#usually i really just never drink it

[seawitchkaraoke]

Sometimes your body just craves something it never usually craves and you can try to fight that or question it but like. You can also just indulge it it's fine

Like I'm currently drinking a coke despite the fact I usually never drink coke (or like. Any sodas or energy drinks) bc I don't particularly like it but I was at the store and my body said get the coke so I did.

It's good. Tastes like coke. Which is usually like. Fine but too sweet and not that good but currently perfect

#usually i really just never drink it #I'll take one sip of an energy drink if I'm going to the store with my brother and he buys one to drink on the way home #but one sip usually satisfies the craving #I'm drinking this whole can #why do i need this today? fuck if i know. it's fine though

[da-proti-toku-grem]

how do you know the difference between a huge anxiety attack and a panic attack?

#i think i had a panic attack yesterday but idk...... #god it felt so awful and it went on for like 3 hours #but i also had like a hundred things going on so idk if it was like the accumulation of everything or if it was really a panic attack yk #i was at the fair with my family waiting for my best friend to arrive bc i was going to hang out with her #and yk it's a place full of people and we were standing right next to a huge speaker hearing a man talk #and also each place in the fair has different music playing super loud and you can hear all of them at the same time (+ the flashing lights #all that causes me anxiety every since i was little (even if i didn't know it was anxiety back then) #so i *knew* i was going to have the greatest time and i didn't really want to go there in the first place #but even with that i wasn't really haven't a bad time (yet) #we were just stading there and i was waiting for my friend to call me so we could go somewhere else #she called me to tell me she was coming and right when i hung up the phone i felt a really strong pang on my belly #and idk at first i thought it was period cramps but it was weird bc my period had actually stopped that same morning #also i had taken a painkiller right before going there bc all that i mentioned earlier also gives me migraines so there's that too #so yeah the pangs kept getting stronger and it hurt so fucking bad to the point my legs started trembeling #my vision blured and every sound around me seemed to almost fade away #there wasn't any place i could sit down so i gad to cling to my dad and he had to hold me so i didn't fall to the ground #i think i almost (?) fainted in his arms too #after a while the dizzines went away and my dad went to get me smth to drink and i mostly got my hearing and vision back to normal #all that was like 10 minutes max but then the pangs kept hitting every minute or so for the next 3 hours #we found a place to sit and find smth to eat but i couldn't eat anything without wanting to throw up #my legs wouldn't stop shaking like fucking crazy and i kept going from feeling like i was freezing to sweating from how hot i felt #idk i've had smth like this (w/o the pangs) happen to me before a bunch of times but never That strong and it usually lasted 5-10min max #we ended up having to go home and i had to take some more painkillers and my sleeping pills to be able to calm down a little #i'm pretty sure i fell asleep from exhaustion after everything and i'm still feeling a bit weird after almost 24 hours since it happened #anyways. the thing is idk if all that was caused bc of my anxiety #or if it was smth completely unrelated and i just had such a bad tummy ache that it made me feel bad enough to cause All That yknow #i think it felt pretty much like how i've heard people describe a panic attack but again i'm not sure #yeah......... #maca speaks

[steviescrystals]

i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane

(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)

#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school #so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away #i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute #and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with #someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over #so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job #not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people #and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie #or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn) #so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired #i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family #but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying #and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home #logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do #i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out #and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years #i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year #i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out #even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times #and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable #i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something #plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later #vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space #and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year #and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends #so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything #i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything #but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know #i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to #vent

[lesbiangiratina]

112/80 blood pressure i wasnt Fully careful with salt intake today and only took like 1/8 of a beta blocker. We’re so back. Hopefully.

#supine. so yeah diastolic still kinda high but like im not scared to sleep Lol #it was more around 120/90 earlier but i was sitting up and hanging out. high but like. not ER worthy lmao #idk why diastolic is taking a little longer to chill out but its a little annoying. i dont wanna overdo it on the beta blocker #and send systolic too low #it wont. go too low. but im not used to Normal. im usually a Little high in the 120s/80s lol. #wellbutrin i hate your pussyyyyyy. whyd you have to make me crazy and then trigger the thing im crazy about. ugh #i guess it couldve been worse. ill take high bp over low bp. I GUESS? like as long as im not in Crisis range lol #I GOT. KINDA CLOSE THE FIRST COUPLE NIGHTS. BUT STILL. #easier to manage with a lil medication. instead of. idk. drinking salty soup all day and worrying about passing out. #which is also something im insane about. #im supposed to be journaling more my mom got really pissed at me about that cuz ive. never committed to it. in my decade+ of therapy #idk i just blog. i have a blog. i journal on my blog. #still journaling a little but yeah -_- #the kat goes meow

[rockerfemme]

iv been driven to the bottle . by my shitty relationship

#im drinking wine and playing bass to COOOOOOPEEEEE #im jsut mad becuse his shitty lazy fat stepdad was bitching at him bc he doesnt pay rent anf said im 'not family' #and complained that i take showers when im over #. i havent shwered at his place in months bc their bathroom is gross #and my mom keeps treating me like a burden too so im just feeling really unwanted and sad.. #anway bf got annoyed bc im always depressed so i just told himto take me home #bc im sick of him making it abt himself and bitching that he drives 40mins to see me instead of being empathetic to my depression #soooo im at homeee...im never usually home on fridays so im a little disoriented and upset

[curiouschaosstarlight]

Bounced back and forth, think I'll just make this post-

(Warning: Under the read more, if tumblr keeps the read more intact, is me, an aromantic/aegofictosexual person ramble-ranting about aroaceness in fandom. You're free to scroll past if you wish, or to disagree with me on whatever takes for whatever reason, this is just my one opinion on something I consider to be a big pet peeve of mine.)

(If you read this and go "but I don't do that!", then I trust you, and you're not the kind of person I'm talking about. I'm moreso referring to some things I've personally either witnessed or experienced in previous fandoms, and nobody this applies to will actually see this post unless it, like, gets a bajillion notes...um, hopefully.)

It is so. fricking. frustrating. having my only possible representation in media be like...[that one character] from DR. You know. the otaku or "geek" that's portrayed to be unattractive, "gross", and "weird", and will eventually express sexual attraction to "3D" people, because their attraction to and obsession with 2D was never a sexuality, but intended to be some creepy, incomprehensible thing, and a way to demonstrate their shortcomings and inability to actually court someone.

Characters who actually match my sexuality and experience will never exist unless I make them with my own hands, because both allos and other aces consider me "not ace enough".

This honestly plays a big part in why I'm really touchy about aroace headcanons; because often times they're blatantly used to say people aren't allowed to ship [character a] with [character b] -- and the person making the headcanon is usually 100000% fine with [character a] being put in a gay ship, but will loudly complain if they see them featured in the (usually het, usually canonically teased) first ship. Because it was never about actually writing an aroace character, it was about reframing "ewwww you like THAT ship?? gross uxu what's wrong with you??" into "uhhhmmmm but that character's aroace-coded" "sorry, I can't see them as anything other than aroace" (yeah, I didn't ask? Everyone else gets to talk about THEIR ships with that character and you enthusiastically support them...) And it's like... I feel like these types of headcanons specifically are always presented like, inherently, I'm totally, obviously going to agree with them, and if I don't, then clearly I'm just not aroace. (I wish that was more of a dramatization, but I had someone who I previously told my seuxality to go "oh. well. I'm asexual, so I see this character as aroace-coded, (and I'm right)" <- not outright said but very, very heavily implied, especially because they continuously insisted the character was "canonically aroace-coded", and I just had to sit there like... "...okay, but I'm aroace. (and I think saying that about a clearly het-intended character that's constantly being flirted and canonically shipped in extra side materials with is kinda hurtful)" <- I didn't say that part)

And the fact that no one respects if a character is canonically het or bi kind of plays into why I don't care when a character is canonically gay or ace. If everyone's sexuality is just "gay (MAYBE ace!!!)" or "okay but have you CONSIDERED they might be bi??? (stop putting them in het ships >:((( )" only when it's convenient, then why should I care for my downtime? It doesn't change canon. And I don't feel represented by people's on-the-whim, flimsy-as-fuck headcanons.

But it does still piss me off when people take a reboot or remake or continuation and flagrantly disregard a character's canon sexuality.

And it's upsetting that aroace characters 1. aren't really a thing for the most part, and 2. get written over when they are a thing.

I imagine that when I finally manage to finish one of my stories or games and, y'know, all of my characters are bi/pan/demi because that's what I tend to write...that's probably just gonna get changed to be "whoops everyone's gay lol" by the fandom, and I've already come to terms with that. (Well, by the part of the fandom that isn't populated by "ugh, everything is so WOKE now!" assholes, I'm just gonna pretend they won't even show up because they aren't worth it.) But then, it's also like...if someone officially continued or adapted my properties, and they changed my characters to be all straight or maybe one character gets to be kinda-sorta gay or something, I. I would definitely lose my shit.

-vague gestures-

I don't really know where I'm going with this, I just wanted to say my whole piece without having to worry about being accused of derailing/not listening to a post-

But basically if you're outraged whenever a gay character's sexuality is changed for any reason in any context, I better hear you be that upset about the rest of the possible orientations, and not pulling that shit yourself. I swear to god.

#not important #chaotic rambles #discourse #sorry for the vagueness about characters n stuff i just dont wanna wind up in any fandom searches #how to bridge the fact that im only attracted to fictional characters #with the fact that i have to be repeatedly made to realize i've never seen any character like me in fiction at all ever #only characters that are kinda sorta like me and also the unattractive loser butt of every single joke #also character sexuality is so...weird and not-solid to my brain y'all #i only have like...two or three characters that are full-on gay? out of the hundreds i've written? #about the same for het or ace or...you know any other combinations/other sexualities #it's usually more natural to my brain to have my characters shipped with basically anyone and everyone #and only a few times has a character effectively grabbed me by the horns and went “no. im not into that. and you cannot make me be.” #which creates a funny tidbit where two of my gay characters have radically different tastes in the same gender #so they both think the other one is “weird" and it's just really amusing to me #they also arent attracted to each other due not fitting into each other's tastes #it's just like...the only two men in a gay bar and they hiss at each other like cats #why did it turn out this way? genuinely no clue #i have a third gay man but he's got a third completely unique to him taste and he's just standing there #awkwardly sipping his drink like “oh god neither of these two ask me to agree with them please”

[orcelito]

Genuinely thinking about giving at least some of my alcohol away. Not quite wanting to get rid of my favorite vodka flavors yet, but the other ones + the ciders in my fridge...

Just kinda don't want them lol

#speculation nation #i still haven't had any alcohol since february 14th & i still dont know if ill ever want to drink again #the thought of alcohol just kinda makes me sick now. #ive enjoyed it in the past but now it just makes me think about how my dad died from alcoholism. #ive never been a binge drinker bc if i have more than 4 drinks at a time it Will make me nauseous #and ive only really drank maybe once or twice a month. usually no more than once a week at the most. #so like it's not like ive had much of a problem with alcohol before now #but it's also been my go-to for calming down my brain when im freaking out #and i have a history of using it as a form of self harm. #so a part of me knows that alcohol isnt good for me. and a part of me is scared of turning out like my dad someday. #better to just have nothing to do with it entirely. i dont want it. i dont want anything to do with it. #but at the same time my peach and strawberry vodka bottles are still relatively new and relatively full #and it'd feel like a waste of money to just give it away...😭😭😭😭 #so maybe ill hold onto those. for a bit longer. idk. #i dont even know if this current mindstate is gonna keep up. it's only been a bit over a month. #maybe someday i'll feel leas uncomfortable around alcohol again #... but today is not that day. i dont want this fucking alcohol. #negative/ #i guess. im just kinda trying to sort out my thoughts on it. #self harm ment/

[todayisafridaynight]

twitter having 'national girlfriend day' trend tonight is so funny like how did they know i was thinking of masato

#snap chats #he's still my toxic girlfriend sorry #i was sitting by the road today and being emo As Per Usual and i thought about comin on here like #'maybe if i looked at pictures of my evil toxic girlfriend ill feel better' #maybe i should just draw him... idk im not really feeling like. EXISTING tonight #i keep hoping ill die from high blood pressure soon and its just not happening like cmon....... dont play with me like that blood pressure. #ok bye im gonna. idk. #drink matcha ig #i called my dad just to say hi because im trying to do that more and i just ended up crying like a BABY #and he just told me to eat cause he knows me and he knows i hate myself and that means i Wont eat 😔 #i mean he said a LOT more obviously but yk.. the eating part's relevant since im talking about just drinking matcha and calling it a night #prrroobbbabblyyy not the best hting to do.... not when thi smatcha apparently got creamer and sugar in it The Fuck #I DIDNT KNOW THAT my disappointment is immeasurable... i just wanted pure matcha tyvm... #maybe i should start odering it online since i know i wont find any locally... #but those are plans for when i have money and dont feel like lying on the side of the road #for now uhhhhhhhhhhhhh i GUESS i'll have tea... and quiche... so i dont disappoint my dad.... #he'd never know but i'll feel bad.... ok bye... #we'll see what i do in the next couple hours but one things for certain i WILL think of my evil toxic girlfriend <- masato

[the-jam-to-the-unicorn]

Hi Jammy! Should we hope for some ficlet chapter today/tomorrow??👀

Yes! 🤗

I have planned only writing today, so I should get things done! 😊

#also everyone a round of kudos to my amazing boyfriend who created me a comfortable writing set up #im usually not a fan of writing while laying somewhere i prefer sitting #which hurts after a short while thanks to my fucked up back #he got extra plushy pillows and he arranged them in a way where i am half sitting half laying #sitting enough so i can write but laying down enough so my back can rest and is not hurting so fast #i just wanted to share this because im still so touched ♥♥♥ #and yes yes to some it may seem like a small thing to do and not important or whatever but for me it meant the world #my mental health was really bad and i struggled so much with everything and he just supported me in the best way possible #he was already so supportive when i beat myself up and felt so down for taking a break because of my back #and then when i told him about my struggling with my back while writing #and he literally was like alright ill find a solution AND HE DID ♥♥♥ #girls guys everyone...never settle for someone who doesnt love you and gives a flying fuck about you #youre not asking too much #partners who genuinely care and love and support like that exist in real life #and yes he also randomly checks in on me while i write and brings me snacks and something to drink #and is totally chill with having alone time while i write #not once he got angry for me disappearing for hours behind my screen or something #instead he is always super supportive and sweet and happy for me when i tell him about my writing

[seenthisepisode]

i am experiencing the wine paradox. let me explain. i bought wine that tastes so good that i actually feel sad about drinking it becaue it will be gone and i will no longer be able to drink it. so i postpone drinking it. i microdose it and feel bad aboout it at the same time. at the same time i loe wine and i crave wine and i have a day off tomorrow.

#alcohol tw #but like i am not some crazy sommelier i only drink the cheapest wine in store but i usually take semi sweet rose but today i chose #sweet red because i was feeling like maybe making mulled wine? but then i opened the think and started chugging it down like an animal but #had to stop myself because this thing tasted like a mix of strawberry and blueberry but not a weird artificial taste like in cheap ice crea #but like agenuine fruity taste?!??! i was so surprised and caught off guard???? this cheap thing is not supposed to tase that good? to even #have a taste???? the rose i am usually buying is just . well it has an acceptable taste i guess i never really think about its taste tbh #but this one MAKES me think about its taste because its SO GOOD???? i had to share with the class. #it costs 14 pln which is like not even 3 euro at this time #personal

[merevide]

spotify link + johnny cash mug i got today

#i don’t post stuff like this usually bc it’s like no1 cares this isn’t insta. but johnny cash mug…. #probably gonna become a decorative mug bc it contains lead 🔥 didn’t even say so on the packaging u just flip the mug upside down and then #boom yeah. lead notice. probably a safe amount. plus idk what idk really drink out of it anyways i thought it looked like a cool mug #watch me forget and still drink fucking. dr pepper from it #also hand reveal. more like wrist reveal bc the mug covers my hand. yeah #full wrist reveal coming never probably. sorryyy #my text #johnny cash #oh yeah. hurt covered by johnny cash. love. i kinda wanted to flex the mug #Spotify

[pinkspiraling]

my stomach is so bad omfg why

#i must have fucked it up like i don’t usually get so sick from drinking #it’s not really my stomach either it’s just sort of my body…like it’s more nauseous and overall discomfort #like it makes me feel like i just need to lie down or something idk what that is #pink never shuts up

[arthur-r]

need to poll my friends, does anybody drink black coffee like just coffee from inside of a coffee pot and you don’t put anything in it?

#haven’t tried black coffee since i was like ten and i hated it then and now i have mixed feelings #the biggest problem was that it is way too warm i am all burnt up now #that’s what milk is for really is just to drown out the heat turn it into a regular temperature beverage #anyway it tastes well enough and i guess the point of black coffee is it gets the job done #that being said caffeine usually makes me feel unwell so don’t ask me why i went for it today #pro tip if you don’t want to aggravate somebody’s heart problems don’t pour coffee near them when they’re sleeping #(‘‘sleeping’’ what i mean is eyes closed head on desk still perceiving things. not strong enough to wake me up from a dream or anything) #anyway if you pour coffee near me and i’m currently tired out of my mind i’m gonna ask to have some there’s no way around it #so um not my fault i was aided and abetted and i play no role in my own destruction #anyway i’m also feeling entirely fine shdhdf i’m nearly convinced it’s been a chocolate allergy this whole time #and if i stop drinking mochas then i’ll stop reacting cause it’s not the caffeine that’s the problem. we’ll find out soon #anyway who drinks this. do my friends drink this?? do my friends have tips on how to drink this #for example how do you make it not be warm but also not be filled up with milk #do you just blow on it. like an old man in a fable about a satyr who thinks humans are the strangest creatures #the taste is kind of epic honestly like it’s not good but it’s kind of good #at the very least it makes me feel like an old academic #anyway hi it’s senior skip day and i’m playing the system by showing up at the school building and skipping from here #shdhdf i’m gonna go to class from here on out though. just had to skip physics cause i never did the essay and i’m afraid of confrontation #that’s also not my fault because who assigns an essay in physics class???? i dont know this stuff well enough to write about it?? #although of course that’s the point of assigning an essay is to see if we know everything well enough to write about it shdhdf #so anyway i’m here to ask my friends who drink black coffee (if there are any) what do you do to help it cross the line to just being good? #cause right now it’s like good in several ways but it’s too warm and it tastes a little bit silly. i need pro tips for college #cause honestly i love the taste of coffee and like i said the chocolate might be the problem so i’m turning away from mochas #probably they’re both a problem. but let’s say i start drinking decaf black coffee. what do i do to make it incredible. please and thanks #shdhdf mostly i’m just checking in though. how is everybody? i really hope you are doing well!!!! #i’ll be around for a bit then heading to humanities class eventually i can’t skip on the teacher who invited me to her book club #also like. lunch. and like i said i have integrity now. gonna go to the rest of my classes #but so anyway i hope everybody is doing well!!!! let me know if you need anything!! listen to corrections by poolboy if you feel like it!! #me. my post. mine. #alright this is my last tag but i’ll be around. hope you are well and let me know!!

[arlathen]

i see “your parents actually werent around much” and say “that isnt angsty enough and doesnt channel my personal trauma in a way i want”

#cw for addiction and suicide in the following tags my besties <3 #both of her parents were definitely addicts. i think her dad was also a musician and like. at first it was drinking #and then it was opiates at parties and then it was heroin. #he died. i think. right around when she met seven. right before. seven never met him. so she was. what they met in 7th grade? #she was 12. and she got into an honest to god fight with her dad and screamed that he was ruining their family. #& he stormed out. and. she doesn't actually know. she was 12 and no one would tell her. all she knows is that she hurt him. #and then he was dead. as an adult she wonders if it was an intentional OD or just he was upset and did too much. #as a kid there was just such a clear line between 'she was hurt and said something cruel and someone she loved got hurt' #i mean of fucking course it has a profound impact on her. but she's pretty reserved because of it. and careful w her words and actions. #(seven is the only person she was ever vulnerable with and that ended badly too innit <3) #anyway her mom is still around. she's a garden variety alcoholic. after what happened to her husband she's tried to quit a few times. #she always relapses. she thinks florrie hates her. she's terrified to reach out or say anything to her. #florrie is afraid to invest in her or really get close because. well. she was close to her dad. #miss ma'am doesn't HAVE any secure attachments. she doesn't HAVE anyone she can be vulnerable with. #she's not going to put any kind of trust in someone who seems to her to be unstable. #which i think is part of her little crush on orion. her life is a mess man she's a little bisexual disaster. #oh also i think she has a sister. i haven't decided older or younger. she's estranged and kind of pissed at florrie. #they were close as teenagers but once golden hour took off florrie prioritized the band a few too many times #and left her sister to deal with their mom. and her sister just kind of went. 'fuck it fuck you all' and fucked off to london. #they text each other happy birthday usually. that's about it. #carly.txt #carly's ocs #oc: florrie #brother you know i'm down bad for an oc when i start writing tag essays.

[motheyes]

in general i just have issues with intimacy and i feel insane about it sometimes and i feel so so so gross and wrong sometimes but that’s just embarrassing like i don’t wanna talk about that!

#like yeah i’m touch starved and havnet had lots of land mark moments that people usually have by now #i really just feel behind??? i guess??? #no i feel. naive i think #i feel like i’m missing out #i feel like ppl think i’m rlly innocent because i don’t drink or smoke or anything #i don’t have any drunk experiences. i don’t have weed stories #because i just don’t wanna and i’ve never rlly had the opportunity to with ppl i trust #i just don’t like the aspect of having to be around alot of ppl #anyways god im rambling #maybe i should just go to bed good lord

[icewindandboringhorror]

Daily Log 5

Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.

Activities: Not much, I had to run errands most of the day and also felt incredibly tired, probably because the cats woke me up like 4 times last night begging for food and things. Overly warm and headachey a lot.

I planted a few new flowers, and pressed more flowers and clovers in my Large Sturdy Flower Pressing Book as well.

Actually worked on translating the text for the previously mentioned tapestry/painting thing. I think I've decided that it doesn't really matter very much, because nobody else even knows anything about this conlang except for me, so they won't know if it's wrong lol.. It is not entirely completed after all (complete enough to translate most simple sentences into consistently, but also there are a few spots here and there where I haven't fully worked out the way some part of speech actually functions or etc., or I wrote down one thing that later contradicts something else, so occasionally I reach a sentence that I'm not sure exactly which rule to follow to translate, and I need to do a larger comprehensive organization of the document to work out all the kinks and declare officially like 'THIS is the ONE way this is done' etc. etc.) - so because of that, I think I'll just kind of 'do my best' and if the rules now end up changing in the future as I further work on the language, then, that's fine, because nobody can read it anyway lol. Kind of like that song on my side music youtube that's sung in genuine Avirrekava lyrics but also I wrote them years ago and some of the sentences have now become outdated/invalid.

Washed and cleaned some kale so it will be dry for me to maybe make silly kale chips tomorrow.

Final proofreading + posting of the poll adventure thing.

eughh,, literally nothing else.. I hate running errands because it always makes me feel drained and sick after, plus I get nothing else done all day except for just going places. I know checking my p.o. box and picking up cat food and stuff is technically still a productive action, but it just feels like.. i should be getting all of my long term projects done instead lol.. what about the videos?? or worldbuilding?? what does grocery shopping have to do with elves??!?! >:V (aside from pretending to be a group of fantasy creatures evaluating produce having an imaginary conversation with yourself at the store ghghj,, but that is not productive either lol)

Notable sights: Found 13 four leaf clovers, and 2 five leaf clovers, though one of them is almost a 6 leaf (like one of the leaves is nearly split all the way into a sort of heart shape, just not entirely). Also two of the clovers are HUGE, probably the biggest 4 leaf clovers I've ever collected, like 2 inches across maybe. The sky was very pretty a lot with big fluffy white clouds. Not a 'sight' really, but I got to sit in air conditioning for a little while today and it was very nice. I love the cold crisp kind of stale air smell, like walking into a freezer or something (which I used to do when I was a kid, I would sneak into a walk-in freezer at a school cafeteria and just sit there for a while lol), it's comforting to me.

Goals moving forward: Consistent sleep schedule. Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.

Notable foods: Had a bit of smoked gouda and green onions in my Mandated Completely Plain Flavorless Grits For Breakfast this morning, as a littol treat lol.. Tried a 'biscoff' ice cream bar, which is generally a flavor profile I like, but I think I would usually rather be eating a cookie than having ice cream. Also an Ensure nutritional drink, which I know most people consider gross but I genuinely like them.. maybe it's like a source of comfort when my stomach is too sick to eat, like 'oh well at least I can have this cold smooth textured chalky chocolate thing' lol.

Sort of like how I have positive conditioning to feel safe/comfortable in bathrooms (due to it usually being one of the only places you can safely retreat from a social situation or get out of crowds in public areas, etc.), even though rationally I have no particular reason to like bathrooms much, and most people dislike public bathrooms especially. Fellow public bathroom and ensure nutritional shake lovers unite! (3 of us in the entire world)

#just posting these publicly since it feels more like I'm doing something or easier to hold yourself accountable if you make public #declarations of goals and progress or etc. .. perhaps.. for now.. #Not sure if this is helping me be more productive #though I think it might in some ways help me appreciate things around me more. Since I'm kind of collecting 'notable' sights or smells #or things. sometimes through the day I'm looking around my environment trying to spot anything whimsical or wonderful or pleasing #I could see this excercise possiblyhelping people pick out more positives around them and appreciate small things in life more #I kind of already do that (very meticulous slow moving person who notices tiny details in everything) so I'm not sure if it's any more than #I usually would but.. eh?? maybe?? #Still craving a ton of hearty foods lol my body is so so so deficient in something right now and I'm being very cool about it #I have a very high level of self control (so like am very responsible good at managing money and getting placeson time and planning and #etc. and abstaining from things if necessary (like wearing a mask and cutting out certain activities during a pandemice #or not eating something now that might hurt my stomach later etc. etc.) so It's not much of a problem but #if not... I would probably be ordering in so much random fast food and stuff or something ghh #Even before I was put on a restrictive diet by my doctors I still never ate out very much for money reasons #Usually once a month or less. this includes stuff like coffees (can be made at home cheaper) or drinks or etc. #Especially with the cost of things going up so much now I'm kind of glad I've already built in that habit #/have never known or gotten used to anything else - because if not I feel like it would be a real shock or like a struggle #I have friends that order in food for like every single meal and it's only getting more and more expensive #so I guess it's kind of releiving to not really have the prospect of that stress as much (though things in the grocery store #are still expensive too so.. even if you're cooking at home. You do save money but its STILL a strain with the current #economy). ANYWAY... maybe sometimes it is good to be miserly and poor.. if I had unlimited money and a spending habit or something #I could go through with ordering ribs and chicken wings and 5 plates of lasagna and a burrito and udon and etc. and eat it all at once #and then have such a bad stomach pains I have to go to the hospital lol #ANYWAY... #daily log