#you don't have a choice in the matter you just have to live with it

[barbwritesstuff]

Pls don't feel bad about the time skips! I read ppl complaining on the forum but I think they miss the point of TT.

It's meant to show how much of a curse vampirism actually is. Like no matter how much you try to keep your humanity, you are functioning on a completely different wavelength as humans and one thing that encapsulates it are the time skips. You can't have a non vampire partner or child and expect a happy ending, one distraction or something gone wrong and you lose a decent chunk out of their lives without realizing. It's a story meant to lack agency! Being a vampire in your world is only meant to end three ways: being hunted, starved, or walking into the sun. And most probably utterly alone.

Writing is a learning curve that never stops curvin'. And, to be clear, that's something I really like about writing. I really enjoy trying new things and getting feedback on readers on whether or not those things worked.

I didn't expect the time skips to be contentious, but I can understand why some people don't like them.

They feel like they remove agency in a choice based game. That's a very real critique that I totally understand.

Unfortunately, they've been baked into the narrative from the start. I always planned on Thicker Than to take place over a decade (actually, originally it was 13 years, but I shortened it to a decade to show a tiny wee bit of mercy to the human ROs) and the time skips are the only real way to do that.

The time skips make sense for me because they show how vampires change over time. The player gets to level up their powers and becomes more a part of the undead world.

A just resurrected fledgling is not going to be the same creature as a ten-years-dead vampire. And while you're still very young, it makes the final showdowns a little more probable.

The player's character isn't a total noob by the end of the game.

I've tried to brainstorm some ways to smooth over the transitions, but the truth is, they're already pretty much as good as I can make them. So I hope those that don't like the time skips aren't too put off by them.

[isan0rt]

@lightandfellowship re: your tags on this post (just to kind of bring this out to a different post).

I was thinking about making a separate post to expand on those tags anyway because they were a little off topic to the op, but I was like, you know, it's that Xehanort was worse to the Dandelions than Luxu was, yes. But Luxu was supposed to be that callous to the Dandelions in the first place. He was supposed to think of them as tools and to just let whatever fucked up thing was supposed to happen to them just happen. And with anyone else he can, but he can't put his personal feelings aside enough to 'do what needs to be done' for this set of people alone.

But Xehanort can.

And I think that's really interesting when looking at Xehanort as the 'replacement Luxu.' Xehanort who, as observed by another post I don't have immediately to hand, speaks with MoM twice. Xehanort who is chosen by MoM and manipulated into doing his bidding the same way Luxu was, given the same coat and made the heir to Luxu's keyblade, Xehanort who actually is allowed to take action to bring the Keyblade War about and revive the Lost Masters while Luxu is only allowed to watch.

Actually I started this post with a different thesis ('Xehanort is able to put his personal feelings aside and be ruthless even where Luxu fails to follow his role') but writing that paragraph I've changed my mind actually. Because Luxu has basically no agency in this situation, whereas Xehanort does.

Like, both of them are assigned roles by their mentors but Xehanort isn't really given a road map about how to fulfill his role. He's being manipulated, sure, but he's also making choices himself all along. They're choices that are fucked up but he understands they're fucked up and is choosing them anyway because he strongly feels it's necessary for the greater good.

Luxu has been told these things are necessary for the greater good. He's been told what to do. He's been told to just watch and that he can never take action. He doesn't even have the illusion of agency that Xehanort, who is actively choosing to lean into his feeling that destiny is inevitable, does. What is that like, to live hundreds of years never having any sense of agency? For Luxu, helping the Dandelions is fucking up. It's doing what he knows he's not supposed to, what he's been told is against the Plan, but he has no agency and this is his little way of rebelling, even if this is, to us, the 'right' thing to do. There's a question of what actually is 'right' and 'wrong' here and whether Xehanort is a 'better Luxu' than Luxu for choosing to simply follow The Plan.

Also I'm rambling here but putting things together as I go, sorry to also expand on other tags on posts I reblogged from you lol, but like. Luxu also very clearly has Lucifer stuff going on, the same way Xehanort does, down to the name. Xehanort takes on the Satan imagery over time - but it was Luxu's first. And Luxu is the one who actually tried to rebel against his Creator by deviating from his role (only to watch) and intervening with the Union leaders.

The thing about angels is they are not, in Catholic traditions (I can't speak to other denominations) is that they are not supposed to have free will. Free will is for humans; angels only follow The Plan, with no agency or say in the matter. They're messengers and avatars created only to execute the will of God. The Foretellers seem to play this role, if you will, in relation to Master of Masters. He hands them roles to execute the plan he's already designed. If we're, in this analogy, considering Master of Masters to be in the role of 'god', both Ava and Luxu are ultimately fallen angels - they both question the will of their creator, both rebel - but Luxu rebelling was built into the plan. He is Lucifer, and Lucifer rebels, and so he was still allowed to come back to the fold at the end of kh3, having fulfilled his duty even considering his rebellion. He still had no agency in the end, even having done what he thought was exercising it by saving the Union leaders.

Anyway I'm just rambling on at this point and don't really have a conclusion to this but the whole interplay between Luxu and Xehanort, agency and servitude, angels and devils, light and dark, feels really compelling to me.

#not to be getting theological on main here either but also to do that #I have more than a decade of intense religious education and even though i no longer do organized religion like #it's a topic that kh seems to have a lot of themes kh engages with #Luxu #Xehanort

[sebastuyork]

Does "narcissist abuse" exist?

Well, I'll try to think of this as unbiased as possible.

Narcissist and Abuser are not synonymous. Many narcissists make an effort to not harm others and have never been or are currently not abusers.

NPD is a disorder with different presentations and sufferers have differents traits and severities: some narcissists are aggressive and external; some are more internal; some may be concerned with being a good person; some may overcompensate for their narcissism; some may take out the issues of their disorder on others; some may have trouble self-reflecting and hurt others; some may never hurt anyone; some may know how to deal with their traits while others may not.

NPD is a disorder that impacts both the sufferer and the people around them. It is important to talk about the sufferer, but also to acknowledge that it affects others as well. Especially if someone is untreated and unaware of their disorder.

It can cause someone to hurt others if it is left unchecked, if they were taught to hurt others, if they are unaware of their behavior, if they lack self-control, or if they simply have no desire to be a good person.

An abuser with NPD's reasons and ways of abusing someone may be different, just as an abuser with autism's would...and an abuser with depression, an abuser with bipolar, an abuser with schizophrenia, or an abuser who is not mentally ill at all.

I have heard a story about a woman with schizophrenia who was convinced her children were possessed by the devil and tried to attack them. Does this mean everyone with schizophrenia is dangerous? No. Absolutely not. Did her disorder affect the way she treated others in a negative way? Yes, because it presented in this way, and she was completely unaware and untreated. She is a victim in the fact she was dealing with these delusions and this fear, just as her children were victims for having to deal with the way she acted. Again: someone being schizophrenic does not mean they will hurt you. If someone who is schizophrenic tries to hurt you, that isn't representative of everyone with schizophrenia. (Many people with schizophrenia do not try to harm people at all.)

I also heard about the difficulties of a child living with bipolar mother who treated her disorder with alcohol, causing her to accidentally harm her child in many ways. Obviously, her disorder and addiction are relevant in talking about the experience, but we all know people with bipolar disorder are not abusers just because they are bipolar; and addicts are not abusers just because they are addicts.

Abuse can be done on accident, especially if someone was raised around it or thinking it was okay, or if they have a disorder affecting how they see things. In some cases, explaining and trying to help people realize their behavior can work. In others, it won't; some people don't want to listen or get better. If thats the case, thats on them. But no matter what, abuse is a choice. It can be done without awareness; but it is still a choice.

Anyone can be an abuser, and the equation of one disorder with abuse is not only dehumanizing to the people with this disorder, but can actually hurt victims of abusers who aren't narcissists, or victims who are narcissists.

My point is that it can be relevant to say your abuser had NPD. But someone being an abuser doesn't mean they are a narcissist, and the NPD isn't what needs highlighted...its the abuse. Yes, you can say your abuser had NPD, I don't think it's wrong to make a space to discuss this with people who had a similar experience either.

Many people in my family are narcissists/narcissistic, and quite a few of them hurt people or have been abusive. So I won't deny that a lot of narcissists (especially ones who externalize their narcissism and who are completely untreated, also when they refuse to admit they have a problem) treat others badly. I also know some of them don't actually have bad intentions and that others do have (in a way) bad intentions. Some were raised to think it was okay. I also know of narcissists who internalize it, who are aware of their narcissism, who do their best to not hurt others, who are victims themselves.

NPD should be talked about from the perspective of people with NPD, but this doesn't mean people who dealt with abusive people with NPD can't talk about it. As I said, I had no problem with an article about an abusive mother who had bipolar disorder; it was relevant.

A lot of "narcissistic abuse" described is just abuse. A list of abusive behaviors doesn't need to say narcissist at the top. It is completely irrelevant. Say it if it is relevant.

---

TLDR; Your abuser being a narcissist can be relevant, and you can talk about it, narcissists can be abusers and their disorder can play a part in it. But not all narcissists are abusers, and "narcissist" is equated with abuser. This is why people do not like the term "narcissistic abuse." It, in a way, equates narcissism with abuse. "Narcissistic abuse" is as real as "autistic abuse" or "bipolar abuse."

Don't use narcissist as a word for abuser. Say it if it's relevant.

I have no problem with a subreddit, therapy group, or community for people who dealt with abusive narcissists, but I want people to not perpetuate a stigma.

I sympathize with those who were abused, but narcissism isn't abuse; abuse is abuse. Narcissism can play a part, but that is not what the abuse is, and that is not THE cause of the abuse.

Abuse is abuse, and anyone can abuse.

#not art #narcissist abuse #npd safe #narcissistic abuse #I find just saying something is ableist doesnt explain anything so I went ahead and wrote too much #txt #anyways ill post silly things again soon

[thatguywhofedme]

Ideas for feeders and feedees

I'm sure a lot of us are into feedism / death feedism for the long run, which means that any opportunities to expand our knowledge, live experiences we could have only dreamed of or even find your perfect partner who shares the same set of goals and interests as you do is always on our mind

Which is why I decided to make a small list of ideas for everyone into feedism which I hope would make it easier to find what you are looking for or at least have a starting point

Places you can visit

- Anywhere !!! : this one is pretty vague, but just go outside, get out of your comfort zone and try to do activities you wouldn't normally be doing, I'm sure you'll find opportunities to meet someone new who happens to be into feedism / death feedism

- Walmart : this one is a classic at this point, but it's always a good place to find anyone who could be into feedism just like you and I'm sure you'll find an opportunity to strike up a conversation with anyone with the same particular taste that you have and besides, who doesn't love to see a piggy on a mobility scooter doing a "small" grocery trip, speaking of which

- Grocery store : same thing as Walmart, just go in and find someone who seems to have the same interests as you and would be interested to have a little chat with you

- Pretty much any buffet or restaurant : you have LOOOOOOOTS of choices when it comes to this category of establishment for a fine gourmet such as yourself, you can go the easy route by going to McDonald, KFC or any fast food restaurants near you or your local buffet, if there's one thing all piggies have in common it's eating, LOOOOOADS of eating, especially when it's all you can eat and just a small trick,for the love of god, avoid any restaurant that serves Kale or any healthy food if you want to find a real fatty / enabler

Activities you can do

- Cooking class : no matter where it is, cooking classes are a great opportunity to find someone who 1. Enjoys food and 2. Doesn't care about the fat that keeps piling on their growing bodies, they're everywhere and it'll also teach many skills you can apply in the kitchen, whether it's to fatten yourself up or someone else

- Eating contest / competition : What else is their to say really, you got people who loves to eat lots of food in one sitting as fast or as many as possible while 99% of them don't care about the fat adding up on their figure, which they probably enjoy as well

- county fair : with all the fun activities you can do, especially the food stands on site ready to feed anyone a delicious and fattening piece of food history, your bound to meet someone who also decided to come for the same reason that you did, to find someone who wants to see how much they can stuff in their greedy mouth, with or without your help in one sitting

I know I'm missing a lot of other ideas to try and places / events to visit, but I'm sure you won't be shy to add more in the comments

With all of that said, I hope this list can help all of you with finding new opportunities in the world around you and don't forget, either you're getting fattened up or are the one doing all the fattening, the fatter the better 🐷🩷

#death feedee #death feederism #death feedist #death feeder #extremely obese #get me fatter #help me get fatter #immobile #immobile feedee #immobility #looking for a feedee #need to be fatter #dark feedism #death feedism #feedee encouragement #fatter #fat pig #fatass #looking for a feeder #fatty getting fatter #greedy piggy #gaining weight on purpose #make me huge #feederism kink #feeding kink #gaining kink #morbid feedism #obesity #obese piggy #fat piggy

[acourtofthought]

Whenever I see an Elriel say: SJM told us the mating bond could be rejected for a reason! Elain is going to reject Lucien to be happy with Azriel!

The only thing I can think is: Yes, she did tell us that, but she also told us the consequences of that, and that's the part Elriels always seem to forget or ignore.

Even if Elain does reject the bond, she will never be able to be fully happy with Azriel because she will always feel the remnants of the bond lingering deep inside her chest. Even if she loves Azriel and wants to give him her heart, mind, body, and soul, a piece of her will always be tied to Lucien. There's no getting away from that. It's a simple fact, and as interesting as a rejected bond could be, it doesn't seem fair or right to have Elain end up with Azriel when they will both be eternally haunted by the shadow of Lucien.

And it doesn't seem fair or right for Lucien to suffer a rejected bond, even if somehow the Vassien shippers are right and he ends up in love with Vassa, he too will forever feel the lingering bond and then what? Vassa is human and will die much sooner than Lucien. So I guess they want him to be "happy" only for a few decades, then just go on living the rest of his life alone, haunted by the loss of Jesminda, Elain, and Vassa.

You're so right! If you ask me for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I take away the peanut butter and jelly, I'm just feeding you bread. Sarah has given us a ton of information regarding the bond yet E/riels cling to the random snippets of information that suit their narrative while acting like the rest doesn't matter.

"You said your mother and father were wrong for each other." "What if - that is what she needs?" They love that line and it's used exhaustively in arguments. But they don't bother to think on why Rhys's parents were a poor matched. Bonds do not make poor matches. Personalities make poor matches. Rhys's father was vicious and cold, his mother was soft and fiery. We KNOW Lucien is not vicious or cold. Az is the one with a temper, an icy rage, a hatred of many people, a torturer. Rhys's mother managed to have two children with her husband and we're not given hints that she was forced against her will, it says she eventually grew to resent him. Why don't they focus on that part? That their downfall came about from their personalities? And with that awareness, how they can they claim the same won't happen to Elain and Az? She might be fine with him for a bit but what if she eventually grew to resent him too? You don't need a mating bond for that to happen, it happens all the time in the real world without bonds. They focus on how Sarah mentioned she has turned the idea of bonds over in her head, is there choice? Once again, proof for E/riels that Elain's choice has been taken away and she's decide to be with Az instead! But they ignore how she goes on to say "or is it both?". For every character so far, it's been both and she even tells us she's not saying whether she'll explore a rejected bond or not which is not a confirmation that it's what we're going to see for Elain. As always, they ignore how Elain and Lucien will always feel a tug to one another even if they reject the bond. They pretend that one doesn't exist but what that means is that no matter how long Elain and Az are together, no matter how happy they might seem, they are BOTH going to know that Fate chose Lucien for her and she'll have a connection to him that she'll never have with Az. That sounds depressing to me and will prevent many readers from ever feeling confident that it's not going to become an issue for them at some point. It raises too many questions, how often will Az be jealous because of it? How many fights will they have where Elain needs to reassure him that she's not thinking of Lucien? That she didn't sense him through the bond? What will E/riel do if Az comes across his own mate some day?

#elucien #pro elucien #anti e/riel

[sadokasochism]

So there's implications that sometimes the aliens deliberately match up contestants with strong relationships to increase the drama and potentially get more emotional performances out of the contestants.

We also know that Alien Stage is firmly treated as reality show-level entertainment. The Segyein are casually talking about brand deals and critiquing performances while several characters we deeply care about are forced to kill to survive and sometimes watch people they love die in front of them.

During Ivan's pre-Round 6 interview, the interviewer kept needling him about his connection to Till, how Ivan felt about facing him.

The Segyein thought that facing Ivan and Till against eachother would be some dramatic storyline on the side of 'most popular season contestant against rough around the edges musical prodigy, also they have HISTORY 👀', but it actually turned in a tragic display of how this whole system finally broke Till and Ivan sacrificing his guaranteed win to save him anyway, because to Ivan, Till mattered as a person he loved and not as a commodity.

Till finally ended up as docile and broken as his owner had wanted him to be all along, and it took away his love of music while making his performance in alien stage worse (I think Till in round 6 is a good example of how 'tortured artists' don't actually always produce great or profound art from their trauma. The far more likely outcome is they just end up depressed and losing the fucking will to live kfdjks)

Meanwhile Ivan has everything going for him, he's become a popular, profitable commodity through Alien Stage, he always did what he was told and was a model pet-human, and he was guaranteed to win Round 6 with the state Till was in.

But he threw all that away to save Till without a second of hesitation. Ivan was given a choice between losing Till, a pet-human that many Segyein view as inferior and disposable, and the highest quality of life a pet-human can aspire to, and he said 'fuck you, I love him' to everyone watching.

#EVERY ASPECT OF TILL THAT MADE HIM A BAD PET-HUMAN AND UNAPPEALING TO SPONSORS IS SOMETHING THAT IVAN LOVED ABOUT HIM WITH ALL HIS HEART #I'm so normal about this #I just KNOW the PR aliens are spinning this into a freak accident and not a deeply flawed but genuine and heartbreaking expression of love #alien stage #alnst #alien stage ivan #alien stage till #alnst ivan #alnst till #ivantill

[ineffectualdemon]

Because I can usually find something to eat in a restaurant I'm generally considered "easier" to cater to for people who don't live with me

But I do live with me and I also live with two people who are considered "fussy" because they have very limited foods they find palatable

But on a day to day level I am by far the "fussy" eater and much harder to cater to

Husband and Child? They just don't like a lot of foods because of taste and/or texture. It is consistent and predictable

Me on the other hand?

It doesn't matter if my pasta and my chicken come out at the same time because I already eat the separately but if the potatoes come to me 30 seconds after my meat is on my plate my meal is ruined

Some foods must always be thoroughly mixed before they are on my plate while other foods must all be served in separate dishes so they don't contaminate each other. No you can't predict which and yes small details change which is the correct choice.

This is my favourite food! I will eat it everyday for a month. Then the winds will change and it will be abhorrent to me for an undetermined amount of time

The reason for both their limited diets and my princess/cat like food preferences is Autism but I genuinely think mine is far more annoying to live with (as in live with me) on a consistent basis.

It certainly annoys me WAY more then my husband and kid being content to eat the same handful of meals week in and week out. Theirs makes meal planning and shopping easy

Me not so much

#food #eating #autism #autistic

[brights-place]

Hi, could I request a Riff x quiet shy reader?

Like, someone who has a passion for rock like Riff but is too shy to display their talent, but Riff loves them anyway despite their shyness (in fact he finds it cute)

(It can be fluff or Nsfw)

Riff X Introvert! S/O

Pairings: Riff X Reader

Warnings: Fluff, FOR MY FELLOW INTROVERTS!

A/N: Riff is so underrated like PLEASE! look at him he is so VGASJNVHWEHNB anyways I hope you enjoy this one I’m like contemplating my life choices lmaooo

- You and Riff were an iconic pair riff being sleezy and the mellow guy yet still being a little mischievous while you were relaxed, calm and didn't really have that much energy like other rock trolls! - How wrong was everyone! especially riff who thouht you were boring and not really a rock troll - but when he saw the passion you had while playing 'I am a poser' on your guitar he was wide eyed and enjoyed seeing you jam out - You were more introverted and riff would always be the one to speak up and have an arm around your shoulder or waist lazily - literally loves how shy you are but is also flustered at how badass you look when playing your instruments - He loves jamming out with you together as he enjoys seeing that wicked smile on your face as you do the rock n roll sign at the end of every song cheering about how good it was to be able to rock out with riff -Riff knew that even though you don't feel comfortable expressing aaround others that your always happy to just be around with yoru fellow rock trolls quietly headbanging scared that you would scare the other rock trolls - Riff loves to cuddle with you when they're alone and would smooch your cheek

- Only YOU! can wear his beanie and take it off of his face when your alone he enjoys it and would kiss you - Riff likes to tease you but always in a lighthearted way.

- Riff often seeks out your opinion and values your input in some situations because your his partner and wants to know how you would feel about what he does - Riff and you are always finding new bands to listen to and discovering new songs together to jam out too

- Riff loves that you have your very own little record collection full of both of your favorite albums

- Riff tries to help you get better with your social skills and be able to rock out with the others - After awhile though riff showed you how to get better at opening up - when barb and carol walked in on you headbanging and shouting the lyrics to a song riff was smiling that you were acutally rocking out happily - Thing is though riff didn't tell you he brought them over and the fact barb was so excited to see this side of you hell even carol was so happy! - Riff loves your small habit of asking him to drum to random songs you have heard while listening to music together

- Riff always encourages you to practice guitar and helps you with music theory and techniques well the techniques he was given by barb when he first tried to play guitar but failed and instead chose drums

- Both of you are always making your own music together jamming on guitar and drums and coming up with new tunes together happily

- When riff convinced you to jam out in public spaces and preform so he was happy that you accepted that idea after a while of contemplating you both occasionally perform at small live shows or open mic nights and are always have a great time and get a great reception

- He enjoys being with you no matter what and would like to help you be more open so when he succeeds he cheers to himself

reblogs + comments are appreciated ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

©brights-place 2023 — do not repost on another platform, copy, translate or edit my works! if you fit my DNI list please don't interact

#fluff #headcannons #x reader #trolls #trolls world tour #dreamworks trolls #fliff trolls #trolls band together #trolls riff #riff #riff trolls #trolls fanfiction #trolls fanfic #trolls movie #trolls world #Riff X Reader #Trolls Riff

[jessepinwheel]

there’s a thing I think about sometimes when I’m writing that I call ‘the rabies condition’

by which I mean: there are no contraindications to getting the rabies vaccine for post-exposure prophylaxis.

every other vaccine usually has a few contraindications like ‘don’t take this if you’re allergic to it’ or ‘if you’re pregnant discuss the risks and benefits with your doctor’ or ‘don’t give to children below age 6′ or something, but not the rabies vaccine. if you’ve been exposed to rabies, there is literally no medical reason that can justify not getting the rabies vaccine--you can be deadly allergic to literally every single ingredient and the correct decision is still to administer the vaccine, because if you don’t, you’re 100% guaranteed to die of rabies. even the life-threatening allergies are a step up in survival rate (especially since anaphylaxis is something that can be managed, even if there are risks associated with it)

which is to say, the rabies condition: if a character has been ‘exposed to rabies’, aka, in some impending absolute worst-case scenario, like the apocalypse or some death curse or the destruction of their entire city via demons or whatever, then that character has to take action and the consequences and risks no longer matter, because literally any other outcome would be better, and 1% chance of survival is still better than 0%. that doesn’t make those actions necessarily good, the same way that injecting yourself with something you know you’re deadly allergic not a good thing to do, but it’s still better than dying horrifically of rabies. desperate times and desperate measures etc

and then, after your character’s prevented some horrible thing by doing some almost equally bad thing, they should absolutely experience the consequences of those choices.

#I thought about this a lot when I was writing dielectric #runner too come to think of it #I write about this kind of thing a lot #because it's about being pushed to the absolute limits #to the point where you can't even ask what you're willing to do #you don't have a choice in the matter you just have to live with it #when you have exactly one goal #you can basically do anything #so long as you don't care about what happens afterwards #or what the price might be #it's a scary thing to think about

[insomnya777]

boat boys coded

#....does this make sense #it does in my head #lovers lane. dead end. #aka double life #they know it won't lead anywhere #in the long run it will only end in pain #whether it ends in a screaming match or just one too many empty promises — it doesn't matter. it still ends either way #and that's the part that really counts #but they don't do anything about it because what is there to do? your only option is to live the story #even if you know how it ends #so they go along with it #what other choice do they have? #they fall in love and they kiss and they kill and they do it all together. they follow lovers lane all the way until the end of the road #until they can't deny it anymore #their time is up #double life is over #they're running on borrowed time - delaying the inevitable #it's a dead end #and it was always going to be #and somewhere in between they may have convinced themselves that it might be different #(it's not) #(it never is) #IS THIS ANYTHING GUYS... #maybe i'm just insane #nya talks #hermitblr #trafficblr #joel smallishbeans #boat boys #smalletho

[icewindandboringhorror]

I have a big google doc thing where I keep track of media and stuff (putting everything in loosely ranked categories), which is mostly just for my own reference so I know what tv shows I've already seen before, etc. and I never really look back through it, typically just a quick "okay, watched two movie in the past 8 months, need to quickly slap them somewhere in the lists. okay. done. save document. exit". But today I was actually reading through some of the old notes and there are like... MULTIPLE places where my comment is basically "It would have been good if it were about elves" or "I wish there was a fantasy show made in this same style" or "It's well made, but I just keep thinking about how I would like it more if everyone was an elf or was in old 1700s costumes" or etc like...... lol.... Most biased media ranking system on earth blatantly made by someone with an extremely hyperspecific range of narrow interests. It'd be like if a food reviewer only had 5 foods they actually liked, so they'd just go to a pizza place and be like "eh, the pizza was okay, but I just think it would be better if it was cereal instead. :/ ...2 out of 10"

#Which.. I mean... I am allowed to be biased because literally it's just for my own personal reference (or occasionall #y to send to friends or something if we're discussing the topic) so like.. nowhere am I saying 'I am the god of perfect taste and these #rankings are objectively the absolute truth and everyone should have my same opinion' or anything #BUT still.. it's funny to me sometimes #'Succession would be 100x better if it had the same cast/character quirks and shaky camera style and #acting choices/weird dialogue and general concept etc. EXCEPT it takes place within an elven noble family or something #managing the family business and everyone is in fantasy costumes now'' like.....okay...... but it's NOT that way..soo... thats not the show #''I like the acting style/general tone of Fleabag but i don't care for any of the characters or any of the subject matter and I wish it was #set in the 1800s and had vampires and was about magic instead'' okay..... again... you are making up an entirely new show in that case lol #OR my other beloved typical complaint ''The concept is good but theres too much plot and action and not enough people just sitting #around doing nothing and exposition dumping world and character lore'' ''this needs more goofy sideplots and filler episodes'' #''this Drama was too dramatic I think it should be more lighthearted & people need to sit around doing nothing just being weird more often' #''the Action Movie was ok except for the action scenes - which I skipped through all of- but I liked the costumes and worldbuilding'' etc. #ERM sorry your plot has too much plot. also elves have to be included somehow. bye #BUT SERIOUSLY!!!!!! I literally genuinely believe that any show I like (or even dislike) could ALWAYS be improved greatly by #putting people in fantasy or historical costume/setting/etc... why the FUNK would I want to see bland jeans and cars and cell phones #when I could see elaborate velvet cloaks and fantastical landscapes and interior design and innovative takes on historical or #magical technology or etc. etc. etc. I LIVE in the modern day. I see it all the time!!! BORING! stinky!! boo!!! #ANYWAY... another social divide for me.. People love to bond by discussing media. which is hard when I'm like #'I literally will not watch something at all unless it fits into one of these 10 extremely specific categories which are all i care about i #the entire world''.. I say this and yet I still dislike most fantasy or historical things I've watched lol. ok TWO main criteria then!! #it must 1. be in a different world or time period. 2. be goofy silly. Nothing ever has BOTH. It's always overly serious boring drama action #fantasy/history stuff OR it's comedic lighthearted but with modern day characters... WHY.. anguish and woe and so on.. #ANYWAY jhjnk... at least I can make that divide. Some people seem to project their own personal preferences and get really emotionally #defensive if you say you didn't like something - as if the fact that they DO like it is some Objective Truth or something rather than just #opinion/preference based. I can still easily say ''this is well made/well written/acted/good in a technical sense/has a lot of #points of appeal that most people would be drawn to/etc'' and admit that it's a GOOD show probably. I just PERSONALLY think its #bad because my tastes are very narrow. Some things ARE actually made badly but. things are not bad INHERENTLY just bc they dont suit ME lol #Better to recognize/accept whats odd about you and be peacefully aware of it than just being mad at everyone all the time for not fully #agreeing with you even when you're the one with the Weird opinion in that case lol.. I am right though :3 but.. lol... still. i get it

[vorakh]

sorry disco elysium you will always be a queen in my heart but you made me want to get better, while pathologic gave me at least one mental illness ):

#pathologic is desperate and delirious #it's a crescendo of desperation and hysteria #by the time it's dark and you are harvesting human organs from a man you killed with your own hands in order to afford a loaf of bread #by then you are so deep in it you don't have the time to think just how fucked up it is #by the time you are trading morphine for bullets and antibiotics with children hoping it will be enough to save another child who's dying #by then you won't even care because you'll be too preoccupied hoping the antibiotics will be enough since life and death eventually depends #on a midnight roll #your choices are meaningless and in the long run doing the right thing will be a burden and doing the wrong thing also won't help at all #your final choice is about which kind of humanity has to be sacrificed: the ideal humanity (the living utopia) or the imperfect real #humanity (the town)? except it doesn't matter because one means death and the other means death too #but in the greatest picture it doesn't matter because there is no utopia no town no children no harvested human organs and there is no you #absolutely devastating #disco elysium isn't a walk in the park but is slightly less fucked up than this come on

[illprotectyou-hearteyes]

To be clear this is not a prediction of a queer romance in the show because I'd never put my hope in a Disney/Marvel production like that but.

I don't know whether to side-eye Loki S2 or myself for the fact that my genuine read on it four episodes in is that the natural culmination is Loki having to choose between Mobius and Sylvie. And choosing Mobius

#*sigh* #i haven't voluntarily sat down to any marvel joint for years #but unfortunately i do appear to be watching this #anyway best case scenario it does take this route and just frames it as a choice between friends #which wouldn't even be much of a stretch since I honestly don't read Loki and Sylvie as romantic even in season 1 #the kiss was entirely Sylvie and i think it was a strategic distraction #and before they were just disoriented by having a genuine and positive connection to another person for once and got a little confused <3 #alternatively and quite probably i'm just entirely wrong #because if fandom teaches you anything it's that you can never trust a prediction #no matter how well-reasoned it seems at the time #anyhow i do hope sylvie gets to go back and live her happy small-scale life #because helping during the crisis is one thing #but if the conclusion is that her moral obligation is to keep trying to hold the universe together #a sort of 'once a god always a god' conclusion #well i don't think i'd like the implications very much #loki

[izzyspussy]

i think a lot of people have never been in a truly desperate situation but think they have, and this causes them to pass really harsh judgment on people who made bad choices when either irrational or having no good choices to pick instead, and i really wish people could get some fucking self-perception and work on their compassion skills and not fucking do that as much anymore

#jack facts #people be banging on about empathy this empathy that #and like sure maybe people have a measurable capacity for it but i can tell you what #that sure as fuck don't mean any fucking one of them ever bothers to make use of it when it matters lol #and i mean on the other hand it's hard to conceptualize how you would feel going through something you've never experienced before #i just wish people would be AWARE of the fact they don't know! #or like that there's a difference between ''i can't afford anything but instant ramen'' and ''i can't get any food or water'' #or a difference between being freaked out by spiders and having clinical arachnophobia #or a difference between ''my loved one is sick and i'm really worried about them'' and ''my loved one is dying in front of me'' #etc etc etc etc etc #anyway the longer i live the more i'm convinced that empathy is a garbage concept #and actually a more reliable way to act with true compassion is through at least some capacity for relative objectivity #the ability to say ''i don't know how that feels and i cannot understand it through comparison'' and to be able AND WILLING #to take people's self reports on their feelings thought processes or lackthereof in good faith and with sympathy #and also the ability to acknowledge that doing a bad thing for good reasons does not negate the bad thing being bad #but also should and does change what consequences are appropriate and/or most effective #and also like............... things people do in desperation or other irrational states do not represent Who They Are As A Person #or what it's like to hang out with them in a day to day situation #another thing i keep getting more and more aware of is like. if y'all can't even handle an irrational or impulsive choice that does harm #done by an otherwise ''good'' person under short term desperate situations #that they then do their best to reduce the harm of after the situation is over #i can not even imagine how absolutely unforgiving you must be of anyone who has delusions #and i mean real delusions and real psychosis not the hyperbolic babytalk version lol #like i don't think most of you even know what the fuck a delusion even is the way you act about things as simple & straightforward as like #fear. hunger. pain. #absolutely fucking exhausting

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#i need to stop doing this. but i just. i..... #.....I'll probably fall asleep minutes after i post this #so if you message me about it and i don't reply that's why #but i just #............fuck I'm trying so hard #it doesn't seem to matter #no matter how much i get done or accomplish it's never enough I'm always ten steps behind where i need to be to even reach net zero #not even the point of making progress. the point where i can so much as rest #I'm so tired. im so tired. nothing i think of works nothing i try is ever the right thing #i know from the outside looking in i may not seem like a burden i may even seem like an uplifting person to be around #but I'm a burden. #i am. I'm not self deprecating. it's a fact. it's just a fact. #as i am now i am a resource sink and i need too much help and i can't really be independent #and yet i don't really have a choice #so at present whoever i live with (currently my husband) gets stuck taking care of me because i just fall short in so many ways #.....i can't do anything right #nothing i do seems to matter. i can't.... i can't do anything #fuck #I'm just repeating myself I'm almost certain but #...............why can't i have a decent idea for once #all this confidence and i just keep fucking up anyway #worked so hard on being confident in myself that i don't match up to my own expectations now #i #.............fuck #everything hurts so badly #I'm so tired #....I'm so tired #....................if anyone happens to live in Minnesota and wants to just. come shoot me dead hit me up #im too much of a coward to do it myself

[starpros-sunshine]

I used to be funny you know? I used to have good humour and now every time I try to crack a joke I just feel awkward like I could've gotten that one delivered so much better. Smitten with the curse of not being able to be serious while also being horrible at being silly. If you ask me I'd rather be smitten with other curses but such is life I suppose.

#people say I'm funny but when have I ever made anyone genuinely laugh is the question you know? #it's horrible when most of your idols are comedians or well rather actors that got famour through comedy and fictional characters who are #just funny in their own way and it's one of the most desirable qualities in a person don't you know #a good sense of humour is very important it's just a shame I don't really have it #I wish I knew how to make people laugh I really do #I'd hate to be boring on top of all my pthwr personality deficits #the awkwardness I can live with the theatrics I can accept and the lame humour i don't like but what other choice remains #but boring no I don't want to be boring #nobody ever talks about me though and I don't like that #not even negatively #i hate that i really do #everyone just thinks I'm nice I'm just nice and nothing else I'm a footnote in a world full of interesting people I'm the nice one #that you don't have an opinion on except “nice'' #thats why I'd be happy about anon hate to an extent because that means someone thought about me #i always think about how once I'm dead I'll just vanish and I don't want that #i want to leave /something/ in this world I don't want to live my life being an afterthought and then be forgotten in death #i don't even mind being lame but I just don't want to be nothing #my head hurts again I should stop thinking ugh this is what happens when you sit in silence for too long #oh i don't know I guess it really is just the fact that when you constantly look at the stars and want to reach their light it's hard #to deal with the way that you're stuck on the ground and will never even get close no matter how hard you try #but such is life I suppose there's no use in lamenting the spilled milk #delete later