#this is just me screaming my frustration into the void

[alltheshadesofamber]

CHRONIC RECURRING LAZARUS PIT MADNESS ISN’T REAL, CHRONIC RECURRING LAZARUS PIT MADNESS ISN’T REAL, CHRONIC RECURRING LAZARUS PIT MADNESS ISN’T REAL, AND IT WASN’T A PIT SIDE EFFECT THAT JASON TODD WAS SHOWN TO GET WHEN HE WAS HEALED ANYWAY! JASON TODD DID BAD THINGS AND HE CHOSE TO DO THEM! HE’S NOT A SAD LONELY LITTLE IMPRESSIONABLE BABY WHO CAN’T MAKE HIS OWN DECISIONS OR EXCERCISE ANY SELF-CONTROL! STOP TAKING AWAY HIS AGENCY! STOP MAKING HIM A BORING GUILT-RIDDEN WOOBIE! JASON TODD STANDS BY EVERYTHING HE’S DONE AND HE DID IT ALL BECAUSE HE WANTED TO! SHUT UP ABOUT LAZARUS PIT MADNESS ON MY POSTS!

#dc #jason todd #batman #batfamily #batfam #dc comics #red hood #i am going to snap this is me snapping #delete later maybe idk #if you comment on this arguing w me i will delete your comments bc i am not in the mood #i don’t want a fight i know it seems like i do but i don’t #this is just me screaming my frustration into the void #just ignore me #i hate fanon sooooo much #people see an interesting complex character and go ‘hmm i’m going to get rid of everything that makes this guy interesting. #bc what the batfam really needs is black-haired blue-eyed guilt-ridden sad boy number 46’ #okay NOW i’m done i’ve expelled the toxin from my veins i can move on with my life now #i’m not necessarily mad at the people who have commented these things really i swear my frustration is directed at the nebulous collective #i hold no bad feelings towards any individuals. if you think this is directed at you i promise it’s not

[mochiwrites]

being so honest I don’t understand how people can expect you to be doing things constantly every single day. I’m supposed to be on summer break but my university expects me to send in 80 sources for my senior thesis by next week

the very thought of doing school work right now makes me want to cry. I can’t even open a blank document and start writing for my own fics. I can’t even engage in my own hobby right now because I’m so mentally exhausted. how can you expect me to do thesis work? I’ve hardly had a break since finals

my personal life has been an ongoing shitshow since last summer. and has only gotten worse in recent months. how can you expect someone to function in society when you throw one thing after another at them?

I’m so tired and done. but I have no choice other than pushing through it because that’s what’s expected of me! that’s exhausting

#delete later #sorry I’m really frustrated rn #and screaming into the void is a better solution than keeping it bottled up #I really want to disappear rn #I’m not finding enjoyment from the things I love any more #I physically can’t bring myself to write #I’ve been stuck in this survival state since winter #everything feels so bad and overwhelming #I think I need a break or something #I don’t know #I don’t know what’ll help anymore #I don’t know what’ll make me feel better #I just want to cry #all the time #I miss writing. I miss being proud of what I wrote #I miss when I would be able to post something and I was happy with it #when I didn’t feel like I had to rewrite it over and over #I miss feeling like myself #lately I’ve just… felt like a stranger in my own body #going through the motions of life #and y’know what fuck I miss feeling like I was cared for #and loved #but I’m Me so yknow. I don’t get that #maybe I should take a nap

[bookmark-extraordinaire]

I hate when people say that talent does not exist.

“Uhm sweaty, just draw everyday and you’ll get better, art is 80% practice anyway” bitch I’ve been working on that 80% for years now, it’s that last 20% I’m missing, and I always will. Fuck you. There will always be something too difficult for me to grasp, or something that comes natural to somebody else that I will never be able to replicate, no matter how much practice I do or how many references I use.

I feel so worthless sometimes. Seeing so many younger artists breeze past me in terms of talent, speed, anatomy etc. Maybe I should just find a real job and just keep art as my side hobby instead of trying so hard to make it my profession. My art is way too mediocre, it’ll never be profitable. Nobody cares.

Sometimes I wonder if my style is just missing something. A spark, anything that will get people interested. People look at my art for a whole 2 seconds, leave a like, then forget about it. I’m so tired. I hate complaining but it kinda does suck when you’ve been making art for literal years and never even had a commission. Not even a pity donation on Kofi. But no, the only time my art gets noticed is when I’m doing things for free.

“Oh but you shouldn’t think about money when making art, you should create for yourself first!!!” Shut up. I’m so tired. I’ve done everything wrong. Art was never my path in the first place no matter how much I wanted it to be.

“Oh just practice harder you’ll see the results!” Bitch what do you think I’ve been doing for the past 13 years? Just bang your head against a wall harder, maybe this time you’ll have your big breakthrough! God I’m so tired. I wonder how many people will notice if I stopped posting art completely

#bookmark'd #agh don’t worry about me I’m fine I’m just screaming into the void bc I’m frustrated as hell #god look at this whiny bitch complaining #throw rocks at her maybe she’ll stop being a whiny pissbaby #I knew I shouldn’t have opened Kofi requests I knew nobody would have cared and yet I did it anyway #and surprise!! nobody gave a shit #which I expected but what a blow to my ego still #I wish I was a frog

[drowninginthoughts27]

.

#there’s this girl I’m friends with #cause she’s friends with my irl bsf #and I’ve known her since high school #and we are about equal academically #but she went to private high school when I went to public #and was always like try’s to one up me with academics etc. #and would always poke fun at my attendance records cause of my disability #but when I got into the college that I did #despite almost not graduating highschool #she’s gets super defensive cause it’s a school she didn’t get into #and she had everything going for her #saying that I only got in cause they pittied me #or cause someone pulled some strings #but she is actually getting on my nerves #cause she has so much drama with everyone #and always talks bad abt people #and has like actually started full on body shaming people #and I’m istg I’m on my last straw here #cause she also like is always comparing my relationships to her and her bf who have been together since middle school #and it’s just so go damn frustrating omg #there’s legit so much I could say abt this #but I’m not gonna #I just needed a void to scream into #ignore this

[krourou2]

… y’know. I know it’s simply the nature of the Internet, but there’s something both oddly lovely and dreadful about how things can just… cease to be. Just stop being there. Vanish into dust, save perhaps hollowed ruins should anyone think to archive it, faint echoes of what once was.

Only ghosts remain.

#oh my gosh shut up krou #Does this make sense? It doesn’t make sense why am I asking #At this point this is simply screaming into the void to be honest. I’m not really expecting comprehension. #I absolutely have not spent two hours trying and failing to track something down besides web archive files wdym #I am not specifying what but just. What do you do when it died sixteen years ago. What CAN you do. Nothing. #Honestly this has all been very frustrating. Sifting and digging and all that remains is dust and faint inscriptions. #If you know what this is about you know what this is about. #But given I’ve made maybe ONE very passing reference in tags AT MOST odds are good you won’t. #… ok fine this is about anime. Specifically a subbing team that went defunct back in ‘07 that I’ve grown fond of #only to find out it’s all dust in the wind. No means of contact. The website’s been down since July ‘07. The usernames generic by now. #It’s all just… gone. #The only traces it ever existed are dull phantoms resting in the web archive. #The open plaza of the forum remains but behind the doorframes lies only rubble. Faded scripts and broken tools remain but little else. #What led me down this exact rabbit hole was a little notetaking project I’ve been working on #and I noticed one episode was subbed by a different team than usual. I got curious what the usual team’s translation looked like. #Turns out it doesn’t look like anything because it no longer exists as far as I can tell. #Not unless someone miraculously still has it after 16-17 years. #…… it feels good to get that off my chest honestly. Even if it is weirdly specific.

[nightingalesighs]

I’ve got a fucking migraine. The adhesive on this fucking monitor is sensory hell. I cannot get fucking comfortable.

#the next thirty days with this fucking thing are going to something. dunno what yet but if the first 12 hours are any indication #sure will be A Time #and the goddamn neurologist can’t get me in until April #like I get it #last time I went looking for a neuro they couldn’t get me in for another 10 months #but I CANNOT keep living with 5-7 migraines a fucking week #i at my wits END #I am at my fucking LIMIT #good god why am I trapped in a meatsuit #FREE ME #(I do not mean this in a suicidal manner dont worry. I’m just. supremely frustrated) #ignore me #i scream into the void

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.

I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃

#hi bg mutuals 👋 i'm gonna vent about this from time to time. if any mutuals dont want to see it block the 'apostake' tag #trying not to read too much into it b/c I think I did last time something like this happened #and i dont want to make an ass of myself even if neither time would actually be in front of my parents #but like...i know that they know that one of my sisters is clearly PIMO #they went through her phone a couple weeks ago and i have no idea if they read my texts w/ her #but if they did they probably saw the conversation i had with her about some of the really common shelf-breakers #and telling her to take looking into it at her own pace b/c it's scary and overwhelming #(a conversation SHE started btw) #and when i talked to my parents about the larger context of that whole situation i talked about not having space to step back #and their response was that they give plenty of space b/c they dont make her go to seminary??? #that's not the same thing as letting her openly question & potentially leave the church idk what to tell you #like. besties i dont know for sure what caused it (which is NOT making things better. it just feels potentially passive aggressive) #but from my end? it sure looks like it might be a reaction to that. probably not JUST that (friends exist) but. #if you think I'm whispering anti-mormon rhetoric into my siblings' ears just ask me. i'm very much NOT doing that #i'm just. talking? to them? when and if they come to me with questions? #and not making my answer 'well there's a reason our parents raised us in the church! ☺️' #(an actual argument given in the article my mom sent) #hate it. thanks #apostake #jay rambles #ok to interact #im not challenging anyone's faith. my patience though? INCREDIBLY challenged #gotta figure out how to work my way around a 'hey please dont send spiritual thoughts to the gc *I'm in*' talk tactfully #they've been pretty chill about me leaving over-all?? at least to my face #haven't pushed me to go to church w/ them; was fine with me not visiting for easter; didnt try to convince me to not drink coffee; etc #it's just. frustrating that they're not giving my siblings that still live with them that same grace #my sister's 17 ffs #it's very possible im way overreacting to the article. but what is tumblr for if not screaming into the void #religion #mormonism

[fckedupnerd]

Personal post, just complaints, ignore this. Truly nothing interesting here, just a vent post.

TW for weight/ED/bad relationship talk

FFS I definitely should have left my husband’s sorry arse last year when I started the process. I’d be so much happier right now. This absolute dickwad has the nerve to make jokes about me being ‘chubby’ at 5’4 and 112 lbs, because he claims ‘it’s ok for him joke about because it’s obviously not true, it wouldn’t be ok if I was legitimately fat.’

I had gotten down to like 102 at one point last year because I was severely depressed and really struggling with the ED stuff again and I know he prefers that look, but it’s just way too low for my body type (I don’t mean to speak negatively about anyone who is healthy at that size, there are lots of people who probably are, I’m only saying that it’s not healthy for my build personally)… my hands were like ice and purple from lack of circulation all the time and I felt awful and my heart rate was dropping to 32 beats per minute overnight which is like, dangerously low… so I’ve been trying to focus on being legitimately healthy and building back muscle and stuff for a few months. 110-115 is more like a normal/healthy range for me and I know it, so that’s been my goal and I’m proud of myself for knowing that I needed to get healthier and doing it.

But like, he KNOWS about my ED history and he KNOWS I’m gonna take the joke personally and literally, even if he claims I ‘should’ know it’s just a joke and not true. I’ve asked him not to be a dick about things like food and weight and it’s like he goes out of his way to make jokes and disparaging comments because he has some point to prove or something?? Idk he’s just being an arsehole and I wish I weren’t with him because I’d feel SO much better about myself if I weren’t being told how fat and old I look every day when I’m 30 fucking years younger than him and even right now when I’m healthy I’m still a 19.2 bmi (perfectly acceptable/generally considered slim side of normal).

This absolute bitch has some damn nerve. But he knows I’m the weakest most passive SOB in the world and will just fucking take it and continue basically supporting his lazy arse financially as well, fyi, and genuinely the only reason I do (because I’m fucking miserable) is because I hate confrontation too much to actually go through with ending it.

#sorry just complaining #move along nothing to see #he sees Facebook insta and Twitter #so this is my only diary-like space where I can vent #just me screaming my frustrations into the void #back to your regularly scheduled fandom blogging

[subtlybrilliant]

Pls be proud of me:

I waited until I was in my car and out of the parking lot before I started ugly crying, so…yay.

#kiki shouts into the void #today was long #and someone whom I’ve never met before came at me so sideways #i am just so frustrated and irritated and emotional #i felt so small #your research is old and outdated and SO not appropriate for quality communication #how dare you tell me only 2-4 choices is appropriate #let’s see how far you get with just being able to say ‘yes. no. want. stop’ for your ENTIRE VOCABULARY #doesn’t help that my reaction to most heightened emotions including intimidation. embarassment. fear. anger. etc is to just fucking cry #i did not cry in the meeting #my voice got shaky but i did not cry #i just. #*screams*

[ragdoll127-ffxiv]

R'alma Crissen Lore Masterpost

Hi! Let me introduce you to the complicated mess that is my WoL. I like to write about him frequently, but I'm still developing him as a character. This will probably be updated as I come up with new lore for his personality/backstory.

Wol vs Azem sheet Azem's Familiar Design (or Why Does R'alma Have a Tail?) Azem Lore Masterpost

The Basics

Name: R'alma Crissen Race: Rava Viera (technically not actually, see below) Gender: Male Pronouns: He/Him (They/Them is acceptable for the confused) Sexuality: Definitely Gay (and Maybe Bi, unknown)/Probably Demisexual Height: 5'7" Age: 26(ish? I guess?) Nameday: 32nd Sun of the Fourth Umbral Moon (Aug 31st) Birthplace: Thanalan Tribe: Raptor Family: R'crissen Nunh (father) R'manafa Jhaz (mother) Combat Jobs: BLM/DRK/RPR/DNC/SGE (in that order) Non-combat Jobs: BTN/ALC

The Beginning

Alma Crissen was born a Miqo'te to the Raptor tribe of the Seekers of the Sun. She spent her entire childhood in Thanalan, and because of this she considers the region to be her home. She had long black hair streaked with red, and mismatched eyes, one dark green and one bright teal. Her skin was pale for a Sunseeker, since she spent most of her time indoors studying rather than out hunting with the rest of the tribe.

Her tribe and family were largely hunters of great skill and renown, known for their marksmanship with a bow. R'alma, however, showed an incredible affinity for magic and spellcraft rather than martial prowess, which made her feel like an outcast in the tribe. While no one went to any lengths to make her feel unwelcome, neither was there anyone from which she could learn to wield her magicks. And so, feeling as if on some level she didn't quite belong, she dreamt of the day she would set out on her own to find her place in the world.

She only made it as far as Ul'dah before her destiny found her and swept her away on what would prove to be the journey of a lifetime.

The Reincarnation

After the disaster with the Crystal Braves in Ul'dah, R'alma was thoroughly distraught and in a very bad place mentally. Unsure if she'd be able to return there to continue her studies as a black mage, she instead took up the greatsword and began her journey down the path of the dark knight.

It was also around this time that she met a shady peddler in Ishgard selling potions that he claimed were supposed to reveal the true nature of a person's soul. Not being in the right mindset to make decisions, and believing the man when he said the effect was only temporary, she bought and took one. As it turns out, the potion did exactly as advertised. The effect was not, however, temporary, and R'alma spent the next several years in the body of an Auri woman.

As an Au Ra, R'alma's skin was a dark, vibrant red, with dark scales and horns, and brilliant amber-yellow eyes. Her hair was still red-streaked black, the only feature to have stayed in the transformation.

It wasn't until her travels to Othard and the Azim Steppe some time later that she learned why her transformation had been permanent. As it turned out, her soul was from the Dotharl tribe of the Xaela, but had been somehow displaced during reincarnation. Sadu of course recognized her right away and gave her the name that she had been previously known by. R'alma preferred to continue going by the name given her by the parents that had raised her, however, and kept the Dotharl name secret.

Apollo's Gift

Sometime after the events of 5.3, R'alma decided to try experimenting with attuning to Azem's memory crystal, similar to how she did with Fray/Esteem during her training as a dark knight. In doing so, she was actually able to connect to him subconsciously across time. They spoke together several times, during which she learned that his name was Apollo, that he had vivid dreams of his myriad future lives (hers included), and that while biologically male, he often identified as female depending on his mood and disposition, hence why Hades and Hythlodaeus would often refer to Azem as "she".

Eventually, as matters with the Telophoroi were coming to a head and the journey to Sharlayan drew near, Apollo insisted that R'alma needed to stop contacting him, that she needed to live her own life in the present rather than constantly looking back to the past. As a parting gift, he offered to use his creation magic to alter her body into something more closely resembling his, so that she would have something to remember him by. The new form kept her signature red-tipped black hair, as well as one of her yellow eyes, and the bright teal one from her Miqo'te form that matched his own, giving her ties not only to his past but also to hers as well.

The body that Apollo gave her was that of a familiar that he had been working on designing. Though that was the official story, the reality was just a bit more selfish. In truth, Apollo knew that R'alma would be traveling to the past and meeting both Hades and Hythlodaeus in Elpis, and he wanted it to be in a form that they would recognize and feel comfortable around. Hythlodaeus was aware of Apollo's familiar concept, and would recognize it immediately as his, especially if it was running around with a soul of the same color.

And that is how R'alma ended up as a male Viera-but-not-really with a fluffy tail and cat eyes. In tribute to Azem, and because he is now biologically male, he prefers to go by male pronouns. I hesitate to call him trans, only because the decision was not one that he made himself for actual identity reasons, so.... It's Complicated™.

Aether-Searing

Dark arcane markings twisted and flowed in seemingly random patterns up the front of his torso, spread across his narrow shoulders, spilled down his back, and snaked down both arms. It was an artistic mixture of constellations, mathematical diagrams, and rudimentary symbology that he had somehow managed to keep largely under wraps. Some of the markings were purely arcane in nature, designed as a focus or enhancement for his spellcasting. Most of them, however, told a story or represented some important event from his travels. Much of it was likely indecipherable at the moment due to his injuries, though. All the same, it clearly made for quite the spectacle. "By the Twelve," Alphinaud breathed in awe. "What in–" "Aether-searing," R'alma cut in by way of explanation, his voice feeling thick and uncharacteristically gravelly in his throat. He cleared it before going on, but the thickness remained. "Been working on it for a while. Since we first came here. Different symbols and images that have meaning to me." Moving gingerly, so as not to aggravate his joints, he reached up and tapped his collarbone, where a line twisted and snaked like a ribbon in between an arrangement of simple shapes in varying size and orientation, about eight in total. "This one is us. The people I care about most, wrapped up together in a thread of fate."

He went quiet then, partly because talking sapped what little energy he still had, and partly from embarrassment. This time he could feel the warmth creep into his cheeks as his mismatched eyes stayed trained pointedly on the floor. This wasn't something for anyone else to see, necessarily. He’d done it mostly for himself, and for those whose stories he felt needed to be told, to be remembered. Aether-searing wasn't exactly a pleasant experience, but it was far from painful, and it allowed him to paint the canvas of his skin in private, without the need of another party's expertise or input. It was a technique he'd found detailed in a book in Noumenon shortly after their arrival, and it had served his needs perfectly for an idea that had been formulating in his head for quite a while.

The arcane tattoos that R'alma now sports on his body is an ongoing project that he's been working on since shortly after arriving in Old Sharlayan. As further tribute to Azem, and to all the Ancients who came before, as well as many of the people he'd met himself on his travels, and even to himself, he has committed his body as a canvas for telling the stories that need to be remembered. The symbols are designed in such a way that only he knows what they mean, dreamed up and applied in a stream-of-consciousness sort of manner. Two actual phrases in Eorzean script can be found among the mysterious artwork: "Remember Us" along his back, and on his shoulder "Listen to our heartbeats".

Many of the symbols right now, however, are purely arcane in nature and are meant to help focus his magic. There are a few larger, blockier shapes on his arms that he added just to get rid of the lingering feeling of Zenos inhabiting his body, and that he intends to remove or replace once the memory of that experience has faded enough.

#ffxiv #endwalker spoilers #R'alma lore #Azem lore #pinning this to add to later #don't mind me just screaming about my wol into the void #i am accepting any and all questions at this time #not all screenshots included are 100% accurate #because they were taken before i had mods #or before I had finalized which ones I was going to be using #most of them are very old screenshots #but it was a fun trip down memory lane #Jax had a good laugh at how frustrated I got over my poor fashion choices in the past #ask me about my bad hair phases and maybe i'll post those ones too lol

[lotuslia]

Three days later I'm still fucking pissed.

#sheep rambles #no context for yall this is just me screaming into the void bc i dont dare scream out loud #so frustrated and mad at something that ive cried more this weekend than probably in the last five years of my life. #all my life ive asked what the fuck is wrong with me and now that i finally had an answer they're like #yeah kinda but we won't give it to you bc you haven't made others uncomfortable enough with your problems!! your struggles don't matter!! :) #i havent been this upset in fucking funerals #there's still a tiny sliver of hope with this but i really doubt it'll change anyone's mind

[manasurge]

.

#hm #might delete later #I still don't know what to do rn #idk what else to do but scream into the tumblr void bc I have no other outlet to deal with this #i'm just sitting here in silence bc my head feels like it's full and empty at the same time #erugh i was hoping lying down and then having something to eat would help; but it's not #idk what's wrong with me rn; this is very frustrating #my day is almost ending and i'm depressed I haven't done anything enjoyable yet; again very frustrating #bad combo of moody/depressed/imposter syndrome is duking it out in my head rn and I'm just... staring with my eyes glazed over #I'm getting ear blasted with my tinnitus; so I guess that's something #I was fine a couple days ago; what the hell #grrr

[thedreamparadox]

Jackle's bio done! HUGE shoutout to @spyroid101 for the picture of Jackle's bio from the PS2 remake manual.

Disclaimer that I do not actually know Japanese and am putting these translations together through a mix of jisho.org and two different translation software (google translate and deepl) and referencing various websites about the meanings of words.

Original Japanese:

ジャックル

大きなマントで身を包む、　最もクレイジーなセカンドレベル。奇想天外な手段を使って、何が何でもビヅターを恐がらせようとする。彼まとう大きなマント には、どんな攻撃もはね返す無敵の力が宿っている。ウワサでは、ワイズマンがファーストレベルを創り出し際失敗作だとか...?

My translation:

[Jackle]

The most chaotic Second Level, shrouded in a huge cloak (mantle).  He uses bizarre ways to frighten Visitors by any means necessary. The huge mantle he wears holds an invincible force that repels any attack. Rumor has it that he was a failed attempt by Wizeman to create a First Level...?

Translation notes:

Interestingly, unlike NiGHTS and Reala, Jackle is actually referred to by a gendered pronoun! Kare (彼) meaning he/him. This is only used once, but I elected to use the gendered pronoun thing throughout for consistency.

The katakana for 'crazy' once again shows up like it did in NiGHTS' bio, so I kept with the consistent use of it meaning 'chaotic' as I found on a website while working on that bio.

Jackle being a failed First level is 100% canon! That's so neat.

#unofficial nid jpn translation project; #nights into dreams #tagging into the tag for the benefit of those that saw my frustration post about not being able to find the manual lol #do not expect regular updates for this project if you do follow me #i have college and this is mainly a fic blog but i have a little extra free time rn #and i am stubborn and NEED TO KNOW THINGS #relatedly i went and looked back up the translation we do have access to #the translation on the nid fansite is more verbose compared to the original language #the translation on the nid fansite is accurate it's just more detailed #i'm honestly wondering if there was something on an old website that has more detail or if it was translator's choice #or there's implications of words i'm missing because i don't actually speak japanese lol #could be any of them! i don't know #but seriously HUGE shoutout to spyroid101 i was expecting to scream into the void but instead i got the exact picture i wanted #thank you so much again ;u;

[cranbebbies]

not to get serious for a second here but it is so so frustrating how the medical community clearly does not care about people with adhd. i know there's a shortage of adderall right now. it's been a struggle to remember calling to get an appointment to talk about getting a refill done, and of course then having to go in to the office for the appointment that lasted all of five minutes. my doctor asked why i hadn't taken it in so long... did you miss the memo i have adhd and i couldn't remember to call to make an appointment.

anyway, she never mentioned to me that the shortage was still impacting getting prescriptions refilled. i wish she had taken time to discuss alternatives with me, but she didn't even seem to think twice about it. and the pharmacist was no help either. just "there's a shortage." okay so what am i supposed to do? you put all these barriers in front of the "notoriously struggles with executive function" people and expect us to surpass them without any support? ok. guess i'll die.

#txt #adhd #it's seriously just so frustrating like #when is the medical community going to realize how much we struggle to do things #now i have to fucking call my doctor back #and ask what else i need to be taking? #and i probably have to go BACK IN for that conversation #i live an hour away #sorry i am so frustrated right now #am i screaming into the void or do other people with adhd get me

[boomerang109]

i see you entering late cause you were too busy with the social media presence, you’re not as subtle as you think

#i got told by one person that I have the patience of a saint #little does she know I am just constantly blogging my many frustrations to the void so I can maintain kindness on the outside #cause like screaming at a little kid is not gonna work #if I lose it on this mom though? would be satisfying? (until she killed me. she would rip my head off) #life of a boomerang

[autumnday19]

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#screaming into the void #please don't reblog #tw rant #seriously I'm really upset and frustrated so don't bother reading this #just needed to get this off my chest #my birthday is coming up and I'm not going to be home for it so my parents decided to hold an early birthday celebration #and I'm very grateful that they did anything at all for me #I don't want to sound spoiled #I just wish there was more thought put into it #I don't need a grand celebration #but it was just a key lime pie and a card with $100 in it #and I couldn't even have the pie bc I'm having an acid reflux flareup #not to say $100 isn't a lot #but I honestly appreciate my friend's gift more #they're taking me out to a restaurant just eat and hang out #just a cheap place like cracker barrel or olive garden or something #this person I've only known for a couple months is giving me a more thoughtful gift than my parents #by the way I know for a fact they didn't even know how much they were going to give me this morning #because my mom straight up admitted it #it's not about the money #I just feel like they don't give two shits about me #because they couldn't even be bothered to decide #how much they were going to put in the card #until the morning of the celebration #my brother couldn't make it home because he had work #and one of the few friends I have back home is busy so she couldn't hang out #the rest are always busy so I didn't even bother asking bc I didn't want to be let down #I should have just fucking stayed in my dorm #the only fucking reason I went home was because I wanted to see my brother and because my mom kept talking about how much she wanted me to #I should have just stayed so I could have gotten school work done