#i will never be the perfect version of me that you want me to be

[jimblejamblewritings]

love letters and second sons | part 4.

Summary: The princess is finally ready to debut in society. But before she does, she decides to disguise herself and see the true faces of the ton.

Warnings for the Series: light sexism in line with the times, light classism in line with the times, mental health stigma, shitty doctor care, smut, suicide attempt (will get it's own warning when the time comes)

Warnings for this part: smut

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x princess!reader

Word Count: 4.7k

Previous Part | Series Masterlist

The cloak wrapped around you felt like velvet. The softness between your fingers calmed you down significantly. Reynolds grabbed your hand after the fifth time you balled it up in your skirts. You looked up to see your three valets trying to hide the concern on their faces. You could have an incident or get caught or both. None of those three options were ideal or even good. 

“Do I look decent?” you asked as the carriage got closer and closer to the party. 

“You look perfect.” 

“Maybe I shouldn’t wear the mask?” 

“You don’t have to but keep it on you.” 

You agreed, exiting the carriage with a letter from the princess version of you — complete with a wax seal — that was basically a pass to enter any establishment no matter what. Spotting Penelope and Colin out of the corner of your eye, you breathed out a sigh of relief and ran over to them. Both of them wore wide smiles at your surprise arrival. They had been expecting a letter or something to signal your arrival back from Ireland. 

You were sad to hear about Marina not joining you all for this evening. It would have been nice to know her more than a little bit in between the courting of suitors. But there would be more times to meet and catch up later. Plus, hearing your friends’ stories of their daily lives proved to be a good enough distraction. You let them go after a while so Colin could escort Penelope to the dance floor like he promised to do after a run in with Cressida Cowper. 

Looking around, you failed to immediately locate the rest of the Bridgerton children. You grabbed a drink from the lemonade table and began to wander. The alcohol had looked appealing but you had never drank, afraid of the consequences if drink mixed with your illness. Someday you’d try some but not after an episode. Never right after one. 

On the outskirts of the party, still close enough to hear the music, you ran into Benedict. He gave you a smile and the same surprised look on his face as Penelope and Colin. You leaned in closer to hear him over the deafening melodies of the orchestra. Small talk that was mainly about your fictitious trip made up the first half of your conversation. After a while, you grew comfortable with each other as if you never left. 

“The lights are beautiful,” he commented, staring at the small lantern display that a scientist presented. 

You nodded. “We have some at the palace. They add more day by day but it would be nice if all of London, maybe all of the world, had these little lights. How has your art been?” 

“Not terribly well. Nothing seems to be good enough.” 

“Well, what are you drawing?” 

“Still life. I can’t expect my free drawings to be good if I can’t depict what is right in front of me.” 

“You are too hard on yourself, Benedict seriously,” you argued when he scoffed. “Sometimes we have a problem seeing our own greatness. You ju—” 

“Would you ever consider marriage to someone, me, perhaps?” 

You choked on your lemonade. “Pardon?” 

“Apologies.” He finally turned to look at you. “With Daphne out in society, people have started looking at Anthony and because my dear brother does not care to at least pretend to be a proper viscount, they have started to look at me. Ravenous mamas are eyeing me and it must be a matter of time before they talk to me.” 

You laughed. “You still call me Miss Keaton yet you want me to help you through a marriage?” 

“Wait, what is your name, actually? If you are to continue being a friend of the family then I am at liberty to refer to you by first name.” 

“Bergamot. My parents were a bit too keen on gardens.” 

“That is a lovely name.” 

“Thank you… I still won’t marry you.”

Benedict scrunched up his face as he bent over to try and plead with you. “Please! I can’t be out here with the wolves.” 

You patted him on the shoulder. “Your whining, no matter how pathetic and cute, will not work. I will see you tomorrow, alright.” 

He muttered something that you didn’t hear while you took off into the gardens for a stroll. You’d have to leave soon, pressing your luck wasn’t the way to go. You put your cloak back on and closed it to hide your dress completely as you finally put your mask on. The gardens at night were very beautiful. Perhaps because you were alone. 

You chuckled at the thought of your interaction with Benedict. Even if it happened only a few moments ago, it was hysterical. It was only funnier because you were sure that when you finally introduced yourself to society, you’d get even stranger proposals. Only they wouldn’t be to avoid hungry mamas. And they wouldn’t be coming from one of your friends. 

Hopefully, they wouldn’t be too upset with you. Hyacinth would never but she was more like a little sister than a friend. Benedict would think the whole situation is funny, hopefully. Daphne might as well. Eloise and Penelope could go either way. Anthony would probably be mad that you let him attempt to woo the princess when you knew the truth which would make Colin and Gregory and Francesca mad at you as well. But maybe it would be fine after you explained everything. 

The sound of voices caught your attention. Spying was wrong but you couldn’t help yourself. You started to walk into the hedges, ignoring the twigs catching everywhere. The view wasn’t the best but you could see well enough. What could be a scandal between Daphne Bridgerton and Nigel Berbrooke seemed to be a very different scene to you because you knew the man from her letters. You tightened the mask around you just in case you needed to leave the bushes. 

Nigel kept coming close to Daphne. You began to run when he grabbed her, thinking of how to protect your friend. You’d have to hit him. That was the only option. There was nothing else you could do about it… You paused as Daphne pulled her hand back. There was Nigel Berbrooke on the ground. After being punched. 

You and Daphne looked up from Nigel to see the Duke of Hastings running into the garden clearing as well. The two of them seemed to realize that you were the princess and you were in the garden with them having witnessed everything. They bowed to you deeply, something you returned. 

“I will survey the area. If I do not return then you two may safely leave the garden.” 

“Thank you, Your Highness.” 

“It is no trouble really. I am so sorry for your distress, Miss Bridgerton, and I do hope your hand feels better in the morning.”  

You did a thorough check of the area to make sure that Daphne wasn’t compromised before fleeing to your carriage before anyone could spot the mask. Assuring your valets nothing went wrong, you closed the carriage door and let it drive back to Kew. 

“Thank you,” you said as you took off your mask and cloak and opened the carriage window since it was night. 

“For what?” 

“For making me go out tonight. I did need it. I feel better, immensely.” 

“That is good. We are glad to hear it. Will you be going out again tomorrow?” 

“Just to the Bridgertons.” 

“Oh, to home then.” 

You rolled your eyes but didn’t argue because they were right. Being at the Bridgertons felt like home more than your own at times. Maybe because your mother and father were the only ones who even tried to be a proper family. But there was no trying with the Bridgertons. They just were family. 

That much was true when you walked into the house a lot later than the early morning to see everyone but Eloise in the drawing room, talking about Daphne and the Duke. You said hello, greeted by hugs from everyone who didn’t see you yesterday. You took the plate of toast from Violet, who was trying to get her daughter to eat, and shoved the bread under Daphne’s nose. She took a bite before actually grabbing it from you. Relieved of your mother bird duties, you plopped down on the couch in between Benedict and Colin. 

“What are your plans for today?” 

“Fencing and then a gentlemen’s club and then preparing for a party tomorrow and, dreadfully, a picnic the next day,” Colin said as he handed you a chocolate from the box on the side table. 

“May I watch?” 

“Of course. A beautiful lady will only encourage us.” 

“Since when did you learn to be a flirt?” 

He just shrugged, sitting back to listen to Daphne play the pianoforte and tease her about the duke. You clapped at the end of her piece and requested a second one that she obliged. Daphne would have to play at the palace some time or at least at Kew. She sounded lovely. Closing your eyes, you just listened for a moment. 

“How does a lady come to be with child?” 

Your eyes flew open to see Eloise standing in front of everyone. Violet jumped up from her brief moment of sitting on the couch across from you. 

“Eloise, what a question!” 

“I thought marriage was a requirement.” 

Daphne tilted her head. “What?” 

“Apparently, it’s not even a requirement.” 

“Eloise.” 

“Mama, the princess did say all young women nearing their debut should learn.” 

Violet stuttered as she took the tray of food out of the room, forcing Hyacinth and Gregory to go with her, stating she’d be back in a moment she just needed some water. She turned back for a moment. 

“Daphne, dear, do go on. I’d like to hear some calming music when we return.” 

Eloise trudged over to the couch, sitting on the other side of Benedict. She smacked her brothers’ knees but neither one of them wanted to answer her directly. Colin turned his head. 

“Have you ever visited a farm, El?” 

You laughed as Benedict smacked the back of Colin’s head but stopped when Eloise slumped down in her seat. You tapped her on the shoulder, making her perk up again. Your hand rested on Benedict’s thigh so you could prop yourself up as you leaned over him.

Covering your mouth and Eloise’s ear, you began whispering to your friend everything you thought she needed to know about sex. Unable to help himself, Benedict leaned in to spy, surprised that your information was actually correct. You weren’t lying, the Princess’ court really taught all the valets everything. Eloise sat back, finally satisfied and a lot less worried about a spontaneous pregnancy. Until she became curious again. 

“But why would anyone want to initiate it? Who wants to be with child?” 

You leaned over once again. “No one wants to be with child. Even those who want children. It’s about the pleasure. Sometimes the pleasure of actually liking someone and other times the pleasure being about nothing but you.” 

“What?” 

“The… think about when you start breathing a bit heavier, feeling warm when you touch each other, a… I’ll tell you the rest when your brothers aren’t here. It is a bit awkward. Oh, I’ll even draw you pictures. Only a certain amount of posit— mov— steps are important. The rest you should figure out with your husband.” 

“So you do truly know what you’re talking about?” Benedict interrupted the nearly finished meeting. 

“Did you doubt me?” 

“A bit,” he admitted. 

You sat back down. “Men aren’t the only ones that know what they are talking about.” 

“Sorry to offend.” 

“No offense. None at all. I expect even the kindest and smartest and prudest of men to think such things.” 

“Well, I am still sorry. If not because of offense then because of my ignorance.”

You squeezed his thigh in appreciation. Benedict laid his hand on top of yours. The two of you stayed like that for a moment until his hand held onto yours a bit tighter. He turned to look at you. There was an understanding shared between your eyes. There was no breathing heavy or loving eyes. It was for both of you but in purely selfish pleasurable ways. 

“Are you coming to watch our fencing match?” Benedict asked.

“Yes.” At that he moved your hand closer to his private. “A bit after the calling hour starts. I like to watch the men make fools of themselves.” 

“I am not surprised by that at all.” 

“Shall we wait for you?” 

You closed the gap and placed your hand over the top of Benedict’s pants. “No. You may start without me and I’ll just come when I find the time.” 

“Okay. We’ll play again soon, maybe even another game today. So don’t be too bothered if you miss us playing for your calling hour.” 

Giving an experimental squeeze, you watched the man next to you nod ever so slightly and swallow his spit before moving your hand himself. You both relaxed into the couch completely, satisfied with your understanding. The two men left when Violet came back — it was fairly obvious that calling hour was about to start. The calling hour was several hours but at some point you had just dropped the s and you weren’t sure why. 

You thought it would be only one or two men but the duke seemed to have lit a fire under the other men’s feet. The line became rather long rather quickly. You were happy for Daphne. The more men the better. Maybe she could get a love match.

You took the last bouquet of flowers for Daphne, thanked Lord Colfield, and went to go put the flowers in a vase on the fireplace mantle. You were about to tell Daphne that you were leaving to see her brothers’ fencing match when Anthony came storming in. A gasp escaped you when Nigel Berbrooke came up behind. You were completely over this little man and his obsession. 

Without thinking, you approached Anthony. “What do you think you ar— Anthony, you and Nigel need to either leave the drawing room as this is your sister’s calling hour or wait in line if he is here to call? These lords and gentlemen have waited a great deal to talk to her and they are very patient. It is not right nor just nor of any class to disrespect the patience they have shown.” 

“Nigel?” Berbrooke scoffed. “Who do think yo—” 

“The Young Princess’ valet. She’s become a family friend,” Anthony cut Nigel off. 

At least Berbrooke had the decency to be surprised and then give you a bow. Their tunes towards you changed completely as they almost looked like they were going to wait their turn or just leave. Nigel smiled. 

“Callers were unexpected as we have already been talking extensively.” 

“Lord Berbrooke is the only man who proposed and therefore the only person I consider.” 

“I’m sorry, what?” You looked at Anthony.

“He is the on—” 

“Everyone! I am very sorry but you must leave. Miss Bridgerton’s calling hour is currently closed. Please leave your name with Heroldt, starting with the order you have been waiting, and two days from now we will continue.” You turned to Anthony as everyone filed out without complaint since they thought the princess was the reason for calling hour being over. “There. Now, Lord Berbrooke, I must speak with the Bridgertons alone. I hope that speech staved off the wolves for you if only for two days while matters are discussed.” 

“Thank you, Lady…” 

“Miss Keaton,” Anthony answered. “Thank you, Bergamot. Lord Berbrooke, do you need me to escort you?” 

“No, no. You have business. I can find the front door on my own.” 

The moment he left, you, Daphne, and Violet descended on Anthony. Every word that came out of Anthony’s mouth made you scoff. Violet looked between all three of you, very upset. Anthony was ruining both Daphne’s prospects as well as his own prospects with the princess. And you were there to witness it all.

You backed Daphne on everything. Even if she was wrong, Nigel was a foul man that you would never allow to marry. You approached Anthony, speaking lowly although your friend and her mother could still hear it. 

“I hope you survive whatever poison you are drinking. Whether the Duke is a serious man or not, there are plenty of serious men here. You will not sign away your sister to such a foul man that you barely know as well and pretend it is in her best interest. And you will not expect her to be understanding or appreciative when you don’t care an ounce for your sister’s happiness. And you still wish to draw up a marriage contract? Please, just think for a moment… Good day, Viscount Bridgerton.” 

You stormed out of the drawing room and straight into the backyard where Colin and Benedict were handing their fencing gear back to a servant. They noticed the furrow in your brow. Benedict clicked his tongue. 

“I will find out what is wrong. You, brother, instruct the kitchen to leave something out for us. If there is crying then we will be long.” 

Benedict practically dragged you to the far side of the backyard. He knew no one would think anything of it when you were very angry about something Anthony did — that part was loud enough for everyone to hear. He looked at you when the two of you finally stopped. 

“Was that a ploy to get away? Or are you genuinely mad at my brother?” 

“I don’t want to talk about why I’m mad at Anthony. There’s nothing you can do anyway. Not without a good scandal… Sorry, I came out here for a fencing match. Let us focus on it. On you.” 

He took your hand again, placing it over his trousers. You began to rub it back and forth, the fabric between you guys creating friction. You reached into his pants and pulled out his cock, stroking it a bit more freely. Benedict pulled you closer. His hand reached around your ass to squeeze it.

Every time you stroked him closer to finishing he would squeeze harder than before. You watched his face the entire time. If you got back exactly what you were giving him then you would be a very happy woman. It was truly going to be about selfish pleasure for both of you. 

You gasped when he all but ripped the top part of the dress as he tried to push it all down to expose your breasts. He wanted something else to stare at that would get him off even quicker. You tried to stifle any moans threatening to escape your lips as he groped you — some of the marks so hard you were sure they would be a bit red until tomorrow. This was his turn. Yours would be later. If you both tried to get pleasure at the same time... Well, that's how people fall in love. The two of you weren't stupid to test that.

Benedict moaned and for a moment both of you were worried someone would come see what was the matter. He laughed underneath your hand covering his mouth. 

A shudder went through him and he grabbed your wrist. “I’m going to come. I-if you let g-go… just in m-my britches.” 

You dropped to your knees, shocking your friend. He grabbed your head with one hand while he bit down on the other until he finished. A very gentle touch lifted you up. He wiped stray bits of lipstick from around your mouth, wiping the evidence away on the inside of his vest. 

“I have to say I did not expect you to sit down for the last round of fencing. We were done anyway.” 

“Well, I wanted to help put up the equipment so we could all relax later. Plus, if the princess does choose to invite you all to Kew then I would like you to help put up the equipment there too.” 

Benedict laughed. 

“I promise whether I win or lose. The next time we have a round of fencing, I will put up the equipment. All of it.”

He leaned down to whisper.

“Even if you are not a lover, I would never have you on the ground, sullying your pretty gowns and body..." He squeezed your breasts one last time before helping pull your dress back up. "with grass and dirt stains. I promise I’ll bring you your pleasure next time we are inside and alone. I will leave first and retire to my room. You stay out here and eat the sandwiches the cook left. I won’t be able to return for at least an hour.” 

“Okay. I have to go see the Featheringtons and Miss Thompson anyway.” 

You did just as Benedict suggested and no one even gave you a suspicious look. You took your own sweet time going across the street. You had moved the physician and all of Wednesdays special tutors to Tuesdays so you would have more time in the city. Despite not wanting any visitors, you were the obvious exception and could go upstairs to see Marina. She looked up from her writing desk when Penelope announced she was coming with a visitor. 

The three of you gathered on the bed to share a plate of sweets. You mainly listened to Marina and Penelope, not having much to add. You wanted to figure out a way to help her. Trying to meddle in daily affairs and save the lives of one subject at a time seemed almost ridiculous. But, that was what you should do as a royal. 

“Did you say Spain?” 

“Yes. That’s where all of George’s letters are coming from at the moment. They all say Spain.”

“If you ever need a letter to Spain or to anywhere else they send Sir George, just let me know. The princess wants to help her subjects, especially women, so give me a letter and I’ll give it to her. Whenever you need.” 

Marina flung herself at you. “Thank you. If there shall ever be a problem, I promise I will say such.” 

“Oh, the princess is going back to the palace for a few weeks because of something important so I won’t be so available for a little bit.” 

“What will she be there for?” 

“You will find out when it happens.” 

The two of them giggled. “You are so mysterious.” 

~~

You were tired after an exhausting day but a letter you received from a footman that same day made you get up. Anthony had given you a key to the front and back garden gates as well as the back door that led into the kitchen. You entered through the backyard so you could actually get inside the house without waking the entire house with your knocking. You only needed Violet and Daphne. And you had a letter to leave just in case you couldn’t wake a single person. 

Voices made you pause. You recognized Eloise and Benedict talking. Instead of going any further, you just listened. Eloise — like so many other women — wanted better for herself. It had never been a question of something you would plead to your brother… You sighed. You knew your brother. It was time to stop thinking of him as the heir. There was a reason everyone was going to support Younger Charlotte’s claim over her father. And Young Charlotte listened to you. She planned on making you her advisor. There would be no pleading. You would make better laws for women. 

You didn’t want to disturb them too much so you flung the letter at Benedict’s head. Running as fast as you could, you ignored their confused calling out for you once they recognized the letter coming from the princess. Hopefully, Benedict or Eloise would get the letter to their mother before Nigel could come back. 

Dear Dowager Viscountess, 

I am nothing but my mother’s daughter and therefore it is, in fact, my job to meddle in the lives of our precious subjects for a better and more peaceful United Kingdom. Miss Keaton has told me much of your troubles in regards to a man called Lord Nigel Berbrooke. I don’t have much information on him but I do have a request that I would ask you to aid your princess in. 

I recall an acquaintance of his. A maid. She used to work at the palace but asked for a job in the ton so she could be closer to her aging parents. I believe she was employed by a neighbor of the Berbrookes? Or a friend? Or maybe them, who knows. She was supposed to come back two years after they died but has yet to return. Nigel or one of his neighbors must know. Or perhaps, his mother, she’s very close to the maids. Knows every single one of them by name. I care terribly for this maid and would like her working back at the palace.  

Please meet with his mother. She loves crumpets with any sort of preserves or a chocolate dipping sauce. It was all she wanted when she requested a meeting with my second brother. 

That is all I have to say. I do look forward to seeing your family properly. 

Yours Truly, 

Princess Y/N Kew 

P.S. Please tell Anthony that it took him long enough but I am proud he finally came to his senses. If only he can learn to listen to a woman first then he might have less problems.

You smiled to yourself as you sat in the kitchens. The staff couldn’t stop talking about Nigel Berbrooke’s bastard that he doesn’t take care of and the mother he sent away before she even gave birth. You would feel bad but you had a very personal and up-close view of the man’s real personality. The morning only got better when Brimsley and Reynolds came in with Lady Whistledown’s Society Papers. It was on the front page of the pamphlets. Absolutely worth paying the two pounds per pamphlet for everyone in the Kew household. 

“Do you think he’ll ever show his face again?” 

“No,” the cook said as she handed you your breakfast. “You did a good thing for Miss Bridgerton, Your Grace.” 

“Your Grace?” 

“It is just a title we are trying out.” 

You hummed suspiciously. The cook ignored you. 

“You better pack if you don’t want to be late for the carriage coming today.” 

You nearly forgot. The reason you couldn’t hang out with the Featheringtons and the Bridgertons arrived. Your cousin Friedrich, the prince of Prussia, was coming for a visit. He agreed to marry a British girl to strengthen the alliances and prove that Prussia and Britain were still close family. It was neither a complete truth or a complete lie. The entire family was not close. But you, your cousin, your father, your mother, and your aunt were very close. 

Sneaking out wasn’t an option. You thought that much as the carriage neared Buckingham. It had been a while since you snuck out the palace — a completely different thing from simply leaving Kew. Pandora, Brimsley, or Reynolds would sneak you your letters and you would be satisfied. Besides, even though your family was coming for an indefinite amount of time, you only had to stay a week or to. 

The carriage hadn’t even stopped completely before you ran to hug your cousin. It had been years since you last saw each other. You could hear your mothers laughing in the background. They left to have tea inside while the two of you stayed out. 

Friedrich took your hand in the crook of his arm. “Come, cousin, let us take a promenade. Have you been well?” 

“I have been better. However, I am doing well.” 

“And your illness?” 

“Not better. But I haven’t had an episode that I couldn't recover from on my own.” 

“That is good. I suppose that is the best we can ask for. Especially since I have a surprise for you.” 

“A surprise?” 

“I asked Aunt Charlotte and she agreed to let the princess accompany me to events as she knows the ton better than the both of us. You have to wear your mask but it is still a good deal.” 

“It is a wonderful deal.”

“Good. The first event is a ball tonight.” 

“Tonight?! But I’m not prepared.” 

“I’ve already had everything arranged.” 

“You planned this?” 

“I figured it would do you good to get some fresh air and get out of the palace… or Kew, now.” 

“Thank you, Friedrich. Seriously, thank you.”

(part 5)

THIS FIC TAGLIST:

@fredsbetch @cherrylovers-world @chrystinaamanda @grassclippers @flyestvenustrap @spookystitchery @lovelyygirl8 @ben-has-arrived @tragically-hipp @cherrysxuya @alowint @jackierose902109 @boojaynaqueen @thesparkling-diamond27 @intothesoul

PERMANENT TAGLIST:

@venomsvl @peaches-n-sunscreen @summerellaz @supernaturallover2002 @sambucky8 @9daykrisr @thebitchinleo @23victoria @scarlets-widow @pagetpagetpagetpaget @lovexnatasha @awesomebooklover17 @1234-angelika @imatrisk @blackreaderatrisk @princess-jules47 @alexloveskili @a-marie-a @siriuslysirius1107​ @i-have-no-life-charlie

#benedict x reader #benedict fluff #benedict bridgerton #benedict bridgerton x reader #benedict bridgerton #benedict bridgerton smut #bridgerton x reader #bridgerton smut

[24kmar]

𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐍 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐀 (A. Donaldson, T.Duncan)

𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐍 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐀 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: A. Donaldson x Fem!Reader, T.Duncan x Fem!Reader

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 18+ MDNI, SMUT, Sugar Baby! Reader, Female Manipulator Reader(Wolf in sheeps clothing), Daddies money reader 🤭, Age Gap! (Early 30's art and tashi, early 20's reader), power imbalance, language.

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: When Tashi and Art see Pro! Tennis player reader they cant help but be infatuated. She's just so perfect, on court and off. When she starts moving up in the tennis world, they decide to take up on this oppurtunity. Offering to coach her and take part in her success and her life.

𝑩𝒐𝒓𝒏 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒇𝒍𝒐𝒘. 𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒊𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒐. 𝑶𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒂𝒅 𝒉𝒐? 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒊𝒏'𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒃𝒊𝒕𝒄𝒉, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒅𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆.

You were used to getting what she wanted, growing up the golden child with daddies money. Always winning, in tennis and in life. Being signed to NIKE. Truly a born stunner. And thats just what tashi and art needed.

When they went to a standford tennis game, only for the nostalgia (lies, they saw you play at standford and needed to have you). Sitting down after finally getting away from the crowds of fans. Thats when they saw you, stretching and getting ready for your match. Getting ready to win.

Seeing you play gave them the rush, the hope they needed. With each grunt, each step you took, each roar of victory. They grew more and more hungry for you. You were so power hungry, so ambitious, just like tashi. Just perfect. After winning the match (of course you did) they came up to you.

"Y/N L/N" tashi spoke walking up to you.

Turning around hearing your name, you were met with the stars of the tennis world.

"Oh my god, tashi duncan, art donaldson. Its amazing to meet you." You beem shaking their hands. "We've been watching you" tashi speaks " you're good, really good." Art finishes for her.

"We would like to make an offer." tashi says, art looking at you up and down. Observing everything you have to offer. "How would you like us to coach you?" Tashi offers. This isnt the first time you've gotten an offer to be coached, theres been many more instances to which you've declined.

But not now, you couldnt pass this up. So you said yes. And the rest is history.

They wanted to make you better at tennis ( they really just wanted to have you to themeselves). You gave them something they both needed. Giving art something perfect to worship, a star. And tashi, a lover and a winner.

They worshiped you, giving you anything and everything you wanted. Making sure their stargirl was always fed and never left hungry. To the victors go the spoils. Shopping sprees, fucking you till you couldnt handle it, even then giving you more. More, more, more, always more, what you deserved.

Controling your each and every move, and you let them. You were really the one in control. Only letting them think they were to boost their ego. Letting them do whatever they wanted, aslong as you got what you wanted.

Now you're here. Art between your legs, drinking in everything you have to give him. Tashi next to you, making sure you'll make her proud at your match tomorrow.

"Mmmm a-art m'gonna cum" you moan out

"Only winners get to cum" tashi whispers in your ear. Shivers going down your spine.

"Are you a winner prinncess?" Tashi asks you, biting your neck. Thats when art cuts her off with a harsh suck to your clit. Whimpering into your cunt when you pull at his hair.

"Answer me now or i wont let you cum" tashi whispers in your ear.

"F- fuck, yes im a winner!" You moan out pathetically

"You gonna win tomorrow? Gonna make us proud, princess?"

"Mhm!" You grab at her, reaching your peak.

And thats what you did, you won. Like a star, a winner, a born stunner.

#art donaldson #art donaldson smut #art donaldson x reader #tashi donaldson smut #tashi duncan smut #tashi duncan x reader #tashi donaldson #tashi donaldson x reader #tashi duncan #challengers #🪞𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐑𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬 🎀 #💭𝐒𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐬 𝐅𝐢𝐜𝐬💭 #Spotify

[3amfanfiction]

MDNI tw: baby trapping and manipulation. GazxReader fluffy-dark one-shot.

Kyle is ready for a baby, so when he sees his chance he just can’t resist. And he knows how he’s going to make you an enthusiastic, albeit unknowing, participant.

He was ready.

It’d been a long time coming; you and he had had your ups and downs and always came out stronger on the other side, together. Always together. It was you and him until the end.

You were such a perfect partner for him, practically handmade to fill in all his rough edges and he never let you forget how much he adored you. He bragged about you any time you came up in conversation and wasn’t shy about crowing your achievements from the rooftop.

Your friends were over the moon at your relationship. Every time you met up for brunch or movie nights you would field at least 3 comments about where they could find their own head-over-heels partner.

You had been sick for a few weeks before you finally went to the doctor.

“Tuberculosis.” you rasp to Kyle on the other end of the phone. “They prescribed me some heavy duty antibiotics called rifampin that are the size of horse pills!” you hold the prescription bottle up towards the light and shake the tablets around in disbelief.

Kyle just laughs into your ear, well aware of how much you disliked needing to take large pills. It had been brought up every time one of you got sick throughout your relationship. You insisted that they got stuck in your throat and stayed there for hours before finally dissolving, no matter what Kyle tried to say. He used it as an excuse to brew your favorite tea and pamper you more than usual whenever you had to take them, so he never tried to argue too hard.

“I miss you . . . wish you were here,” you croak, making your way to the couch to relax and try to catch your breath. Your lungs felt physically tired as you tried to breathe. It was a unsettling feeling. Panting lightly, you pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and cocooned yourself, relaxing back into the cushions.

“I know sweetheart. I wish I was there too. I would make you that soup you like and rub your feet while we watched a movie. You wouldn’t have to get up for anything.” The line crackles and breaks for a few moments before clearing up again. “Just a little bit longer, love, and I’ll be able to come home. It’ll be before you know it.”

“I miss you Kyle.”

“I miss you, sweetheart.”

. . .

When the call ends Gaz immediately looks up the medication you said you were prescribed. Rifampin. He’s never had tuberculosis and he wants to verify that this is the standard treatment and if there are any side effects to watch out for. While he isn’t in the country right now he’d figure something out if you needed him back quickly.

Fingers which had been swiping steadily, reading warnings and side effects with the same attention to detail as to mission reports providing intel before an operation, slowed and then stopped as he continued to read. After a moment his screen goes dark and your future shifts and locks into place on the other side of the world.

. . .

It was edging into evening just over a week later when the front door swings open and in steps Kyle. You immediately throw yourself into his arms and begin fussing, hugging him and checking for any new injuries at the same time. He just laughs and squeezes you back tightly. “I’m fine love, just happy to be able to hold you again.”

After sorting out the immediate concerns you tumble into bed, cuddling face to face and sharing a pillow, sharing breath. You’re not sure who kissed who first but you’re both tied for ardor. Your tongues tangled together as hands slide under clothes and down pants. Before things got too involved you pulled back to look at him. “You’re going to have to pull out. This medicine can affect my birth control so you can’t come inside me okay?”

He nodded eagerly as he began to pull your shirt up your torso, fingertips dragging along skin in their own version of a kiss. “Pull out, got it.” He said distractedly, glancing down at the skin and softness he was uncovering. Before you knew it you were both naked and he moved his way down your body, taking his time to slowly work you up. Spending time nibbling along your coller bones, sucking a bruise into the hollow of your throat, tonguing around your neck to the other side to continue.

What follows is hours of pleasure and torture in equal measure. Kyle has never been a stingy lover but tonight it’s like he has something to prove. He brings you to your peak again and again and again . . . and then he holds you there.

While the two of you had dabbled in edging before this, it had never been to this extreme. Tonight had been hours of cruel pleasure, the sheets under you were damp with sweat and you were sobbing with your hands buried in his hair.

“Pl-please,” you hiccup on a sob “I need to come. Please let me-let me come.” you beg him, trying to maintain eye contact through your tears. He currently had three fingers buried deep in your cunt and his lips suctioned to your clit.

His lips pop off with a slurp and you yelp.“Do you need it, baby?” He grins with a feverish gleam in his eyes. “You ready to come?” You nod eagerly, blinking and causing the tears to spill over your lash line.

“Please, please I’ve been good. I’ve been so good, please let me come.”

“God you beg so pretty baby. Okay, but I want to come together.” He climbs to the head of the bed and lays on his back. He grabs you by the hips and helps you climb on top, slotting himself back at you entrance. “Come on, up on top love, thats it.” he babbles as you sink to the base and gasp at the feeling of being stuffed full. “Yes, Just like that, just like that.” is wrung from his throat as you squeeze him tightly.

You begin to pump your hips, pulling away from him before bringing yourself back down but you quickly lose steam. It had been hours at this point and you were on your last legs.

“I know.” Kyle coos condescendingly, brushing the back of his knuckles over your cheek, wiping away tears, sweat and drool. “I know sweet thing, you’re so tired. It’s gonna be okay. Look, I’ll help you.”

He reaches both hands down to your hips, digging his fingers into soft skin and plush rolls. His fingertips causing divots where they press into the fat of your hips. He pulls you into a grinding motion, “Doesn’t that feel good baby? Me holding your hips just right, helping you grind back and forth?”

You nod dumbly, brain fried and only able to think of how good he feels inside you. He drops one of his thumbs down to find your clit, giving it steady, smooth circles to help you finish.

“Yeah? Right there? I can tell it’s good just by your face. I love that fucking face that you’re making.” His mouth begins to run, words dropping out with no prior planning. “If I could tattoo it behind my eyes and carry it around with me for the rest of my life I would die a happy man. You make me so damn happy baby.” He grunts as he begins to move your hips faster, grinding you down firmly against him. “I want you forever, do you hear me? Forever. It’s you and me okay? Yeah, you’re getting close? I am too, love. Mmmm fuck. Just like that, keep rocking your hips baby and you’re gonna make me come. God you’re taking me so well. Tucked up, deep inside you.” His jaw clenches and he pulls you as tightly against him as he can.

“Fuck. I’m gonna come love. You’re gonna make me come.” His words stutter to a close as you continue to grind, chasing the final edge. You could feel it tingling up your legs, across the backs of your thighs.

“Im so close,” you pant, head tilted back, eyes closed, unable to think of anything accept the feel of his cock bumping into your soft walls, creating sparks of pleasure. “Don’t stop baby. I’m so close. I can’t stop. Please”

A groan punches out of Kyle and his grip turn tight enough to leave fingerprint bruises to find in the morning. “If you don’t want me filling you up, you gotta get off baby. I know you’re close but you’re gonna make me come. You told me to pull out just to, just to be safe. I can’t-i cant hold it baby. You’ve gotta get - get off or it’ll all be inside.”

He starts to stutter and lose rhythm still pulling you into him, rubbing your clit with his thumb.

You don’t hear him. A roar is building in your ears, a white noise type of hum that is blocking out everything else. You can feel your release digging its claws into you down to your bones as it gets ready to wrench you from your body.

Your knees begin to shake from their place beside Kyle’s hips as you finally get what you’ve been working towards for the past however many hours. Your vision whites out and your mind blanks.

You clench around Kyle’s cock. warm gummy walls pulsing around him, drawing him inside. You’re grinding down on him as hard as possible, his tip pressed against the back of your channel.

His eyes hold an unusual gleam right before he closes his eyes and tilts his head back, groaning his release as he pumps everything inside of you.

Later when you’re spooned together, his arms wrapped around your waist and legs tangled together, you don’t notice him cupping his hand around your lower stomach. He falls asleep with a smile on his face as he imagines his future together, with all three of you.

#nobody look at me #jk I actually love this #we need more gaz fics in the world #this handsome man can make all the babies he’d like 🥵 #you just know they’d be cute #fanfic #cod #kyle gaz x reader #kyle gaz garrick #kyle garrick #simon riley x reader

[highladyelenna]

Wow, okay. So i didn’t think I needed to clarify that this post:

was indeed a shit post and a fucking joke.

But, some people decided to take jokes and treat them seriously so I guess let me defend myself??

I said that this scene was important for Feyre not because of ANYTHING that had to do with Rhys. This scene was important to Feyre because she needed to learn how to rely on herself. She was used to relying on Tamlin or Rhysand in her new life. So much so that she forgot she relied on herself and her instincts most of her life. Feyre wanted to be apart of the war coming. She wanted to help. So she needed to learn how to be collected and calm and rely on herself in order to survive. In war it’s messy. It’s dangerous. You are risking your life every second. Every choice you make risks your life. Now, was this scene dangerous? Yes. Could Rhys have taught her this an easier way? Yes. BUT you need to remember that this scene was in order to prepare to go steal the Book from Tarquin. Would that be an easier situation to be in? No. Would it be less dangerous? No. So, as much as I felt for Feyre. As much as I wish Rhys did it differently, I understand why. He didn’t do it to “prove her love” the ring just happened to be there. And, let’s not forget that Rhys was there the WHOLE time. Do you really think that he’d just let her die? He would’ve stepped in if she needed but he can’t coddle her. She needed to learn to stand on her own two feet.

This post really had nothing to do with Tamlin. Quite literally NOTHING. So bringing him up to start an argument is just kinda wild. But this brings to their next comment.

The countless innocents that you are referring to..I assume is under the mountain? Which..is no one’s fault but Amaranthas?

Rhysand UTM was terrible. He was cruel. He was a monster. Because he HAD to be. He had to play his part to free Pyrithan. He is a morally grey character and they do things that most people don’t agree with that’s the whole point.

The kiss scene was not okay. It was assault and that’s that. Doesn’t matter if it was just a kiss. He had a reason for doing it but again it was assault point blank. I have never stated in any of my posts that I condone him forcefully kissing Feyre no matter his intentions. Even though Feyre understood why it was uncomfortable to read and SJM should’ve written something-anything else.

I’ve stated my opinion on the pregnancy situations many times. But basically, I think the whole situation was utter bullshit and SJM using Feyres pregnancy to give Nesta a redemption arc was bullshit.

Rhys not telling Feyre about the pregnancy and trying to find a way to fix the situation wasn’t okay. Madja should’ve told her. Rhys should’ve told her. Everyone should’ve told her. I really wish we got the pregnancy from their povs just to get into their heads and thought processes.

“Bullied Feyre into being the perfect little wife” im sorry but i think you got Rhys and Tamlin mixed up on that one 😉

“locked nesta in a tower because she didn’t ‘behave properly’” right because Nesta couldn’t ever leave the HoW and no i’m not talking about the stupid steps. All she needed to do was ask one of them to fly her down and then she’d be able to leave. and yes because Nesta was totally not killing herself by drinking and starving herself for a year, no they totally locked her up bc she wouldn’t listen to Rhys. Right in the dot with that one. Really got me.

Personally Silver Flames was a mess and I hated everyone’s actions in that book and wish SJM didn’t even write it at that point because it’s so bad.

Anyways, the difference between you and I is that I can admit that I don’t agree with every action Rhysand makes. I can admit that I don’t agree with the things that he’s done, while also appreciating the food that he’s done. The good in him. The way he’s become a better version of himself over the books.

Now, I’m not really going to make this post about Tamlin because my original post wasn’t about him but I will say Tamlin was never and will ever be the better choice FOR FEYRE.

So, can y’all please stop turning every light hearted post and joke into a fucking war in the comments? Like please. It’s really stupid and you can go rant and rave on your own blogs and in your own tags but leave ours alone. I don’t really delete comments bc Express your opinions on posts that warrant it for all I care but really? Turning a joke into this is just crazy.

This fandom has gotten so crazy over the years and Im really over it like ugh.

Anyways: rant over. Sorry for the long post.

[snekdood]

probably my greatest strength is getting out of suicidal episodes by myself.

#however it makes me resent humans as you can see #i think id rather resent humans though than to needlessly punish myself just bc other ppl dont like me #whether for reasons i just dont understand. some dumb thing i said once or bc they believe bs ppl say about me #like theres no reason i have to punish myself for that. for yall like that. fuck you. #like for some of you. ill never be goodor woke enough. even if all the bs ppl make up about me is proven false. even if i clarify #what i meant when i said whatever thing bc im bad at communicating my thoughts through text. even if i became jesus fuckin christ #yall would probably still just hate me for no fucking reason. theres no way i could be good enough or perfect enough or anything #theres no way i can change and modify my behavior and stand on my head that will satisfy you. #and with that in mind. why should i give a fuck about trying? who tf are you to assert that i need to change myself for you #some random fucking person online. #get fucked #you do not know me. #i will never be the thing you want me to be #i will never be the perfect version of me that you want me to be #im going to become the better version of myself that i think i can be and should be #but im not going to turn into the better version of myself that YOUUUU think i should be. #especially since yall dont even give me an alternative. you tell me not to do things and im left to just sit perfectly still #god forbid i move a muscle. thats the better version of me to you. motionless and mute. #and if thats what you believe i hope you shove a jar up your ass and it pops inside you. #im going to be my loud ass bat self and theres nothing you can do about it unless you wanna try to actually fucking kill me. #step up or shut up.

[corrodedcoughin]

Fantasy au where a group of travelers are escaping the kingdom of Hawkins. They hear of a hidden city - rumoured to keep all outcasts safe from the king of Hawkins’ tyrannical rule, under the protection of a guild of powerful mages and warriors.

They’re given a link, a super secret contact to meet in an inn the town over that will help them escape and find said city.

They come face to face, Strider in fellowship of the ring - style, with Eddie the Banished - gaze sharp and intimidating. They’ve heard the rumours- Hawkins runs rampant with stories of his alleged crimes - namely involving the missing crown prince. Every layman has their version, but it all chalks up to the same fallen Hero and great Villain story.

It’s clear that he is skeptical and very protective of who he brings with him into the city, but the owners of the inn - a gentle lady by the name of Joyce and her equally intimidating husband, Hopper, vouch for them.

It takes some time to get there, they don’t take a direct route to avoid ambushes and the like.

Eddie neither confirms nor denies the stories, in fact he stokes the flames and plays it up - they act as additional protection and armor, an air of “don’t fuck with us.”

Through the bravado and exaggerated stories, they start to learn bits and pieces about Eddie along the way - things that don’t add up. He wears lots of jewellery - he jingles like a cat with a bell when he struts - but one of the party points out that a lot of them look like protection charms, each handmade, possibly by children judging by the make.

He flirts like nobody’s business, but it never goes past that. They had to flee a tavern one time when Eddie blows up over a patron who couldn’t take a “no” a few times too many.

Among his jewellery, Eddie wears a lot of rings. Stacks of silver, gaudy and eccentric, though they spend enough time traveling together to start noticing the sole gold band on his left ring finger.

They do get ambushed once - but manage to fight it off mostly unscathed. Eddie plays it off as usual, but one of them notices him twisting said gold band, brow pinched at night when no one is looking.

He’s also surprisingly sweet - he’s always nice to the kids he encounters, always treats the waitstaff at taverns and shops with respect, he’s protective over the younger members of the travel party when they encounter someone particularly rowdy. They also notice how he picks up little things along the way - snack cakes, hand carved die. “Little gifts,” he tells one of them, with a lopsided grin.

Maybe Eddie the Banished isn’t the villain of this story after all.

When they reach the city - it’s relief - for once in their lives the air tastes like freedom. A bunch of people are there to welcome them and show them around, but mainly they’re there for Eddie. He’s nearly swallowed by a swarm of children, and catches his arms around a girl with mousey brown, shaggy hair (“Birdie” they hear him call her - they think she’s his betrothed for a hot second) before the small sea of people part, and the group of travelers still.

Because at the center of the crowd, though a few years older and in looser, more comfortable clothing than they’ve ever seen him in before, is Crown Prince Steve Harrington.

And before they can think to do anything, Eddie is dropping all of his weapons, bravado completely dropping, face blown open with relief. Then he’s running, and wrapping the other man so tightly in an embrace that they can’t tell which limb belongs to who. They watch them sway gently in the middle of the city square.

“I kept my promise. I came back to you,” they hear Eddie murmur with such reverence, foreheads touching, hands cupping the other man’s face with such gentleness -

And then they’re being ushered away towards the baths, “Birdie” talking a mile a minute about how they must be tired and how they should give the lovebirds a second.

And maybe the rumours and stories were wrong. Maybe it’s a story about freedom and love instead.

Anon…you don’t underSTAND I’ve been craving a fantasy book for so long and this is exactly what I NEED. please I am begging at your table for any scraps you care to share PLEASE 🙏

#I’m trying to be calm I really am I swear #I’m trying so hard not to keyboard smash my way through the day god I love fantasy Steddie #this is so warm and high adventure!!!! #the reveal at the end is so perfect I could live in this for DAYS #thank you for sending it to me! #if you decide to write more I’d love to read any kind of fleshed out version #but if this is everything then I’m delighted you graced my inbox with it because I am holding it close and never letting go #steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #ask #anon #thank you anon I’m sorry I have nothing to add but I don’t think you need me to add anything or probably wanted me to add anything #I’m here to just share your story and happily so

[maulfucker]

If you were given the opportunity to make your own Star Wars show, what would it be about?

[looks at my blog name and icon] .....

As repetitive as it might be, I would love something *actually* focused on the Jedi, especially a historical view. Every new star wars thing wants to be about the next Skywalker, but what about everything that came before? Before the Sith resurgence, before the Chosen One, before the Jedi became pretty much just soldiers of the republic. Give me some actual fucking Jedi philosophy and traditions. Something not focused on war or the characters we already know. Explore a whole line of irrelevant Jedi instead. Just some really normal people. Enough Chosen Ones. Enough big historic events. Give me a show about the normal lives of the Jedi a couple of centuries before. Something more Star Trek style, like a team of Jedi on small missions all over the galaxy. Younger Yoda with more hair, perhaps.

Perhaps even a historical drama, something that actually explores the different cultures and traditions of the galaxy at their peak, not just the war time low we see in the movies and shows. There are so many cultures in Star Wars that are so one-dimensional (mandalorians and tuskens come to mind immediately), why not something that takes the time to really explore them as living cultures and how they relate to the Force (and by extension the Jedi) and the rest of the galaxy.

... Or yeah, something about Maul. But not the boring flat version of him from the canon cinematic universe. I want a Maul show that explores how he was forcibly separated from his people and his culture from a young age and forced to assimilate to the ways of (mainly human) high society, to be whatever Sidious wanted him to be, denied his own identity, denied his own agency, only to then be thrown away as soon as he served his purpose. Something about how he is an excellent metaphor for people of color (and especially indigenous people) in a colonial/imperialist society. Yes I want cool Maul fighting scenes, but I also want everyone else to see this aspect of him that is largely ignored.

#hm i should make an ask tag #hm i should make an original post tag #thank you for asking!! #you WILL hear me ramble about how Maul should not be white #he is a perfect metaphor for indigenous people forcibly assimilated. and i NEVER see anyone else talk about this. #so i will talk about it. every chance i get. #the short version of this whole thing is I want a show that gives actual depth to the universe and not just cool action scenes #and i want something NOT focused on the skywalker plot. enough the destiny of the galaxy give me some inconsequential guys #i think if you want important plots and force destiny stuff you should make a movie. leave the series for the fleshing out of the universe #i am starving for some proper worldbuilding

[dreamaboutwhathappens]

okay posting this now because i feel like the surprise song combo was so intentional and i hope we get to hear more about it on ttpd !! the getaway car/august/other side of the door mashup got my gears turning and now i can’t get them to stop.

the common thread between those three songs is the third party — i wanted leave him i needed a reason, you weren’t mine to lose, was she worth this? — and i know that basically ever since the breakup people have wondered if joe cheated, and this seemed like it could have confirmed it. while i definitely see the evidence for that, it hasn’t quite seemed like the right fit to me, and after this surprise song combo i finally figured out why. i don’t think that the third party she was singing about in melbourne was an actual person, but the idea of a person.

a huge theme on midnights is what led her to being who she is now. she is both the anti-hero and bejeweled, a mastermind and the unreliable narrator in dead reader… there are so many different versions of herself. clearly she was contemplating these different versions and the implications of being each of them.

a huge theme in gothic literature are characters that are not present in the setting, but the idea of them and what they would do is so strong that they end up influencing the story anyways. this happens in rebecca, the novel that inspired tolerate it, where the main character is haunted by living in the glorious shadow that rebecca cast, an impossible standard to live up to, despite the fact that rebecca died and actually, crucially, wasn’t as great as everyone made her out to be. but it doesn’t matter that she wasn’t that great or that she’s never actually there to be truly compared to because it’s the IDEA of rebecca that’s so powerful. it’s the GHOST that haunts the narrative.

and i wonder if that was part of what drove taylor and joe apart? not an actual ~other woman~ but the idea of who taylor could have been instead. all of the other versions of herself she contemplated on midnights. the third party she seemed to be singing about. even on other albums, before this, she’s contemplated what version of herself could be loved — “i’ve been the archer, i’ve been the prey, who could ever leave me darling but who could stay?” i wonder if there was an idea of taylor (a taylor that isn’t “too big to hang out”) that was so palpable, so real, that it ended up taking up the space of another person and haunting their narrative anyways? because, like the main character in rebecca, how could she live up to the idea of a perfect life?

basically: how can you say that you love someone you can’t tell has died? did you love the real me or the version of me in your head that perfectly fit into your world?

#it’s like in wuthering heights after catherine dies and heathcliff begs to be haunted by her #like. they could have been together when she was alive. but the ghost of her is far more powerful than the real woman ever was. #because it’s the IDEA of love and happiness and a perfect life. and that idea can’t be touched! #and a real human person can’t live up to that!! that’s what happens to the main character in rebecca and to heathcliff! #like yeah it would be great if we had no problems and had the exact same interests and wants and didnt have to compromise on anything #but a real human being will never be like that. and we know taylor swift is midnight rain #she does not want it comfortable. she wants to roll up her sleeves and attack the hard things #but how can you attack or dissect or truly understand the idealized version of you living in someone’s head? #when that version of you doesn’t want what you want or have the same fragile human feelings you do? #much to think about. both rebecca and wurhering heights were books i GREATLY enjoyed. #i could be reading into nothing here but dont worry. thats never stopped me before! #taylor swift #ttpd #eras tour #random thoughts with grace

[encrucijada]

might be silly and write bullet points for a possible tears of the kingdom fic 🫶

#i really like the lore we got but i can never let go of my first thoughts when seeing the opening of the game #i thought rauru was the original hero of legend #not skyward sword link but The Hero. hylia's hero #and i thought zelda would be accompanied by a zonai of her own who'd be hylia #i thought the statue at the end of every shrine were the first zelda (ss zelda basically) and hylia #and i Know the lore between games doesn't have to match up #but botw had the perfect excuse of being set like 10k years in the future so it made every past game possible #and then totk was like lol we're going back to the start of the timeline and it's Not skyward sword #it's personally annoying TO ME ‼️ #so i want to write that version that lives in my head #where the zonai are the original species and some ascended into gods #hence farore. din. and nayru being dragons #i'm also annoyed totk ganondorf is like a mixture betwee demise and oot ganondorf #tf you mean he was trapped under eath hyrule castle?? did he not reincarnate during that time?? aside from manifesting as calamity twice?? #is totk not the beginning of the timeline. instead its “past timeline” is just what happens before botw but not any of the other games #hyrule how has it been more than 10k and you haven't invented the industrial revolution #i digress sorry for the tags bible #pia writes fanfic

[quietwingsinthesky]

at some point i am going to have to force even to go back and deal with donna & tentoo & rose & all and everything they ran away from. and that will probably involve them losing tentoo’s chameleon arch watch by giving it back to its rightful owner, whether she chooses to open it or not. and that is. not going to be a very fun or stable time for them.

#this part is v vague and fuzzy because i want to watch the rest of 12 & 13 and finish the doctor/donna specials before i set anything in #stone about it. but i think i need to rearrange some things in the timeline here vis a vis when the doctor is also forced to go back and #deal with his baggage. #i dont think 14 exists in even’s universe for this reason. and for the reason of tentoo kind of taking on his role? the human part of the #doctor who can stay with donna & with rose. #she’s also trans to me because i love trans!tentoo. her name is johanna. i think it’s pretty. i make a singular exception to my rule of #never changing characters names when i trans them. #but i think. what im getting at here is that this cant be a happy ending. not so cleanly. its more bittersweet. #like i think this version of the story. what i have so far. donna does remember. (tentoo doesn’t but that’s because she’s become her own #person. the doctor is who she came from but she isn’t just the doctor anymore.) and rose knows her doctor is out there and loves her but #she has her wife at home. #and even. oh even. you can’t hold onto a heart that’s not yours forever. you have to give it back. #this. i think. is a moment of respite and recovery for the doctor. and a really really low point for even. however this works out. #its not perfect but there’s kindness in it. and there’s a home to go back to. if they can bear it. both of them. #but like i said. this is all preliminary based on what i might play around with here. and how watching more of the show changes my ideas. #but i think. whatever revelations come in 13’s arc. i think in even’s universe they have to come after donna. i’ll find a way to make it #work. #but mostly right now the important thing is forcing even to give up the watch because why would i let them have one single comfort object <3 #dw oc

[qilinkisser]

:(((

#Vents 🌧️ #sorry in advance for venting on here. I just... sort of want a kind person to listen to me #and you all are quite nice to me #I don't think my friends at school care about me very much #I mean. of course they find me annoying #because there's only so much time you can spend with me before I become so grating you have to take breaks from me #everyone at school finds me annoying. that's just how it is #but I feel like it's been getting worse #they're hiding things from me now... they're making plans without me and won't tell me about them #I'm not stupid I know they're setting up time together #I guess they didn't want me to know so I can't insert myself into it #I think they're going to leave me soon. #this is how it always happens. we start out and we click and I get comfortable around them and I stop masking as much #and then I watch as their liking for me diminishes #I know I've got my friends online but I wish I could get a hug from a friend who really actually wants to hug me #oh #<- they thought about a hug from one of their f/os and started tearing up #sometimes I worry that my f/os wouldn't really want me around #I know they're not real and I can do whatever I want with them but sometimes it's hard to picture them loving me as myself #I never think about myself unmasked around my f/os. I only think about them with the perfect version of me #maybe it's because I'm scared they wouldn't like the real me. like everybody else #I wish I could hear them tell me that.

[arolesbianism]

Bro what do you mean endori is only 4 events from the graduation event. Stop it stop it Now

#rat rambles #band posting #bro theyre on the yukiran event rn with crying ran its so jover #yall arent allowed to be catching up thats illegal #well ok saying theyre catching up is egagerating a bit but still thats so scary #I only noticed this because Ive been thinking abt yukiran again because I alas love them still and I found out thats the current event in en #bro once mygo is in en thats rly when its going to be jover #and you know if endori does succeed in catching up one day theyll be in shambles immediately afterwards #although who knows I havent been keeping up with endori so maybe its miraculously become a functional english server again #like idk endori has never been perfect but at least its almost always been more usable than ensekai lol #bro the song list ui alone is enough to make me wanna beg ensekai players to delete it #its ridiculously ugly and unprofessional and also I hate a lot of the english names for songs (~close to grey~ is the big one for me) #also just in general ensekai is incredibly ugly and unstable even by sekai standards and it has done nothing to earn my trust in any regard #like idk if you care at all abt the actual rhythm game part of it I see no reason to not get the japanese version #like I get wanting to have a convienent place to read all the stories translated (even if I do Not trust the translators) #but like even with bndori which I started and played on endori for well over a year I still ended up drifting to jpdori as my main #the massively expanded songlist and up to date events just seem impossible to give up to me if you know how to access them #like ofc I wont go yelling at ppl to play on jp servers (plus theyd make multilives Much more unbarable) idc that much lol #but still I think if you can its a good idea to make a jp account if only so you can play jp exclusive songs if you want #this applies to both sekai and bndori to be clear although Id forgive an endori player for wanting to savor the old ui while they can lol #sekais new ui is fine but bndori's is literally sooooo ugly such a massive downgrade #also while I dont hate the new art direction as much as some ppl I definitely think its worse than the old one by a lot #its so dusty now </3 #anyways I got off topic there time to stop talking

[snekdood]

iunno, personally, i think, if you make plans to hangout with someone... and you know they're disabled and cant drive... and you can easily drive and pick them up... there's no excuse not to..? im sorry bitch, you want me to lyft over to your bf's house which is what like not even a mile away? didn't realize it was such a chore to be helpful, lord.

#like. what the fuck are you expecting me to do here #really wish that you would've just said that I dont fit your “vibe” anymore the way a wannabe-hip boss would say trying to fire me #like i get it- you wanna be a rich girl and be surrounded by rich people who never need your help ever in your life #have fun with that. #and don't hmu ever the fuck again. #go pretend to be normal #one the Good autistics. one of the Good ptsd havers. one of the Good adhd havers. Not those horrible Overly Emotional Ones ! #look at me! my corporate ass boss! look how much i can deep throat your cock and be a perfect little girl ! #i never have problems! and im not like those crazy versions of the people who have whatever mental health issue I have I swear !!!!!! #k #'i only want to hang out with the Good bpd havers !!!!!!' #dont forget to keep shoving down your emotions to give the illusion that you're normal! #make diverse friends but not too diverse yknow. we don't need anyone who might need something from us around tut tut tut #(aka anyone disabled. or perhaps someone with unhealed ptsd that can only be healed by friends and regular social interactions. #cant have any of that going on around here in our most Prestigious Club Where I'm Sure We Totally Dont Abuse Alcohol To Cope #W The Emotions We Refuse To Look At !)

[rosicheeks]

Rosie darling I have planned so many different ways our wedding could happen. I am kind of obsessed with you and honestly think about you all the time. You are so wonderful and beautiful and attractive that it makes me want to you be yours but I am shy so I stay hidden. ❤️😳 I love being sweet to you and will never be anything else. 😁 I have already talked to the woodland creatures and they would love to hold your train for you for our wedding. ❤️ This world is without a doubt better because you are on it. Sorry it took me awhile to respond. Life has been crazy but you never left my thoughts. ❤️ The wedding is whenever you want it cause you are worth waiting and fighting for. You deserve the best and nothing less darling Rosie. ❤️😍

#my dear dear darling anon #you are way too perfect #I’m sorry this took me ages to reply to #but this ask stole my heart a little bit #the thought of someone planning a wedding with lil ol ME?!?! doesn’t seem real to me I’m sorry hahaha that’s too fucking cute #obsessed is my type just so you know 🫣 #the only type I want is obsessed. where they think of me and only me. I’m the only girl they want and they would never ever want anyone else #that end part was a little redundant but I fucking mean it. I want obsessive and possessive please 🥺 #‘makes me want to be yours’ STOP IT YOURE SO CUTE 😭😭 #lastly the part that actually made me cry a few times - ‘you are worth waiting and fighting for’ I can’t express how much I love that #anywayyyy on to the wedding cause I feel like I’m going to get cut off soon 😔 for this version - I’m thinking something like the gif above 🥰 #I’ll probably be in a bigger dress cause I’m a huge fan of ballgowns and I’ll be wearing a sparkly tiara #but I would love to go find a little place in the forest - where I live right now is fall and the trees turn BEAUTIFUL colors #different shades of red and orange and yellow 🍂🍁 #I love this time of year but it’s so hard to figure out the exact time cause it only happens for a fucking WEEK #I always try and go out and get pictures with my camera but the past few years I’ve missed it cause I blinked and the leaves already fell #ok getting distracted - I think that would be LOVELY if we could figure out the timing. slow dance in the middle of the forest #with the changing colors of the leaves and the crisp chill in the air but it’s ok cause the love in our hearts make us warm #hahahahaha that was so cheesy #I’m a cheeseball when it comes to love I WANT ALL THE CHEESINESS #but there is a fine line between cheesy and cringey hahah #I feel like I’m running out of room but I’m going to start dreaming about a gorgeous forest wedding with a mysterious stranger #who knows? maybe it could be you 🫣 #seriously this ask made me cry a few times #I’m so so so sorry it took me forever to reply but I wanted to have the perfect reply #I still don’t think my tags are good enough to post #like this ask is PERFECTION how do I reply to that?!?! #thank you so so so much for being a HUGE sweetheart #even if it takes me awhile to reply to them just know I LOVE every single one you send. seriously it always makes me happy to see my darling #darling anon

[aviolettrose]

A fanfic idea:

Bruce was able to rescue Jason before he died, and after this experience, Jason stopped being Robin.

He became afterwards the golden child, he goes to college (with a scholarship), helps out in the city library, teaches children (helps with their homeworks and helps them to study), works part time in a car garage in crime alley, and is a supportive brother.

And it pisses his siblings off.

Because there has to be something fishy because no one, really no one, is that perfect.

And there is something fishy.

He is also Red Hood.

No one knows, and the vigilantes never talk to Jason about "the family business" because he needs to concentrate on his studies and other stuff.

So imagine, Batmans suprise when the JL was able to catch Red Hood.

Someone takes Jasons helmet off in front of Batman, Nightwing, and other members

And Jason, who wears also a domino mask, doesn't look Batman in the face even as he says :

"Hey Dad. I can explain."

And Dick loses his shit, he laughs so hard because, Jason, The golden child, the one who gave up on being a vigilante, who reads to children in the library, is a goddamn crimelord.

Bruce just stands there frozen because wtf Jason?!

And Dick takes selfies with Jason being tied up and calles the other Batkids in because they should definitely not be left out of it.

(Edit: As someone who doesn't really write (or can write good stories), I want to say, feel free to use this prompt for a fanfiction. Just please give credits to me (because I don't know if someone else had also this idea and posted it) and please inform me if you publish something (because I want to read a fanfiction like this too))

(Edit: people we got a link, pls leave some love there for @radioactivepigeons, https://archiveofourown.org/works/55499164

And for those who have struggles with the link, the fanfiction is called Prodigal by Carbon65, and you only have access to it with an ao3 account, BUT I pinned the tumblr version)

#jason todd #batfam #comic #dc universe #dick grayson #bruce wayne #justice league #tim drake #damian wayne #cassandra cain #duke thomas #dc #dcu #dc comics #fanfiction idea #ao3 being down is fr an apocalypse #hope yall are safe

[sincerelyandyourstruly]

hello! just popped over from one of your xiaoven fics (which was amazing, 10/10 btw). i was just wondering which genshin server you're in? i'm kinda lonely and want more genshin friends haha

hi hiiii :3

i'm actually not really active in any genshin servers bc i tend to be really shy abt interacting w/them, though literally just a few days ago i met this guy in co op mode who mentioned a ganqing server, and upon further discussion we realized we were both in it, which was very surprising bc there are like literally 30 people in there. so i Have been thinking abt becoming active in there, but i suspect you are not looking to enter the gq scene ahaha

anyway, in regards to a xv server, According To My Research(tm), there used to be one a long time ago! i was never in it, obviously, but i went server hopping a while back to try to find it at a friend's request, and from what i have gathered (by searching up "xiaoven" in various tangentially related genshin ship servers), what happened is that it got really toxic and insular and then eventually imploded/got deleted sometime in... march or april of this year, i wanna say?

and then due to various factors the xv community just never really recovered from that so what i've been saying we should do-- *gets crushed by a cork board covered in red strings before i can continue*

ahem SO ANYWAY yeah i totally understand the "isolated fan" feeling/experience, but if you want, i could direct you to some of my tumblr mutuals if you wanna kinda lurk in my circle for a bit before joining in!! you'll probably just be like "this is the most random collection of people i've ever seen in my life" but i mean like,,, that's kind of how every community ever has started?? so might as well give it a shot :D

#asks #Anonymous #i was actually kind of surprised that you chose to contact me via tumblr askbox instead of the neocities askbox since i thought that i #updated the links in all my notes to the neocities but i guess i never did that lmao so i did that just now #*adds a tally mark to list that says 'moments that make quietly maintaining this blog on the side worth it'* #bc this is possibly fairly obvious but this is not my usual fandom blog ahaha idk if some of my mutuals have like #made the connection btwn This blog n my namespace fandom blog lolol #that said my ideal plans would be to form some kind of xv-gq shipping alliance bc [has not actually finished writing this essay yet] #(but trust me it would make perfect sense) which was part of why it was so delightful to meet a gq writer in co op the other day #(the other part being that i enjoy gq a Lot and so it was nice to get a good grade in gq) #but anyway if you want MY discord then if you poke around my neocities long enough you Should find my namespace blog #(you can technically also find it from the desktop version of this blog which is how one of my friends found me lol) #you'll know me when you find me since i maintain links from namespace --> anonspace but not the other way around #but otherwise good luck have fun with making friends !!! i believe in u