#vox wishes he had that kind of rivalry with alastor that lucifer does | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

androgynousblackbox · 2 months

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How I Met Your Father. 4 [Appleradio, Radioapple]

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Alastor woke up to a most lovely view: Lucifer with his wings out, floating above the floor as he casually examined his bookcase, his pants barely reaching the floor. He almost looked like a ghost without his feet showing. Alastor was perfectly content with keep watching when suddenly his nose turned up to a tray left on his bedside table.

"Did you go to the kitchen?" By yourself?, was the implied question.

Lucifer turned around and smiled, flying up to the bed and bringing the tray with magic to float between the two.

"I portalled home to get it. Didn't want to wake you up for that. Coffee?"

"Yes, thank you" Lucifer took the favorite mug of Alastor and hold it between his hands for a bit, warming it up with his magic. By the end it was almost boiling, exactly how he liked it in the morning. Alastor let out a sigh when the burn reached his whole chest. "Very much appreciated."

"You are most welcome" Lucifer started dumping sugar cubes into his tea. Alastor thought he was lucky to be who he was or he would have lose his teeth a long time ago. "What do you have planned for today?"

"Well, I have my broadcast and after that will go with Rosie for some meat. We are running low on that. Then I have a meeting with the overlords of the area. I don't know what Carmilla wants, but it has to be something to require all of us at once."

"Probably something to do with the extermination coming up" commented Lucifer, looking between all the things he brought until he found the apple mermelade for his toast.

"More than likely" Alastor could not imagine that going well if the idea was to present any kind of unified front. Overlords didn't come to their position by being team players, unless they had something to gain. If the gain was to keep themselves alive, they could do that on their own already.

"Do you want me to go with you? I could be a mouse on your shoulder."

Lucifer offered it up like it was no big deal, but Alastor squinted his eyes. The last time that Lucifer had seen him fight with overlords it had been… ugly to say the least, so it's not like he could be surprised by the concern. It was the part that implied he couldn't take care of himself that bothered him.

"It won't be necessary. Most of them are old school. They are above petty fighting. If Carmilla asked for a peaceful meeting they will respect that."

"Most of them is not all" Lucifer munched on his toast, pensative. "Isn't that TV guy that has a crush on you going to be there?"

Alastor didn't bother to point out that years of rivalry wasn't "a crush." Mostly because he also had no idea if that is what it was. He just found it funny poking at the bear until the bear electrocuted himself. Who wouldn't?

"I can handle Vox, darling. Why? Are you perhaps jelous?" teased lightly. He could always use a bit of an ego boost if that was the case. "You know you can just tell me."

Lucifer frowned, grabbing the pillow closest to him and hitting his side with it. It didn't hurt at all.

“Ouch. Domestic violence so early in the morning?”

"Idiot. I am serious."

"Me too, love" Alastor chuckled, going over the tray to kiss his lips. The sweet taste never seemed too bad when it was second hand like that. "Nothing bad is going to happen. It's probably going to be too boring anyway. Certain doom does bring out that on people."

Lucifer looked down his lap. For him and Charlie they were going to be fine, but Alastor was out of his deal with heaven and that weighed on him during each extermination.

"Still, just…" He sighed. "Just keep me updated."

"Of course, dear" Alastor patted the leg of the king covered by his pant, conciliatory. They continued on with their breakfast. "What is on your schedule for today? Are you maybe going to stay with Charlie on the hotel?"

"I wish. I have this stupid thing with Asmodeus to renovate the permits of distribution for his sex toys across all the rings and I am dying of boredom just thinking about it. He also wants me to authorize the creation of another of his stone thingies as requested by one of the Goetia, so that is more paperwork to go through" Lucifer groaned, rubbing his face. "Forget divine punishment. Burocracy is the true hell."

Alastor hummed softly, bringing up the king closer to him until he was sitting between his legs, his arms wrapped around the other's waist. Alastor nuzzled the top of Lucifer's head, that he still haven't brushed back so it lay messily around his head.

"My poor responsible king" said gently, kissing his crown and smiling as he lowered his voice. "You know you could also just deny them everything. Let them beg for it on their knees. Maybe ask for a good enough sacrificial prize. The Goetias have plenty of members, they can spare one for the chopping block."

"And that is why I stopped bringing you to the meetings" Lucifer lifted his head up, looking at his husband with a much less that impressed expression. The devil to the devil's shoulder, who would have consumed the entirety of hell in perpetual chaos if given the chance. Alastor smiled before coming down to kiss him again and Lucifer relaxed, turning around without separating as he wrapped his arms around the demon's neck. He scratched the nape of his husband with his claws, enjoying the sensation of the buzzed part under his bob. Soon he would have to shave it again. "It's fine. I will try to finish that thing and just stay home. Join me for lunch?"

Alastor nodded, humming appreciately at the attention, like a satisfied cat. Lucifer smiled. If only deer could purr, he would never get over causing that on his husband.

"I will cook" offered up first, kissing his nose before sitting down again.

They enjoyed the rest of their breakfast until they cleaned up the whole tray. Alastor could have eaten a lot more, he always could, but he could get something else to sink his teeth into at Rosie's place. Lucifer texted Charlie to tell her that he was going back to the palace now, while Alastor changed and dressed up for the day. Neither of them was surprised when their daughter knocked at their door minutes after. Charlie quickly closed the door behind her as soon she was given the come in.

"Are you sure you can't stay, papa?"

"I have king things to take care of, duckling. Another time."

"Extremely boring stuff. A little bit of slaughtering would have come a long way, but alas!" sighed Alastor cheery, picking up his pocket watch before going to pet the head of their daughter. "I am also retiring, my dear. Overlord matters for once."

"Oh, okay. Ah, but dad!" said Charlie, caughting the hand of the man before he went to the door. "I actually wanted to ask you a teeny tiny small little favor, if you don't mind."

Alastor's smile froze in his face. He knew that tone. It was never a small favor when Charlie had that tone.

"Anything for my little fawn."

Luckily, he could handle almost about everything.

"And after all of that, she just gave the eggies back to the snake man?" asked Lucifer, serving a big portion of the roasted beef he had made onto the plate of Alastor.

Alastor nodded as he extended a napkin over his lap.

"The fallen angel just changed her mind like that."

"Vaggie."

"I was just starting to get used to them too" continued on Alastor dramatically, ignoring the correction. "Once they actually learned to shut up, they were almost tolerable."

"Oh wow. That is some high praise coming from you" commented Lucifer, grinning.

"Indeed. But anyway, the meeting itself was a total bust, like I imagined it would be. The only thing I took from it is that Carmilla killed one of the exorcist and one of the Vees found it's head."

Lucifer chocked on the wine he was drinking. Alastor was hoping for a reaction for that, that is why he waited until he was drinking something to drop it.

"WHAT" coughed up Lucifer and patted his own chest until he could finally talk again. "One of the overlords took down an exorcist?! And you didn't bother to tell me that before!?"

"I am telling you now, darling."

"You should have told me right away!" Lucifer's face then through irritated to horrified as his head was slowly connecting the dots, grabbing onto his hat. "Oh. That's why those fuckers are rushing the extermination now! They think we want to kill them so they are going to kill everyone first! Why the fuck did Carmilla do that?! I thought you said they were old school?!"

"Apparently she was protecting her own children" Or at least that is what he thought the eggboy had said. "I can't say I don't understand that."

Lucifer bite his lip down, making a small strangled noise.

"Okay, fine! That still doesn't mean this isn't fucked up."

"One of the Vees was bragging about wanting a war and fighting back now that we know the exorcist can be killed."

"Which is total bullshit, obviously! They just want everyone else to go fight and die so they can take their turfs and souls!"

"It's not a bad idea" Alastor would have done the same if he had been the one to find the head. That he had to aknowledge to that Vee. Whatever her name was.

He knew already that angels could be killed. Being married to a fallen angel gave him that kind of insight that none of the overlords would have. But he was never interested in using that piece of information in that way because there was not enough garantee of any benefit for him. With a real tangible body to show for it could have been a different story, he imagined.

"It is if you are going to piss off heaven into total anhilation!" The moment Lucifer started to hiperventilate, that is when Alastor stand up from his chair and conjured up a paper bag for him to breath into, rubbing his shoulder. "This is bad, this is bad, this is so fucking bad."

"You worry too much, dear" Alastor soften up his voice, having one of his shadow to move his chair closer so he could still be at eye level with the king. "We have survived thus far just fine. Heaven tried to take you down once and they couldn't. Why it would be now any different?"

"It's not me I am worried about!" Lucifer's big eyes stared at him. The bag pressed against his face was inflating and deflating like a lung would. "What if they catch you? What if they go after Charlie next?"

"This again?" Alastor sighed, taking out his pocket watch that shined silver against the light, perfect like it had just come out the shop despite being years that Alastor got it. "I carry this with me everywhere precisely so you don't get worried about me. Charlie is hellborn. They won't touch her. I won't let them."

"They might if she goes too far" Lucifer breathed in and breathed out as he shook his head. "I knew this redemption thing of hers was a bad idea."

"What would you have prefered to instead? For her to be a doll that just did our will?"

"You know that I don't."

"Do I? Because what I hear is a lot of doubt over the path our daughter is freely choosing for herself."

"Oh, that is rich coming from you" Lucifer glared at him, finally separating the bag from his face. At least an angry Lucifer wasn't a panicking Lucifer. "You don't believe on any of that nonsense either!"

"I don't. I think our daughter is hopelessly naive and will go nowhere with this project. But she won't see the end of this dream until it crash and burn in her face. Until that day comes, as her father is my duty to be there for her. That is the only thing we can do so when she sees the truth, it won't destroy her little heart."

Lucifer squeezed the bag on his hand and then burn it, burying his head between his arms against the table. Alastor let his hand go up and down the back of the king. A few moments passed until Lucifer talked again.

"I hate it when you are right."

"I know" Alastor snickered. "What a common experience that must be for you."

Lucifer grunted as a response. Alastor let him gather himself up. After a while his husband took a deep breath and came out from his arm cacoon, eyes closed.

"Alright" Lucifer brushed his hair back. "So Heaven knows that we can kill them and that got them trigger happy. Who else knows about this?"

"Nobody outside of Carmilla's inner circle and now us" Alastor didn't bother counting Frank. Even if that thing spoke, nobody would believe him. "That Vee girl is suspicious but has no actual confirmation. If it's of any consolation, for what I could perceive none of the other overlords fell for her bait and probably will prefer to stay out of trouble too."

"That is something at least" Lucifer looked up to the ceiling, as if trying to imagine the next move of Heaven. "I assume suggesting that you and Charlie spend the extermination here is pointless, isn't it?"

"I am afraid so. She won't want to leave either her new friends or the hotel behind."

Lucifer sighed again, squeezing his hands against his eyes and rubbing them as he let his claw pinch against his white skin. When he saw the grab becoming more fierce, Alastor sighed as he stand up and took the hands off, gently closing them on his.

"Everything will be alright" It was the only thing he could promise as he kissed his hand and then caressed his cheek, not minding the tears that were starting to drop. "I will take care of her."

"I just feel so useless."

"You can't interfere either. It was part of the deal."

"I fucking know that already" Lucifer pulled out one of his hands to whipe his face quickly, getting frustrated when he realized he couldn't stop crying now.

"It's okay" Alastor used his tentacles to lift Lucifer up from his chair into his lap, his arms grabbing to his sides as strongly he could.

Lucifer could handled it. Lucifer could handle a lot of things, including this. He just needed some time and Alastor was willing to give it to him.

He caressed the back of his head soothingly when the full blow sobbing started. From somewhere inside his own chest, he let out the static resound through his body. The white noise usually did wonders to calm him down.

"The food went cold" pointed out Lucifer when he did just that. Alastor could almost see the physical effort to not apologize for his response. Alastor didn't need it and it only made Lucifer feel worse about himself. "I will reheat it."

Lucifer didn't move from his lap as he extended his magic over the food, getting it warm and inviting on a moment. Alastor was about to reach for his fork when Lucifer's first appeared in front of him, with a piece of the meat.

"You are one huge dick for waiting so long to tell me" said Lucifer with a face that looked to be struggling to keep up his pout. Alastor had to agree. He was expecting a funny reation and he had clearly miscalculated by a lot. "But thank you. For still listening."

"Whenever you want, dear" He did accept the food offered to him, because it was his husband giving it to him.

Lucifer feed him plenty and then himself, resting comfortably against the chest of Alastor as he drank from his glass.

"Do you have anything else to do today? Can't you stay and tell me the story? The real one?"

Alastor was planning to have a stroll by the city, but he could do that any other day. If Charlie needed him she knew already how to contact him.

"Of course" Lucifer kissed his jaw, resting his cheek against his neck as if he enjoyed the warm there. "You are not going to eat anymore?" He felt a negative shake. "Can I finish?" A positive sound, like a low grumbling. The hands of Lucifer hold his back from the sides without squeezing. "Thank you."

Alastor cleaned up his plate with one hand, holding his husband with the other, until he was fully satisfied. He teleported everything back to the kitchen to take care of it later. Lucifer decided to stand up and lead him by one hand to their living room, where the chimney woke up with a warm blue fire with a gesture of Lucifer's graceful fingers.

"Come here" Alastor sat on the biggest couch as he was being instructed and Lucifer laid on it, resting his head over his lap. Now he seemed much more relaxed than before and that was a relief. "Okay, I am ready."

Alastor hummed approvingly and let his hand to rest against Lucifer's crown, gently petting with his thumb as he thought about this words carefully.

"The whole truth, love? Are you sure?"

"Mmm, yes. This is just for us, babe, so you can go all out."

"As you wish.

"Since I was very young, I learned a simple truth about the world. Either you take control of your own life or someone will take it from you. Always play your cards right, never reveal your hand unless you can gain a stronger card, cheat if you have to. All of that became even more important to never forget about when I woke up here.

In a way, it was a blessing. I wouldn't have fit in any other place. Back on earth I had a reputation to keep in order to keep doing what I loved. Here, nobody cared! A neighbor that had killed at least once was nothing else but the norm. I would never have to hide anymore. I would never have to play by anyone's else rules but my own.

I will admit it, my love. My first few years I went a little trigger happy, as you would say. I was like a starving man that was finally let inside the biggest buffet on all of creation and told that I could eat as much as I wanted to without ever getting sick or full. Gluttony became my one true religion, the only one I ever willingly bothered to follow in fact. And hell was full of so many little dishes ready for the taking.

Death didn't make people any more wise. They were all indulging themselves on their own depravity just the same as me, making it all the more easy for me to use their vices against them. I didn't even know that other people were doing something similar until someone called me by my new title. Overlord. Unknowingly I had become part of the hierarchy of power here in hell. I learned that even though the souls that I consumed made me stronger, there would always be beings above myself. Creatures who were never human and were far older than I could even imagine.

I hated that in principle, of course. I finally found the place where I belonged only to find out that I was still at risk of someone else power. The fact that these "rulers" were pretty relaxed and there was essentially no law served as little comfort. Since I couldn't go up the ladder, I found a cure for my dissapointment by eliminating all the overlords on my path I could get my hands on. My power was growing the more hands I shook and the more souls I devoured.

I had no idea that by taking those overlords, all of their contracts were directly transfered to my control. Once again, completely by chance, just doing what I pleased, was I doing exactly what I should have. It's funny how fate can work sometimes like that, isn't it? Although I can understand why that wasn't a fact that was so freely advertised. Lesser demons would feel threatened knowing that the more souls they take, the bigger the target on their back, the more desirable their heads on a platter become.

To me, that was only the more reason to advertise my victories through my beloved radio. Why would you bother to be the best if you aren't going to tell everyone that you are? After a while, I didn't had to keep looking for new dishes anymore. They just came running directly into my mouth, either thinking that they could get some form of protection or to try to prove themselves.

One night, I took a little snack. It was just a new soul that had just come to hell and was desperate to find a friend. So easy to disuade. Truth be told, I had no reason to do it. I could have get ride of him or tell him to get lost just as easily. But I felt peckish and sometimes an easy prey can be just enough. He had quite a lovely scream, the type that you call earth shattering, heartbreaking. His little heart pop up between my fingers like a delicious ripe grape. When I finished to add him to the voice of the other damned, every hair on my body stand out. I felt that foreign magic around me, I knew I couldn't do anything to fight it, before I was teleported to another place I couldn't recognize.

It what the place that later I would call my home. But back then it wasn't and I couldn't understand what I was doing there, who had brought me. It was only when I turned around that I saw what looked to me like just another demon entering through the hallway, dressed up on a comfy rub and eating a bowl of ice cream. The moment we both saw each other other I felt a tingling on my hand and I saw a perfect golden ring manifest around my finger, just as the other demon was.

Well, well, I said, thinking this definitely meant that that demon was the responsible for bringing me there. More than anything because he was the onlying living thing I could see. What do we have here? A kidnapper? Or a challenger? The demon looked horrified, but curiously enough I got the sense that it wasn't specifically because of me. The ring on my finger was all he could focus on.

And what did you say then, love?”

“By any chance, how many souls have you taken?”

“That was my first clue something was wrong here. Someone had summoned me and that was their first concern? I said a few, because I certainly wasn't keeping any score either. Why would I need to do that?

The tiny demon then raised his hand, glowing in red, and did something. I don't know what it was, but I felt suddenly exposed in a way not even now I could describe, but there was no way to cover up. It lasted merely a moment, enough for him to find out whatever it was that he wanted to see, and then I launched myself to him as I reevaluated myself. I wasn't hurt, my staff was intact, my suit was complete. But something had happened and that was enough reason for my hand to close off around that beautiful, pristine neck, squeezing tight so I could strangle some answer out of him.

My next clue that something was wrong was when the demon looked at me without surprise or fear. Just mortified, as if I had caught him on his underwear.

Okay, look, listen, he said while he stood there, not at all affected by my fist. I lifted him up in the air and put against the closest wall, but not even then he was intimidated. I was starting to get pissed off when he said I think I know what happened, but I need to call someone to confirm. Can you just wait a bit?

I asked what could he tell me right now. If he didn't speak, then I would take that as a enthusiastic permission to disembowl him all over that pretty carpet on the living room.

He… pouted. This tiny demon just pouted like I was somehow the unreasonable one and frustating him! Did he had no sense of self preservation at all? Just how stupid could he be? Since he insisted in that we could sort all of this out if I let him make a call, I took a deep breath and let him go. He wasn't even coughing, casually just saying a thank you before going to a phone on his wall, giving me his back with zero concern at all about what I could do. No doubt about it, this demon was a complete nutcase. Clinically insane surely.

I found myself fascinated by it. What followed were easily the most awkward pass of time I had to endure. By that I mean that the tiny demon irradiated pure awkwardness as he sat on his couch, twidling his thumbs and actively looking at everything before myself or his own hands. I may have also contributed to it staring at nothing else but him and waiting for him to say the first word. I can have infinite patience when it comes to anything I find interesting enough, and at that moment, that was contemplating this deranged tiny demon struggling to pretend I wasn't there. He wasn't interested on making any conversation and I didn't care to help him either.

At last, I could hear a portal opening close by and a giant blue demon came in. That was Asmodeus. I could recognize him instantly from advertisement about his products that were all over hell. So you can imagine my surprise when the embodiment of lust himself looked at me and then at the other demon. His eyes quickly found our rings. Lucifer, he asked, is that the guy?

Suddenly it all made sense. Why this tiny man was completely unaffected by my usual tactics. I was just now realizing I could never hurt him physically in any way that mattered because that was one of the creatures that were placed above me on the hierarchy. The very head of the whole pyramide in fact.

Our king whose face had confined himself to the interior of his own palace since before I landed in hell, now reveled to me. I don't know what I was expecting, but I can certainly tell you it wasn't that. He was, and still is, so tiny. You would never know the kind of power that body hold.

After some more back and forth between the two sins, I finally asked what was happening. If nobody was looking to fight me or kill me, I couldn't imagine what they could want out of me. I was never made aware of any law that I could have broken or that the sins themselves, the king on top of that, would even care if I did.

You still didn't want to talk to me, so Asmodeus took the reign and the story he told me took my head for a spin.

Apparently, many, many years ago, when hell was still young, Asmodeus tried to set up his king on another blind date so he could potentially find a worthy partner to rule hell with. The other sins had tried as well, to no avail. Lucifer didn't seem to "connect" with anyone. They were always too powerhungry, money hungry or hungry for something else that Lucifer wasn't interested on being the foundation of a whole relationship. It's not like his majesty had spend all those years in complete celibacy either, but whatever is that he was looking on a partner he couldn't find it. And he was getting so tired of trying that he decided to get drunk, as one does to try to forget what is unpleasant.

A drunk Lucifer is a blast at first, according to Asmodeus. Dancing with the sin of gluttony all night, creating elaborate musical numbers out of thin air about how good the single life was and how he didn't need a partner anyway, because he was the king of hell! He could do and say and fuck whoever he wanted whenever he wanted! Why would he ever need anything else? He declared, right there and then, that he wasn't going to keep looking anymore at all! No, instead his new partner would come to him! Write this down and make it official, he insisted, slurring over his words, insisting on it until he saw the embodiment of lust pulling up writing utensils to do so. If a sinner ever came to posses 666 souls at once, not any more or any less, just that exact amount, then that was going to be his perfect partner.

Because clearly, someone that was such a pure embodiment of evil to do that had to be only perfect for the creator of evil in humanity. Flawless logic! You see, that was the real issue. That everyone was too good for him or not evil enough for the task of being at his side. Just right there, that would make it official, write that down. No need for an actual wedding or anything trivial like asking that hypothetical sinner if they wanted to get married in the first place, nope. He was the king and so his word was law enough, and therefore nobody else would have to bother to set him up for another failure ever again.

I will let you guess what my little snack meant for my own numbers. That is what Lucifer was verifying with his own magic when I felt exposed. When he saw that 666 marked across my own soul, he knew what it meant. Ah, but that is not the best part of this lovely tale, my darling listener.

No, the best part of all was that Lucifer had completely forgotten about it. As in, it wasn't even a thought. For thousands of years, that night remained as a vague memory that never really came up again. Asmodeus, very understandingly so, assumed that Lucifer was just going to keep put and wait for that sinner. He thought that surely some part of the king had meant those words and therefore would take them to heart. The king got drunk so rarely and never to the point to completely forget about everything the next day, so no doubt this wasn’t going to be any different now. In order to respect that desire, for as bizarre as it was, he didn't try to set him up with more partners and neither did the rest of the sins. After all, if he didn't truly meant it, he was free to undo it anytime he wanted to.

Meanwhile, Lucifer spend years living his life as a single king without any worry about how this little curse he had imposed on all of hell could ever play out for him.

My dear beloved husband, my new husband, was a certified idiot. There was no rock under which I could hide from the secondhand embarrasment when I heard about it.

Similar to how you seem to be wanting to do right now, my dear, indeedy! Remember you said all of the truth, my love. Want me to continue? Yes?

Alright.

So after the two sins realized the misunderstanding that happened, the next issue was adressing me. The king immediately assured me that I didn't had to do anything, that I wasn't being forced to stay and he was so terribly sorry. He understood that was a stupid decision he made in a moment he was being particularly stupid and it was his fault, not mine or even Asmodeus's to deal with. The embodiment of lust was just trying to be a good friend. He could undo it, of course, there was no need to worry about that. The ring would naturally dissolve the moment he erased the condition and our marriage would cease to be. Once he did that, I could get back to my evil doing like nothing happened.

Asmodeus was the only one who didn't seem in any rush to do that. You know, he is not that bad looking, he said considering me. As he looked at me, I thought on the utter absurdity of a giant like that one being less powerful than the tiny man in front of me. I just couldn't get over how small he was. You could have gotten someone a lot worse, remarked Asmodeus and I felt a tinsy bit offended to be honest. I came here for being the worst already, thank you very much. But I understood he meant it in the look apartment anyway.

And he is here already so, continued on, why not give it a try?

Until he said that, maybe because of how small our king was, I hadn't fully realized what this whole ordeal meant. The fact that I was suddenly married was nothing compared with the question of who that was with. I had become the spouse of the devil, through sheer turn of events that only tangentially were my own creation. I could be the most powerful being in all of hell already, make the rules. I could get the total control I so desperately wanted and nobody, ever, would be above me. All I had to do was being at the side of this creature and play my role accordingly. How easy could that be?

My husband also considered me for a second, but he clearly was still more embarrassed by the whole situation to be swift off his feet by my charming smile. I would have to fix that.

That doesn't sound like a bad idea, I said as if it was a brilliant one. I haven't had much luck on dating either, added, without saying that was entirely because I was never interested in dating before. Why would I want to make myself vulnerable and defenseless in front of anyone else, someone who could take advantage of that? What kind of idiot does that?

But I kept going. I apologized for my earlier treatment of his Majesty. I was just confused and surely he could understand how walking on the side of caution was necesary down here. I thought that someone had brought me there wanting to cause me harm, but if it was a exploration for a union then that was a entirely different story. I didn't find the king repellent either, I said, looking at his blonde hair and his face that I now could see being part of Heaven. But also noticing the black fingers that could surely pop my own heart in my chest if I made the wrong move. I am not going to deny there was already a form of excitement attached to that notion. Here in hell I have been living so comfortably I had forgotten how entertaining can be living on the edge too. But I kept that for myself.

This was an unusual start for any relationship, sure, but all relationships have their quirks, don't they?, continued as if I had any idea. I looked at the king hoping he would see the sincerity that I could fake so well when it suit me. If your Majesty would be willing to have me, I am willing to give this a try too.”

“I knew you were full of shit” Lucifer took the hand that was resting over his chest and played with the fingers, reminiscing too. “I have seen enough charmers to recognize one. I was the original charmer. I knew you didn't give a shit.”

“Then why did you accepted to have me there instead of nulling the marriage, love?” Alastor knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it straight from the source.

Lucifer also knew it, but he let a moment pass before he spoke again.

“It was the first time in decades I was talking to someone that wasn't the other sins” confessed, curling up in Alastor’s lap, not letting go of his hand. “Even if you were a piece of shit, I thought you at least could be fun to talk to. If I nullified the marriage right there, you would have no reason to stick around.”

Alastor made a soft croon sound, brushing the hair of Lucifer with his fingers. He didn't say he was wrong. He wasn't.

“I am glad you didn't” did say because that was also true.

Lucifer nodded his head, bringing the hand of his husband against his chest. Alastor could feel the warmth of his skin through the shirt on his fingers and the soft beating of his heart.

“And so that is how we started living together. I was given my own room where I was told I could do anything I wanted to and I was free to get out to do whatever is that I wanted. The only thing that was expected from me was to not talk to anyone about my new marital status for the moment, something I had no issue at all to comply with, and to share at least one meal with his Majesty everyday. You don't have to, told me the king, not looking me in the eyes, so I knew that was the bare minimum I could do if I wanted any of this to last. I had no issue with that either. Otherwise I could roam through the palace freely the rest of the time. If I needed something that could be bought, I just had to ask.

We were just like roommates for a while. Probably better than most roommates with Lucifer being willing and able to provide for me if needed, but not more than that. My plan to get the ultimate control over hell had one glaring issue I somehow didn't realize before.

I had no idea what to do to seduce someone. I could convince someone to give me their soul by playing what I knew they wanted to hear and I knew how to come across as a friend in order to being able to do that. I had a clear objective and a way to go about it. Given my total lack of experience when it came to interpersonal relationships of this nature, I was quite literally lost as to what to do. Make the king fall in love with me so he would allow me to have his power was just as vague of a plan as it could have been. How do people even fall in love with in the first place? What combinations of words or gestures do they need for that? I had no clue.

My new husband didn't made things easier for me. Besides our meals together, he wasn't really after my presence. He wasn't avoiding me by any means, and if we end up being at the same space at the same time, we usually could spend that time fine enough. Even then, the king usually left first to his own study, door always close. He seemed satisfied with just having someone around his house to have a brief conversation with, but surely that couldn't be enough to keep a whole marriage alive?

Although what does keep a marriage going was another question I certainly did not had an answer to either. My own parents were not the best examples to pull from, to say the least. I appreciate that Lucifer wasn't demanding things from me that I wouldn't be comfortable with, that was the bare minimum he could do after all, but I had no idea how long we could keep this up before he decided to kick me out, declaring this whole experiment another failure.

Our media provided with no help. The usual means that included a tantalizing vision of my body was out of the question. I would very much like to keep my dignity through all of this if possible. On the other hand, I wasn't sure that trying to touch Lucifer and suddenly being all over his space wouldn't also mean a sudden divorce. Not to mention certain death or loss of members for me. I just had no idea of how to get a read on him to know what I could offer him.

Our conversations during meal time were light and I quickly noticed that Lucifer would prefer to talk about anything before himself. When I tried to get him to talk about his role or what he had done during the day, he kept saying it wasn't anything that interesting before turn it on me.

It was a month after our arrangement that I finally swallowed some of my pride and end up asking the only person whose insight I could respect in all of hell. Not to mention, I knew she would be discreet enough to not repeat a word of what I said to her.

To say that Rosie was shocked when she heard my predicament would be a understatement. Her mouth formed a perfect o when I told her, omitting as many details as necessary and already keeping a glove over the ring. I had just told her that there was a demon, a very powerful and fearsome one, that I wanted to get close to and form a bond with, but I didn't know how without putting myself at risk or lose all contact.

She knew this was new territory for me, so much she had assumed that I would never want to touch that kind of topic as far I existed. I couldn't really say that she was entirely wrong either. I don't think I would have ever cared if it wasn't for these special circumstances. I also kept for myself the portion about all of this being part of a plan to gain power myself. Her own moral code would have being against playing with someone's heart like that. Someone only had to ask whatever remained of her ex husband's to know that much. So I let her believe it came from my own desire to be closer to this demon and she excitedly was ready to help me out.

She told me that if this demon was so insistent on keeping up the distance between us, then I would have to be the one to close it. Show interest for his interests, find out about what made him happy and try to engage from that side.

That was when I became very curious to enter his study, the place where he spend up most of his day, supposedly working away on his royal duties. I was imagining piles and piles of papers signed with mortal blood, maybe books full with the whole knowledge of humanity contained on them, arcaics instruments and devices from civilizations long forgotten. Something incomprehensible and old and so mentally demanding that of course he would spend his hours on that alone.

When I finally asked if I could come and my king hesitantly told me yes, though, there was none of that at all. It was surprising, just as surprising as finding piles and piles of rubber duckies could be.

I didn't ask is this it? Is this all you do all day? Just being stuck with these yellow squeaky things? I could tell he wasn't proud of it either, waiting for my reaction. Instead I took a look around, noticing thankfully there was more than duckies as handmade wooden puppets hanging from the wall, an area full with painting supplies and sculpting tools. Some, if not all, of these duckies must have come from his own hands. An odd expression of creativity, but an expression nonetheless.

After a while letting the silence fill the air, I just needed to know why duckies. Just why. I could understand wolves, lions, maybe even cats if I had to guess, not duckies. I wasn't prepared at all for my husband suddenly going on a long tangent about how duckies were the best already, dumping on me a bunch of facts about them that I had no idea about, about their character, their feathers of which every liquid slide without leaving them wet, their beaks that had especial filters for when they ate on the water, about how their babies imprinted on anything they saw and not just on their own species. Everything said with the same enthusiasm as if they were the most impressive creatures in all of the universe. It was like a dam had just exploded in front of me. I could only imagine how many years he had been waiting for someone to ask that question.”

“Too long” aported Lucifer with a low giggle, blushing.

“I believe you” Alastor smiled indulgently. “I still had no idea what to do with that information. If it had been any of the things I was expecting, I could make a conversation out of that. But Lucifer had all of the words anyone could ever say about duckies and letting them fall on me like a whole avalanche. This was the most animated I had ever see him since I came to know him. Finally, as if suddenly realizing it had been ten minutes and I haven't said anything, mostly because he wasn't giving me an entry, my husband asked if he was boring me.

No, I said because I wasn't bored. The topic itself wasn't interesting to me, but the response that it brought from him was fascinating. I asked if he did those duckies himself and he started presenting them to me, with their own names, backstories, pointing out the details that made them unique and especial. It was in the middle of that I noticed a bookcase with duckies separate from the rest and I recognize one of them as representing Asmodeus. The other ones I could only imagine were about the other sins.

Do you want me to make one for you, suddenly offered my king, seeing what I was looking. I didn't know if I wanted one, I had no idea what I would do with it if anything, but refusing a gift was out of the question for my plan to work. So I said yes, of course.

Your face light up like even more that while talking about your beloved duckies, my dear. I had been given gifts before, of course, but I don't believe anyone was as excited about it as you were. You immediately took me to your drawing station and told me to sit as you started sketching, looking out to see what details to capture. For the first time he had no issue looking in my direction and it was for the sake of making a rubber duckie to my liking.

Nobody ever could say that my king wasn't full of surprises.

Do you do that for everyone, I asked.

Do what.

What you are you doing right now.

Only for friends.

Are we friends, Majesty? I asked before I realize what a stupid mistake was that. I blamed the whole being outside of my element to me not realizing that if that is what Lucifer already thought of our relationship, then that was all the more convenient for me.

You stopped sketching. I was already thinking some way to salvage the situation, insist that I was hoping in fact we could be more than that, when I noticed how smaller than usual you were as you moved on your own chair.

That bothered me more than I was willing to let on. You are a king. You are the sin of pride on solid form. You can't lose on a fight. You are the strongest being I have ever met. You could kill me. Why do you ever let yourself become like this?

I mean, kinda?, you said, fidgeting with the pencil. You don't think so?

I thought we were married, I said showing my hand with a bit of a playful teasing.

You blushed a soft gold. It was the first time I saw it and I was suddenly struck with the idea that your blood probably looked like apple juice. Fiting for the one who used an apple to condemn all of humanity. It would taste like it?

Right. Sure. But you know… it has been nice having you around. I am sorry if I am not around much, but still. It was nice. That is why I thought…

I didn't say I didn't want it still. As I said that, I stand out to look at what you have done. First there was a general sketch of me. I was honestly impressed with how quickly you had captures my features so, even though it wasn't too polished, there was no way to miss that was my face. Even my smile was on brand, my eyes giving nothing away. Then there was the drawing of a couple of possible duckies that I had interrupted.

You forgot my monocle, I said.

Oh, right. Sorry.

You should have my staff too. It could come out from the wing.

You smiled and added it in with a quick motion of the pencil, a confident one from a veteran artist as you looked over at my staff and it's design. You don't doubt when you create, you just do. I thought that was a much better look for you.

When the sketching process was done, with a duckie that we were both satisfied with, my husband closed the sketchbook and declared we should be going to get dinner. It just occurred to me that he had been the one cooking in all my time there. So I offered up to make dinner for tomorrow. When you started saying I didn't have to, you didn't mind, as I was expecting already, I insisted that it was a date and took off before you could argue any longer.

I wasn't about to present to you the wonder of cannibal meat just yet on our very first date. I knew enough about social etiquette to know that had to be a gradual entrance. That was a surprise for the third date at least. Just because our marriage was unexpected and quick, didn't mean that everything else had to be too. Veal it was then. I thought there was something especial about offering something that never reached full maturity in a plate, where all of it's infinite possibilities were finalized bite by bite. As if by eating something that had been cut far too quickly, we could regain the time it was stolen from it. But I kept my poetic explanation for myself. As long the flavor was appreciated that would be enough.

From that one interaction, something was already different between us. Lucifer was clearly more comfortable and engaged in conversation with a more light disposition. That is how I started getting an inkling that the job of a king was truly so much more boring than I ever expected. When Lucifer wasn't dedicating time to his hobby, eating with me or existing on my vecinity, he was drowning in paperwork or going to meetings with the royal member of hellish society with the hope of keep some semblance of order in hell. None of which I had seen because my husband had correctly assumed that I wouldn't be too interested on that side of his life. But I could still ask him about it and let him vent about it when he felt like it. That is what marriage is, isn't it?

During the dessert of our first date, my king gave me the duckie finalized. That could also do a little dance when you pressed its head, because Lucifer thought that would be fun. The tiny version of my staff made a full spin on the wing as the duckie turned around. It was no doubt the most unpractical and weird present I have been ever gifted to. When the dance stopped, I took it on my hand to see the detail. The markings of my shoes were under the flippers too, for my surprise. When did Lucifer ever noticed that? Something about that just struck me in a way I did not expect.

I knew that you were waiting for my response, but I frankly didn't know what to say. Instead of saying anything, I kissed the top of the head of duckie and saved it on my front pocket where it would poke out, little staff and all. Even my monocle was a perfect shade of glass red. I asked how do I look now with my new accesory, realizing you were blushing again. I didn't intend that to happen. Was that the start of you falling in love with me?”

“You looked so cute though, I couldn't help it” commented Lucifer, smiling. “Hey, now that I think about it, I haven't seen that duckie in a while. What happened to it?”

“Oh, I have it on my safe box. Charlie found it when she was little and played with it until the staff bended, so I thought I would keep it on a place where it would be fine.”

“I can just repair it if you want. Good as new.”

“Don't you dare” Alastor ruffled the blonde hair a bit to emphazise the warning. “I like it old. You of all people should know that already.”

“Is that supposed to poke at my age now?”

“Maybe” Alastor chuckled when Lucifer pouted. He also looked cute like that and he too couldn't help it. “May I continue?”

“Before I die of old age you mean? You may.”

“Thank you.

Lucifer being more comfortable to talk to me was undoubtly a good thing. It also meant that he was more comfortable arguing with me. If needed to I could be a very agreeable person…”

“Ha! Good one.”

“Shush. It turned out that living with another person who actually spend time with you brought it's own set of struggles. Little things that are just part of how you do things that they are annoying for them. Little say that they do that are just the wrong way that makes you want to tear your own hair out. We were very different people on so many different ways, and yet, we both could be just as stubborn.

One day, I was on my last strand of patience. A young overlord that was making their name known in the streets had managed to get under my skin by bragging about how nobody even had a radio now, so I was clearly an obsolete demon that soon was going to be out of commission. Movies, they insisted, movies were the real future of hell. It shouldn't have bothered me at all that the people were congregating outside of his new cinema with color and audio. And yet it did.

I don't remember what was the argument about, something trivial and stupid that it wasn't worth it. Did I mix my clothing with his on the laundry? Did I left the chimney turn on when it should be off? Did I forgot to clean my shoes before walking over the carpet? Who knows. It doesn't matter. You said something along the line "you are impossible to live with" and something in me exploded.

Oh? And you think you are a joy to live with? Stuck everyday in the same place, obssessing over the same useless stupid things? Who would want to spend their days around a king that can't get outside his own palace or walk through his own kingdom without losing his marbles like a pathetic weak little imp? I might be impossible, but by the god you betrayed, at least I am not an embarassment for both heaven and hell.

I should haven't said that. For more reasons than one. But above all else, for the way you looked at me. All the anger that took for me to spit those words out were erased in the air the moment you said I should go.

Just that. Not anger of your own, not even sadness. Just this vast empty dissapointment that stung so much worse than any insult ever could. That only made me angry again. How dare you to be dissapointed in me? Honestly, how stupid were you in the first place to ever believe in me? How is my fault that you missed the memo of what kind of man you married to? Who are you to judge me in the first place?

I left the palace grabbing whatever I could quickly. I don't know where Lucifer had dissapeared to, I assumed his study with his duckies, but I was out of the door. It didn't sink in just how much I had messed up until I reach my old apartment and it felt small and cramped compared with the palace.

A week passed in which I kept waiting to see the ring on my hand dissapear, but it didn't. It became a habit to look down and check. While I was walking, my finger would keep brushing against it over my glove and pressed it as if to test if it wasn't going to dissolve. It never did. Two weeks. Three. Rosie asked me how things had turned out with the big powerful demon and I had to shrugg, saying it didn't work out. It wasn't meant to be. She was so sorry for me, sincerely so. I tried to tell her that she didn't had to, that I didn't really care anyway.

She turned her head to the side and said, as gently as a cannibal overlord is capable of, that she didn't believe a word of that. Something was off about me, according to her. Last night, when we raided that meeting of a overlord that had pissed her off, apparently I had killed people way too quickly. I didn't enjoy any of their screams or chase them down when they started running. I just got done with devouring them like it was a job rather than the joy ride it was meant to be. She had only ever brought me along because she thought it could distract me from whatever I had in mind on the last few days. She was saying all of that while looking at the glove on my hand and for some reason, no matter how impossible it was, somehow I thought she could see through the fabric and the ring. I almost wanted her to. Someone else to really confirm that it was there still and it wasn't just my own delusion.

She was right, of course. She knew me far too well. What actually happened, she asked and I just spilled all over the tea overflowing my cup, as youngsters definitely do not say. As much as I could without actually saying too much, at least. When I was done, she looked at me like the answer had been obvious all along. And maybe it was, but I still didn't like it when she said that I owe you an apology, even if you still want me out. Closure was the word she used. I don't know about that.

I just wanted to see and ask why I still had the ring.

When I came home… the palace, I did not find Lucifer anywhere. Not on the livingroom, the kitchen, the garden or even his study, where his door was open. The piles of duckies have been turned into mountains. You couldn't enter without stomping into one of them. But no Lucifer anywhere. I was passing through the entry when I saw you at the door, holding a bunch of groceries in a bag. Seeing the king casually coming from outside stopped me in my tracks. I wanted to ask how was that possible. The last time I saw you trying to walk to the next block you teleported back, saying that was a bad idea and to never try it again.

You seemed… a lot less shocked to see me there though."

"You had forgotten your bowtie" said Lucifer, shrugging, as it should have been obvious. "I figured you would come back for it sooner or later. And if you did, maybe we could talk. It also didn't help that you didn't had a phone and you never told me where you used to live before, so I couldn't send it to you. I was… waiting for you to come pick it up."

"You told me you went to the store alone" Alastor waited for Lucifer to elaborate further or comment, but the fallen angel just remained silent, squeezing his hand. "You said you had been practicing for a while now to come out. You did teleported a big portion of the way and had to come back home three times, but you made it through the whole task completely on your own.

I should have tell you that was amazing for you, because it was. Instead I was just so confused as to why you weren't angry at me. I was prepared for you to shout at me or throw stuff at my head, not for you to keep walking to the kitchen without turning back. Somehow it reminded me to my first day there, when I thought you had to be a nutcase to give me your back so easily after I threatened you.

The bowtie thing was a lie, wasn't it? I did left it, but I could replace it easily. It wasn't that precious."

Lucifer didn't respond, but he didn't have to with the way his hand squeezed his. Alastor returned the gesture and sighed, coming down to kiss his temple.

"When I followed you behind, you were accomodating the groceries. I stood there, not understanding at all why you weren't more angry, why you weren't telling me to get out of the palace now. But instead of asking, because that wasn't what I came for, I struggled to get out the words out of my mouth."

"You looked in actual pain. It was a little bit funny in retrospective."

"I was. I never had to offer a sincere… apology to anyone for any reason. I was usually smarter than to need to do it. To admit I was wrong was to admit I had commited a easily avoidable mistake.

But it was a mistake all the same. I had no right to say any of that. I only remember those words at all even now because I so wish I could erase them entirely and smack my past self for even uttering them in the first place.

You asked if I still thought the same, so I said no. I thought you could be sometimes pathetic, annoying, clumsy, very frustrating and maybe a bit too obsessed with ducks, but it wasn't hell to live with you by any means. You sometimes could also make it so much easier than you had to for a complete stranger that literally just appeared on your living room. And maybe you were a dissapointment for heaven, but honestly that was only a plus on my own book so what did I care? Hell is a dissapointment already for anyone who know their action wouldn't catch up for them, so it was only fitting that it's king was just as unconventional. I only said that because you cared, because I wanted to poke where it hurt, not because I cared. That wasn't right of me.

You turned around and blinked with those big eyes of yours that told me nothing, but it wasn't out of indifference, but out of you don't wanting to let me see nothing yet. That was only fair, but it bother me all the same. You asked if I wanted to stay for dinner and I said yes.

You told me that you had gotten the papers ready for the nullification, but never got around to sign them. They laid on your desk all of those weeks while you kept making more and more duckies. They were comforting, while the papers were not, so you naturally avoided them. Haven't even realized the amount of days that have passed, concentrated instead on the amount of distance that you could put between yourself and the entrance, the amount of time you could tolerate outside before you had to come back.

You were proud of telling me it had been a full hour and a half, as you should. I much prefered the look on your face when I told you that it was amazing. I thought about taking your hand that night so much, but I wasn't sure how that was going to be taken. Instead kept watching your own ring. Something was different in the air that I couldn't quite place.

You told a stupid joke about gooses and laughed so hard you wheezed, like it was the funniest thing that anyone ever said. I think I started falling for you that night.

A week after I moved in, I asked if we could share the same bedroom."

"Oh boy."

Alastor arched an eyebrow at the blushing face of Lucifer.

"Oh? What is that, your Majesty? You don't want to hear too about the first time that you ravished me? Jumped on my bones? Fulfill your husbandly duties? Consumate our marriage? Attempted to create an heir with me by the traditional means? Multiples times, might I add?"

"Oh for me, can you shut up?" Lucifer laughed, straightened up to kiss his lips, wrapping his arms around his neck. Alastor's hand instinctively went to his waist as the king made a new throne out of his lap. "I was there for that one, I remember."

"You were there for everything and still asked me to tell you how it happened" Alastor grinned wider. "Which is the verdict by the way? Did it sound any better than our usual story?"

He had to know, of course. His pride as a locutor that relied on his eloquence was on the line. Lucifer's finger started twirling around the hair on his nape.

"You did make it sound more funny than awful, I will give you that."

"Thank you."

"Even so, I don't want Charlie to hear it" declared Lucifer, pulling a side of his mouth downward. Alastor kissed the gesture, turning it into a smile instantly. "She can keep the guard story. That one is nice enough."

"As you wish" Alastor kept kissing his cheek and down his neck. He lapped at the skin over pulsating vein with his tongue and pressed his mouth there just as Lucifer was pulling his head back, giving him more space to nibble. The lie of vulnerability was almost as enticing as the truth of danger. Knowing that he was the only being on all of hell that his king would show himself like this was no small part of his charm.

"The first days you did nothing" commented Lucifer suddenly and Alastor looked up, momentarily confused until his husband continued. "When we shared a bedroom for the first time. Did you thought I would smite you for trying to touch me or you just didn't know how to breach the gap?"

"Both" admitted Alastor, accommodating Lucifer on his arms as he pulled himself up with his tentacles. He started walking through the hallway to their room. "You seemed content enough with having me there and I was only more confused by that. You weren't like me, you liked that kind of stuff by themselves. One time you even asked me to return to my old room for the night so you could pleasure yourself. I would have helped you if you had asked, but I figured you would have offered if you wanted that. I don't know how useful my input would have been, though."

"We didn't kiss once at that time" Lucifer gave a short, throaty laugh as if he couldn't believe how stupid they were. "What kind of a mess is that? We both were agreeing to stay married, but couldn't decide to touch. For all I knew, you still had your own evil agenda and were biding your time."

"It could have been both." Alastor nuzzled his forehead. "My evil agenda on one side and take you to bed on the other."

"But more than anything else" said Lucifer, lifting a finger up to boop the nose of Alastor, "I didn't want you to do anything that you didn't want to do. If you never wanted to go further than sharing space, I was prepared to accept that. Being married to my friend is not the worst kind of fate I could have ended with."

"Agreed" He reached the door to their bedroom and opened up, laying Lucifer down on the bed to hold his chin up and trace the contorn of his lip with a red thumb. "But I didn't want to be friends either. It was driving me insane because I didn't know what you wanted or I wanted out of this. Did I want to reach because that is what people do and you would expect that or because I wanted to? You weren't giving me anything to work with."

"If only you simply had asked” The tone of Lucifer was slightly mocking as he bit softly on the thumb of Alastor. “I would have told you I was open for that as well.”

Alastor groaned. And risk coming off as insecure, as if he didn't have the most clear idea of everything that was happening at all times? Never.

Lucifer giggled, bringing him down to the bed by the front of his vest. The radio demon followed through the lead of his king.

In another place, Charlie was staring up to the ceiling of her room. After who knew les of how long trying to let the sleep come to her, without success, she slipped under a sleeping Vaggie to stand up. She made sure that her girlfriend still had a pillow as replacement before going to get dressed. If she wasn't going to get any sleep done, then all the more reason for her to start working on their current issue.

They were merely one month away from another extermination.

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