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#they are doing so much drugs what if they DIE
jflemings · 2 days
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pairing: jessie fleming x reader
synopsis: your teenage daughter is in love for the first time but her boyfriend is a bad influence on her. when the two of you get into an argument and she says something especially hurtful, jessie snaps
warnings: a lil angst, arguing, past toxic relationship, past abusive relationship, language, talks of past and present drug use
a/n: pls pay attention to the warnings, this was heavier than i originally planned
୧ ‧₊˚ 🪻 ⋅ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚
“he’s a good guy!” your seventeen year old daughter madison shouts at you “you haven’t even tried to get to know him!”
you pinch the bridge of your nose and squeeze your eyes “maybe we’d want to if he didn’t sneak in through your window and and decide that our house was a perfect place to smoke weed. you know the rules”
madison rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest, her face settling into a scowl that reminds you all too well of your wife “that was one time”
“the weed or sneaking through the window?” you ask sarcastically, your voice now raising to match hers.
“the weed!”
“and getting high at school, was that one time too?”
a few weeks ago you and jessie had gone up to the school after madison was caught smoking a joint on the grounds. the two of you almost couldn’t believe what you were hearing when her principal told you what had happened.
as far as you knew madison had never deliberately done anything that would get her in trouble. all through her life her teachers had sung praises about how easy of a kid she was to teach, how well-behaved and respectful she was to everybody around her. that had been the truth until she started seeing her boyfriend nick.
nick had been expelled from his previous school and had even had a bit of trouble with the law, minor offences at best, but it was something that you and jessie had kept in the back of your minds when you heard through the grape vine that him and madison had begun seeing eachother.
“mum get over it, it’s not like you didn’t do it when you were my age” your daughter shoots back as she plants her hands on the kitchen table in front of her “if anything you were worse! i can’t believe you’re acting all high and mighty after the shit you and your highschool boyfriend got up to”
your eyes go wide and your grip on the top of the wooden dining chair you’re holding tightens “yeah, and you know where that got me”
“nick loves me” she tells you sternly “he wouldn’t treat me like that, and i wouldn’t let him push me around the way you did”
“excuse me?” you seethe “you have no idea what you’re talking about madison”
“you let him hit you! what more is there to kno—”
“your room. now” jessie raises her voice from where she stands at the sink behind you.
madison’s words die in her throat at the sound of jessie’s voice, the colour draining from her face as your wife turns around. “madison” she seethes, her eyes ice cold “i don’t want to see you. get out of my sight”
jessie’s calm but furious words send a chill through your daughter “mum—”
“don’t make me ask you again”
the two of them stare at eachother, jessie’s stern expression never faltering as her eyes bore into your seventeen year old. the tension in the kitchen is so thick that you feel like your throat is closing up and suffocating you. you rub a hand over the base of your neck and collarbones before madison turns and stomps up the stairs to her room, slamming the door to try to make a point.
you don’t dare look at your wife as you sit at the kitchen table, your head falling into your hands as your shoulders slump. jessie sits down in the chair next to you, abandoning the few dishes she was washing when the fight started, and lightly grips your forearm.
she gently pries your hands away from your face and holds them in her own. she runs her thumbs over your knuckles like she would when the two of you were much younger, her back and forth movement soothing your aching heart.
“i didn’t let him hit me” you say quietly “i didn’t lie down and take it”
“i know” jessie assures you, bringing your hands to her mouth and kissing your knuckles “but even if you did, it doesn’t change the fact that it wasn’t your fault”
you began dating luke in highschool and stayed with him through your first year and a half at college. the two of you were in the same english class during your junior year, and your teacher had assigned you as partners for a project. you had groaned and moaned about it to your friends at first, claiming that you wouldn’t be able to work with a guy who couldn’t even spell the word orange, but had quickly gotten over it when you saw how charming he was.
luke’s reputaion, much like nick’s, wasn’t the greatest. he had been dealing drugs and would occasionally sell to your friends whenever they wanted to get high, even on school grounds where he ended up getting caught more than once. he didn’t often go to school but if he did, he was always in trouble. starting fights, talking back, skipping class, whatever you could get in trouble for, he did.
over time that didn’t matter to you though. you got caught up in who luke could be, not who he was. you had gotten stern with him after he’d made you do all the work for your project, telling him that you were going to be informing your teacher that you had done the whole project whilst he refused to even turn up to do it. he had brushed you off and claimed that it wasn’t anything new and then spent weeks asking you to go out with him, claiming that although he had made a bad first impression he would be able to prove you wrong if you went out with him.
luke spent weeks asking you out and made promises about how he’ll take you on a real date and how he’ll get his act together if you gave him a real chance to prove himself.
you were young, naive and struggling with your sexuality and eventually, he had worn you down. you told him that if he was serious then he actually had to try and get his act together, not just make empty promises. luke had agreed and taken you out for pizza and a movie, paying for the date and doing all the cliche gentlemanly things.
he walked up to your door instead of just honking at you when he picked you up, introduced himself to your parents, opened your car door, complimented you and kept his hands to himself the whole night. he even settled for a kiss on the cheek when he dropped you off, wearing your lipgloss as a badge of honour as he bounded back to his car and pulled out of your driveway.
things were good for a while. he kept out of trouble and kept his promises to you, always showing you respect and allowing you to take the lead on many things. you lost your virginity to him two months in and he didn’t even boast about it to his friends, even after they called you a prude for not putting out right away.
the false sense of security changed you quickly after that. you got looser and started to smoke and drink with him even outside of parties your peers would throw. he’d sneak you out in the dead of night so the two of you could get high and have sex in the backseat of his beat up car, he would convince you to skip class. you had started dismissing your parents and ditching your friends for him after he got it in your head that the two of you only needed eachother.
luke also started getting more controlling. he wanted to know where you were, who you were with and what you were doing at all times. he’d start fights with boys he thought were hitting on you and then come crawling back when he realised he’s fucked up. he would apologise, promise that it wouldn’t happen again and then bring you small gifts to try to show you that he meant what he was saying.
during your senior year everything only amplified ten times more. you had lost all your friends, your grades were slipping and you and your parents were constantly fighting, it was a miracle you had even gotten into college the way you were behaving and your parents and teachers reminded you of such. it was a relief to you when you found out you got accepted and had quickly informed your boyfriend. he was happy for you at first, telling you that he’ll come visit when he can and that he’s facetime you every night.
the separation bliss only lasted for a little while before luke’s controlling nature came out again. he had the passwords to all your social media and had your location so he knew where you were. you weren’t allowed to follow any boys and he had to know all of your friends.
the first time he put his hands on you was after a party. he’d come to visit for a few days and you took him to some dirty frat that was notorious for having wild parties, you thought that maybe if you got him to loosen up a bit it would give him some peace of mind.
you were, unfortunately, very wrong.
a guy from your social studies class had made a move on you and even though you told him that you had a boyfriend, luke’s rage still overtook him. he drunkenly dragged you back to your dorm yelling and degrading you, calling you horrible names and saying how he knew he couldn’t trust you. when you actually got into your room you told him to shut up and he slapped you across the face, the stinging sensation lingered as the two of you stared at eachother before you silently got ready for bed.
he whispered apologies in your ear as you fell asleep, promising to never lay a hand on you again.
he continued to hit you when he was intoxicated and you learnt to hit him back. the first time you did it you broke his nose and he lied straight through his teeth when you took him to the hospital an hour later.
you lied for him too, even when the nurse pulled you aside and asked if you were safe.
it continued like that for months until your highschool best friend sent you a photo of luke and another girl naked in bed together. you broke up with him over the phone and told him to never contact you again. he cried and cried, pleading and begging you to stay with him until you hung up and blocked him on everything. he tried contacting you for weeks until finally giving up. only when you went back home for the summer did you find out that he had gotten the girl pregnant and that he actually ended up in jail. to this day you still think you’ve never breathed a deeper sigh of relief.
tears fall down your face as jessie takes the time to individually kiss each of your knuckles, the tender act of love fighting the violent memories that swirl in your head.
“you told her about him in confidence, as a way to warn her and keep her safe. she has no right to ever throw it back in your face” the canadian murmurs against your hand “what he did to you was not your fault”
“it was mutually abusive” you mumble as you shake your head “i was in the wrong too”
“he was high off his head most of the time. he could’ve killed you” jessie stresses as she looks into your eyes “you were protecting yourself”
you shut your eyes “jess”
“i know, sorry” she apologises quickly “do you want a cup of tea?”
you nod gratefully and jessie stands and kisses your forehead as you stare at the stairs. the part of you that was a mother longed to go up to your daughter’s room and just talk to her, but the other part of you, the part that kept you going in your hardest times, told you that you needed to stand your ground and not give in. that part was hurt. so, so hurt. you had never imagined that your own daughter could say that to you, angry or not. it was like she had taken the most vulnerable part of you and ripped it out, the feeling of betrayal stinging.
after your cup of tea, you and jessie begin to get ready for bed. she checks in on your younger daughter alex and bids her goodnight before coming back into your bedroom. she swaps out her sleep shirt for a jumper and slides under the covers next to you, pulling you into her and holding you tightly.
she kisses you shoulder lightly and tells you over and over how much she loves you, how much she absolutely adores you, lulling you to sleep with her gentle words and tight hold.
——
the next morning you and jessie rise with the sun. she goes for her morning run as you shower and get ready for work, packing lunches and making breakfast as alex bounds down the stairs. she talks your ear off about what she’s got planned for her day and what she’s planning to do this weekend with her friends. she eats happily and chooses to ignore the solum mood that’s rolling off her older sister as she walks into the kitchen.
madison is quiet as she makes her own coffee and makes herself a plate of bacon and fruit. the two of you share the same space without speaking, the tension from the night before has bled dry and been replaced with an awkward energy that hangs over your head heavily.
you can’t look at her. you can’t look at her because you know can’t tell if you’ll start crying or yelling. it pains you to feel like that towards your own daughter, your first born, the child who made you a mother.
it was even harder because the freckles that dusted her cheeks were all too similar to the ones you had traced a million times over. she was a spitting image of jessie, the two of them looking so similar that there had been times where people had asked you if she was actually yours. her expressions, her mannerisms, everything down the the way she walked was jessie and at times like this, it killed you.
“babe, did you see the morrisons are moving?” jessie asks loudly as she walks in the front door. you hear her take off her shoes and put them on the rack by the door “i wonder if it’s because he got that job in boston”
madison turns at the sound of her mother’s voice, almost expecting to be scolded. jessie merely spares her a glance before continuing “good for them, starting a family and all. hope it goes well”
“so concerned about another family when you’re ignoring your own” madison mumbles under her breath.
your wife pauses and you shut your eyes tightly “madison” you mumble tiredly. you had stupidly thought that maybe she’d sleep the argument off and wake up in a better mood, one that means the four of you start your days civilly.
“what? she didn’t even say hi to me as she walked in!”
alex rolls her eyes “stop being dramatic. she didn’t say hi to me either”
“shut up alex” your oldest hisses “this isn’t about you”
“no, you’re right. it’s about you and your dropkick boyfriend!” alex exclaims, standing and grabbing her plate before walking to the sink “maybe if you pulled your head out of his ass and realised you’re being a bitch to mum, you’d know that!”
you unintentionally slam your coffee cup down onto the counter “alexandra” you say calmly, shaking off the coffee that spilt onto your hand “enough, please. go get ready for school”
jessie, who has been surprisingly quiet, leans against the entry way to the kitchen and watches alex walk out and up to her room. she huffs “you gonna cut the attitude of what” she asks “because i’m sick of your shit. the disrespect isn’t gonna fly in this house and you know it”
madi leans against the counter and kicks her socked feet against the floor. she doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even look at either of you, but she stays. jessie takes it as a sign to continue.
“you owe your mother an apology, a genuine apology. you don’t know the full story and you have no right throwing it back in her face the way you did last night” jessie continues, coming off the wall to lean over the kitchen table “maybe if you gave us a reason to like nick we would, but so far all you’ve done is break our rules and disrespect our house. the sneaking out, the drugs, getting into trouble at school — it stops now. all of it.”
your daughter stands there with her hands tucked in between her back and the counter just looking at jessie as she gets an earful, her expressionless face never once faltering under jessie’s hard gaze.
“you won’t know what to do in a situation like that unless you get yourself in that position, and for you to outright say that your mum let that happen to her is appalling, madison, truely” jessie shakes her head “you don’t have the right”
the silence sits heavily over the room, the suffocating feeling from last night once again returning. all you want to do is walk out of the room and go to work so you can distract yourself from the feeling of betrayal that has settled heavily on your heart.
your wife remains unmoving like stone. her face is neutral but her eyes betray her, her own hurt and anger swirling in her brown irises like whirlpools. the image reminds you of when she was still playing football, the determined look she’d get before an important game now moulding onto her face seventeen years later.
madi turns to you, tears welling in her eyes “i’m sorry mum, i’m so sorry” she apologises, still glued to her spot “i regretted it as soon as i thought about it. i should’ve never said it and me being angry isn’t an excuse for bringing it up”
all you can do is meekly nod as you allow her to get out her apology, knowing that if she doesn’t the feelings will sit with her for the rest of the day.
“i was angry, and i thought you guys weren’t hearing me out, and i snapped. i crossed a line that i shouldn’t have even gotten close too and all i did was hurt you” she says breathily as she plays with the hem of her sleep shirt “you didn’t deserve that. i’m sorry”
“i can’t tell you i forgive you right now because i don’t, but i hope you know that all we’re doing is trying to look out for you. we want you to be safe, and i want you to learn from my past mistakes” you explain gently, moving next to her to put a hand on her shoulder “you need to reign the attitude in though. no more of the bullshit. it stops now”
she nods quickly “it will, i swear”
“you can’t see nick for now” jessie pipes up again, quickly putting her hand up when madison goes to protest “no, i don’t want to hear it. you crossed a line and you’ll be punished for it”
madison refrains from huffing as her hands fall to her sides “okay” she says quietly
“the trust has to be earned back and when it is then we’ll discuss where we go from there” you reason in a softer tone “you need to pull yourself back into line”
“i will. i promise”
you and jessie share a long, wordless look before you wave madison off. she takes her plate and ducks her head as she passes jessie, going back up the stairs to her room.
jessie let’s a breath go before walking over to you. her arms loop around your waist and yours fall over her shoulders “that’s a step” she whispers into your temple “i still don’t like him”
“neither do i” you whisper “all we can do is hope that she feels safe enough to come to us if she needs to”
“she’s got a good head on her shoulders”
“my parents said the same thing about me” you whisper whilst pulling away “i just hope we’ve done enough”
jessie tilts her head before kissing you on the lips “i think you’re forgetting that we’re still learning how to be parents” she murmurs against you “you need to take a load off”
one of your hands comes up to hold her jaw delicately “we share the load”
she brushes hair out of your face and tucks it behind your ear before holding the side of your head securely “i love you” she says “and i am so proud of you”
you kiss her again “i love you more”.
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snakebites-and-ink · 3 days
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Whumper-Turned-Caretaker CYOA 11
CW for the series | Masterlist
You chose to put them to bed on an air mattress in your room.
There’s no way they’re going back in the basement. You want to make things more comfortable for Whumpee.
However, you also don’t want to let them out of your sight. Putting the air mattress on your bedroom floor for them seems like the best arrangement: you’ll be able to keep an eye on them, they’ll be more comfortable, and it’s not pushing anything too far too fast.
You dig the air mattress out from where it’s stored and inflate it, then fetch some fresh sheets, blankets, and pillows. That should be good enough for tonight.
You tell Whumpee that’s where they’re sleeping tonight. You’ll be watching, both to stop them from causing trouble and to be ready if they need something. They thank you, their relief at the comfort outweighing whatever trepidation they have about sleeping in your room.
It doesn’t take too long for both of you to fall asleep.
You wake up in the middle of the night. Once you’re conscious enough to have your bearings, you realize you were woken by some noises Whumpee is making; looks like they’re having a dream. A bad one. They’re not saying anything intelligible, but it’s not hard to guess what their nightmare is about.
They’re not sleepwalking or getting anything tangled around their neck, so you know it’s safe to let them sleep through it. You’re not sure how much of a comfort you can be. Would it be more merciful to wake them up from this, or let them sleep?
You know for sure you want to sleep.
Taglist: @kabie-whump, @whumpanthems, @whumpsoda, @3-2-whump, @generic-whumperz,
@taterswhump, @alivenova, @whumped-by-glitter, @expressionless-fr, @whumpycries,
@whumpsday, @moons-cozy-corner, @echo-goes-aaa, @whumplr-reader, @starfields08000,
@whump-blog, @ivymyers, @currentlyinthesprial, @lumpofsand, @coffin-hopping,
@sunglasses-in-the-bentley, @catnykit
Not proofread we die like men
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shewhoeatssand · 10 months
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A kaneki headcanon for you that I am metaphorically pushing under your door
Kaneki was a literary purist when he was younger, he’d refuse to buy any translated version of a book he wants to read and instead struggled his way through with a combination of the internet and a dictionary.
This was made even worse during his American lit phase because of how much cultural context is needed to understand the masterpieces. The only one he really connected with was The Grapes of Wrath, because of his upbringing and losing his mom because she was working to feed him.
Kaneki read American Psycho late into highschool and it brought down his Gpa by a decent amount. He had multiple notebooks just keeping track of everything going on in an attempt to understand what was going on. He’d spend nights up late theorizing about the book and was planning to submit his analysis on it for his PhD before he got ghouled.
Shironeki definitely speaks much better English and upon rereading it, he fell in love with fear and loathing in last Vegas, connecting it to his experiences in the ghoul world.
American psycho also was one of the things that connected Kaneki and Hide as they drifted apart as they got older, hide being a big fan of the movie saved their friendship.
OH GOD I’M SORRY FOR LEAVING THIS TO ROT FOR SO LONG, I just loved this one so much I didn’t know how to respond ❤️❤️❤️ I’m reading Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas RIGHT NOW ACTUALLY because of this ask!!!!!!!!! This whole thing is so accurate I don’t know what to add, I love it so much, I remember listening to American Psycho in the car while I was moving house and it turned my whole world upside down. And this ask also made me realise how much Kaneki would have liked this book too!!!! Aaaaaah I’d kill to have gotten to see his PhD analysis on it :((( too bad he was ghoulified. Thank you so much for this it is literally the basis for all my thoughts on Kaneki speaking/reading English or other languages
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"yes im so fine"
*researches whether i can get my hands on ipecac*
#tw ed#obligatory MASSIVE do not do this#straight up poison that can kill you from one (1) time#used to be used to induce vomiting#directly the cause of death of karen carpenter and countless others#i wont i swear i wont#but i still researched it bc i was curious#tbh there are easier ways of poisoing oneself than semi illegal drugs#also if yall remember the post about a poison i own: i did more reseach and while that amount would probably kill me w no medical#intervention; it would take just under three times as much to be absolutely certain of hitting the toxic dose (calculated quantity per kg#of the top end of a given range. so it could kill me but if i was gonna go out that way id want about three times as much to be sure.)#honestly surprised ive never heard of any deaths from it. the most likely way to survive would be to throw it up i think#(or present to hospital and take charcoal or smth)#honestly though. my research says loss of consciousness and required intubation within half an hour in case studies#hence if you werent in reach of medical attention youd probably collapse an die#and i am very deliberately NOT mentioning what it is bc of how toxic it is#ive thought of combining it and another method to be absolutely sure but eh#honestly if it DIDNT work it sounds straight up embarrassing to admit to people tho thats one of the things stopping me#but literally a dose in a child requiring intubation and kid ended up in a coma recovered w no ill effects.#thats the dream yk. try and succeed and youre free; try and fail and you see no ill effects.#but yeah i wouldnt try w only the amount i have.#so im safe#....rereading the above. okay i might be a little mentally ill lol#but i am safe and absolutely nobody call the cops on me.#im fine.#tw suicide#puddleglum hours#nobody worry abt me ok. im fine.#just thinking silly lil thoughts like usual :)#EDIT: just occurred to me that using this poison could make it not look like a suicide
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spohkh · 7 months
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GODDDDDD THIS EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING GOOD GIRL LOOK AT THIS FACEEEEEE.... hes absolutely living for this knowledge that dong soo can be so vengeful. like he was intrigued/amused by dong soo before but now hes like oh there is DEFINITELY something fucked up about that little dude and i am INTO IT... do young can see sooo clearly all of the twisted up gnarled rage inside of hds that he tries so hard to hide.. "his revengeful spirit" uggghhhhhhhh yes do young is going to hit at hds' fault lines until he bursts right open!!!! the fucking little smile on hds' face when sdy showed him the picture of moon in the car accident MA'AM? LET THAT REVENGEFUL SPIRIT RIPPPP!!!! ONLINE GAMBLING KINGPIN!!! FAST TRACK ON THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL!!!
do young is like dong soo. you freaky little attorney. take my unlovable hand in yours. lets go full no children in this bitch.
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soldier-poet-king · 11 months
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Oh man I looked at the notes on that evolution & Christianity poll (a mistake, clearly), like, how can so many people be so fkin stupid. Yes thats mean of me to say but. Y'all are really out here being strict biblical literalists?? Not even most of the early christian theologians & church fathers were strict biblical literalists?? There is no historical basis to being an extreme literalist abt the bible?? Presumably you received SOME sort of education and can read and think critically?? You can't ALL have been raised in an information restrictive cult??
99% of the time im ready to throw hands with Catholicism because oh boy we have beef and I hate it here, but at least we're not Like That TM.
Oh Fr Georges Lemaître, father of the Big Bang Theory, we're really in it now.
#not to dunk on my Protestant friends ily#but like. protestantism is one hell of a drug. holy shit#like do i think ultimately what you believe about the evolution is the end of the world. no#BUT it indicates underlying literalist thinking which leads to problems that ACTUALLY affevt everyday life#and also just. deliberate ignorance. conspiracy theory thinking#not to b like. one thing leads to another. but these r definitely related patterns of thinking#and as much as im like. I fuckin hate catholics#its current western catholics that i rlly hate#theres at least a long history of intellectual freedom and science#yes at times obvs limited and repressed. but at least its not yknow. literalism. i would fuckin die#are yall really out here thinking abt literal adam and eve and creation in 7 days. really. REALLY?#altho. i went to hs with a young earth creationist who thot dinos and humans existed at the same time#so why. am i not surprised anymore#anyway yeah individual catholics are largely insane and i will fistfight trads#but at least like. INSTITUTIONALLY. we're allowed space to think and question#doctrinally thats allowed. even if trads refuse it in practice#ho ho holy shit yall#deadass did not think there was a significant amount of biblical literalists and creationists on TUMBLR of all places#both atheists and trads who think religion and science are fundamentally opposed.#think again. u r all. dummies. i am too tired to be polite abt it#im tired of ppl with no thinking skills <-its elections here today im extra full of rage#mrk saunders can catch my hands ALSO#i saw someone say that theres no basis to interpret the bible as allegorical#as if everytime Jesus said a parable ans the apostles took it literally#he had to sit them down and be like#boys. i love u. stop being stupid. its an allegory for the people.#WHAT THE FUCK IS A PARABLE IF NOT AN ALLEGORICAL INSTRUCTIVE STORY#genuinely. maybe i am naive. but deadass thot the adam and steve crowd thing was a joke. not a genuine argument against the gays#or at the very least a rare opinion blown out of proportion#ARE YALL OK IN PROTESTANT MAJORITY AREAS???????
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apple-of-my-pie · 1 year
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the thing about Three Stories is that it shows what makes house’s methods so special. three stories, three patients with inexplicable leg pain. the first two are treated by house and his team, who go above and beyond to find what’s wrong with them, no matter what; both patients return to their lives happy and healthy. the third is dismissed by ‘normal’ doctors as a drug addict for so long that the diagnosis and treatment are too late for a full recovery, making patient 3 the only one who still has to live with restricted mobility and constant pain. and then you find out patient 3 is house, and he’s doing for others what should have been done for him. ough
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jojopolls · 1 year
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does Jonathan know he does heroin (& probably coke) or does he think it's normal to lose hours zoned out on a chaise-longue
Oh he absolutely just sits there like 😐
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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#sorry i cant shut the fuck up today. i think i just feel worse on the weekends bc i kno i shoulf b relaxing#ppl r telling me to relax. take a break. let me kno how i can help. let me kno if theres a problem. bc my behavior is apparently ya kno like#visibly somethings not right. but how tf am i supposed to relax when i have so much to do#so im stuck spiraling like dont work but also think insistently abt working. but get nothing done. its horrible#mostly rn im stressed abt all the grading i havent done and the work on my masters data i havent done#but its like. something in my head is on fire and it's burning thru all my cognitive energy. i am just trying to keep existing#how tf am i supposed to find the energy to read 45 lab reports? im like illiterate#and idk i just feel bad about coming into a new lab being so sick. i just dont like being a problem#it also does not reflect well on my future career that im being such a flake on things. like sorry if i have to work on my research#assistant data rn i might die ✌️ ugh. itll b fine. i just need to find a way to effectively manage my head#and i keep hearing my dads voice in my head talking abt personal responsibility but like i dont even kno how to employ that. i could suck#it up and double down on productivity but that way leads to burnout and self destruction. do i doubke down on relaxing?#i dont kno how to do that. like u would probably just have to drug me. which is y i do not partake in substances. that way also leads#to self destruction. so what am i do to? cross my fingers and pray for a fluctuation in my general mood?#hope that aliens invade and that an incoming invasion sharpens my focus onto only one single thing?#idk. but my sister is finally working on the fish i askrd her yo draw me. so i gotta think of how i wanna get it tattooed#bc shes not an art person and its an act of indulging chaos to get an imperfect image tattooed onto me#so i might have to do some things to make it make me not insane. i asked for this bc i like causing myself problems. also i was in a#slightly altered state of mind when i asked lol but i stand by it haha. anyway. idk things r just annoying and hard rn as i knew they would#b. and im good at catching myself before things get dangerous but it sucks that i feel like a ticking time bomb of destruction. ugh.#unrelated
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hecksupremechips · 1 month
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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piosplayhouse · 2 years
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I don't want to be too mean about this because I know it's probably unconscious behavior but I would like cql fans who claim that cql does more justice to the female characters than mxtx because it ostensibly has more screen time for them to really reflect on why they trust a giant media monopoly that paired one of the most important independent female characters with a man she had no chemistry with in the original text more than an independent young female author whose entire first book was made up of critique against popular media that relegates female characters to collectible love interests
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dirt-str1der · 1 year
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hello i just wanna say i genuinely like ur observation about nishiki's fighting style and then ya manage to bring it back to ur 'drug addict nishiki' headcanon like it caught me off guard but im also not surprised that is so fair and real of u okay thank u
In a world where drugs dont exist, nishikiyama’s strength comes solely from his anger and i guess he goes to the gym too
#Thanks for the ask !#Yakuza loveblog#its not a headcanon his voice actor said so before he so does drugs and he does it to escape his terrible life ratpark style#i would in fact be more surprised to learn that nishikis rawdogging life i mean hes definitely not religious and i guess he has alcohol but#thats not enough for what he has to endure. we have to give him meth we have to let him do coke#like i have no reason not to believe he goes to the gym because he is literally vain and i bet he works out till he gets a six pack all#one my life sucks two my life sucks on the bench and he drags kiryu there too even though he hates going to the gym because it stanks and#the aircon is always blowing at the worst spots and the overhead lights oohhhh cant stand the bowling alley either he throws the ball as#hard as he can and it doesnt even touch the runway before its smashing into the pins thats why the y5 bowling completion is so easy he#wants to get out of there asap. im off track see everything goes back to kiryu i always neglect nishikiyama. like even kazamas like heres#some drugs now leave me alone and hea like hmm do i snort this or sell it. oh well SNNRRRT. like there is absolutely no reason for his#entire fighting style to be heavy attacks unless hes wired like crazy and its because hes so pissed off all the time plus hes teeming with#like. cocaine. hulking the fuck out. thats why kiryu feels so safe around him because he has every reason to believe that in a pinch nishik#i can grab someones head and pop it like a grape in order to save his life hes seen it happen before it wasnt just because he feels#comfortable and in sync with nishikiyama he literally has seen him punch someone so hard their skull caved in and hes like okay !#thats why he loves fighting him so much its because if nishiki punches him in the head he’ll just have to wake up the next morning in pain#its so fun trust me on this you need to be punched by your brother right now or youll die
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bluastro-yellow · 10 months
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harry you're a disaster
#OH MY GOD#IT'S MINE#I DROVE MY CAR INTO THE SEA???????!?!??!!??!?#pointless microblogging#hehehe whistling on the swing ◡̈. how does kim keep up with my bullshit#disco elysium#I want to save my thoughts so far somewhere#the scummy union leader guy basically threatened to kill a child with my gun if I fuck with his plans#is that kid cuno and could he actually die?#or is it the little books girl?!#I shoul have waited for kim to speak with him :(#can I sell the postcards or do I need them#how the hell do you make money. it's not enough to pay for the room. I had to accept the fucking scummy guy's check (but nothing else)#(where are the bottles didnI take them all?!)#I TOOK THE BULLET FROM THE HANGED MAN'S HEAD 😎. what the hell happened?!?#I should probably do drugs lol. no more alcohol for my shitty liver but drugs won't hurt too much right#that's disco babe#is the stuff joyce said about the uhhh thing between islands real? that absence of everything??? wtf#I don't like joyce but I don't like the scummy union guy either. this game sucks#like cool you're buildimg a youth centre. why are you passively forcing the fishing village people to move out#also the demand of every worker in the board or something is sus.#I don't like joyce but she's right askinh for 22.000 workers to sign every decision is very impractical#there are better and more realistic ways to make everyone partecipate! 22.000 signs is unbelievably slow#even if they achieved the goal of taking full control of the company. that's not the way to run things#so is it like idk someone sabotaging the strike like with the fake scabs?#I regret my stats choice. all brain and no physical skill :|#*2.000 something not 22.000. **taking control of the harbour not company. still sus#disco elysium spoilers
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nikialexx · 1 year
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tagged by @blackberry-sunset​ 🥰
(i very much agree that making a new post>the endless reblog chain)
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tagging: @pinklume @cuddlebugsirius @lilyflxwers @hearteyesmoony​
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drown-with-me · 2 years
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Am I late for Munday? Do I even have the right to post anything after being absent for five months?
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frogeyedape · 1 year
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What in the absolute fuck
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