinet so that there's no actor change for the sequel which would makes the voices sound off", not the whole "shitty popular guy instead of an actual voice actor" thing), 3. At least Martinet chose to retire instead of being unfairly fired. Hell Nintendo actually recognized how much of an impact Martinet had on their characters and made him the Mario franchise's ambassador ! It's great !

In any case, thank you Charles Martinet for voicing our childhood. ❤ The cheerfulness and dorkyness those characters have wouldn't exist without you, and may you have a happy retirement.

#Super Mario #flor talks #also I didn't know where to say it but it's worth noting Peach for example went through a few voice actors as well apparently #granted her voice isn't as iconic as Mario's; as long as her actress can sound soft and high-pitched; it sounds in character #anyways #I considered reblogging a post and adding my thoughts in the tags #but decided it'd be less awkward to just do my own post rather than rambling in the tags again #also this post took a few days because I had some weird issues with my laptop; but it's fixed now ! (I hope) #on unrelated news I now have a smartphone instead of some old thing #so now I have you silly gay people in my phone #but that also mean I have to deal with the live bullshit... #(btw I actually really liked my old phone; it could make phonecalls and messages which is all I ask from a phone #but nowadays you're forced to have certain apps with internet available at all times so I had to change since my tablet won't cut it #can't have shit with capi//talism)

[astrxealis]

thinkin abt parallels between my FAVES from DIFF FANDOMS (i mean lucisan and wolgraha)

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #i want to cry #i didn't mean to type that but actually yeah. yeah. wolgraha ALWAYS. FUCKING GETS ME. it's peak #the whole . the whole buildup there ... and the FAREWELL. THE FAREWELL. and then that FUCKIGN ASSHOLE #okay no spoilers ^___^ but yeah. idk #idk where i was going w this post but yeah when they said farewell that shit makes me cry #and idk uhm. idk. RIGHT. okay. i think sandy and raha being my favs is really obvious of me and #the person who indirectly got me into liking graha sm. i liked him since hearing his voice and then when i found out who he was #it was thru this gbf twt i used to follow (not anymore bcs i didnt realize they were 18+ </3) AND. AND. THEY HAD A FFXIV OTHER TWT #N I SAW RAHA THERE AND THE YK CLICKED. IT CLICKED TOGETHER. so yeah thanks sandalphon for helping me w my love for raha yeah #but yeah they both are good people at heart (though at the start they kinda aren't really mhm. wait nvm) #but the thing is they both have their 'villain' moments. i relate more to sandy w his bcs i think if i got so yeah i'd be the same :') #but then raha... he is such a good person... even if i really really really despise lies bcs of my childhood </3 #both of them are so. ejhbgajha. one of them yeahs to my liking of angels and the other to my childhood obsession w crystals! #both have really beautiful themes and something to do w the color red!!!! #lucifer in this reminds me of wol in how they kinda just. yk. they just care for raha/sandy #even after all they've done mhm ^^ #actually idk i ws mostly thinking of sandy in 000 going yeah i'll head off now! and it just reminds me of raha w the farewell #and then later on with the promise. also YEAH THE THEMES OF PROMISES. #ehgbhjabejg i want to cry over raha again gods......... he is so. he is SO. SOWHBAJGJHSDBJGH. our promises always keep us together.......... #that cat breaks my heart so many times but he makes me so unbelievably happy man

[incomprehensiblegiberish]

am i the only one who doesn't see purpose in the cycle of work for more work to do more work so that you can earn more work? why should i fucking try if my only reward is getting more work and maybe a "good job keep working". i am. fucking tired.

#i have no clue if im in a mood bc of . or if im actually feeling pissed off and upset right now #i hate so much that i deal with shit like this #i cant even leave my own fucking house #and they have the audacity to say that if something is pissing me off that i can just go away from it #im so tired of having work just to do more work #im fucking tired #im so fucking done with this shit #ive been at it for years it hasnt gotten any easier and they just keep going #i dont know how everyone else seems to do thsi easily and fucking. get a sense of accomplishment from it #i just finish something and feel angry #like i let them win #i am tired of acting like i dont feel things #i am so tired of being upset and being able to do nothing #i am so fucking close to snapping i swear to fucking god #and i know in the morning i'll back to the same shit as always #of thinking about how much i fucking hate my life #and being used as a box as an example of a good life #and im not saying i have a horrible life #im just tired of being told everyday that “at least you didn't have to deal with ___” or “Oh yeah?? Well ___ happened to me” #i dont even know why people want to stay my friends anymore #one of my friends said they don't knwo they'd do without me and i dunno why but it just made me really sad #i dont know what i even did for them #i seem to annoy so many of my friends all the time #i dont know what they mean by that #i dont know what im doing anymore #vent post #tw vent

[mosspapi]

Uncharacteristically upset about The Disabilities tonight. Thought I was over this by now. What the fuck

#why could I not have been born fucking normal. or at the very least had all this shit set on later #why could I not have had actual good doctors who didn't let me get so sick I'm now permanently fucked up forever bcuz of it. #I'm so tired of going to bed every night wondering if I'll have a heart attack because my chest hurts and is squeezing and I Know it's- #-from my ribs but if it Was my heart I'd never know. and my heart doesn't work properly anyways. #I'm tired of needing to lay down after I do basic fucking things like take a shower or washing one dish #I'm sick of wanting to go outside or run or dance and not being able to anymore #I'm so sick of not being able to go to class or draw or play video games bcuz my neck seizes up after too long #I'm sick of always being in pain. #I'm sick of being sick. #I'm so over this shit dude. there is no god because surely one of them would've had enough mercy to fucking kill me before all this #fucking Christ dude I'm so fucking done with all of this bullshit. I need to be put down or some shit #and what's worse is I know I comparatively don't even have it that bad. so I have no reason to be as upset as I am. #I'm royally fucked up but not enough to actually matter. #armchair speaks #vent post #I mean fucking hell dude. my parents were gonna have me terminated bcuz the doctors thought I was gonna have birth defects #they probably wish they'd gone thru with it atp. can't say I'd blame em either

[cherrymoonvol6]

oh................

#i have to be fucking honest #i put this on my jackparse playlist. but truth is i'm thinking of **** #because of fucking course. he wrote this song about him #'couldn't help but romanticize the agony' like what the hell #he soft launched new bf today #and i went 'oh' when all i felt was emptiness and despair #cringe parasocial feelings have overcome me womp womp #'now i'm stitched up / i've found my inner peace #but i still think about the party at the tail end of you and me' #shit i can't post in my sideblog....... if you see this no you didn't #by all means this IS a jackparse song so. yeah that's what i was crying about! :) #Spotify #anyways i am gonna make b my most listened artist of the year on a whim #(on a whim meaning i actually really like the album and 'the flood' is my fav song atm)

[autismserenity]

know someone who enjoys horror stories? share this one! it's true!

hahahahahahahahahaha aarrggghhhhhhhhhh 3,000,000 deaths due to COVID-19 last year. Globally. Three million. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. The reason people are still worried about COVID is because it has a way of quietly fucking up your body. And the risk is cumulative.

I'm going to say that again: the risk is cumulative.

It's not just that a lot of people get bad long-term effects from it. One in seven or so? Enough that it's kind of the Russian Roulette of diseases. It's also that the more times you get it, the higher that risk becomes. Like if each time you survived Russian Roulette, the empty chamber was removed from the gun entirely. The worst part is that, psychologically, we have the absolute opposite reaction. If we survive something with no ill effects, we assume it's pretty safe. It is really, really hard to override that sense of, "Ok, well, I got it and now I probably have a lot of immunity and also it wasn't that bad." It is not a respiratory disease. Airborne, yes. Respiratory disease, no: not a cold, not a flu, not RSV.

Like measles (or maybe chickenpox?), it starts with respiratory symptoms. And then it moves to other parts of your body. It seems to target the lungs, the digestive system, the heart, and the brain the most.

It also hits the immune system really hard - a lot of people are suddenly more susceptible to completely unrelated viruses. People get brain fog, migraines, forget things they used to know.

(I really, really hate that it can cross the blood-brain barrier. NOTHING SHOULD EVER CROSS THE BLOOD-BRAIN BARRIER IT IS THERE FOR A REASON.) Anecdotal examples of this shit are horrifying. I've seen people talk about coworkers who've had COVID five or more times, and now their work... just often doesn't make sense? They send emails that say things like, "Sorry, I didn't mean Los Angeles, I meant Los Angeles."

Or they insist they've never heard of some project that they were actually in charge of a year or two before.

Or their work is just kind of falling apart, and they don't seem to be aware of it.

People talk about how they don't want to get the person in trouble, so their team just works around it. Or they describe neighbors and relatives who had COVID repeatedly, were nearly hospitalized, talked about how incredibly sick they felt at the time... and now swear they've only had it once and it wasn't bad, they barely even noticed it.

(As someone who lived with severe dissociation for most of my life, this is a genuinely terrifying idea to me. I've already spent my whole life being like, "but what if I told them that already? but what if I did do that? what if that did happen to me and I just don't remember?") One of its known effects in the brain is to increase impulsivity and risk-taking, which is real fucking convenient honestly. What a fantastic fucking mutation. So happy for it on that one. Yes, please make it seem less important to wear a mask and get vaccinated. I'm not screaming internally at all now.

I saw a tweet from someone last year whose family hadn't had COVID yet, who were still masking in public, including school.

She said that her son was no kind of an athlete. Solidly bottom middle of the pack in gym.

And suddenly, this year, he was absolutely blowing past all the other kids who had to run the mile. He wasn't running any faster. His times weren't fantastic or anything. It's just that the rest of the kids were worse than him now. For some reason. I think about that a lot. (Like my incredibly active six-year-old getting a cold, and suddenly developing post-viral asthma that looked like pneumonia.

He went back to school the day before yesterday, after being home for a month and using preventative inhalers for almost week.

He told me that it was GREAT - except that he couldn't run as much at recess, because he immediately got really tired. Like how I went outside with him to do some yard work and felt like my body couldn't figure out how to increase breathing and heart rate.

I wasn't physically out of breath, but I felt like I was out of breath. That COVID feeling people describe, of "I'm not getting enough air." Except that I didn't have that problem when I had COVID.) Some people don't observe any long (or medium) term side effects after they have it.

But researchers have found viral reservoirs of COVID-19 in everyone they've studied who had it.

It just seems to hang out, dormant, for... well, longer than we've had an opportunity to observe it, so far.

(I definitely watched that literal horror movie. I think that's an entire genre. The alien dormant under ice in the Arctic.)

(oh hey I don't like that either!!!!!!!!!) All of which is to explain why we should still care about avoiding it, and how it manages to still cause excess deaths. Measuring excess deaths has been a standard tool in public health for a long time.

We know how many people usually die from all different causes, every year. So we can tell if, for example, deaths from heart disease have gone way up in the past three years, and look for reasons. Those are excess deaths: deaths that, four years ago, would not have happened. During the pandemic, excess death rates have been a really important tool. For all sorts of reasons. Like, sometimes people die from COVID without ever getting tested, and the official cause is listed as something else because nobody knows they had COVID. But also, people are dying from cardiovascular illness much younger now.

People are having strokes and heart attacks younger, and more often, than they did before the pandemic started. COVID causes a lot of problems. And some of those problems kill people. And some of them make it easier for other things to kill us. Lung damage from COVID leading to lungs collapsing, or to pneumonia, or to a pulmonary embolism, for example. The Economist built a machine-learning model with a 95% confidence interval that gauges excess death statistics around the world, to tell them what the true toll of the ongoing COVID pandemic has been so far.

Total excess deaths globally in 2023: Three million.

3,000,000.

Official COVID-19 deaths globally so far: Seven million. 7,000,000. Total excess deaths during COVID so far: Thirty-five point two million. 35,200,000.

Five times as many.

That's bad. I don't like that at all. I'm glad last year was less than a tenth of that. I'm not particularly confident about that continuing, though, because last year we started a period of really high COVID transmission. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. Here's their data, and charts you can play with, and links to detailed information on how they did all of this:

Here's a non-paywalled link to it:

https://archive.vn/2024.01.26-012536/https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/coronavirus-excess-deaths-estimates

Oh: here's a link to where you can buy comfy, effective N95 masks in all sizes:

Those ones are about a buck each after shipping - about $30 for a box of 30. They also have sample packs for a dollar, so you can try a couple of different sizes and styles.

You can wear an N95 mask for about 40 total hours before the effectiveness really drops, so that's like a dollar for a week of wear.

They're also family-owned and have cat-shaped masks and I really love them. These ones are cuter and in a much wider range of colors, prints, and styles, but they're also more expensive; they range from $1.80 to $3 for a mask. ($18-$30 for a box of ten.)

#covid isn't over #covid 19 #disability rights #disability advocacy #wear a mask #covid conscious #covid cautious #mask up #wall of words #public health #health care

[artbyblastweave]

One moment from Adventure time that stuck with me big-time when I was a kid was the episode where the Lich first showed up, because in the climax Finn is pursuing him and he chases him down into what are clearly the ruins of a contemporary subway station. And that blew my little mind, because up till that point I'd been parsing it as one of those impossible gonzo mishmash anything-goes constructed worlds, and then abruptly without fanfare here's strong evidence that there's some kinda throughline between the world you recognize and the inexplicable fantasy setting on screen. Here's some strong recontextualization of what Finn the human means, in the singular like that, now that we've got a subway recognizably built by modern humans. I mean this was my statue-of-liberty-on-a-beach moment, except it wasn't even the salient twist of the episode- it was just there, a background setpiece which didn't have especial attention called to it beyond being where the bad guy of that week's episode had been chased off to. Love shit like that, clear but understated signifiers that you're actually been looking at a post-apocalypse this whole time.

#thoughts #meta #adventure time