#so thank you to everyone for such a warm reception... i've probably said 'thank you' a lot at this point but i've meant it every time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elly99 · 10 months

Text

In An Airplane

Part 2 of 3. Check here for more details.

I've been thinking about you on this aeroplane And my, my mind is in the sky When I'm dreaming about you on this aeroplane

09:28 CET

A new morning in Milan. A new number in your phone. You notice she'd already messaged you.

good morning! 😊 you have a pretty name! it suits you. nice to meet you! again ㅋㅋㅋ

good morning! and thank you!! i like your name too! nice to officially meet you hanni 🤝

oops sorry i'm so used to using ㅋㅋㅋ i forgot you probably don't know what that means 🤣 it's just like laughing in korean

yeah i figured ㅋㅋㅋ

did you sleep well?

best sleep i've had for as long as i can remember 😴 how about you?

same!! i think i have you to thank for that 🤭

and i have you to thank for last night! it still doesn't seem real

i know! i had such a nice time 💓

Normally you'd be surprised to see hearts sent so soon, but after last night you could send her a million.

me too! hihi 💓

you know what else is real tho? work today 😣 but it should be fun!!

i'm sure it will be. and you'll nail it! fighting!! you guys say that right? 😅

yeah that's right! hahaha

You already knew you were right but you found yourself wanting her affirmation.

hey i need to get ready soon 🙁 what time's your flight?

it's at 8 in the evening but my parents want to head to the airport after lunch

ok i'm going for a walk in a bit then i think i'm eating lunch at the hotel so i might see you in the lobby or something

don't worry i'll pretend i don't know you

i'm glad you got to know me last night tho 😊 i'm thankful the universe sent you my way 💫

so am i!!

i'll get going now! keeping texting me ok? even if i don't reply right away. i really like talking to you 💗

me too hanni! take care! 💗

The morning was cold and the sky was grey, but just like last night, she had a way of keeping you warm. You look at your messages, then once again at the roses on your bedside table. You couldn't stop smiling.

13:31 CET

hey we're checking out now. i went out for a walk earlier too! i bought you something and left it at reception. said it was from a fan. luckily my parents didn't notice 😅 hope you like it!! and hope you enjoyed lunch too! will text you when i get to the airport 😊

15:05 CET

checking in bags now. is it weird that i miss you?

17:10 CET

hope your work is going well!! just waiting for boarding now. btw my brother lent me a really interesting book. i'll finish it on the plane later. i'd love to talk about it with you!

heeyyyyy!! i'm soooo so sorry i didn't get back to you!! i really wanted to reply but was really busy and also trying not be suspicious hahaha

hey hanni!! it's no problem at all! don't worry about it 😊

just finished a shoot but aaaaaa i got your flowers!! thank you so much!!! 🥹 they're beautiful! i love them so much 💕

i'm glad!! yeah i realized i couldn't really take the roses you bought me last night on the plane and i didn't want them to go to waste so i just bought a whole bouquet to complement them. and you deserve them more anyway!

you're so sweet! thank you so much!! and i'd love to hear about the book you're reading! just keep ranting about it and i'll get back to you after dinner probably. gotta go for now!

alright enjoy dinner! i'll keep listening to the playlist you made me

hihi hope you like it! let me know which songs you enjoy

will do! oh and i downloaded phoning too! it's so cool you guys have something like this

oh nice!! you're a bunny now 🐰

i think i became one as soon as i met you 🐰

stop being so sweet!! i'm smiling like a crazy person in front of everyone here. ok i really gotta go. text you later!!

see yaaaaa

i miss you too btw

Who was the one smiling like a crazy person now?

21:38 CET

how's it going! hope the wifi on the plane is alright! i just got home from dinner

hey I just finished dinner too and am reading now! how was the food?

we ate at a restaurant right next to the cathedral and it was really good! it just felt kinda weird going back there and not being with you

aw do you miss me that much 🐰

i do 🤭

i miss you too hanni 💗 last night was really special to me. sorry i keep saying that but i can't help it. i hope we get to see each other again soon

it was really special to me too!! we'll meet up soon i promise 🙏 i'll find a way once i get back home in a few days

no rush!! i know you're a busy gurl and you're in the public eye so yeah i really don't wanna pressure you! hope you know that. even if we only ever get to text or call from now on i'll be cool with that. i'm just glad i met you!

ya gurl do be busy!!!

You have to stop yourself from reading too much into that one.

hihi 😋

but for real I'll do my best! meeting you was really such a gift and i wanna see you again

you're really sweet did you know that?

you're sweeter did you know that?

stahp 🙈

hehe 😋 so how's your book btw! i'm gonna have to sleep soon because i gotta get up early tomorrow so i wanna hear about it before going to bed

so the book is called einstein's dreams and it's basically just a collection of stories. the stories describe worlds where time behaves a little differently in each. it's pretty interesting! and a lot of it is based on real parts of einstein's theories. it really makes you think

that sounds really cool! i've always been interested in science! was just never really good at it 😅

well if you couldn't tell i'm a huge nerd. i'll probably study physics or something at uni in korea

really? i mean yeah i could tell haha but i didn't think you'd actually be studying something like physics. you struck me as more of an emotional and artistic person

well i am! idk about artistic but i appreciate art and music. and the beauty in the world. i think that's why i want to study physics. it's like studying the poetry of the universe

only a huge nerd could romanticize a bunch of math

well math is the language that poetry is written in!

alright nerd let me hear about the actual book now hahahah

sorry hahaha

don't be sorry!! i'm just playing around. i love the way you look at the world 😊

aw thanks 🥹 ok so there's two stories in the book that i really like. the first one describes a world where time passes more slowly the higher up in altitude you go which is technically true in the real world but the effect is a lot more pronounced in the story. so everyone moves to the mountains or builds really tall buildings to live in thinking that they'll live longer as a result. then it becomes a status thing like the people who live in the valleys and lowlands are looked down upon. but the irony is it's all just relative. sure up in the mountains time will pass more slowly but only relative to down in the valleys. they're not really gaining any more time in their lives. in fact their lives become shorter because of the thin cold air up there and they start eating less and become unhealthy and aged before their time. i mean science aside it's just interesting to think about the lengths people will go to to run away from something inevitable then they end up making it worse

wow

there's that wow again 😂 that's all you have to say? i mean i get it i kinda ranted sorry hahaha

no no!! it's really interesting i swear!! you'll have to explain the science to me some other time but what i got from that is we should just embrace what we have now. not try to outrun our lives but just live them in the moment. not lose sight of what really matters

and what's that?

love? humanity? i mean you said it became a status thing. people lost their compassion in their greed for something more. something that wasn't even real

yeah... it's kinda sad to think about. humans can be so kind but also so cruel. i wonder where it all goes wrong sometimes

yeah 😞

but hey i don't think i told you this. do you know what i thought when i first saw you on that balcony last night?

oh what?

i thought you were an angel. a very expensive looking angel 😂

noooo stopppp 🙈🙈🙈

i'm serious tho!! i just knew from your voice and your eyes that you would be the kindest person i'd ever met. and i was right. i love the way you look at the world too

you're too sweet stop it 🥹

alright alright you wanna hear the other story? it's a little lighter than this one hahaha

sure! it'll be my bedtime story

ok so in this world time is like a disc and it gets slower as you get closer and closer to the middle. again this can kinda happen in a way in the real world but that's for some other time. but basically you can walk to the center of time and when you're there time will stop. that means you'd never be able to leave but that moment would also last forever. so lovers would go there and kiss or parents would go with their children and hold them to stop them from growing older. but for people who didn't quite reach the center, just passed close to it, their time would slow down so much that when they got back to the rest of the world nothing would be the same. their friends and family would be gone and cities would be completely different. centuries would've passed essentially. so it's like a risk to get close to the center. but some people choose to do it to treasure specific moments. what would you choose?

oh that one's interesting too!! i think it's kinda similar to the first story tho. i feel like we can still treasure the important moments in our lives without having to freeze them forever and lose other things in the process. live in the moment but not freeze it forever

right? i'm glad we think the same!

me too 😊 hey thanks for sharing all this! i know it means a lot to you and it means a lot to me that you're sharing it with me. i gotta go sleep now but don't hesitate to keep writing your thoughts. i wanna hear them all! i'll reply when i wake up. update me when you're home safe ok?

i will!! thanks for being so sweet hanni! i really appreciate it. good night and sweet dreams!! 💗

good night!! hope you sleep well on the plane ❤️

But you still had so much on your mind. She was the kind of person you wanted to share your whole world with. So even if you did manage to sleep, you knew you'd dream about her. And in your dreams you'd be together, the distance between you reduced to nothing. An airplane on the ground, a hotel room in the sky.

3:47 CET

good morning!! hope i'm not waking you up with the notifs. i managed to sleep quite a bit and i'm listening to your playlist again now. and it's playing airplane thoughts! it's a really nice song and it's really fitting. so in the spirit of the song i just wanted to share some more thoughts with you. i was just thinking about how we were talking last night and the night we met, and how i just feel so comfortable? with you. like i can just be myself and open up completely. i'd usually never do that with someone i just met but you just made me feel at home. so often in my life i've been with people and shared special, beautiful moments with them. like when i would travel and see amazing cities and landscapes with my family, or stay up all night with my friends. but something was always off. i felt like i was the only one feeling that way. the feeling that this moment right here is special and i'll remember it for the rest of my life. i knew they didn't understand that feeling or treasure that moment in the same way. but somehow just a few hours with you sitting in front of a cathedral in milan i knew you understood me. you made me feel like a different person. or rather the person i always was underneath the facade i put on for people. so i hope you understand why i keep saying that our first night was so special to me and why i keep thanking you for it. it was so important to my life right at that moment. i'm just happy you're here. that's all

5:32 CET

hey good morning!! ❤️ you know the reason i love music so much and i guess why i'm a singer now is because i feel like there are too many emotions in this world and not enough words to express them. often i find myself feeling a certain way but not being able to describe it. then i listen to just the right song and i think yeah that's it. that's the feeling. i think music and art in general is just the language we need to overcome that gap. so when we shared our music that night, and knowing that you're listening to and enjoying the playlist i made for you now, i knew i felt something special with you. when i looked into your eyes i knew you felt it too. that connection. just the way you described it. so i'm happy you're here too ❤️

i don't think i've ever cried this high up above the ground before

oh hey you're awake! sorry huhu didn't mean to make you cry but tbf you made me cry too just now. and i just woke up!! i can't have swollen eyes for the show today 😅

omg i'm so sorry!! hahhaha

you should be landing soon right? have they served breakfast? lunch? idk time zones are hard

yeah they did! breakfast was soooo good! korean food is amazing. like even in planes it's great

welllll you're in business aren't you?

oops 🙈

that explains some of it 😂 but yeah korean food is so good!!

you gotta send me all your food recs!! i'll check them all out when i can

sure sure!! but i gotta get ready first. i have a quick shoot in my hotel room before the show. i might do a phoning call later when i'm done with it. it'll be quick but maybe you can join in!

sounds good! time to meet all my fellow bunnies 🐰

go get some more sleep! or not actually maybe it'll be better for your jet lag to wait until later

yeah i've slept enough. have fun today hanni!! see you later on phoning 📱

see youuuuu!! take care!

As soon as you cross the threshold at immigration and enter Korea once again, the thought crosses your mind that in a few days she'd be here, too. And the hope that you'd have more nights together enters your heart.

12:30 CET/20:30 KST

hey can i just say you looked amazing!! an angel fr

nauurrr 🦭🦭

hahaha why the seal?

sorry that's just the emoji i've been using for myself lately hahah

it's cute! it suits you somehow

thank you 🥰 you should be home right? everything went smoothly i hope?

yeah all good! tho i think jet lag's gonna hit hard

aww man i know the feel! but i'll be here to keep you company don't worry! ❤️

thank you! you're the sweetest as always

actually sorry i might have lied because i need to go to the show now. and then fly back home. but i'll do my best to message!!

no worries hanni really! 😊

no worries? more like super nervous right now!!!

aww no you can do it! you're amazing!! you'll do just fine

thanks eeeee 😖 i'll catch you laterrrr

see yaaaa

22:34 CET/6:34 KST

hey i'm on the plane now. gonna try and sleep. just wanted to let you know that i'm thinking about you! hope you're sleeping well and beating jet lag 🥊

13:28 KST

i slept for 7 hours omg 😴 will be landing soon! how are you?

heya!! sorry i've been in and out of sleep. jet lag sucks. but hey at least you're here!

i am here! 😊 when i get home you wanna call? maybe after dinner?

at this point idk when dinner's gonna be. but yeah sure i'd love to!!

yaaay

did you dream of anything?

it was more remembering than dreaming. i remembered our time in milan. how we talked about quickly passing by people and realizing that there's so much more going on in everyone's lives beyond what we can see in those few seconds of eye contact

sonder

yeah! and i thought that, knowing that fact, why aren't more people kind and thoughtful? compassionate. i mean most people are polite but there's a step above that that's rare to see. if we let it really sink in that we don't have a lot of time with people and life goes by so quickly, why shouldn't we try to be the kindest and most genuine versions of ourselves all the time? i'm not saying that that's who i am but it's who i want to become. and talking with you i feel like that's what you want too?

i think i'd always had that in the back of my mind but i'd never really articulated it to myself. but after i met you and now that you've said that, yes that's what i want. i want to at least try. thank you for showing me that part of myself ❤️

i'm glad i was able to 🥰

i used to think a lot about love and relationships. i mean i still do. and not just romantic ones. i remember thinking at some point that all relationships eventually fade or people move on and that i'd be better off focusing on myself, on my career. i thought i'd rather live knowing that i was really good at something, like you are at your job. i thought i'd rather live knowing i excelled at something people cared about. maybe i was scared of really opening up to someone and sharing my entire life with them only for them to leave and forget about me. but you helped me realize that that's ok. you said that as long as you had a true connection with someone, even briefly, that there's beauty in that. and that really stuck with me. it is all about connection. at the end of the day that's all we really need right? to love and be loved

yeah isn't everything we do in life an attempt at being loved a little more? i mean sometimes i feel this pressure as an idol to be a perfect role model for others, especially to other girls my age, and there's a certain responsibility that comes with that. i want to show them that you can achieve your dreams if you try hard enough and you don't really need anyone else. but then i realize that i'm doing this job because i love making music, spreading love in the world, and receiving it back. we do kinda need each other in the end cuz that's what being human is i think

yeah it definitely shows that you love your fans! and they love you just as much

i remember too when you asked me if i believed in a higher power. i said i thought the universe had some way of bringing the right people together at the right time. like you and me that night. but i also believe that there's magic when they form that connection. when they reach out like you did. being at the same place at the same time is one thing but attempting to get to know each other is another. if there's any magic in this world it's in trying to really connect with others and getting to know them. sharing the world and your experiences. even if it doesn't always work out, it's about the attempt. if we don't try things in life then what are we really doing right? you helped me realize that

you must really be an angel hanni idk what else to say

no i think you are!! ❤️

❤️ i'm so happy we helped each other see things we couldn't before. i mean maybe they were things we already knew in our subconscious but never properly thought about but still. you're such an inspiration! i think your job is perfect for you. the world needs someone like you

aww thanks ❤️ i'm crying again hahaha

me too lmao

i'll go wash up before people think i'm weird 😅

alright text me when you get home! looking forward to our call!

same same! see yaaaa 🥰

baiiiiiiii 💓

21:56 KST

An evening in Korea. Another night of hearing her voice. You pick up the phone.

Hey! How are ya! How was dinner?

Hi hi~ I haven't eaten yet. Appetite is nowhere to be found. I'd much rather talk to you anyway.

But you should eat something before sleeping at least! Don't want you getting hungry in the night.

Don't worry. I'll eat some ramyeon or something.

A pause. You hear her breathing for a brief moment.

It's funny hearing your voice again. Like, all this time reading your messages, I was just imagining your voice in my head, remembering it as it was when we met. But now through the phone it's not the same.

Better than nothing!

Oh, yeah! It's nothing bad. It's just funny.

Another pause. Almost awkward silence until she speaks up again.

I was thinking earlier about what you said about stars the other night. How we're all just stardust.

Yeah!

I still think that's really cool. Then it got me thinking even more that we're all just made of matter. Like atoms and molecules. Please don't laugh at me. I feel like you're about to laugh.

I'm not! I'm not!

Ok, good. But, yeah, we're all the same! Just atoms and molecules. Just like everything else in the universe. Doesn't that make you feel warm and fuzzy? Like, we're all some kind of huge family with everything that exists. And we're all 13 billion years old. Or whatever the number is.

I bet you looked up the age of the universe earlier.

I may have.

For the first time you hear her laughter through a small phone speaker. It was still just as sweet.

Hey, I miss you.

You hear nothing over the phone for a few moments before she responds with something you did not expect.

Funny, isn't it? How, in this digital age where everything's connected, you still find yourself missing people.

Yeah. You'd think you wouldn't be able to miss anyone but...

On the plane, when I closed my eyes to sleep, I could hear your voice. I think it's nice to know that you can just close your eyes and think about those you love, those special to you, and know they are real, alive, hopefully happy, in their own corner of the world, whether it's down the street or across the planet, and know that if they're closing their eyes and thinking the same, you're together in that moment.

That's a really nice thought.

But it isn't the same as having them near, knowing they're right there beside you under the same roof, under the same sky, under the same stars. It's not the same as just being able to turn to them and smile. To be able to hug them and laugh with them and hear it unfiltered in your ears. To be able to say things with your presence that words could never convey. I think we all need that closeness as humans. I think that's why we miss people. And why I miss you, too.

#hanni x reader #hanni #hanni new jeans #newjeans x reader

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wendystales · 3 years

Text

Memories - lrh (Chapter Seven)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Six ※※※※※ Chapter Eight

The sun and heat were plaguing Los Angeles today. Even in the shade, there was no truce. Despite the unbearable heat, I didn't want to miss a beautiful day locked inside the house, so I decided to accompany my best friend in a photoshoot today.

We parked in front of a one floor house, in fact, it looked more like a shed with a very simple appearance. We entered through the next door, avoiding the reception. As soon as we enter, I see a huge space with several colorful panels scattered, in addition to other objects of scenery and lighting.

When Noah closes the door, a round of applause begins, who are applauding? I see a team of about twenty people lined up and among them, the only one I recognize is Kyleen, who wore a belt with several makeup brushes.

Without understanding, I start to applaud everyone, including the twins. Is it their birthday? Everyone is staring at us, so I approach Leah slowly.

“Who are we applauding?” I ask confused.

“You, duh!” she smile.

I look at everyone, confused. Why are you applauding me? My cheeks start to heat up and I don't know what to do.

In a few seconds, the noise stops and I feel compelled to say something. I get closer to the team, noticing the smile that everyone had on their faces.

“Uh, I don't even know what to say. Everyone should already know about amnesia, however, I would like to say that regardless of my memory, I am very grateful to all of you for all the assistance. If I really am that amazing model that I've been seeing, it's definitely due to you. Thank you so much, for everything and for now, for this reception and all the affection.” I bow a little, ending this speech project, awkwardly.

One by one, everyone comes to hug me. It is so strange. I, the ‘invisible’, not popular, who always stayed in my corner, had become a famous model. Today several people wanted to meet me, say hello or just say ‘hi’. It is strange, but it is good.

After all the reception, I follow Leah and Kyleen into the dressing room, watching my friend prepare for another photoshoot while Noah heads for a meeting.

Because of my condition, all the rehearsals and campaigns that I would do were passed on to Leah, so this month she had a very busy schedule. I make a face when I watch her trying to get into a rubber-like jumpsuit. Her hair was well armed and her makeup was loaded, her eyes were full of gloss. And I like this?

“You are very lucky that I love you and you are in this condition. Because I hate these revolutionary photoshoots.” she snorts, trying to go to the table and put on the huge pearl earrings.

“And I like?” I still question without accepting.

“No, but you always do. God knows why.” she stands upright, taking a little walk, looking at herself in the mirror. “Shit, the panties are on my ass.” she complains, leaving the dressing room and trying to get her panties out of the way.

“My God, Leah!” Kyleen scolds, trying not to laugh.

In the studio, I sit next to Kiki, who between one photo and another was going to touch up Leah's makeup. I am amazed to see my friend shine through the flashes. She makes it look so easy, stopping in several different poses, staring at the camera without laughing, with those big models faces.

“She is amazing.” I comment with the owner of the colored hair beside me, who agrees with me.

After several photos, again I go to the dressing room watching my friend now exchange the jumpsuit for a loose dress. As soon as the new makeup was done, Kiki stops behind me, pasting her face to mine.

“What do you think about doing makeup?” the sparkle in her eyes and Leah's smile in the chair next to me, show me how much they want it.

“Promise you won't make that eye full of gloss?” I ask smiling weakly, noticing the brightness in her eyes grow as she promises.

I lay my head on the back and close my eyes at the command of my friend. The whole process is fast and Kyleen does a very light and simple makeup, just hiding some scratches that I still have on my face and neck. In the eyes, a pink tone makes only the contrast deepening my concave and a beautiful eyeliner, which I would never be able to do.

Taking advantage of the fact that I was still in her hands, Kiki takes advantage and braids the top of my head, leaving the rest loose, making me feel like a princess.

“You are amazing.” I compliment her, giving a long kiss on her cheek in thanks.

I hold her hand, heading back to the studio to follow the rest of Leah's photos.

“So, Marnie, what do you think of some pictures?” Brandon, the photographer, comes towards me. I look at him, scared and saying nothing.

I seek help from my friends and even from other people on the team, but no one helps me. In fact, everyone motivates me.

“I don't know, I'm not dressed up and I'm all hurt yet.” I try to hold on to excuses.

“It does not need to be tidy and we will not publish anything, it is just for you to see yourself and maybe adapt again.” he offers the idea.

I face everyone again, not finding help. I close my eyes, giving up. I reach out to Brandon who lets out a loud celebration and takes me over to the square box Leah used to occupy.

Brandon guides me through the poses and looks. I feel my cheeks warm and I'm sure I'm looking like a tomato. I try to release myself with each photo and command they give me, even release a song to try to relax me, but in the end I start laughing.

In the back of my mind, I hear Ashton's voice, giving Brandon one of my orders as "more cheeky", "more mysterious" and even snarling, which only disturbs me. As I walk my eyes through the lights and camera, in my mind another memory comes back.

I can see Ashton sitting on the chairs with Kyleen, "trying" to help me. I just watched Brandon waiting for him to tell the Australian boy to shut up, but he just smiled. I continue my hard work of ignoring my friend, but it comes to a point where he is snarling and scratching the air, which breaks my concentration and makes me laugh.

I end up smiling with the memory still running through my head. In the end, the photos were beautiful, mostly I left laughing, a spontaneous and contagious laugh. My laughter closes when I see Luke's tall figure enter the studio.

I hold my breath with each step he takes, approaching us. He pulls up his sunglasses, showing his pale blue eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Leah asks while getting stuffed with Cheetos.

“I came to pick up Marnie.” he turns to me, giving a closed smile. I widen and run my eyes over to my friends, not knowing what to do.

“Me?” I question after a bug time.

“Ah yes! Your mother called me saying she was stuck at work. She wanted to know if there would be any problems if I took you to the doctor. I said no.” he shrugs.

Once again, I look back at Leah and Kiki, who are just as stuck as I am. Before I open my mouth, Luke's focus turns to the screen next to me, looking at the pictures I just took. I watch your eyes smile.

“They were beautiful.” I smile to him, when he looks back at me.

“Thanks.” I let out the air again. “Well, if I don't get in the way, that's fine. We can go.” Kyleen brings my bag, handing it to Luke. I say goodbye to everyone, I thank Brandon for the photos and slowly leave with him.

I hold my breath again when he closes the door next to me. What am I doing? Getting stuck in a car with Luke days after we broke up? What's my problem? I embrace my broken arm, closing myself.

The drive way to the hospital couldn't have been worse, or whatever. We were quiet all the time. In fact, I stayed. Luke even tried to pull something up, but I couldn't follow, I just crashed. When we arrived, I almost jumped out of the car and followed as fast as I could inside, leaving him almost alone.

What am I doing? What am I doing?

I notice from the corner of my eye, he is approaching while I check in.

“Are you okay?” I look confused at him when we sit down. “The doctor, are you feeling well?” he points to my leg and arm.

“Ah yes! He asked me to come back just to confirm.” I smile to ease my behavior so far. “I just hope he doesn't order a blood test.” I whisper, already feeling a cold wave run down my spine.

My body freezes even more when I see Luke's hand cover mine and give it a little squeeze. I open my eyes wide and Luke realizes by quickly letting go of my hand, apologizing.

“You have been facing a tsunami of confusion and you are doing well, a needle is nothing close to this.” he jokes in an attempt to relax me and break the strange climate.

“ I'd much rather have my amnesia and all that mess than the damn needle.” out of the corner of my eye I notice Luke trying not to laugh and I end up smiling. I take a deep breath, grabbing his hand, as I look across the hall, falsely interested in the ceiling lighting.

During the fifteen minutes we sat there, he did not let go of my hand. I was rambling about that scene and about us. Not remembering him was killing me. Every day I had at least two to three memories, not to mention the things I read, which leads me to stay with the imagination. However, Luke was still the only person I still couldn't remember and probably the most important.

Even with the diary, videos on social medias and photos. It only sank my hopes of going back. I mean, I know I can let my guard down and try to fall in love with him again, but that alternative is not yet an option and it scares me because it has no attraction.

“May I ask you a question?” I begin, in an attempt to break that unbearable silence between us.

“Sure, as many as you want.” Luke answers, super willing.

“What's the nickname? Why does everyone call me M&Ms?” Luke opens a smile, trying not to get a laugh.

“Well, on the serious side of it.” I wrinkle my forehead. Is there a serious side to this? “It's your initials. Marnie Elizabeth McGonagall, M - & - M.” it’s strange how good it’s to hear my name in his mouth.

“And the less serious side?” I have my suspicions, but I want to confirm.

“That you know! You are crazy about M&Ms. I remember countless discussions we had and then you forgave me because I gave you M&Ms.” my cheeks heat up in shame. Damn obsession with chocolate.

“That's why I wasn't surprised with that thing that separates them by colors in my kitchen.” Luke gives a laugh.

“I don't think I've ever seen you so happy to buy something so useless.” I look at the blonde, totally offended.

“It is not useless, it is for them to stay organized and none feel bad that I am eating one color more than another.” I defend my point, facing the hallway again. I strange the silence and look at Luke. “What?”

He keeps his lips tightly pressed. He wants to laugh. Your eyes carry an amused glow. Maybe he was just teasing me, because he would know that I would say something like that. After all, he knows me better than anyone.

I ignore him again. Still holding hands, we waited for the doctor to call me. Every second that passes makes me more anxious. I start hitting my leg on the floor and I want to poke my nails, but a hand is caught between his fingers and I don't want to disturb him.

For a few seconds, I look at Luke. His head against the wall and his eyes closed, make me more relaxed to analyze it without shame. I admire his long hair falling in several curls, finding himself with a very short beard, but that looks great on him.

I lower my gaze to a stop on his neck. Did we… already have sex? I look at his chest with more concentration, wondering how many times I must have passed my hands over there. I take a deep breath and risk lowering my gaze. Oh my God, did I already suc…

“Do you want to ask anything more?” I jump in the chair, startling me with his voice. Luke carries a mischievous smile as he looks at me.

Oh my God, he saw me looking at him and at him. Oh my God. Is it possible to die for being more ashamed!?

“No, I'm fine.” I turn my face to him. “I am fine!” I say softly. I hear your little laugh and I want to bury myself on the floor.

For my total bad luck, it takes the doctor a few more minutes to call me. And during this long and endless wait, I decide not to ask Luke any more questions. In fact, I decide not to look him in the face, just in case.

Seriously Marnie, did you let him catch you drooling on him!?

“Do you want me to come with you?” he offers himself, when the doctor finally calls me.

“No! It´s okay. I believe it is quick.”

“Good afternoon, Miss McGonagall, how are we?” the doctor gives a friendly smile.

Bad.

I take a deep breath, ignoring my mind, no matter how much we're here for it. I follow the consultation by answering the questions he asks. According to him, I seem to be reacting very well, which makes him believe that my amnesia is only temporary.

The doctor asks me to sit on the stretcher and look at my foot. The first time I saw my foot, it looked like a baby watermelon of so swollen it was. But in the last few days, it had improved a lot, since I was following the recommendation to always let it rest and on ice a few times.

“Are you still in pain?” he questions looking carefully.

“No. Will I be able to take it out?” I question hopefully.

“I think so! Let's do a test, you can come back without the boot, but if you feel pain or any discomfort, put it on immediately and return here, okay?”

“All right!” Unfortunately I would have to come back with the boot, because I didn't bring another shoe.

“I will order some tests too and as soon as they are ready, you can return for us to analyze.” I quietly watch him take the orders, feeling my stomach churn when I see the word blood. Shit.

I try to distract myself and turn my head to whoever is outside. Luke. I look quickly at the door, as if I can see him through the wood. I let out the air, still not knowing what to do about it.

I wish I could snap my fingers and see everything magically resolve, or just sleep and wake up when everything is in place.

"Would you like to ask something, Miss McGonagall?" the doctor leans on his desk looking at me attentively.

My face heats up and I smile nervously. I don't know if that would be something that my doctor could help me with, but it costs nothing.

“Is it possible to forget someone forever? I mean, I've had memories with basically everyone who lives with me, except one person. Would it be possible for my brain to delete it?” he scratches his chin surprised by my question.

“Well, first of all, do you want to remember this person?” I positively nod. “Do you really want to or try to convince yourself that you want to, but, deep down, you are not ready for that yet?” he raises an eyebrow. I open my mouth but nothing comes out.

I want to remember Luke and everything we live in, however, I am also afraid that even with the memories back, things will not be as they were before. I already screwed things up with Luke once, I don't want to screw it up again.

This is too horrible, because he is sweet and I do not believe that I would act like him if the situation was the other way around.

“Miss McGonagall, the brain is still a new field for medicine. It behaves in different ways for the same problem, so everything that involves it is studied and closely monitored. There is nothing to prevent this ‘block’ on a certain person from being created by you. Even if you say out loud that you want to remember, your body knows what you really want, because, even involuntarily, you transmit signals to your brain, maintaining the block.” it makes sense.

“I believe that I am only afraid, as much as I want, fear prevents me.” I say low.

“Can I offer you some advice?” I look at him in surprise, before agreeing. “Talk to that person. Be clear and sincere. Say you are afraid, but despite them, you want to remember everything. Help comes from those we least expect.” again, he gives a sympathetic and compassionate smile.

“Thank you very much, doctor.” I thank before I leave the office.

I approach Luke slowly, who gets up with a smile.

“All very well?”

“Yes, I finally got rid of the boot.”

“And why do you look like that?” he looks at me suspiciously.

“We need to talk.” I announcement tense. I see him frown, confused. “I'm going to need your help with something.”

“Marnie, you're making me worried, is everything okay? Did something happen?”

“Everything is fine.” I assure him. “It's about amnesia. It's about us.”

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