#theme: self loathing

[bthump]

I couldn’t find the answer to this question on your blog (most likely I didn’t search well 😅). Why did Griffith sleep with Charlotte? It was quite a risky move

Hmm, I could've sworn I had answered this question before, but I can't find a post directly answering it at the moment.

Briefly I think there were four main reasons:

1 - He wanted comfort, and Charlotte is attracted to him.

2 - He wanted to hide in his invulnerable white knight persona. Charlotte doesn't know him, she's never seen his flaws, she thinks he's perfect, and he wants to hide from his own flaws for a while, so he goes to her. He thinks Guts left him for all the things he hates about himself, so he seeks comfort from someone who thinks he's perfect.

3 - It's a way of telling himself that the dream is more important than Guts. Getting together with Charlotte is a step on the road to his dream, and it's a step he absolutely shouldn't be taking yet lol, but it's like he desperately wants to reach for his dream now that he's lost Guts, so he takes that step prematurely. It's a way of saying to himself that it's worth losing Guts if he achieves the dream, but ultimately it isn't, which imo is part of the reason he cries afterwards.

4 - It's a self-destructive act. He's very aware that it's risky, and it's a risk he seeks out to the point of being borderline suicide. I think this is actually the reason most pushed by the narrative, like when Rickert tells Guts that it's "because of you, Guts," and when Casca tells Guts that Griffith's no good without him, and when Guts reflects to himself, "Was it me? Was I the one who drove you...?"

So yeah, that's my reasoning. I do have a few other posts that touch on the scene with Charlotte in various ways, if you're interested too:

How it fits into a pattern of Griffith's relationship with sex

This one's also about that but heavier on parallels to Gennon

Repression

Gay repression

And a little bit more on self destruction

Thanks for the ask!

#ask #anonymous #a #b #theme: repression #theme: dreams #ship: griffith x charlotte #theme: self loathing #theme: self harm #scene: everlasting night #(wish i'd been using that all along so i could find posts easier lol)

[karamazovanon]

i think the recurring theme of dostoevsky's that will always destroy me the most is when despite how much a character wishes and yearns for it, they continuously refuse pure and unconditional love when it's offered because they don't think they're worthy of it (and then hate themselves even more for turning it down). it will ruin me EVERY TIME

#and yes ofc theres a ton of theological implications there but i think its way more powerful as it stands between characters #its most obvious in raskolnikov denying the love of Literally Everyone In His Life and nastasya & prince myshkin #(<- im only like halfway thru the idiot still SORRY I HAVE NO TIME TO READDD) #you can also see it in lise smerdyakov and ivan to a certain extent #hell even ilyushas dad rejecting the money #like this recurring cycle of self loathing and self isolation that are ENTIRELY SELF IMPOSED DESPITE THEIR LONGING FOR IT. ohhhhhhhhh my god #it gets me SO BAD EVERY TIME #maybe its just the larger theme of self destruction in general bc that also always makes me lose my shit #throwing myself into the abyss head first and heels last and am even glad that ive fallen in such a degrading posture and consider it #flattering to myself etc etc #boy i die. #anontalks #the self hatred in ruslit goes fucking HARD!!!

[gayghostrights]

rip Arthur Lester you would have loved emo music

#Listen modern arthur would write the BEST midwest emo music #The self loathing? #The loss of control/monster in my head imagery?? #Themes of death and heartbreak? #Do you see my vision??? #Malevolent #arthur Lester #Are We still doing this meme format I wrote this post like three times and this one felt the most right

[b0tsbby]

It only concerns me a little bit I haven’t really seen a written introspection on Stampede Knives’ character, specifically him. 98 is 98 and Maximum Knives has enough elitists on his case to cover him, definitely not a fan favourite but people have broken him down.

I’m aware of how disliked he is, Stampede that is, but it really is something. Could I write it, and could I kill an analysis of him? Most likely. I’ve been injecting the character into my veins, breathing him in and out for a year, every incarnation of him.

But I’m so curious to see someone else do it. Curious to see if someone else will do it…Maybe to convince myself I’m not a complete fool, or stuck in delusion. Maybe to find someone else that got it.

Hate and disdain, is something I’ll never protect him from. He’s an asshole. But man, even he doesn’t deserve the shallow reading of him that’s too widely accepted I think.

But who am I to say what is and isn’t…

#thinking #I just remembered I’ve never read a Stampede knives character study #I was delighted to read a Max character study #by a person of colour no less! #which was fucking fantastic #or perhaps it was an overall study of the concept of a character #either way #I haven’t had a real discussion about him in a year #and no if you’re proshit go fuck yourself #I’m not talking to you #there’s just so much to analyse #on the theme of denial #emotional repression #ACTUAL mommy issues (not the guilt Vash has) #then there’s the loneliness #and isolation #and jealousy #and fear of abandonment #and god the yearning #to be a child again #to be a child and do it all again but differently #he’s going to hell and I’ll kill him with my own hands #but I still care about him unfortunately #I care a lot #he’s so stupid #I hope they expand on his self loathing in S2 #and definitely his relationship with Rem #millions knives trigun #trigun stampede #millions knives

[ofthebrownajah]

I think in general the bubbles of evil would look silly on screen, but Rand's reflections attacking him could potentially work. It's the least silly of the three imo

#plus like the theme of his self loathing being reflected in that #wheel of time #wot book spoilers #wheel of time reread

[kijosakka]

After leaving Bridgette, stuck to a frozen pole... How Alejandro would react to Assistant Noah saying that he knows what Alejandro is doing, but Noah honestly doesn't care?... What if Noah only cares about how Alejandro unfairly treats Owen?

ASSISTANT NOAH: "None of the people on this show are exactly innocent angels either, so if the guys are dumb enough to fall for your charming tricks and the girls let themselves be swooned by you despite having boyfriends, then they deserve to lose." 🙄

i do think this instance would have add some in the way of later plot, what with london and the eel comment -- as established up until around germany, assistant noah has a neutral-positive view of alejandro:

(though ngl just considering his general mannerisms i am leaning more towards neutral -- character arcs and whatnot, neutral > negative > positive, so his ribbing comes off as uninterested as he is, more like general commentary on what's happening)

anyway its post-egypt and not much further and i don't think alejandro would expect, at this point, to react any different -- assuming that he would assume noah was coming up to rib him about the challenge again.

on noahs end, there is no real distaste for alejandro (....yet), emphasized by his seemingly unimpressed that no one catches onto alejandros scheming -- implying that noah sees it as something obvious.

^ tinged by bias by virtue of being on the crew and seeing behind-the-scenes clips and footage or not, to be so blatant about 'if they don't know, they deserve it' does mean that noah believes it to be something people should be catching onto (also worth mentioning that through him specifically telling owen, he offers more leeway for him in the face of this; favoritism.)

anyway, recap (for myself, mostly): alejandro's perception of noah up until this point is basically 'guy on the crew who ribbed me once' and didn't gloat about any of his strategies to avoid having a paper trail of his manipulation.

ergo -- this alters alejandro's pespective of noah drastically. because, again, noah is part of the crew and therefore not a threat to his game (and in fact could only really be an asset through this to alejandro), so for him to also be so outwardly comfortable with alejandro's manipulation signifies him as a kind of confidant role; someone alejandro can gloat to in small moments as long as he's careful about who's listening, because noah doesn't care.

as for how that changes london -- well, previously, noah would only take up that kind of confidant role post-london, once the cards were out on the table and alejandro goes with his flirting deflection thing. now though i do think it adds if he takes up the role earlier:

because, well. conflict. in alejandro's eyes, noah is taking on, again, that confidant role that he himself grows quite comfortable in, seeking reprieves from the competition that don't damage his game like how heather does suddenly insulting him behind his back and becoming very outwardly vitriolic and distasteful.

however in noahs eyes, alejandro is two-timing -- he'd probably assume that alejandro is aware (probably assuming he's watched previous seasons) that him and owen are friends, and thus assume he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, through being friendly with noah but being so vocal about his dislike of owen. they're a Package Deal, doesn't he know that?

anyway my point here is that it opens up a lot of opportunity for alejandro to be hurt/confused and retaliate in whatever ways, and for noah to assume he's just doubling-down and thus have it sour his opinion more. misunderstand is what i'm saying here.

.........or comedy of errors. both. both are good.

#i tend to go straight into 'theme-y and Not Really comedy' routes instead of lighthearted silly ones sadly #how to stop worrying about being cringe #i need to be cringe more itll be like my exposure therapy #need to shed all my embarrassment for wildly disproportional confidence #but UGH so much work :( #i'd rather self loathe FOREVER!!!!! #hmm anyway Total Drama #my conclusion here is misunderstanding potential #juggling apples over here trying to remember the vague plot threads of the assistant noah au #bless you hadys the only reason i can semi keep-up with multiple moving parts #thats in a good way btw this is fun i just have no thoughts ever during the day #have to save my replys For The Night when im half falling asleep at my laptop burning holes into my screen #unfortunate :( #kjask #total drama

[bectheturtle]

Me when. Me when In Stars and Time where the themes of the story are irreparably wrapped up in the character's deep set loneliness and self loathing

#i was going to make a much longer post about how self loathing is such a consistent theme is isat #and how Loop is such a perfect twist character reflecting all that self loathing back unto themselves; getting to look from the outside in #and how Siffrin is i think the most perfectly fitting protag I've ever seen for a story's themes #just ough. the timeloop is interwoven with who Siffrin is and they cannot be untied #but when i tried to write it the words got all scrambled in my brain. so yeag #oh my god and dont even get me started on how siffrin's loneliness ties directly into how they can't remember their home at all #and feel a permanent sense of wandering #and mal du pays also!!!! back to the self loathing!! i forgot about mal du pays as the literal manifestation of siffrin's self loathing!!! #just. god i love this game it's brilliantly tied together #isat spoilers

[a-library-ghost]

IM TIRED OF DEFENDING TOWER OF DAWN TO PEOPLE WITH NO GRASP ON CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT/ARCS AND THEMES YOU ARE ANNOYING STFU

#chaol westfell is not the problem #consider critical reading outside of the narration #consider sjm character assassinations should not be consumed at face value #consider why you like reading tog #consider how tod suits the overall themes of healing from self loathing and oppression that #tog is all about #tower of dawn #tod #sjm #tog veteran #throne of glass #chaol westfall #yrene westfall #yrene towers

[pianokantzart]

Aaahhh you guys weren't kidding about ep 4 being uncomfortable

#which I get it? it's intended to be uncomfortable #it's just so weird that 99% of this show has sex as a punchline #and then they get all serious about a sexually & emotionally abusive relationship real quick #I guess I'm glad they're attempting to approach this? It's not a kid show after all #but it feels like a kids show so often that it definitely gives you whiplash. #It's a really strange combo of adult themes and kid plotlines #so many lines feel ripped straight out of a Saturday morning show #then Angel starts talking really seriously about his self loathing and self destruction and #like I said. Whiplash. #maybe the pacing is partly to blame. IDK #hotel watch

[raayllum]

You’re a Ghost. You can’t be that elf ever again. You have to decide who you are going to be instead. So—who are you?”

Rayla balked at her. It was an awful question. She wasn’t an assassin, she wasn’t an elf of the Silvergrove, she wasn’t anything at all, she was just—

—“Rayla.”

That voice again. Rayla pushed away, trying to focus on Redfeather. “I’m—”

#the self loathing beat me with a stick #tdp rayla #raylangst #like she came so close to fully saying she was nothing. redevoting herself #but his voice pulled her off the edge. away from the water. back home #i'll never be over it #theme: identity #parallels #chasing shadows #s1 #1x02 #3x04 #tdp shorts

[topaztimes]

Hi this is a vent post! Continue scrolling if you'd rather not see that

#Giving time... #Still more time... #Wouldn't want to plague any previews #Maybe another filler. Just for some fun #Is this enough? #It certainly is now #Alright start: #I'm so bored. I am so incredibly; intrinsically; entirely bored. I have been taught the same thing for four years straight #'It's only four years!' that's literally a quarter of my lifetime right there. My formative years are being spent stressed and in a state / #/of constant self-loathing #I was watching a YT video and the phrase 'attention-starved STEM major' came up and I was like. Yea #What am I even working towards? The hope that my version of capitalist hell isn't as bad as everyone else's? I'm just so sick of not / #/having a stable future what with politics and normal working people becoming more and more oppressed #I don't want to work and that's not because I'm lazy. It's because my brain is recognising that there is no reward anymore #I used to have such a little spark in Yr7. I remember having things to say and wanting to share everything I've done #I still do that now; sure I do. I don't enjoy it though #I thought I liked drawing but I'm realising that all I really like is the attention. I COULD draw things I like drawing... but then I / #/ don't get attention which my mind then classifies as zero reward #I'm very tired of doing things for no credit; reward; or validation. This is becoming a theme #Then I wonder what I'm doing wrong. What part of the algorithm am I not hitting. Then I realise that I'm just not marketable in a way #God. I'm seriously breaking rn. It's not even only because of GCSEs #It's just a culmination of doing all these things to be told that I am unworthy of Having as a result. It doesn't matter if I'm smart; my / #/ parents still don't own their house and can't afford to pay for heating most days #Literally what am I doing this for #And then I realise that all of this is ALSO attention-seeking behaviour! I'm my own worst problem; I recognise exactly what's wrong with / #/ myself but the body wants what it wants. And what it wants is validation that I'm not going to get in this life #Hi guys! Maybe don't interact. That could fix me #Wean me off of needing virtual numbers just to feel something. Jesus #I can't even be happy with the things that I make for myself. Because I make nothing for myself anymore #It's just a whole sad existence of an expected 12hr+ of school every day until I get a job I guess. Then it's 12hr+ of job every day until

[bthump]

I keep circling back to NeoGriff's insistence that Guts "of all people" should know the type of man he is, why he did what he did, why he won't stop or apologize. And while this feels like it's likely tangled up in the bullshit Griffith tells himself to mask who he actually is from others (and from himself), I can't help but wonder if he believes Guts knows him better than he actually does.

Like, he allowed himself to get closer to Guts than anyone, but is it possible it wasn't as close as he thought? Just because he showed Guts some of himself....we KNOW Guts never really saw his heart. I guess I'm asking if you believe part of the tragedy is Griffith believing he truly shared himself with someone when he barely let Guts in?

I think it's interesting that he seems almost disappointed in Guts' response on the hill of swords. It's a muted response, of course, bc he's a god, but something about the words feels like a reprimand.

That's an interesting take that I'd never considered before!

Honestly my read on that Hill of Swords parting line is that it's a reference to Griffith's self-loathing, the way he let Guts in to see the "cruel" side to him, so he expects Guts to see him as a monster the way he sees himself. "You of all people," because Guts is the only one Griffith allowed to know about the assassinations and stuff.

That said, I could see your take being another layer to it? I don't know if it's exactly objectively true though - Guts sees the best in Griffith during the Golden Age, and in a lot of ways Guts is right to. Human Griffith is a better person than Guts, in a lot of ways, and Guts' positive judgement of Griffith isn't due to not knowing him well enough, it's due to seeing him from a different perspective than Griffith's own guilt-tinged perspective.

But I could see Griffith thinking that Guts never really knew him. I don't know if it's an intended part of the subtext of the scene, but it makes sense from Griffith's point of view, and it fits as another layer to their misunderstanding.

Thanks for the ask, and giving me something to wonder about!

#ask #o-blessedkingoflonging #a #b #scene: hill of swords #theme: true light #ship: griffguts #character: griffith #theme: self loathing

[beevean]

Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations

Reminiscence ~ The Bitter Taste Of Truth

#ace attorney #ace attorney music #aa music #trials and tribulations #music of the day #ah godot #when the suave jazz makes room for a bitter reminescence theme #representing all of his regret and self-loathing

[thosepoorsoulswhodwellinnight]

recent happenings reminded me i guess of other otps involving a character played by david tennant going canon as angsty as possible and it made me rewatch rose and

I don't have words to describe what season one of dw does to me

#mr eccleston sir your face your acting choices turn on your location i just wanna talk #the vibes the atmosphere the horror the music thE STAKEs #the 2005 cgi and the low budget and the handholding and #when the doctor gives his 'i can literally feel the world turning' speech and then turns around and tells rose to forget him and disappears #and we get the tardis' noises overlayed with the doctor's theme overlayed by that bass and those marching drums #he's a dick most of the time and se's only nineteen but she calls im out on it and matches is verbal sparring wit by wit #and she makes him laugh!! and she's inquisitive and smart and brave and kind and he's traumatised and full of shit and self-loathing in #equal unhealthy doses #I wasn't even 19 when i watched it for the first time it literally rewired my brain and i sould really go to bed now shouldn't i #new who #doctor/rose

[st4rstudent]

Questioni, whoms art thou? (What does your toon look like?)

👀

Orb Giblets (Imagine I'm looking off to the sky)

If you're talking about ingame, here's what he looks like!

I usually go with the right one bc I think it looks better, but the yellow hypno glasses were apart of the fit for so long (++ they help bring out the yellow) that sometimes I still wear them for fun

Art wise, here's a quick sketch-that-got-out-of-hand of him

I have an older post of the first time I drew him so the styles a bit.. outdated but its colored.

I'll write more about him in the tags as to not make this post longer than needed

#orb giblets #clemart #not putting this in the ttcc tag #nevermind it went in the tag anyways im embarassed #anyways the first time i drew him i didnt really draw his snout bc i didnt understand how to. #the theme with him is graduation bc of the hat so the gown he's wearing is supposed to be a sort of graduation gown. this was mainly just t #match with the hat but also bc i started to pick back up ttcc a lot more when i was closer to graduating hs #he has a little mouse tail as a reminiscence of his old self (used to be a mouse) and also bc i like drawing long tails but have found out #loathe linearting them #ongoing bit that after he graduated he runs a berry review channel on yt but theyre all rotten. all the berries in his basket are rotten an #smell really bad and also he loves to burrow and dig so the gown is torn and dirty at the bottoms and hes not helpful at all to the #resistance. no one invited him . he sees a cog and starts burrowing #also his fingers are claws but i decided to be merciful and give him cartoon physics so he can move them now #also clem funfact the star on the top part of the gown is not a button its just a design with the shirt bc ever since i was young #ive had this weird discomfort of (the texture of) buttons which is also why if you've noticed. i dont draw suits or anything with buttons #felt the need to share just for clarity . scratches my head you probably didnt need to know that #anyways i hope this answered your question ! smile #i might color that drawing in later i kindof like it #clemask

[weirdcursedvaultkid]

Off topic but I hope Taylor swift gives me more songs that make me think of merula and/or mc this week

#MAYBE #ONE OF THE THEMES IS SELF LOATHING #SOUNDS PROMISING #mella speaks #shitposting