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#thats a huge bottle of wine young man
sanjipotatoes · 2 months
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putting the pieces together
this is part two of the ripped hearts fanfic enjoy
your child:orange
Doffy:pink
you:purple
it has been 2 years since you saw law and how doffy was defeated and arrested you were with your kid but..you were still heartbroken about your soulmate and conceiving the child of his murderer so after tucking your son to sleep you would go to your room grab a wine bottle and basically chug it down till you had no more tears left to cry and well after a while doffy was released from prison which lead things worse for you..he was excited to see his boy but you...oh you were definitely gonna empty out 5 wine bottles tonight for now doffy is gonna corrupt your child and practically just force his child will to dream and lose his good way into seeing and imaging the world and be taught the cruel and wicked that his little mind is to young to bare and you just had to stand and watch in the corner not doing anything and all while this your son would see you growing into
a huge depression and crying on a black feathered coat and he watched curiously and decided to ask his father "daddy...why does mommy cry all the time" doffy looks down on him and replies with a smug expression "thats cause mommy is weak and doesn't care about daddy...but its okay daddy is strong so you only gotta listen to me and not mommy okay you don't wanna be weak like mommy do you?" your child being clueless just shakes his head no as doffy giggles and pat his head "good boy you'll be big and strong like daddy one day" your child just smiled as he walked away and decided to wander around your room and snoop around the cabinets and went through your old things from when you were young like
your old guns, weapons,clothes and he saw a picture...a picture with another man and you were smiling "wow..who is this?? he looks like daddy with makeup and longer hair...I never seen mommy smile like this before" he snooped more and found well...your "happy stick" and then put it back uninterested in it..he then found a small snail and which he tried to pet it but the snail then made a screen and began playing videos.it started with the man making a peace sign and smiling and flipping the camera to you which you were seen smoking and it took a moment for you to look at the camera and you wave as the man ran towards you tickling you making you drop your cigarette as you laugh and it just played an entire montage of you two together you recording him while he sleeps you and it ends with you two kissing which made your son cover his eyes "ewwwwieee!!!" ....the snail then went to sleep as he still thinks "who was that with mommy??"
bonus: your son was still snooping and saw a small cooler he opened it hoping to find some fucking caparison but ended finding wine "ooh this Is mommys happy juice" he drank a quarter and got drunk and passed out but when you found him you freaked out you even called doffy for help "GIVE HIM MORE WATER YOU TWAT!!!!" doffy who was just shoving it in his mouth replies with "LOOK WHAT THE FUCK IM DOING!" You who was not having it just yell "DON'T YOU FUCKING YELL AT ME DONQUIXOTE!!!! GIVE HIM MORE WATER OR ELSE IM GONNA MAKE YOU SAY HELLO TO HIS GRANPARENTS"
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thelittlehansy · 4 years
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Leaving With 12 older Brothers...
Once in that hotel ( context in my description ) Hans brothers are so annoying and even bothers others people Hans decide to apoligize for his older Brothers behavior.
Hans : *knock at cinderella and prince charming room*
Cinderella : Hans ?
Hans : *with a huge plants who hide him*
Henry : you wants help ? *chuckle*
Hans : *chuckle* its okay. Thats a gift. To apologize for my brothers behavior !
Cinderella : oh this is so sweet !
Hans : goodbye ! *Smile*
....
Tiana : hans ?
Hans : hi tiana ! *with cookie and cake*
Tiana : oh what is it ? *chuckle* ok which of your brothers charlotte tried to seduce ? *chuckle*
Hans : *laugh* not anything of that ! Thats to apologize for my brothers behavior of last night !
Tiana :oh thats so nice !
........
Hans : *knock*
Duke of weselston : *found Hans knocking at his door spit at him *
duke : YOU !!!!!
Duke : *angry*
Hans : *polite* this is good..
Duke : you have bothers me during the whole night !!!!!! *spit on him*
Hans : thats wasnt me thats was..
Duke : i dont care !!!! *spit*
Duke: The 1th , the 5th , the 3th ,the13th or the 15500th prince i dont cares !!!! I m gonna talk to your father young man !! *spit*
Hans : *grimace force smile after his whole face is weat*
Hans : but i have a gift for and only you ! Duke of weasel town ?
Duke : *suddenly calm* me ?
Hans : yep thats binocular so thats you could watch on everyone !
Duke : *hug him and cried* no one has ever offer me a gift !!
Hans : there there !!! *annoyed by all the water he receive*
........................
Jasmine : Hans !!!! *crossed her arms angry*
Hans : *with a bike*
Hans : thats a gift to apologize for my brothers behavior ! *huge smile*
Jasmine : are they going to apologize ? *angry* your Annoying brothers !!
Hans : chill ! You knows brothers !!! Thats what brothers do !!!
Jasmine : i dont remind being a brothers involve breaking others people cars ..
Hans : ...
Hans : yeah...
...........
Hans : hello king stefan ! *smile*
King stefan : *smile* hello prince alphonse !
Hans : not me thats..
Stefan : rudi ?
Hans : no..
Stefan : the triplet the..
Hans : no...
Stefan : i m sure you are too young to be caleb or lars...
Stefan : oh i know i know Klaus ?
Hans : not i m..
Stefan : of course you are the 5th ?
Hans : no i m the last.
Stefan : oooh the one with the tempative of regicide ?
Hans : ...
Hans : ...
Hans : yeah !
............
Hans : *exausthed knock at the door with chocolate and a bottle or wines*
Kristoff : yep ?
« See the bottle of wines and chocolate »
Kristoff : ....
Hans : .....
Kristoff : ...
Hans : ....
Anna : who is there ? Oh hans ????
Hans : ....
Kristoff : ...
Anna : ...
Hans : * blush give the chocolate and wines to kristoff leave embarass*
Kristoff : ....
Anna : there is something between you and Hans ?
Kristoff : no nothing !
Anna : *see the cholcolate*
Anna : really ?
Kristoff : ..
Kristoff : no i swear nothing !!!*blush*
Anna : hummm...then why are you blushing???
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wolferals · 4 years
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🌟HIM AGAIN🌟
arón piper preference
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-it was a totally normal Saturday for you
-you got up around 9:30, took a quick cold shower to cool down since its been really hot lately
-afterwards you had some breakfast, just some toast with strawberry jam and a glass of chocolate milk
-it was around 11 when you had decided to have a day just for yourself
-you‘ve made a little plan of what to do today
-just some general ideas what you could do
-first on your last was going to the grocery store
-quickly you grabbed your keys from the living room and put the rest of your stuff like phone, lip balm, a bottle of water and a scrunchie in your backpack
-then you hopped in your car and drove as close to the center as you could so you were able get all your stuff without walking long distance
-all the stores were in your reach
-on your way to the grocery store, which was only like a 5 minute walk you first put on your sunglasses due to the bright light and then checked your phone for a second
-then you looked up
-and a guy walked past you
-he was handsome you thought but didnt really pay attention until he sent you a cute smile
-you smiled back and kept walking
-u‘ve never seen anyone in Madrid who just passes you on the sidewalk smile at you
-especially not a guy
-but you didnt think anything of it, you just wanted to concentrate on yourself today
-it was officially you-time
-very well deserved after the last project you had to do at college
-it had been stressing you out for weeks
-but now it was over and you needed a break
-at Mercadona you just wandered around the aisles for a while and eventually got everything you wanted
-the usual
-some bread, milk, eggs, some juice, pasta and some rice and a bunch of different candies for your soul
-you really needed this right now
-after paying for your stuff you put all of it in a tote bag and left to bring all of it back to your car
-since your car wasnt parked anywhere far away it took you only a couple of minutes until your bag was secure on your backseat
-quickly you checked your phone for the next destination
-which was getting your eyebrows plucked
-your friends sister did that for you for a great prize and you really liked the way she did it
-so you headed there real quick
-„hey girl!“ she greeted you as you walked in
-„hey nice to see you.“ you spoke and hugged her for a second before she had to go back to her customer
-„looks great.“ you complimented the girl who‘s makeup she was working on right now
-she smiled at you and thanked you
-„just sit down, I‘ll be done in a minute.“ Ella told you and you did as she said
-so you just spend a bit of time scrolling through your phone but that got boring soon so you just looked around
-out the window mostly
-not to sound like a creep but you liked watching people
-more like observing characters
-its so weird how different people can come off as just by walking by
-you saw two girls together
-one of them blonde, wearing super girly clothes like a crop top and a cute dotted skirt
-the other one had black short hair, bangs in a bright purple color, wearing more like emo-clothes
-you liked how people showed off who they were with their clothes
-and then a guy walked by
-he looked familiar
-you had passed him before, you had remembered his blue shirt with the little picture on it
-weird you thought but forgot about it the second Ella told you to sit down at the chair
-after your eyebrows were in a good shape again you went to the next store
-you‘ve been looking for a knitted top for a while and your friend had told you you could find it at Zara
-so off you went
-the walk was a bit farther but not like a challenge
-as you walked past a busy street
-you noticed a very cute dog sitting in front of a store
-he wasnt on a leash
-must be a very well behaved dog you thought
-you went up to him, you just couldn’t resist
-you pet him carefully and looked around to maybe see the owner
-„naw who do you belong to?“ you asked the dog in a cute voice
-he just looked at you and obviously enjoyed you scratching his head
-„me.“ you suddenly heard a voice and stood up from the ground
-„he‘s mine.“ a tall handsome man spoke and put his phone in his jeans pocket
-it was this guy again
-the one who you had seen twice in one hour already
-„he‘s really cute.“ you just spoke and kept on walking
-all you heard was a laughing „thanks.“ as your back was turned to him
-it did feel very strange to see this guy all the time
-considering that madrid is huge
-it was probably just a coincidence
-to bluntly summon this, you didnt find the top you were looking for because it had been sold out in your size
-unfortunately
-so you decided to go to another store to check
-but they didnt have anything close to it either
-after another hour you quickly grabbed a sandwich at a bakery nearby and wanted to head back to your car
-while eating your sandwich on the way you got a little bit distracted by your phone
-so you dropped a piece of tomato on the ground
-but before you could pick it up to throw it in the trash can nearby someone was faster
-well not quite a person
-a dog
-and you had seen this dog before
-you were weirded out by now
-„oh.“ was all you could say in this situation
-„paco.“ someone yelled and you looked up to see this guy, the fucking same guy AGAIN, jogging up to the both of you
-„i‘m sorry he‘s young and...“ he stopped and looked at you as if he had recognized you as well
-„its okay, i would’ve eaten it anymore anyways.“
-the guy laughed a little
-he had a gap between his front teeth
-your first boyfriend had had one too
-well, you were 12
-„sorry, he keeps bugging you.“ he said and grabbed the dog at the collar
-„no dont worry! He‘s just playful I understand that. But my full respect that he doesnt need a leash.“ you spoke impressed
-„yeah my dad taught him that. He‘s a good boy.“ the guy smiled down at his dog
-you smiled back
-„yeah he seems like it.“
-„anyway I have to go. But I‘ll probably see you again today.“
-you started laughing
-he joined you and then added a:“Im sure. Have a good day!“
-„you two as well!“ you replied and smiled one last time before finally reaching your car and driving home to have a nice afternoon all for yourself
*2 days later*
-your friends had invited you to a game night at their shared apartment
-you were super excited
-Sheila just told you her boyfriend would be coming too
-and that he might bring a friend so that you guys would be an even amount of players
-you were just sitting at the dining table sipping on a glass of wine as the doorbell rang
-„oh finally.“ Sheila groaned and ran to open the door
-you heard them greet each other and someone took off their shoes and their jacket
-„Guys, thats Jorge, but you‘ve met him before. Like once? And that’s Arón, his best friend.“
-you looked up
-and you couldnt fucking believe it
-„No.“ was all you said and stood up
-this wasnt true, man
-that dude again
-„You.“ he started laughing
-Sheila looked around all confused
-„You two know each other?“ she asked
-Arón and Jorge sat down
-Arón then eventually spoke:“Funny story.“
-you couldnt keep his eyes off him
-other than the other day he was wearing a flannel and jeans not the sweats and the oversized shirt
-and he smelled good
-„Yeah really weird.“ you added to his comment
-„Tell us!“ your other friend encouraged you
-arón kept staring at you
-and when sheila responded:“maybe its destiny“ you knew it too
-and judging from his face, he did too
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So I’m finally getting around to writing out a bunch of info about my Sander Sides au so I hope youre all ready--(its like 1 am im so sorry for any spelling mistakes and missed tags)
So its 1 am on a work night and I cant sleep and I’ve had lots of ideas and canon things for this au bouncing around my head for days and now TONIGHTS THE NIGHT ITS HAPPENING IM DELIVERING YOU ALL THE DETAILS AND EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF AND TYPE 
Also please feel free to ask about this! I know I got a few new followers from all my recent sander sides art and also thanks to @sugarglider9603 reblogging some art I made of their au I got the biggest flood of exposure and attention on my art ive ever had and I have so much to thank them for, for all recent exposure ive gotten the past couple days( theyre so sweet and lovely and easy to talk to sugar deserves all the love--) and its given me a huge surge of motivation and confidence to post this. And please, my inbox is always open to talk about my aus or my art! Ask questions, send requests, send headcanons or ideas, send fluff angst im open to anything and I try to do all requests sent to me(sooner or later)
Oh oh! and please id you catch any and all the little inspirations or anything let me know
And finally this au is a LAMP au with Remile and Demus on the side
Ahem ahem anyway onto the au!!!
More under the cut so I dont flood your screen too bad!
Ok so! 
This Au was originally inspired by @residentanchor‘s amazing fanfic A Lesson in Practicality and also a little bit by @prettyinaccurate‘s fanged virgil au( I’ll get more into that further down) 
So it takes place in a (currently) unnamed bigger city I based off San Francisco and Sacramento( because I live in Cali and those are the two major cities ive really visited ya know?) The boys are all in various stages of their twenties when they move into a four bedroom apartment together: Patton Foster is the oldest of the roomies at 27, then Logan Masters at 26, Roman Prince at 24, and finally Virgil Collins at 22. They move in together because it all works out for them really, the apartment is in a good distance to all their current jobs, whether by bus or even in Pat’s case in walking distance and with all four of them it was well affordable and was pretty nice. I mean hey it even came with a little communal balcony ( since theyre on third floor of the building) 
Things are understandably a little rocky at first , i mean isnt it always though?
Virgil has alot of anxiety and so he tends not to talk really at all at the beginning unless he ABSOLUTELY had to, mostly communicating in noncomittal noises and soft grumbles, and he was fresh out of collage and barely two years into his job and out on his own for the first time and he wasnt really ready for it either like christ too many people
Patton was bright bubbly and caring. This wasnt his first rodeo with roomies, I mean cmon, hes been sharing a room with his older brother Damian(deceit) on and off almost all his freakin life, nor was it his first time living on his own with strangers(hes lived in two different parts of two when he was job hopping before he settled down in his current part time job)
Roman was extroverted loud and exciteable, he too was used to sharing his living space( he had TWO siblings after all) and before he had moved into the apartment he had tried living on his own and with other roommates while he attended collage, but those just didnt work out well ( he ended up staying with his older brother Remy in his studio apartment across the city while he finished out that semester and searched for a job to keep an income.
Logan was serious minded stern toned and confident, he had a minor degree in teaching that he was slowly repursueing and had been out on his own for awhile before he had moved in. And though cold at first he soon found his group of housemates...enjoyable.
Its about a month into them living together that they learn exactly why despite slowly getting close and getting to know each other Virgil still kept a wide distance: He had entirely sharp teeth.
“ I dunno....I was born with them..theyve always been a sharp pain in my ass...” - virgil, about his teeth
Of course just having sharp teeth wasnt bad enough oh no. You see a few years back when he was about 18 he was young and dumb and made horrifically stupid and reckless decisions under peer pressure and ended up doing something that not only pointedly (haha oh god im not funny) chipped his front teeth but it fucked up his teeth pretty majorly, he went from having a normal overbite to almost having a goddamn underbite and crooked all his teeth, and the only way to fix it( because somehow miraculous for all the damage done it turned out to be mostly reversable aside from the chipping) was getting braces to realign his teeth. So he’s had pretty purple braces over his fangs since he was 18 and they werent expected to come off until he was AT LEAST 25 and he was insecure about them. ( he got mocked for them through his two and a half years of junior collage)
Once the gang finds out they are understanding and helpful and dont make a big deal about it( though virgil gains a significant amount of more vampire related nicknames from roman)
Once they get close and comfortable around each other the apartment is pretty warm and lively! 
Virgil works at the art store as an assistant manager and head stocker( a bit of a dream come true since he was an art student)
Roman works as a part time waiter at a family resturant as well as working at a nearby theater( he was of course a lovely theater major) 
Patton worked at a nearby cafe and bakery as a bit of everything! He helped wait tables, serve behind the counter, and helped in the back in the kitchen( the owners were family friends and he’d been working there almost four to five years at that point, boi knows how to do everything) 
Logan worked at a big name bookstore, and also provided tutoring sessions for highschool students on the side by commision
More FACTS~~
Family ages for the big families go as follows:
Fosters: Damian(28), Patton(27)
Prince: Remy(26), Roman(24, older twin by 10 minutes), Remus(24, younger twin)
Emile is 27 and is a licensed therapist and works as a counselor for young adults that volunteers at the nearby library to ready to children
Remy works as a coffee barista in Emile’s building
Remus does alot of odd jobs, kinda working as an independent for hire and gets a surprising steady flow of work and pay. Hes still a trash man though, but hes a successful trash man( partly thanks to Damian calling in favors with connections)
Damian works at a law firm slowly moving into the position of prosecutor
Virgil doesnt really get along with his family and at some point Emile offers to take virgil in as his adopted brother, with Damian assuring him if he wanted concrete legal papers to start changing his last name, cutting ties with his family, anything needed for it he’d see to it that they’d be providing(something our boi really appreciates)
Remy visits Emile on his breaks since hes literally just...two hallways down and vice versa
Damian and Remus live together in the next, slightly smaller city over because Damian’s work transferred him to a different office in order for him to keep moving up in the ranks so to speak. 
Hes also good at what he does.
Family nights happen whenever they can
Patton got to teach them how to cook alot of complicatied dishes from scratch, a bonding time he adores
Roman got Virgil an Espeon hoodie after they all start dating and virgil loves it and wears it alot around the house because its a thicker hoodie and warm( though he tries to ignore the big ears and the obnovious tail
Virgil also loves visiting Roman’s work on what Ro likes to refer to as “ hellish days” AKA kids day which means goofy kid friendly theme days. His favorite was probably alice in wonderland day when Roman was Tweedle Dee
Roman played J.D at the local theater and likes to hum some of the his songs to switch up the Disney
The balcony is covered in houseplants and and a corner of old blankets and pillows to sit and chill on
Once a month Logan and Patton have what is affectionately referred to as the Cat Discourse
After any particularly rough days at work Patton tends to massage Logan’s shoulders and back to make sure Lo doesnt get any really bad stress knots
in return when Logan sees Patton’s head a hard day he makes Patton’s favorite drink and pulls him into a hug and let the older man fall asleep in his arms while they watch movies
Pat and roman sense each other’s bad days and order in some cliche diner food and hole up in pattons room with Pattons computer and relax the shittiness away with comedy specials and movies 
Likewise Virgil has a knack of picking up Roman’s bad days and always grabs a couple glasses and a bottle kinda cheap wine and they end up curling up together on Romans bed marathoning Disney movies on Virgil’s laptop 
and when Virgil closes himself off more than normal Logan manages to lure him out of his room and they end up sitting out on the balcony quietly talking and stargazing
so loving and fond and soft with each other
you hurt one of them you gonna get BEAT by the others. 
Speaking of getting beat, never EVER mess with Roman or Remus in Remy’s proximity
Remy Andrew Prince can and WILL fuck you right up if you hurt his little brothers. He’s protective.
and where Remy will rearrange your face Damian will ruin you mentally and legally if you so much as mistreat a single freckle on his little brother’s face, despite knowing that Patton is fully capable of taking care of himself. 
Everyone protects Virgil, dont mess with or hurt virgil or you have the pack coming for ya throat
aaaaaaaaaaaaaand thats all I have for right now! Of course more will be added but now its almost three in the morning and I have work at 1:30pm and im sleepy finally! But I hope you guys like this! And please, feel free to talk to me about it, my inbox is always open!!
Taglist: @phantommoonpeople @sweetsweetemo @loganberrysanders
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Erin, Chapter 2
A warm breeze lifted Erin's cloak as the leaves of the nearby copse of tress rustled, the dapples of sunlight intermittently dancing across the pair of lone figures laying prone  on the knoll.  The dark green cloaks combined with the visual cover provided from the shade made them hard to spot from a distance, only the occasional glint from a crossbow gave them away. But none of the guards atop the wooden ramparts were looking in their direction.   Both of the crossbows were trained  on the door of a cabin in the middle of the makeshift fort, and they had been for quite some time.  Long enough for the smaller figure to become restless.
"So, you uh, you ever handled one of these before."  Jess motioned his head towards the crossbow in his hand before looking at the one in her hand.
"Shh, we're supposed to be quiet." Erin  hissed at her mousey companion.
"Oh come on, we've been sitting her quietly all morning, I'm bored.  If we were gonna be spotted, it would have happened by now.  A little bit of whispering isn't going to hurt anyone.  And who the fuck knows how much longer those two will be.  They probably got lost."
"Yeah, you're probably right. . . No, I haven't.  Only ever had what I could make with my own hands. Well, a friend forged the steel for the daggers, but I made the hilts and sheathes.  Same friend forged all my arrowheads too.  But everything else I made myself." "What about that armor, its awfully fancy, where'd you get it?"
"Made it myself too.  Parents were tanners and leatherworkers, they taught me everything I know.  I make little things here and then, coin purses, wine skins, caps, simple stuff I can manage on the road and use the proceeds to purchase supplies."
"Your work is truly incredible, if you're so skilled, why become an adventurer?"
"What is this, an inquisition? Your turn, you first, why did you become an adventurer?"
"Well, I came from a small town. Parents were simple woodworkers.  They taught me the family trade, same as yours.  But it never fulfilled me.  I never really latched on to making furniture.  I could make a chair and it would hold you up like a chair, but I had no passion for it.  Not the way that you do with that armor.  Truly exquisite, I could never pull of something so inspired."
"If you think my lust for leather always runs this deep, you are mistaken.  This armor and these daggers only look as good as they do because they are things I care about.  The bags and hats I churn out are bland as can be.  I make them because I gotta eat."
"Fair enough.  Then you understand why I turned to adventure.  Making furniture would have allowed me to survive, albeit simply due to the basic designs of my work.  But it certainly wouldn't allow me to live.  I need something more.  I want to make a name for myself.  Especially one as bland as mine.  There is a Jess in every city I go.  Jess the baker, Jess the butcher, Jess the barrel maker.  Its time to give average old Jess's like me someone to aspire to."
"You know its not all bad having an average name.  If there a million Jess's in the world, you can be any Jess you want to be and no one will know the difference."
"Interesting idea.  But personally I prefer to stand out, rather than blend in.  So one day shortly after turning 18, I left my parents shop one day, bought a crossbow with the money I saved up, and set out on the road to adventure, in hopes that one day the name of Jess the Mighty will be known across the land.  So what about you?"
"Well you know most of it by now. Even from a very young age, looking to my future and seeing the life of a leatherworker filled me with nothing but dread.  So when I was a kid I would sneak out in to the woods to practice archery with this crude bow I'd constructed.  My mom found out and rather than get mad she helped me.  She started teaching me how to make armor instead of saddles.  She brought me to the town bowyer to teach me how to make a better bow.  She bandaged every cut and scrape I got.  But as supportive as she was, I could tell it worried her.  So I stayed with them for a while.  On her deathbed she urged me to follow my dreams. And since I didn't have any one left to worry, I set out for Innastorm, and well, here I am."
"Oh I'm so sorry for your loss." Jess's brow sunk as he placed a small furry hand on her shoulder
"Its okay, it wasn't sudden or anything, I had already made my peace.  I've more or less moved on already.  But sometimes I still miss her.  And so I write in this journal as a way of telling her what's going on.  She said it had some sort of enchantment on it that would let those important to you hear your words.  I don't really know what that means but I know shes important to me so I hope my words ring out to her wherever she might be."
"Wow, sounds like you had a really great relationship with your family.  Can't say the same.  All they ever wanted was me to take over the family business.  Never cared about my future or ambitions.  Just wanted me to make beds and cabinets and shit.  Ugh.  If I never see another gouge, it'll be too soon."
"That's unfortunate that whatever skill you accrued would just go to waste.  You shouldn't let your contempt for your parents affect other aspects of your life like that.  Maybe your problem with woodworking isn't the work, but what you were making with it.  The times I'm happiest while leatherworking is when I'm making something thats gonna help me in a fight, like this armor or my quiver.  Maybe you could take a crack at something more you?  Your hands are quite deft, I'm sure you could make something beautiful if you set your mind to it."
"An interesting thought.  I suppose it would give me something to do around the campfire at night.  Imagine the irony of becoming a great adventurer while also surpassing my father as a woodcarver.  The look on his face. . . . You have given me much to think about."
"Well don't think too hard, wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."
"Wow, Erin, I think you should leave the witty retorts to me.  What are you gonna start mocking me in a silly voice next?"
"what are you gonna start mocking me in a silly voice next?" she replied in a horribly nasal voice.
Jess chuckled slightly.  "I don't know why but that made me laugh.  Good job.  Now about your wolf, how did her eye--"  Jess's query was interrupted by the sound of splintering lumber.  They both turned their attention to the southside of the bandit camp.  The gate had been broken down and a large man stood where it once resided, a couple of bodies at his feet.  Atop the wall lay two dead guards and the garishly decorated figure of Loramir.  The other guards on the north end, as well as those stationed around the camp immediately began to descend on the pair.
"Show time." Jess raised his crossbow and began firing at the guards on top of the wall, a moment later Erin had her's up and was doing the same.  They fired one after another, knocking bandits off the wall like milk bottles in a shooting gallery.  Before long, they were gone, leaving only the swarm of bandits on the ground storming towards Volfram.  Loramir vaulted off the wall and landed with a graceful tumble next to his comrade.  They squared up back to back as Erin turned her crossbow towards the men.  Jess nudged her with an elbow. "Remember the plan.  I'll focus on the front door, you focus on the back."
"Shouldn't we help them though."
"I don't know, looks like they can handle themselves.  I get the distinct impression that they've done this kind of thing before."
Erin watched with equal parts horror and fascination as the pair set to laying waste to the mob surrounding them..  Volfram swung wide with huge cleaving blows, his greataxe rending men asunder with a single swipe.  Loramir, while ducking and weaving out of the way of Volfram's brutal strikes, delivered precision strikes to those nimble enough to avoid the more overhanded tactics of his partner.  It was a symphony.  A bloody gory symphony of violence and symbiosis.  They had already put a sizable chunk in the horde and showed no signs of slowing down.  "Yeah I guess you're right."
"Come on out you coward.  Show us your fucking face.  I hope you make that same stupid expression you have on your wanted poster."  Jess anxiously tapped his fingers on the trigger guard as his gaze kept alternating between the door, and the leaves of the nearby tree, watching the wind, measuring it. This was nothing new to him, he'd done it a million times before. He'd made a hundred trickier shots.  This bandit had made his escape for the last time.  Because now he was dealing with Jess the Mighty, sharpest eye in the land.
Suddenly, the door flew open and a man came rushing out.  Same crazed eyes, same wild hair, same slack jaw, same incredulous expression.  Yep, this was him.  This was Gerald the Yellow.  He frantically looked back over his shoulder as he ran, to make sure the two attackers were unaware of his escape attempt before, asured of his success, he grinned a cocksure smile, and began to sprint towards the woods.
"There he is, what are you doing, shoot him."  Erin frantically turned her attention away from the door and began to point her crossbow torwards Gerald.
"It's okay, it's okay, I've got this.  Believe it or not you're not the only marksman around here." Jess took one last glance at the trees to judge for any last minute wind adjustments, narrowed his focus and steeled his resolve One shot. . . he exhaled as he pulled the trigger.  One-- The slam of wood on wood interrupted his mental one liner as the bolt he fired narrowly missed the target and hit the wall of the fort instead.
"Ugh fine I'll do it."  Erin began to focus on the target
"It's not my fault I missed, you nudged me at the last moment.  Give me some space, I got this."  He threw out his arms in an exasperated manner, a motion to empty his personal bubble.  Erin took the message and scooted over.  The target was farther now.  About 150 yards.  He was free of the fort  and beginning to get in to the trees.  It was now or never, he'd be in too much cover by the time he loaded another bolt.  This was a tricky shot.  One that only a true master could pull off.  The kind of shot he lived for.  He smiled. Once again Jess measured the wind, adjusted his aim, and steadied himself.  One shot, one kill. He exhaled as he pulled the trigger.  This time the bolt soared through the air with grim determination.  Jess watched on with increasing satisfaction, his smile growing wider as mere moments before its impact, Gerald turned his head to see the object soaring directly towards his head, but only quick enough to watch it embed itself several inches deep into his forehead.
With the target dealt with, both Jess and Erin turned their attention back to their party members to see a literal piles of dead bodies at their feet, the pair of warriors seemingly unscathed.  Erin climbed down from the cliff and made her way over to the pair, as Jess headed in the opposite direction to collect the body of their bounty.  Erin arrived to find the duo recapping their fight
Loramir wiped down a dagger as he chuckled to himself.  "Oh man do you see that one dudes face when I stabbed my dagger through his chin and it came out of his mouth.  He was all like 'What's this thing, that's not my tongue, its supposed to be red and soft, not silver and metal.  I'm a dumb bandit who doesn't know how getting stabbed works.'  Ha, what a fucking moron."
"Most of the guys I kill just look sad.  Like they see me and they know that they're going to be one of the countless dead bodies that lies between me and whoever I'm here to fight.  Its like this horrible dread of knowing your fate and not being able to do anything about it.  At least thats what I reckon.  Don't really get to ask em many questions.  I just know if I looked like them, and saw someone like me chop five of my friends in half with a single swing, those are the kinds of thoughts I would have, and thats exactly the face I would make while I was having them."
"Ah maybe, but the tricky ones, the ones that avoid that initial swing, they think they're gonna be the one to get through.  They're so goddamned sure of themselves, they think they can do anything because they dodged one attack.  And then I show up to wipe that smug look off their face when they find themselves with plus two daggers to the hearts, and minus a lot of blood."
"Hey so what took you two so long, you were supposed to be here hours ago, at dawn before the guard change."  Volfram and Loramir broke from their conversation to address Erin, who had now arrived at their scene of unspeakable carnage.
"VOLFRAM RIPPED HIS PANTS!" Loramir barely managed to contain his amusement long enough to get the sentence out before being overcome with racous laughter.
"No I didn't!" Volfram's voiced boomed over Loramir's
"Yes he did!  He farted so hard he ripped his pants."  Loramir barely managed to get the story out between fits of giggles.
"I didn't fart, it was the chair."
"Big boy here was getting up from breakfast, and as he does he lets out this massive blast that knocks over his chair and rips his pants."
"No the sound was coming from the creaking of the wood. When my pants ripped it startled me and I bumped the chair which is why it fell over.
"Then why did your pants rip, oh great Lord of Thunder?"
". . . because I'm big."
Loramir had finally regained his compusure, his cheeks and stomach aching from laughing to hard.  "So long story short, we spent all morning trying to track down pants his size because most stores don't carry Extra Gargantuan."  She was not an empath, she had no mental ability to understand another's mind, and yet somehow Erin could actually feel Volfram's embarrasment.  "So how are things on your end, how did the stakeout go?"
"Everything went well.  We were never spotted. When you came in, they were so focused on you that we were able to handle the lookouts without drawing any attention to ourselves."
Loramir grunted as he planted a foot on the chest of one of the bandits and pulled one of his throwing daggers out of his ribcage.  "And what about the target."
"And what about Jess, is the little guy alright."  A look of worry came over Volfram's face as his eyes darted around for any sign of the Muridian.
"Oh yeah he's fine.  And target is down.  Jess is going to get the body.  But I wanted to talk to you about him.  I think he missed on purpose."
"I thought you said he got him." Loramir looked puzzled.
"Well he did.  But on the second shot.  The first one he fired before Gerald even got outside of the hideout.  It was an easy shot and he missed.  I think he did it on purpose.  I think he wanted to show off.  He claimed I nudged him and he wouldn't let me take the shot.  That's some pretty risky behavior right there."
"What so I'm confused.  Did he shoot the target or didn't he?"
"Well yeah he did, but--"
"Well then who cares.  He got the job down, that's all that matters.  If he wants to have a little fun and challenge himself, more power to him.  He's the batshit one. That's his job.  Keep things interesting."
"I don't know, you elected me the brains of this group, I think that maybe—"  Her concerns were interrupted by Jess's surprisingly deep and booming voice.
"Hey guys, I could use a little help."  The trio looked over to the north end of camp to see an exhausted Jess dragging the body by a foot, its head face down, a narrow rut carved in the dirt where the bolt in his face had scraped along the ground."
"Okay but look, he's also really cute.  He's so tiny and little but he tries so so hard, I just want to pick him up and squeeze him."
"I get the feeling you'd wind up with a crossbow bolt in the face if you tried."  Erin scoffed as she put her reservations aside.  Its clear her worries were falling on deaf ears.  And she did have to admit he was cute.  Maybe cute wasn't the right word.  But looking at him, something about him just made her smile.
"98, 99, 100." Jess finished counting out his gold before placing it back on to the table in front of him and glaring at it dissatisfactorily.  "Ya know, when I joined up with a group called the 'Magnificent Monarchs" I was expecting bigger jobs than this.  This probably won't even cover a week's bar tab."
"Relax Jess, there will be bigger jobs."  Loramir paused from cleaning his fingernails with a dagger just long enough to give his friend a reassuring nod, before returning to his work.  "This was sort of a . . . trial run. Had to see how the two of you would preform in an actual mission. Figured a simple thug like that was as good a place as any to see how you two measure up.  Great work out there by the way."
"Yeah there better be.  One with a bit more action, too.  You and Volfram got to have all the fun."
"Not ALL the fun, I heard you made quite the shot.  Real marksman stuff out there."
Jess cocked an eyebrow and grinned. "Yeah, I reckon I did.  But look, no more of this little baby "My First Quest" bullshit.  Look at my fucking scars.  Look at my aim.  I need something bigger."
Volfram interrupted the long quiet love affair he'd been having with his fourth ale.  "Yeah well we 'ad to try out the new girl, and well, as boring as it mighta been for ya, Erin's plan worked wonderful.  Gerald the Yellow has fled the last twenty times some one 'as tried to apprehend 'im.  So I reckon that’s a job well done.  To the Magnificent Monarchs!"  
Erin raised her glass of cider and clinked it. Before taking a swig.  "Oh you're too kind Volfram."
"Oh its nuffin.  Ya did real good today.  Loramir won't admit it but even 'e wuz impressed.
"Do you mind if I ask a question?"
"Go fer it."
"What's with the team name?"
Volfram turned to face Loramir who had done the same.  They shared a look and a single bemused snort of laughter.  Loramir then turned back to Erin, as Volfram returned to his drink.  "Oh, just an old inside joke between the two of us."
"Well, let's hear it."
"Honestly, its so old, I don't even remember the story that well anymore.  And to be honest, its not really that funny in the first place.  We were just stumped for a name and alliterative names were in at the time."
"why not change it then?  Seems like keeping a fad team name that references a joke that only two members understand and barely laugh at is just weird.
"Yeah, but that's what its always been.  And what would you call us?  Something inspiring and serious I imagine.  Like the Ironheart Brigade or something."
"Nah, I got something better. And I think you'll like it."
"Okay, prove me wrong."
"The B Team."
"Really?"
"Hear me out.  Okay well, last night after coming back from the tryouts, I spent a lot of time asking around about the different adventurers that come through her, the different plaques on the well, all that kind of stuff.  And I realized something.  The teams most likely to die are the ones usually considered the strongest at the time.  Usually at some point along the way, someone will come along with a quest too dangerous. That strongest will come forward believing themselves capable, and then die in the pursuit.  Then a militia gets involved and the problem is solved.  Then before long, some other team starts to get seen as the strongest, the recognition goes to their head, and then the next time someone comes along with a dragon, they've got it in their head that "no actually, we can do this." and they take it on and they die.  And it just keeps happening over and over. On top of that, I was kind of amused about your philosophy on the 4 B's--"
Loramir's face immediately lit up as the cogs began to turn.  "Ah, so The B Team is a reference to my amazing wisdom, while also planting in everyone's mind that we are second best and freeing us from the pressure of ever taking on a job too big."  He grinned, not because of his own words, but someone else's.  Unusual.  He turned to Volfram  "Whattaya think?  The B Team?"
"Works for me."
"I dunno, it really belies my greatness."  Jess mulled it over for a moment as he took a sip.
"Oh hush, there is plenty of glory to be found in second place.  And you can't have glory when you're dead.  Plus, you're outnumbered three to one."
"Fine, The B Team it is."
"TO THE B TEAM" Loramir raised his glass once more and the other joined suit.  But instead of the gentle sound of four glasses clinking, the room was instead filled with the sound of a door being kicked wide open.  The four turned to see a large imposing figure standing in the doorway.  The first thing that was noticeable was her muscly red-skinned body.  This was probably because so much of it was showing.  She was dressed more or less in the traditional garb of a paladin of Nerva, Goddess of War.  Sandals with knee high leather straps, armored skirt, intimidating plumed helmet, and her spear and giant shield were no doubt being held at the door.  The only differences were the fact that on her helm were three holes, two to allow her horns to poke and a third farther back that allowed here to replace the traditional red plume with her own hair, a ponytail of the purest white.  The other odd thing was that her chest was tightly bound in white linen.  Even as undressed as she was, Nerva's follower's weren't known for even this level of modesty.
"Hello, are you the Magnificent Monarchs?"
"We were up until about five seconds ago, how can we be of assistance?"  Loramir took a drink from his glass before finally lowering it, as Jess and Erin followed suit.
"I am a paladin of Nerva, as you can no doubt tell.  I have been tasked on a great mission from my lady.  All I know is that I am supposed to follow a wolf to victory." With that, Princess, who had been occupied with a bowl of various meat chunks all night, perked her head up at the sudden attention she seemed to be receiving.  Erin, taking notice of this scratched her between the ears
"Oh I don't know how liable ol Princess here is to lead you to any sort of victory.  You're more likely to wind up in the trash if you follow her."  Princess whimpered, as if she recognized the insult.  Erin smiled apologetically and began to double down on the head scratches.
Volfram, who had sat stunned the entire time, eyes locked on the new arrival, finally lowered his drink.  "Well, I fink its a great idea.  The merrier the more I always say.  I mean the more the merrier."  He went to take a sip and missed his mouth overcome once again by overwhelming clumsiness.  Women like her always made him feel more self conscious. He kept trying to look away but there was something about their perfect elegant powerful bodies that he couldn't turn away from. And the longer he looked, the smaller he felt.
Jess, poured the last of his drink into his mouth before overturning his cup on the table.  "Two things, One, I need a new drink, and two, how does she fit in to the B Team?'
Loramir sat for a moment, as if flipping through pages of a book in his mind, before his eyes lit up once again.  "Easy, she's our bonus."
Journal Entry 2
I did it!  I completed my first quest!  Well, by I, I mean we.  The B Team, that's what we're calling ourselves now.  Loramir really seemed to like my name suggestion.  He's kinda cute when he realizes I'm right.  So anyway, we took out this thug who's been robbing people.  They said he would camp out in an area and demand the people nearby give him money, lest they be met with violence.  Real basic stuff, we got the fucker no problem.  So anyway, this other woman ended up joining the party today.  Really badass, break you in half type.  Seems to be Volfram's type too.  He couldn't take his eyes off of her.  I thought that maybe he might have a thing for me with the way he came to my defense during tryouts, but maybe he's just a nice person.  Oh well, not that big of a deal.  I didn't become an adventurer to find love, I became an adventurer to become the greatest hero this land has ever known. Well, I guess I'll have to compete with Jess for that title.  He spent all night telling the story of how he singlehandedly eliminated every bandit in the fortress with a single well placed shot each to any bar patron drunk enough to stay and listen.  If he keeps it up, it will be impossible for anyone to not hear about him.
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