#so I have to just keep letting them assume I'm a Binary Trans Man and it's simply. exhausting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

queermasculine · 2 years

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how to know if you're a straight trans man or a butch

i've always known very strongly that i wasn't a man, so i have no personal struggle from which to draw insight here, but when it comes down to it i think the best way to get to know yourself is to ask yourself what it is that you actually want. how do you want others to see you? how do you want to live?

do you want to live life as a straight trans man? if so, that's probably the right path for you. do you want to live life as a butch lesbian? then that's probably the right path for you. you've lived both lives and can't bear the thought of abandoning one for the other? sounds like you were meant to be both. you can be a butch trans guy if you want to— you wouldn't be the first. as uncomfortable as some people are with this fact, it nonetheless remains a reality; there have always been people who have made their homes and lives in the crossing where our identities intersect, and you can too, if that feels right to you.

it's been said before but i'll say it again.. when it comes to figuring yourself out, an infinitely more helpful question than "what am i really?" is "what do i want?" i said i've always known very strongly that i wasn't a man. this is how i know: i just don't want to be one. i don't want to be seen that way. there is some comfort in strangers assuming i'm a cis guy, sure (sometimes it feels safer that way, sometimes it's nice to be reminded that the masculinity i present to the world is real) but when i think of my closest loved ones, i don't want them to see me as a man. i want them to see me as a transmasculine butch, a genderqueer dyke, a lesbian. and that desire to be seen a certain way by those i hold dearest, that's what guides me in life and ultimately defines me.

"ok but... how do i know what i want?" that's a tougher one, i'll admit. just by living i guess. by meeting new people, by keeping an open mind, by trying new things and continuing to learn more about what it is you like and don't like. i was 20 when i'd finally lived enough to know what i wanted. it might take longer for you than that.

fortunately, you don't actually need to have any of this shit figured out to move forward. before i found my butch identity i spent years describing myself as "uhhh some sorta non-binary i guess" and none of my queer/trans friends minded the fact that i didn't have all the details down yet. they knew my chosen name and my pronouns and that was enough for them, and i didn't spend a whole lot of time worrying about it either. you don't need to force yourself to choose between labels right now if you're not ready. you can let the answers come to you.

in the meantime, just fill your life with things that make it worth living. you don't have to know for sure that you're a guy to get that binder or that packer or to go on testosterone, and you don't need to know for sure that you're a butch to hang out with dykes and to have lesbian sex and so on and so on...

just live the life you want to live. you can figure out what to call it later.

#also you don't need to present your full complexity to the world 100% of the time #you can just say you're a trans guy if that's easier for you. and then pull out the secret butch gender around those you know and trust #being a two-faced mothafucka is selfcare actually #mail

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airlock · 2 months

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there's something I can never help but to notice in the way people on the internet talk about trans girls' dicks, and it's a matter of size

it's odd inasmuch as, y'know. when it comes to cis guy dick sizes, you have this interminably complex debate raging all the time

dudes are out there measuring, comparing, going "that's a nice argument but...", all in all inflicting on each other and themselves this hell malestrom (y'know what, sure, I'm throwing that typo in) of ways in which dick size is the world's most important thing. something that's theorically about having sex, but also doesn't interrogate what women think and would make fun of you for being a fag, so really it's just a front for men competing against men to be the biggest baddest alpha man.

not that you'd get a clear unissonous answer from asking women, either. by now I think most men who have ever listened to a woman, have heard all the aphorisms. it's about how it's about how you use it and not about size; inconsiderate lovers who assume their dick size will carry them can be especially painful in bed; so on and so forth. at the same time, though, women both gleefully partake in the same exercises of social approval/dismissal associated with dick size as men do, sometimes with an added layer of not really caring about dick size but using it as a metaphorical shorthand. and dick size also keeps showing up in the way women talk while they idolize male celebrities, in the erotica they write, etc and etc.

don't get me wrong; this isn't the preamble to my mass shooter manifesto. you don't generally get clear unissonous answers from women about anything, because that is around 4 billion people's worth of opinions and tastes. all of this is just to paint a picture of the strange place that cis guys' dick sizes are regarded in this world we live in. it's at once a genetic trait that can't be controlled and should not be treated as an indicator of personality, and also a symbol of social status so overwhelming that the symbolism has a life beyond the physical realities.

a cis guy's dick can be small, and that's okay and/or pathetic; a cis guy's dick can be huge, and that's insignificant and/or awesome.

but when people talk about trans girl dick. they always talk about huge dick. isn't that strange?

well, perhaps it's not if you're familiar with how trans women are treated on the internet in general. the first and foremost thing being that we're sexualized to hell and back by our enemies and appreciators alike, so of course we'll promptly be described in the crassest terms available. and just as obviously, it is that huge dicks are seen as symbols of masculinity, so there's an insidious dimension to always supposing trans women must have them. it's a pretty unsubtle member of the panoply of ways we're constantly denied femininity even by people who are supposed to be on our side, let alone the ones who aren't.

I don't know that these things explain the phenomenon by themselves, although I'm sure they remain as the leading reasons. maybe it's also just that society's baseline for how long a girl's dick should be is in the negatives, so really any length of trans girl dick compares favourably there. in that regard, "girl with a huge dick" is an especially incongruous image, and evoking it tends to make your punchlines punchier.

but perhaps most of all, at least in terms of relatively original insights here, it might also be a matter of many people still being mere fledgelings in the art of sexually appreciating trans women, and thusly these people have not honed the nuances of it.

talking up a trans girl's feminine traits might come across like you're really just thinking of cis girls or, worse, traditional femininity -- so you swing for the fences, and romanticize the huge dicks and the hairy legs and the widow's peaks. but what if you could appreciate a trans girl's qualities, not in comparison to any cis people of either binary gender, but in her own terms?

would you, then, love her dick in all shapes and sizes it might come with?

#my stupid text posts #in effect I think most trans women don't have much to say about this themselves #because their thoughts about their own dicks will kind of begin and end at whether having one like this causes dysphoria #but I dunno; maybe I just notice this trend because I'm not exactly well-endowed #and frankly I like that for myself #anyway sorry not sorry for belting out this ridiculously long 2 AM post about trans girl dick and not even readmoring it

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foggyfanfic · 4 months

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Queer Madrigals

I'm about to post a couple future!fic for Encanto, so I figured I'd take a minute to talk about my headcanons when it comes to their genders/sexualities.

The Obvious: I've posted somewhat in depth about what I think Bruno and Isabela's individual deals are, so I'm not going to really talk about it here, but yeah. Using the labels I am familiar with, I assume Bruno is demi, bi, and nonbinary, and that Isabela is a lesbian who ends up marrying a trans woman.

The Married: I mean, we can sit here all day and speculate, but the only real headcanons I got are that Juli is demi and Pepa has made out with more women than Bruno.

Mirabel: I've mentioned this, but I didn't really talk about it. Due to heteronormativity I suspect it wouldn't occur to Mirabel to question her sexuality until later in life when the Pride movement starts up. I think she's bi, possibly also demi, but most definitely not very focused on her love life (another reason why she doesn't think too hard about her sexuality). She's got shit to do and if somebody wants to date her they better speak up about it because she's got too many projects going on right now to bother with mind games. Mirabel ends up with a man mostly by coincidence, I saw somebody do the numbers and its just statistically more likely that a bi person will end up with somebody of the opposite sex (the math didn't factor for gender). I try to keep all of my headcanons grounded to peoples lived experiences, and this felt historically accurate.

Luisa: I think that if Luisa were a tumblrina she would end up being CIS+, but would have to go through the journey of exploring her gender due to societal biases. In the context of 1950's Colombia, she spends her youth hearing abuelas and tias talking about how she needs to be more feminine if she wants a husband, and struggles with that for a while. Luisa sings "I glow because I know what my worth is" and that's the sort of thing somebody says when they're on the other side of some serious self doubt, so I do think she had to deal with a bit of misogyny and body image issues. The thing is, Luisa likes the way she looks, and she's proud of what a hard worker she is, but she also wears ribbons in her hair and skirts instead of pants to work in. Furthermore, I suspect every bi person in the village, male or female, has a huge fucking crush on her because if she was a modern tumblrina people would be responding to pictures of her with that "not to be a lesbian but oh my god" stuff. I headcanon her as being technically cishet, but culturally gay due to people being people about the whole Woman with Biceps thing, if that makes sense. Once she starts allowing herself some free time, she dates every bi man in the village.

Dolores: Morosexual. No offense Mariano.

Camilo: You know how gender is a product of your culture and different societies throughout history have had different ideas of how many genders there are and what it means to be a man or woman? I think being able to turn into a woman at will would have an effect on Camilo's relationship with his gender. Like, I don't know if he would be full nonbinary, because I have never met a shapeshifter and asked them how they feel about gender, but I can't imagine he sees gender as a rigid binary. Like I said, I try to stay grounded in my headcanons, and I have zero idea what the lived experience of a shapeshifter is, soooooo...?

Antonio: I have spent a long time weighing the options here, his association with animals makes me think he would be the least traditional Madrigal, so I would like to think he'd end up in the least conventional relationship. I posted a list of headcanons where I floated the idea of him being poly, but I like the idea of him being aroace better. I stand by the rest of it, though. He marries a lesbian, let's her girlfriend move in with them, and he's just kinda there. Like, the women consider themselves married to each other and he's just some guy who talks to birds. They're his best friends and thinks he's pretty great but the only time he has sex is when him and the wives want kids, and other than that he's just vibing. I arrived at this headcanon because I love the idea of him being sorta a reverse Bruno. Like, people think he has two wives so everybody assumes he's this total lady killer, they sing songs about how charming he is, rumors abound that he can make a girl swoon with a single smile, then you talk to him and he's just some guy. Occasionally, a woman will throw herself at him and he's like "No thanks" then starts having a conversation with her cat. Do you see my vision? Anyone? I don't care if nobody else thinks it's funny, because I'm giggling at my computer.

#encanto #queer Madrigals #mirabel madrigal #camilo madrigal #luisa madrigal #antonio madrigal #foggy headcanons #encanto headcanons

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flutterofpapillons · 2 months

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(OMG: forgive my 3rd edit, because my finger keeps hitting the ‘Ask’ button as I edit)

Dear Miss Butterfly,

I read on your Tumblr that “chilling at home on the couch just putting no effort into your appearance makes [you] feel a little masc.” I understand this can be dysphoric for a transwoman. I don’t want to assume your gender identity, because you could be a trans person with feminine gender expression who is non-binary or genderfluid for all I know. However, the tone your post reflects some sort of annoyance by feeling masc. If that is the case, I would like to share a perspective to you as a genderfluid person, because you’re beautiful, and I’d hate to see you suffer about it, even if it’s just an annoyance. My ‘ask’ is written in the spirit of giving you support, even though you likely don’t know me.

To begin, I must say with tongue in cheek that you just might have insulted half of the globe (both cis men and the transmasc community) by asserting that “chilling at home on the couch, just putting no effort into [one’s] appearance,” is in some way inherently masculine. I know plenty of women who effortlessly let it all go in sloppy ways. I also know a lot of guys who are fastidious about taking care of their appearance. So, the dysphoria-provoking thought that it is masculine when making no effort in cleaning up one��s appearance is definitely a distortion of the facts, and a lie. Our minds can be our worst enemy. But, you know this… I think. 🤔

OK, moving along. It is a true story that strictly conforming to gender norms can be a mixed bag; a bag that can include dysphoria and whatever other feelings that might provoke in people. But gender expression does not define or invalidate one’s gender identity. And, as I mentioned above, putting no effort into your appearance is neither masculine, nor feminine, nor even nonbinary. It is a behavior that has no gender because it is a behavior that people of all genders do, especially while chilling at home. Cut yourself some slack, J-queline [Jack]. 🤭

In conclusion, regarding gender conforming behavior…fvck that! As a girl, a boy, nonbinary, agender, etc., you can wear whatever the F you want; it doesn’t change a thing. If you don’t want to wear makeup in public, F the public, that’s your choice. If you want to wear a stylish suit with man shoes and a fedora, F the public, that is your choice. Kick the dysphoria in the crotch and throw it into the trash heap, where it belongs. Capeesh? 💕💕💕

Yours truly,

Genderfluid Rose 🌹

(TGL)

Just mean sure everyone puts some kind of effort when going to work like you shower you put deodorant. You make yourself look a certain way. When I'm on the couch I can feel masc maybe because I'm wearing footy shorts and a singlet no deodorant no shower with plenty of girl stink.

I'm not fluid per say, but the way I dress makes me feel a certain way and its definitely not bad thing. If I wear collar and tie no make up and I wear my hair certain way I'm not feeling femme.

There is one thing a rarely do I mean its rare to have long nails, I cut my nails short I never paint them. At best they get a clear coat. This could be considered masc I don't care its how I roll.

One thing I do that might be considered quite femme I keep up good hair removal routine this makes me feel good.

Thank you for your ask lots of great points.

Let me finish by saying I hate to much chocolate today

#my asks

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some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat · 1 year

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Aight let me try to establish some things about this thing which may or may not end up being part of the Moth Wizard universe just so I can tell myself that I'm not neglecting that to start a new project.

Concept background: I had a dream there was a TV show where a group of 5ish young adults being found dead together covered in blood so some mysterious figure brings them back to life hoping they'll avenge themselves, and leaves without realizing they all came back wrong and with amnesia and don't even know their own names let alone who killed them but they return to their lives and try to figure out who they're supposed to be without letting anyone know what happened to them while also trying to find the killer. They're also undead and don't feel pain or bleed or die so that's another thing they have to try to hide. They sometimes get flashbacks and glimpses at their lost memories and one plot point I remember coming from this was that one of them remembered kissing a girl and assumed that was her girlfriend and kissed her publicly then found out she had a boyfriend and she tried to save it by saying she was tired of being in the closet but the girl she kissed hates her now because she was also in the closet and she outed her even though she promised it would be a secret! Also I'm pretty sure the undead characters were mostly rivals, exes, and similarly having beef with each other when they were alive, which made it suspicious that they were so friendly all of a sudden (because being resurrected together is a binding experience and so is being the only people who know you're dead).

What I've additionally decided about the characters since: There's exactly five of them, two girls, two boys, one enby, and one of each binary gender is cis. The enby (any pronouns) has a beard and I will not tell you her AGAB. The lesbian in the aforementioned plot point is the cis girl, but only because of like a closeted lesbian who is cis is a different situation socially from a closeted lesbian who is trans like if you're already openly trans you can't play the unassuming cishet by getting a boyfriend and if you're still in the closet about being trans you have even less reason to date a boy if you're not into boys y'know? (I will acknowledge that some eggs misinterpret their gender feelings as homosexuality but if she's closeted as a lesbian she'd probably be closeted as a gay man too and I'm putting way too much thought into this sorry) To remedy this I've decided she ends up falling in love with the trans girl later on. Oh also several of their genders change slightly when they die, mostly just flavor changes like adding pronouns and such, but the one who was a cis guy when he was alive is agender now (he/they/it). They killed his freaking gender man that's messed up. One of them (can't decide who but not the cis girl she can't hog all the plot) is Jewish bc apparently I need to have Jewish main characters and their arc will focus on Judaism and how their relationship with it changes with everything they go through. They're Ashkenazi mainly because that's what I'm most familiar with and qualified to write and if I write something else I'm going to accidentally make it Ashkenazi at some point simply because I didn't know a thing was exclusively an Ashkenazi thing. They're conservative/Masorti because I think that's the context I want their arc to take place in, based on my understanding of different communities, not so strict that they would break a hundred mitzvot on their first undead day that they wouldn't have broken in life or that they'll have too significant problems if they become less observant during their character arc, but not so relaxed that they wouldn't be properly accommodated if they become more observant during their character arc (e.g. shul not keeping Shabbat or family not keeping kosher), but I'll be the first to admit that my perspective on this is mainly informed by a modern orthodox perspective and some of my assumptions may be wrong and this lore is not set in stone. My general idea for their arc is before dying they're not the most religious but they do care and participate in the culture, but after dying, most of their connection is gone because they don't remember it, and they feel further alienated from it by the fact that they're forced to pretend to be the person who did care before they've had a chance to figure out why they should care. There's conflict, there's questions about their death and undeath and how being undead isn't really compatible with a complete rejection of faith (although you certainly can make up whatever explanation you want, it's not like necromancy and zombies prove Hashem is real specifically, but like you must accept that something exists that can mess with death itself), and eventually I, as a future convert, do want them to find their way back home, on their own terms, and I think they'll be closer to it when they've done so. Also this paragraph was meant to be shorter than the last wow mission failed.

Questions to be asking: First of all which one of you is Jewish? Second of all should it be more than one? Thirdly what are y'all's names and like what cultures do the gentiles have going on and on a connected note races (in my dream they were all white but I have the conscious power to do better)? How old are these kids?? What are the other plots everyone's got something going on not just the lesbian and the Jew what do the rest have going on? Where was I going with this post I forgot somewhere along the way explaining everything I do know? What do I call this story?

Not a question: Who is the killer? I know who the killer was, it was revealed in the season finale in my dream but I'm not spoiling it :P

#sfw #personal #ok to reblog

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viciouslyrobotic · 6 months

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Rambles

I recently read a cherp prompt that described one of their characters, who they have as a trans man, as having *my body type*, and yet I reacted with suspicion and disgust about it like it's a bad thing to rp that. Even though I'm in a position where I know I "pass" because my cis older brother has a wasp waist- a teacher we've known since elementary said that once, and I'll never get that out of my head. My cis little brother also has a similar body type to ours. We just have that cinch, and we look incredibly alike to the point I've been mistaken for them by people who know one of my brothers or our family. Which, yes, makes me very lucky as a trans man. I have two walking validations for my presentation as a man.

So it's part observation, part musing,

but there's this undercurrent of body policing in an attempt to weed out chasers/fetishists of trans people in rp that comes from a real place that I keep noticing. That same attempt to weed out overlaps with the "pass" phenomenon where we try to excise any hint of femininity to be perceived as men because the gender binary is weaponized against us. Thus, perceived femininity is tagged as a mark of a "fake" and that is going to bring feelings of shame.

Another anecdote; An ex of mine talked badly of his wider hips and I perceived that as him being ashamed of them, that he was less of a man because of it but he, like my brothers, is a living example of cis men with "feminine" hips.

That ex was also a fetishist and pos for other reasons, and part of his fetish *could* be the factor of feminine traits being taboo for men as masculine traits are taboo for women but I digress; we aren't all Marilyn Monroe Types But Trans and that goes for cis men, too, in a way. Cis men just don't have to fret as much about that comparison because it isn't as severe a condemnation of their gender as it is for trans men and it's honestly not a comparison they really ever have to worry let alone think about because male beauty standards are different.

At the same time though, these perceived "fake" trans men with wide hips in rp spaces could be played by real trans men seeking those who don't treat us like a fetish to safely rp a character *with their own body type* much like I do because representation matters to us as individuals. Assuming that because the body type is hourglass/wasp-waisted they're more likely to be a fetishicizer or faker is kind of fucked up and at least to me seems to be reinforcing that perceived feminine traits are bad/shameful and makes someone *less* of their gender. I also LIKE my hips and thighs by the way, but because of the way femininity is treated regarding trans men, it's Wrong for me to *Like* what should Invalidate Me and Worse for me to admit that. But I grew up with not one but two(2) validations, so maybe that's why I find my hips and thighs to be my most attractive quality and like about myself as a man because at least at home that was never treated as Wrong for my brothers to have.

I agree that there *should* be overall better body diversity in trans male representation because we aren't all That Shape- but this undercurrent of negativity I keep noticing that's specific to my body type keeps nagging at me. So I'm rambling to the void about it. This also isn't meant as an opposition to other body types because bulky, fat, rectangle, etc shaped trans men deserve representation- especially those of color. The Skinny White Trans Boy tends to be ppl's assumption and *not* being skinny, white, or both is weaponized against those who don't fit this narrative.

#text post #vincentllv #i speak #trans men #roleplay #chaser mention #musings #ik im not the only one that has noticed this #society is a thing and we all interact with it #and yet ive also noticed ppl dont like applying critiques of social concepts to real life even though #those concepts #cant exist without individuals interacting #these concepts are active phenomenons within our society and exist on an individual level #guess im ranting in the tags that “we live in a society” bc ive been gaslit for shit like this in the past #anyway #im hungry #im tired #abuse of tags/i

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jess-emurphy · 3 years

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I am once again begging people to stop using AFAB and AMAB for their fanfiction. I know I ranted about this months ago but it's still annoying me

One popped up on my dashboard with "Reader is AFAB because the setting is the girl's bathroom"

Like I don't want to be angry I really don't but I'm literally afab. And where am I typing this from? The men's dorm section. I shower with guys. I eat with guys. My dorm neighbours are guys. I never see any of the ladies who live in the building because they're in the women's dorm section and we aren't allowed there.

Here I am as an afab person not automatically using things people assume afabs would use. My college is really good about letting anyone choose where they sleep not based on their AGAB (assigned gender at birth) but just their gender. I have a non-binary friend in this dorm who got their own suite away from everyone else because they aren't a man or a woman, so good for them.

Like you all do know...trans people exist right? Afab and amab is for everyone but particularly trans people use those terms to express the gender and sex FORCED upon us at birth (if you feel that way I know some trans people don't).

Amab people can use a woman's bathroom. Afab people can use the men's bathroom. Amab and afab people can use neither bathroom and maybe they prefer a gender neutral one instead. Amab and afab aren't genders. They're something assigned to us. That doesn't mean they're OUR genders.

Here's what you could do instead;

State the pronouns of character

State body parts if necessary (sex, medical reasons, etc although take into account a lot of medical stuff also affects other genders. Trans women can get periods so don't automatically leave my sisters out just because YOU don't do research)

State if any gendered terms are mentioned (girl, boy, man, woman etc)

Keep in mind: Trans women can have vaginas. Trans men can have a penis. Non-binary is a spectrum, we aren't a third little gender you get to put into a box.

I am going to repeat it again. Stop using afab or amab to describe the character. You're excluding trans people and I instantly don't trust you.

Cis people reblog but I don't want your input or anything defending yourself, you don't get to do that here.

#tw transphobia

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amaya-chwan · 3 years

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Therapy Game Restart Discussion: Who is Onodera?

Hello everyone! Hope you are all well~ ❤️💛💜 I've had a headscratcher of an ask/message regarding Onodera, so I figured I'll make it into one big post!

Before I begin this Q&A/discussion post (feel free to comment below if you have any thoughts), I have looked through past chapters to gather the information I will put into this post to support my predictions. Not all chapters are readily available for everyone at the moment as only one volume of TGR is out right now, so I shall put the chapter numbers for your future reference! ⚠️ Also, just a note! These opinions are my personal thoughts, conjectures, and opinions, so please don't think I am saying one idea or speculation is wrong--this is just how I see it, and of course I could very well be wrong! And I also am not fluent in Japanese, so I may have some translation errors!

⚠️ Also, a warning, this will be a long post! Keep reading if you're interested and please let me know your own thoughts!

First, in an earlier ask, I was directed to a translation group that said Onodera is a man. With the help of Google and Google Translate (because I don't understand/speak Spanish), I found that post (dated April this year) and the origin of the picture they used in that post. The image is from Hinohara-sensei's 13th August 2020 tweet here and is also below for reference:

Now, all I can remember from first seeing that image is "Woow, so pretty! A female character? A love rival? A threat? OH it's the infamous director they're all talking about???"

This image was released around the time chapter 8 was released, i.e. the first chapter we see Onodera in full.

Looking at the image again, I can see how Onodera could be seen as a female or a male. Onodera has long hair, yet no visible breasts. There is no evidence of an Adam's apple, but that could just be because of the turtleneck as part of their outfit. Furthermore, in chapter 13, we see a view of Onodera from behind. There are no "womanly curves" visible in this view of Onodera.

After searching some Japanese blogs, some fans also had the same thoughts: no breasts = possible male, the shape of the face etc. Here are the blogs I found: [1] [2] [3] but most of these are from around chapter 8.

Just about the breast argument: there are a lot of different shapes for breasts. I learnt that when working at a department store selling bras during university. It is possible that Onodera is really flat chested or just has very little breast tissue. Not sure if that's getting too technical now, ahah, but what I want to say is that the lack of breasts isn't a definite yes to Onodera being a man.

Hinohara-sensei also has not explicitly stated throughout TGR so far (ch1-13) that Onodera is male or female.

From chapters 8-12, Onodera is always referred to as 院長 (director) by Shizuma and the nurses at the clinic. No gender-specific pronouns have been used in the story nor by any characters to refer to Onodera when speaking so far (that I have read). So confirming Onodera's gender is just misleading at the present moment.

We do find out in chapter 9 that Onodera's first name is 昌 akira. Akira is a gender neutral name in Japan. It is often given to males, but it is not uncommon for females to have this name. Which, I think, is genius on Sensei's part. It leaves us all thinking!

Q: So Amaya-chwan, what do you think Onodera's gender is?

Just for me as I've been reading TGR the past 1.5 years, I see Onodera as a woman as I have been "encouraged" to see Onodera as one by the little subtleties in the story, and Minato sees Onodera as a female, so I probably am viewing Onodera in Minato's POV.

(Please keep reading on for more insights and answers to questions! Really, this post is long! 😅)

In chapter 9, Onodera's older brother, who is also Shizuma's university professor (and his last name is not Onodera), makes small talk with Shizuma regarding the staff at his placement:

Shizuma's professor says: By the way, Shizuma-kun, how've you been!? You haven't been bullied, have you!? // The female team here is scary, right~ You know, Nakajou-kun and I were in the same grade...

So here, I'm made to think Onodera's clinic is pretty much all female, including Onodera too.

Fun fact: His professor uses the suffix -kun for Nakajou-sensei, yet Nakajou-sensei is a female and -kun is commonly used for males these days. But, it is also used for females in very specific situations. I'm not too sure what the situations are, but I have heard them used for females before.

In the same chapter (9), while Shizuma is changing out of his scrubs in the men's locker (?) room, Onodera walks in. He is slightly flustered, and kindly reminds her that she's walked into the men's locker room. Her reaction is "Huh? Ahh..." So here, again, I am made to believe Onodera is female.

While no gender-specific pronouns have been used to address Onodera, Minato and Itsuki have referred to Onodera as a female in chapter 13.

The kanji for "female/woman" is 女. In these two images, Minato refers to Onodera as 上司の女 female superior, and from Minato's story, Itsuki hence calls her 職場の女の人 female from (Shizuma's) workplace. This is the only time Onodera has been referred to as a female.

⚠️ Just a note going forward in this discussion, I will now call Onodera "she/her" as that is what I believe Onodera's gender is at the present moment!

Now, I did get a second ask from an Anon! Here they are below with my responses:

This one is about what's behind Onodera. I think she's a pretty interesting character. I actually think she's a trans woman or a non-binary trans woman. Sensei has been dropping so many hints to that... The name her brother calls her might be her dead name. He complains about her hair and what their father would say. She's designed to have flat breasts, perhaps she's not under hormone therapy, perhaps her "trips" and "days off" have something to do with reassignment surgeries...

She most definitely is an interesting character. I wouldn't say Onodera being transgender is out of the realm of possibility because the story is still ongoing. But regarding her name, I don't know if I'd call it a dead name since it is gender neutral already. Perhaps the kanji for a male Akira name would be different to a female one though?

About the hair comment (ch10), I just thought it was unruly? I honestly didn't think too much of it! What I will add is that the kanji for hair (髪) is used, but the reading is あたま head. Not sure why just yet, so I'll just leave that here as some extra information for the moment.

Not sure what I really think about a) her flat-chestedness and b) her insanely long business trips yet! I figured a) might be a character design, and b) she really is a top-notch veterinarian so she's probably in high demand. But I could be completely off the mark!

Also, I don't know where to add this random bit in from the story, but in chapter 12, we find out that Onodera has been calling one of the staff the wrong name for more than 10 years now. Not sure if this new piece of info affects anything?

But again, that is a very interesting prediction/thought you have about Onodera, and I wouldn't say it's not possible!

She's kind of a female Minato, psychologicallly and in appearance, which brings some challenges. And one more thing that I think hints to that: "I'll make it so your body can never be satisfied by any woman", Minato says to Shizuma. As the last chapter leaves it at that, we don't know exactly what he is talking about. [spoiler?] I haven't seen the Japanese text yet to be sure if he's clear about topping Shizuma.

That was exactly my thought when she was first introduced! That's part of the reason why I think Minato sees her as a threat, especially when he saw her for the first time and was told she is a 美人beautiful person (both in chapter 12). She and Minato definitely share some characteristics, but I find she's a bit more socially-awkward than Minato given her background (Chapter 9 & 10).

For the dialogue, the Japanese lines and the most literal translations I can give are:

今から　静真くんを抱く From now, (I'll) hold/embrace you, Shizuma-kun.

どんな女に出会っても　絶対満足できない体にしてあげる No matter the women you encounter, I will make it so your body definitely cannot be satisfied (by any of them).

Hopefully we'll find out what Minato means by that exactly in the next chapter, which I hope comes to me this week!

But if that's what he's talking about, it's 1. poor Minato being transphobic (besides being biphobic towards his own boyfriend)* 2. poor Minato probably foreshadowing his own fall. If Onodera happens to be a woman with a d**k, she can do whatever Minato thinks a cis man only can do. That's not what will make Shizuma stay by his side. Shizuma will stay by his side because he loves Minato. And that's that. Debunks biphobic myths, debunks transphobic myths. *He's not a bad person, he's got issues

Okay, this is probably as straight-forward as I can say this, but I just want to say that I don't know enough about the issues faced by the LGBTQI+ community. My friends have kindly answered all my questions so far as I don't want to be ignorant or rude when learning more about my friends and the community. I don't want to give off the air that I'm assuming anything since I don't want any misunderstandings. And I am fully aware that I need to educate myself more regarding this!

So about Minato, I'm not completely sure what you mean by number 2. But he definitely has his share of trauma, insecurities, and fears regarding his relationship with Shizuma. Having Onodera as a threat in this story really helps drive Minato's growth. The story is titled Therapy Game Restart, so what I gather from the title is that Minato is going to face another fear/insecurity he has, something deeply-rooted in him, and it's going to get really heavy and complicated, but he will eventually get through it and it will help him heal and grow as a character, and hopefully strengthen his faith in his relationship with Shizuma.

So far, I believe this "fear" is carrying on from +Play More, that Shizuma can be whisked away by a female at any moment.

But yes, Minato has to realise for himself that his and Shizuma's love, relationship, and bond is strong enough for him to not worry about Shizuma leaving him so abruptly. He has to learn to trust in Shizuma more, and TGR is slowly revealing that, especially in chapter 13.

I'll stop here. I have already written long analyses on this series and I think about making them public at some point. But it would be nice to hear from you! Maybe I'm completely wrong in my interpretations! I'm really sorry for being so annoying and maybe using inappropriate language. I really didn't mean to bother you. But I never see anyone making these points. I just want to know if I'm thinking unreasonably...

I love reading different analyses, opinions, story predictions, the whole lot!! So please feel free to ask me or post your own ideas. It's always a welcome thing for me to discuss stories and learn new things! Don't be sorry that you're being a bother or annoying, because it's not a bother at all!

We're all allowed to have our own ideas and opinions about stories, and these ideas will change once something is canon in the story, and ultimately is something we will have to accept too.

So yeah, just my two cents. Thank you for being so patient with my response, dear Anon!

To anyone reading at this point, thank you for reading this far! ❤️💛💜

I shall see you in our next set of takeaways~ As always, stay safe and take care of yourselves and your loved ones! 💜

(2021-05-17: Speedy proofreading is done ahah! And yes, my brain is still so full of 山河令/Word of Honor right now, so I have been VERY distracted! Highly recommend this drama, guys! It's up for free on the official Youku Youtube page! Totally not an endorsement, but I love this drama! AHHHHH!! Gong Jun [Simon] be living on my mind rent free~)

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demonic-mnemonic · 3 years

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Being non-binary is so weird for me sometimes because like...idk. I don't know if I can really articulate it, but I'll try. I'm afab and easily pass as female. Like sure, I have some masculine traits, and sometimes I come across as pretty androgynous, but like...nobody ever questions it, they usually just read me as female. And I don't bother to correct them. Because it's easy enough to let people read my more feminine traits and just leave it at that. I sometimes feel like it would be easier to come out if I were a trans man, if there were more of a transition to be made. But there isn't. It makes it easy to keep presenting exactly as I do and just letting people assume I'm a woman. But it still feels like I'm keeping a secret somehow

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silver-chasm · 3 years

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A week ago, I made these icons of all my fursonas with all these pride flags (cause they're all trans lol). Two have a few extra flags/symbols on them, representing me

Two of the symbols you see here aren't lgbt ones. I'm not saying that what they represent should be part of the lgbt community, just that they're just as much a part of me as my queer identity

An explanation of who my fursonas are and what the flags are under the cut. I tried to be brief but some of these are a bit lengthy

1. Toxic Chasm

They're my main fursona (and the namesake of this blog). E is something called a Monsuno Sapien, a human mutated by alien essence (the species comes from the Monsuno series). She is me but more grounded and more at peace than what I was when I created him. Despite the grotesque and intimidating appearance, xe is compassionate and gentle. Chasm means a lot to me

The flags/symbols:

The bandana - genderqueer:

Genderqueer is a term that encompasses anyone who not only fall outside of the binary but also gender nonconforming people (those who "queer" their gender)

Chasm is genderqueer, partly because they contain the colours of the flag. Ze also challenges the idea of anthropomorphism with hir existence, much like how I seem to challenge the gender binary with my own existence

The garland - bigender

Bigender people have two genders. These two genders can be binary or nonbinary. A bigender individual may experience both of their genders simultaneously or shift between the two

In my case, I'm a man and a demiwoman at the same time ^-^

The hearts - bisexual and asexual

Bisexual is when you're sexually attracted to more than one gender. Asexual is when you don't experience sexual attraction. Asexuals may also still experience romantic attraction

Biromantic asexuals, like me, are physically unable to experience sexual attraction but are able to experience romantic attraction to more than one gender

The infinity symbol - neurodivergence

One of the non LGBT symbols. Neurodivergent people are those with neurodevelopmental conditions (such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, etc) and mental health conditions (such as BPD, bipolarity, OCD, etc) and similar conditions, like schizophrenia. The infinity symbol is prominently used by autistic people, representing both the diversity of autism and neurodivergence

I'm 90% sure that I'm autistic. The other 10% is my anxiety keeping me in check

2. Korong

She is the fursona who I've had the longest (and was my primary fursona before creating Chasm). They're a giant monstrous dropbear with squid tentacles coming from her back and a second mouth on their belly. She is an absolute glutton. They are also the kind of being who would gloat about her power before trying to devour you

The flags:

The bandana - demigirl

Demigirls feel a partial but not complete connection to being a girl or woman. It is a nonbinary identity

Korong represented a past version of myself. Naturally, as I realised more about myself, she would change with me. They were never really "womanly", more monstrous than anything else

The flowers - a former vore pride flag

No, you didn't misread. This is the other non-lgbt symbol. Vorarephilia (shortened to vore) is a fetish where pleasure is derived from the idea of one being eating another (eg. snake eating a mouse, a giant holding someone in their mouth, etc). It's quite broad and typically fantastical in nature. The colours you see there belonged to a flag designed by a user here on tumblr, a genuine attempt at creating a pride symbol for vorarephiles. It wasn't a flag used outside of here. The creator has since deleted the post describing the flag, almost effectively wiping it from the internet

Korong is an embodiment of my vorarephilia. Her monstrous appearance also reflects a deep-seated shame toward this part of me I've had for years (and all for what? Strange thoughts?)

When I saw that flag and what it meant, I guess it gave me permission to feel something else towards this part of me. On top of the, the creator was reblogging vore positivity posts and posts where people were using their flag and being proud

For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me. They showed that it's okay to be like this

Originally, I was going to draw the flag itself. I pivoted when I found that the original post (and the positivity posts) had been deleted. I drew it as hyacinths (flowers that represent grief and sincerity) because, as silly as it seems, I was dismayed that the flag and the little, safe, accepting corner of the internet had vanished. After all, what is left is a blue and purple symbol of mockery, with people disgusted that someone would think like that

I'm tired of feeling shame. As I said before, they're just strange thoughts that I cannot control. Nothing more

3. Hognose

They're a friendly Goodra, a slug dragon Pokemon. Much like the snake they're named after, Hognose has an upturned snout and a forked tongue. They're quite the skilled baker, with their favourite recipe being apple pie. They like cooking for their friends

The flag:

The bandana - agender

Agender people lack a gender, have a neutral or indefinable gender or don't identify with the concept of gender

Hognose doesn't have a gender. I forgot to give them one when creating them. Their gender expression does lean somewhat to femininity

4. Lantern

They're a baki, a goomba-like enemy from the Drawn to Life series. Technically, they've existed longer than Korong but I never considered them as a fursona. They were the mascot of my old blog thelanternwielder. They're a quiet being, tending to watch from a distance. Their eyes can cast light when its dark. They don't mind being carried by their handle (just don't swing them around too much)

The flag:

The bandana - nonbinary

Nonbinary people are those whose gender identity falls outside the man/woman binary. It's an umbrella identity, as there are many ways of not fitting in the binary

Lantern is another fursona I forgot to give a concrete gender to. And when I remembered, it didn't really make sense to gender them. They've always been a little bit unknown and mysterious, so their gender is vague and undefined to me

5. Aster

They're a fantail centipede/bee hybrid from space. Their hive lives in a moon above a resource abundant planet they collect and harvest from. Aster was one of the workers who became curious about what was beyond their planet and moon hive. So, they left and became a vagabond explorer among the stars

The flags:

On the left - agender

As it was stated, agender can mean 'genderless' and it can refer to those who don't identify with the concept of gender. Aster falls into the latter category as gender is a bizarre and foreign concept to them

On the right - intersex

Intersex people are those who were born with variation in sex characteristics that are 'atypical' from male and female sex characteristics. This can manifest in a number of ways, as sex is made up of several components. Intersex people can have any gender identity

In Aster's case, they are completely sexless. Their anatomy does not conform to the 'typical' sexes of humans (male and female). They are typical for their species, as many workers tend to be sexless

6. Hugs

He is a spotted hyena pyromancer who dances with fire. He's all about having fun and showing off his skill. He's easygoing and relaxed. His power comes from cinnabar he's imbued with

The flag:

The bandana - transgender

Being transgender is not identifying with the gender assigned to you at birth. Contrary to what some may assume, this does include nonbinary people (what do you think the white stripe in the flag represents?)

Hugs is trans guy. He's the only one here who has a binary gender

7. Alezan

He's the only child among my fursonas and the only one who was designed by someone else. They were designed by chibitacolord (here on tumblr!) He's an elfish fox child whose design is based on the raposa from Drawn to Life. Alezan mostly lives in the woods by themself, proclaiming himself to be 'the prince of the woods'. They're quite mischievous and playful. He loves flowers. They would be a florist if he was older

The flag:

The garland - genderflux

This is when the intensity of a particular gender changes. It can be considered a type of genderfluidity where the gender changes between something and nothing

Alezan is boyflux. The intensity of being a boy changes for them. Being so young, he doesn't quite have all the words to describe how he feels sometimes

8. Lasso

They're a strange being who has the body of an ox, the head of a humanoid crab and draconic wings. Their design is based on lamassu, ancient Mesopotamian guardian deities, and my Chinese and Western zodiac signs. Lasso was a being who was created at the edge of reality itself. As a result, they're incredibly inquisitive. They are also quite protective once they get attached to you

The flag:

The bandana - aitherogender

This is a xenogender. Some people feel that usual language around gender isn't able to describe the gender identity they experience, so they use metaphors to describe it. Aitherogender is an ethereal and otherworldly gender that is almost impossible to describe with written or spoken medium. It was originally intended for neurodivergent people but anyone can use the term

Given where Lasso came from, it would be likely that their gender wouldn't conform to human expectation or understanding of gender, let alone be able to be described in human language (or any language). I just thought it would be neat for them to have an otherworldly gender when they themself are otherworldly

#myart #personal #despite that last tag you have my full permission to reblog this #I'm very nervous about posting this and it's entirely because of thoss hyacinths

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letsoulswander · 4 years

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What if you've thought about this for a long time and done lots of self examination and still find that your individual sexuality doesn't include desire for somebody who has a particular set of genitalia or secondary sex characteristics? Like I've really tried. It just leaves me cold, and I know I'm far from alone. Feels weird to be constantly called a bigot for something that is so personal, and that I cannot change 🤷

(I’m assuming this ask is in response to my reblogging this, from @cipheramnesia)

It’s funny that you are asking me this, anon, because I’m both ace and trans- what people have in their pants doesn’t really play much role for me in the grand scheme of things.

I’ve spent a lot of personal time researching sexual attraction, how it works, what it feels like. I’ve asked people to tell me about it and I’ve observed how they interact with it. It’s a feeling I experience very infrequently, if at all, so it’s endlessly fascinating to me.

I’ve also spent a lot of time researching gender identity, dysphoria, euphoria, and the roles they play in peoples’ lives. I’ve spent a lot of time talking to trans people about their experiences as trans people, and I’ve lived my whole life as a trans person.

Given these, I like to think those identities and their overlap gives me a unique perspective to talk about this kind of thing. Please keep in mind that I am not every trans person, every ace person, or every queer person.

Now I’m going to take a page out of Hannah Gadsby’s book, and set your expectations. In other words, here’s a TLDR:

Your sexuality/attraction probably isn’t specifically focused on genitals.

If you’re uncomfortable being called a bigot, ask yourself if you’re behaving like one.

Genitals are gross. People who find them gross still sleep with them, because they’re attracted to the rest of the person.

Even if you specifically have attraction for a specific genital type, you’re probably not going to meet many people genital-first.

“Secondary sex characteristics” that are associated with cis men appear in cis women, and ones that are associated with cis women appear in cis men, naturally.

Your attraction probably has room for things other than the specific look/feel/shape of the genitals of your partner. Consider that any partners you take, or people you feel attraction for, exist outside of any sexual activities you do together (which may or may not involve taking off your pants).

Homework: Examine, please, why you are so focused on genitalia as a deciding factor in your sexuality. It might be the people around you or the people who helped you come out, but it’s important to consider why you think these hypothetical genitals will make or break your potential relationships.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s begin.

To start: I’m sorry that someone has made you think that your sexuality is only specifically about genitals. It really sucks. Correlating genitals to sexuality has been used for a long time to defend anything from “not exposing” children to non-straight/cis content, to denying health care and housing to people “because we don’t want people doing that, here”.

(Because queer and non-cishet identities are all About Sex and the genitals involved, obviously.)

It sounds like you’re bothered by this topic. Maybe it’s just because you are uncomfortable with being called a bigot, or maybe you actually are a bigot. I don’t know you. I’m going to respond as if it’s the first, because I know there are probably a couple people who follow me with similar concerns.

What I do know is, to put it bluntly, the argument that “my sexuality doesn’t allow for this set of genitals/secondary sex characteristics” is one that gets thrown around in a lot of anti-trans rhetoric, and it’s poison. So lets break down why someone might hear you say that, and then think you are a bigot.

Genitals are gross. I’ve asked people who are REALLY INTO GUYS, who have slept with guys, and have been told (by multiple people!) that penises are weird, and not that sexy. I did then ask, of course, “why do you have sex with them then?” The answer I got was because... apparently, they were also attracted to the rest of the guy. Who knew, right?

I’ve also asked people who are REALLY INTO GIRLS, who have slept with girls, and have been told (again, by multiple people) that vulvas are weird, and not that sexy. Their answer to why they have sex with a body part that’s not that sexy? Also attraction to the rest of the girl.

Why do I mention these? Because even people who are REALLY attracted to a specific gender aren’t (generally) all that invested in the genitals of their partners. I don’t know what kind of life you live, anon, but unless you exclusively meet your partners/people you find attractive via cam-girl tapes or porn, chances are you’ve met and been attracted to at least a couple of trans people who have transitioned, people you would never expect to have (insert binary genital type here).

Let’s talk about secondary sex characteristics. You’re familiar with terms like AGAB/AFAB/AMAB? If you’re not, google them (all together so they come up with the correct definitions). I’ll wait.

Okay, now that you know what they mean, let’s use a hypothetical. Imagine a baby girl is born, and the doctor looks and says “it’s a girl!” Everything looks fine. She grows up, gets her period, examines her gender identity and decides that she is cis.

Now, the secondary sex characteristics people tend to expect from cis women after puberty include a moderately high voice, soft skin, rounded facial features. Socially, women are also pressured to remove body hair and have long hair on their heads, and to move in certain ways to be “ladylike” or “sexy” or “demure” or whatever. Also, generally, people associate vulvas with “ability to get pregnant”.

But lots of cis women don’t fit those! Google Indian or Israeli or Arabic women, who are genetically more likely to have thicker and darker facial and body hair. Google PCOS or endometriosis, which can cause deepening voice, increased and darker facial/body hair, fertility issues and pain. Google vaginismus, which makes PIV sex very painful or impossible. There are posture issues and disabilities that make moving fluidly tricky, and disorders (like hyperthyroidism) that make your head hair fall out or thin. These are all secondary sex characteristics.

The issue I take with your dismissal of “certain secondary sex characteristics” is that, well, they’re secondary. Each body responds differently to genetics and environment both. There are cis men with soft skin, sparse body hair, long head hair, men with high voices and more fluid mannerisms and softer facial features, as well. These not indicators that the person in question is Actually Secretly Trans and is out to hoodwink you.

The argument you’ve brought to me seems to be “I don’t like x genital, therefore I couldn’t sleep with/be attracted to someone who is not cis”. I invite you to, instead of wondering about what genitals you are “attracted to”, consider what kind of person you like. Are they funny? Smart? Beautiful? Handsome? A mix of all of those? Do they tell you jokes? Help you with chores? Are they kind to you?

Honestly, anon, I don’t care who you are attracted to or who you sleep with. I’m not telling you that you need to be attracted to people you don’t find attractive.

But I strongly, strongly urge you to consider why the hypothetical genitals of the people around you are so important to you. Maybe you should reconsider whoever you’re hanging out with, who’s asking you these questions, because I doubt they have your best interest at heart, or the best interest of the trans people around you.

We get attacked, around the world, every day because of our genitals. People police us all the time, want us to “man up” or “be ladylike”, either to pass better or to force us to commit to play the role of cis for the rest of our lives. But the cure for this is NOT tapping out the moment trans people - and our genitals - are brought up and complaining that “I just don’t find (insert genital) sexy!”

As Cipher noted (in that post waaay back at the top of this thing), she’s married to someone who doesn’t particularly like penises, but loves her dearly, and Cipher, in turn, also isn’t a fan of her own. I promise you, anon, I promise you, genitals are strange, and love is stranger. Don’t put your attraction on the fulcrum of “what genitals I will sleep with”. (Note: you also don’t have to sleep with whoever you’re into, I promise, take it from an ace person who doesn’t have sex and still has a lovely time with the people I’m into.)

Instead, here’s a little homework: Consider what is attractive to you about the people you like, and try to let go of the idea of what does or doesn’t constitute a man or woman. Including genitals, sure, but also including secondary sex characteristics. Trust me. It’s worth the work.

#Anonymous #asks #improving #under a readmore because I wrote ~1400 words in response #anon I hope this actually helps you. sorry I took three weeks to write it out #I have been VVV busy #and had no wifi for a good bit #transgender #attraction #sexuality

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weaselle · 4 years

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I've decided.... I'm trans man.... how do I learn to be comfortable with accepting myself existing in ways that other people will criticize? Coming from someone who is scared of anyone being mad -E

Oh wow, I’m like, flattered AND worried that you would ask me, as if I have enough experience and strength of character to be offering solid advice in this area.

Okay, so, first of all, I’m struggling a bit with the inverse of this myself currently; like, I present very masculine to the people around me these daysa, and keep my feminine self largely hidden away. So please take this all with a grain of salt. Hell, you should probably take it with a whole layer of salt and include the lime and tequila.

BUT. I do have some experience that may be relevant, and I’m happy to share that with you in case it helps.

Before anything else, let’s just get this out of the way: on being scared to be around anyone who is mad. That’s. Listen, if somebody is actually ANGRY that you are just expressing your gender, I’m not going to tell you to be comfortable around that -- that’s a danger sign my guy.

Idk how old you are, maybe you’re talking about your parents and that’s something I’m not sure how to council you about, I would maybe refer you to your close friends that know both you and your parents for insight there.But in the rest of the world, if somebody is actually mad because of your gender, there’s nothing about life that says you should be comfortable about that, and it’s perfectly okay to not be comfortable with that. Your discomfort is there to prompt you to assess your safety, and while you are not in danger every single time somebody is mad about your gender, it is reasonable to assess that. Just like it is reasonable to assess your safety if someone is mad about the way you eat a sandwich or anything else there’s no real reason to be angry about, that’s a situation you have to evaluate for safety every time, and I won’t try to tell you to be more comfortable in those situations.

If it’s a big deal, if your life is being impacted negatively by how you feel when people are mad at you, I would recommend either therapy or self defense classes, depending on what you think the root of that issue is for you.

Okay, let’s talk about things.

One thing is, because of my inherent femininity (and some other complicated stuff) it took me forever to fit into masculine spaces well. So I know a little about what it might be like for a trans man. And here is something you may as well know - even if you are 100% perceived as male bodied, if you are in a group of men with no women present and you don’t meet their criteria of “masculine” behavior, often men will treat you in many of the same shitty ways that shitty men treat women. I mean, they will talk over and interrupt you, they will pick you to fetch coffee or clean up after the meeting or take the notes or whatever, they will ignore your good idea and then five minutes later think it’s a great idea when some other man in the group offers the same idea reworded. It’s often not your perceived gender as much as it’s your perceived manliness.

I don’t know how old you are, but this does seem to improve significantly once you get solidly into adulthood. Still happens tho, especially depending on what group you’re in.

Now, I don’t mean to discourage you, nor tell you to try to fit in -- nobody should try to fit in with shitty people, that’s a recipe for turning out shitty.

What worked for me as a teen and in my twenties was building my own definition of masculinity, really thinking for myself what it means to be a man, how a “real” man talks and behaves. Doing a lot of this is probably the reason I’m non-binary instead of a trans woman today, and comfortable with the world perceiving me as a man -- because I have worked hard on defining and becoming a kind of man that I can be happy as.

This is the route I would recommend to you. Observe men, find role models in both your own life and literature, really consider what being a man means to you... take all the parts you like and a couple you invent and put it all together and call it manhood. Your manhood.

For me, this meant deciding things like, the kind of masculinity that defines ME is comfortable with male physical contact, publicly enjoys things that don’t fit a narrow view of masculine behavior, and doesn’t care if other people think I’m a “real” man or not, because MY definition of a “real” man is a man whose masculinity comes from within and isn’t defined by others. So I’ll say I think a man is attractive, or talk about crying, or, idk, not know anything about cars or whatever, without feeling like I’m being un-masculine.

Being clear about what you personally consider to be a working definition of positive masculinity will help you be comfortable around people who are going to criticize your manhood. Being able to confidently say “Real men ____”, even just to yourself, will help you feel comfortable around people who might judge you or question your manliness.

There will be pressure and criticism, some doubt and discomfort. Even if you are an adult already, you may have to go through a little second childhood and work through some of the things a boy works through. But that’s fine and normal, right, to be a man you probably have to go through being a boy first, it’s only natural.

You’ll get through that, and when you’re comfortable with the man you are, the script flips on those hyper critical types, because suddenly you’re more sure of your own masculinity than they are their own gender expression -- there’s a fair bit of gender insecurity in people, especially men, a lot of whom have not taken the time to open-mindedly explore what being a man really means to them, and honestly the only reason to be super strict about enforcing generic gender concepts is if conforming to a gender standard they didn’t understand was the only thing defining their own manhood.

Basically, just do you, sir, be your own man. You’ll get comfortable with it, and until you are, remember that every man was once a boy experiencing the same uncertainties.

Another thing I can tell you is: it’s better in cities.

Like, one of the reasons I’m presenting as masculine all the time right now is because I moved back to a very small town. When I was in San Francisco and Oakland it was just.. easier. In a city, you are never the most interesting person other people have seen that day. For real, like, there’s a woman screaming at a street sign over there and the other direction some dude is walking two snakes on leashes, and ten minutes ago there was a guy running around naked in the middle of a busy intersection; nobody gives a fuck about what you’re wearing or whatever. It’s very freeing.

And in a city you’ll witness plenty of other people living in ways that overlap with your own lifestyle, which is nice. People’s attitudes about things are different, there are so many people, living so many kinds of life, that everybody tends to have a very expanded expectation of what normal is (like, anybody NOT running around naked in a busy intersection has a good start on ‘normal’ already, even the snake guy) and folks usually mind their own business. In Oakland I can keep my beard, put on a pair of heels and some makeup, and walk around running errands and nobody bats an eye. In a small town, it’s often harder to have a normal day if there’s anything “unusual” about how you’re presenting yourself.

So I might consider trying to live for a while in a larger city if you don’t currently and could do so.

So, that’s most of what I think I can tell you bout being a man around people criticizing or reacting negatively to your gender expression Feel free to ask for clarification on anything, I hope I didn’t assume too much or come off as lecture-y, I’m really very touched that you would trust me with a question like that.

Go get ‘em, sir!

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holly-natnicole · 4 years

Text

Genderbending

"Gender" is a spectrum. Are you cisgender or transgender? Are you bigender? Are you a girl/lady? Are you agender? Are you genderfluid? Are you a boy/man? The answer is different for everyone.

Genderbending means "changing a character's gender".

Depending on how it is used, genderbending can be empowering or prejudiced. For me, changing a Main Character boy into a girl (be she cis or trans) or a nonbinary person feels good as the vast majority of characters in fiction are boys/men so having just 1 of them be a girl/lady, agender, bigender or genderfluid instead provides a sense of security; I'm not a cis nor trans man myself, so seeing the Main Character who I like use she/her, ze/hir, they/their/them or she/his/them pronouns (as I always write my fanfiction in English meaning I can't avoid gendered pronouns) makes me stop feeling lonely & sad. It makes me feel safe. There are so many male characters, having at least some be nonbinary instead or girls/ladies instead feels very pleasant; I like writing he/his/him, but I despise cases where canon makes it my only option.

However, genderbending isn't always harmless!! Firstly, a lot of people assume that if a canon character isn't explicitly stated to be transgender, that character must be cisgender. In the cases of someone like Uzumaki Naruto an' Harry J. Potter this is understandable as we are explicitly shown they're cis boys in canon due to us witnessing their birth (Naruto) or a bit of their infancy (Harry) so we know their assigned gender at birth matches what their gender is. BUT this is in fact rarer than you'd think! A lot of canon characters aren't shown as infants, meaning we have no way to know whether they are cis or trans. People just assume they're cis, since that's commonly seen as the default; likewise, being a light-skinned guy is often seen as the default an' anything deviating from that is seen as "extra". It's transphobic (meaning prejudiced towards transgender people) to assume that all canon characters are cisgender.

A closely related problem with how genderbending is often used is that many people define genderbending as: "Turning the character into the opposite gender." This definition is INCORRECT!! Gender isn't a male/female binary; gender is a spectrum, therefore "opposite gender" doesn't exist.

Another issue is gender roles. Having been raised without those, I came across them for the first time when I was 16 years old; it was a major shock coz I couldn't understand why they exist. Now I've been doing research an' learned that gender roles are basically stereotypes which people are expected to fulfill. How does this tie into genderbending? Well, when you draw a picture of a canon — let's use Nara Shikamaru as an example — character, do you try to keep them as accurate to how the character is presented in canon as possible? If yes, do you still do so after changing the character's gender? Whenever I draw a picture of Shikamaru or write a description of her, I always use Shikamaru's canon appearance. But a lot of people don't do so. When they draw fanart of Shikamaru as a girl, they give her a new appearance which resembles what she looks like in canon yet the new appearance also is stereotypically feminine; changing Shikamaru's ponytail to look softer, adding make-up, etc. Why do this? I really don't understand what the point is. Whether her ponytail is soft or harsh has NOTHING to do with her gender. Whether he wears make-up or not has NOTHING to do with his gender. "Girls look softer than boys" an' "girls wear make-up" are both gender stereotypes. We can't know a character's gender based on appearance!! Assuming what a character's (or a Real Life person's) gender is based on appearance is both transphobic an' sexist. The only way to know someone's gender is by asking them (don't go around asking strangers what their gender is, though).

Likewise, how a character behaves ISN'T based on their gender. Every characteristic boy!Shikamaru has in canon is present whenever I write girl!Shikamaru. She has all of his strengths & all of his flaws. Modifying her personality to be different from his would be adhering to gender stereotypes in a sexist & transphobic way!!

Changing a character's gender isn't inherently a bad thing; however, being transphobic an'/or sexist about it is WRONG.

#misandry #misogyny #sexist #gender roles #transphobia #prejudice #analysis #genderbending #alex's thoughts #genderbending analysis #gender #gender stereotypes #sexism

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spinach-productions · 7 years

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I have been struggling with my gender identity for a long time. How does one know if one is trans? Is there a certain age you realise you're trans or do you always have to know? I'm 13 is that to late or to early to know?

First, let me say that I do not miss being thirteen at all. I hated it. Everything was changing, and it felt like everyone had it all figuredout but me. That doesn’t change, but asan adult you get better equipped to deal with it. Which I realize doesn’t help you,reader. I want to offer mysympathies. Things are going to getworse before they get better, but you’re already asking questions about who youare, which means you’re already well on your way. Keep on keepin’ on, kiddo.

It took me a long time to write this response because I thereis so much to talk about. Gender is such a wide topic, and while I’dlove to throw all the information onto a canvas and hang it on your wall, I’mnot sure how much will be useful to you at this time. So, here are some readings about the differencebetween sex and gender, the gender binary, and non-binary genders that you can peruseor skip at your leisure. I also suggestyou also do some research on the devaluation of women and the usage of “straightwhite man” as the default human being. QUESTION EVERYTHING, KIDS.

Quick definitions:

Sex: your biology. Sometimes male or female, but not always.

Gender: the way a society interpretssex. Often broken into a male/femalebinary, which is dumb.

Gender identity: the expression ofgender as done by an individual.

From here, I’m going to assume you’ve done some research ongender identities (and how they intersect with other forms of institutionalizedinequalities, etc etc), and go forward with figuring out which of these pertainto you.

The easy part: there is no wrong answer. You can choose the identity that best fitsyou!

The hard part: there is no wrong answer. It may be a long time before you find somethingthat feels comfortable, and you may have to create your own.

Now, some people know their gender identities from themoment the learn pronouns. Others figureit out along the way, and some decide late in life that they’re ready to takethis on. Just like with sexuality, here’sno one-size-fits all when it comes to gender.

A good way to see how you feel about the different genders isto try them on. Grab some magazine off your local magazinerack (most places won’t mind if you leaf through them) or visit some popculture websites. I like to start withfashion images and movie characters, because they’re often created aroundidealized human beings. Imagine yourselfin the place of the people in the images: wearing their clothes, doing whatthey’re doing, interacting with other people, going through life as them. What do you like about that? What don’t you like about that?

Here’s the best part: when you’re finished looking at animage, you can put it away and look at another! What we’re doing here is trying ona gender costume: take a look at it, see how you feel, and then try anotherone. There are going to be things youabsolutely adore, things that you don’t have feelings about, and things thatyou would never be/do in a million years. Write down the things you love and hate.

Once you’re done looking at other people, it’s time to lookat yourself. Grab your list and somecalm music you enjoy but don’t find distracting, and find somewhere quiet tosit and think for a while. Look at thetwo lists you’ve created, and I mean reallylook at them. Try rearranging them by positivev. negative, masculine v. neutral v. feminine, by type, by emotion; see howthese different things fit together. Takethem individually, and as a whole. Lookfor patterns. Be patient with yourself.

How you feel about these lists will give you some cluesabout how you feel about gender. Therewill be some that you look at and you’ll think “this isn’t exclusive to agender” and there will be some that make you think “I want to be more like this gender”, and there will be somethat make you think “I never, ever want to be this”.

As a note, you’re probably going to encounter more than oneinternalized bias. For example, men whospeak up about their opinions are seen as confident, while women who do thesame thing are seen as whiny; whitewomen who grow out their armpit hair are seen as strong, but black women who do the same thing are seen as dirty (and don’t get me started onsomeone being a “credit to their race”). I don’t know your situation, dear reader, but I was born and raised inAmerica where the legacy having to acknowledgeand manage the biases I’ve inherited from a culture founded on inequality. Remember: everything is connected. You can’t look at things like gender without also examining thedifferent ways it plays out. But try notto be too hard on yourself. People areproducts of their environment, and biases don’t make you a terrible person aslong as you are honest with yourselfabout them and do your best to do better. You will make mistakes, and you will say and dothings that later in life, you look back on and wonder “how could I have everbeen so biased?” That’s okay. As long as you learn from your mistakes and do you best to not make them again, it’sgoing to be alright.

On that depressing note, the most important thing to do is listen to yourself. Think about the different aspects of genderto figure out which one feels right to you, and remember, there is no genderthat’s one-size-fits all. No matter whatidentity you choose, you’ll have to decide what it means for you. And remember: there is no right answer. There’s a wide range of ways to “do” genderand gender expression, and you’ll figure out what the right things are for you.

You’ve got this, kiddo.

As always, my box is open for questions, comments, andconcerns.

#asks #The Man with No Face #gender and sexuality

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