#wow that was a lot of information about me

[sciderman]

I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before #and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.” #and that made sense to me i think. #but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing. #and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much. #and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed #and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology. #i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now. #and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be?? #i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe. #will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore?? #maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know. #i don't know what it'll mean for me. #but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way #i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think #i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed. #because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people. #peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing. #there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing. #it's a product of all of his things. #just like me! just like everyone. #so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways. #a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be. #i don't think it's something that can be simplified. #sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags. #i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual. #sci speaks

[druidonity2]

Combining "What if Anduin embraced shadow and Shadowreaper became canon in WoW" and "What if Anduin ran away to become a pirate under the name Jerek".

#world of warcraft #anduin wrynn #Give me Pirate Shadowreaper please #or just shadowreaper i really want him to appear in wow #or pirate anduin #Legend tells the story of a lone pirate ship #a cursed vessel with a cursed crew #their captain glows in neon colors #and wields a rather familiar sword #The Boralus Authority seeks information on the whereabouts of said ship #and offer a reward for any tips which lead to the discovery of captain and his sword. #anyway ive always wanted to write a fanfic about anduin abandoning the throne and disappears only for years later #someone finds out he became a pirate named jerek #i wrote lots of notes for the story and i should share them even if i dont write it

[lilaspose]

avi’li sostomi

thank you @thevikingwoman for tagging me! here is avi because I can’t resist talking about him ever

basics

Name: Avi’li Sostomi

Nicknames: Lia, formerly just used within his family and clan, but he has recently taken to introducing himself as Lia. Most of Thavnair knows him by that name, and he will introduce himself as Lia in Tural.

Age: 32 as of Dawntrail

Nameday: I can’t remember, but he’s a Leo

Race/Clan: Miqo’te, Keepers of the Moon

Gender/pronouns: Cisman, he/him

Orientation: Bisexual, demi-romantic

Profession: Warrior of Light, adventurer by trade, hero by circumstance

physical aspects

Hair: A cool white

Eyes: bright jade green

Skin: cool pale skin, with pink undertones

Tattoos/scars:

facial tattoos that represent age in his clan for men (one side is tattooed when you’re a teenager, the other side if tattooed when you become an adult; Avi’li got his second set of tattoos after Stormblood)

covered in scars from numerous battles; most notably is the gaping scar over his heart

family

Parents: Read about Avi and Toki’to here

Siblings: Read about Aya, Sina, Fen, and Toa here

Grandparents: He would only know his maternal grandparents, who are both dead now, but he had fond memories of them that are TBD.

Other: The Fourtemps, who he will always think fondly of, and keep in his heart; the Scions, who he is forever devoted to for as long as he loves

skills

Abilities: so many… he’s primarily a blade wielder, and channels his aether into a variety of weapons (PLD, NIN, DRK, DNC); recently picked up and is practicing with a bow, turns out he’s a pretty good marksman, all of that target practice with lightning must have helped his aimed (BRD)

Special mention, he has charisma and rizz for days

Hobbies: picking up any intellectual pursuit that interests him at the time (SMN, SCH, AST, SGE, alchemy, etc…MCH*)

MCH: picked up as a favor to Aymeric; Avi’li and Stephanivien actually have a lot in common in how much they love experimenting with shit; Avi’li is NOT happy about this fact

traits

Most Positive Trait: the limitless, transformative love he has for others; his love runs deep and is often overwhelming for him to wrap his mind around, but he loves so strongly; should a friend leave his side, go their own way, never to be seen for years after, Avi’li will still love them as strongly as before; should a romance end, hearts broken, Avi’li won’t just stop loving them, his love for them transforms into something different but just as powerful

Most Negative Trait: his selfishness; it’s something he’s grown out of and sunken into in waves; he is the spoiled youngest of his family and empathy and compassion and patience for others is something that he had to hone and refine

likes

Colors: he doesn’t have a favorite color, but he likes dressing in cool, jewel tones

Smells: Maple, pine, mint, coconut

Textures: Soft surfaces you can sink into, sand beneath your feet, warm surfaces in the sun

Drinks: Black coffee

other details

Smokes: no

Drinks: yes; overindulges in social settings

Drugs: probably

Been arrested: I’m 95% sure he was arrested in Ishgard at some point when he was moonlighting as a Dark Knight

#avi’li sostomi #warrior of light #wow that is…. a lot of information #kudos to anyone who reads all of that #thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about avi and eko viking <3 #tag game #avi’li lore

[2hoothoots]

Have you ever heard of the concept of "reparenting the inner child"? I'd like to imagine that Raz's archetypes can be physical manifestations of that in the literal sense, like seeing his older archetypes comforting his inner child whenever some unpleasant childhood stuff comes up

oh, i hadn't but that's an interesting concept!

i think with the Inner Child, though, it's almost the other way around? like, one thing I do want to clarify is that I'm not trying to make out that Raz had a particularly terrible childhood, because I don't love the implications of that tbh. instead, the Inner Child is more a safe way for Raz to express his feelings without a filter, and almost kind of like a proxy for self-care? one that was inspired by his meeting with his younger self in my fic. hold on i think i can draw it better than i can explain it in words

#it's cos he finds it easier to take care of other people than he does to take care of himself #so self-care is easier if it's directed at someone who doesn't look like him as much. someone he can distance himself from #which. wow that's kind of tragic when i write it out. but hey it works! #uh but yeah. Raz's issues aren't because he had a bad childhood #like they're Informed by his childhood in some ways for sure but. the key thing i want to stress #is that his family wasn't lacking in love and support #i'd say Raz's current issues are more just that he works a very demanding dangerous high-stress job #where a lot of bad things happen to him and the people he cares about on a fairly regular basis #and his coping mechanisms for that are Not The Greatest #future superstar agents au #fsau raz #his face kinda got away from me in this one i should not draw when i'm about to go to bed.

[mellorine-dreams]

The Kendrick vs Drake rap beef is so funny bc people thought that Kendrick wouldn’t have been able to hit back harder than Drake did. When Kendrick is one of the most acclaimed and respected lyricists of this generation, and Drake is generally clowned on for being a generic pop-rap singer. Like what did ppl expect.

Also Kendrick releasing an even more scathing diss shortly after he released his first track is also so funny. Drake didn’t even respond yet but Kendrick had to diss him more. Like Drake was already bodied but Kendrick still had to beat on a dead body. So wonderfully excessive.

#I am biased bc I like Kendrick more #but ngl Drake’s diss was solid #his bars didn’t wow me a lot but they were still bars #but it was still good imo #Kendrick’s diss was like cracking me up tho #like he’s clearly more lyrically talented #with how he presented information in an entertaining and hard hitting way #anyways I’m not qualified to talk about this #I don’t know much about rap tbh #but I dooooo love rap beef #Mel mutters #rap #music #rap beef #kendrick vs drake

[cowardlycowboys]

over emotional older sisters and their confused younger brothers who have to deal with them

#omg kiera no one cares #this is about mykah and then also about me because like you cant have a post about mykah with it including me #it really sucks to like watch a kid just live your life really #like hey man it really doesn't get better!!!! I'm sorry!!! at least your parents got divorced tho i told my mom I'd kill myself if she left #i was your age too so like i get it!! hate to tell you this tho but it mostly gets worse and he doesn't really get better unless he goes on #a lot a lot of drugs! #she just started crying this morning and was like I'm just being over emotional like wow I've said that too all the time at that age #mykah is sooo kieracoded and that's why she hates when i tell her anything #we butt heads because she's me<33 #I've been thinking about this all day and i just cried lol so #i hope she isn't as bad as me tho because i stood in the kitchen with a knife to me when my mom got divorce INFORMATION #like dubi I'll do it you leave him I'll do it i don't care that he's sooo mean and violent I'll end everything right now at 6½ #forgot i did that until just now but wow great times<33 #can laugh about it now hahahaha

[jrwiyuri]

I’m always so fascinated by fan culture.. is there like genuine research on why people act the way they do to normal human beings.

#stupid snake talk #like why ppl are obsessed with face reveals #and information in general but my mind went to face revelas #cause I remembered that one person who like.. analyzed faceless YouTubers handwriting I think.. or smth like that and tried to draw what #they imagined their face to be #and general people jsut being obnoxious about asking #I have never ever in my life cared about what a youtuber has looked like ever #I didn’t know a lot of herm1tcraft members were open about what they look like for that very reason #I JUST DONT CARE.. #so it’s like facinating to see it be such a big deal #like w/ r4nboo i never cared about seeing their eye #I could not personally give a fuck about what their eyes looked like at all #but I WAS happy that they were seemingly feeling more comfortable in their body #that’s cool #but even then it was like.. idk it was a distanced ‘wow proud of u’ #maybe it’s cuz I’m always overly self aware of how I act about ccs due to like leftover purity culture #but I’m always so aware of like.. I don’t KNOW this cc they aren’t my friend they aren’t my anything ever they just make content #and I never will and I also don’t have a desire to #and it’s just truly like incomprehensible to me that someone would #lol #this was a long rant just to say ‘I don’t get why that guy is so special.. that’s just a guy?’ #that’s a grown ass person I will never know and likely never speak too or even see in person #I got fictional characters to be rotating in my brain I don’t have time to think about what fuckin tu/bbos favorite color is or whatever #idc #at all

[irritablepoe]

.... Oh god

I have to do conversations tomorrow 0-0

#johnny's silly rambles #.....i just hope they have a lot to talk about #i mean they all do one of my friends has been abroad for a while now #and one friend moved #oh god oh lord #i mean I'm happy to see them don't get me wrong #but they're living an absolutely different life from me #and i don't have much to talk to them about #so i can hopefully just sit and listen and hope they're not gonna ask about me #idk what i would say #that i started my thesis? wow not too much information here jeez🥲 #anything else is either meh or they don't understand #It's not even that I'm particularly disappointed or sth (at least atm) #im just very fascinated #by how different it all is

[devinwolfi]

Hello, Devin. This is Henry Cavill. I came across your blog in my free time today and it pained me greatly to find a post you made recently calling me ugly and, I quote, “garbage”. I began to cry, because I have anxiety about my appearance. You have truly hurt an innocent 30 or 40 year old man who wants nothing more than to act and be happy. I hope you consider your actions in the future, as I am still crying because of you. Thank you, and goodbye.

id hurt you more but i dont know how to rent a car in england

#asks #anon #hcposting #cry harder #im compelled to go through this line by line but i cant do that without revealing information about myself that is too cringe to be on main #i dont get a lot of asks. but im really glad that all the ones i do get are just. incomprehensible #also '30 or 40' is making me straight up lose it wow anon #devinwolfi dot tumblr dot com home of henry cavill roleplay anons

[gensokyogarden]

I found this Twitter thread discussing Reimu and Autistic traits quite interesting. As someone both with Autism and in the process of getting my master's degree in clinical psych, I both found it relatable and think the OP made a lot of good points in their analysis (though I will note that you can't really diagnosis a fictional character but it's all for fun). So I thought I'd share it.

#beyond the border ~ ooc #They mention later that some folks on Reddit accused them of cherry picking information but in my opinion with how Reimu has been depicted #Across over a dozen games and a dozen manga where ZUN ... tends to be (intentionally according to interviews) inconsistent with how he #Depicts Reimu you kind of have to look at specific instances if you want to assign Reimu much of any character at all #And really the stuff they highlight (such as Reimu seeming to have AP issues) are WAY more consistent than most other traits for Reimu #As someone with Autism I picked up on a lot of those littler traits as I iconned the different mangas but since that's been over a drawn #Out time it never really clicked all together until I saw it laid out in this thread #I'd notice things and be like 'wow that really feels like an Autistic life experience to me' but then just kinda move on but seeing it all #I would say it definitely fits (of course my interpretation of Reimu always has been Autistic but most of my muses kinda are because I am) #Honestly what I found most interesting was them pointing out Reimu's insistence on keeping her upper arms/shoulders uncovered in every #Outfit which is a feeling I can deeply relate to #I highly favor shorts even in inappropriate weather because I strongly dislike stuff touching my lower legs #Also the point about how much Reimu loves reading is something I had not caught before but it's honestly quite interesting #Though it makes me think. With how much interest she's shown in detective mysteries in FS and WaHH I'm shocked they didn't have her be more #Involved in the opening mystery of FDS. You'd think she would have been all over there. She and Satori could have even slightly bonded over #Having detective interests (and the fact that Satori is IMO probably the strongest Autistic coded character in the series) #Though honestly when you consider the idea that Reimu could be Autistic it makes sense why she seemingly uncharacteristically cries so much #At the thought of her shrine being threatened. Being very defensive of special places and getting more upset than would be warranted over #One being threatened is a very common trait and I find that quite interesting to think about

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

with psych stuff the “thank you kind internet stranger with no qualifications and maybe one link to an article in a not particularly well respected special interest magazine” thing is sometimes specifically kind of funny in a weird way because you see a lot of stuff that basically boils down to:

A: sometimes i feel a way and do some stuff.

B: hey, did you know that’s actually a thing? it’s called Feeling A Way And Doing Some Stuff Syndrome and it’s SUPER common in people with ADHD.

A: omg, so this whole time i thought i was just feeling a way and doing some stuff, but ACTUALLY i had Feeling A Way And Doing Some Stuff Syndrome? this explains so much, wow

B: totally! here’s a place you can read more about it [link to an article by one therapist in a non peer reviewed publication that explains Feeling A Way And Doing Some Stuff Syndrome can be really challenging especially since no one has ever heard of it because it was coined eighteen months ago by some guy with a private practice, but people with Feeling A Way And Doing Some Stuff Syndrome should try to feel a different way and consider doing some other stuff]

A: this is super helpful, thanks! i can’t believe i didn’t know

#i am to be clear not against psych labels #and not even really against people coming up with and sharing ther own labels for Stuff They’ve Noticed #but there’s like a specific type of this discourse/dissemination/exchange where it’s like #ok but literally this is JUST a label though. like you didn’t… you just said a phrase #you ACTED like you were imparting information. but you were actually just turning verbs into nouns #it’s like if someone was like #‘lots of people talk about being born in new york but did you know there’s a name for that? it’s called being a native new yorker’ #and then other people were like ‘wow i had no idea this changes so much’ #i was thinking about this yesterday wrt rejection sensitivity dysphoria #which: maybe you will get my full Thoughts on that bc my perspective is complicated #and part of the complication is that the first time i saw a definition of it i DID have a reaction of ‘wow it’s me’ #but like now i’m like #ok wait a second this basically boils down to #‘hey if being rejected makes you freak out maybe you have Freaks Out At Being Rejected Disease’ #like if you have ADHD you can learn about ADHD and some of that will be useful new information to you as an individual #but rsd as a concept does not really function that way bc it’s just like #‘hey that thing that sucks for you? it might suck for you because you have the disorder where it sucks for you’ #like oh ok. thanks #‘this explains so much’ [sailor moon talking to tuxedo mask voice] but you didn’t explain anything! #but again when i first encountered it this was not my reaction #and some specific info shifted my reaction #so like i do empathize. but. idk. #GOD i love unrebloggable post feature

[cayde6feetunder]

Actually nah deleting that post the way they worded that shit and the comments and some of the tags are leaving a nasty taste in my mouth

#caydeposting #because guess what it basically reaffirmed a lot of self deprication things! #‘wow I have a friend like this and they always make me feel worse’ #wow! way to inform people such as myself reading that they ARE in fact a drag on their friends! #tooootally a good thing to be posting about!!!! #you can talk abt how self deprivation does harm without reaffirming the negative thoughts people might have about themselves thank you

[veterveter]

Happiest of birthdays to the most dearly beloved @sorrydearie !!!

I have written for the occasion, yet again ill-advisedly. For being lovely & being my friend, you get the *checks notes* angst you pitched to me. There is fluff there though, if you make it to the end. (It's like a reward.)

So it takes Andrés a month before he cracks, all because it becomes tiresome, in the end. To tell Martín a story, and repeat it, and repeat it, and repeat it. To watch their plan turn from a near-complete masterpiece to a work still in progress, to witness their greatest discoveries become undone.

#Happy 🎉 birthday 🎉 I hope you have a wonderful one!! #favourite girl - the girl - 🍀💖✨ #look I may go ahead and be the first to admit that this story was above my skill level and resources / w.e. but I still wrote some stuff #berlermo #lcdp #the 'strange stylistic choice informed by the themes' of this one is the immediate repetition of certain phrases - like an echo #yes that was indeed a choice I made and I stuck to it #also mileage may vary on whether my incredible disinterest in all side character etc. is a choice or a flaw #to me it's just how I like it ✨ yolo thankfully there's other people in the fandom who'll write that stuff because I likely won't #I'll eternally be nostalgic for that time you taught me to tell a story in 600 words it seems a skill I lost and now I just #[música romántica] is my cause of death would you believe I actually rewatched parts of S3 for this too wow #also - since this is my blorbo show and tell - at the start it's mostly evenings and at the end it's mornings yish thematic choices #this one has a title so short I might actually be bothered to type it out and idk how I feel about that #I tried to stick to the timeline and then I gave up don't mind me it's not my fault that parts of it mismatch and others don't spark joy #technically I should've probably edited this more heavy-handedly - at least 3 or 4 k could stand to go - but I didn't have the resources #it's all yolo in this house tonight okay #my fics #I am actually so honoured that I can write something for your birthday do not even look at me but it means a lot to me basically

[eggmeralda]

kind of wish my way of coping with morbid things wasn't to expose myself to them until I become desensitised lol

#saw an iceberg for deaths caught on camera and was like. wow there is a LOT of information to look into and take in and none of it #is going to be nice. maybe i should leave and forget I've ever seen this #but no like obviously now i have no choice but to read in depth about every single death on there #bc i know if i ignore it i'll be thinking about it for longer #this was like with threads bc when i first heard a bit about it i was like. that sounds horrible. and i have a dissertation due in a few #weeks so like. i do Not need this on my mind right now #but that didn't do anything so in the end i had to watch it to get it out of my system #and then i guess it sort of worked bc?? now me and threads are besties #fav comfort film of all time. would recommend to everyone #okay not that. but genuinely i forget how bad i felt when i first read about it and now i think about scenes from it like 😐 #is that healthy. probably not. anyway #also at the start of this year i was obsessed with kaylea titford's death and then not long after that shafilea ahmed's as well #that era feels so far away even though it was only like 8 months ago #but like e.g. with the shafilea ahmed thing i'm at the stage now where if it comes into my head i can easily push it away #but i could not do that back in february i literally wouldn't be able to sleep until i'd found out every single bit of information #oh god it's nearly the 20th anniversary of that isn't it #but yeah anyway it's like once you show me something morbid. even just a glimpse of it. that's it there's no going back #i will Not Stop until i know everything there is to know about it. and then it'll be on my mind for weeks until i stop feeling anything #and then i'll forget about it #i remember as kids me and my sister would sometimes see An Image on the unfiltered 2000s internet #like that one pic of the chupacabra that's obviously not real but like as a kid it's terrifying #and my sister's response would've been to close it and never look at it or think about it again #and i remember my parents wouldn't allow me to talk about chupacabras in front of my sister #which waS SO HARD bc my response to it was to hyperfixate #and the image creeped me out so to get rid of it i would look at it like everyday until i didn't feel anything anymore #and then me and the chupacabra image were besties <3 and I'd make jokes about it #idk what the point of this post is I've basically just told the same story three times #and there will soon be a fourth. once i watch this video going through the deaths caught on camera iceberg #which i am not going to do now bc it's 00:35 and if i don't sleep now i never will #ramble

[shiningstages]

The very slight urge to rp Fu Hua gets stronger every time I Actually read HI3rd. 

For Senti it’s when she beats stuff up; I love that for her; I want that energy in my life. 

#;big bubble blowing baby! ( ooc ) #( i read tiny wiki spoilers about their whole arc but also i really wanna read that for myself because it's. Wow #sounds like a lot went down!!!!!! #honestly arc1 conflict with hov though and how much fu hua did at the end of it and then her talk with otto!!!!!! #wow that was a lot of good reading food for the brain #makes me like fu hua so much more #i literally screenshot almost every line of that before realizing there was a text screen option #but now i'm like thinking of the dumb question of 'how do moths die?' because. hun you got shot but i know you live #and even in ER i've learned that moths got side effects from their operations but??? fu huas hasn't been stated #and how she herself can reset her memories after a period of time and only keep 'essential information'.....how??? #(mei not being included in 'essential info' in ER; the tears wow ow) #THE FEATHERS????? IS IT THE FEATHERS?????? #i know it's heavily phoenix themed but it also reminded me of that crane story bc it seems like it hurts her to pluck them off #but like..........i still have such vague understanding of it #fu hua i mean #*grabs at fu hua* can i just zoom to you and senti's arc i'm begging???? #but no i'm also liking kiana and friends' adventures.........and seele is soonish.........excitement )

[snekdood]

ig my biggest issue with fandoms is the almost... false closeness thats there in them? ig since i was a kid and wasnt good at enforcing boundaries and was just excited to find ppl with the same interest I didn't really think about it but be real like, there was a vibe that it was "okay" and "fine" to expose a lot about ourselves to eachother that... i think if we knew eachother irl... we'd hafta be a lot closer than that to see or hear about that stuff...

#like ig am i the only one who thinks its kinda weird when ppl would pass fanfics around?? #ig its just kinda normal now or whatever but think about it. youd hafta be closer friends with someone- besides just sharing an interest- #to see their slash fics right?? doesnt it seem kinda weird that ppl used to be so willing to toss that out there #ig the level of anonymity helps but my point isnt rly about the fics so much as it is... sharing information thats personal to you #i definitely didnt know how to assert boundaries as a kid- like i just didnt know it was an option for me to be like 'no i dont want to do #that' -wow that sounds really fucked up outloud huh! #ig my autonomy was taken from me so much as a kid i kinda just assumed i wasnt the one who got a lot of choices #and no one really taught me enough about internet safety .-. my mom did once but... she didnt push very hard #and that ended me up in a lot of shitty situations- like on here. how i posted a pic of myself when i was a fuckin child #sexualizing myself and some adult commented something suggestive back to me and ig i just. thought i had to accept the situation #like i just. thought it was ok to happen. ig since i had so many ppl rob me of my bodily autonomy before that it just seemed normal #or at the very least it was something i couldnt change so i didnt try and at the time figured i had to accept as normal #and since no one intervened to tell me what any of those ppl did to me was wrong i just. didnt think about how it effected me or if that #even mattered #so why is my life so dark exactly whys it gotta be like this tho #ig its kinda hypocritical of me to post this. i mean i use my account as like a diary sometimes or that im just yelling into the void lol #but thats also kinda because of all of this honestly. i think i realized i didnt want it to be that way for a while and stopped #but after all the shit with my abuser on here its like.. i feel like i cant not be as open as i am? #idk its like... a testimony or something ig. idk how to describe it. ig i just feel like ill always hafta be defending myself online from #everything. and if i dont talk about every little thing that makes me fucked up then people wont leave me tf alone about shit i cant contro #or change. like i cant go back in the past and not do whatever. but also as far as any actual harm ive done there isnt really... much there #ive had shitty ideas normalized to me sure but i dont really feel like i passed those ideas on to anyone really