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thedjmusic · 2 years

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Beatport New Exclusive Music 2022-05-04

DOWNLOAD: https://thedjmusic.com/music/beatport_new_exclusive_music_2022_05_040

DATA CREATED: 2022-05-03 TOTAL: 400 GENRE: Big Room, Dance / Electro Pop, Electro House, Future House, Progressive House, Melodic House & Techno, House, Funky House, Bass House, Tech House, Dubstep, Drum & Bass, Trap / Wave, Future Bass, Electronica

AGLF - Faith (Original Mix)

AIA - Alternate Dimension (6am Instrumental Mix)

AIA - Alternate Dimension (Extended Mix)

AVIRA, Dan Soleil - Surrender (Extended Mix)

Able Faces - Something About You (Extended Mix)

About 2 - Miss U So Much (Original Mix)

About 2 - Sublime (Original Mix)

Adrianou - In The Sky (Extended Mix)

Alan Walker - The Drum (Original Mix)

Alesso, Zara Larsson - Words (Extended Mix)

Alok, Bastille - Run Into Trouble (Jonas Blue Extended Dub Mix)

Alok, Bastille - Run Into Trouble (Jonas Blue Extended Mix)

Aluna, Jayda G - Mine O' Mine (Original Mix)

Annix, Elipsa - Nocturnal (Original Mix)

Apashe, Vladimir Cauchemar - RIP (Original Mix)

Armin Van Buuren, Florentin (IL), Jordan Grace - Echoes (Extended Mix)

Asco, A.D.O.R. - Hey (Extended Mix)

Asketa & Natan Chaim, Jonah Baker, Ni/Co - Somebody (Extended Mix)

BLOND:ISH, Nico De Andrea, Darla Jade - Hold Tight (Extended Mix)

BVRRN, TRYPBOX - Runaway (Original Mix)

Badger - Zero Tolerance (Original Mix)

Bandlez - Brute Force (Original Mix)

Bandlez - Earthquake (Original Mix)

Bandlez - Ghetto Blastah (Original Mix)

Bandlez - Time Machine (Original Mix)

Bear Grillz, Kompany - Red Alert (Original Mix)

Bear Like - You Make Me (Original Mix)

Beau Collins, Joe Jury - Follow (Original Mix)

Ben Rau - Calling Out Your Name (I Can't Sleep) (Original Mix)

Benson, Tommy Trash - Spilt Milk (Original Mix)

Black Caviar, Savage - Woke Up Feeling Good (Original Mix)

Blank Sense, Jessica Alice - Reaction (Original Mix)

Bleu Clair - Funk Accelerator (Original Mix)

Block & Crown, Maickel Telussa, Boyz R Busy - Call On Me (Original Mix)

Blondee, DJ BPM, Angelina Madeleine - Friday I'm In Love (Extended Mix)

Bolth, Real Topeka People - Knock Knock (Extended Mix)

Brando - Close To You (Kyle Watson Extended Remix)

Brohug - Bella Max (Original Mix)

Bromo - Slipping Away (Original Mix)

Buku - Mr.Clean (Original Mix)

Burko - Can't Stay Here (Original Mix)

Burko - Reflection (Original Mix)

CID, Kaskade - Sweet Memories (Black V Neck Remix)

Caster - Sacrificial (Original Mix)

Caster, Moon Rush - Syzygy (Original Mix)

Castion, Boges, Jessica Chertock - Colors (Extended Mix)

Cedric Lass - Born 2 Rave (Extended Mix)

Chaney - Blank Space (Extended Mix)

Chapter & Verse - Dance To The Drum (Extended Mix)

Cheesecake Boys, Betty Love - Holiday (Original Mix)

Chemical Surf, Suark, Fredrik Ferrier - Satisfied (Extended Mix)

Chico Rose, Amanda Collis - Losing My Religion (Extended Mix)

Claptone, lau.ra - Beautiful (Extended)

Claptone, lau.ra - Beautiful (James Hype Extended Remix)

Claptone, lau.ra - Beautiful (Monkey Safari Remix)

Claptone, lau.ra - Beautiful (Murmur Tooth, Lars Moston Extended Remix)

Cloverdale - Ice Age (Extended Mix)

Codeko - Trust Fall (Original Mix)

Codeko, April Bender - Not Alone (Original Mix)

Codeko, Rynn - Hold On To Me (Original Mix)

Conrank - Simulation Breach (Green Matter Remix)

Crazibiza, Karl8, Andrea Monta - Xfinity (Original Mix)

Crude Noise - Hold Tight (Extended Mix)

Crunkz, Kaluma - Memories (Original Mix)

Crusy - Karma (Extended Mix)

D.T.E - It's A Hard Knock Life (Extended Mix)

DJ Kuromi, KALIGEM - On The Way (Extended Mix)

DJ San, Ava Silver - All Gone (Extended Mix)

Dave Aude, Jeffrey James - Break Out (Chapter & Verse Extended Club)

David Herrlich - My Rhythm (Extended Mix)

Declain - Disco Champ (Extended Mix)

Deeperlove, Boy Tedson - Kylie (Original Mix)

Deft - HOTPOT (Original Mix)

Deft - HUMBLE (Original Mix)

Deft - SKIN (Original Mix)

Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike, Azteck, Hayley May - Heaven (Original Mix)

Dimo - Sun Never Go Down (Original Mix)

Dirty Palm, EMMA LX - Priorities (Extended Mix)

Dirty South, Jem Cooke - Shelter (Extended Mix)

Disco Gurls - I Feel You (Extended Mix)

Disco Gurls - I'm Gonna Live 4Ever (Extended Mix)

Donero - We Only Got Tonight (Extended Mix)

Draeden, NEWYON - Six Feet (Original Mix)

Draxen Mikkelsen - Brr Ah (Extended Mix)

DubVision, Manse, Afrojack, Never Sleeps - Stay With You (Extended Mix)

DubVision, Manse, Afrojack, Never Sleeps - Stay With You (Instrumental)

Dustycloud - Good Time (Original Mix)

Dustycloud, Kage, LexBlaze - Ignore Them (Original Mix)

Dustycloud, Sally Jay - Come With Me (Original Mix)

Dustycloud, Yury - All In (Original Mix)

Dynamick, Gaddi - Sunshine (Extended Mix)

Dynoro, HVME, Gaudini - Why Why Why (Original Mix)

DØBER, Mark Vayne - Love Me Like (Extended Mix)

EDX, Frey - Holy Wood (Deep Mix)

EDX, Frey - Holy Wood (Tribal Mix)

ELHC - Sohai (Original Mix)

Earth n Days - Soulshakin' (Jay Vegas Remix)

East Dawn - Leave Me (Extended Mix)

Eleganto, Dark Cities - Hold You (Original Mix)

Ely Oaks, Eric Spike - Crossroads (Extended Mix)

Emily Nash - Garden (KC Lights Remix - Extended)

Eran Hersh - Zama (Extended Mix)

Eric Chase, Chassio - Go All Night (Original Mix)

Exile - D.N.Y.L (Original Mix)

Exile - Don't Leave Me (Original Mix)

Exile - Please Stay (Original Mix)

Exile - Tell Me (Original Mix)

FWLR - Face Off (Original Mix)

False Intentions - Nature Of Essence (Extended Mix)

Felix Jaehn, Club Soda - Nuit Blanche (Extended Mix)

Ferry - Ayooni (Original Mix)

Ferry Corsten, Dustin Husain - Timeout (Extended Mix)

Fetish - UFO (Original Mix)

Firebeatz - Don't Stop Moving (Extended Mix)

Florence + The Machine - My Love (MEDUZA Extended Remix)

Flume, Damon Albarn - Palaces (Original Mix)

Flume, Quiet Bison, KUČKA - ESCAPE (Original Mix)

Flux Pavilion - Lore (Original Mix)

Fonzerelli - When Silence Is Too Much (Extended Mix)

Forbid - Enchantress (Original Mix)

Franny J., Lindsey Gress - Finally Living (Extended Mix)

French Braids, Lizzy Land - Future High (Original Mix)

Fresh Dom, Zyno, Disnoktia - Eruptia (Extended Mix)

Friendz By Chance, REDEEM - Rock My World (Extended Mix)

GATTÜSO - No Illusions (Extended Mix)

GG Magree - Already Dead (Original Mix)

Gabriel Vezzola - Be Anything (Extended Mix)

Gabriel Vezzola - Trippin Out (Extended Mix)

Gabry Ponte, DJs From Mars - Killing Me Softly (Extended Mix)

Galoski - Never Give Up (Original Mix)

Gary Caos - Ooh (Original Mix)

Gelida - In The West (Extended Mix)

Gentlemens Club - Policia (Original Mix)

George Ezra - Green Green Grass (Sam Feldt Remix)

George Mensah, Twinflame (US), Rozegarden - Touch It (Extended Mix)

GILLU, Moon Shot - Move On (Extended Mix)

GRY - Back To Me (Extended Mix)

GhostMasters, The GrooveBand - Choosing My Confessions (Extended Mix)

GhostMasters, The GrooveBand - Rock The World (Extended Mix)

Gibson Parker - Long Gone (Original Mix)

Gibson Parker - Prismatic (Original Mix)

Giftback, Una - Baddest On The Block (Original Mix)

Gioli & Assia - Fire Hell And Holy Water (Extended Mix)

GoldFish, Dubdogz - Jazz Club (Extended Mix)

Good Times Ahead, JSTJR, Jay Mason - Belong (Extended Mix)

GotSome, Georgia Meek - Dead End (Extended Mix)

Gotlucky - Can You Feel It (Extended Mix)

Goya Menor, Nektunez - Ameno Amapiano (You Wanna Bamba) (David Guetta Extended Mix)

Grafine - Running Away (Extended Mix)

HYPERCREW - Never Leave (Extended Mix)

Hardwell - BLACK MAGIC (Extended Mix)

Harris & Ford, Bassjackers, Rebecca Helena - Psycho (Extended Mix)

Harrison - Here Comes The Rush (Extended)

Havoc & Lawn - Love On Time (Extended Mix)

Henri Pfr, Solar State, Jason Walker - Stay With Me Now (Henri PFR & Blake Light Extended Remix)

Heyder - KHAZAR (Original Mix)

Highlnd, Drowsy - Save Me (Original Mix)

Hollaphonic, NOME. - Ahora Comprendo (Extended Mix)

Holy Goof, TS7 - Over You (Original Mix)

HoneyLuv - Thr33 6ix 5ive (Extended Mix)

Hot Since 82 - Out The Door (Original Mix)

House Of Prayers - Say It Again (Original Mix)

Hugel, Quarterhead - Fever (Extended Mix)

Illusionize - Down (Vini Vici & Vegas (BR) Extended Remix)

Invisible, Cassie - All Night (Extended Mix)

Isenberg - U (Original Mix)

Italobrothers - Best Mistake (Original Mix)

Italobrothers - Dive Deep (Original Mix)

Italobrothers - Young At Heart (Extended Mix)

J. Worra, Little Boots - Burn This House (Original Mix)

JLV - Toxic (Extended Mix)

JODA (UK), Above & Beyond - We Find Ourselves (Extended Mix)

JOY RIVO & JTO - Immortal (Extended Mix)

JP Candela, Kash Mihra - Evolution (Club Mix)

Jacala, Munch, Thunder - Crown (Original Mix)

Jack Wins - Queen (Qubiko Extended Remix)

Jackfruit (US) - Fall In Love (Original Mix)

Jaded - Can You Feel It (Extended)

Jake & Alvar - Stay (Extended Mix)

Jamie Jones - My Paradise (Extended Mix)

Jauz, Johnny GOLD - PPL (Original Mix)

Jaxx & Vega, Husman - Desperados (Extended Mix)

Jeffrey Sutorius, Jason Walker - City Looks Different (Extended Mix)

Joel Corry, David Guetta, Bryson Tiller - What Would You Do? (David Guetta Festival Remix - Extended)

John Summit, Echoes - Human (Hibell Remix)

Jove - Discotopia (Original Mix)

Jubarte Pipo - Martian Talk (Extended Mix)

Juliet Sikora, Wally Lopez - Ardilla (Extended Mix)

K-391 - Lighthouse (Original Mix)

K1LO, Guirzexx - Perfect Storm (Extended Mix)

KREAM, Jake Tarry - Once Again (Extended Mix)

Kage - Numb (Original Mix)

Kaz James - Footprints (Extended Mix)

KeeQ - Denovo (Original Mix)

Kesh Chandra - Move To The Rhythm (Original Mix)

Kim Kaey - Touch Me There (Extended Mix)

Knock2 - gettin' hott (Original Mix)

Kocmo, J Fabric - Stay (Extended Mix)

Krewella, Beauz - Never Been Hurt (808GONG Remix)

Krewella, Beauz - Never Been Hurt (BVRNOUT Remix)

Krewella, Beauz - Never Been Hurt (Original Mix)

Krewella, Beauz - Never Been Hurt (Static Angel Remix)

Kry (IT) - Chibcha (Original Mix)

Laidback Luke, Eva Simons - Flexin' (Extended Mix)

Landis - Don't Wanna Fall (Extended Mix)

Last Heroes, Man Cub, KC - Start It Over (Original Mix)

Laurent Simeca, Stephan M - Don't Cha (Original Mix)

Leah Culver - Won't Stop (Original Mix)

Lee Cabrera - Self Control (Extended Mix)

Lee Runham - Promised U (Extended Mix)

Lekota - Radar (Extended Mix)

Lenso, LostVoic3s - Fire In My Head (Extended Mix)

Lika Morgan - Breathe (Extended Mix)

Lion, MC Kane - Verbal Assassin (Extended Mix)

Lionar - Rave Army (Extended Mix)

LittGloss - Milkshake (Original Mix)

Lotus, Charming Horses - Breaking Silence (Original Mix)

Low Blow - Empty Space (Club Mix)

Lufthaus - To The Light (Extended Mix)

Lukysh - New Plan (Extended Mix)

Luminous (KOR), Cotton (KOR) - What's The Drop (Original Mix)

LØREAN - Touch You (Extended Mix)

M.J.E, Michael Chodo - Get Down (Extended Mix)

MALARKEY - Sunshine (Extended Mix)

MK, Paul Woolford, Majid Jordan - Teardrops (Extended)

MOTi, Jon Paul - My Love (Extended Mix)

MPH, Katie Bosworth - Waiting (Original Mix)

Maddix - Culture (Extended Mix)

Majestic, Nono - Time To Groove (Extended Mix)

Malaa - Wait (Kenty Clide Remix)

Malaa - Wait (YYVNG Remix)

Maliboux - Remedy (Original Mix)

Manse, Jac & Harri, Amanda Collis - Nobody (Extended Mix)

Marnik, Lordnox - Turn The Page (Extended Mix)

Maroox, twoloud - I Hear (Original Mix)

Martin Eriksson - Never Really Liked You (Extended Mix)

Martin Jensen, FAST BOY - One Day (Extended Mix)

Martin Stevenson - Shouldn't Know (Extended Mix)

Maski & Banga, Apaztron - Babylonia (Extended Mix)

Masteria - Dark Love (Original Mix)

Maurizio Basilotta, MF Productions - Good Times (Original Mix)

Max Kilian, Eloy Hoose - Tempted (Extended Mix)

Maxim Lany - Beast (Extended Mix)

Maxim Lany - Cyclone (Extended Mix)

Mayami - Don't Kill My Vibe (Mike Newman Remix)

Mayami - Don't Kill My Vibe (Qubiko Remix)

Mazare, Amidy - Otherside (Original Mix)

MelyJones, RAWD - Move (Extended Mix)

Mike Newman, Antoine Cortez - Out Of Sight (Original Mix)

Milk & Sugar, Simon Harris - Bass (How Low Can You Go) (Typ Vhs Extended Remix)

Mista Men - Forget U (Original Mix)

Mista Men - Hard Drive (Original Mix)

Mista Men - Labrini (Original Mix)

Momo Khani, Yves Murasca, Rosario Galati, Meindel, Chasing Kurt - Bigger Than Me (Extended Mix)

Moobek - Bad Intension (Original Mix)

Morgan Page, Maggie Szabo - Sweet Illusion (Club Mix)

MorganJ, Yola Recoba - Tell Me When It's Over (Extended Mix)

Morgin Madison - Little Time (Extended Mix)

NEVERGLOW - Can't See (Original Mix)

Nari, Steve Tosi - Saved My Life (Original Mix)

Nathan Dawe, Ella Henderson - 21 Reasons (Original Mix)

Nazaar, Virus Syndicate - WAR CRY (Original Mix)

Needs No Sleep, Ali Kerr - Nectar (Original Mix)

helloworld - dive in (Original Mix)

helloworld - falling down (Original Mix)

helloworld - game over (Original Mix)

helloworld - warning signs (Original Mix)

helloworld - world is burning (Original Mix)

Nick Havsen, Mike Miami - Harmonia (Club Mix)

Nick Smith - Night Shift (Original Mix)

Nicky Romero - Pressure (Extended Mix)

Nikk, AVIIZ - Won't Leave Tonight (Extended Mix)

Nirvana - Something In The Way (Illenium Remix)

Nora En Pure - Us (Extended Mix)

Noy - Y.N.G (Original Mix)

Nytrix, Kiesza - One More Time (Original Mix)

NØ SIGNE - Selection (Extended Mix)

OLAN - Promise To Keep (Original Mix)

OLAN - Wake And Return (Extended Mix)

Odssey - Just Friends (Original Mix)

Ohkay - Enough (Original Mix)

Oliver Smith - Snowfall (Extended Mix)

Ollie Ants - Falling (Original Mix)

Olly Wall - Take It Slowly (Extended Mix)

Onyx UK, SK - Naughty (Original Mix)

Oomloud - It's Tricky (Extended Mix)

Öwnboss, SEVEK - Move Your Body (Go Freek Extended Remix)

PRBLM CHILD - Dancin' (Original Mix)

PRBLM CHILD - Next To The Bar (Original Mix)

PRBLM CHILD, LaughTrax - Rock This (Original Mix)

Passenger 10 - Euphrasia (Extended Mix)

Pegboard Nerds - Jack (Original Mix)

Perry Wayne - Embers (Original Mix)

Perry Wayne, BLUPILL - MOSH (Original Mix)

Psycho Boys Club, Dysomia - Nuxxing (Original Mix)

R3HAB - My Pony (Kryder Remix - Extended Version)

R3SPAWN - I (Extended Mix)

Rameses B - Glow (Original Mix)

Rameses B - I'm Broken (Original Mix)

Rameses B - Lonely (Original Mix)

Rameses B, Feint, Veela - Space Boy (Original Mix)

Rameses B, Laura Brehm - Don't Need You (Original Mix)

Rameses B, Laura Brehm - Looking For The Light (Original Mix)

Rameses B, Veela - Echoes (Original Mix)

Raven & Kreyn, BIGMOO, jeonghyeon - Welcome To The Future (Extended Mix)

Reblok, Sotano - Got The Fire (Extended Mix)

Reflekt, Delline Bass - Need To Feel Loved (Tim Van Werd Extended Remix)

Remnant.Exe - Cerulean (Original Mix)

Remnant.Exe - Source Code (Original Mix)

Remnant.Exe, iSorin - Holon System (Original Mix)

Renato S, Ken, Somero - Do It To Myself (Extended Mix)

Return Of The Jaded, DJ Susan - One Life (Extended Mix)

Richard Grey, Lissat - Give It To Me (Original Mix)

Riot Ten, Crankdat - Own The Night (Original Mix)

Rojaz - Unwind (Original Mix)

Rooftime - Guess I Was Wrong (Extended Mix)

Roxette, Galantis - Fading Like A Flower (Original Mix)

Ryan Gallus - Superstore (Original Mix)

SAY SAY - REALITY (Original Mix)

Sandro Silva - Zeta (Extended Mix)

Scott Rill, Yasmin Levy - La Alegria (AMÉMÉ Remix)

Scott Rill, Yasmin Levy - La Alegria (Mahmut Orhan Extended Remix)

Sean Finn, Luca Debonaire, Luciana - Don't Look Down (Original Mix)

Sergey Lagutin - Transition (Extended Mix)

Shahay - Overdrive (Original Mix)

Shanghai Doom, XotiX - Wook Flu (Original Mix)

Sigala - Melody (Extended Re-Edit)

Slander, RØRY, Dylan Matthew - Walk On Water (Original Mix)

Softest Hard, Kali Uchis - La Luz (Original Mix)

Sonny Bass, Repiet - Never Mine (Extended Mix)

Sorley - Strung Up (Extended Mix)

SpekrFreks, Melleefresh - Good Morning Glory 2022 (Original Mix)

SpekrFreks, Melleefresh - Koochie Koo 2022 (Original Mix)

SpekrFreks, Melleefresh - Not Quite Of The Times 2022 (Original Mix)

SpekrFreks, Melleefresh - Ocean Liner 2022 (Original Mix)

Spence - I Can't (Original Mix)

SputniQ, Retrika - Break Down (Extended Mix)

Static Revenger, The Sponges, Latroit - Music In My Mind (Original Mix)

Steff Da Campo - Hot In Here (Öwnboss Remix - Extended Mix)

Stev Dive, DJ Blackstone, Alba Kras - So Many Men, So Little Time (Laurent Simeca Remix)

Stev Dive, DJ Blackstone, Alba Kras - So Many Men, So Little Time (Nu Disco Mix)

Sub Templa, Joe Burger - Air Max (Original Mix)

TWENTY SIX - Aragona (Extended Mix)

Takis, Goody Grace, Ant Clemons - Wait For Me (Chicho Remix)

Takis, Goody Grace, Ant Clemons - Wait For Me (Nalestar Remix)

Takis, Goody Grace, Ant Clemons - Wait For Me (RYVN Remix)

Terry Golden - Best Time In Space (Extended Mix)

The Chainsmokers - Riptide (Original Mix)

The Cube Guys - Music In My Head (Agent Greg Remix 2022)

The Holy Santa Barbara - Rüdiger (Original Mix)

Tidal Waves, Rosette - Dreamer (Extended Mix)

Tieks, MNEK - The Funk (Original Mix)

Tiesto, Deorro - Savage (Extended Mix)

Tim Hox - Scaenicus (Extended Mix)

Tita Lau - Never Getting Enough (Extended Mix)

Tony Romera, Joey Valence - Surdose (Original Mix)

Trevor Omoto - Never Let Me Go (Extended Mix)

Trey Mirror, bailey - Going Home (Original Mix)

Tritonal, Marlhy - Back To My Love (Original Mix)

Tsu Nami, Jedwill - Starlight (Original Mix)

Tube & Berger, Nick Schwenderling - In The Mood (Extended Mix)

Typhoon - Zandloper (Lucas & Steve Remix)

UBUR - Angel Numbers (Original Mix)

UBUR - Rot (Original Mix)

UBUR, Gino - Not The Saviour (Original Mix)

UBUR, HVDES - Six Feet Deep (Original Mix)

Ummet Ozcan - Manipulated (Extended Mix)

Uniryde - Be Now (Extended Mix)

VLTRA (IT) - Bananza (Belly Dancer) (Original Mix)

Valentino Khan, Dillon Francis - Move It (Extended Mix)

Valy Mo, MEIRLIN - Mess (Extended Mix)

Versa - Construction Block (Original Mix)

Versa - Default Mode (Original Mix)

Versa - Reload (Original Mix)

Versa - Safety First (Original Mix)

Vessbroz - We Are The People (Extended Mix)

Vicetone - Tonight We Dance (Original Mix)

Vincent, RUNN - Sunburn (Original Mix)

Vintage Culture, Goodboys - This Feeling (Original Mix)

Volte/Face, Simon Fougère - Superfly (Original Mix)

WA-FU - Swear (Original Mix)

WA-FU, Noy - Vibes On Check (Original Mix)

WATEVA, Karl Killing - Get U Off My Mind (Extended Mix)

WE ARE FURY, Brassie, Kyle Reynolds - Crown (Original Mix)

WHIPPED CREAM - Child (Original Mix)

WZA - You Got This (Extended Mix)

Wankelmut - No Days Off (Extended Mix)

Wave Wave, Lissa - Not Yours (Extended Mix)

Waxel - Ain't Gonna Break (Extended Mix)

We Are The Lords - Rumours (Extended Mix)

We Are The Lords - Rumours (Stev Dive Extended Remix)

WildVibes, Neyra, Martin Miller - Long Gone (Extended Mix)

Will K, Neville - I Don't Really Care (Original Mix)

Wiwek, Watch The Duck - Curious (Chocolate Puma Extended Remix)

Yellow Claw, Weird Genius, Novia Bachmid - Lonely (Original Mix)

Yellow Pvnk, Coout - Tekno (Extended Mix)

Yetep, Caslow, Lexi Scatena - First Place (Original Mix)

Yujn - Anybody (Original Mix)

Yukon - All Too Much (Extended Mix)

Yvvan Back, BigNoise - Enough (Extended Mix)

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randoreviews · 5 years

Text

TRUMP-BIDEN DEBATE

Moderator: Hello... Welcome... I’m Ted Tedson from PBS Newshour, and I’ll be your moderator for this evening... Welcome... Thank you for joining us... Tonight we’re coming to you from Smorehouse College... Welcome again... Yes, I’m thinking about s’mores now too... Tonight’s format for the two candidates will be taken from Maury Povich: I ask one of the candidates a question, and they each have a minute to respond, and a certain amount of quibbling might ensue. We’ll introduce our two candidates, Mr. President Trump from... the President of the United States, and Mr. Joseph Biden, abiding, if you will permit me, from the state of Delaware... President Trump, we’ll start with you... Welcome... DTrump: Welcome. M: Welcome... T: Fabulous. M: Here we are tonight. President Trump, you promised a wall on the border of Mexico, and yet so far... no wall... Why? T: First of all... Ted... can I call you Ted?... M: ... Yes... T: First of all, Ted, I want to say, it’s a tremendous... just really, really tremendous tremendous honor to be here, and we’re here, and, uh, this is happening and it’s great. The people at Smorehouse College? Fine people. Tremendous people. And you’re a tremendous Ted. M: Well thank you, Mr. President, thank you. About that wall... T: I also want to say... Hey, Joe Biden... You awake?... Cuz why dontcha go FUCK YOURSELF, old man. (Biden lunges at Trump’s podium from his and is caught in mid-air by security and put back in place.) JBiden: No, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s all right. (Lunges at Trump again and the same thing happens.) Biden: No, it’s all right, it’s all right, I’m good, I’m good... (lowering his voice) Say something else though, say one more thing. (Trump takes a sip from his cup of soda through a straw and puts it back in the podium, amused by Joe’s exertions.) T: Hey Joe... Hey Joe... You listening?... Can you hear me?... I’m not sure if this is too big a space for your hearing. The words kinda just drift away in this big a space, don’t they? (Biden crushes one side of his desk with one of his hands.) T: Hey Joe... Hey Joe (smirking)... you’re old. B: Mark my words, I will enjoy spitting on your grave, after I bury you with my bare hands. M: Okay, let’s try to get back on course here a little. Mr. President, you were saying about the wall? T: The wall, yes, the wall... It will be made of gold, Ted... Twenty feet high. A dog every ten feet, and each dog has their own little bowl of water and food. Dog tags made of gold. We’re gonna stretch my name across it, which might be hard to read but we’re gonna do it and it’ll be great. B: I shit on your wall. T: ‘Scuse me, Twilight Joe, I’m not done saying my wonderful things... It’s the Democrats, really... it’s been very bad, really. Very very bad and very unfairly bad... Nancy Pelosi... and very unfair. M: Interesting, Mr. President. Now you talk, Mr. Biden. From Delaware. B: Thank you, Tedson. In my book of old rogue’s tales... you’re in there. M: ... Thank you... B: Tedson, I want to first talk about... a little place called America. The first day I was born I woke up and milked a cow. Then we shot some hoops in the grass driveway. Grass almost dirt cuz we were always playin on it. Then I had my first plug of chewing tobacco. Soon after I became the senator of Delaware. Imagine my joy, Tedson. Picture it, Tedson! Picture it! M: I’m sorry, sir, what am I supposed to be picturing? We really should talk about the wall at least a little bit... B: I spitshined my hair and said to myself, Joe... today is the day... not tomorrow, not yesterday, not TWO days from now... (The moderator raises his hand to interrupt...) T: Just let him go. Maybe he’ll talk himself out. (Moderator nods head and lowers hand.) B: ... asked the soda jerk, how much can I get for a quarter and a nickel? Asked him which way the wind was blowing. Asked him if I could get a little of that mustard and ketchup money from John Kerry. Asked him about the Bill of Rights. Asked him, fella! How tall is your horse? And can I go with you? T: If it’s death, Joe, do us all a favor and take him by the hand. M: If we could just talk a second about the wall... T: Honestly, Joe, you look a little past your sell-by date. You look like you live by yourself in a petrified forest. B: You see, President Trump... sorry, I feel like I just ate some shit when I have to say those two words together... Trump-a-lump over here... is an existential threat to our children... our children’s children... our children’s children’s children... (Trump eats some fries from underneath his podium.) B: Children’s parent’s children. And my old friend Wendy from third grade. If we don’t crush him... and I mean we really have to crush him with our bare hands, and then we’ll all bury the body together, underneath the center of town... if we fail to do this... my fellow Americans... well then we’re gonna have a lot of unhappy babies to take care of in the future. T: Your future is very limited, Joe. I wouldn’t worry too much about it if I were you. B: Let me be as clear as day... tenacity. M: How are you guys doing this? B: Taking that train all the way to tenacity town. Taking it there, and taking it back. Every night. T: Sounds great, Joe. Really. (Big smirk and eye roll.) M: And here I am just trying to talk about the issues for shits and gigs but... some people say... wall... not feasible... not FUNDable... your thoughts, Mr. President? (Uses his hands as if to impart the question to the President.) (Someone has brought a roast chicken on the stage and Trump is using a fork and knife to take a bite... holds finger up while he’s chewing.) T: Excuse me. (Finishing chewing.) The wall will have elevators. But you can only use the elevator if you’re... not not white. M: So if you’re a Mexican or if you’re black... even if you’re a black American, you couldn’t use these so-called elevators. T: WRONG. M: So black Americans WILL be able to use the elevators. T: LIES. BIG LIES... fake lies. M: Just say it. T: That’s fake news. M: Great. All right. Glad we got that cleared up. Have you anything to add, Mr. Biden? B: Tedson, I like you. Not sure why but I do. Maybe you can make a good pancake in the morning. M: Great. T: Tremendous. M: Okay, if you were me... what question would you ask yourselves? Just to try to get it back a little. Just, SOMETHING for the average American out there watching to take away from tonight. Doesn’t even have to be about the wall! B: You ever had scrapple, Tedson? Feel it burn on the roof of your mouth. The good burn. M: Can’t say that I have, no. B: If I win, I promise free scrapple for the first year of my presidency. And check this out, this is my new campaign slogan... You ready?... Take a Dump on Trump. T: No, Joe, I promise free scrapple until... something even BIGGER happens. B: Oh, what, until your mother stops turning tricks on Chickadee Street? (Biden lunges at Trump again, and the front page of the newspaper the next day, taken from behind the two candidates, is the former Vice President suspended in the air, his hands outstretched in a choking position, while the President smirks and the moderator sits at a distance and watches dumbfounded with his arms folded.)

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