#some random fucking person online.

[snekdood]

probably my greatest strength is getting out of suicidal episodes by myself.

#however it makes me resent humans as you can see #i think id rather resent humans though than to needlessly punish myself just bc other ppl dont like me #whether for reasons i just dont understand. some dumb thing i said once or bc they believe bs ppl say about me #like theres no reason i have to punish myself for that. for yall like that. fuck you. #like for some of you. ill never be goodor woke enough. even if all the bs ppl make up about me is proven false. even if i clarify #what i meant when i said whatever thing bc im bad at communicating my thoughts through text. even if i became jesus fuckin christ #yall would probably still just hate me for no fucking reason. theres no way i could be good enough or perfect enough or anything #theres no way i can change and modify my behavior and stand on my head that will satisfy you. #and with that in mind. why should i give a fuck about trying? who tf are you to assert that i need to change myself for you #some random fucking person online. #get fucked #you do not know me. #i will never be the thing you want me to be #i will never be the perfect version of me that you want me to be #im going to become the better version of myself that i think i can be and should be #but im not going to turn into the better version of myself that YOUUUU think i should be. #especially since yall dont even give me an alternative. you tell me not to do things and im left to just sit perfectly still #god forbid i move a muscle. thats the better version of me to you. motionless and mute. #and if thats what you believe i hope you shove a jar up your ass and it pops inside you. #im going to be my loud ass bat self and theres nothing you can do about it unless you wanna try to actually fucking kill me. #step up or shut up.

[coockie8]

I don't know which miserable, anti-AO3 dickhead needs to hear this, but nobody is obligated to donate to you, especially when you're being an entitled cunt about it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#ao3 discourse #every time ao3 does a donation drive we get like hundreds of posts about how #people who donate to ao3 should donate that money to people essentially panhandling online #not realising that 1: people can donate to more than one thing if they want #there's not like a donation quota that says each person can only donate to one thing per month or whatever #and 2: we actually know exactly where the money is going when we give it to ao3 #that random internet panhandler could be a fucking scam for all I know and I don't really have a way of figuring out whether or not it is #this happens a *lot* more than I think people realise #so when my funds are low #but I still wanna donate #yeah I'm gonna donate to something that I 100% know where the money is going #and not some random person online who could be scamming me out of my money for all I know #you do not get to tell me how to spend my money #and being an entitled little shit about it is not going to get people to donate to you or anyone else who might need it

[semiotomatics]

think i found a fake georgia o'keeffe painting lol

#this has been an original post #personal spewage #like. not a real painting someone is trying to pass off as a georgia o'keeffe #just. an image online that is being credited as by her #but not only do i suspect it's not. i don't even know where it _is_ from #like i think it might've been created just to be attributed to her? or something? #like this might be one of those things where it made the leap from physical sources to digital and lost its citations along the way or w/e #but uhhhh. i don't think so #the earliest reference to it i could find was in 2007 on a random art history site (not affiliated w any actual organization/museum/etc) #after that it's all. freaking. pinterest/instagram/tumblr #anyway i emailed the georgia o'keeffe museum abt it. hopefully they get back to me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #this matters to me okay! i love her work! #i hate that when everyone sees one of her pieces all they think is “hur dur that looks like a vag” #a) that was not her intention and b) jesus christ can you think with something other than your reproductive organs for five fucking minutes #yes some things in nature are going to look phallic and/or yonic #you can have a good chuckle over it but then _move on_ #not everything is about sex/sexuality/the human body #sometimes ppl just want to paint pretty flowers #-sigh- #anyway #that's been my crusade today

[scarletfasinera]

I will tell you what I did today after I do it. See you soon.

#txt #This is cryptic #I just don't want anyone who lives in NYC to try to impromptu meet me #I have had some random person who followed me a while back (years ago now) find me at my job and like. #They literally called my name and I was like “?????????” and they were like “HI. I KNOW YOU. You don't know me. I follow you” & I was like #“⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️” #Like I guess(?) that's sweet but. I do not know yiu and this is my place of employment. How did you even find me. #It's not like I posted my work address anywhere. I worked at a fucking Walmart. #But I guess 1. Openly saying the state in which I lived & 2. Having A Picture Of Me Online At Some Point (never again) #3. Stating that I worked at A Walmart. was all enough for someone to find me. #I don't actually know if they were looking FOR me they could have just been shopping and saw me #But I still thought it was incredibly strange to approach me like that at my job while I'm on the clock 😭 #Especially opening up like “YOU DON'T KNOW ME BUT I FOLLOW YOU ON SOCIAL MEDIA (:” I was like Uhhhhhh I am not well-known enough for this. #So anyway. Yeah. Precautionary measures.

[firelordhotman]

friendly reminder that even if youre open about something on your blog, even if you think its so obviously right in your about/description/pinned/whatever, most of the people who will interact with you are not even looking that far at your blog. they dont know your name or your pronouns or your disabilities or your interests or your credentials or whatever you think is just *so obvious* that they *must* be intentionally ignoring it just to hurt you. ESPECIALLY not if theyre a random stranger who youve never interacted with once before, has never interacted with you once before either, and has absolutely zero reason to care about you. its not a personal attack, its just a fact. this is literally the internet

#i am TIRED. yes this is a vaguepost idc #utter stranger shows up in my notifs DEMANDING i explain a simple little joke tag about me and my loved ones experiences #as if i owe them the slightest ounce of attention in my day #and then when i do explain my & my loved ones lived experiences. they get mad & say im using THEIR personal experiences as a weapon #like. i dont have the slightest clue what your personal experiences are! i dont even know your name!! and i dont want to nor do i have to!! #i dont mean this rudely. but factually: you are not important enough to me to care even a little bit about your experiences #i dont bring up suicide or addiction or any shit like that because its Your experience. bc i have no fucking idea what your experience is #i talk about those things because its MY EXPERIENCE. that IM TALKING ABOUT. in the tags of a post that doesnt belong to either of us no les #this is probably the last thing im gonna post abt this bc i know youre still up my ass looking at everything i post rn #but to finish off. i was never even making a Point about anything in the tag. i wasnt starting discourse about anything. #it was just an Acknowledgement of a shared experience that me and many of my loved ones have. whether u like it or not #like literally i dngaf if YOU personally wouldnt describe your experience that way. We do describe it that way! We can be different #i just made a silly little tag for my friends to see. and YOU decided that you were entitled to both hear my life story and blatantly #misinterpret everything i say about it. like literal 'how dare you say we piss on the poor' type shit #like. saying 'x can cause y' does not mean im saying 'y is literally x' fucking OBVIOUSLY. god #i didnt fucking ask for this! YOU DID!! YOURE the one who DEMANDED it of me unprompted #& clearly must have just gone looking thru the tags of posts for ppl to beef with lollllll #i mean cmon. you didnt follow me i didnt follow you and that wasnt even your post. theres no other explanation lmao its p obvious #anyway i hope u find a better hobby or at least a more fun and fulfilling way to use this website. sincerely #at least get some better critical thinking skills before picking stupid arguments with random strangers online #but hey! play stupid games win stupid prizes<3 right?? #also one final note: to hear someone talking about the lived experiences of them and their real life loved ones and go 'hmm. sounds fake'. #its just giving Friendless. its giving 'how could anyone make fun art without doing crazy drugs!!'. #its giving 'Wait yall have friends irl? i thought it was just a joke'. its fucking hilarious and im gonna think about it forever #thank u for a lifetime supply of laughs godspeed

[gardenstateofmind]

my mortgage got sold to a scummy debt collection agency before i was able to even make my first payment, it's so fucking annoying

i had to block their number bc they kept calling me, like no bitch you will never catch me answering the phone ever. communication will only take place over the mail, perhaps a secure website depending on what services they're using.

i'm glad to be paying a mortgage instead of rent, because at least the money is actually going towards something, but it hurts to give money directly to these companies -_-

#personal #i need to see what their online payment process is #bc i'm not making a fucking account on some random site #like ideally i can just do an echeck

[pointsfortrying]

-

#rye rants #vent #actually no im going to keep talking to myself gjskg #i rly!!! rly rly hate #the like #culture??? #of shaming kids??? #like. #again in the assumption that they're stupid or evil or etc etc and also in like #jokes when you're calling some random adult who's incredibly awful or bigoted a 12 year old or something and like. i #get it ofc i do its just a joke except God that shit caused me So much anxiety when i was like 10-16 #and just ppl are getting exposed to the internet when they're young and we all know this except its rly just. doesnt feel like ppl #are allowed to be young and like minors constantly claiming that they're old enough or responsible enough or mature enough and just #because they want respect! they want respect and want to be acknowledged and treated like a person but just #its so fucked up they feel pressured or the need to do that and like i Know #it can!! be tiring!!! to deal with young ppl online for Various reasons #and you do not owe your time to anyone but im still just. #wishing i could go back to when i was first getting on the internet and shake myself and go 'it is Okay to Not know Everything #and it is Okay to not be 'an adult' it is okay to be a kid!!! #your brain is Literally Chemically and Physically still developing!!! you have only been walking this planet for like #a decade-less than 2 decades!! of course you dont have the same range of experiences as those older and its Okay!!! #just gnrmgnrg #i used to be so obsessed with knowing everything and not being one of 'those 12 year olds' and just. i was!! a respectful kid in that i was #willing to learn new things and understand new things but just gnrngnrng #biting biting biting wishing id let myself be okay with just being a kid bc i Was a kid and there's nothing wrong with being a kid #and a lot!! a lot of ppl feel this way! #might not realize it but just. #its not everyone of course not but the internet is such a double edged blade for kids and i wish there was a way to make it better #just gjdkgkd this is So incoherent but i wish ppl who talk shit on minors as if they were never one a very Stop

[running-in-the-dark]

I was gonna go to bed earlier tonight. I wanna fix my completely fucked up sleep schedule etc. (not that that ever works but whatever)

except...

I drank a 500 ml energy drink (at like 22:00)

I started playing RimWorld

then I also started listening to music

AND then I also started downloading music

sooo now it's 5:30 and I just looked at a clock for the first time in 5 hours and I'm not even the least bit tired 🙃

#I've got the brain fog and everything. but I'm not tired. #and I just took my antidepressant now because I completely forgot. so I won't be tired for another hour 🙃 #this is going soooo well lol #also - trying to find random albums from the 70s is too difficult #everything should be available online even if no one has listened to it in 40 years okay?? I need my music 😔 (I'm trying to download some #albums that I bought on vinyl and it's more difficult than I had hoped) #(so I guess the next step will be learning how to digitally record them lol because I cannot have records that aren't also in my digital #collection. it's unacceptable so I must fix this problem immediately (not immediately immediately. like tomorrow. it's so late)) #maybe my brain is already asleep actually #that would explain a lot #also lol my friend saw that I have three monitors and she was like I don't understand what you'd use those for #I mean... musicbee on one. rimworld on two. and all the downloading stuff on three 🤷 I'd probably find uses for like 3 more tbh (but my #computer might die soo I probably won't do that) #oh my god just shut up already #personal #and also - yes i need to say more - I spilled iced tea on my mechanical keyboard a few days ago. my partner tried to fix it and it does #work again. but not well. all the keys are kinda stuck. so that makes everything really fucking annoying lol. #(I found the same one pretty cheap because its used so I hope that'll arrive soon but until then I will be annoyed lol. I love this stupid #keyboard so much. 😭)

[greenvillainredemption]

I’ll put the title of the movie I just saw in the tags only, since it’s pretty new and I don’t want to spoil it, but my review is that it’s like an adaptation of that creepypasta where the characters don’t know they’re sims.

#horror #it’s not perfect (too many meaningless/random scares in the beginning for my liking) but what movie is perfect. I rly enjoyed it #at a certain point I thought it was some clone shit but it turned out to be some sword art online shit #personally I’d love to see a movie like this where it’s clone shit #any of y’all read this book called cloning miranda? idk if it’s popular or anything cuz it was just a random library find when I was 14ish #that shit fucked me up #and it was a short chapter book like I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be like a middle-high school kinda book #cuz that’s where it was in the library #could be wrong of course cuz I’ve literally never seen it mentioned anywhere #my words #dont worry darling #ok now that I gave the title can I just say I really like how they made mr styles look like a greasy incel type dude #I absolutely did not expect a look like that on him and it’s great casting in that regard alone imo #not that he wasn’t great idk I’m no acting coach or a huge fan or hater of the guy

[klonoadoortophantomile]

this video is so fucking good

#normally wouldnt post random yt vids ive watxhed but its got a criminally low view count rn and im currently Going Crazy over it #i fucking love deltarune dude this game….man #videos really refreshing honestly most stuff abt the game ive been seeing for a while now is like deeplore theory crafting #<- which i LOVE . dont get it twisted. but it is refreshing seeing someone take a more personal approach to it if that makes sense #deltarune to me feels like an incredivly personal game its literally playing w so many ideas of like nostalgia and memories and imagination #as the video puts it.. while also being somewhat nostalgic in some way to many people its fascinating to think about.. #also its just fun in my opinion seeing perspectives from someone who was actually like personally witnessing the original release #i was Aware of deltarune when it came out it id be genuinely surprised if you somehow were online at that time and DIDNT know of it at leas #vaguely in some way. but i wasnt in the fandom or even interested in it at all at the time it was just something i knew of yknow #inquisitivewaltz.txt #god how do i manage to turn Every post i write into a long winded ramble #oh well

[succubi-tch]

#im so fucking burnt out from trying to find a family therapist near me that does ifs (didn't find one- searched online for 2 hours) #gave up and settled for some random bitch on psychologytoday #Literally Nobody but One person picked up from the *checks phone app* 9 numbers i called lmao #the bitch from psychologytoday didnt pick up either. im taking the piss #im so fucking hungry dude im gonna get some shit to eat even though my gd stomach hurts like a mf

[spiritofjustice]

the thing that annoys me so much about Gilgamesh translations is how fucking cold and technical some of them are. we get it, a lot of bits and pieces are missing. you’re getting in the way of a great story. read the Stephen Mitchell translation. no other one compares.

#Psy's no punctuation posts #gilgamesh tag #that translation is downright remarkable. it changed me #reading Gilgamesh for the first time with some random translation online changed me as a person too #but when my Honors professor lent me his copy of the Mitchell translation it changed me again #i've told this story before but for newer folks: i literally had a reputation in that Honors class for finding a way to bring up Gilgamesh #like every single class. my final project was fucking Gilgamesh fanfiction. that shit was everything to me #life changing text #then y'all are gonna read it and be like 'why is like 50% of this just the same passages repeated over and over' HJBSDBH #ITS REALLY GOOD OKAY humanity was just new at stories ok #the themes and the story are fucking masterful and utterly human but the writing is a bit odd at times

[softgrungeprophet]

very unfortunate these shoes appear not to actually exist except on two websites that don't look even close to legit (at least, i can't find them literally anywhere else)

esp seeing another shoe design on one of those sites which i 100% just saw on twitter that someone designed, like, I KNOW this concept is stolen but google image reverse search cannot find the original pictures, which is annoying cause if it is some rando's concept shoe that doesn't exist I wanna at least give it a like you know lmao

closest i found was these from this guy on insta who just does a ton of concepts for shoes (so also obviously not real):

https://www.instagram.com/p/CtRegRxO0jM/

but they're not the same, just similar??? (also the webbing looks less evenly spaced on these which makes me extra ??? about the source image for the ones up top)

#nadia rambles #not that i would have money for shoes if they were real but i still want them #even if i had the money i would not buy them off some random fucking online store front like that shit's probably like POD screenprinted #IF they even existed and actually showed up i know they'd look like shit in person

[beaversatemygrandma]

I deserve $1000 cash, a pound of weed, and a full gourmet cheese cake right now.

#specifically from the person who pulled this shit #i had a charge on my card for 75% OF WHAT WAS IN MY CHECKING ACCOUNT #from a city near HALF WAY ACROSS THE FUCKING COUNTRY #bitch i know you're in detroit. you can get a pound of some good shit and a canadian maple cheese cake #so fuckin get to it #taks speaks #literally fuming about this. i've already paused my card and attempted to get it disputed #BUT it's still pending so i have to find the merchant #who i suspect is a place in detroit #there's no other google results for that shop #and well. i guess tomorrow along with the call i was going to make to cancel my insurance for this state bc im moving #i'm also going to be a random southerner calling a fuckin place in MI shocking them with my accent #because the bank can't do shit. i have to go through the merchant if it's pending #how in the actual fuck does someone that far away get my card info?? #from a NEW card i've used like twice and both physically and not online #i have $30 to my name right now and can't afford my goddamn move now #somebody is gonna have to do something about this #i guess it's between me and the merchant now #i hope people who steal fuckin card info know that they are EASILY traceable and your ass WILL get caught #like i don't do shit much but istg if there's a way that merchant will call the cops or something #and even though those pigs are fuckin useless. i want charges pressed. i want money out of them. #DO NOT. steal from somebody who is BROKE AS SHIT. #if you did this out of desperation to feed yourself. find someone who literally isn't in your same goddamn situation #find a rich person. they won't notice $75. I WILL. That was ALL of my money asshole. #i don't think i can press charges but there's a deadass exact timestamp here to a public place that likely has security #so whatever. i need that money back

[shatterdome-underscore]

PVP website got me wanting to fight some rando behind a Denny's over their dogshit medical misinformation but yet I prevail

#text post #also lmao tumblr is data mining bc i have never interacted w anything relating to my family's medical shit on here #and yet i get a post suggesting some absolutely bullshit alternative treatments to chemotherapy ''''''based on my likes''''''''' #pvp website #personal #medical misinformation #hi kids. if you ever have cancer please listen to your fucking doctors instead of some random shithead online with one (1) article

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

Genealogy, specifically my family’s especially, has been a special interest of mine since I was a kid. I have taken multiple genetic tests and gone through so many family stories and government records. Anyway, where I was going with this was, I got into contact with someone who is related to me on my dad’s side because either ancestry or 23andMe found we were “closely” genetically related. Probably only four or five generations back. Now, they were excited to find someone who was related to them and also clearly into genealogy because their grandparent was adopted and they had no idea who the birth family was. This is especially hard to determine because they were adopted in New York City about a century ago, not great for paper trails.

Now, my problem is that I was happy to help and have tried to find anything on that side around that time, but it’s been several years and I’ve only uncovered the immigrant ancestors from that time and no non-direct ancestors from that period. At least not on that side of the family. This has been infuriating because I live in an entirely different part of the country and my ancestors were pretty quick to move here. There was a brief stint in New York for at least one of them because that lady had to save up money to make the trip out here. You’d think “oh, there you go. A relative who immigrated at the right place and the right time to have a scandalous secret baby” except, the timeline doesn’t perfectly line up. She might have been there for a bit but as far as I can tell there is no evidence that she ever had a kid and that she even stayed there long enough to have one! “Okay” you say “did she come over with blood relatives?” I DON’T KNOW! I don’t know because any leads I’ve found were either never uploaded online (and I’m not taking a trip to New York any time in the foreseeable future, probably not in my entire life) and any possible hints I’ve found online were weak possibilities at best and all behind paywalls! I feel like a failure. Of course she had to have a mysterious grandparent from the side of the family I don’t know as much about. If it was my mom’s side it would have probably been easier with how crazy the Icelanders and their American descendants were about keeping track of that. Then again, it would probably be easier to find out with a family that crazy about ancestry. Gotta keep track so you don’t fuck your first cousin! (That’s not actually the only reason that it’s done but it’s a reason) and my grandma just casually dropped the fact that men had kids with people who weren’t their wives all the time back in the day and it was normal for Icelandic Americans in her community and presumably their ancestors (the things that old people just casually reveal when they find out you’re doing family research about a certain thing. Smh) My dad’s side doesn’t have that.

I’m just so frustrated, I gladly offered to help them when they asked because, hey, it’s a special interest and they are related to the people I’m already trying to learn about, why not! I’ll help. But the one possible lead I had definitely didn’t have a secret kid, it would mean everything else I’ve found just didn’t add up. All government and family info would have to be wrong about the course of events, about the timeline. My next course of action was to look into those immigrants (my dad’s family’s) relatives. Only, those are the people I’ve been running into dead ends for! They have been my most frustrating roadblocks. I have no idea who most of them are and what they got up to. The few I have a little information on aren’t the right ones to be related to my new mystery adoption relative. And almost ANY family on my dad’s side from before immigrating here are more mysterious than my mom’s side. I have little hints but they are vague and limited, while the few records I have found as possible leads are (unsurprisingly) in other languages (weirdly though many were in Dutch when the family in question are Norwegian and Swedish).

I offered to help, it’s a special interest, I love helping with finding things, and yet I have failed this woman. I don’t have the money to hire a professional and when my Icelandic grandparents hired one themselves for that side of the family (another thing they just didn’t mention until something I did reminded them that they had done it) that genealogist was looking online, found a family tree on ancestry that was very informative and thorough, which would be great for learning about my mom’s side, if the tree she had found WASNT MINE! No hate towards her but I feel very awkward at being one of the families new best information hoarders. That isn’t directly related to the struggle to learn how mysterious adoption woman and I am related though. I have failed mysterious several times removed cousin. Something I have had happen to myself and hate doing to other people.

#emma posts #doesn’t help that the one relative I had in Norway doing this online appears to have died in 2005 #that or they gave up all contact and online evidence of their actions #but I doubt they would have helped with this search much anyway #considering that they were related through my dad’s paternal line and mysterious woman is through his maternal line #just me being dramatic about my shortcomings #the biggest mystery in my direct ancestry though is where the dna from some Brit showed up #where did it come from #it was definitely before coming here #some random person was fucking over there #and they went unaccounted for #there is a possible explanation but other people I’ve talked to about it expressed doubt #that it was from early Icelanders #considering the tests suggest it was more recently #only a few centuries ago #but the tests aren’t flawless #and information keeps improving with the science and increased sample sizes #most disappointing revelation was random Brit from the 1800s or earlier who no one knew about #because it was before anyone came here #like eew. British #if it turns out they were like Scottish or something instead it would be slightly less humiliating #I’m not idealizing anyone who came before me #i just like to find information and learn about whofucked for me to exist