#this is just about the worst I’ve felt

[he-was-number-wan]

everything feels irreparably fucked

#this is just about the worst I’ve felt #I’m so tired man #I don’t wanna do this anymore

[queerhoodies]

as someone who had the shittiest 17th birthday imaginable episode 5 is something that can be so personal wille i understand you completely

#having multiple panick attacks during the week leading up to it that culminate in the worst breakdown #where it’s just you screaming at your parents about all the ways they’ve wronged you #and ending the day by going to bed crying ofc #i’ve never felt more represented #young royals #prince wilhelm #young royals season 3

[8rujaa]

i feel so happy i have the urge to get on my hands and knees and worship something

#i’m emotional because i feel like recently i’ve been actually like genuinely happy #i thought i was going to feel broken forever. i thought i was going to feel like half a person forever #i’ve made so much progress #looking back i don’t know how i got through certain things i really don’t #i was being traumatized while also being severely tortured daily by my body pain #i hadn’t talked to my family or friends in months #i lost my mobility and i lost my independence and i lost everything i worked hard for #i felt like a dog and my nightmares still make sure to remind me how terrible it was #and the healing journey afterwards was somehow even worst because i was reliving it constantly. i feel like i fought so hard for my peace #i know i thought about offing myself multiple times #i don’t know what kept me alive… #i think i stayed for all the wrong reasons/people…. but either way i’m glad i stayed #i’m struggling with letting myself be happy because life has a way of taking everything from you just as you were getting comfortable #and i know bad things can and will happen wether i worry or not so the only thing i can do it try to savor and enjoy these beautiful moment #as best as i can and maybe these moments are what will keep me alive in the future #this year i don’t ‘want’ anything per say…. i just don’t want to lose anything…. like god i don’t ask for anything else…. just don’t take #anything from me that i love please 😭😭😭😭😭 #brain vomit

[beastking-golion]

FHR SPOILERS

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I avoided to Argent’s romance because I didn’t think I’d like it but I finally played it and I was so wrong I was so wrong, she is so girly pop murder fiend “I have morals but only sometimes” ass kicking nanovore-made cupcake eating god princess

#dex talks #I had fun with her romance lol #fhr spoilers #fallen hero retribution spoilers #fallen hero retribution #fhr #I love that she’s made of nanovores thats so epic I wish I had an option to call her badass in the hospital #also I got the highest relationship with her than I’ve had with literaly any of the other characters EVER #I think it was about 91? which I didn’t think was possible since I didnt booby trap her brain #Listen even in rebirth that felt too mean to do okay #I wonder if she can connect to out nanovores or if them being neutered ruined that #imagine you deploy nanovores on her and she just instantly intigrates them into her body lmao girl boss #I also like the idea of a sentient creature/ hive mind and am always won over by it so ahrhjfbgg #hive minds my loves my dearest loves #ortega is still my top and canon romance but argent is an easy second #sorry to danny but you’re my least favorite 😭 #chen’s just makes me painfully sad he finally falls in love again and its to the worst person possible #im so sorry chen #rambles #i wanna see a jake romance i hope i can get my puppet back cause flirting with him was fun af

[blitheringbongus]

Can't believe Scar saw a rapidly approaching, dishevled mumbo and went "he's so cute." I need to run unorthodox experiments on them.

IKR SAME OMG

They’re literally perfect for each other <- delusional

But seriously they have so much lore together in my silly brain and the few interactions they do have (WHICH HAS BEEN INCREASING A LOT LATELY MAY I ADD) has been FUELING the fire rapidly and gods gods GODS do I have many thoughts about them

#literally making an illustration type comic on Mumbos whole vampire timeline #Scar will be next with his vex schenanigans.. #the worst part is I always cycle like three to five different backstory’s in my brain for these two I CANNOT decide #but now that I’ve written a short ficlet (that no one will see unless asked) abt a few scenes of Mumbos backstory I think I’m pretty set on- #-his part #Scar tho??? no clue #I have the Hotguy backstory (which I daydream about WAY too much) I have the apocalypse backstory. I have the single player raised by villa- #-gers for years and years cuz his mom dropped him off in the single player world when Scar wasn’t conscidered a player yet since he was an- #-infant cuz it was a teen pregnancy and she was too scared to tell anyone so she just dropped him off with the villagers never to be seen #again. and since it was technically HER single player world when Scar DID grow up old enough to be recognized as a player he couldn’t #access any of the 'exit world' stuff or anything like that since it wasn’t his world #and then like a watcher or smth pulled him out of it so that Scar could be put through the horrors of gun related things for experimentstuff #and then there’s the backstory of where scar IS a watcher. like not a person turned watcher he was BORN (if you could say that) a watcher #and like the other watchers wanted to do an experiment of basically 'could a watcher if stripped of its memories and placed in a people- #-world be able to produce its own feelings and emotions?' and so they did that to Scar but they didn’t place him there as a baby no. they #placed him there as a full grown man so bros even more confused. and when the life series stuff started he had exactly one ☝️ dream per #Series and it was tiny little snippets of his watcher self but he didn’t know that it’s him but like he felt a strange pull towards these #dreams so that’s basically the reason why he kept coming back to the life games even tho they hurt him deeply as we all know #and then when he won secret life the secret keeper asked him what his wish was now that he’s won and he didn’t ask to know who he was and #where he came from (since he just appeared one day as a full grown man with no identification) since he’s made peace with that maybe it is #better not to know. so instead he asked abt the dreams he always has in these series and wth their abt and the context and stuff #and then BAM the secret keeper just drops all that information on him and he has an identity crises :D #anyways. I put both of these guys through many horrors I just have so many ideas for scar specifically. oh also there’s that backstory where #hes an assasin guy and he feels rlly guilty abt it when he gets split in half (gtws and btws) cuz like he has morals now apparently?? also #it explains the scammer stuff cuz he was a HUGE scammer bacl them #asks #hermitcraft #goodtimeswithscar #mumbo jumbo #redscape

[designernishiki]

as much as a i understand and respect ace kiryu truthers, i really feel like kiryu is the type to really take the idea to heart that sex is something vulnerable and meaningful and thus reserved for someone completely trusted and special to him– someone who feels right. after years and years he’s still never legitimately voluntarily slept with someone, always tries to turn women away or is at least apathetic when they try to get physical with him, never feels that deep and specific bond with a woman– nothing compared to some of his bonds with other men throughout his life. and maybe, hopefully, one day it’ll hit him that there’s a pretty big, glaring reason why no women have ever felt “right” to him.

#I’ve become a pretty devout gay kiryu trigger at this point #it just. makes the most narrative sense / is the most narratively interesting / explains So Much #kiryu #yakuza #kazuma kiryu #honest to god though it’s. the most realistic way of explaining why he jumps to the assumption that he must date or kiss a woman or whatever #as soon as possible with little to no room to actually fall for one #with yumi he’s literally in the classic comp het situation of ‘well someone told me I’m in love with her so I guess I’m in love with her’ #no deeper thought no proof of falling for her etc #sayama’s more convincing and they start out actually building a dynamic that could end up being romantic maybe- but then they fucking jump #the gun and have kiryu randomly kiss her like something he saw in a movie instead of. you know. talking about things first. or anything. #partly because they’re in a life or death situation and are essentially pushed together via traumabonding #and that’s Extreme when it comes to the end of kiwami 2. honestly that makeout scene was just. really weird and uncomfortable. for multiple #reasons. I mean for one he says something like ‘I’m sure she (haruka)’ll understand’ in between the making out in reference to him not #even trying to get further from the bomb or anything #and just lowkey choosing to kill himself (disturbingly similarly to nishiki mind you) like uh kiryu did you forget that haruka. literally #lost her mother in an extremely similar situation. in front of her. and nearly lost you at the same time. kiryu’s personality is Not one to #just shrug off something like that- either he was purposefully choosing to kill himself because he felt like a failure and that haruka would #genuinely be better off without him Or the writing there was INSANELY out of character as to make him seem more focused on the supposed #Romeo and Juliet tragic romance situation than saving his daughter the grief of losing EVERYONE CLOSE TO HER and reliving the worst night of #her fucking Life #god if anything the ending of yk2 just screams ‘this relationship would not work out under normal circumstances and both of them are just #clinging onto whatever’s closest out of desperation and need for any kind of emotional catharsis available’ #if you can compare a pairing to romeo and juliet . it’s probably not #a pairing that’s meant to be #sorry im going off on a huge tangent about how weird the ending of yk2 was to me uhhh anyway I could write a video essay on why kiryu being #gay is the most realistic and interesting interpretation of him possible . send tweet

[realjoehours]

getting full body aches and a feeling like i might throw up!! you know what time of the month it is!!!!

#absolutely dying right now i’ve done nothing but lay in bed all day because my legs and head went away and then i took ibuprofen #and i felt better and of course as i’m laying in bed meant be getting cosy for snoozing the pain comes back #hate having my period it’s the worst #i just seem to post about having my period a bit in recent months oops that wasn’t intentional sorry you guys gotta hear my period rambling #just feels nice typing them into the void which is my blog #joe soup speaks

[theramblingsofadork]

I’m going on hiatus. Don’t know if or when I’ll be back.

My friend suggested I get some space from the AU. Maybe it’ll help, maybe it won’t. Either way, I won’t be posting for a while.

#RE: my last post #I’m too frustrated right now that it’s all failed #im not going to be hasty and delete anything yet but i am tempted to #just presume the AU is lightly canceled #Maybe I can fix it maybe i cant #i doubt it though #I haven’t felt this miserable about something I’ve made in so long #puts head in hands #i just wanted to have fun #i hate that this is bothering me so much #this happened during the worst week too

[szczylpierdolony]

life is falling through my fingers more that usually

#i’ve been in a pretty much constant state of panic since january #and it’s gotten worse recently bc of 1. thesis writing (or lack thereof) #2. administrative problems at uni that i caused due to the constant state of anxiety and depression #like whyyyy do things like going to the uni office send me spiraling like nothing else #and i’ve been feeling weird and disconnected for a while now and nothing seems to interest me anymore #like i’m light headed in the worst way and i think if one thing goes badly i’ll genuinely fall down crying #and i can’t seem to do anything productive bc of the anxiety either #ok i checked usos. the administrative problem got more or less solved #oh thank god #i love depression loveee it love causing problems for myself that i later have to bother other people about bc i can’t solve them by myself #esp when you have to admit to them that mental illness is what caused them bc even when they’re sympathetic and nice about it i still feel #like such a pathetic idiot my god #also i’ve been thinking a lot abt how a pattern that repeats in my life is the lack of closure #from silly things to more serious ones #like how i didn’t attend my elementary school graduation nor the hs one #the first one bc of travelling and the second bc of covid #so i just closed my laptop and then went to pick up my diploma after matura results and that was it i never saw any of my teachers or #thanked them etc #and how all my friendships that died out were this kind of sudden drop like nothing happened but we just stopped talking one day and that #was it and idk where we stand #and how i seem to leave loose threads everywhere i go and i can’t tell if it’s just a coincidence or if i do that on purpose but #unconciously so as to not have to deal with things ending bc that scares me #i’ve never felt grounded in any moment and it’s so strange #also yeah yeah weird behaviour meant to save me from abandonment whatever #📓 #niedziela wieczór i humor popsuty co mogę powiedzieć

[floral-hex]

woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.

#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void #shits rough dawg #I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts #haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier #it’s cold #saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early. #and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed. #went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours #guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left #even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are #I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh #my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week #maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done. #I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting #woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside #hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning #can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding) #actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so… #I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience #anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments #I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired. #I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die. #is this relatable? #just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda. #gonna look at pictures of butts now #ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever #you can ignore this #text

[tvrningout]

i love going to the hairdresser but i also hate it just a lil 😔

#having my hair cut? wonderful relaxing one of my favorite things ever #having to make small talk? hate it it’s the worst i wanna run awaaaay #it’s worse this time bc i’ve felt so indecisive about my hair #i wanna switch it up but i feel like there’s only so many ways to and i’ve had a bunch of haircuts #i think i’m just gonna keep my long hair and get bangs again but man… wish dying your hair wasn’t expensive #and also frowned upon by employers :/// #gimme green gimme blue gimme something different!!! #sorry to ramble about something so unrelated to rp y’all asdfgh i’m waiting to get my hair cut and needed to yell :’ ) #i do hope y’all are having an amazing thursday 💜 #get ready to ramble | ooc

[leqclerc]

hiii how are you doing? wishing you a wonderful holiday season 🎄

charles brain is really occupied by seb all the time 😂

https://twitter.com/leclercsletters/status/1738177935083700466?t=bAvaE6Z93ZzxQpERvLcPXw&s=19

Hello, dear anon!

Thank you so much for the lovely wishes! 😭❤️ Sorry it took me so long to reply. Wish I could say I’m all good but I came over to visit family for Christmas last week and immediately got Covid from my parents, which 😭😭😭 So our plans had to change a bit. 365 days in the year and in the past two years I’ve been sick on my birthday and now on Christmas, I can’t 😭 Just my luck 🙃

So in the chaos of travel + unexpected illness I didn’t even have time to comment on Charles’s new hairstyle (was someone inspired by 2018 and briefly 2019 Seb? 🤔) or the clip you linked. Which, tbh, still haven’t had the chance to watch it in full, just the Seb mentions, which 👀 We love to see how proud and giddy he is about the fact that Seb was my teammate. Reminds of me of the video he did with WTF1 around Christmas last year where in the guessing game he was like “was I my teammate?” and then said Seb’s name in the most drawn out way possible. 🥹

But to cap it all off, Merry Christmas to you, too, anon! ☺️🎄 I really want to be more active on here once I return to the land of the living, the past month or so has just been chaos really 😭

#replies #anonymous #❤️❤️❤️❤️🎄🎄🎄🎄 #i don’t think this is my first time getting covid but it’s the worst i’ve felt … probably since early january?? #anyway the timing just sucks bc one thing about me i love christmas. i was looking forward to it so much #so to spend it unable to see people and just overall feeling miserable is :/ not how i was picturing it

[sableeira]

catching covid after my 3 year no-covid streak feels kinda bad ngl

#I thought it was some type of flu for the past few days but nope #tbf I’ve been sick three other times these past three years and one time was sus as hell but I’ll never know what that was all about… #yeah not catching covid felt like a Highscore streak. yeah I do think about everything in my life in terms of gamification u_u #when the new chapter released I was like: oh there is so much going on maybe I’ll manage to be more active again and then I was just out #it’s a bit better now at least but I’m also finally catching on that it has the worst timing #my family was meant to visit me next week but I’ll still be contagious so don’t think that’s gonna happen #also in 5 1/2 weeks I’ll need to finish a substantial part of my bachelor project… #things are happening but I had a horrible creative slump right before falling sick so that kinda sucks #at least my vis dev part of the project is mostly over now so maybe I’ll get back to some casual fanart again soon… I miss it :( #when I was younger everytime I got sick I just started grinding out fanart. dunno where that energy went because now I can’t even move #my pinky when I’m sick #sina’s rambling

[brookheimer]

from the succession podcast it sounds like kieran thinks roman has successfully pushed down the voicemail/possible guilt about logan’s death and is genuinely like .. not thinking about it, which i find really surprising honestly. is that really not going to come back? trying to figure out whether this is a “pre-grieved” situation (read: obviously a failing attempt at repression) which was my original take, of course, but the fact that kieran says, like, “i’ve actually thought about that” makes me think it’s not something that will come up in future episodes — if repressed guilt/fear/self-loathing ab possibly causing logan’s death is part of roman’s ‘arc’ this season, why would kieran say like ‘oh i’ve actually thought about this!’ like, that kinda makes it sound like it never comes up again, so kieran’s come up with his own take. but i mean… we’re supposed to think roman “yeah i pre-grieved” [one episode later] “i’m dead. i’m gone. it’s over for me” roy successfully pushed down the fact that his last ‘interaction’ with his dad was calling him a cunt over voicemail (his first time standing up to him Ever) which logan may or may not have heard before his death — and may or may not have CAUSED that death (we know the phone was found in the toilet, after all)??? successfully pushed it down my ass

#felt like it was such an ingenious direction for roman to go in — feeling like the one time he stood up to dad he killed him — #heartbreaking obviously but so so so full of potential #if roman genuinely is not feeling guilty about logan’s death and that guilt doesn’t come up in the folllowing eps ill be a little #disappointed honestly. like post 4x03 i was so excited to see where they were going with it because it was honestly like the Worst Possible #Situation for roman — logan’s death wouldve been devastating in any circumstances but the way it played out felt so tailored to be the worst #possible way it could’ve fine for rome…. idk man. i was so impressed w how it was like each kid’s nightmare. like the circumstances for each #character were the most painful they could’ve possibly been for that specific character. and rome in particular #like that was some of the most ingenious character writing i’ve seen in a while i was just in awe of how multilayered that experiejce was #for rome in particular like it was just so perfectly conceived to fuck him up the maximum amount possible while not making any of it feel #shock value y or whatever in the slightest #so like… if all of that ends up being kind of forgotten other than Logan Died…. #i will be sad lol. what was the point of all that then!!!!! #it just feels kinda surprising — not bc it’s not following thru on an arc or a detail or whatever but bc on a human level it feels like smth #that would haunt a person for the rest of their life esp someone like roman esp bc it was his dad #succession has plot holes and forgets threads and stuff but typically it’s good at keeping the internal emotional logic of each character #intact so i’m just kinda surprised by the possibility that the whole ordeal might not have any more influence on rome than any other #hypothetical way logan could’ve died. idk. rambling #succession #roman roy

[psychoticwillgraham]

hi. im experiencing excruciating pain in my entire body today :))

#this is the worst flare up I’ve had in a while #after I got up from my chair that I game in #it felt like I’d pulled a muscle right in between my yknow on my chest #it legit felt like my muscles in that specific area had snapped #and caused me to have a rlly bad chest pain and that’s never happened before #my mid back is the second worst pain currently #but my neck is in major pain and I’ve tried to lay down with multiple pillows under it #but it just makes it worse #we did just go from an 88 degree day #to a rainy day AND it’s gonna rain/storm for the next week straight #so im about to have a long stretch of debilitating pain :))

[fortune-slip]

whoever says college is supposed to be the best years of your life is a LIAR AND A FRAUD I’ve literally never felt more isolated

#does anybody know when it ends. anybody #and if I try to talk to my high school friends about I just sound like such a whiny little bitch #like oh your me having a great time in school? oh you’ve met like 10 new people? oh you met the love of your life? #that’s sooo sick now let me rain on your parade and tell you how soul crushingly lonely I’ve felt. #and it’s like #everyone is moving and doing new shit and no one has room for me anymore #and everyone I try to meet or talk to has their own shit going on/established friend groups #it’s just…… UGH! #high school was kind of the worst four years of my life but at least I like. had someone I could call if my car broke down #and I’ve tried clubs! I’ve tried study groups I’ve tried all that shit and it’s just feels like I’ve fundamentally lost the ability #to connect with people. idk #anyway eww vent post ewww venting on tumblr dot commm ewww tomato tomato tomato #ramblings