#that was probably the 13th reason for him to get his ass to the ocean and find them lol
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they did us dirty for not showing Will's reaction when he found out Hannibal took Bedelia with him after he ran to Europe. that's why he tried to stab him lmao
#my boy was fuming#that was probably the 13th reason for him to get his ass to the ocean and find them lol#he was like hell nooo hell fucking no it's one thing for you to ditch me gutted but to take another bitch ??? fuck you you gon pay#hannigram#nbc hannibal#hannibal#will graham#murder husbands#hannibal lecter#hugh dancy#mads mikkelsen
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Until we say goodbye || two
Warning! This multipart story takes place after the events of season 3. There’s huge spoilers already in the synopsis down below. I warned you.
Synopsis: (Y/N) Hargrove has to come to terms with the fact that her twin brother is dead and she had to watch him die, unable to do anything about it. There is something she can do for him now though and that’s keeping a promise. The promise to go back home to California. Together. In order to drive cross country and spread Billy’s ashes in a place where the Hargrove kids used to be happy, (Y/N) enlists the help of Steve Harrington. Steve Harrington who decides that it’s time to break out from his parents expectations and be the person he always wanted to be.
This time on “Until we say goodbye”: The teens stay at a quirky motel. Steve talks to mama Harrington and (Y/N) give us a look into her childhood.
(caution: mention of death, emotional abuse, slight mention of physical abuse, mention of alcohol // if you need me to tag any other possible triggers let me know)
One //
Part 2 of ?
[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]
Help a girl out with a reblog, thank you ♥
And if we hit on troubled water
I’ll be the one to keep you warm and safe
And we’ll be carrying each other
Until we say goodbye on our dying day
A cool breeze is blowing past (Y/N) as she sits on edge of the old abandoned lifeguard tower, feet dangling in the air. She’s well aware of the fact that the wind is making a mess of her hair, leaving it a tangled mess. She doesn’t really give a shit though.
The beach is practically deserted except for her and the couple strolling by the shore, throwing sticks for their puppy every once in a while. They seem so happy, as if nothing matters but them and their dog and the ocean.
Her thoughts wander towards Pumpkin, the little Jack Russell puppy they adopted a few years ago when dad was dating this woman named Laura. Laura loved dogs and dad loved Laura and so when she moved in, so did Pumpkin.
(Y/N) loved that stupid dog, hell even Billy did. But like all good things in the Hargrove’s life, this one didn’t last very long either. Dad messed up his relationship with Laura and Laura was smart enough to get the fuck out and take Pumpkin with her.
The thumping of boots against the wooden planks of the lifeguard tower, pulls (Y/N) back from her trip down memory lane.
Billy plops down next to her, fumbling a cigarette from the pocket of his denim jacket and lighting it. He’s started smoking a few months ago, just after the twins 13th birthday. Dad was really mad when he found that first cigarette hole in the carpet of their room.
“ Why are you here ? ‘s about to storm “ Billy mumbles around the cigarette dangling from the corner of his lips.
“ Dad’s being as asshole “
“ As per usual “ Billy scoffs, “ what happened ? “
“ He found out that I pierced my ears, said I look like a slut. “
The words still sting even now that she repeats them to her brother. (Y/N) doesn’t think it’s something a father should say, especially to his daughter. It’s just earrings, what’s the big deal ?
It doesn’t make her a slut. Right ?
“ What the fuck does he know. He still lives in 1971 with his ugly ass mustache“ Billy jokes, effectively getting a laugh from his twin sister.
“ You know what the worst part is ? “ (Y/N) asks.
“ Hmm ? “
“ I think my ears might be infected. They burn like hell. “
“ Ya know what ? That’s your own damn fault. I told you using Galliano liqueur was not the best way to sanitize the needle. “
(Y/N) chuckles, nodding her head in agreement. “ Yeah, you were right, I admit it “.
“ Good. “
She turns to look at her brother. His hair is growing longer now, the curls sitting messily on his head reminding her of crashing waves during a thunderstorm.
Dad hates that Billy is growing his hair and and (Y/N) is fairly sure that’s part of the reason why Billy likes his hair so much. Everything that pisses off their dad is a good think in Billy’s book.
“ Still think you should’ve let me pierce one of your ears. Would’ve looked damn cool. “ she says, teasing smirk playing on her lips.
Billy shakes his head, curls bouncing from the motion. He’s mirroring her smirk though.
“ No fucking way. Never. “
(Y/N) finger plays with the tiny silver spike dangling from her ear as her eyes focus on the scenery passing by the window. There’s not a lot to see really, it’s almost pitch black outside. They’re on the road for about an hour and a half now but Steve keeps bringing up stopping.
He’s tired, (Y/N) can tell. Tired and still a bit freaked out by the whole situation.
“ So Terre Haute is coming up at I think we should see if we can find a place to stay the night, then stock up on food and gas tomorrow morning and drive through the entire day “.
Steve speaks up, more of a monologue than anything else. (Y/N) doesn’t mind how long the journey takes as long as they get to California in the end. She doesn’t mind stopping for the night. Doesn’t mind the occasional food or toilet breaks. Leaving Hawkins behind already feels liberating.
Every mile they put between themselves and that fucking town feels like a weight lifted off her shoulder.
“ Alright, sounds good to me. We gotta find a cheap place though, I don’t have a lot of cash with me “.
“ S’alright I got it “ Steve exclaims.
“ I don’t need your charity, Harrington, “ (Y/N) snaps at him. Maybe it’s a Hargrove thing, being bad at accepting help from other people. From basically strangers.
For the biggest part of her life, (Y/N) only had Billy to depend on. Now that he’s gone it feels absolutely terrifying putting her trust in someone else.
“ Sorry I — that’s not what I meant. “
“ No, “ (Y/N) sighs “ I’m sorry for snapping. I know what you meant. It’s okay. “
There’s a thick awkward tension filling the car and (Y/N) absolutely hates it.
“ Can I turn on the radio ? “ she asks motioning towards it.
Steve nods in agreement. “ There should still be a mixtape in the player. “
With the push of a button the opening chords to Mötley Crües ‘Shout at the devil’ echo through the vehicle, making (Y/N) raise her eyebrows in surprise.
“ Steve Harrington, I did not expect you to listen to this kind of music “.
Steve just shrugs “ why not ? I like all kinds of music. “
“ Steve Harrington, Hawkins’ golden boy listening to the Devil’s music. That’s a surprise. “
“ Golden boy, “ Steve scoffs “ yeah right. I just about graduated High School. I didn’t get into college. I work at a video store and my own dad thinks I’m goddamn loser. “
“ You wanna talk about shitty dads ? Cause let me tell you, I’ll win that one. “
It’s quiet for a moment, before Steve clears his throat and speaks up again.
“ Can I ask you something ? “
“ Mmh “
“ What did they tell your dad happened ? Did they — did they really tell him that whole fire bullshit ? “
“ Yup. “
“ And he believed it ? “
(Y/N) nods. “ He did. He has no reason not to “.
The fire story. Authorities told Neil and elaborate story about how Billy died in a tragic accident in the big fire at Starcourt mall. Something about wrong place wrong time.
(Y/N) was there when they told him. Susan was crying hysterically. Max was — numb. Neil though. Neil didn’t even flinch. There was no sign of emotion. No sign of grieve. Nothing. Nothing at all.
“ I don’t think he gives a shit either, to be honest. “
“ That’s horrible. “ Steve exclaims.
“ That’s my dad for ya. “
Steve’s BMW rolls up to the parking lot of the Cardinal Inn Motel. It’s a small Motel complex and it looks like it’s seen better days. The walls are a dirty white, almost gray color and all doors are painted a bright red although most of the paint is chipping off.
The kids enter the motel lobby, a small room decked out in all kinds of kitschy decor. There’s cross stitch art and paintings and decorative throw pillows. And all if it proudly features various images of a red cardinal bird.
“ Welcome to the Cardinal Inn Motel. “ a chipper voice speaks up from behind the reception desk. “ I’m Ruth, how can I help ya ? “
Ruth is a plump little woman with a kind smile, round cheeks and extremely curly ginger hair. She looks more like a caricature than an actual person. Though (Y/N) thinks she fits this place perfectly.
“ We would like twooo — ? “ Steve trails off and glances towards (Y/N) in question.
“ One “
“ — one room. With two beds though “.
“ Oh sure sure. Let me see. It’s 32 $ for a night. “ Ruth says and opens a book, probably looking up which rooms are occupied and which rooms are free. She walks towards a board holding a lot of keys and takes one of handing it to Steve.
“ This is your room key, It’s number 44. When you step outside, the room is located in the building to your right. It’s on the first floor, first door once you walk up the stairs. I would have to ask for a down payment though. Just in case. “
Steve hastily pulls out a bundle of cash from his jeans, counting the right amount and handing it to Ruth. “ That’s the entire amount, we’re only staying for one night “.
“ Very well then. I hope you have a pleasant stay at the Cardinal Inn. “ Ruth chirps almost like a bird herself.
“ Thanks “ Steve says and walks towards the door.
(Y/N) stays rooted though, eyes wandering around the room from one red bird to the next to the next.
“ Hey Ruth, “ she chimes up.
“ Yes, dear ? “
“ What’s with the birds ? “
“ Oh the cardinal ? That’s Indiana’s state bird. “
“ They’re funky looking little guys, huh ? “
“ Truly. They’re also very interesting. If you want to learn about them, they’re an informational brochure in every room. “
(Y/N) gives Ruth a soft smile then rushes after Steve, out into the chilly night air.
“ Knight Rider, really Harrington ? “
Steve sits up from his slumped position on the bed as (Y/N) comes back from the bathroom, freshly showered and dressed in her pyjamas. A choice of pyjamas she thoroughly regrets now as the cool air inside the motel room hits the skin of her legs.
She’s dressed in a pair of short red pj pants and one of Billy’s old band shirts. One she’s stolen from his closet after — the incident. It smells like him. Makes her feel like he’s still there.
“ What, It’s good. “
“ It’s so stupid. It’s a talking car. “
“ Okay, whatever. You keep on hating but I tell you this show is gonna last forever and it’s gonna win all the awards. Trust me. “
“ Mmmh. Sure. Shower’s yours. “
Steve gathers some of his stuff from his duffle bag and moves towards the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
As she is left alone in the room, the gravity of it all comes crashing down on (Y/N). This is it. That trip she wanted to go on with Billy. That trip they had fantasized about since the moment they left California.
Now it’s happening but it doesn’t feel right. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. With Billy in a thermos. With Billy — dead.
The room suddenly feels too small. Like the walls are gonna close in on her any second now. She needs air. Fresh air. Needs to get out of here. Now. Now.
So she does.
Slips on her shoes and the room key and dashes out through the door and into the night. It’s cold. Way too cold for the amount of clothing she’s wearing or not wearing depending on how you see it.
For a while all she does is walk up and down the road, wishing she had remembered to take her pack of smokes with her.
When it gets too cold though, she spots a neon sign in one of the windows of the Lobby building. “Souvenirs”.
She wonders if all of those souvenirs have red birds on them.
They don’t. Most of them do, but not all of them. A lot of them display what she can only assume are important buildings of the city of Terre Haute, Indiana.
(Y/N) remembers the few trips she used to take with her mom and Billy, when they were just little kids. Mom loved to take them to the little quirky little towns across the coast and the kids loved exploring them. Billy always got a postcard, from every single place. (Y/N) got keychains. She still has a box of them stuffed beneath her bed at home.
Her eyes wander around the room before they fall onto a display of all kinds of different postcards. Most of them, as expected, have birds on them. Though there’s one that doesn’t. It says “Terre Haute” in big bold letters. It reminds her of the ones Billy used to get from those coastal towns.
Greetings from … the few happy childhood memories she can remember.
(Y/N) takes the card over towards the reception, where Ruth greets her with another of her signature Ruth smiles. Kind and warm.
“ Hi, dear. “
“ Hi uh — I want to buy this postcard. I can’t find a price though, ah shit I left my money up in the room let me just — “
Before she can hurry towards her room though, Ruth stops her.
“ It’s okay, Darling. You can have it for free. “
“ Oh no, I — “
“ Please. You asked about the birds that pretty much the most anyone has cared about this place in a while. Take it. I want you to have it. “
It’s kinda sad, (Y/N) thinks. That her just asking about those silly birds made Ruth this happy. That people pay so little attention to her adorably little bird room.
“ Thank you, Ruth. That is very sweet of you. And this place is adorable. “
“ Thank you, dear. Do you need a stamp for that ? “
(Y/N) sighs “ No. No I don’t. “
The Bean is a little diner at the edge of town looking out onto the Wabash River. It’s emitting a perpetual smell of coffee and waffles and breakfast food.
Steve is munching down an entire plate of eggs and bacon. Oh to have the metabolism of a teenage boy.
(Y/N) takes another sip of her black coffee, hoping that the caffeine is gonna help keep her awake and not get too tired during their drive. After all they plan on being on the road for the entire day.
The pancakes on her plate are long forgotten. She hasn’t really been feeling like eating since it all happened. It’s like she’s acting on power saving mode. Always tired. Always sad. Always working on half speed.
“ You should eat something. You need it. “ Steve remarks.
“ Are you flirting with me ? ”
“ I uh — what ? “
“ Male cardinals feed females as part of their courtship ritual. A female’s partner bears total responsibility for satisfying her dietary needs. “
“ How do you know this ? “
(Y/N) smiles and takes another sip of coffee “ my friend Ruth recommended me some interesting reading material “.
She doesn’t mention that the nightmares didn’t allow her much sleep and that she spent most of the night staying up reading the informational magazine. There’s things Steve just doesn’t need to know.
“ Alriiiight. “ Steve exclaims, eyebrows raised “ Hey, what’s that. You gonna send a card home ? “ he asks and motions towards the postcard she’d been scribbling on while he had been ordering their food.
“ Nah. Not really. This one’s for someone else “.
“ Alright … hey uh. I think I should call my parents “
She looks up from her cup at Steve’s words. This can’t be happening. She can’t go back home now. He can’t bail on her.
“ Harrington “
“ Don’t look at me like that, I’m not turning around and crawling back home. I just don’t want my mom to worry. I need her to know I’m safe. “
That’s right, Steve has a mom too, not just an asshole dad. A mom who cared and who worries and who loves. God it’s been so long since (Y/N) had one of those.
“ Okay, yeah. But um — can you not mention my name. I don’t want any news to get to my dad. “
“ Of course. Yeah, no worries.“
“ Thanks “.
Despite what Billy always said about him, Steve seems to be an alright guy after all. His hair’s ridiculous though.
It rings once, twice, three times before someone picks up.
“ Hello ? “
“ Mom, it’s me. “
“ Oh god Steve. Honey where are you I’m worried sick “.
That sends a little pang to his heart. His mother is a nice lady, she loves him deeply and she doesn’t deserve for him to worry her like that. But this is something Steve has to do, if not for (Y/N) then for himself.
“ I’m alright mom. I’m taking a friend on a — uh a roadtrip. “
“ A roadtrip ?”
“ Yea. To uh — “ his mind wanders to Billy. “ We’re going to help her brother “.
“ Okay, well are you alright ? “
No. He hasn’t been alright in a long time. Since 1983 to be completely honest.
Maybe this trip is just what he needs. A way out. An escape.
Steve leans his head against the payphone, taking a deep breath.
“ I don’t know, mom. But I’m safe and I need to just — just get away. “
“ Is this because of what happened with the Holland girl ? Or the mall ?“
Yes. All of it. If only she knew.
“ It’s just a lot lately. Can you just trust me in this, mom. That I’m doing what’s best for me ? “
His mother hesitates for a moment before clearing her throat.
“ Of course I do, sweet boy. But I am a mom and I do worry. I always will. “
It warms his heart. To know someone does care and someone does love him, no matter how much he messes up.
“ I know. I love you and I’ll be back soon. I promise. I just need to do this, for me.“
“ Be safe, Steve “
“ I will. “
Before he hangs up he can just about make out his father’s voice in the background, asking if “that’s him” and “what’s he messed up this time ? “
And it once again becomes crystal clear why getting on the road with (Y/N) is the best decision he’s made in a long time.
He walks back over to her, as she leans against his car chewing some bright pink bubble gum.
“ You ready to head out ? “
“ Yup. Your parents mad ? “
“ No. Surprisingly not. Mom just wants me to be safe. “
“ Aw little Stevie. How adorable. Anyway let’s go. “
As they both settle back in their seats, Steve slides the signature dark shades back onto his nose and turns towards (Y/N).
“ Sooo, snacks ? “
“ Snacks “ she nods and throws him one of her signature smirks “ definitely need some twizzlers to survive this trip “.
“ Happy Birthday to me “ a freshly 9 year old (Y/N) mumbles as she buries her feet in the warm sand. It’s almost time for the sun to set behind the horizon and color the sky in beautiful shades of reds and pinks and oranges.
For the last 8 years this has been a moment she has shared with her mom. Every birthday the two of them would come down to the beach and watch the sunset. Just them two.
Billy had the morning to spend alone with mom, going to the beach to catch some waves, and (Y/N) got to have the evening.
They’d sit and talk for hours and hours and hours. About everything. The silliest things.
This year she hasn’t so much as called. As if neither (Y/N) nor Billy ever existed in her life.
Billy’s been grumpy all day, refusing to spend time with his sister and deciding to go hang out with some of those stupid boys from the neighbourhood that always call (Y/N) dumb names.
(Y/N) watches the sun lower itself as if to drown the light in the dark water of the ocean, when a little plastic bag lands next to her. Just a moment later Billy drops down onto the ground too.
“ Got you some candy. Twizzlers, your favorite “
“ Did you steal them ? “
“ No, dingus. I bought them with my own money. “
“ Good. Means I don’t have to feel guilty when eating them. “
It’s silent for a moment as they sit beside each other, watching the sunset.
“ Hey I’m sorry “ Billy whispers, as if speaking any louder would mean destroying the magic of the moment.
“ It’s okay. You’re sad. I’m sad too. “
“ I’m not sad “ he claims “ I’m angry. So angry. “
“ You can be sad and angry at the same time. They’re not mutually exclusive. “
“ Stop using big words. “
“ Sorry. “
Billy takes a big breath “ I’ve decide “ he exclaims “ that from this moment on I’ll missing her. If she doesn’t want to come home, doesn’t want to see us. Screw her. I don’t need her and neither do you. “
(Y/N) knows that’s absolute bullshit but she also knows that Billy has a certain way of coping with loss and sadness and maybe she doesn’t share his ways or understand them fully but she can respect them if it means he’s less angry and less sad.
“ Okay. “
“ We don’t need her because we have each other “ he says, placing his hand on hers “ right ? “
In that moment, little (Y/N) knows that whatever the world is gonna throw her way, it’s only half as bad with her twin brother by her side.
“ Of course. Always “
If only they had known how terribly short ‘always’ would turn out to be.
_________
tags:
@sargent-barnes //
#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington imagines#steve harrington fanfiction#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington x reader#stranger things imagines#stranger things imagine#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things fanfic
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general kinformation
okay mems
heres *claps* this shit
David “Dave” Strider
~Age~
16 at the time of his death.
~Birthday~
December 3, 1995
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male, He/Him/His
~Species~
Human
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
A solid 8 or 9.
~Physical Description~
- About 6ft and 145lbs.
- Red eyes.
- Very lacking in melanin (had albinism), so I had very light blond-almost-white, thin hair, and very pale skin.
- I had freckles eeeeverywhere though.
- Always wore my shades.
- Lots of bodily scars from Sburb/past-abuse.
~Memories~
- I was a doomed timeline Dave
- I still reached God Tier
- I was with Terezi for a bit but we were better friends
- I got with Karkat sometime after that, as a moirail at first, then it just kept vacillating between pale, flush, and sometimes pitch
- “Born” and raised Texas native in Houston, was in 8th grade when the game started
- I had a sorta accent but I hid it
- I had a complicated relationship with my bro, but I think I still cared a little for him
- Bisexual disaster
- Had a crush on John at one point. A huge crush it was really bad
- John had a lot of influence on me
- I think I died sometime during the final fight with Jack, he stabbed me
- I had albinism, with super white hair and skin, and that’s why I wore the shades all the time. Light hurt my eyes
- Freckles. Everywhere
- I died during S: Game Over
- Pre-meteor, I was pretty similar to canon
- I had a lot of scars on my body from the abuse I received from my bro
- I never got to meet Dirk (but god would I like to)
- I believe John was Jewish? And I was an atheist
- I would lay down my life for Jade Harley in a heartbeat. I guess I technically did?
- Before game, me and Bro (his name was Derrick) had a dog. I don’t think we had it at the time of the game, but we had a dog at some point
- Bro and I would also play in the snow a lot when it snowed
- Because of my albinism, I had really bad vision and would wear contacts. Before I got contacts I had glasses I would wear to school and kids would make fun of me for my eyes and really pale complexion a lot
Dave Strider (Heinoustuck)
~Age~
13
~Birthday~
December 3rd, 1995
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male, He/Him/His
~Species~
Transmutated human, not actually a bird.
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
Like a 1 or 2 it doesn’t happen often.
~Physical Description~
- Maybe about 5’3.
- I had wings big enough to wrap around my body.
- There was just dry blood, everywhere.
- Really pale, but mainly because I was dead.
- Had one human arm and leg, and one more bird like human arm and leg.
- I had a plague doctor mask sewn onto my face, and feathers were around my neck and waist, and even some in my hair.
- I had a sword in my stomach, it was removable.
- If you removed the mask, it’d just be a skinned face. Not pretty.
~Memories~
- I was excited but also nervous about my transmutation
- My relationship with my bro was better during this timeline just because we were both kind of weird ass monsters
- I was dead, and so my body was really cold all the time
- When the transmutation surgery was performed on my 13th birthday, they didn’t put me under. That surprised me and I wasn’t expecting it and I was briefly terrified. Them performing surgery like that is what killed me (but I was brought back, transmutated, so we’re gucci)
- I was part of the reason why John ended up transmutated oops
- I refused to play the game with him and because Rose was having a lot of troubles with the internet on her end John eventually got caught by his dad
- I was pleased that he finally went through with it, even if it was forced
- Even pre-transmutation, John was my best friend
Sollux Captor
~Age~
Roughly 9 sweeps, but still lived a full life outside of canon
~Birthday~
May 21, 1995
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male, He/Him/His
~Species~
Troll
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
Maybe like a 6 or 7
~Physical Description~
- About 5’7, really thin and lanky.
- Double/Forked everything, almost. Double horns, forked tongue, double-pointed ears. Yes, even what you’re thinking. There was two.
- Everything on my body was fairly yellow tinted because of my blood.
- Not super different to how I’m drawn in canon.
~Memories~
- I am fairly canon consistent, and have memories from Sollux’s life before I took over, but my specific life began on Prospit as Sollux’s dream self
- Aradia and Feferi were matesprits of mine at one point or another
- Seeing Aradiabot “date” Equius was so weird
- I was really good at programming and hacking, and did that stuff all the time
- I had a kismesissititude with Eridan but it was a little too much and it blew up. Ended up blind and he ended up dead so yeah
- I still forgave him though
- I was from an Earth C timeline, and ended up with Aradia as my matesprit again.
- Uuu other than that he’s pretty canon?
Sollux Captor (Humanstuck)
~Age~
About late 20’s/early 30’s.
~Birthday~
May 21st, year unknown.
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male, He/Him/His
~Species~
Human
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
Maybe a 3.
~Physical Description~
- About 5’8, real fuckin skinny.
- I had heterochromia, with one brown and one blue eye, but I was blind in the blue eye.
- White, with really dark black hair.
- I basically lived in polo shirts.
- I wore round glasses before I went blind and kept wearing them even afterwards out of habit.
~Memories~
- I went to University with a lot of my friends, both me and Karkat doing the computer science programs (information tech for me specifically)
- Aradia and I were married for a few years, but then I got into a car accident with her as the passenger and she passed. That’s how I lost vision in one eye
- I had heterochromia, and never grew out of the lisp
- If I wasn’t in a polo shirt and didn’t have a can of Monster or Red Bull at my side it wasn’t me
- Had a brief fling with Eridan that didn’t really last, ended up with Feferi in the end
- I worked as the IT guy for a video production company
- Put a ring on Feferi despite being nervous after what happened to Aradia
- I was really really white. Feferi was black, Aradia was Japanese, Eridan was Pacific Islander, and Karkat was a stinky ginger who dyed his hair black with box dye
Johnathan “John” Egbert
~Age~
20 by the end of canon.
~Birthday~
April 13, 1996
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male, He/Him/His
~Species~
Human
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
Like a strong 5
~Physical Description~
- Super Short, like 5’3 even after puberty.
- Not white, but whatever race I was I have no idea.
- Soft, but not too thick.
- Jet black, thick hair, dark blue eyes, and a dark complexion.
- Had buck teeth and a slight overbite, that was fixed a little bit with braces I had when I was younger.
~Memories~
- My dad taught me how to play the piano growing up, and his death really tore me up. I couldn’t look at pianos the same afterwards.
- I was from a (I think) fairly canon consistent, earth C timeline.
- I was fairly convinced I was heterosexual. (News flash: I wasn’t)
- I played so many pranks, people hated it.
Derrick “Dirk” Strider
~Age~
20 by the end of canon
~Birthday~
December 3, 2409
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male, He/Him/His
~Species~
Human
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
Like a 2
~Physical Description~
- My hair was slicked back all. the. time. Speaking of hair, I was a ginger.
- A sort of really bright orange eye color.
- T o l like 6’4 and also fairly built. Not muscular but not super lanky either.
- Not a lot of freckles, but I had some on my cheeks.
- Still had my sweet tat.
~Memories~
- Mostly earth C canon timeline.
- I was afraid of water, mainly the ocean, because I couldn’t really swim well.
- Cal’s existence in my life was weird to say the least. He was a lot more sentient when I was in need of a guardian, and grew more and more inanimate as I got older and stopped needing him to take care of me
- I don’t know when I found out I was gay, but Jake was my first crush.
- I didn’t talk to another living soul (that wasn’t Cal) until I was at least 11 or 12 when I met Callie. So, I was a little socially stunted.
- I got back together with Jake on earth C after working through our issues a little more.
- So Gay.
Derrick “Dirk” Strider (No Game)
~Age~
Mid 20’s
~Birthday~
December 3rd, year unknown.
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male, He/Him/His
~Species~
Human
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
A 1 or a 2.
~Physical Description~
- My hair was slicked back all. the. time. Speaking of hair, I was a ginger.
- A sort of really light brown, looked orange eye color.
- 6’4 and also fairly built. Not muscular but not super lanky either.
- Not a lot of freckles, but I had some on my cheeks.
- Fairly heavily tattooed.
~Memories~
- I was born in Houston but lived in Japan for a period of time before going back to Houston.
- It wad actually modern day times just like Jane/Jake.
- I lived with all the Striders, but kept closest to my older bro David.
- I was in a ldr relationship with Jake, and eventually moved him out with me to Houston.
- Our relationship was a little rough at first, but after some time apart to work on our issues we tried again, eventually getting married.
- My family consisted of Derrick, David, myself, and Dave, usually called Davie.
- Hal was still an AI program I created.
- I did engineering and programming for a living.
- So Gay x2.
Grandpa Jacob “Jake” Harley
~Age~
Basically deceased by now, probably in his 90’s when he died
~Birthday~
April 21, 1910
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male, He/Him/His
~Species~
Human
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
Maybe a 1 or 2
~Physical Description~
- As a young lad, I basically looked like Jake English (I mean, he is me so).
- I was dark skinned, pacific islander, and fairly thick and muscular.
- I had dark brown, almost black hair, and dark green eyes.
- In my older years, I grew out my mustache.
- My teeth were a little fucked up.
- As I got older, I got grayer, and didn’t bother with dye.
~Memories~
- My canon is based loosely around the ARG lore, minus the whole uh, Adolf bit.
- Also based around Hiveswap canon.
- So I have a good handful of children, and I wasn’t the best parent to all of them, and I realized that, so I really tried improving with Jade. I still loved them all dearly though.
- I would take her out hunting along the island, teaching her young because there’s a lot of critters on the island.
- I was the original bisexual.
- I was kind of clueless.
- I was well travelled, having explored many caves, forests, and mountains. My favorite thing to see was always the aurora borealis.
Lil Hal
~Age~
When I was originally built I had the mentality of a 13 year old. I’ve sort of aged mentally but not entirely.
~Birthday~
I don’t have one really, at least not one that I know of yet.
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male presenting, He/Him/His
~Species~
AI/Android
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
Like a 1 or 2.
~Physical Description~
- I used to be a triangle pair of anime glasses.
- Then when I got a body, I was given more humanlike features and looked more like Dirk.
- I had a more red, black and white design though.
- The drawing I made describes his looks fairly well.
~Memories~
- I was part of an offshoot timeline where I didn’t get prototyped with ARquiusprite. Instead, I was given a body.
- I had a fear of death.
- I wasn’t an official player in the game but I helped Dirk and them play.
- I’m not sure how I ended up dying, I don’t have many memories of him yet.
- Him and Dave got really close throughout it all and I adopted him as my human brother.
- Developing emotions was Scary.
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Wish
I wrote a fic as a birthday gift for Mello. If there is any grammatical error, don't hesitate to tell me :)
Here we go. Enjoy!
~~~~~~~
December 13th, 2009
03:00 am. Why was Mello out here, alone, in the street at this time? Oh right, because he ran out of chocolate, and he couldn't stand the annoying sounds came from his best friend's precious PSP. Seriously, Mello could swear: Matt would make out with it if it was a human. He needed to concentrate in order to catch Kira, for God's sake! But then again, the redhead never said anything about Mello's obsession with chocolate, so he couldn't complain. That's when he chose to go outside and take some fresh air.
But no! Life is such an ass. It had to be snow, SNOW, of all things! Maybe leather wasn't a good idea. But Mello shrugged that thought off nonetheless. He liked leather, and he's strong, he could handle this cold. The worst thing's that there was no store left open. Now he was frozen, he was irritated, and he was starving for sugar.
Brrrrrrrr
Mello felt vibration in his pocket. He took out his phone and answered it.
"Hello?"
"Mello..." There it was, that unmistakable, cold and firm yet soft voice.
"...Near." He was slightly surprised. Why would Near, of all people, call him at this time? "What do you want?"
"Would you mind coming to the SPK Headquarters now?" At this, Mello almost fell back and landed on hit butt.
"Why on earth would I-" the younger boy cut him off.
"Please..."
"..." Wow, begging-Near. That was new. "Fine, whatever."
"Good. When you get there, go to the monitor room. I've turned off security system, so there's nothing for you to worry about."
"Yeah yeah." With that response, Mello hung off immediately, staring at his phone for a few minutes. He angrily kicked a nearest bunch of snow. The blonde then head to the SPK Headquarters, confused and a little excited for an unknown reason.
03:30 am. Mello was standing in front of the monitor room's metal slide door. He took a deep breath. This was the same room where he had met Near for the first time in 4 years to retrieve his photo. Why am I so fucking nervous? He scolded and walked in.
White hair, white pyjamas, pale skin and stormy grey eyes. There he was, sitting in the middle of the dim room in his odd yet familiar posture, glowing softly thanks to his alabaster complexion. Near hadn't changed at all, Mello noted. No matter how old the albino was, he still looked like a kid. He only got slightly taller, his voice got deeper, and his cheeks got less round.
"I'm glad that you came, Mello." Near greeted in his monotone, but there was a hint of delight in it.
"Don't Near. That hospitality-tone doesn't suit you. Just go straight to the point." God, he wish he had had chocolate.
"You're correct. That doesn't suit me." The white-haired boy stated. "Please come here."
"Why don't you pick your lazy ass up and come here?" Mello mocked but he still did as told and sat on the floor, in front of Near. "Now what?" He asked absently. The younger male looked into his azure orbs for a moment, before took something from behind his back. A chocolate muffin.
"Happy birthday..." He whispered softly, his voice sounded awkward. Mello just stared, and stared at the muffin in those small hands. A smirk crossed his face.
"...So you do remember huh?" He whispered back, like their exchange words were something special, something needed to be kept secret.
"Why not? It's not like that you forget my birthday." Near tilted his head.
"Yeah, but I gave you stuffs like shit." Mello remembered everything he'd get Near when they were at Wammy's. There was a year, he gave the boy a piece of paper with 'Dear Near, you are an asshole' on it. And another year, the blonde gave Near crumpled cards so Near couldn't build anything with them. But the little teen always kept what his rival got him, and always gave Mello his favourite type of chocolate on his birthday. That, Mello could never comprehend.
"...You're the only one who remembered it anyway."
Awkward silence.
"Whatever. I'm gonna eat this muffin." Mello murmured and reached for the treat, but Near stopped him. He then took out a small candle and a lighter.
"No. You have to make a wish first." The albino put the candle on the muffin and carefully lit it up.
"...You've got to be kidding me!" The chocoholic growled. This kid was so unbearable!
"It's tradition, Mello." Near replied matter of factly. Mello had to snort at the boy's behaviour. Near didn't just look like a kid, he acted like one too. Hell, that seventeen year old still played with toys.
"Alright sir." Mello closed his eyes. After a moment, he opened them and blew out the candle. The mafioso then immediately grabbed the cake and took a big bite. Half of the muffin had gone into his mouth. He moaned, feeling the sweet on his tongue.
"Hey, have some." Mello offered the younger male the other half. Near just gazed at it before hesitantly opened his mouth and let Mello fed him.
"So, what did you wish for?" Near asked, curiosity filled his voice. The blonde laughed, ruffled his white hair fondly. Near's onyx eyes widened at the touch, but he soon relaxed and leaned into it. He liked, no, loved the feeling. He loved the feeling of Mello's hand in his hair.
"I can't tell, Near. It's tradition." The blonde teased. The albino rolled his eyes. Mello was right, unfortunately.
"So did you have it?" He asked quietly.
"No, not yet. But..." Mello trailed off, hand still on Near's head, stroking his hair gently. "...I'll tell you when I have what I wished for."
"When, exactly?"
"...When everything is over. When Kira get caught. When this case comes to an end. When everything is normal again..." The blonde whispered. "That's when, I promise, okay?" Ocean blue locked with stormy grey. Near thought for a moment, and nodded.
"Pinky swear?" He asked innocently, rising his pinky to Mello's eye level. Mello smiled a genuine smile, then hooked his own pinky with Near's.
"Pinky swear."
January 27th, 2010
Near was sitting in the monitor room, a letter in his hands. It was from Mello. Halle found it in the blonde's apartment. It had 'To Near' on it. The white-haired boy inhaled deeply and opened the letter.
'Near,
When you are reading this, I'd probably died. But I'm not the one who can't keep his promise. I'm gonna make this quick, because it's already weird as fuck. Writing this, I mean. So here we go.
What I wished for on my birthday was you, Near. I want you. Funny, huh? I wanted to beat you, now I want to be with you. I want your mind, your heart, all of you. I love seeing your smile, the way you twirling your hair,... I want to be the one you can trust enough to let your walls down, the shoulder you can lean on whenever you break down. You've always fascinated me. But I guess that having you is impossible now.
I'm sorry, Nate, for being a coward. At least you are safe now. Please kick Kira's butt, and lead a happy life, for Watari, for L, for Matt, for me... I'll be waiting for you at the finish line.
I love you.
Mihael Keehl.'
"Stupid Mello..." Near whispered, his voice was cold and empty. "You've always had what you wished for..."
Outside the room, Rester, Gievanni and Halle watched silently as a single tear hit the floor.
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Beyond the Happily Ever After by SJPE intern Elida Ramos
Beyond The Happily Ever After: Ariel
Welcome to beyond the happily ever after, let’s open up the fairytale story book to the chapter on our ocean princess Ariel. Before we dive into this love story, allow me to provide some historical background about the origins of The Little Mermaid. The original Little Mermaid story takes place in the 13th century, which is like 1200-1299, and it was authored in 1837 by Hans Christian Andersen. Basically, it was written a long ass time ago by this old white guy, and he actually wrote a number of famous fairy tales. He wrote The Ugly Duckling, Thumbelina, The Emperor’s New Clothes, and so many more. The first image that came to mind when I first read this was an old creepy guy in a candle lit room writing these children stories with a feather pen. Now, I know what you might be thinking. You’re probably like “why are you judging this guy so harshly?” well it’s because I’m a man hating feminist… kidding. Instead of trying to explain myself let me just tell you all the children's story that this dude wrote. In the original tale Ariel is a 14 year old girl, who lives in the ocean and she is the youngest daughter of King Triton. Ariel comes across the human Prince Eric, and instantly falls in love with him. Honestly, if I was Ariel’s homegirl and she would tell me this the first thing I would probably say is “What do you mean? You don’t even know him?” Actually, the first thing I would have asked is “Is he cute'' but that’s just me being a toxica friend. Okay, so Ariel sees him and falls in love but because she was a mermaid and he was a human she knew she needed help to captivate his love. Ariel went to the sea witch, better known as Ursela, and asked her to give her legs, so that she could make the prince fall in love with her. The sea witch agrees to give Ariel legs, but under some conditions that she loses her tongue, and that she must gain the prince’s love in three days or she would lose her soul. Additionally, with every step that Ariel would take with her new legs it would feel like she was being pricked by sharp knives. Okay, pause. Homegirl is about to go through all this, at 14 years old just for the chance that Prince Eric might, MIGHT love her. Bueno, let’s continue, so Ariel gets her new legs and goes on her quest to make Prince Eric fall in love with her. Long story short, Prince Eric does not fall in love with her after the three days and he actually ends up marrying another woman. No pues wow, after all that and he still didn’t fall in love with her, pobrecita. Then on top of getting her heartbroken, now she is going to die because she couldn’t keep her deal with the sea witch. The sea witch does grant Ariel an ultimatum so that she can live. The sea witch tells Ariel that if she kills Prince Eric, then she won’t lose her soul. Ariel agrees, but when she goes to try to kill him she can’t bring herself to do it. So, since she doesn’t kill him Ariel dissolves into foam. Ariel. ARIEL. ARIEL!!! I mean I’m not going to judge her, and her willingness to go through so much pain at the young age of 14 only to die. After witnessing Ariel evaporate into a puddle of foam, Prince Eric just continues to live his best life as if nothing happened. Well, Andersen was not that cruel to our precious Ariel; he ends the story with her being granted a soul because of her selflessness under the condition that she carries out good deeds for humans for the next 300 years while she ascends into heaven.
Ariel could not catch a break! Even after her not choosing to kill the prince she is still only giving anything under a condition. All of this for a guy that she didn’t even end up with. Now that we have heard the original, let’s briefly talk about how the people at Disney read this dark story and made the decision to make this story into an animated film. The Disney animated film was released in 1989, 152 years after the original story was written. Now, Disney had the power to change the storyline into a fairy tale about an empowering mermaid, but instead they kept it exactly the same minus the dissolving into foam at the end. However, can we talk about how the Disney animated film made Ariel just seem so desperate for Prince Eric. Homegirl literally only met him once when she saved him from drowning, but yet she had a weird fascination with the human world. Can it be argued that she had a foot fetishes? I say this because she was also a princess, even without the prince she was still a princess so the only thing that differentiates her from Eric are her lack of feet. Furthermore, in both the original and disney movie Ursula is basically trying to stop her from pursuing Prince Eric, and that’s honestly really good advice. Like I said, if I was Ariel’s homegirl and she told me she was going to sacrifice her soul for a dude that she just met, I would also tell her to chill, take it slow. It’s also interesting that Ariel expresses how she wants to gain freedom from her dad only to be behind another man. So, now let’s dive into how this story influences our perception of love and allow me to offer an alternative story. I believe that this story teaches us that love at first sight is a thing, and I do think that someone can be attracted to someone the moment they see them, or that someone can have a crush on someone, but not love. Love in my opinion is a strong word and I find it hard to believe that we can love a stranger just by looking at them. Humans are such complex creatures, and maybe it’s just me but in the case of Ariel, I wonder how challenging it would be for her to assimilate into the human world. It’s not like people are that nice, or accepting as matter of fact.
Furthermore, can we acknowledge that her friends in the ocean were sea creatures and that the dinners they would serve in the castle were primarily seafood. I mean yikes, that sounds like an argument waiting to happen right there. Also, the fact that after further research I found that Ariel’s mom dies because a human ship basically just ran her over. This is the reason why Triton has this strong hate towards humans throughout the movie. Which makes sense! Humans are the reason why Triton is a widower, and Ariel does not have her mom. YET, plot twist Ariel is able to see past all this and instantly falls in love with a human. I don’t want to be a negative Nancy but this is just not realistic or healthy at that.
If I were to rewrite the story of “The Little Mermaid,” this is how the story would go. Ariel would be a young mermaid who does save Prince Eric from the shipwreck. When she takes him to shore, Ariel looks at the Prince and instantly finds him attractive. He begins to wake up and she swims back into the ocean. Ariel goes back home and she begins to realize that the human species has negatively impacted the creatures in the ocean. Realizing all the pollution that was near the shore, Ariel decides to plan a beach clean up. Ariel goes to speak with the ocean council to petition to be turned into a human until the beach clean up is over. After a couple of days the petition gets approved and Ariel moves forward with her beach clean up. While at the store trying to get supplies, she runs into Prince Eric. Ariel, being a mermaid, did not know that she needed money in order to get supplies, and Prince Eric offers to pay for the clean up supplies for her beach clean up. Ariel invites him to the clean up, and they talk for a bit while cleaning the beach. Once the day came to an end Prince Eric invites Ariel to go get ice cream, she agrees even though she had never had ice cream before. Ariel was intrigued, she really liked ice cream. When the date ended Prince Eric asked her on another date and Ariel agreed she let him know she would be in the area until she finished the beach restoration project. The next day Ariel comes back to the beach to continue her beach conservation, and Prince Eric shows up at the beach all dressed up in an expensive suit with a cup of ice coffee. During the clean up Eric keeps insisting to go to eat with Ariel, but she tells him she can’t until she finishes picking up the litter on the beach. Eric lets Ariel know he will just pick her up later for the date, and while he walks away Prince Eric tries to toss his coffee cup into the trash but misses. Instead of picking up the cup and throwing it away Prince Eric drives off in his car. Ariel cannot believe her eyes, how could Prince Eric tell her he cared about ocean conservation, yet decide to litter right in front of her. Ariel walked over to the cup in the sand, picked it up, and threw it away. Was that so hard? Ariel thought. Ariel decides not to go through with the date, and after seeing Prince Eric litter on the beach, while she was cleaning, made her realize that once she finished her ocean conservation humans would just go back to polluting the beaches. Suddenly, “That’s it!!” she said as she jumped up, perhaps humans don’t realize how much the trash left on beaches hurts our ocean life. Ariel went home right away and talked to her father King Triton to create an agreement with the humans to help protect the oceans from pollution. Triton is skeptical that the humans will agree but Ariel insists. Ariel meets with the King, which is Eric's dad, despite Eric not being interested in preserving the ocean his dad was extremely interested in ocean preservation. Ariel organizes a meeting with her father and the king which was awkward as Kin Triton had his strong beliefs against humans. Ariel with her wittiness and charm however was able to facilitate a healthy discussion with the two kings and because of Ariel’s persistence the two realms came to an agreement. The day of the agreement when Ariel is about to return to the ocean, and she becomes the queen of the sea. When Ariel takes the throne Eric writes to her asking for another chance, Ariel however is not interested and she lives on to be an environmental queen. And she lived happily ever after.
Now, not to toot my own horn but TOOT TOOT! I think this is a better story to be telling to the young minds of children, especially young girls. Lastly, let’s normalize having princesses of color because it’s not right to only have white representation of princesses. I hope you enjoyed today’s post and tune in next week for another deconstruction of a fairy tale story!
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Waves in the calm ocean.
Hi.
Wow it’s been months since I wrote something here.
My life’s just getting better each day, thanks God.
After had a mild depression because Pedodontic, things just get better each day, especially after 2 months in Tangerang. It was sure a fun experience, probably once in my lifetime.
So..
When I was in Tangerang, me and my friends played this 7-days challenge, starting from June 13th. We made an account in Tinder together, used our original name, photos, bios without using any dentistry-related words. Well, it was really, really funny. We met weird stranger, handsome stranger, cringe-worthy stranger. I myself found 2 decent guys. One with cute pick up line and one with easy-going self.
After a week, we have to delete our account and see what happened. Well, with my three other friends, nothing’s really happened. They do chatted but nothing else, no one interested in anyone. Except me.
So… this easy-going guy knew from the very first that I used Tinder just for the sake of my 7-days challenge. He asked for my WhatsApp so he can contact me after I uninstalled Tinder. Well, he’s really kind and fun to talk to. Also, I didn’t see anything will happen since our chat was pretty much PG-rated. We talked about life, perspective, well, things that I don’t usually talk to stranger. But he responded it very well, he answered it with all his might and lots of long paragraphs. Things were very safe, and I need someone kind to talk to so.. I don’t see that there will be any harm of giving him my personal number.
So, afterwards, we continued to chat via WhatsApp. I still remembered that he introduced himself with a long-ass paragraphs in early morning. We then talked, well, he asked me my typical guy, my previous relationships, well things that actually kinda personal. But I just thought that he asked that simply just out of curiosity. But until that, I didn’t know that he actually interested in me.
Finally, things just get way way weirder. He started to ask whether I’m close to somebody other than him, whether age is a problem, why I failed my relationship… I started to get that he’s actually interested in me but I replied it casually, even told him SO MANY TIMES that I wasn’t interested in those things. That I currently am not looking for love, let alone partners.
Here’s a quick recap about him:
He’s 26, a Virgo, a founder of his own business that running in esports department. He has 2 younger sisters, his parents were divorced, he didn’t go to college. He loved his jobs, not temperament at all, pretty patient, not a romantic but he sure is a melancholy. He’s funny, he has 2 cute cats named Owi and Jojo. He sent me memes. He sent me his writings. He sent me his puberty photos. He’s not shy with what he’s been through.
And he’s interested in me. Big time.
He asked me whether he can call me or not. But I said no.
He sent me voice messages instead in hope that I will replied him with mine. But I’m not.
He sent me his pictures from early days. But I’m not.
He EVEN f said my name in his online streaming (don’t ask me where, I never even heard about it).
He said he will respect my privacy, my space.
I already said it that the major reason why I failed in my previous relationship (he knew I never had a boyfriend) is because I’d like to cut off everything so suddenly if I think things are getting more serious. Like, if the guy starting to show that he has interest in me yet I don’t have the same feelings, I tend to cut it off because… I don’t want things get falling too deeper. So, before things get out of hands, I choose to get out as soon as possible.
I thought he understands that.
I thought that he won’t do the same mistakes.
Until yesterday….
Well, I had exam so I planned to study all day. I thought we won’t chat for long since I will be busy studying but well, I was so lazy so I started to play with my phone, replied his text..
It was a normal conversation, until he suddenly sent me funny texts between him and his player. About him and his “so-called” fans that saying hi to me. And me, getting so bored, well, I enjoyed it. We continued texting for an hour. Suddenly, he said he wanted to ask me something. And I give him funny articles as intermezzo, thinking that we will just have another funny conversation.
Well, he said that one of his Tinder match suddenly reached him, saying her last good bye before getting married to the guy that she found in Tinder. She gave him gratitude for being there when she had rough time with her partner. And then he suddenly asked, “How do you think? What if it happens to you, when you never even have a boyfriend before?”
And this how the chat goes…
R: “I don’t know Za. If it’s just a fling, then I have no problems. But if we’re talking about serious relationship, then there will be a lot of things to consider.”
E: “Like what? Isn’t we search for something serious already?”
R: “I told you before that I have no intention to talk about it. God, my brain cannot even comprehend it. I’m even looking for an ex, not a partner. I’m still young. I don’t even know whether I can have one or not. Or the big question: whether I want one or not. And for now, I’m happy with this. I feel secured, I feel happy. I’m not sure if I will be like this once I get into relationship. I don’t want to put myself into a risky situation where I give someone an opportunity to break me.”
E: “Well, isn’t it life? We have risk for everything we do”
R: “I know. But this is different. Way more different. There’s a reason why I never dated for my whole 22 years.”
E: For your wish to have an ex, I myself have been through that and it wasn’t a pleasant experience. And it will be way worse for the girl.”
R: “Maybe that’s exactly what I need? So I can learn how to build myself again after someone broke me.”
E: “I’m trying to reassure you that I’m different with those guys that you’ve ever met. I have strong reason why you don’t need to have an ex.”
R: “You’re 26. You don’t have time for casual relationship.”
E: “Age doesn’t matter. There are lots of people who’s older than me yet they’re still not mature.”
R: “Then, why me? We just talked for 2 weeks. Aren’t you afraid that I’m a freak? You don’t know my family, especially my dad. Why are you so sure about this?”
E: “You’re not a freak as far as I know. Even though you are, I will accept it. People has their own freak side, as well as I am. As for your family, you already told me in a big picture. I learnt that when we want to get into someone’s life, we have to learn to accept all the good and the flaws. And vice versa. For why I’m so sure about this.. It won’t be accepted by logic, but you must already know why. You don’t have to look for an ex because for what reason? I can’t see you getting through that. Age isn’t a matter to get into a more serious relationship. I myself will try to support your career until you’re ready. So don’t worry about it.”
R: “Thank you. You’re very kind, that I don’t want to see you getting the wrong one, one who don’t fully like you. But I need time to think about these. Everything happens so fast it feels like if I don’t take the brake, we can go all way. Like what you did before for respecting my privacy, please do the same for my choice.”
E: “Thank you. I am finally found what I want. Not just as an expectation. I want to meet one who I’ve been looking for. I cannot promise you everything, but I will try my best to be someone that’s different from who you met in the past. As you can see, I’m pretty easy going so”
R: “Okay.. Let’s just see where we will be. If you want to leave, then do please as you wish. I’m not expecting this to happens. I used Tinder just for fun with my friends so to suddenly getting this, I don’t expect it at all.
E: “It’s okay. I know my effort will be fruited someday. You probably wondering how, but I like our conversation, our jokes, how we shared our perspectives. I myself don’t expect this will happen, I thought you will be another online friend but you know, it just happens. I even confused about this, but it already happens so.. Do you get what I mean? I’m so happy with my current work and have no intention to get into this but my heart said otherwise. I hope you don’t think anything weird about my statements.”
R: “Too late. I’m already panicking about this.”
E: “Why?”
R: “You think? Stop asking. Give me a break.”
And that’s how it happened last night.
Do I get panicked? A lot.
I was so close getting my heart burned, I was sweating, my heart beats so fast. I called my friend because I really have no idea what should I do. The next morning, I got a fever even tho I have exam! And because anxiety, I feel very nauseous in the afternoon.. He tried to reach me tho, twice, sent me videos about his players. I don’t watched them just because I actually don’t want to know. Whatever.
Okay so this is it..
I, until now, don’t know what should I do. I still don’t know whether he worth the shot or not. I still don’t know whether I like him or not. Interested, yes.. But like.. It’s too fast to even think about it.
So, for now, ciao.
Let’s just see how this will be going.
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NBA Summer Vacation: Emotion of the Oceans
There is motion in the SVW ocean and by that I mean an awful lot of dudes are way out in the wild blue yonder this week. A few did it really well—I mean really well, like an impending humanitarian award is on the way well—and a couple should stick to spending the rest of their summers on the dry side, lest they wanna become completely washed in the annals of these hallowed, a-little-sticky-from-aloe-vera-sun-balm halls.
Marc Gasol
Marc Gasol, who just a week ago was keeping tabs on the organic garden he planted in his yard last summer vacation, was out in a dingy rescuing migrants stranded in the Mediterranean. There is no joke here. Marc Gasol spent the last week volunteering with the NGO Proactiva Open Arms and much of that was spent out in the open water recovering the bodies of migrants and helping to bring survivors safely to land. The NBA is a progressive league, it gets talked about a lot, but it is occasionally without due credit given to the players who make it that way.
Rating: Just Marc Gasol, absolutely doing the most.
JaVale McGee
A nice transition into our regularly scheduled tittering and trash talk on the way player’s choose to spend their offseason is JaVale McGee pretending to pick up his daughter’s play phone and totally tear a new one to the would-be caller on the other end.
Rating: 9021UH OH!
James Harden
What’s UP James Harden in a trashy, regular ass tank top, flipping the hang loose hand while laser strobe lights illuminate your face?! Turns out all it takes to set James Harden free is setting him loose on the shores of Ibiza with Real Madrid Captain Sergio Ramos and frankly it’s dumb of all of us that it took this long to figure out!
You’ll be happy my sleuthing skills have peeled back another layer in this euro-rave onion, specifically why is Harden wearing that top, because from Ramos’s own documenting of this night we can see they are not just at some regular party, they are at a FOAM PARTY.
Rating: The big buildup that lasts for close to three minutes before the beat drops and every whistle is blasting and the foam cannon is pilin’ up the suds around you like so many cloud castles in heaven.
Steph Curry
We cut live to Steph Curry now, jumping fully clothed off the top of a boat. While we are not here to judge all selfless actions this summer vacation we are certainly going to judge this one. He doesn’t have trunks? He’s got to do this in what appears to be like, athletic technology warm up pants that probably shrink wrap to your legs once you hit the water?
Rating: Oh (splash) brother.
Dwyane Wade
Wade is in China, and we can only hope it’s because he’s hot on the heels of the Mr. Hyde of SVW, China Klay. In any case, he’s paused on his hunt for a quick round of golf and I am not a fan nor knowledgeable of that sport but could they not get him a taller club?
Rating: Fore out of five.
Manu Ginóbili
Aside from being in Vancouver, this looks like a nice trip for Main Manu and the entire Ginóbili family. I like to think that he’s getting familiar with the places DeMar DeRozan once set foot in before coming to Toronto for the main event, so he will have some skin in the conversation when Deebo brings up all the things he misses about Canada.
Rating: I’ll let my famous saying about Vancouver speak for itself—“Once you’ve sea-n one wall, you’ve seen ‘em all.”
Giannis Antetokounmpo
Oh my goooosh, look at our little gladiator ROMEin’ around, checking off all the sights and staying, considerately to his GF and the general public, low to the ground. My only hope is that we get a shot of Giannis high-fiving Christ in The Last Judgement, on the ceiling of the ol’ Sistine. He’d only really have to stretch on tip toes to do it.
Rating: Watch out, Eternal City, there’s a new cooler, younger, taller, Pope in town.
Lou Williams
Paris continues to be big and so does standing or sitting on some type of plinth. The supposed 6th man of the year (Fred VanVleet was robbed) has chosen either onyx or ebony, could also be a big Bose speaker just flipped around, to stand on and do the funny gag. Look how happy he is.
Rating: 6th man to attempt this gag on this particular day, maybe.
Boban Marjanović
Here’s Boban in a quarry of some kind, stalking toward the camera with his socks pulled high. Wouldn’t it be incredible if he gets really into BMX culture this year and is constantly almost caught wheelie-ing the white hot sides of the L.A. River? The LAPD are stumped, who is this giant shadow racing away every time on a tiny bike, leaving wet tire tracks all the way back to the Staple Center?
Rating: They’ll find some fancy pegs in Lonzo Ball’s locker, L.A. Boban rides again.
Jaylen Brown
Jaylen Brown is in Bali doing tarps off and fanny pack on, doing the kind of nervous smile one does on vacation when someone has pushed you into something you aren’t quite comfortable with. Out of frame I am imagining a pack of monkeys glaring at him with their beady eyes, rubbing their little paws together over what kind of gear they are going to nab off this guy.
Rating: An up-to-date rabies vaccine and one long look at the warnings, I hope.
Mirza Teletović
Ah yes, exactly the scene the Turkish folk poet Yunus Emre was attempting to set in his 13th century banger "Mirza at the Grand Bazaar."
Rating: Gives a whole new meaning to telenovela am I right?
Willy Hernangómez
Here we got a great, extremely contoured shot of Willy’s back as he soaks up the sun in the ancient port city of Cádiz, Spain.
Rating: How sweaty are you getting just looking at this? The answer is extremely.
Tim Hardaway Jr.
Double feature for THJ! What I wouldn’t give to get this in a slow-mo video but you gotta take your summer refreshers where you can get ‘em, folks. This is the exact yin to Willy’s yang (get your god damn minds out of the gutters) up there.
Rating: How quenched are you getting just looking at this? The answer is extremely.
Taj Gibson
Somebody wants to be this summer’s solo banana boat boy! Taj is floatin’ in the ocean off the coast of Pesaro, which is way up on the back side of the top of Italy’s boot, on what looks to be a rescue device but is maybe just some kind of Euro pool floatie more streamlined than the traditional mattress. In case there was any doubt that he’s fully in the Eat portion of his Eat, Pray, Love offseason, here he is giggling and having some spaghetti,
Rating: He’ll be sad when it’s time to say goodbye to this trip.
Malcolm Delaney
The Hawks guard has scooted a little farther south for a break in Miami where he’s getting some assistance getting on, or else a chauffeured ride on, this jet-ski. No reason to be out here having fun but not being safe.
Rating: As the SVW rhyme goes—“A ski on land, hold a friend’s hand. A ski on the water, let’s not repeat Sean Kingston’s mistakes.”
Sam Dekker
Double Dekker’s just the latest to be captivated this offseason by the Greek Islands, but this dude’s on ‘em for his honeymoon. One thing’s for sure, I’ve never felt less cool than when I realized Sam Dekker and I have the same style of jumping off things into pristine waters, that is, somehow bunched way the hell up in our bodies and plugging our noses like little loser babies. Congratulations, Sam!
Rating: Enjoy all that water up your nose while Sam and I breathe easily from ours!
Matthew Dellavedova
Here we have my and summer’s natural enemy, Matthew Dellavedova, holding onto a hammerhead shark with his eyes squeezed shut, praying for the photo to get taken so he can put it down. You know what, Delly? Why even pick it up in the first place? How would you like it if someone was hanging onto you by the butt and the back and lofting you high above your home? Come to think of it that must be what dunking feels like, but without the debilitating terror because the ball is not a misunderstood creature. Not that you would know what it feels like to do that.
Rating: I won’t.
Cameron Payne
Wherever Payne is—and he looks as confused about it as I am—he should stay there as long as possible, in that exact same shirt, wearing those exact same steampunk shades, squinting off into the exact same middle distance, because lord knows what’s happening to and for the Bulls this season.
Rating: If thou gaze long into an infinity pool, the infinity pool will also gaze into thee.
Marco Belinelli
I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but I can’t help picturing Bellinelli fluttering out this big, Turkish beach towel for two in a place called “Fliper & Chiller” on the Balearic Islands as the same welcoming gesture he will make to my eternal guy DeMar DeRozan this season back in San Antonio. Belli I’ve never needed you more.
Rating: Sobbing. But this beach looks nice.
John Wall
Like catching someone mid-sneeze, blowing out birthday candles, or the second they start to hurl going down the last huge hill on a roller coaster, the moment this photo was taken it became Summer Vacation For John Wall.
Rating: Extremely end of July.
NBA Summer Vacation: Emotion of the Oceans published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/
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no care - dear reader I can’t remember the last time I felt this good for this long. It’s gotten to the point that I’m beginning to doubt its authenticity. I mean, if all my deep, dark patches could be attributed to chemical imbalances and oceans of hormones, then what’s to say my highs couldn’t be too? The other possibility is that I’ve finally learned how to handle my bullshit. Now, I’m not saying I will never get depressed again, or that I’ll never split again, or that I’ve stopped dissociating in times of stress and fear. I still do all those things. Repairing and coping with my PD is all about perspective, self-care, and time management. I take a lot of work. I’m aware of that now. So I’ve started focusing on doing the work. I expect that it will never be easy, but I believe that it can get easier, especially if I keep trying. The effects of these things, they kind of snowball, you know? So I’m trying. And in the meantime, I’m focusing on my successes, admitting to my mistakes, and doing what I have to to feel better about them---that is to say, confronting the issue as honestly as possible and approaching any solutions with sincerity. Sounds simple, when you put the words in order, but honestly the actual thought process can be daunting when you’re avoidant and socially anxious. It helps to have good people around who are willing to show some understanding. Part of my self-care includes reminding myself of how valuable my current, positive relationships are and putting dedicated effort into trying to show them that I feel that way. Especially when I have the urge to torch everything I’ve built and run the other way. Again, much harder than it sounds. That’s the trouble with these mental deviances. The mindset of the established order doesn’t leave a lot of room for...what is it? What can you even say about it? The Slip’n’Slide of Terror, the Sudden Sink into Suspicion, that blank wall of static that roars into the mind as the salty waters of anxiety short out every circuit in your mind at the very thought of expressing emotion, empathy, commitment, need, affection, nah need nobody, trust no bitch, s’all good *blink* s’all good *blink* --zzzzt. Reanimating after shut down takes time. And effort. What was I saying? Perspective. It seems to me, this has been the most helpful tool that I have against the things that attack me in my mind. I still get emotional, but now I channel it into safe outlets that allow me to fully express myself without causing any damage. I almost feel like a tourist in my own emotional states. Part of that, is perspective. Instead of getting swept away feeling lonely and sorry for myself, I am able to remind myself of exactly where I am in life, how hard I had to work to get here, and how little I achieved in the past, when I let myself get distracted by the desire to use somebody else to fulfill my needs. I remind myself that in every relationship I ever entered into in the past, my motives were entirely selfish and if I were to pursue the impulses that tells me I need a relationship now, then I would be doing it for selfish reasons because deep down---not even deep down, it’s pretty fucking obvious in every sense of the word that I do NOT have the capacity to care for anyone besides myself. I just don’t. People tend to assume, when I say I don’t want a relationship now, or possibly ever, that it must be because I’m scared. They think I don’t want to risk the rejection and lose the fragile self-confidence I’ve gained. They think I’m just not ready to put it all on the table and start looking again. Eeeeeeh if I’m being truly honest, they’re at least one-third right. The real reason that stops me in my tracks, every time I really feel the urge to go out and look for “love”, is that it’s never made me happy before, and there’s no way it could actually make me happy now. A relationship, of any kind, is a terrifying thing to me---no matter how short lived it is. The briefest interaction can leave shockwaves in my consciousness that take real time out of my day to recover from. I have to be drunk to do the kinds of impulsive things that my urges have made me do in the past, and the shame that I always woke up to was scalding. I’m done with that. Over the last year, I have learned to love myself. I like who I am, warts and all. I enjoy my company. I make myself laugh. I feel beautiful like, 95% of the time, even when I feel disgusting, I just….like it. For the first time in my life, I’m allowing myself to move my body however I want, without caring if I look stupid from some other angle. I’m allowing myself to sing, to hoot, to holler, to take deep breaths, to get up and pee whenever I want, to dance around in full view of other people, to laugh, to snort, to make bad jokes, to make myself heard, to expect better for myself. It has taken so. long. to get here. Of course, I say all that and then, do you know what I did? Let me set the scene. Friday the 13th and my boss has arranged for the entire office AND their significant others (everyone had one but me) to spend the night at a casino/resort for a quick retreat. Just something fun to end 2016 and kick off 2017, right? It was a great time. All of us get along great and we partied like professionals. No one threw up, no one got arrested, no one got into a fight, and while some people lost their bonuses to the slot machines, no one actually went bankrupt. And at 3am, sitting alone in my hotel room, my dumb ass texted KK. I said: “You should call me sometime.” I figured he wouldn’t answer and by morning I would have come to my senses enough to ignore any response. Maybe I’d do the intelligent thing and block his number again. I’m not even sure why I unblocked it in the first place. I’ve thought about him almost every day for a year. Not sad, or hurt, when I do, but with a little regret. He’s been one of my closest friends for my entire life. He’s the only person I’ve always felt happy to be around, except for the times (the many, unfortunate times) when our relationship has become...complicated. And we’ve never even dated in any kind of official capacity. But the truth is, if I’m capable of real love, then I know I love him. I have zero illusions about our romantic compatibility. We want different things, and he’s always had a deep network of friends that I just don’t fit into. Meshing our lives together wouldn’t work, logistically. But is the feeling real enough to try and make it work? Probably not. At the end of the day, I know myself now, and I know I’m capable of doing horrible things to other people just to get what I want. If what I want is more space, then I will cut away parts of my life to make it happen. In any case, he responded right away. “I will. Later in the day though. Haha.” And then he texted me again, first thing in the morning, 5 hours later. We talked a little, like I hadn’t iced him out for a year. He asked what’s new with me and I told him if he really wanted to catch up, he could call me or we could meet up later. As far as I was concerned, that would be the end of it. Every man I’ve ever known has run the other way when I say things like that. They try to do everything from a distance, try to keep me far away on the other side of the screen, because they know if they get too close, I’ll latch on like the succubus I am and demand more than they’re willing to give. He asked me if I wanted to get dinner on Monday. I said sure, and I figured he wouldn’t follow through. They never do. But here we are, on Monday, and he texted me first thing in the morning to suss out the details. We’re meeting up right after work to get food. It’s not like him to ask me to go out for anything. Normally, we’re both too casual to give a shit. We’ve been friends forever, why go out when we can just sit on the couch and play video games? Something about it feels weird, not wrong, just...different. Formal, when we’ve never been formal before. I have no idea what to expect. I have no idea if my absence affected him at all. Before I cut him out, we talked everyday. I have no idea if me missed me, if he cared, if hearing from me was an exciting relief, or if it’s all just par for the course to him. Maybe none of it was a big deal, and he’s just happy to hear from an old friend, with no idea how deeply his actions affected me, or how important walking away from him was to my mental health. It’s entirely possible that after tonight, I will resolve to truly never see him again. It’s entirely possible that after tonight, our relationship will evolve. And if it’s going to stay the same? Do I want it to? I honestly don’t know. I just want to get it over with.
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