#when your own life is a constant cycle of shit

[justalia]

stop assigning meaning to the physical world.

stop assigning meaning to something that is only reflecting you.

it is always reflecting what you have inside, constantly and continuously.

the 3D should arise no interest in you.

you gave it to yourself in imagination and that’s MORE than enough. you have it. you declared it to be yours.

the 3D is not manifesting, it has no power and since your body, your brain, your thoughts belong to the human flesh version of you they have no power.

yes, you read that right.

it is not your human version manifesting, it is not your human body and not your brain since like everything else physical it belongs to the 3D.

alia in her physical human form can only TRY to manifest.

the 3D is powerless and so it’s your human body. it is powerless. it can’t do anything,

it can’t make anything happen.

you CANNOT manifest with your human brain.

your human body and all the emotions and thoughts attached to it are just there. they belong to the 3D and are powerless UNLESS YOU (THE INNER MAN, GOD WITHIN YOU) GIVE THEM POWER.

your human self is pathetically powerless. stop giving it so much power by being scared of your own thoughts, emotions and feelings.

YOU aka THE INNER MAN, PURE CONSCIOUSNESS are giving them power.

YOU ARE GOD.

god does not exist outside of you, manifestation is what prayer is because god exists INSIDE of you. it is within you.

it gets me so frustrated when i see people asking me if having it in imagination is enough. and it’s not because i don’t feel for you or i think you’re dumb af (sometimes i do lmao) but it’s because I KNOW how tired you are I KNOOOOWWWWWW how much it sucks to be in this state of trying.

BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS SO FUCKING TIRED.

i was constantly in a war in my own mind thinking i had to change my thoughts or constantly look for a specific feeling/emotion. i was SO tired of being scared in my own mind, it’s truly the worst thing ever because there’s no escape. if you feel trapped and scared and you’re constantly trying to prove yourself in YOUR OWN mind THERE IS NO PEACE. there is no escape and you don’t know what to do.

there is no escape because our imagination is all we got and ever will have and if we make that our hell you’re gonna live a miserable miserable life.

i was SO tired of being triggered by the 3D and blaming myself for what i was seeing, i was in a constant self-sabotaging cycle. i was looking outside for permission to just believe when everything is within, even permission to just believe it yes! that’s within you!

and i was wondering what was i doing wrong.. well, news flash alia if you’re tired you’re not in the state you want to be.

i knew manifestation wasn’t supposed to be tiring, i studied my shit! i knew it! but i still found myself trapped in my own mind.

i decided i had to be honest with myself, i had to stop excuses and reason on why and how i was supposed to believe.

“why am i seeing the opposite? why am i seeing just movement and not my full manifestation?”

did you ever really shift your state?

be honest.

be honest with yourself because you don’t gain nothing by lying to yourself.

“well… i feel like i’m doing it right but i still cannot see my manifestation”

are you doing it right? are you?

are you doing it right if you’re acknowledging your manifestation isn’t real just because it isn’t physical?

“i don’t understand why did the opposite happen what am i doing wrong?”

why are you acknowledging the 3D as the real reality? why are you taking ANYTHING the 3D shows you as fact?

did you sit with the concept that imagination/consciousness is the only reality?

did you internalize it?

because if you did you wouldn’t be bothered at all by ANYTHING the 3D is showing you EVER.

no, not even the “positive” things should faze you.

why do you care what the physical world shows you if it literally means nothing?

the 3D is never gonna fulfill you on its own.

that sp coming in, that money in your account, that dream body in the mirror, that dream face, that job is NEVER gonna fulfill you.

YES! NEVER! THE 3D WILL NEVER FULFILL YOU.

harsh truth?

well, it’s the truth.

you could have your sp telling you how much they love you and you could still not believe them.

you could look in the mirror and have that dream body or dream face and still find A MILLION things you want to change and be insecure of yourself.

you could have that dream career and still feel like a failure.

you could have a million dollars in your bank account and still feel financially insecure and unhappy.

why?

because we are always living in imagination no matter what the physical world is showing you.

look back at your life and tell me i’m wrong.

personal examples:

*TW: mention of ED experiences*

i remember when i was a teen i had what some would consider a “dream body” and i still felt ugly, fat and had an eating disorder.

i used to gain and lose weight continuously because i was NEVER satisfied with how i looked, i wanted to be skinny but i was never skinny enough. i wanted to be pretty but i was never pretty enough.

there was ALWAYS something i could change and improve.

i had people complimenting me on my body and on my face, did i care?

did i care even ONE bit?

no i didn’t. no matter how close i was to the beauty standard i was NEVER satisfied with my appearance because i wasn’t accepting it inside.

i believed what I WANTED TO BELIEVE AS TRUE IN IMAGINATION.

yes, i had people telling me “omg you lost so much weight, you’re so skinny!” and i looked in the mirror and still thought “i’m so fat, just a few more pounds and i’ll be satisfied”.

spoiler: i wasn’t.

clearly this is not a fun circumstance to be in and it is mental health we’re talking about but i can make less harsh examples.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

my sp was PURSUING ME and i still saw her as a liar and a manipulator because of my trust issues.

i had her telling me “i want you so bad these other girls are nothing compared to you” and i was whining to my best friend and complaining about how i “simply could not trust her”…

you may ask me “wtf is wrong w you alia why did you think that?”

and idk what to tell you tbh i just trusted “my gut” (aka my imagination 💀) because in my mind there was no way she could be genuine…

poor thing never even did me wrong and i still trusted my imagination so strongly disregarding every cute thing she was telling me.

to the point i was telling her i didn’t wanna be with her and we could never be together because i could never trust her (i had made up in my mind this persona for her that proved to me she was unloyal and not trustworthy) and she would reply to me things like “why the fuck do you not believe me” or “why the fuck do you not want me” and then when she acted according to my script by ignoring me (obviously she would ignore me tf cause eiypo aside why would she want to entertain someone that says “i don’t want you”) i would be like “there you go, i knew it”.

this is funny now because i can see how i always blindly trusted my imagination and had blind faith in it being FACT when it came to the negative things.

if it’s that easy for the negative stuff why would it be any harder for the positive stuff?

why?

because you think that good things never come easy?

because YOU think that you need to work hard to get the good stuff?

who is thinking that?

YOU!

who is making up that assumption?

YOU!

the physical world WILL NEVER be able to provide enough proof for you to believe you are who you want to be unless YOU believe it.

you can’t reason your way into faith and it’s true because i CONSCIOUSLY applied the law properly multiple times (gave myself more than enough proof that this shit works) and still found myself in this state because the proof is never enough if you don’t JUST believe.

read this thread i made:

faith is KEY idk how else to tell you, faith in yourself is the ONLY thing you truly NEED. when you don’t believe that you have what you want simply because you said it you are sinning because YOU ARE GOD.

by lacking faith in yourself you lack faith in god. you are sinning.

i know you want to drop the need to have it in the 3D, i know that deep down you’re desperate to drop the need for it and just believe that having it in imagination is enough.

i know how you are feeling exactly.

you are desperately looking for permission and proof to just believe when you actually should JUST do it.

it’s always gonna be a leap of faith, faith isn’t built, it isn’t something you create, it is something you surrender to.

“but if i stop wanting in the 3D will it ever show up?”

you shouldn’t give a shit about when, if, or how the 3D conforms to what you have inside if you truly and DEEPLY understand that imagination is the only reality.

asking yourself if the 3D will conform if you drop the need for it is batshit crazy bc again THIS IS HOW THE WORLD WORKS.

IMAGINATION EXPRESSED IS ALL THE WORLD IS!!!!

THE PHYSICAL WORLD IS JUST IMAGINATION.

asking yourself if the 3D will conform is the same thing as asking yourself if the apple will fall to the ground if you drop it.

yes, you read that right.

law of assumption is just as real as the law of gravity.

it’s how the world works whether you believe it or not.

idk how else to tell you this but please just allow yourself to surrender, give yourself permission to believe in imagination being the only reality and not needing it in its physical form. because at the end of the day the 3D being “positive” does not equal to true fulfillment.

allow yourself to feel the peace of having it for the sake of feeling good.

give permission to yourself.

“but what if it doesn’t work?”

yeah what if?

what’s the worst that’s gonna happen?

you not getting what you want and that’s the same exact miserable life you’re living now.

now that we’ve established that you have nothing to lose by just believing give yourself permission to do exactly that.

just have faith.

hold your own damn hand.

[stvolanis]

Hi yes i'll have a farleigh start being the sweetest bf even though he's a massive asshole.

coming right up 💕

lover<3

(one shot)

PAIRINGS: Farleigh Start! X Reader

WARNINGS: it’s rlly short I’m sorry 😭, foul language, reader is emotional in this, kissing, cuddling, pet names, Felix and Oliver are dating because I said so, basically FLUFF!!!!

˚ ꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ˚

Your partying days at Oxford were at a dreadful end, your life now piling with work on top of work. It was an endless cycle, an exhaustion. An annoyance.

You barely got sleep, and you felt like a living corpse dragging yourself from class to class every day. And the little sleep you did get was always interrupted with Oliver and Farleighs bickering, or Felix begging you to come to one of the many frat parties he’s throwing.

You knew you were neglecting Farleigh, and it made you feel terrible, but you truly just didn’t have the time. You would’ve told him how busy you’d become, but you were afraid he would become upset and break up with you or something, so you bit your tongue.

Farleigh, on the other hand, was like your night and shining armor. He was an amazing boyfriend, the whole reason you attended Oxford in the first place was because he was going to, and you always wanted to be wherever he was.

Though, now, you were starting to regret it. It was all becoming too much for you and you didn’t have a clue as to how you were gonna get all of the shit you had to do done. You were too afraid to ask for help, but you didn’t even need to ask. Farleigh realized on his own.

He didn’t say anything at first, but he could feel that something was off with you. He didn’t know what it was, but you seemed more agitated. When you guys hung out, your mind seemed elsewhere, and like you were in a constant state of gloom or something, he didn’t know.

But he knew you, and he knew that whatever was bothering you would stay unresolved unless he was the one who spoke up about it.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He suddenly asked. He was sitting at the edge of your bed, staring at you. Now, you didn’t know exactly how long he’d been stating at you because your mind, as always lately, was elsewhere. More specifically, focused on whatever bullshit you were typing on your lousy computer.

“Hellooo?” He asked again, more agitated this time. You didn’t respond, so he took it upon himself to slam your computer shut, nearly on your fingers before tossing it on your desk. “Farleigh, hey! Cmon, nows not the time.” You huffed out as you got up.

You felt hands around your waist turn you back around, so now you were facing Farleigh. His hands cupped your cheeks, and he made you peer up at him. “What’s wrong? Why have you been so distant lately?” He asked, genuinely upset.

Your eyes immediately watered and tears rolled down your cheeks, your lips beginning to tremble. Farleighs eyes turned soft as he pulled you into him. “Baby, please tell me. Can’t help you if I dunno what’s wrong, Princess.” He muttered in your hair.

“Everything, Farleigh! S’all too much!” You yelled out through your tears, your voice slightly muffled by his shirt. “See, we’re getting somewhere. Be a little more specific f’me, hm?” He urged as he kissed your head.

“The works too hard. There’s too much of it and I’ve been completely drowning in it, Farleigh.” You sobbed into his chest. He clicked his tongue as he made you look up at him again. “Oh, you silly girl. You should’ve told me!” He said as he wiped your tears with his thumbs.

You sniffled as he kissed your forhead, then both of your cheeks, your nose, then your lips softly. “S’okay, gonna be okay. I’ll help you, and so will that shithead Oliver.” He muttered against your lips reassuringly.

you giggled through your tears. Even when he was being the sweetest to you, he still always had it out for Oliver. It felt like a weight was lifted off of your shoulders. Like your lungs could finally take in air again. An exaggeration, maybe, but he made everything feel better.

“Wanna watch a movie? We can worry about the work later. You need to relax, honey.” He said as he lied down with you in his arms, snug against his large body. He played with your hair as you sighed, tracing shapes on his chest while nodding your head at the movie suggestion.

After a while, the two of you settled on “night at the museum” as it was one of your favorites. Farleigh, on the other hand, had absolutely no interest in the movie. He didn’t want to watch it, but for you? He’d do anything if it put a smile on your face.

Suddenly, the door burst open, revealing Oliver and Felix. “Party today, we’re all going! Don’t care what you have to do, Y/N.” He said.

“Jesus, fuck. Get out!!” Farleigh yelled out as he threw one of the books from your nightstand at Olivers head. Oliver winced and rubbed his head. “Shit, alright, alright! Cmon, Felix.” Oliver huffed out as he dragged his overly tall boyfriend out of the door.

You laughed. You laughed for the first time in what feels like forever, and it felt amazing. You needed this. You needed Farleigh. Even Oliver and Felix, but mostly just Farleigh. Your darling boy.

“Thank you, Farleigh.” You said as you leaned up, pressing a tender kiss to his lips. He returned the kiss with a dorky smile. “Of course, baby.” He replied as he squeezed your body closer to his.

And with that, you knew everything would be okay as long as Farleigh was with you doing it every step of the way.

˚ ꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ˚

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#stvolanis #saltburn fic #saltburn imagine #saltburn #saltburn posting #farleigh saltburn #saltburn film #saltburn thoughts #saltburn movie #saltburn x reader #farleigh start #farleigh imagine #farleigh x reader #Farleigh x you #farleigh catton #oliver quick #oliver quick x felix catton #felix catton #felix x oliver #farleigh smut #oliver smut #felix smut #saltburn smut #fluff #imagine #fanfic

[smytherines]

Fuck it, here's an Agent Mega dissertation

Alright since I have such elaborate headcanon for my beloved precious Owen Carvour, I guess I should do it for Agent Curt Mega too. Sigh.

So, going off of the last big one, if Owen is born in 1928, then I'm gonna say Curt was born in 1930. I'm forever won to the Texan agent mega headcanon, but I think it's safe to say that Mrs. Mega is not from Texas, probably more like New York or I've seen people say New Jersey.

We know nothing about Agent Mega's dad, but I imagine he was kind of a loser and low level con artist and moved his pregnant wife down to Texas to do scams around the bustling oil industry, and then soon after Curt was born a scam collapsed and he ran off. It's either that or an Aladdin 3 situation where he was secretly a spy the whole time and had to go into hiding.

So we've got mama Mega, raising a VERY hyperactive (read: ADHD) little boy on her own, in a place where she doesn't have any support, and he just becomes her entire world. But she has to work a lot, so Curt becomes used to taking care of himself, and most importantly- keeping himself busy so he doesn't lose it.

In this headcanon Curt would only be 15 when WWII ends- not old enough to fight, but definitely old enough to have personally known a lot of kids from his hometown who come home in caskets. I just truly think of WWII as a formative experience for both these guys. For Curt it just feeds into that inferiority complex.

Now anybody who has ADHD knows that you already spend a lot of your life feeling inadequate, feeling self-conscious about not being able to be the person other people want you to be (*especially* if you're queer). You get defensive, especially when criticized. You also get restless.

I headcanon Curt as growing up in Abilene, Texas, mostly because I have a friend who grew up there and I've visited and the vibe is right.

I don't know if anybody has ever seen The Last Picture Show, but its a film set in small town Texas in 1951-1952 (so a little late for our timeline but still) and it's (more or less) about two high school seniors essentially trying to escape this suffocatingly small, dying town before they become doomed to spend their lives trapped there.

That's definitely what I think about Agent Mega too- this gay, ADHD teenage boy climbing the walls of this little town, never being able to fully be himself. But he's got a lot of energy (and more than a little anger) to burn off, so he does sports. It's Texas, so football for sure. Maybe wrestling too. Perhaps wrestling is even where he has his gay come to jesus moment.

And when he isn't doing sports, he's home, alone (mama Mega is working so hard), out back drinking a beer (or two, or three) and teaching himself how to shoot. I think he becomes hyperfixated on becoming an expert marksman, because with all of this shit he cannot control, all the stuff he is supposed to be but isn't, this is one area where it feels like he has the power here.

What starts off as "kid drinking beer to feel cool and rebellious" starts to morph into a lifetime dependence on alcohol. Substance use is a big issue for a lot of ADHDers for the same reason I think it would be for Curt- it calms him down. It eases that constant restlessness in his bones. It softens the edges of other people's criticisms of him. It makes him care a bit less what others think about him.

In a vicious cycle, he drinks to avoid feeling those big feelings (especially as a man, especially as a gay man, especially as a gay man in Texas), but the drinking leads to more criticism, which leads to more drinking to numb the emotional response to that criticism.

But his hyperfixation on learning to shoot pays off. Let's say he becomes a junior state champion trapshooter (did I look up trapshooting competitions from the 1940s? yes I did). He's good, especially when he hits the sweet spot of drinking just enough to calm his ass down but not so much that he's useless. Maybe this is how he comes to the attention of the A.S.S.

And he fully believes that these skills he cultivated, the ability to hit hard and run fast and shoot accurately, his ability to escape when it doesn't feel remotely possible, is why many years later he just kinda rolls his eyes at Owen for insisting that they do things carefully and methodically. Careful didn't get him out of small town Texas. Careful didn't get him the exciting non-stop life he has now, a life where he *almost* gets to be himself a lot of the time.

When Owen "dies," and its Curt's fault, he naturally turns to drinking to numb that pain. But its a lot of pain, so it takes a lot of alcohol to kill it.

I'm sure I could go on, but as always I have rambled a lot here so I'm just gonna leave it.

#spies are forever #agent curt mega #saf headcanon #SAFtistic

[countryclubkook]

Everything Has Changed

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: angst galore, mentions of drugs and alcohol, toxic relationship, language

Summary: everything in your relationship with Rafe has changed, you just want it back

A/N: life has been so very busy for me lately and i haven’t had time to write hardly anything along with the fact that i’ve had such terrible writers block. i sincerely apologize for being gone for so long. this has been sitting in my drafts for quite awhile and i finally got around to finishing it and hope you enjoy🤍

It had always been you and Rafe for as long as you could remember, anywhere he went you went too. The two of you were inseparable as kids and it only furthered as you became teens and began dating. Your relationship was surprising to everyone due to how different Rafe was when it came to you. He took you out for candlelit dinners by the beach, set up picnics at the park, watched the stars with you on warm summer nights, but that all changed when you two graduated.

Rafe's father began demanding more of him since he was now a legal adult and could pull his own weight which only stressed Rafe out. You knew how Ward could get as you had known him for years and worried about how Rafe was handling it. It started with small changes such as less time with you and more time with his father working, but then his personality shifted. He became more irritable and snapped at the smallest of things around him. He began going to more parties and showing up at your house in the middle of the night with bloodshot eyes and pupils dilated only wanting a quick hookup before leaving, he wasn't your Rafe anymore which started the downfall of the relationship.

“What the hell Rafe? this is like the fifth time you’ve done this. What’s going on?” you asked while trying to put your hand on your shoulder only to have it harshly shrugged off.

“Nothing, I'm fine. Why do you care anyway?” he snarled at you while rolling his eyes, already heading for the front door.

“Because I love you Rafe!” you hoped that he would turn around and tell you he was sorry, that his dad has just been putting so much pressure on him and he can’t handle it, but he just kept walking. “Where are you going? We aren’t done talking about this, you can’t just walk away because you want to go snort more lines.” that seemed to snap something inside of him as the next thing you know, you’re pinned against the wall with his arms on both sides of you, the strong smell of weed and whiskey radiating off of him.

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about bitch. Stay out of my business and stay away from me. I don’t need you anymore.” you hoped for a second you would see the old Rafe somewhere in his eyes but you could only see hatred swarming around.

“Fuck you. I can’t keep doing this shit with you Rafe” you managed to get out, your voice coming out in a semi broken whisper. A lump in your throat and tears in your eyes that were threatening to spill as he reached the front door without another word or look back at you.

Once he walked out of the house with a loud slam, the only thing you could do was run to your bed and just cry yourself to sleep wanting nothing more than for him to snap out of it. For him to just be the sweet boy that you fell in love with as a kid and stayed in love with throughout your life so far. You wanted your candlelit dinners and picnics as the two of you looked up at the stars on clear nights, you wanted the boy who traced words onto your back with his fingertips and made you guess, you wanted your gentle boy that you weren’t scared to be around back. Deep down, the both of you knew that as soon as morning came, he would be at your doorstep begging for your forgiveness and you would forgive him like you always do. It wasn't good for either of you but it was all you knew, a constant cycle of hurt all for the hope that one day he would love you the same way again.

#rafe cameron imagine #obx imagine #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron angst #obx fic #obx angst

[antiwhores]

Hello is it ok if I can please request headcannons for when bakugo slowly falls in love with fem reader

Bakugou slowly falling in love with reader.

Gotchu bruh, enjoy. I got somethin wrong with my stomach btw yall. Shit hurs.

Minor bullying, smut, fluff, pure love, unedited.

You both started out as aquantences.

He didn’t know you, you were an extra in his everday middle school life. But he knew you existed by the end of the year.

He didn’t really bully you; you weren’t one of Deku’s friends nor were you necessarily a loser. You had your own small friendgroup that you chilled with.

He started to really notice you in the last year of middle school.

You started to get braver with the people around you and speak to them.

So you were fairly well known.

Still not significant to him though.

You got paired with a couple of prodjects with him since your desks were near each other so he was forced to talk to you.

No matter how rude he was to you, you were calmed though. You never cried, never went into a fit of rage, never took serious offense, nothing.

It was weird as hell.

“You’re so fucking dumb. No wonder no one likes you.” He would utter at the smallest mistake. You’d not even bat an eye as you hummed to his conclusion. “Im very well liked. Also, im more of an average smarts type of person.” Then you would proceed to rant on about your grades and your academic record. He would give up.

He started to take his bullying a step up, he needed to see a reaction for some reason.

He dumped your pencil bag on the floor as his friends laughed in the background. “Oops, your fatass pencil case got in my way. Better pick it up now, asshat.” His tone was laced with a condescending tone, yet you would only glance at him briefly before continuing your work. He clicked his tongue, “Hey! Im talking to you!” He grabbed you by your hoodie and dragged you out of youe seat. Your expression never faltered as you looked into his angry eyes. “You looking down on me?!” You blinked at him, “No, I just don’t feel like picking ‘em up right now. I forgot to do my homework last night and now I have to speedrun it ‘cause if my grade drops again I’ll be in the ground.”

He slams you into your locker, “Gimme some money twerp, I need a drink.” You pull the inside of your pockets out to show you have nothing. “I’m broke, not a single cent to my name right now. I blew it all on shit on Amazon. I bought a book about a girl who eats cactus, 100 mini corgscrews, a variety pack of European candy, magnesium, a snow cone making machine, an old fashioned compass, a bike horn that makes that clown noise, a vibrating back massager, 4 pounds of chunky water-“ “ALRIGHT SHUT THE HELL UP DAMN!”

This constant cycle goes on until the end of the year.

You both are working on a project together when you look up at him. “You’re going to UA right?” He perks up at that, “Of course I am, whats it to you?” You twirl your pencil, “Same, omg twin.” “WHAT?!”

Turns out you were auditioning for the support course. Bakugou is less than pleased about this. He still finds your nonchalant attitude annoying, giving you the name Corpse to bitch about your unresponsivness, but you’re growinf on him. He’ll never admit that though.

In the first couple weeks of school you both dont talk much. Mostly cause he doesn’t want to.

One day you just sit at his lunch table and start eating like its nothing.

“What the fuck do you want Corpse?” “We’re gonna be working together soon. Thought I’d touch the cold water before diving right in.”

The project is when he starts to notice the little things about you.

His friends always mention how pretty you are, hes starting to recognize that too.

You smell good, like honey and mint mized together to make a sweet concoction that could get him drunk.

You were very observent. You noticed his small habits and connected them to bigger ones. This is how you learned to be cool with him.

Your eyebrows would furrow slightly when something didnt make sense.

He hated how much he was paying attention.

By the second year he could call you his friend (in his mind of course) without denying it or acting disgusted.

You started to become friends with his friends and they invited you to hang out with them whenever the chance arose.

You sat at the same table as him, always sitting next to him.

You would sometimes just come into his room just to chill. He’d complain but he secretly didn’t mind. You never snooped, you just chilled.

You started to talk more and show more emotion around him. He would see more emotion than he’s ever saw in you. A laugh that would make him blush red, an occasional flirty tone, eurphoria whenever anything super good happened, etc. This only happened in private though. Never with other people.

He started to develope a crush on you.

You were a touchy person and he was used to that. But all of a sudden the hand touches to ground him or the leaning in to see what he was doing started to make his heart beat so fast.

He wrote it off as allergies and mindless lust until the 3rd year when he couldn’t take it anymore.

Thats when he finally confessed. And you accepted with a warm smile and a kiss on the cheek.

Dating came naturally to you too. You were happy in eachothers presences and you both could handle each other the way no one else could.

He wouldn’t really show any steamy affection until your 3rd year at UA. You got kisses eventually and cuddles. You also got hugs and make out sessions.

By the 3rd year he just couldnt take having to palm himself to pictures of you anymore.

He then finally got the courage to initiate freaky shit.

At first he resided with just humping you until he came in ropes into his pants. Then he started to feel your titties and grope you with clothes on. Then he would let you palm him and jerk him off until he splattered all over your hand. And then after long debate, he was allowed to touch you too. Then came the oral pleasure. Then the clothes came all the way off and they mixed it all together. And then FINALLY you two had mindblowing sex.

After that he realized his favorite food was you and vice versa.

By the beginning of 4th year you two were attached at the hip.

You showed him everything, he knew everything about you and vice versa.

You two were madly in love. Nothing could stop that.

By the time you both were out of school he was ready to marry you. He couldn’t see himself with anyone else.

And he finally did it about 2 or 3 years after school.

You said yes, of course.

The wedding was themed a mixture or his favorite color and yours.

And the rest is a blur, a blur spotted with hearts and stars until they both passed away together at an old age.

#mha x reader #bakugou headcanons #bakugou katsuki #bakugou thirst #bakugou x reader #bakugou imagine #bakugou smut #bakugo x reader #katsuki x reader #mha smut

[infernalodie]

𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐂𝐢𝐫𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐬 (𝐏𝐓.𝟏) || 𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐭

“𝘐'𝘮 𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘥𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸? 𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘦?“

Inspo: Ryan Beatty - Dark Circles Weston Estate - Where Do We Go? Brakence - hypochondriac

Pairing: Elliot x Male!reader

Summary: The dark circles of heartbreak was something you needed escape...

Warnings: Angst, description of smut, and even more angst.

Words: 2663

DNI IF YOU’RE YOUNGER THAN 18!

Days seemed to slowly tick away with each tap of your finger against the old desk. Nights turned to day, and days turned to night. Like with each tap, the days and nights went by in those few seconds. It was a constant cycle with the extra shit you never asked to be included. If it is drama going on at school or your own unfortunate misfortunes involving Lexi and Cassie. There were just a whole lot of factors that went into your day that was never requested. It left exhaustion to seep under your eyes, forming dark circles that you weren’t able to break free from.

But things were simple when Elliot was here.

“God.” You placed your head in your hands, rubbing at your crimson eyes.

You wished his warm hands ran up your quivering thighs. How the calloused pads of his fingers would follow each curve of the limbs. His lips just a few inches from yours. God, you could already see the smirk that would dance across his lips. Enjoying how pitiful you looked- How palpable you became under his touch. You could hear him using his favourite pet name, whispering it in your ear as you are trying to catch your breath. “My baby boy is so excited-”

The sound of pounding at your door made you whip your head around. “Who is it?”

“Hurry up, girly. We’re going to McKay’s party,” Cassie called out on the other end of the door before her footsteps retreated back down the hall. Leaving staring at the door wide-eyed, hands covering your erection, and a fermenting dread building in your gut.

But you knew Cassie and Lexi’s goal with doing this was to get you laid. And having your sister help you get laid with another guy wasn’t embarrassing enough, it was them sitting in your room trying to play cupid. And as much as you wanted to back out of their plans, you knew Cassie would pull you down the stairs by your ear and force you into the car.

So, you got dressed, sweeping your blonde locks out of your face and splashing water on your face. Just to hide the fact that you hadn’t left your room or the house since summer break started and this was the first attempt at socializing with others.

Getting downstairs, you found your siblings to already be waiting for you in the vehicle. Leaving the entire backseat open for you.

Hopping in, you heard Greyson Chance playing faintly through the speakers. Cassie sitting, scrolling through her phone and Lexi adjusting the side mirrors. “Did you call me, girly?” You inquired, a hint of a smile on your lips as you stared at the side of Cassie’s head.

“Y/n, you can’t tell me that you've grown your hair out to my length, have facial structure ideal for a girl, and a small frame that every gay guy wants from a twink to tell me you aren’t considered girly.”

Her words made Lexi laugh as you slapped your sister on the shoulder. “You gonna call me a slut next?” You quipped.

“Just matters on how much dick you get tonight and we’re making sure it happens,”: Cassie said, motioning between her and Lexi. “This isn’t middle school anymore. You are free from relationships and you need to let your wings out and experience the life of getting wasted and getting laid.”

All you could do is sigh and try to keep that smile up for as long as you could before the vehicle started moving. But all you could do is open your phone and stare at the apps for a few moments before your thumb gravitated toward the photos. Scrolling through the many meaningless pictures of you, your friends, your sisters, and then Elliot. Pictures of the both of you together at the carnival, pictures of him playing his guitar, and some of him just smiling at you with a dreamy layer in his eyes. It made your heart heat up at the fond memories spent with the guy who was your first kiss, first boyfriend- first time for everything. Among those pictures were videos that were more recent than the innocent ones the two of you shared early on in your relationship.

You pressed on one, making it mute as you watched with your bottom lip caught between your teeth. Elliot was laid out in his bed, naked. The camera was hovering above him with his gaze zeroed in on you. As the camera trailed down further, it revealed his hardened cock standing at attention. Twitching with the need for stimulation. The faint glint of the silver ring could be seen as you could already hear the groans that fell from his lips. Pleading for you to help him finish and spare him the pain. But you swiped off the video before you saw too much.

You couldn’t shake him. From your mind, from your words, from your actions. It made you wonder if he experienced it as well. Did he think about you? Did he slip up and say your name? Did he watch the sensual videos of the two of you together and wish for that again? Does he idolize someone the same you did for him?

It left an empty part inside of you unfulfilled. And hurt you knowing that if he was putting his time into someone else, then you would have to give that up. Give him up. The thought alone left your stomach turning. Because even if someone was better, you truly believed you would always be his best. But sitting in the back of this car, knowing that Cassie and Lexi would strive to get you laid, made you wonder who was better off in the long run.

And even when you got to the party, sisters pulling you despite how dead limp went with them, you realized that this rebounding might just be your downfall. Not comparable in any comparison, but you might just end up like Rue. A junky trying to hide the pain from the loss she’d experienced. And you knew that if you even entertained the idea of moving on, some part of you would always end up belonging to him.

“Hey, psychoanalyst.” Lifting your head, you smiled at the sight of Maddy. Leaning into her side when she sat down on the counter beside you, her arm wrapping around your shoulders. “What’s on your mind, sweetheart?”

Out of all your friends, you were the youngest. The “baby” is what they liked to call you–Your own little nickname within the friend group. You were innocent to a lot of the bullshit that went on. Never did drugs. Never indulged in alcohol. And never had any real bad encounters with Nate. Sure, he wasn’t afraid to say he thought you being a “fag” was weird to him and he would never accept you. But even then, it was something so minor when the two of you had been tasked with a school assignment. He never made any comments further than that. There was mutual respect, even though you knew he was a dirtbag that needed to be put into the ground. But that was why you were the baby. They trusted you more than themselves with secrets about what was going on in their lives.

“Hmmm, nothing.” The unconvinced look on Maddy’s face made you huff. “Really. I just don’t like parties. You know this.”

She hummed, raising a brow. “You sure it’s not because your ex-boyfriend is staring at you from across the room?”

It was embarrassing how quickly you raised your head to look around. But Maddy found it highly amusing, no matter the sounds of annoyance you made. “Y/n, baby, you are a little puppy whenever Elliot is mentioned.” Maddy stroked your head, fingers gracefully running through your locks in a soft and delicate way. “Although I hate that Cassie and Lexi want you to get over him, maybe they’re right in this situation. I mean, I had to do the same to get over Nate.”

“But you still feel things for him?” You inquired, looking at her innocently.

Maddy sighed, rubbing your back. “Yea’, I still have feelings for him.”

There was a mutual level of understanding between you and Maddy that has been shared since last year. Both your exes broke your guys’ hearts and left you two to try and figure out ways to cope with the pain as they lived on. Now, unlike you, Maddy had to see and hear all about Nate. Who he was fucking, what parties he was going to be at, and the inevitable visit or text he would give. It was a twisted and unhealthy relationship you would never speak your mind to in respect of your friend.

But for you, Elliot was a blip in the system that was reality. There wasn’t a specific time that you could think back on when he was really around after the two of you broke up. You heard he was around town. Driving around at midnight, like the two of you used to do. Or he was at school where you would spot his bleached tips from down the hall before he disappeared for the rest of the day. And maybe there was some part of you that wished he would acknowledge your existence. Share the same hall when the two of you are going to your separate classes. But you knew Lexi would try to comfort you and say, “This just makes it easier to move on, Y/n. Never seeing him is a good step toward something better.”

“It’s just hard, y’know?” You muttered. “He just seems so close, yet so far. I can call him or text him, but I have a feeling he doesn’t want anything with me.”

“But that’s maybe how it should be,” Maddy speculated, grasping at straws of reasoning. “All things aren’t meant to be forever. A friendship, a boyfriend, a girlfriend- not everything works out until you find the person that just sticks.”

You stayed leant against her, watching the party ensue in front of the both of you. Only able to scoff at the reality check. “That’s a shit way to live.”

A steady laugh fell from Maddy’s lips as she pressed a kiss to your temple. “But that’s how it is and you either to accept that or continue living in the past.”

She hopped off the counter, sighing with a smile as she turned to you. “Now, are you trying to get your dick wet or sit here and mope over something you don’t have control over?” She inquired, a mischievous look in her eyes. Waving her arms in some sort of hypnotist act, making you unable to contain the smile. “C’mon, darling. Let’s go dance!”

With a groan, you took her hands, laughing when she pulled you in the direction of McKay’s living room which was packed with teens. And seemed from Maddy’s encouraging attitude to let loose or it was the realization that tonight could just be used to let go of everything, you embraced the freedom. Laughing at Maddy dancing against you sensually, brandishing a matching joyful smile to yours. You do the same with her, Maddy grabbing your hips and cheering you on.

These were one of those rare moments where you got to forget about the problems going on in life. Because even though you hated going to parties, you didn’t need drinks in your system to have fun. If you are with Maddy, your sisters, and even Fez, you felt allowed to shed the skin you had on back at home and just be yourself. Something so minuscule ended with it being so important to you when things became difficult or mentally demanding.

But across the party where your eyes gravitated, you could see him. Standing there with a cigarette between his lips and a red solo cup in his grasp. And his eyes stayed planted on you. His eyes were trying to portray something to you. Like a word about to be spoken but the sound of booming music cut him off.

And he looked good. The same long sleeve he let you wear countless mornings with nothing else underneath hung lazily off his slim figure. He wore the same semi-baggy sweatpants he’d have on when he played his guitar while you sat on your laptop on his bed and helped your mother with bills. The face tats were the same and still looked gorgeous on him. Everything about him screamed the same and something about that hurt you.

So much so that you had to make up some sort of excuse to Maddy. Ignoring her worried questions as you rushed out of the living room and outside. It felt like there were more eyes out there watching you, curious as to why you were uncontrollably sobbing into your fleece sweater.

“Y/n!” You could hear him calling your name. His Converse patted against the driveway as he chased after you. The intentions were simply unknown to you but you didn’t want to know. “Y/n, please just stop for a sec-”

No hesitation could be evident in your actions as you spun around, pointing and exclaiming, “No!”

Elliot’s eyes grew wide, raising his hands in surrender as your face twisted. Maybe it was the misconception you created that maybe you wouldn’t have to see him ever again, which you knew wasn’t possible. Maybe it was the close proximity of Elliot that made you scared to simply go through the pain all over again. Which made you shake your head/ “You- You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to talk to me!” You cried.

He sighed, hands dropping by his sides. “I mean, I didn’t know there was a manual-”

“Stop being a smartass, Ell!” You yelled in exasperation, silencing him. Placing a hand over your face, sniffling in an attempt to hide yourself or your heartbreak from him. But he only attempted to reach out, searching to comfort you. But you recoiled, weeping softly. “You didn’t change.” You whispered, almost as if you were finally realizing it for yourself. “You didn’t change your style of clothing. You didn’t get a new tattoo. You don’t have someone else you can call yours.”

“Y/n, I’m-”

Before he could even finish his words, Cassie and Maddy, who must’ve searched for you and came running when they saw Elliot, stood between the both of you. “Back the fuck up!” Maddy shoved Elliot back, who clenched his jaw, raising his hands once again. “Who the fuck do you think you are? Hmm?”

“I am leaving,” he replied honestly.

“Good. That means you stay the fuck away from Y/n, Elliot,” Cassie spat. “You’ve done enough damage.”

“Cassie, please-” You pleaded, trying to pull your oldest sister away, hoping to just leave as soon as possible and go cry where there weren’t curious teens gathered.

Yet, Maddy made sure to shove Elliot again, pressing her finger to his chest. “You stay away from baby and if I see you near him again, I’ll kick your head in,” she threatened. “Got it?”

Still, Elliot kept his hands raised and walked away. His eyes flickered to your glass ones before he turned and went back to the party. Leaving you to be escorted to the vehicle before Lexi came running after some sort of commotion happening at the party that called for Maddy’s and Cassie’s attention. Which left you in a cold and claustrophobic space with your second oldest, who simply held your hand as she drove.

And throughout that drive, all you could hear were her hushed reassurances. Ones that were meaningless to you in a time like this. But one stuck with you that either brought you realization or hope for the future.

“This is what it takes for us to grow, Y/n.”

#dominic fike #elliot imagine #elliot angst #elliot smut #elliot fanfiction #elliot x male reader #elliot x male!reader #elliot x reader #euphoria elliot #elliot euphoria #euphoria imagine #euphoria fanfiction #euphoria angst #euphoria smut #x male reader #x male!reader #x reader

[legallybrunettedotcom]

Do you have a solution for breaking the cycle of self isolation after you've been made to feel inferior for being a "loser" who hasn't had as many life experiences as you should've at your age? I find it very hard to connect to people my age because im in my 20s and I've never dated. Even if I can get past my own insecurities constantly telling me I'm lesser because practically every single person my age (even the biggest outcasts or people who are less conventionally attractive than me) has been in a relationship and I haven't, people still bring it up and make it clear they find me weird because of it, like you said. I don't wanna be like this my whole life but frankly, its difficult not to choose self isolation when people actively and purposefully make you feel uncomfortable over being a "loser".

i put it under the line because i ended up blabbering too much.

sometimes i break that cycle and then get down a bit and decide to get stuck in it again. i'm the same, i never dated anyone, never kissed anyone and i don't know why. it's not like you can leave the house and yell who wants to fuck and everyone will flock to you. no one ever showed any interest. another thing is i have no friends, like genuinely. i try to hang out with people, but none of them are friends. i'm a proper loser in the eyes of everyone. i don't think there is a solution here that won't include constant heartbreak. it's just a process of endless trial and error until finally something works. or it might not work. like ever. we are both only in our 20s, there is so much ahead of you if you wish there to be. i don't think one should be jumping into the den with lions, but if an opportunity is presented to you, even the smallest one, take it. if you feel afraid or weird about it, learn to recognize that kind of thinking and try to be faster than it and go " ok let's do this, i'm counting 3-2-1 and my final decision is this or that. we're doing this or we're not doing this. end of story. " it's about learning to think less, as stupid as that sounds, but you see around yourself that the happiest people are those who don't think that much, they just do shit. through it you'll accumulate new experiences, new knowledge, new interactions etc. i know it's so easy to get stuck inside your head and only focus on yourself but it's important to practice curiosity, not just in the books, but when it comes to people as well, the person opposite you will always know something you don't.

you mention in the brackets the outcasts and people less conventionally attractive than you. it's the typical thinking of someone who has been insecure their whole life like what do these people have that i don't? envy obviously isn't the healthiest of feelings but it's normal and sometimes it just jumps in front of you before you can be your proper rational self. but i point you right there to those brackets, it seems to me that you do see something positive about yourself. i think all these insecurities that we have are often not genuine but a shield and just this sort of thing of oh let me put myself down first before someone else does. i did that my whole life and i still sometimes slip into it, but then one day i was like wait a second, why am i allowing intimidation? write down your qualities. like don't be humble, try to be as objective as you possibly can be, but also be a bit of a bitch a bit of cunt and write down every positive trait you have. i don't really like this modern self help books sentiment that is just constant repetition of know yourself know yourself you're the center of the universe blah blah it's so selfish and annoying and pathetic, but you do need a starting point, have some fundamental understanding of who you are or at least of who you're not and understanding of everything that you can possibly be and accomplish. if you find security in yourself, everything that you are and your potential to learn so much and be so many things you wish to be, maintaining your openness and curiosity and being less serious about yourself, other people's opinions and these notions of this type of person is a loser and this type is not, won't hurt you.

the human experience is so varied, everyone is learning on the go and there is this idea and concept of normalcy that a lot of people have failed to conform to. simultaneously we're all (for the most part. even those who mock you.) aware that there is no such thing as normal, no right way of living and yet we so desperately seek the conformity and approval and mistake it for community when it all reeks of malice and competition.

when it comes to all these people you mention, sort it out with yourself like ok do i genuinely want to do these things? am i seeking validation from people i don't respect? does this or that feel right to me? i know you don't want to be judged and you don't want to constantly be alone but do you really want to engage with people who don't respect you? like in my head, a good friend won't judge and laugh but will give you some encouragement, a bit of a nudge because sometimes that's all it takes. like i said in the beginning, trial and error. but that is every interaction til the end of your life. whether you're a loser or not. you try, you see ok i like these people or you say ok this fucking sucks and you move on. you get down a bit and then you try again. another thing i said in the beginning is that this might never work. some people never find friends, some people never you know find romantic love etc. it's a possibility and it's not the end of the world. is it an incredibly difficult thing to accept? of course. there is nothing i can say here that will make it an easier thing to accept.

i don't like those condescending posts that start with "you need to do this", you don't need to do anything you don't want to do, but toughen up, put some muscle on you, i don't mean literally, physically, but i think you get my sentiment. i don't think there is anything i said here that is going to be helpful, that is going to offer a concrete solution, because i think you know what the solution is and it's that annoying advice that people always give and i have been given it a million times, of like put yourself out there, you'll find someone, it'll all work out etc etc and it's like omgggg thanks for nothing. and i suppose in a way i did offer you the same annoying advice. no matter in what kind of cycle you find yourself in, the only way out of it is doing that very difficult thing that you dread. a person who isn't afraid can't be brave. try to develop a mantra, a story, a channeling of sorts that's gonna make some things a bit more bearable. i literally repeat a line from a book inside my head. this is how i try to sort out shit with myself. not everything works for everyone.

oh and another thing that helps is getting angry. not aggressive, not physical, not violent, just maintaining a healthy dose of anger inside yourself that propels you forward.

[prettybrownelf]

From Eden

Non MLM/NBLM DNI

Chapter 2

Pairings- Knight! Eddie Munson x Prince! Male! Reader

Summary- A prince can only hope to have one night to himself after he learns his whole world is changing, right?

Word Count- 1769

Content Warnings- Royal AU, Suicidal Ideation, Abuse, Drinking, Angst

(Chapter 3)

Most people don't remember their own birth, and you wouldn't say you remember it, you more so remember the feeling. 

Everyone in the castle always raved about your birth. How you were a miracle from the gods. They say the clouds parted and shined onto your mother to bless her with an heir. Just when your mother thought she could never bear a child, there you were. 

As the years went on it started to seem more like a curse. Hearing everyone constantly tell you that you were put here by the gods just put more and more pressure on you. 

Your mother gave birth in the gardens. The midwives ran to her aid as there was little time to get her in bed. Instead, she lay underneath a tree, surrounded by beautiful wildflowers, and gave birth to her only son. 

You could remember small bits of her smile and her tears. The happy voices as the midwives told her you were a boy. It should have been a happy day, and to everyone else it was.

But the cries from your small body went unnoticed. They only cared that there was an heir, not that the babe was unhappy. 

Now, as you slowly return from unconsciousness, surrounded by the same flowers that encompassed your body when you were born, a strange sense of deja vu crosses your mind. Life has truly come full circle for you, an endless cycle that you will only escape in death. 

“My Lord, I think we should leave now. Before your mother gets worried.” Eddie’s looming figure stands over you as you realize the sky has gone dark. Dizziness floods your body as you stand, attempting to make your way back to your bedroom before someone alerts the guards about your location. 

Although the dark brick of the castle was the source of your constant anxiety and stress, it truly did look beautiful in the light of the stars. The lights in the town below seem to dance as you stop in your tracks. People move around in the city below as you look back at the castle. 

“Eddie, go to your station.” 

He stops in his tracks as he stares at you in disbelief. 

“My Lord, I can't just leave you.” 

You ignore his protests as you begin to make your way back through the garden, traveling down the gravel pathway to the bustling city below. Eddie stays where you left him, desperately trying to decide what to do.

The city lights highlight your gold-adorned outfit as you stumble your way into a tavern. If you're going to have your life taken away from you, the least you can do is have one last day to yourself. 

Silence travels across the tavern as you enter, sitting on one of the creaky wooden barstools. The man behind the counter gives a strange look to you as he walks over. 

“What can I get for you, My Lord?” A chuckle escapes your mouth as you stare at the various bottles behind him. “Give me the strongest shit you have.” He gives a firm nod as he retrieves a large brown bottle from behind the counter. He goes to pour it into a cup but you wave your hand for him to stop. “Just give me the bottle.” He nods as he sits the bottle in front of you, shock on his face when you nearly drink half the bottle in one swig.

The bar continues its normal bustling talk as you slowly drink yourself to death at the counter. Your mind swarms with thoughts as you look around at all the people sitting behind you. Every single one of them has known you since you were born, and yet you knew none of them. They probably all rejoiced when you were born, thanking the gods for their new heir.

And now here you are, their precious heir, drinking himself away at a random tavern.

As you feel the alcohol start to set in, and your mind slowly becomes delirious, you throw three of your gold necklaces that were affixed around your neck onto the counter. “This should get you a nice price.” He nods as he scoops the chains of gold into his hand, watching you stumble your way out of the door, bottle in hand. 

The stars in the sky somehow look far more beautiful than before as you trip your way back up to the castle. The pathway was lined with people trying to make their way home, all eyes loomed over to you. 

As you feel yourself about to trip up another stair, a gentle hand lands on your shoulder. You turn to see a woman, dressed in a casual blue dress. Worry grows across her face as she looks at your disheveled appearance. 

“Are you alright, My Lord?” 

Her voice is soft like a mother's as she guides you to the side of a building. Her hand comes up to wipe your cheek. You didn't even know you had been crying. 

Words get caught in your throat as sobs silently come out instead. She looks up at you with sadness as she takes you in her arms without a second thought. Warm arms warped around you, and you can't help but hug her back, crying into her shoulder. “Shhh, it's ok My Lord.” You sob even harder. 

It feels as though the tears just can’t stop coming, even after you pull away. The woman wipes your face with a sad smile as you rest your hands over hers. Her voice is soft and gentle as she speaks to you. “Everything will be alright dear.” Her words comfort you, but also tear a bigger hold inside you than you already had. 

A random townswoman cares more about you than your own father. 

You try to keep your composure as you thank her. You don't want to walk away from her, you want to stay here in the moonlight, by a dirty covered building, and cry into her arms until you don't feel this way anymore. 

But you know you have to leave. That you'll never feel this comfort again. The comfort of a stranger made you feel safer than you ever had in your eighteen years of life. 

Her hands drop from your face as you thank her again, ignoring the stares of the other people nearby as you stumble your way back to the castle. 

No guards stop you thankfully, allowing you to make your way to your bedroom unbothered. Well, almost unbothered. Eddies neck nearly snaps when he sees your appearance. Hair a mess, puffy eyes, and a tear-stained face. You hadn't even noticed you were still holding the bottle till he tried to grab it from you. 

“Are you insane!” He yells. His voice makes your head raddles as you hold the bottle closer. “Shut the fuck up Eddie.” You grumble, making your way into your room. Eddie follows, shutting the door behind you. “You have to be out of your fucking mind!” You hold your head to keep it from splitting open as you sit on the edge of the bed, trying to get out of your clothes. “Can you shut the fuck up, you loud.” He stares at you with wide eyes as you drunkenly change your clothes, taking another swig from the now almost empty bottle. 

Eddie paces around your room as you get into your nightwear. “You can't just go into the city at night, get drunk in front of everyone, and then stumble your way back here and expect no one to say anything!” You roll your eyes as you lay on the bed, taking joy in the new feeling of comfort that hits your back. “I'm the fucking prince, I can do whatever I want.” You slur as you close your eyes. “Now shut the fuck up and let me sleep.” Eddie walks to your bedside as he glares down at you. “No! I won't let you sleep! I'm your sworn protector and here you are acting like you are above any consequences!” You're about to rip his head off when you’r door slams open. 

“(Y/n)!” Your father's voice booms. You jump up as you look at his tired and angry form in the doorway. Fear courses through your body. You attempt to stutter out an explanation before your father starts speaking again. “Why am I getting reports from guards that you were seen in a tavern, drinking yourself into the night!” His voice only gets louder as he stares daggers into your soul. The bottle of alcohol next to you only angers him more as he shakes his head at you. “You will be under strict supervision from here on!” You jump out of the bed, almost falling over. “What!” 

Your father yells for everyone to get out as he slams your door behind them. His glare returns to you, anger being the only thing you can see on his face. 

“How dare you! You are my son, the heir to my throne and you go out and disgrace the family name!” His voice makes your body shake as you try to keep standing. “Disgrace the family name? I'm the kingdom's precious little heir until I finally do something I want to do!?” You don't realize how loud your voice is till shock crawls across his face. “How dare you speak to me like that, I am you’r king!” 

Anger fills your veins. “You think I don't know that? All you ever do is be king! Everything is about you being king that you don't even know how to be a fucking father.” All you register at first is the loud cracking sound that echoes through the chamber. Then you feel the stinging pain on your cheek. Your body hits the hard floor as you hold your face. Your father's cold glare is all you get when you look up at him. “You will not go anywhere without your sworn protector. You will not be allowed into the city. If we are not aware of your location, I will have you found, and brought back to me. I'll make that slap feel like mercy.” 

He leaves without another word, leaving you on the floor to wallow in your emotions. Tears come flooding out of your eyes as you lay on the floor. Your body goes limp onto the cold wood below you, your mind slowly losing consciousness as you hold your face, curling up into yourself to get the only comfort you know you can get, the comfort from yourself.

#male reader #x male reader #eddie munson x male reader #stranger things x male reader #stranger things royal au #royal au #bottom reader #bottom male reader

[astroangel23]

Pick a Card: How have you transformed?? 🧐🌱🌷

I personally am in love with 8th house energy. I love the growth, the awareness, and the transformations of the constant cycles death and rebirth bring into our lives. I hope you guys enjoy this reading and have a wonderful week 💚

Don't hesitate to message or ask for free personal readings; this is my passion and I'm happy to help you upon your spiritual journey 🌟

"Full Moon in Cancer": Hi pile 1, I hope you are well! I feel that you were once quick to jump into groups, friendships, and relationships without putting much thought into it. You may have even been slightly superficial, living within the matrix and enjoying all that it had to offer regardless if it fit you or not. You were a curious person, sharing experiences with others and exploring the personalities of your peers excited you. You were the bubbly friend that loves to have fun, but when reality hit and the excitement was over, you were out of the picture. You weren't one to stick around through tough times, but you were there during the good times. These days though, you stay to yourself. You're no longer impressed much by people you come into contact with, you don't necessarily dislike them but you don't necessarily feel pulled to build any kind of connection with them either. I feel you've transformed into a very independent person that likes to do things on their own and you get shit done. You may have dabbled into psychedelics or triggered your Kundalini Awakening by expanding your mind and diving into the unknown. I feel now you see past the superficial, you feel that there is so much more to life than what the material world has to offer. You've found a deeper connection within yourself and within the universe. You've put your past self and past habits behind you and now you're looking forward to what the future has to offer you. Be careful not to get lost in your day dreams of what the future has to offer you and miss out on the present moments. Also, you've found a deeper sense of self that is very creative and artistic. - Astro Angel 💚

"Full Moon in Aquarius": Hi pile 2, I hope you are well! I feel that you have always felt pulled to the single and independent lifestyle on a soul level but you were surrounded by people or society in general that influenced you that the right path was engaging into the dating world. You probably had many people interested in you romantically and you gave your time to engage into these relationships even though it didn't really sit right with you on a soul level. You knew deep down the single life is where you felt the most like yourself. You wanted to run free and just be a wild spirit in this world, but you ignored that and probably entertained many romantic relationships. Now, you don't let anyone influence you and your mindset on how you should be living. You've stepped into your power and have given all this love everyone wants from you to yourself. You've found balance in your emotions, in your mind, body, and soul and you're not letting anyone take that from you. You are happily content walking this path of life alone, without a partner. You're here to have a good time, make memories, and go with the flow of the universe. You've mastered the habit of letting it all go and letting it flow. No forcing anything anymore. You radiate happiness running around as a free wild spirit.

- Astro Angel 💚

Channeled Song: Out da Way - Ramirez

"New Moon in Taurus": Hi pile 3, I hope you are well! I feel that in the past you went through a lot of tower moments that brought this everyday fear that you felt you couldn't escape. You experienced a life that taught you that you had to watch everyone's every move towards you because all you knew was pain and you felt that's all you would ever know. You were defensive 24/7 towards people, you built up toxic defense mechanisms in order to feel safe. You turned cold towards people in order to protect yourself at all costs. Just sitting around waiting for something to go wrong. Now, you don't give a fuck if someone has ill intent towards you or not because you know that you will always come out on top of every situation because ain't nobody got you like you got you. You've built confidence, you've gone within and done the work needed to heal your wounds around trust, along with trusting yourself, trusting yourself to be able to save yourself regardless of your circumstances. You've found an inner peace and happiness that can't be shaken. You were scared before and now you're fearless of the world and people around you. Congratulations on your growth and awareness, this is a very resilient and unstoppable group.

- Astro Angel 💚

#tarot reading #tarotoftheday #free tarot #free tarot readings #pick a card #tarot #tarot reader #tarot readers of tumblr #tarot related #pick a pile #pick a deck #pick a number #pick a crystal #pick a picture #daily tarot #tarot cards #tarotcommunity #spiritualhealing #spiritual community #tarot community #tarot requests

[deliciouswastelandgoddess]

Dehumanising Pete

I think Pete, a former abused child, full of empathy and cynicism, working in the crime world has always felt a sense of displacement in this world. He started his life with a violent father, put into a violent sport, and then ultimately into a violent profession. He is an intrinsically smart person who understands other people and their motivations, it's an amazing quality to have but it can also be draining on one's mental health. Highly empathetic people sometimes suffer from frequent if not chronic bouts of identity crisis. I think working for the main family and Tankhun made his life much much better than what it must have been but it would still be a slightly dehumanised role to fill - a bodyguard's literal job is to lay his own life down for their employer and that cannot be good for ones sense of self worth no matter how good your bosses are. And I think Kinn and Tankhun are good bosses, bad writing aside - it's just the very nature profession that cannot be good for anybody.

We see Pete go through such a bout of the aforementioned identity crisis mixed with a hell lot of anger when he lashes out at Vegas - I have always been useless, just kill me, I have nothing left, not even my humanity, just kill me. It was heartbreaking to watch really but his anger had a very clear, very simple reason. He trusted Vegas with his freedom, his body and his well being and Vegas returned that favour with the worst form of betrayal - by treating him like an object - to love, to cherish, to care or to beat, to abuse, to torture at his convenience. Vegas failed at showing up when Pete needed it the most and sure he himself is being abused but that's irrelevant, especially to a person like Pete who actively chose to break the cycle of violence.

He hates being bound, he hates that he had the chance to escape but didn't and he hates Vegas for taking advantage of his slip. Most of all he hates himself for slipping up in the first place. We see that in the scene where he slaps himself(can't find the gif)

Lastly he acknowledges that no matter how much Vegas, this world and he himself dehumanise him, he is still human, he isn't unbreakable. He deserves to feel safe unconditionally if not loved, he deserves dignity if not loyalty. He calls out Vegas for being a self absorbed asshole and he stands up for himself, but by this time he is already exhausted and broken.

Once he breaks free and reaches his safe place (the main family home) he is still not over his experience and I believe while he did develope some attachment to Vegas, that is not why he is still in distress. To me this looks like a straightforward case of PTSD. He went through a horrible thing and that has left him with trauma - his feelings are just making it worse.

For me as a viewer, while I do care for Vegas' character arc in and on itself, I don't give a shit about him when it comes to Pete. If it takes shooting Vegas in the head for Pete to move on, id cheer him on. If it takes him to just ignore Vegas, that's also fine. Maybe his healing will involve Vegas - again, don't give a shit. But I just want to see Pete feel like he deserves to live, and live fully in constant peace if not constant happiness.

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche spoilers #build jakapan #vegaspete #bible wichapas #kinnporsche meta

[sea-dukes-assistant]

ATTN: The boomers that follow me for some reason

The abuse I'd been getting since this started dropped off roughly 2016, when I told Rachel if she wanted to have a say in what I post, she can pay me. It picked back up roughly the same time Harry was outed as being with his current wife, at the time of the Karen Occupation, and been on the upswing ever since.

For the longest time, I never understood why I received so much negative attention from your particular niche in this fandom. I never spoke to you, minded your business, nor knew you existed, yet you felt the need to mind mine, scold me, yell at me, and speak to me as though I do not deserve respect and decency, perhaps going so far as to hoping one day I'd just eat a bullet.

The theory, which is disturbing at best, for why you project your insecurities onto me (and only me) is that you can't fathom mine and younger generations being so "ourselves" because that was not a thing when you grew up. I'm sorry that was the way it was, but that is not how it is now. Times change, often for the better, even from when I was growing up in the '90s. I'm thankful for this. You lot, however, seem to have taken the fantasy/ideology of "what a man should be" and decided you are disgusted/upset that I do not fall into that mold. So you come into my house and shit all over the place like you ain't got no home training, sending me homophobic messages, personally insulting me and my intelligence, telling me I need to "get my head checked (I've had 2 neuro-pysch exams I promise you my brain functions just fine)," and going out of your way to make me hate myself. Why? So you can fix me and make me the "alpha male" of your fantasies. It's like some form of conversion therapy. This is why you're so obsessed with me. I'm not bitter that nobody else is being hated on; I'M BITTER THAT I WAS/AM SINGLED OUT.

Quite frankly, that's fucking disturbing. I'm 36. I'm a regular guy, enlisted, trying to make it through the next 10 of my career without further damaging my already broken body. I'm nobody. But y'all out here harassing me for *checks notes* living my life and being happy. Not even a single shred of empathy. Just fuckin' "SEND IT" with the constant degradation and berating and lecturing. Fuck sake I serve this country with pride, nearly had the national ensign over my casket and folded and handed to my mother before I hit 30, and this is how y'all gonna act towards me, after walking around with your metaphorical dick out, posting boomer ass Facebook graphics yelling "REPOST THE FLAG OR YOUR A COMMIE?" THAT is some fucking disrespect, not a royal in an honorary position of rank wearing a service's uniform. It's fucking disgusting...oh I'm a "brave PATRIOT" until you find out I wanna fuck some hot British guy's brains out. Then I need to shut up and "eat shit and die."

I'm not a project. I'm not responsible for your issues. I'm under no obligation to be nice to you. Your baggage is not mine to carry. You are responsible for your own behavior. I do have intellectual superiority; this is not me swinging my dick, it is fact. My ASVAB score qualified me for everything except the nuclear field. I learned college-level electronics theory in 9 months. I've had a combined 10 months of specialized training on specific systems, the most recent being the AN/GSC-52B MET. This last advancement cycle I scored in the 93rd percentile overall IN THE ENTIRE GODDAMN NAVY. My job is entirely critical-thinking, problem solving, and written/verbal communication. PEOPLE COULD DIE IF THE AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS CAN'T SEE THE PLANES. I have to explain to idiots officers with degrees why I can't connect a system carrying classified data to their unclassified computer to they "don't have to get up" to look at the console. Between you there's...what, 10 brain cells? You think tabloids are classic literature. IT IS A FUCKING FACT, BRENDA.

Oh and the "I hate that you were treated like that/you didn't deserve that BUT" can be shoved up your ass, as well. If that were the case, you wouldn't continue your anonymous! tirade about how I'm a fuck up, need to be nicer, how I'm treated is entirely my fault, and using Prince Philip, who is very much dead despite my wishes, as a way to emotionally manipulate me (an entirely different level of Fucking Disgusting).

The entire fucking audacity. Take your own advice and look in the mirror. YOU are the reason I'm so fucking stressed. YOU are the reason I fucking hate it here and want to leave. YOU are the reason I'm so fucking "rude" and on defense all the time. DEALING WITH YOU IS FUCKING EXHAUSTING.

#it's long I'm sorry #<- that's what Sea Duke said #but there's only so much bullshit I can take #I'm not joking when I tell y'all I hate it here #not my best work but it's honest #boomer women be miserable and I'm not here for that shit #it's very disrespectful to bae

[iris-is-silly]

To be honest I’ll never actually post anything besides this on here and it will probably be a depressing post.

I hate my life. I’m losing a good reason to wake up every time I get up. It’s to the point where waking up and staying awake is a chore and would just love to bedrot. I’ve written suicide notes on suicide notes and I’ve written one for everyone. I’ve even written a poem and some stories.

I love my friends and my cats but thats all anymore. Even then I still struggle with my friends. I hate talking or trying to start a conversation now and most of my messages feel like they are hitting brick walls.

I hate my body. God is my body disgusting. I feel like throwing up looking in the mirror. I can’t go anywhere without covering up my body. If I’m seen without a hoodie I scurry like a rat till I feel safe.

I hate the stress. I’ve been degraded my whole life. Whether it be in elementary for doing nothing and being the odd one out for being neuro-divergent, To being bullied and degraded by my own mom and dad. Im able to drive and the elementary high school bullying went to being attacked, SA’d, talked about everywhere and being hate crimed. All of these things because what.? Im different from you all.? That justifies your need to attack me and shit talk every one of my uncontrollable insecurities day by day.? Well guess what assholes you are winning.

I hate living. I’ve never had a break. No matter how hard I work. No matter how hard I try. No matter what every single break ends up being dragged into a worse and worse event. “Let’s go to the amusement park” Friend attempts suicide. “Let’s go to vegas get a break take out some anger.” Dog dies. “Im gonna go camping and unplug for a while.” Come back and boom I’m removed from their life and I’m the bad guy for wanting a break from life.

I struggle to stay happy. I miss being a kid. Clueless to the horrors of what was to come. Unable to understand why the kids would laugh or point at me. Blind to the hate. I miss the days where I could look around and take a deep breath and enjoy it.

I’ve lost hope. No coping methods work anymore. I sit on my blood stained mattress wondering why I just add to the stains without finishing the job. I try to find the good in the world or the stuff to make me happy but all I find is a fistful of cats and friends. Nothing makes my happy anymore.

My own family lets it happen. I love being in able to work because of how hard it is to focus. Everyone says “Take your meds” “If you just took your pills” “You wouldn’t fail if you were medicated.” Well guess what? I have been taking them. You pay no notice because you all spend that time berating me. Shoving more pills down my throat for what? A reason to blame me for your anger?

So I’ll leave this earth. No one who is part of my blood ever acts like they care anymore. I wake up to hear “Your rude asshole” For making breakfast and apologizing. I get beat for cooking my dad and brother a steak I saved up for so they can be happy. I get publicly shamed because I was sick and refused to eat. I am the bad guy in every situation and when Im not, Im attacked, Degraded, Left to rot.

If you want me to take them, I’ll take them all. I wish crying myself to sleep at night at-least was a good enough cry for help. Its not. They slow painful feel as my body aches dragging my almost dead limp appendages across the floor to rest just to be called to do more work. They hear me cry. They see how much pain I’m in. They know my condition.

Maybe this is a cry for help. On a day where maybe I’m not always thinking about killing myself something changes that. I wish just once that I may be free from this cycle of constant negativity, But it will always go un-answered.

When I’m gone and days quieter look for me in the fields. I will be sitting besides you although you may not know I’ll be there holding your hand.

Im sorry for wasting your time. You may hate me and this stupid rant. But its no different you just join the common mass. I left a-lot of details out to protect and so my classmates or friends don’t report me to the school. If you know me and you see this. Keep quiet.

[thebiggestmenace]

What are your thoughts on Abby?

Absolutely no judgement wether you like/dislike her, I feel like this is a controversial question within the fandom lol

hi, anon, I have many a thought and this is definitely a controversial question in the fandom lmao

I think she grows on you. when I first watched a gameplay, I absolutely hated her, I hated the fact that you had to play as her and that her part might be longer (it felt like it at the time, but I'm not sure if it is actually longer) than Ellie's. but after watching it for the third time, I do not despise her anymore. I get why she did what she did, but I do not love her.

again, I get why she did the golfing, but really? it was 4 years, Abby. surely, you noticed that you'd just be passing your own grief onto someone else? and shooting him in the leg? really? I imagine that was because Abby knew it wouldn't have been an easy fight if he wasn't injured, but still. he helped you, man. once Ellie got there and Abby had to hear the cries and the screams from her, did she not realize that Joel was a father figure to her? that she would just be pushing her own giref onto her? and 4 years, really? I know I already mentioned that, but seriously. she had to have realized at some point that killing Joel wouldn't help her.

however, they did make Abby similar to Joel, so it isn't a strong hatred at all. her willing to risk everything for Yara and Lev, then doing everything in her power to protect Lev. Joel did the same for Ellie, and look where that got him. I don't know how to properly articulate this, anon, but I do get why she did it, I just don't like it.

and that isn't solely for the fact of the golfing. it's also - it didn't need to be that brutal. at all. it didn't need to happen in front of Ellie. Abby wasn't there for Jerry's death, and Jerry's death was pretty clean cut. there was no pain. just a shot to the head. Joel's?? first you shoot him in the leg, then drag him down to a basement and beat the shit out of him with a golf club? and not stopping when his daughter comes in? it didn't need to go like that.

and the theater?? yes, Ellie didn't need to kill every single one of Abby's friends, but tbh Ellie lost everyone that meant something to her, so Abby taking Joel was most likely just the final straw for her. Ellie wasn't in the right state of mind for that whole trip, and yes, she was in the wrong, but that isn't to say that Abby's in the right. I know Abby didn't know this, but Ellie did not know Mel was pregnant, Abby was told point blank that Dina was, and she still tried to kill her. I am forever grateful that Lev got her to stop, cause man, I would not have survived that. but it's just a constant cycle of grief. Joel kills Jerry, Abby kills Joel, Ellie kills Abby's friends, Abby kills one of Ellie's and tries for more.

and then the epilogue???? this has many variables to it, in my opionon. yes, Abby did leave Ellie after the theater, so Ellie going after her was her own choice and so she could've deserved what happened. but I don't think it was really Ellie's choice in going. this is why we don't like game Tommy, by the way. Ellie wanted to go after Abby before she showed up at the theater, Tommy wanted to take Dina and everyone back to Jackson, so they did. and then once Ellie is living as best a life as she can, all things considered, Tommy shows up and yells at her to go back after Abby because "'I'll make her pay.' That's what you said once we got back to Jackson." and Ellie does go after her, because this grief is just. so heavy in her, she feels she has to.

but her going to Santa Barbara means that she was able to save Abby and Lev. so she did, and then she fought her. I'm torn for the fight because Abby kept telling Ellie to just let them leave, and they'll forget everything and they won't have to see each other again. but also Abby bit off her fucking fingers, so. her biting off the fingers has always gotten me. I know Abby doesn't know about Ellie's life outside all this fighting, but that was her one connection to Joel. and now. it's gone. but Ellie was able to realize that killing Abby wouldn't do anything. it wouldn't bring Joel back. it wouldn't make any of this better. if anything, it'll make it worse and also pass it onto Lev.

so yes, this is how I feel about Abby. I do not hate her, but she is not a favourite. she's very neutral to me currently, but everytime I rewatch the game, I hate her less, so with this fourth rewatch, my opinions may change again. but this is how I currently feel

#and i know grief does things to a person #but tommy?? #hes supposed to be the one protecting her now (cause family takes care of family) #and instead sends her after the woman who killed her father figure and your brother?? #who we all know is a dangerous person?? #with zero backup?? #just her and maybe a gun?? #i do not like game tommy #and i clearly haved mixed feelings on abby right now #it is not a hate anymore #i get why she did it #but it didnt need to go down the way it did #and also 4 years? #you never once stopped to fully think about it? #anywho #i stop rambling now #rambling menace #the last of us #tlou2 spoilers #menace answers #cw death

[augment-techs]

Six Word Starter Prompts (part 2)

Ran away with circus; never returned

Buxom songstress loves love and chocolate

Blades cuts, blood runs, scars remain

Did I miss a deadline again?

Walking the green mile: Finally free

Dreamy visions during extended daytime hours

Love drama, just not my own

I wouldn't change it a bit

Saw the world; now where's home?

Nose broken, beauty queen changes profession

Blinked! Winked! I am halfway through!

Arms: Full. Life: Not so much

Many risky mistakes, very few regrets

Six kids; life is stranger than fiction!

He left me for good eventually

would you like fries with that?

Legs spread, I withheld my intelligence

Traversing Earth together, chasing elusive answers

hockey is not just for boys

never liked the taste of beets

underachieving pleasure punk seeks constant gratification

risked it all; never quite enough

I write because I can't sleep

sperm too potent, now have triplets

Never fear. Truffle season is near.

started small, grew, PEAKED, shrunk, vanished

Mom blames musical theater. I disagree.

and I never did sober up

world backpacking decade ends with minivan

asked and answered, asshole, next question

Really, doing fine, thanks for asking

Oh shit! No way? Yeah dude.

Mistook streetlight for the moon. Climbed.

Boyfriend in bed, still a lesbian?

wanted to live forever, died trying

happy child, wild teenager, adult anarchist

to make a long story short...

My second grade teacher was right.

someone had to pay the bills

Didn't fit in then; still don't.

I love my lady...and bacon.

Revenge is living well, without you.

Outcast. Picked last. Surprised them all.

Became my mother. Please shoot me.

If there's more, I want it.

it's like forever, only much shorter

Cancer for sure. Still no cure.

born lucky, striving to die worthy

tequila made their clothes fall off

I told you I was crazy.

Topless dancer. Circus clown. Spy. Writer.

I play dress-up for a living.

Where the hell are my keys?

They always wore socks to bed.

Well, I thought it was funny.

I died at an early age.

I couldn't possibly fuck him again.

Same mistakes. Over and over again.

Me: fully reformed and halfway happy!

the day just kept getting better

born in city that doesn't exist

shot my penis in photo booth

after which he was never sane

almost nothing was under my control

let me in, you narrative whore

cheese is the essence of life

I waste time looking for love.

straight jacket on the gentle cycle

I secretly read wedding magazines.

my ancestors were accented cow herders

Gin joints. Love affairs. No relation.

slightly flabby, slightly fabulous, trying hard

Thank fuck the suicide attempt failed!

Secretly, I dream of my ex-boyfriend.

unfortunately, there was no other way

My wife made me do it.

Like an angel. The fallen kind.

drew on walls, creative for life

When all else fails, start running.

still waiting for you to ask

My penultimate act is to imbibe.

ordering soup for two, for one

Sometimes at night I lay lonely.

I didn't walk off the roof.

will draw for food and coffee

I fell out of the nest.

I don't nibble. I bite. Hard.

He knew the bruises would fade.

we were married in the snow

lonely, frothy kisses, then only spite

we were each other's favorite person

learned to live with great loss

I'm not afraid of anything anymore.

most successful accomplishments based on spite

He wore dresses. This caused messes.

I will never be quite finished.

I tried. It was not enough.

There will be no beautiful corpse.

Found a demon to love forever.

These words are yours to keep.

#writing prompts #ask prompts #sentence starters #source: not quite what I was planning: six-word memoirs #boom! comics power rangers #power rangers in general

[ladybug023]

Dornishman’s Wife

(This was supposed to be a short little drabble but it quickly turned into a complete one-shot. Daeron loves his baby nephew and goes down memory lane with Aemond. He feels so guilty and abandoned at the same time. I want to thank @houseofpendragons and @arcielee for helping me with ideas and dialogue! I've never actually written for Aemond and they were lifesavers! Daeron calls Aegon “Aeg.” Lastly, Aemond is like 18-17 and Daeron is 16 or 15.)

Daeron’s POV:

“~The Dornishman's wife was as fair as the sun and her kisses were warmer than spring. But the Dornishman's blade was made of black steel and its kiss was a terrible thing~”

Maelor’s constant crying had been driving everyone in the family insane. So, I decided to try to put him to sleep. I figured if I could put Tesserion to sleep with my melodies, then why not babies? Although, I did not expect Maelor to be so picky. I cycled through multiple lullabies, none of which pleased him. Until I remembered a dirty ballad called "The Dornishman's wife." It turns out Maelor shares Aeg’s love for vulgarity. He was giggling and cooing with joy as I serenaded him. I smiled lovingly at his adorable little face. He looked so much like Helaena. Speaking of Helaena, my sister passed out from exhaustion in the nursery’s rocking chair.

“~The Dornishman's wife would sing as she bathed. In a voice that was sweet as a peach. But the Dornishman's blade had a song of its own and a bite sharp and cold as a leech~.”

Poor girl, she is too young to be a mother, let alone a mother of three. Guilt crept into me for the hundredth time since I had returned from Oldtown. I should’ve been there to help with the children. All Seven Gods knew Aeg was anything but a helpful husband. I should have been there the day my nieces and nephews were born. It was not my choice to leave. I was barely thirteen when Otto sent me away. My guilt quickly turned to bitterness. My grandsire was so quick to discard me. It was because I am the third son. Otto already has an heir and a spare, so this made me just a useless pawn in his game. Whimpering shook me from my spiteful thoughts. Maelor looked ready to bawl again, so I continue on with the song.

“~As he lay on the ground with the darkness around, and the taste of his blood on his tongue, His brothers knelt by him and prayed him a prayer, and he smiled and he laughed and he sung, Brothers, oh brothers, my days here are done, the Dornishman's taken my life, but what does it matter, for all men must die, and I've tasted the Dornishman's wife!~”

Once I finished I was delighted to see Maelor fast asleep. A triumphant grin spread across my face. As I placed the little Targaryen back into his crib, I let out a sigh of relief. It felt as if I’d just won a battle.

“What would our dear mother say if she saw you singing such a vulgar song to her grandchild?” I could immediately tell who that sly voice belonged to. I looked up from the crib to see none other than Aemond Targaryen. He was leaning against the doorway while wearing that wolffish smirk of his. He was known by many names. The One-Eyed Dragon, Kinslayer, but I only call him brother.

“Lower your voice. It took four songs to get him to finally sleep. Besides, mother will never know because you would not tell her…right?” My voice was hushed as I carefully tucked Maelor in. Many people saw Aemond and me as complete opposites, but I don’t see why. Sure, Aemond has become a bit more intimidating in recent years, especially with the eye patch, but we still have many things in common. Such as our love for Dragon riding and swordsmanship.

“Hmm, and what do I get in return for not informing her about the sinful sonnets you sing to the babe?" Aemond quirked a brow and tipped his chin up expectedly. I rolled my violet eyes at him. I wonder what he’d have me do for his silence. Shine his boots or maybe shovel Vhagar's shit? In his dreams.

"Now brother, I have only been back for a few days and you are already trying to blackmail me? Here I thought I was your favorite.” I feigned a hurt voice but my silly smile remained. Aemond shook his head and glanced at Helaena, who was still asleep in the rocking chair.

“You should know by now that Helaena is my favorite. How long has she been passed out anyway?” Aemond walked over to Helaena and gazed down at her.

“I’m not sure, I lost track of time. She is a heavy sleeper though.” I replied with a shrug.

“It is not good for her to be sleeping in a chair like this. I’ll take her to her chambers.” I watched as Aemond picked our sister up into his arms bridal style. He was so gentle with her. It was as if she was glass and he was afraid she’d shatter. This was the side of Aemond that most did not get the fortune to see.

“I’ll go with you then.” In truth, I had nothing else to do and I didn’t want our conversation to end. He nodded in reply. I followed him out of the nursery. As we made our way across the Red Keep, I noticed that it was now evening and the corridors were virtually empty.

“You were worse than him, You know.” Aemond started.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“ You were a worse babe than Maelor. You drove nine of our nursemaids to madness with your wailing.” He taunted.

“That is not true.” I scoff back.

“I swear by all Seven Gods. Even Aegon didn’t give our poor mother as much trouble as a babe.” He insisted. That crooked smirk of his had graced his lips once again. Sometimes I just wanted to slap it off his face, but I knew better than to try. Aemond’s face seemed like it was made of stone.

“Yes, and I’m sure you were such a little Angel.” I sneered.

“Better than you.” He quipped back.

“Well, you know, the small folk have a saying. Bad babes make good children, and good babes make bad children. Ah, would you look at that! I believe they’re right.” Our banter continued as we reminisced about our childhoods. Such as how we used to play hide and seek in the Red Keep and how Aemond always cheated. Or that time when Helaena put a bunch of spiders in Aeg's bed and he went screaming for Ser Cole like a helpless maiden. When we entered Helaena's chambers, Aemond placed her in her bed. She murmured sleepily while clutching the satin sheets. We left her room and were now walking the halls aimlessly.

“Do you remember when Aeg vomited all over the High Septon?” I asked, referring to the time when we all attended service together at the Sept, and even though it was morning Aeg was already three sheets to the wind. This was not uncommon, though it was unfortunate that the High Septon chose that morning to call upon Aeg to lead us in prayer. To his credit, Aeg made it halfway through the prayer before spewing his breakfast everywhere.

"Hm, I remember grandsire chasing him around the altar. He is quite spry for an old man." The two of us laughed. For once, his laugh was not sardonic or mean spirited, it was genuine. I haven't seen Aemond smile like this since before he lost his eye.

“Ha, ha, yes! That reminds me of this one time when Lucerys blew milk from his nose when that fool Mushroom..." My sentence trailed off once I realized. How could I be so careless to say his name? To my dismay, Aemond had stopped walking with me, and when I looked at him, that genuine smile had vanished. It was replaced with a dark scowl as the atmosphere between us became tense. When I heard what Aemond did to Lucerys at Storms End, I refused to believe it. I could not believe it. Just apologize and move on. I told myself.

"I-I'm sorry, I..." I stuttered.

"Why are you apologizing?" He snapped petulantly.

"Because it was absent-minded of me."

"You have nothing to apologize for. It is not like you were the one who killed him." Aemond turned his back to me. He did his best to hide it, but I could still see how the death of Lucerys haunted him.

"You did not mean to.. like you said, it was an accident." I knew how naive that sounded but I just wanted to ease his guilt.

"That does not change the fact that he is dead, or that I am a Kinslayer."

"You are a good man, Aemond." I argued. "You would never-"

"-How do you know?" He whipped around to face me again. I did my best not to flinch away from his withering gaze.

"What?" I asked flustered.

"How could you possibly know that I am a good man, as you claim? " He growled

"Because I am your brother, Aemond." I answered, my voice firm.

"Yes, and where have you been these last few years, brother? Living blissfully in Oldtown while your siblings have been drowning in misery; Aegon in his cups, Helaena in her mindless riddles, and I...well we both know what a monster I have become."

I did not know what to say. What could I say? The taut silence between us was suffocating.

"I-I did not wish to leave…" I stuttered. My doleful eyes looked down in defeat. "You are right… everything has changed." My voice was remorseful. I wondered if things would have been different had I been there. But no, I neglected my family for jousting tournaments and maidens. Aemond's scowl had softened at the sight of my crestfallen face. I have always been the more emotional brother.

"Daeron-" He tried.

"-No. It is my fault. I was not there for you or my family and look at what happened.” Tears pricked my eyes."I left you all to suffer alone. I am s-sorry."

I saw Aemond's jaw steel at my words. His eye flitted over me before he reached out his hand. He paused for a moment, then rested it on my shoulder.

"The fault is with me, not you, little brother." His tone was mild now. I felt his hand squeeze its hold."It was unfair for me to blame you for my sins.”

I let out a shaky breath and quickly rubbed away my tears. My cheeks flushed from the embarrassment of crying like a child in front of him.

"I do not hold this against you. Perhaps the Gods favored you to leave this inevitable mess." He assured me. I nodded and sniffed. I do not know what came over me, but I threw my arms around him and pulled my brother into a tight embrace, causing him to let out a “Oof”

"I will never leave again. I swear by the old gods and the new!" I vowed to him. Aemond was stiff as a board in my arms.

"Yes, that is good … You are crushing my ribs, Daeron." He patted my back awkwardly. "Alright that is enough." He pushed me off of him. The fact that he was so flustered from a simple hug made me chuckle. He glared at me as he smoothed out the creases I caused in his tunic.

“The hour grows late, you should go get some rest too. Is it not past your bedtime, baby brother?” He teased.

“You know, you are only two years older than me.” I reminded him.

“Two and a half.” He corrected. “Sleep well, Daeron.”

With that, Aemond made his leave down the dark corridor. Our conversation left me feeling relief and hope. Maybe my family wasn’t as far gone as I thought. Even the most broken things can be fixed with enough effort and I will make good on my promise to Aemond.

#daeron targaryen #maelor targaryen #aemond targaryen #helaena targaryen #aegon ii targaryen #otto hightower #alicent hightower #rhaenyra targaryen #house of the dragon #game of thrones

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

My point is that our view of domestic violence is wrong in three ways.

And that is, first of all, bilateral abuse needs to be talked about. Like I said, half of domestic abuse is bilateral. Both partners are doing it.

The second is there's a multiplicity of causes of domestic violence, not just male power and control. That's one cause. And that is also reflected by women too.

And the third, is it's not a gendered issue, men and women both do it.

What else is missing from the relational aggression standpoint? What's missing around the discussion to do with domestic violence?

Suicides in general as a result of domestic violence needs to be talked about, big time. The constant bombardment and pressure of psychological abuse, by both men and women, is horrific and not discussed.

Again, everyone talks about domestic homicide, it's mostly talked about, you know, pretty much exclusively talked about as men doing to women. And it is mostly men doing it to women. About 77% of domestic homicides are men killing women. That doesn't mean we can't talk about that final quarter. But it is mostly women.

But no one talks about suicides, that are caused by domestic violence, which are overwhelmingly male. And if you actually bring in suicides as a result of abuse, there are more male deaths as a result of domestic violence than female.

And that, again, a massive, massive half of the pie chart that's just ignored, because it's unpopular.

What is that, a guy is in a relationship with a woman, and the pressure of that interpersonal sort of toxicity stuff, causes him to take his own life?

Yeah, and moreso abuse by proxy; using children, taking children away, using the court system to destroy a man's life. Parental alienation, for example, is when, one parent turns the child against the other parent. So you basically your child that, "your dad's a deadbeat" or "your mum's..." you know, "a piece of shit" and over time, you basically turn the child against a parent, that's parental alienation. No one talks about that, and that is abuse. And that can, and does lead to suicides.

We need a much higher resolution discussion on domestic violence that isn't just this trope of male violence, because that is just a small wedge of the problem.

It's not about pointing fingers, it's about breaking the cycle of violence, because violence is reciprocal and generational, and it's passed down through families and childhood. And unless you're going to look at both sides of the equation, you'll never solve it.

#The Tin Men #domestic violence #domestic abuse #parental alienation