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feverinfeveroutfic · 3 years

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chapter twenty-five: orion’s belt

a/n: i hope this one clears up any confusion from the last couple of chapters. if it’s any comfort at all, it kinda snuck up on me. 🤷🏻‍♀️ but i did what i could: this fic is all about the human condition, anyway.

“Happy birthday, Sam.” The words crept over her like the body of a snake.

It was the day after her birthday, but Cliff had finally showed up to her drawing class. The modeling for the first level had been canceled for a reason that neither Sam nor Marla had been told about, and Miss Estes told them it was because of money, but she never elaborated on anything further than that: she had hoped to see a little more of him before Christmas break, but she never could because of Metallica's new record. But the two of them put it behind them once Cliff himself showed up to their second tier drawing class, a class which included easels, perfect for that sort of drawing.

He had found a new free little spot in between the New Year and the first date of their tour. He called her the night before on her birthday to tell her about it.

“Consider it the first of my birthday gifts to you,” he told her, “my other one'll come—at some point. I can't remember. I didn't tell you about the modeling because it happened kind of at the last minute and then I just—kinda forgot about it. I also didn't know when it would come up again. That's why I didn't mention it once when we were at your parents' house.”

“It's okay—it happens,” she assured him. “I was just happy to see you when we spent Christmas together.”

He had strolled right into the middle of the room with a filmy little robe over his body. A stool stood there in the middle of the floor, right before her and Marla with their easels propped up before them. The latter had put on a thin white coat over her clothes even though it was with graphite instead of paints.

His light hair spread across his shoulders: he held onto the lapels of his robe as if they were about to get away from him.

“So do you think I can do it already?” he called out to Miss Estes.

“Well, I have to take roll call and then you can let the robe drop,” she replied from behind Sam and Marla. The former glanced over at the latter with a raise of her eyebrow; Marla nodded at her. It had snuck up on her and it also couldn't come to her at a better time. She needed to hide her love away under something like that smock, but she had nothing more than her little thin white sweat shirt. Just so long as she kept her arms close to her breasts, she hoped Cliff couldn't see her.

“Okay,” Miss Estes said from behind the two of them. “Now—for our first model for Drawing Two, we have Cliff here! First off, let me apologize for all the run around—” To which Cliff shook his head in reassurance. “—second, it's nice to know that we have someone so eager for doing it for us.”

Sam peered up at him while she kept her head bowed down; it was really happening.

“Eat all the cake, Sam,” Cliff mouthed at her.

“So, let it all hang out now,” Miss Estes continued, and he opened the lapels and at long last, Cliff revealed his bare body to Sam. His chest was toned and his stomach was flat. His hips had a nice little curve to it, and his thighs were slender but sinewy at the same time: his lower legs had a nice gentle but toned look to them. His large, narrow feet were bare. And then there was his skin: clear and soft looking from his better habits.

Sam brought her attention to his genitals, much larger than she had imagined in that room in the subway. She pursed her lips together as she picked up her pencil. To think they were so close to each other in her bed not even a couple of weeks ago, and yet they had no way of touching each other. They never touched each other once while they were at her parents' house and there was no explanation, either.

And right there she understood why, especially when he winked at her and took his seat on the stool.

Of course! Away from her parents! At least that was what went right through her mind right then as she gazed on at his body as if it was a true piece of art in and of itself. She brought the graphite to the paper and she scrawled out his hair first.

The crown of hair and then the square shape of his face. The narrow shape of his neck. His slender tailored shoulders. Then his body.

She closed her eyes for a few seconds as she thought about her struggles with shading the weeks before. With her eyes closed, she brought the side of the graphite down to the paper. She thought about the strange man in her dreams and the void upon his head. He gestured for her to come on closer to him and her pencil made its way over the paper.

Like he was guiding her. Leading her through the darkness on the backs of her eyelids.

Why didn't Cliff mention the cancellation the few months before? Why didn't Cliff do anything more for her over the Christmas break?

She opened her eyes and she beheld the sight of his hips and thighs within a mere few feet from her. So close and yet so far from her. She skimmed over the paper and the dark shading had made its way onto the curvature of his hips and thighs.

She stared on in between his hips and she let her hand do the talking, complete with the pencil. She ran the edge of the pencil over the spot in between his hips and thighs. That skin looked smooth and even delicate. She thought about how she felt him in that little closet in the subway.

Smooth and delicate, like a stick of butter. She noticed a slight crease on his waist, right under his belly button and over his hip. A crease left over from wearing a belt so much.

She made her way down to his legs. She paid no attention to everyone around her, not even Marla. Sam kept her pencil at an angle over the paper so the shading would be consistent; she pressed down a bit so it would be darker in comparison to her struggles from the previous term.

She dropped her gaze to his feet and his ankles. Nice, smooth curves. They were bare but tight and perfect.

She returned her attention to the paper before her and she gasped at the sight of the drawing.

“Whoa,” Marla breathed, and Sam looked over at her with her eyebrows raised.

“Amazes me, too,” she said.

“Wow, Sam,” Miss Estes declared from behind her. “You've come a long way since the fall.”

“I know!” Sam added as she peered over her shoulder at her.

“I'm eager to see,” Cliff told her; she signed her initials at the bottom of the page, right under his left foot. But he never did get to see it, even when he returned to Jon and Marsha's house for the evening and when he returned to the Bay Area.

A full two months had past by the time she heard another peep from him, and the whole entire time, she wished to show him that drawing: every time she looked at it, and she took her easel out of the rack on the side of the room, every day in class, she wished to show it to him. There was so much more she wanted to ask him because none of it made any sense to her, either.

In the two months following her twenty first birthday, Belinda was eager to serve her a cake courtesy of the baker down the street from where she and Marla both used to live down in Hell's Kitchen. She had spent the day with them as well as Frank and Charlie given she had no class that day, but that entire side of New York City had been slammed by a blizzard, and Marla hadn't received her grant money at that point, either.

“When it comes, I'll get you something nice,” she vowed as she left that evening. Sam told them she need not any more sweets given her jeans fit her a bit more snugly than before and her new hectic schedule didn't help matters as well: her otherwise slim waist filled out with a gentle curve over the course of those eight weeks. It also didn't help matters that Cliff ordered her a slice of cake from the bakery in Hell's Kitchen in honor of his twenty fourth birthday, and yet she took it regardless. It came from him, after all.

The weight crept onto her body, and she could feel it all the while: and her face slowly became rounder and fuller with each day. She put on her little sweat shirts and fitted tops and the fabric around her waist felt a little more tight: indeed, when she peered into the bathroom mirror, she made sight of a little more of a curvature to her body. She thought about Cliff and the way in which he touched her while they lay in her bed together.

She wished for a touch of his hand as she finished her slice of cake. She wondered if Joey could stomach a couple of slices for himself with a thought back to his birthday and the donuts he had eaten over Christmas break. So many sweets for each of themselves and it started to show upon her, especially when Belinda took a seat next to her with a plate of cake upon her lap.

“You're not fat,” Belinda assured her. “Just a little fluffy because of the winter time. In fact, you actually look better with some weight. Besides, if there's anyone who's getting chubby, it's me.” Indeed, she had a slight roundness to her face but to Sam, she just looked like good old Belinda.

“I dunno if I want to look like this when we go see Metallica, though,” Sam confessed with a shrug of her shoulders; she peered down at her waist as it gently poked out from over the band of her jeans.

“You look great, though,” Belinda insisted. “Like I said, you actually look a lot better with a bit of weight. I always thought you could use some weight, too. I always thought it always looked like you were starving.” Sam frowned at that, but it was a compliment nonetheless: she took it with a sigh and a bit of a nod as well.

“Did we get tickets for one of their shows, though?” she asked her.

“I dunno if we need tickets, to be quite frank,” Belinda admitted as she took another bite of cake, and Sam thought of Frank himself right then. “At least that's according to Marla.”

“Do you know where Marla is, though?”

“I think she could be downstairs with Frank right now. I saw her violet hair as I came up and brought the cake up here. It was courtesy of the two of us. The two of us and Charlie.”

“Charlie, too?”

“Yeah, he felt bad about the day of your birthday because it just snuck up on us and we couldn't find a cake, either. You know, it being the middle of January and everything.”

“Oh, absolutely.”

There was a gentle knock on the slightly ajar door.

“Come on in,” Sam called, and Marla poked her head in through the space there: the rich violet color was still very much intact from the winter months but Sam could make out the sight of her dark roots at the crown of her head.

“Hey, we were just talking about you,” Sam told her as she set her plate on the coffee table in front of them.

“And what better timing, too,” Marla said with a twinkle in her eye. “The five of us—you two, myself, Aurora, and Zelda—have been cordially invited to see Metallica and Anthrax both in upstate New York.”

“Where in upstate New York?” Belinda asked her as Sam stayed leaned forward in order to hide her body from Marla.

“Syracuse,” she replied, “either that or Rochester. Charlie has to check the dates first, but yeah—we're gonna do upstate New York for the bunch of us.”

“And Zelda's coming along, too,” Sam stated.

“She might see them in Providence with the Cherry Suicides, but—who knows, really?”

“Why exactly Syracuse?” Belinda asked her.

“We'll have to go on the weekend, though,” Marla pointed out, “'cause of school and whatnot. And the only dates they have around New York and Pennsylvania are in the middle of the next month. Yeah, they can't do it for spring break coming up here. We'll bounce up the road to the Syracuse on Friday for the show on Sunday and then we'll come home on Monday. We'll have to miss class. They are gonna be here in the Big Apple in—August, I think? But I dunno if Anthrax are going to be with them, though. I'm just going by what Charlie told me so far.”

“I dunno if I can wait 'til August, though,” said Sam with a shrug of her shoulders. “You know, my whole thing with Cliff and whatnot.”

“Right, right, right! Okay, so Syracuse it is. We'll have to miss class, probably.”

“The two of you might,” Belinda pointed out, “I'm just gonna be an aide for Mondays this spring.”

“We'll be taking glass together,” Marla announced with a glance over to Sam.

“Yes, we are!” she added. “I'm taking another drawing class plus sculpting.”

“Oh, boy!” Belinda clapped her hands together. “All kinds of extra physical arts. I hope I can get to aide for the two of youses.”

Sam then turned her head back to Marla.

“Care for a slice of cake?”

“Please!”

It would be another week before Metallica and Anthrax embarked on their tour together, and it was right in the midst of spring break no less. The official first day after was when Sam and Marla resorted to Belinda for advice on stained glass and the approach to the material and the class itself. Two months Sam couldn't ask Cliff of anything more, and she couldn't show him the drawing, either.

Belinda had brought them back to her bright but small studio apartment in Hell's Kitchen: a table stood on one side of the kitchen, one which she referred to as her “handy lady table” given the tools strewn upon it and the sheets of glass tucked behind the legs to protect them from the outside world. She demonstrated on how to cut glass on a spare little piece: she explained on how she didn't want to do it on her good textured glass.

“I'm gonna make a slit here,” Belinda started. “A little slit and then this little orb here—” She showed them the glass cutter, which had a small blade on one end and a metal ball on the other; “—on the back of the cutter will make it so it doesn't cut so much.”

“A little slit?” Sam asked her.

“A little slit. Make you look right at it.” Belinda had a smirk on her face when she said that.

“I'm gonna look right up a slit,” Marla joked.

“I'm gonna look right up your slit, Marla,” Sam chimed in, and Belinda burst out laughing. She brought her attention back to the glass and she kept on thinking about Cliff and that drawing back in her class. She hoped she could fetch it out of the hiding place in the class by the time her third level drawing class started that Monday. She could fetch it out for him. She could take it backstage with her and she could show it to him when she found the chance.

Indeed, she had thought about it so much that she could hardly pay any attention to Belinda's commentary and demonstration of the glass. She even had to step outside to the cool spring rain so she could clear her head. She peered up to the gray sky and she felt something cool on her waist: the thin black fabric of her sweat shirt rode up a little bit on her body. She tugged it down over her filled out waist.

“I gotta lose weight,” she muttered to herself. She thought of Cliff and the way in which he looked at her from that stool. Naked and exposed on a stool.

“Sam!”

She glanced down to the sidewalk and the sight of Joey's crown of black curls.

“Hey!” she called out to him, and he held up two big brown paper bags. “What you got there?”

“Big bowls of pho!” he replied as his voice echoed over the sidewalk and the apartment buildings around them. She awaited for him at the top of the stairs and he made his way up with a smile on his face.

“Good thing it's pho,” she said even though she kept her body close to the balcony.

“Pho is good.” And then he hesitated. “But why, though?”

“I'm trying to lose weight,” she told him.

“Why?” asked Joey as he knitted his eyebrows together. “You look great. You look healthy. Real healthy, and a little round, and full—how a girl should look.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah. Move on out and show me your body.”

She sighed through her nose and she turned to her side. She showed him the slightly full shape on her waist and the widened shape of her hips.

“You have a ways to go before you're considered fat,” he confessed. “A long, long ways to go. You look gorgeous, actually.”

She gasped at that. Cliff didn't even call her gorgeous, but he did remark on her shape. She could find the beauty of those two boys, and yet she couldn't see it with herself.

“Now, c'mon in—I wanna give you ladies something before we leave for Kansas City tomorrow.”

She couldn't ask Joey about anything that involved with Cliff but she needed to ask something, however. It started to itch, the need to ask him about the feeling at her parents' house and why he never made note of it one time to her in that time. Maybe it was because they were at her parents' house and they had no way out of it. Maybe that was really why he spat at her when she made that joke.

Maybe that was the driving force behind their argument. All the questions and all the possibilities made their way through her mind as she ate up her bowl of beef pho.

She thought about bringing up the idea of a full body drawing to Joey again as well at one point, but it slipped from her mind when Belinda gave another demonstration with the glass.

Maybe it was the lack of genuine touching paired with the intensive school work, but Sam could not recall a time in which she felt more distracted and in over her head. What she felt to be important took a back seat to everything else. All the things she had to remember for her classes as well as her own artistry, and as a result, Cliff fell by the wayside. She handed in the full body drawing as well as her other projects over the course of the winter to Miss Estes for a grade and she was on her way to the higher levels for herself. And yet, something still didn't add up to her. It all seemed to sneak up on her, from her realization that Cliff never touched her in her bedroom to their fight to his trust issues with her.

She remembered what he had said about himself and Lars, how they began to drift apart prior to the making of their new album, and it made her uneasy to think about. She needed to talk to him when she saw him again. No phone call: it had to be done in person.

There was the date in Syracuse, or in Rochester. The one chance she had to ask him about it before they left for the rest of the country followed by Europe. Months and months without seeing him again. Such was the life of a metal bassist's girlfriend.

Indeed, when that Friday came along, and she, Marla, Belinda, and Zelda piled into Aurora's car and they made the four hour drive up to Syracuse, she wondered as to how she could phrase it out to him. They were going to be backstage with all of them, with James, Lars, Kirk, and Cliff, as well as Joey, Frank, Scott, Dan, and Charlie, even if it wasn't for long. Even if it was only for a few moments.

There was always New York City later that summer. But her questions might have become water under the bridge at that point. Sam had to relish every minute she had with Cliff there in Syracuse.

Given Metallica had ramped up their way in the music world, and they were hot on the heels of their new record, security had tightened quite a bit on the venue. Add to this, both bands had a show down in Pennsylvania that Saturday and so they never showed up to Syracuse until three in the afternoon. Marla called Charlie from the hotel and he replied from the phone on Metallica's bus, and the second she told the four of them that they were an hour outside of town, Sam and Aurora darted out of the hotel room together, much to Zelda's amusement.

The very second she recognized Cliff on the sidewalk behind the arena, Sam almost climbed out of the front seat of Aurora's car while it was still moving. But once they parked right behind the bus, she hurried up the sidewalk with her hand upon the strap of her purse.

“Cliff!” Her voice echoed over the street. He turned around with a puzzled expression on his face, but then he recognized her and his face lit up.

“There's my girl!” he declared, which brought a laugh out of Kirk, who stood right behind him with his guitar case slung over his shoulder. Sam opened her arms for him and they embraced one another right there before Metallica's bus. Cliff shoved his tongue down her throat: the fuzz over his upper lip grazed onto her skin.

He then held back and he set his hat upon her head.

“I'm so glad you could make it,” he told her; out of the corner of her eye, Marla and Zelda climbed out Aurora's car with smiles on their faces. “I'm so glad you girls all could make it!”

“This is driving me nuts,” she started in a low voice, but she was cut off by James and Lars laughing about something right behind them. Marla and Zelda joined them, followed by Aurora, who proceeded to talk to one of the guards near the back door. Cliff guided her away from the bus, into the bushes.

“Well, something is driving me nuts,” he retorted to her.

“What's that?” She brought her gaze to his hips, at the sight of the shiny silvery belt, complete with studs made from old bullet casings. So fierce and fiery, and yet she knew the truth about him. She had seen the real him, underneath those clothes and underneath those bullets. She had seen the real him for herself on a sheet of paper as well as the backs of her eyelids.

“It's how you never showed that drawing to me yet.”

“Oh, you mean the full body drawing I made for my class?”

“Yeah.”

“I just haven't been able to get it out of there and towards you,” she confessed. “You being on tour and me being in class. By the way—is there a reason why you never touched me at my parents' house? Like, right before we got into that fight. You touched me a little bit, but that was about it.”

“'Cause we were at your parents' house,” he replied, “it was also why I didn't touch you when we met my family, either. Also—don't take this the wrong way—maybe that's why you're also gaining weight.”

“Gaining weight means there's been no touching,” she muttered.

“Although—but understand, I think you look amazing, even when I haven't been able to touch you and you haven't been able to see me, either. Absolutely amazing. You can rock curves so well. Come here—” He held her close to him again.

“I don't want us to drift apart,” she confessed to him.

“We won't,” he promised her. “We'll always be close. You, my parents, and my sister are all I have.” He held back for a better look into her face.

“Are you serious?”

“Dead serious. I feel like I'm slipping away with them. I have a bad feeling about this tour, too—like James and Kirk are gonna force me to lay it down on Lars at some point.”

“But James and Lars were laughing just then.”

“Don't let it fool you,” he told her. “If we lose Lars, I'm out, too. I can't deal with that.”

“What would you do?”

“Be with you,” he said in a low voice.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. There's no way I can do this long distance thing, Sam. I have to be with you. I need to be with you!”

“Do—they even know about me?” she asked with a gesture to the bus.

“They do. I tried to hide it but I had to tell them about it. It only made sense to talk about it. It was the only way I could be heard to them anymore...” His voice trailed off, and Sam began to wonder if their argument about trust was at all warranted given she told Joey about the two of them.

“Hey, Cliff!” James called out, and he turned his head in the other direction, where he and Aurora both awaited the two of them.

“I have to go,” Cliff said to her. “I think Aurora got you guys into the best seats in the house, too.”

Sam sighed through her nose again as he leaned in for another kiss on her lips. That time he tasted sweeter than ever. She had finally seen him for herself, and right in front of her classmates as well. Right in front of Marla as well. And no one knew about it!

She was about to hand him back his hat but he waved her off.

“Keep it,” he said to her in a low voice, and they both bowed out of the bushes. They walked side by side but they never held hands or touched each other, lest James or Aurora see them.

“I hope we can see you again,” she told him.

“New York, baby,” he whispered to her with a lean closer to her ear. “We're gonna be in the Big Apple in the middle of August.”

“That hat looks cute on you, Sam,” Aurora remarked as they came in earshot.

“Looks better on her, doesn't it?” Cliff told her, and James gestured for him to follow him into the arena. Once the two men ducked inside, Aurora turned her attention to Sam.

“What were you guys doing right there, anyway?” she asked her in a low voice.

“I—needed to ask him about something,” Sam replied, given Aurora was still in the dark about her and Cliff as far as knew. “It's nothing important.”

Aurora showed her a thoughtful smile and then she guided her into the cool, quiet side of the arena. Within time, that place was going to be packed full of people. It was going to be even louder than she could imagine compared to that night she and her parents saw them in San Francisco. The whole feeling before hand was enough to launch her into space.

#fanfic #fanfiction #metallica fanfic #metallica #chapter 25 #fever in fever out #fever in fever out fanfic #cliff burton #cliff burton x oc #deadly nightshade #book two #m/f romance #romance #young romance #also on ao3 #writing #text

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ginnyzero · 4 years

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My Fashion Connection

I’ve been trying to pin down lately why I love fashion and fashion design. Because I don’t love clothes and designing clothes and the choosing of fabrics because of the glitz and glam of high end runway shows and the glossy pages of Vogue magazine and adulation of famous design houses. Most of that I didn’t even know about until I went to school. I didn’t choose fashion because of any of those things. I really wanted to go into Computer Game Design because of games like Myst.

Growing up in a very small town in the middle of the southern tier of New York, fashion wasn’t anything that anyone in our town was interested in except the town pageant queen who had a ‘reputation.’ It’s dairy country. My town was and is much more interested in dirt bikes, hunting and fishing and kegger beer parties. There were a couple of families that were more well to do and worked at Cornell or IBM and thus wore nicer clothes but out of a town of say 50 to 100 people, there were more cows and farmers and retirees. It’s the type of town when two of the young people marry each other, the entire town becomes related.

My mother is a home sewer. I hate the term sewer in professional capacity because it has the connotations of a house wife sitting at home making amateur garments. My mother made a lot of my sister’s clothes growing up and when she started sending me to Christian schools with dress codes, she also made clothes for me. (Mostly jumpers.) Eventually she either got tired of sewing or felt that we needed to buy things to keep up appearances and she stopped. (This ended up with us shopping in budget discount overrun boutique shops. Yes. A thing. Family Dollar and Dollar General didn’t exist yet! And mother hadn’t discovered the “joys” of the Salvation Army and second hand or they simply weren’t close enough to shop at.)

In a tiny town, you have to drive almost an hour in every direction to get to anything that remotely resembles a fabric shop. Except, between our tiny town and the city of Ithaca we got lucky, because out in a nowhere more nowhere than our nowhere was a tiny fabric shop run by a petite old woman named Leona.

To get to Leona’s shop, you took this very twisty road over and through the hills and turned right when you finally hit another ‘major’ road. And then off to the left less than a mile was a huge stand of pine trees and in the middle of these pines was a dirt drive. You’d drive up the hill between these tall pines the rocks in the dirt crunching under your tires that opened onto a clearing on top of a hill that held a farm. Leona ran her shop out of her home, a one story mixture of a red roofed, white trailer with an add on to make it an L shape. The barn hadn’t been kept up and the red stain was fading and the barn was falling apart. You parked on the edge of the drive, hoped it hadn’t rained lately and it wasn’t pure mud so you could get back out. (If you got stuck, there was always the local farmer with a tractor and chains to pull you out.) You had to park on the edge because despite the fact the farm wasn’t an active farm, she rented out the land and your cars needed to be out of the way for the tractors to get through.

She had the shop in the add on built on the back of the trailer. Firewood piled up next to the screen door and cats lounged everywhere. Leona liked hoarding things so the walkway had gnomes, garden statues and benches and wheelbarrows and yes, there was a tiny garden windmill in the middle of the circular drive. If it was winter, salt crunched under your boots and you had to walk carefully across the ice covered mud slush. If it was spring or summer, there were flowers peeping up among the grass.

And once you crossed the threshold, warmth, Leona smiling with her curly short white hair and the measuring tape around her neck behind the measuring counter. Bolts and bolts of colorful and textured fabrics lined the walls and the blank spaces of walls over tables were old fashioned wall paper in dark red with ducks or cream and pink rose prints and warm golden colored wood panels. Painted sawblades provided decoration. The clock might have been a novelty item, a cow or a cat or even something with shears for the hands. I can’t remember. (There might have been all three.) It smelled mostly of sawdust, dust and in the winter, the sharp smell of a burning fire from the potbelly stoves. Leona’s help were also middle aged or older ladies like her and they weren’t quite as friendly, but they were helpful.

Leona stocked her shop by going down to NYC and buying overruns from the warehouses. (Overruns are fabrics that designers don't end up using and fabrics manufacturers make too much of because they predict more sales than they make. Most fabric retail stores are stocked by overruns.) She mostly had colorful cotton prints and upholstery fabric. There was a little fashion fabric and by the time I hit high school, she had things like stretch velvet. She mostly sold to quilters and people like my mother. Cornell doesn’t have a fashion design program, only a science textiles program, but she’d occasionally get students. Her hours were irregular. I don’t know if she ever turned a profit. She encouraged touching the fabric. (Though she didn’t like children taking bolts out of the shelves for good reason.) She didn’t mind that I wandered about away from my mother. She always remembered me no matter how much time had passed.

But every time I go into a fabric shop, there is still that bit of magic from going to Leona’s. When I returned from college, I wanted to go and show Leona some of my projects. She died before I got the chance and I still regret that.

Professional shops like Mood, Britex, B&J’s and to an extent the discount fabric warehouse that I used during college in San Francisco make me shake my head because the workers don’t always feel helpful. They don’t make you feel like every customer is important. They aren’t like Leona, as frail as she was, with her sunny smiles and slightly raspy voice, glasses, and cheerful attitude and love of textiles.

I also had Barbie. I’ve talked about Barbie and my love of Barbie. I would play with Barbie rather than with baby dolls. (My baby dolls took lots of naps according to my mother.) And I loved the clothing packs. I loved dressing and undressing her and trying new outfits out of the outfits I had. Barbie was a safe present to buy for me when I was growing up, because a) that meant my group of Barbie’s got new clothes and b) if this Barbie had different color hair or skin then I got more variety in my Barbies. (My favorite was the long red headed mermaid with the teal outfit. This was back when the tail was a “Skirt” you could take on and off.) I had maybe one Ken and I inherited a lot of clothes from my older sister who grew out of Barbie about the time I started getting interested. Some of them were homemade but I couldn’t get my mother to make more and she wouldn’t teach me how to sew to make them myself. (In fact, she said it was too hard and downright discouraged it. Guess who doesn’t really like sewing? Me.)

Today, I love Monster High and Ever After High, but if they’d existed when I was a child, I wouldn’t have gotten them because of my parents’ extreme dislike of anything related to monsters, ghosts or Halloween. (I am a November child people. This is ridiculous. Come on, I share a birthday with Bram Stoker. OKAY.)

And somewhere in that time, (1992 apparently, man, I was younger than I thought) when I was getting a pittance of an allowance and had saved money from Christmas, I had enough money to buy a new Barbie or a Crayola Fashion Design stencil/tracing kit. This was before Project Runway. This was before the idea that these Fashion Drawing kits were thought to be remotely popular. No one thought that little girls might like drawing clothes! (Go figure.) The Easy Bake Oven was still the biggest and most innovative thing for a girl’s toy. But Crayola came out with a stencil kit with a bunch of papers that had design outlines, and pattern rubbing plates and a light box. Everything in the kit was meant to fit in the light box. The light box was plastic, pink and ran on D batteries (not included bummer.) And I had just enough money to buy it or a new Barbie. (I think my only other difficult choice that compares to this was the Star Craft Battle Chest and something else and I chose the Battle Chest.)

(I can't believe I found a picture of that, someone is selling one on ebay.) Because, I mean, a new Barbie would only give me one set of new clothes, with this fashion design kit I could draw clothes, lots and lots and lots of clothes. I had always been an artistic child. I liked drawing. This had never really been encouraged except in the “here, have another set of colored pencils, pastels, watercolors, no lessons included.” So, here was Barbie in paper form! I didn’t have to take the clothes on and off. I could just trace what they had on the sheets or try to come up with stuff myself.

Pages of my Fashion Design Kit Now

I’m not going to say I was very good at it. The point was, I had fun, this was something to do that didn’t involve playing a game on the computer or reading a book or practicing my piano and I hadn’t gotten into writing at this age. So, from using this stencil, I started with encouragement of one of my friends, to try and make it more real life proportion and draw the figures myself (once again without any sort of drawing classes. The art classes at my school were a joke.) I bought sketchbooks and took them to school with me. I started writing because of this same friend.

It was frankly an escape. My allowance never grew bigger. So, it went towards buying new books to read, sketchbooks and replenishing my Crayola colored pencils. (Though Imperial ones were better but I only got those out of the colored pencil color by number kits.) I didn’t buy fashion magazines. The idea of fashion as a career wasn’t on my radar. I didn’t have a career on my radar. College was one of those, “I’ll think about it later,” things.

The girls at my school who were cheerleaders and liked fashion weren’t precisely my friends and felt like complete foreigners and strangers to me. I didn’t ‘get’ them. We had our groups and we stuck to them. Having arrived to this school after the groups were formed, I fit nowhere and living so far away from everyone else, there was no way that I could feasibly see to hang out with them after school in order to get to know them well enough to fit into one of the groups at all.

Magazines were a luxury in our house. Vogue never made it into the house ever. It took until after 7th grade and a major fight that we even got the newspaper. So by the time I hit eleventh and twelfth grade and college was ‘mandatory’ and I had a list of requirements for what college I could go to, I had to look through what the colleges offered versus what I was interested in and thought I could be good at. (Let me say that writing wasn’t considered because my mother was very anxious about me being able to have a ‘real job.’) And the practice test for the ACT in 10th grade came with this odd employment aptitude test thing to help you find the job that would be the right fit. (Goodness knows if it was remotely accurate.) Fashion design was in my “right fit” category. And between all the majors, there was a tiny college in Ohio that happened to have a Fashion Design degree under their Health and Human Services Major. And since the only computer graphics and gaming major I could find was at a Calvinist college in Michigan, I thought the Mennonite College in Ohio was probably a better idea.

I didn’t read fashion magazines. I didn’t know really how to sew. (Sewing lessons with my mother were a complete disaster.) I couldn’t make a pattern. I had absolutely no portfolio. There were three things I liked, writing, computer games and drawing clothes. And let’s be clear, I wasn’t that great at drawing clothes and my designs at the time probably weren’t that innovative. I had to make a choice and what very little information I could glean from the Ithaca Public Library (seriously, you’d think having Ithaca College and Cornell, the library would be better,) fashion seemed the way to go. It was a massive industry. It had to have work available after I attained my degree.

Oh to be that young and naïve again. Probably sheltered is the better term.

I was over a year and a half into my fashion degree at this tiny college when someone finally thought to clue me in that “to get a design degree you have to have an art minor.” Realizing that this was utterly ridiculous and that making patterns in ¼ of the size wasn’t really going to get me anywhere after trying to talk with one of the other students about whether or not we could really get work after going to this school, (I’m sorry, sweetie, I hope you realized I was trying to convince myself as well as you,) I transferred out and into the Academy of Art. (And this took another large fight.)

Where, I had a lot of credits but I essentially had to start from the beginning. So, having those credits wasn’t actually to my advantage because the numbers of credit hours earned made it appear that I had more experience than I did. This got me more scrutiny and really a worse college experience.

Let’s understand something, I grew up in New York. The Fashion Institute of Technology is part of the SUNY system of colleges. I was a New York resident. It would have been fairly cheap for me to go to FIT. My parents didn’t want me in NYC or at a secular school. Parsons was always out of the question because it’s as costly as Cornell and I understood that. FIT would have been an extremely LOGICAL CHOICE.

Oh well, I loved San Francisco. I loved the big city/small town feel of it and the ability to walk most places and the public transit. If it wasn’t so expensive to live there, I might still be there.

So, schooling wore away at me, but it didn’t dim my love of creating clothes. My love of creating clothes was never founded or predicated upon the idea that success was a runway show and a big fancy store and my name in lights. I didn’t want to be the next Coco Chanel. I didn’t know who she was and at the time I started drawing clothes, I frankly didn’t care. My going into fashion was me going “here is something I love and enjoy doing, can I make a job out of it? Yes. Yes. I can.”

No one can take that from me. I might get bored or tired, but you can’t take the love of creating away from me.

And by the way, I still don’t read Vogue. It’s out of date before it’s printed and 75% advertisements. I also still don’t care about a runway show or seeing my name in lights as a “name” of a brand. That’s not the fashion price point I do or understand. And that’s okay, despite the push by fashion schools to design for that price point and that should be your goal, there is a lot more to fashion than ready to wear. Maybe that gives me an advantage, maybe it doesn't. That's not my connection to fashion. Magical fabric shops, Barbie, Crayola, the joy of creating, those are my fashion connections. And those are a lot more tangible than a runway or a name in lights by my account.

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ahiddenpath · 7 years

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5 Things

Ahhh! @citrus-cactus tagged me for this ask game here. Thank you <333 More beneath the cut if you’re interested!

PS: I am a little tipsy and a lot sleep deprived. Sorry x__x

5 things you can find on my blog:

-Rebloggin’ all dat digi art!!! And metas! And official stuff! All digis, all the time, whaaaat!

-Blahblahblah so read my fics okay yeah blahblah

-KOUSHIRO, reblog if you agree.

-Ask games/head canons/inbox fun/memes/real life chatter

-Writing stuff, and very rarely literature and Lord of the Rings

-Sometimes original fandom stuff! Sometimes it’s art! Sometimes it’s meta! Sometimes it’s weird shit posting! I think I lost count of my things!

5 things you can find in my room:

My bedroom mostly contains a bed and clothing, so I will talk about my office.

-Megahouse Chosen figures, because I am a dork and I love them. I also have a digivice and Taichi’s goggles, don’t judge me XD I think I have the crappy US dub Digimon and Digimon 02 seasons. I want the bluray with English subtitles, but Toei hath forsaken me. Also my gal @ackbang sent me a Koushiro poster that I keep on the inside of the wardrobe in there and some pins I attached to my uh... Fabric bin? Like a box-shaped container for odds and ends made of... of fabric.

-My writing desk <3333

-The figurine/sculpture that is the basis for Mayumon.

-My bag of writing supplies that I decorated with literary pins

-A typewriter and a throw pillow with a typewriter print.

5 things I always wanted to do:

-Travel! Top tier destinations include Hawaii, Japan, and Italy. Second tier includes Greece, Bora bora, and Ireland. After that... I dunno, Spain? Bermuda? I really want to go to the Outer Banks again, too... I’d have to sit down and think about it after I knock out the first and second tiers, whiiiiich should take me a while x__x

-Become a novelist. I don’t care if I’m published or recognized, but I would love to spend my time writing. Biotech is fine, I don’t regret it, (it supports me and it’s challenging and helps me grow) but... I’d rather be writing!

-Be more confident, try therapy out. Grow as a person in general.

-Become more giving and loving.

-Own a detached home. Maybe some day!!!!!

5 things that make me happy:

-Creating and enjoying other people’s creations. My favorite ways to create include singing, playing guitar, writing, and drawing. I love to read and listen to music! I also really like holding/hoarding books and blank books and writing/art supplies.

-My husband is so kind, sweet, and patient. I don’t know what I would do without his support and companionship.

-AMINALS! I love them so TT___TT Especially cats.

-Seeing other people being happy.

-Trying my best.

5 things on my to do list:

To be honest, I’m struggling to keep up with my life right now. Between work, weight training, guitar practice, and social obligations, it seems like the hours are slipping between my fingers. There are days when I feel like a walking to-do list, focused on nothing but crossing out the items.

I guess my ultimate to do would be to overcome this lifestyle, but I’m not sure how.

5 things you might not know about me:

-Uh... I’m asexual?

-I asked my husband out when we were 14, and we’ve been together ever since.

-I underwent reconstructive surgery on the muscles surrounding my left hip as an infant and spent roughly the first two years of my life in a body cast.

-My childhood dream was to be a dolphin trainer. In high school, I volunteered at an aquarium and was offered a paid job. I befriended the dolphin trainers as best I could... And I learned that their annual salary is not much higher than poverty level. I, uh, decided to work in biotech.

-I wanted to tell stories long before I could write. I kept a journal filled with drawings to tell the stories with pictures. Sadly, they are indecipherable, except for the drawing of “Bread Man.” I should specify that he was not a vendor of fine artisan breads. Nay, he was a man composed entirely of various varieties of bread!

Bread was my favorite food, lol!

Thanks for the tag! I feel like I’ve been obnoxiously tagging everyone, so please feel free to do this if you’d like <3

#ask hidden #ask games

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andreaeppolitoevents · 4 years

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2020 Top Wedding Trends: The Biggest Trends in Weddings for the NEW Roaring 20s

Newly engaged? You must read this immediately and catch up on the emerging wedding trends of 2020.

Happy New Year! Who woke up with a sparkling ring on their important finger? If that’s you, please know that it is never too soon to jump into the planning and design phase. You will want to jump headfirst into all things ceremonies, receptions, and weddings!

We have entered the NEW Roaring 20s and there are a number of exciting trends emerging in weddings. In the fall I had the pleasure of presenting these trends at Wedding MBA and I am excited to share them with you now!

Wedding Trend #1: Art Deco Everything

Art deco is back in a big way. Think Gatsby, sumptuous fabrics, and elements like fur stoles and Swarovski details. The colors will be black, white, gold, and red. Expect to see geometric elements and interesting shapes. Cakes will be round and square, with mosaic tiles that echo the architecture of the times.

When bringing art deco elements in, be certain to add a modern, fresh spin on things. The goal is not to have this feel like a theme or costume, but instead to show what showcase old elements in new ways.

Wedding Trend #2: Live Entertainment

Beginning in 2019 I saw an uptick in couples that were requesting bands - not in place of DJs, but in addition to them. Couples want to have the energy of live entertainment starting off the night, and big bands are the best way to bring this in. We are seeing bands with both male and female singers, horns that go into the crowd, and customized playlists. Then, after the band’s set, we have headlining DJs coming in to close out the afterparty.

In addition to the music, you can expect to see a lot of interactive entertainment such as mirror men, performers on hoverboards, and serves that provide entertainment as they pass around hors d’eouvres, cocktails, and desserts.

Wedding Trend #3: BTS Videos

In today’s internet driven economy, the cost of nearly everything is known, but it can be difficult to determine the value.

In an era of pretty websites and an easy entry to the industry, it can be difficult for couple to determine what the true, observable differences are between one wedding planner and another. This same issue presents itself when you look at photographers, florists, venues. etc. If you are a newly engaged couple, it is easy to get caught in a see of pretty. And the pretty is great - but you need to understand the process.

When trying to determine which wedding planner or partner is the best choice for you, take a look at their behind the scenes videos. Watch their Instagram stories, check out their Tik Tok, and look at their YouTube videos. You should have a real understanding of how your wedding team operates, what they care about, why they do what they do, and how that will impact your experience.

Wedding Trend #4: Color Saturation

White weddings are not going anywhere any time soon, but couples wanting to make bold statements are moving towards big, bold primary colors.

Green becomes surprisingly neutral when used en masse. Red is certain to raise the heartbeat of your guests, and feels very sexy. Blue, the Pantone Color of the Year, is both calm and classic. Any color you love will work as long as you use it everywhere.

To stop one color from falling flat, bring your design to life with candles, metallics, and unique shapes. Remember to use white sparingly, as it will stand out and really draw the eye. Use white (and even black) to enhance the color you select, not to take away from it.

Wedding Trend #5: Over the Top Installations

Over-the-top installations are going to be big in 2020.

The economic boom allows us to invest a bit more in at least one element of the wedding. As someone who believes that more is more and that the grander the moment the better the memory, I love this trend.

My personal preference is to start with an opulent installation. It immediately makes a statement, saying that this wedding is couture, highly styled, and very special. An over-the-top display sets the tone for the rest of the wedding and creates an emotional response in your guests.

When designing your statement piece (or pieces!) think of when your guests will come upon them. An elaborate ceremony design is wonderful because it immediately signals a sense of grandeur for your guests. If you then follow up with a unique escort card table and then something really eye-catching, like a ceiling installation, you will consistently reinforce to your guests that you have taken the time to really think about your atmosphere and the experience you are creating.

Wedding Trend #6: Sustainability

While we may be going over the top in our investments, no one wants to be wasteful.

There is a social consciousness that has emerged, and we all want to do our part to ensure that we are using the food and florals as broadly as possible. Where once it was a badge of honor to have station after station full of food, it’s now more important to think locally and act globally. For example, we may source fish or vegetables from local farmers, and then donate the leftover food to a charity. Florals are often sent to hospitals or old age homes, and we design with the intention to repurpose and reuse nearly all of the elements so that we reduce the total global waste we produce.

How can you help create a positive impact on the environment? Consider ordering biodegradable, paper straws in place of having plastic ones. If you ordered a lot of paper products, maybe make a donation to plant trees in honor of your guests. Be thoughtful and intentional in using your wedding as a way to give back to the world around you.

Wedding Trend #7: Exciting Cake & Dessert Displays

Guests walk into a wedding reception, ooh and ahh, and immediately look for the cake. Why? Because the wedding cake is the jewelry of your wedding reception. It can reinforce the design by echoing your room in color and texture, or it can stand alone and provide a distinctly unique element. A great cake is certain to be a major Instagram moment. Perhaps you go with an elaborate design and detailed sugar flowers, or maybe you look for towering tiers that loom into the sky, 9 or 10 layers high.

If a major moment and expansive size is not for you, then go the other way! A selection of miniature, individual wedding cakes is sure to delight your guests. Whether set upon a wall behind a cutting cake or perhaps placed at each individual place setting, mini cakes are a great way to make a statement. Each cake can be designed slightly differently for interest, or you may serve a variety of flavors. As a bonus, doing small cakes will avoid the waste of additional layers of cake and construction.

Wedding Trend #8: Custom Attire

The new Roaring 20s are ushering in spectacular custom fashions. No bride and groom wants to be seen in something that someone else has worn. This era is going to be all about personal expression and unique details. For some, that means starting with a couture dress and customizing it. You may change a skirt, adjust beading, add or remove straps, and even piece together tops and bottoms from different designs.

Those wearing a suit or tuxedo will find themselves taking a trip to the tailor in search of custom fabrics, interesting patterns, and bold colors. There are many highly skilled artists that will travel to you, take your measurements, and create a one of a kind custom suit or tux for your wedding and rehearsal dinner. And don’t think it’s just men getting in on the fun! I’ve had brides reach out for custom suites as well, and their choices are always inspired!

Wedding Trend #9: Technology

The future is here! Technology is taking on a bigger role in all of our lives and is making its presence felt at weddings and events.

Go beyond the standard photo booth and hashtag, and instead use technology to create art installations, light shows, and to collect data from your guests while the event is taking place to help your DJ and band program the music and be responsive to the feeling of the crowd. We have built Turrel style interactive rooms (below with a fake Drake) and panels that respond to light for a show in the sky.

And be on the lookout for 5G applications. Recently I brought in a company to film a wedding reception and create a “virtual” video map of the wedding. This video was stitched together and sent to family members abroad who were able to put on goggles and “watch” the wedding as if it were they were there. This technology is expensive today, but it’s rising popularity is worth looking out for and you may find yourself using more and more tech to enhance the experience of your guests sooner than you think.

Wedding Trend #10: Feels Like Home

We live in wild and crazy times, and the Roaring 20’s always had a sense of danger and upheaval. In response to that, many people are looking to temper the drama and add elements that just make them feel at home. In fact, when they have the space, many couples are planning at-home, estate weddings.

If thee homefront isn’t quite set up to accommodate a ceremony and reception, there are certainly ways to bring elements of the home into your ballroom or decor. Sofas and couches are wonderful but expected. Bring them to life with items that the couple actually owns. Throw pillows, fur stoles, and coffee table books are a simple and easy way to surround your guests of honor with things that they love.

My entire design theory is based on being timely and timeless. I want my couples to walk into their wedding and feel as if the entire world has bent to their will, creating the most perfect environment built solely for them.

I never want my weddings to feel dated. Still, it is important that the space feels cutting edge and new. It’s important to watch the trends and be aware of them, but I make it a point to set my own and let others follow.

After all…”In a world full of trends, I want to remain a classic.” (So speaks Iman.)

PLEASE share your thoughts below. Like, Comment, Share, and Let’s Get Social! This blog is for you and I want to give you the best information, always.

Always…

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