#which sucked for him as it did for me

[jadewritesficshere]

Painting

Modern!Eddie Munson x Female!Reader

Contains: nudes, mutual masturbation, phone sex

18+ only

Eddie flopped face down onto his mattress with a sigh. After working all day, playing at the Hideout, and then hauling all of the bands' equipment, he was wiped. He wanted nothing more then to smoke and go to sleep. His phone pinged with a notification. A contact under the name "Loser" had messaged him, causing a split second of confusion before a lazy grin spread across his face when he realized it was you (he had forgotten he changed it when high). You had been unable to come see Corroded Coffin play tonight as you had made previous plans.

Loser: How did it go?? Good?? Bad??

Loser: Was that one chick who wants to be a groupie there??

Eddie: went ok. Y u jealous?

Loser: just curious lol

Eddie: sure. Wbu?

Loser: Good! Robin and Nancy came. We had a nice dinner. We did paintings! Robin's looks better then mine. Mine looks like shit 😔 now just taking a bath and relaxing.

Eddie: show me?

Loser: lol no???

Eddie: y not? I'm sure it good

Loser: you sure?

Eddie: yes

Loser: fine

Eddie doubted your painting looked bad. You always tore yourself down, even when you did amazing things. He always wanted to throttle you, but knew he would be a hypocrite if he did. Eddie rolled onto his back and looked at the ceiling. He would convince you one day that you were awesome, but until then he would just have to keep reminding you. His phone dinged with a new message from you. He opened it and saw a picture attached and-

Immediately dropped his phone. His heart picked up speed. His eyes widened and face flushed. Eddie dove for the phone as if it were a life preserver and he was drowning. He couldn't believe his eyes. He licked his lips and stared at his phone.

A picture from your neck down. Bubbles in the bath around you. Water was running down your collarbone towards your tits. Your nipples barely covered by the bubbles. One boob having no bubbles around it at all, but your hand flipping him off blocked him from seeing more. He was greedy. He wanted to see more, and had never imagined you would send him this to begin with. Eddie looked down at the tent that had formed in his boxers.

Loser: ask nicely next time 😤

Eddie groaned and his dick twitched. You had totally misunderstood him, he had wanted to see your painting- of course he was more then glad for this outcome. However, he couldn't quite unsee what you had sent, nor would he want to. Eddie reread your text. Next time means more than just this once. Means maybe he could see more. Means maybe he has a better shot with you then he thought. He already overthought things with you many times, and now his brain had just switched to overdrive.

A million thoughts ran through his head as his hand traveled south. He paused briefly," Oh fuck it." He grabbed his dick over his boxers, causing the outline to be very noticeable. He took a pic before sending it to you. He would have felt bad about not sending a message with it, but he would have sat there for ages trying to think of a response. And he couldn't find it in himself to care as he pressed lightly against his dick.

He dropped his phone on his stomach. All Eddie could think about was you as he pulled his dick out of his boxers. Your soap covered tits. How beautiful they looked.. He licked his hand before slowly grasping his dick and squeezing the base, causing the tip to flush more. The pressure causing him to moan. He slowly stroked up and down his length. He picked up the pace, canting his hips up to meet his hand. Part of him wanted to go slow, but the rest of him wanted to get this over with quick so he could do it again and again and again. His chest heaved and sweat started to form on his brow. A sigh fell from his lips that quickly turned to a moan at the thought of it being your hand wrapped around him. How small your hand would look on his dick. How-

His stomach tensed and he jolted as his phone started vibrating and your ringtone played. The vibrations on his lower stomach felt so good, he was tempted to let it keep playing, but the urge to hear your voice was stronger. With his free hand he grabbed the phone and answered. "H-hello?" Eddie asked, panting into the phone. "Oh fuck, Eddie," your voice higher than normal sounded like music to his ears. Eddie moaned and your response was a whimper. "Fuck babe, see what you do to me?" Eddie's voice felt like sandpaper, he was surprised he could even find words. "Uh-huh." The sound of water splashing caught Eddie's attention," holy shit. Are you touching yourself?" "Wish it were you."

Eddie's mind went fuzzy as he picked up speed. The schlick noise picking up, his mind filtering out everything except your moans. "Sound so good. Wish I was there." Eddie mumbled, feeling his tip leaking generously. He was so close. "Fuuuck Eddie I'm gonna-" your sentence was cut off with a moan and he lost it. His hips bucked without rhythm and cum spurted everywhere. He never understood the phrase of people seeing stars behind their eyes until now, but they were more like fireworks. He had never cum this much in his life, not even when he had first found porn.

He slowly came back down, a euphoric feeling enveloping him. A warmth spread in his chest as it heaved, trying to catch a breath. He looked down and saw his shirt covered with his release. Your chuckle pulled him back to earth. "Uh so that happened...so whatcha gonna do about it Munson?" He hummed," Think i should ask you for a date." "You should."

Eddie had the biggest grin when you finally got off the phone, date planned for Friday night. He looked down at your contact name before changing the s to a v. He was going to find that painting you did and make sure it hung over his bed, so he could remember this night forever.

#Eddie eventually tells you about the misunderstanding and you just become more and more embarrassed #You asked him to delete the pic out of embarrassment and he goes on and on about how it is art and how beautiful it is and refuses #He later comes back to you and tells you if you want him to delete it he will and you just laugh and tell him to keep it #He agrees tho that your painting does suck to which you say “yeah I do” and give him a pointed look and he doesn't catch on #Until you huff and grab him and look him in the eyes and flat out tell him what you're offering #Shoutout to my friend who did this to me (it was a clothed pic tho) and I went BRO? and immediately clarified #But it started this thought and it wouldn't shake me loose until I wrote it so here yall go #Idk how to end things and idk how to write smut so take this and do with it as you will #My dumbass over here getting too lost in my own mind to write well fjdjsls #Eddie Munson #Modern!Eddie Munson #Eddie Munson x reader #Eddie Munson/reader #Eddie Munson x y/n #Eddie Munson x you #Eddie Munson/you #Eddie Munson smut #Eddie Munson x female!reader #Stranger Things #Also Eddie absolutely uses only text speech and you get frustrated with it #Jade is Talking

[sadisthetic]

i get into hi fi rush and then proceed to make the most TOXIC ASS hfr oc. this is seltzer (he/they). he is Hashtag Problematic.

hes a precanon character who i created for the main purpose of exploring chais backstory which is FREE REAL ESTATE and subject chai to wretched things. making up a reason why chai is such a lonely ass independent guy at the start of the game AND SELF INDULGING AT THE SAME TIME (i love emotional whump). seltzer is red flag ass emotionally manipulative motherfucker. lmao

he is uhh. chais ex-"friend" that chai met at a venue during a local band performance in college. in quotes bc its a kinda complicated one sided deal. hes in a band called acid scale thats just a group of friends fucking around with instruments. their skills are mediocre and their music is DOGSHIT

somehow chai ends up hanging out with them. it doesnt end well

more sketches of the bastard below

#they suck soooooooooooooooo much i love seltzer but tbh if i ever get a callout post written for me hes 100% goin on there as evidence #bc of the shit i wrote for his and chais story #which did half for the purpose of making him the worst person alive and the other half is bc im a sadist. and also im lusting over chai #anyways hes nonbinary but like he uses he like 90% of the time #tbh im worried bout sharing that story and being attacked for it but its like. man. yolo. ppl get paid to write worse for television #im just a dude on the internet. #either way ill do it tomorrow #hi fi rush oc #my art #my ocs #hi fi rush

[20001541]

I wish the anime hadn't cut this part out. It really highlights how afo presented himself as a savior to those who felt lost during the dawn of quirks which was how he was able to get such a huge following.

we see him do that during present day too as we see how he exploits those, particularly children, who society forgot about by taking them in and caring for them so they'll remain grateful and loyal to him.

#something something about a41 presenting himself as a messiah I'll get into that in an ask #a41 did so well during the dawn of quirks because there were so many lost people who were looking for someone to bring order #which he then took advantage of #a41 works best when dealing with those who have nowhere to go and are struggling as they're easy for him to exploit #and a41 knows exactly how it feels to be forgotten by society and left to fend for himself with no hope so he just tells them what he wante #to hear as a kid so they'll latch onto him #tbh I wouldn't be surprised if machia had some sad meow meow backstory that caused him to fall for a41 so hard #anyways the point is it sucks the anime took this part out #don't even get me started about how they removed his coat when he was walking among his followers either 😑

[seoafin]

I cant go to sleep so have my cursed stsg nanami foursome thoughts so I can be in peace (it's not really a foursome)

it's gojo that originally throws out nanami's name AS A JOKE to geto and when geto is like hm. that wouldn't be a bad idea. gojo is like !?!?!? whines and complains for the next few days although he's also warming up to the idea of watching nanami fuck you. they both know nanami liked you in high school.

unfortunately this means gojo is the one who ultimately propositions nanami who stares at gojo likes he's an ant (it turns him on). nanami is like please be serious for one second of your life. then he's offended on YOUR behalf that gojo (and by extension geto) is offering you up like a slab of meat because he respects you too much for stsg to be playing with you like that 😭

gojo is like why don't you talk to her then?

geto is the one that approaches you about it. the first thing out of your mouth is whether or not they're growing bored of you (communication!) and then you say they can fuck nanami. you don't mind although you are a bit sad that you aren't good enough for them to which geto immediately reassures you that are you more than enough and everything they need. he wants to grow old with you. and it's not exactly them nanami would be fucking....

you and nanami talk. nanami tries to feel out if stsg offering you to men is a regular occurrence (it's not he's just a very special case) (nanami thinks the WORST of them help 😭) you tell him that it's okay to say no. that you aren't sure you'd be able to please him anyway and nanami who has been mostly silent asks you if YOU want it. after a more embarrassed pause you say you'd be lying if you never thought of it. nanami says he'll do it although he already knows stsg are going to be unbearable

unfortunately that doesn't mean free reign. nanami has to watch stsg fuck you first. an almost unwilling voyeur as stsg are determined to give him a show by fucking 7 ways to Sunday and manhandling you and telling him all the small ways he can make you come. all the small things that you really like. nanami is kinda horrified 😭 and you're so embarrassed you cant quite meet his eyes after even when he's undressed and on top of you.

the entire time through it he asks you if you're okay. if you want him to stop and get off of you.

stsg are sick because the only position they let nanami fuck you in is missionary so close the two of you look like actual lovers. geto hums making completely inappropriate comments to rearrange you, tells you to put your arms around nanami's neck, just the way you do to him. the way you squeeze him when you come is just so cute. while gojo is practically interrogating him on how you good you feel. he's such a good superior for letting him have a taste of you like this, isn't he? anyway nanami blocks it all out through sheer willpower and by focusing purely on your pleasure

you are the only person in the room that does not know nanami used to love you

even though you already came a handful of times from stsg you come so easily with nanami. hes so kind and gentle and never loses control. he's never seen you like this, flushed and teary eyed, biting your lip when you come again. he doesn't know why you keep apologizing. so he makes you feel so good you can't string the apologies together. he kisses you at the end, taking your lips with his when you cry out into his mouth. that's the one thing that makes stsg completely silent. they weren't expecting him to kiss you.

anyway the entire experience makes him down so bad he kinda wishes he never did it

#nanami does it once and never again. the temptation is too much. #draws firm clear lines 😭😭😭 #which sucks for stsg bc they did indeed want a round with him too #it was a momentary lapse of judgement. a moment of weakness. #also stsg strike me as the type to let nanami have sex with you just to emphasize who you do ultimately belong to it's so sick 😭 #they need to stop playing mind games and just fuck each other #not sfw #ripverse au

[shokupanda]

sonaposting? :3

turns you into a glitter sticker and rotates you in my mind

#heeeeeheee #i had glitter stickers on the brain which resulted in this #id like to thank my friend owlbis and his editing skills for the animation #i downloaded davinci resolve and tried to do it myself and it did NOT turn out as good as this. so yeah shoutout to him #anywho! your sona is v cool n i hope you like this silly thing #furry #anthro #artists on tumblr #sfw furry #my art #sho.scribbles #sho.schmoves #fun fact: the time i spent on this is like 20% drawing and 80% waiting on files to upload. genuinely took me like an hour to- #upload a 24mb gif to a gif compressor site. my internet sucks so baddd lmao #anywho this was v fun to draw. also i now have the power to turn any future drawings into a spinny sticker. heeheeeee #oh also lycan if you want the image version or the pic w/o glitter fx shoot me a dm awawawawaa

[ghastigiggles]

Omg omg omg "Here comes the tickle monster" with ler!Jing Yuan and lee!Yanqing! If that's okay ofc💕

Mischievious Prompts [Still Open]

“My lord, please, you should still be resting…”

“A little rest is good for the soul,” Jing Yuan smiled back, gazing out the window; “But too much, and one risks becoming lethargic.”

Yanqing sighed softly, his brow furrowing with worry as he gazed at the general’s back. While it was true that Jing Yuan was bouncing back well, a part of him – the part that was still attached to his mentor – still stressed over the depth of his wounds. Jing Yuan could be like a cat at the best of times, concealing facets of his health to avoid worrying those he cared for – and giving his enemies an advantage, all the same.

“... I understand,” The young warrior managed after a moment, knowing better than to push his luck too far; “In that case, if there’s anything I can do to help, please, let me be of service.”

“Hm.”

Jing Yuan turned to look down upon Yanqing, a soft smile upon his lips as he took in the boy’s worried state – and with a soft chuckle, he nodded, turning to face him fully as Yanqing perked to attention.

“There is one thing…”

Something about the general’s tone struck a memory for Yanqing, who promptly tensed – suddenly overwhelmingly glad that there were no other members of staff present in Jing Yuan’s office. As the older warrior stepped forward, he stepped back, swallowing as he realized where this was going.

“My lord…! You can’t be serious – your condition is –”

“Not severe enough to stop the tickle monster!”

In a split moment, Jing Yuan grinned and started closer, earning a yelp of alarm from Yanqing as he darted away in turn, quickly moving to stay out of reach – though he couldn’t stop the anticipatory, equally entertained smile from seizing his features, nor the squeal that escaped him when the general finally seized his target. 

“Here it comes!”

“Eeyah! Nohohoo, my - my lohord…!”

Ultimately, a little laughter was a soothing balm for both of their souls – and for those who passed by the office’s doors, pausing to smile at the muffled sounds of play within. All would be well within the Divination Commission.

#hsr tickles #jing yuan #yanqing #mine #sorry this is a lil late #also sorry that its lighter on the Content side but #i finished the final bit of luofu before starting penacony tonight #so that was still fresh in my mind and like. the best point of reference for me to work with #also my first time writing for anyone from hsr so im sorry if it feels clunky #i will find my rhythm eventually god willing #anyway did you know i love them. did you know #their dynamic as like. mentor/student but also kind of big brother/lil brother is just... #its everything to me :( yanqing cares his mentor so much and wants to make him proud #and jing yuan cares his apprentice so much and wants to make him strong #im ngl though... luofu kinda made me Sleep storywise #i felt like it dragged a bit :( which SUCKS bc the characters are great #and ill take any chance to see the stellaron hunters do funky shit. which they did manymuch of during that story #it just got overshadowed by uh. too much filler imo #belobog and (so far) penacony have felt better paced #neway im rambling sorry #enjoy the fic o7

[sideblogdotjpeg]

hey guys does anybody know whats the date today

#.... SORRY. #posts by me dot com #ok. i rembered it was hs day today and did this in about. 1 hour. at 5am rip #i. TTRULY did not spend enough time + i dont rmb enough to give them accurate and true classpects. but #okay. heres my rationale for all of them #callie rogue. obvs. her family are smugglers. she took one of those smuggled goods (serpent egg) and tried to give it to someone better. #stealing and redistributing hope etc. hope i chose for idea of potential & infinite possibilities (destiny peregrines). #also if i rmb right.. hope is one of the classes for like losers. which. i mean that is all of duck teams. losers who realise they suck #AND kick ass #sol blood. connections & bonds we fight for. also his whole arc abt family. etc etc #page because. ok uh #pages have a whole thing of starting out as nobodies and becoming someone. v dteam. i did also consider giving him knight but. ultimately #wanted to draw sol in the page shorts shorts. so. well. #calder i was. least sure abt #gave him void i think relates to his feeling of smallness/insignificance/uselessness + the helm... #and a knight. bcus hes a selfsacrificing guy. also his entire character is like... protecting ppl. very knightly #i dont remember that much abt the knight class tbh tho. RIP #also not featured but oliana/aryox seers of mind. OBVS #......... we are NOT main tagging this one gang B)

[overtake]

Some f1 fans cannot handle being reminded that this is a competitive sport, not daycare. Sometimes people have to do things that will hurt a driver’s feelings, seem unfair, or piss off other competitors when there’s points and millions of dollars on the line. You can still be disappointed and upset without acting like the decision made on objectively sound sporting reasons requires a trip to the hague. If you cannot handle that this sport is not actually hair braiding and gentle parenting when push comes to shove, you might enjoy another hobby better.

#some of these takes just have me rolling my eyes #i may dislike mclaren for some general things that went down with daniel #but daniel did not perform and they were 100% right to drop him and there is no world in which they were wrong in making that choice #sucks that nyck didnt get a full season but he ran his mouth about not wanting to be treated like a rookie and got rightfully dropped #when drivers do things that seem scummy but are legal … you can be like ‘ugh i hate that’ without saying they deserve a penalty for it #it’s very sad for logan that he can’t drive because of alex’s mistakes #but also. he’s not out for this weekend just because of alex’s mistakes #he’s not driving because he put out a season and two races worth of performances #showing why they shouldn’t trust him more than the man who crashed. and that is on logan #williams is 100% right for putting alex in there. it sucks for logan for SURE and i feel bad for him #but they’re right #no one says you cant be UPSET with the decision but you cannot pretend its wrong #*

[fatalwhims]

one of the main themes of trigun is the burden that Vash carries. imo, the most obvious burden is the guilt from the Great Fall, thinking that he’s partly responsible for putting humans on this desolate land and causing them to further exploit the plants.

but i’ve been thinking about Vash and the burden of hope ever since i finished the manga. for over a century, he’s carried this hope that humanity will get better. that they’ll prove Knives wrong and stop being so selfish. that they’ll stop fearing and hunting him, leaving him with scars. he’s been fighting for all these years because he remains hopeful, despite so many trying to break him. despite so many laughing in his face when they hear about his principles and what he’s fighting for.

yet for so long, he’s fought alone and he’s so used to fighting on his own. as far as we know, no one has ever decided to stick with him before the events of trigun. Luida and Brad have been supporting him from behind the scenes, but now he also has others who put their lives on the line and step into battle. he had Wolfwood, and there’s Meryl, Milly, Livio, ..

they all fight with Vash, not because they believe that he’ll fix everything or because they necessarily agree with his ideals and methods (see Wolfwood, right?), but because they see the hope for humanity that he holds and they want it to be true too...they want it to be realized. and they lessen the burden on him because now they’re carrying some of that hope themselves too.

it really hit me when i saw this panel of Livio shooting Chronica to let Vash + Knives escape, telling her to give him and us a chance. “us” as in humans.

[ID: Trigun Maximum panels of Livio standing over Chronica laying on the ground after he incapacitated her, saying: “...But I can’t let ya do that. I know you’ve been through a lot, but I ask that ya give him, and us, a chance. You won’t regret it. Oh, and welcome to No Man’s Land.” End ID]

it’s always been about Vash seeing the potential in humanity and hoping that with all he does, he’ll be able help them reach that potential.

and at the end of trimax, i hope that with many more humans believing in, and hoping for, a brighter future...that burden feels even less for Vash.

#trigun #trimax spoilers #trigun maximum #i've seen others say it but Meryl kind of represents Vash's hope for humanity #the one who is willing to accept him and bridge that gap between plants and humans (which i think will be event more apparent in tristamp) #but yeah this has been on my mind since finishing #the idea of hope being burdensome wasn't very obvious to me #but hope can sometimes suck you know? especially when it feels futile or when you've been hurt so many times #but you still hang on to that sliver of it and you think 'what if'? #anyways i finished the manga y'all i did it! #on to trigun 98 next :) #trigun meta #vash the stampede #*my post #*my trigun #livio the double fang #chronica #is this even meta sometimes i feel like i comment on the most obvious observations haha

[nonuggetshere]

Miscalenous content, mostly fankids because I have no chill

Made an AU where the sealing didn't go as planned, PV is found out not to be hollow and later when they mop around the ancient basin they hear that at least one of their siblings is still stuck in the abyss. They were the very last to hatch and after PV steals the king's brand for themself and goes down they find them injured and raises them back to health in the palace. They keep their existence a secret, of course.

A lil doodle of what if the five great knights survived and Hollow gets to reunite with them (my attempt at the perspective on their head Did Not Work Out, they just look like a squished banana)

Babies content! Mostly Tally, two concepts for their siblings (triplets babyyyy) and a singular Sting

I found a One Singular Quirrel x Hollow shipper and their art has infected my brain. It's terminal and I will be passing away shortly

#spooky arts #Tally's sibs are called Till and Morningdew. Yeah that lil note about PV sucking at naming things is not a joke. They legitimately do #The few times they're good at it is when they name them after somebody else. Otherwise...its a disaster #The triplets are from an AU where I just looked at Norel and went '...I can make him worse' #AND BOY DID I EVER #The lil Tally drawings are from a mini AU variant of FaaF where they end hp having a kid before the whole disaster of being outed and #Secretly raise them in the palace with Hornet's help. It absolutely does not go well and after they're found out and PK tries to pick up #Tally (non-malicious) he ends up looking like he's been put through a meat grinder. The knights also get their asses handed to them when #they try to step in. I'm a tries to talk to the baby and IMMEDIATELY gets tackled #I made wyrms very aggressive when it comes to protecting their offspring which gives me plenty of opportunity to make PV go fucking feral #Not the first time they almost turned their father from an Is to a Was in my aus tbh #ISMA* My phone keeps connecting her name to I'm a jfc

[bonkin]

good morning

#eddie brock #venom #i did this. yesterday so i (maybe?) saved it But its an excuse for me to talk about my eddie cooking headcanons #Of which there are few that include He doesnt suck so bad at it but working up the energy to do it 99% of the time is like shooting himself #so this is absolutely soul rending for him. but i think he can make a Decent Autism Meal. like huge batch of rice for example #depression meals are a staple etc. we know about the tater tots #i just think its funny. anyway. i wanted to share my pain. shout out to bitches who suck at cooking bc they have adhd #scart

[hassianlovebot]

like on one hand i understand why people don't like subira at first, but i'm also getting tired of seeing people shit on her without actually getting to know her. and i know how that sounds, but she's literally fine. like yes death to cops but the in game order lady isn't the evil witch come to kill zeki and reth that everyone thinks she is. and they would know that,, if they did her quests,, or at least spoiled themselves and looked at the wiki,,,

it's getting embarrassing honestly

#spoilers #like Please just look at the wiki aldghlj #like trust me i understand the initial hate cause i didnt trust or like her at first either #but then i looked at the wiki to see what was going to happen #and realized it wasnt that bad #and then i did the quests and realized she's literally fine #like the order absolutely still sucks imo but she's fine #seeing hate when she first came out was chill and expected #seeing hate now after people have had every chance to get to know her and the quests is just embarrassing #if you dont want to see spoilers then dont keep reading these tags #but she Literally says that she doesnt hate zeki and that he's just being controlled and manipulated by the cartel #which he is!! that's literally what he tells us!! #she literally says that at most he would just have to pay a fine like my guys #and she doesn't know about reth at all #and by her lvl4 quest she doesnt trust the order as much and starts to doubt them #LIKE #she's not even evil! she genuinely believed in the order's mission but she changes her mind once she's presented with them being assholes #and again she's not even trying to hurt zeki or get him in trouble!! he's gonna pay a fine at most!! that's all!!! #and from what we have seen from her i genuinely don't believe that she would be against reth #she would absolutely feel bad and it could even end up being her wake up call to how the order's mission isnt good #and people would know that if they took the time to read her wiki or do her quests #but instead they make bad jokes about 'how dare people like the hot older lady who ends up being really nice and caring grrrrr' #like ajhdgljdag #begging you guys to just read the fucking wiki dude #its not really spoilers if you have no intent to actually do her quests #it gives the same vibes as when people say that reth is super boring and just the dumb cook because they havent gotten to know him #like this whole game is about lore and secrets and characters not being what they seem #im not saying people Have to like her but i am saying you look silly when you hate on her without doing her quests #yeah the devs actually just told me you can only hate her or make jokes about hating her After you complete all her quests #sorry guys :/

[ctrl-lupin]

Yes, I would be very interested hearing your head canon (@tim-ribbert-56) (in response to this post)

I have decided for my personal entertainment that Clarisse de Cagliostro is related to Lupin III, and here's why.

-pulls out Arsène Lupin's Wikipedia page-

In the novel La Comtesse de Cagliostro, a young Arsène Lupin (at the time going by the name Raoul d'Andrésy) was courting Clarisse d'Etigues, a young lady of a well-to-do family, and trying to win her hand, despite her father's disapproval.

Throughout the course of the novel, Lupin meets and falls in love with Joséphine Balsamo, aka the Countess of Cagliostro, and abandons Clarisse in favour of her. To clarify, Joséphine is not actually countess of anything, she is (or claims to be) a descendant of Giuseppe Balsamo aka the Count of Cagliostro (who was also count of jack shit), a famous conman from the 18th century.

Shenanigans ensue, which I will not go into in details on, but oh my god I am insane about Raoul and Joséphine, I want to dissect them and study them under a microscope. It turns out Joséphine aka Cagliostro is evil as fuck, Raoul/Lupin realizes that and goes back to Clarisse (whom he had previously abandoned like an old sock, I fucking hate this guy), marries her, and a few years later has her kid.

Unfortunately Clarisse dies in childbirth, and Joséphine, who was still around and very very pissed at Lupin (and jealous as hell of Clarisse whom, may I mention, had never personally antagonized her in any way whatsoever, Joséphine is just fucking bonkers). Joséphine also kidnaps Lupin and Clarisse's son, Jean, and raises him as her own son. (I have not yet read the following novel The revenge of Cagliostro so I don't really know what Jean's deal is, I just know he's an antagonist).

The following is my headcanon, based on these events. In the universe of Lupin III, Joséphine Balsamo was actually countess of the small kingdom of Cagliostro (maybe Giuseppe was count, maybe he conned his way into becoming count, maybe he bought the land and built a fake kingdom with a fake history, who knows).

After the events of The revenge of Cagliostro, Jean settles down in the country of Cagliostro, gets married, has a child, and that child will later have a daughter of their own, who they name Clarisse, after their late grandmother. Clarisse de Cagliostro, of Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro fame, would thus be the great-grand-daughter of Arsène Lupin, making her Lupin III's cousin/niece/whatever you call this specific degree of separation.

I am choosing to make Clarisse de Cagliostro a great-granddaughter of Arsène Lupin, rather than a granddaughter, because Arsène Lupin was very young when the events I described unfolded: he is 20 years old when he meets Clarisse d'Etigues and the whole Cagliostro debacle happens, and 25 by the time Jean is born. I'm assuming he had Lupin II much later in his life. So Jean and Lupin II (half-brothers) would have a significant difference in age, and so Jean's hypothetical child (grandchild of Arsène Lupin, so of the same generation of Lupin III) would be much older than Lupin III. Clarisse de Cagliostro is younger than him, maybe around the same age if you stretch it, so she's have to be a great-grandchild.

Now I need to read The revenge of Cagliostro and study Arsène Lupin's wikipedia page in more detail to determine when exactly Lupin II was born and who his mother was. And also where Albert's family branched out, because the fact that he's called D'Andrésy should theoretically place him as a descendant of Arsène Lupin's mother but not of Arsène Lupin himself; but Jean was also going by that last name, so who fucking knows.

No I am not insane I promise, I am just a gigantic nerd.

#i have very mixed feelings about Papy Lupin Original Flavour #cuz you see in the first books he was pretty much like his grandson #a charming little bastard; smug as hell but also charming enough to make up for it #like. an ego the size of the eiffel tower but it's highly deserved #if he robbed me i would just thank him #you wanna punch him in the face but like. lovingly #then around The Hollow Needle he started acting weird #and after that his ego grew into a god complex the size of the eiffel tower and he just lost all the charm #like. just a huge dick honestly. #i thought that was a logical evolution after (SPOILER FOR THE HOLLOW NEEDLE) his wife got brutally murdered in front of his eyes #mere HOURS after they got married and he gave up his whole career as a thief for her #which would be an understandable evolution #but no he's also retroactively an asshole in The Countess of Cagliostro which is a prequel #i guess leblanc just decided 'lupin's a dick now' #which sucks #but on the other hand it's very funny to kinda hate-read The Countess of Cagliostro #i was honestly rooting for Joséphine for most of the book #she is fucking insane which is exactly what raoul/lupin deserve #you know that Mountain Goats song 'no children' ? #'hand in unloveable hand; i hope you die i hope with both die' #or that post that says 'i don't ship them they're too toxic / well i hope they kill each other mid-fuck' #well that's me with them #just reading on to see how many more life-ruining decisions raoul can bodily throw himself at #also leblanc did joséphine dirty!!!!!!!! #LET MY GIRL BE EVIL FOR GOD'S SAKE #none of that 'her fragile feminine nature' and fainting after murdering someone because deep down she can't bear her own cruelty #what the fuck #let her be genuinely unhinged!! let her bash raoul's head in with a meat hammer!!!! #(yes that is something that she tried to do) #anyway. justice for Joséphine Balsamo. god forbid women do anything

[moregraceful]

accidentally invented a new form of no bedtime called 11pm glass of emergency-c + 4pm latte + 8pm cup of black tea + 9pm cup of black tea

#the real question is can i go to church on less than 5 hours of sleep and still function lol #i unlocked my instagram bc church wouldn't stop tagging me to direct people to me for stuff but that meant i had to delete a bunch of pho #tos AND rewrite a bunch of captions for photos i didn't WANT to delete bc i was too mean to random sharks prospects #which is fine if it is u know the anonymity of tumblr but not public instagram where my church won't stop FULL NAMING AND TAGGING ME #''anonymity of tumblr'' i doxx myself on here like 80 times a day in front of more people than i went to college with #anyway my point is i was going through deleting all evidence of politics pens fandom and legal documents and i was like damn #my attitude towards my team SUCKS. i gotta be way less of a hater!!! #what did my prospects ever do wrong besides everything NOTHING. the system is BROKEN. i am sorry i will be so much nicer guys :( #also if u really want to be humbled. scrolling back to 2012 on your instagram and re-experiencing senior year of college. BAD #i've deleted i think everything that would reasonably get our nonprofit status pulled but what a horrific journey it was #two full hockey intermission periods of deleting shit plus another hour at home doing several more passes and then rewriting captions #so that some poor 21 year old prospect randomly searching their name doesn't see me full ass call their teammate cringe #their teammate IS cringe. but i love him. but the nuances are lost on instagram people don't understand these things they take everything #at face value #don't know why i just assigned shakir mukhamadullin they/them pronouns #i think i need to go lie in bed with a blanket over my head until i suffocate #this ALWAYS happens i get too hype about mackenzie blackwood and start listening to selena gomez and then it's like almost 3am and i'm just #fresno oilers.txt #oh and. a friend sent me screenshots of the girl she's been flirting with on a dating app and they are SOOOOO cute #i hope they make a good run of it i really do bc it was SO cute. living vicariously through episcopalian lesbians as one does #but then i was trying to figure out how to edit my dating app profile to dissuade chasers but still honeytrap guys who are tall enough #or athletic enough to pick the tangerines at the top of the tangerine tree. bc i couldn't reach this week #but there were still like god maybe 150 tangerines on the tree. i was like this could be feeding people but i'm TOO SHORT #and my life will be like this. FOREVER #icb the future of this garden is so psychologically burdensome that i'm having to build it into a dating app profile lol #well now that i'd treated this entire tag set as twitter for and hour and a half #time to go try to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling and then wake up in [checks notes] four hours

[moonscape]

okay i'm going to be nicer to totk for real now *deletes most of my drafts*

#bwark #god i'm fucking trying to have some kind of epiphany here where i can have it all click and be like ''even if i have my problems i can still #get enjoyment out of it'' but this game makes it so damn difficult #''i can discuss the story'' wait nope can't. story sucks ass and butt #''what about the exploration? that was the best part of botw'' uh no can't do that when the surface is practically the same and there's no #substance to the sky or the depths #''gameplay?'' i don't like ultrahand. which sucks when that's 90% of the gameplay #i respect the work that must've gone into it and the creativity it's drawn from fans but making one gameplay aspect literally ALL YOU DO #runs the risk of alienating people who can't get behind #and sure other zelda games have their gimmicks but it's different #like take tp for example. i get that the wolf mechanic isn't for everyone. but aside from the early game twilight sections and a few sparse #puzzles in the later game you're never really forced to play as wolf so it doesn't overstay its welcome #god i just remembered that totk turned wolf link into meat chunks. another thing they took from us 😔 #actually on that genuinely why couldn't they just bring him back? #like you're reusing a ton of shit from botw anyway?? #which brings me back to my main point is that anything that isn't new is just. botw again #shrines are back but they're uglier. dungeons are the divine beasts but in a new coat of paint #why did they add more shrines to the game anyway? like you'd think they'd at least lower the number because fans didn't want them to return #the SINGULAR leg up i can think of id the bosses. yeah i love botw and i'll hold my hands up and say that a lot of the common complaints for #it don't bother me personally but yeah the blights absolutely sucked #divebombing colgera with the dragon roost theme playing was the closest thing that this game came to giving me an experience #okay i'll shut up now I'M GOING TO BE NICE EVEN IF IT KILLS ME

[tsuchinokoroyale]

More like rad-b-gone lol

#I love that you can see me back off to dodge his grab before I’m like oh wait I can just bonk him lol #thank you radagon for being the only boss I could see myself doing hitless #except my dodge rate for his stomp/poke combo is like 5% #so it’s only feasible if he doesn’t do that move… #oh and the “nothing personnel kid” teleport and fast smash can also suck it #him the crucible knights and the bell bearing hunter are the only enemies I’ve learned to consistently parry in ER 😮‍💨 #I tried learning malenia’s parries but her damage is so overtuned it str8 up was not worth the risk and effort 🥴 #radagon definitely isn’t the most fun boss in Elden ring but I think he’s like the most fair out of every single one #which is why it’s gr8 that all my goodwill gets toss out the window with Elden beast 🥴 #I had one moment where he did Elden stars chase attack the triple closing rings and then sword swipes #and got absolutely annihilated bc I could not dodge all 3 attacks at once #like attack RNG has always been part of the difficulty in these games but with my limited knowledge this is the first one where #(( outside of gank fights )) #the RNG difficulty slider goes from manageable all the way to full health to death #had one round with malenia where she used waterfowl blade SIX TIMES and I only managed to survive bc I was playing around with a mage build #and was letting bby tiche do most of the damage while I pulled aggro from far away enough that I could dodge WFB comfortably #can you tell I’ve only ever done double godskins with both NPC summons and tears #I’ve heard enough about that fights bullshit that I straight up trivialize it every time I get it to it #Elden ring truly is the most difficult and easiest fromsoft game to date… dialectic 🥳 #excited to see how they balance things in the DLC bc honestly outside of WFB malenia really is a fun boss #I don’t mind that her normal attacks are so punishing bc dodging around them or knocking her out of certain attacks feels gr8 #so if bosses are malenia level TUNED without WFB level BULLSHIT I can see myself getting really into it 🥳 #tsuchi plays games