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gale-gentlepenguin · 5 years

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Miraculous Ladybug au: Brokenhearted Part 2

(Part 1) (Enjoy the heart wrenching part 2)

“I am surprised how intricate and yet unpractical some of those designs were back then. Wasn't it impressive Marinette?” The teal tipped hair musician commented as he and his black haired girlfriend walked out of the museum.

“Yea...” Marinette said despondently, her mind was clearly somewhere else. The musician was able to tell.

“I was hoping that the victorian era fashion exhibit would be able to cheer you up.” He said with a soft sigh.

Marinette looked at her boyfriends fading smile and felt horrible for being so disinterested.

“No, Luka its not that. The exhibit was really cool.” Marinette assured. “I... I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Its about Adrien.” Luka stated instead of guessing. He knew that the blond teen model was on her mind. He had been aware of her crush on him, he also knew that she had said she had given up on pursuing him romantically. She would mention him in passing when talking about school or her friends, but aside from that he hardly heard about him.

“He got taken out of school. Its been over a week since it happened.” Marinette explained. “Nino is especially devastated. His dad has him on lock down.”

Luka felt bad for assuming that it had anything to do with romantic feelings. These thoughts were the concerns of someone who missed her friend.

“Thats terrible. Is he able to at least text or...” Luka inquired.

“No, total lockdown. Nino said that if his dad even saw anyone from his class show up at his gate, he will send Adrien to America.” Marinette’s worry was clearly present, she didn't want her friend shipped off to another country.

Luka placed a calming hand on her shoulder.

“I am sure it isn't as bad as it seems. In fact, Ill go talk to Adrien. See if I can find out any details.” Luka assured.

“But his dad will...”

“I am not from his class, or yours. As far as Mr. Agreste is concerned, I don't exist. Don't worry about it Mari.” He smiled as he assured his girlfriend that he has a handle on the situation.

She smiled and kissed his cheek.

“You are the best.”

_______________________________________________________________________

The blond teen had finished his lessons for the day and was laying on his bed, he was reading a book that he hadn't touched in years. Honestly trying anything and everything to avoid thinking about his life seemed like the best solution.

He heard a knock on the window. He didn't know what to expect as he sat up from his bed and walked to the window in his bathroom, there he saw what appeared to be a familiar face smiling at him. It was Luka, Marinette’s boyfriend.

“Hey Adrien. Could you open the window? I don't think I can hold on much longer.” The musician asked as he held on to the window seal.

Adrien quickly helped the boy in to help him not fall to his death.

“How the heck did you get up here?” Adrien asked. “Im on the second floor.”

Luka placed his hand on his chin as he was about to say something. Adrien had noticed a familiar ring on his finger deciding it would be better to cut him off there..

“You know what, its better if I don't know.” Adrien interrupted. “Better question, why are you here?”

“I heard about what happened. It isn't cool that your dad has you locked up in here. I wanted to find out if there was a way that you can get free somehow” Luka explained.

Adrien turned away from the musician. More focused on the fact that Luka was now holding his miraculous. Even though he knew Marinette was ladybug, he didn't actually expect her to take his suggestion so seriously. Seeing it now, was more of a slap to the face then anything else. Part of him wanted to laugh at the absurdity. Someone out there must really like making him suffer.

“There is no getting out of this Luka.” Adrien spoke, his words having an unexpected bite to them.

“Aren't you going to at least try? You need to stand up to your dad. Don't your friends matter?” Luka asked, his concern and frustration pushing out of his normally calm persona.

Adrien wanted him to leave, he didn't want this conversation, not with him of all people.

“I am surprised you would want to help the guy who kissed your girlfriend to be free.” Adrien stated with an unnerving calm tone.

“Excuse me?” Luka asked, clearly confused by his words. “What did you say?”

Adrien turned around looking Luka in the eye.

“A few weeks ago, I kissed Marinette. I am surprised she didn't tell you.” Adrien restated, now with much more venom. His tone and words coming off as something he would normally describe as ‘Chloé-like’.

“That isn't... you are just trying to get me mad aren't you?” Luka rationalized.

“You are very astute, I guess that is why you are such a good boyfriend. But I wouldn't lie just to spite you. It isn't my style to lie.” Adrien answered.

Luka turned away from Adrien.

“I know we weren't best friends, but you are different then the Adrien I know. I know that this isn't you. Is it because of what your dad did that is making you like this?”

Adrien shook his head.

“You know, I thought that my worst fear would be being locked away in this mansion. But I faced a much worse fear recently, making my previous fear a lot more tolerable.” Adrien explained.

Luka turned back to him to see the blond teen trying to hold back tears.

“And that is?” Luka pressed.

“Losing my soulmate.” Adrien answered, just barely audible.

Luka looked at him and shook his head.

“You are taking a rejection way too seriously.” Luka commented.

That is what made Adrien snap. Before the musician could even react. Adrien had slugged him in the face.

Luka nearly fell over from the force of the punch. He looked at Adrien with shock and anger, seeing the teen with tears in his eyes and clearly furious.

“Okay, thats how you want to play it.” Luka said as his patience has now reached its limit.

He charged at Adrien. The two exchanged several blows, Luka was older and slightly taller, but Adrien was more athletic and had a lot more experience in fighting then the musician. It was clear it was one sided and favored the blond model. Luka had gotten a clean hit on Adrien’s stomach, but the teen wasn't as fazed by the punch as the musician would have liked. Adrien returned his punch with a series of blows that left bruises and bumps all over the teen.

Adrien finished the fight with a punch to the face hard enough that it knocked Luka over his couch, leaving him dazed for a bit.

Adrien grabbed a towel and threw it at Luka.

“Clean yourself up and leave. If I call for help, you will be fighting in a prison cell.” Adrien explained as wiped the small amounts of blood on his face. He saw a black cat Kwami floating over Luka’s head. Adrien saw the pleading eyes of the cat kwami. Adrien wanted to take back his companion right there, but her resisted, he wasn't Chat noir anymore.

Luka sat up wiping his face with the towel.

“If this is the person you are now. I am glad you are kept away from Marinette.” Luka said as he stood up. “Thanks for the towel.”

He tossed it to the side and started climbing out the window. The black cat Kwami looked at Adrien one last time, before he had to go back to Luka. Adrien saw that the cat had mouthed the words ‘I miss you.’

“I miss you to Plagg.” Adrien spoke to the air.

_______________________________________________________________________

“Ow...” Luka winced as his violet tipped hair sister dabbed his bruises with a cotton swab. “Could you not press so hard Juleka.”

“Seems your low tolerance to pain explains why you got beat up so bad.” Juleka commented as she continued treating his bruises. “You are lucky mom is out with her boat buddies or you would probably get in trouble.”

Luka sighed.

“Juleka, how would you describe your friend Adrien?” He asked curiously, which seemed like a sudden topic change.

“Well, he is polite, nice to a fault. Way more tolerant and understanding then anyone, even more then Marinette.” Juleka answered. “He is almost as naive and kind as Rose.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Luka retorted as his sister put the bandage on his cheek.

“Well he was more of an acquaintance then a friend. But I know Marinette was super into him before she dated you.” Juleka explained. “While I have been wrong about people before, Marinette is a great judge of character.”

Luka felt his sister’s comment touch his heart. The Adrien that he talked with today was a bitter, angry, and a very cold person. Was that his true self? Was that a front to get him to leave? It was hard for him to decide.

“You stay here, I am gonna check to see if we have ice.” Juleka said before leaving the room. Once she left the room, a black cat Kwami popped out of his jacket.

“What do you think about all of this Plagg?” Luka asked.

“I believe that wasn't the real Adrien you saw. I could tell. He was hurting.” Plagg gave his opinion.

“You and my sister seem to believe the same thing.”

“He knows you're chat noir.” Plagg dropped the bombshell.

“What? How would he know that?” Luka asked alarmed.

“He saw me when he knocked you over the couch, I got flung out.” He lied. ”I flew back into your jacket, I think he noticed.”

Luka sighed.

“Great... thats another thing on the list to worry about.” Luka commented.

He noticed his phone buzzing and grabbed it to look at it.

“15 missed calls from Marinette.... yikes.” Plagg commented. “You should probably call her back.

“Yea... I also have a few things I need to ask her about.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Adrien laid on his bed looking up at the ceiling. He knows for a fact that his emotions were crossing the line. He knew he should have an akuma flying in any second to get him, but nothing. He sat up from his bed when he noticed a black Butterly fly at his window. He watched as the akuma seemed to be fluttering around the window, as if debating whether or not to go in. Curious on why the akuma hadn't just barged in he decided to walk towards it.

_______________________________________________________________________

“There was a lot of hostility coming from Adrien, so much so that it attracted the akuma away from my initial target. “ The villain in the purple suit spoke aloud. “I shouldn't use him for my schemes, it would be cruel to do so. Come back my akuma. Do not let that boy distract you.”

He watched as the Akuma flew back into the room. It landed on his palm.

“Lets see if I can locate that original source of pain from early...”

He heard the sound of glass smashing. A blond teen had fallen through the window.

“Adrien!” Hawkmoth called out in surprise.

Adrien got up dusting himself off, thankfully he didn't cut himself on glass. He looked up to see the evil masked villain of Paris looking at him in disbelief.

“Hawkmoth? What are you doing in my house!?” Adrien exclaimed as he got into a battle stance.

Hawkmoth looked at the angry teen and sighed deeply. He wasn't going to fight his son.

“Its me Adrien.” Hawkmoth spoke softly. “Nooru Dark wings fall.”

Adrien watched as Hawkmoth had transformed into his father, Gabriel Agreste.

“Father?! You're hawkmoth?!” Adrien looked at him with a flurry of emotions.

“Adrien, its time I told you everything.”

______________________________________________________________________

(Thoughts? Do you want more of the Brokenhearted au?)

#ml #ml au #miraculous ladybug au #miraculous ladybug #brokenhearted au #lukanette #adrienette #heartbreak #ml angst #Plagg #juleka couffaine #luka couffaine #Marinette Dupain Cheng #Adrien Agreste #hawkmoth

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im-fire-and-flood · 6 years

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All for the Valentine’s Day asks :D

i deserve this :D

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? hmmm no not really2: Have you ever been deeply in love? id say yes, but i also think maybe im too young to truly know what that means.3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in? i think about 10 months??, im honestly drawing such a blank for time frames and i feel terrible for it4: Have you ever changed for someone? yes but for the good, i really appreciate the ways she changed me5: How is your relationship with your ex? i only really have 2 ex’s but im best friends with both6: Have you ever been cheated on? no7: Have you ever cheated? nope, i would never do that shit8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating? nooope9: What’s the most important part of a relationship? love, but love built on trust, and compassion for me its really important to feel like i can tell my partner anything10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? im an intense person full of love but a fling could be fun11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”? ive been on breaks, i dont really know how i feel about them, it leaves everyone hanging, not really knowing whats happening12: How many people have you ever hooked up with? ive never hooked up13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? being really insensitive about some stuff and i was just a bit of a prick at times, and i really regret that, but i learned from it14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? i dont really think anyone should be having sex till they can support themselves financially for in case of child, but if youre gay…probably just till you live alone its sorta weird to have sex in your parents house, so i guess 1815: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”? age sure is a number that determines a lot of stages of physical and mental growth16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”? naw, love is more then an impulse17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet? yes, but you gotta get to the person eventually, even if that will take a lot of work18: What do you consider a deal breaker? abusiveness or cheating19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship? when youre not happy, and there is no way to work through and become happy again20: Are you currently in a relationship? nope21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? yea i do, it might be weird for a bit, but if you love the person, you can make it work22: Do you think people should date their friends? i mean not all of them lmao, but if you have strong feeling why not go for it23: How many relationships have you had? if you count a week with someone waaay too old for me and like 2 months with a guy i was using to be straight, 4! the internet is an experience24: Do you think love can last forever? i like to think that25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? 100% but its sorta like… when people want god to handle everything, that shit doesnt work, you gotta workto conquer things26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of? nooope my parents are terrible judgment and i dont care about their opinions, however my sister could sway my opinion, maybe27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? dont rush28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? i think they can but they are also mildly painful when youre poor and have strict parents, but ithink they can work in like a really long run, or maybe they would work better if i was older and had more freedom29: What do you notice first about another person? their smile, or eyes30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? im a lesbian31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? nope, i suffer so honestly nothing is hotter than mutual suffering32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? no33: Do you want to get married one day? yea, i would love to have a wife34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed? NEVER ITS A CURSE35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? yea totally36: Are you still a virgin? yes37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? personality38: Do you enjoy love films? if they are gay and happy, yes, also some het romcoms are pretty good, im looking at you, the proposal39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? no but i gave bri sunflowers once40: Have you ever had a valentine? not in person41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”? late night drives, santa monica pier maybe, star gazing, or honestly doing anything my partner wants ide love to plan a perfect date for my partner and really woo her42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”? no i havent43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends? ive never been with anyone who wasnt my friend,it would depend of the situation, i wouldnt lose my friends for a relationship i havent been in very long but i wouldnt lose a relationship becuase of something petty with a friend, its would be complicated44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? im a giant sap45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? …yea 46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”? yes, thats a bullshit term but yes haha47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite? i dont care for famous couples but my current fav ship is peraltiago48: What’s your favorite love song? book of love, peter gabriel49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? i hope not50: If you’re single, why do you think you are? timing 51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? …wtf guys, poor52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships? …im very blunt lmao53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single? not really54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)? not that important, also i hate facebook55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? i can get jealous but i keep it in serious check56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? no??? i hope not??57: x ? 58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? im not really sure, romantically i dont want to be domanearing or be dominated59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? well i forgot how long my last relationship was so im obviously terrible, but never really a date60: What’s your opinion on open relationships? im not personally into them, it seems messy and i love monagamous relationships for myself61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family? my family, but i want my partner to become family62: How do you define “cheating”? kissing, or flirting with anyone when you are in a relationship and your partner is unaware and not consenting to what youre doing with this other person63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? i dont see how tbh, i guess i would talk to my partner about it, but i dont see why it would be an issue tbh64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated? mildly, however i also saw flowers at the store and instantly started planning how good of a wife i would be bringing flowers back to my love at home65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? yea, im a touch starved bitch

#also i cant find it now but my fave love song is 100% the book of love bu gavin james #not who ever i wrote #also it was nice to fill this out

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blessuswithblogs · 6 years

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My Experiences with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Today's piece has very little to do with video games, but instead, me. This is more of an exercise in catharsis and thought ordering than something really meant for other people to read and go "o yea thats neat," but you're welcome to do so anyway. I'm also putting up some content warnings for Mental Health Junk like eating disorders and severe anxiety, as well as allusions to stomach flu symptoms (this one probably bothers me more than anybody reading). If you wish to proceed with all that in mind, by all means.

Let's start at the beginning. I've suffered from minor post-traumatic symptoms for over 20 years after the conclusions of traumatic events, usually severe illness. In the past, these symptoms have been self-limiting and usually resolved after a couple of months. Even after I was terribly ill with pneumonia, had an allergic reaction to pneumonia medication, and spent several afternoons with a nebulizer in my mouth, it only took half a year or so to mentally recover from the incident, and all I really suffered from was mild worry when I started coughing. All this changed, however, in September of 2008. A number of unfortunate circumstances occurred in quick succession and I ended up dreadfully sick with gastroenteritis alone with my dad, who also caught it. It was an uncharacteristically virulent and severe strain of whatever norovirus was going around at the time. My working hypothesis is that my brother caught it at Disneyland after using the bathroom without washing his hands like a frickin idiot, because he caught it first and then spread it to the rest of us. My mom seemed unaffected, or was extremely adept at suppressing symptoms, so she hauled my brother's sick ass back up to his dorm in Santa Barbara. Originally, this was going to be a family outing, but I argued that I really didn't need to be there for other reasons entirely, which, as it turned out, ended up dodging a bullet. We both got sick after they left, and it was a miserable night by all accounts.

It marked a couple of milestones for me. Sheltered child that I was (let's be honest, sheltered child that I am), I had never been in a position where I was seriously debilitated and my mom wasn't there to be mom at me. It was also the first time I sort of had to take care of somebody else being ill, because as sick as I was, my dad was even sicker. He's also an unreasonable old fuck who demanded that I didn't let mom know that we were both the next victims of the plague, but I disregarded that order because I was freaking out and in that pre-sick period where you feel pretty nauseated but you're not really sure if that's because you ate too fast or something or you're actually sick. She came back the next day with some pedialite or however you spell it. I was actually kind of delirious at that point, utterly sleep deprived and running a nasty fever. I still vividly recall a strange sort of fever daydream I had in the shower about The Big O being featured in the upcoming Super Robot Wars Z, which is really strange to me to this day but there it is. Showtime, I guess. Prior to this bout of sickness, I had been struggling with tummy troubles the whole year due to the stress of acclimating to living in a new state and a few unfortunate cases of much more mild gastroenteritis. By the time of this incident, I was already pretty worn down, and it turned out to be the straw that broke the camel's back. After making a physical recovery and doing okay for a few days, I started exhibiting severe anxiety symptoms. At the time, I didn't know it, but I was actually a fairly textbook case of post-traumatic stress disorder, and it basically stopped me from being a functioning human for a good year or so.

Let's talk a little about PTSD. The classical understanding of this disorder is that of combat fatigue, something that only soldiers in hellish warzones suffer from after seeing their squaddies get blown up by the Vietcong or whatever. A largely more enlightened view than the previous perception of the disorder as "shell shock" or, even worse, "malingering," but one still inadequate for a modern clinical context. PTSD can be brought about by any sufficiently traumatic event meeting with a sufficiently susceptible person, as per the diathesis model of medicine. If that's what they're still calling it. It's actually been pretty long since I've taken any psych courses, the last two years of college was mostly just filling in credits with random bullshit. At any rate, while soldiers are a large demographic of PTSD sufferers, people can contract it from just about anything -- car accidents, sexual assault (this is a big one, almost assuredly more prevalent than in active combat personnel), and, of course, severe illness. It took me a long time to actually be honest enough with myself and my various therapists to reach the diagnosis. I had suspicions, because even then I was studying psychology, albeit in highschool elective curriculum, and I was at that point familiar with most high profile mental illnesses like PTSD, depression, schizophrenia, and what have you. I also knew, however, that young students diagnosing themselves with diseases they had recently read about in a textbook was also a definite phenomenon. Thus, I was reluctant to bring up the possibility and actively downplayed symptoms, both because I had no faith in myself to make an even marginally accurate diagnosis and because I felt ashamed of the possibility. People get PTSD from actual trauma, not a weekend bout of stomach flu, or so I thought. To be honest, I still feel pretty ashamed of it, but I'm old enough now to know that lying to myself and others will get me precisely nowhere.

Fortunately for me, I think that my therapists and psychiatrists at the time were altogether too clever and perceptive to be fooled by a fairly half-hearted show of resistance. We didn't really give what I was feeling a name until quite a ways into it all, but from the outset, my treatment was focused on alleviating these symptoms. And, wouldn't you know it, the SSRI anti-depressants I had been on-again-off-again taking since I was 14 were also the medication of choice for treating post-traumatic stress. It took a long time, but I eventually managed to get myself together enough to start community college, then transfer to a UC school and graduate. Not without difficulty, mind you, but it's still fairly miraculous to me that it happened at all. I had occasional flare-ups, usually linked to a trigger of somebody else throwing up in my general vicinity. My brother seemed to make a habit of coming home from college only to immediately get sick, which was always harrowing. To this day, I don't know how one person can contract so many instances of gastroenteritis. I always seemed to avoid catching his bugs, probably due to my redoubled hygiene practices and general hypervigilance, though there was a period in the summer of 2012 where I got sick with -something- that made my stomach miserable. Not enough to puke, but enough to make me really worry. That was the summer right before I went to go live on my own in campus housing, so, I ended up coming home on weekends to keep myself together.

Recently, as you may or may not know, I've had a major resurgence of symptoms after a very mild case of stomach flu. I honestly wasn't sick for very long, or very violently, but it was enough to bring bad memories flooding back and reopen a terribly inconvenient can of worms. At the time, I was not on any medication due to just generally being at a fairly high level of functioning but a fairly low level of Have Money. I still feel that the decision was mostly sound, but I severely underestimated my potential reaction to a triggering event. Which I suppose in and of itself was a good indicator of my mental health prior to the incident. With the old wounds reopened and no psychoactive agents to help with the pain, I got. Bad. I'm doing better now, thanks to meds and the passage of time, but I'm still not at full capacity, and summer was utterly dire. One of the halmark symptoms of PTSD is going to great lengths to avoid situations and stimuli similar to the trauma that originated the illness. Unfortunately for me, it is very difficult to avoid "feeling nauseous" or "eating food," though God knows I gave it my all. With my comorbid emetophobia back in full swing, I drastically altered my diet and eating habits. I heavily favored foods that I could cook or supervise the cooking of and foreswore fast food and takeout of any kind. Going to a restaurant to eat was out of the question - my first time back to one was this sunday, and it was an altogether miserable experience for a lot of reasons. My handwashing has increased in frequency to the point where I occasionally need to stop myself from doing it unless absolutely necessary so my skin doesn't crack open. Above all, I have been eating a lot lot lot less. Hearing compliments about weight loss is nice, but given the circumstances, it's hard to enjoy them. I spent most of the summer forcing myself to eat and drink when I really, sincerely did not want to. I found comfort in hunger. Hunger was a signifier that all was well, that my body was operating within acceptable parameters, that being hungry and vomiting were not states that could coexist - at least, that was the thought process. The stomach is more complicated than that, of course, but defense mechanisms rarely make a lot of sense.

The anxiety, fear, and tired listlessness of post-traumatic stress disorder are all well documented. I had those in spades. I think my mom caught me doing the whole thousand yard stare a couple of times, though I doubt she realized the significance of me spacing out. A particularly nasty foible to my particular situation is that one of my body's most cherished stress responses is to get sick to my stomach. Feedback loops are quite common in mental illness, and if I am not Queen of Feedback Loops, I am at very least a Minor Duchess. I know the cycle all too well. Stomach pain into anxiety. Anxiety into worsened stomach pain. It doesn't take long on my bad days to literally think myself sick. My symptoms have trended towards the more mild side of the spectrum, at least after medication was reintroduced, but I make up for it by having a trigger that creates itself. A lot of the time, the only way I have to deal with bad episodes is to try and throw myself utterly into something else and forget about physical being for a while. Long hours in FFXIV and Civ6 can attest to this. When that doesn't work, I often have to lie down and bury my head into a pillow until I calm down enough to start feeling better. It is, in a word, disruptive.

One aspect of the disorder that is not often discussed is the heightened fight-or-flight response and startle reflex. It is especially ridiculous in my case because you cannot run from your digestive system. It tends to follow you around. Be that as it may, being constantly on alert for any and all signals of potential gastrointestinal distress is utterly exhausting. You listen to your surroundings. To other people. To yourself, for any normal stomach noises that you're convinced are the sign of the apocalypse. White noise becomes torture as you try to pick up any salient sounds distinct from the hum of the fan, and a great deal of innocuous noises start to sound a lot like worried words and puking. Coughing is the worst because it shares a pretty similar aural profile to vomiting. Naturally, my dad has been suffering from acid reflux induced coughing jags at all hours, so I'm never at a loss for something to listen to in alarm. And alarmed I am! A constant state of hypervigilance necessitates a constant state of being easily startled. People coming up behind you when you're occupied with something else, for instance, becomes a terrifying experience because they just seem to materialize out of thin air. My new room has my back to the door and my headphones are noise-cancelling, so I am snuck upon on a regular basis, though at least with no ill intent. Probably. The garage door just below me seems almost vindictive in its loud rumbling, but I shouldn't add inappropriate anthropomorphization to large sheets of metal to my list of neuroses.

All of this comes down to a single thing: it's hard to feel like yourself when all of this is going on. Sometimes in a moment of lucidity you realize that this bizarre stranger who washes her hands way too much and refuses to eat anything has been ruining your life. Severe, prolonged stress creates a deep and abiding sense of unreality. You lose faith in yourself. You stop trusting yourself. The things you do don't seem to come out quite right. Interacting with other people feels like trying to talk to somebody on the other side of soundproof glass that's kind of smudgy and gross. Sometimes you yell too loud so that they can hear you, other times you mumble halfheartedly because you don't expect it to work anyway. And on rare occasions, you sort of lose touch with reality and try to beat down the pane and make a terrible fool out of yourself because to everyone else it looks like you're slamming your fists into a wall for no reason as you scream and cry. Even then, it's sort of worth it, just so you can say you've felt something other than creeping dread for a little bit.

I suppose, in a way, that this piece is part explanation, part apology, part anecdote. I haven't done as much stuff lately. I've been more reclusive, quicker to upset, a good bit spacier than usual. I've mentioned a few times that I've been suffering from a PTSD resurgence, but those are just words. There's no context behind them. It bothered me. I wanted to put down, in more concrete terms, how I've been feeling and coping and why that's cut into me being me. I don't know what this will accomplish, but maybe somebody out there will find it resonant, or even helpful. It feels necessary to get it out in the open and be honest about why I don't make many videos or streams anymore, or why I'm harder to get in touch with, less willing to do stuff with other people. I'm making progress. Hoping that I can get to the point where I could maybe hold down a job. Gotta dream big, right? Either way, thanks for taking the time to read this. It doesn't make anything that's happened better, but maybe it will help with things in the future. I'm rambling. I've never been good at conclusions, even when they're obvious and big and juicy. When it's just my thoughts, sort of stream of consciousness, I don't really know how to wrap things up because I could keep writing for a while, if we're being honest. Look in closing, 2017 fucking sucked okay.

#mental health #ptsd recovery #2017

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skiasurveys · 7 years

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1. What’s your favorite position and why? I like doggy style, or like even flat doggy, it feels nice and rougher, and I also enjoy missionary even tho thats boring.

2. How did you lose your virginity? If you’re still a virgin, is there any specific reason? how? uh he put his dick in me

3. If you could have sex with any porn star or model, who would it be? n/a

4. What’s one thing in particular that makes you want to tear off your lover’s clothes? i dont know. him kissing my neck and teasing me

5. Five turn ons.

neck kissing

strong arms

when connor touches my thighs

dirty talk

connor

6. Five turn offs.

choking

hurting me

being very rough with me

smell

being quiet

7. Have you had any embarrassing sexual experiences? one time we were banging and during I had gotten my period..yeah. awkward.

8. Do you have a fetish? not really

9. Have you experimented with anyone of the same sex? no

10. What’s “out of bounds” for you during sex? choking me

11. What’s the best sexual unsolicited advice you can give? Make sure youre ready and tell them what YOU like.

12. Hickies - get ‘em or give ‘em? both

13. Do you like giving head? yeah

14. Do you like getting head? yea

15. What’s one thing you look for in a partner? humor

16. How many partners have you had? 1.

17. What’s your sexual orientation? straight

18. If you’re bi/pansexual, what gender do you tend to prefer? N/A

19. Describe the best sex you’ve ever had.

we were at his house and we were having sex but he was being so sensual and stuff, and he like looked at me and was like I love you and it was just rly nice

20. Describe the worst sex you’ve ever had. the only bad times are when he cums rly quick lOL

21. Have you ever had a funny sexual experience? What was it? not rly

22. Are you okay with rough sex? depends on how rough

23. How big was the biggest dick you’ve ever seen? Was it in a porn or in real life? theres a lot of big dicks

24. Boobs or ass - which is better? asss

25. Do you prefer sex or masturbation? Sex.

26. Describe how you usually masturbate. i dont anymore

27. Do you like tattoos on a partner or do you like them to have a clean slate, skin wise? both

28. How do you feel about daddy dom/little girl roleplaying? its hot

29. What’s your fantasy? pay for my college

30. Do you have any sexual regrets? Nope.

31. When did you last have sex? Last week.

32. When did you last masturbate? idk.

33. Have you had anal? yeah, HUrtful.

34. Do you like to spank/be spanked? yah

35. What do you want done to you right now? i just want to cuddle him and kiss him thats it

36. Are you comfortable with getting tied up? no

37. Did you have sex in high school? no

38. How old were you when you lost your virginity? How long has it been? 19 years old. its been like a year

39. Do you like teasing or would you rather get straight to the point? teasing

40. Sexting or phone sex? Sexting.

41. Have you had sex in any interesting places? behind our friends couch

42. Are you sexually active? Yes.

43. Have you had car sex? UGH I WISH.

44. Have you ever had sex with anyone else in the location you were at? (i.e., while your sister was in the other room) yeah

45. Why aren’t you fucking anyone right now? he had to move right now :(

46. Are you able to have emotionless sex? I’m sure I could.

47. Does penis size really matter? yeah

48. What has been your most memorable experience sexually? i have a lot

49. If male, are you well endowed? N/A.

50. If female, what’s your breast size? 34B.

51. Have you ever been the other person? No

52. Have you ever cheated on anyone? no

53. Describe an orgasm. everyones is different. i dont know how to explain just alot of emotions

54. What’s the longest time you’ve had sex for? hour

55. What’s the shortest time you’ve had sex for?

like 2 mins

56. If you could change the person you lost your virginity to, would you? Nope.

57. Have you had any pregnancy scares? Yes, but they were just scares, luckily. <- same

58. Are you comfortable naked? Not really.

59. Are you comfortable sending pictures of yourself to others? yeah

60. What’s your sexual comfort zone like? depends

61. What’s something sexual that you thought you wouldn’t like, but ended up liking? spanking

62. Do you have any piercings in fun places? (i.e., clit, nipples, dick) Nope.

63. Would you say you’re good in bed? i hope so

64. How do you get sex tips? friends

65. Have you ever had sex with anyone while they were on their period? Have you ever had sex while on your period? check previous answers

66. If you could be the other sex for a day, would you and what would you do first? id get hard to see what its like

67. What’s your favorite part about being the gender you are? how easy i get it with sex lol

68. Slow but passionate, or fast, furious, and kinky? It depends what I’m in the mood for.

69. Have you ever 69’d? Did you enjoy it? yeah

70. Have you ever done drugs and then had sex? no

71. Have you ever had sex with someone you’re in love with? yes

72. How are you with BDSM? Would you ever engage in it? NO

73. Do you like gagging on cock/having someone gag on your cock? Why? yeah its fucking hot

74. When it comes to oral, are you gentle? Do you use your hands too?

Yes and yes.

75. Okay, how do you feel about handjobs? connor likes them but i rather suck him

76. Have you had any unwanted pain during sex? yep

77. What is something that’s not sexual that can turn you on more than anything sexual? facial hair

78. Can your sexual partners be categorized by their zodiac signs? No.

79. Have you had sex to music? What’s your favorite sex song?

wish you were here- Pink floyd

80. What’s something you want to try in bed? idk

81. Has anyone drew blood from you during sex, whether it was by cutting, biting, or scratching? How did you feel about that? Nope.

82. Have you ever fucked someone who was sad? Did it help them emotionally or make it worse? yeah and it helps me

83. Do you like sexual anons? Sometimes.

84. What’s your ideal round of sex? just let me cum

85. Do you like the use of whipped cream, handcuffs, chocolate, and cherries? I’ve never done that…

86. Have you ever been walked in on or caught? Nope.

87. Have you ever had sex in public? Would you? I haven’t but I might.

88. What’s a good sex joke? I don’t think I know any.

89. Do you like to be called a dirty slut or would you rather be treated like royalty? both

90. Are you more submissive or dominant? Submissive.

91. What’s your naughtiest secret? i cant tell

92. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve encountered sexually? I don’t think anything.

93. Have you ever “stuck your dick in crazy”? Was there a lesson learned? wat

94. Do you like playing with balls/having someone play with yours?

Sure.

95. What’s the best nonsexual feeling? Love.

96. Do you like feet? no

97. Do you look at rule 34/hentai? no

98. Pick a random question off this survey for yourself. i did all

99. Who’s your ideal sexual partner? connor.

100. Do you have a partner right now? Would you like one? yes i have one

101. Are you accepting “applications” for a partner? Nope.

0 notes

jeongshincharyeo · 7 years

Text

019. I'm Triggered.

Today, exactly at night, you shared me about Vkook fanfict which makes Taehyung then top and Jungkook the bottom. I need to admit that top!taehyung is hot but.. it makes me unmood. Truthfully, i have a bad experiences with a Top!Taehyung x Bottom!Jungkook. Lemme tell you some. I wasn't that new being bangtan fan but, 2013 i was.. more into Seokjin x Jimin. Seriously first time being yaoi as Bangtan after they debuted, i was a Seokjin at first then i dated a Jimin. So i kinda more into Seokjin x anyone. Then 2014 i am into Jimin? or Jungkook i guess. Thats why i have that bot acc as Jimin since 2014. And i just into Taehyung x Jungkook at 2015 after i saw some Vkook moments. Thats why i start to rp ing as Taehyung and searches for a Jungkook? I guess. I forgot. So here's my bad experiences, related with a Top!Taehyung x Bottom!Jungkook. 1. It was 2015 and i made new agency with Aimee, and two other friends. And we all be 1995 liners there. Me as Taehyung, Aimee as Kei, another friend as Jimin and another one as Seolhyun. And yeah we kinda promote to many people again? And i promoted it to one of my noona. I asked her to join but girls' spot currently full so i told her to be Jungkook. But not bcs i like VKOOK so i wanna be vkook with her. Its just i want her to join but sadly no girls reservation open. But well, she said she would love to, so okay. She joined as Jungkook. And i am a Taehyung there, ofc i acted like "Yah maknae!" and he be like "Hyeong!" and i was like, damn its vkook and it feels cute. Bcs it was my first time interested to vkook i guess. And then, i start to flirt him and be like yeah, make one agency shipped us and etc. Until i got jailed so i dmed this Jungkook, telling him i got jailed and he just laughed like a normal reaction but we kept on talking. And idk why it leads to kissing parts? Which made me gone wild and started to fuck him. I really was. And he kinda into me, and i really into him.. and i dated someone in my previous agency that time but i havent tell him. And after i told him i will break up with my couple for him, he suddenly dont want and said he dont wanna be a third wheeler. istg. That was my great time being a Vkook and he just lose hope on me and even left the agency after i keep begging that i will serious with him. But yeah. It was hurt enough but i still break up with my couple because my couple currently never active again even after i checked that account a year later so. nvm her. And yeah that was my first and worst experience being a Vkook. 2. This one with someone i know from intl closed agency too. I joined as a Taehyung there.and ofc theres a Jungkook. It was a simple hi and having fun at first, until people start shipping us because we usually ise matching dps and headers, teasing each others. Though i didnt intend to flirt him because i was just wanna have fun? But then when i jailed, as always, i dmed everyone included that Jungkook. And yeah we talked again. But we are not that intense yet, we just talk like usual i guess? Until we moved to fl acc. And in fl acc he was a suga there? So we Taegi. But still no special feelings. But though its not, i usually give him a peck on lips like before sleep or supporting him. Things like that. But this person kept on avoiding my flirt idk why so its kinda hard to hit on him. Until he, himself, confessed to me. But when he confessed, at that time i alr interest with someone else and also date a Yoongi on kakaotalk. Look how player i was. Then yeah he kinda lose hope and disappear and i never talk to him again until now. 3. That jerk. Yeah that ex who dmed you that day. We were VKook as well. Eventhough he was the someone that i have interest with when i was with the 2nd person, we were not Vkook that time. So i meet this asshole at 2015, may, on his closed agency. Yea its his. And my boyfriend (a seokjin) who dragged me there. And i was a Taehyung. Then in that agency, my bf seokjin is a jungkook so i joined as Sehun for 2days i guess? Then i kinda tell my bf, i want to be Jungkook and asked him to be Seokjin so KookJin. And he agreed. So yeah we be KookJin and ofc i meet the Bangtan Hyungs in their Bangtan Group chat. And this Taehyung aka that asshole dated an Eunji noona there like for months alrd. But i admit hes friendly to meet a stranger/new person. He dmed me personally and asked me things like where i come from, my selca, real age, etc. And we kinda be close friends there. But then after that, i was also active in another agency and this other agency is more fun so i drag my seokjin along but he be a girl, CLC's seunghee there. And we be more active there so i kinda abandoned that asshole's agency which i being KookJin there, until we unverified. Then after that 1st person, scandal i really want to break up with seokjin but he never shows up so i just left message then abandoned the acc. i guess. but i guess i revamp that acc as new rp acc- ok nvm. Then, after that, weeks later i dated a Yoongi (which was my dad in another ca, wow joined so many ca before) on kakaotalk and i be a Jimin there. and a bottom. istg i think i was a bottom too like 40% before. And though this Yoongi only active on kkt (katanya sih) so i joined many closed agency right. And thats why i joined one with my noona, and i be seulgi at first. I also drag my Yoongi along but he be predebut IKON's Chanwoo there, and he kinda inactive. Then after that i cc as BTS' Jimin and i think i suit as a boy more. UNTIL a new Taehyung joined and i can sensed him somehow. He shared a fact about himself and i know his kind of typing so we chat on dm. And im right, it was that asshole. And since i dont really have strong feelings with him i was just like happy to meet my old friend so we kinda chat and exchange kakaotalk and line. After that, idk why this taehyung he always sad about his ex eunji in that first ca i met him months ago. So he told me alot and i be his temen curhat right. And you know la i can be playful sometimes but he know i have a bf and i know he have a gf so we kinda tau dirilah. But then idk why we shared things about VRene, on LINE. and we keep fanboying about how cute vrene is, blablabla. and suddenly he changed as an irene? to tease me idk- so i changed from Jungkook pic to Taehyung. And since i really into vrene, i kinda turned on so i want to touch him as irene. So, i kissed him, as Taehyung to Irene. And surprisingly he didnt stop me so we keep going until... i fucked him. I mean her. That was our first sex and we were vrene that time with me as the top. After that sexting time, he confessed that he actually have feelings for me since first time we met but he knows that we both have someone like everytime we met so he just wanna confess it. But ugh, he make me interested to him so i said i also like him and asked him to wait if he want us to be official, we should break up with our couple first. Well thats how we start into the serious part but we kinda start to be official a month later, as Vkook. And guess what? Yeah, he is the Top!Taehyung. He fucked me as the Taehyung who called me baby boy while pounding on me. Istg, for that 2015 until 2016, for a year, he really make me crazy of him. Make me cant even let him go. Though it became me 60% Top after that, but our first yaoi sex is Vkook and he as top!taehyung. 4. This last one happened october 2016. Yeah after i break up from that asshole, i know this Taehyung from fl ofc. He is a girl on fl, but she said she want to make a Bangtan group chat on kakotalk so i want to make one also, i chatted her then. She said she is a Taehyung on kkt, and since im a Jungkook fc, we only need to look for the rest of members. After we being friends on kkt, idk why its like only 2days after we talk, i just suddenly turns clingy to him and i want to cuddle. I seriously was only close with him that time so i asked him to hug me, etc. Tbh i was going to be a dom? But then he be more dom than me. He pampered me and i hate to admit that he have a skill. Though he is a girl on fl, on kkt he can be a very gentle dom for me. I think thats the first time i have interest to someone without having sex first. bcause i usually have interest after i see how they sexting. heh. bad me i know. BUT, however i keep on hurting this Taehyung.... because my asshole ex keep coming and want to be with me. So i kinda confused since this Taehyung been nice to me so idk what reason to tell to let him go from me, so i lied that i have no interest to him again because he changed his ava as a Mark on kkt. I said i think i love him as Taehyung more though its not true. I like him a lot but i love my ex more that time. So yeah... he hate me. Until now. He called me facechaser then we really.. never talk again because he unfollowed me then blocked me. Like really block, i cant see his profile anymore- smh. I just dont want to date him while i still have feelings to my ex. He will be more disappointed later so i do this for his sake too. So you see... Almost all of my Vkook experiences with Taehyung as a dom, have a bad stories behind it. Which makes me turned into a Dom!Jungkook because i dont wanna see myself being weak towards a Taehyung again. Its like a trauma and makes me...idk. I just dont like it. Though i admit even at first time trying to be Vkook, i like Dom!Taehyung better. But pain changed people. Everytime i tried to accept someone as my dom, esp Taehyung fc, it got me scared again and i dont want to continue anymore. im just-its wrong i know. I am sorry if i turned weird tonight. I still cant get over it but i'd like to- and i want you the one who help me to get over it? Ah its too long, you prolly bored with this page already- heh. Lets sleep aight? Goodnight♡

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classycollectorartisanposts-blog · 6 years

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Ursa Illinois Cheap car insurance quotes zip 62376

"Ursa Illinois Cheap car insurance quotes zip 62376

Ursa Illinois Cheap car insurance quotes zip 62376

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://saleinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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I just found out that my health insurance, which used to have a $500.00 deductible, will now be MORE expensive and will now come with a 5,000.00 deductible!! Which means, in order to see any benefit at all, I have to fork over $7,000.00 of MY OWN MONEY!! Which basically means, I have no health insurance now yet I still have to pay for it because it is now the law! If I don't, I get garnished. Asking around, I have learned that this is happening to everybody. So instead of getting MORE people covered by health care, Obamacare is getting millions of people effectively kicked off! But because of the law, we still have to pay the insurance companies, while they are free to raise the deductible to the point where their only purpose is to sit back and collect our money. Great. So I think the insurance companies should fork over a big, fat billion dollars to Obama for the all the cash he sent them!""

17 year old male car insurance!?

I am 16 (soon to turn 17) and I already have my lessons and car sorted out. If I passed my theory and practical test first time I am looking at getting a 1.0L Toyota Yaris in mid-September. I live in Blackpool (UK). I have been looking at quotes and insurance companies for ages but I can't find a consistent price. I was wondering (roughly) how much my insurance would be with and with-out a black box and any ideas for which insurance company to go for?

Where is the cheapest place to get Auto Insurance? In Canada?

New truck - need help.. :D ty

What are the Best Life insurance companies out there ?

We are looking for term Life insurance for my dad -He is 48 years old. -He drinks occasionally -Tobacco user -full time Truck driver -Has Type 2 Diabetes (Right now its not in control he had high Hcl results last time he got his lab done ) -He applied for New york life insurance and they denied his application coz of high blood sugar results ) so what company can provide him good coverage with affordable price or its just impossible for Diabetes patient to get a life insurance ? what are the high rating insurance companies out there ? I searched online but when it comes to reviews every company has 50/50 good and bad reviews .doN'T KNOW HAT TO DO.!

Can anyone help with car insurance?

I'm 17 and I passed my test about 2 months ago. I am looking to buy a Peugeot 306 and insure it with my mum as main driver as she is not a main driver on any another policy then have me as named driver. The only problem is that she doesnt have any No Claims Bonus as she is named driver on my dad's insurance. Could anyone tell me which company might be cheapest to do this with please?

""17 Starting to drive, any cheap insurance sites?""

I'm now 17 and i am having driving lessons, i was just wondering if you know of any cheap insurance sites? Thanks""

Not continuously insured? Car insurance?

I sold my car two weeks ago and canceled both the insurance and revoked the registration for the new person. I just bought a new car and tried to get insurance and the company is saying they can't do it because I haven't been continuously insured. How am I supposed to be continuously insured if I didn't own ANY vehicle for two weeks? This makes no sense to me. Now they refuse to give me a quote.

Who offers affordable home owners insurance in south florida?

trying to buy a house in south florida and I need a good and affordable company for my home owners ins.

Question about car insurance?

okay so i was recently in an car accident and my car was a total loss. The accident is not my fault. I received my settlement check for my vehicle after paying my deductible for my insurance company. 2 months later now I received another check from the other insurance company at fault with an attached form stating that the check is for repairing the damages on my vehicle. Is this check safe for me to cash out? Not complaining of getting extra money, but Im just curious why would i get another check when i already got a whole settlement check from my insurance company. Shouldnt the other insurance be paying my insurance company instead? any help would be great.""

Non owners insurance?

Where can I find good quality, affordable non owners insurance I live in Elmwood park,Il...""

I need help with car insurance?

So I don't have a license yet, but im workin on it. I seen a car that I want now b4 its too late n sumbody buys it. My mom has a car n her n my dad r on the same insurance, he pays it tho. SO heres what i wanna do... Can I buy the car n then get insurance in my moms name or is there sumthin i can do like let the car sit til i get my license?? I would have to get the car home tho, but it wont be insured on the ride home(is there sum temp insurance)... I mean the car is steal, n i need to get it now b4 sumbody buys it!! Its in Ohio, if that matters...""

Do you have to have a valid drivers license to purchase car insurance in Arizona?

I do not have a drivers license, however I do have the money to buy a car. If I buy the car, can I get insurance on it until I do have a drivers license? Could someone else drive it during this time? Would I need to put them on the insurance? What if I was making payments on the car still? I have an opportunity to buy this car now and I would like to, but like I said, I don't have a license. Thanks.""

How far back in your driving record do insurance agents look when determining your car insurance rate?

Getting married and need help with insurance?

My parents have Cigna insurance. I understand that I am no longer a considered an eligible dependent when I am legally married, but I am also a full time student. Which status is the dependent variable when considering eligibility? If I'm married AND a full time college student, does that mean I can't get coverage?""

How much is car and home insurance?

sorry this is kinda long.. but... im doing a project for economics class. and we have to figure out our future, like make a resume and a job app a cover letter, and all this other stuff after we picked a career we are interested in doing with our lives. so, we have to figure out our budget like housing stuff, housing bills, transportation like car insurance and car payment. investing and miscelaneous like cell phone bills internet and entertainment to name a few.. after this. we take our total monthly net pay, and subtract our total monthly expenses and thats our remaining income just for whatever. but i am having trouble finding house insurance, and car insurance. all i am getting from searching is quotes, and i dont need that.. i jus need a straight up dollar amount. if anyone can help.. that would be great.. thanks.""

Someone at fault with no insurance suing my insurance?

I was t-boned at an intersection by a lady who had no insurance, no license and who ran a red light (she was ticketed for all 3). I filed under uninsured motorist claim and my deductible is $250. She tried making a claim against my insurance, but it was obviously denied. She is now saying she is contacting an attorney because the officers at the accident were corrupt ...Can she sue and will she likely get anything? Can I counter sue for the decidable?""

If I show proof of insurance?

I was driving my car on the clock. I use my vehicle as a work vehicle. Anyways I was sent to the store to purchase sodas. when I tapped a vehicle on the rear bumper. We pulled over and exchanged information. And later found out that my own insurance was expired. Am I covered. By work or can I purchase insurance after the fact. And still be okay?

What are your insurance premiums monthly?

I am currently paying $54 a paycheck to cover my husband and myself. It would cost me $18 for myself only and $102 for family. We do not have any deductibles, only copays. Emergency room $125, urgent care $40, specialist $30, ob $15, and pcp $15. I have an epo from United. I am curious to know what other people are paying for health insurance.""

I need the best site for health insurance for a small business?

the insurance will be for 3 employees and needs to include dental and vision insurance

Is it necessary to hold on to old auto insurance bills?

I switched auto insurance companies recently and I was just wondering if there is any reason at all I should keep my old auto insurance bills from the old company. I'm the one ...show more

Saw a ins Discount for driving less than 40 miles a day?

Saw an insurance discount for driving less than 40 miles per day to work

Obtaining auto insurance quote for dummies?

I've done a little Google searching and haven't found a clear answer to my question. Can anyone help me out? When getting a quote from a new insurance provider, when you report past driving incidents do you report them as what the police officer originally originally charged you with, or as the plea bargain given to you by the judge? I got a speeding ticket awhile back but when I went to court the judge gave me a plea bargain which lowered the violation to driving with a defective tail light , driving an unsafe vehicle or something of that nature. I don't remember exactly. So, when getting a quote from a new provider, do I list the incident as a speeding ticket? Or as the violation that I was actually convicted of? Thanks so much in advance for your help. I will be assure to award the best answer!!!! You know you want that best answer!! :)""

Which companies offer life insurance to clients who have chronic health problems?

I am 37 years old with a diagnosis of lupus (not flaring) with a history of minor kidney involvement, deep vein thrombosis, and high blood pressure. I have been trying to get life insurance but have been consistently denied by the major companies to which I have applied. Does anyone have any suggestions? The only suggestion I received from one company was the hint to purchase Accidental Death and Disability, and if my medical condition worsened, to have an accident . I am hoping for better advice.""

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How to find affordable medical insurance (Family) in San Diego?

I am moving to San Diego on a contract that has no benefit package. I'd like to buy a good benefit package for a family of four. I need medical, dental .... etc. with reasonable deductible. Any help in pointing me to the right direction is appreciated. Thanks

Life insurance question - term life and term life with return of premium?

Hello, my spouse and I are in the market for life insurance now. After some researching, we have pretty much decided to go with term or term return of premium insurance. I still have following to decide and if you could enlighten me on these I would appreciate it very much. Which company? I found the following list that's supposed to be the best life insurance companies at this website. http://www.lifeinsurancestar.com/lifeinsurance/company-ratings.php * New York Life: A++, stable outlook * Mass Mutual: A++, stable outlook * State Farm: A++, stable outlook * Geico: A++, stable outlook Does this mean I should probably check out these companies? We have State Farm for auto and home insurance. Would State Farm be a good way to go (convenient to have all three in one place)? I also thought Geico didn't offer life insurance. I was led to LifeQuotes page from Geico. Does this mean that this list is not reliable? How much? We are 40-45 years old, just We still have almost 30 years of mortgage, and 20 years of raising our son. I was using some calculator online (Kiplinger, Life Foundation?) to calculate how much coverage I need, and they both returned figures like 1+ million. How can this be? Is 1 million life insurance common these days? We have about 170,000 in remaining mortgage balance (actually I only included half of that in calculation), and I calculated monthly living expense to be 2,000-3,000 (depending on if our child is still with us)/month with my spouse's income to be 2,000/month, and also included college cost. Does this seem reasonable that this will add up to be million dollars in 30 years, with inflation? I was thinking of about 300,000-400,000 before using these calculators. Term or Term ROP? We have almost decided against Term ROP and to go with straight term, but are not final on this decision. What do you all think about ROP? With ROP, do we typically actually receive ALL of the premium, or are there any fees etc. subtracted from the refunded amount? Also, does ROP term insurance give you investment returns in addition to the amount of premium you paid? One of the reasons that we are leaning towards straight term is that with our current age, with 20-30 year policies, the likelihood well actually be using the death benefit would be moderately high then ROP wont be such a good deal, as well as hearing that if we just get term and invest the difference in the premium, wed be ahead of term ROP. How long? In this case, should we try to get a 20 year term (for while our son will be with us), or 30 year term, just to cover the full length of the mortgage, although I wouldnt need that much coverage towards the end of 30 years (our son will be with us for only 20 more years, our mortgage will be paid off except for last 10 years or so)? Or buy 25 year return of premium term policy and pay 5 more years of mortgage using the money we receive from return of premium? Or buy two term policies - a large amount of 20 year policy plus a smaller amount (to cover the remaining mortgage balance in the last 10 years of mortgage)? Thank you for your help!""

How can I get reliable insurance ratings?

I have been with Nationwide Insurance for 21 years. Your normal every day insurance can never come close to their rates and Nationwide has always had outstanding service. As we all know, money is lean these days so there are two companies I want to check out. I'm thinking about getting quotes from USAA because I am a veteran and California Casualty Insurance because, as a teacher, I get a discount through SCEA. My fear is that even though those 2 might end up cheaper, I might get a huge downgrade in service. So I'm looking for information on both companies, especially if there is a good, unbiased source on the internet. I need to cover 5 cars (including 3 teenage drivers) and 2 boats.""

Why are my car insurance quotes changing?

I shopped for car insurance yesterday. Today I could not remember if I I forgot a company, so I did them all again because I was bored, all of my quotes went up with some, went down with others. I double checked and I didn't change any info. So I did 3 companies within 10 minutes of each other, and they changed again! I think they pull quotes out of a hat.""

Motorcycle Insurance question?

I'm going to take the MSF course on Saturday and my understanding was that you're insurance is going to be cheaper and I will like to know why it will be cheaper

How do you justify an insurance company raising rates by 39% for individual policies?

California insurance regulators asked Anthem Blue Cross to delay controversial rate increases of as much as 39% for individual policies, hikes that have triggered widespread criticism from subscribers and brokers -- and now from the federal government. In a rare step, the Obama administration called on California's largest for-profit insurer to justify its rate hikes, saying the increases were alarming at a time when subscribers face skyrocketing healthcare costs. http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-anthem-obama9-2010feb09,0,4384044.story""

Is insurance on jeeps more expensive?

im thinking of buying a jeep 1995 or older most likly (YJ, TJ) do they tend to be more or less expensive on insurance then the average car?""

How to calculate car insurance policy premium refund?

I sold my car one week after renewing my car insurance policy. I required to cancel my policy and asked for the refund. The first time I faxed them my cancellation letter, they asked me to call back after 2 weeks to ask for the check. But after 2 weeks, they told me they didn't received my fax and asked me to pay for the extra 2 weeks, although I have evidences that I required to cancel my policy 2 weeks ago. Also when I renewed my policy, I told the agent that I will sell my car within 2 weeks, so the agent told me I can only pay 32% of the half year policy premium. But now when I asked for refund, he told me that because I only paid 32% of the total amount, they will charge me more (53% more) and refund me much less. Is this common in this industry or they just try to steal money from me? Thanks.""

I have cancelled my car insurance?

I have cancelled my car insurance for my old car , because I have bought a new car . . . Now I am waiting to sell it , but I don't know where I should keep it . . Is there any problems if I'll leave in front of my house in the car park without a insurance ? Thank You""

Car insurance for teens?

can someone guess how much my car insurance will be? im 16 years old i own a 2007 lexus gs and i never got a ticket... my mom said it would be around $200, but im kinda hoping it's a lot lower lol.""

How can i get health insurance?

Hello I am 18yrs old and i am trying to get health insurance. I am a full time student. My mom is does not have health insurance either, Her income is really low and i dont have any income coming in.. Is there a health insurance that is right for me? Please answer""

How much time is given for car insurance company to settle a claim?

my car was hit in parking lot and insurance is dragging its feet to investigate. how much time is officially allowed for this investigation and what are my rights bacause it has been 30 days today. i have a full insurance on this car and insurance company is investigating as a fraud claim!. insurance from metlife!

Estimated car insurance cost for an 18 year old beginner driver?

I waited until I turned 18 until I went to get my drivers permit. I've had my permit since November 18 2009. I plan to stay on the permit until its expiration date. I'm not sure what car I plan to purchase after that, something affordable (nothing over the top) and that will last quite awhile. Now assuming all that, can any of you share with me what your car insurance payment is monthly, just an estimate of course. And throw in what type of car you have in so I can get a better idea. I'll be 19 at the time I finally get my license. My parents will not be adding me to their insurance, I have to pay for this on my own and I'd like to start putting some money away towards it so that I can make the payments with no problem later on. Are their any other things I can do to lower the cost of my car insurance as well?""

Car Insurance in the UK?

When your car insurance expires are you no longer covered or do insurance companies keep the policy going until you cancel the cover?

""Car from 2003, 17 year old female driver. Car insurance average?""

I'm a B+ student, my car belonged to my dad and is now being given to me. It's a ford focus. I'm 17 and a girl from New York. Can someone please ESTIMATE how much car insurance would be for me? I tried websites but I'd have to put in my social security # to get an average and I don't want to do that yet.""

""Buying a car, do I need my own insurance to have the title signed over to me?""

My youth pastor is selling me his 2004 Dodge Stratus, and we're planning on going to the DMV tomorrow morning to have the title signed over. Currently, my mom pays for my car insurance every month, and the car I've been driving is in her name. If I want to put the new car in my name, can my mom still pay for my insurance or do I have to be able to pay for it in order to have the title signed over to me?""

How much will insurance be for a 16 year old in california?

how much will insurance be for a 16 year old in california? lets say i get a bmw or porsche how much will it be?

""What would be the average MPG and insurance rates for the following classic cars in Bradenton, FL?""

Also, how much would the car cost and where would I be able to purchase one? 1951 Ford 1955,1956, and 1957 Chevrolet 1957 Studebaker 1959 Ford 1959 Cadillac""

Becoming car insured in Ontario?

Recently I just acquired my G2. I am an almost-17 year old male, and I wanted to try to clear up a few questions about insurance before going to get some quotes. Firstly, would it be possible for me to have my own separate policy? With my own car - that's how my dad wants it apparently... I know it would be expensive..but I would probably end up choosing only liability coverage. Secondly, would it be possible to somehow prove to the insurance company that I am more responsible than the average stereotypical 17 year old male in hopes of lowering insurance? For example, can high school marks play a factor? I've heard about something like this, although I don't know if it applies to our provincial policies. I know the other factors, such as having a 4 door used sedan, in-class driving course etc. can also help lower the cost. All help is appreciated, thanks!""

How much should I expect my homeowners insurance to cover?

Last month, my car was broken into. A laptop and and navigation system were taken, all together costs about $1700 to replace. How much should I expect a check for? I'm looking for new laptops at the moment and I'm thinking of purchasing a replacement before the check comes in.""

Question about car insurance?

Affordable car insurance/ college student. please answer =]?

hey everyone! i am looking for some car insurance! like... the most affordable i can find... for a 98 nissan. i am 18 years old, no accidents or tickets. and im a broke college student soooooo the cheaper the better, and just liability is fine. any suggestions? good/bad experiences? thank you!!""

When do I sort out car insurance for a car i've bought?

Do I sort it out before buying the car?

""Iam 55 I need a small policy for life insurance around 10,000?

any suggestions?Who to call?

What is a cheap health insurance for a student fixing to go trough nursing school?

I got accepted into nursing school and need health insurance. I do not believe there are any guidelines as long as you have it. I do not have a lot of money and need some affordable health insurance.

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Getting car insurance with a suspended license?

I posted this question a couple days. I thought I would share my information. My son (not having a valid Drivers License) was able to obtain car insurance through a reputable insurance company. We went to the DMV and got his new registration for his car, and showed proof of insurance. He has 45 days to show he paid his tickets and his license was reinstated. Just thought I would share this information.""

Can a car insurance company change my price mid policy?

I have already made 2 payments on my policy, and now the insurance company had me call for some sort of interview. At the end they said they need to review the policy and will get back to me. Can they change my price mid policy? I figured they would have to wait until my policy was up for renewal since I've already made payments, and they sent their notice after my first payment was made. However, the woman on the phone said that my premium may change. Is there some sort of legal statement saying they can't change my premium mid policy?""

How much should a 17 year old's car insurance cost in the UK?

i'm 17 and want to drive. i'm a full time college student, which probably doesn't make any difference? right now i'm looking at a 2001 VAUXHALL CORSA 1.6 engine, LS 5dr [AC] Hatchback, which is costing around 999 how much should i expect the insurance to cost for this car? or for a car similar? it will be my first car. Thanks.""

If my son is on my parents insurance does that mean they claim him on his taxes?

Okay my son is now 1 year old. He is on my parents insurance, we live with them, and my parents pretty much support him.(pay for all expenses).. Now my sons father wants to put him on his taxes. I know he just wants to get money to get him a new car. he also says he will get me a car too. but idk about that. When i told him i think my parents already claimed him, he started yelling its his son, and told me to give him his security card(he has a really bad temper and gets angry to where i get scared) so i did.. but now i need to sign a paper..and i dont want too.. Here is my thing i told him that he is automatically on my parents taxes, because he is on there insurance, so that would mean i would have to take aiden off of their insurance(Which means he wouldnt be on any insurance)he started yelling how stupid i am and just to sign paper, my question is is it true that because my parents have him on their insurance, he is on their taxes. What should i do? Thanks for anyhelp. Sorry long question. Please no rude answers""

Baby not covered on partner's insurance policy?

Alright, here's my situation. I am on my partner's insurance through her job. Well, we are getting ready to start a family and our insurance will cover everything up until right after delivery. Since I am considered a dependent, and I am the one giving birth, the baby will not be covered. So, what I want to know is has anyone else been in this situation and how did you handle it? What is the best way to find individual, affordable, insurance for the baby? And in your experience, what is the average cost you pay? Any suggestions/help is greatly appreciated.""

""Why is it that despite public and private health insurance programs, some US citizens are without any coverage?

health insurance

Negative impacts on making all drivers have insurance?

also what are some positive impacts of making all drivers have insurance how would it help stop boy racers?

Can you resume your auto insurance policy one it was canceled?

Can you resume your auto insurance policy one it was canceled? ok it was canceled 5 months ago I wasn't using the car so I didn't need insurance at a moment. Now I am planning on using the car again. Can I just call them and ask them to send me a monthly fee and get insurance resumed or do I need to go to insurance place and talk to Insurance sales agent and pay $200 finders fee again? I don't want to pay those fees again. Is there a way to resume my insurance without those extra fees. I am a California resident.

Do I really need home owners insurance?

if a hurricane were to come into my area and cause a flood, wouldn't the flood insurance take care of it. What are some good home insurance companies in FL with minimal requirements. I made several calls but no one wants to insure me because I don't have heating or cooling.""

Do you need car insurance to borrow someone's car?

Like if I were to borrow someone's car, would I personally need car insurance (like from my own car), or only if the owner of the car had insurance would that be okay if I drove it? I live in Illinois if that makes any difference.""

Pros and Cons of a motorcycle for a teen?

Both my parents and I have gone over me getting a motorcycle instead of a car, and they're fully behind it. As far as my knowledge, insurance costs are a lot less (but more for me since I'm just starting out) monthly payments on it are lower, more MPG, more eco-friendly, less space and I personally prefer it, and use it as year-long transportation since we're moving to Orange County, Calfornia from Las Vegas (where it never snows). I'm almost of age to get my permit, and I would appreciate it if you could come up with any other possible cons or problems of having a sportbike (Kawasaki Ninja 250r, 2010-2011) instead of an older car. I know repairs, etc would be roughly the same. Thanks.""

Can insurance Car repo?

I'm finally able to start getting caught up on my insurance payments (I'm 2 moths behind sadly but getting it caught up), the vehicle is paid off, will an insurance company repo my vehicle for not being up to date on the insurance payment?""

What insurance would be best for a Salvaged Car?

See I am a first time driver and I bought a Car which has a salvaged title due to a minor fender bender, I don't drive it because well I've only had it for about 3 days but I would like to know what would be the best coverage I can get from any insurance on a Salvaged title car. I hope it was worth my money buying a salvaged car. some one help!!! PLEASE!""

Car Insurance discrimination?

I was filling out a car insurance quote form online , I put my mother as the main driver and me as additional but accidentally put me as a spouse , the quote came back as 400 pounds. As i reviewed the quote i notice my mistake and changed it to Other ( Spouse , Partner , Other only listed ) and then my quote came back as 2000 pounds. I am 18 years old and getting car insurance is hard but my question is how does being married make me a safer driver and is it possible to take insurance companies to court because of there overlooked age discrimination""

How much would i get from the insurance?

I was involved in a car accident in Sept 2009. I sustained low and upper back injurie, left side shoulder and neck and severe headaches. I have been dong treatments such as chiropractic, acupuncture, massage and phisio therapy. As of right now i am only doing physio therapy and massagge, however the injuries have not healed yet. If for any reason i dont get better for another year or 2, how much would i be getting from the insurance as a settlement? The medical bills as of Sept 2010 were around 13 thousand. I was employed at the time of the accident and have not returned to work since the accident. My car was totaled and the other driver was fully at fault. I am just wondering how much would i be getting roughly if my case lasts for 2-3 yeas in total.""

I looked for insurance quotes at progressive.com.?

At the end, I received a quote from Progressive and also 3 other leading competitors. I also received a quote from Progressive Direct which is lower than Progressive quote. Does anyone of you have insurance from progressive direct? What makes it different (and hence lower) than the actual Progressive quote?""

How much will a used SlugBug Convertible cost me in the state of Ohio?

I turn 16 in January 2011 and I want the car by August 2011 so in about a year and a couple months from now! How much with the car cost me to pay all up front or how much will it cost me monthly if that sounds better! How much will insurance be per month? How about Gas? All answers are appreciated and Im willing to buy 2003 to 2010 but the price range for the actual car has to be no more then 5 to 6k ? I also want to know if you think Im going to have to get a loan. . . thanks everyone!

Best and cheapest car insurance in australia?

Can anyone tell me the cheapest and best most reliable comprehensive car insurance in australia i need to insure my car asap im thinking westpac or aiime

How much is AAA a month?

I have Roadside Assistance with AT&T and I pay only $2.99 a month for 4 calls every calendar year but they only cover from about 2 to 10 miles if I need a tow. I'm thinking about switching to AAA but I really don't know anything about AAA. Can anyone give me some insight on AAA? PLEASE :-)

My brother got my friends car and got stopped for dwi and the car now is impounded. But the insurance?

But the insurance is under my friends brothers name cuz my friend dosent have a licence and his brother is not here. but i got a license what can we do to take the car out??

How can I obtain drivers insurance when neither parent has a license in California?

because insurance is a binding agreement that requires one parent to have a valid license, and neither of mine do, I cannot buy auto insurance. - My grandparents will not help me either I have 1000$ to buy insurance, and I will drive either way, insurance or not, is there any loophole around this law? thanks.""

""Good, cheap auto insurance?

Need good cheap auto insurance. Can someone recommend me to one and/or some? Im talking cheap as in $30 per month or lower cheap. Thanks!

Child support/car insurance?

Ok so I just got my liscense and I bought half my trck and my mom bought the other half. So is it right for my dad not to pay for my insurance? And does child support cover car insurance. . .plz just give me your opinion/facts on the whole ordeal.... Have not found job just turned 15..btw Thank you all

In NY there is freelancers unions and other ways to get affordable health insurance. anything similar in SoCal

I want to start freelancing but learned that health insurance will cost me $1400/month. Anything creative I can do? Any unions or groups I can join in SoCal? Need PPO.

What is the best short term life insurance plan between monthly premium rupees 500 to 800?

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https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/buy-affordable-health-insurance-ny-paul-bishop/"

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