#which has been extremely helpful

[saltmalkin]

water droplets 

#watercolor #illustration #traditional painting #cat #been practicing how to stylize water #it's hard but really fun #a friend gave me a copy of jan hart's watercolor guide too #which has been extremely helpful

[compacflt]

in regard to the icemav convo about american made cars: I think it would be funny if after mav gets his regular license, ice buys him a truck that they can use for transporting stuff to the hangar and when he gifts it to mav all the man can do is laugh bc stamped across the ass is MAVERICK. It’s a 2023 ford maverick (in area 51 bc I’m partial to that color)

and mav likes it, but he doesn’t love driving it bc it’s so big (and he just likes being a passenger princess too much), so ice drives it mostly which inspires a whole lot of jokes about ice liking having maverick’s name stamped on his ass. bradley gags from the other room every time.

if it matters to u, i agree with this hc 150% on rhetoric grounds. thank god for your mind.

however i would like to raise the issue that recent american pickup trucks have become non-useful, overexpensive, and suburban-coded in a way i think ice and mav would reject. the ford maverick was built with the intention of dropping kindergarteners off at school, not of actually doing hard labor. see below infographic for what I mean.

It’s a fucking travesty. Trucks are so ugly and useless now. the maverick is not immune to this. (maverick below)

what good is having a fucking truck if it can’t even hold two REGULAR ASS BIKES in the bed. & when the bed is empty the chassis is unbalanced in a way that leads to more accidents etc. (tbf that was true in the 70s/80s too but im feeling more hateful towards modern trucks rn). In short—the modern American pickup truck is no longer useful, it’s a way to virtue signal to other Americans that you *think * you know what hard labor is, even when you’re driving around in a glorified odyssey with a teeny tiny bed that can barely hold a couple bags of mulch for the back garden

ice & mav don’t even have any little kids anymore, i think they’d consider a backseat useless & a waste of space

SO i would like to offer you a Compromise, which is that ice & mav buy either (or both) a 1974 ford maverick AND/OR a 1990 ford maverick

for the Funny Name & coolness factor (& the “making Bradley vom cause of how cute his parents are” factor), and then soup up, like, a 1984 Chevy C10 for actual towing/hauling purposes.

#*slaps roof of 2022 ford maverick* you could hit so many grade schoolers with this bad boy #the 1974 ford maverick is. admittedly extremely sexy and i am only kind of a ford guy #god the 1990 maverick too. just kind of beast mode. i can see that. #love the ask though. i hope you don’t mind my tweaks. we’re on the same wavelength #my vitriol for the modern american truck stems from my hatred of my grandfather’s 2020 f250 #which he has never used to tow anything once and constantly complains about how hard it is to find parking in suburban california 😀 #yeah brother no shit! #the one cool thing about new trucks is you can use them as a generator for a few days though #we lose power for days on end where i live during fire season and that truck has been really helpful #but it’s ass ugly and not otherwise useful. #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #icemav #bradley rooster bradshaw #asks #mav being a passenger princess has to be canon #a man physiologically built to sit shotgun ❤️ #if u get a truck with an actual bed u can drive ur war hero husband out into the desert #& lay out a blanket in the back & make out with him under the stars #can’t do that in a 2023 maverick

[lord-squiggletits]

Thinking about IDW Optimus again and the fandom's aversion to even acknowledging he exists bc he's a cop or whatever and like. Most of the time people literally just replace him in fic with some white bread knockoff archivist/librarian, not even bothering to keep in IDW OP's personality (which just bolsters my theory that the problem isn't him being a cop the problem is that he's too multifaceted but I digress).

And it's annoying because you could totally write IDW Optimus as not a cop while still keeping his canon personality. You just have to realize that the reason IDW OP became a cop in the first place is because his formative experiences when he was young shaped him to basically have two priorities: 1. To help people and 2. To do it by being on the ground actively doing something about the bad things happening to people.

IDW OP would not be a fucking librarian or archivist because even though those are noble pursuits that can help people and change the world, and Optimus is educated/smart enough for the profession, he wouldn't be satisfied just teaching people or spreading information about activism or social-historical studies or whatever. He's a mech of action: he needs to be doing things right now, in front of him, to people he sees/interacts with in his own eyes, improving society with concrete actions rather than indirect action or abstract inspiration.

So basically the alternate job ideas I can think of for IDW Optimus are something like being a firefighter (or any first responder really) or even whatever the equivalent would be to international charity organizations, those ones that send volunteers across the world to do stuff like build housing/infrastructure or distribute food or whatnot. I mean I can't imagine that the equivalents to these things would be exactly the same in IDW Cybertron, so you'd have to get a little creative with it, but these are just some ideas of jobs that would fit IDW Optimus' personality while still filling the niche of "not a cop" for people who are just that opposed to it.

Though I think the revulsion against coptimus is annoying in general tbh because IDW is already a continuity that rejects the idea of easily defined good/evil people or groups. It feels like people really want Optimus to be a good person in a very sanitized and academically approved way, so he has to be nice and squeaky clean but also like, a perfect leftist who knows theory and holds the most progressive opinions on every single issue....

There is no room for the idea that good people join bad institutions, there's no room for the idea that the reason people think cops are good guys who help people is bc of the government propaganda everything is saturated with. Hell there's even later issues of the Optimus Prime series by John Barber where Optimus like, MULTIPLE FUCKING TIMES, is shown in flashbacks grappling with the fact that he as a cop/Zeta's regime that he works for might not actually be improving society like they say they are, and dealing with the fact that he feels more like a lesser evil compared to the Decepticons (perhaps not "lesser" at all).

It's like there's this idea in fandom of like, fictional media and opinions on media having to strictly adhere to progressive ideals at all times. So people just go "cops bad, this character is a cop, therefore they suck" without being willing to engage with the idea of like. IDW OP is born wanting to fight injustice and protect people -> a good way to protect people is to fight the people who are hurting them and committing crimes -> surely following the law is a reliable moral code to guide him in this -> becomes a cop because he's been indoctrinated into a society (much like our own) where he was told that the state/the law exist to protect the people and being a cop means you get to fight bad guys that hurt people. There's really so many interesting concepts there that could be (and CANONICALLY IS) explored about how good, well-intentioned people can be led to harmful actions simply because they have been fed the idea that the things they're doing are good/helpful/noble. Which is especially important for a character like Optimus, I think, who has a cultural icon status as The Irrefutable and Perfect Good, so it's really important actually to use IDW Optimus as an example of how even the most noble people you know have held problematic beliefs or done bad things at some point in their life. You know, because no one is born perfect and ideologically pure, and in fact society is constructed in exactly a manner to make people drink the kool-aid and believe that the systems designed to hurt them/others are just a normal, if flawed, society.

I mean the writing in IDW literally has Optimus deal directly and indirectly with the harm he's done as a cop and how people don't/didn't trust him because of that. I don't know what the fuck else this fandom wants if the source material literally saying "OP realizes that cops suck and he hurt people and earned their disdain by doing the things he did" doesn't stop them from going EW cop bastard sucks and is the worst Optimus. Like the narrative barely stops short of outright saying ACAB and Optimus himself would agree with this sentiment.

At that point, the collective fandom beef with IDW OP isn't because he's a cop and the narrative didn't do enough to condemn that. The problem is literally just that people don't read and don't care

TLDR: Consider the fact that good people can do bad things sometimes especially when living from birth in a corrupt society that thoroughly disguises its vices/oppressive structures as completely normal parts of existence

#squiggposting #idw op love #like honestly just admit that you havent actually read his parts of the story #or that in a continuity of moral grayness you insist OP must be the one person who's perfectly good #bc idk Optimus is supposed to be good and perfect bc nostalgia/marketing/mythology says he should be #also i feel like theres evidence here of a very juvenile mindset of like #to be good a person has to have all the right beliefs and say it in all the right ways #which is the mindset only extremely insular or inexperienced ppl could possibly have lmao #heartbreaking i know but IRL there are very few people who are and always have been progressive and perfect #there are ppl within progressive mvmts that have unaddressed harmful beliefs outside of their Chosen Issue #there are people who wouldnt ID as progressive at all but are still good ppl who act well towards others #like if youve actually interacted with ppl IRL you understand that if you reject everyone who isnt Perfectly Progressive #youll have few if any allies and possibly alienate ppl who would help/ARE HELPING #like idk do you know how many ppl i personally know who i think have some bigoted/problematic beliefs #but im still friends or collaborators w them bc i understand that theyre still good ppl learning and growing #like. learn to understand that 'goodness' doesnt always look like a walking leftist textbook please i'm begging #and in fact sometimes stories. esp adult and mature ones. will present you w problematic ppl #and you have to like. grapple with their flaws and explore the tension between intention and consequences #a bit of a philosophy tangent rather than anything TF related which is why i kept it to the tags

[reel-fear]

MIKE BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER FOR ROASTING HIS DUMBASS RESPONSE TO THE GRAPHIC NOVEL STUFF!!

grown ass man scared of the 19-year-old queer being mean to him over his public meltdown more at 8.

#ramblez #little white boy sad? U sad bc nobody likes you? Bc u constantly make a fool of urself and show off ur distaste for ur fans? lmao #this is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me imagine how mad he'll be when he finds out the fangame Im making has queers in it #hes gonna have a whole other white boy meltdown on main KJSNFDGKJHFGKJHGKJHSDFGSD #hes so fucking sensitive maybe just get off of social media Mike this never ends well for you #batim #batdr #bendy and the ink machine #bendy and the dark revival #and look Im joking around about this but it really is sad that the bendy devs cant handle this kind of critique towards their decisions #it seems despite the backlash once again they are choosing to ignore their fans which is yknow upsetting #But hey ig if the devs being awful was a dealbreaker for this fandom I wouldve left a long time ago and I havent #dw Im not going anywhere <3 #also if anyone else here was also criticizing Mike maybe check his acct to make sure ur not blocked now since apparently #old habits die hard and this is certainly a pattern with him KJHDSFKGJHSDKFGJHDFGSD #also look before anyone asks yes I was kinda mean to him over this but to put bluntly if hes gonna be this dismissive to his fans concerns #he deserves it. Theres this persistent attitude esp in bendy fanspaces of being defensive of the devs #and I dont know why they have been extremely horrible people every single chance they get #and its very hurtful to see how many people would rather tell me to be kinder to the people who broke the heart of a child me when they #dismissed any ideas of putting queers like me in their stories than to realize Mike n Meatly bring this bad attention to themselves #to put bluntly I dont owe them kindness not until they at least apologize for the shit they did which they still havent #mike hasnt even addressed his vent poem in the code of BATDR let alone the other shit he said n did #so no I will not be kind to him ever hope this helps!

[licorishh]

OH YEAH ALSO finally watched the FNAF movie with the coolest person on Earth, 11/10 movie, Mike looked ready to curl up into a fetal position on the floor and burst into tears at all moments, he is so me, would watch again

#fnaf #fnaf movie #five nights at freddy's #mike schmidt #anyway. i loved the end scene where the four of them do the thing with afton #i was also extremely glad the springlock scene was very palatable and not gory or overly vivid because i can't and won't watch that stff #when i tell you i HOLLERED when cory showed up. almost cried. my BOY #cory is the king of youtube fr fr. nobody does it like him #he's on a hiatus again but we the samurai will patiently wait for the shogun's return #i am getting off-topic. matpat's nametag said “ness” which was extremely funny #afton was in literally two maybe three scenes tops which i was not expecting but he stole the show ofc. very spazzy. dig it #vanessa was so mysterious?? #i kinda loved her and mike's dynamic though. so very silly the pair of them (running from real-life manifestations of fictious characters) #I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW FOXY WAS IN THE MOVIE. THAT MADE ME SO HAPPY #foxy's always been my favorite. my boy. he can have a little murder. as a treat #VANESSA HAD A GUN!! VERY COOL AND GOOD #she barely even shot afton though. honeybun literally had the upper hand by a mile #that man did not have a long-range weapon. he was entirely at her mercy. if she'd shot him all the animatronics would've instantly helped #still like her for some reason though. she permanently has the default sim expression etched on her face #also i don't know if y'all saw but in the credits it says foxy's humming was my boy kellen goff!! #mike was so STRESSED and so DISTRACTED the ENTIRE TIME i see so much of myself in him #can we also agree josh hutcherson looks great with a goatee like that is eons ahead of the peeta look (never read/watched himger gims ok)

[pochapal]

this being the first theory battler has lampshaded and discarded as a joke is making me extremely 👁

#umineko liveblog #like. everything else has been taken seriously even when it's stupid #but this is outright dismissed the second it's mentioned. surely not.......... #ough but wait. the possibility of the captive beatrice falling pregnant is rather high #and there are several plausible scenarios with which a hidden child could work #i mean if we go full cliche then the answer here is that nanjo somehow helped beatrice hide the child #making him like double compromised with kinzo. almost like a moral stalemate even #also given the date the mansion was built we can assume this kid would be in their early/mid 30s present day #only known candidate on rokkenjima who fits the criteria would be rosa but that doesn't really makes sense #either that or gohda is a good 10-15 years younger than you'd think he is #but then i'm thinking about the ushiromiya shannon stuff and wondering if there isn't an orphanage link #not that shannon's the beatrice child because she's 15 years too young for that #but perhaps the kid was concealed in the orphanage and this is where the furniture stuff comes in? #every single servant kid is less than human unless they prove themselves to be a worthy substitute for the lost child #and the abuse comes from the fact that they also bear the brunt of kinzo's rage at this kid for having slipped out of his grasp #and of course none of the servant children can ever compare to kinzo's ideal so the cycle perpetuates forever #furniture in that they're being punished for not innately being an ushiromiya successor #this also feeds into the beatrice/kinzo becoming stuff too at a slightly different angle #the children are brought on expected to carry fragments of both beatrice and kinzo and tormented when they fail to do so #meanwhile i genuinely think if a beatrice kid existed they would presently be extremely far removed from rokkenjima #like some random well adjusted adult who knows very little of their origins #meaning that even if kinzo ever found this person they too would not be a fitting ushiromiya successor #yeah i think there might be some potential for this kind of theory

[museofthepyre]

your art really fits your appearance... are you the real life sydney sargent? i'd be freaking out if you were sydney sargent ahh

Well, yes.

I could explain my multi-year spanning selfhood/ ID situation in depth… buuuut we would be here for hours. Short answer for all intents and purposes is: yes.

#fictionkin is… a word. not sure it fully describes my experience. #it’s worse/ more extreme than that (save me let me out) #even outside of that though #I am a GNC trans man. long dark hair with light blue eyes. Autistic. BPD. ARFID (safe food is… buttered bread.) chronically ill AND #psychosis and hallucinations (I am on meds for it 💪 look at me go) #deathly pale and inescapably sick #and has motherly issues. I spend most of my time in the forest. I was a warrior cats kid. I’m goth by music taste and wear dark everything. #I prefer skirts and dresses for sensory reasons. dark and earthy tones. #I talk too much and overshare (exhibit a: this) #my SPECIAL INTEREST has been decomposition and dead things for YEARS #so I adore worms and mushrooms and everything which will one day help me return to the earth #I had a few pet worms & isopods before CHNT even released. I love. worms. #however I don’t do first aid now. I’ve devolved to mortuary science/ post-mortem preservation. #as you can imagine… discovering CHNT was horrifying for these reasons. #as once again- everything I listed here has been the case long before I ever found CHNT. #also I seem to only have chemistry with morally dubious men send tweet #oh and also vivid memories yk that too that’s kinda important yk #guys I’m afraid to post this.

[thesaintofnevergettingitright]

I just have a lot of feelings about Eliot Spencer managing to quietly give Parker and Sophie the perfect flowers for each of them in such a way that they would never suspect it was him. Just because he wanted to make them smile. And in the same episode he promises to cook for Hardison and knows enough about both wine and Hardison to immediately offer to help with his sommelier cover. And the whole episode starts with him just comfortably reading in the empty bar with Nate, quietly making sure the guy isn’t drinking by himself.

Eliot Spencer goes out of his way to take care of the people he loves and he LOVES his team and I’m simply never going to stop thinking about it.

#mine #leverage #he loves them your honor #I know this isn’t about the Witcher or TAD #which is ostensibly what this blog is about #but I think I’ve decided that any new original content tm is going to go here from now on #anyway don’t mind me I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Eliot Spencer for weeks #I’m a simple woman. Show me a Big Tough Guy that Fights For a Living #but who is also extreme god with children/animals and has secret passions #And who LOVES his people fiercely but would never admit even under extreme torture #and I simply cannot help but want to wrap him in a blanket and give him hot cocoa #or maybe put him in a jar just to observe for a while #I’d put some sticks and twigs in there for enrichment! #i could absolutely watch Eliot Spencer be grumpily soft for Parker and Hardison for 2500 consecutive hours #Eliot Spencer my beloved

[lesbiangracehanson]

au where raffi discovers the 21st century concept of ‘escape rooms’ + makes the la sirena crew try out increasingly complicated holo-escape rooms that she’s found..... until the rest of the crew refuse to take part anymore because raffi’s just singlehandedly solving them in like 10 minutes flat whilst the rest of them are occasionally allowed to unlock a padlock or read out a clue for her 

#raffi musiker #star trek picard #rambles #i say this so affectionately but raffi is 100% that person who takes over in escape rooms purely because she's SO excited #to be solving a puzzle #the others have all resigned themselves to their own roles which include: #rios always breaking something in the room because he's been leaning weirdly on it #elnor taking the clues too literally but trying to help raffi anyway #after raffi soji is the most excited by escape rooms + on more than one occasion has actually #provided raffi with a solution to an integral clue #agnes attempts to get into the fun of it all but it turns out escape rooms actually make her very claustrophobic #but she refuses to disclose that info to the rest of the group #seven?? well. seven's simply too busy enjoying watching raffi in problem-solving-mode in a non life threatening situation #to be actively participating #BUT once and only once got extremely immersed + actually solved a lot more of the room than raffi #both frustrating and impressing raffi for a good 2 days afterwards #the writers may have forgotten this family but i will not :-)

[dreamlogic]

#chronic blogging #current emotion #post-hysto pain has been getting steadily worse over the last month & is now accompanied by near constant nausea #can't even do my PT stretches anymore bc of how bad it hurts #so on monday i finally had a FUCK IT IT'S TANTRUM TIME #and checked myself into urgent care for severe abdominal pains #which finally fucking FINALLY resulted in a referral for a second opinion from a different gyno surgeon #who i hope will finally run the ultrasound & CT scan i've been begging other healthcare providers for for months #THERE IS SOMETHING EXTREMELY WRONG WITH MY BODY AND NOBODY IS LISTENING TO ME AND I'M FED UP WITH PRETENDING #THAT EVERYTHING IS WITHIN NORMAL PARAMETERS AND I JUST NEED TO BE PATIENT FOR HEALING & PRACTICE SELF CARE #watching the urgent care PA's face journey as i explained my symptoms how long i've had them & how apathetic my surgeon's response has been #was so incredibly vindicating & cathartic. she gave me a tactful 'i don't necessarily agree with that assessment......' #told me i have already been doing everything she would've recommended & we're long overdue for a second opinion since it isn't helping #and gave me her blessing to go pitch a fit in the ER if my symptoms get any worse before my appointment with the new surgeon #i'm EXHAUSTED and i'm SCARED and it's ABOUT GODDAMN TIME someone in medicine listened to me & took me seriously #been hovering in the 4-7 range on this chart for a disgusting amount of time. now i'm locked in at 8+ and not backing down

[moe-broey]

I need like. A Don't Make Me Tap The Sign about Alfonse Fire Emblem specifically about his character and how he's perceived sometimes. Like Book 7 Chapter 12 he's just like that. He's always been like that.

I feel like I've def said it more eloquently before probably in Book 5 (regarding Reginn and Fáfnir), where like. He Will try for and favor a peaceful solution, but if it's clear there's no way out without violence and killing the threat/adversary. He won't hesitate. He won't falter. Crit line literally references this actually, "Above all, the mission".

Like I feel like the difference between Alfonse just doing Alfonse things (most recent chapter Seidr having to kill Kvasir, no way out of it -- plus also even considering killing Seidr herself, if that were to end Gullveig) and the Letizia moment was like. The Letizia moment was a BOLD gambit he played, which is WHY it was so shocking in the story and as an audience member, and why I think it left such a deep impression. Still very in character for him and the way he thinks/problem solves on the fly, carefully evaluating the situation and what would be the best move with the highest rate of success. (THAT LAST BIT ACTUALLY........ he'll do this even with low rates of success, out of sheer stubbornness as well. Which is why I still stand by him being rash at times, a LOT of his rashness is disguised as "calculated risks" and he just has the willpower to pull it off. The worst-best type of guy to me LMFAO)

Going back a bit though, the Letizia moment also stands out as an example of how far Alfonse is willing to go to win, especially if his back is pushed against the wall. It gives you a FASCINATING glimpse into his character and into his mind. A lot of times Lif would be an enigma to me, beyond the basics, character wise. Like yeah I guess that would fuck up a guy. But his methods (working and making contracts with gods when especially as Alfonse he knows better than that??) would be inscrutable to me. But everything absolutely finally clicked when Alfonse made that gambit, playing to Letizia's personality and whatever preconceived notions she may have, that maybe Alfonse could find a weak spot in and take advantage of. Lif is doing the exact same thing. His judgement is maybe a little worse for wear on account of, well *gestures vaguely to all of him* but he's still very much doing The Same Thing.

LIKE. I'm def straying from my point which is. Alfonse isn't shy about having to resort to violence. It Is a resort. But if it has to be done, it will be done. Any damage control (such as Sharena's feelings -- she has CLEARLY been extremely upset these past chapters) can be resolved later. (This.... is also fascinating to me..... bc it's always been clear to me his loved ones are the people who ground him, who stop him from losing himself, from becoming cruel in his practicality and tendency for detachment. There Is his morality as well -- but his loved ones are a huge part in what keeps him kind.)

I guess what I'm really trying to say is. Hit me up next time Alfonse is playing 4D chess with the enemy or throwing himself in a ditch on purpose just to indulge his baby sister's current pet project. THOSE feel like standout examples of Alfonse Off The Shits (but still completely in character for him tbh), while like. The rest is just par for the course for him. Just another (especially traumatizing) Tuesday.

#i'm. vaguing and i am so sorry for commiting the sin of vaguing. #but i do want to make it clear i'm not actually mad or judgy that would be silly #but like that aspect of alfonse specifically is what draws me in so completely... #it's a fascinating study and also. feels like one extreme opposite to my own. #and it's actually really nice to have it be an extreme bc it's easy to pick out what tracks where it frays #and where it crosses a line and becomes hurtful and/or harmful for the parties involved (including the self) #like... i absolutely use both alfonse and sharena as autistic proxys. to help me conceptualize/recontextualize/process info. #things that don't come naturally to me or things that feel beyond me and out of my grasp. #which is to say alfonse's practicality is actually something that is sooooo personal to me LMFAOOO #which is why. i've got to tap the sign. he has ALWAYS been like this it is a HUGE CORE PART OF HIM‼️‼️‼️‼️ #his greatest strength his biggest flaw. ect. the reason why i'm constantly chewing on his arm. #WHATEVER..... #fe alfonse #again i do want to emphasize i'm not mad or judgy LMFAOO i'm just devastatingly autistic about him. #if anything the autism was just. aggro'd. you know how it is.

[just-some-guy-joust]

alright so here's the current plan with the nominations to the main tourney, not the oc tourney. tomorrow will decide if i'm closing them early or not. if we get a bunch of submissions and it turns out the last 2 days were just slow, then they'll continue to stay open until friday at least. if we continue only getting a handful of submissions, then submissions will close wednesday the 10th, 11:59 pm PST

#-mx narrative #again oc tourney WILL be open until at least friday. i am not going to suddenly cut that one short #if i am being entirely honest the main reason i want to close submissions is because i am Extremely Tired and need things to do #and for the last couple days watching submissions come in and tallying them has been my thing to do #so if they're trickling off i have immediately run out of things to do with my time #if i close them then i'll at least be able to start prepping the tourney #i do understand today was solar eclipse day in north america tho so of course things are gonna be slow which is why i'm giving it tomorrow #if you want to try to make sure submissions stay open for longer for whatever reason then #share the nominations post around or submit a bunch of guys 👍 #and unrelated to that if you want to help me with the fact that there is nothing to do on my phone in bed then perhaps shoot me some asks #can be about whatever. i am simply so bored and too tired to do much #some guy joust

[macroglossus]

being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right????? #this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh. #when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like #two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that #time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore #is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and #when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up #and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not #that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on #listening. if that makes sense #IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive #like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!! #idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that #im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy. #epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍

[justalittlebluetiefling]

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#personal shit below the tags #just venting about getting dragged into high school drama as an adult #which is my fault because i help coach a high school dance team #long story short my best friend is moving out of the state and won't be coaching next year #and is trying to set it up so i take over as head coach #but she was talking to two of the kids about it today to give them a preliminary heads up and #they straight up said that if the current assistant coach gets the job #none of the team will be going back #but that if i get the job everyone will come back #this grown ass woman has thought i've been trying to take her assistant coach job all year #when i have been perfectly happy as a volunteer #and this whole thing was extremely validating and such a bummer all at once because like #i just won't engage with the drama she's been trying to bring and it bums me out that the kids have noticed it #i've been trying really hard to stay professional in front of them and thought i was doing a good job #i HAVE been doing a good job #but the captain knows what i'm like as a coach because i was her head coach her freshman year and so she's noticed the difference in me #so yeah incredibly validating because every time i've been down this year about this #i've been like 'they know which of us is here for THEM and not the STATUS' #and it turns out i was correct this whole time #they DO know and they have been feeling it which is the last thing i wanted for them #so yeah validating and a bummer all at once #we'll find out within the next couple weeks if i will still be coaching next year #every time i vent about this i feel like i'm trying to sound like i have the moral high ground #it gives me the ick about myself

[lonesomedreamer]

@death-by-mercury

Ethan Peck, grandson of...

...the incomparable Gregory Peck.

#both of these were kind of journeys for me #growing up I only knew GP as Atticus from TKAM and so he was very much Dad (On-Screen Version) in my head #and at some point in the last ten-ish years I went “wait...he's PRETTY?” #(he is. extremely. “devastatingly handsome” indeed.) #and Ethan: I am not...a huge fan either of the Star Trek show(s) he's in or of the way his version of Spock has been written #and at first (long before I watched SNW) I was salty bc I thought he looked nothing like Nimoy (he really doesn't) OR like GP #(which...he definitely does? there is a strong resemblance?? lol I don't have eyeballs ig) #anyway: in SNW he has a MUCH better hairstyle than the utterly abysmal things they were doing with his hair and facial hair in Discovery #and he won me over with his charm and his gorgeous smile and his adorable collection of Trek shirts #also he strips in his second scene in SNW which helped lol #so...here I am: crushing on Peck men

[neechees]

🗣️!!

🗣️Talk about your favourite WIP

One of my favorites I got going on right now is a short story i'm working on (maybe even publish!! But it's coming along VERY slowly lol): takes place in the 70s, rez horror, main character is a fat gnc Cree residential school survivor, & there's supernatural shit going on with witches, ghosts, and bad spirits & some colonizer fuckery. There's revenge, trauma, anger, hippies, and murder, and more

Some of the events and places are inspired by real life (like especially the rez horror aspect & reservation life & trauma & shit) but aren't necessarily directly lifted: i kinda wanted the setting to feel authentic in the way that ndns will be able to instantly recognize & relate to, like it feels like it could have happened where you live or to someone you know. Cree will also be included.

Book/author & film influences/inspirations for my writing this I'd say are Silent Hill, Dance Me Outside, Annihilation, "Sharp Objects" by Gillian Flynn, "Monkey Beach" by Eden Robinson, "Indian Horse" by Richard Wagamese, "Beloved" by Toni Morrison, & Métis Maria Campbell.

I think it's my favorite because it came directly from my own brain & it's one I'm actually more confident in! Like I feel like despite my struggles with writing a coherent plot, this one I've actually managed to think up a pretty solid outline for, at least as a jumping off point. I don't want to reveal TOO much bc I'm scared of story theft (not that I'm super duper popular enough to steal from lol but still) & just in case of the event i make some drastic changes. Some of the slowness is due to me getting the details just right & doing more research on things i need to know more about (like Christianity. My family shielded me from it so successfully that I can barely tell apart the various denominations fvshfydh. Im straight up thinking of attenting a Bible study club specifically to do research).

#one song i use as inspo for tone setting is 'down the line' by Jose Gonzales #even if i never publish it I'll probably submit the story to a zine or post it online for people to read for free! ^^ #my attempts to write it have been rather halted however since ive got no laptop #my friend bubblepunk99 has also been helping me for which i am extremely grateful! #gitli #thank u friend <3