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somethingsohappily · 6 years

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1-100, beautifullll! 😂😘😎

1. When, where, and how did you meet?We met on tumblrdotcom on August 6th (babe, is it the 6th?) I sent her a message and complimented her blog, she then followed me, and I sent her another message apologizing for all the One Direction because I thought she was cooler than me. Then basically we started talking a lot/daily and here we are!

2. What did you first notice about each other?I’m gonna be real honest, i thirst followed my girlfriend, and thought she was hot. Also I liked how she thought about things, felt like I really connected with her personal posts on here. But like, I thought she was hot y’all.

3. Who first asked the other out?She asked me out officially, but I was the one to admit I had feelings for her first. (with prompting from Sammy) Which I did when she was sleeping and then I didn’t sleep because i was panicking that I sent it in a text.

4. Where was your first date?Babe, real question, what do we count as a date? Are we talking Skyping? Are we talking when you took me out to dinner when I visited?

5. Who was first to verbally say “I love you”?Morgannnn, because I had basically told her before we were even together that I’d be scared to say it first ever again after a previous relationship. Which she said on October 7th btws.

6. How did your first kiss happen? Who initiated it?Ummmm our first kiss was in her car in the airport parking lot, Morgan asked so I think that means she initiated it :)

7. When is your anniversary?November 7th

8. How long have you been together?Officially 6 months, though we basically were dating in September

9. What made you realize you were in love with her?It’s sounds silly to say you ‘just know’ but I guess I just kind of knew. It was just this very intense connection and very safe feeling, it was different than how I’d ever felt towards a person. Like realizing this was the person I wanted to see everyday, and share everything with, and really couldn’t picture not having in my life. I don’t know if there was an exact moment, at least for me.

10. Where you friends before you became a couple?Yes, though we’d only been friends for like a month before feelings got admitted. But we talked a lot/shared a ton before we got together.

11. Were either of you out before becoming a couple?Both of us were already out!

12. Have either of you dated a girl before?We both have!

13. How does your girlfriend define her sexuality?Gayyyyyyyy, she is a lesbian

14. When is your girlfriend’s birthday (month/day/year)? Who is older?Morgan is older by five years (she’s a little old lady), her birthday is April 15th 1987

15. Do you live together?We do not, we didn’t actually lesbian uhaul… yet

16. Have you met your girlfriend’s parents? If so, what was that like?Over Skype I met her mom! She’s very sweet, very southern, she was teaching Morgan to cook and making sure she was eating enough. I was very nervous, but I look forward to meeting her and the rest of Morgan’s family in person.

17. How many people are in your girlfriend’s family?Immediate, 4 including her. Though I think her grandma, aunt, brother in law, and niece get to be included. (Especially Brantley :) )

18. Whose family do you hang out with more?Neither really because of that whole distance thing! Though my parents always want to Skype her and want to pass along things, so I think mine would like to ‘hangout’ more if they could.

19. Are you friends with any other same sex couples?Sammy and Bailey! But sadley, I don’t think I have that many other gay friends in same sex relationships.

20. What is a typical date night like for you two?Considering the distance, it’s usually watching movies. But if we’re together and I’m not dying of the plague we have a lot more plans and stuff we’d go do.

21. How do you usually spend your time together?Usually just hanging out on Skype, talking, watching movies, doing separate activities while having Skype on (coloring/drawing, playing guitar, cooking, chores, etc)

22. Have you ever been mistaken for sisters?YES by people at her church!

23. Have you ever experienced any discrimination or prejudice becasue you are a same sex couple?So far no thankfully!

24. Does anyone you know disapprove of your relationship?Not because we’re gay, but I’ve had some people get weird about the distance. I think a lot of people have very little faith in long distance so i’ve felt judged for it by some/or like they didn’t view it as ‘real’.

25, How much PDA do you do?Again, long distance means not a lot. And I think we keep it pretty low-key, we aren’t like making out in your local park or anything!

26. What nationality is your girlfriend?Does this mean if she’s from the US? We both live in the US.

27. What is your girlfriend’s middle name?Ashley! (babe I hope it’s cool im telling the internet this!)

28. Who usually pays when you go out to eat?We both would like to be the one that usually pays when the other visits, however we’re both stubborn and won’t let the other one do that!

29. What is your girlfriend’s number labeled as in your cell phone?💙 Morgan💙

30. Do you have any pet names for each other?Just the typical: babe, baby, my love, sweetheart stuff. We’re gross!

31. Does your girlfriend have any pets?She does not, though she almost stole a cat from the parking lot the other day, and I think we’ve mutually adopted a dumpster cat that i’ve named otis.

32. Have you ever worn your girlfriend’s clothes?Yeah, I stole her flannel and wore her shirts when I was visiting.

33. Who is more likely to cook a meal?Definitely me!

34. What is your girlfriend’s favorite food? Least favorite food?Favorite food is meatloaf, least favorite food is mushrooms

35. Who is more likely to cry for no reason?I mean, usually there’s a ‘reason’ for someone crying, and we both are pretty emotional. But I cry all the time, so probs me!

36. Can your girlfriend play any musical instruments?I almost said no and was like, ‘no wait guitars are an instrument’ so yes, she plays guitar!

37. Who is your girlfriend’s favorite musical artist?So I’m terrible and forgot even though she’s told me. I think Mumford and Sons is one of them, though I know there are more!

38. What is your girlfriend’s current favorite song?I don’t know. I hope it’s “Strip That Down” by Liam Payne though

39. Do you have a couple song?When she asked me out she learned that song “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran on her guitar for me. So that one reminds me of her, even though its being severely overplayed on the radio right now. But I don’t know if that would be ‘our song”?

40. Do you have a couple name?Like… a ship name… ? No, thank god.

41. What is your girlfriend’s best physical feature?Her eyes, and smile, and freckles 😘

42. Who is more likely to forget where they put things?I think we’re both forgetful, but I think that’s probably me. She’s always reminding me to put my debit card back in my wallet so i don’t lose it.

43. Which side of the bed do you each sleep on?I sleep on the left (if you’re facing the bed) and I think right now she’s more on the right? I’m basing this off where the laptop is.

44. Who hogs the blankets/sheets more when sleeping together?I don’t think either of this did this, but it’s likely me because i like being a blanket burrito

45. What do you argue/fight about the most?What I’ve considered arguments/fights are not things she views as arguments/fights. But this is one of those things I don’t feel cool getting into over the internet!

46. How do you usually get over a argument/fight?We talk about it!

47. Does your girlfriend have an angry/annoyed/you’re in trouble stare? If so, show it!Ummmm I’d call it more a ‘mom look’ and it usually happens more over me saying I’m not tired or that nothing is wrong. It’s more like a ‘are you serious?’ look vs angry/annoyed. ALSO. Time to quote my favorite video of all time, “you’re not in trouble, you’re my wife’ is basically how I feel about that statement in general when it comes to partners!

48. How good is your girlfriend at communicating through facial expressions?She’s pretty good at it, I can usually read her mood without her verbalizing too much!

49. Who is more likely to refuse sex?Okay, so I dont like how this is worded, because anyone in a relationship is allowed to say no to sex at anytime and that isn’t a negative thing. However, I don’t think either of us really would 😂

50. Does your girlfriend play any sports?She used to do Karate, and she runs if that counts!

51. Does your girlfriend root for any sports teams?Babe, do you? I vaguely remember you wanting to get a new t-shirt for Football or something but I don’t remember the team or how serious that was 😂

52. Who takes longer getting ready to go somewhere?Probably meeeee just based on who takes longer to shower in the morning!

53. Who is more likely to remember an important date (i.e. birthday, anniversary, etc.)?I have a good memory, but I think she’s still better at this than I am!

54. What is your girlfriend’s eye color?Blue! Her eyes are prettyyy

55. What is your girlfriend’s shoe size?I believe 7? Or maybe 6.5?

56. What is your girlfriend’s dress size?If you think my girlfriend owns a dress..

57. What is your girlfriend’s favorite TV show?SVU, which she just finished!

58. What is your girlfriend’s favorite movie?Okay so I’m the worst, I think Dead Poets Society is on there, but I can’t rememberrrrrrr.

59. Who is the bigger neat freak?We are both a mess, I think I am more organized with some things though

60. What is one item on your girlfriend’s bucket list?Graduate from college! Which she’s going to do!

61. Who is more likely to utter a curse word?AHAHAHAHA MORGAN. She says the fuck word a lot 😂😂

62. Does your girlfriend prefer coffee or tea?Coffee, but she also likes tea, especially sweet tea

63. Is your girlfriend a morning or a night person?I think she’s more of a night person, however she’s still more of a morning person than I am!

64. Is your girlfriend more likely to save or spend money?She doesn’t spend her money on a lot honestly, but she’s not as organized with saving as I am (hi i have three saving accounts)

65. Who squashes the bugs?Morgan, she’s very good at it! Though we live separately, so I also have to squash the bugs!

66. Who’s better at accurately telling when the other is lying?I think we both know when something’s up, though to clarify we don’t lie to each other, the most we do is try and pretend we’re fine when we’re not.

67. What is your girlfriend’s favorite color?Blue!

68. Does your girlfriend collect anything?Morgan keeps basically all the sentimental things she’s ever been given, like she has every letter, and/or camp items in her possession.

69. Who is more likely to randomly burst out into a song?100% Morgan

70. Who is more likely to randomly start dancing?I think Morgan, usually it’s accompanied by her singing along to something!

71. Have you ever taken a vacation together? If so, where to?So far it’s just been when we visit each other, though when that isn’t a thing anymore, I think we definitely will!

72. How tall is your girlfriend?5 Foot, she makes me feel tall

73. Is your girlfriend religious at all?She is, she’s lutheran and an aspiring pastor 😘

74. Who is more likely to spontaneously be romantic?That’s Morgan, me being spontaneous would still be me making a very intense organized plan.

75. Who’s laugh is cuter?MORGANS

76. Who is the better driver?We both are gays that know how to drive and have good driving records, I’d like to say me just because I drive more than she does. But I also got pulled over for traveling in the passing lane the other day, so I might not be.. though I didn’t get a ticket!

77. Who is the better singer?Morgan likes to say me, but she and my mother are biased.

78. Who is the better dancer?Morgan used to tap dance and i don’t dance (this isn’t a high school musical moment though) so probably her

79. Who is better at math?Don’t ask us to do math

80. Whose handwriting is better?I think hers is!

81. Who has a better sense of humor?I think Morgan is hilarious, even her puns, so her!

82. Has your girlfriend ever given you a honey-do list?What is this straight nonsense?? I make lists all the time, but they aren’t like ‘chore lists’ that she has to get done.

83. Does your girlfriend smoke?Nope, cigarettes or pot, thank goodness!

84. Does your girlfriend drink alcohol at all? If so, what is her drink of choice?She sometimes drinks, and usually it’s Cider or a Mike’s if that’s all she can find. I know she sometimes drinks whiskey, but I can’t remember what she mixes it with.

85. Does your girlfriend have a job?Yes indeed!

86. Who is more physically strong?Probably Morgan, she’s always lifting stuff at work!

87. From 1-10, how health conscious is your girlfriend?AHAHAHAHA ummmm considering sometimes she just consists of popsicles and cheerwine… definitely lower on that scale

88. Have you ever shared a toothbrush? Nooooo, I get that we technically share spit, but that’s too far for me.

89.. Can your girlfriend speak more than one language? If so, which one(s)?No she cant

90. Who is your girlfriend’s biggest celebrity crush?Anna Kendrick or Anne Hathaway, I feel like there was a third that I’m completely forgetting!

91. Does your girlfriend have any quirky habits?She has to be early to everything, and by early, I mean like an hour early!

92. What is the most romantic thing your girlfriend has ever done for you?Ummmm probably how she asked me out, she dressed up and wore a tie and everything, and then played a song on her guitar. She also wrote out something to go with it, which I now have. It was very very sweet. Also her Christmas gift was a lot, and she gave me a picture album for us to start and wrote out sticky notes to fill this jar of things she loves about me 🙈

93. Who reads more?Definitely Morgan!

94. From 1-10, how feminine is your girlfriend?She’s more androgynous, so like a 1 probs!

95. Have you ever discussed marriage?Yes we have!

96. Have you ever discussed having children?Yes, we also have!

97. Be honest: What is one thing your girlfriend does that you don’t like?SHE THINKS SHE NEEDS A FEDORA BUT SHE DOES NOT

98. Is there anything about your girlfriend you think most people don’t know?I’m sure there’s a lot, but something like that would be up to her disclosure vs mine!

99. Beauty terms aside, choose one word to describe your girlfriend. Why that word?Loveofmylife (I made it oneeee)

100. Pass on one piece of relationship adviceAlways communicate and be honest, honestly I think the reason that we are able to manage this big of a distance is because we always communicate and trust each other completely. Also make time for each other, we love spending time with each other and make sure to set aside time for that everyday.

#long post #like longest post to ever post im sorry #I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND ALWAYS #morgan

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keiraelaine · 6 years

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2017

This year I learned the compassion and caring that I’ve always felt shame for lacking. I learned how to listen and show up when someone tells me how they feel and I’m working out the kinks with making caring space for myself in relationships. I learned that I am worthy and I found love and I learned that I need to care about myself in order to take care of myself. I started learning how to do that. Long long post below.

January: I flew into Green Bay like someone who doesn’t have any sense of self-preservation. I ignored the signs. Or, I worried that I was too anxious, and that it wouldn’t work because I couldn’t just trust a person. I was out of theory though, and I felt like I could breathe easier than I had in a year. Benson stopped me in the hall, surprised. Jan. 20 sucked. Landlord continued to not do his job. In coding, I felt like I was actually learning a cool thing. I spoke to no one. AfAm Writers seating was straight up segregated and we were intimidating. I learned more about the world at BGH than I did anywhere else. I suppose I felt shame, but I was away from the con. I couldn’t make myself care about getting out of bed. The voice search was frustrating, because no other students really showed up.

February: I learned what I want to do with my life from a candidate. I had a reason to make myself get up in the morning. I offered crumbs because that’s what I did best, ask for nothing and feel anxious. We had one good night. People suggested walking away. I scared myself by not drawing a line and allowing some major bullshit. I should have known because every white girl I’ve been with couldn’t ignore me in public if she tried. My new friends showed me what respect looked like. In coding, my attendance and attention faltered. One night, I threw my phone. An apartment opened up and it seemed perfect. It took weeks for me to figure out he and we were going to stay unhealthy. I felt ignored and unimportant. My writing in AfAm was exemplary. My friend got really, really hurt by a shitty boy. I got hurt by a shitty boy too. I felt shame.

March: The coding project loomed just in time for me to realize I knew nothing about Java. The random girl in my class who I worked with made me laugh from my belly. The boy in our group was MIA and sexist. Cue the hardest project of my life with a partner who was brown but not a lesbian. I kept wanting to give up. I slowly figured out I thought and was afraid to think she was cute. My friends tried playing matchmaker. ACDA was magic and disappointing and educational all at once. I came back and made some quip about morning finals, and I gave back shit that wasn’t mine. I moved! I observed girl choir and thought it was impossible. I got a biopsy and was not dying. I passed coding barely, and AfAm with flying colors. I was nervous about history and about scenes, and anxious about the boundary I drew, but it turns out the Ignore Boring Girls in Public game continued regardless of how I tried to communicate. Some people I thought were friends knew and decided to not have my back. I decided to kiss the girl I wanted to kiss instead of waiting for some bullshit that would never not hurt.

April: After kissing the girl I wanted to kiss, who was brown and not a lesbian and also cannot do Java, I went to the library with her, and then to breakfast, and then to a movie, and then back to bed! Beethoven haunted me. History started good and so did Race and Ethnicity, but RE went downhill fast. It was more 101 than I could even consider sitting through. They put me in with an orchestra and I sang well. I figured out that anxiety was now a loud, disruptive thing that I had to deal with every day of my life because of the shit I picked up from useless boys and men, especially theory. I apologized too much. I loved my new apartment. I was afraid to like this girl, but I pulled a Torres and UHauled faster than I thought proper. We said things to each other that were honest and caring at the same time, and kissed in my office.I stopped being afraid. Kadihjia left and I felt lost and angry and resentful. Spring scenes were fun!

May: Spring scenes continued to be fun because I barely had to speak to the directors, and thank god. They made me a witch with a knife and put me in white make-up. Choir became insufferable. I wanted to be in Cantala. I thought about dropping RE. I thought about dropping everything but singing and poems. Melissa gave me the tools for an excellent imitation poem and continued to trust me for reasons I can’t fathom still. I made friends with the Academy! They and Julie grew my brain bigger than I thought possible. I felt angry all the time. Every day. I learned jaw tension and migraines. I learned my recital rep. I wrote good program notes, and my mom came to visit. I didn’t weep this time. I sang very well. My people were there. My girlfriend was there, because that’s who she was. I looked elegant. Campus went to shit. My friends got hurt. I felt afraid.

June: I shaved the side of my head and rebleached the blonde bit and we three got tattoos and had a sleepover. My friend group kind of went to shit and I decided to not have friend groups anymore. I took an incomplete in history and then passed that shit like nobody’s business. I was so proud of myself. I worked an office job that seemed totally fine before it started sucking my soul out. Anger ran my life. Reunion weekend was a time for singing and remembering and confusion, but mostly a time for singing. I grew to resent the people I worked with. I missed my girlfriend but I trusted her, and missing someone you trust is a whole different game. I tried out veganism and yoga and both were good. Gaycation!

August: I scheduled box braids and tried bullet journaling and I got box braids and I felt Real. I felt ready and real and beautiful and worthy and loved. Except at work which continued to be bullshit. I worried about theory, but I knew I could at least try with a new professor. Still angry always. I felt like I could spend a good long time with my girlfriend.

September: I thought all my classes would be exciting except theory. Turns out, a good teacher and an excellent therapist make theory perfectly good, and a teacher who doesn’t care to decolonize the classroom can make interesting content insufferably boring. I felt angry and anxious and safe. Facilities fired me. I had the worst panic attack of my life about my refund, and I felt angry at a white woman I typically trust more than most folks. PEDAL hit the group running.

October: It was affecting me that half the queer Black women at school left. Anger abound. I was ready to slap some smiles off white girls’ faces. I was ready to schedule an actual fight with Richard. I was ready to drop Sonja’s class. My homework was getting done but I couldn’t say anything to a professor without also saying sorry. I did jack in my independent study. I thought about I wanted a Black Studies MA.

November: Melissa convinced me about MFAs. I figured out that all I could do was give the best presentation in the class I wanted to drop. I took my hair out and panicked about it. I realized I needed to shave it off, so I did. Nothing I have ever done is as freeing as that I figured out that some white middle class women love technicality more than anything else. I learned that I can’t yet glare a shit-eating grin off a white face. I learned that I have trouble listening to my own needs, again. I learned that I’m allowed to work on it, that I’m allowed to feel overwhelmed and need to be comforted and held. I wanted to go home. We planned Costa Rica. I shaved all my hair off.

December: Straightness was a weight on my chest. I passed every single class. I got an A in music theory. I earned the grade of ‘A’ in MUTH 252. It felt unbelievable, like a miracle but also like a birthday, like a matter of course. I missed Rebecca. I had a massive breakdown about grad school. Melissa showed up for that anxiety. Girl choir was indescribable. I had a short quarter-life crisis about music education. I sank into a week-long lesbian unrequited shame melancholy and wrote some poems and asked for help and pulled myself out of it. I got into a professional choral ensemble. I applied to Cave Canem. We moved. I fell in love with our new house. We made a plan to go home to the sun after school lets out. I fought with my brothers and I broke down crying in the car and I ate real Mexican food and I apologized and made up with my brothers and I jumped in a cold pool and I worried about the future. On Christmas, I was Black for the first time. I had a panic attack about coming back. I had another panic attack about coming back. Anxiety sat like bile in my throat the entire time I was in the air. I came back and spent time with a really wonderful human, and I cleaned and reorganized everything, and I ate cookies, and now I feel like I can do this next six months, even though it’s so much bullshit. I realized that I need to make small changes this year that will give me ease in small ways. Lotion, swimming, sleeping, water. I graduate June 10.

Resolutions:

Say no to things that distract me from my goals.

Swim often.

Learn to cook a few things!

Make some money.

Fix my nails.

Read one whole book for pleasure every month.

Keep the apartment and garage clean.

Do laundry on a schedule.

Do mornings on a schedule.

Work more on apologizing.

#personal

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liverightdre · 7 years

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No one knows : Growing up to be your own best friend

No one knows me to my deepest depths, it's not that I want it to be that way, this is just what my life has come to. It's as if I'm a body of water that is so beautiful but the further out you go, the darker and deeper it gets so everyone is afraid to take a dive and know the simple things that make me me. No one knows that people only call me when they need something. That promises are made and I take each of them with a grain of salt because no promise made to me have really ever been kept, because most are not realistic. No one knows that I probably shouldn't be okay, that my family is literally being held together by the name itself and I am haunted by the ghosts of those that made everything what it was. That I went away one year and everything was fine and literally in the blink of an eye everything changed for us. No one knows that I've lost more than one friend to suicide and that everytime that it happens I no longer cry because I've just gotten so use to it. They also don't know that I wonder intensely what was going on through their minds, if they thought what I thought about this real world and missed the way we could always have at least one person to truly rely on everyday while serving. No one knows that I was engaged and cheated on for about two years by a chick that definitely had borderline personality disorder (I hope she knows by now). And not just the silly "will you marry me " Tumblr uhaul typical lesbian blah blah blah, I actually gave a ring, a car, the 9 yards. No one also knows that I'm so relieved I dodged that bullet. No one knows that the last girl I was with I actually fell for, but I was actually just a side piece to her. I told her we could just fuck but she insisted on sharing emotions. No one knows that she was still stuck in a relationship and promised when she figured her shit out we would come back to each other. She's found another. So between the fake bullshit I go through in life, the relationship issues, being a full time student, working, having bipolar, taking 11 pills a day, you would think I'd have some sort of support system that's got me through all of this. You thought wrong. No one knows that despite loving and being so close to my immediate family, I'm the black sheep, and not the black sheep you think, I'm the outlier because I'm happy 99.9% of the time. So yeah I'm loved, but I'm loved in the loneliest way. But I'm here to say that no one knows how great it feels to say I'm my own best friend. The greatest friend I've ever had. The best friend I could ever rely on. How fucking great it feels to take the shittiest things that I've had happen in life to stand on top of them and make me feel like the tallest person alive. No one knows how hard it is. But what you also didn't know is I'm doing just fine, with or without anyone and as far as I see it anyone not brave enough to swim to the deepest depths of my sea has no business being shit to me anyways. Live Right.

#me #personal #life

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