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isitandwonder · 4 years

Note

Hi. Did you, at some point, believe in Charmie and A&T relationship? Because you have written so superb fics bout them (dont mentioning looot of sex between them in those fics 😊 ). And now it looks like you are quite disgusted by charmie fandom and also by Armie too.. So when did you change your mind (if there of course was any changing of mind)?

Hi nonnie!

I think I talked about this before but anyway...

Yes, at some point at the end of 2017/beginning of 2018 when the promo was in full swing, I did believe there was/had been something happening between these two.

What started to change my mind though was in February 2018 when they returned to Crema and Liz was there and said they made Ford there (I remember we discussed her being at almost every awards red carpet and promo event before, as some kind of no homo device)... I was so confused. This couldn’t be right! T & A had been hanging out all by themselves during the filming, they’d been the only two English speaking people in town (lol, sorry, but Crema is not a small Sicilian village in the 1950s, I’ve been there), they’d bonded deeply... they told us all about that!

I’m still grateful to the person pointing out that Liz and Harper had been there most of the filming... then gradually more and more ‘came to light’: that Will had been there before filming, that Tim had hung out with some locals (even a kind of gf was mentioned), stuff like that. That started to burst my bubble.

I confess, I had a shit day accepting that it had all been a fantasy because at that point they seemed so cute and right together. They sold that pretty well and I’m not mad at them - it was me who got in too deep, they just promoted their film. And wasn’t it easy to see all these bluring lines and believe in them?

Anyway, once you see the ‘cracks’ you start to question and see more. Things like Armie cancelling the Asia promo tour; saying he ‘sucked dick on film’, reducing cmbyn to THAT.

So I accepted it had been just a fantasy, but still shipped them as in ‘I like to imagine them together though I know it’s not real’. That’s were most of my fics come from, because these stories are pure fiction; I made it all up.

I think then came TIFF and those IG stories - they were clearly taking the piss at shippers, but in a kind way, saying ‘we know what’s going on and don’t mind’. What secret couple posts such stories, I ask you? So I felt validated in my shipping because they were okay with it.

When did I fall out of love with Armie though? I think it started right after the Oscars with above mentioned incidents. He was never my type anyway, I’m all here for the twinks :). He really only does things for me in the contrast he provides to Tim.

But then I learned more and more about him. His weird family. The way he was okay with how Liz pimped out their kids on her IG (because, come on, if a father doesn’t want that he can make it stop. Now it looks like he used Liz to sell the image of the perfect American family). His fights and ramblings on social media.

I still truly think there was a window for him that he could have used to stear his life and career in a different direction. I still believe cmbyn was a huge formative experience for him. For a while, something changed. Maybe it was all PR bla bla, but maybe not. He dared to accept a stage role after it. He made STBY, which I haven’t seen but people say he was very good in. But then he fell back into old patterns.

I became indifferent to Armie. But then he went to Saudi Arabia. And that was it. I can’t support someone who does what he did. Oliver would at least be whipped there, if not executed; Armie is a gay icon after portraying that beloved character. That’s a responsibility. All he had to do was not go to SA. I don’t expect big political statements - but why did he go there for a government event? Sorry, that was the final nail to the coffin.

But, you know, I still could ignore him. I followed Tim who is goofy and kind and weirdly smart and a great actor. I confess, I speculated about his sexuality (always traveling with male friends, no gf, taking his mum or sister to awards) - but then the Lily thing started - and I was happy for him. Someone his age, who knows about life in the limelight, with whom he could share his life.

And that’s when shit hit the fan. You know, I don’t know either Armie or Tim and what they do has no real influence on my life. But I knew a lot of people on here. I’d been with cmabn since 2017; I’ve written some well liked stories. But suddenly many people I used to have fun with, I thought were my friends, for which I wrote stories - they totally freaked out and behaved abysmal. They sent hate to Tim, to fellow fans. They bullied people really badly on here. Many deleted stories or blogs. And the worst was - these mutuals of mine thought that funny. They were proud of their shitty behavior. They started to scream at anyone doubting Tim was gay and in love with Armie. I got death threats for pointing out that maybe T&A played their friendship up a bit during cmbyn promo.

And almsot no one stopped these people destroying what had been a fun small fandom. Almost no one said to these people ‘Calm down, stop it’. Instead, these people, who used to be my mutuals, congratulated themselves on how efficiently they harrassed Tim on IG and fellow fans on here. I remember a person who told me to my face they loved me first ridiculing Tim and in the end sending vile hate to me.

That’s why I can’t support Charmie any longer. Because of these scumbags of fans. Hating on Tim is one thing, he has people working for him, sadly, these things happen to anyone in the industry. But hating on fellow fans just because some don’t follow a certain narrative BNFs made up? That, to me, is unforgivable.

Therefore, I now delight in how their King Armie is exposed as just another straight white man, cheating on his wife (and maybe doing worse). He debased himself going to SA, and I really don’t know how people who profess to love cmbyn and it’s message can still support him after that. Then he showed his privileged white ass during quarantine. And now those Biden tweets.

Seriously?

I know many on here just ignore these things. I can’t do that. I can’t forget what he did. I can’t support someone like that, who has no principles, either privately or politically (and maybe even sexually assaulted a woman).

And what really did it for me is that Armie can do all these despicable things and people still love and defend him him (a grown man and father of 33) - while Tim just has some gfs, or buys bagels, or carries his guitar - and people ridicule and hate and cancel him for it.

He did nothing wrong despite not living up to the narrative some very rude people who don’t know him wrote for him! But suddenly he’s the whipping boy for them. Because he’s into girls (like Armie, btw).

I just can’t with that. I can’t with the hate spread on here. I can’t with the motives showing behind this narrative, the sexism, the homophobia, the misogyny, the racism... I have to laugh when I read the eulogies some write here about the deep, true, pure, everlasting love between A&T that will win in the end (sorry, I’m not 13 anymore, and neither are the people who write this); I also can’t with the ideas of fucking someone so hard for real they can’t walk anymore (fic is different from reality, you know). It is either pathetic, embarrassing, or truly disturbing.

And I really, really hate these people breaking the fourth wall. You NEVER tweet to the actors about your conspiracy theories! You never harrass them on SM! You never insult their friends, business partners, SOs. And you don’t, never, ever bully some small local businesses during an economic crisis because they dared to burst your bubble.

If you support Charmie - you support this behavior. I don’t. And as being quiet has only led to the assholes taking over - I now try a different strategy. If people don’t like it they can unfollow.

Sorry, these last few days have shown just how unhinged some Charmies are. I know some had planned actions against Tim at The King red carpet in London (and thankfully didn’t realize them). I really don’t put it past some of them to now truly become violent against Tim at some event, in the name of the greater good of Charmie. They are completely bonkers.

I’ve seen threats against me and others in different forums as well. People want to make us pay for what we did (like, what did we do?). People call for their followers to take action against us. I have no idea what they will or can do, as I’ve lost so much within this fandom already (fics, followers, friends) but as they are truly mental I expect the worst. It’s not that I’m afraid but it’s still a weird feeling to see people talk about you like this... because you don’t like an actor. Or don’t think he’s gay...

Yeah, so, that was surely more than you bargained for.

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honeylikewords · 4 years

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Talk to me about tros!!!! I need to know about Poe!!

Okay, I’m finally sitting down to answer this anon, and a few things before I start!

1. Most of what I’m going to say will really only make sense if you go see The Rise of Skywalker yourself. While it’s far from a perfect movie, it’d take way too long for me to try and transcribe everything that happens in the film, and the context and nuance of certain scenes. So, yeah, while it’s not a good movie, if you’re invested in seeing how the movies have played out, you should probably go see it yourself.

2. I have some... mixed feelings about the movie. I also know that what I don’t like, I can choose to ignore; despite the disappointments of the series, I don’t have to take Rian or JJ’s bullshit as MY canon. I get to decide what I do and don’t adhere to as canon. Everyone else has their own varying scales of how they respond to canon-- some are super adherent to canon, some don’t care about anything at all-- and that’s fine. So although I have beef with how all this unfolded, I also know that I can take my love that I have for the characters (and all the potential that The Force Awakens had) and carry that on through my own interpretations, re-writes, et cetera, and I can choose to ignore the poor decisionmaking on the parts of Disney and Rian/JJ/who-the-fuck-ever.

3. This ask is very open-ended, so I’m going to have to put some parameters down for myself because otherwise I’d get too overwhelmed with the breadth of information I’d need to present about TRoS. A comprehensive review would be really hard to write out, so I’ll just list some initial impressions (I haven’t been able to see it a second time, but likely will in the near future), and some of the relevant Poe-related issues in the films. If you wanna know more, feel free to send in more specific questions (specificity can help, because with my neurotype, I can easily be overwhelmed by large, “general” questions, and getting more granular can help me rein in and focus on a specific idea)!

4. Also, this post isn’t going to be friendly to R*ylo or people who straightwash Poe/are only interested in him as a straight guy. R*ylo is fucking gross, and I’m gonna rip it apart in this post, and Poe isn’t straight. I try not to be too aggressive on here (I’m generally not very aggressive at all!), but the fandom is just so toxic and vile at times that I feel like I need to put my foot down on these topics and say a firm “no” to R*ylos and Poe straightwashers. Oh, and I’ll be talking about the racism in the movie, as well as in the fandom, so buckle up for that, too. So consider this the “bigots begone!” spell as I wave my wand and attempt to shoo them all away!

Anyway...

From here down are spoilers for Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. If you’re interested in seeing the movie spoiler-free, please scoot waaaaay past this post! Last warning!

And, with that out of the way, here we go!

Alright, here’s a list of stuff as it occurs to me. I’m almost overwhelmed with information, so it’s hard to condense my thoughts, but I’ll try my best!

1. The whole Zorri thing was a fucking nightmare, but not as bad as it could have been. It was really bad, believe me, but, like, it can be ignored easily (though if you’re anything like me, it’ll still leave a sour taste in your mouth). Like I predicted, Zorri was introduced to straightwash Poe and effectively quash any queer interpretations of his character and relationship with Finn.

But, like, Poe and Zorri had no chemistry. It was almost embarrassing; they were clearly trying to work the “badass woman” angle, but, eh, she was just, basically, a minor blip on the radar; incredibly boring, incredibly useless, and just, like, a “sexy lamp” that could easily have been replaced. She added literally nothing to the film and was blatantly just an insert to try and prevent people from being able to make the case for a queer Poe. But, too bad, Disney! Poe is pansexual, dumbasses!

Oh, and while I’m on the topic of Poe’s queerness, I should add that I’m not really a big FinnPoe, myself; when it got big after the release of The Force Awakens, if felt like just another creepy Tumblr fetishization of male relationships, so that really set the tone for how I’d see it in the coming years. It’s grievously oversexualized on this site, but I also respect that, for many actually queer fans, the ship represents seeing themselves in Star Wars, and I do totally see their bond as canon. I completely acknowledge that Oscar wanted to represent the queer fans who wanted his character to be queer, and in that way, FinnPoe is definitely canon in some form!

So, I do have a complex relationship with FinnPoe, in that it’s not my personal favorite ship (I vastly prefer FinnRey, since I never really felt that Finn and Poe had a romantic tension, but felt that Finn and Rey did), but I do respect the importance of it for queer fans and for trying to push at the limitations a major series like Star Wars has had for so long. Star Wars has been dominated as a straight, cishet, white man’s fandom; it’s time other people got a chance to love it and see themselves in this vast universe, too.

The cast also seems to be leaning into FinnPoe as a form of protest against censorship and homophobia in the fandoms and film world. They’re using their positions as major film stars to push back and say “hey, queer folks belong here, too”, and that’s so great!

But, anyway, the point is, Zorri sucked, and Poe’s not straight. He’s certainly capable of being attracted to women, but he’s not a straight dude, because he’s equally capable of being attracted to men and nonbinary people as well.

Thankfully, Zorri and Poe never actually form a relationship in TRoS. He jokes about asking for a kiss, she tells him to go, and then he, at the end, sort of motions his head as if to say “wanna go kiss?” and she, again, tells him no, which he shrugs off. It’s pretty shitty, but easy to ignore.

Anyway, Poe is pan, Finn is pan, Lando is pan, Luke Skywalker is gay and nonbinary, Rey is nonbinary and probably ace, maybe interested in girls, I’m still ironing my hcs for her out, and no one can stop me! Go ahead and try to kill me, Disney (and homophobic Star Wars fans); if you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!

2. Poe’s “backstory” is such a fucking trainwreck. They basically tried to nix a bunch of what was already canonically established in order to, get this, make Poe a drug dealer.

It’s a little more complex-- the idea is that Poe was a pilot for a group of pirates for about six years, from the age of 16 until he was 22-ish, and ran Spice, the drug in Star Wars-- but it’s also not. It’s really bad.

Way to take a canonically noble, hardworking, Latino character and reduce him to the most shitty, racist stereotype imaginable. I’ve already complained about him not needing a “dark” past, but this? This is somehow worse than him being, like, a bounty hunter, because it carries political implications and is just such a stock, trash stereotype that we don’t need in this world or in our fantasies. It’s ridiculous, and I refuse to acknowledge it.

Worse yet, it’s said that Poe “ran away from home” to join the pirates to “avoid responsibility” at age 16... dude, Poe has been shown in EVERY PRIOR CANONICAL APPEARANCE TO CRAVE NOTHING BUT RESPONSIBILITY. Yes, he’s a hothead, but he’s responsible! He wants to labor and take on caring for others because he’s a hardworking, compassionate, headstrong man! Ugh!

I could go off forever about this, but I’m already feeling myself grinding my teeth, and for the sake of my blood pressure and psychological wellbeing I’m not going to make myself go feral over it right now. Deep breaths, K, deep breaths...

3. In things I did like: Poe got promoted to general, and he made Finn a general alongside him. He really grew into his position, and I’m so proud to see him as General Dameron of the Resistance. He deserves it.

4. Poe and Finn had SO many good scenes and such great chemistry. I loved seeing them bounce off each other, and their relationship made me laugh and smile and feel warm, even as everything else was falling apart. I love my boys!

5. Poe gets grossed out by bones. Canon. Love a squeamish king.

6. Oh, ugh, I just remembered that they tried to frame Poe and Rey as having an aggressive relationship with each other and I rolled my eyes. How dumb can they be? Ugh. I don’t even have the energy to try and unpack how ridiculous all that is. More deep breaths...

7. In terms of the worst thing to happen in the movie... R*ylo, like, gets shoehorned in. Honestly, looking back at all the predictions I made a few months back, I’m entirely right; everything I predicted came to pass. This included.

It was shitty and bad and nearly all the cast has spoken out against it now that their contracts with Disney aren’t as binding, and seeing it happen on the big screen was just... oh my god, it was horrifying.

It really was.

But thankfully, Kylo died, so the ship can’t really continue! Yeehaw!

8. I actually did like parts of the ending. I’ll talk about that more if anyone asks more specific questions, but right now, I’m kinda burning out because of the wide net this ask casts, so I’ll have to defer for the moment.

At any rate, it all happened exactly the way I thought it would, bleh. Like, so much shit in the movie went down exactly the way my TRoS predictions post said, it’s almost scary.

Honestly, though, just running through all this is exhausting me; I really can’t make myself go through it all in this particular format. So, I’ll just leave this here as it is, and if anyone has any specific questions-- what I thought of specific moments, characters, scenes, etc-- send an ask! But this is all just really wide and general and burning my brain out to try and process it all again, so more specificity in future asks might help me stay more on track and not get overwhelmed trying to explain every single thing all at once.

I have tons and tons of thoughts about it, ranging from what I loved to what I’d have done different about the whole series, but I just don’t have the psychological wherewithal to make myself write everything out in one giant, dense, indecipherable post: it’s just all too much, so I’d need to break it down into smaller, more specific questions.

This probably isn’t a super-satisfying answer, but feel free to just send specific asks and I’ll answer them, no matter how many! It just helps to have a specific line of thought to follow, so feel free to ask about each individual thing and I’ll try to answer!

Thanks!

#messages #anonymous #gif warning #rise of skywalker spoilers #star wars spoilers #the rise of skywalker spoilers #ros spoilers #tros spoilers #spoilers #sorry i kinda burned out midway through this but i could feel myself getting a tension headache just listing off all the shit i hated and li #like there IS stuff i liked about the movie there's also just so much nonsense garbage that happened and i just. im just #i need more specific questions to help me limit myself from ranting about EVERYTHING and going nowhere #so if you want to know more PLEASE send some asks about specific things #(it's just for the sake of my brain health and helping me stay focused aaa)

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eludum-a · 7 years

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hi im apparently still kamu/nami garbage. here’s a drabble that i think came out pretty nicely. @cantalazarus Yes I Know This Is Gay

“ah-- nanami-san, you seem... distracted... today. do you want to take the rest of the day off? i can look over your paperwork for you.”

“huh...? sure, i guess... if you don’t mind.”

the entire walk back to the apartment complex she was now stationed at, she was left to wonder if she really seemed that off. it was embarrassing to be called out like that, even if it was by a friend. what was worse was that she couldn’t exactly tell him the reason for her head being in the clouds.

“in the clouds” made it sound like she was merely daydreaming, but in truth both worry and anticipation consumed her. said clouds were dark and heavy with rain, hanging ominously over her head as she trudged through the streets of the small town future foundation had commandeered an entire year before. it was one of the largest reclaimed pieces of civilization on honshu, and as a group she and the class 78 survivors had determined that it would be a good location to put the finishing touches on the neo world program before it was uploaded to the system on jabberwock island.

when she got home, she thought somebody would be waiting there for her. closing the door behind her with a click, she called out softly, “i’m home” just to see if he might materialize from the shadows as he often did. nothing. she waited for a minute in case he might seemingly blink into existence out of the corner of her eye, but the room in front of her remained dark and empty.

and that was the source of her cloud. unbuttoning her vest and undoing her tie so she could throw them onto the couch, chiaki stepped further into the empty apartment. she told him to be careful, that nobody could know he was living there with her, but... as usual, he marched to the beat of his own drum.

this is why you should have said no, chiaki scolded herself. you know you’re going to be in massive trouble if anybody finds out. you’ll lose your job, you’ll probably go on trial, you might accidentally expose naegi-kun at the same time... that’s the whole neo world program down the drain. and that’s only if he doesn’t find out before then!

(of course she didn’t know that he already knew about it, and had been planning to sabotage it for the entirety of the time they’d known each other-- if she’d known that, she wouldn’t have found herself in this... predicament.)

chiaki groaned, burying her face in her hands. stupid girl. she continued to berate herself. you’re doing all of this for him when you know it’s not going to end well. where do you go from here? will you lie the rest of your life, just so you can be with him? you made it more than eighteen years of your life without even a single crush on a real person, and then you went and screwed it all up by falling for the worst person you could have fallen for. you know he doesn’t love you.

the clock ticked on.

lying down on the couch, chiaki stared at the ceiling contemplatively. she didn’t realize she’d been doing this for the past half an hour now, simply studying the pattern etched into the paint above her.

not the worst person you could have fallen for, she told herself finally. he treats you right, for the most part. god forbid she ever forget her own parents and how they were constantly at each other’s throats. even if he can be frustratingly self-centered at times, there’s a certain charm to it... and you know he does care about you, even if he won’t really express that. if he didn’t, he’d be long gone by now. you’d never see him again. he wouldn’t have any interest in living with you. it was his idea, after all.

she closed her eyes and sighed. it was hard to put into words why she loved him. just being near him was comforting, and he... took care of her, in a way, even if she didn’t want to think of herself as somebody who needed to be taken care of. and there were times she thought she saw something in him that reminded her of herself, even if she was almost certain she was just projecting.

she’d never once doubted his humanity. the rest of the world could mark him as a monster, but she knew it wasn’t true. what had been done to him was irreversible, but for all they had tried, the steering committee hadn’t been able to remove that core from him.

her expression soured immediately upon thinking of the steering committee.

chiaki paced back and forth, forty-five minutes having passed since she’d gotten home. the waiting made it feel like forever.

if only you had met him before enoshima did, came a melancholy thought. things could have been different. you could have shown him a world that wasn’t a-- a-- a complete shitshow. if only you’d stuck with it, you might have eventually uncovered something... not on your own, but maybe with kirigiri-san’s help, you could have made a difference. and then the whole world wouldn’t hate him, and you could be together without having to hide it.

she definitely understood the irony of being protective of somebody who needed no protection. he was far more capable of most things than she was, and yet whenever somebody brought up his name to damn him, she instantly bristled. she hated the steering committee for having used him. before it was because the thought of anybody being treated that way was so vile it made her sick to her stomach, but now it was because of who they had warped and shaped in their image so thoroughly it stuck with him years later.

...was it possessiveness? god, she hoped not. in a way, she did think of him as hers, but--

her face colored, and she shook the thought out of her head. it stayed with her, though, repeating over and over.

she’d changed out of her future foundation uniform into something more flattering. chiaki fell onto her bed with a sigh and remained still as she bounced twice, staring out her bedroom door to where she could still see some of the main room.

after a moment she stood up, turned the lights off, closed the blinds, popped a few more buttons on her blouse and got back on the bed. she settled herself into a lounging position and waited.

and waited.

after about five minutes, she got bored of that and took her DS out of the drawer next to the bed and flipped it open. she engaged herself in a game about a deceased, antisocial protagonist who found himself participating in a life-or-death game where he had to be partnered up with someone to survive. she tried to stay in what she hoped was something of an alluring pose, but her sense of romance eventually took a back seat to what was practical.

in time, with the lights off, she began to doze. her head drooped, and chiaki began to snore.

a key was inserted into the lock, and the door opened.

from the bedroom, the noise of bags rustling could be heard, though chiaki wasn’t awake to hear it. the items obtained while he was out were put away, all except for what he intended to use that evening. when that was done, he found her lying there on the bed in an uncomfortable position, face down, DS still on. the battery light was red.

he carefully slid it out of her hands, saved the game, turned the console off, and then plugged it in so it could charge. then he easily turned her over so she wasn’t curled up with her neck twisted at an angle, something that would undoubtedly make her wake up aching.

chiaki didn’t wake up. she barely even moved. he departed just as silently as he’d arrived, not disturbing her.

the mouth-watering aroma of only the most delicious food being cooked gradually filled the apartment. it assaulted her in her dreams. a wet patch grew on her pillow, though that was actually nothing out of the ordinary.

the lights came on. something touched her shoulder, and no words were wasted in trying to wake her. instead, she groggily came to with his hand gently shaking her out of her slumber. she blinked a few times, disoriented, having forgotten that she was even waiting for him in the first place.

she sat up and wiped her mouth before stretching, hands laced together up high so she could pop her back and her neck. “hn...” it always took her a little while to pull herself together after she’d been roused from a nap.

“i made dinner.”

his voice was as monotone as always. chiaki rubbed her eyes, pushing her hair out of her face where it had gotten stuck while she was asleep. “oh... really? thank you,” she murmured. then she looked up, pink eyes peering at him as if she’d just now realized he was there.

she met his gaze and time slowed to a crawl for her. in truth, she could have stayed there like that forever. instead she reached a hand out and brushed his bangs to the side, holding them off so she could just barely make out the scar on his temple. she didn’t linger there, simply making note of it briefly.

her face broke out in a brilliant but sleepy smile that had become altogether too rare since the tragedy had begun.

“welcome home, izuru.”

she thought she saw his expression soften for a moment, but it was probably just a trick of the light.

chiaki got up off the bed and opened the blinds again before she followed him out to the kitchenette. watching curiously over his shoulder, she waited for him to help himself, arms wrapped loosely around his waist. it was something simple, but it made her happy.

“...your shirt’s unbuttoned,” he observed.

she blinked. “ah... right!”

#[is this an rpg? // ic]#[i'm sorry i couldn't protect you // future foundation]#[sometimes i play by myself // drabbles]#chiaki voice: im gonna try and be...... seductive #*immediately gets bored starts to play a game and then falls asleep*

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sheminecrafts · 5 years

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Polite Fortnite Society

My parents are approaching 60. When they were young, they hung out at diners, or drove around in their cars. My generation hung out in the parking lot after school, or at the mall. My colleague John Biggs often talks of hanging out with his nerd buddies in his basement, playing games and making crank calls.

Today, young people are hanging out on a virtual island plagued by an ever-closing fatal storm. It’s called Fortnite .

They hang out in Fortnite the way we used to hang out in basements or back yards. We played games or kicked a ball around, but it was all a pretense for the social aspect.

— Anoop Ranganath (@anoopr) December 10, 2018

The thread above describes exactly what I’m talking about. Yes, people most certainly log on and play the game. Some play it very seriously. But many, especially young folks, hop on to Fortnite to socialize.

The phenomenon of “hanging out” on a game is not new.

I was in a 50 person clan in World of Warcraft in 2004 and we all hung out on a Ventrilo for hours every day for years and years. I saw real romantic relationships begin, grow and die on there. So “x is a place” is a fine observation, but it’s not a new phenomenon.

— Matthew Panzarino (@panzer) December 24, 2018

Almost any popular game results in a community of players who connect not only through the common interest of the game itself, but as real friends who discuss their lives, thoughts, dreams, etc. But something else is afoot on Fortnite that may be far more effectual.

Gaming culture has long had a reputation for being highly toxic. To be clear, there is a difference between talking about someone’s skills in the game and making a personal attack:

“You are bad at this game.” = Fine by me “You should kill yourself.” = Not fine at all

But many streamers and pro gamers make offensive jokes, talk shit about each other and rage when they lose. It’s not shocking, then, that the broader gaming community that tries to emulate them, especially the young men growing up in a world where e-sports are real, tend to do many of the same things.

A new type of community

But Fortnite doesn’t have the same type of community. Sure, as with any game, there are bad apples. But on the whole, there isn’t the same toxicity permeating every single part of the game.

For what it’s worth, I’ve played hundreds of hours of both Fortnite and Call of Duty over the past few years. The difference between the way I’m treated on Fortnite and Call of Duty, particularly once my game-matched teammates discover I’m a woman, is truly staggering. I’ve actually been legitimately scared by my interactions with people on Call of Duty. I’ve met some of my closest friends on Fortnite.

One such relationship is with a young man named Luke, who is set to graduate from college this spring.

During the course of our now year-long friendship, Luke revealed to me that he is gay and was having trouble coming out to his parents and peers at school. As an older gay, I tried to provide him with as much guidance and advice as possible. Being there for him, answering his phone calls when he was struggling and reminding him that he’s a unique, strong individual, has perhaps been one of the most rewarding parts of my life this past year.

I’ve also made friends with young men who, once they realize that I’m older and a woman and have a perspective that they might not, casually ask me for advice. They’ve asked me why the girl they like doesn’t seem to like them back — “don’t try to make her jealous, just treat her with kindness,” I advised, and then added “OK, make her a little jealous” — or vented to me about how their parents “are idiots” — “they don’t understand you, and you don’t understand them, but they’re doing their best for you and no one loves you like they do” — or expressed insecurity about who they are — “you’re great at Fortnite, why wouldn’t you be great at a bunch of other things?” and “have more confidence in yourself.”

(Though paraphrased, these are real conversations I’ve had with random players on Fortnite.)

There is perhaps no other setting where I might meet these young people, nor one where they might meet me. And even if we did meet, out in the real world, would we open up and discuss our lives? No. But we have this place in common, and as we multitask playing the game and having a conversation, suddenly our little hearts open up to one another in the safety of the island.

But that’s just me. I see this mentorship all the time in Fortnite, in both small and big ways.

Gaming culture is often seen as a vile thing, and there are a wide array of examples to support that conclusion. Though this perception is slowly changing, and not always fair, gamers are usually either perceived as lonely people bathed in the blue glow of the monitor light, or toxic brats who cuss, and throw out slurs, and degrade women.

So why is Fortnite any different from other games? Why does it seem to foster a community that, at the very least, doesn’t actively hate on one another?

One map, a million colors

First, it’s the game itself. Even though Fortnite includes weapons, it’s not a “violent” game. There is no blood or gore. When someone is eliminated, their character simply evaporates into a pile of brightly colored loot. The game feels whimsical and cartoonish and fun, full of dances and fun outfits. This musical, colorful world most certainly affects the mood of its players.

Logging on to Fortnite feels good, like hearing the opening music to the Harry Potter movies. Logging on to a game like, say, Call of Duty: WWII feels sad and scary, like watching the opening sequence to Saving Private Ryan.

Moreover, Fortnite Battle Royale takes place on a single large map. That map may change and evolve from time to time, but it’s even more “common ground” between players. Veterans of the game show noobs new spots to find loot or ways to get around. As my colleague Greg Kumparak said to me, “Every time you go in, you’re going to the same place. Maybe it’s skinned a little different or there’s suddenly a viking ship, but it’s home.”

Of course, there are other colorful, bubbly games that still have a huge toxicity problem. Overwatch is a great example. So what’s the difference?

Managing expectations

Battle Royale has introduced a brand new dynamic to the world of gaming. Instead of facing off in a one-versus-one or a five-versus-five scenario as with Starcraft or Overwatch respectively, Battle Royale is either 1 versus 99, 2 versus 98 or 4 versus 96.

“It isn’t as binary as winning or losing,” said Rod “Slasher” Breslau, longtime gaming and e-sports journalist formerly of ESPN and CBS Interactive’s GameSpot. “You could place fifth and still feel satisfied about how you played.”

Breslau played Overwatch at the highest levels for a few seasons and said that it was the most frustrating game he’s ever played in 20 years of gaming. It may be colorful and bubbly, but it is built in a way that gives an individual player a very limited ability to sway the outcome of the game.

“You have all the normal problems of playing in a team, relying on your teammates to play their best and communicate and to simply have the skill to compete, but multiply that because of the way the game works,” said Breslau. “It’s very reliant on heroes, the meta is pretty stale because it’s a relatively new game, and the meta has been figured out.”

All that, combined with the fact that success in Overwatch is based on teamwork, make it easy to get frustrated and unleash on teammates.

With Fortnite, a number of factors relieve that stress. In an ideal scenario, you match up with three other players in a Squads match and they are all cooperative. Everyone lands together, they share shield potions and weapons, communicate about nearby enemies and literally pick each other up when one gets knocked down. This type of teamwork, even among randos, fosters kindness.

In a worst-case scenario, you are matched up with players who aren’t cooperative, who use toxic language, who steal your loot or simply run off and die, leaving you alone to fight off teams of four. Even in the latter scenario, there are ways to play more cautiously — play passive and hide, or third-party fights that are underway and pick players off, or lure teams intro trapped up houses.

Sure, it’s helpful to have skilled, communicative teammates, but being matched with not-so-great teammates doesn’t send most people into a blind rage.

And because the odds are against you — 1 versus 99 in Solos or 4 versus 96 in Squads — the high of winning is nearly euphoric.

“The lows are the problem,” says Breslau. “Winning a close game of Overwatch, when the team is working together and communicating, feels great. But when you’re depending on your team to win, the lows are so low. The lows aren’t like that in Fortnite.”

The more the merrier

The popularity of Fortnite as a cultural phenomenon, not just a game, means that plenty of non-gamers have found their way onto the island. Young people, a brand new generation of gamers, are obsessed with the game. But folks who might have fallen away from gaming as they got older are still downloading it on their phone, or installing it on the Nintendo Switch, and giving Battle Royale a try. Outsiders, who haven’t been steeped in the all-too-common hatred found in the usual gaming community, are bringing a sense of perspective to Fortnite. There is simply more diversity that comes with a larger pool of players, and diversity fosters understanding.

Plus, Fortnite has solid age distribution among players. The majority (63 percent) of players on Fortnite are between the ages of 18 and 24, according to Verto Analytics. Twenty-three percent of players are ages 24 to 35, and thirteen percent are 35 to 44 years old. However, this data doesn’t take into account players under the age of 18, which represent 28 percent of overall gamers, according to Verto. One way Fortnite is like other games is that 70 percent of players are male.

There aren’t many scenarios where four people, from different backgrounds and age groups, join up under a common goal in the type of mood-lifting setting that Fortnite provides. More often than not, the youngest little guy tries to make some sort of offensive joke to find his social place in the group. But surprisingly, for a shoot and loot game played by a lot of people, that’s rarely tolerated by the older members of a Fortnite squad.

All eyes on Fortnite

The popularity of the game also means that more eyes are on Fortnite than any other game. Super-popular streamer Ninja’s live stream with Drake had more than 600,000 concurrent viewers, setting a record. The more people watching, the more streamers are forced to watch their behavior.

Fortnite streamers are setting a new example for gamers everywhere.

One such streamer is Nick “NickMercs” Kolcheff. Nick has been streaming Fortnite since it first came out and has a huge community of mostly male viewers. I consider myself a part of, albeit a minority in, that community — I’ve subscribed to his channel and cheered for him with bits and participated in the chat. In short, I’ve spent plenty of time watching Nick and have seen him offer a place of support and friendship for his viewers.

I’ve seen Nick’s audience ask him, in so many words, how to lose weight (Nick’s a big fitness guy), or share that they’re dealing with an illness in the family, or share that they’re heartbroken because their girlfriend cheated on them.

In large part, Nick says he learned how to be a mentor from his own dad.

“I remember being in those kinds of positions, but I have a great father that always sat me down and let me vent and then shared his opinion, and reminded me that it isn’t supposed to be easy,” said Kolcheff. “It feels good to bounce things off other people and hard things always feel much easier when you know you’re not alone, and I can relate to my chat the way my dad relates to me.”

Nick always has something positive to say. He reminds his audience that even if they feel alone IRL, they have a community right there in his Twitch channel to talk to. He sets an example in the way he talks about his girlfriend Emu, and the way he treats her on screen. When Nick loses a game and his chat explodes with anger, he reminds them to be cool and to not talk shit about other players.

And it’s easy to see his example followed in the chat, where young people are treating each other with respect and answering each other’s questions.

Nick wasn’t always like this. In fact, the first time that NickMercs and Ninja played together on stream, they brought up the time that Nick challenged Ninja to a fight at a LAN tournament years ago. But both Nick and Ninja have matured into something that you rarely find in online gaming: a role model — and it’s had an effect.

Tyler “Ninja” Blevins, far and away the most successful Twitch streamer ever, decided to stop swearing and using degrading language as his influence in the community and his viewership grew. When his audience said they missed the old Ninja, he had this to say:

I’m the same person, you guys. 2018 can’t handle old Ninja and… guess what, I can’t handle old Ninja because the words that I used to say and the gaming terms I used to say… they weren’t ok, alright? I’ve matured.

youtube

Jack “Courage” Dunlop is another Fortnite streamer who uses his influence in the community to mentor young people. He has befriended a young fellow named Connor. Courage helped Connor get his first win and has since continued playing with him and talking to him.

Not only is he being kind to Connor, but he’s setting an example for his viewers.

“In comparison to games like Call of Duty and Gears of War and Halo, the top content creators like Ninja, Sypher PK, Timthetatman, are a little older now,” said Kolcheff. “They’ve come from other games where they already had a following. If you look at me five or six years ago, or any of us, we’ve all chilled out. We were more combative and crazy and had a lot more words to say, but I think we just grew up, and it bleeds through to the community.”

These guys are the exception in the wider world of gaming and streaming. But they represent the future of gaming in general. As e-sports explode with growth, pro players will undoubtedly be held to the same behavioral standards as pro players in traditional sports. That’s not to say that pro athletes are angels, and that’s not to say that bad actors won’t have a following. Just look at PewDiePie.

A matter of time

The e-sports world is realizing that they can’t let their professionals run their mouth without consequences. As the industry grows, highly dependent on advertisers and brand endorsements, with a young audience hanging on every word, it will become increasingly important for leagues, e-sports organizations and game makers to start paying closer attention to the behavior of their top players.

We’re already seeing this type of policing happening on Overwatch, both for pro players and amateurs alike.

There is plenty more work to do. But the problem of removing toxicity from any platform is incredibly difficult. Just ask Facebook and Twitter. Still, it’s only a matter of time before e-sports decision-makers raise the stakes on what they’ll allow from their representatives, which are pro players and streamers.

Toxic behavior is being rejected in most polite society anywhere (except Twitter, because Twitter), and it surely can’t be tolerated much longer in the gaming world. But Fortnite maker Epic Games hasn’t had to put too much effort forth to steer clear of toxic behavior. The community seems to be doing a pretty good job holding itself accountable.

Winning where it counts

Believe you me, Fortnite is not some magical place filled with unicorns and rainbows. There are still players on the game who behave badly, cheat, use toxic language and are downright mean. But compared to other shooters, Fortnite is a breath of fresh air.

No one thing makes Fortnite less toxic. A beautiful, mood-lifting game can’t make much of a difference on its own. A huge, relatively diverse player base certainly makes a dent. And yes, the game limits frustration by simply managing expectations. But with leaders that have prioritized their position as role models, and all the other factors above working in harmony, Fortnite is not only the most popular game in the world, but perhaps one of the most polite.

We reached out to Epic Games, Courage and Ninja for this story, but didn’t hear back at the time of publication.

from iraidajzsmmwtv http://bit.ly/2TpXjYI via IFTTT

#IFTTT #iraidajzsmmwtv

0 notes

technicalsolutions88 · 5 years

Link

Today, young people are hanging out on a virtual island plagued by an ever-closing fatal storm. It’s called Fortnite.

They hang out in Fortnite the way we used to hang out in basements or back yards. We played games or kicked a ball around, but it was all a pretense for the social aspect.

— Anoop Ranganath (@anoopr) December 10, 2018

The phenomenon of ‘hanging out’ on a game is not new.

— Matthew Panzarino (@panzer) December 24, 2018

Gaming culture has long had a reputation for being highly toxic. To be clear, there is a difference between talking about someone’s skills in the game and making a personal attack:

“You are bad at this game.” = Fine by me “You should kill yourself.” = Not fine at all

But many streamers and pro gamers make offensive jokes, talk shit about each other, and rage when they lose. It’s not shocking, then, that the broader gaming community that tries to emulate them, especially the young men growing up in a world where esports are real, tend to do many of the same things.

A new type of community

But Fortnite doesn’t have the same type of community. Sure, as with any game, there are bad apples. But on the whole, there isn’t the same toxicity permeating every single part of the game.

One such relationship is with a young man named Luke, who is set to graduate from college this spring.

During the course of our now year-long friendship, Luke revealed to me that he is gay and was having trouble coming out to his parents and peers at school. As an older gay, I tried to provide him with as much guidance and advice as possible. Being there for him, answering his phone calls when he was struggling and reminding him that he’s a unique, strong individual has perhaps been one of the most rewarding parts of my life this past year.

I’ve also made friends with young men who, once they realize that I’m older and a woman and have a perspective that they might not, casually ask me for advice. They’ve asked me why the girl they like doesn’t seem to like them back — “don’t try to make her jealous, just treat her with kindness,” I advised, and then added “ok, make her a little jealous” — or vented to me about how their parents “are idiots” — “they don’t understand you, and you don’t understand them, but they’re doing their best for you and no one loves you like they do” — or expressed insecurity about who they are — “you’re great at Fortnite, why wouldn’t you be great at a bunch of other things?” and “have more confidence in yourself.”

(Though paraphrased, these are real conversations I’ve had with random players on Fortnite.)

But that’s just me. I see this mentorship all the time in Fortnite, in both small and big ways.

So why is Fortnite any different from other games? Why does it seem to foster a community that, at the very least, doesn’t actively hate on one another?

One map, a million colors

First, it’s the game itself. Even though Fortnite includes weapons, it’s not a ‘violent’ game. There is no blood or gore. When someone is eliminated, their character simply evaporates into a pile of brightly colored loot. The game feels whimsical and cartoonish and fun, full of dances and fun outfits. This musical, colorful world most certainly affects the mood of its players.

Moreover, Fortnite Battle Royale takes place on a single large map. That map may change and evolve from time to time, but it’s even more “common ground” between players. Veterans of the game show noobs new spots to find loot or ways to get around. As my colleague Greg Kumparak said to me, “every time you go in, you’re going to the same place. Maybe it’s skinned a little different or there’s suddenly a viking ship, but it’s home.”

Of course, there are other colorful, bubbly games that still have a huge toxicity problem. Overwatch is a great example. So what’s the difference?

Managing expectations

Battle Royale has introduced a brand new dynamic to the world of gaming. Instead of facing off in a one-vs-one or a five-vs-five scenario as with Starcraft or Overwatch respectively, Battle Royale is either 1-vs-99, 2-vs-98 or 4-vs-96.

“It isn’t as binary as winning or losing,” said Rod “Slasher” Breslau, longtime gaming and esports journalist formerly of ESPN and CBS Interactive’s GameSpot. “You could place fifth and still feel satisfied about how you played.”

All that, combined with the fact that success in Overwatch is based on teamwork, make it easy to get frustrated and unleash on teammates.

With Fortnite, a number of factors relieve that stress. In an ideal scenario, you match up with three other players in a Squads match and they are all cooperative. Everyone lands together, they share shield potions and weapons, communicate about nearby enemies, and literally pick each other up when one gets knocked down. This type of teamwork, even among randos, fosters kindness.

In a worst case scenario, you are matched up with players who aren’t cooperative, who use toxic language, who steal your loot or simply run off and die, leaving you alone to fight off teams of four. Even in the latter scenario, there are ways to play more cautiously — play passive and hide, or third-party fights that are underway and pick players off, or lure teams intro trapped up houses.

Sure, it’s helpful to have skilled, communicative teammates, but being matched with not-so-great teammates doesn’t send most people into a blind rage.

And because the odds are against you — 1 vs 99 in Solos or 4 vs 96 in Squads — the high of winning is nearly euphoric.

The more the merrier

All eyes on Fortnite

The popularity of the game also means that more eyes are on Fortnite than any other game. Super popular streamer Ninja’s live stream with Drake had more than 600,000 concurrent viewers, setting a record. The more people watching, the more streamers are forced to watch their behavior.

Fortnite streamers are setting a new example for gamers everywhere.

In large part, Nick says he learned how to be a mentor from his own dad.

And it’s easy to see his example followed in the chat, where young people are treating each other with respect and answering each other’s questions.

Not only is he being kind to Connor, but he’s setting an example for his viewers.

These guys are the exception in the wider world of gaming and streaming. But they represent the future of gaming in general. As esports explode with growth, pro players will undoubtedly be held to the same behavioral standards as pro players in traditional sports. That’s not to say that pro athletes are angels, and that’s not to say that bad actors won’t have a following. Just look at PewDiePie.

A matter of time

The esports world is realizing that they can’t let their professionals run their mouth without consequences. As the industry grows, highly dependent on advertisers and brand endorsements, with a young audience hanging on every word, it will become increasingly important for leagues, esports organizations and game makers to start paying closer attention to the behavior of their top players.

We’re already seeing this type of policing happening on Overwatch, both for pro players and amateurs alike.

There is plenty more work to do. But the problem of removing toxicity from any platform is incredibly difficult. Just ask Facebook and Twitter. Still, it’s only a matter of time before esports decision-makers raise the stakes on what they’ll allow from their representatives, which are pro players and streamers.

Winning where it counts

We reached out to Epic Games, Courage, and Ninja for this story, but didn’t hear back at the time of publication.

from Social – TechCrunch https://tcrn.ch/2LL8kkU Original Content From: https://techcrunch.com

#Technical Solutions #SEO #Online Earning #Youtube Marketing #Android Developer

0 notes

theinvinciblenoob · 5 years

Link

Today, young people are hanging out on a virtual island plagued by an ever-closing fatal storm. It’s called Fortnite .

They hang out in Fortnite the way we used to hang out in basements or back yards. We played games or kicked a ball around, but it was all a pretense for the social aspect.

— Anoop Ranganath (@anoopr) December 10, 2018

The phenomenon of “hanging out” on a game is not new.

— Matthew Panzarino (@panzer) December 24, 2018

Gaming culture has long had a reputation for being highly toxic. To be clear, there is a difference between talking about someone’s skills in the game and making a personal attack:

“You are bad at this game.” = Fine by me “You should kill yourself.” = Not fine at all

A new type of community

But Fortnite doesn’t have the same type of community. Sure, as with any game, there are bad apples. But on the whole, there isn’t the same toxicity permeating every single part of the game.

One such relationship is with a young man named Luke, who is set to graduate from college this spring.

(Though paraphrased, these are real conversations I’ve had with random players on Fortnite.)

But that’s just me. I see this mentorship all the time in Fortnite, in both small and big ways.

So why is Fortnite any different from other games? Why does it seem to foster a community that, at the very least, doesn’t actively hate on one another?

One map, a million colors

Of course, there are other colorful, bubbly games that still have a huge toxicity problem. Overwatch is a great example. So what’s the difference?

Managing expectations

All that, combined with the fact that success in Overwatch is based on teamwork, make it easy to get frustrated and unleash on teammates.

Sure, it’s helpful to have skilled, communicative teammates, but being matched with not-so-great teammates doesn’t send most people into a blind rage.

And because the odds are against you — 1 versus 99 in Solos or 4 versus 96 in Squads — the high of winning is nearly euphoric.

The more the merrier

All eyes on Fortnite

Fortnite streamers are setting a new example for gamers everywhere.

In large part, Nick says he learned how to be a mentor from his own dad.

And it’s easy to see his example followed in the chat, where young people are treating each other with respect and answering each other’s questions.

Not only is he being kind to Connor, but he’s setting an example for his viewers.

A matter of time

We’re already seeing this type of policing happening on Overwatch, both for pro players and amateurs alike.

Winning where it counts

We reached out to Epic Games, Courage and Ninja for this story, but didn’t hear back at the time of publication.

via TechCrunch

#IFTTT #TechCrunch

0 notes

williamsjoan · 5 years

Text

Polite Fortnite Society

Today, young people are hanging out on a virtual island plagued by an ever-closing fatal storm. It’s called Fortnite .

They hang out in Fortnite the way we used to hang out in basements or back yards. We played games or kicked a ball around, but it was all a pretense for the social aspect.

— Anoop Ranganath (@anoopr) December 10, 2018

The phenomenon of ‘hanging out’ on a game is not new.

— Matthew Panzarino (@panzer) December 24, 2018

Gaming culture has long had a reputation for being highly toxic. To be clear, there is a difference between talking about someone’s skills in the game and making a personal attack:

“You are bad at this game.” = Fine by me “You should kill yourself.” = Not fine at all

A new type of community

But Fortnite doesn’t have the same type of community. Sure, as with any game, there are bad apples. But on the whole, there isn’t the same toxicity permeating every single part of the game.

One such relationship is with a young man named Luke, who is set to graduate from college this spring.

During the course of our now year-long friendship, Luke revealed to me that he is gay and was having trouble coming out to his parents and peers at school. As an older gay, I tried to provide him with as much guidance and advice as possible. Being there for him, answering his phone calls when he was struggling and reminding him that he’s a unique, strong individual has perhaps been one of the most rewarding parts of my life this past year.

I’ve also made friends with young men who, once they realize that I’m older and a woman and have a perspective that they might not, casually ask me for advice. They’ve asked me why the girl they like doesn’t seem to like them back — “don’t try to make her jealous, just treat her with kindness,” I advised, and then added “ok, make her a little jealous” — or vented to me about how their parents “are idiots” — “they don’t understand you, and you don’t understand them, but they’re doing their best for you and no one loves you like they do” — or expressed insecurity about who they are — “you’re great at Fortnite, why wouldn’t you be great at a bunch of other things?” and “have more confidence in yourself.”

(Though paraphrased, these are real conversations I’ve had with random players on Fortnite.)

But that’s just me. I see this mentorship all the time in Fortnite, in both small and big ways.

So why is Fortnite any different from other games? Why does it seem to foster a community that, at the very least, doesn’t actively hate on one another?

One map, a million colors

Moreover, Fortnite Battle Royale takes place on a single large map. That map may change and evolve from time to time, but it’s even more “common ground” between players. Veterans of the game show noobs new spots to find loot or ways to get around. As my colleague Greg Kumparak said to me, “every time you go in, you’re going to the same place. Maybe it’s skinned a little different or there’s suddenly a viking ship, but it’s home.”

Of course, there are other colorful, bubbly games that still have a huge toxicity problem. Overwatch is a great example. So what’s the difference?

Managing expectations

All that, combined with the fact that success in Overwatch is based on teamwork, make it easy to get frustrated and unleash on teammates.

With Fortnite, a number of factors relieve that stress. In an ideal scenario, you match up with three other players in a Squads match and they are all cooperative. Everyone lands together, they share shield potions and weapons, communicate about nearby enemies, and literally pick each other up when one gets knocked down. This type of teamwork, even among randos, fosters kindness.

Sure, it’s helpful to have skilled, communicative teammates, but being matched with not-so-great teammates doesn’t send most people into a blind rage.

And because the odds are against you — 1 vs 99 in Solos or 4 vs 96 in Squads — the high of winning is nearly euphoric.

The more the merrier

All eyes on Fortnite

Fortnite streamers are setting a new example for gamers everywhere.

In large part, Nick says he learned how to be a mentor from his own dad.

And it’s easy to see his example followed in the chat, where young people are treating each other with respect and answering each other’s questions.

youtube

Not only is he being kind to Connor, but he’s setting an example for his viewers.

A matter of time

We’re already seeing this type of policing happening on Overwatch, both for pro players and amateurs alike.

There is plenty more work to do. But the problem of removing toxicity from any platform is incredibly difficult. Just ask Facebook and Twitter. Still, it’s only a matter of time before esports decision-makers raise the stakes on what they’ll allow from their representatives, which are pro players and streamers.

Winning where it counts

We reached out to Epic Games, Courage, and Ninja for this story, but didn’t hear back at the time of publication.

Polite Fortnite Society published first on https://timloewe.tumblr.com/

0 notes

fmservers · 5 years

Text

Polite Fortnite Society

Today, young people are hanging out on a virtual island plagued by an ever-closing fatal storm. It’s called Fortnite .

They hang out in Fortnite the way we used to hang out in basements or back yards. We played games or kicked a ball around, but it was all a pretense for the social aspect.

— Anoop Ranganath (@anoopr) December 10, 2018

The phenomenon of ‘hanging out’ on a game is not new.

— Matthew Panzarino (@panzer) December 24, 2018

Gaming culture has long had a reputation for being highly toxic. To be clear, there is a difference between talking about someone’s skills in the game and making a personal attack:

“You are bad at this game.” = Fine by me “You should kill yourself.” = Not fine at all

A new type of community

But Fortnite doesn’t have the same type of community. Sure, as with any game, there are bad apples. But on the whole, there isn’t the same toxicity permeating every single part of the game.

One such relationship is with a young man named Luke, who is set to graduate from college this spring.

During the course of our now year-long friendship, Luke revealed to me that he is gay and was having trouble coming out to his parents and peers at school. As an older gay, I tried to provide him with as much guidance and advice as possible. Being there for him, answering his phone calls when he was struggling and reminding him that he’s a unique, strong individual has perhaps been one of the most rewarding parts of my life this past year.

I’ve also made friends with young men who, once they realize that I’m older and a woman and have a perspective that they might not, casually ask me for advice. They’ve asked me why the girl they like doesn’t seem to like them back — “don’t try to make her jealous, just treat her with kindness,” I advised, and then added “ok, make her a little jealous” — or vented to me about how their parents “are idiots” — “they don’t understand you, and you don’t understand them, but they’re doing their best for you and no one loves you like they do” — or expressed insecurity about who they are — “you’re great at Fortnite, why wouldn’t you be great at a bunch of other things?” and “have more confidence in yourself.”

(Though paraphrased, these are real conversations I’ve had with random players on Fortnite.)

But that’s just me. I see this mentorship all the time in Fortnite, in both small and big ways.

So why is Fortnite any different from other games? Why does it seem to foster a community that, at the very least, doesn’t actively hate on one another?

One map, a million colors

Moreover, Fortnite Battle Royale takes place on a single large map. That map may change and evolve from time to time, but it’s even more “common ground” between players. Veterans of the game show noobs new spots to find loot or ways to get around. As my colleague Greg Kumparak said to me, “every time you go in, you’re going to the same place. Maybe it’s skinned a little different or there’s suddenly a viking ship, but it’s home.”

Of course, there are other colorful, bubbly games that still have a huge toxicity problem. Overwatch is a great example. So what’s the difference?

Managing expectations

All that, combined with the fact that success in Overwatch is based on teamwork, make it easy to get frustrated and unleash on teammates.

With Fortnite, a number of factors relieve that stress. In an ideal scenario, you match up with three other players in a Squads match and they are all cooperative. Everyone lands together, they share shield potions and weapons, communicate about nearby enemies, and literally pick each other up when one gets knocked down. This type of teamwork, even among randos, fosters kindness.

Sure, it’s helpful to have skilled, communicative teammates, but being matched with not-so-great teammates doesn’t send most people into a blind rage.

And because the odds are against you — 1 vs 99 in Solos or 4 vs 96 in Squads — the high of winning is nearly euphoric.

The more the merrier

All eyes on Fortnite

Fortnite streamers are setting a new example for gamers everywhere.

In large part, Nick says he learned how to be a mentor from his own dad.

And it’s easy to see his example followed in the chat, where young people are treating each other with respect and answering each other’s questions.

youtube

Not only is he being kind to Connor, but he’s setting an example for his viewers.

A matter of time

We’re already seeing this type of policing happening on Overwatch, both for pro players and amateurs alike.

There is plenty more work to do. But the problem of removing toxicity from any platform is incredibly difficult. Just ask Facebook and Twitter. Still, it’s only a matter of time before esports decision-makers raise the stakes on what they’ll allow from their representatives, which are pro players and streamers.

Winning where it counts

We reached out to Epic Games, Courage, and Ninja for this story, but didn’t hear back at the time of publication.

Via Jordan Crook https://techcrunch.com

#TechCrunch

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theruyak · 7 years

Text

To Survive

I’ve stopped and started this thing probably a dozen times at this point. For someone like me, notoriously opinionated and always spewing words this way and that, you can imagine how troubling that is. Words, for me, have always come easily…and when they don’t it feels like I've lost y grip and been carried out to sea. For this, at least, I guess I will just let myself get carried away.

When I was a kid I was molested by a priest. I couldn’t have known at that time how much my life would change, the nuanced ways in which my identity would be, to some extent, shaped around such a dark time in my life. Now, I’m 31 years old and I've been grappling with this for over half of my existence. To be a survivor of a sex crime…you have no idea until it happens to you what that even means.

I’m not writing about this out of the blue. Last week, a guy that I knew in one of my college support groups for abused people, committed suicide. He is the 6th person in our group of 11, tipping the scale to a place where the majority of people in my original cadre of misfit toys have taken their own lives. Sadly, this is a known reality for those who are survivors. I remember in college one of my psychology professors so cavalierly pointing out “molested kids tend to take their own lives” - as though it was just another statistic and as if no one in the room would one day fall into that collection of data.

I’ve been pretty quiet about all of this for a myriad of reason. Shame is the most obvious, although as I will describe in the following collection of words I am relatively inoculated from that experience these days. Concern that sharing this story would reopen the old wounds of people who suffered greatly during my tenure as the most reviled person in my little high school community - teachers, students, innocent families, even the people who made my life a living nightmare. You learn pretty quickly that the collateral damage when you come forward about sexual abuse tends to be quite extensive - and that is before you even start to look at the remnants of your tattered old life. Mostly…I have built a life that is devoid of the effects of the affirmation or condemnation of others - and when you share hard things like this people always have an opinion that they feel the need to share with you, and I am not here for that. I am not here to be called a hero, or a villain, for sympathy or for rage. Therefore, sharing this stuff always just seemed needlessly exhausting.

So…while there is a lot that I am going to be unpacking here, I do have several intentions around why I a writing this.

1) If my words, and the way in which I have been able to save myself from falling to suicide, can help just one person, I believe it is obligatory for me to share it. I have tried to distance myself from the experience of suicide and from the suffering of my fellow survivors but things have changed for me recently - we do not know if we are here for another century or just another day, and I do think some of these “truths” need to be shared.

2) To give people who haven’t had this experience a comprehensive understanding of MY journey through this nightmare in the hopes that it will inspire empathy when considering the survivors or sex crimes. The reality is, until it happens to you there is no way for you to understand the many tortures of a life being a formerly abused human being in our society. To be stripped of dignity, made a monster simply because of something that happened TO you…it is a special kind of hell. And the stain. You are forever stained. You cannot pretend these things didn’t happen to you, our world won’t allow it. Forever we walk through life seen as broken or defective at best, complicit or degenerate at worst.

3) To honor those who are struggling with this. Abuse is something where even when you meet other people with similar experiences, we don’t talk about it. It reminds me of women who suffer miscarriages. I hope that by sharing a few painful details of my life, I can bring a sense of relief and solidarity to you if you have been bearing this burden alone.

Ok…well let’s dive in.

—

When I was in high school at Georgetown Preparatory School, I was sexually abused by a Jesuit priest. He ran the theatre program at Prep, was as close to a mentor as I had had at that time, and was deeply loved by the community.

Leading up to this moment, I do not recall being happier. I was a precocious, affectionate, loving kid who had found his niche in the theatre. I had more friends in that program than I had ever had in my life, and for the first time was coming to understand what it meant to really love other people. I think I loved them, my friends from that time…I don’t really remember anymore. I had been cast as the lead in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, which I was tremendously excited about…and then everything changed during a one on one rehearsal with (then Father) Gary Orr.

I didn’t tell my family right away. I didn’t tell anyone, actually. I was confused, enraged, and terrified of losing all of my friends and of losing this community — a community which revolved around a man who had sexually assaulted me. It seems silly now when I look back…thinking that I had a choice as to whether or not I would lose all of that. I lost them all the second I walked into that rehearsal. Our society spends so much time treating sexual predators like animals, when they are actually people. Sometimes intelligent, almost always wholly self-absorbed. However, the rabbit hole of “what makes a monster” if a whole other 50 page journal entry that I don’t think I have the strength to dive into today…the only relevant point is that events had been put into motion over which I had no control, and they were beautifully orchestrated by this priest.

I did come forward about the abuse eventually. I went to a young priest who was a close friend of my family…and also a close friend of the priest who had attacked me. He told me he would go to the administration and would go to the provincial, who is the head of the jesuits in that particular “province”. He said the police had to be notified, and that he was on my side. I was called in by the interim headmaster the next day and questioned for about 5 minutes. He told me the school would be contacting the police (which at the time was compulsory by law within 24 hours of any child making an accusation of abuse.)

Learning number 1 - never trust the institution responsible for the offending party. I loved Prep, but they time and time again committed illegal actions in an attempt to discredit the accuser and protect this priest, who a decade later we would find molested over a dozen kids over his time at this high school. They NEVER went to the police, and I later discovered had multiple conversations, over the phone as well as through email, where they expressed that they knew full well their obligation to go to the police and actively chose not to. Prep as an institution is wonderful…but every institution is only as “good” as the people running it, and my high school decided to do everything they could to protect this priest, regardless of the accusation or the veracity of it. As a matter of fact, I later was told by a Jesuit priest who had been tasked with investigating Gary Orr that the provincial often floated the question  “how do we get the troublesome faggot expelled?” - If you decide to come forward, which is your decisions alone, you must always go first to the police. Orr finally was brought to justice because a man who he had raped weekly for months while he was a 14 year old freshman boarder at Prep in the early 90s came to the Montgomery County police at the age of 36, and my complaint and accusation were on the books. Only then did the avalanche of accusations that would crush the molester came rushing in.

After I came forward, I thought naively that things would get better. I thought the school that I loved would protect me, my friends in Theatre would believe me, and that the world would come together to vanquish this great evil in our midst. After all, why would Eric Ruyak…top of his class, well adjusted, well-liked, never in trouble Eric Ruyak…why would he make something like this up?

I didn’t understand people then as I do now. “The truth” and “my truth” are two very, very different things. It wasn’t long before Orr unleashed his trap, accusing me of being mentally disturbed, claiming that I had told him I had some sort of psychological problems. He claimed I had come to him and confessed not just to being gay but that I was sleeping my way through every other gay man in the western hemisphere. His two best friends on the faculty, one a US History teacher and the other a woman who taught “human dignity in the modern world” of all things, began a campaign to discredit my accusation. The history teacher fed some story to an alumnus that I was a sexual deviant who was struggling with AIDS, had been raped by family members and was projecting my trauma onto an innocent priest who had done nothing but befriend me, a very troubled child…oh, and also this pathologically lying sociopath had recanted but the school refused to announce any of this because they were scared of my family. I found out about this email because this alumnus sent it to every alumni in his graduating class from several years back, among whom was one of my friend’s older brothers. My buddy came to me and told me about the email and showed it to me…and I knew I was in over my head. I wasn’t equipped to deal with adults making up brutally vile fantasies in an attempt to attack a child. They later created a fake blog that they claimed was mine, in which I was supposedly planning to kill the academic dean. My father was called and told I was not going to be welcome back to the school pending an investigation into my “death threats” to the administration.

Those were just two of dozens and dozens of attempts to discredit me and get me expelled from Prep, and many people I have met in the subsequent years who came forward had similar stories. To make matters worse, the provincial had concocted a lie to protect Gary Orr…he had a letter sent to the entire Prep community that said Orr was being treated for Parkinson’s disease and that all of the rumors about him are ludicrous lies that are completely unfounded and untrue. Mind you, in open court a decade later, I learned Orr was not being treated for Parkinson’s in St. Louis (which I already knew) - but he was in fact in a rehabilitation program for Jesuits who had raped children.

On and on and on and on and on and on it went. So…how? How do you survive this? I had an entire community actively, and successfully, making me out to be a psychopath hell bent on destroying their community, and even the leader of the jesuits at my school was creating false narratives in an attempt to save face for the society and the school. I was somewhat well protected…but I still was going to school every day, suffering insults and attacks, knowing that the faculty at my high school was split between people who hated me with a burning passion and those who silently believed me but thought standing by the sidelines while a 16 year old was called a sexual deviant and a pathological liar was the correct course of action.

I had no escape.

“Please, don’t make me wake up.” That was what my prayers had become. I didn’t understand how something horrible could happen TO me and that I would then lose everyone I had come to love and everything I had come to know. My parents were tireless in their efforts to defend me…but they loved that school. We were all trying so hard to do as little damage to the school while making sure I survived this experience, but what ultimately happened is that I was thrown too the wolves by everyone in an attempt to keep the situation as quiet as possible. Every morning that I woke up I was disappointed. I have nothing and no one, that was all I felt. I was no fool, I understood why this had happened and knew my part in it. I could have said nothing, I could have let him go forth and molest more kids and continue to have the life I had, just diminished by a couple dark secrets. That, however, has never been my way. And so, I knew what I had lost and why I had lost it and it was unbearable. The guilt and the shame and the deep grief was crushing me, a child whose charmed life had been devoid of any of those things until then.

It was not long after I had been accused of conspiracy to murder the academic dean (which had been quickly thrown out with a little IP address search leading us back to Orr and his friends), that I had my first compulsions to kill myself. It was a funny feeling, really. I didn’t feel despair when I thought of it. I felt relief. I was withering, every bit of me dying as I went day after day after day back to the lions den. I was getting several death threats a week, I had become the most reviled person in our community. In a nutshell, I am intimately familiar with the desire to die.

So now we get to my point in all of this. We often talk about asking for help in these moments. Call a suicide hotline, talk to loved ones, reach out to your family. Well, I wasn’t interested in being told not to die, and I felt like I couldn’t go to my family as I had hurt them enough already. I had convinced myself that this was a final kindness toward an innocent group of people that didn’t deserve to have me destroy their lives. “Life-ruiner.” - that is what my old friends called me. They called me other things as well…but that is the one that to this day I won’t forget. I remember in my mind standing at the proverbial cliff’s edge, letting myself come closer to it, getting ready to let my mind fall into that dark chasm where I could go and forget and be forgotten. I remember so vividly this moment, the moment when a hand, strong and confident, firm and kind, unyielding and unrelenting, took hold of me. The hand that grabbed me and said “I’ve got you” and brought me back from the edge was not a friend’s, it wasn’t a parent’s…it was my own.

Learning 2 - you are your own hero. Listen to me - I am speaking to those of you approaching that cliff. People are going to disappoint you. We are all messy, horrible creatures that are not capable of being as perfect as you will need us to be as you go forth to fight this battle. YOU are the only person who will not you down. YOU are the person who will love you unconditionally and will never leave your side. I love my family, I love my friends, but I don’t need them. In this battle, this war, I am all I need. When you go to sleep at night and pray you don’t wake up, when you walk into the courtroom to testify against your rapist, YOU are there. We cannot wait for anyone to save us because no one can save us…we can only save ourselves. Ask for help - always. But the help we need is not to be saved, it is to help give us the strength to save ourselves.

In that moment, the moment where I chose to live, something in my changed. The little boy, so cheerful and goofy, was gone. He had been gone for a while now, but I couldn’t seem to say goodbye. In his stead stood a storm. I knew in that moment that there was no longer anything anyone could do to me. I had accepted the reality of who I was to the world, and I had embraced the reality of who I am to me. Everyone I knew could scream their hatred for me to the heavens and back and I would be unmoved, for those things no longer mattered. Regardless of what happened from that moment forward, I had my back. Armed with that, I was ready to go to battle and take down a pedophile. I had finally found God, and I found him not by looking up but by looking inward.

So what ultimately happened? Well, when it came time for Orr’s trial, the Jesuit released all of the information they had on him to the police. Volumes of false identities, hidden bank accounts, secret lovers, and most importantly other possible victims. The moment the authorities had that, he pled guilty on all counts (yes, I know what you are thinking…if they had all this information why didn’t they give it to the police in the first place?? Please refer to learning 1). I flew out to Maryland because I wanted to present my Victim impact statement to the judge herself in person, with Orr in the room. I wanted to look him in the eyes one final time, prove to myself that I had forgiven the monster that hides in the closet, and make a point of saying in open court that more than anything it was the system, and Georgetown Prep, that I felt were culpable in my abuse and deserved the real blame. Now that I know many of the other victims and their stories, let me tell you even the “best” of institutions still like to reduce anyone who threatens their reputations to ash, no matter the cost, no matter the circumstances.

So what happened afterward? Well…not much changed. The people who had hated me for “falsely” accusing Orr now hated me for “mishandling” the situation, the man who was at the time the President of the school had bene advised not to talk to me or any of the other victims, and so we were barred from communication with the administration…meanwhile, the school sent out a letter saying that they were shocked that this happened and did “everything required of them” in handling the situation. What you come to understand when you are in our situation is that the lying never ends, for with all institutions the end justifies the means because the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

Where do we go from here? HA, that is the beauty. Life. In all of it’s exquisite tortures, and beautiful joys, you get to go and live life. And you will live it with a deep understanding of humanity (a true gift) and an even greater appreciation for the joyful times in life, as only those who have suffered can truly understand.

To those of you who haven’t experienced this sort of disaster: I hope I have given you some things to chew on. I can’t speak from a place of absolutes, no one can…but let me share with you something to think about. If you are faced with this happening in your community, there are only two options: 1) the accuser is telling the truth, or 2) the accuser is lying, and in that case has some sort of severe issues. Both are worthy of compassion. The later sucks a lot because it makes things horribly hard for the rest of us who have actually been abused, but still…we must try to make the world a kinder place even in the face of adversity. Please don’t attack accusers, even if you don’t believe them. Those who ARE telling the truth are going through enough, and you never know when your unkind words may be the thing that ties the noose.

To my abused brothers and sisters: You have to get through these few moments and then you will see that “it gets better” is not just a slogan, it is reality. I am not saying that you won't be marked by this experience…I am saying you will be and it will be ok. Look, I have my issues, do not think for a second that I am trying to tell you I am walking through life some empowered perfect human being. I am, and always have been, complicated. I have a fierce love of others, and I have a great relationship with myself…and yet I can’t bring myself to read my birthday cards. Seriously, not one. As a matter of fact, if you try and make me read one in front of you, I will pretend to and then say “awww that is so sweet thank you.” And it isn’t even conscious. That, my friends, is weird as fuck…but tells you a lot. I know I would sacrifice everything I have to protect the people I love, but will slap away their hands when they extend them to help ME. That isn’t their job in my eyes, it is their job to go forth and live and my job to take the hits because I KNOW that I can. I mean I could go on and on but I don’t want to discredit myself by dumping out ALL of my crazy, but you see what I mean. At the same time, I am incredibly happy. I have a beautiful life, very hard at times, but nevertheless I persist. You can too. Do it for yourself and everyone you love, and everyone who loves you. Oh, and by the way, I see you, and I love you. We got this.

Allllllllll right, I know that was all so terribly dark, but for those of you in the midst of this struggle, understand: I cam through horrific times and I am so deeply happy with life. All the dark bits, all of the light bits…You will be ok. It’s funny, now that I've finished driving down the shittiest of memory lanes, things have kind of coalesced for me in this way - after all of the crazy shit I went through, the insane, INSANE attacks, the loss of so many things that at the time seemed to mean so much…I took my hands off my eyes, looked around at the devestation, picked myself up and realized that these people could do nothing to me. The Jesuits, the school, these people who hated my guts…they were completely and totally impotent. The only thing that mattered was that small divine part of me that I had discovered, and nothing could touch it, and through it I was able to walk away with eyes and heart wide open. They could only hurt me if I let them, and the second I understood that truth, I was invincible. Let them hate and say horrible crap, they still do all the time. I am free.

FURTHERmore…I have a life now filled with so many people that I love so deeply, in a way I never would have been capable of had I not survived that darkness of that terrible time. Let me tell you, boys and girls, there is so so much to look forward to once you come out the other side of your harrowing.

LEARNING 3 I’ll end it on this note…forgiveness. A lot of people define it a lot of different ways, but let me explain it to you from where I am standing, because it is the most powerful tool in my arsenal. Forgiveness is NOT condoning, or reconciling, or forgetting, or placating, or denying the facts or even pretending you haven’t been brutally wronged. Those things have nothing to do with it. Forgiveness is the simple act of saying “You have no power over me, and I am letting go.” You don’t need to say anything to anyone, you don’t need to confront someone, they could be dead for all the difference it makes. Forgiveness is about YOU, and it is a choice. Make it. Make it every time. If they have no power over you, they cannot push you off the cliff.

Jesus take the wheel that was the never ending shit storm of words. I’ll end things here, since even I am getting sick of my poetic waxing around abuse haha. So much love to you all.

And if you are struggling and need someone to talk to, I am here. I am always here.

Love, Eric

#love

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