#with autism and then go no??? theyre just supposed to be weird :) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mothmage · 13 days

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6. Show us a bit of a wip!

14. Is there a character or ship you were sure you’d never write/draw for but now you’ve changed your mind?

22. Give us a headcanon for Armand!

14. armand/marius!! i really disliked marius when i first read TVL (the classic "he comes across as so arrogant" and "how could he just abandon armand like that" crisis), but then i thought about it for longer and realized that, actually, theyre the perfect level of complicated and a little fucked up for me, so :)

22. oooooh i have many, ok a sort of silly one is that i think he really dislikes synthetic fibers, like all of his clothes are leather or silk, linen, or cotton (or hemp, maybe). i think this is a combo of enhanced vampire senses, human autism (another hc), and "if youre going to do something, do it right." that said, i do think he has a weird obsession with plastics more generally! he definitely collected bakelite trinkets and dishes and stuff. i bet he dragged poor louis to home showings all over the place. oh, that's maybe a second headcanon -- i think the loumand years pre-interview probably went like this: a period of hyper-romantic and suave love interest armand, a period of armand getting more comfortable and dragging louis all over the place and trying new things (the happiest period for both of them during these years, i think), and then a period where louis started to retreat into himself again and armand eventually gave up and left him (which, honestly, the fact that armand left is still crazy to me. but, to be fair, armand is much older and probably left knowing it wasnt the end of loumand and that he would be back, whereas for all louis knew, that was goodbye armand forever :sadtoad:)

6. little bit from my reverse devil's minion wip below the cut!!

The door swung open, the ruined lock cast aside. Daniel cringed back against the light from the street, a hand shielding his eyes.

There was a thud, a muffled cry, and Daniel opened his eyes to see that a man had been thrown down from the doorway, bound and gagged.

He didn’t hesitate, lunging and draining him immediately, without a second thought. He forced himself to break away just as the man’s heart stopped, breathing heavily. Then he turned to look up at Alexei, still standing in the doorway, haloed by the light from the street.

He wore thick clothing, something like wool, that covered him from neck to ankle, and wore a sharp-looking sword tucked into his belt.

Daniel just stared at him for a moment, his brain still trying to catch up. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he asked, hoarse. “What are you, some kind of…” He didn’t even know. “Serial killer?” He’d heard about those.

Alexei raised a brow. “Not very creative, Daniel.”

He huffed a laugh, almost hysterically amused. “Well, what the fuck else am I supposed to think?”

Alexei cocked his head, looking a little disappointed. “Really? What could a mortal possibly want with a vampire, you wonder?”

Daniel recoiled, repulsed by the idea. “What? You mean to – to force me to turn you? I could kill you now,” he said, suddenly enraged. “Maybe I should!”

Alexei grinned, sharp and a little mean. “No, Daniel. I don’t want you to turn me. But that’s a fair guess. No, I have something far greater in mind. I needed to see if I could do it, first, if I could capture a vampire. I thought it best to start with one as weak as you.”

Daniel laughed, shaking his head. “Stupid even for a mortal. Weak? I could kill you in the blink of an eye.”

Alexei raised a brow. “And yet, you kneel on the floor before me, even now.”

He stood, then, and moved in a flash to grab Alexei by the jaw, to hold him up against the wall. “Give me one reason I shouldn’t kill you now,” he hissed, close to the boy’s ear.

He smiled, slowly. “You wouldn’t be asking if you didn’t have a reason already, Daniel Molloy. You’re curious.”

Daniel dropped him, stepped back with a sharp inhale. He put a hand over his face. “Oh, fuck me,” he groaned, barely audible.

Alexei looked smug. “Very good, Daniel. You’ll stay here while I take away your garbage? Like a good boy?”

Daniel just stared at him, expression twisted in disgust.

Alexei walked past him, bent to grab the corpse and haul it up over his shoulder.

“All that stuff you said last night,” Daniel asked, unable to help himself. “Was any of it true?”

“Any of it?” Alexei asked, amused. “Most of it was true, Daniel. All of it, one way or another. I’m not a liar.”

He brushed past him, and Daniel let him go, instinct making him cringe away from the corpse draped over his shoulder. “Which parts weren’t true?”

He stopped, just by the door, and looked back at him, a strange expression on his face. “My name is not Alexei. My name is Armand. That’s the name they called me in the circus.”

Daniel absorbed this. He wasn’t sure why he cared. “So Armand is your circus persona, right. Who is Alexei?”

“Alexei is no one. Who is Daniel?”

Armand shut the door before Daniel could reply, leaving him again in darkness.

#THANKS RAY #ask game

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kisekisreblogspage · 8 months

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Rainbow friends Head cannons 3/3

Ok, i've been procrastinating over this for a long time, i shuld end this series

Ok here we go-

Cyan (from Rainbow friends)

Lets talk abaut Cyan, i like to think that she was suppose to be a acuatic beeing when she was created, but she somehow grew legs (it kinda reminds me to someone...).

When the gang found out she was a girl they all whent wild like:

"O MY LORD! I have never seen a Girl Before!" (Blue)

"What does it likes!? How does it taste?! Does the rumores are True?!"

"Rumors? What rumors?"

"It is sayd that Girls smells good"

"wow! A girl... Just- WOW! A GRIL"

"mewn"

"I KNOW RIGTH!? IT IS LITTERALY NOT A BOY!! Do you think she wuld like to run?"

"But wait... what is the diference between a girl and a boy?"

"maybe is the smell"

"maybe is the softhness..."

"maybe is the voice!"(Blue)

"Namlnamandnafnna"

"Or maybe that thing..."

"What thing?"

"In between the legs....

[Silence]

"NAHHHHHHHHH"

"It is imposible" (Blue)

Red got to explain them abaut that later on.

So, yea, what does she likes...? A lot of things! She in fact has a list of every thing that she likes! She also likes lists, but she does not write those Lists, she has them inside her head! She is very organized in there! Such good memorie and attention to detalle are well praised by Red. Wait... this means... that she... is Red's secretary! Or well third secretary, the frist one is Blue (he's the one that informs abaut the Intruders and damages in the Frist lab, also the one that helps in rebuild that place if needed) and second one is Purple (informs abaut intruders and damage in Odd World, also helps in cleaning and restorage of the place). So yea she is the one that remind Red abaut important stuff and the well beeing of the whole facility, the whole Family and even if there are minor/Major issues anywere she remind Red everyting. Such a detallist. Even explains on how she thinks some things in the facility culd be fixed. Now she is a genious, if Red Had a mounth he wuld drop it on the floor. (She culd own the facility, if Red dies)

As you migth notice in here is that she is giving some autistic tropes. Becuase (in my head cannon) she is! like to think that she is not aware of her autism but everyone knows! And trates her so nicely and patiently especially Yellow(i don't have Yellow colored letters sorry!) He is basicly a few monts older than her, so she looks up to him, but also for Blue because she thaugt that Blue was her mom because theyr colours were alike. (Imagine! Just... imagine)

Now she is clearly in the Asperger Especteum, so yea, she is a sueper Genious, she suprised Red, and that is quite dificult and now she is something so inportant yet so beloved for him. (Yea, i got some softh silly odd blorbos instead of the murderous mutants that they actually are, this is why i am doing thsese head cannons) because is one of the few things keeping him from crazzynes (the rest are his children (the lookies), Green, and his secret lover)

Now, lets go back on the things that she likes. Lets dive in her funky wunky lil' head!:

Bugs, especially the ones that are int the cucojoidea family (ladybugs), but has also an interest in ants

Lists

The rainbow ("look you guys! Its a picture of us!"(Cyan)

Genétics and some lab functions

Calm music

Red's lab coat

Long walks

Blue's shenanigans

Open places (she feels claustrophobic in very small places, she is huge)

Shiny things

The confy pillows that Green Has

The smell of blood food

Moving things (she likes to know what is that and why is it moving

Mocking Yellow because he is funny when he is mad

Purple's weird talks

Rain

Orange

(The list keeps going down

This all in that exact order, she will get Real mad if you missplace some of her likes she says that the things that she likes the most are at the top, and it gess less and less interesting for her as the list keeps on going down

Her shennaningas are basicly bugs, so if you ever meet her she will infodump you abaut Ladybugs and everyting you need to know abaur these, but then she will apologise, becuase she know you didn't asked (this is becuase of orange, yea he can be real mean withaut wanting to, don't worry thoug, he was scholed by everyonelater that day)

Now, going back to the part that i told you abaut Cyan thinking that Blue was her mom.

The day that Red presented her to the whole Family she was a baby, she saw Blue and went like "mma-m~?" (She developed faster than annyone, because... girl...) And scince that day she tough that Blue was her mom for 6 years. Until Green Explained her that Blue is Her brother... not her mom, "because they born becuase the same guy in the same machina and"- yea she cryed... but then she understood everyting and live trough it, she is still very atached to him

And Abaut Blue, he was completly in love with her (love, like Parents, you know) he was willing to even wear a wig for her and be her male mother, he is really good with childreen, so he always took good care of her, and even called her Princes. (if he was the king, she is going to be the princes) and gave her a lil' crown (just imagine! "Here upon yee, Your Queen n' King be. Rejoice all! REJOICE!"(Blue) *party Honks at the distance* *aplauses and praises by everyone* lol) the only one who wasn't happy abaut this was Yellow, he also, is very atached by Blue, his jealousnes was HUGE, he pushed her sometimes, made her cry on purpose, hid her and only be there with Blue. So yea, Cyan mocking on him it is just karma over Yellow beeing a brat towards Cyan. Blue enjoys some of that, but also knows were stuff had gone too far

Theyr literally siblings lol

So yea, this is the end of this series... perhaps... becajse i have too many head cannons, i shuld have done a post abaut every single one of them separatly but here we are.

I hope you liked this tomfoolery of mine, i probably even do some head cannon abaut the others even! Who knows!

K, this is all, bye

#rainbow friends #rainbow friends roblox #rainbow friends headcannons #cyan rainbow friends #blue rainbow friends #rainbow friends green #orange rainbow friends #rainbow friends red #headcanons #my headcannons

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brainrotdotorg · 10 months

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vivarium ending prediction (made about halfway thru the movie):

the little boy theyre raising is going to grow up to be like the dude from the beginning who showed them the house in the first place- who, in turn, was a "raise this baby and escape" baby. if they raise him successfully to be a well-adjusted person then they succeed. metaphors about breaking generational cycles etc etc. probably the most obvious answer and the one i am banking on being correct, come on, its being handed to me on a silver platter.

continuing predictions:

the boy is actually a weird supernatural creature, explains how the kid ages so quickly and has the uncanny mimic ability (VERY heavy themes here with the fella being like "call it 'it' and not 'him'" you know how it is) also explains the book w all the weird sigils n what not. aliens perhaps. trying to brew the Perfect Person Raised In A Perfect Environment. probably has something to do with tom's digging (the neighborhood itself is the entity and the kid is just the larval offspring)

the autism allegory in this movie is so deeply potent i dont have the words to describe it yet especially because im not done. thats just a note

vivarium actual end:

well. how were both of my predictions pretty much right

holy shit okay after the sidewalk lift part shit just starting getting. off its shits. i loved it. very clearly rich with themes! i dont think ill be able to accurately dissect everything, but the stuff on top makes sense.

there is something in this house that is neither you nor me yet it seems like you and me. things to be said about unchangeable cycles. commentary on the nuclear family and suburbia as a whole etc.

didnt expect them to die though ill be totally honest with you. still though. father digs the grave son buries him in it. its all right there yknow. the distortion effects around martin's face at the very end felt a little ham-fisted despite being so subtle though. LEAVES YOU WITH MORE QUESTIONS THAN IT DOES ANSWERS THO not necessarily a bad thing its just like... yknow what im sure with some more insight i'll Get It but as far as i can tell the weird TV bits were just supposed to be inscrutable fear-elliciting response stuff.

overall good movie. i liked it! enjoyable!

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partyswirl · 6 months

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ok ok ok ok ok humors. humors and pseudoscience and the spread of misinformation and harmful ideas

yada yada. autism time. call that autime. unorganized rambling time. hurrah rejoice yippee and other such phrases. warning. it’s long. do you love the color of the unorganized rambles where i repeat myself soso much. sososo much.

humors: who give a shit? first off me. i do. uh but humors and miasmas and yknow old medical theories like that are actually a great way to understand pseudoscience and how misinfo spreads among laypeople. hear me out on this one. maybe it’s just me but theyre a great aid and act as my brain glue for how all these topics mesh. so im forcing you to hear about it now.

“purging.” “cleansing.” the one-and-done. the idea that whatever’s ailing you is just some foreign object to remove. once it is removed, all will be healthy and right and good. in humoral theory, if you had too much of one humor, you had to purge some of it, so that it could “regain balance”. i’ll get to balance later.

now the phrases “purging” and “cleansing” might already bring up some red flags in your mind. but im only gonna mildly bring that up for now, unless my brain finds some way to loop back to it. this idea of “purging” was and IS used today by nazis, fascists, and the like. we just need to “remove the bad people”, “this ethnic group is why society is bad! it must be removed! if we remove them all, society will be good again.” now thats a gross oversimplification and doesn’t express how much i hate those people but i’m bad at words so it’ll do. “this group [is/are] bad, [it/they] must be removed, and if we remove them all, society will be good again!” is also the logic behind policing and stuff like that. for police, replace “this group” with “criminals”. it turns it into black and white thinking. no nuance or reason why. if you dig deep into it, think “why would they commit the crime?” things start to fall apart. most criminals dont go around killing puppies in their spare time. theyre people, not villainous charicatures. most crimes are committed out of poverty and because of the lack of a support system. knowing that most criminals are just poor people trying to live their lives, the argument that “criminals are bad and should be removed and that will fix everything” sounds cartoonishly evil. because it is! even if stealing food so that you don’t starve to death was suddenly the worst thing in the world, even that wouldn’t change the fact that the crime was committed because of poverty, so just punishing people for being poor and not going off to die in a corner or something doesn’t solve the root issue!

i lost track. i was supposed to be talking about pseudoscience. heelp. but anyway you’ll see a lot of “purging” advertised in pseudoscientific products. the explanation that “[blank] is bad and if we remove it that will fix everything”, such as with those weird diarrhea juice cleanse things (ew). keyword CLEANSE. the implied cleanliness is the hook, the idea that it will remove the bad “toxins” and you will be healthy again! it’s a miracle! but what are the “toxins”? what does “toxin” even mean? how does this “cleanse” remove the “toxins”? how does removing the “toxins” just magically “fix” your health? what’s stopping the “toxins” from just coming back? any answers you find will be half-baked. they’ll give you non-answers. any of those questions will be shut down with buzzwords like “microplastics”, or whatever their weird health phrase js. (try our new homeopathic medicine! it will cure you of your miasms!) [miasms are not to be confused with miasmas. but it’s funny that the names are so similar. did the guy just like. rip off the name? that’s so funny. anyway] any complaints about negative symptoms of the actual product will be shut down as “the purging period” (PURGING where have i heard that before??) it’s removing all the “bad things” (our shampoo isn’t making you go bald! it’s removing all the gross dirty unfixable hairs from your head! after 3 years of use, your hair will be beautiful!). “we’re purging the toxins!” and same questions as before. “toxins” is a notable buzzword to look for when looking st stuff. it’s quite fishy. (other buzzwords are of course “cleanse” and “purge.”)

point is, it’s not doing anything. the root of the issue needs to be solved. you csn’t just “purge” the idea of purging from your mind, even if you know it’s unhealthy. you gotta pick it apart and shut it down in individual instances. you gotta interrupt your patterns of thought and see if it fits. you gotta unpack it, dig deeper, not rely on this weird. logical fallacy? is this a logical fallacy? idk. if you read this whole thing you get to tell me. (might have a pop quiz on this better be taking notess /j)

yknow remind me to do balance tommorow. i’ll send myself an ask. my brains all tired and sleepers.

OO BUT BEFORE THAT SHORT EXAMPLE OF SOMETHING THAT GETS WORSE BEFORE IT GETS BETTER CAUSE THATS GOOD SOMETIMES. ITS NOT A PURGE. IT’S ACTUALLY GOOD AND I LOVE IT SOSO MUCH. vaccines. theyre awesome. theyre awesome and cool and i love them. getting my flu shot this thursday. ecstatic. okok. just brief mention. vaccines are a good example of something that holds up. if youre wondering “hey do vaccines (or medicines for that mayyer) fit the whole purge way of thinking? you get sick after you get one, and then supposedly it makes you healthier..” they hold up in court i am a lawyer. im awesome. vaccines don’t “get rid of” the infection. you get them before to make you immune but like you probably know that youve been alive for some time. look at you. alive and here and reading this right now. thinking anf having ideas. way to go champ i’m glad youre here with us right now. sorry i got sidetracked i love being a living thing in the world with all of you. but yea vaccines hold up cause there’s actual reasoning idk the actual science lingo that can explain it but yknow the cell doodads that recognize the threat, they inject the dead/weakened virus or bacteria or whatever and the cells sense that threat and start to have Symptoms cause theyre freaking out trying to figure out how to defeat it. and then they store the info on how to effectively defeat it in the memory cells so they can either defeat it before you get symptoms or make it less dangerous cause you can resist and fight back easier. isnt that awesome. and medicine usually is helping you deal with symptoms, usuallly inflammation theres like a billion anti-inflammatories out there. it’s crazy. and idk a lot about specific ones that actually deal with stuff. like antivirals or antibacterials. but i know that there’s ones that literally like basically carpet bomb your microbiota. like it kills your cells too. gotta be careful with those ones. they leave you weaker to other infections after taking them cause yknow. a lot of your mini guys are super duper dead now. sorry im like. this whole last section was unnecessary i just like rambling. im so autism. saw trap where you have to read all of this or uh. consequence here. good bye i had fun

#rambles #the humors rant #long post #reminder to self: cover “balance” and what do i even call the miasma one. and buzzwords maybe just as an add-on. “new science” yknow.#haha i feel silly im normalcore. im normal. she special on my interest till i autism. ok

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st5lker · 9 months

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super long post sorry i just upped my dose of vyvanse so i have a lot to say. anyways one strange phenomenon i find on tumblr although it really shouldnt be surprising by now i suppose is the fact that people seem to believe that everything has an objective answer. and like yeah of course this is the Nuance is Dead website but its still strange to me like ive been making many polls recently on things im genuinely curious to see differing opinions on, because theyre on inherently divisive topics that i really dont believe there's any "right" answer to (the 'is it weird when gay people sexually fantasize about converting straight people' being the biggest one but also that one i just made abt adhd and autism), but the replies to a lot of those polls have people seeming to talk as if there are objective measurable ways to prove a 'right' and 'wrong' answer on topics that ultimately dont affect all that much. questions like that will always have different reactions from different people, even people who generally agree on most big topics, because everyones life experiences and individual opinions will give them different reactions and morals to minute topics like that and its not like you can make legislation or policy about something like that no matter how strongly people might feel in one direction or the other so it ultimately comes down to your own opinion/sense of morals and curating your own experiences.

but people seem to speak about everything as if its another "should you be conservative or not" where the "difference of opinion" is basically whether or not you can recognize easily proved facts or if just straight up do not want minorities to have rights. and the consequences of having the wrong opinion result in real and tangible actions with massive impact (legislation). i think people got so exhausted about people treating issues like that as if they're "ambiguous" when there's a really obvious answer for everyone that isnt a bigot that they started seeing every single issue as if there must be a "correct" answer as well, but the reality is that for the vast vast majority of things there isnt anywhere close to an objective answer, even within the popular leftist moral compass.

there is no "correct" answer to lgbt discourse. yes even that discourse that youre thinking of right now. there is no "correct" answer to the morality of liking some media, or having some sexual fantasy. like, when it comes to things that i and all of my friends feel very strongly about, like some of those fantasies or lgbt discourse, i can and will shame or judge or debate or distance myself from people who disagree with me, because i have every right to. recognizing that morality is subjective doesnt mean i can't care. it just doesnt mean i think im objectively "correct". im going off of my own sense of morality, yknow? which is fine! we don't really have any choice but to do that in order to make progress. but i still AM doing that and i can recognize that because i think its important to, and doesnt undermine my own morals.

so i suppose its just a bit strange to me when people act like theres objective answers on things like that when like, you can never objectively prove morality because it's inherently subjective. even the basic question of "do you want to help or harm other human beings" gets muddied, because for as much as it might seem evil (and i honestly think it's evil as well), someone can truly and earnestly define "morality" as a based on helping yourself first and alone with no regard to other humans. i think everyone has every right to not want to associate with people who have certain opinions/do certain things, or even to associate with people who associate with them. its extremely easy to curate who you associate with in this day and age. but its still extremely strange to me when people talk about morality as if it is objective. i understand why, i do, i'm not really criticizing anyone for it especially since this is all about how things are worded and you cant always be like 'but remember this is subjective!' in every argument so i get it. but i think if you're reading this and realizing that you haven't been thinking of morality as subjective, it might be time to start. not because i want to defend anyone, really, but because understanding and recognizing that morality is subjective is a prerequisite to being able to change other people's minds and move the world towards your own sense of morality

#tl;dr basically i think everyone needs to kind of remember that morality is an inherently subjective thing #and thats fine! by all means use your own definition of morality! i use mine all the time when making judgements on right and wrong #but its a bit strange when people just. seem to forget that? like i said recognizing this is one of the most important skills you can have-#-in terms of changing people's minds. if you act like morality is objective you will ultimately lose all of your debates.#because for as obvious as it feels to you its just not possible to objectively prove anything is 'moral' to someone whose idea of 'morality #i think thats also the crutch most conservatives and evangelicals etc fall on. this idea that their idea of morality is objective and true.#because of The Bible. and theres a reason the only people that agree with them are either brainwashed or have something to gain from it

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boypussydilf · 1 year

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Im literally pointing into the air with my finger randomly for your episode opinions cuz i like your thoughts. 39 and 169 and 300

ihad. a whole thing written out about ep 39,. and tumbltr glitched and deleted it. sigh. lets do this again

39 - the first christmas ep (A part) and The One Where Teaches Everyone How To Clean (B part) !!! This one is just a fun time. its got the aliens not knowing what chrismtas is bc theyre aliens,. tamama being a kid. whatever kururu and aki have going on. Tangent but like it’s really funny that kururu like,. Thinks Aki is hot? I guess? Because its established. in canon. that to keronians humans look weird as hell and kind of creepy. because like. duh. they look drastically different. Like. It’s not supposed to be “Kururu has weird as fuck taste” that’s not the joke they didn’t even think about that it’s just oouuu aki sexy big boob mom etc. But. Kururu canon alienfucker. Anyway what was I saying? Oh yeah it also has Keroro’s deep passion for Cleaning the House, which is always good. He loves that shit. Keroro probably reads blogs belonging to moms and housewives to look for cleaning tips. Its got all that what’s not to like. Fun episode.

169 - PART A IVE OMLY SEEN ONE TIME BUT I LOVE IT. urere is my best fuckin g friend in the whole wide world and it has dororo’s weird thing with driving and it has giroros train autism and it has a good gag and its a good episode. big fan. The b part is the giruru episode but I saw “giroro” and “beautiful girl” in the episode title and opted to only half pay attention when watching lmao

300 - OH THE ONONO ONE!!! i like this episode :) id almost forgotten its yet ANOTHER “Kiruru Going Haywire” story god. Well actually that kiruru system might have been working as intended. Well. They do work as intended half the time it’s just that how they’re intended to work is “kill a bunch of stuff real good” so it just kind of. They go bad no matter what. Ouuu kirurus are so interestiiiiiing!! Also there’s an old guy. i jest onono is cool but ive only seen the episode one time. He and darere - thats the name right darere? Hard to get the names of side frogs straight. Anyway - they would sure as hell have stuff to talk about. “Keron soldiers who have firsthand seen the keron army using vastly unnecessary destruction and violence and they did NOT fucking like it”. Boo keron everyone still hates your pussy!! I dont remember a ton of stuff that happened in this episode i just skimmed thru a few parts to remind myself but its a good episode i gotta be sure to rewatch it :)

#THANK YOU RHANK YOU THIS WAS FUN #basilask

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pulsar-ray · 2 years

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ah!

well, i dont necessarily like calling them hallucinations/delusions but i have no other word for them so some of my/our delusions are:

cotard's syndrome (essentially believing i or the body is dead/dying), being stalked/watched, a zombie hoard has surrounded the house and i cant leave because of it, there are people in the house or theyre going to break in- a lot of these are "im currently not safe/im in danger or about to be" and others are just source things.

if things get too bad our physical protector venom steps in but generally things have been okay i suppose?

with all that, a mix of autism and agoraphobia, living alone sounds like an absolute nightmare.

also crowded front/rapid switching so losinng train of thought sorry !

We get the believing we're dead/rotting one sometimes. Specifically when we're stressed we think the body's died & we're waiting for it to give up. I don't know prevalent it is outside of those periods times, so I'm hesitant to call it anything relating to cotard's.

Perhaps our most severe delusional experience was the one a few years ago when we thought we had stalkers. Except they were characters from a show and we thought one of them was going to marry &/or kill us. That one got extreme but it's very funny now.

Mostly our main one is the guy haunting us. He does weird stuff & mostly gives us tactile hallucinations & the feeling we'll be killed. He also does trauma related things I think so that's a lot less pleasant.

Another thing is the thinking objects are sentient one, don't know why that is but it won't go away. Most everything I see comes with a distinct sense of being.

There're a lot more but I am very tired.

And don't worry about how you come off! You're fine !!

I think we are going to go to sleep now, but we can keep talking in the morning if you want!! Goodnight!!

#tawny :}#the big schiz

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timtheory · 5 months

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hellloo!!!!! this is a post about adopt me lore :3 so, for context, i got bored and went up to the sky castle, and found the tims. i decided to talk to them (theres 12 npcs all named tim scattered around), and then i noticed their conversations were very interesting, and decided to go through each tims conversation and write down what i took notice of. so, here it is! the tims are labled 1-12 in the order i talked to them, and the ones with specific names other than just tim are in parentheses :3 (i would provide all the ss but there are a LOT there were 2-3 ss for each tim)

1st tim info:

- sell potions

- a "very lively book" for sale

- book just "arrived one day"

- book says his name is "steve"

- tells not to trust steve

- steve is hard to read

2nd tim info (cool tim):

- rebellion leader (doubtful)??

- "the man" is apparently someone they want to rebel against

- doesnt know HOW to rebel against the man, but thinks it "sounds cool"

- thinks hes cool

3rd tim:

- has a recurring dream each night

- sleep seems "never ending" (hinting at this being a dream? [maybe but doubtful])

- dream world is a "world of pure uncompromising magic"; all perfect/no dark just light

- the dream world feels like its missing something/out of balance (presumably the darkness being gone. does it hint at it being the opposite world of our current? with the magic there, is it all darkness?)

4th tim:

- this is the NORTH POLE?? (is he a liar? i have to ask santa)

5th tim:

- figured out whats going w/ portal (but WHAT)

- everyday life is making potions

- accused player of spying and "corporate espionage" ([meaning taking one companies secrets taking them to another, but WHO?? the other side of the portal? or is he just paranoid?] hinting at them being paranoid? or just this tim? or is it nothing)

- "call sean" so they can apparently (assuming he wasnt saying it for the joke) communicate outside of the castle, by either some sort of thing like a phone or something more magical, or theres someone named sean just chilling there

6th tim:

- autism/j (excuses to talk abt interest [completely lore irrelevant])

-"pets that escaped the portal"can be CAUGHT by setting up "lures" (they look like cartoony traps w/ a box and stick) in your own home

7th tim:

- trying to start a company???

- very obsessed with spoons (they ALL are)

- hates forks

8th tim:

- "we were meant to be this all powerful wizard, but look what happened to us" (spelling mistake in game or they were all supposed to become one? possibly one identity split up into multiple different people? but they dont seem vastly different, as to be different personalities per say)

- "ugh I guess this is what happens when you give people „sentience” and „free will“" (did HE do this? is he also responsible for the book, steve, or was steve from the portal, like a pet you can catch w/ the lures?)

9th tim (foreshadowed tim):

- name is weird. "just felt like a good name

- doesnt trust crazy tim. crazy tim "looks at him like hes weird" (if crazy tim thinks so, u might be, ngl ,,)

- "i know hes basically me" is this a reference to my theory (all them are 1 being separated), or are they just all rlly similar?

- the other tims disagree that he should call crazy tim crazy

- WHY MORE SPOON TALK

10th tim:

- nobody knows why the castle was floating, "its been here long before any of us..."

- its being held up by EXTREMELY strong magic

11th tim (crazy tim):

- claims everyone says hes crazy, whos lying, or is foreshadowed tim just not speaking fully in the present?

- might actually be crazy.

- "im just trying to swap someones brain with a battery" just. JUST????

- says he wants to test it on something w/ similar dna to him, and speculates about a spoon. what is their deal w/ spoons

12th tim:

- says theyre able to mass-produce "campfire cookie baits" saying they appear when a lure ints w/ ur house. in a good or bad way?

- then panics like he wasnt supposed to say that, but 6th tim talks about them to the player like its fine to share

#timtheory #adopt me lore #im so silly #i still have no idea how to tag

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volinare · 7 months

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fun non-community approved ways ive 'described' my DID to people:

- I have a dissociative disorder

- I have a type of PTSD that involves a lot of dissociation

- Theres people in my head

- something i experienced as a kid caused my personality to split up into pieces. So sometimes I act weird. Theyre all still me though.

- its like donnie darko or something

- dont worry about it

- I have a memory thing

- i have a mood thing

- I have different 'modes' depending on where i am. its like... autism or something

- have you ever seen fight club?

- i have like, really bad BPD. like so bad its not called BPD anymore

- *pointing at a depiction of an Erdrich being of some sort* I look JUST like that.

- So the way what i have works is i dont actually 'remember' anything. Its all stored in 'memory banks' and its crazy because I'm just supposed to trust whats in there?? even though like, i don't remember it. And the emotions are there too but, their stored separately. Like, even when i have them the stuff that they- the stuff thats in my head just like. It makes no sense.

- im never fully here. Im always disassociating. Im just a piece of a puzzle that will never be completed. Im like. cool though, don't tell anyone i said that.

- im SO crazy. like your not going to believe me until it's too late but i'm fucking insane.

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antisocialsln · 1 year

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i feel like im dying. nobody wants me around anymore. everyones making it painfully clear theyre sick of me. im a hypocrite. i get upset that they choose drugs over me and drinking over me when i do the same anyway. im high most of the time i spend awake and if i can drag myself to the fucking store im drinking and ive just stopped addressing it now. the ghosts are out to get me. something followed me home the other day i saw it in the mirror it laughed in my ear. the voices have been back for longer than i dare admit but im so used to them that its somewhat comforting having them back. theyre more protective now theres something here. “cover the mirrors” “keep away from the windows” and such. theres always eyes in the dark. i cant make them go for long. there are shadows that move in every corner and ive gotten used to the bugs crawling all over me again. my family dont care, i tried to talk to them and all i was met with was laughter. something kept banging on the window, loud enough to make me jump so fast i went dizzy. i got my dad to check the garden, nothing there. it happened again. he was still in the kitchen. he didnt hear it. either time. neither did my mom. i saw something outside of the window but they didnt believe me they said it must have been in my headphones but it wasnt i rewound the video. no banging. something threw my cup off of the side. i was nowhere near it, home alone, no breeze, nothing else fell, no pets, nothing but me and something else. it threw my cup on the floor and it broke. i was having a good night. it was my favourite cup, i cant drink the drinks i need to drink every day without it. my routine is ruined. thats hard for me. i know it sounds stupid but i suppose you could say my autism clung onto this cup so i could hydrate. i feel empty now that its destroyed. i texted my dad. i told him i want the ghost stuff to stop. they need to make it stop. i cant handle it anymore. i dont feel safe alone in the house. he didnt take me seriously. he still things its my fault. he yelled in a public area that i have to stop being so clumsy, he tried to tell me i was drunk. “you were drunk. you knocked it off the side. you were pissed. you drank way too much” i know i didnt i didnt have anything to drink and the only pills i took where after the matter to calm down and go for a walk high because thats the only thing i could do i couldnt stay in the house. its all so hazy. it feels weird. i experienced the whole thing in 3rd person. ive been tunnelvisioned for weeks now. the color from everything is dull to me and i dont really enjoy anything anymore unless im playing a character. i tried to explain to my father that i want to die. i tried to tell him i know i am going to kill myself and he told me to “stop being so fucking dramatic”. every day now he yells at me for not getting out of bed, for being lazy. but im hardly sleeping at night the only rest i get is in the day i cant sleep at night anymore and im hardly sleeping in the day anyway i fall asleep at 8-9am and i wake up every 30-60minutes until i get yelled at around 2pm to get up. im mostly mute now. nobody comes to see me. leaving the house to go anywhere but sit on a park swing alone in the dark at night is terrifying and im supposed to be going to comic con on friday. i cant die no matter how much i try ive definitely hit 10-15 attempts in the past year by now. 2 alone this month and its only november. no matter how many pills i take, no matter if i swallow glass, no matter what medication i mix with alcohol, no matter how much i bleed or dont breathe. i just cant die. im immortal. and its killing me in a completely different way to what i want. and yet i still have this irrational fear of almost dying and needing hospital intervention. not even out of fear of being sectioned. i almost want to now. i almost want them to throw me in a psych ward and leave me there. the fear is if that happens, even if im just in for a night. my parents will never let it go, they will never let me go, itll all get worse. ill get no privacy, they will be on my ass all the time. just because it would make them look bad. im trying to go to uni just so i can show them i can move out so thats easily 4 more years of this fucking bullshit before i get a chance at being free. i really dont know how much more of anything i can take. i dont want to be here. i really, really do not.

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dirk-has-rabies · 3 years

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Gender variance and it's link with neurodivergency

Okay so this is it going to be another long one

All quotes will be sourced with a link to the scientific journal I took it from

Okay Tumblr, let's talk gender (I know, your favorite topic) my preface on why this topic matters to me is: I'm autistic ( diagnosed moderate to severe autism) I'm nonbinary trans ( in a way that most non-autistic people don't understand and actually look down on) and I went to college for gender study ( Mostly for intersex studies but a lot of my research was around non-binary and trans identities) I will be using the term autism as pants when I have experience with however when ADHD is part of the study I will use ND which stands for neurodivergent and yes this is going to be about xenogenders and neopronouns.

autism can affect gender the same way autism can affect literally every part of an identity. a big thing about having autism is the fact that it completely can change how you view personhood and time and object permanence and gender and literally all types of socially constructed ideas. let me also say hear that just because Society creates and enforces an idea does it mean that it doesn't exist to all people it just me that there is no nature law saying that it's real and the “rules” for these ideas can change and delete and create as time and Society evolves and changes. gender is one of those constructs.

Now I'll take it by you reading this you know what transgender people are (if you don't understand what a trans person is send me an ask and I'll type you up a pretty little essay lmao, or Google it but that's a scary thought sense literally any Source or website can come up on Google including biased websites so be careful I guess LOL) anyway to be super basic trans people are anyone who doesn't identify as the gender they were assigned at Birth (yes that includes non-binary people I could do a whole nother essay about that shit how y'all keep spreading trying to separate non-binary people from the trans umbrella) some people don't like to use the label and that is totally fine by the way.

now autistic people to view the world in a way differently than allistic (neurotypical) ppl do. we don't take everything people teach us at 100% fact and we tend to question everything and demand proof and evidence for things before we can set it as a fact in our brains. This leads to why a lot of autistic people are atheist (although a lot of religions and this is not bashing on religious people at all I am actually a Jewish convert) this questioning leads to a lot of social constructs being ignored or not understood At All by a lot of autistic people and personally I think that's a good thing. allistics take everything their parents and teachers and schools teach them as fact until someone else says something and then they pick which ones to believe. autistic people study and research and learn about a topic before forming an opinion and while this may lead to them studying and believing very biased material and spitting it out as fact it can also lead them to try and Discover it is real by themselves.

because of this autistic people are more question their gender or not fall in a binary way at all as the concept of gender makes no sense to a lot of us. “ if gender is a construct then autistic people who are less aware of social norms are less likely to develop a typical gender identity”

no really look: “ children and teens with autism spectrum disorder ASD or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder ADHD are much more likely to express a wish to be the opposite sex compared with their typical developing peers” That was posted in 2014. we have been saying this stuff forever but no one wants to listen. the thing is gender variance (being not cisgender or at least questioning it) has always been closely hand-in-hand with autistic and ADHD people I'm even the doctor who did that study understood right away that it all made sense the whole time: “ Dr. Strang said they were initially surprised to find an overrepresentation of gender variance among children with ADHD. However, they later realized that prior studies have shown increased levels of disruptive behavior and other behavioral problems among young people with gender variance” SEE YOURE NOT WEIRD YOURE JUST YOU AND YOURE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!

5% autistic people who did the study were trans or questioning. it was also equal between the Sexes fun fact. that may not seem like a lot till you realize that the national average is only .7% that's literally over 700% higher than the national average. That's so many! and that's just in America.

in Holland there was a study in 2010 “ nearly 8% of the more than 200 Children and adolescents referred to a clinic for gender dysphoria also came up positive on a assessment for ASD” they weren't even testing for ADHD so the numbers could be even higher!

now I want to talk about a certain section of the trans umbrella that a lot of autistic people fall under called the non-binary umbrella. non-binary means anything that isn't just male or just female. it is not one third gender and non-binary doesn't mean that you don't have a gender. just clearing that up since cis people keep spreading that. non-binary is an umbrella term for any of the infinite genders you could use or create. now this is where I'm going to lose a bunch of you and that's okay because you don't have to understand our brains or emotions To respect us as real people. not many allistics can understand how we see and think and relate to things and that's okay you don't have to understand everything but just reading about this could be so much closer to respecting us for Who We Are from you've ever been and that's better than being against us just for existing.

now you might have heard of my Mutual Lars who was harassed by transmeds for using the term Autigender (I was going to link them but if it gets traction I don't want them to get any hate) since a lot of people roll their eyes at that and treated them disgustingly for using a term that 100% applied correctly. Autigender is described as " a neurogender which can only be understood in the context of being autistic or when one's autism greatly affects one's gender or how one experiences gender. Autigender is not autism as a gender, but rather is a gender that is so heavily influenced by autism that one's autism and one's experience of gender cannot be unlinked.” Now tell me that doesn't sound a lot like this entire essay I've been working on with full sources…..

xenogenders and neopronouns are a big argument point on whether or not people “believe” in non binary genders but a big part of those genders is that they originated from ND communities and are ways that we can try to describe what gender means us in a way that cis or even allistic trans people just can't comprehend or ever understand. Same with MOGAI genders or sexualities. A lot of these are created as a way to somehow describe an indescribable relationship with gender that is so personal you really cant explain it to anyone who isnt literally the same as you.

Even in studies done with trans autistic people a large amount of them dont even fall on a yes or no of having a gender at all and fall in some weird inbetween where you KINDA have a gender but its not a gender in the sense that others say it is but its also too much of a gender so say youre agender. And this is the kind of stuff that confuses allistic trans people and makes them think nonbinary genders are making stuff up for attention, which isnt true at all we just cant explain what it feels like to BE a trans autistic person to anyone who doesnt ALREADY know how it feels.

In this study out of the ppl questioned almost HALF of the autistic trans individuals had a “Sense of identity revolving around interests” meaning their gender and identity was more based off what they liked rather than boy or girl. That makes ppl with stuff like vampgender or pupgender make a lot more sense now doesnt it? We see that even in the study: “My sense of identity is fluid, just as my sense of gender is fluid […] The only constant identity that runs through my life as a thread is ‘dancer.’ This is more important to me than gender, name or any other identifying features… even more important than mother. I wouldn't admit that in the NT world as when I have, I have been corrected (after all Mother is supposed to be my primary identification, right?!) but I feel that I can admit that here. (Taylor)” and an agreement from another saying “Mine is Artist. Thank you, Taylor. (Jessie)” now dont you think if they grew up with terms like artistgender or dancergender they would just YOINK those up right away????

In fact “An absence of a sense of gender or being unsure of how their gender should “feel” was another common report” because as ive said before in this post AUTISTIC PEOPLE DONT SEE GENDER THE WAY ALLISTIC PEOPLE SEE IT. therefore we wont use the same terms or have the same identities nor could we explain it to anyone who doesnt already understand or question the same way! Participants even offered up quotes such as “As a child and even now, I don't ‘feel’ like a gender, I feel like myself and for the most part I am constantly trying to figure out what that means for me (Betty)” and also “I don't feel like a particular gender I'm not even sure what a gender should feel like (Helen)”

Now i know this isnt going to change everyones minds on this stuff but i can only hope that it at least helped people feel like theyre not broken and not alone in their feelings about this. You dont have to follow allistic rules. You dont have to stop searching inside for who you really wanna be. And you dont have to pick or choose terms forever because just as you grow and evolve so may your terms. Its okay to not know what or who you are and its okay to identify as nonhuman things or as your interests because what you love and what you do is a big part of who you are and shapes you everyday. Its not a bad thing! Just please everyone, treat ppl with respect and if you dont understand something that doesnt make it bad or wrong it just means its not for you. And thats okay.

#autism #actuallyautistic #trans #nonbinary #xenogenders #neopronouns #lgbtq #adhd #nuerodivergent #gender identity

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shoezuki · 3 years

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okay but about that thing on people just switching their sides up. I actually have a whole critical thing of the fandom that I'll never write post in my head that like.... I think comes up with an explanation on it. but I wouldn't be posted cuz it would be super critical of Twitter as a whole and i don't wanna die lol.

but also I was talking about this in zablrs rant-chat a few hours ago, and like. I think part of it is that people are very much emotion first. and with Twitter, tumblr, and twitch chat being the way they are with live tweeting/blogging/chatting what have you, you get all these emotional reactions first. which. fair. thats how people react, ya know? in a sense, that's what you're supposed to do/how you're supposed to feel.

the real problem, imo, is the people who get their ideas/views second hand from these platforms. like, esp with Twitter since the way trending works it really, really can push out bias and misinformation really fast. so the non-viewer is seeing this influx in "oh this character bad now" or "this character redeemed now!" and instead of looking for it themselves they fall into the mob mentality and go with it.

that means later, when the stream is done, people who reacted emotionally at first and now have time/distance enough to think logically don't. because now they're the ones falling into the mob mentality. I mean, even people who haven't watched the current stream agree, so maybe it has more basis than just the one stream!

so people then get the idea that those emotional responses are logical and so when someone comes in with a different perspective, they think "now hold on a second" and they argue against it. because, logically, they're in the right, so obviously you're wrong!

(don't even get me started on that. there is no concrete right and wrong, only what is, what isn't, and what should be and should not be done. but thats a whole other post)

and then people, because theyre arguing instead of having proper discourse, the literary definition which is literally just another word for discussion NOT argument, people are getting emotional again. and it's been proven time and time and time again that when you're responding based on emotion you're less likely to respond well to someone who's trying to tell you something else because it feels like you're invalidating their feelings.

(and boy, oh boy, don't get me started on how much this has created a divide between NT and ND viewers of the smp. because it feels, to me, that when a NT is feeling emotional and a ND is trying to speak to them with logic, they're being told they're heartless or something which is just hhhhh)

so we never get anywhere in the fandom. we're stuck in the same emotion-mob mentality-logic-mob mentality cycle and it's honestly just exhausting at this point.

tiny you’ve hit it right on the head. like. youre so fucking right here.

i talked a how twitter is Built in a way that sucks before Kinda like this n it REALLY plays a part in like. mcyt fans over there n information n ppls reactions to things. like. it REALLY shows in there n usually when im arguing that ppl are so Quick to React to things its over There moreso than here like. ofc Everywhere but anyways like,

emotions are FIRST. its what ppl immediately feel in response to stimulus. like its a Whole Thing. how ppl can get angry and lash out then later will be like thinking it over and digest it better. and a LOT of dsmp stuff esp w tommy’s character appeals to emotions. like when we see ppl liveblogging its never dissecting or commentary on the flow and function of plot. its Always gut reactions

n like you said on social media it lasts SO LONG. the trending page on twitter is always fueled by in the moment thoughts and responses. things like ‘HE DIED’ and ‘SAM NOOK’ will get trending because ppl r livebloggin n freakin out about it. but it just drags all of it out too and creates like a domino affect.

idk how to say it without sounding like a dick either tbh but a lot of people will cling onto emotions and gut instant reactions, and will React and Speak according to that without thinking logically on analyzing things. so they’ll jump on ‘sam is a horrible person’ which sets off Other people and gets Others emotional and it spreads from that. mob mentality at its finest is how ppl will act in a Group and have the Same actions/thoughts largely because of emotional responses and Yeah It Do Be Here.

n ppl jus will cling onto it so hard???? even when what others say is more rational and has logical backing its like. will just Stand Firm and can react badly and interpret criticism/analysis as Hatred and its WEIRD.

like you mention the NT and ND aspect. and youre right like. not to lean on myself so heavy but i dont liveblog much or react In the Moment because im. like. not emotional. a part of my autism is i sometimes just Dont feel things or its not so Strong or i dont Get others emotional responses. easiest for me to feel is anger skjgfskg.

n especially w philza n techno how ppl r so Reactive n Emotional about them in terms a them being ‘bad’ like. a lot a ppl i see defendin em and makin Hot Takes (comrades) r ND.

#but absolutely i feel ppl r Very emotional n it doesnt feel right to say 'too much' but #yeah.yeah.hyeah #hard boiled takes #tiny #tinydemondragon

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mayapenelopeclutterbucket · 4 years

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*SPOILERS* for TGD 3x16 “Autopsy” aka I’m so tired of Canadians getting the better melendaire promos and I’m like Owen Wilson with my usage of wow 🤦🏻‍♀️ 😂

Y’all idk if I’m ready for tonight

just kidding I AM and dying to see what “bring the funny” antics melendaire is gonna get into 😆

-not gonna lie it’s weird to not see Claire and Melendez work on a patient together 😂 first time it’s happened in a while but at least they’ll interact this ep still!

-why do they always have heart to hearts in the middle of surgery lmao

-I have never seen them work this fast it’s so disorientating like damn wtf just happened honestly

-wow Neil Melendez actually mentoring shaun?! This shit hasn’t happened since season 1 finale because they never want them to work together lol but it’s so nice to see 😭 I miss the ogs interacting

-l*mlendez having scenes together with no romantic context we LOVE to see it

-gdi Morgan Claire and Melendez weren’t “sneaking around”

-Morgan admitting Melendez is a good mentor but only to Claire 👀 but Claire putting her in her place about reporting and what it really did to the whole team AN ICON 👏🏼👏🏼

-but Morgan thinks favoritism is going on with melendaire but like that’s his job to mentor?? All of the attendings and chiefs have favorites let’s not lie and have mentored all of you in multiple occasions sooooo like

-this is adorable! A crime board with shaun and park and them being detectives

-so far we have NOT seen melendaire interact was I mislead?!

-wow park being in cahoots with shaun and not listening to melendez 😂

-okay wtf is up with lim and this kid she keeps seeing??

-an interaction outside of work with residents?! Wow I’m amazed

-I miss Jared. Jared should be going on these adventures with shaun

-park being some weird pseudo father figure giving advice to shaun instead of his actual friends??

-wow okay plz tell melendez and Claire just argued and disagreed like that to throw people off that they love each other and are still besties and @jillrox202 is right they did sound like a couple fighting 😂 like they straight up pretty much told the other they were wrong

-I did not see shaun getting arrested coming

-shea better still be friends after this ep is all I have to say 🙃

-okay jk I also have to ask so is shaun actually in love w/ lea or did Carly telling him how he feels affect him?

-breznick back to their disagreeing ways I haven’t missed it :// but Morgan apologizing is an improvement!! We love growth plz keep growing for once lol

-awww lim you better adopt this adorable little girl 😭 but wtf is this storyline it came outta nowhere

-I’m hoping Melendez doesn’t suddenly think this is the chance for him to be a dad 😂

-honestly how am I not supposed to ship shea I’m sorry but I still don’t think lea is ready to commit and be in a serious relationship but I am rooting for them

-Audrey lim giving the inspiring speeches we love to see it 😭

-I love Claire being called Dr. B

-wow Morgan connecting with a patient instead of Claire?

-wow Carly doing an autopsy for shaun or I guess allowing him

-lmao can’t you see I’m torn about the ships

-he doesn’t have to do ANYTHING like him and lea can just be friends even if he’s in love with her like if he’s not ready STOP PRESSURING HIM

-so he does love lea and Carly but lea more does this mean we’re gonna drop Carly as a character next season or after this ep 🙄 BECAUSE GOD FORBID WE KEEP WOMAN IN THE SHOW AND STORYLINES IF THEYRE NOT A LOVE INTEREST FUCK OFF WITH THIS NARRATIVE PLZ

-but shaun hugging Carly broke me

-omg yessss I was right 😭 that fight was a fakeout. Melendaire is on a supposedly “platonic” bowling date Claire said why does it have to be hard to hide their friendship and Melendez said it was WORTH IT I CANNOT DEAL

-okay so nothing else made me cry this ep except seeing lea cry that was hard and we’re gonna go back with people being on the lea hating train

-she doesn’t want to put shaun through the stress of dealing with her because we all saw how it was when they lived together they were at each other throats but they got through it and I wish lea would’ve worded it better and elaborated more but to know it’s not unrequited hurts even more 😭 becaus they’ve always been so comfortable together and shaun has never felt stressed or worried around her like he did with Carly and this shit sucks 😩😩 in a way she did mean she didn’t want to be with shaun because of his autism and that makes it 20x worse but she’s just scared and doesn’t want to ruin him 😩😩

-but ayyye melendaire working together again next ep and look to be agreeing with each other as usual and looking like a beautiful team

-BUT APPARENTLY YOU CANADIANS GET THE BEST FREAKIN PROMOS AND DASH ASKS CLAIRE OUT AND WE GET A JEALOUS MELENDEZ WTF WTF @gilbxrt-blythe better have it posted here on tumblr soon folks BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE WE ARE GONNA GET JEALOUS MELENDAIRE AND CLAIRE WEIRDLY GOING ON A DATE WITH DASH

Because then we get a finale called heartbreak and I ain’t ready for that y’all

#the good doctor #claire browne #neil melendez #tgd #melendaire #shaun murphy #morgan reznick #alex park #audrey lim #shea #sharly #carly lever #lea dilallo

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creacherkeeper · 4 years

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Hi! It’s the genderqueer autie anon who messaged you way back when. :) I completely understand if this is too personal of a question and you of course don’t have to answer, but do you have any advice for not feeling so ashamed of making social mistakes around neurotypical folks? The social anxiety hits me so hard and I don’t know what to do. In any case, I hope you’re doing well and having a lovely day!

hey anon! good to hear from you. i’m happy to discuss this, always willing to talk about this kind of thing ^^

there are some things that are good to remember when approaching situations like this

youre allowed to make mistakes. its a part of learning and growing

you’re allowed to take up space, and your autism is allowed to take up space

“history is told by the victors” well social situations are told by the neurotypicals, but it is literally just an interpretation and not fact

good people pay way less attention to your mistakes than you do

okay so lets unpack some of that?

making mistakes

first off, i completely understand why this would give you anxiety. the social realm can be super weird and scary, and it has a lot of rules that may not always be obvious to us! but think of yourself like an explorer. sometimes there are close calls, and you might even get hurt! but when you find a new booby trap, a new pitfall, a spot of quick sand - you can mark it down on your map. yes, these situations are scary. but all the time youre learning about your environment, learning about people, learning the rules. find people who its okay to ask questions, and ask them, genuinely, why was that bad? why did that person get upset? why did everyone get embarrassed? try to take the answers for what they are without getting defensive. you’re an explorer, and that includes learning about the local cultures without imposing your own judgement and point of view. i’ll tell you now, you won’t always understand the reason behind the rules. sometimes learning where not to walk is enough, even if you don’t know how the trap works

taking up space

you have just as much of a right to be here as NTs. you have just as much of a right to have friends. you have as much of a right to be autistic as they do to be NT. you do not have to be ashamed of the fact that you’re autistic and that you will interpret information and situations in an autistic way. as much as its your weakness, its also your strength. that doesn’t always feel true, especially when people give you a hard time about it. but i promise with all my heart, autism is a perfectly valid and inherently valuable way to see the world.

i used to be very bad at social situations. i was the weird kid that always got left behind. no one wanted to talk to me about serious things because they didn’t trust me to react right, because i wasn’t good with emotions. and you know what? i was hurt by that. because i didn’t know what i was doing wrong. so i decided to change! i wanted to be a person people could trust. i wanted to help people. i learned to listen. i learned to ask questions and really listen when people answered. i learned when or when not to speak, to comfort, to fix. i’m not perfect at it, i’ll tell you that much. but you’ll be surprised how much people appreciate a genuine person who wants to help, and clear communication. “do you need to vent, or do you want advice?” is a godsend. “i’m really sorry that happened, that sounds really upsetting. is there anything i can do?” will go a long way. SCRIPTS ARE YOUR FRIENDS. scripts don’t mean you aren’t genuine. and you know what? a lot of people come to me with their upsets now because i see things from a perspective they hadn’t considered, and some people really appreciate frank conversation. autism isn’t your enemy, you just need to learn how to guide it

victors

the universe isn’t neurotypical. like i know that sounds weird. but the universe isn’t cosmically judging your actions from a NT lens. there is not more inherent value to a NT pov of a social situation than there is an autistic one. the only difference is NTs think they make the rules, and that youre breaking them. but here’s the secret! there are no rules! literally nothing about social interactions are written in the stars, in our blood. its all made up. and why is it always our job to change for them? you don’t have to run the whole race, a friendship is supposed to be a relay. you get halfway there, and they take the torch. let your friends meet you halfway, and more importantly, ask them to do that. because they wont think of it themselves. just because they see something a certain way doesn’t mean its Correct. ask them to see things from your pov. you’ll get better at explaining your pov with practice. NT feelings dont always take priority. just because theyre embarrassed, upset, angry, just know that it doesnt automatically mean you’re wrong. sometimes theres just a difference in perspective

good people

this one is really hard to learn. i’ll fully admit that. if you’ve gone to school, you know how people give presentations? and theyre always sweaty and nervous like if they mess up maybe they’ll die. you know how when you give your presentation it feels like you’re under the spotlight, but when other people are giving theirs ...... your mind kind of wanders? you’re thinking of other things. maybe you’ll laugh if they say something funny, maybe you’ll clap when they’re done. i’m just saying, no one is paying as much attention to you as you are. you’re always your most attentive audience. if people really are picking on your ‘mistakes’ so much that its feeding your anxiety and making you more vigilant ... those aren’t good people to be around, and that’s their problem, not yours. trust me, half of the stuff they pick at isn’t even wrong, they just need to say something mean to make themselves feel better, so they’ll find anything they can. most of these people are REALLY self conscious and they have to pick on stuff about you in desperate fear that you wont notice anything about them. you shouldn’t take their comments to heart. but if you have friends who really support you .... they probably don’t care as much as you do when you mess up? something that feels like a big deal to you is probably a blip on their radar and nothing more. sometimes i overthink things and obsess so much over stuff i said, and then the friend is like “i dont remember that lol”. again, if your friends care about this little stuff to the point where they’re getting onto you for it, it’s not that youre bad at social situations, its that theyre being shitty friends. cut yourself some slack. a good person doesn’t care as much as you think they do

one more thing that i think needs to be mentioned:

learn how to apologize. this is a big one. i know its weird, i know its awkward, exhausting. but a sincere apology means a lot. and it takes strength and bravery to really mean it and say so. learning to apologize without guilt tripping, without panicking, or putting the other person on the spot, is one of the most important skills you can learn. a good apology should help you both. it’s the most important factor in moving on from a social blunder, and once you learn to do it well, will get rid of a lot of guilt during times when you really do mess up

that got long winded ^^ i hope even a little bit of it helped. please let me know if there’s anything else you want me to talk about, i’m a rambling machine waiting to be sprung

#long post #autism #ActuallyAutistic #actually autistic #seriously its no sweat nonny i'll talk about most anything #Anonymous

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fairy-made · 5 years

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Whenever some of you talk about your experiences with autism Im like “same” but Im also like “huh.” Maybe...Im....? But no one would ever hear me out and I dont want to go looking for a diagnosis either. I struggle with certain things but anytime I voice it, its: “youre not!!!! Youre too (insert something really insulting towards people with autism, usually smart or coherent)” or when I talk about bpd “um no. You dont have bpd, youre not psychotic. Ive known people who are way worse than you (because theyve attacked someone or attemtpted suicide while they were present).”

It could be that symptoms of bpd and the experices of people with autism seem like normal emotions and behaviors for me, and maybe it is just a coincidence, or, it could be that none of my experiences are as normal as people make them seem because they think Im trying to make myself seem special???? Or something. And they deny any and all possibility because of that.

Its just kind of silly that I have to attack someone or call them while Im trying to commit suicide so they know I struggle with emotional stability. Or that I have to zone out to be on the spectrum.

Nevermind the fact that people yell at me for not understanding them or “basic human functions/interactions”, say I take a very long time to respond in conversations, find my fixations and behaviors “weird/a little creepy” say Im very hot and cold, say I get way too angry and I take things too far, dont understand how my whole world crumbles when I get angry or sad...... its just WILD to me. You want to look down on me for behaviors that might be explained by certain things that are actually kind of common..... But when I read about actually dealing with them, say, emotional instability from something for people with bpd, and it is giving me insight and advice that is VERY helpful.......,,...... “um why are you reading that you dont have that??” Well I find it so funny that 100% of this seems to be useful information. Unfortunately just counting to 10 and working out wont stop me from wanting to knife you in the throat. If I attacked you Id be crazy. if I walked away Id be someone who cant handle confrontation. It couldnt possibly be that people who ARENT LIKE YOU exist??? And they cant just snap and control their emotions and behaviors??? Its not really easy to dial it back???? So there needs to be more than 1 “normal” “appropriate” way to deal with things because there arent just “crazy” and “not crazy” people????

Im obviously pissed right now so I should shut up but god imagine telling someone you “care about” that theyre crazy and creepy and weird in every possible way except by saying those words, then telling them no theres no disorder to explain it, theres nothing to it, thats just who they are, THEN not understanding why they do what they do, calling it crazy, creepy and weird, and continuing to make them feel like shit for it. I hate to say this but like. People who dont have trouble with the way they...operate???? They fucking suck because they see someone who cant but theyre not slicing people up or zoning out and theyre like “ummm can you just act normal please.... youre not doing things right and it bothers me. But dont say you have a disorder because Ive seen people with them and they are crazy and dangerous.”

Im actually looking for ways to better myself and material written for those with a certain disorder helps me a lot?? But youd rather I just “be/act normal”. If I could I would. If it were that easy, I wouldnt need help. Its just so fucking ridiculous......... its not that I want a diagnosis for attention. I just wish people would stop making me feel bad for how I am without guidance. So I want guidance. But when I ask about guidance, I dont need it, but I need to stop acting the way I do. What am I supposed to do when something seemingly small makes me suicidal??? Like. Obviously theres an issue if Im in that situation in the first place.

#I really need a therapist.... but money :))) and time :))))#and energy :))))#and lack of journaling to know what to talk about when you get in there :))

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